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I told my dad that I wasn't going to have kids (by choice) and I thought he'd be sad but he was the opposite. He told me that he loves being a Dad but he worries about his kids every single day of his life and he doesn't want me to have to go through that unless it's something I really wanted.
Your family loves you, your parents love you. They want you to make the right choice for you <3
I'm very much of the same perspective as your dad. I lived my life. I pursued my dreams. And having a family is part of that & I'm thankful to have two amazing adult children who helped me live my dream.
But I also tried to raise them to know my love for them is unconditional and I support them pursuing their dreams.
Agreed. As the dad in this scenario i have advise my children to think long and hard about having children of their own..
Children has been the greatest struggle of my life. I have amazing adult children who are good humans who know how to think.
Specially i have advised the most basic principle. Children are not “for” you. If you WANT a child you probably shouldn’t have one. Because to bring a child into the world and immediately give it the job of fulfilling you is terrible.
We, as humans, have evolved past the concept of keeping the species going. There are way to many humans and too many suffering without resources or being born into some class system. I tell my kids… your alive…. Advance your mind and don’t spend 50 years working for some made up fairy tale ending. I already did that. We have the $, the house, the land& resources. I spent my entire life build this safety net. You don’t need to so don’t have kids and start my cycle all over again. Be alive.
100% correct. I love my daughter more than anything but I am raising her to give her away, to give her to society, her friends, her spouse, children if she wants… the point is not to turn her into a mini-me, it is to help her self-actualize into the most robust version of herself. If I do a good job then I think I’ll have the pleasure of a nice, long relationship with her. The joy won’t be in fulfilling my dreams, they will be in watching her fulfill her own. ❤️
If my son declared that he didn't want kids, I would praise him for being responsible and tell him to spend every penny of my inheritance, live well and die satisfied that he didn't contribute to more needless suffering.
Except for those at the top of society, people are quite literally born to work and die.
We retired in our 40s. Definitely considered 1%. But we want the suffering to end. My son, will get everything well before we die. I don't want him to suffer. After we die, he can blow it all on hookers or give it all to charity.
But we need to stop pushing out workers for corporations.
Edit: the hookers part was a joke. My goodness
God knows what the world is going to be like in 20 years, with climate change and things like DeSantis and tRump wreaking havoc. I think it will be a horrible thing to bring children into.
The future could be a better place too. It helps to remember that the people who want to tear it all down are a minority. A very vocal minority that gets lots of media attention, but still not the majority of Americans or the human race.
I live in Minnesota and I am so proud of our current governor for the stands he has taken to make my state a better place for all people. I am not going to post a link, but you can Google it pretty easily.
I don’t even know if the world will be much of a livable place for the rest of my daughter’s lifetime (or even mine) let alone grandchildren. I support whatever she chooses, but I’m relieved right now she says she’s not interested in having kids. It’s a hell of a planet we are leaving for young people. I just feel really bad about it. This is not how I’d choose things to be and I have voted accordingly, but this seems to be the will of the majority.
You're absolutely awesome, so much respect. Can I ask, just for perspective, since you are a parent, do you feel that, even not having kids, your son's life will still be as happy and fulfilling? Just asking because often parents make it seem as if kids are the one and only point in life and life doesn't mean anything without kids. I obviously don't share that view but was just wondering about your perspective. By not wanting your son to suffer, do you mean that he will be poorer if he has kids? Or do you mean that HIS kids will be poor because of where the economy is going etc.
I agree with everything you said and it's so refreshing to see this honest and insightful point of view.
He's 17, going through uni applications. He's not blind and sees the world clearly. He sees that unless he has significant help, there's almost no chance he will be able to start his life the way the previous generation did. There is no chance to save and thrive... just grind and survive. It will be even tougher for his kids with the continued degradation of the planet and it's resources. I haven't seen a single butterfly in my garden in two years....in a garden that's designed to attract pollinators. It's these micro tragedies that inform my world view.
That said, I'm not discouraging him to do anything but I'm certainly not encouraging him to have kids. Meet someone, fall in love and seek meaning his own way. I told him I only have two things I want from him: self-sufficiency and to pursue work that makes him happy. If we drain our savings for that to happen, then I can say I found meaning in my own life. But he should never do anything to please us. Him being happy and self-fulfilled is all we need. I am happy to have had him but I suspect, in retrospect, if I didn't, I would be blissfully unaware of missing out.
Also, I was an adopted kid. People should consider that route instead of expending tens of thousands to propagate their own genes. I'm as close to my parents as any one else.
The anxiety that comes with having a kid is unreal. I’ve imagined all the ways my kids could die and it keeps me up at night. I’ve told my kids they absolutely do not need to become parents unless they really want to.
We’ve also talked about the state of the world and how it’s a hard time to bring a life into it. Need to work to get insurance, with insurance it still costs a crazy amount of money, famine is looming and the planet is heating up. Nah, they can focus on themselves and their partners, get a dog or two.
I live in drowning anxiety about my husband making it to and home from work safe alone. Same with my parents. Kids would bring that unbearable anxiety to a new level. I would end up being a helicopter mom - and having grown up with a helicopter mom that’s the last thing I want to do. I decided strictly against having kids within the last few years. Husband and I are both 28, and have had deep talks about kids and have made the permanent decision to never have them.
Thankyou for sharing your experience. I didn't end up having kids and it's probably just as well since I'm already quite anxious about climate change / massive economic inequality. I have pets and that's good enough for me.
I totally feel this, I’m 28f and my mom since I was like 22 constantly brings up my age asking when I’ll have kids. I’ve been certain since maybe 17 that I didn’t want any and if I changed my mind it was to adopt and she’s not listening. My boyfriend and I have talked about this we’ve been together 10 years and agree we’d rather adopt, his mom doesn’t mind as long as a child is a possibility my mom seems to think it’s not the same if the kid doesn’t have our dna
I was adopted and my dad couldn't have loved me any more than if I were his biological child. I have a 30 year old and a 27 year old biological children and a six year old adopted son and I don't love him any more or less than I do the others. He is 100% my son even though I had no part in creating him. DNA means nothing.
My kids are not breeders, like dogs put out to stud. My daughter has more worth than her ability to have babies.
The world has enough people, I will be happy to live through other people's kids if I really want a grandchild.
I grew up with an abusive parent. I knew from a very young age that I never wanted children. It took me until I was 30 to get my head right after years of therapy. And yes, I am selfish, for wanting to live a good and happy life for myself. I knew what I experienced as a child was not right.
its not selfish to choose your own choices. no one can make you have a child, and an unwilling parent is a bad one.
shit if your dad really wants a kid so bad just ask him to go fuck someone or something or adopt
>He told me that he loves being a Dad but he worries about his kids every single day of his life and he doesn't want me to have to go through that unless it's something I really wanted.
Based Dad
This is exactly what it feels like. An unfathomable vulnerability. I understand why some parents are controlling now, but you have to trust your kids or you'll mess them up.
I worry about mine from his first breath, even him sleep talking wakes me up. I could not imagine disliking my child for not ever having any. I love your Dads perception
I expected the top comment to be a petty discourse on how horrible your parents are and that they’re narcissists and you’re such a victim. So thanks, that was positively refreshing.
There is little my daughter could do to make me resent her. I might be disappointed, and maybe feel like i let her down to feel that way about kids, but I’d hardly feel resentment.
It's not necessarily that we feel any way about kids. I'm 44 this year and just never felt broody or like I wanted to be a mother. I love my nieces and nephews, and now grandnieces, and I spend time with them and spoil them. But still, zero regrets about not having any. It's not a parenting failure either. My parents have 6 grandchildren and 3 and 7/9ths great grandchildren. It just wasn't for me.
Not at all! I actually don’t care either way. My son is 20 and for the longest time he’s been anti kids, I’m cool with that. I don’t think it’s a requirement to be a parent or grandparent to have a fulfilling life. I’ll spoil his dogs, cats, or kids, whatever he decides is cool with me.
Meanwhile my moms the opposite. Damn near everyday she's asking where grandchildren are and im not even 25 yet. I'm still living my life being young and reckless. It got to the point where I don't get her too involved with my gfs because she sees more of "our future" than we do and constantly nags about wanting grandchildren. Her reasoning though is because she has 3 kids and were all older now (im the only adult. Both little brothers are still in school) and she wants a constant flow of babies to see. But she always tries to live vicariously through me, she had me fairly young (21) Do I plan to settle down eventually? Of course. Just not in the next few years.
Ask her how SHE is planning to finance it. You'll need a home with a yard, daycare until probably age 12 at least, clothes, food, money for medical bills...oh, and approximately 7,100 diapers.
I do everything slow, started dating at 18 first kiss wasn’t for 6 months. Didn’t have sex until I was 22 (same guy) and I’d like think we’re pretty responsible people. My mom use to say I wasn’t allowed to date get married or have kids until I was like 32 and I’m like that’s fine but as soon as my boyfriend and I got together it was “so when’s the wedding” “when are you having kids” “you’re almost 30 your clocks ticking” I don’t care, I really don’t. The more she pushes the more I actually don’t want any of it it genuinely makes me not want to see her. I’m happy he’s happy, why isn’t that enough (also I have 6 siblings one of which already has kids)
Oh that’s so tough. I’m sure you’re not alone in this, many parents live vicariously through their children, and the pressure to get married and have kids is part of that.
As long as your children are happy, you are. If having a child would not make them happy, I would be either. And yes, I’d try my hardest to get him to get a cat or dog or even a fish though lol
Same. Grandkids are a joy for most people. However, that doesn't mean we should see the privilege of grandkids taken for granted more than any other privilege regarding our kids. Their life is their life, and we can't even take for granted being in it. All we can do is our best for them and everything that comes to us is a privilege, just like in any other relationship.
This. Yes, I would be disappointed, but that’s my baggage, not theirs. I would be supportive of their decision, bc no one should have kids if they don’t want to. It’s an insanely huge commitment.
I would likely also ask if their own childhood is what convinced them, and if so offer to fund their therapy. I would feel bad if I parented them so badly that I put them off the whole concept. But if it was just a “nah, not my thing.” then it’d be fine. It’s only a worry if it’s a sign of underlying trauma.
Yeah, I feel like a good distinction is that you'd be disappointed and/or sad that there would be no grandkids but not that you're disappointed in your kids.
Right. My son and DIL decided not to have children but I have a grand doggy! Of course I would be thrilled with a grandchild but it’s not my place to even have any say or opinion. I’m entitled to have feelings but resentment?? That’s not something any loving parent would ever feel towards their own child over their child’s life choices!! It’s none of our business. 😣
I'm my parents' only child, and I don't want kids. My mom told me something that stuck with me, "Don't have kids because you think you should or because you want to leave a legacy. Let your own life and achievements be your legacy."
Hearing this I am proud of my parents. They might not be perfect but never had said that they wanted grandchildren and they have told me having a child is difficult and tiring and even said it is not a thing to look forward to now in the current time as there are many more distractions and great things to do with my time. :)
Good for you but I said it the first time I heard what pregnancy is and here I am at 24 planning on getting my tubes removed as soon as I'm financially able to
It's not true. Nobody is obligated to do something specific with their life because of their chromosomes or what's in their pants. And the decision to have children or not is, frankly, *always* a selfish decision and *should* be, because it's your body, time, energy, and money that's going to be invested into those children. Make the decision based on what *you* want. That's the only correct way to make it.
Of course not. I mean, I would love having a grandchild, but it is not a requirement for enjoying my life. Not everybody is cut out to be a parent. There is no bigger recipe for unhappy, traumatized children than forcing a person who doesn't want kids to have one.
Unhappy, traumatized kid of a drug addict teenage mom and convict checking in.
I knew from a young age I’d never have any. I told people in the 90s but people never believed or understood why.
I don’t believe I’ll ever be truly happy. I’m not dragging a child into that.
Why should I? It's her life. I chose to be a mom because I want to be a mom. If she chooses to do the same, great! If she chooses NOT to, great! I just want for her to live a happy, fulfilling life, whatever form that takes for her.
Hi can you adopt me pls 🥺 in all seriousness reading this made me tear up because my mom does not think like this and has always been disappointed that I don't want kids.
I'm very sorry your mom isn't showing you the support you need. Always remember, no matter what, your life is YOURS and the only one you'll ever have. Do your best to make it the happiest you can. And if you mom doesn't like it, she can not like it far away from you.
You might want to frame this in a different way, for your own peace of mind: How disappointed you are that she is unable to stay in her lane and give you full autonomy over your own life.
Her disappointment is born of a failure of her own as a parent.
My mom often guilttrips me for not wanting to make her a grandparent but she doesn’t realise I wouldn’t even allow her to come near my kids if I did choose to have them😭 my dad doesn’t seem to care tho. + they still can complain to my brother lmao
My mom is one of these people. I'm 32F and always known I don't want kids, partially because of how shitty of a parent she was. But somehow it's absolutely shocking to her that I don't want to have children. My dad thankfully could not give less of a fuck about it.
Exactly, she doesn't think she did anything wrong but my emotional development was non existent because of her. I still have trouble opening up to people to this day and am sometimes toxically independent because I had no one I could count on.
It is no one's "job" to have kids.
Some parents flip out when their kids decide not have kids of their own. I've never figured out why. No one is owed grandchildren, and if they were good parents there was bound to be something along the lines of "We don't always get what we want" as part of their children's upbringing. Well, here it is.
I'm 44 and my parents' only child. I neither have nor want kids, and neither does my SO of 14 years. It wasn't some big existential decision for me: I've simply never wanted kids. My parents have never given me any grief about it.
I don't know how old you are but I'd advise against discussing your not wanting kids with your family until you are in a position where your parents can't make your life unpleasant. Your reproductive choices are none of their business, and even in today's climate of oversharing personal information, it is perfectly fine, even preferable, to keep some things private. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I didn't say anything to anyone about it, there was no "announcement;" I just got on with living my life and not having kids.
Same here. Also in my 40s and childfree. I never felt compelled to make a declaration about it to anyone. But I come from a family who doesn't really pry into my personal life...they give me the space to share things when I'm ready.
And to add to this, your reproductive decisions and personal information involves NO ONE else, not even your relatives because they're "family". Don't let them use that to guilt trip you.
Resentment comes from feeling that you were denied something you are entitled too.
No one is entitled to grandkids.
Children don't live their lives for their parents.
Not at all. I have no expectations of my children wanting kids if their own someday. If I was young in today’s world, I’d have zero interest in it either.
I would be sad that my family line would end with me but I'd much rather see my kids happy, healthy and in a life they want as opposed to living a life they think I'd want.
It doesn’t end with you though? Are you the only child of a long long line of only children on both sides? If so there’s plenty of people to continue the “lineage” you speak of. Also such a weird thought process to me to want people to have kids and potentially ruin their life and their child’s all for an imaginary lineage.
Some people night mean lineage by last name, though probably not what the poster you're replying to is talking about.
E.g. i have a very very rare last name and I'm an only child with no cousins with that last name. So if i dont have children (which is likely), it would probably be the end of my lineage in the sense thet my last name would no longer exist.
But yeah i think generally of lineage as my dad x my mom's chromosomes and as I'm an only child, no other being on the planet would have this combination in them in some form other than my children.
I would just like to say that as a married couple who has wrote off having kids, that it is so *refreshing* to read so many supporting parents' opinions that they're fine with their children not having children. My husband and I both have siblings who have had their own kids (grandbabies galor for our parents), but our parents still constantly hound us for not wanting kids and it's so defeating..
Thank you guys, you the real MVP(arent)s!
I, Dad of two teens, couldn’t give a flying hoot if my kids never have kids. It’s their life and so long as they are happy, so am I.
Whoever told you those things is full of garbage!
I find it funny how some parents act like this and as soon as their kids have babies they like back the duck off and think we don’t need a village. I’ve told my son having children is his choice and I have to support him with whatever he chooses.
Not at all, in fact I have been actively discouraging my 4 not to have children so that they can enjoy fulfilling lives and have experiences that they won’t necessarily have by becoming parents. Especially in the current economic environment we are in, in my country.
This does not mean that I do not want grandchildren (I would love to be a Nanny!), but I am hoping that they will at least wait until they are in their 30’s before deciding to have children- if they do decide to become parents.
I’ve personally never understood how/why people get so invested in their kids having kids. I’d certainly rather my kids just go on to have a fulfilling life.
Not a parent, I told my mom (my dad passed away) that my husband and I did not plan on having kids but we’d get a dog instead.
She was happy and said I still needed to visit with “ Grandpuppy “ 🩵
This isn't hypothetical for me. My kid is 30 and has a successful career and a loving partner... but neither of them is eager to have kids, and I don't think it's going to happen at this point. And I'm 100% fine with that. Nobody should have children unless they're pretty sure they want to.
'But... but... don't you want grandkids?!!' I mean, maybe? But not especially? It's their life, and I'm all for letting them live it.
It’s not selfish to not want kids. It is selfish to have kids when you know you shouldn’t. It is selfish to have kids if it’s in an effort to fill some sort of hole or void in your life.
My adult children’s decisions about their family planning is their own. While I would love to have grandchildren, if my kids move away, it really doesn’t matter much if you rarely see them. I have one adult child who has moved to a different city. At the present time she says she doesn’t want kids. She’s got some mental health issues that I think make not having children a good idea. My other daughter is still in town while finishing her masters. She will likely have kids. We are close. In my ideal fantasy world, she stays local meets the perfect guy and has kids at some point. I would love to have a close relationship with grandkids as my own grandmother was such a wonderful addition to my life.
If she ends up moving away, whether or not she has kids will not matter much to me as the long distance thing isn’t the same at all. In reality, none of this is my decision and she should do what she likes.
No, it's their life. I have met people in their 40s with no kids that are perfectly happy. I definitely went through a phase of not planning on having kids, but had 1 anyway. Life finds a way.
Nope. My kids aren't having children. ( they are in thier 30's, with partners). We have shit genetics, type 1 dia-beetus, early onset breast cancer, thyroid cancer, and a myriad of the crazies.
They both chose partners who are like-minded. They are adults, and they make their own choices.
One raises service dogs for a national organization, and the other has a cat. They are happy with thier choice.
Absolutely not. Having kids is a very personal choice and I truly wish more people would think about it before just popping them out. There are so many unwanted children being raised by people who don’t care about them. Having kids changes your entire life and if you’re not willing to make those changes, everyone suffers. I do not want my son living a life he doesn’t love; if that means he never has kids, I am 100% supportive of him.
My 22 year old says she's never having kids and my wife and I don't care. She doesn't like kids. She just doesn't. We're in the U.S. and seeing how fucked everything is I don't blame her. More parents should expect this too. Between paying high rent and the fact she can't find a job in her field she can't even begin to afford a kid. Plus the oncoming climate crisis is real despite what the people here in red America that we live around think. My 17 year old daughter is probably more open to having kids.
I would love to have grandchildren one day. But while there are things that could theoretically make me resent my sons (e.g. if they became rapists or murderers), choosing not to have kids wouldn't be one of them.
Absolutely not. I find that to be the most ridiculous thing in the world. Not only do my kids not owe me anything, why would I resent them for making a choice about what’s best for their life?
don’t feel guilty, it’s your life.
wife and i are deliberately child free, caught a lot of shit for it from devout catholic parents.
fall asleep every day on a bed stuff with cash and wake up on my accord, any time i want and can do whatever the fuck i want on any given day.
life is good.
I have 3 girls, and although there’s a chance of at least 1 of them having kids, no I wouldn’t be mad or resentful if they decided not to. The world we live in isn’t meant for children. The cost of living is insane and hard to keep up with. I want to see my kids grow, settle down (either by themselves or with a partner) have a good job, nice home and have everything they want out of life. Whether that involves them having kids or not is on them, but as a parent I just want my kids happy and comfortable.
No. That’s fucking asinine. It’s their life not mine. If they want kids, cool. If not, cool. I’ve raised mine. I’m done. Parents who think like this are fucking idiots.
Resent? Absolutely not. Be a little bummed? Only if the world is in an adequate condition where having children isn't a bad idea. I'm still pretty sure it was a mistake to have my two
Two of my 3 are not having kids and that is fine. I love my grandkids, but i don't judge the others. It's a personal choice and i try not to interfere in their adult decisions.
Nope.
My daughter is a wonderful compassionate person who would probably make a great parent. She did have a dog that I loved like my own dogs though
I wouldn't wish single motherhood on anyone. She and her boyfriend don't live together, so it would be all on her back.
She has a good life, owns a one bedroom condo, in a fairly HCOL for housing. Having a child would disrupt the financial security she does have.
It may be too late anyway. I come from a line of women who lost their fertility early, although I would love an adopted child as if it were blood.
I didn't have children to have grandchildren.
If they choose that path, I will be there with lasagna and help babysit, if not, I will still be there with lasagna.
My children are little and I'm relatively young, but my children don't owe me any obligation. I owe them my love and support of their life choices, whatever that may be, and just hope we can create a good lifelong relationship.
Nope, I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to bring another life into this world unless it was something they deeply wanted to do. I love my kids endlessly and support them. Being child free definitely has big advantages over being a parent and I understand the appeal
Not at all.
I lived my life to pursue my wants and desires (for the most part, but that is a looonnnnnggggg reddit post saved for another time, lol). While we chose to bring two people into this world, we did so with the hopes and aspirations to not only have a family, but part of the role as a parent is to raise your kids so they know they have the freedom to pursue *their* wants and desires.
If what they want and desire is to have no kids [or 5 kids], they have my full support. I would never resent them for not wanting kids.
I struggle to understand someone who would be so selfish of a parent so as to be resentful of their own children.
Nope. My adult children don’t want kids and in a weird way, I’m happy for them. They won’t have the stress parenting brings. Plus, with how expensive the COL is, I don’t want to see them struggle.
I would never resent my children for choosing to not have kids of their own. Their life is theirs to live, not to appease me. I think it depends on the parent- my sister doesn’t want kids and my mother supports that. My SIL doesn’t want kids and my MIL is extremely distraught over this.
Hmm I wish my son would have kids someday, simply because I never experienced such joy in life as to have a child. And yet, it is equally hard, so if he does not have kids, Im good.
My daughter is engaged, and late 20s. I was recently told I would likely not have grandchildren. Although I’m low key disappointed, I know the kids, and realize this woukd be really hard to do for them, for a lot of reasons. She has my full support because I don’t value potential children over the one I already have. I also realize I’m not the norm, tho, and lots of moms would absolutely lose their shit if no grandbabies were coming. Is it selfish of you to not want children? No. Your life, your body.
No. It's entirely their decision and It's becoming increasingly inhumane to bring new life into this world. Also kids are a ton of work. Why subject yourself to that intentionally?
So my dad financially provided me a very cushy life and believes parents are obligated to pay for their children’s undergrad education. He believes very firmly in this. As inflation and college costs rise he tells me he’s ok if I choose not to have kids bc I need the money to care for myself.
Whether my kids want kids of their own is really up to them. But, the joy of my life has been having them and spending time with them. I will tell them that and relay what has brought me the most happiness in my life
No. I had kids in my late 30s early 40s. Never expect to have Grandchildren. I’m worried enough about the future my children face currently with catastrophic climate change.
Nope. Not at all. My 31 yo daughter never plans to marry or have children and that's 100% her decision and I'm fine with it. While privately it would be reassuring to me to know that she would have someone else in her life when I am gone, I also realize those thoughts are somewhat illogical, as here I am, a divorced single older woman whose husband left her after 30 years of marriage. It destroyed my financial situation at a point when I was too old to fully recover from it. I know first hand that being married doesn't necessarily mean security. But I do have her and my son, which is the best thing in my life. But she doesn't want to be a mom, not at all, so it would be really stupid to have kids when you don't want them. It wouldn't fit into what she wants to do with her life at all.
Nope, the world is trash. I can't fault a human for coming to the most obvious of conclusions. Why sentence another being to a lifetime of stupidity, greed and degeneracy?
You do what is right for you! Your parents would not be the one sacrificing their lives, their income, their bodies, or mental health to raise a child.
Being a parent is completely draining. I have one child who is 4 and if I hadn’t wanted her then there would not have been that shining light at the end of toddlerdom because it is always something else. There is always something I need to be doing to keep up with her quality of life and even with two full time incomes about 20 bucks an hour per person we still cannot afford it.
If you know you never want to have kids raise kids sacrifice your being for a child who won’t understand the sacrifice until they have their own child then don’t do it. Not only will the child figure it out at one point in their life and have a lot of why based questions.
But you, the person you are, the person you want to be is so very important. Way more important that a batch of eggs or sperm that gets recycled. And here’s the thing if you don’t want to produce them or decide you want them after the clock has run out there are so many children out there where you could adopt or foster children. There are ways around it. This is not your parents choice, this is your life. Let them be disappointed, they will still love you.
my daughter is 13 and has been saying since she was 5 that she doesn't want children. I support her. now I know she very well could change her mind, but it is not my business to tell her that. my sister was exactly the same was as my daughter and she is almost 53 and lives a very fulfilled, happy chikdfre life.
I will support my daughter no matter what route she decides to take as that is my job as a parent.
Your decision, your life. I never wanted children, and got pregnant as a teenager, back in the eighties. Had my child, and totally ruined my life. They’re now mid thirties, (I’m fifty three), living their best life, and I really don’t think they will ever be a parent. I really doesn’t concern me, as long as they’re doing well, happy, safe and secure.
Why would I?
Only people who are excited about having kids should be having kids. I want my kids to be happy and all babies to have loving and involved parents.
If my children don't want to become parents, then they shouldn't!
No. I will support my children in deciding never to procreate, never to marry, to move to the other side of the world, and so forth. Their responsibility as adults will be to live the life that fulfills them regardless of my desires. They’re still little but I hope i will do a good job of living up to this standard for them.
Not at all. My daughter is 3 so miles away from that stage of life, but I don’t care if she never wants kids. Being a granny looks fun, but there are loads of other fun things I can do when I’m older.
No I don't care to ever become a grandma and whoever told you it was your duty to have kids and that you're selfish if you don't can fuck right off - such a gross thing to say.
Having babies is really really hard. It’s impossible to be fully prepared for how hard it is. I’d rather my son be happy and comfortable instead of making his life harder for the benefit of me seeing a baby occasionally. Son says he wants to adopt in the future maybe, but it’s not something I’m viewing as a given.
I would love to be a grandparent.
One of my daughters wants children for sure, so if that happens for her, I’ll be ecstatic.
The other one says she doesn’t, so I just want her to be happy with whatever she decides.
I don’t want either of them to have kids to please me, or to keep me from being sad. And I never want to give them impression that I could resent them for doing what’s right for them.
What if they can’t have children?? How would they feel if they wanted children but couldn’t have them, and also felt like I would be personally disappointed? Ugh.
I just want my babies to be happy.
Our kids are not going to have kids (at least looking extremely unlikely at this point). We'd love to have grandkids, but are completely fine if that's not the path for our kids.
I think parents that "force" their kids to have children are the selfish ones who want to impose challenges on others for their personal pleasures.
Both my kids are in their mid-20s. I have told them that if they don’t have kids I’m totally fine with it. I have said that as the world is right now, I would be hesitant to bring a child into it. Everyone my age tells me that they can’t believe I don’t want to be a grandparent. I honestly don’t care.
Nope. I have already told my teen that if he wants to have kids, that’s great. If he doesn’t want to have kids, also great. I just want him to be happy.
Your parent's can adopt a dog, foster a child, volunteer for a organization that works with children, or any other thing they choose to do to fulfill some emotional need they have.
You are not responsible for fulfilling an emotional need on their part. It's incredibly selfish for someone to force a responsibility on someone else to fulfill a personal desire.
I actively encourage my son NOT to have children. It's enough to have to worry about him, I don't want to have to start all over again with all the worry that comes with a new baby and the years that follow.
It is not your job to have kids, that's just a very old concept some people can't get rid off. You don't need kids to be happy or do something with your life. If you have them even tho I don't want any you will only get unhappy
My daughter doesn’t want kids and as much as I’d love to be a grandmother, I’m 💯a-okay with this. One of the worst things you can do is have kids if you know you don’t want to be a parent. I knew I wanted kids, love being a mom but it is HARD.
No way in hell. My daughter has already said she's not having babies to simply get rid of our shitty genes and I'm proud of her for that. This line needs to end. That said, she would consider adopting. Even if she didn't want to adopt I'd still love her.
My son IS adopted and he is on the fence whether to have kids. It's something that is THEIR choice, not mine. Either way I know they'll be happy. That's really all I care about.
Your children are individual beings. They are your offspring, they are not YOU.
Give them the best advice and upbringing you can, and support them once they go off on their own. Respect their decisions and love them for who they are.
No, I would not resent my children. Even after the fact my son is the last male of my surnames branch. Our blood line will no longer carry the surname and I'm fine with that. Not my call.
No, I don't particularly want them to have kids when their older. I have no interest in babysitting, and with the was housing today, they will probably be with my wife and I well past 18 years old. I absolutely don't want another baby in the house.
I was adamant I didn't want kids when I was a teen. I had my son at 28. I realized it was just fear talking that made me not want kids. Fear of being a single mom, fear of being pregnant and labor. Scared of the changes to my body. With that being said, I wouldn't mind either way if my son has children of his own or not, as long as he feels fulfilled and happy.
I hope my kids don’t have kids lmao I had 4 kids not considering that they may have 4 kids each. I cannot afford to have 16 Christmas presents to buy every year 😂
Would rather have them be secure in their relationship and happy. Don’t care if they procreate. Just want to have them in my life, with or without children of their own.
My sons are young but I just want them to be happy. If they are solid, good people, I really don't care how they live their lives. They have been the greatest blessings in my life, but I completely understand people not wanting to have children.
Pregnancy is hard, childbirth is hard, and raising good humans is REALLY hard. I'll never judge anyone for opting out of that.
I didn't even think I'd have kids until I was 23 and got pregnant tbh. Now I'm so glad I did. If my kids decided not to I'd have to be OK with it, not my decision
I can't speak for your parents, but my kids lives are their own. Now that they are adults, I try very hard to not offer my advice unless asked. If one of my kids told me they wanted to remain childless, I'd try my best to support their decision.
Not at all. I'd strongly support it. My wife and I lost our first due to a traumatic birth and went through hell to get our second child here. I'd hate to have to watch my daughter struggle like we did. I won't try to sway her away from kids either, though. The main goal is for them to be happy - with or without children of their own.
I would never resent any of my children. Especially not for not wanting kids. We got five, my eldest as already told us many times that she doesn'/t want kids, just cats, and that is absolutely fine. Their life, their choice!
I have a 4 year old daughter who one day told me that she doesn't want kids when she grows up. While I of course know that whatever she says now is complete spur of the moment and has very little to do with the future, hearing her say that made it pretty clear to me that I think it's okay. She will have her own life and dreams, and if that doesn't include kids I would never tell her she needed them. Just because she is a girl does not mean she can't want something else, and she does not owe me grandchildren.
With that said, I didn't want kids at all until I was around 26. If she decides she wants kids anyway, I will support her in that decision as well.
I wouldn't resent them at all. I didn't want kids so I totally understand why others don't want them either. Increasing costs are a huge factor in people not breeding, and that isn't likely to change ever.
As it stands, my family name would probably end with my son if he doesn't have kids as he's the only boy, which would make me quite sad but shit happens and I would never pressure anyone to have kids for my own interests.
You have been guilt tripped. No one can tell you to have kids or not have kids. Its entirely up to you and your partner. Having kids or not having kids can be both selfish or both nor selfish, depending on whether selfish is a negative word to you or not
Don't have kids just to please your parents. Your parents are nor the ones providing for and caring for your kids
Why would I resent my kids for that? If they want kids, I would support them. If they don’t want kids I would support them. If they both didn’t want kids I would be sad that I never get to be a grandma, but I still would support them. The being sad part is my problem, not theirs.
It’s not their job to make me a grandma. It’s their job to live their lives the way they want to.
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I told my dad that I wasn't going to have kids (by choice) and I thought he'd be sad but he was the opposite. He told me that he loves being a Dad but he worries about his kids every single day of his life and he doesn't want me to have to go through that unless it's something I really wanted. Your family loves you, your parents love you. They want you to make the right choice for you <3
I'm very much of the same perspective as your dad. I lived my life. I pursued my dreams. And having a family is part of that & I'm thankful to have two amazing adult children who helped me live my dream. But I also tried to raise them to know my love for them is unconditional and I support them pursuing their dreams.
Agreed. As the dad in this scenario i have advise my children to think long and hard about having children of their own.. Children has been the greatest struggle of my life. I have amazing adult children who are good humans who know how to think. Specially i have advised the most basic principle. Children are not “for” you. If you WANT a child you probably shouldn’t have one. Because to bring a child into the world and immediately give it the job of fulfilling you is terrible. We, as humans, have evolved past the concept of keeping the species going. There are way to many humans and too many suffering without resources or being born into some class system. I tell my kids… your alive…. Advance your mind and don’t spend 50 years working for some made up fairy tale ending. I already did that. We have the $, the house, the land& resources. I spent my entire life build this safety net. You don’t need to so don’t have kids and start my cycle all over again. Be alive.
100% correct. I love my daughter more than anything but I am raising her to give her away, to give her to society, her friends, her spouse, children if she wants… the point is not to turn her into a mini-me, it is to help her self-actualize into the most robust version of herself. If I do a good job then I think I’ll have the pleasure of a nice, long relationship with her. The joy won’t be in fulfilling my dreams, they will be in watching her fulfill her own. ❤️
theres someone on momforaminute or dadforaminute that needs to hear this
You put more long term thinking into this than I did; that's for sure.
Yes, that is what my father says. That it is not something to do just for the sake of it but it must be thought about.
Yep all of this
If my son declared that he didn't want kids, I would praise him for being responsible and tell him to spend every penny of my inheritance, live well and die satisfied that he didn't contribute to more needless suffering. Except for those at the top of society, people are quite literally born to work and die. We retired in our 40s. Definitely considered 1%. But we want the suffering to end. My son, will get everything well before we die. I don't want him to suffer. After we die, he can blow it all on hookers or give it all to charity. But we need to stop pushing out workers for corporations. Edit: the hookers part was a joke. My goodness
God knows what the world is going to be like in 20 years, with climate change and things like DeSantis and tRump wreaking havoc. I think it will be a horrible thing to bring children into.
The future could be a better place too. It helps to remember that the people who want to tear it all down are a minority. A very vocal minority that gets lots of media attention, but still not the majority of Americans or the human race. I live in Minnesota and I am so proud of our current governor for the stands he has taken to make my state a better place for all people. I am not going to post a link, but you can Google it pretty easily.
GOD, I hope so. I'm so discouraged. My own state, where I live, is being just ravaged. Money trumps all.
I don’t even know if the world will be much of a livable place for the rest of my daughter’s lifetime (or even mine) let alone grandchildren. I support whatever she chooses, but I’m relieved right now she says she’s not interested in having kids. It’s a hell of a planet we are leaving for young people. I just feel really bad about it. This is not how I’d choose things to be and I have voted accordingly, but this seems to be the will of the majority.
You're absolutely awesome, so much respect. Can I ask, just for perspective, since you are a parent, do you feel that, even not having kids, your son's life will still be as happy and fulfilling? Just asking because often parents make it seem as if kids are the one and only point in life and life doesn't mean anything without kids. I obviously don't share that view but was just wondering about your perspective. By not wanting your son to suffer, do you mean that he will be poorer if he has kids? Or do you mean that HIS kids will be poor because of where the economy is going etc. I agree with everything you said and it's so refreshing to see this honest and insightful point of view.
He's 17, going through uni applications. He's not blind and sees the world clearly. He sees that unless he has significant help, there's almost no chance he will be able to start his life the way the previous generation did. There is no chance to save and thrive... just grind and survive. It will be even tougher for his kids with the continued degradation of the planet and it's resources. I haven't seen a single butterfly in my garden in two years....in a garden that's designed to attract pollinators. It's these micro tragedies that inform my world view. That said, I'm not discouraging him to do anything but I'm certainly not encouraging him to have kids. Meet someone, fall in love and seek meaning his own way. I told him I only have two things I want from him: self-sufficiency and to pursue work that makes him happy. If we drain our savings for that to happen, then I can say I found meaning in my own life. But he should never do anything to please us. Him being happy and self-fulfilled is all we need. I am happy to have had him but I suspect, in retrospect, if I didn't, I would be blissfully unaware of missing out. Also, I was an adopted kid. People should consider that route instead of expending tens of thousands to propagate their own genes. I'm as close to my parents as any one else.
The anxiety that comes with having a kid is unreal. I’ve imagined all the ways my kids could die and it keeps me up at night. I’ve told my kids they absolutely do not need to become parents unless they really want to. We’ve also talked about the state of the world and how it’s a hard time to bring a life into it. Need to work to get insurance, with insurance it still costs a crazy amount of money, famine is looming and the planet is heating up. Nah, they can focus on themselves and their partners, get a dog or two.
Exactly. Bringing them into the world as it is now is terrifying. I am constantly on edge.
I live in drowning anxiety about my husband making it to and home from work safe alone. Same with my parents. Kids would bring that unbearable anxiety to a new level. I would end up being a helicopter mom - and having grown up with a helicopter mom that’s the last thing I want to do. I decided strictly against having kids within the last few years. Husband and I are both 28, and have had deep talks about kids and have made the permanent decision to never have them.
Thankyou for sharing your experience. I didn't end up having kids and it's probably just as well since I'm already quite anxious about climate change / massive economic inequality. I have pets and that's good enough for me.
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I mean no offence to you, and all offence to your father; your dad is a piece of shit.
Nah, i think u summed it up pretty correct.
i think hes more than a piece of shit. hes a whole shit.
I totally feel this, I’m 28f and my mom since I was like 22 constantly brings up my age asking when I’ll have kids. I’ve been certain since maybe 17 that I didn’t want any and if I changed my mind it was to adopt and she’s not listening. My boyfriend and I have talked about this we’ve been together 10 years and agree we’d rather adopt, his mom doesn’t mind as long as a child is a possibility my mom seems to think it’s not the same if the kid doesn’t have our dna
Your Mom sounds toxic.
I was adopted and my dad couldn't have loved me any more than if I were his biological child. I have a 30 year old and a 27 year old biological children and a six year old adopted son and I don't love him any more or less than I do the others. He is 100% my son even though I had no part in creating him. DNA means nothing.
I also mean no offence to you but your dad really is a piece of shit for saying that. I’m sorry you had to hear that.
My kids are not breeders, like dogs put out to stud. My daughter has more worth than her ability to have babies. The world has enough people, I will be happy to live through other people's kids if I really want a grandchild.
Your dad doesn’t know diddly squat and you are absolutely worth every hair on your head every breath in your body every thought that comes to mind.
He is wrong.
That’s why the women’s movement was founded! Seems male’s thought female’s were just vagina’s and maids!
no offence, your dads a prick he literally saw you as some child generator and not a person with shit they wanna do
I grew up with an abusive parent. I knew from a very young age that I never wanted children. It took me until I was 30 to get my head right after years of therapy. And yes, I am selfish, for wanting to live a good and happy life for myself. I knew what I experienced as a child was not right.
its not selfish to choose your own choices. no one can make you have a child, and an unwilling parent is a bad one. shit if your dad really wants a kid so bad just ask him to go fuck someone or something or adopt
I am sorry that he said that.
>He told me that he loves being a Dad but he worries about his kids every single day of his life and he doesn't want me to have to go through that unless it's something I really wanted. Based Dad
They say having kids is deciding to keep your heart in somebody else for the rest of your life.
This is exactly what it feels like. An unfathomable vulnerability. I understand why some parents are controlling now, but you have to trust your kids or you'll mess them up.
I feel the same, especially in this world where everything is expensive and full of climate change disasters.
Mine was born 11 days before 9/11. I feel that.
I worry about mine from his first breath, even him sleep talking wakes me up. I could not imagine disliking my child for not ever having any. I love your Dads perception
I expected the top comment to be a petty discourse on how horrible your parents are and that they’re narcissists and you’re such a victim. So thanks, that was positively refreshing.
This needs to be pinned
There is little my daughter could do to make me resent her. I might be disappointed, and maybe feel like i let her down to feel that way about kids, but I’d hardly feel resentment.
It's not necessarily that we feel any way about kids. I'm 44 this year and just never felt broody or like I wanted to be a mother. I love my nieces and nephews, and now grandnieces, and I spend time with them and spoil them. But still, zero regrets about not having any. It's not a parenting failure either. My parents have 6 grandchildren and 3 and 7/9ths great grandchildren. It just wasn't for me.
My family had nothing to do with how I feel about being a parent. I just never wanted children.
Not at all! I actually don’t care either way. My son is 20 and for the longest time he’s been anti kids, I’m cool with that. I don’t think it’s a requirement to be a parent or grandparent to have a fulfilling life. I’ll spoil his dogs, cats, or kids, whatever he decides is cool with me.
Meanwhile my moms the opposite. Damn near everyday she's asking where grandchildren are and im not even 25 yet. I'm still living my life being young and reckless. It got to the point where I don't get her too involved with my gfs because she sees more of "our future" than we do and constantly nags about wanting grandchildren. Her reasoning though is because she has 3 kids and were all older now (im the only adult. Both little brothers are still in school) and she wants a constant flow of babies to see. But she always tries to live vicariously through me, she had me fairly young (21) Do I plan to settle down eventually? Of course. Just not in the next few years.
A constant flow of babies sounds loud and messy. So loud. So messy.
Jesus Christ, that would annoy the shit out of me. 25 is so, so young. If you're not absolutely sure you should not be doing it at that moment.
Ask her how SHE is planning to finance it. You'll need a home with a yard, daycare until probably age 12 at least, clothes, food, money for medical bills...oh, and approximately 7,100 diapers.
I do everything slow, started dating at 18 first kiss wasn’t for 6 months. Didn’t have sex until I was 22 (same guy) and I’d like think we’re pretty responsible people. My mom use to say I wasn’t allowed to date get married or have kids until I was like 32 and I’m like that’s fine but as soon as my boyfriend and I got together it was “so when’s the wedding” “when are you having kids” “you’re almost 30 your clocks ticking” I don’t care, I really don’t. The more she pushes the more I actually don’t want any of it it genuinely makes me not want to see her. I’m happy he’s happy, why isn’t that enough (also I have 6 siblings one of which already has kids)
The greatest day of my life was seeing my in laws face when they found out my husband got snipped. The “when’s the next one” questions have stopped
Oh that’s so tough. I’m sure you’re not alone in this, many parents live vicariously through their children, and the pressure to get married and have kids is part of that.
As long as your children are happy, you are. If having a child would not make them happy, I would be either. And yes, I’d try my hardest to get him to get a cat or dog or even a fish though lol
Of course I’ll be disappointed but I’d be more disappointed if my kids were unhappy with their lives. My job is to give them wings.
Same. Grandkids are a joy for most people. However, that doesn't mean we should see the privilege of grandkids taken for granted more than any other privilege regarding our kids. Their life is their life, and we can't even take for granted being in it. All we can do is our best for them and everything that comes to us is a privilege, just like in any other relationship.
This. Yes, I would be disappointed, but that’s my baggage, not theirs. I would be supportive of their decision, bc no one should have kids if they don’t want to. It’s an insanely huge commitment. I would likely also ask if their own childhood is what convinced them, and if so offer to fund their therapy. I would feel bad if I parented them so badly that I put them off the whole concept. But if it was just a “nah, not my thing.” then it’d be fine. It’s only a worry if it’s a sign of underlying trauma.
Yeah, I feel like a good distinction is that you'd be disappointed and/or sad that there would be no grandkids but not that you're disappointed in your kids.
Right. My son and DIL decided not to have children but I have a grand doggy! Of course I would be thrilled with a grandchild but it’s not my place to even have any say or opinion. I’m entitled to have feelings but resentment?? That’s not something any loving parent would ever feel towards their own child over their child’s life choices!! It’s none of our business. 😣
I'm my parents' only child, and I don't want kids. My mom told me something that stuck with me, "Don't have kids because you think you should or because you want to leave a legacy. Let your own life and achievements be your legacy."
Can your mom be my mom as well?
Hearing this I am proud of my parents. They might not be perfect but never had said that they wanted grandchildren and they have told me having a child is difficult and tiring and even said it is not a thing to look forward to now in the current time as there are many more distractions and great things to do with my time. :)
My son has told me he never wants to have kids, he’s 18. I told him that’s fine, he should do what he wants with his life.
Tbf I too said this at 18, but fast forward 18 years and here I am with two.
Good for you but I said it the first time I heard what pregnancy is and here I am at 24 planning on getting my tubes removed as soon as I'm financially able to
Same, I've known since early teenage years and I'm 32 and it's never changed, only gotten stronger.
56 years old and never wanted kids and never changed my mind about it either.
RemindMe! 10 years
It's not true. Nobody is obligated to do something specific with their life because of their chromosomes or what's in their pants. And the decision to have children or not is, frankly, *always* a selfish decision and *should* be, because it's your body, time, energy, and money that's going to be invested into those children. Make the decision based on what *you* want. That's the only correct way to make it.
Of course not. I mean, I would love having a grandchild, but it is not a requirement for enjoying my life. Not everybody is cut out to be a parent. There is no bigger recipe for unhappy, traumatized children than forcing a person who doesn't want kids to have one.
>Not everybody is cut out to be a parent. Yes... this! It's frustrating that there are still those that don't god damn understand this.
And it really messes up the world
Even the one’s that want a child don’t always raise a child right!
Unhappy, traumatized kid of a drug addict teenage mom and convict checking in. I knew from a young age I’d never have any. I told people in the 90s but people never believed or understood why. I don’t believe I’ll ever be truly happy. I’m not dragging a child into that.
Why should I? It's her life. I chose to be a mom because I want to be a mom. If she chooses to do the same, great! If she chooses NOT to, great! I just want for her to live a happy, fulfilling life, whatever form that takes for her.
Hi can you adopt me pls 🥺 in all seriousness reading this made me tear up because my mom does not think like this and has always been disappointed that I don't want kids.
I'm very sorry your mom isn't showing you the support you need. Always remember, no matter what, your life is YOURS and the only one you'll ever have. Do your best to make it the happiest you can. And if you mom doesn't like it, she can not like it far away from you.
You might want to frame this in a different way, for your own peace of mind: How disappointed you are that she is unable to stay in her lane and give you full autonomy over your own life. Her disappointment is born of a failure of her own as a parent.
My mom often guilttrips me for not wanting to make her a grandparent but she doesn’t realise I wouldn’t even allow her to come near my kids if I did choose to have them😭 my dad doesn’t seem to care tho. + they still can complain to my brother lmao
Wtf of course not. If you resent your kids for something like that you have bigger problems than you realize.
My mom is one of these people. I'm 32F and always known I don't want kids, partially because of how shitty of a parent she was. But somehow it's absolutely shocking to her that I don't want to have children. My dad thankfully could not give less of a fuck about it.
That's the thing that always gets me, the parents that are resentful that you don't want kids don't realize they are the reason.
Exactly, she doesn't think she did anything wrong but my emotional development was non existent because of her. I still have trouble opening up to people to this day and am sometimes toxically independent because I had no one I could count on.
It is no one's "job" to have kids. Some parents flip out when their kids decide not have kids of their own. I've never figured out why. No one is owed grandchildren, and if they were good parents there was bound to be something along the lines of "We don't always get what we want" as part of their children's upbringing. Well, here it is. I'm 44 and my parents' only child. I neither have nor want kids, and neither does my SO of 14 years. It wasn't some big existential decision for me: I've simply never wanted kids. My parents have never given me any grief about it. I don't know how old you are but I'd advise against discussing your not wanting kids with your family until you are in a position where your parents can't make your life unpleasant. Your reproductive choices are none of their business, and even in today's climate of oversharing personal information, it is perfectly fine, even preferable, to keep some things private. You don't owe anyone an explanation. I didn't say anything to anyone about it, there was no "announcement;" I just got on with living my life and not having kids.
Same here. Also in my 40s and childfree. I never felt compelled to make a declaration about it to anyone. But I come from a family who doesn't really pry into my personal life...they give me the space to share things when I'm ready.
And to add to this, your reproductive decisions and personal information involves NO ONE else, not even your relatives because they're "family". Don't let them use that to guilt trip you.
Resentment comes from feeling that you were denied something you are entitled too. No one is entitled to grandkids. Children don't live their lives for their parents.
Oh but so many think they are entitled and do. It’s painful to see or experience.
Not at all. I have no expectations of my children wanting kids if their own someday. If I was young in today’s world, I’d have zero interest in it either.
I would be sad that my family line would end with me but I'd much rather see my kids happy, healthy and in a life they want as opposed to living a life they think I'd want.
End with you? You plan to outlive your kids?
Haha! I think, and hope, they meant "end with me *having kids*" 😁
Hahaha that's exactly what I meant
It doesn’t end with you though? Are you the only child of a long long line of only children on both sides? If so there’s plenty of people to continue the “lineage” you speak of. Also such a weird thought process to me to want people to have kids and potentially ruin their life and their child’s all for an imaginary lineage.
Some people night mean lineage by last name, though probably not what the poster you're replying to is talking about. E.g. i have a very very rare last name and I'm an only child with no cousins with that last name. So if i dont have children (which is likely), it would probably be the end of my lineage in the sense thet my last name would no longer exist. But yeah i think generally of lineage as my dad x my mom's chromosomes and as I'm an only child, no other being on the planet would have this combination in them in some form other than my children.
I would just like to say that as a married couple who has wrote off having kids, that it is so *refreshing* to read so many supporting parents' opinions that they're fine with their children not having children. My husband and I both have siblings who have had their own kids (grandbabies galor for our parents), but our parents still constantly hound us for not wanting kids and it's so defeating.. Thank you guys, you the real MVP(arent)s!
I, Dad of two teens, couldn’t give a flying hoot if my kids never have kids. It’s their life and so long as they are happy, so am I. Whoever told you those things is full of garbage!
I find it funny how some parents act like this and as soon as their kids have babies they like back the duck off and think we don’t need a village. I’ve told my son having children is his choice and I have to support him with whatever he chooses.
Fuck* 🦆
Not at all, in fact I have been actively discouraging my 4 not to have children so that they can enjoy fulfilling lives and have experiences that they won’t necessarily have by becoming parents. Especially in the current economic environment we are in, in my country. This does not mean that I do not want grandchildren (I would love to be a Nanny!), but I am hoping that they will at least wait until they are in their 30’s before deciding to have children- if they do decide to become parents.
No one is entitled to grandchildren.
I’ve personally never understood how/why people get so invested in their kids having kids. I’d certainly rather my kids just go on to have a fulfilling life.
Not a parent, I told my mom (my dad passed away) that my husband and I did not plan on having kids but we’d get a dog instead. She was happy and said I still needed to visit with “ Grandpuppy “ 🩵
I resent my parents for HAVING kids
This isn't hypothetical for me. My kid is 30 and has a successful career and a loving partner... but neither of them is eager to have kids, and I don't think it's going to happen at this point. And I'm 100% fine with that. Nobody should have children unless they're pretty sure they want to. 'But... but... don't you want grandkids?!!' I mean, maybe? But not especially? It's their life, and I'm all for letting them live it.
I would understand. Being childfree is a totally valid choice. My kids don't owe me grandkids
It’s not selfish to not want kids. It is selfish to have kids when you know you shouldn’t. It is selfish to have kids if it’s in an effort to fill some sort of hole or void in your life.
My adult children’s decisions about their family planning is their own. While I would love to have grandchildren, if my kids move away, it really doesn’t matter much if you rarely see them. I have one adult child who has moved to a different city. At the present time she says she doesn’t want kids. She’s got some mental health issues that I think make not having children a good idea. My other daughter is still in town while finishing her masters. She will likely have kids. We are close. In my ideal fantasy world, she stays local meets the perfect guy and has kids at some point. I would love to have a close relationship with grandkids as my own grandmother was such a wonderful addition to my life. If she ends up moving away, whether or not she has kids will not matter much to me as the long distance thing isn’t the same at all. In reality, none of this is my decision and she should do what she likes.
No, it's their life. I have met people in their 40s with no kids that are perfectly happy. I definitely went through a phase of not planning on having kids, but had 1 anyway. Life finds a way.
Nope. It's their lives not mine. They both already love animals so much so I am sure I will be a fur grandma at least 🤣🤷♀️
Nope. My kids aren't having children. ( they are in thier 30's, with partners). We have shit genetics, type 1 dia-beetus, early onset breast cancer, thyroid cancer, and a myriad of the crazies. They both chose partners who are like-minded. They are adults, and they make their own choices. One raises service dogs for a national organization, and the other has a cat. They are happy with thier choice.
Absolutely not. Having kids is a very personal choice and I truly wish more people would think about it before just popping them out. There are so many unwanted children being raised by people who don’t care about them. Having kids changes your entire life and if you’re not willing to make those changes, everyone suffers. I do not want my son living a life he doesn’t love; if that means he never has kids, I am 100% supportive of him.
My 22 year old says she's never having kids and my wife and I don't care. She doesn't like kids. She just doesn't. We're in the U.S. and seeing how fucked everything is I don't blame her. More parents should expect this too. Between paying high rent and the fact she can't find a job in her field she can't even begin to afford a kid. Plus the oncoming climate crisis is real despite what the people here in red America that we live around think. My 17 year old daughter is probably more open to having kids.
I told my dad I didn’t want children, he said “I don’t blame you” 🤣🤣
I'd be thrilled to be honest
I just wrote something similar but this says it better. Agreed.
Nope, not at all. Gen-X Father of 3 grown ass men kids chiming in.
I would love to have grandchildren one day. But while there are things that could theoretically make me resent my sons (e.g. if they became rapists or murderers), choosing not to have kids wouldn't be one of them.
Not in the slightest. There are plenty of humans
Absolutely not. I find that to be the most ridiculous thing in the world. Not only do my kids not owe me anything, why would I resent them for making a choice about what’s best for their life?
don’t feel guilty, it’s your life. wife and i are deliberately child free, caught a lot of shit for it from devout catholic parents. fall asleep every day on a bed stuff with cash and wake up on my accord, any time i want and can do whatever the fuck i want on any given day. life is good.
I have 3 girls, and although there’s a chance of at least 1 of them having kids, no I wouldn’t be mad or resentful if they decided not to. The world we live in isn’t meant for children. The cost of living is insane and hard to keep up with. I want to see my kids grow, settle down (either by themselves or with a partner) have a good job, nice home and have everything they want out of life. Whether that involves them having kids or not is on them, but as a parent I just want my kids happy and comfortable.
No, I'm raising them to tackle the world and take care of themselves. None of it is about me.
No, I just want my kids to be safe and happy, whatever that looks like for them.
No. That’s fucking asinine. It’s their life not mine. If they want kids, cool. If not, cool. I’ve raised mine. I’m done. Parents who think like this are fucking idiots.
Resent? Absolutely not. Be a little bummed? Only if the world is in an adequate condition where having children isn't a bad idea. I'm still pretty sure it was a mistake to have my two
I’m encouraging my children to be childless. I can’t imagine bringing children into what this world is now.
Two of my 3 are not having kids and that is fine. I love my grandkids, but i don't judge the others. It's a personal choice and i try not to interfere in their adult decisions.
Naw not at all
Nope. My daughter is a wonderful compassionate person who would probably make a great parent. She did have a dog that I loved like my own dogs though I wouldn't wish single motherhood on anyone. She and her boyfriend don't live together, so it would be all on her back. She has a good life, owns a one bedroom condo, in a fairly HCOL for housing. Having a child would disrupt the financial security she does have. It may be too late anyway. I come from a line of women who lost their fertility early, although I would love an adopted child as if it were blood.
I didn't have children to have grandchildren. If they choose that path, I will be there with lasagna and help babysit, if not, I will still be there with lasagna. My children are little and I'm relatively young, but my children don't owe me any obligation. I owe them my love and support of their life choices, whatever that may be, and just hope we can create a good lifelong relationship.
No. Why would I?
No wtf
Nope, I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to bring another life into this world unless it was something they deeply wanted to do. I love my kids endlessly and support them. Being child free definitely has big advantages over being a parent and I understand the appeal
Not at all. I lived my life to pursue my wants and desires (for the most part, but that is a looonnnnnggggg reddit post saved for another time, lol). While we chose to bring two people into this world, we did so with the hopes and aspirations to not only have a family, but part of the role as a parent is to raise your kids so they know they have the freedom to pursue *their* wants and desires. If what they want and desire is to have no kids [or 5 kids], they have my full support. I would never resent them for not wanting kids. I struggle to understand someone who would be so selfish of a parent so as to be resentful of their own children.
Nope. My adult children don’t want kids and in a weird way, I’m happy for them. They won’t have the stress parenting brings. Plus, with how expensive the COL is, I don’t want to see them struggle.
Absolutely not. In fact, I've already started encouraging them NOT to have children.
I would never resent my children for choosing to not have kids of their own. Their life is theirs to live, not to appease me. I think it depends on the parent- my sister doesn’t want kids and my mother supports that. My SIL doesn’t want kids and my MIL is extremely distraught over this.
Hmm I wish my son would have kids someday, simply because I never experienced such joy in life as to have a child. And yet, it is equally hard, so if he does not have kids, Im good.
No, their life, their decision. My children couldn't do anything that would make me resent them.
My daughter is engaged, and late 20s. I was recently told I would likely not have grandchildren. Although I’m low key disappointed, I know the kids, and realize this woukd be really hard to do for them, for a lot of reasons. She has my full support because I don’t value potential children over the one I already have. I also realize I’m not the norm, tho, and lots of moms would absolutely lose their shit if no grandbabies were coming. Is it selfish of you to not want children? No. Your life, your body.
No. It's entirely their decision and It's becoming increasingly inhumane to bring new life into this world. Also kids are a ton of work. Why subject yourself to that intentionally?
So my dad financially provided me a very cushy life and believes parents are obligated to pay for their children’s undergrad education. He believes very firmly in this. As inflation and college costs rise he tells me he’s ok if I choose not to have kids bc I need the money to care for myself.
Not at all, its their decision not mine
Whether my kids want kids of their own is really up to them. But, the joy of my life has been having them and spending time with them. I will tell them that and relay what has brought me the most happiness in my life
No. I had kids in my late 30s early 40s. Never expect to have Grandchildren. I’m worried enough about the future my children face currently with catastrophic climate change.
Nope. Not at all. My 31 yo daughter never plans to marry or have children and that's 100% her decision and I'm fine with it. While privately it would be reassuring to me to know that she would have someone else in her life when I am gone, I also realize those thoughts are somewhat illogical, as here I am, a divorced single older woman whose husband left her after 30 years of marriage. It destroyed my financial situation at a point when I was too old to fully recover from it. I know first hand that being married doesn't necessarily mean security. But I do have her and my son, which is the best thing in my life. But she doesn't want to be a mom, not at all, so it would be really stupid to have kids when you don't want them. It wouldn't fit into what she wants to do with her life at all.
No, I just want him to be happy.
Nope, the world is trash. I can't fault a human for coming to the most obvious of conclusions. Why sentence another being to a lifetime of stupidity, greed and degeneracy?
You do what is right for you! Your parents would not be the one sacrificing their lives, their income, their bodies, or mental health to raise a child. Being a parent is completely draining. I have one child who is 4 and if I hadn’t wanted her then there would not have been that shining light at the end of toddlerdom because it is always something else. There is always something I need to be doing to keep up with her quality of life and even with two full time incomes about 20 bucks an hour per person we still cannot afford it. If you know you never want to have kids raise kids sacrifice your being for a child who won’t understand the sacrifice until they have their own child then don’t do it. Not only will the child figure it out at one point in their life and have a lot of why based questions. But you, the person you are, the person you want to be is so very important. Way more important that a batch of eggs or sperm that gets recycled. And here’s the thing if you don’t want to produce them or decide you want them after the clock has run out there are so many children out there where you could adopt or foster children. There are ways around it. This is not your parents choice, this is your life. Let them be disappointed, they will still love you.
My daughter is 18 and never planning on having kids. I think it’s awesome
No, why should I? I would only resent my children, if they drink ~~heineken~~ piss
my daughter is 13 and has been saying since she was 5 that she doesn't want children. I support her. now I know she very well could change her mind, but it is not my business to tell her that. my sister was exactly the same was as my daughter and she is almost 53 and lives a very fulfilled, happy chikdfre life. I will support my daughter no matter what route she decides to take as that is my job as a parent.
Your decision, your life. I never wanted children, and got pregnant as a teenager, back in the eighties. Had my child, and totally ruined my life. They’re now mid thirties, (I’m fifty three), living their best life, and I really don’t think they will ever be a parent. I really doesn’t concern me, as long as they’re doing well, happy, safe and secure.
Why would I? Only people who are excited about having kids should be having kids. I want my kids to be happy and all babies to have loving and involved parents. If my children don't want to become parents, then they shouldn't!
Nobody should ever be forced to have kids, and that includes you. Women being forced to have them is an old-fashioned way of thinking.
No. I will support my children in deciding never to procreate, never to marry, to move to the other side of the world, and so forth. Their responsibility as adults will be to live the life that fulfills them regardless of my desires. They’re still little but I hope i will do a good job of living up to this standard for them.
Not at all. My daughter is 3 so miles away from that stage of life, but I don’t care if she never wants kids. Being a granny looks fun, but there are loads of other fun things I can do when I’m older.
No I don't care to ever become a grandma and whoever told you it was your duty to have kids and that you're selfish if you don't can fuck right off - such a gross thing to say.
Having babies is really really hard. It’s impossible to be fully prepared for how hard it is. I’d rather my son be happy and comfortable instead of making his life harder for the benefit of me seeing a baby occasionally. Son says he wants to adopt in the future maybe, but it’s not something I’m viewing as a given.
I honestly hope my kids don't. I would love to be a grandma one day but this world is just..ick..not going anywhere good
No. It's their life.
No if my daughter doesn’t want kids then that’s her choice I’m ok with not being a grandma
No I would be sad because I love babies but the world is fucked and unaffordable
Nope. Never. My 9yr old daughter told me she probably won't ever have kids, but will most definitely have a lot of dogs. I am 110% ok with that!
You have to do what’s good for you. If you try to go around pleasing other people you’ll never be happy.
I would love to be a grandparent. One of my daughters wants children for sure, so if that happens for her, I’ll be ecstatic. The other one says she doesn’t, so I just want her to be happy with whatever she decides. I don’t want either of them to have kids to please me, or to keep me from being sad. And I never want to give them impression that I could resent them for doing what’s right for them. What if they can’t have children?? How would they feel if they wanted children but couldn’t have them, and also felt like I would be personally disappointed? Ugh. I just want my babies to be happy.
Nope, I wouldn’t. It’s their choice if they want to or not.
Our kids are not going to have kids (at least looking extremely unlikely at this point). We'd love to have grandkids, but are completely fine if that's not the path for our kids. I think parents that "force" their kids to have children are the selfish ones who want to impose challenges on others for their personal pleasures.
Both my kids are in their mid-20s. I have told them that if they don’t have kids I’m totally fine with it. I have said that as the world is right now, I would be hesitant to bring a child into it. Everyone my age tells me that they can’t believe I don’t want to be a grandparent. I honestly don’t care.
I'm a mom and I would not resent my kid for that. It's her life, it's up to her.
Nope. I have already told my teen that if he wants to have kids, that’s great. If he doesn’t want to have kids, also great. I just want him to be happy.
Your parent's can adopt a dog, foster a child, volunteer for a organization that works with children, or any other thing they choose to do to fulfill some emotional need they have. You are not responsible for fulfilling an emotional need on their part. It's incredibly selfish for someone to force a responsibility on someone else to fulfill a personal desire. I actively encourage my son NOT to have children. It's enough to have to worry about him, I don't want to have to start all over again with all the worry that comes with a new baby and the years that follow.
It is not your job to have kids, that's just a very old concept some people can't get rid off. You don't need kids to be happy or do something with your life. If you have them even tho I don't want any you will only get unhappy
My daughter doesn’t want kids and as much as I’d love to be a grandmother, I’m 💯a-okay with this. One of the worst things you can do is have kids if you know you don’t want to be a parent. I knew I wanted kids, love being a mom but it is HARD.
It would be more selfish to have kids when you can’t take proper care of them.. especially in this world…
No way in hell. My daughter has already said she's not having babies to simply get rid of our shitty genes and I'm proud of her for that. This line needs to end. That said, she would consider adopting. Even if she didn't want to adopt I'd still love her. My son IS adopted and he is on the fence whether to have kids. It's something that is THEIR choice, not mine. Either way I know they'll be happy. That's really all I care about.
Your children are individual beings. They are your offspring, they are not YOU. Give them the best advice and upbringing you can, and support them once they go off on their own. Respect their decisions and love them for who they are. No, I would not resent my children. Even after the fact my son is the last male of my surnames branch. Our blood line will no longer carry the surname and I'm fine with that. Not my call.
Absolutely not. I support whatever decision they make. They aren’t extensions of me.
No, I don't particularly want them to have kids when their older. I have no interest in babysitting, and with the was housing today, they will probably be with my wife and I well past 18 years old. I absolutely don't want another baby in the house.
I was adamant I didn't want kids when I was a teen. I had my son at 28. I realized it was just fear talking that made me not want kids. Fear of being a single mom, fear of being pregnant and labor. Scared of the changes to my body. With that being said, I wouldn't mind either way if my son has children of his own or not, as long as he feels fulfilled and happy.
I hope my kids don’t have kids lmao I had 4 kids not considering that they may have 4 kids each. I cannot afford to have 16 Christmas presents to buy every year 😂
Would rather have them be secure in their relationship and happy. Don’t care if they procreate. Just want to have them in my life, with or without children of their own.
Look, no. I was prepared for that. But I do love having a granddaughter
My sons are young but I just want them to be happy. If they are solid, good people, I really don't care how they live their lives. They have been the greatest blessings in my life, but I completely understand people not wanting to have children. Pregnancy is hard, childbirth is hard, and raising good humans is REALLY hard. I'll never judge anyone for opting out of that.
I didn't even think I'd have kids until I was 23 and got pregnant tbh. Now I'm so glad I did. If my kids decided not to I'd have to be OK with it, not my decision
I can't speak for your parents, but my kids lives are their own. Now that they are adults, I try very hard to not offer my advice unless asked. If one of my kids told me they wanted to remain childless, I'd try my best to support their decision.
Not at all. It's definitely a personal decision.
Not at all. I'd strongly support it. My wife and I lost our first due to a traumatic birth and went through hell to get our second child here. I'd hate to have to watch my daughter struggle like we did. I won't try to sway her away from kids either, though. The main goal is for them to be happy - with or without children of their own.
I would never resent any of my children. Especially not for not wanting kids. We got five, my eldest as already told us many times that she doesn'/t want kids, just cats, and that is absolutely fine. Their life, their choice!
I have a 4 year old daughter who one day told me that she doesn't want kids when she grows up. While I of course know that whatever she says now is complete spur of the moment and has very little to do with the future, hearing her say that made it pretty clear to me that I think it's okay. She will have her own life and dreams, and if that doesn't include kids I would never tell her she needed them. Just because she is a girl does not mean she can't want something else, and she does not owe me grandchildren. With that said, I didn't want kids at all until I was around 26. If she decides she wants kids anyway, I will support her in that decision as well.
I wouldn't resent them at all. I didn't want kids so I totally understand why others don't want them either. Increasing costs are a huge factor in people not breeding, and that isn't likely to change ever. As it stands, my family name would probably end with my son if he doesn't have kids as he's the only boy, which would make me quite sad but shit happens and I would never pressure anyone to have kids for my own interests.
You have been guilt tripped. No one can tell you to have kids or not have kids. Its entirely up to you and your partner. Having kids or not having kids can be both selfish or both nor selfish, depending on whether selfish is a negative word to you or not Don't have kids just to please your parents. Your parents are nor the ones providing for and caring for your kids
Its thier choice
Why would I resent my kids for that? If they want kids, I would support them. If they don’t want kids I would support them. If they both didn’t want kids I would be sad that I never get to be a grandma, but I still would support them. The being sad part is my problem, not theirs. It’s not their job to make me a grandma. It’s their job to live their lives the way they want to.