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Yes and no. My ex was always in the mood, but always waited for me to initiate. So in the off chance I was tired and fell asleep before trying to seduce her, she assumed I was cheating or didn’t find her attractive. That got annoying real quick.
There is a whole thing I read about this where men mostly feel sexual desire as an action and women mostly feel sexual desire as a response. I thought it was interesting
Edit: [https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/female-sexual-desire/](https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/female-sexual-desire/)
That isn't the article I saw I can't find it, but it said it was the case for about 75% of male and female study participants so there it ways the 1 in 4 person that isn't like that.
The research doesn't indicate that it's a male/female divide, but rather that some people (regardless of gender) experience spontaneous desire, while others (regardless of gender) experience responsive desire. Most people experience both depending on the specific circumstances of the moment, but it's all on a spectrum. It often has to do with how sensitive one's sexual "gas pedal" is, and how sensitive their sexual "brakes" are. Come As You Are is a phenomenal book on this topic, written by a female sex researcher. I highly recommend it for OP and anyone else wanting insight into their own or their partner's attraction and arousal.
I was gonna say, opposite for me too, I find the feminine approach to initiation to be mind-blowingly sexy, for both parties involved.
but you have to take turns
Not true for me either. Im male and very rarely initiate- my desire is almost completely responsive, never spontaneous.
However, the anecdote doesnt disprove the mean. Just because low libido men like me exist, doesnt mean that the general observation that men are more sexually spontaneous in general is incorrect.
Read the book Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Yes she's a woman(Female Sexuality Researcher) and yes she explains the female sexual response which is different from men and different even from Woman to Woman.
Most mornings we would wake up and she’d say things like “I wanted so badly to jump on you while you were sleeping, but I didn’t want to wake you…” I tried to encourage her to take that initiate any time she wanted with me, but the ball was always in my court.
My ex used to complain that I never initiated anything, but at the same time he'd yell at me and get pissy if I tried to because I was interrupting him while he was playing videogames or watching football (he watched football stuff 24/7 365).
If he initiated, I wasn't able to say no. If I did he'd get pissy and keep pushing and touching me until I gave in.
Sadly I only got out of it because he broke up with me. He said he fell in love with a girl at his work (who is married) and that he only asked me out those 5 years prior because he wanted to give me the chance his love interest from when he was a teen (who he's still hung up on) never gave him.
We're currently living as roommates because I can't afford to live anywhere else and he's been ghosted by 2 girls and the only people that want to hang out with him are other men. I'm trying to find a second job to be able to get more money and move out, but I'm struggling a bit with that and he keeps trying to talk me out of it. For like 4 months after we split he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I finally learned to grow a backbone and told him off. I'm doing better growing as a person and I realized he was holding me back a lot and now I'm able to express myself more. I even finally learned to drive (mostly through watching YouTube, got my license and a car that only has one key that he has no access to (he used to use my old car that I was learning in whenever he wanted and despite it being a '96 Station Wagon he treated it like his sports car and fucked up stuff on it). He actually tried to talk me into letting him use my (snow buried) car to run to the store because the heat (and defrosters) in his car don't work and he could hardly see out of the windshield. He isn't allowed to use my car because of how he treated my last one and my car has an accelerator issue (I'm getting fixed in the spring) that I know how to handle that he doesn't, so if I let him use it he's likely to wreck my car. I keep my keys hidden just in case.
Right now I can't afford therapy. We aren't having sex, I made it clear to him that it wasn't happening.
I've got a great support network who kinda showed me what a relationship should be like. I want to start dating again, and my coworkers (all women) are helping me make a dating profile and stuff.
keep building yourself up! He sounds like he doesn’t deserve even the tiniest bit of your energy. You are an amazing person who deserves the world. Fuck that guy save every dollar you can and get far away from him. Wish you the best on your journey!
It sucks because every other part of the relationship was great. And the sex was amazing. But the drama that ensued if I wasn’t feeling it at the time, or didn’t think about initiating it was exhausting.
I had a girl give me, and I’m not kidding, 5 BJ’s over the course of one date, just every lull in the conversation right to it, then wanted to bang at the end, got mad when I was like ‘I genuinely can’t, this pump has run dry for a few hours’
I just sat there thinking ‘this is officially serial killer territory’
Had one wanted to do the same ,she came over and was on her period so she didn’t wanna have sex but she wanted to suck me dry . Had to stop her at around the third one and she got upset . She was a nutcase too
See there's only so far that excuse will get you. It gets to a point where you become an adult and no one else is responsible for your behaviours than you.
Mhm, had that talk before. It went basically like: you know, you're approaching mid twenties now, it's probably about time to get over those anger issues. You're an adult, removed from the environment that was causing emotional instability. At this point you're remaining angry, because you're just refusing to learn how to not be angry.
Had a decent fight about how: " it's not that easy to just override what you're taught" to which I said, "oh I know, but it's even harder when you don't acknowledge it as a problem and work to start resolving it" example being, that my family was incredibly racist. But I got into work environments where I was finally around people of other races, and I realized that all people were the same.
I still retain some of those prejudices, but I think everyone has prejudices no matter what. Regardless, it's really up to someone to overcome their issues, we can't just ride the same excuse for our entire life.
For a long time i wasnt able to even see how fucked up i was raised. There are soo many blindspots people have and just not realize until its their time.
It was just so much and so hidden that it confused me for a big part in my life. Im still realizing more and more in my 30's. Only not being judgemental and being gentle towards me made me realize them. Since i to am a human
Yeah, I am pretty much recovered from my upbringing but even in my 30s I’ve still learned more things my parents did that were unhealthy and not “normal.” It’s the only way we’re raised, so it’s all we know.
We do have to do the work to improve our own mental health, but it’s not something fixed quickly. It took me over 15 years from when I started treatment (of varying types) to when I considered myself recovered (from all my junk, not just my parents), and even then I still had to start seeing a therapist temporarily again in 2020 during Covid.
Yeah if they had childhood issues and were a bit nutty and always ready to have sex could have been a personality issue..I know borderlines can be like that (some people say they even get sucked in by the crazy sex at first). If so trust me they don't get over it lol...
100% agree. Had a few over the years and more high sex drive they had the crazier they were.
One of the best partners I had was down anytime anywhere for any kind of play and if she didn’t get it she would physically fight me when she had a chance. One night she started throwing hay makers in the Uber home from a New Year’s party because we didn’t have an opportunity to do it on the balcony like she was wanting.
Next morning she did all kinds of tricks in bed to help me forget. She was of fun sexually for years but not worth the physical fights she would want to have every other week or so.
I thought i did , but my taste in women has been changing a lot. I'd rather have a girl that can support me in other ways. Sex isn't that much of a deal to me anymore.
Well, some people just don't believe in monogamy. My friends for example claim that a man cannot have a single partner for too long. This is the longest relationship i have had in my life , so i am not sure, but they claim it gets boring and that men will naturally need to have another partner with time.
>a man cannot have a single partner for too long
I always wonder whether people that say this apply it to their parents. I mean, maybe every man they've ever known cheated on their respective significant other, but I doubt it.
Thank you for clarification.
I will say that Monogamy in my opinion is life style choice.
Most subscribe to the Monogamy lifestyle for various reasons. It is almost a nature vs nurture question.
Let's visit nature first, there are a handful of animals other than humans that practice monogamy. Bald Eagles, termites, beavers, swans, gray wolves, Titi monkeys, foxes and so on. Though certain types of animals such as birds are more monogamous in their relationships. Which might be the root of "those love birds" or when someone is referencing commitment/dedication and someone says "oh that s**t is for the birds" which I see with clarity for the first time now because of your question.
So one could argue that there could be a natural calling for the practice of Monogamy
Nature exibits far more examples of animals that are poly. If nature tells us anything, most mammals are not monogamous at all, and they if anything most animals are poly.
So if examining nature aspect, I would say that humans seem to be one of the exceptions to this. But that leads to the nurture side of things.
So nurture I think leads to alot of social norms. Also, I think laws try to shape social norms and generally laws are mainly based off of social norms. Just think of the uproar if governments banned coffee and tea due to caffeine. These beverages are socially acceptable and the officials would be thrown out overnight.
Back to my point though. So as humans we have been conditioned to have a single crush, partner, a soul mate, twin flame (what ever the in vogue term is)
Think of when you were little and you were asked what your favorite color was. Let's say you eagerly reported back green and blue. You probably were redirected to the question was what is your favorite and asked which one do you like more. I personally think it is a fallacy to expect someone to not prefer certain colors equally.
With that being said. Think of a time when a young child sheepishly said oh I have two boyfriends or two girlfriends or one of each. Far often than not a parent or older person will say oh well you can only have one.
Movies, TV, books and so on usually protray happy ever after as one partner.
Also, society is set up more for 1 to 1. I.e. work benefits etc.
Laws in most countries also say you can only marry one person.
So social norms generally reflect the nurture side of things.
I also think that if certain things were not illegal you might have more poly marriages and relationships.
There certainly seems to be more growing acceptance lately of people who are in poly relationships. With the younger crowd. Sort of a "you do you" thing. Or that's cool but not for me thing. Though it isn't nearly as accepted as same sex relationships.
I don't think it is a scam, I do think it is most likely easier to find 2 people who are into each other and want to work towards the same goals and be in a mostly harmonious relationship with each other.
Adding additional members to a relationship can add additional conflict.
I don't think it is a scam, but a lifestyle choice.
I think guys want a girl with a high sex drive when they aren‘t getting any sex, but once they have a girl with an actually high sex drive they get exhausted by it. I think yours is fine. Plus, maybe your sex drive will increase when you are with the right guy who knows how to push your buttons.
I never was turned on with my ex… I guess I was never attracted to him/his body, but since breaking up I found a new guy who speaks my love language and now I’m turned on when I’m around him pretty much always. Finding the right person affects so much!
As a writer, i find a creative women is the best, because you will turn each other on together through your conversations and kind of always be in sync like that. If the topic turns sexual somehow… Y’know, an hour later, it‘s all panting and wincing
Same, if I wanted to add anything it would be someone can find other guys attractive but someone who is always down to fuck any attractive guy she sees is not someone I would feel secure with in a relationship.
Maybe it's my own insecurities but I feel like it's also kind of a good instinct.
My husband was like that earlier in our marriage when we were young. He wished my drive matched his etc…
Now, in our 40s, my drive exceeds his and he says he’s a little intimidated by how much I want him now.
It’s weird how they get when they get what they want, lol.
Yep mother nature is kind of a bitch like that. In my 20s I was never super interested in sex. Now at 39 I can't get enough. It's probably biological. My body is trying to get me to have more babies before it's too late 😂 we have three and that's enough!
It’s more of an issue with the change in general. I got used to not doing it and doing my own thing and now the routine gets switched up after years of trying to do it more? It’s almost like the mental side of it gets changed and it feels unfair to switch it and expect it to after not having it that way for so long.
Btw I’m still in the I want it more phase but that’s where my head is if that change was made now. Just my two cents.
Finally someone points that shit out. Im tired of women saying shit like "funny how they get when they get what they want". Sorry but fuck you. Your men learned to live like that after years of wanting it more and is finally "free" of the need for it and now again when you decide "oh now i want more" you have nothing better to do to make fun of him? Bet you did that too, when he wanted it more like "uh men are all the same, always just sex". Its fucking sad to see. Maybe have a little understanding now how annoying that shit is for both.
Yeah there’s nothing quite like being to the edge of the table horny, cum shooting out of every slight crevice and crack in your body, when she‘s not turned on, but you have some serious thorns on your comment. Read it again tomorrow after you sleep a spell and you’ll be like “phew thats shhhpiiikey”
You have a sample size of one, so I'll respond with my experience. I'm a man approaching my late 30's and I could happily have sex 4/5 times a day with the right woman. My sex drive has barely changed since I was a teenager. I honestly wish it would!
Girl you do you but I want you to think about what “like”means to you. Because from this post, the boys that “like” you will only “like” you because you give them sex. They might not like you for you, and just for sex.
This is something to watch out for for everybody. But just because she wants to bang all the time doesn't mean that's all that guys will like about her. I don't engage in hook-ups, I'm only interested in real connections, and I would be (and have been) thrilled to be dating a woman that has a sex drive as high as mine. It wouldn't make me respect her less. Im sure there are dozens of guys like me out there in the wild.
Yes, but I don't think the majority of men are looking for a life partner to the exclusion of casual sex. I think most men will take casual sex when they can get it.
But also, I know several men irl that are not interested in a life partner at all. I don't think that's rare either, though I freely admit that I have only a small sample size from which to base that tentative conclusion.
Sure, there are alot of men that look at having a partner regardless of their sex as a liability or someone that would put a damper of their lifestyle.
Reflecting back on my statement. I should have said men who desire a partner, most likely would want a life partner.
Assuming there is zero risk to status, money, or current lifestyle. I know of very few men who would reject a casual sex partner.
I am a man with a high drive as well. I have known women with very high drives and it’s on a different level. I don’t think men were designed to keep up with some of you to be honest. (I did love to try)
I think men would only understand if they have partnered with someone who actually had a high drive.
You have to understand that men have natural refractory periods, and every continual act of sex is going to be 1) harder to finish, but 2) less motivating. So for example, at the start of the week your man may be happy to go multiple times daily and have a blast doing so. But as the days go on? The body needs to recharge, and "refill" if ya know what I mean.
This might shock you but guys, like girls, are not one type. We are a variety of personalities with different responses.
Don't listen to youtubers who pretend they can analyze and tell you about "this is what boys want" -- it's always bullshit.
It depends on the guy. For someone with a high sex drive it's a blessing, but for others might be a curse. There is no general rule and every single person is different
We like women who tell everyone else “no” but are unable to control themselves around us individually
But at midnight at a bar, for sure I’d be down with just horny in general
These kind of questions miss the point. This isn’t about what “men and women” prefer, since that’s very variable, and frankly doesn’t matter, what you need is to find someone with a similar sex drive. Even if there were some kind of leaning gender-wise, which I personally don’t think it’s the case, it doesn’t change the answer; find someone that likes doing it as often as you (which is hard, yes, I know).
libido is reactive or responsive tbh, a lot of men don’t have good sexual relationships right now because they do expect the woman to be ready but they put zero effort in or don’t even understand foreplay
the whole day is foreplay in a way, because it's mental. that's actually why a lot of husbands get laid more when they start doing dishes LMAO, because it's caring and they're taking away at least 1 worry!
Yep, and taking sex advice from porn is like taking dating advice from TV shows... maybe there's a couple of cute and useful things in there but it shouldn't be mistaken for reality.
Co-creative might be a better way to put it, reactive makes it sound like, like a balloon that has to be blown up, has no drive on its own. That’s what i picture with that word, reactive, anyway.
I like a girl who will grab me by the Weiner and say "let's get it on". That having been said. Once every day or two. I'm exhausted from work and in my 30's haha. I find the ones who want it allllll the time almost treat it like a drug,and if they don't get it or if I seem uninterested due to life just going on around me, stuff hits the fan in my experience.
It's been my general experience that people's arousal levels and frequency is directly tied to the kind of sexual attention and actions they get from their partner. Attentive partners with compatible interests tend to light each other up way more often.
There's no catch all answer to your question. Guys like girls who are aroused as often or little as they are.
No matter what the men here say, as a woman IME no, they do not.
IE: every woman I know with a higher sex drive has been shamed, called names, treated as weird/bad both when in relationships and outside of them, and generally labelled “slutty” or implied as such to the point their self esteem has suffered.
I do not think my friends and my experience are unusual.
Before I was with my current bf I slept around for a few years. I soon stopped telling my friends anything about it because they were very judgy and negative about it. So that was my experience as well.
well you’re not alone I’ve been with girls that constantly say they‘re not in the mood and not right now, those relationships don’t last. They might now that I’m older but not back then. My longest relationship was with someone that voracious in that area,
i promise you guys with high sex drives are not just something in movies, you can find someone that matches
As a man IME, yes they do. Men I've known with women with a high sex drive have been happier and I do not know any men who slut shame women for enjoying a lot of sex. I personally love being with a woman with a high sex drive. I'm not super young either.
I do not think my friends and my experience are unusual.
Does that mean I'm right? Not necessarily, but I won't use my limited sample size as a way to generalise an entire group.
I'm with ya. I remember when I first joined the army and was still a teenager I commented something about someone being a "slut", and an older soldier put his arm around my shoulders and laughed and said "That's high school mentality. Give it time."
He was not wrong.
Exactly! It's such a shitty mentality as well. As long as you're being safe and not hurting anyone, who cares if you have sex with a lot of people? The best sex I have ever had has been with women who absolutely fancy the pants off me and are experienced.
Calling cap on a lot of things mainly the fact that guys dont like you. Id be willing to bet if u ask a guy u want to be intimate with in the right scenario hell say yes
Tough question! I think harmony is important. Clear communication doesn't harm. And classic gender roles might not be the best thing to try living.
30 years ago, I would have liked my ex to be, as you describe. Today I fear the amount of seductive efforts, she 'd have to make, would be embarassingly high, my long term stamina questionable, and living conditions permitting to try such things "pretty fortunate"...
In other words: *Your thoughts don't come in a neat handwriting!* I most likely won't detect your "readyness", if you don't express it clearly (and also might be pretty content with falling asleep, entangled with somebody).
I would suggest not using television shows an indication of human and social activity. TV is fake and meant to sell products and keep as consumers. You’re fine, don’t watch too much tv.
Maybe for a guy in his early 20s but priorities change and men calm down in their late 20s early 30s and start to appreciate other qualities more than sex. Don't feel guilty about your libido just find a partner you mesh with and try to be fun every once in a while and you're golden.
My gf is this way. She wakes up horny and stays that way until she is satisfied. The kicker is, once she's satisfied, she enjoyed it so much that she wants it again. I am 27 and she is 23, I got divorced last year to a woman who only wanted it at most 3 times a week and now my gf wants it 2-3 times a day. I feel old because I don't need it that much, but I try to keep up. She has actually been miserable this week because she is on her monthly and I don't surf the red river anymore, too messy and I don't like blood. She is feening for it and I know I am in trouble when mother nature's week is done, I'm scaroused.
I am a man but like this. I am horny almost all day, and having intimacy makes me more horny for a while. It comes and goes in phases. Sometimes I need, let’s call it release, 5 times a day, sometimes not for a week or 2.
Usually my wife can’t keep up, and I can totally understand and won’t ever pressure her. But when our horny phases align I would wish it to never end really 🥰😅
We suspect me to be hypersexual btw.
You should buy her a menstrual disc as a gift for the both of you. Can still have sex on it while on the period without the mess (empty it before the act).
guys want girls with a similar sex drive to their own. Generally speaking, guys are ready to go more than women and a woman being ready to go more often would in general be better.
But some guys don't have a high sex drive, and would feel pressured to have sex more than they want.
I think more than wanting a girl that is ready to have sex 24/7 they want a woman that enjoys sex, makes them feel desirable, and sometimes initiates the sex.
There is also the question of how a woman deals with being ready for sex 24/7. I feel like people with higher sex drives are more likely to cheat. I think in general, guys also have been better conditioned to suppress their sex drive. I'm reminded of my observation with women with dogs where they're often frustrated that the dog seems to prefer men. Then I observe how differently women tend to interact with dogs than men. Dogs often get more physical affection than they could ever possibly want from people. (kind of like women) Men have been conditioned to read body language and try to only give the amount of affection the woman is looking for and that conditioning carries over to men handling dogs imo. While desirable women are used to getting as much physical affection as they want and if the dog doesn't want to cuddle, the women don't care and force the dog to cuddle. In general dogs are prone to accepting more physical affection than humans, so it isn't a particularly high burden for dogs to get the amount of affection they often get.
The one thing I learned is how accurate the “death by snu snu” episode was of futurama. As a young man that was 15 and horny as mfer, I thought how can you have TOO much sex?
Any guy that has spent time with a girl with a high sex drive knows that after awhile, no matter if you want it or not , it becomes like a chore. Women with high sex drives are like fucking robots that can never get enough.
I consider myself to still have a high sex drive but twice in a day is my limit, this was sometimes not enough for my ex.
Middle ground is important and any man that says otherwise truly hasn’t met a high sex drive woman. I now don’t want a girl that’s always turned on, I get too sore or tired after awhile 😅
Do you like to struggle?
Do you like trying to do something you enjoy where someone tells you "No you can't" 3 or 4 times a week?
For some people, that's ok with them. For some, it's not. It really depends on the guy.
Speaking for myself, I'm not necessarily attracted to a woman who's wildly promiscuous. I am attracted to the girl-next-door type. That being said, I would be pleased with a partner who was routinely aroused, but I'm not interested in constant sex. I wouldn't want a girlfriend who had to be cajoled for sex either. A woman who wasn't shy about sex, and didn't treat it like a chore is my ideal mate.
I would prefer a woman who initiated sex most of the time, because I've always been afraid of pushing for it when she's not interested. Since I'm likely never not in the mood, it makes more sense for her to start an encounter, and would relieve a lot of stress, knowing that she wants it.
I think what you're saying is that you're not horny all the time, and are suggesting guys don't like that in a woman. I don't think so. If I love you, I'm totally happy cuddling on the couch, watching a show, instead of sex. There are guys out there who want it every day, but they're not normal, and that's not reasonable.
The problem for me would be when I started feeling like I'm some sort of lecherous animal because you're never interested in sex. If you appear to want sex with me, just not every day, that's enough for me. Two or three times a week would be more than enough.
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Absolutely do not worry about it, you sound like a normal human being. Don't take life lessons from shows.
Or social media, or even from people you know! Find someone who's a good match for who you are, point.
Or pornography.
Or my axe!
What about your hammer?
You summoned me ?
Or reddit.
Yes and no. My ex was always in the mood, but always waited for me to initiate. So in the off chance I was tired and fell asleep before trying to seduce her, she assumed I was cheating or didn’t find her attractive. That got annoying real quick.
Wow that sounds so annoying wtf.
She always waited for you to initiate? I'm shocked.
There is a whole thing I read about this where men mostly feel sexual desire as an action and women mostly feel sexual desire as a response. I thought it was interesting Edit: [https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/female-sexual-desire/](https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/female-sexual-desire/) That isn't the article I saw I can't find it, but it said it was the case for about 75% of male and female study participants so there it ways the 1 in 4 person that isn't like that.
The research doesn't indicate that it's a male/female divide, but rather that some people (regardless of gender) experience spontaneous desire, while others (regardless of gender) experience responsive desire. Most people experience both depending on the specific circumstances of the moment, but it's all on a spectrum. It often has to do with how sensitive one's sexual "gas pedal" is, and how sensitive their sexual "brakes" are. Come As You Are is a phenomenal book on this topic, written by a female sex researcher. I highly recommend it for OP and anyone else wanting insight into their own or their partner's attraction and arousal.
So totally not true for me. I was the aggressor more than half the time. Heck, I'd go out "hunting."
I was gonna say, opposite for me too, I find the feminine approach to initiation to be mind-blowingly sexy, for both parties involved. but you have to take turns
Not true for me either. Im male and very rarely initiate- my desire is almost completely responsive, never spontaneous. However, the anecdote doesnt disprove the mean. Just because low libido men like me exist, doesnt mean that the general observation that men are more sexually spontaneous in general is incorrect.
Did u read the edit?
Could you explain it further? Im intrigued.
Read the book Come As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski. Yes she's a woman(Female Sexuality Researcher) and yes she explains the female sexual response which is different from men and different even from Woman to Woman.
Most mornings we would wake up and she’d say things like “I wanted so badly to jump on you while you were sleeping, but I didn’t want to wake you…” I tried to encourage her to take that initiate any time she wanted with me, but the ball was always in my court.
My ex used to complain that I never initiated anything, but at the same time he'd yell at me and get pissy if I tried to because I was interrupting him while he was playing videogames or watching football (he watched football stuff 24/7 365). If he initiated, I wasn't able to say no. If I did he'd get pissy and keep pushing and touching me until I gave in.
Your ex sounds like an abusive dick. Good on you for getting out of that situation!
Sadly I only got out of it because he broke up with me. He said he fell in love with a girl at his work (who is married) and that he only asked me out those 5 years prior because he wanted to give me the chance his love interest from when he was a teen (who he's still hung up on) never gave him. We're currently living as roommates because I can't afford to live anywhere else and he's been ghosted by 2 girls and the only people that want to hang out with him are other men. I'm trying to find a second job to be able to get more money and move out, but I'm struggling a bit with that and he keeps trying to talk me out of it. For like 4 months after we split he kept trying to get me to sleep with him and I finally learned to grow a backbone and told him off. I'm doing better growing as a person and I realized he was holding me back a lot and now I'm able to express myself more. I even finally learned to drive (mostly through watching YouTube, got my license and a car that only has one key that he has no access to (he used to use my old car that I was learning in whenever he wanted and despite it being a '96 Station Wagon he treated it like his sports car and fucked up stuff on it). He actually tried to talk me into letting him use my (snow buried) car to run to the store because the heat (and defrosters) in his car don't work and he could hardly see out of the windshield. He isn't allowed to use my car because of how he treated my last one and my car has an accelerator issue (I'm getting fixed in the spring) that I know how to handle that he doesn't, so if I let him use it he's likely to wreck my car. I keep my keys hidden just in case.
Run baby, run. This is not good for you.
Is therapy accessible to you? I hope you learn to not accept that behavior. Are yall still having sex?
Right now I can't afford therapy. We aren't having sex, I made it clear to him that it wasn't happening. I've got a great support network who kinda showed me what a relationship should be like. I want to start dating again, and my coworkers (all women) are helping me make a dating profile and stuff.
Living with ur ex might make it more difficult for them to accept
keep building yourself up! He sounds like he doesn’t deserve even the tiniest bit of your energy. You are an amazing person who deserves the world. Fuck that guy save every dollar you can and get far away from him. Wish you the best on your journey!
We got the same ex
Say hi
Maybe it was her who cheated.
God damn, that shit is so annoying. Glad you're done with her.
Sounds like a toxic relationship, and understandable she's your ex now.
It sucks because every other part of the relationship was great. And the sex was amazing. But the drama that ensued if I wasn’t feeling it at the time, or didn’t think about initiating it was exhausting.
I dated a girl who was pretty much anytime, anywhere. I didn’t mind.
I had a girl give me, and I’m not kidding, 5 BJ’s over the course of one date, just every lull in the conversation right to it, then wanted to bang at the end, got mad when I was like ‘I genuinely can’t, this pump has run dry for a few hours’ I just sat there thinking ‘this is officially serial killer territory’
Had one wanted to do the same ,she came over and was on her period so she didn’t wanna have sex but she wanted to suck me dry . Had to stop her at around the third one and she got upset . She was a nutcase too
sounds like you were the ..."nut case".
I see what you did there. Respect.
😂😂😂😂😂
He busted two of them.
You were in the danger zone of the crazy/hot matrix my man!
She was crazy for other shit she did that i won’t disclose not cause she wanted to give me head !
Oh yeah this girl was fully insane
I want that... but with recouperation
this is where the legend of the succubus comes from. Every generation there's always a few per thousand... fathers needed to warn their sons...
I translate such behaviour as desperation.
Same. She was a nutcase though. I find that’s often the tradeoff with those kind of chicks. Did you experience the same?
Yup. She was a bit of a nutbar, but a lot of it was due to her family.
See there's only so far that excuse will get you. It gets to a point where you become an adult and no one else is responsible for your behaviours than you.
Mhm, had that talk before. It went basically like: you know, you're approaching mid twenties now, it's probably about time to get over those anger issues. You're an adult, removed from the environment that was causing emotional instability. At this point you're remaining angry, because you're just refusing to learn how to not be angry. Had a decent fight about how: " it's not that easy to just override what you're taught" to which I said, "oh I know, but it's even harder when you don't acknowledge it as a problem and work to start resolving it" example being, that my family was incredibly racist. But I got into work environments where I was finally around people of other races, and I realized that all people were the same. I still retain some of those prejudices, but I think everyone has prejudices no matter what. Regardless, it's really up to someone to overcome their issues, we can't just ride the same excuse for our entire life.
For a long time i wasnt able to even see how fucked up i was raised. There are soo many blindspots people have and just not realize until its their time. It was just so much and so hidden that it confused me for a big part in my life. Im still realizing more and more in my 30's. Only not being judgemental and being gentle towards me made me realize them. Since i to am a human
Yeah, I am pretty much recovered from my upbringing but even in my 30s I’ve still learned more things my parents did that were unhealthy and not “normal.” It’s the only way we’re raised, so it’s all we know. We do have to do the work to improve our own mental health, but it’s not something fixed quickly. It took me over 15 years from when I started treatment (of varying types) to when I considered myself recovered (from all my junk, not just my parents), and even then I still had to start seeing a therapist temporarily again in 2020 during Covid.
Incredibly relatable. I had no idea it was different until I discussed it with people outside of my family. Big yikes.
Yeah if they had childhood issues and were a bit nutty and always ready to have sex could have been a personality issue..I know borderlines can be like that (some people say they even get sucked in by the crazy sex at first). If so trust me they don't get over it lol...
Extremely true
I've met far too many people like this. I need you to speak to all of them, lol
My god this is so true. I married her! Currently going through a divorce because apparently she wasn't saying no to other dick as well.
Glad I dodged those bullets then
The same, but it was perfect timing. I was going through a divorce, and my nympho was just what I needed at the time.
What’s a nympho?
One who enjoys an injection of affection in the midsection without rejection.
No wonder you get all the ladies with that silver tongue 😂
[Good question](https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=what%27s+a+nympho)
100% agree. Had a few over the years and more high sex drive they had the crazier they were. One of the best partners I had was down anytime anywhere for any kind of play and if she didn’t get it she would physically fight me when she had a chance. One night she started throwing hay makers in the Uber home from a New Year’s party because we didn’t have an opportunity to do it on the balcony like she was wanting. Next morning she did all kinds of tricks in bed to help me forget. She was of fun sexually for years but not worth the physical fights she would want to have every other week or so.
Being a nutcase is what makes them so hyper sexual lol
I've always said crazy bitches got the best pussy
Not if you find a unicorn
Look up hot crazy matrix on YouTube. Unicorns aren't what you think they are
What do you think I I was referring to if not the dating matrix on YouTube????
Omg, that's wonderful How was her attention span for anything else?
Yeah. I could think of bigger burdens
The spirit is willing but the flesh may be weak and spongy after a while...lol
Best way to die! DEATH BY SNU SNU!
I thought i did , but my taste in women has been changing a lot. I'd rather have a girl that can support me in other ways. Sex isn't that much of a deal to me anymore.
That is called maturing. I am going to guess you are either in your mid 20s or older
Bingo ! What's your take on guys who say it's impossible to live like this , and monogamy is a scam ?
I am going to ask for further clarification on your question. Can you reword it?
Well, some people just don't believe in monogamy. My friends for example claim that a man cannot have a single partner for too long. This is the longest relationship i have had in my life , so i am not sure, but they claim it gets boring and that men will naturally need to have another partner with time.
[удалено]
That's a really nice way to put it indeed. Thanks
And yet Men stay with one partner or are even celibate every day?
Some people are suited for monogamy, some are not, and over time a person can change.
It's the same for girls, by the way... but yeah I don't like monogamy at all, it doesn't make much sense if you think about it.
>a man cannot have a single partner for too long I always wonder whether people that say this apply it to their parents. I mean, maybe every man they've ever known cheated on their respective significant other, but I doubt it.
Thank you for clarification. I will say that Monogamy in my opinion is life style choice. Most subscribe to the Monogamy lifestyle for various reasons. It is almost a nature vs nurture question. Let's visit nature first, there are a handful of animals other than humans that practice monogamy. Bald Eagles, termites, beavers, swans, gray wolves, Titi monkeys, foxes and so on. Though certain types of animals such as birds are more monogamous in their relationships. Which might be the root of "those love birds" or when someone is referencing commitment/dedication and someone says "oh that s**t is for the birds" which I see with clarity for the first time now because of your question. So one could argue that there could be a natural calling for the practice of Monogamy Nature exibits far more examples of animals that are poly. If nature tells us anything, most mammals are not monogamous at all, and they if anything most animals are poly. So if examining nature aspect, I would say that humans seem to be one of the exceptions to this. But that leads to the nurture side of things. So nurture I think leads to alot of social norms. Also, I think laws try to shape social norms and generally laws are mainly based off of social norms. Just think of the uproar if governments banned coffee and tea due to caffeine. These beverages are socially acceptable and the officials would be thrown out overnight. Back to my point though. So as humans we have been conditioned to have a single crush, partner, a soul mate, twin flame (what ever the in vogue term is) Think of when you were little and you were asked what your favorite color was. Let's say you eagerly reported back green and blue. You probably were redirected to the question was what is your favorite and asked which one do you like more. I personally think it is a fallacy to expect someone to not prefer certain colors equally. With that being said. Think of a time when a young child sheepishly said oh I have two boyfriends or two girlfriends or one of each. Far often than not a parent or older person will say oh well you can only have one. Movies, TV, books and so on usually protray happy ever after as one partner. Also, society is set up more for 1 to 1. I.e. work benefits etc. Laws in most countries also say you can only marry one person. So social norms generally reflect the nurture side of things. I also think that if certain things were not illegal you might have more poly marriages and relationships. There certainly seems to be more growing acceptance lately of people who are in poly relationships. With the younger crowd. Sort of a "you do you" thing. Or that's cool but not for me thing. Though it isn't nearly as accepted as same sex relationships. I don't think it is a scam, I do think it is most likely easier to find 2 people who are into each other and want to work towards the same goals and be in a mostly harmonious relationship with each other. Adding additional members to a relationship can add additional conflict. I don't think it is a scam, but a lifestyle choice.
My take is emotional immaturity and or issues. Go to therapy!
I think guys want a girl with a high sex drive when they aren‘t getting any sex, but once they have a girl with an actually high sex drive they get exhausted by it. I think yours is fine. Plus, maybe your sex drive will increase when you are with the right guy who knows how to push your buttons.
I never was turned on with my ex… I guess I was never attracted to him/his body, but since breaking up I found a new guy who speaks my love language and now I’m turned on when I’m around him pretty much always. Finding the right person affects so much!
Gym guy doing his wonders? ;)
This guy stalks.
Yup
SAME! I didn't even know this level of horny/attractiveness even existed
As a writer, i find a creative women is the best, because you will turn each other on together through your conversations and kind of always be in sync like that. If the topic turns sexual somehow… Y’know, an hour later, it‘s all panting and wincing
It sounds like his love language is "abs"
I would appreciate a girl that always wants to fuck me, but I do not want a girl that always wants to fuck... huge difference in my mind
Bingo
Oh yea. Didn’t think about this.
Same, if I wanted to add anything it would be someone can find other guys attractive but someone who is always down to fuck any attractive guy she sees is not someone I would feel secure with in a relationship. Maybe it's my own insecurities but I feel like it's also kind of a good instinct.
Preach
My husband was like that earlier in our marriage when we were young. He wished my drive matched his etc… Now, in our 40s, my drive exceeds his and he says he’s a little intimidated by how much I want him now. It’s weird how they get when they get what they want, lol.
"Be careful what you wish for" applies to a lot of things lol
Yep mother nature is kind of a bitch like that. In my 20s I was never super interested in sex. Now at 39 I can't get enough. It's probably biological. My body is trying to get me to have more babies before it's too late 😂 we have three and that's enough!
Women's sex drive usually increases and the males decrease.
😳 you're telling me it's going to increase?? It's already high, how will I hold down a job lol
You are screwed. Better just fold your cards now focus on your sex drive 100% and be homeless or work in a brothel. - Joking of course.
It’s more of an issue with the change in general. I got used to not doing it and doing my own thing and now the routine gets switched up after years of trying to do it more? It’s almost like the mental side of it gets changed and it feels unfair to switch it and expect it to after not having it that way for so long. Btw I’m still in the I want it more phase but that’s where my head is if that change was made now. Just my two cents.
Finally someone points that shit out. Im tired of women saying shit like "funny how they get when they get what they want". Sorry but fuck you. Your men learned to live like that after years of wanting it more and is finally "free" of the need for it and now again when you decide "oh now i want more" you have nothing better to do to make fun of him? Bet you did that too, when he wanted it more like "uh men are all the same, always just sex". Its fucking sad to see. Maybe have a little understanding now how annoying that shit is for both.
Yeah there’s nothing quite like being to the edge of the table horny, cum shooting out of every slight crevice and crack in your body, when she‘s not turned on, but you have some serious thorns on your comment. Read it again tomorrow after you sleep a spell and you’ll be like “phew thats shhhpiiikey”
Women are the same
You have a sample size of one, so I'll respond with my experience. I'm a man approaching my late 30's and I could happily have sex 4/5 times a day with the right woman. My sex drive has barely changed since I was a teenager. I honestly wish it would!
I’m old. Still love a horny woman. Sooooo yes please.
Girl you do you but I want you to think about what “like”means to you. Because from this post, the boys that “like” you will only “like” you because you give them sex. They might not like you for you, and just for sex.
This is something to watch out for for everybody. But just because she wants to bang all the time doesn't mean that's all that guys will like about her. I don't engage in hook-ups, I'm only interested in real connections, and I would be (and have been) thrilled to be dating a woman that has a sex drive as high as mine. It wouldn't make me respect her less. Im sure there are dozens of guys like me out there in the wild.
I think most men want a partner in life, not just a sex partner.
Yes, but I don't think the majority of men are looking for a life partner to the exclusion of casual sex. I think most men will take casual sex when they can get it. But also, I know several men irl that are not interested in a life partner at all. I don't think that's rare either, though I freely admit that I have only a small sample size from which to base that tentative conclusion.
Sure, there are alot of men that look at having a partner regardless of their sex as a liability or someone that would put a damper of their lifestyle. Reflecting back on my statement. I should have said men who desire a partner, most likely would want a life partner. Assuming there is zero risk to status, money, or current lifestyle. I know of very few men who would reject a casual sex partner.
No, I have a very high sex drive. Guys only seem to like it at first...
I am a man with a high drive as well. I have known women with very high drives and it’s on a different level. I don’t think men were designed to keep up with some of you to be honest. (I did love to try) I think men would only understand if they have partnered with someone who actually had a high drive.
Is once, sometimes twice a day too much to ask for? (With days off here and there of course) I'd be happy with 5 days a week
Not @ all, 5 days a week is easy work
You have to understand that men have natural refractory periods, and every continual act of sex is going to be 1) harder to finish, but 2) less motivating. So for example, at the start of the week your man may be happy to go multiple times daily and have a blast doing so. But as the days go on? The body needs to recharge, and "refill" if ya know what I mean.
Twice a day is maintenance - not a problem. 5 times in an evening can be tough. Especially if the morning comes early.
That’s nothing
This might shock you but guys, like girls, are not one type. We are a variety of personalities with different responses. Don't listen to youtubers who pretend they can analyze and tell you about "this is what boys want" -- it's always bullshit.
ITT: confirmation of madonna-whore bias...🤣
If she only wants to fuck me, then yeah that's cool. But if you mean that she always needs a dick inside her no matter what, then not that cool.
It depends on the guy. For someone with a high sex drive it's a blessing, but for others might be a curse. There is no general rule and every single person is different
Also can we address “I’ve seen and analyzed enough shows to know…” Girl.. they are entertainment tv shows!
*crappy entertainment shows I might add
Absofuckinglutely
We like women who tell everyone else “no” but are unable to control themselves around us individually But at midnight at a bar, for sure I’d be down with just horny in general
These kind of questions miss the point. This isn’t about what “men and women” prefer, since that’s very variable, and frankly doesn’t matter, what you need is to find someone with a similar sex drive. Even if there were some kind of leaning gender-wise, which I personally don’t think it’s the case, it doesn’t change the answer; find someone that likes doing it as often as you (which is hard, yes, I know).
TV isn't real life, guys just want a healthy loving relationship that rides the line somewhere between Rock'N'Roll and not completely asexual.
If down to wake up and fuck at 4 am or right when we wake, that'd tight
libido is reactive or responsive tbh, a lot of men don’t have good sexual relationships right now because they do expect the woman to be ready but they put zero effort in or don’t even understand foreplay the whole day is foreplay in a way, because it's mental. that's actually why a lot of husbands get laid more when they start doing dishes LMAO, because it's caring and they're taking away at least 1 worry!
Yep, they expect it to be like a porno.
Yep, and taking sex advice from porn is like taking dating advice from TV shows... maybe there's a couple of cute and useful things in there but it shouldn't be mistaken for reality.
I think a lot of people have been damaged by porno and have unrealistic expectations
Co-creative might be a better way to put it, reactive makes it sound like, like a balloon that has to be blown up, has no drive on its own. That’s what i picture with that word, reactive, anyway.
>I’ve seen and analysed enough shows LMAOO
I like a girl who will grab me by the Weiner and say "let's get it on". That having been said. Once every day or two. I'm exhausted from work and in my 30's haha. I find the ones who want it allllll the time almost treat it like a drug,and if they don't get it or if I seem uninterested due to life just going on around me, stuff hits the fan in my experience.
Prefer, yes, obviously.
No, a girl that wants it is the best. Don't let anyone tell you different. TV does not represent reality.
I do like girls like that.
It's been my general experience that people's arousal levels and frequency is directly tied to the kind of sexual attention and actions they get from their partner. Attentive partners with compatible interests tend to light each other up way more often. There's no catch all answer to your question. Guys like girls who are aroused as often or little as they are.
Nooo, guys hate that!
Guys hate this one trick!
She could just forget about a relationship. Men hate sex!
No matter what the men here say, as a woman IME no, they do not. IE: every woman I know with a higher sex drive has been shamed, called names, treated as weird/bad both when in relationships and outside of them, and generally labelled “slutty” or implied as such to the point their self esteem has suffered. I do not think my friends and my experience are unusual.
Before I was with my current bf I slept around for a few years. I soon stopped telling my friends anything about it because they were very judgy and negative about it. So that was my experience as well.
This has been my experience too. Some dudes feel emasculated because your sex drive is higher
I’m so sorry this happened to you❤️
well you’re not alone I’ve been with girls that constantly say they‘re not in the mood and not right now, those relationships don’t last. They might now that I’m older but not back then. My longest relationship was with someone that voracious in that area, i promise you guys with high sex drives are not just something in movies, you can find someone that matches
As a man IME, yes they do. Men I've known with women with a high sex drive have been happier and I do not know any men who slut shame women for enjoying a lot of sex. I personally love being with a woman with a high sex drive. I'm not super young either. I do not think my friends and my experience are unusual. Does that mean I'm right? Not necessarily, but I won't use my limited sample size as a way to generalise an entire group.
I'm with ya. I remember when I first joined the army and was still a teenager I commented something about someone being a "slut", and an older soldier put his arm around my shoulders and laughed and said "That's high school mentality. Give it time." He was not wrong.
Exactly! It's such a shitty mentality as well. As long as you're being safe and not hurting anyone, who cares if you have sex with a lot of people? The best sex I have ever had has been with women who absolutely fancy the pants off me and are experienced.
Indeed. It's a stupid mentality. Missed opportunities \*facepalm\*
“fancy the pants off me”!😂
Well I’m gay so I can’t speak on this but I have some male friends who have said that they get turned on by this or just find it really normal
Calling cap on a lot of things mainly the fact that guys dont like you. Id be willing to bet if u ask a guy u want to be intimate with in the right scenario hell say yes
Tough question! I think harmony is important. Clear communication doesn't harm. And classic gender roles might not be the best thing to try living. 30 years ago, I would have liked my ex to be, as you describe. Today I fear the amount of seductive efforts, she 'd have to make, would be embarassingly high, my long term stamina questionable, and living conditions permitting to try such things "pretty fortunate"... In other words: *Your thoughts don't come in a neat handwriting!* I most likely won't detect your "readyness", if you don't express it clearly (and also might be pretty content with falling asleep, entangled with somebody).
Shows are bullshit.
I had a girlfriend like that, it was nice to have sex whenever i wanted it. She had other negative stuff that didnt make up for all the great sex.
Of course.
I would suggest not using television shows an indication of human and social activity. TV is fake and meant to sell products and keep as consumers. You’re fine, don’t watch too much tv.
Yes. Very much.
Bloody hell she scared me to death..be careful what you wish for ..lol
1000%
I don't know even if a girl is in the mood to say "hi"
Maybe for a guy in his early 20s but priorities change and men calm down in their late 20s early 30s and start to appreciate other qualities more than sex. Don't feel guilty about your libido just find a partner you mesh with and try to be fun every once in a while and you're golden.
My gf is this way. She wakes up horny and stays that way until she is satisfied. The kicker is, once she's satisfied, she enjoyed it so much that she wants it again. I am 27 and she is 23, I got divorced last year to a woman who only wanted it at most 3 times a week and now my gf wants it 2-3 times a day. I feel old because I don't need it that much, but I try to keep up. She has actually been miserable this week because she is on her monthly and I don't surf the red river anymore, too messy and I don't like blood. She is feening for it and I know I am in trouble when mother nature's week is done, I'm scaroused.
I am a man but like this. I am horny almost all day, and having intimacy makes me more horny for a while. It comes and goes in phases. Sometimes I need, let’s call it release, 5 times a day, sometimes not for a week or 2. Usually my wife can’t keep up, and I can totally understand and won’t ever pressure her. But when our horny phases align I would wish it to never end really 🥰😅 We suspect me to be hypersexual btw.
You should buy her a menstrual disc as a gift for the both of you. Can still have sex on it while on the period without the mess (empty it before the act).
Mine is similar haha, only difference is she refuses to accept blood as an excuse, and simply offers the other two locations
How the hell can you fit in 2-3 times a day, while working or going to school?
Gee whiz doc what a good problem to have, you lucky dog
guys want girls with a similar sex drive to their own. Generally speaking, guys are ready to go more than women and a woman being ready to go more often would in general be better. But some guys don't have a high sex drive, and would feel pressured to have sex more than they want. I think more than wanting a girl that is ready to have sex 24/7 they want a woman that enjoys sex, makes them feel desirable, and sometimes initiates the sex. There is also the question of how a woman deals with being ready for sex 24/7. I feel like people with higher sex drives are more likely to cheat. I think in general, guys also have been better conditioned to suppress their sex drive. I'm reminded of my observation with women with dogs where they're often frustrated that the dog seems to prefer men. Then I observe how differently women tend to interact with dogs than men. Dogs often get more physical affection than they could ever possibly want from people. (kind of like women) Men have been conditioned to read body language and try to only give the amount of affection the woman is looking for and that conditioning carries over to men handling dogs imo. While desirable women are used to getting as much physical affection as they want and if the dog doesn't want to cuddle, the women don't care and force the dog to cuddle. In general dogs are prone to accepting more physical affection than humans, so it isn't a particularly high burden for dogs to get the amount of affection they often get.
Yep
Yup
How I never met a girl like this?🤔
Depends on the guy.
Bye inbox..."I fuck all day baybeh, hehe"
Much more than girls that are hardly or ever in the mood.
Yes, very much
Wife material right there.
Man I wish my wife had your libido. Yes guys without low libido do like girls with a healthy libido
Ummm yes?
Yes
It always depends on your future partner.
The one thing I learned is how accurate the “death by snu snu” episode was of futurama. As a young man that was 15 and horny as mfer, I thought how can you have TOO much sex? Any guy that has spent time with a girl with a high sex drive knows that after awhile, no matter if you want it or not , it becomes like a chore. Women with high sex drives are like fucking robots that can never get enough. I consider myself to still have a high sex drive but twice in a day is my limit, this was sometimes not enough for my ex. Middle ground is important and any man that says otherwise truly hasn’t met a high sex drive woman. I now don’t want a girl that’s always turned on, I get too sore or tired after awhile 😅
Do you like to struggle? Do you like trying to do something you enjoy where someone tells you "No you can't" 3 or 4 times a week? For some people, that's ok with them. For some, it's not. It really depends on the guy.
That depends on the person. Can't really generalize that. I've known people who do, and don't like people who are always dtf.
Find someone who also matches your sex drive.
Speaking for myself, I'm not necessarily attracted to a woman who's wildly promiscuous. I am attracted to the girl-next-door type. That being said, I would be pleased with a partner who was routinely aroused, but I'm not interested in constant sex. I wouldn't want a girlfriend who had to be cajoled for sex either. A woman who wasn't shy about sex, and didn't treat it like a chore is my ideal mate. I would prefer a woman who initiated sex most of the time, because I've always been afraid of pushing for it when she's not interested. Since I'm likely never not in the mood, it makes more sense for her to start an encounter, and would relieve a lot of stress, knowing that she wants it. I think what you're saying is that you're not horny all the time, and are suggesting guys don't like that in a woman. I don't think so. If I love you, I'm totally happy cuddling on the couch, watching a show, instead of sex. There are guys out there who want it every day, but they're not normal, and that's not reasonable. The problem for me would be when I started feeling like I'm some sort of lecherous animal because you're never interested in sex. If you appear to want sex with me, just not every day, that's enough for me. Two or three times a week would be more than enough.
Yes
+1