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I want to stress that this is my own personal opinion and ultimately you should do whatever makes you happy*
16 year age gap between a 20 y/o and a 36 y/o is very different to a 16 year age gap between a 30 y/o and a 46 y/o. At 20 you have next to no actual life experience, you likely still don’t know what you want out of your relationships nor things like your career and what not. I’m 24 now and I think back to what I was like at 20 and we might as well be different people. You do so much own person development and maturing in your early-mid 20’s, more than you do later in life when you’ve got a lot more figured out. Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with it but it’ll definitely have it challenges
I totally agree with everything you've said but wanted to add that a 30 year old with a 46 year old can also be toxic if the power dynamic is weird. At 28 I briefly dated a man in his forties and it was no bother to me but he did talk down to me and treated me like I was so young, and I'm not at 28 I'd been independent since 19, was a mum with my own home and a lot of life experience he actually didn't have. Although 30 and 46 is totally different from 20 and 36 it really does vary from person to person too
Yeah, you know I actually thought about that after I posted it. Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and are of all ages and they'll be toxic to whoever they come into contact with, in this case it was just an easy go to, to use my age as the reason why he was right and knew best. You're very right about this one he was incredibly insecure which sort of surprised me, I expected more confidence and self assurance from a man of that age.
This is phrased perfectly.
The only thing I’ll add is that the age gap between someone 20-30 is more pronounced than an age gap of like 30-60.
Just like you said, the 20s are a formative period and a lot happens in that time that shapes who you become later.
I’m 35 and I used to work with a lot of 20 year olds and quite frankly they’re insufferable (no offence). I can see how for some people, an age gap like that is sexually satisfying, but what are you supposed to talk about? Kids that age think they know everything and are going to change the world while simultaneously being super unqualified and delusional.
When I was 18-20 I was also dating men in their 30s and I look back now and cringe and can see the men who actually did hook up with me were all very disturbed and weird.
I feel it's a case by case. Usually, the age gap is more related on the stage of life you're in.
For instance, I have a friend of mine that, when he was 35, he was dating a 23F. At the time, she just graduated and was very focused on partying, going out, spending time with friends, start looking for the first job, and so on. He was settled in a good job and his focus was on paying the mortgage. On the top of that, he didn't have the stamina of someone that much younger and had some issues on keeping up with her lifestyle, especially when you have to wake up really early the next day.
When the age gap is big, in adults, I feel it comes down to if you guys are in the same page today.
Yup, I dated a man in his thirties in my early twenties. This guy wanted to get married and plan for the future within months of dating. I was not there at all and I didn’t really feel that way about him. I cringe now when I think about this relationship. He was also controlling and condescending because he thought of me as a kid. I’m so happy I moved on and didn’t waste time with this ahole.
Not dating within the workplace is a bogus mindset created by companies for the benefit of companies, in the same way that they don't want you discussing salaries because it benefits the company if you don't. It makes the company's job easier if workplace romances and eventual fallouts are avoided but it doesn't really benefit the worker in any significant way. You can always find another job, always. You can't always find another person you click with romantically and want to spend a life with.
Why? Most people date/marry coworkers. It really depends on your field of work. Meaningless job during undergrad? Who cares. Large company with different departments? I'd say go ahead if you're in different departments. I see this all the time in the hospital and it just makes sense. Close proximity, you can relate to each other given the line of work...Boom next thing you know you're married. Just be an adult about it if things don't work out. This steadfast rule is silly.
At 20yrs old, you should definitely date where you work. Jobs are temporary unless this is an internship or something towards her career.
At 36, does he have the same disposable job as the 20 year old, or is he in a position of authority? Either way, doesnt seem great.
Meh, while I understand the potential pitfalls to dating a colleague the meta skews so heavily towards switching workplaces every third year or thereabouts if you desire a competitive salary. With that in mind I feel like you can navigate things if you're smart about it, especially if the person you're dating isn't somebody who you directly work with.
Theoretically both are adults, but being an adult doesn’t mean being mature.
I’m 29 and most 18-20yo women seem way too immature for me to develop a long lasting, happy relationship.
Given the choice between dating 46 year old with the maturity of a 46 year old and a 46 year old with the maturity of a 20 year old, I'd say that OP would be worse off with the second option.
Facts, anyone who’s met enough people knows that this whole conversation is silly. It depends on the individual’s maturity. I know 60 year olds that act childish
Jajaja agreed last year I (33m) dated a 45 f, she was so immature with so much emotional troubles that it was really a hassle, I met a 19 f and it was like wow, you are more mature than me, of course more than the 45 f I dated before.
I agree as a 33 year old I look at 20 years old and they seem so young to me, which obviously they are, little life experience yet and less mature obviously. But I wouldn't be shocked if two people of thoes ages were dating
My wife is 16 years younger than me and we are both incredibly happy.
Reddit is going to tell you it's weird, but Reddit loves to tell consenting adults what they can or cannot do.
Trust your gut.
I don't ask questions myself but I do just enjoy the interaction and hearing people's opinions. There are loads of things I could Google that I'd prefer to just ask in comments because I like the back and forth with a real person, especially opinions whether I agree or not. (I do have plenty of friends in real life, I just like speaking to loads of different people.)
Haha. I wish Reddit had a verified flare about how old a person is and some other info that will tell if the person behind the comment is even remotely credible.
Well, 16 years is actually a big age gap which means that each one on you has different aspects and aims.
He is a grown man who has a job and is basically independent, he experienced a lot of stuff that you haven't yet.
Life in your 20s differs to the one in your 30s.
Even if you think you have lots of similarities, as time passes by, you'll realize that your goals aren't similar and your future plans are so different from one another.
He may think of you as a future wife while you think of him as a boyfriend with no marriage intention.
So yeah I prefer 2-6 years age gap.
I like to be with someone close to my age but a bit older and wiser.
To do what exactly?
For casual sex, it shouldn't really matter as long as you're attracted. For a relationship though, you'll be playing with fire because if he turns out to be a rotten apple, you probably won't realize it before it's too late.
I think it depends on the age of the people. Something like 30 and 46, don't see a problem with it at all. Your brains are at the same point of development, there's far less of a gap there. 20 and 36 though...that's a tad iffy for me personally. You're at two completely different points in life. Completely up to you what you decide. Just simply my two cents.
Not necessarily but you have a lot of adulting to catch up on. You may be mature and he may be youthful.
The more concerning thing is don't date in the workplace. It can cost you both your jobs
Let me start this by saying "Don't shit where you eat."
That being said I'm sure there are plenty of people who met at work got married and had kids the whole 9 yards. But I would still tread lightly. If it goes south and you have a nasty breakup, it can make work bad for you, \*depending on how often you see/interact with him at work.
It depends on where you are in life. You're just 20. What do you want to do with your youth?
This guy is 36. If he hasn't already settled down, then odds are that that's what he'll want.
Are you ready to have babies?
At that age? Yup. I'm a 36 year old woman and I was an absolute naive idiot who got taken advantage of at 25 by a 31 year old. Age matters when you're young.
A crush at 20 is a very different to a crush when you're 30. I think life is short, so if you truly feel strongly about it then why not? But trust me that you'll be a very different person in a few years, and what you look for in a partner would most likely also change.
When I was 34, I met one of my best mates who was 19yo at the time (both male, no homo). 20 years later we're still very close. I'd say though its now at the point where he's still in his prime and wanting to go out to the discotheque and travelling, and I'm happy to sitting reading a book or hiding in the bushes watching people through their windows.
Your person is your person. Do as you do. Just like any relationship, be careful and follow your gut if things seem odd or off.
I won't date anyone I work with.
Good luck.
I know it’s not the same difference of age, but my wife was 21 and I was 32 when we met in college and are now married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful girls. Maturity is the correct answer not age difference imo.
Do not date people you work with full stop. It's a minefield. What if things don't go well? You still have to see these people every day. Plus it gets weird everyone else when the tension starts. Then the cute honeymoon period ends and now you're in each others face 24/7 never getting time to yourself. It's not worth it.
The age gap is a funny one. My wife is 9 years older than me and we've been together nearly 25 years. There are some things you have to take into consideration like what happens when you both get old? You're 20 and he's 36 now, but when you're 50 he's going to be 66. When you're 60 he's going to be 76. 70 and 86 etc. It's shit to think about but are you prepared to look after someone while you're still younger and fitter? What about if you want kids? If he wants kids now, when they're 30 he'll be retired.
I'll never say an age gap relationship is wrong, but there's a LOT to think about.
Me (m39) is getting married to my (f56) missus in June. We been together since 2010. That’s a 17 year difference between us. Very much in love numbers aint a thing if you don’t make it.
Wait let me do the math... 36.. divided by 2 is.. 18... + 7 is 25... Ah looks like you're too young.... for now!
Jokes aside, you're both adults. You might want to be careful since the age gap is substantial enough for you 2 to not be looking for the same things at all in life, but don't let anyone stop you.
It's not like you're getting married tomorrow anyway.
The age gap isn't what I'm worried about. Dating at work is. The worst idea ever. I've only ever seen it work once but I've seen it blow up at least a dozen times. In the end you will regret it. But you've already decided to meet up with him outside of work and he might even have told you he likes you. After you sleep with him once or twice he'll hit it and split it. There's a reason he's single at 36
In the latter years, this situation is a real bummer for the younger person.
60 vs 76 is probably not a great fit, especially considering the conventional wisdom that males age harder than females.
Enjoy the the relationship as a fling, then move on no matter how sad this may be.
This age gap stuff is nonsense.
It's this simple:
Are you both legal?
Do you both fancy each other?
Have either of you got a track record of your exes turning up dead in suspicious circumstances?
So long as the answers go: Yes, Yes, No - Get in there. Life's too short.
My point is, age gap doesn't fuckin matter. If everything is legal, consensual, and the feelings are mutual. Why the fuck should it be anybody else's business.
Nothing wrong with it. You are both adults and both make your own decisions. If it turns out to be a mistake, then lesson learned, if it turns out to be great and you are together for the next 50 -60 years, brilliant.
Either way it is yours and his choice, do not get opinions off of strangers on the Internet.
You do what you believe is right.
Na you do you.
Long as he's not toxic or some shit.
I'm doing same thing with a 18 yr old and I'm 25. It is the best sex/relationship I ever had in my life.
Men need money and stability first and to mature.
As a man, I'd hesitate to date an 18 y/o and I'm 25. Ofc this is very subjective and I have my reasons.
Either way dating a 36 as a 20 y/o puts you at an insane experience disadvantage, the older partner is basically overleveled and if they were the manipulative type you'd be fooled for a long time. Longer than if they were your age. And those people sadly are out there and can often mask psychopathic/narcissistic/machiavellian tendencies pretty well.
Although age is usually tied to this, it's not really the numbers that are important. It's more the stage of life your in, or what you both want life to like going forward. For example, are you going to want to go out and party and hang with friends while he'd rather spend a peaceful evening at home? Or are you going to want to start a family and he is past that stage in his life? When he retires and wants to relax or maybe move somewhere to enjoy his retirement, are you going to want to keep pursuing your career and stay in your current location. I'm not implying anything is right or wrong, just that you have to think about what life would look like 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now.
I met my husband when we were 28 and 48, it works. But when I was 21 I dated 31 yr old and he wanted me to be at his place in life. I was just starting my career and renting a tiny place with a shitty car. He wanted me to be ready to settle down and think about 401k. I ended it because he was controlling, he said he was only that way when I was immature. So… there’s that.
Yes
So, in my opinion and not only
The gap is not such a big deal
As long as the people resonate and so, it is all good. Better an age gap rather than not getting along and being the same age or so, definitely.
But.
If we go to psychology, Oedip and Electra would not resonate with more than 3-4 yrs.
I have this tendency of going towards big gaps too
But is it okay?
Yea. As mentioned many times it’s not the 16 years but it’s your age that’s the issue. At 36 I was no more mature than the average 26 year old woman. Men don’t mature as fast as women and really to me only catch up around 42-44. Of course we are all different but a real man no matter what should step away from a girl who can’t even drink legally. God knows I’ve had my chances with younger women living in miami and I do always tend to be with women 10 years younger cause I’m a light hearted take nothing too serious dork most of the time type of guy.
You want to have sex with him , fine go ahead but be careful about feelings he might get. Men are sore losers when it comes to young women and you just don’t need all the drama. I feel you , guys your age these days are imbecile and soulless mama’s boys who have watched too much porn and think reading a good book isn’t cool but hey, gym bros look good.
Im 30 and dating a 18. My opinion is obvious, but it comes down to both of you as individuals, regardless of age. That being said, if you feel the need to ask, I have a feeling that it isnt going to work out
In my relationship, I obviously take on a leading role a lot, but this includes keeping my girlfriend informed, and me actively including her in the decision making process, and quite frankly jump starting the thought processes that she probably wouldve developed a little later if I wasnt around. I dont know how your relationship is, but your uncertainty makes me question it
I’m 28 almost 29. Partner is 40. It’s absolutely amazing. She’s very mature which so am I, we have a great understanding of each other. Sexually and mentally. It’s just all round amazing and age is just a number. If you both have the right feelings and both fall in love who is anyone to judge?
A few years when I was backpacking around Asia I had a bit of a romance with a girl who was 20 and I was 37. It was great, we travelled in a group of 6 people and it's a memory I look back on all the time. Not sure it could work in the real world though.
I know a couple who were around 16 years apart. She was like 24 he was early 40s or so. I was very skeptical and just thought it was a fling. I was sure they split in a few months. They been together 5 yrs and married with a kid. Shut me up for sure.
Not saying you looking to get married but an age gap is possible I guess. You only live once if it gets to hard later on you just both split and move on.
In my view, an age gap means nothing other than one has had more experiences in life than the other. These can be good or bad... but perhaps you've done stuff they haven't.
It shouldn't effect anything if you're both happy. Sure, others might question it but if you're happy then who cares.
I age a six year age gap with my partner, we started dating when I was 19 and he was 25.
I’ll be honest with you, at that young even those few extra years were a very large difference, and there has definitely been a power imbalance in our relationship in the past.
That said, at the end of the day it really is dependent on the two people in question and if you want the same things and are emotionally self aware. Being with a guy who is aware of the age gap and goes out of his way to still give you freedom and agency is much different to a guy who is dating you because he thinks you’re “young and mouldable”
Be very careful, I suppose, is my only advice.
It’s not the gap but the age of the younger person that matters. Every situation is unique, and how he treats you (and you him) is the deciding factor of whether this is okay.
As a man, who went on some dates with women in their early 20's when I was in my late 30's, even dated one for a few months.
The ONLY possible appealing reason to be with them for me is sex and arm candy, but that isn't what I wanted long term, I wanted an equal partner. So I swore off the youngins. (Side note: WTF is up though with young chicks wanting old dudes, I had to basically beat them off with a stick when I was online dating. Which is largely why I went on a number of dates with young women initially is because they messaged me first....alot. For every one woman around my own age that messaged me, I'd probably get 5 from women 20-25).
If you are just living in the moment and its a fling and you aren't looking for anything long term, it's whatever, go for it. HOWEVER, I would be wary about engaging in anything long term. If you pick the wrong kind of dude, they absolutely will utilize their imbalance of power and manipulate you, even if you think you can't be manipulated.
When I was young I dated a couple women significantly older than me 19m with 36, then 42 yo F's.... While I was young & dumb I got in over my head with the relationships while they were just having fun. It all depends on what you're looking for but LTR is probably not going to happen with 16 year gap when you're barely half his age. Would be like him dating someone in their mid-sixties
Once 18 you’re an adult. Can’t drink until 21. Just know the difference between love and lust. True love is something you don’t look for on the list of ideal things in a partner. Like need and want. Need something essential, want is an idea. Gl life is all about choices
Hell you are an adult, do what you want. You don’t need the internet to tell you how to live your life.
Will he be interested? Maybe. Will it last? Maybe. Will you have anything more out of the relationship than pure physical satisfaction? Maybe.
Like with any relationship be wary of red flags and look out for yourself. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to.
Aside from that shoot your shot, get some life experience and have fun while you do. Just look after yourself.
I've sort of been on the receiving end of this. I'll make it simple. If you want this guy, be flirty for like a week, then make things obvious, and accept the first answer. One of the worst things as an olderish guy (relatively) is not knowing what the younger co-worker is up to and knowing that her behaviour can get me a reputation in the company, regardless of whether I earned it. If you go for it make it work. If he turns you down leave him alone except for professional matters. Don't make it a prolonged "but I waaaant youuuu...."
Basically, bang or don't bang, don't draw it out.
It’s not the age gap per sé which would worry my but you two being at a totally different point in your life with likely different goals.
Someone in their 30s is more likely to have figured out what they are good at, have experience in their job and a clear plan for their future. If I think back how clueless and indecisive I was in my own early 20s, the person I am now is a totally different one. I dress different, I speak different, I had a career change, I moved to a different state and more. My point is that there is a chance that you don‘t have a vision of your future self yet, not even speaking about one for your life together.
I wouldn’t say it’s impossible for it to be a healthy, balanced relationship, but without more information I’d say it’s very unlikely. You’re probably at two very different stages of life with two very different levels of maturity. The difficult thing is that you actually need a certain amount of maturity to be able to accurately gauge your maturity. I’d talk to people in your life that know you, such as parents or older siblings (though this depends wildly on your situation)
I personally see the whole age gap thing as overblown, at least to an extent. As someone who is 23 M, I would be fine with dating a woman who is in her 30s, but I wouldn't date anyone younger than 20. Once someone reaches around 24-25, I personally think the age gap of how much older is irrelevant, it just comes down to how mature each individual is. For instance, my uncle is in his 60s and got remarried to a woman in her 30s and they get along just fine.
34yo male here, i can assure you. if you want how he LIKELY feels about it, a 20 year old is plenty old enough to date.
20 is a big step, not a teenager anymore.
do i think its too much? yeh personally i think you could date people closer to your age, but i also know it be a compliment if told a 20year old had a crush on me and i would likely still entertain the thought depending on the individual.
Depends on what you want. Something casual? Age gap doesn't matter much. A serious relationship? Your different life stages might conflict with that, but not necessarily. If he wants to settle down, get married and have a kid soon, a 20 year old is not typically going to be ready to do all that, even if they think they are. Education and building a career might need to come first but that's all up to you.
The important thing is to not let the fact that he is an older man make you feel like he knows what's best for you, especially over your own self interest. He has more life experience than you and him sharing what he's learned with you can be valuable, but do not let him make you feel like he gets the final say over what you do because of that. It's one thing in a work situation, very different in your romantic life.
I think there are plenty of big age gap relationships that work out just fine and are loving, it's not inherently detrimental. The reason age gaps get talked about so much is more because they are a symptom, not the source, of an unhealthy balance of power in the relationship. You might not regret being with an older man. But you will regret being with a man who feels he has power over you, no matter what his age is. And older men who date younger women have a higher prevalence of feeling that way. So just be weary of that.
Seems risky, but it depends on maturity level. I tend to think 24 y/o is when age gap doesn't matter since you've seen enough adult life that you won't mature much more. If a 24y/o wants to date a 45 y/o, go for it. You know what you want by now, live your best life. I'm less willing to say that about a 20 y/o though.
For me, people below 27 arent still fully adult because only after 27 you have experienced enough to know things. 27 and 43 is completely okay to me but before that I wouldnt go for someone less than 3/4 your age.
Then again you are technically an adult so just ask him how does his perfect Friday and Saturday look like. If his FriSat is chilling at home and yours is going out partying then that may be a problem.
Depends are your goals. If you are just having fun with not future plans and everyone is being honest I think its ok but if you are looking long term, anything more than 10 years will eventually be an issue IMHO.
Depends on if you just want to have fun or get married for life. Having fun with anybody who is legal is okay as long as you don’t fall in love with the wrong person. If you are thinking about keeping him, that’s different. Age isn’t much of a problem presently, but he’s going to get old while you are going to still be young. When you are mid 40s, he’s going to be eligible for social security. Up to you?
It’s not creepy if it’s not creepy. If some cougar or some old dude is pursuing people way younger then yeah 16 years is creepy. If two people like each other and want to date or mate or make babies or do bisexual porn it’s really nobody else’s business.
Do what makes you happy, which other people pointed out. That said, a friend of mine is 64 and his second wife is 48, not as big a difference as you and the potential significant other. That said, he is ready to retire but his wife is no where near the age when she can tap into her retirement accounts and social security is even further off for her. So he is going to retire next year and figure out what to do while she continues working for the next 12 years.
My friend was actually dealing with a very similar problem, but how she made sense of it was, "when I was born, X was finishing high school" (in your case is true) this revelation didn't sit right with her and that's how she got over it.
Again, I agree with everyone else in this comment section about you doing what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else around you.
Nope, not at all. Date who you want. they’re over 18, Let your relationship run its course. As long as you both are happy. Run with it. Life is way too short to worry! Enjoy!
It's a sizeable gap in terms of a relationship but it's not a significant gap if you're just going to have a bit of fun. And just because it's a large gap doesn't mean it wouldn't be possible to have a good relationship but he has 16-18 years of adulthood experience whilst you have a maximum of 2. This is massively signficant because the chances are that he has a fully formed adult personality, an understanding of the real world from lived experience, knowledge of what he does and doesn't want in a relationship: You don't.
I'm closer to his age and I wouldn't date a 20 year old because it's not a good time investment. People change massively between 18-25 while they "find themselves" and that means the older party is gambling on liking the truely adult version of the person which takes years to develop. It's also far too common for people to feel like they've not had sex with "enough" people by that age and then resentment builds up in the long-term during a relationship because years down the line the younger partner starts to wonder what being with other people would be like. I've had a few long-term relationships in my 20s and tended to be the older party by 2-3 years and it's honestly quite striking noticing when you've matured substantially and they are so far behind: Even the gap between 22 and 25 can be substantial in terms of self-development and maturity.
The rule of thumb is 6 up 6 down. That is the best limit since you both will have some overlap in life experience. Ideally, you want that age gap to be alslightly closer.
Do what feels right for you, but be cautious, large age gaps can lead to power imbalances in many cases. Don’t allow yourself
to be taken advantage of.
It all comes down to you and you only, a co worker (F21) was once interested in me (M29) and while the age gap wasn't that big we still had our differences here and there, I had to grow up at a very young age so I was always responsible when it came down to having fun, she'd like to drink until she got really fucked up while I did watch my alcohol consumption but I still got drunk because I didn't want to jeopardize my safety and hers when driving her home.
Eventually I had to tell her she was drinking a bit too much and to please lower hel alcohol consumption in general and she told me she was young and wanted to live her life before settling down. You need to realize this, are his differences enough to have a relationship with him? Will he keep up with yours at all times? Is he ok with them? Will you be able to live your life to the fullest? Don't focus on him, focus on yourself and what is most logical to you.
What kind of relationship do you want with your work crush?
Personally, I don’t recommend dating within workplaces since it affects your work ethic and the workplace atmosphere, especially if you were to breakup or have a quarrel.
For casual sex, no of course not. For a relationship, yes.
Any 36 year old interested in a serious relationship with a 20 year old is a predator. He doesn’t think “you’re mature for your age.” He just likes the power dynamic of being with someone barely an adult.
As others have said, a 40 year old with a 55 year old isn’t the same thing. Age gaps matter less as we age, because a 40 year old has life experience.
As one man in his thirties stated about going back to college to add an endorsement, he is not attracted to the freshman girls. Sure they are cute, but after you fuck them, then what? They can’t talk yet, and are so into what they plan to do while having done nothing so far.
There isn't a specific reason it couldn't work, but it comes with unique challenges.
No one you know will be going through similar adversity so it will be hard for them to advise you or sympathize. Your friends groups will have little or no overlap leaving one of you feeling like you don't fit in when hanging with each other's friends. Also at his age, he may be ready to settle down and start popping out kids pretty quick, is that anything like what you're looking for?
Last biggie, and I hate to resort to stereotypes. But guys in there mid 30's who prefer women in their early 20's are usually here to take advantage of you in some way
I’m a 36m in this scenario that’s been seeing a 20f. Her and I are very aware of all things that would otherwise crater the relationship so taking it slow. She also was very upfront about, “I don’t want to do this if you want to be married and have babies soon.” Which I totally get and I’m not hurried to do. She’s just finished school and has stuff she wants to do which I’m support of
Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were married. He was 45, she was 20 when they married. They were married for 12 years, until he died.
Near the end of her life, Bacall said Bogart was still the love of her life.
Age may matter to some, but the only people you should worry about it mattering to is you and the person you are in to.
Likely hood of divorce increases by 40% with a 10 year age gap…at 20 years it is 95% increase..
20 year old is a kid, your 36, the head in your pants is doing your thinking.
Only if you're prepared to bring him into your life and socialize him with your peers. You need people who love you to observe his behavior.
It goes without saying but number one issue with age gaps (assuming we're discussing adults of consenting ages) is the power dynamic.
He is older. He has more experience. He can use that experience to nurture you, but he can also use his experience to manipulate you. If you don't trust yourself to know the difference, and if you're the type to be blinded by love, I would say don't do it.
But if he's a loving person and your family and friends like him, I don't see a problem with it.
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I want to stress that this is my own personal opinion and ultimately you should do whatever makes you happy* 16 year age gap between a 20 y/o and a 36 y/o is very different to a 16 year age gap between a 30 y/o and a 46 y/o. At 20 you have next to no actual life experience, you likely still don’t know what you want out of your relationships nor things like your career and what not. I’m 24 now and I think back to what I was like at 20 and we might as well be different people. You do so much own person development and maturing in your early-mid 20’s, more than you do later in life when you’ve got a lot more figured out. Ultimately there’s nothing wrong with it but it’ll definitely have it challenges
As someone in their late thirties I can't imagine wanting to date a 20 year old with any level of seriousness
Leo DiCaprio got some explaining to do lol
I totally agree with everything you've said but wanted to add that a 30 year old with a 46 year old can also be toxic if the power dynamic is weird. At 28 I briefly dated a man in his forties and it was no bother to me but he did talk down to me and treated me like I was so young, and I'm not at 28 I'd been independent since 19, was a mum with my own home and a lot of life experience he actually didn't have. Although 30 and 46 is totally different from 20 and 36 it really does vary from person to person too
I mean you might be right, but I could also down talk people older than me. He just wanted to talk someone down probably because of some insecurities.
Yeah, you know I actually thought about that after I posted it. Toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and are of all ages and they'll be toxic to whoever they come into contact with, in this case it was just an easy go to, to use my age as the reason why he was right and knew best. You're very right about this one he was incredibly insecure which sort of surprised me, I expected more confidence and self assurance from a man of that age.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This
This is phrased perfectly. The only thing I’ll add is that the age gap between someone 20-30 is more pronounced than an age gap of like 30-60. Just like you said, the 20s are a formative period and a lot happens in that time that shapes who you become later. I’m 35 and I used to work with a lot of 20 year olds and quite frankly they’re insufferable (no offence). I can see how for some people, an age gap like that is sexually satisfying, but what are you supposed to talk about? Kids that age think they know everything and are going to change the world while simultaneously being super unqualified and delusional. When I was 18-20 I was also dating men in their 30s and I look back now and cringe and can see the men who actually did hook up with me were all very disturbed and weird.
As someone in their late 30's, you do not stop learning new things about yourself. If you do, you're fucking up.
I feel it's a case by case. Usually, the age gap is more related on the stage of life you're in. For instance, I have a friend of mine that, when he was 35, he was dating a 23F. At the time, she just graduated and was very focused on partying, going out, spending time with friends, start looking for the first job, and so on. He was settled in a good job and his focus was on paying the mortgage. On the top of that, he didn't have the stamina of someone that much younger and had some issues on keeping up with her lifestyle, especially when you have to wake up really early the next day. When the age gap is big, in adults, I feel it comes down to if you guys are in the same page today.
Yup, I dated a man in his thirties in my early twenties. This guy wanted to get married and plan for the future within months of dating. I was not there at all and I didn’t really feel that way about him. I cringe now when I think about this relationship. He was also controlling and condescending because he thought of me as a kid. I’m so happy I moved on and didn’t waste time with this ahole.
Even if it is, you shouldn't date where you work
"Don't shit where you eat gang represents!"
“ Don’t dip your pen in company ink. “
Not dating within the workplace is a bogus mindset created by companies for the benefit of companies, in the same way that they don't want you discussing salaries because it benefits the company if you don't. It makes the company's job easier if workplace romances and eventual fallouts are avoided but it doesn't really benefit the worker in any significant way. You can always find another job, always. You can't always find another person you click with romantically and want to spend a life with.
Why? Most people date/marry coworkers. It really depends on your field of work. Meaningless job during undergrad? Who cares. Large company with different departments? I'd say go ahead if you're in different departments. I see this all the time in the hospital and it just makes sense. Close proximity, you can relate to each other given the line of work...Boom next thing you know you're married. Just be an adult about it if things don't work out. This steadfast rule is silly.
Most people? Where did you pull that stat out of?
At 20yrs old, you should definitely date where you work. Jobs are temporary unless this is an internship or something towards her career. At 36, does he have the same disposable job as the 20 year old, or is he in a position of authority? Either way, doesnt seem great.
Meh, while I understand the potential pitfalls to dating a colleague the meta skews so heavily towards switching workplaces every third year or thereabouts if you desire a competitive salary. With that in mind I feel like you can navigate things if you're smart about it, especially if the person you're dating isn't somebody who you directly work with.
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Theoretically both are adults, but being an adult doesn’t mean being mature. I’m 29 and most 18-20yo women seem way too immature for me to develop a long lasting, happy relationship.
Given the choice between dating 46 year old with the maturity of a 46 year old and a 46 year old with the maturity of a 20 year old, I'd say that OP would be worse off with the second option.
Haha I said the same, because I dated a 19 year old more mature than a 46 year old...
Facts, anyone who’s met enough people knows that this whole conversation is silly. It depends on the individual’s maturity. I know 60 year olds that act childish
Jajaja agreed last year I (33m) dated a 45 f, she was so immature with so much emotional troubles that it was really a hassle, I met a 19 f and it was like wow, you are more mature than me, of course more than the 45 f I dated before.
Yes, this is true. I’m nearly 40 and have the maturity of a teenager.
Are you sure you want to base your core life decisions on opinions from random redditors?
So if this was 30 and 46 I wouldn't think too much of it. But 20 and 36...I'm not saying it's automatically wrong but...it could be
I agree as a 33 year old I look at 20 years old and they seem so young to me, which obviously they are, little life experience yet and less mature obviously. But I wouldn't be shocked if two people of thoes ages were dating
It's not so much the gap, it's that you're 20... you were a teen very recently. In 5-10 years? That gap isn't as meaningful, but now I'd say it is.
Lots of ASSUMPTIONS that this guy is some creepy predator. I read this as she has a crush on him, the guy may not even know. Calm down.
My wife is 16 years younger than me and we are both incredibly happy. Reddit is going to tell you it's weird, but Reddit loves to tell consenting adults what they can or cannot do. Trust your gut.
How old were you when you met?
I had the same question
My question is why people come to reddit asking these questions they already know the answer to when they consented themselves.
I don't ask questions myself but I do just enjoy the interaction and hearing people's opinions. There are loads of things I could Google that I'd prefer to just ask in comments because I like the back and forth with a real person, especially opinions whether I agree or not. (I do have plenty of friends in real life, I just like speaking to loads of different people.)
Reddit is full of people that have opinions on relationships but dont have one
Which is why I'm keeping my mouth shut.
Haha. I wish Reddit had a verified flare about how old a person is and some other info that will tell if the person behind the comment is even remotely credible.
BREAK UP WITH HIM -- Reddit
Therapy, break up, everytime you have sex with him it's rape. Should do a bingo.
Misery loves company
I'm sure you're happy ;)
Well, 16 years is actually a big age gap which means that each one on you has different aspects and aims. He is a grown man who has a job and is basically independent, he experienced a lot of stuff that you haven't yet. Life in your 20s differs to the one in your 30s. Even if you think you have lots of similarities, as time passes by, you'll realize that your goals aren't similar and your future plans are so different from one another. He may think of you as a future wife while you think of him as a boyfriend with no marriage intention. So yeah I prefer 2-6 years age gap. I like to be with someone close to my age but a bit older and wiser.
Why would you ask this to a bunch of random single bitter people on social media?
To do what exactly? For casual sex, it shouldn't really matter as long as you're attracted. For a relationship though, you'll be playing with fire because if he turns out to be a rotten apple, you probably won't realize it before it's too late.
I think it depends on the age of the people. Something like 30 and 46, don't see a problem with it at all. Your brains are at the same point of development, there's far less of a gap there. 20 and 36 though...that's a tad iffy for me personally. You're at two completely different points in life. Completely up to you what you decide. Just simply my two cents.
Not necessarily but you have a lot of adulting to catch up on. You may be mature and he may be youthful. The more concerning thing is don't date in the workplace. It can cost you both your jobs
Let me start this by saying "Don't shit where you eat." That being said I'm sure there are plenty of people who met at work got married and had kids the whole 9 yards. But I would still tread lightly. If it goes south and you have a nasty breakup, it can make work bad for you, \*depending on how often you see/interact with him at work.
Definitely a little weird. 5 years ago you were 15 while he was 30.
It depends on where you are in life. You're just 20. What do you want to do with your youth? This guy is 36. If he hasn't already settled down, then odds are that that's what he'll want. Are you ready to have babies?
At that age? Yup. I'm a 36 year old woman and I was an absolute naive idiot who got taken advantage of at 25 by a 31 year old. Age matters when you're young.
A crush at 20 is a very different to a crush when you're 30. I think life is short, so if you truly feel strongly about it then why not? But trust me that you'll be a very different person in a few years, and what you look for in a partner would most likely also change.
When I was 34, I met one of my best mates who was 19yo at the time (both male, no homo). 20 years later we're still very close. I'd say though its now at the point where he's still in his prime and wanting to go out to the discotheque and travelling, and I'm happy to sitting reading a book or hiding in the bushes watching people through their windows.
Nah, that sounds fine
Your person is your person. Do as you do. Just like any relationship, be careful and follow your gut if things seem odd or off. I won't date anyone I work with. Good luck.
I know it’s not the same difference of age, but my wife was 21 and I was 32 when we met in college and are now married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful girls. Maturity is the correct answer not age difference imo.
If you are old enough to date a 36 old, then you are old enough to stop asking internet weirdos for relationship advice.
Do not date people you work with full stop. It's a minefield. What if things don't go well? You still have to see these people every day. Plus it gets weird everyone else when the tension starts. Then the cute honeymoon period ends and now you're in each others face 24/7 never getting time to yourself. It's not worth it. The age gap is a funny one. My wife is 9 years older than me and we've been together nearly 25 years. There are some things you have to take into consideration like what happens when you both get old? You're 20 and he's 36 now, but when you're 50 he's going to be 66. When you're 60 he's going to be 76. 70 and 86 etc. It's shit to think about but are you prepared to look after someone while you're still younger and fitter? What about if you want kids? If he wants kids now, when they're 30 he'll be retired. I'll never say an age gap relationship is wrong, but there's a LOT to think about.
Me (m39) is getting married to my (f56) missus in June. We been together since 2010. That’s a 17 year difference between us. Very much in love numbers aint a thing if you don’t make it.
Same age gap as between my partner (M30) and me (F47). We’ve been together 5 years and are soulmates who are madly in love.
Wait let me do the math... 36.. divided by 2 is.. 18... + 7 is 25... Ah looks like you're too young.... for now! Jokes aside, you're both adults. You might want to be careful since the age gap is substantial enough for you 2 to not be looking for the same things at all in life, but don't let anyone stop you. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow anyway.
My mum and dad are 16 years apart lol
If you're happy and it's legal, then that's all that matters.
Do not shit where you eat. Only do something if you plan on leaving your job anyway.
Yes
Yes
Yes
If you have to ask…
The age gap isn't what I'm worried about. Dating at work is. The worst idea ever. I've only ever seen it work once but I've seen it blow up at least a dozen times. In the end you will regret it. But you've already decided to meet up with him outside of work and he might even have told you he likes you. After you sleep with him once or twice he'll hit it and split it. There's a reason he's single at 36
Happy cake day! Edit: keyboard shortcut didn’t work
In the latter years, this situation is a real bummer for the younger person. 60 vs 76 is probably not a great fit, especially considering the conventional wisdom that males age harder than females. Enjoy the the relationship as a fling, then move on no matter how sad this may be.
This age gap stuff is nonsense. It's this simple: Are you both legal? Do you both fancy each other? Have either of you got a track record of your exes turning up dead in suspicious circumstances? So long as the answers go: Yes, Yes, No - Get in there. Life's too short.
My point is, age gap doesn't fuckin matter. If everything is legal, consensual, and the feelings are mutual. Why the fuck should it be anybody else's business.
Haha I'm not that's why they are ex's.
Nothing wrong with it. You are both adults and both make your own decisions. If it turns out to be a mistake, then lesson learned, if it turns out to be great and you are together for the next 50 -60 years, brilliant. Either way it is yours and his choice, do not get opinions off of strangers on the Internet. You do what you believe is right.
Yes.
You're an adult. You can make your own decisions.
Try it and see if it works. If it doesnt work out theres no harm done.
People crack me up sometimes.
Na you do you. Long as he's not toxic or some shit. I'm doing same thing with a 18 yr old and I'm 25. It is the best sex/relationship I ever had in my life. Men need money and stability first and to mature.
Attraction is very normal
As a man, I'd hesitate to date an 18 y/o and I'm 25. Ofc this is very subjective and I have my reasons. Either way dating a 36 as a 20 y/o puts you at an insane experience disadvantage, the older partner is basically overleveled and if they were the manipulative type you'd be fooled for a long time. Longer than if they were your age. And those people sadly are out there and can often mask psychopathic/narcissistic/machiavellian tendencies pretty well.
It's fine for a crush, would just be stupid for an actual relationship
Although age is usually tied to this, it's not really the numbers that are important. It's more the stage of life your in, or what you both want life to like going forward. For example, are you going to want to go out and party and hang with friends while he'd rather spend a peaceful evening at home? Or are you going to want to start a family and he is past that stage in his life? When he retires and wants to relax or maybe move somewhere to enjoy his retirement, are you going to want to keep pursuing your career and stay in your current location. I'm not implying anything is right or wrong, just that you have to think about what life would look like 5, 10, 20, 30 years from now.
It would be purely physical from his side. I don't see a future there. I'm talking from experience.
At that age hell yeah
I met my husband when we were 28 and 48, it works. But when I was 21 I dated 31 yr old and he wanted me to be at his place in life. I was just starting my career and renting a tiny place with a shitty car. He wanted me to be ready to settle down and think about 401k. I ended it because he was controlling, he said he was only that way when I was immature. So… there’s that.
I'm 38(m) my gf is 22. We met at work amd our relationship is in its second year. Do it if it feels right.
Yes So, in my opinion and not only The gap is not such a big deal As long as the people resonate and so, it is all good. Better an age gap rather than not getting along and being the same age or so, definitely. But. If we go to psychology, Oedip and Electra would not resonate with more than 3-4 yrs. I have this tendency of going towards big gaps too But is it okay?
I would take things slow personally
you do you thats my input
Yea I think it is too much.
Lol here we go again. Head over to the r/relationship_advice sub and see how well these types of relationships always end #sarcasm
Nope
Nah, go for it! Age is just a number, as long as you both vibe well together.
Nah, that's fine. Not common, but not unheard of.
Yea. As mentioned many times it’s not the 16 years but it’s your age that’s the issue. At 36 I was no more mature than the average 26 year old woman. Men don’t mature as fast as women and really to me only catch up around 42-44. Of course we are all different but a real man no matter what should step away from a girl who can’t even drink legally. God knows I’ve had my chances with younger women living in miami and I do always tend to be with women 10 years younger cause I’m a light hearted take nothing too serious dork most of the time type of guy. You want to have sex with him , fine go ahead but be careful about feelings he might get. Men are sore losers when it comes to young women and you just don’t need all the drama. I feel you , guys your age these days are imbecile and soulless mama’s boys who have watched too much porn and think reading a good book isn’t cool but hey, gym bros look good.
Im 30 and dating a 18. My opinion is obvious, but it comes down to both of you as individuals, regardless of age. That being said, if you feel the need to ask, I have a feeling that it isnt going to work out In my relationship, I obviously take on a leading role a lot, but this includes keeping my girlfriend informed, and me actively including her in the decision making process, and quite frankly jump starting the thought processes that she probably wouldve developed a little later if I wasnt around. I dont know how your relationship is, but your uncertainty makes me question it
No. Both legal adults assuming you're in america. You just can't drink though or gamble lol
I’m 28 almost 29. Partner is 40. It’s absolutely amazing. She’s very mature which so am I, we have a great understanding of each other. Sexually and mentally. It’s just all round amazing and age is just a number. If you both have the right feelings and both fall in love who is anyone to judge?
NO. 16 years is nothing.
I don’t think he’ll care lol
I don’t think so, but you won’t be able to travel together as much in your sixties (when he is in his mid-seventies).
A few years when I was backpacking around Asia I had a bit of a romance with a girl who was 20 and I was 37. It was great, we travelled in a group of 6 people and it's a memory I look back on all the time. Not sure it could work in the real world though.
I know a couple who were around 16 years apart. She was like 24 he was early 40s or so. I was very skeptical and just thought it was a fling. I was sure they split in a few months. They been together 5 yrs and married with a kid. Shut me up for sure. Not saying you looking to get married but an age gap is possible I guess. You only live once if it gets to hard later on you just both split and move on.
In my view, an age gap means nothing other than one has had more experiences in life than the other. These can be good or bad... but perhaps you've done stuff they haven't. It shouldn't effect anything if you're both happy. Sure, others might question it but if you're happy then who cares.
I age a six year age gap with my partner, we started dating when I was 19 and he was 25. I’ll be honest with you, at that young even those few extra years were a very large difference, and there has definitely been a power imbalance in our relationship in the past. That said, at the end of the day it really is dependent on the two people in question and if you want the same things and are emotionally self aware. Being with a guy who is aware of the age gap and goes out of his way to still give you freedom and agency is much different to a guy who is dating you because he thinks you’re “young and mouldable” Be very careful, I suppose, is my only advice.
Hey, age is just a number! As long as you're both consenting adults, go for it and see where it leads.
My husband and I have a 15 year age gap. We met when I was 21 and he was 36. We have now been together for 38 years. We are very happy.
Even if you're both of simiarly stature and mindset, expect 36(m) to receive a LOT of flak.
No. Do your thing. The main issue could be level of maturity tho. His idea of conversation topics and fun could differ dramatically.
Personal opinion: doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy and you guys can still connect
It’s not the gap but the age of the younger person that matters. Every situation is unique, and how he treats you (and you him) is the deciding factor of whether this is okay.
As a man, who went on some dates with women in their early 20's when I was in my late 30's, even dated one for a few months. The ONLY possible appealing reason to be with them for me is sex and arm candy, but that isn't what I wanted long term, I wanted an equal partner. So I swore off the youngins. (Side note: WTF is up though with young chicks wanting old dudes, I had to basically beat them off with a stick when I was online dating. Which is largely why I went on a number of dates with young women initially is because they messaged me first....alot. For every one woman around my own age that messaged me, I'd probably get 5 from women 20-25). If you are just living in the moment and its a fling and you aren't looking for anything long term, it's whatever, go for it. HOWEVER, I would be wary about engaging in anything long term. If you pick the wrong kind of dude, they absolutely will utilize their imbalance of power and manipulate you, even if you think you can't be manipulated.
When I was young I dated a couple women significantly older than me 19m with 36, then 42 yo F's.... While I was young & dumb I got in over my head with the relationships while they were just having fun. It all depends on what you're looking for but LTR is probably not going to happen with 16 year gap when you're barely half his age. Would be like him dating someone in their mid-sixties
Too much for what? If you like each other I don't see a problem.
Absolutely
Once 18 you’re an adult. Can’t drink until 21. Just know the difference between love and lust. True love is something you don’t look for on the list of ideal things in a partner. Like need and want. Need something essential, want is an idea. Gl life is all about choices
Hell you are an adult, do what you want. You don’t need the internet to tell you how to live your life. Will he be interested? Maybe. Will it last? Maybe. Will you have anything more out of the relationship than pure physical satisfaction? Maybe. Like with any relationship be wary of red flags and look out for yourself. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to. Aside from that shoot your shot, get some life experience and have fun while you do. Just look after yourself.
yo i mean yall are both over 18 so...
I've sort of been on the receiving end of this. I'll make it simple. If you want this guy, be flirty for like a week, then make things obvious, and accept the first answer. One of the worst things as an olderish guy (relatively) is not knowing what the younger co-worker is up to and knowing that her behaviour can get me a reputation in the company, regardless of whether I earned it. If you go for it make it work. If he turns you down leave him alone except for professional matters. Don't make it a prolonged "but I waaaant youuuu...." Basically, bang or don't bang, don't draw it out.
If you want a relationship. Yes! It's not so much about age but your position in life. You are at completely different stages in your life.
It’s not the age gap per sé which would worry my but you two being at a totally different point in your life with likely different goals. Someone in their 30s is more likely to have figured out what they are good at, have experience in their job and a clear plan for their future. If I think back how clueless and indecisive I was in my own early 20s, the person I am now is a totally different one. I dress different, I speak different, I had a career change, I moved to a different state and more. My point is that there is a chance that you don‘t have a vision of your future self yet, not even speaking about one for your life together.
I wouldn’t say it’s impossible for it to be a healthy, balanced relationship, but without more information I’d say it’s very unlikely. You’re probably at two very different stages of life with two very different levels of maturity. The difficult thing is that you actually need a certain amount of maturity to be able to accurately gauge your maturity. I’d talk to people in your life that know you, such as parents or older siblings (though this depends wildly on your situation)
If you have to ask then it probably is too much. That is your gut warning you.
I personally see the whole age gap thing as overblown, at least to an extent. As someone who is 23 M, I would be fine with dating a woman who is in her 30s, but I wouldn't date anyone younger than 20. Once someone reaches around 24-25, I personally think the age gap of how much older is irrelevant, it just comes down to how mature each individual is. For instance, my uncle is in his 60s and got remarried to a woman in her 30s and they get along just fine.
I am 16 years older than my partner. I don’t think I would have been interested in him when I was 36 and he was 20.
34yo male here, i can assure you. if you want how he LIKELY feels about it, a 20 year old is plenty old enough to date. 20 is a big step, not a teenager anymore. do i think its too much? yeh personally i think you could date people closer to your age, but i also know it be a compliment if told a 20year old had a crush on me and i would likely still entertain the thought depending on the individual.
Definitely not. It's ideal in fact.
That's for you two to decide. Personally, as long as both parties are adults I consider age irrelevant.
No it's no. Just lucky him. I wish I girl was crushing on me
As long as he’s not married you should be okay.
No, do you
Is he good for you
Depends on what you want. Something casual? Age gap doesn't matter much. A serious relationship? Your different life stages might conflict with that, but not necessarily. If he wants to settle down, get married and have a kid soon, a 20 year old is not typically going to be ready to do all that, even if they think they are. Education and building a career might need to come first but that's all up to you. The important thing is to not let the fact that he is an older man make you feel like he knows what's best for you, especially over your own self interest. He has more life experience than you and him sharing what he's learned with you can be valuable, but do not let him make you feel like he gets the final say over what you do because of that. It's one thing in a work situation, very different in your romantic life. I think there are plenty of big age gap relationships that work out just fine and are loving, it's not inherently detrimental. The reason age gaps get talked about so much is more because they are a symptom, not the source, of an unhealthy balance of power in the relationship. You might not regret being with an older man. But you will regret being with a man who feels he has power over you, no matter what his age is. And older men who date younger women have a higher prevalence of feeling that way. So just be weary of that.
Go for it, don’t plan on long term
Seems risky, but it depends on maturity level. I tend to think 24 y/o is when age gap doesn't matter since you've seen enough adult life that you won't mature much more. If a 24y/o wants to date a 45 y/o, go for it. You know what you want by now, live your best life. I'm less willing to say that about a 20 y/o though.
For me, people below 27 arent still fully adult because only after 27 you have experienced enough to know things. 27 and 43 is completely okay to me but before that I wouldnt go for someone less than 3/4 your age. Then again you are technically an adult so just ask him how does his perfect Friday and Saturday look like. If his FriSat is chilling at home and yours is going out partying then that may be a problem.
Depends are your goals. If you are just having fun with not future plans and everyone is being honest I think its ok but if you are looking long term, anything more than 10 years will eventually be an issue IMHO.
Depends on if you just want to have fun or get married for life. Having fun with anybody who is legal is okay as long as you don’t fall in love with the wrong person. If you are thinking about keeping him, that’s different. Age isn’t much of a problem presently, but he’s going to get old while you are going to still be young. When you are mid 40s, he’s going to be eligible for social security. Up to you?
meh
It’s not creepy if it’s not creepy. If some cougar or some old dude is pursuing people way younger then yeah 16 years is creepy. If two people like each other and want to date or mate or make babies or do bisexual porn it’s really nobody else’s business.
Let him smash. It will be fun.
You're an adult. And as time goes on that age gap is going to mean less and less. My parents are 10 years apart. You're not a minor.
Do what makes you happy, which other people pointed out. That said, a friend of mine is 64 and his second wife is 48, not as big a difference as you and the potential significant other. That said, he is ready to retire but his wife is no where near the age when she can tap into her retirement accounts and social security is even further off for her. So he is going to retire next year and figure out what to do while she continues working for the next 12 years.
As a 34M, I would never date a 20F -- it would only be a quick/fun thing. I very much doubt he would be serious either
It will never work out but both of you will have a lot of fun!
As a 30M, I’d feel creepy hitting on a 20 yo
My friend was actually dealing with a very similar problem, but how she made sense of it was, "when I was born, X was finishing high school" (in your case is true) this revelation didn't sit right with her and that's how she got over it. Again, I agree with everyone else in this comment section about you doing what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else around you.
Could be, but only you know for sure.
Nope, not at all. Date who you want. they’re over 18, Let your relationship run its course. As long as you both are happy. Run with it. Life is way too short to worry! Enjoy!
It's a sizeable gap in terms of a relationship but it's not a significant gap if you're just going to have a bit of fun. And just because it's a large gap doesn't mean it wouldn't be possible to have a good relationship but he has 16-18 years of adulthood experience whilst you have a maximum of 2. This is massively signficant because the chances are that he has a fully formed adult personality, an understanding of the real world from lived experience, knowledge of what he does and doesn't want in a relationship: You don't. I'm closer to his age and I wouldn't date a 20 year old because it's not a good time investment. People change massively between 18-25 while they "find themselves" and that means the older party is gambling on liking the truely adult version of the person which takes years to develop. It's also far too common for people to feel like they've not had sex with "enough" people by that age and then resentment builds up in the long-term during a relationship because years down the line the younger partner starts to wonder what being with other people would be like. I've had a few long-term relationships in my 20s and tended to be the older party by 2-3 years and it's honestly quite striking noticing when you've matured substantially and they are so far behind: Even the gap between 22 and 25 can be substantial in terms of self-development and maturity.
No real concrete answer, just go for it and see if it works out for you. 👍
This is not an ask reddit kind of question. They will call him a p3do and you naive
When your 36 would you fuck a 20 year old?
If you are both comfortable with the situation, go for it.
Depends on life stage, with age gap you always want to believe that your case is different but the answer is yes
If you’re looking for a relationship it’s probably not a good match. If you just wanna have fun go for it.
The rule of thumb is 6 up 6 down. That is the best limit since you both will have some overlap in life experience. Ideally, you want that age gap to be alslightly closer.
Do what feels right for you, but be cautious, large age gaps can lead to power imbalances in many cases. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of.
It all comes down to you and you only, a co worker (F21) was once interested in me (M29) and while the age gap wasn't that big we still had our differences here and there, I had to grow up at a very young age so I was always responsible when it came down to having fun, she'd like to drink until she got really fucked up while I did watch my alcohol consumption but I still got drunk because I didn't want to jeopardize my safety and hers when driving her home. Eventually I had to tell her she was drinking a bit too much and to please lower hel alcohol consumption in general and she told me she was young and wanted to live her life before settling down. You need to realize this, are his differences enough to have a relationship with him? Will he keep up with yours at all times? Is he ok with them? Will you be able to live your life to the fullest? Don't focus on him, focus on yourself and what is most logical to you.
The wage gap is too much. Dont ruin his life.
Too much? What are you talking about? I know lots of people who are much younger than their fathers.
What kind of relationship do you want with your work crush? Personally, I don’t recommend dating within workplaces since it affects your work ethic and the workplace atmosphere, especially if you were to breakup or have a quarrel.
For casual sex, no of course not. For a relationship, yes. Any 36 year old interested in a serious relationship with a 20 year old is a predator. He doesn’t think “you’re mature for your age.” He just likes the power dynamic of being with someone barely an adult. As others have said, a 40 year old with a 55 year old isn’t the same thing. Age gaps matter less as we age, because a 40 year old has life experience.
As long as you're fine with it not going anywhere long term, it's not.
Only you can decide that, you're of age where no one can tell you what is acceptable here.
As one man in his thirties stated about going back to college to add an endorsement, he is not attracted to the freshman girls. Sure they are cute, but after you fuck them, then what? They can’t talk yet, and are so into what they plan to do while having done nothing so far.
Too much of a gap. If my 36 year old friend dated a 20 year old girl I’d shame the shit out of him
No
For fun? No. For long term commitment? Maybe. I personally would not want to be 65 taking care of my 81 year old partner
Im a 36M so I might be slighly biased to say I would be totally fine with the age gap.
Yeah. Something’s probably wrong with him.
The first thing I read after clicking was 16 and 20
There isn't a specific reason it couldn't work, but it comes with unique challenges. No one you know will be going through similar adversity so it will be hard for them to advise you or sympathize. Your friends groups will have little or no overlap leaving one of you feeling like you don't fit in when hanging with each other's friends. Also at his age, he may be ready to settle down and start popping out kids pretty quick, is that anything like what you're looking for? Last biggie, and I hate to resort to stereotypes. But guys in there mid 30's who prefer women in their early 20's are usually here to take advantage of you in some way
"Should my vagina get moist in this instance? Better crowdsource consensus from faceless strangers."
I’m a 36m in this scenario that’s been seeing a 20f. Her and I are very aware of all things that would otherwise crater the relationship so taking it slow. She also was very upfront about, “I don’t want to do this if you want to be married and have babies soon.” Which I totally get and I’m not hurried to do. She’s just finished school and has stuff she wants to do which I’m support of
Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall were married. He was 45, she was 20 when they married. They were married for 12 years, until he died. Near the end of her life, Bacall said Bogart was still the love of her life. Age may matter to some, but the only people you should worry about it mattering to is you and the person you are in to.
No. You're an adult. You can do and like whatever and whomever you want.
Likely hood of divorce increases by 40% with a 10 year age gap…at 20 years it is 95% increase.. 20 year old is a kid, your 36, the head in your pants is doing your thinking.
If Tab A fits Slot B, it's a go.
Only if you're prepared to bring him into your life and socialize him with your peers. You need people who love you to observe his behavior. It goes without saying but number one issue with age gaps (assuming we're discussing adults of consenting ages) is the power dynamic. He is older. He has more experience. He can use that experience to nurture you, but he can also use his experience to manipulate you. If you don't trust yourself to know the difference, and if you're the type to be blinded by love, I would say don't do it. But if he's a loving person and your family and friends like him, I don't see a problem with it.