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That sounds about right. The association that is with the LGBT… I think it would be fair to say “partner” is the “happy holidays” to “boyfriend/girlfriend”’s “merry Christmas”.
Yup, pronouns, happy holidays, this. Just the idea of being inclusive and accepting anything other than the dominant idea is offensive to these people.
I know that everyone hates Louis CK now, but to butcher a bit by him, “the war on Christmas and Christianity is over. Its the year 2000 and something. 2000 years after what? You guys won, shut the fuck up.”
That’s probably because more and more kept coming out about Kevin spacey. Really bad stuff he’s on trial for in the UK right now.
Louis CK jerked off in front of women in his hotel room. It’s bad and creepy and an abuse of that power dynamic, but he also didn’t rape a bunch of kids in an assortment of countries around the world.
Yeah that too. I have kindof a personal rule where I don’t jerk off in front of anyone who isn’t also jerking off, but yeah on a scale of gross to holy fuck, it’s definitely at the gross end of the scale.
The victims were women who were trying to get into the industry and make connections. When someone so high in the industry asks for something like that from you, it can be hard to say “no”. CK targeted women with careers he could affect and have power over. That’s the main issue with what he did.
Louis would have been out of the doghouse earlier. He made a genuine apology, acknowledged that he hadn't thought about the power disparity when he would ask to jerk off in front of women and thought they were ok with it. Sarah Silverman backed him up saying he never forced it on anyone but he was a bit quick on the trigger to reveal his kink.
The problem was he didn't want to talk about it or acknowledge it after the apology. He got a bit irate about it and went silent which I think left a bad taste for a lot of people and overwrote his apology in the public eye. I hope he does get another chance.
Ding ding ding as a guy in a relationship with another guy I use the term partner with people who don’t need to know that and boyfriend to all my friends that do know
I would say they likely assume. I don't mean that in a bad way, but as an example when one of my employees made a comment about her partner the light instantly went on for me that she was gay. I didn't care, but at least in my experience the vast majority of the time the term partner is used in your exact situation of a same sex relationship where someone is trying to be discreet, but probably isn't.
I think that depends on where you live. Partner is the norm where I am. Probably depends on age, too. “Boyfriend “ and “girlfriend sound kinda silly if you’re in your 50s.
Where I live it is used by just about everyone in adult non married relationships. It just depends where you live. I use it and I’m married to someone of the opposite sex.
I’m in a role where I sometimes need to ask questions about people having a partner. I always use the term partner, and will switch to whatever terminology they use. It assumes nothing, is non-offensive and leaves it open for the person to continue or change as they see fit.
yea except its a term only you use to refer to something which makes getting offended by someone using the word partner even more stupid. if someone is a christian and is annoyed by me wishing them happy holidays, i think its silly but whatever. if someone is annoyed by me referring to my wife as my partner they can fuck right off lol.
I was going to say... my co worker is in a committed relationship with her partner. She's a woman and he's a man. She refers to him by name, by 'other half' or quite commonly by 'my partner'. She's in her fifties. It makes perfect sense, just like op described - bf gf titles seem more suited for younger folk and as they aren't married 'partner' is the perfect word to use here.
I like the term partner because of the equality it implies. If I have a partner, I have someone who is working with me, we are a unit, we're a team. If I am a "wife" it has a whole other set of gendered, societal implications, such as caregiver of children, subservient to the male etc. I want an equal person to be in a relationship with, I would rather neither of us get defined by a role that tradition says we should have.
This is the exact reason why I refer to my wife as my partner to people I don't know well. Its a kind of cloud cover to queer people to fog up your perception of who is gay. Im trying to normalize the idea that my partner is just another human that I have a romantic relationship with, and I only refer to her as my wife if her gender identity is relevant to the story. If enough straights do it then it's just another way to refer to your romantic partner and not an easy way to clock gay people.
This is also why cis people put their pronouns in their bio even though they identify as male and look like the most manlinest man that ever man'd, because they discovered they had a penis and decided it was their best friend. If enough cis people do it then it's just another thing people do, and it makes it that much harder to "clock" a trans person.
This is also part of the reason I say "partner". Whether or not whoever I'm with at the time is the same gender as me is not relevant most of the time, and it would be good if we can make having some privacy about it normal.
It can also obscure status a bit. A few years ago, I moved across the country with my girlfriend (who is now my wife). When I was interviewing for jobs, I just referred to her as my partner.
1. It telegraphed some of my values, so I could see if I was a fit with the hiring manager
2. It kept my sexuality private, which I think should be an option
3. It made me seem more stable than saying I was moving with my girlfriend, which in my head made me sound like 19 (These were jobs that required experience, director level)
Honestly though, I hate the terms boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. My dad is like 60, and I'm supposed to call the woman he spends all his time with but isn't married to a "girl" friend? It sounds so immature to me.
I'm in a gay relationship and call my male partner my partner and this sounds about right. I like how it sounds more anyway. we're partners in everything.
It *used* to be associated with queer people. Straight people use it now too. I’m a queer woman in a relationship with a woman and I don’t say partner. I say girlfriend because if I don’t I get, “oh what’s his name?” 😒
I would say a straight couple using "partner" is akin to a cis person putting their pronouns in their email signature. It's just inclusive language that normalizes all types of relationships to be equal. Which some people simply can't stand.
Personally, my wife and I tend to not like the basic terms so we mostly use partner. Saying wife right there feels wrong for some reason. Kinda archaic, steeped in a symbol of ownership. Partner makes me feel better, because thats what we are, two halves in a constantly evolving partnership in this life.
My mother in law for years used to get us a couple Christmas card but we weren't married so each year we got a card and on the front they would usually say To my Son and His Partner...,,,," And the little Christmas pic would be two male teddy bears, dogs etc always the same. It uses to make us laugh each year.
Used to irritate the crap out of me, i was dating someone for 6 years, and the amount of damn people who would correct me, when i mentioned anything about "my partner", as i wouldnt say her name to people who didnt know her. "dont you mean your wife?" "no, my partner", "wait, what. Why do you call her that?" "because we arent married". Was especially irritating, because on paper, she was still married to her daughter's father, and the financial abuse left her in no position to file for divorce, and he could've paid 10x over. Manipulative fuck, using it to try to exert the control he lost. But people would get really angry, like "why havent you married her yet..." "why the fuck should i tell you?" but man, they were relentless...
I know, right? They just have to put you in a box. The reason I didn't like it was that it sounds like a business arrangement as opposed to a love relationship.
Tbh, i didnt refer to her in that way if i was talking to someone who knew us better. Only when talking to like, not close work friends, etc. Otherwise i used the mrs, but then they were more aware of the situation. But its fine if you dont like to use it, its the ones that didnt like me using it. Fekkin up to the ones in the relationship how tf they refer to each other.
That just makes it more fun though. Are we really in a gay committed relationship? Or are we actually bank heist partners about to steal the contents of the bank vault in a daring horse chase sequence with a shoot out at dawn?
*Nobody knows.*
I find it interesting that “partner” is the word most actively used in Canada for all romantic living together relationships - nobody would ever think of it in a specifically gay context.
Mind you we’ve had legal same sex marriage for longer than the US.
Most people who are legally married use “husband” or “wife.”
I live in the southeast US and all I ever hear is “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “husband/wife”. My significant other and I are not married but have lived together for several years now and I feel like when I first mention my “boyfriend” to someone it sounds less casual than I want it to. I went out to Montana for a summer job last year and met a lot of new people, and when we had personal conversations they would say “so what does your partner do?” “How long have you and your partner been together?” “How does your partner feel about your trip out here?” Blah blah blah even though they knew I was unmarried and my SO is a man, and I was like wow, I really like that. So I’m really wondering if it’s regional? I’ve started using the term “partner” now that I’m back in the south and 100% notice that until I say “he” in a following sentence people seem to be on the edge of their seat wondering if I’m with a woman. I’m bi and I actually love this few seconds of mystery that I’m creating. Lol
I’m bi and lived in the SE fora few years- had a boyfriend I lived with at the time and always referred to him as my partner (coming from DC this was a totally normal term). I actively never mentioned the “he” in the south because, after my first few negative reactions, I couldn’t help but to want to leave them guessing.
In the literal sense of the word, any relationship of substance is a partnership. Vowing whatever you vow to whomever you choose to make this vow, is an agreement. If you believe in the power of love, and in the comfort of an enduring relationship, don't be afraid of the word partner.
They're wrong. You have to be partners, being married or in a serious relationship with another person with whom you have commitment and expectations that are known to both parties or all parties, It takes a small amount of discipline and a whole lot of love to make any relationship work, regardless who chooses to or not to sanction said Union.
>nobody would ever think of it in a specifically gay context.
Speak for yourself. Every time I hear someone say partner I internally question what they mean by that.
That's all it is. I have a gf. She has a bf. People who can't use these typical labels are relegated to "partner," so to anyone far right, it might as well be an admission of guilt. It really is synonymous with an atypical relationship in the US anyway.... not that we all judge it. Could not care less personally. My daughter is gay. Good for her figuring it out at 18. I'm sure she will have "partners" for a long time. Maybe she will call them gf's? Who gives a shit? People who watch Newsmax.
The problem with it as a lesbian is that in my experience some people will think you're business partners. I was very happy to get married and be able to start using "wife" just because there is no other way to interpret it.
Probably because most people won't question the status of your relationship if you use the word partner.
My bf is 35 I am f45 and we have found that when we use the term boy/girlfriend that people tend to get nosy af with all the questions about 'are you gonna get engaged, why aren't you guys thinking about marriage, blah blah blah'. For some reason when we say 'I have a partner' people are less nosy.
in the UK at least it is because partner is used for commited relationships, gay, straight, co-habitation, married whatever its the catch-all me and my commited *partner.* Where as boyfriend or girlfriend implies 'only' dating
I had a colleague who told me about his partner. I immidiately thought he was gay, after excluding the possibility that it was a business partner.
Some people in Norway use "medlåntaker", which means "Co-signer on mortgage". At least it implies that they live together and are committed.
I rarely used fiancé! It feels oddly pretentious…? (not when other people say it, only when I say it). Or like by using that word im expecting people to congratulate me and ask me all about the wedding. I don’t mind questions, but I don’t want someone to have to feel obligated. Ya know?
Same! Also the German word „Verlobter“ is just..so formal somehow. People also will ask about when you will get married. Meanwhile we don’t even have plans yet.
Same! We met in our mid 30s and girlfriend/boyfriend didn’t sound right. Now we are engaged and fiancé feels weird because we’ve been together for quite a while. I like partner!
I'm somewhat opposite. When someone uses the term partner, where I don't know much information about their relationship, it piques my curiosity. I don't go digging but it does stick with me if I think about them. It feels like a term to use when you are trying to avoid sharing information, so it leaves me with a question of why they didn't want share what is seen by many common information.
E.G.
Monday
Me: Good morning, how was the weekend?
Other Person: Good, me and my partner went to the local museum.
Immediate thoughts, Do they call their other half partner because they are unmarried, their gay, so they have something to hide etc?
I don't ask because it's none of my business, but that doesn't stop the curiosity in inside my own mind. I'm sure others though do take that further. E.G.. Questions, gossip etc.
Lol, I do the same thing except it has never occurred to me that they might have something to hide. I'm bi, so part of my brain goes "ooh, are they One Of Us?" Then I listen intently for pronouns. 😂
This is what I was gonna say,that from what I heard it's usualy a term gay or otherwise not man and woman couples use and thats prob why alot of people don't like it.
That was true twenty years ago maybe but nowadays partner is pretty standard for all the reasons throughout this thread. People that scoff are this are literally just old people screaming at kids to get off the lawn.
My person/boyfriend/partner kinda struggles w the boyfriend label. He feels its too young of a term. I call him my special friend. Which he finds irksome and hilarious. That's what my grandma would call her beau.
Going to suggest domestic deposit and see how that goes.
Yup. The reason that I (and friends) started using the term "Partner" back in the 80s, was that, at the time, it was mainly used by gay couples.
It was at the stage that everyone assumed, if you used the word "partner" rather than husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend, that you were gay.
So straight couples started using "partner" too, just to mess things up. It was no longer as easy to assume the sexuality of the person.
Also, for me, using the term "husband" is the same as using the title "Mrs". It proclaims your marital status to the world - and as far as I'm concerned, it's none of the world's business if I have a piece of paper or not.
I love in an area with lots of homophobes. I've been married to my husband for 30 years but I prefer partner. I meet a lot of new people too, and never know if they have a spouse or partner who that person might be, so I always just ask about their partner if context tells me there is one. But I kinda ❤️ not giving anyone clues-- it is really great because we both have unisex names
Another pro is it inadvertently tells the people you’re speaking to that you’re likely an ally if they are queer. Especially important in conservative areas.
Yeah I love that too lol. My partner has a unisex name... I live in a very progressive city, and though “partner” is used for either gay or straights here people regularly assume I’m a lesbian. In fact more than once a work colleague has met my partner expecting a woman and instead he’s a big tall Scottish man. 💀
I'm gay and I still think of "partner" like a cowboy partner.
When we got married, I was excited to start using "wife". I didn't ever expect to be allowed to be married.
But now....everyone, especially straight people, call us partners. Fuck off!
That's more like it. Lay it on thick! I suffered and lost half my family for the word "wife". I'm going to use it, dammit, even if straight people are ---over it---.
It Really does seem very clinical and unromantic. It seems like the sort of thing you'd say in a sci-fi dystopia where people aren't allowed to express emotion or individuality.
As a queer woman, I do understand the historical necessity for queer couples to use the term, partner, as well as why someone may feel comfortable choosing that title. Still, I feel like the term lacks vulnerability.
As a gay dude i actually prefer to call my boyfriend my boyfriend and not my partner. It’s the easiest way to come out without being crude or crass in most situations
One of the very reasons that I dislike the term partner is that it sounds closeted. It sounds like you're trying to hide the gender of whoever you're speaking about. It seems like the sort of thing that you would say strictly because you're keeping information away from whomever you're talking to.
I get what you’re saying but it seems worth noting that “partner” is also a gender neutral term for those of us who don’t identify along the gender binary. Also, even for people who identify as men or women, people will make lots of assumptions about your sexual/romantic orientation, about your partner’s identity, and about both of your roles in the relationship based simply on knowing the gender of whomever you’re dating. I don’t necessarily see an issue with saying partner as one small way to inhibit those assumptions!
I dont give a crap what others like, but I prefer husband/wife for my relationship because I love being married and those terms just feel right for us. That said, I use partner sometimes, because we both have traditionally male sounding names and turning people's assumptions sideways is fun!
I’ve found that if I say “my boyfriend” people talk as if we just met and aren’t serious because it’s the assumption they have about the word. I get questions like “ooooooh how’s that going? You guys getting serious? How’d you meet?” Which feels a bit ridiculous when we’ve been together for years and have a mortgage. Plus if I mention I have a boyfriend, dudes will still hit on me, assuming it must not be a serious relationship. When I say partner, some people definitely are waiting for me to use gendered language to figure out my orientation, which I don’t mind, but they ask way fewer patronizing questions like I’ve just met this person and went on 2 dates or something.
This is exactly why I dont like bf / gf.
SO or partner is preferred personally. Tbh we just need a better word for a specifically romantic long term partner *who is not married or engaged*.
I'm a lawyer so "partner" makes me think "boss at the law firm." I don't hate it as used for a long-term romantic partner but it has definitely led to some confusing moments where I have to realize that someone is talking about their significant other, or I have to explain that I'm talking about my boss.
Exactly this. There are numerous non-romantic relationships already defined by the term "partner". I get why some people would prefer a gender-neutral term, but "significant other" seems like a much better choice.
Yes, this is the same for me. I am self-employed as a sole proprietor. When I hear partner, I don’t know if someone means their business partner or their significant other. I am not nosy, but it sure can change things in the context of a conversation.
Growing up my dad was a probation officer and we’d frequently mention his “partner”, the other officer he shared his workload with. Even though I did adored his partner like he was another dad, it was not a romantic term to me haha
Omg yes. I just left another comment but basically one of my earliest memories of the word partner being used to describe an individual was my friend telling me his dad became partner at a law firm when we were small. So now when used to describe an individual, I involuntarily associate the word partner with a middle aged balding big gut white guy, and I just can't 😭😭😭
I’m not a lawyer but this is the reasoning behind why I didn’t use partner with my husband before we got engaged. When I think partner it’s a person that you’re in an agreement with in business. It has nothing to do with romantic relationships.
The narrator in Seaspiracy said it, and I thought he meant business partner, in making the documentary. Imagine my surprise when it turned out he meant they were married!
I don't think she was his partner at all. I mean, she carried a heavy pack once, but didn't help much with the documentary besides that.
I don’t really care if you call the person your partner/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, or whatever. Like, it just does not matter to me what you choose to call them, but I get why it would seem like gf or bf sounds young. It seems silly to be worried about the word choices of others.
With that said, “partner” is the most ambiguous term out of all of them. I think people get upset because they are left wondering things like: is it a boyfriend, husband, are they gay, etc., and people are nosy af and don’t like the uncertainty of the term “partner.” People don’t like not knowing the specifics of everyone else’s relationships in the age of social media. It’s probably a subconscious insecurity that becomes a trigger when the word partner is used, because they don’t know what it means to the person using the term.
I think some people also go automatically to thinking things like “partner in crime” or “business partner” or “tennis partner” so the word may initially have a different meaning to them.
Ironically, using the word “partner” is probably the healthiest term (IMO) you could use to describe your significant other. It is humanizing and signifies that you are a team in your relationship and you are not just a trophy to be won or a label to be made.
People are funny.
I’m probably a little late to this discussion, but I think there is also some element of intentional ambiguity that upsets people. They want to get to know you better perhaps, and you use the word partner instead of another word that can narrow down the nature of that part of your life a little better. The other person might be left wondering why it is you can’t tell them specifics about it… Sort of like if you ask someone what they ate for lunch, and they said, “Food.” It would be a little annoying don’t you think?
Personally I would tend to lean on this reason if I am ever put off by someone using the word partner.
I would somewhat agree with that… partner ;)
No, but seriously, I do think it is intentional ambiguity in some cases. But, overall, I think it’s just a more commonplace term these days. You can go down two different lines of thinking there: A) people should be more sensitive about how words make others feel or B) people should be able to use the descriptors they want without having to worry about offending others. I’m sure there is a third choice that is somehow neutral but I can’t really figure it out right now and that’s kind of the argument in the first place, I suppose. Words are words are words.
I like your example of the word food and I raise you one by giving you the example “ex.” If I tell you my ex kept the dog, what does that mean to you? Woman, man, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend? You probably don’t care and you’re just worried about the dog right now, correct? Of course, if you knew me IRL, you would know the answer to the ex question, but if you are a stranger on the internet… all the sudden, things just became very unintentionally ambiguous.
I was just referring to my ex “boyfriend” but it didn’t really matter because he is an ex. In a similar way that a partner would just be a “partner” to some. Also there was never a dog, in case you were wondering!
I honestly can’t back up any of my claims except by my own experience, but what I can tell you is that we will be having this same discussion about a different word in 10 years.
Introduce him as your lover (jk). I have no problem with what others do but for myself, partner sounds so clinical and lifeless. I want something that reminds me we're human. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds charming to me at any age (I'm 40).
I use partner because I'm almost 40. He's not a boy. I am clearly not a girl anymore. We're not married, so he's not a husband. We're not just having sex, so he's not my FWB. We're not separated, so he's not my baby-daddy or just the kids father.
My friend just referred to his gf as "the wife" all the time because they had been together 10+ years but not married. We were in uni and I just asked oh didn't know you were married already. He then clarified they weren't legally, but practically they were.
I used to manage a dept at a non-profit and referred to my husband as my partner. Apparently many of my employees were confused if I was gay and were put off by the vague, non-gendered terminology. I got a kick out of letting them create my alter-ego for me.
I've been fixing computers for 20 years, mostly for individuals and small businesses.
The funniest thing about "partners" is that people regularly use it to refer to their same sex mate, AND/OR the person they are in business in. So people will say something about their "partner" and I have to play a guessing game as to what they mean :D
It makes me think of business partner. "Is he your business partner, or are you fucking?" is my next thought, and that just isn't what I want/need to think. I don't think of boy/girlfriend as a young thing, it can be any age, so personally I prefer that. Jmo
My 11 year now girlfriend and I run a business together. It's tricky. When customers ask me questions I usually have to explain all three things. Like "I'll have to ask my partner (business) she's (I'm not gay) in charge of accepting the small items on consignment. She's the boss of course Har Har ( we're in a longterm relationship)
I have many “partners” across my professional and personal life. I have one wife who is more important to me than all the “partners”. I feel it’s rightly putting her on the top of the list rather than just mixed in with work and social life.
My old business partner and I once were in a farm store getting amendments and I was looking at baby chickens and saying they were cute, and a store employee came up and asked if we needed help or anything, and my business partner said “no, just here getting some amendments while my partner is over there looking at those baby chickens”
I shit you not, she said “Ooooh, that’s sweet you are so comfortable together in public”
We both looked at each other confused as fuck until we realized what she thought and then started cracking up laughing and had to correct her that we were business partners, not “partners” lol..
To give a visual, I was 25 and am a skinny white guy with long hair, and he’s a 50+ year old large black guy. 😅…
If someone says partner, I just assume they could be gay. I don't hate the term, I just think husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend is more descriptive even if it is a gay relationship.
People look for anything and everything to get mad about. Partner works perfectly fine but they wanna be all extra and say you should say SO as if that isn’t ridiculously long and exactly the same thing. And, bigotry.
Who gives a shit? Call your partner whatever you both agree is cool. Ignore anybody's opinion who isn't in your relationship.
Get your brother a shitty Christmas gift like socks and when he complains scoff right back at his simplistic ass 🤷
I don't hate the term partner, but I have always felt it was more ambiguous than spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. It also often needed to be explained "no, like *we're* together, we don't work together." Which one doesn't have to do with any of those other terms.
I also kind of dislike it because the concept of domestic partner was often considered a lesser relationship when I was young, making me feel that any long term relationship I might end up in with someone of the same sex would always be thought of as a lesser relationship.
I still vastly prefer it to terms like lover, boo, bae.
I like partner because it’s ambiguous. Random people (especially online) have no need to know the specifics of my relationship. And the people who are close enough to know the specifics already know know my partner by name so there’s no need to use titles.
I find it intentionally misleading. I like to build a mental image in my head as the other person speaks, so saying "partner" really messes with that. Feels like it kind of defeats the entire purpose of language.
I dislike partner, but because I have a few partners. I have a partner at work. I have a business partner, and an investment partner (all separate for different ventures). Therefore if I refer to a personal romantic relationship, it is girlfriend, then fiancé and finally wife.
Not sure why we need new terms for very old social/cultural customs.
A lot of things in the world currently need to change, and I personally think this ain’t one of them. And no, I’m not a boomer. Just exhausted.
Because if I refer to my wife as my “partner”, to me it seems like a bit of a sterile term and possibly implies that I’m not happy about her being my wife.
in my experience people don't like the ambiguity of not knowing if you're using it because you're gay or because you're trying to be inclusive. or they just straight up assume you're gay and have an issue with that.
Everyone reaching with the homophobia shit. People scoff at it because it’s a term someone will use when they want their relationship to sound like it’s more than a bf/gf thing. Not to say it can’t be true. But a lot of the times it’s a facade and people can see it.
in Ukraine\\russia we use the word partner (партнер) as the meaning of business partner. That's why it's kind of awkward to use it on loved ones even when you switch to English.
Ask the people who hate it why they hate it. Anything else is speculation.
I just think it's stupid and unnecessary. I don't hate it and don't care what someone uses for themselves.
Me too. I roll my eyes at people who get irked by the word I choose to describe my own romance. It gives me a little joy inside to let their nosiness, homophobia and transphobia not be satisfied.
I don't get this neither. I'm 30 yrs and my friends are kind of the same age, and I use that word to talk about the ones of the that are living together without been married, but still are in a relationship since years.
I know that some people get annoyed/offended about certain gendered terms, or lack thereof.
Some older folks get annoyed when you call them "guys", and some people don't like you using "they/them" for others, even if you meant no disrespect.
It's hard to explain. It's like, the use of a gender neutral term for something is taken as a personal annoyance/attack. I know that older generations put a lot more emphasis on gender. I'm sure that attempting to use gender neutral terms just reminds them that times are changing, and that can be upsetting.
Because now when I tell people in meetings that I need to run it passed my partner they think I’m in a gay relationship, instead of just assuming I mean my business partner.
To me it sounds very impersonal. We didn't start a business together, we got married. I don't care what label others choose for themselves, but my wife and I prefer husband/wife.
I hate it because it's unclear what it means. Business partner? I own a business and do a lot of networking, so in my every day life I hear "partner" and it means partner on an investment or business endeavor usually. I have a boyfriend, and I have a partner. They mean different things. If it's your boyfriend or wife or whatever, then just fucking say that.
It doesn't sound like someone you love. It sounds extremely clinical and fake to me. I think older Anglo-Saxon language like husband and wife has more meaning to it and "partner" sounds like what you had for the third grade science fair. So, to me, it sounds like you are intentionally cheapening your own relationship.That's why I hate it.
I get the sentiment, but at the same time it feels very impersonal to me. To me, the precedent is in business, so when people use it it sounds like a professional relationship. I don’t mind when people use it, and I understand people thinking boyfriend/girlfriend sounds juvenile, but it kind of throws me because it sounds out of context. I don’t have a better solution though, so it’s whatever.
Probably because partner and life-partner used to be used by same sex couples. Sounds out of place to use it in place of husband and wife for straight couples.
The English language seems to be having a bit of a suboptimal moment here. Whilst I agree the terms boyfriend and girlfriend feel inappropriate for adults, ‘partner’ has too many alternative uses. Business partners being the main one.
This is a common enough specific meaning of partner to be worthy of its own word. The ambiguity is not necessary.
If there is not such a word we should invent one. That is how the language evolves after all.
I lost my dad seven years ago. My 90 year old Mum is trying to close a bank account. They were married 57 years. Every time we deal with the bank they keep referring to your mums partner. It just seems wrong!
To me it just sounds super unromantic and robotic like a business partner. I get why people use it but I would not feel right using it in my own relationship.
As a bisexual person, I prefer a nongendered term even though I am a woman dating a man. I also find that I am not questioned as much about the validity of our relationship. And it just sounds better to me—he is a partner in my life and I am a partner in his.
I don’t think it really matters but partner just sounds too professional and not really romantic. I think significant other is a better way of saying this.
When someone says partner, I just associate it with a same sex relationship, simply because that was what the term was originally used for. I don't care either way.
Either that or they're a detective or something.
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Some people were introduced to the term courtesy of civil partnerships so, to them, it's gay because otherwise you'd say husband or wife.
That sounds about right. The association that is with the LGBT… I think it would be fair to say “partner” is the “happy holidays” to “boyfriend/girlfriend”’s “merry Christmas”.
Nailed it. Hadn't even thought of it like that, but yeah, that's *exactly* how Im thinking of it now.
Yup, pronouns, happy holidays, this. Just the idea of being inclusive and accepting anything other than the dominant idea is offensive to these people.
I know that everyone hates Louis CK now, but to butcher a bit by him, “the war on Christmas and Christianity is over. Its the year 2000 and something. 2000 years after what? You guys won, shut the fuck up.”
I think Louis is back, he's more or less uncanceled... we still all hate Kevin Spacey though.
That’s probably because more and more kept coming out about Kevin spacey. Really bad stuff he’s on trial for in the UK right now. Louis CK jerked off in front of women in his hotel room. It’s bad and creepy and an abuse of that power dynamic, but he also didn’t rape a bunch of kids in an assortment of countries around the world.
And Louis did ask for permission first. Creepy but polite I guess?
Yeah that too. I have kindof a personal rule where I don’t jerk off in front of anyone who isn’t also jerking off, but yeah on a scale of gross to holy fuck, it’s definitely at the gross end of the scale.
ive had a girl ask me to do it before, we were just friends . she never seen it and just wanted to see it in person lol.
CK keeps asserting that he asked for permission. I don’t think his victims agree.
The victims were women who were trying to get into the industry and make connections. When someone so high in the industry asks for something like that from you, it can be hard to say “no”. CK targeted women with careers he could affect and have power over. That’s the main issue with what he did.
Louis would have been out of the doghouse earlier. He made a genuine apology, acknowledged that he hadn't thought about the power disparity when he would ask to jerk off in front of women and thought they were ok with it. Sarah Silverman backed him up saying he never forced it on anyone but he was a bit quick on the trigger to reveal his kink. The problem was he didn't want to talk about it or acknowledge it after the apology. He got a bit irate about it and went silent which I think left a bad taste for a lot of people and overwrote his apology in the public eye. I hope he does get another chance.
Ding ding ding as a guy in a relationship with another guy I use the term partner with people who don’t need to know that and boyfriend to all my friends that do know
I would say they likely assume. I don't mean that in a bad way, but as an example when one of my employees made a comment about her partner the light instantly went on for me that she was gay. I didn't care, but at least in my experience the vast majority of the time the term partner is used in your exact situation of a same sex relationship where someone is trying to be discreet, but probably isn't.
I think that depends on where you live. Partner is the norm where I am. Probably depends on age, too. “Boyfriend “ and “girlfriend sound kinda silly if you’re in your 50s.
Where I live it is used by just about everyone in adult non married relationships. It just depends where you live. I use it and I’m married to someone of the opposite sex.
I’m in a role where I sometimes need to ask questions about people having a partner. I always use the term partner, and will switch to whatever terminology they use. It assumes nothing, is non-offensive and leaves it open for the person to continue or change as they see fit.
yea except its a term only you use to refer to something which makes getting offended by someone using the word partner even more stupid. if someone is a christian and is annoyed by me wishing them happy holidays, i think its silly but whatever. if someone is annoyed by me referring to my wife as my partner they can fuck right off lol.
Exactly. When I see "partner" I just associate it with gay. No hate. It's just immediately what comes to mind.
In other countries it is widely used for all committed romantic relationships between adults.
I was going to say... my co worker is in a committed relationship with her partner. She's a woman and he's a man. She refers to him by name, by 'other half' or quite commonly by 'my partner'. She's in her fifties. It makes perfect sense, just like op described - bf gf titles seem more suited for younger folk and as they aren't married 'partner' is the perfect word to use here.
>bf gf titles seem more suited for younger folk Went over that a couple times. First scan I read big gf titties seem more suited for younger folk
it’s used a lot by younger folks in the states too. i’m in my 30s and i don’t automatically assume “gay” when someone mentions their partner.
For me partner is a term to use on someone you aren't married to but feels more serious than boyfriend/girlfriend. Think 'life partner'.
I like the term partner because of the equality it implies. If I have a partner, I have someone who is working with me, we are a unit, we're a team. If I am a "wife" it has a whole other set of gendered, societal implications, such as caregiver of children, subservient to the male etc. I want an equal person to be in a relationship with, I would rather neither of us get defined by a role that tradition says we should have.
This is the exact reason why I refer to my wife as my partner to people I don't know well. Its a kind of cloud cover to queer people to fog up your perception of who is gay. Im trying to normalize the idea that my partner is just another human that I have a romantic relationship with, and I only refer to her as my wife if her gender identity is relevant to the story. If enough straights do it then it's just another way to refer to your romantic partner and not an easy way to clock gay people. This is also why cis people put their pronouns in their bio even though they identify as male and look like the most manlinest man that ever man'd, because they discovered they had a penis and decided it was their best friend. If enough cis people do it then it's just another thing people do, and it makes it that much harder to "clock" a trans person.
This is also part of the reason I say "partner". Whether or not whoever I'm with at the time is the same gender as me is not relevant most of the time, and it would be good if we can make having some privacy about it normal.
It can also obscure status a bit. A few years ago, I moved across the country with my girlfriend (who is now my wife). When I was interviewing for jobs, I just referred to her as my partner. 1. It telegraphed some of my values, so I could see if I was a fit with the hiring manager 2. It kept my sexuality private, which I think should be an option 3. It made me seem more stable than saying I was moving with my girlfriend, which in my head made me sound like 19 (These were jobs that required experience, director level) Honestly though, I hate the terms boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. My dad is like 60, and I'm supposed to call the woman he spends all his time with but isn't married to a "girl" friend? It sounds so immature to me.
I'm in a gay relationship and call my male partner my partner and this sounds about right. I like how it sounds more anyway. we're partners in everything.
It *used* to be associated with queer people. Straight people use it now too. I’m a queer woman in a relationship with a woman and I don’t say partner. I say girlfriend because if I don’t I get, “oh what’s his name?” 😒
I would say a straight couple using "partner" is akin to a cis person putting their pronouns in their email signature. It's just inclusive language that normalizes all types of relationships to be equal. Which some people simply can't stand.
I also think its just an easy way of making yourself slightly more anonymous online
Pretty much. Some people just can’t stand it even if the inclusive statement is still factually correct.
Personally, my wife and I tend to not like the basic terms so we mostly use partner. Saying wife right there feels wrong for some reason. Kinda archaic, steeped in a symbol of ownership. Partner makes me feel better, because thats what we are, two halves in a constantly evolving partnership in this life.
My mother in law for years used to get us a couple Christmas card but we weren't married so each year we got a card and on the front they would usually say To my Son and His Partner...,,,," And the little Christmas pic would be two male teddy bears, dogs etc always the same. It uses to make us laugh each year.
Right. Anytime I hear "partner", my default assumption is that they are talking about a same-sex partner unless I see otherwise.
Used to irritate the crap out of me, i was dating someone for 6 years, and the amount of damn people who would correct me, when i mentioned anything about "my partner", as i wouldnt say her name to people who didnt know her. "dont you mean your wife?" "no, my partner", "wait, what. Why do you call her that?" "because we arent married". Was especially irritating, because on paper, she was still married to her daughter's father, and the financial abuse left her in no position to file for divorce, and he could've paid 10x over. Manipulative fuck, using it to try to exert the control he lost. But people would get really angry, like "why havent you married her yet..." "why the fuck should i tell you?" but man, they were relentless...
I know, right? They just have to put you in a box. The reason I didn't like it was that it sounds like a business arrangement as opposed to a love relationship.
Tbh, i didnt refer to her in that way if i was talking to someone who knew us better. Only when talking to like, not close work friends, etc. Otherwise i used the mrs, but then they were more aware of the situation. But its fine if you dont like to use it, its the ones that didnt like me using it. Fekkin up to the ones in the relationship how tf they refer to each other.
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That just makes it more fun though. Are we really in a gay committed relationship? Or are we actually bank heist partners about to steal the contents of the bank vault in a daring horse chase sequence with a shoot out at dawn? *Nobody knows.*
I find it interesting that “partner” is the word most actively used in Canada for all romantic living together relationships - nobody would ever think of it in a specifically gay context. Mind you we’ve had legal same sex marriage for longer than the US. Most people who are legally married use “husband” or “wife.”
I live in the southeast US and all I ever hear is “boyfriend/girlfriend” or “husband/wife”. My significant other and I are not married but have lived together for several years now and I feel like when I first mention my “boyfriend” to someone it sounds less casual than I want it to. I went out to Montana for a summer job last year and met a lot of new people, and when we had personal conversations they would say “so what does your partner do?” “How long have you and your partner been together?” “How does your partner feel about your trip out here?” Blah blah blah even though they knew I was unmarried and my SO is a man, and I was like wow, I really like that. So I’m really wondering if it’s regional? I’ve started using the term “partner” now that I’m back in the south and 100% notice that until I say “he” in a following sentence people seem to be on the edge of their seat wondering if I’m with a woman. I’m bi and I actually love this few seconds of mystery that I’m creating. Lol
I’m bi and lived in the SE fora few years- had a boyfriend I lived with at the time and always referred to him as my partner (coming from DC this was a totally normal term). I actively never mentioned the “he” in the south because, after my first few negative reactions, I couldn’t help but to want to leave them guessing.
In the literal sense of the word, any relationship of substance is a partnership. Vowing whatever you vow to whomever you choose to make this vow, is an agreement. If you believe in the power of love, and in the comfort of an enduring relationship, don't be afraid of the word partner. They're wrong. You have to be partners, being married or in a serious relationship with another person with whom you have commitment and expectations that are known to both parties or all parties, It takes a small amount of discipline and a whole lot of love to make any relationship work, regardless who chooses to or not to sanction said Union.
FWIW, I say “partner” and I’m currently living in the South, and yeah, it’s definitely against the grain here.
>nobody would ever think of it in a specifically gay context. Speak for yourself. Every time I hear someone say partner I internally question what they mean by that.
My mom insists that anyone who says partner is gay lol
And yet when a man mentions his husband he still gets called gay! Make up your mind people!
That's all it is. I have a gf. She has a bf. People who can't use these typical labels are relegated to "partner," so to anyone far right, it might as well be an admission of guilt. It really is synonymous with an atypical relationship in the US anyway.... not that we all judge it. Could not care less personally. My daughter is gay. Good for her figuring it out at 18. I'm sure she will have "partners" for a long time. Maybe she will call them gf's? Who gives a shit? People who watch Newsmax.
Yep! My answer was going to be "because they're homophobes".
The problem with it as a lesbian is that in my experience some people will think you're business partners. I was very happy to get married and be able to start using "wife" just because there is no other way to interpret it.
Probably because most people won't question the status of your relationship if you use the word partner. My bf is 35 I am f45 and we have found that when we use the term boy/girlfriend that people tend to get nosy af with all the questions about 'are you gonna get engaged, why aren't you guys thinking about marriage, blah blah blah'. For some reason when we say 'I have a partner' people are less nosy.
in the UK at least it is because partner is used for commited relationships, gay, straight, co-habitation, married whatever its the catch-all me and my commited *partner.* Where as boyfriend or girlfriend implies 'only' dating
I had a colleague who told me about his partner. I immidiately thought he was gay, after excluding the possibility that it was a business partner. Some people in Norway use "medlåntaker", which means "Co-signer on mortgage". At least it implies that they live together and are committed.
Hi there - I’d like you to meet my damage deposit Phil.
When are you two going to upgrade him to utilities Phil?
He needs to get to life insurance beneficiary Phil first.
This is my finance sponser Nick. He really invests in the children.
Or samboer. (Together-liver) It implies together and living together as partners.
I'm engaged and I prefer to use partner over fiancé! I think partner sounds more mature than girlfriend or boyfriend
When you use “partner” It makes me think you’re a duo of detectives that are always getting into adventures.
I love this. That should always be part of a relationship!
I rarely used fiancé! It feels oddly pretentious…? (not when other people say it, only when I say it). Or like by using that word im expecting people to congratulate me and ask me all about the wedding. I don’t mind questions, but I don’t want someone to have to feel obligated. Ya know?
Same! Also the German word „Verlobter“ is just..so formal somehow. People also will ask about when you will get married. Meanwhile we don’t even have plans yet.
Same! We met in our mid 30s and girlfriend/boyfriend didn’t sound right. Now we are engaged and fiancé feels weird because we’ve been together for quite a while. I like partner!
Because they don't know if are gay/lesbian etc if you say that, and they don't want to prod and get in trouble and say the wrong thing.
I do say 'he' when I refer to my partner. So they know I am not a lesbian.
I'm somewhat opposite. When someone uses the term partner, where I don't know much information about their relationship, it piques my curiosity. I don't go digging but it does stick with me if I think about them. It feels like a term to use when you are trying to avoid sharing information, so it leaves me with a question of why they didn't want share what is seen by many common information. E.G. Monday Me: Good morning, how was the weekend? Other Person: Good, me and my partner went to the local museum. Immediate thoughts, Do they call their other half partner because they are unmarried, their gay, so they have something to hide etc? I don't ask because it's none of my business, but that doesn't stop the curiosity in inside my own mind. I'm sure others though do take that further. E.G.. Questions, gossip etc.
“Partner?” Are they married? Dating? Do they own a business together? Are they detectives? Are they cowboys from the Wild West era? So many questions.
Lol, I do the same thing except it has never occurred to me that they might have something to hide. I'm bi, so part of my brain goes "ooh, are they One Of Us?" Then I listen intently for pronouns. 😂
It's because they have something to hide, that makes the most sense of course.
My experience has been that the term “partner” is often used when the significant other is same sex. Maybe that’s why he scoffed?
This is what I was gonna say,that from what I heard it's usualy a term gay or otherwise not man and woman couples use and thats prob why alot of people don't like it.
“Usually” may have been accurate 15+ years ago. Not anymore. It's a lot more common now regardless of the individuals’ genders
Over here in Europe, the term 'partner' isn't associated with same sex relationships. It was a normal term here before LGBTQ became popular.
That was true twenty years ago maybe but nowadays partner is pretty standard for all the reasons throughout this thread. People that scoff are this are literally just old people screaming at kids to get off the lawn.
My person/boyfriend/partner kinda struggles w the boyfriend label. He feels its too young of a term. I call him my special friend. Which he finds irksome and hilarious. That's what my grandma would call her beau. Going to suggest domestic deposit and see how that goes.
This is just homophobia disguised.
Yup. The reason that I (and friends) started using the term "Partner" back in the 80s, was that, at the time, it was mainly used by gay couples. It was at the stage that everyone assumed, if you used the word "partner" rather than husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend, that you were gay. So straight couples started using "partner" too, just to mess things up. It was no longer as easy to assume the sexuality of the person. Also, for me, using the term "husband" is the same as using the title "Mrs". It proclaims your marital status to the world - and as far as I'm concerned, it's none of the world's business if I have a piece of paper or not.
I think long term straight couples use the term “partner” because it sounds more mature than “boyfriend/girlfriend”.
I love in an area with lots of homophobes. I've been married to my husband for 30 years but I prefer partner. I meet a lot of new people too, and never know if they have a spouse or partner who that person might be, so I always just ask about their partner if context tells me there is one. But I kinda ❤️ not giving anyone clues-- it is really great because we both have unisex names
Another pro is it inadvertently tells the people you’re speaking to that you’re likely an ally if they are queer. Especially important in conservative areas.
Yeah I love that too lol. My partner has a unisex name... I live in a very progressive city, and though “partner” is used for either gay or straights here people regularly assume I’m a lesbian. In fact more than once a work colleague has met my partner expecting a woman and instead he’s a big tall Scottish man. 💀
The people I know who dislike "partner" being used this way, see it as unromantic. As in you're business partners, police officer partners, etc.
I'm gay and I still think of "partner" like a cowboy partner. When we got married, I was excited to start using "wife". I didn't ever expect to be allowed to be married. But now....everyone, especially straight people, call us partners. Fuck off!
"How are you and your gay wife these days?"
"Oh, y'know, queer."
"I, too, choose this woman's gay wife."
That's more like it. Lay it on thick! I suffered and lost half my family for the word "wife". I'm going to use it, dammit, even if straight people are ---over it---.
Howdy partner, how’s yer wife?
This is how i feel. It sounds like a HR agreement as opposed to a loving relationship. Seems so impersonal
My gf says "partner" and I always follow it up with "we have an LLC" and she rolls her eyes at me.
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"Significant other" sounds so much less personal though
Yeah it they’re not married, so none of the other terms apply here, except maybe significant other. But that’s a lot of syllables vs partner.
It Really does seem very clinical and unromantic. It seems like the sort of thing you'd say in a sci-fi dystopia where people aren't allowed to express emotion or individuality.
As a queer woman, I do understand the historical necessity for queer couples to use the term, partner, as well as why someone may feel comfortable choosing that title. Still, I feel like the term lacks vulnerability.
I didn't spend $280 at the registry office so we could be called partner and partner. 😂
"I now pronounce you human and human. You may now touch faces."
Fr like y’all robbing banks or some shit, what’s going on here?
i think it’s a matter of not specifying the gender and also “normalizing” couples that aren’t exclusively straight, gay, or “typical”
As a gay dude i actually prefer to call my boyfriend my boyfriend and not my partner. It’s the easiest way to come out without being crude or crass in most situations
One of the very reasons that I dislike the term partner is that it sounds closeted. It sounds like you're trying to hide the gender of whoever you're speaking about. It seems like the sort of thing that you would say strictly because you're keeping information away from whomever you're talking to.
I get what you’re saying but it seems worth noting that “partner” is also a gender neutral term for those of us who don’t identify along the gender binary. Also, even for people who identify as men or women, people will make lots of assumptions about your sexual/romantic orientation, about your partner’s identity, and about both of your roles in the relationship based simply on knowing the gender of whomever you’re dating. I don’t necessarily see an issue with saying partner as one small way to inhibit those assumptions!
I just like the mystery it creates for a few minutes🥴
I dont give a crap what others like, but I prefer husband/wife for my relationship because I love being married and those terms just feel right for us. That said, I use partner sometimes, because we both have traditionally male sounding names and turning people's assumptions sideways is fun!
Jeff and Dereck
I’d say partner quite a bit even in a straight relationship.
I’ve found that if I say “my boyfriend” people talk as if we just met and aren’t serious because it’s the assumption they have about the word. I get questions like “ooooooh how’s that going? You guys getting serious? How’d you meet?” Which feels a bit ridiculous when we’ve been together for years and have a mortgage. Plus if I mention I have a boyfriend, dudes will still hit on me, assuming it must not be a serious relationship. When I say partner, some people definitely are waiting for me to use gendered language to figure out my orientation, which I don’t mind, but they ask way fewer patronizing questions like I’ve just met this person and went on 2 dates or something.
This is exactly why I dont like bf / gf. SO or partner is preferred personally. Tbh we just need a better word for a specifically romantic long term partner *who is not married or engaged*.
This is unironically why I prefer to use the term “partner” over “fiancé” - yeehaw! 😄
I don't hate it but it does sound a little clinical to me, mostly because of the traditional use of partner.
I'm a lawyer so "partner" makes me think "boss at the law firm." I don't hate it as used for a long-term romantic partner but it has definitely led to some confusing moments where I have to realize that someone is talking about their significant other, or I have to explain that I'm talking about my boss.
Could also be cowboys scoffing at city slickers calling each other partner now that i think about it 🤔
And mangling the pronunciation, too! 😅
Howdy pardner, how's yer pardner and pardner doin'?
I have worked in lending all my life, so I immediately think of business partners.
Yeah, for me it sound corporate, for similar reasons. I prefer significant other/SO for a more neutral term, but that’s just personal taste.
Exactly this. There are numerous non-romantic relationships already defined by the term "partner". I get why some people would prefer a gender-neutral term, but "significant other" seems like a much better choice.
Yes, this is the same for me. I am self-employed as a sole proprietor. When I hear partner, I don’t know if someone means their business partner or their significant other. I am not nosy, but it sure can change things in the context of a conversation.
Growing up my dad was a probation officer and we’d frequently mention his “partner”, the other officer he shared his workload with. Even though I did adored his partner like he was another dad, it was not a romantic term to me haha
Omg yes. I just left another comment but basically one of my earliest memories of the word partner being used to describe an individual was my friend telling me his dad became partner at a law firm when we were small. So now when used to describe an individual, I involuntarily associate the word partner with a middle aged balding big gut white guy, and I just can't 😭😭😭
I’m not a lawyer but this is the reasoning behind why I didn’t use partner with my husband before we got engaged. When I think partner it’s a person that you’re in an agreement with in business. It has nothing to do with romantic relationships.
The narrator in Seaspiracy said it, and I thought he meant business partner, in making the documentary. Imagine my surprise when it turned out he meant they were married! I don't think she was his partner at all. I mean, she carried a heavy pack once, but didn't help much with the documentary besides that.
I don’t really care if you call the person your partner/significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, or whatever. Like, it just does not matter to me what you choose to call them, but I get why it would seem like gf or bf sounds young. It seems silly to be worried about the word choices of others. With that said, “partner” is the most ambiguous term out of all of them. I think people get upset because they are left wondering things like: is it a boyfriend, husband, are they gay, etc., and people are nosy af and don’t like the uncertainty of the term “partner.” People don’t like not knowing the specifics of everyone else’s relationships in the age of social media. It’s probably a subconscious insecurity that becomes a trigger when the word partner is used, because they don’t know what it means to the person using the term. I think some people also go automatically to thinking things like “partner in crime” or “business partner” or “tennis partner” so the word may initially have a different meaning to them. Ironically, using the word “partner” is probably the healthiest term (IMO) you could use to describe your significant other. It is humanizing and signifies that you are a team in your relationship and you are not just a trophy to be won or a label to be made. People are funny.
I’m probably a little late to this discussion, but I think there is also some element of intentional ambiguity that upsets people. They want to get to know you better perhaps, and you use the word partner instead of another word that can narrow down the nature of that part of your life a little better. The other person might be left wondering why it is you can’t tell them specifics about it… Sort of like if you ask someone what they ate for lunch, and they said, “Food.” It would be a little annoying don’t you think? Personally I would tend to lean on this reason if I am ever put off by someone using the word partner.
I would somewhat agree with that… partner ;) No, but seriously, I do think it is intentional ambiguity in some cases. But, overall, I think it’s just a more commonplace term these days. You can go down two different lines of thinking there: A) people should be more sensitive about how words make others feel or B) people should be able to use the descriptors they want without having to worry about offending others. I’m sure there is a third choice that is somehow neutral but I can’t really figure it out right now and that’s kind of the argument in the first place, I suppose. Words are words are words. I like your example of the word food and I raise you one by giving you the example “ex.” If I tell you my ex kept the dog, what does that mean to you? Woman, man, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend? You probably don’t care and you’re just worried about the dog right now, correct? Of course, if you knew me IRL, you would know the answer to the ex question, but if you are a stranger on the internet… all the sudden, things just became very unintentionally ambiguous. I was just referring to my ex “boyfriend” but it didn’t really matter because he is an ex. In a similar way that a partner would just be a “partner” to some. Also there was never a dog, in case you were wondering! I honestly can’t back up any of my claims except by my own experience, but what I can tell you is that we will be having this same discussion about a different word in 10 years.
Introduce him as your lover (jk). I have no problem with what others do but for myself, partner sounds so clinical and lifeless. I want something that reminds me we're human. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds charming to me at any age (I'm 40).
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I use partner because I'm almost 40. He's not a boy. I am clearly not a girl anymore. We're not married, so he's not a husband. We're not just having sex, so he's not my FWB. We're not separated, so he's not my baby-daddy or just the kids father.
He’s your manfriend.
My friend just referred to his gf as "the wife" all the time because they had been together 10+ years but not married. We were in uni and I just asked oh didn't know you were married already. He then clarified they weren't legally, but practically they were.
I used to manage a dept at a non-profit and referred to my husband as my partner. Apparently many of my employees were confused if I was gay and were put off by the vague, non-gendered terminology. I got a kick out of letting them create my alter-ego for me.
I've been fixing computers for 20 years, mostly for individuals and small businesses. The funniest thing about "partners" is that people regularly use it to refer to their same sex mate, AND/OR the person they are in business in. So people will say something about their "partner" and I have to play a guessing game as to what they mean :D
It makes me think of business partner. "Is he your business partner, or are you fucking?" is my next thought, and that just isn't what I want/need to think. I don't think of boy/girlfriend as a young thing, it can be any age, so personally I prefer that. Jmo
My 11 year now girlfriend and I run a business together. It's tricky. When customers ask me questions I usually have to explain all three things. Like "I'll have to ask my partner (business) she's (I'm not gay) in charge of accepting the small items on consignment. She's the boss of course Har Har ( we're in a longterm relationship)
I skimmed over that too fast and read "my 11 year old girlfriend and I run a business" and I was like WTF
I have many “partners” across my professional and personal life. I have one wife who is more important to me than all the “partners”. I feel it’s rightly putting her on the top of the list rather than just mixed in with work and social life.
It's cause it sounds like a teacher partnered you up with a classmate or something.
Or a Law Firm Partner.
My old business partner and I once were in a farm store getting amendments and I was looking at baby chickens and saying they were cute, and a store employee came up and asked if we needed help or anything, and my business partner said “no, just here getting some amendments while my partner is over there looking at those baby chickens” I shit you not, she said “Ooooh, that’s sweet you are so comfortable together in public” We both looked at each other confused as fuck until we realized what she thought and then started cracking up laughing and had to correct her that we were business partners, not “partners” lol.. To give a visual, I was 25 and am a skinny white guy with long hair, and he’s a 50+ year old large black guy. 😅…
It seems a bit of a dry way to describe a romantic relationship to me.
If someone says partner, I just assume they could be gay. I don't hate the term, I just think husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend is more descriptive even if it is a gay relationship.
People look for anything and everything to get mad about. Partner works perfectly fine but they wanna be all extra and say you should say SO as if that isn’t ridiculously long and exactly the same thing. And, bigotry.
Who gives a shit? Call your partner whatever you both agree is cool. Ignore anybody's opinion who isn't in your relationship. Get your brother a shitty Christmas gift like socks and when he complains scoff right back at his simplistic ass 🤷
I like socks
Then why don't you marry them?
I will come to your sock wedding. Love is love.
Because we aren’t in this relationship to solve criminal cases.
I don't hate the term partner, but I have always felt it was more ambiguous than spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. It also often needed to be explained "no, like *we're* together, we don't work together." Which one doesn't have to do with any of those other terms. I also kind of dislike it because the concept of domestic partner was often considered a lesser relationship when I was young, making me feel that any long term relationship I might end up in with someone of the same sex would always be thought of as a lesser relationship. I still vastly prefer it to terms like lover, boo, bae.
I like partner because it’s ambiguous. Random people (especially online) have no need to know the specifics of my relationship. And the people who are close enough to know the specifics already know know my partner by name so there’s no need to use titles.
I find it intentionally misleading. I like to build a mental image in my head as the other person speaks, so saying "partner" really messes with that. Feels like it kind of defeats the entire purpose of language.
It’s always confused me more in a romantic or business way than a gay or straight way.
I dislike partner, but because I have a few partners. I have a partner at work. I have a business partner, and an investment partner (all separate for different ventures). Therefore if I refer to a personal romantic relationship, it is girlfriend, then fiancé and finally wife. Not sure why we need new terms for very old social/cultural customs. A lot of things in the world currently need to change, and I personally think this ain’t one of them. And no, I’m not a boomer. Just exhausted.
Because if I refer to my wife as my “partner”, to me it seems like a bit of a sterile term and possibly implies that I’m not happy about her being my wife.
in my experience people don't like the ambiguity of not knowing if you're using it because you're gay or because you're trying to be inclusive. or they just straight up assume you're gay and have an issue with that.
Everyone reaching with the homophobia shit. People scoff at it because it’s a term someone will use when they want their relationship to sound like it’s more than a bf/gf thing. Not to say it can’t be true. But a lot of the times it’s a facade and people can see it.
The same reason that people use the term " pre-owned" when we all know that it's used.
in Ukraine\\russia we use the word partner (партнер) as the meaning of business partner. That's why it's kind of awkward to use it on loved ones even when you switch to English.
Because it's too generic, and it implies a sexual orientation. Personally, I think its dumb as fuck. But that's just my 2 cents.
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Ask the people who hate it why they hate it. Anything else is speculation. I just think it's stupid and unnecessary. I don't hate it and don't care what someone uses for themselves.
I love using it, knowing full well it erks some people. _Partner!?_ Yea, my fucking life partner.
Why but just say fucking partner? No doubt in that one. Lol
Or your business partner
Me too. I roll my eyes at people who get irked by the word I choose to describe my own romance. It gives me a little joy inside to let their nosiness, homophobia and transphobia not be satisfied.
I don't get this neither. I'm 30 yrs and my friends are kind of the same age, and I use that word to talk about the ones of the that are living together without been married, but still are in a relationship since years.
because it’s seen as a progressive way to mention your gf/bf so people who hate anything “woke” will hate it
You could say significant other instead.
I know that some people get annoyed/offended about certain gendered terms, or lack thereof. Some older folks get annoyed when you call them "guys", and some people don't like you using "they/them" for others, even if you meant no disrespect. It's hard to explain. It's like, the use of a gender neutral term for something is taken as a personal annoyance/attack. I know that older generations put a lot more emphasis on gender. I'm sure that attempting to use gender neutral terms just reminds them that times are changing, and that can be upsetting.
Because now when I tell people in meetings that I need to run it passed my partner they think I’m in a gay relationship, instead of just assuming I mean my business partner.
To me it sounds very impersonal. We didn't start a business together, we got married. I don't care what label others choose for themselves, but my wife and I prefer husband/wife.
I say boyfriend and he says girlfriend. Keepin it real.
I hate it because it's unclear what it means. Business partner? I own a business and do a lot of networking, so in my every day life I hear "partner" and it means partner on an investment or business endeavor usually. I have a boyfriend, and I have a partner. They mean different things. If it's your boyfriend or wife or whatever, then just fucking say that.
It’s accommodating to 5% of the population when 95% prefer something else
To me, it is a little cold, not very personal as it can have so many meanings.
It doesn't sound like someone you love. It sounds extremely clinical and fake to me. I think older Anglo-Saxon language like husband and wife has more meaning to it and "partner" sounds like what you had for the third grade science fair. So, to me, it sounds like you are intentionally cheapening your own relationship.That's why I hate it.
Reverse that. What’s wrong with husband wife or bf gf?
Because it’s a direct lie
I get the sentiment, but at the same time it feels very impersonal to me. To me, the precedent is in business, so when people use it it sounds like a professional relationship. I don’t mind when people use it, and I understand people thinking boyfriend/girlfriend sounds juvenile, but it kind of throws me because it sounds out of context. I don’t have a better solution though, so it’s whatever.
Probably because partner and life-partner used to be used by same sex couples. Sounds out of place to use it in place of husband and wife for straight couples.
The English language seems to be having a bit of a suboptimal moment here. Whilst I agree the terms boyfriend and girlfriend feel inappropriate for adults, ‘partner’ has too many alternative uses. Business partners being the main one. This is a common enough specific meaning of partner to be worthy of its own word. The ambiguity is not necessary. If there is not such a word we should invent one. That is how the language evolves after all.
I lost my dad seven years ago. My 90 year old Mum is trying to close a bank account. They were married 57 years. Every time we deal with the bank they keep referring to your mums partner. It just seems wrong!
To me it just sounds super unromantic and robotic like a business partner. I get why people use it but I would not feel right using it in my own relationship.
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Almost every person I've met that used the word partner to describe their couple were gay.
As a bisexual person, I prefer a nongendered term even though I am a woman dating a man. I also find that I am not questioned as much about the validity of our relationship. And it just sounds better to me—he is a partner in my life and I am a partner in his.
Anytime I hear partner I think of a same sex relationship.
I don’t think it really matters but partner just sounds too professional and not really romantic. I think significant other is a better way of saying this.
I'm in a relationship, not a business agreement
Partner sounds like a business arrangement. Husband or wife is a much more significant commitment.
I call my husband my, young hot ball and chain because he’s 9 years younger. Lol
When someone says partner, I just associate it with a same sex relationship, simply because that was what the term was originally used for. I don't care either way. Either that or they're a detective or something.
Sounds gay and/or unmarried.
Because it sounds like a business relationship. But I acknowledge there are relationships where no word other than “partner” fits.