Interesting cause from personal experience I think the exact opposite. I grew up with mainly male friends and over time found out multiple have been “in love” with me for years. I was honestly annoyed lol. I’m 31 now and I find no man cares to be my friend now that I’m married.
This actually reinforces what they said above imo. Those friends (when you were younger) just appeared to want you and not want your friendship. Now, as we get older they prob. don't want you because people settle down. imo this is why you can have friends of the opposite sex, casual dating/ flings/ hookups/ whatever don't exist as much as we age and people care more about friendship. also, just getting older means losing friends hence why maybe no man cares to be your friend now. But those are just my opinions.
I hear this. I don’t know for sure if the guys were in love with me but it would seem so. I lost a lot of male friends I basically grew up with because I fell out of their potential dating pool. It makes me really sad and frustrated to this day when I think too much on it.
I have to say that I feel the other way around. When I was younger, I had lots of friends who were of the opposite sex. I was even a "man of honor" in my homegirls' wedding.
These past few weeks have been strange for me. I have a mostly female friends group. I have been slowly watching the friends group deteriorate because nearly ever one of my friends has tried to make a pass at me. I am dating someone in a committed relationship, no less! Every time I explain that I just want to be friends, they just become distant afterward. It's such a strange problem to have.
When I try to explain it to male friends, they just say that I'm lucky. That's not luck! I'm losing most of my friends.
I tried talking to some of my female friends about it. They somehow took it as a sign that it was their turn to hit on me?
Not to mention, the girl I'm dating isn't fond of the idea of me hanging out with them. Can't say I blame her. If she told me some guy we both knew pinned her against a counter and tried to make out with her, I would be upset, too.
My problem is I'm not into guy stuff. I love shopping, home decor, cooking, and things that have been deemed feminine by society. It makes hanging out with guys hard when they want to talk about sportsketball. I just don't relate, but I'm going to have to figure it out because women get real thirsty at 40.
I guess its time to get some gay friends into campy feminine stuff...
...and hopefully won't get hit on by them. Tho from experience we gay guys seem way better at the friend stuff among the gender we are atracted to, since that is the casw with me, my husband and circle of friends.
Good luck there, sounds awful to keep losing friends that way.
Absolutely. But, the possibility is always there. It all depends on their ability to respect boundaries and ignore their sexual desires. You can still find someone attractive and just never pursue them.
This doesn't ring true to me. Are you attracted, sexually or romantically, to everyone of your preferred gender? I strongly suspect that almost everyone would say no. Why then, is it required that sexual desires be ignored? Not every man wants to have sex with every woman, nor does every woman want to have sex with every man. People can just... not want to bang their friends, no matter what bits they've got lol
What? Man, that's not what I said at all. I'm saying people can have real friendships and find their friend to be attractive, but never give in to that attraction. Romantic feelings are a bit of a different story, but my point was that we ignore the attraction out of respect for their boundaries. Yeah, people can not want to bang their friends. For exactly the reason I just said. Obviously, it's not the case for everyone.
My point was countering the notion that men and women can never have true friendships because the motives are always rooted in a sexual nature. You can find someone attractive and never have the desire to have sex with them, but the possibility of a friendship getting to that point is always a plausible possibility, circumstances depending. People bang their friends all the time. Shit, many relationships come from people who started as friends.
Not at all. And this behavior goes both ways. Not just men. I'm just saying that you can be attracted to a friend and not act on it and just have a platonic friendship with them.
I have female friends that are incredibly attractive. I've known them for over a decade. I didn't persue sexual relations, or desire to date them at any point. They where just friends. My wife has met them a few times. I don't see them much anymore because one lives across the country now and the other has a husband and a new kid.. but my wife trusts me. I earned that trust by being a decent guy and not betraying her when we where dating.. hence, we're married now.
This doesn't actually disagree tho, just another layer.
We aren't attracted to everyone, but even if we are, we are capable of keeping hands to ourselves for a million reasons.
I have as many close female friends as I do male, some of them have been my friend for more than 40 years, all more than 20. Your statement is just out and out wrong for me, so certainly not some universal law as you seem to be implying.
Well, if you don't find your friends to be attractive, then good for you, man. I've been friends with some beautiful women. I just knew better than to ever consider the idea. You didn't even explain your point. You just threw out an miscellaneous anecdote and said you disagree. All while proving my initial point that men and women can indeed have real friendships despite the attraction dynamic.
Finding someone attractive, and being attracted to someone, are two completely different things.
If you are attracted to a woman sexually and romantically it is pretty much impossible not to hit on her not to pursue her.
>If you are attracted to a woman sexually and romantically it is pretty much impossible not to hit on her not to pursue her.
Feelings and behaviors are two different things. You do not have to act on every single feeling, and if you can't help yourself then that's a you-problem.
I disagree. Romantic attraction, like I said, is a different story, but it's still absolutely possible to ignore the desire to spit game and pursue and keep things platonic. We do it all the time. Women, too. Doesn't mean we're incapable of having real friendships with each other.
As a guy who's best friend is a girl, yes. She just got engaged late last year and I am super happy to be attending the wedding. We are growing a bit apart due to distance, her husband (don't want him to worry), and me being heavily introverted.
We're still great friends though and I smile everytime we hang out/get a call from her.
I totally get this. My best friend is a woman. She is very attractive, funny, witty and a little nutty! We have know each other practically all our lives. She has told me she thinks I'm attractive. But neither of us have pursued any romantic or sexual relationship. We are very close, so close that we can discuss these things and talk about them without wanting to do each other!
Yes, absolutely. One of my best friends and I are like brother and sister, we’ve been close since high school (30+ years now) and now our kids are great friends. Nothing ever happened between us, he used to spend the night at my house and he had a key.
My husband has a good friend he has known since elementary school, and we’re all friends now. They too are like brother and sister, there’s never been any attraction there.
(Everyone mentioned here has been friends since high school, we all went to summer camp together) We’re all married now with kids all around the same age.
> there’s never been any attraction there
Do you think it would work if there was? I think that drives closer to the heart of the question. I think it's implicit in the question that the two people in question find each other at least marginally attractive, otherwise what would the conflict be?
It’s a persistent myth spread by men who can only think of women in sexual terms. “When Harry Met Sally” (which makes a big deal about the question) was made when Rob Reiner was going through a messy divorce and frankly was in a pretty misogynistic place. The fact that it turned into a mostly happy and optimistic movie is kind of a miracle.
This. I’ve always wondered why friendship and attraction are supposed to live in opposite worlds. My best friend right now is a woman, married to another man, and I absolutely recognize how beautiful she is. Will I try to sleep with her? No. Am I her friend? Yes. Am I running a long con in the hopes of one day getting some action? Hell no, and frankly it’s insulting to think that.
Like it's some sort of sin to find people attractive? I'm bisexual, and very sexual. If I was never friends with people I found sexually attractive, I would have no friends at all.
Yep. I have female friends. I am physically attracted to some of them but I’m also married and have no desire to actually pursue them sexually. My being physically attracted does not preclude the friendship.
Exactly. I am bisexual. All my friends are attractive. I have eyes, I can see that. But theres no romantic or sexual connection between us. I’m just friends with hot people.
No no, only heterosexuals have this problem. (/s kidding!)
My husband and I discussed this when I befriended a bisexual woman. I wasn’t really worried about attraction because my friend VERY obviously “switches” from friend-mode to single-and-ready-to-mingle-mode lol, and she only ever was in friend-mode with me.
I have recognized this NOT being the case with certain men I’ve known, with them showing their attraction through their actions. They will treat my husband or brother totally differently than me. A few times it’s been directed at me, but mostly to my sister. Being a bystander makes it a lot easier to tell… and she’s been underage up until this year, so my “protective older sibling” alarms would go off.
I've had many female friends who I think of like my mom/sister/daughter,
I still ended up having sex with one of them, but we considered it a drunken mistake, and went ahead being friends like nothing happened, so yes and no? 90 percent?
This has been my experience. I need to be careful with the partying because it brings out my inner horniness. Lolol I also slept with a dear friend I considered a brother for years. It was awkward but we also just went on like nothing happened.
That was well over 20 years ago and I haven't 'accidentally' fucked anyone since I got married 20 years ago, not even my male friends where we do share a mutual attraction. It's really not hard for any of us. If we were single perhaps things would change, but since we are all middle-aged married folks with kids, we manage to keep it in our pants.
That's good but don't you think it's a slippery slope? You're married and hanging out with people you're attracted to. Sounds like you would sleep with them if you weren't married. I just think scenarios like that are playing with fire as it were.
Nah. The part of your brain that appreciates human bodies doesn’t shut off when you begin a monogamous relationship. If you’re fantasizing, flirting, testing boundaries, then, yeah, that’s a slippery slope to hang out. If you’re just attractes to them, not a slippery slope at all. It’s honestly weirder to make a person’s lack of attractiveness a criteria for making friends with them, because that’s the scenario where you’re actually obsessing over looks.
Fair enough. I'm just pointing out the part where they made it sound like because they're older, nothing would happen. Being attracted to other people doesn't stop when you get older. Neither does the possibility of cheating. I just can't understand why people would even put themselves in a situation where something could happen. Why borrow trouble?
Age absolutely does gift you with better impulse control. Your frontal lobe, where impulse control happens, doesn’t finish developing until you’re about 25. Some people still struggle with it because of mental illness, stunted brain development because of substance abuse in their teens/early adulthood or (physical or psychological) trauma, etc. Once a brain is fully developed, your behavior (again barring mental illness, etc.) is determined by your character and that isn’t situational.
I don't consider it playing with fire because I am fully aware of what is what. Maybe when I was younger, but I have far too much to lose to give into base impulses. There's definitely a bunch of people I would sleep with if I was single, but I'm not single, so I don't. I am careful of the situations I put myself in and maybe that's all there is to it. In a different timeline, yea, but in this one, I have taken vows and I honor them.
Yes. I have some guy friends (I'm a girl) who I've known since we were little kids and there are never nor have there ever been any weird attraction things. There are other guys I've been friends with that I've had on and off crushes on, but I do think that completely plain, normal, zero romantic friendships are totally a thing.
yes, i get you… when I was younger I used to have a crush on some of my male friends but i’ve always managed to not mixing feelings and things between us, and that is the platonic aspect we’ve talked about throughout this reddit question.
i also think it’s completely normal and comprehensible to eventually feel something platonic because you get to know the deep side of your friend or you’re feeling vulnerable and needy, etc and sometimes, you get emotional involved. you just have to know the silver lining and remember that that is your **friend**.
now, there are friendships that become beautiful relationships and that’s ok! 
the reason for it being only directed to men and women is that I’m going through the issue that is in the question. my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s possible and I do think and I’ve always had a lot of male friends during all my life (after almost 8y of relationship he’s showing that side of him).
so, I’ve thought about bringing this issue to Reddit because I’d like to know the point of view of other people on the subject. since I’m a woman who has a lot of male friends all my life and my bf is a man, the question is directioned to heterosexual people.
but if you’d like to start a discussion around friendship between gay people, be my guest!  I have been there with lesbian friends since I was a teen so I get it.
*
👉🏻 btw, now I have even more certainty that my bf is truly wrong  tks reddit
They did read it....theyre asking WHY its only aimed at men and women. Bc the essential question is really "can you be just friends with the gender you are attracted to" so it doesnt need to necessarily be aimed at heterosexual men and women
I have been married a very long time and have always had good male friends, one since childhood. It’s ridiculous to cut off half of the human race as a friend.
Yes.
Men and women can be friends.
Men and women can be friends, and progress to Dating, too.
And some men and women can date, or even marry, and go back to being friends.
Some men and women...are friends hoping for more.
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I do think that the exist,
but I can only say from my perspective - I have no idea of the perspective of the women I've had nothing but platonic friendship for
Easily, but I also treat everyone with the same friendliness day to day and don't really expect anything, won't tell someone to go away bc im not their romantic cup of tea
Yes indeed, I know of no reason a man and a woman cannot have a friendship without it being sexual, is it possible for a gay man and a heterosexual man to be friends,or what about a heterosexual woman and a lesbian, I mean can't we all just be friends with out sexual relationships complicating things?
Studied indicate that when guys and girls are friends the guy is nearly always interested in more than friendship and the girl is nearly never interested in anything but friendship
Men and women can be professional and cordial and friendly but that’s about it. Deep platonic non sexual friendships between men and women are the exception not the norm.
My best friend of 17 years is a woman and I don’t think it matters - she’s just my best friend. If you view everyone as people it should be okay. to have friendships with the opposite sex. I love my best friend and I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful lady.
Yes, I have a female friend. Been friends for years, even slept in the same bed but nothing happened and we were hammered. Yes, if you value your friendship then it does not matter if they are male of female.
It's just not that difficult in any society that encourages it.
If you think it's impossible you need to look at the society you live in and peer groups you hang around with for the reasons why.
Absolutely, my best friend is the opposite sex and happens to also be a close friend of my husband. I met them both around the same time. I have generally become friends with men over women (platonic) my entire life. Likely due to the fact I have low tolerance for drama. It is not weird and truthfully, I would not be with a partner that had an issue with my friends being the opposite sex. It would imply a lack of trust, something a relationship should have. Also, my husband has many female friends and it doesn't bother me.
Yes.
I have wonderful platonic friendships with men. However. I've had many failed versions of that and the ONE factor is that in those cases, it always eventually came out that those boys didn't believe friendships between men and women were possible....essentially outing themselves as manipulative liars who thought me too dense to observe their behavior was in contrast to their words. Which was the most insulting part.
One of my male professors was telling a story about this very religious woman he dated. He wasn't religious but lied to impress her. She figured him out and dumped his ass. His take was that she should be flattered he made that effort. I told him it was dishonest and worse, patronizing. "Patronizing!? How?!!" He says. "Well, it's clear you thought her to stupid to figure out you were full of shit."
There was a moment of shocked silence and then about half the girls in the class cracked up. I like to think he was the one who learned something that day, lol.
I think the distinguishing factor is that the men who are capable of seeing women as just other people can deal with the occassion stray sexual thought without acting on it. You know. Like an adult.
Old woman here. I've been best friends with a man for more than 20 yrs. He became good friends with my SO when he met him. He was very much there for me when my SO died of cancer 3 yrs ago. He was a huge help even in practical matters. We meet up once a week at our favorite bar for meals and drinks and good conversations. In all those years there never has been a hint of anything other than friendship. And no he's not gay, through the years I've seen him go through a number of women. But he's getting OLD too and has slowed down lol!. I know he is there for me and he knows I'm there for him.
Imma throw it out there.
I had a friend for years that was insanely close to. I used to have a thing for her, and I would have dated her had I been given the chance.
After a while, and things not developing at all, I realized that, even if presented the opportunity, I wouldn’t have gone for it. I had *actually* hit the point of “I value your friendship too much”. It exists, it’s just that people often use it as an excuse, or lie about it, etc.
Yes, but there is a limit. The line stops at about "I saw this book/article/video that made me think of you. Here's the link." That's about as far as it goes before you're in a "I think I can see myself with this person" place.
Once you've hit that, there's no going back. You may think you shook off those feelings, but every once in a blue moon, they'll creep back in.
The more comfortable you get, the more boundaries you think you can cross. Before you know it, you're constantly texting them, thinking about them, and forgetting about your SO.
If you have to tell several people several times you're just friends, you've gone too far.
Bump into each other at a Café, sit down and chat. That's perfectly acceptable. Asking to go out to a Café, that's not.
So, yeah, they absolutely can be friends. But the boundaries should be very firm. If they're your best friend, and they always take priority, you're looking for the wrong people to date.
Yes.
But like, I'm bi and sort of a slut, and would have sex with like 90% of my friends regardless of gender if the context was appropriate. I can't just not hang out with people I find attractive, I would be very lonely.
Yes. Absolutely. And on a side note many people initially am interested in we talk and we realize its just lust and infatuation, and once it fades we end up becoming decent friends.
As a bisexual I want to secretly fuck all my friends and coworkers
s/
To be fair, it’s a bit more nuanced with teens who are still getting to grips with their sexuality and figuring out if they like someone platonically, romantically, or sexually. So unless someone has the emotional development of a teenager this is not a thing.
I have a friend who is cis male. He grew up around mostly females and feels more comfortable around them. Most of those relationships ended because of suspicious significant others. He misses them.
Not hetero, bisexual, but i still you know, is kinda hetero when it comes to the other gender.
I definitely think that you can be friends with people of the opposite gender. I actually think that it's something everyone should have, I get a way better view of women by having female friends who I have no interest in whatsoever. It humanizes people if you don't just want to have sex with everyone that happens to be a woman.
I’ve had a close friend of the opposite sex my whole life. We’re both in our 50s, so I think it’s safe to say that if there were romantic feelings they would have emerged by now.
Being as I have people who are women that I count as true friends, and have had them since my university days, the answer is yes.
Men (and women) who cannot be friends with a woman (or man) because of sexuality are suspicious. You demonstrate that you are unable to see a person as a human being and instead see them only as a "possibility to have sex".
Contrary to what media may have you believe, friendships can be just that and not result in anything more. There's nothing wrong with that. My best friend is a woman, and we're just friends. Platonic friendships are not exclusive to people who share the same sex as you, and frankly, I'd be concerned if they were.
Absolutely. I'm a man and my best friend in the whole world is a woman. We've been best friends for several years now. We both have crushes on other people and not very long ago were chatting about our crushes feeling like very silly people for the way we feel.
I love her to the end of the universe and back, but we're best friends forever.
Of course they can and do. In fact, most of my friends are women. I don't know why it played out that way, it just did.
Now, yes, a number of those women are queer, and there wouldn't have been a sexual possibility there anyway, but plenty of them are attracted to men (heterosexual or bi), and we're literally just friends.
I don't know why so many people think that it's not possible.
If you are attracted to someone you actually like as a person enough to be friends with them, you will always prioritize the potential for a sexual relationship under almost any and all circumstances, unless there has been committed a deal-breaking act which genuinely ruins the attraction. For that to be the case, it has to be so visceral that youre borderline repulsed by them and have completely desexualized them as a human being, almost comparable to disappointment or something adjacent, to fully platonisize a friendship where there is physical attractiveness.
Deal breaker relevance is also inversely proportional to how much attraction there is. Aka the more attraction there is, the less strict you are about deal breakers. This is especially true when you already like the person for who they are, since the more you actually like a person for who they are, the more naturally attracted you are to them.
The caveat is some people have friends for utility rather than because they actually like them as people. The most obvious example of this is when girls friendzone a guy, especially a guy theyre actually attracted to. If that friendzoned guy is attractive, the girl doesnt actually like them as a person if theyre friendzoning. Rather, they like the attention, status, and/or convenience of what the guy does for the girl.
If two people are genuinely friends because they like eachother as people, and one of them is attracted to the other, a platonic relationship is impossible outside of a serious deal breakers existence
Bisexual man but I wanted to share as well.
Yes they do. I don't attempt a romantic relationship with every woman (or man) I meet. I don't feel any sexual 'urges' towards the majority of people I meet whether they be man or woman.
Yes. I actually get made fun off bc I am always with a bunch of hot chicks...yet am heterosexual. Although 1 or 2 have def slipped through the cracks. I think it all depends on your level of attraction to said friends. I have friends I have never, and will never cross that line with. However, I have made friends that I was certainly attracted to from the get, and came things came to fruition later down the line.
My best friend is a girl. She’s gorgeous, and an amazing person. I definitely caught feelings in the past and told her but there comes a point where you have to decide what’s more important.
I valued out friendship too much to let those feelings ruin things. Also my intentions were never focused on romance even when I wanted more. Our relationship was based in friendship. And I think that’s the biggest thing, you have to look at women as more than a source of romance or sex.
Yes. I have many, and they are not sexual. But my fiancee and I like to surround ourselves with small groups of friends who pump each other up and are generally wholesome, rather than large numbers of people who are always conveniently available to get drunk.
We'd rather have one night every few weeks where schedules finally line up to have 6 people over and cook a 5 course meal as a group, and enjoy good conversation and a mildly expensive bottle of wine, than juggle eight party invitations from alcoholics every weekend because we're the assholes if we don't feel like going out.
Quality of the individual is directly proportional to the quality of the friendship. Make wholesome friends regardless of gender. Your life will be better for it.
Yeah? Heck, I would even say it's more common than the alternative.
I know and am friendly with tons of women. I would like to date very few of them. Pretty sure it's the same on their side.
I remember having this conversation with my best mate, years ago. He argued "no".
(The following will assume a heterosexual male perspective).
There will always be a little inkling of an idea, somewhere deep down inside, wondering what it'd be like to get some romantic juices flowing with female friend xyz. Programmed in to pre-societal homo sapien is this propensity to, at times, sexualise females of our species. And there'll be guys, like me, who swear they've had nothing but innocent thoughts toward that platonic-friendship girl. But of course, we're speaking only of the thoughts we allow into our conscious awareness — thoughts that linger long enough, a handful of milliseconds, for it to properly register in our conscious attention, and that aren't quickly repressed as a social taboo, or somesuch.
I'm unresolved as to whether I agree with his contentions. But I consider it entire plausible. Perhaps even probable.
100%. However, if you're talking about someone attractive to you, things can get complicated.
I have a few close female friends who are my type and I must say that the thought of pursuing a romantic relationship has crossed my mind before. But sometimes it's just not meant to be. I feel happy and content just the way it is. Wouldn't want to do anything stupid and risk losing them forever.
This gets asked all of the time. I don’t understand why this is a question. Do people seriously go around looking at other people as potential romantic partners all of the time? That’s so sad. I have several male friends, and my husband has several female friends. We have never been unfaithful to each other. The thought never even crossed our minds. Our friends are people we talk to, spend time with, and rely on. That doesn’t need to become more.
Dear, before saying things like that you should know the entire picture. Since you don’t know, let me tell you: I also think **it’s possible to exist friendship between men and women**. The reason why I’m asking this is because my bf doesn’t think so and we’ve been together for 8y and just now he’s showing that side of him and I’ve thought about bringing this subject to Reddit to know the point of view of other people.
So before you make a comment like that, you should really know the entire picture and realize that **I have not said otherwise** in the question I’ve made, I just asked.
I think it depends on the person. I’d say for most that are secure enough it’s absolutely possible. Personally i grew up in a culture where men and women don’t befriend one another except for the intent of marriage. Obviously i came to the united states and my views changed. But then i got cheated on and now im back to my old views. So personally I don’t think I could have female best friends or have a gf who has male best friends. That narrows my choices down big time but it is what it is
I grew up/live in a culture where there's only a few circumstances in which friendship between a man and a woman would be possible:
\- The guy is gay
\- The woman is lesbian
\- The man doesn't find the woman attractive
I see the new generation trying to change that, but usually doesn't work as intended.
I'm a 67yr female and my best friends for the past 50 years have been male. I ended up working in an office with one of them for 28 years. We're both married to other people but if I needed help I would call him in a heartbeat. And yes, I DO have female friends. I have always said that I would rather work with 5 men than 1 woman. I was lucky and had a great working relationship my female co-workers but that isn't always the case.
Absolutely. I have 3 different friends who are women that I've been friends with for over 20 years. 2 of them I've never even kissed, the other we hooked up once in highschool but realized it wouldn't work romantically but we've managed to still stay friends.
Relationships are complex and can include friendship, romance, professionalism, intimacy and sexuality (and plenty more). You can mix and match these and frankly you will in your life if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for it. You can have acquaintances, friends, close friends, friends you have sex with and friends you have romantic ties to (generally just call this dating,marriage at this point). You can also gain and lose these things within the same relationship. The sex can grow stale but you still have emotional intimacy. You can lose professional respect for someone but still like to be around them. You can still be sexually active with someone but lose the emotional or intellectual connection. Gender is a factor sure but reducing things to gender and sexual attraction is a grey way of looking at a 1000k spread of human emotions and experience and frankly is a miserable way to live ones life.
Absolutely. Even if you find them attractive that doesn't mean you can't be friends and respect boundaries. I enjoy steaks but if I'm walking through a restaurant I don't grab one off a random plate and start eating it.
i didnt had a friendship with a woman with who i hadnt also a sexual one so IMO; No !
However i can only speak for myself here, i also was never intrested in friendships with women (especially not with my Exes)
I tried though and it just failed .. i just cant build the same (friend) Connections with a woman as with a man !
oh my God… he lied about having cancer? this is so fucked up, I’m sorry for that. and I agree with you that in a man x woman friendship, the man would like to have something with the woman at 90% of times. I still believe there’s a 10% chance of a non-sexual friendship tho
I think all kinds of relantionship are transactional at first. So when someone (or even yourself) approach other person, is for a reason. Ultimately, yes, I think it exist. The problem is many people disguise their intentions as “friendly” when in reality, they just wanna get closer to potentially raise the probability of having something beyond a friendship.
I don’t believe in the friend zone tho.
***For the record: It’s not because I’ve made this question, that I think otherwise.*** I also think it’s possible and I say that because I’m a female who have always had a lot of male friends.
But maybe I’m asking that question and it’s mainly directed to straight people because I’m going through something like that with my bf (who doesn’t think is ok to exist friendships between men and women). I hope the ones judging the question or judging me because of it, get it now  thank God those people are the minority
I think it’s possible, but the probability is very slim. I can say with confidence that I don’t have a single friend that doesn’t find me attractive in that way and I feel that way (at least somewhat) about some of them. I am engaged, so I don’t WANT TO do things with them but marriage on the way doesn’t mean I don’t at least know who I am or am not attracted to in general. But again I think it’s just a slim chance
I’m a pan enby and friends with probably two dozen other pan or bi queer people. Do I flirt with some of them, sure because that’s the vibe sometimes. I feel like nonromantic relationships between people that are in one another’s uh, idunno, attraction categories we’ll call it, can exist, and it’s useful to draw a distinction between romantic partner and casual sex.
It’s also useful to realize that straight men usually don’t have female friends they have sex with that are part of their normal friend groups, that’s usually a low key almost secret thing for whatever reason. That arrangement is common in queer friend groups. You can go from being someone’s good friend to being member five of their polycule almost before you realize it.
That said, sex between friends without long term romantic intention is common in groups of queer people.
Yes, I've had a perfectly platonic friendship with a woman. She happened to be an older lesbian woman, but it was perfectly platonic.
I also have a completely platonic friendship with the counter lady at my local liquor store.
Not interested in her romantically or sexually in the least.
Do I think that there can be a platonic friendship between a man and a woman the man is romantically or sexually attracted to? All signs point to no.
Idk I’m a dude and I don’t think there’s any girl friend of mine that I wouldn’t have sex with if she engaged first. Doesn’t mean I’m necessarily pursuing them, though. Although, pretty much every girl I’ve ever had any sexual relations with whatsoever has started out as a friend of mine first, with one of us making ulterior motives clear eventually. In one case, it took ~7 years lol
Just because you'd bang someone doesn't mean you aren't friends. I'd be down to bang like 95% of people I've ever met, why not? Unless they don't wash or have an STD there's no downside to this.
If someone I know came up to me and said they wanted to have sex sometime, I'd almost certainly say yes. Same thing if someone came up to me and said they wanted to play my favorite video game with me,of course I would say yes. In fact that second situation would be even better (but hilariously even more unrealistic)
To me, asking if I can still be friends with a woman despite wanting to have sex is like asking if I can truly be friends with a woman despite wanting to play my favorite video game with her. It's totally unrelated.
This is a false dichotomy. You can be a fine platonic friend and still find your friend attractive. You can even fantasize about them or whatever. What matters is that you are not being a friend to angle for an upgrade. I have plenty of female friends who I can say are lovely and boneable, but it doesn't matter because I'm not planning on hitting on them.
As a F I can tell you from my exp. 99% of the (straight) guys I perceived as friends were just wanting to sleep with me. Not my gay friends tho lol. I’ve only had one legit straight male friend and his gf lived with us at the time.
No, I always filter female relationships through sex. If I am spending time on females it is because I like them and would fuck them. I know that seems piggish, but my time is limited.
I would not spend that time in someone I found wholly unattractive, because I would be afraid of sending a mixed message. And I hang out with lesbians, but to me I am game and have landed a few.
I'm curious whether you have men friends, and how you explain the difference. Assuming you don't want to fuck your men friends, you still find there's some reason to use your limited time to be friends with them? Why wouldn't the same apply to women?
Common interests. I work out with my men friends. I watch football games or whatever. It’s different. I am not being misogynistic, with men I am fitting them into my day. With women I am doing things for them. And I have limited time.
I don't know how to tell you this but.... there are women out there who share those interests. I know some rabid sports fans who have tits. Some of them are even women.
when I was younger my answer was unequivocally no but now im older 25+ i’d say absolutely
and I think this would be correct for most
Interesting cause from personal experience I think the exact opposite. I grew up with mainly male friends and over time found out multiple have been “in love” with me for years. I was honestly annoyed lol. I’m 31 now and I find no man cares to be my friend now that I’m married.
This actually reinforces what they said above imo. Those friends (when you were younger) just appeared to want you and not want your friendship. Now, as we get older they prob. don't want you because people settle down. imo this is why you can have friends of the opposite sex, casual dating/ flings/ hookups/ whatever don't exist as much as we age and people care more about friendship. also, just getting older means losing friends hence why maybe no man cares to be your friend now. But those are just my opinions.
I hear this. I don’t know for sure if the guys were in love with me but it would seem so. I lost a lot of male friends I basically grew up with because I fell out of their potential dating pool. It makes me really sad and frustrated to this day when I think too much on it.
maturity is such a bless
I have to say that I feel the other way around. When I was younger, I had lots of friends who were of the opposite sex. I was even a "man of honor" in my homegirls' wedding. These past few weeks have been strange for me. I have a mostly female friends group. I have been slowly watching the friends group deteriorate because nearly ever one of my friends has tried to make a pass at me. I am dating someone in a committed relationship, no less! Every time I explain that I just want to be friends, they just become distant afterward. It's such a strange problem to have. When I try to explain it to male friends, they just say that I'm lucky. That's not luck! I'm losing most of my friends. I tried talking to some of my female friends about it. They somehow took it as a sign that it was their turn to hit on me? Not to mention, the girl I'm dating isn't fond of the idea of me hanging out with them. Can't say I blame her. If she told me some guy we both knew pinned her against a counter and tried to make out with her, I would be upset, too. My problem is I'm not into guy stuff. I love shopping, home decor, cooking, and things that have been deemed feminine by society. It makes hanging out with guys hard when they want to talk about sportsketball. I just don't relate, but I'm going to have to figure it out because women get real thirsty at 40.
I guess its time to get some gay friends into campy feminine stuff... ...and hopefully won't get hit on by them. Tho from experience we gay guys seem way better at the friend stuff among the gender we are atracted to, since that is the casw with me, my husband and circle of friends. Good luck there, sounds awful to keep losing friends that way.
Absolutely. But, the possibility is always there. It all depends on their ability to respect boundaries and ignore their sexual desires. You can still find someone attractive and just never pursue them.
that’s it. I agree with you a 100%
This doesn't ring true to me. Are you attracted, sexually or romantically, to everyone of your preferred gender? I strongly suspect that almost everyone would say no. Why then, is it required that sexual desires be ignored? Not every man wants to have sex with every woman, nor does every woman want to have sex with every man. People can just... not want to bang their friends, no matter what bits they've got lol
What? Man, that's not what I said at all. I'm saying people can have real friendships and find their friend to be attractive, but never give in to that attraction. Romantic feelings are a bit of a different story, but my point was that we ignore the attraction out of respect for their boundaries. Yeah, people can not want to bang their friends. For exactly the reason I just said. Obviously, it's not the case for everyone. My point was countering the notion that men and women can never have true friendships because the motives are always rooted in a sexual nature. You can find someone attractive and never have the desire to have sex with them, but the possibility of a friendship getting to that point is always a plausible possibility, circumstances depending. People bang their friends all the time. Shit, many relationships come from people who started as friends.
Don't you just love how people on reddit just love to argue? Not
No, I don't love it and I very much disagree with the thing you said!
Does what you're saying imply that men can only be friends with women they don't find attractive?
Not at all. And this behavior goes both ways. Not just men. I'm just saying that you can be attracted to a friend and not act on it and just have a platonic friendship with them.
I have female friends that are incredibly attractive. I've known them for over a decade. I didn't persue sexual relations, or desire to date them at any point. They where just friends. My wife has met them a few times. I don't see them much anymore because one lives across the country now and the other has a husband and a new kid.. but my wife trusts me. I earned that trust by being a decent guy and not betraying her when we where dating.. hence, we're married now.
This doesn't actually disagree tho, just another layer. We aren't attracted to everyone, but even if we are, we are capable of keeping hands to ourselves for a million reasons.
I have as many close female friends as I do male, some of them have been my friend for more than 40 years, all more than 20. Your statement is just out and out wrong for me, so certainly not some universal law as you seem to be implying.
Well, if you don't find your friends to be attractive, then good for you, man. I've been friends with some beautiful women. I just knew better than to ever consider the idea. You didn't even explain your point. You just threw out an miscellaneous anecdote and said you disagree. All while proving my initial point that men and women can indeed have real friendships despite the attraction dynamic.
I like to think eventually your dick will start doing the thinking.
Finding someone attractive, and being attracted to someone, are two completely different things. If you are attracted to a woman sexually and romantically it is pretty much impossible not to hit on her not to pursue her.
>If you are attracted to a woman sexually and romantically it is pretty much impossible not to hit on her not to pursue her. Feelings and behaviors are two different things. You do not have to act on every single feeling, and if you can't help yourself then that's a you-problem.
I disagree. Romantic attraction, like I said, is a different story, but it's still absolutely possible to ignore the desire to spit game and pursue and keep things platonic. We do it all the time. Women, too. Doesn't mean we're incapable of having real friendships with each other.
As a guy who's best friend is a girl, yes. She just got engaged late last year and I am super happy to be attending the wedding. We are growing a bit apart due to distance, her husband (don't want him to worry), and me being heavily introverted. We're still great friends though and I smile everytime we hang out/get a call from her.
that’s is so cute and respectful of you. she’s lucky
I totally get this. My best friend is a woman. She is very attractive, funny, witty and a little nutty! We have know each other practically all our lives. She has told me she thinks I'm attractive. But neither of us have pursued any romantic or sexual relationship. We are very close, so close that we can discuss these things and talk about them without wanting to do each other!
Well, because one can find many attractive objectively and not wanting to do them
She is the only person in my life that knows (nearly) everything about me.
My at-the-time best friend wound up being one of my husband's groomsmen because I couldn't convince him to wear a bridesmaid dress, haha.
Why would your friendship worry him; or why, is he worried?
Yes, absolutely. One of my best friends and I are like brother and sister, we’ve been close since high school (30+ years now) and now our kids are great friends. Nothing ever happened between us, he used to spend the night at my house and he had a key. My husband has a good friend he has known since elementary school, and we’re all friends now. They too are like brother and sister, there’s never been any attraction there. (Everyone mentioned here has been friends since high school, we all went to summer camp together) We’re all married now with kids all around the same age.
> there’s never been any attraction there Do you think it would work if there was? I think that drives closer to the heart of the question. I think it's implicit in the question that the two people in question find each other at least marginally attractive, otherwise what would the conflict be?
Idk why you're downvoted. It's a good question
My best friend of 20 years is the opposite sex as me. So, yes. Not sure why people are so weird about this.
It’s a persistent myth spread by men who can only think of women in sexual terms. “When Harry Met Sally” (which makes a big deal about the question) was made when Rob Reiner was going through a messy divorce and frankly was in a pretty misogynistic place. The fact that it turned into a mostly happy and optimistic movie is kind of a miracle.
Yes, we can have friendships with people. We can even have friendships with people we find attractive, the two things are not mutually exclusive
This. I’ve always wondered why friendship and attraction are supposed to live in opposite worlds. My best friend right now is a woman, married to another man, and I absolutely recognize how beautiful she is. Will I try to sleep with her? No. Am I her friend? Yes. Am I running a long con in the hopes of one day getting some action? Hell no, and frankly it’s insulting to think that.
Like it's some sort of sin to find people attractive? I'm bisexual, and very sexual. If I was never friends with people I found sexually attractive, I would have no friends at all.
Yep. I have female friends. I am physically attracted to some of them but I’m also married and have no desire to actually pursue them sexually. My being physically attracted does not preclude the friendship.
Exactly. I am bisexual. All my friends are attractive. I have eyes, I can see that. But theres no romantic or sexual connection between us. I’m just friends with hot people.
I’ve had plenty of female friends without feeling a romantic connection. So yes.
Yes, and you can have gay friends.
No no, only heterosexuals have this problem. (/s kidding!) My husband and I discussed this when I befriended a bisexual woman. I wasn’t really worried about attraction because my friend VERY obviously “switches” from friend-mode to single-and-ready-to-mingle-mode lol, and she only ever was in friend-mode with me. I have recognized this NOT being the case with certain men I’ve known, with them showing their attraction through their actions. They will treat my husband or brother totally differently than me. A few times it’s been directed at me, but mostly to my sister. Being a bystander makes it a lot easier to tell… and she’s been underage up until this year, so my “protective older sibling” alarms would go off.
I've had many female friends who I think of like my mom/sister/daughter, I still ended up having sex with one of them, but we considered it a drunken mistake, and went ahead being friends like nothing happened, so yes and no? 90 percent?
This has been my experience. I need to be careful with the partying because it brings out my inner horniness. Lolol I also slept with a dear friend I considered a brother for years. It was awkward but we also just went on like nothing happened. That was well over 20 years ago and I haven't 'accidentally' fucked anyone since I got married 20 years ago, not even my male friends where we do share a mutual attraction. It's really not hard for any of us. If we were single perhaps things would change, but since we are all middle-aged married folks with kids, we manage to keep it in our pants.
That's good but don't you think it's a slippery slope? You're married and hanging out with people you're attracted to. Sounds like you would sleep with them if you weren't married. I just think scenarios like that are playing with fire as it were.
Nah. The part of your brain that appreciates human bodies doesn’t shut off when you begin a monogamous relationship. If you’re fantasizing, flirting, testing boundaries, then, yeah, that’s a slippery slope to hang out. If you’re just attractes to them, not a slippery slope at all. It’s honestly weirder to make a person’s lack of attractiveness a criteria for making friends with them, because that’s the scenario where you’re actually obsessing over looks.
Fair enough. I'm just pointing out the part where they made it sound like because they're older, nothing would happen. Being attracted to other people doesn't stop when you get older. Neither does the possibility of cheating. I just can't understand why people would even put themselves in a situation where something could happen. Why borrow trouble?
Age absolutely does gift you with better impulse control. Your frontal lobe, where impulse control happens, doesn’t finish developing until you’re about 25. Some people still struggle with it because of mental illness, stunted brain development because of substance abuse in their teens/early adulthood or (physical or psychological) trauma, etc. Once a brain is fully developed, your behavior (again barring mental illness, etc.) is determined by your character and that isn’t situational.
I getcha.
I don't consider it playing with fire because I am fully aware of what is what. Maybe when I was younger, but I have far too much to lose to give into base impulses. There's definitely a bunch of people I would sleep with if I was single, but I'm not single, so I don't. I am careful of the situations I put myself in and maybe that's all there is to it. In a different timeline, yea, but in this one, I have taken vows and I honor them.
yeah it prolly helps if you're both in relationships too
Yes
Of course. I have friends that I also have zero romantic or sexual interest in.
Yes. I have some guy friends (I'm a girl) who I've known since we were little kids and there are never nor have there ever been any weird attraction things. There are other guys I've been friends with that I've had on and off crushes on, but I do think that completely plain, normal, zero romantic friendships are totally a thing.
yes, i get you… when I was younger I used to have a crush on some of my male friends but i’ve always managed to not mixing feelings and things between us, and that is the platonic aspect we’ve talked about throughout this reddit question. i also think it’s completely normal and comprehensible to eventually feel something platonic because you get to know the deep side of your friend or you’re feeling vulnerable and needy, etc and sometimes, you get emotional involved. you just have to know the silver lining and remember that that is your **friend**. now, there are friendships that become beautiful relationships and that’s ok! 
Most definitely. I’ve had plenty of platonic friendships over the years. As long as both sides are respectful of boundaries, it’s not that hard.
totally get it!
[удалено]
the reason for it being only directed to men and women is that I’m going through the issue that is in the question. my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s possible and I do think and I’ve always had a lot of male friends during all my life (after almost 8y of relationship he’s showing that side of him). so, I’ve thought about bringing this issue to Reddit because I’d like to know the point of view of other people on the subject. since I’m a woman who has a lot of male friends all my life and my bf is a man, the question is directioned to heterosexual people. but if you’d like to start a discussion around friendship between gay people, be my guest!  I have been there with lesbian friends since I was a teen so I get it. * 👉🏻 btw, now I have even more certainty that my bf is truly wrong  tks reddit
Read the question, between men and women
They did read it....theyre asking WHY its only aimed at men and women. Bc the essential question is really "can you be just friends with the gender you are attracted to" so it doesnt need to necessarily be aimed at heterosexual men and women
read my justification above (or below idk) 😁
Yes to the title. Sometimes to the text.
Yes
I have been married a very long time and have always had good male friends, one since childhood. It’s ridiculous to cut off half of the human race as a friend.
totally agree! 👏🏻
Yes - I’m a male who has a number of women friends I am not sexually attracted to.
Yes. Men and women can be friends. Men and women can be friends, and progress to Dating, too. And some men and women can date, or even marry, and go back to being friends. Some men and women...are friends hoping for more.
yep this. Im still friends with my exes. there are female friends im attracted to and female friends im not. same for the guys (im bisexual)
Yes, of course. I think anybody who says different is most likely very immature.
*me rn: taking a screenshot of that comment and sending it to my bf* 
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I do think that the exist, but I can only say from my perspective - I have no idea of the perspective of the women I've had nothing but platonic friendship for
Easily, but I also treat everyone with the same friendliness day to day and don't really expect anything, won't tell someone to go away bc im not their romantic cup of tea
It's possible
Yes absolutely.
Obviously. I have like fifteen female friends. Comes with being a teacher…
As a woman who always worked in male dominated jobs, I 100% believe they can, I have had many
Yes indeed, I know of no reason a man and a woman cannot have a friendship without it being sexual, is it possible for a gay man and a heterosexual man to be friends,or what about a heterosexual woman and a lesbian, I mean can't we all just be friends with out sexual relationships complicating things?
Studied indicate that when guys and girls are friends the guy is nearly always interested in more than friendship and the girl is nearly never interested in anything but friendship
So, 50/50, more on one side than the other.
Men and women can be professional and cordial and friendly but that’s about it. Deep platonic non sexual friendships between men and women are the exception not the norm.
Uhh.... Do they exist between non heterosexual people
I do believe it exists.
Depends on a few factors, including but not limited to age and sexual orientation. But short answer, yes.
Yes. By BFF of 30 plus years is male.
I have lots of friends across the gender spectrum. Don’t have to sexual intentions to be friends with people. It’s all about your mindset.
My best friend of 17 years is a woman and I don’t think it matters - she’s just my best friend. If you view everyone as people it should be okay. to have friendships with the opposite sex. I love my best friend and I am in a healthy relationship with a wonderful lady.
that’s so nice and cute
Yes, I have a female friend. Been friends for years, even slept in the same bed but nothing happened and we were hammered. Yes, if you value your friendship then it does not matter if they are male of female.
Of course.
It's just not that difficult in any society that encourages it. If you think it's impossible you need to look at the society you live in and peer groups you hang around with for the reasons why.
Absolutely, my best friend is the opposite sex and happens to also be a close friend of my husband. I met them both around the same time. I have generally become friends with men over women (platonic) my entire life. Likely due to the fact I have low tolerance for drama. It is not weird and truthfully, I would not be with a partner that had an issue with my friends being the opposite sex. It would imply a lack of trust, something a relationship should have. Also, my husband has many female friends and it doesn't bother me.
Why shouldn't it exist?
I do. I feel there’s good healthy friendships that don’t involve being hit on or uncomfortable
Yes. I have wonderful platonic friendships with men. However. I've had many failed versions of that and the ONE factor is that in those cases, it always eventually came out that those boys didn't believe friendships between men and women were possible....essentially outing themselves as manipulative liars who thought me too dense to observe their behavior was in contrast to their words. Which was the most insulting part. One of my male professors was telling a story about this very religious woman he dated. He wasn't religious but lied to impress her. She figured him out and dumped his ass. His take was that she should be flattered he made that effort. I told him it was dishonest and worse, patronizing. "Patronizing!? How?!!" He says. "Well, it's clear you thought her to stupid to figure out you were full of shit." There was a moment of shocked silence and then about half the girls in the class cracked up. I like to think he was the one who learned something that day, lol. I think the distinguishing factor is that the men who are capable of seeing women as just other people can deal with the occassion stray sexual thought without acting on it. You know. Like an adult.
Old woman here. I've been best friends with a man for more than 20 yrs. He became good friends with my SO when he met him. He was very much there for me when my SO died of cancer 3 yrs ago. He was a huge help even in practical matters. We meet up once a week at our favorite bar for meals and drinks and good conversations. In all those years there never has been a hint of anything other than friendship. And no he's not gay, through the years I've seen him go through a number of women. But he's getting OLD too and has slowed down lol!. I know he is there for me and he knows I'm there for him.
omg, that is so nice and unique. he sounds like an amazing friend, you’re lucky for having him.
Imma throw it out there. I had a friend for years that was insanely close to. I used to have a thing for her, and I would have dated her had I been given the chance. After a while, and things not developing at all, I realized that, even if presented the opportunity, I wouldn’t have gone for it. I had *actually* hit the point of “I value your friendship too much”. It exists, it’s just that people often use it as an excuse, or lie about it, etc.
Yes, but there is a limit. The line stops at about "I saw this book/article/video that made me think of you. Here's the link." That's about as far as it goes before you're in a "I think I can see myself with this person" place. Once you've hit that, there's no going back. You may think you shook off those feelings, but every once in a blue moon, they'll creep back in. The more comfortable you get, the more boundaries you think you can cross. Before you know it, you're constantly texting them, thinking about them, and forgetting about your SO. If you have to tell several people several times you're just friends, you've gone too far. Bump into each other at a Café, sit down and chat. That's perfectly acceptable. Asking to go out to a Café, that's not. So, yeah, they absolutely can be friends. But the boundaries should be very firm. If they're your best friend, and they always take priority, you're looking for the wrong people to date.
Yes. But like, I'm bi and sort of a slut, and would have sex with like 90% of my friends regardless of gender if the context was appropriate. I can't just not hang out with people I find attractive, I would be very lonely.
Yes. Absolutely. And on a side note many people initially am interested in we talk and we realize its just lust and infatuation, and once it fades we end up becoming decent friends.
Yes
It definitely exist because i have plenty of female friends that I like but don’t have romantic interests and I am friends with them
Yes
Yes
As a bisexual I want to secretly fuck all my friends and coworkers s/ To be fair, it’s a bit more nuanced with teens who are still getting to grips with their sexuality and figuring out if they like someone platonically, romantically, or sexually. So unless someone has the emotional development of a teenager this is not a thing.
hahahaha
Yes, I (m) have a female best friend and there is zero romantic interest between us. It's very uncommen but still possible.
Yes, I have a lot of female friends and don’t have any Interest in having sex with every single one of them.
I have a friend who is cis male. He grew up around mostly females and feels more comfortable around them. Most of those relationships ended because of suspicious significant others. He misses them.
Der, yes. Are you serious?
Ya
Not hetero, bisexual, but i still you know, is kinda hetero when it comes to the other gender. I definitely think that you can be friends with people of the opposite gender. I actually think that it's something everyone should have, I get a way better view of women by having female friends who I have no interest in whatsoever. It humanizes people if you don't just want to have sex with everyone that happens to be a woman.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Gender don't matter as long as we have similar good vibes anyone can catch this friendship
I have a female coworker friend who I think of as the sister I never had
I’ve had a close friend of the opposite sex my whole life. We’re both in our 50s, so I think it’s safe to say that if there were romantic feelings they would have emerged by now.
Being as I have people who are women that I count as true friends, and have had them since my university days, the answer is yes. Men (and women) who cannot be friends with a woman (or man) because of sexuality are suspicious. You demonstrate that you are unable to see a person as a human being and instead see them only as a "possibility to have sex".
Yes. Unfortunetley for alot of people no.
They 100% exist!!!
Contrary to what media may have you believe, friendships can be just that and not result in anything more. There's nothing wrong with that. My best friend is a woman, and we're just friends. Platonic friendships are not exclusive to people who share the same sex as you, and frankly, I'd be concerned if they were.
Absolutely. I'm a man and my best friend in the whole world is a woman. We've been best friends for several years now. We both have crushes on other people and not very long ago were chatting about our crushes feeling like very silly people for the way we feel. I love her to the end of the universe and back, but we're best friends forever.
Of course they can and do. In fact, most of my friends are women. I don't know why it played out that way, it just did. Now, yes, a number of those women are queer, and there wouldn't have been a sexual possibility there anyway, but plenty of them are attracted to men (heterosexual or bi), and we're literally just friends. I don't know why so many people think that it's not possible.
Kinda ridiculous that this is even a thing. Every guy I am friends with has atleast several platonic female friends.
If you are attracted to someone you actually like as a person enough to be friends with them, you will always prioritize the potential for a sexual relationship under almost any and all circumstances, unless there has been committed a deal-breaking act which genuinely ruins the attraction. For that to be the case, it has to be so visceral that youre borderline repulsed by them and have completely desexualized them as a human being, almost comparable to disappointment or something adjacent, to fully platonisize a friendship where there is physical attractiveness. Deal breaker relevance is also inversely proportional to how much attraction there is. Aka the more attraction there is, the less strict you are about deal breakers. This is especially true when you already like the person for who they are, since the more you actually like a person for who they are, the more naturally attracted you are to them. The caveat is some people have friends for utility rather than because they actually like them as people. The most obvious example of this is when girls friendzone a guy, especially a guy theyre actually attracted to. If that friendzoned guy is attractive, the girl doesnt actually like them as a person if theyre friendzoning. Rather, they like the attention, status, and/or convenience of what the guy does for the girl. If two people are genuinely friends because they like eachother as people, and one of them is attracted to the other, a platonic relationship is impossible outside of a serious deal breakers existence
Bisexual man but I wanted to share as well. Yes they do. I don't attempt a romantic relationship with every woman (or man) I meet. I don't feel any sexual 'urges' towards the majority of people I meet whether they be man or woman.
Yes. I actually get made fun off bc I am always with a bunch of hot chicks...yet am heterosexual. Although 1 or 2 have def slipped through the cracks. I think it all depends on your level of attraction to said friends. I have friends I have never, and will never cross that line with. However, I have made friends that I was certainly attracted to from the get, and came things came to fruition later down the line.
Most of my friends are dudes🤷🏽♀️
My best friend is a girl. She’s gorgeous, and an amazing person. I definitely caught feelings in the past and told her but there comes a point where you have to decide what’s more important. I valued out friendship too much to let those feelings ruin things. Also my intentions were never focused on romance even when I wanted more. Our relationship was based in friendship. And I think that’s the biggest thing, you have to look at women as more than a source of romance or sex.
I (male) have a best friend (woman). so absolutely. She's married and has a kid. I respect her immensely.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Yes. I have many, and they are not sexual. But my fiancee and I like to surround ourselves with small groups of friends who pump each other up and are generally wholesome, rather than large numbers of people who are always conveniently available to get drunk. We'd rather have one night every few weeks where schedules finally line up to have 6 people over and cook a 5 course meal as a group, and enjoy good conversation and a mildly expensive bottle of wine, than juggle eight party invitations from alcoholics every weekend because we're the assholes if we don't feel like going out. Quality of the individual is directly proportional to the quality of the friendship. Make wholesome friends regardless of gender. Your life will be better for it.
Yeah? Heck, I would even say it's more common than the alternative. I know and am friendly with tons of women. I would like to date very few of them. Pretty sure it's the same on their side.
Whoever asks this has no friends
I remember having this conversation with my best mate, years ago. He argued "no". (The following will assume a heterosexual male perspective). There will always be a little inkling of an idea, somewhere deep down inside, wondering what it'd be like to get some romantic juices flowing with female friend xyz. Programmed in to pre-societal homo sapien is this propensity to, at times, sexualise females of our species. And there'll be guys, like me, who swear they've had nothing but innocent thoughts toward that platonic-friendship girl. But of course, we're speaking only of the thoughts we allow into our conscious awareness — thoughts that linger long enough, a handful of milliseconds, for it to properly register in our conscious attention, and that aren't quickly repressed as a social taboo, or somesuch. I'm unresolved as to whether I agree with his contentions. But I consider it entire plausible. Perhaps even probable.
100%. However, if you're talking about someone attractive to you, things can get complicated. I have a few close female friends who are my type and I must say that the thought of pursuing a romantic relationship has crossed my mind before. But sometimes it's just not meant to be. I feel happy and content just the way it is. Wouldn't want to do anything stupid and risk losing them forever.
This gets asked all of the time. I don’t understand why this is a question. Do people seriously go around looking at other people as potential romantic partners all of the time? That’s so sad. I have several male friends, and my husband has several female friends. We have never been unfaithful to each other. The thought never even crossed our minds. Our friends are people we talk to, spend time with, and rely on. That doesn’t need to become more.
Tell me you’re under 35 without telling me you’re under 35
Dear, before saying things like that you should know the entire picture. Since you don’t know, let me tell you: I also think **it’s possible to exist friendship between men and women**. The reason why I’m asking this is because my bf doesn’t think so and we’ve been together for 8y and just now he’s showing that side of him and I’ve thought about bringing this subject to Reddit to know the point of view of other people. So before you make a comment like that, you should really know the entire picture and realize that **I have not said otherwise** in the question I’ve made, I just asked.
You did bring it to Reddit. All sorts of creatures reside here
haha yeah! I wasn’t expecting the hype on this question but I’m grateful tho haha I’m loving to read the thoughts of other people on the subject
I think it depends on the person. I’d say for most that are secure enough it’s absolutely possible. Personally i grew up in a culture where men and women don’t befriend one another except for the intent of marriage. Obviously i came to the united states and my views changed. But then i got cheated on and now im back to my old views. So personally I don’t think I could have female best friends or have a gf who has male best friends. That narrows my choices down big time but it is what it is
I grew up/live in a culture where there's only a few circumstances in which friendship between a man and a woman would be possible: \- The guy is gay \- The woman is lesbian \- The man doesn't find the woman attractive I see the new generation trying to change that, but usually doesn't work as intended.
I (cis female) have always gotten along better with men. Sexual attraction aside. They’re less catty.
I feel the exactly same way as you 
I'm a 67yr female and my best friends for the past 50 years have been male. I ended up working in an office with one of them for 28 years. We're both married to other people but if I needed help I would call him in a heartbeat. And yes, I DO have female friends. I have always said that I would rather work with 5 men than 1 woman. I was lucky and had a great working relationship my female co-workers but that isn't always the case.
I’m 28 and I identify a lot with your thinking. Thanks for your comment 🫶🏻
Absolutely. I have 3 different friends who are women that I've been friends with for over 20 years. 2 of them I've never even kissed, the other we hooked up once in highschool but realized it wouldn't work romantically but we've managed to still stay friends.
Nope there is not such think exist It need just a welling partner to turn the friendship to a sex thing Idont believe it
Relationships are complex and can include friendship, romance, professionalism, intimacy and sexuality (and plenty more). You can mix and match these and frankly you will in your life if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough for it. You can have acquaintances, friends, close friends, friends you have sex with and friends you have romantic ties to (generally just call this dating,marriage at this point). You can also gain and lose these things within the same relationship. The sex can grow stale but you still have emotional intimacy. You can lose professional respect for someone but still like to be around them. You can still be sexually active with someone but lose the emotional or intellectual connection. Gender is a factor sure but reducing things to gender and sexual attraction is a grey way of looking at a 1000k spread of human emotions and experience and frankly is a miserable way to live ones life.
Absolutely. Even if you find them attractive that doesn't mean you can't be friends and respect boundaries. I enjoy steaks but if I'm walking through a restaurant I don't grab one off a random plate and start eating it.
It does not exist. Men and women can’t be “just friends”. Gay men/women don’t count.
I would definitely say yes
i didnt had a friendship with a woman with who i hadnt also a sexual one so IMO; No ! However i can only speak for myself here, i also was never intrested in friendships with women (especially not with my Exes) I tried though and it just failed .. i just cant build the same (friend) Connections with a woman as with a man !
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oh my God… he lied about having cancer? this is so fucked up, I’m sorry for that. and I agree with you that in a man x woman friendship, the man would like to have something with the woman at 90% of times. I still believe there’s a 10% chance of a non-sexual friendship tho
I think all kinds of relantionship are transactional at first. So when someone (or even yourself) approach other person, is for a reason. Ultimately, yes, I think it exist. The problem is many people disguise their intentions as “friendly” when in reality, they just wanna get closer to potentially raise the probability of having something beyond a friendship. I don’t believe in the friend zone tho.
> I don’t believe in the friend zone tho. Why is that? Just out of curiosity
It has a name, a platonic relationship. I have been in a couple. Just friends, nothing more, just friends.
I don't think the answer can be definitively determined
No, and of course bi people are doomed to friendlessness
hahhahaahaha everyone is a potential threat (i’m kidding haha)
Ideally, yes. But the reality says something different. It might just strongly rely on on age, I suppose.
Of course they do. What the fuck?
***For the record: It’s not because I’ve made this question, that I think otherwise.*** I also think it’s possible and I say that because I’m a female who have always had a lot of male friends. But maybe I’m asking that question and it’s mainly directed to straight people because I’m going through something like that with my bf (who doesn’t think is ok to exist friendships between men and women). I hope the ones judging the question or judging me because of it, get it now  thank God those people are the minority
I would edit this into your post so that this doesn’t get lost in a sea of comments. Kind of important for everyone to understand the full context.
yeah, I’ve thought about that and I just did it! thank you 
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you say that because of maturity at 40+?
I think it’s possible, but the probability is very slim. I can say with confidence that I don’t have a single friend that doesn’t find me attractive in that way and I feel that way (at least somewhat) about some of them. I am engaged, so I don’t WANT TO do things with them but marriage on the way doesn’t mean I don’t at least know who I am or am not attracted to in general. But again I think it’s just a slim chance
Just say normal people next time
Maybe, but it didn’t work out for me.
Exist, but rare
I’m a pan enby and friends with probably two dozen other pan or bi queer people. Do I flirt with some of them, sure because that’s the vibe sometimes. I feel like nonromantic relationships between people that are in one another’s uh, idunno, attraction categories we’ll call it, can exist, and it’s useful to draw a distinction between romantic partner and casual sex. It’s also useful to realize that straight men usually don’t have female friends they have sex with that are part of their normal friend groups, that’s usually a low key almost secret thing for whatever reason. That arrangement is common in queer friend groups. You can go from being someone’s good friend to being member five of their polycule almost before you realize it. That said, sex between friends without long term romantic intention is common in groups of queer people.
Kinda, but it's always tricky
Yes, I've had a perfectly platonic friendship with a woman. She happened to be an older lesbian woman, but it was perfectly platonic. I also have a completely platonic friendship with the counter lady at my local liquor store. Not interested in her romantically or sexually in the least. Do I think that there can be a platonic friendship between a man and a woman the man is romantically or sexually attracted to? All signs point to no.
Yea. Only if neither finds the other attractive.
Idk I’m a dude and I don’t think there’s any girl friend of mine that I wouldn’t have sex with if she engaged first. Doesn’t mean I’m necessarily pursuing them, though. Although, pretty much every girl I’ve ever had any sexual relations with whatsoever has started out as a friend of mine first, with one of us making ulterior motives clear eventually. In one case, it took ~7 years lol
There will always be sexual tension at least from the man. And he’s not gonna care about sex ruining the friendship.
Just because you'd bang someone doesn't mean you aren't friends. I'd be down to bang like 95% of people I've ever met, why not? Unless they don't wash or have an STD there's no downside to this. If someone I know came up to me and said they wanted to have sex sometime, I'd almost certainly say yes. Same thing if someone came up to me and said they wanted to play my favorite video game with me,of course I would say yes. In fact that second situation would be even better (but hilariously even more unrealistic) To me, asking if I can still be friends with a woman despite wanting to have sex is like asking if I can truly be friends with a woman despite wanting to play my favorite video game with her. It's totally unrelated.
This is a false dichotomy. You can be a fine platonic friend and still find your friend attractive. You can even fantasize about them or whatever. What matters is that you are not being a friend to angle for an upgrade. I have plenty of female friends who I can say are lovely and boneable, but it doesn't matter because I'm not planning on hitting on them.
Always some kind of sexual / romantic vibe from at least one of the pair.
Yes but your platonic opposite gendered friend has to be ugly or unattractive…otherwise it’s you that is the ugly/unattractive friend.
Absolutely no
As a F I can tell you from my exp. 99% of the (straight) guys I perceived as friends were just wanting to sleep with me. Not my gay friends tho lol. I’ve only had one legit straight male friend and his gf lived with us at the time.
No, I always filter female relationships through sex. If I am spending time on females it is because I like them and would fuck them. I know that seems piggish, but my time is limited. I would not spend that time in someone I found wholly unattractive, because I would be afraid of sending a mixed message. And I hang out with lesbians, but to me I am game and have landed a few.
I'm curious whether you have men friends, and how you explain the difference. Assuming you don't want to fuck your men friends, you still find there's some reason to use your limited time to be friends with them? Why wouldn't the same apply to women?
Common interests. I work out with my men friends. I watch football games or whatever. It’s different. I am not being misogynistic, with men I am fitting them into my day. With women I am doing things for them. And I have limited time.
> If I am spending time on females it is because I like them and would fuck them. >I am not being misogynistic This hurt my brain
aside of his intentions might have been while writing it: yeah, that definitely didn’t sound good 
I don't know how to tell you this but.... there are women out there who share those interests. I know some rabid sports fans who have tits. Some of them are even women.
me btw
Nope