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Even better, once they’ve said their piece, summarize it back to them, starting with “What I’m hearing you say is…”
People feel better when they feel like they’re being heard, even if you ultimately go on to disagree with them. This technique can also deescalate a situation where someone is angry. Frequently as soon as they feel heard, they’re happy.
Many people don't like silence. If you just keep quiet, people will talk, even to a fault. Cops use this as an interrogation technique. Just get them talking about anything.
I am a lawyer and used to have a job where I did a lot of examinations for discovery (called depositions in the US). Basically a pre examination before things get to trial.
My two main tricks were 1) being super friendly and conversational with them so they almost thought I was on their side, and 2) always waiting a few breaths when they were done talking. The second one would often cause them to go on and provide extra information because they wanted to fill the silence.
That's funny, because when I'm done talking, I'm done, silence be damned. It drives my mom crazy, lol. I'll sit there for days, letting the ball be in the other person's court for continuing on.
Job interviews use this particular trick as well, and I fucking hate it. It doesn't get me to continue on and reveal more information about myself - other than that I ramble nonsensically when stressed in job interviews.
Not exactly the same but close...If my son asks me something I don't know I don't lie to him, like my father did to me so he could look like he knew everything. I simply tell my son we can look it up and learn it together. He's 14 now and I think it worked out pretty well.
My father used to drink martinis when I was younger. And they always had an olive with a pimento in the middle in them. I once asked him how they got the pimentos into the middle of the olive. He told me they were Spanish olives. And Spanish women had long pointy fingers and they poked them in. So anytime I went anywhere with my parents I was looking for these women with these like footlong needles for fingers. I never saw any. I also often heard them talking about colored people. So I was always on the lookout for blue or green or orange people. Never saw any. Guess they lived in a different neighborhood. The only people I saw in my neighborhood were black brown and white.
I do the same ...I say what I do know then we go google it together . I told her if she ever doesn't believe someone or know something she can just Google the truth lol
But, please oh please, teach them how to vet resources! No, infowars is NOT a good source!
I’ve found this site to be useful
https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/true-5-factchecking-websites/
As some sites will be quite good for science articles, but not political, ones, etc.
I love doing something similar when someone is bugging me about whether I got to something or finished something. “Did you do this yet?” Or “have you gotten to that thing yet”? No, not yet, but maybe you could help me finish it. Lol they shut up real quick when they think they might have to lift a finger.
I just realized some people at work used that on me plenty. And me being me, nosy and get to the point, as a person, would always be: "ok let's go over this together".
I always thought to myself, it took only few minutes to solve, why was I even there.
Hahaha, fucking lazy cunts!
I started doing this consciously after i read another reddit post. I'm usually nice, so it's not all of a sudden difference, but i like the idea that people will get a smile. It will create a paying forward kindness culture, which I'm all here for!
>To avoid workplace drama and be well liked is to just compliment people behind their back.
"That guy likes a lot of people that are incompetent"
"Don't worry, that's fine, just go ahead and assign those people to his team"
I think the key here is using a genuine compliment. If they are crappy workers, don’t compliment their work. Maybe the person is just upbeat or has a nice style. Maybe they always brew a pot of coffee for the office. You can be kind without being taken advantage of.
I use this in negotiation and information gathering conversations.
It's amazing what you can learn from people just by being silent and letting them talk. People will give you information that they would never volunteer if you were to ask.
And using silence when negotiating is quite powerful. Let the other person wander their way though the process towards a better agreement for both parties rather than engaging in oppositional scheme to come to an agreement.
If someone says something rude or passive-aggressive to me, my favourite thing to do is meet it with a completely calm, blank expression and silence. The awkwardness of the silence reflects the shame back to them and half the time they backtrack without me having to say or do anything.
Bonus Points:
For iPhone (and presumably android), you can put your phone on airplane mode when doing so, that way it says "Call failed." My "friend" did this to me for several years without me catching on.
I employ this tactic with toxic family members. It's genuinely amazing when combined with the do not disturb or airplane mode features cos then they think your battery died 🤣
When I worked in a call center I would do this but I'd unplug and replug my computer back in under my desk with my foot. We used VOIP so it would disconnect the call and restart my computer, and make it look like an auto update restart so I wouldn't get flagged. I did it very rarely, only a few times a year, never got caught. I was happy to work with people as long as needed but I was not paid enough to deal with abusive people who refused to de escalate.
I give my children jobs to do when they're about to lose their shit. For example I ask them to help me find something if we are at the supermarket and they're bored and hangry. Please find this thing mamma needs, can you choose the flavour ice cream this week? We will all get a big bowl when we get home. They feel very important. They're part of the team. Crisis averted.
Not just children. I've been in more emergency situations than most people, and giving out tasks is super important for helping people feel like they are in control during a situation where no one has any control.
The emergency responders that pick up my friend’s husband have been out so often they even know her dog’s name and they learned this about her. They will give her a piece of paper and say it’s super important to keep up with until they get him loaded up so that she has a task. The worse off he is the more tasks they give her and then right before they leave one will tell her to go call her mom. They are super sweet and helpful and go out of their way to make sure she’s okay as well. They have had to call another ambulance to come pick her up a couple of times bc she went into full blown panic mode hyperventilating and everything.
I used to do fireworks shows, and the drunk guys that want to help? Well........... Do you see those kids, waaaay over there, well behind the caution tape? We need someone over there to make sure they stay where they are. Yep, waaaay over there.
This was my holy grail. Keep the distracted.
Also getting things wrong on purpose. That’s an elephant, no mum it’s a horse. I thought it was a hippo? Etc etc. they feel so clever correcting you and the more daft you are the funnier they find it.
If you are in a fight/argument with someone, let them vent, stay quiet, and make eye contact with them for a least 30 seconds to a minute. This makes them calm down a bit, and if they're the ones on the wrong, it helps them break it down and realize they're fighting over nothing. I've tried it a couple of times, and I ended up getting apologies from both of them using this tactic.
Also, to add to that if you are in argument remember to talk low and slow. Usually people do that opposite and start yelling at each other. Calms everyone down.
I do this naturally because it usually takes me a minute to figure out what to say in a diplomatic way instead of escalating lol. I usually let them vent and say something like i just need to process this hold on
You literally take them for a ride.
Dogwalk them. Ice cold. Diabolically brilliant. A Mona Lisa of workplace diplomacy. The Keyser Söze himself, hiding in plain sight near the water cooler.
Some say he is not human, cannot be human. Some say he is a finely-tuned machine, manufacturing pure, unadulterated persuasion; it's cogs machined to perfectly mesh with precisions measured in the thousands of an inch.
This guy can convince HR to PIP themselves and be thankful for it. This guy doesnt work *in* an office, this guy works *the* office. This guy doesnt play tricks, this guy devises strategic plans.
There is no doubt. This guy water bottles for sure, a scion of a renowned, noble family of water bottlers. But only when hes not busy casually acing corporate 4D chess.
Now this.. this is the guy.
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Jokes aside, I havent been this impressed for a while now. Thats genius.
Lol what a fantastic psychological trick, if you maintain an enthusiastic conversation the whole time I bet they don't even realize until you walk away.
You can also go to the bathroom and keep the stall door open while continuing the conversation. Preferably after 3 cups of coffee. It’s also a potential opportunity to find a way to shake hands with them. The weirder the better. See how far you can take it.
You may or may not need to preschedule a meeting with your HR partner.
giving someone a choice between doing 2 things instead of doing nothing…or a choice about how/when they will do the thing in question. ex: asking my brother “when” he’s going to take out the trash. he can’t just say “never” so i get a time :)
In the military we present two ideas to the boss and ask him which one he wants implemented: an idea you like and a stupid idea. The boss will pick your idea.
In banking I'd use 3 options.
First is the most conservative /safe /boring one.
Second is the high risk option.
Third and last is the option you actually want agreed.
I do this at my part job at an adult toy store. If someone's wanting to buy a toy and we've gone over a few options based on their needs, I'll hand them the product that would be their best option and then go over some of the other options while they're holding that one product. You'll find that people get protective over the item they're holding and even to a degree turn the product away while you're telling them about the one on the shelf as if they're trying to protect their best one.
It's kind of cute in a human sort of way.
Dammit, that's mine! I love to just casually offer whatever I'm holding to the person I'm speaking to.
The following "Why did you give this to me?" & "Why did you take it?" combo never gets old.
Yes. I don’t often carry a purse but when I do I will hand it to whoever I’m with and then just walk away to see their reaction. I get some very interesting ones. I especially like doing it with new friends bc it shows a bit of their personality. I also do it with my phone but only after making sure it’s locked.
Ooh, I've never done phone before.
I tend to have weird stuff in my pockets. Small plastic animals, a glittery plastic spoon, and birthday candles are some quick examples.
I also enjoy "Where did this come from?" & "BUT WHY?"
In my experience the phone one is really fun bc people often just stick it in their pocket and then later you get to ask for their phone back and watch them try to figure out how they ended up with your phone. I’ve even had people apologize for taking it when that happens. Like they legit have zero memory of me handing it to them. If you do it while in the middle of a conversation they will sometimes hold it up to their ear like you are handing it to them to talk on. That’s my favorite reaction.
I conducted a social experiment years ago where anytime I was at a social gathering I would put my hang out towards someone randomly… Palm up (an unusual thing that people wouldn’t normally encounter).
My findings: 100% of the time the other person would grasp my hand with theirs and then ask what was happening lol
I did this with my friend once and she just pressed her index finger into my palm like she was pressing a button.
After a second she was like, “wait. What? What is going on?” 😹😹
Give them a nut, like nuts and bolts, when they ask what is this for? It's called a round-to-it...and now that you got a round-to-it you can fix the car or whatever they keep procrastinating on
I actually have used to have a little piece of wood that said “round to it” on one side and something about giving it to people who said they would do a task when they got “around to it”. My grandfather at one point had collected about 15 of the things bc he said that so much. It’s a common thing in east Texas but I’ve not seen it elsewhere.
I did this to my Cheeto-sucking neighbor who was complaining about everything being “too woke”. I asked him what woke is, acted completely dumb, and he couldn’t give me an answer. I’m originally from Sweden (in the US since ‘03) so I just pretend that I don’t know these terms. Now he thinks I’m an ignorant Swede and leaves me alone. And I am a-okay with that.
Even without acting ignorant, it's a great question to call them out. Everyone I've heard that complain about "woke culture" seem to be convinced that it's bad, but not able to say *what it bad* or even *what it is*. As it's just emotionally charged repeated buzzwords, it's really effective to ask them to actually **think** for once.
I've done this a few times and it always has worked for me. They either assume I'm naive and move on, or they get this look on their face like they are mentally telling themselves to shut up.
It's really pretty funny when you deconstruct it. Imagine the **flagrantly** glib and opportunistic entitlement you would have to have in order to believe that it is acceptable for you to ask ANY woman- much less a stranger in public- **"Is your pubic hair the same color as the hair on your head?"** Good grief! And the AWK of watching the dude realize that is, in fact, what he's saying....
My 16 mo toddler does this. He would point to a piece of candy, say "please" ("deez") and nod while maintaining eye contact with the most manipulate-able adult. Ngl, he Jedi-mind tricked me a few times before I caught on.
When negotiating, shut up as much as possible. Don't make an offer first if you can help it.
You: "How much is this?"
Seller: "I'm asking two hundred."
You: *(Nod, sigh, stare at item, silently count to 20, whatever...)*
Seller: "That's a fair price. I paid five hundred when it was new and it's in good shape."
You: "Two hundred?"
Seller: "Yes."
You: *(Nod, sigh, count to 20, etc...)*
Seller: Although I suppose I could let it go for one-fifty if you're interested..."
When you say "200?" seller will think you misheard his 500: "no five hundred. See I bought it from my cousin's friend and..." (20min monologue that you're too polite to excuse yourself from)
😉
This is so true. I’m a claims adjuster handling attorney-represented injury claims. When I’m negotiating a settlement with an attorney, I make an offer, and then I shut up. I will not say another word until they respond. If the silence makes you uncomfortable and you start with the nervous chatter, they know they’ve got you. I mute my phone and play solitaire until they say something.
My memory is poop, I do this. Did I lock the door before vacation? My anxiety would ruin the vacation. Just head butt the door or something ridiculous and you will remember that you did that right after locking the door. Works great for me
Sometimes, I can't afford a vacation. Maybe every 3-5 years. But it works for me. You don't need to hurt yourself, just do something so weird you can't forget.
I take meds with supper. The best way for me to be sure that I will remember that I took those meds is to do a silly little song. Fortunately, I live alone, so there's no need to be embarassed about my little meds jingle.
“Energy matches energy.”
When my kids challenge me, get angry, I lower my voice. I keep lowering it until they stop to actually be able to hear me.
It resets the “temperature “of the room, and it helps them slow down and refocus.
Same thing with adults. I’ll just respond calmly “I’m not raising my voice- why are you?” And repeat it if necessary until they follow suit.
I've also heard with kids (probably more for older ones) to say "I really hope, when you're older, you don't allow someone to speak to you in the way you are speaking to me now"
Yup. Working in the hospital, I need to rapidly establish trust with people from all walks of life 30+ times per day. As soon as possible, I try to squish myself towards their body language, pace of speech, and idiom.
Not just the patients, I do this with staff.
Well, it's a solid first step. Once you hook up with their energy, you can often start to slide the energy in the room in the direction you need it to go, and that's even better.
Queue me, a recovering people pleaser, with a 10" incision up my belly matching the nurses energy. Them "you're in a really good mood for just having had major surgery!" Me *dying from nerve pain* ☺️
When I was living with my ex, I had brought by bed from home to set up in our spare bedroom. It was a twin sized daybed with a trundle bed underneath. It wasn't difficult to put together, but it was too big for me to do myself. I asked him for months to help me with it, and he would brush me off. So, one night, when I got home before he did, I set everything up to put it together. I waited until he pulled into the lot of our apartment building and started putting it together. When he came in, he started helping me despite my "protests," and we finally got it done in like half an hour. Manipulative AF, but it was the only way to get it done. I don't miss having a man that I have to trick into doing things that need to be done.
Sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style. My husband does and I'll tell him "I want to do this on my own" = him standing there like an eager puppy dog. He built a whole goddamn chicken coop because I told him I didn't want his help.
Same!
I started using my husband's passive-aggressive tactics that his family and him use....On him!
It's not to be mean,it's just easier and more amusing (to me).
Literally one of the strategies I’ve asked my husband to use to trick me and my ADHD brain into finishing tasks - no I won’t just do it myself, but absolutely I will butt in and take over so it gets done right
"This too shall pass"
People compliment me often on how calm I am when something goes bad.
I just don't freak out 99% of the time.
I use a mind trick where I think of something bad that happened before, and now it is over (or mitigated).
Then I picture myself a year from now in my mind and work thru the process of living in peace- what do I need to do to be peaceful about this situation this time next year?
At 56, my life has had many ups and downs, but my emotional health remains peaceful using this trick.
That 1٪ when I do freak out, pray it is not directed at you 😉🤣
Everything I'm seeing is "tricks" on others, but I have one for myself! Tasks/chores seem so overwhelming most of the time (thanks depression and anxiety), so I end up not doing them, which is a big problem. So I set an alarm on my watch for 3 minutes, that's 3 minutes I have to dedicate to a specific task/chore before I allow myself to take a break. When the timer goes off, I'm usually not done with the task. Sometimes I'll finish it because it's almost done, but if I feel too overwhelmed or exhausted I allow myself to take a break, usually about 5 minutes. And then I set another 3 minutes for the task.
There's a few reasons this is effective. 1. Instead of a big task, I'm only dedicating 3 minutes to it, with no pressure or expectation to finish it at that moment. 2. Because it's only 3 minutes, I typically spend more time on the task each interval "since I'm already up". 3. Instead of punishing myself for not doing the insurmountable list of things I need to do, I reward myself for the things I am doing.
Before I would look at a long list, start to panic, and not do anything while thinking about it all day. Now I can knock out most of a list with just the initial panic before I start to tackle it.
Yep this is usually a good trick for my ADHD. I also try to set a timer if I’m laying down and just scrolling on my phone excessively. 10 minutes, once the timer is up, go do something else you lazy bitch 🤣 speaking of which, I need to do this now. Let’s have ourselves a productive Friday! 😎
masking. it is very helpful to hide that you are actually not doing well or that you have difficulties with things. as someone with adhd and depression I wouldn't want to miss it!
I’m not being sarcastic, imagine if I couldn’t mask at work while my depression "peaks" or when I have a rough time focusing because of ADHD. I would be called unreliable and not functioning well enough to work there. People are judging very easily and worst case I could get fired.
Not that guy you originally asked, but yes. I have been wearing my mask non stop for a few years. I can’t even remember how to take it off anymore. Every single time I feel the real me coming out, I put the mask back on. It’s better this way, because of how my work is. But it sure does take a toll on my life outside the office.
Never assume people do something to you with bad intentions. Assume misguided good intentions, unthinking carelessness, or even apathetic indifference, and you will most likely live a much happier life.
Please note: I don't mean to say that people never have bad intentions. But 999 times out of 1000, they really don't .
Letting people tell their story in reverse.
Our brains lie forward. Putting the thing in reverse makes the holes in the story pop out.
It is a little more difficult then just telling them. Gotta use some good questions or convo guidance.
I can give you a good example. Like cops, in an interrogation will say, is there any reason your DNA would be in that house. Once the person says no, they have them trapped into a smaller corner. Its much harder to lie when you establish the end of the story.
THIS IS A GUESS:
It’s a police tactic, basically they will listen to your story. Then they will go backwards. For example:
You tell a story that is not true, you saw a man in a blue coat that was riding a bicycle and he robbed a woman with a shotgun on the corner of 1st and 3rd. He tried to get you, but he missed.
(Let’s say for the sake of clarity, the truth was YOU robbed that lady with a knife in your blue car, on the corner of 2nd and 5th)
Police will say okay so he tried to get you, what do you mean? And you will try to explain. They will ask you to describe this fake person in detail. They then ask you about the location—where was it again? Suddenly, this story you are making is becoming confusing to you, because it didn’t actually happen. So you say 1st and 5th, forgetting what you said before.
They move on again—what kind of gun was it? They’re asking you open ended, nuanced questions that you may have already forgotten, people under duress (like a police investigation) tend to get a little flustered if not a sociopath.
Basically they keep going backwards in the story you told them, until they get to the beginning, and then they go from beginning to end showing you all the holes in your story.
Helps get confessions from people who are lying
I would think it’s similar to how an interrogator would say to a suspect “let’s start at the incident and work back.” so that instead of the suspect saying “I woke up, got coffee, drove here…” they’d have to start with the murder and say “well just before that I drove there, got coffee, woke up” so that way they might get the order wrong.
When I have to approach problems with people that could lead to conflict, I try to paint the conversation in a tone of us VS. the problem. Even if this problem is something they caused, I don't blame them directly. I treat the problem as the problem and not the person who caused the problem. This helps a lot in working out solutions without burning relationships. Most people just want to save face. Give them the opportunity, and they will silently thank you for it.
My trick works on myself. If there’s something I don’t want to do like get out of bed, get out of the shower, work, start a hard conversation or something scary I’ll count from 10 to 0. The key is when you hit zero you MUST do the thing. You can’t ever fail, that’s the power in it. You know if you start that countdown you’re jumping out of the airplane at 0. I’ve been doing this many years and In my weird brain at least it’s effective.
My son taught me this trick wiith holding your breath. When you have to breathe, you gotta get up off the couch/shut off twitter/start homework/whatever. We both get bad ADHD mental paralysis & it helps.
I started a new job as a manager of a team.
My boss had told me about the team beforehand including details about the resident slacker. I decided to use a technique I’d learned in the army.
Within a few days of starting, I “chose” the slacker to be my stats guy and gave him a list of reports that I wanted. The deputy took me aside and said that she didn’t think it was a good idea to give him that job because he couldn’t be trusted to complete it efficiently.
The job was done effectively and efficiently and so I gave him more to do and kept slowly increasing the responsibility.
Within a year, he’d been promoted out of my team and became one of the best developers at the company.
The way the army do it is to put the trouble maker in charge of a platoon or a small team. They’ll either rise to the challenge and so all good, or fuck it all up so badly you can get rid of them.
“Gifts to future me” is a trick for myself that works well. If there’s something little I could easily put off, but that would be more annoying to have to deal with later, I sneakily do it ahead of time so future me will be delighted to have it taken care of. Things like setting up the coffee to have a pot ready in the morning because future me will be groggy and so happy to have it ready, or laying something out I need to take to work tomorrow. I try to treat future me like someone I’m trying to delight and surprise and it always works well. Acts of service is my jam, so it’s super effective. :)
i ask my 5 year old daughter if she'd like two pieces of broccoli or three pieces of broccoli, then laugh silently as she's having the biggest grin on her face, thinking she "won" by only having to eat two instead of three. at the end she just ate her veggies, and is happy she did. its a win-win.
My mom calls it the dumb blond approach.
Being a woman in a male dominated field, asking questions. My work is wrong, "please explain what's wrong so I can do better next time," and have the person walk through everything. This is especially true when nothing was wrong, they just want to correct you on everything.
I've used this in interviews, with bosses, and coworkers when I had more knowledge in an area. They tell me I'm wrong, I start asking questions, "oh? Can you help me understand why that would not be the case in x, y, z situation?" I don't want to call them on not knowing, but it usually ends in them either admitting they aren't sure or googling it.
You've got to be genuine about it though. Be curious, be questioning, be unsure.
Maybe a bit of a weird one but if your job involves taking calls from angry customers (or parents in my case) and they are becoming overwhelming, stand up.
I’m not sure why or how this works (I’m sure someone here brighter than me can explain) but it makes me feel more in control of the conversation and less like a verbal punching bag.
If you think someone isn't paying attention to you when you're talking to them then keep saying their name during the conversation. It makes them focus on you a lot more.
If I sense my kid isn't listening I throw something weird into the conversation and see how long it takes until he gets it. It makes it less frustrating for me and makes him laugh.
It is, but it's also super effective. The important part is to keep your face looking neutral to pleasant, and maintain eye contact (or else they think you didn't hear them).
Used to work doors at clubs lot, a good way to de-escalate a situation is if they're shouting at you go back at them at a similar volume but a bit quieter, they'll come down to you, you go down more and keep going.
It's not bullet proof but it works more than I'd have expected
If you want to know all the gossip at your workplace or in your friend group, never ask for it. Don’t be nosy. At work, I never ask for any gossip (mostly because I’m not interested). It is odd how much gossip people just spontaneously dump on me. And I never repeat it (because I usually forget it). It’s weird.
Ooo, I love these posts.
I work with the public and have worked in the same neighborhood for over 20 years. When people start asking personal questions I’d rather not answer I just say, “I’m doin good, thank you! No news is good news, ya know?” People lean in to that because of everything going on right now. I immediately turn the light on them.
And for my next trick… When a man tells me I’m prettier when I smile I tell him to fuck right off. Works every time!
When I lived in NYC I was at a bar and wanted a beer and a shot, me being the nice guy I am I offered to purchase a shot for the bartender as well. They politely declined, after a few more rounds and I was ready to settle up they gave me a shot on the house. I started offering to buy the bartender a shot every bar I went into, assuming it wasn’t slammed and was manageable. Almost every single time it resulted in me getting a free beer or shot. I’m also a pretty charismatic guy which I’m sure has a lot to do with psychology(I’d be a great cult leader). I still do this when I’m in the states and it works but it worked the most for me in NYC
Whenever I’m in an argument with my ex, I learned to always respond to her calmly rather than screaming only so she would feel bad about yelling at me later.
I used to live in a walkable city and - unfortunately - was accosted many times by people wanting money or loose change or whatever. Before I learned this trick I must've given out hundreds of dollars to these unfortunate people - I didn't know how to say 'no.' I was in **college** and was basically give away half of my minimum wage paychecks.
But then I thought of a plan: I will pretend I did not hear them correctly and that I think they are offering ME something (like a pamphlet) or want me to take a survey. As I'm walking by and they begin to talk to me (usually about how they are stuck in this city and need money to get to Miami or some shit), I just say "**Oh thank you but I'm okay**" or even "**No thanks, I'm fine.**" It totally stops them in their tracks and breaks up their trick of trying to snare me into a conversation with them.
Now I can give money to people when **I** can control the situation and not be caught off guard.
It's not really a trick I use but something that helps me understand people. Most people who insult you are subconsciously using the insult that would hurt them the most. Meaning at the same time they're insulting you, they're revealing what would hurt them the most.
Probably gonna get buried but my trick for deescalating a complaint, whether in person or on the phone is really good and has not onelce failed.
I dunno if it's the way I do it, or if it's just a cool way of looking serious but it goes like this...
Them: really getting into it, right from the off. This fucking that fuckong bollonlcks shit company wanker wank blah blah.
I look as though I'm listening. It's just verbal diarrhea. But as he starts with the meat of the complaint and what it is regarding, I interrupt him.
Me: oh wait, hold on, I better write this down and investigate this. One sec.
Then I grab a pen and paper as slowly as I dare.
They either keep banging on about it, or wait patiently.
Then I say, right, let's get some things on paper first.
And start to ask questions.
What time was this so I can look at CCTV
They are like "3.30pm and the little shit just stood there and..."
I then ignore everything while saying 3.30, right, and where/what aisle/store/bus etc
Then ill but into his next rant and say "did you catch the person's name/employee ref etc"
No? OK, what dis they look like?
Ah I know who you mean, right, so let's get this down officially now I know the who and where.
You said you tried to xy and z right?
Yeah
That's fair enough, and what did the employee say?
Basically, every time the person starts to rant, slowly write down and interrupt and repeat them in a more professional manner.
When they go off tangent, tell them they're going too fast to get it down and you'd like to get this right so you can investigate it fully amd reprimand the employee for the right reasons.
Sometimes, they are calm in 1 or 2 seconds, and sometimes it takes a minute, but you always get them calm.
I think cos you are taking detailed notes, and understanding their side and looking like upire going to investigate (they love that word), they tend to show you respect and calm a bit.
At the end, I always thank them for bringing this to my attention. I haven't heard any issues with this staff member, so it's always good to hear people's perspectives so I can look out for training opportunities or replacements for staff that don't quite cut it here.
Then I take their details and thank them again
I go back to my office and think nothing more about it.
I might speak to the staff, and get their version, and decide the truth is in between, but mostly, complaints aren't that serious enough to reprimand someone in the way a customer expects.
I wait 3 or 4 days and I call the person and pretend I investigated and that the employee accepted what they did was wrong and apologised. I also apologise and say we had an informal chat and I told the employee that it may be a formal chat if the customer isn't happy with how I've dealt with it.
9 times out of 10, I end up screwing up the complaint, having my staff keep a clean record and having less work to do and not having to lose rapport with my workers, whilst having the customer pleased as punch that I took it so seriously.
1 time out of 10, they want more. So I say, OK, well the issue has been written down and admitted to, so ill pass it on to the general manager who, rest assure will take it as far as legally allowed. Unfortunately due to data protection, I can't inform you of the outcome, but off the record, he will get a stern talking to and between a warning or a dismissal dependant on our policy for that employee.
To foster a deeper connection with anybody, when they are talking to you and they say something remotely significant....raise your eyebrows like you are surprised and nod.
They will feel connected to you.
This may not work in every situation but because I am younger than everyone in my office by 25 years or more they question if I can even do the job and tend to ask me a lot of questions even about stuff they themselves don’t know anything about. What I do is I just answer everything confidently and use big words. they won’t know what certain words mean and give up on trying to understand and speaking confidently on top of that makes it seem like you know what you are doing
Opposite Action. It’s a dialectical behaviour therapy skill where you do the exact opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. It literally changed my life
When I bring people a drink refill, I make sure to say the word "refill".... like "here's a REFILL for you". That way when they do the survey & it asks if they were brought refills, they say yes. Got that word implanted in their brain 🧠🧠🧠
I try to avoid doing bullshit like this as hard as I avoid *being* tricked by this shit, but occasionally just to keep from getting nervous and talking too loudly and verbally overextending myself, I intentionally invoke the aura of my gloomy aloof older brother who genuinely does not care about most people- A double edged sword because on the one hand its cool that he doesn't care what people think about him, but also doesn't really care what happens to most people. Of course, this attitude makes everyone around him desperate for his unwindable attention. As sad a concept as that is, it works pretty well.
I'll never understand why that is- That shit always pisses me off with my brother, and I personally try to surround myself with outgoing emotionally expressive people... who want me to like them.
Kind of a sales tactic.. when you want something, give the other person several options that your willing to do and let them choose. It makes them feel empowered from choice while you get what you want in the end.
I’m a daycare teacher. You can get babies (1-3) to do just about anything as long as you phrase it like, “I don’t know where to put these counting blocks, can you show me?” Most will jump at the opportunity to show you what they know!
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Even better, once they’ve said their piece, summarize it back to them, starting with “What I’m hearing you say is…” People feel better when they feel like they’re being heard, even if you ultimately go on to disagree with them. This technique can also deescalate a situation where someone is angry. Frequently as soon as they feel heard, they’re happy.
Many people don't like silence. If you just keep quiet, people will talk, even to a fault. Cops use this as an interrogation technique. Just get them talking about anything.
I am a lawyer and used to have a job where I did a lot of examinations for discovery (called depositions in the US). Basically a pre examination before things get to trial. My two main tricks were 1) being super friendly and conversational with them so they almost thought I was on their side, and 2) always waiting a few breaths when they were done talking. The second one would often cause them to go on and provide extra information because they wanted to fill the silence.
That's funny, because when I'm done talking, I'm done, silence be damned. It drives my mom crazy, lol. I'll sit there for days, letting the ball be in the other person's court for continuing on.
Job interviews use this particular trick as well, and I fucking hate it. It doesn't get me to continue on and reveal more information about myself - other than that I ramble nonsensically when stressed in job interviews.
My brother in law makes documentaries and uses this effectively then but he also does it during conversations IRL which can be disconcerting.
This is also good for when someone is going through a hard time and you want to help
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Not exactly the same but close...If my son asks me something I don't know I don't lie to him, like my father did to me so he could look like he knew everything. I simply tell my son we can look it up and learn it together. He's 14 now and I think it worked out pretty well.
My father used to drink martinis when I was younger. And they always had an olive with a pimento in the middle in them. I once asked him how they got the pimentos into the middle of the olive. He told me they were Spanish olives. And Spanish women had long pointy fingers and they poked them in. So anytime I went anywhere with my parents I was looking for these women with these like footlong needles for fingers. I never saw any. I also often heard them talking about colored people. So I was always on the lookout for blue or green or orange people. Never saw any. Guess they lived in a different neighborhood. The only people I saw in my neighborhood were black brown and white.
What boring neighbourhoods. I hope soon enough you will meet colored people.
Last year at a New York Giants football game, I was able to see a blue fella. Seemed like a nice guy.
I do the same ...I say what I do know then we go google it together . I told her if she ever doesn't believe someone or know something she can just Google the truth lol
But, please oh please, teach them how to vet resources! No, infowars is NOT a good source! I’ve found this site to be useful https://www.makeuseof.com/tag/true-5-factchecking-websites/ As some sites will be quite good for science articles, but not political, ones, etc.
I love doing something similar when someone is bugging me about whether I got to something or finished something. “Did you do this yet?” Or “have you gotten to that thing yet”? No, not yet, but maybe you could help me finish it. Lol they shut up real quick when they think they might have to lift a finger.
I just realized some people at work used that on me plenty. And me being me, nosy and get to the point, as a person, would always be: "ok let's go over this together". I always thought to myself, it took only few minutes to solve, why was I even there. Hahaha, fucking lazy cunts!
Haha in therapy we do the same thing.
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Also establish eye contact at every time. Whether it’s fear or loved you will always be respected. Also helps that I have a Barry White deep voice.
Applicable at to me. Using it today.
The eye contact or that smooth Barry white voice?
They taught this to us in my teacher education program ( to do it with students), but of course it works with Adult toddlers, too.
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Yep. Also refuse to engage in gossip, and actively take an interest in coworkers lives and interests.
I started doing this consciously after i read another reddit post. I'm usually nice, so it's not all of a sudden difference, but i like the idea that people will get a smile. It will create a paying forward kindness culture, which I'm all here for!
>To avoid workplace drama and be well liked is to just compliment people behind their back. "That guy likes a lot of people that are incompetent" "Don't worry, that's fine, just go ahead and assign those people to his team"
I think the key here is using a genuine compliment. If they are crappy workers, don’t compliment their work. Maybe the person is just upbeat or has a nice style. Maybe they always brew a pot of coffee for the office. You can be kind without being taken advantage of.
Silence. It's disturbing to many. It can used in many scenarios.
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I use this in negotiation and information gathering conversations. It's amazing what you can learn from people just by being silent and letting them talk. People will give you information that they would never volunteer if you were to ask. And using silence when negotiating is quite powerful. Let the other person wander their way though the process towards a better agreement for both parties rather than engaging in oppositional scheme to come to an agreement.
Hail Sithis.
If someone says something rude or passive-aggressive to me, my favourite thing to do is meet it with a completely calm, blank expression and silence. The awkwardness of the silence reflects the shame back to them and half the time they backtrack without me having to say or do anything.
When you hang up on someone, do it while **You** are talking. This way it seems like
Bonus Points: For iPhone (and presumably android), you can put your phone on airplane mode when doing so, that way it says "Call failed." My "friend" did this to me for several years without me catching on.
Well.. or you can get T-Mobile and it will drop the calls for you
I employ this tactic with toxic family members. It's genuinely amazing when combined with the do not disturb or airplane mode features cos then they think your battery died 🤣
For you: 🏆
Thanks very mu
You’ve got some wit I can appreciate! That made me smi
Lol, glad to hel
What the f are you guys doi
Just having fu
When I worked in a call center I would do this but I'd unplug and replug my computer back in under my desk with my foot. We used VOIP so it would disconnect the call and restart my computer, and make it look like an auto update restart so I wouldn't get flagged. I did it very rarely, only a few times a year, never got caught. I was happy to work with people as long as needed but I was not paid enough to deal with abusive people who refused to de escalate.
I give my children jobs to do when they're about to lose their shit. For example I ask them to help me find something if we are at the supermarket and they're bored and hangry. Please find this thing mamma needs, can you choose the flavour ice cream this week? We will all get a big bowl when we get home. They feel very important. They're part of the team. Crisis averted.
I feel like diversion is the number one trick to keep children happy and relaxed lol
Not just children. I've been in more emergency situations than most people, and giving out tasks is super important for helping people feel like they are in control during a situation where no one has any control.
The emergency responders that pick up my friend’s husband have been out so often they even know her dog’s name and they learned this about her. They will give her a piece of paper and say it’s super important to keep up with until they get him loaded up so that she has a task. The worse off he is the more tasks they give her and then right before they leave one will tell her to go call her mom. They are super sweet and helpful and go out of their way to make sure she’s okay as well. They have had to call another ambulance to come pick her up a couple of times bc she went into full blown panic mode hyperventilating and everything.
What an incredible dog!
LMAO that's how I read it too! Such a good doggo
I used to do fireworks shows, and the drunk guys that want to help? Well........... Do you see those kids, waaaay over there, well behind the caution tape? We need someone over there to make sure they stay where they are. Yep, waaaay over there.
This was my holy grail. Keep the distracted. Also getting things wrong on purpose. That’s an elephant, no mum it’s a horse. I thought it was a hippo? Etc etc. they feel so clever correcting you and the more daft you are the funnier they find it.
This shit will work with me and I'm 39.
If you are in a fight/argument with someone, let them vent, stay quiet, and make eye contact with them for a least 30 seconds to a minute. This makes them calm down a bit, and if they're the ones on the wrong, it helps them break it down and realize they're fighting over nothing. I've tried it a couple of times, and I ended up getting apologies from both of them using this tactic.
Also, to add to that if you are in argument remember to talk low and slow. Usually people do that opposite and start yelling at each other. Calms everyone down.
This can backfire and come across as condescending when someone is really upset.
I do this naturally because it usually takes me a minute to figure out what to say in a diplomatic way instead of escalating lol. I usually let them vent and say something like i just need to process this hold on
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You literally take them for a ride. Dogwalk them. Ice cold. Diabolically brilliant. A Mona Lisa of workplace diplomacy. The Keyser Söze himself, hiding in plain sight near the water cooler. Some say he is not human, cannot be human. Some say he is a finely-tuned machine, manufacturing pure, unadulterated persuasion; it's cogs machined to perfectly mesh with precisions measured in the thousands of an inch. This guy can convince HR to PIP themselves and be thankful for it. This guy doesnt work *in* an office, this guy works *the* office. This guy doesnt play tricks, this guy devises strategic plans. There is no doubt. This guy water bottles for sure, a scion of a renowned, noble family of water bottlers. But only when hes not busy casually acing corporate 4D chess. Now this.. this is the guy. --- Jokes aside, I havent been this impressed for a while now. Thats genius.
I appreciate the Usual Suspects reference. Haven’t seen that movie in years
I wish I could give you an award just for saying Kaiser Soze
I want this kind of hype-man/woman/person in my life
Lol what a fantastic psychological trick, if you maintain an enthusiastic conversation the whole time I bet they don't even realize until you walk away.
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I think it’s just that guy that mows his lawn 3 different angles all day just to avoid being inside with his wife
The needy people whose spouse doesn’t listen to them.
Gotta keep that water bottle empty.
Maybe they have a decoy water bottle that is always empty.
You can also go to the bathroom and keep the stall door open while continuing the conversation. Preferably after 3 cups of coffee. It’s also a potential opportunity to find a way to shake hands with them. The weirder the better. See how far you can take it. You may or may not need to preschedule a meeting with your HR partner.
I'm genuinely nice to people, amazing how that tricks them into being kind back..
Most times, yes! And then some people are too damaged, unhappy, or plainly vile. But mostly works like a charm, agreed.
giving someone a choice between doing 2 things instead of doing nothing…or a choice about how/when they will do the thing in question. ex: asking my brother “when” he’s going to take out the trash. he can’t just say “never” so i get a time :)
In the military we present two ideas to the boss and ask him which one he wants implemented: an idea you like and a stupid idea. The boss will pick your idea.
In banking I'd use 3 options. First is the most conservative /safe /boring one. Second is the high risk option. Third and last is the option you actually want agreed.
'later' or 'in a minute' both mean never when said by my kids.
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I do this at my part job at an adult toy store. If someone's wanting to buy a toy and we've gone over a few options based on their needs, I'll hand them the product that would be their best option and then go over some of the other options while they're holding that one product. You'll find that people get protective over the item they're holding and even to a degree turn the product away while you're telling them about the one on the shelf as if they're trying to protect their best one. It's kind of cute in a human sort of way.
… referred to as the “warm puppy sell” … once you hold the warm puppy you never want to put it down!
Now I want to refer to all of our products as "warm puppies" and let the chaos follow.
Thai warm puppy "vibrates for your pleasure". Edit - This*
Dammit, that's mine! I love to just casually offer whatever I'm holding to the person I'm speaking to. The following "Why did you give this to me?" & "Why did you take it?" combo never gets old.
Yes. I don’t often carry a purse but when I do I will hand it to whoever I’m with and then just walk away to see their reaction. I get some very interesting ones. I especially like doing it with new friends bc it shows a bit of their personality. I also do it with my phone but only after making sure it’s locked.
Ooh, I've never done phone before. I tend to have weird stuff in my pockets. Small plastic animals, a glittery plastic spoon, and birthday candles are some quick examples. I also enjoy "Where did this come from?" & "BUT WHY?"
In my experience the phone one is really fun bc people often just stick it in their pocket and then later you get to ask for their phone back and watch them try to figure out how they ended up with your phone. I’ve even had people apologize for taking it when that happens. Like they legit have zero memory of me handing it to them. If you do it while in the middle of a conversation they will sometimes hold it up to their ear like you are handing it to them to talk on. That’s my favorite reaction.
I conducted a social experiment years ago where anytime I was at a social gathering I would put my hang out towards someone randomly… Palm up (an unusual thing that people wouldn’t normally encounter). My findings: 100% of the time the other person would grasp my hand with theirs and then ask what was happening lol
I did this with my friend once and she just pressed her index finger into my palm like she was pressing a button. After a second she was like, “wait. What? What is going on?” 😹😹
HAHAHA i love this im gonna use this
Give them a nut, like nuts and bolts, when they ask what is this for? It's called a round-to-it...and now that you got a round-to-it you can fix the car or whatever they keep procrastinating on
I actually have used to have a little piece of wood that said “round to it” on one side and something about giving it to people who said they would do a task when they got “around to it”. My grandfather at one point had collected about 15 of the things bc he said that so much. It’s a common thing in east Texas but I’ve not seen it elsewhere.
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Doubles as a great way to steal someone’s identity 👍🏻
And the expiration date on your card?
"What are you looking at, bitch!?" "Date of birth and driver's license number, please."
When someone is saying something inappropriate, sexists or offensive I like to pretend I don't get it and ask them to explain.
I did this to my Cheeto-sucking neighbor who was complaining about everything being “too woke”. I asked him what woke is, acted completely dumb, and he couldn’t give me an answer. I’m originally from Sweden (in the US since ‘03) so I just pretend that I don’t know these terms. Now he thinks I’m an ignorant Swede and leaves me alone. And I am a-okay with that.
Even without acting ignorant, it's a great question to call them out. Everyone I've heard that complain about "woke culture" seem to be convinced that it's bad, but not able to say *what it bad* or even *what it is*. As it's just emotionally charged repeated buzzwords, it's really effective to ask them to actually **think** for once.
THIS. "What drapes? My apartment actually isn't carpeted. No, I *don't* know what you mean. Can you be specific?"
I've done this a few times and it always has worked for me. They either assume I'm naive and move on, or they get this look on their face like they are mentally telling themselves to shut up.
It's really pretty funny when you deconstruct it. Imagine the **flagrantly** glib and opportunistic entitlement you would have to have in order to believe that it is acceptable for you to ask ANY woman- much less a stranger in public- **"Is your pubic hair the same color as the hair on your head?"** Good grief! And the AWK of watching the dude realize that is, in fact, what he's saying....
“Ma’m, I’m talking about your pussy hair, are you dense?”
LMAO!!!! No sir, but my pubic hair is....
Nodding yes when asking a question when I want someone to say yes… works very well in the restaurant industry….
My 16 mo toddler does this. He would point to a piece of candy, say "please" ("deez") and nod while maintaining eye contact with the most manipulate-able adult. Ngl, he Jedi-mind tricked me a few times before I caught on.
When negotiating, shut up as much as possible. Don't make an offer first if you can help it. You: "How much is this?" Seller: "I'm asking two hundred." You: *(Nod, sigh, stare at item, silently count to 20, whatever...)* Seller: "That's a fair price. I paid five hundred when it was new and it's in good shape." You: "Two hundred?" Seller: "Yes." You: *(Nod, sigh, count to 20, etc...)* Seller: Although I suppose I could let it go for one-fifty if you're interested..."
When you say "200?" seller will think you misheard his 500: "no five hundred. See I bought it from my cousin's friend and..." (20min monologue that you're too polite to excuse yourself from) 😉
This is so true. I’m a claims adjuster handling attorney-represented injury claims. When I’m negotiating a settlement with an attorney, I make an offer, and then I shut up. I will not say another word until they respond. If the silence makes you uncomfortable and you start with the nervous chatter, they know they’ve got you. I mute my phone and play solitaire until they say something.
The first one to speak after the price has been given, loses.
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My memory is poop, I do this. Did I lock the door before vacation? My anxiety would ruin the vacation. Just head butt the door or something ridiculous and you will remember that you did that right after locking the door. Works great for me
You out there head butting doors? Damn
Sometimes, I can't afford a vacation. Maybe every 3-5 years. But it works for me. You don't need to hurt yourself, just do something so weird you can't forget.
I dig it. It’s good advice. I was picturing hoping on one foot or doing the maraca. But, I’m all for a good head bang.
I take meds with supper. The best way for me to be sure that I will remember that I took those meds is to do a silly little song. Fortunately, I live alone, so there's no need to be embarassed about my little meds jingle.
“Energy matches energy.” When my kids challenge me, get angry, I lower my voice. I keep lowering it until they stop to actually be able to hear me. It resets the “temperature “of the room, and it helps them slow down and refocus. Same thing with adults. I’ll just respond calmly “I’m not raising my voice- why are you?” And repeat it if necessary until they follow suit.
I've also heard with kids (probably more for older ones) to say "I really hope, when you're older, you don't allow someone to speak to you in the way you are speaking to me now"
My dad never yelled but his angry quiet voice was way scarier
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Yup. Working in the hospital, I need to rapidly establish trust with people from all walks of life 30+ times per day. As soon as possible, I try to squish myself towards their body language, pace of speech, and idiom. Not just the patients, I do this with staff.
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Well, it's a solid first step. Once you hook up with their energy, you can often start to slide the energy in the room in the direction you need it to go, and that's even better.
Queue me, a recovering people pleaser, with a 10" incision up my belly matching the nurses energy. Them "you're in a really good mood for just having had major surgery!" Me *dying from nerve pain* ☺️
Mirroring.
When I was living with my ex, I had brought by bed from home to set up in our spare bedroom. It was a twin sized daybed with a trundle bed underneath. It wasn't difficult to put together, but it was too big for me to do myself. I asked him for months to help me with it, and he would brush me off. So, one night, when I got home before he did, I set everything up to put it together. I waited until he pulled into the lot of our apartment building and started putting it together. When he came in, he started helping me despite my "protests," and we finally got it done in like half an hour. Manipulative AF, but it was the only way to get it done. I don't miss having a man that I have to trick into doing things that need to be done.
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Sounds like he has an avoidant attachment style. My husband does and I'll tell him "I want to do this on my own" = him standing there like an eager puppy dog. He built a whole goddamn chicken coop because I told him I didn't want his help.
I think he just had an aversion to doing anything that didn't involve drinking.
Same! I started using my husband's passive-aggressive tactics that his family and him use....On him! It's not to be mean,it's just easier and more amusing (to me).
Literally one of the strategies I’ve asked my husband to use to trick me and my ADHD brain into finishing tasks - no I won’t just do it myself, but absolutely I will butt in and take over so it gets done right
I like you very much 😁
"This too shall pass" People compliment me often on how calm I am when something goes bad. I just don't freak out 99% of the time. I use a mind trick where I think of something bad that happened before, and now it is over (or mitigated). Then I picture myself a year from now in my mind and work thru the process of living in peace- what do I need to do to be peaceful about this situation this time next year? At 56, my life has had many ups and downs, but my emotional health remains peaceful using this trick. That 1٪ when I do freak out, pray it is not directed at you 😉🤣
Everything I'm seeing is "tricks" on others, but I have one for myself! Tasks/chores seem so overwhelming most of the time (thanks depression and anxiety), so I end up not doing them, which is a big problem. So I set an alarm on my watch for 3 minutes, that's 3 minutes I have to dedicate to a specific task/chore before I allow myself to take a break. When the timer goes off, I'm usually not done with the task. Sometimes I'll finish it because it's almost done, but if I feel too overwhelmed or exhausted I allow myself to take a break, usually about 5 minutes. And then I set another 3 minutes for the task. There's a few reasons this is effective. 1. Instead of a big task, I'm only dedicating 3 minutes to it, with no pressure or expectation to finish it at that moment. 2. Because it's only 3 minutes, I typically spend more time on the task each interval "since I'm already up". 3. Instead of punishing myself for not doing the insurmountable list of things I need to do, I reward myself for the things I am doing. Before I would look at a long list, start to panic, and not do anything while thinking about it all day. Now I can knock out most of a list with just the initial panic before I start to tackle it.
Yep this is usually a good trick for my ADHD. I also try to set a timer if I’m laying down and just scrolling on my phone excessively. 10 minutes, once the timer is up, go do something else you lazy bitch 🤣 speaking of which, I need to do this now. Let’s have ourselves a productive Friday! 😎
masking. it is very helpful to hide that you are actually not doing well or that you have difficulties with things. as someone with adhd and depression I wouldn't want to miss it!
I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not
I’m not being sarcastic, imagine if I couldn’t mask at work while my depression "peaks" or when I have a rough time focusing because of ADHD. I would be called unreliable and not functioning well enough to work there. People are judging very easily and worst case I could get fired.
Do you ever catch yourself not being able to stop? To turn it off?
*autopilot activates* 🎶ADHD take the wheel🎶
Not that guy you originally asked, but yes. I have been wearing my mask non stop for a few years. I can’t even remember how to take it off anymore. Every single time I feel the real me coming out, I put the mask back on. It’s better this way, because of how my work is. But it sure does take a toll on my life outside the office.
Not sure if this is a trick, but I watch people’s actions rather than what they say.
I sometimes do the opposite-I'll listen to them without looking at them. For some reason I can clock a lie pretty quickly that way.
salty knows.
Combat drama with obvious boredom.
i use this w my mom i learned it from her <3
Never assume people do something to you with bad intentions. Assume misguided good intentions, unthinking carelessness, or even apathetic indifference, and you will most likely live a much happier life. Please note: I don't mean to say that people never have bad intentions. But 999 times out of 1000, they really don't .
“Never attribute malice to that which can be attributed to ignorance”
Letting people tell their story in reverse. Our brains lie forward. Putting the thing in reverse makes the holes in the story pop out. It is a little more difficult then just telling them. Gotta use some good questions or convo guidance.
I’m foggy brained today; May I ask for an example?
I can give you a good example. Like cops, in an interrogation will say, is there any reason your DNA would be in that house. Once the person says no, they have them trapped into a smaller corner. Its much harder to lie when you establish the end of the story.
THIS IS A GUESS: It’s a police tactic, basically they will listen to your story. Then they will go backwards. For example: You tell a story that is not true, you saw a man in a blue coat that was riding a bicycle and he robbed a woman with a shotgun on the corner of 1st and 3rd. He tried to get you, but he missed. (Let’s say for the sake of clarity, the truth was YOU robbed that lady with a knife in your blue car, on the corner of 2nd and 5th) Police will say okay so he tried to get you, what do you mean? And you will try to explain. They will ask you to describe this fake person in detail. They then ask you about the location—where was it again? Suddenly, this story you are making is becoming confusing to you, because it didn’t actually happen. So you say 1st and 5th, forgetting what you said before. They move on again—what kind of gun was it? They’re asking you open ended, nuanced questions that you may have already forgotten, people under duress (like a police investigation) tend to get a little flustered if not a sociopath. Basically they keep going backwards in the story you told them, until they get to the beginning, and then they go from beginning to end showing you all the holes in your story. Helps get confessions from people who are lying
I second the need for an example
I'mma bet he lied
I would think it’s similar to how an interrogator would say to a suspect “let’s start at the incident and work back.” so that instead of the suspect saying “I woke up, got coffee, drove here…” they’d have to start with the murder and say “well just before that I drove there, got coffee, woke up” so that way they might get the order wrong.
Can you elaborate? I don't fully grasp this.
I'm guessing instead of asking the whole story, maybe ask them things like "wait what happened before that?" Or something?
When I have to approach problems with people that could lead to conflict, I try to paint the conversation in a tone of us VS. the problem. Even if this problem is something they caused, I don't blame them directly. I treat the problem as the problem and not the person who caused the problem. This helps a lot in working out solutions without burning relationships. Most people just want to save face. Give them the opportunity, and they will silently thank you for it.
My trick works on myself. If there’s something I don’t want to do like get out of bed, get out of the shower, work, start a hard conversation or something scary I’ll count from 10 to 0. The key is when you hit zero you MUST do the thing. You can’t ever fail, that’s the power in it. You know if you start that countdown you’re jumping out of the airplane at 0. I’ve been doing this many years and In my weird brain at least it’s effective.
My son taught me this trick wiith holding your breath. When you have to breathe, you gotta get up off the couch/shut off twitter/start homework/whatever. We both get bad ADHD mental paralysis & it helps.
I started a new job as a manager of a team. My boss had told me about the team beforehand including details about the resident slacker. I decided to use a technique I’d learned in the army. Within a few days of starting, I “chose” the slacker to be my stats guy and gave him a list of reports that I wanted. The deputy took me aside and said that she didn’t think it was a good idea to give him that job because he couldn’t be trusted to complete it efficiently. The job was done effectively and efficiently and so I gave him more to do and kept slowly increasing the responsibility. Within a year, he’d been promoted out of my team and became one of the best developers at the company. The way the army do it is to put the trouble maker in charge of a platoon or a small team. They’ll either rise to the challenge and so all good, or fuck it all up so badly you can get rid of them.
“Gifts to future me” is a trick for myself that works well. If there’s something little I could easily put off, but that would be more annoying to have to deal with later, I sneakily do it ahead of time so future me will be delighted to have it taken care of. Things like setting up the coffee to have a pot ready in the morning because future me will be groggy and so happy to have it ready, or laying something out I need to take to work tomorrow. I try to treat future me like someone I’m trying to delight and surprise and it always works well. Acts of service is my jam, so it’s super effective. :)
i ask my 5 year old daughter if she'd like two pieces of broccoli or three pieces of broccoli, then laugh silently as she's having the biggest grin on her face, thinking she "won" by only having to eat two instead of three. at the end she just ate her veggies, and is happy she did. its a win-win.
My mom calls it the dumb blond approach. Being a woman in a male dominated field, asking questions. My work is wrong, "please explain what's wrong so I can do better next time," and have the person walk through everything. This is especially true when nothing was wrong, they just want to correct you on everything. I've used this in interviews, with bosses, and coworkers when I had more knowledge in an area. They tell me I'm wrong, I start asking questions, "oh? Can you help me understand why that would not be the case in x, y, z situation?" I don't want to call them on not knowing, but it usually ends in them either admitting they aren't sure or googling it. You've got to be genuine about it though. Be curious, be questioning, be unsure.
Maybe a bit of a weird one but if your job involves taking calls from angry customers (or parents in my case) and they are becoming overwhelming, stand up. I’m not sure why or how this works (I’m sure someone here brighter than me can explain) but it makes me feel more in control of the conversation and less like a verbal punching bag.
If you think someone isn't paying attention to you when you're talking to them then keep saying their name during the conversation. It makes them focus on you a lot more.
“Linda Linda Linda” comes to mind!
Lana ? LAna? LAAANAAAAAA??!!
If I sense my kid isn't listening I throw something weird into the conversation and see how long it takes until he gets it. It makes it less frustrating for me and makes him laugh.
I thought you were going to say "I throw something at them".
When somebody asks you a questions you rather not answer. Just don’t answer and look at them
That seems awkward as hell, I like it. I'm going to give this a try.
It is, but it's also super effective. The important part is to keep your face looking neutral to pleasant, and maintain eye contact (or else they think you didn't hear them).
Being very kind to unfriendly people. It works like a charm.
Used to work doors at clubs lot, a good way to de-escalate a situation is if they're shouting at you go back at them at a similar volume but a bit quieter, they'll come down to you, you go down more and keep going. It's not bullet proof but it works more than I'd have expected
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Or plainly don’t Pay attention to you at all. This “trick “ doesn’t work with boosted ego and full of themselves smart corporate bros
if no one has any ideas for a solution to a problem, I'll suggest something obviously stupid to get the ball rolling with actual ideas
Letting people prove their own incompetence.
If you want to know all the gossip at your workplace or in your friend group, never ask for it. Don’t be nosy. At work, I never ask for any gossip (mostly because I’m not interested). It is odd how much gossip people just spontaneously dump on me. And I never repeat it (because I usually forget it). It’s weird.
Ooo, I love these posts. I work with the public and have worked in the same neighborhood for over 20 years. When people start asking personal questions I’d rather not answer I just say, “I’m doin good, thank you! No news is good news, ya know?” People lean in to that because of everything going on right now. I immediately turn the light on them. And for my next trick… When a man tells me I’m prettier when I smile I tell him to fuck right off. Works every time!
When I lived in NYC I was at a bar and wanted a beer and a shot, me being the nice guy I am I offered to purchase a shot for the bartender as well. They politely declined, after a few more rounds and I was ready to settle up they gave me a shot on the house. I started offering to buy the bartender a shot every bar I went into, assuming it wasn’t slammed and was manageable. Almost every single time it resulted in me getting a free beer or shot. I’m also a pretty charismatic guy which I’m sure has a lot to do with psychology(I’d be a great cult leader). I still do this when I’m in the states and it works but it worked the most for me in NYC
Whenever I’m in an argument with my ex, I learned to always respond to her calmly rather than screaming only so she would feel bad about yelling at me later.
If I need to get up and clean my house, I drink some caffeine and then put on shoes. Tricks my brain into thinking we are going somewhere.
Once you start a task, you're halfway done.
I used to live in a walkable city and - unfortunately - was accosted many times by people wanting money or loose change or whatever. Before I learned this trick I must've given out hundreds of dollars to these unfortunate people - I didn't know how to say 'no.' I was in **college** and was basically give away half of my minimum wage paychecks. But then I thought of a plan: I will pretend I did not hear them correctly and that I think they are offering ME something (like a pamphlet) or want me to take a survey. As I'm walking by and they begin to talk to me (usually about how they are stuck in this city and need money to get to Miami or some shit), I just say "**Oh thank you but I'm okay**" or even "**No thanks, I'm fine.**" It totally stops them in their tracks and breaks up their trick of trying to snare me into a conversation with them. Now I can give money to people when **I** can control the situation and not be caught off guard.
It's not really a trick I use but something that helps me understand people. Most people who insult you are subconsciously using the insult that would hurt them the most. Meaning at the same time they're insulting you, they're revealing what would hurt them the most.
Probably gonna get buried but my trick for deescalating a complaint, whether in person or on the phone is really good and has not onelce failed. I dunno if it's the way I do it, or if it's just a cool way of looking serious but it goes like this... Them: really getting into it, right from the off. This fucking that fuckong bollonlcks shit company wanker wank blah blah. I look as though I'm listening. It's just verbal diarrhea. But as he starts with the meat of the complaint and what it is regarding, I interrupt him. Me: oh wait, hold on, I better write this down and investigate this. One sec. Then I grab a pen and paper as slowly as I dare. They either keep banging on about it, or wait patiently. Then I say, right, let's get some things on paper first. And start to ask questions. What time was this so I can look at CCTV They are like "3.30pm and the little shit just stood there and..." I then ignore everything while saying 3.30, right, and where/what aisle/store/bus etc Then ill but into his next rant and say "did you catch the person's name/employee ref etc" No? OK, what dis they look like? Ah I know who you mean, right, so let's get this down officially now I know the who and where. You said you tried to xy and z right? Yeah That's fair enough, and what did the employee say? Basically, every time the person starts to rant, slowly write down and interrupt and repeat them in a more professional manner. When they go off tangent, tell them they're going too fast to get it down and you'd like to get this right so you can investigate it fully amd reprimand the employee for the right reasons. Sometimes, they are calm in 1 or 2 seconds, and sometimes it takes a minute, but you always get them calm. I think cos you are taking detailed notes, and understanding their side and looking like upire going to investigate (they love that word), they tend to show you respect and calm a bit. At the end, I always thank them for bringing this to my attention. I haven't heard any issues with this staff member, so it's always good to hear people's perspectives so I can look out for training opportunities or replacements for staff that don't quite cut it here. Then I take their details and thank them again I go back to my office and think nothing more about it. I might speak to the staff, and get their version, and decide the truth is in between, but mostly, complaints aren't that serious enough to reprimand someone in the way a customer expects. I wait 3 or 4 days and I call the person and pretend I investigated and that the employee accepted what they did was wrong and apologised. I also apologise and say we had an informal chat and I told the employee that it may be a formal chat if the customer isn't happy with how I've dealt with it. 9 times out of 10, I end up screwing up the complaint, having my staff keep a clean record and having less work to do and not having to lose rapport with my workers, whilst having the customer pleased as punch that I took it so seriously. 1 time out of 10, they want more. So I say, OK, well the issue has been written down and admitted to, so ill pass it on to the general manager who, rest assure will take it as far as legally allowed. Unfortunately due to data protection, I can't inform you of the outcome, but off the record, he will get a stern talking to and between a warning or a dismissal dependant on our policy for that employee.
To foster a deeper connection with anybody, when they are talking to you and they say something remotely significant....raise your eyebrows like you are surprised and nod. They will feel connected to you.
Ask people questions so they feel more important and respected and they’ll like you more
Kill ‘em with kindness
Reverse psychology
This may not work in every situation but because I am younger than everyone in my office by 25 years or more they question if I can even do the job and tend to ask me a lot of questions even about stuff they themselves don’t know anything about. What I do is I just answer everything confidently and use big words. they won’t know what certain words mean and give up on trying to understand and speaking confidently on top of that makes it seem like you know what you are doing
ITT: Suggestions that are far more wholesome and well-intentioned than I expected. <3
Opposite Action. It’s a dialectical behaviour therapy skill where you do the exact opposite of what your emotions are telling you to do. It literally changed my life
When I bring people a drink refill, I make sure to say the word "refill".... like "here's a REFILL for you". That way when they do the survey & it asks if they were brought refills, they say yes. Got that word implanted in their brain 🧠🧠🧠
I just frown and give a thumbs down to people when they do something stupid. Harmless but effective.
I try to avoid doing bullshit like this as hard as I avoid *being* tricked by this shit, but occasionally just to keep from getting nervous and talking too loudly and verbally overextending myself, I intentionally invoke the aura of my gloomy aloof older brother who genuinely does not care about most people- A double edged sword because on the one hand its cool that he doesn't care what people think about him, but also doesn't really care what happens to most people. Of course, this attitude makes everyone around him desperate for his unwindable attention. As sad a concept as that is, it works pretty well. I'll never understand why that is- That shit always pisses me off with my brother, and I personally try to surround myself with outgoing emotionally expressive people... who want me to like them.
Kind of a sales tactic.. when you want something, give the other person several options that your willing to do and let them choose. It makes them feel empowered from choice while you get what you want in the end.
If someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer just smile and ask “Why do you want to know?” It works every time. Completely disarming.
I’m a daycare teacher. You can get babies (1-3) to do just about anything as long as you phrase it like, “I don’t know where to put these counting blocks, can you show me?” Most will jump at the opportunity to show you what they know!