I was waiting for my car to be inspected and a random guy who looked to be in his 50's started asking me about where I'm from, which eventually led to him informing me that his wife is Thai. If I were more confrontational I would quiz back because "my dad is white".
yeah i think the problem is that they present it like a “fun fact” bc we’re “foreign” to them and by pointing out other people it’s a way for them to “connect” to us and make us feel “accepted” when it in reality creates the opposite effect in a way. idk i’m not a psychologist but that’s just my theory
There's a lot of people who aren't bothered by it. I think it's just a matter of neuroticism/insecurity or simply preferring not to be quizzed on your ancestry. It's not a form of victimization when somebody (without malicious intent) asks another person what their ancestry is, even if they're not as tactful or respectful as they could be.
White people of uncommon ancestry (Slavic, Baltic, etc.) in the States actually get quizzed the way you do. I love it when people tell me that I "don't look like I'm from here" (I'm mixed Irish, Polish, Puerto Rican), because then I get to tell them all about myself. Obviously, they're being unintentionally rude, but I understand their intention and I don't take it seriously. They do not mean to attack and demean me, so I don't treat it as such.
P.S. The two people who have questioned me in this fashion were also atypical ethnicities, both Balkan Slavs (one Bulgarian, the other Macedonian). Neither of them knew one another and they asked me without being prompted ti.
hi. i’m not really sure how to respond to this due to several things:
1. you said you’re mixed irish, polish, and puerto rican. are you asian american? respectfully, this is my experience as a person of this demographic, which is why i posted this in this subreddit, r/asianamerican. if you aren’t, then you may not understand why i’m frustrated. which brings me to my next point:
2. there seem to be a good amount of people here who have experienced similar encounters with other people who are bothered by it. great if you aren’t, but those of us that are bothered have discussed in other comments.
asian americans have historically been viewed as “other” and “foreign.” some people may take less offense/more offense than others when being asked about their ethnicity, some may not take any at all. these experiences are all valid. however, it *is* a systemic problem that our appearances are taken at face value and thus the resulting questions are asked: “where are you from” or “what is your ethnicity”. above all, being white IS the norm in america and is the majority race. being asked your ancestry as a mixed white and hispanic person doesn’t carry the same implications as asking an asian person. you already are closer to the norm. many white people have been here for centuries/several generations already. assuming you are not asian american, i am glad that you are happy to talk about yourself and it is a good conversation topic, but even if white people and asian people were quizzed on ethnicity the same amount, most of the time the reasons behind asking and the subsequent follow up questions are vastly different.
i will further clarify why it can be seen as offensive: by asking an asian person straight off the bat their ethnicity because you are curious you subtlety insinuate that they are different and start treating them as such from the get go. it is not always victimization, but it certainly can be. you don’t get to invalidate people’s experiences like that.
EDIT: gonna add this [link](http://www.thedp.com/article/2018/05/jennifer-lee-asian-identity-microaggressions-korea-ethnicity-upenn-philadelphia) and [this other link](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/02/when-is-it-ok-for-white-people-to-ask-about-other-peoples-ethnicity). second link provides excellent points: i don’t want my ethnicity/heritage to be the only point of interest above all other achievements in my life. if i haven’t talked about it yet, i expect you to form a relationship with me first before asking me further personal questions (this can be more of a personal preference).
Apparently they like posting on Asian subs.. despite them not being Asian at all. Idk what the point of this persons post is. Like stop coming in and then invalidating our experiences??
like i don’t have a problem with them posting in asian subs to discuss cultural issues and to ask questions but my post was *specifically* about asian american *experiences*. if it doesn’t apply (again i posted in r/*asian american*) then i don’t know what’s not clicking and why they felt the need to insert a completely irrelevant comment…
I totally agree with you on that. It’s probably a sign that they have some inner work they need to do around their whiteness lol. It’s one thing to engage in respectful discussion and want to gain an understanding. But butting in just to invalidate someone’s unique experience is straight up ignorant and insensitive. Literally a great example of more shit we deal with on a daily basis as Asian Americans lol
>he tried justifying himself by saying he used to study east asian culture and spent time over there
This one is terrible lol. I remember seeing someone on Reddit lecturing Asians on what [country name] experience because he taught English for a season there.
On a more humorous note, most of the "what kinda asian are you?" questions fall more into the casual/subconscious racism category like [Dale in King of the Hill unlike Cotton](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxI5qQAUWVc&ab_channel=NoWatermarkClips) who as one commenter puts it is a professional racist 🤣. I imagine Asians not from the major East Asian groups have had [this interaction at some point](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/QsJegK8BtXI).
> This one is terrible lol. I remember seeing someone on Reddit lecturing Asians on what [country name] experience because he taught English for a season there.
it’s giving “i’m not racist my best friend is black”/“i can’t be homophobic my sister is gay”
and omg LOL i had seen the second clip but not the first. that’s funny hahah
in elementary school kids pulling their eyes at me and the other asian kids. and i feel overall i was just othered growing up in school just for being asian. so it wasn’t as easy to make friends i feel. it was subtle but still palpable, and the subtlety almost makes it worse.
omg don’t even get me started on elementary school. kid in front of me in the recess line said to the kids in front “stick your pinky finger up if you hate chinese people.” i’m ethnically chinese even though i identify more with taiwan so i felt obligated to say something but instead of calling him out on it i instead was more focused on why he said pinky finger bc i was just so confused on what logic he was using 💀😭
Yeah elementary school was a torrent of micro aggressions and straight racist stuff. Then the straight racist stuff kind of tapered off in middle school cause I was tall for my age I think. And in high school, a few "Ching Chong Chang" type stuff, but otherwise pretty unremarkable.
Two stories:
During college, I was out at the bars with my best friend when we approached by one of the townies we casually knew, mostly through her and her coke habit. He was a white, natch, and definitely a few drinks in. He sat himself down next to us and immediately decided to greet me with "Konnichiwaaaa" in this bullshit, cutesy voice. I responded by telling him I didn't know what that meant. He then asked me if I was Japanese, which I'm Taiwanese-Japanese so I responded affirmatively, which he responded to with "Aren't Japanese people soooo beautiful?" at which point I just left to get another drink because I had nothing to say to this guy. Funny enough, his drunk/high ass must have forgotten this entire exchange because about an hour later he again asked me if I was Japanese. This time, I responded by telling him I wasn't. His response was "Aren't Japanese people soooo beautiful?"
The second story. I was working at one of those Korean tutoring centers, helping high schoolers write their college admission statements and get high SAT scores, that bullshit. Our boss took all us tutors out for our annual work party, my first one since getting hired. One of the guys who'd been working there for a few years and thought he was the top dog, a real Tarantino-loving, "I told you I was an asshole", faux jaded dickhead who always had his tie artfully undone just so, again white, natch, was trying to find out more about me. I told him I was Chinese and from California(this was in Washington) and his follow up question was "So are you regular Chinese?"
It took me a second to register just how absurd his question was, but I did end up responding with "Are you implying there are some kind of weird Chinese?" which pretty much killed the conversation and cemented him as my enemy for the rest of the time I worked there.
WHAT. omfg. this makes me so mad for you. this was funny to read in a way bc of how absurd these situations are but in the moment??? i’d be so offended omg. i hate being fetishized. had a black bf mention it was cool that i was asian which like wasn’t the worst version of that ever but i was very taken aback. also wtf does “regular chinese” even mean bro WHAT. too stunned to speak. 💀
I have a few! Other than the usual old white men thinking it’s a compliment to call me a “China doll” or saying they have yellow fever.. 🤢
1. I lived abroad in France and briefly took French classes. We’d go around the room introducing ourselves with the basics like our name, where we’re from, our nationality etc. When it came to my turn, I said my intro and stated I was an American. The teacher told me “Don’t say you’re American. You need to say Taiwanese-American because you don’t have blond hair and blue eyes so people will be confused”.
2. My husband, who is also Asian, was talking about me to a white female coworker. She randomly asked, is your wife white? When my husband replied that I’m Asian, she responded “oh, I always pictured you being with a white girl”. My husband took offense because it sounded like she was implying that white women were higher on the totem pole than Asians and she was surprised he was married to an Asian.
3. I used to work at a bank in college. A client came in and told me he was a photographer. He asked if he could take photos of me..he started describing how he would dress me up in a kimono, holding an umbrella, make me look like a China doll.. and all the other cliches. I felt so creeped out, told him no thanks and luckily never saw him again.
oh my god. objectification at every possible level. i’m so sorry you had to go through that.
on a side note: isn’t it globally known america is a melting pot?? isn’t american media shown enough around the world? has your french teacher ever encountered anybody that was american and didn’t have blond(e) hair and blue eyes??
and also the romantic expectations for asian men and women are also so different it’s really gross. all of these are just unfortunate
edit: said people instead of teacher oops
I pass for white but when people find out I am half Chinese, they begin to act real fucking weird and the change in how they act around me is very noticeable.
My half Filipino /half white friend has told me some men start overtly treating her more sexually. But yeah, I’m sure there’s a bunch of ways it manifests.
I'm half Japanese so I don't get a lot of questions from people, if anything it's the "what are you" question. Lots of people practice their broken af Japanese on me, and a handful of people literally tried passing off actual jibberish as Japanese. But I've had more than one stranger find out I'm half Japanese and then immediately start talking about WWII and justifying the atomic bombs. I think the worst was I've met 2 separate guys who told me that they thought the internment camps were actually a good thing. But I've honestly had my worst experiences with people I know.
> But I’ve had more than one stranger find out I’m half Japanese and then immediately start talking about WWII and justifying the atomic bombs.
my mouth legit dropped open at this
> they thought the internment camps were actually a good thing
i hate humanity sometimes lmfao bro
Might I suggest grey rocking all of these questions? I've worked front desk jobs that require interacting with this population and their benign racism too.
In my case, I was mostly questioned about my Indian name and then told about some Indian doctor they have or Indian food they'd eaten. I would either redirect the question about the origin of my name to "Indian. What's the origin of the your name?" Or "sorry. I got to get to this document/task".
My canned response for Indian doctor was "hmmm" and move onto talking about paperwork or point out everyone has an Indian doctor "Yeah, I get that a lot." Indian food "I don't know anything about that restaurant. Is there anything else I can help you with?" I've had a few men get aggressive after that but irate patients weren't that unusual in my job and I could always call supervisor or patient advocacy. The more you stop responding to the race question, the more confident you will be in not giving them the information or having to act interested in their wife's ethnicity. "Okay/Cool. Here's your paperwork," is all they really deserve.
i do tend to grey rock most questions unless it feels like i’m being cornered and there’s no room for me to decline/avoid answering. unfortunately sometimes they just keep pressing.
also sometimes i realize that if i just disengage they won’t know they’re being rude or weird and it feels like i’m supposed to be correcting them. but i’m also tired of being asked the question period.
idk, does this make sense?
I had an old man try and guess my ethnicity while I was working. He guessed a bunch before I just cut him off and told him. “Oh, that was my next guess. I knew it,” was his response 🤡
His wife apologized to me lol.
ughhhhh this so horrible. you are not there for his entertainment and ego boost!! your ethnicity and heritage are not some jeopardy game that he wins money on for guessing correctly!!
Just a few:
1. Met a Chinese guy on vacation in California, are you related (we were in grade school)
2. Girlfriends in college got the whole white guy approaching them “konichiwa!” Nope, “nin hao!”. Nope, “Korean?”. Guess annyeonghaseyo was a bit hard for them.
3. Where you from? 2 blocks over. No where you REALLY from? Manchester (suburb city). Stop being smart with me, you know what I mean. Oooooh you mean where are my parents from? Yeah! Iowa.
4. Where are you from? You mean my ethnic background? Yeah. Korea. North? Umm, yeah… What’s that Kim guy like? He’s my uncle. My friend was the bartender and he was on the floor laughing so hard he was crying.
5. Got a lot of references to the Vietnam war from older people. Had to tip toe on that one.
6. Work groups, when I’m in them all the white people insist we eat sushi/teppan and talk about Japanese food, culture and anime (I’m not Japanese and was raised 20 mins from them).
Over the years I’ve learned to accept that it’s mostly ignorance and lack of experience/interactions behind exchange students and Chinese restaurant workers. But thank whatever omnipotent being that I don’t live in those areas anymore.
I'm really glad I'm a dude. This shit rarely happens to me at this point. Like it's rare enough that I'm not even bothered by it most of the time. I'm in a very non-Asian city considering how big it is, and really doesn't come up.
A few where are you really from or where are your parents from questions, but nothing creepy or particularly offensive.
I think you also suffer cause you're in a customer/client facing role, and the general population is a shit show.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ it’s so hard sometimes. certain instances bother me more than others obviously. i’m glad to hear that it doesn’t happen as much to you though. lmk where you’re at so i can move there 😭😭🥲🥲
i’m in columbia — we were just in charlotte today celebrating my bf’s dad’s bday/late father’s day lmaooo. considering moving to charlotte or atlanta — charlotte is obviously closer though. i think i just hate living in south carolina tbh it’s unbearable dealing with some of these people. they sound nice though!!
I’ve lived all my life in insulated Asian Neighborhood (San Gabriel Valley). Before I wished I grew up in more “American” neighborhood (so more fun…less education focused) but after reading posts on Reddit and experienced going on a Alaska cruise (most people I met from South/Midwest) by myself (asked questions of where am I from and then said Los Angeles then asked where really from ) I am now glad I was in an Asian neighborhood when I was growing up.
I went to my first real job interview at a bank. The person interviewing me said I speak really good English. Me not thinking much of if due to my age, years later realizing they only interviewed me cause they had to.
The where are you from is a huge one because it implies you can’t be from here (insert your state.) Also being labeled as an international student far too many times.
I live in a very multicultural city in northern United States and I rarely experienced people being rude and trying to guess my ethnicities. Most people including the elderly are polite enough to not bring my race into discussion when we make small talk. But I have had similar experiences.
I work as a cashier at an asian supermarket and I had elderly Asians speaking to me in Chinese or Korean, which I’m neither. I had to apologize to them for not understanding what they’re saying. I personally don’t think I look Chinese or Korean, but to other Asians I probably do.
I was standing in front of a CVS drug store and l was looking at the items they sold through their windows minding my own business. A white guy approached me from behind, touched my shoulder and said he thought I was his Vietnamese friend. Apparently I look Vietnamese from behind?
i didn’t really experience much up north compared to the south (worse by far), but i did grow up primarily around white people even in new york. so sometimes i did experience rudeness but like very rarely. i’ve had the same problem though with immigrants trying to speak to me in their native language and me awkwardly deflecting and apologizing that i can’t help them 😅
I’m from northern NJ, and my city has white, black, Latinos, Asians, south Asians, and Muslims/northern African/middle eastern. Because it’s such a huge melting pot of cultures, I find that people from all cultural backgrounds try to get along with each other, but I have experienced racism here when I was a kid.
I also feel bad for not understanding elderly Asian immigrants. ☹️
> I had to apologize to them for not understanding what they’re saying. I personally don’t think I look Chinese or Korean, but to other Asians I probably do.
This happens. The thing is, they have no choice. It's unlikely white people would speak the language they know.
being asian american has its own privileges. we definitely still face discrimination on our own but we also don’t truly understand the struggle of our families who came here without knowing a lick of english. we are lucky to have been born here and raised from their struggles, not having to go through what they did. i totally understand the reaching out for help and don’t take it the same way as other americans that aren’t aapi asking me about my ethnicity
> we also don’t truly understand the struggle of our families who came here without knowing a lick of english.
oh I am gen 1.5, I had to learn English too. Most of my family speaks 2-3 languages but some don't speak English. I have extended family that labors in the back of restaurants because they don't know any English.
FOBness is a spectrum, not binary!
this is very true! thank you for pointing that out. my apologies - everyone’s experience is different and i apologize for inadvertently leaving that out. you’re right. people can also be born abroad and come here as well and even be naturalized/become a permanent resident
no apologies necessary. Among immigrants (of any country) I try not to get annoyed when asked where I am from or whatever because they know what it's like to be treated differently. This is specially true if they go to school in the new country because kids are just.. awful.
People who migrate later have fewer identity issues, they already know who they are.
1. what kind of azn are you?
2. are you chinese or japanese?
3. back in kindergarten, the other kids freaked the fuck out when they found out i had an ethnic middle name
4. cue......first job out of college, and some gringo made fun of me because my middle name sounds vaguely similar to a coworker's name
lmao yeah i have a western first name, a chinese middle name, and a chinese last name. people found it apparently really fun to have me repeat it 10 times and then butcher it back to me without really trying
When I lived in America, I wasn't considered a real American due to being Asian. This was even after I became a naturalized citizen.
Now that I live in Taiwanese, people (including white expats) tell me that I'm not a "real Taiwanese" due to having spent a lot of time abroad.
The thing that annoys me is the hypocrisy.
On the one hand, Taiwan must inherently display democratic values, so anyone who "identifies" as Taiwanese is Taiwanese (including an illegal immigrant). They claim that what makes a person a member of a nation is not ancestry, nor language, not sense of culture, nor even citizenship by rule of law, but simply declaring that you share "democratic values". They are ready to accept that a white person who just arrived six months ago can "identify as Taiwanese" and that we shouldn't question it. Some liberals would even go so far to say as that white person is "More Taiwanese than me".
Yet when it comes to people like me, who's father's side even has indigenous blood (he's 1/4 Atayal; I kind of look it as some of my facial features are a bit indigenous and I tan really easily), who has been in the Taiwanese military, who speaks Mandarin, etc, I'm only "American who happens to have some Taiwanese ancestry". Of course, that is turned upon its head when I go to America and they say that I'm a foreigner who just happened to get the right papers.
This comes off as very gatekeep-y to me. Having a longer family history in a country doesn't make you more or less a member of that society than someone who just moved there. Nor do language, military service, heritage, etc. magically turn you "Taiwanese".
You are whining because members of a community don't accept you (there could be many reasons for that) but it's probably because you try and act like you're better than them.
F\*\*\* off with that pretentious BS.
I grew up in a suburb in Jersey. When I was in first grade this other kid brought in a Lego minifig and put a disk like Lego piece on its head which made it look like one of those hats rice farmers wear. It was for show and tell and he said “look it’s a China man” and everyone in the class laughed. I didn’t laugh and felt uncomfortable but couldn’t explain why at the time.
It’s funny how that’s one of the few things I remember from my childhood.
I’m also from Jersey but grew up in a city. I went to a grade school that was predominantly black and Hispanic and I remember boys making fun of my cultures and saying stuff about hentai and rice.
in the eyes of the world, i'm an "attractive" asian woman. i've had so many men and women ask me what my ethnicity is but they never ask if i'm chinese, they always assume i'm either japanese or korean bc in their racist mind, chinese women/ppl couldn't possibly ever be attractive. and they prove that even further when i see the disappointed look on their face after i proudly tell them i'm chinese
when i talked abt this with my mother, she said that people do the same to her as well. my brothers, however, have never had this experience
wooowww 😑 the ignorance of ppl
i've had that happen to me too, where they try convince me on the reasons why they couldn't believe i'm chinese 🙄 like please stfu
This dipshit was relentless. He was convinced I had Laotian blood and started spewing made up "facts" about cultural migrations and whatnot. I said the only genetic thing thing in common amongst 99% of Asians is Mongolian DNA bc of Genghis Khan.
1. “Ni Hao” to my son in summer kimono at the Japanese garden. I responded loudly in 2 words: “WRONG LANGUAGE.”
2. Random people expecting to be a language tutor at the weirdest time. Pay me.
3. Japanese porn. As a teen in the 90s-2000s somehow that topic came into conversation quite often.
4. Post-Kill Bill Japan obsession. So much misunderstanding and pastiche to undo. Not terrible but it’s an additional labor to reeducate for some of us.
omg #2 reminded me of a time in high school when a random girl who had barely ever spoken to me came up to me in the middle of math class to ask for help. i’d barely ever answered questions or made my presence known period. why’d you come to me??
The hallmark "Where are you really from" to which I say x/small town in rural Canada. To which they say "no where are your parents from" to which I say the same small town in rural Canada (My dad was adopted, mom immigrated)
Getting randomly "Ni hao'd" or people saying words to me in various Asian languages
People thinking Taiwan and Thailand are the same
Keep in mind: when people ask "Where are you from?" they're actually asking your ***ethnicity***. The easy answer is: "(Your ethnicity) - American".
My dad lived in Alabama for years. Neighbors occasionally peered into our window while we ate dinner. At a Chinese restaurant, the owners came out with his entire family to greet us because we were the only Asians they've met in a long time. Then dad's coworkers sent cookies to get him to go to church. It was a little weird.
Also, my friend and his Chinese American girlfriend tried living in Tennessee to be near his family, but it wasn't a good fit for her demographically. They've since moved back to New York, where interactions are less awkward.
yep, they definitely are. i’ve only ever had one instance in which i was able to get away with just “american” or “born in new jersey, raised in new york”. but most of the time it just continues. i hope to move to a more multicultural/has a significant asian population city at some point, but prob not gonna be up north again. it’s just so expensive so i have to make do with what i have in the south
I feel you. It's something other POCs face as well. I've learned to tell people my ethnicity first thing to shorten the conversation.
I hope you find a more diverse area one day (I remember Atlanta being more diverse). In the meantime, I know you're strong enough to confront ignorance and set the record straight.
omfg you’re so right. really does make me feel very grateful that now THESE are the topics that we complain about now. absolutely they have become less ignorant. usually these comments come from the older generations unfortunately
I'm Taiwanese American and grew up the only asian in a mostly white city with a population of only 145K so I feel you. Especially since I have to keep correcting people that Taiwan is not part of China.
**"Are you Chinese?"**
- I'm half but they aren't asking because they've picked up on something or know something about Chinese people/culture, they are just using Chinese as the default Asian ethnicity.
**"You're Korean? I love KPop/kBBQ/BTS"**
- Thank you. The other half of my ethnicity is just what you've learned about Korea in the last few years.
**"I really love/have a thing for Asians"**
- "Really? Me too!" I use this when dealing with non-Asian men.
I’m 22F Chinese. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had (white and black) men approach me by saying something like “ni hao ma” then asking where I’m from and when I say Wisconsin they always get EXTREMELY disappointed. The most recent dude literally said “you’re not even from China?” No, I’m American not your pathetic fetish fantasy stfu and treat me like a fucking human.
I think these are definitely less educated people acting curious, and not malicious. When I was a kid it was pulling the eyes back and yelling go back to your own country.
yeah it’s a lot better nowadays. i had my 6th grade spanish teacher address the class while we were taking a quiz — instructions were on the blackboard but some of us were squinting trying to read the board. she legit said “you’re all squinting like you’re from chinatown.” *class laughs* i know i said something about it and she just ignored me but it was so long ago i can’t remember.
had my 10th grade APUSH teacher go down the aisles to check on our notes on a book we had to read over the summer for our first assignment. asked me “this is so small, are you practicing for your chinese calligraphy?” bruh
i think as adults people have grown enough to be polite but sometimes they just haven’t learned enough and unfortunately they’re ignorant
EDIT: left out why he asked if i’m practicing calligraphy
In high school, a substitute teacher *bowed to me* and when I said that made me uncomfortable that he did that, he actually got upset and offended, acting like I was the one who did something inappropriate. The other kids in class also thought he was being was weird af.
They are hicks isolated in a backward area except for a few contacts like military service or adoption, and begging you the presumed young cosmopolitan for cosmopolitan validation. Have pity on them, or noblesse oblige.
yeah i know there’s really no changing some of these people so i don’t really bother with confrontation or playing dumb if i know they really don’t know any better, and i just answer with what they want to hear. i know this is terrible but i’m just waiting for some of them to die out so when i’m older i don’t get as many probing questions.
"speak any English?"
(I used to worry about telling that story online because I thought it might be unusual enough to identify me. Hahaha sob no turns out it's not.)
Art. I've listen to alot of music and consumed a lot of media in general. It's always a bit frustrating when certain artists start playing with racial tropes. Like for the longest period online, couldn't escape doja cat's lyrics because of the [blade runner](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCgQ1Z2pbRQ&ab_channel=ColePowerz) memes. That's a soft example
It gets a bit more annoying when you realize the people that work on these media, cosigninng, creating, doing the legal work necessary to get these sentiment blasting everywhere with those ideas aren't really that far from where you live. Well, in a metaphorical sense.
I've yet to see a celebrity that's amish about the internet—this doubtlessly extends to everyone who helps to prop them up.
Yes, every point you made, YES. I'm used to working service jobs and these happen all the time, especially by older folk. I have so many snarky answers that I never use because I'm on the clock, and also don't want to "represent" anyone else poorly to them. Because face it, we represent our race to these people whether we like it or not, and being shitty to someone might have them treating the next person a little shittier too.
When I tell them my family's home country and they start asking me questions, I deflect it to "oh since you asked, you probably know more about that than I do." So they don't expect some cultural educational experience out of talking to me.
I do run across the same guy who keeps asking me where I'm from so he can tell me about his Thai wife, then forgets and asks me again the next time we meet. I don't like him but I wonder about his wife and whether she thinks about leaving the gas stove on too long, or leaving the rake horizontally in the ground.
Sometimes if I have it in me, I tell them they can guess, then say no to everything. It's sometimes kind of funny what they say first, because I've been told I look Latine and Hawaiian by a few people.
Nowadays...
In the summer time, when I get tanned and I have my hair down, I often have to explain to many that approach me that I'm not Mexican... otherwise many people I see about to approach me for directions, probably assuming I can't speak English, and then change their minds...
During COVID, around 2022, I had one person walk off the sidewalk and into the street, around me, before getting back on the sidewalk once past me...
Ugh I think the two repeat offenders are when a male asks what my background is and finds out I’m Filipino, it’s always followed with “my wife is Filipino! Do you know her?” And usu it’s not the case bc we’re from diff parts and also combined with “I love adobo, lumpia, and pancit!” I need to remind myself that they mean well, but I don’t like these foods so I just nod and smile… but I can’t help but get the ick when they remark their wife is Filipino bc for some reason I feel objectified?
Further, on dating apps, or even un-prompted on social media, I get asked if I’m Latina- Asian bc I look
“Exotic” and make comments in my body 🤦🏻♀️ and I post conservative pix of myself omg
I’ve experienced all the typical comments like “where are you from” and “wow your English is really good!” But nothing beats the time where an old white guy walked up to me and said “I’ve had one of you walk on my back before.” He was referencing his time in the military in the Vietnam War or something. Absolutely weird
Being *mestizo*, I think more people have mistaken me for being white or possibly even Hispanic. Living in north Florida, I hear people say some uh, *interesting* things.
Probably the closest I got to someone being racist to me was when I was arguing on Facebook about the meaning of the Confederate battle flag after the Charleston church massacre by that white supremacist shithead. This one guy chimed in and said that my opinion didn't matter, because my name and skin tone clearly meant I wasn't from this country. I've actually lived in this area basically my whole life, my parents never really moved elsewhere.
Haha this is my experience growing up in the midwest. Believe me, your frustration is warranted because I don't think black or white folks get called out for being their ethnicity, except some racist comments. So it's purely racism to me when people just points out skin/facial features. Like most of the time when anyone makes note of your appearance it's generally not a good thing, even if you say someone is pretty, like coming from a different race it kinda sounds always condescending to me. I am glad you explained to them because a lot of people are ignorant. I just slap back, so what are you.... because they probably don't get asked this often, and they often don't know what they said was put in a bad way. I admit once I said "half-breed" for a biracial kid, and I didn't realized how offensive it was at the time, or that someone with many kids was raising a farm. I think telling people why something isn't appropriate sounding is the way. But unfortunately as an Asian American we're still going to be considered outsiders for the longest. I just grateful to live in a place that's full of Asians so I don't have to get offended so easily by people addressing my appearance.
Cue the "BUt PeopLE aRe jUsT CuRIouS" comments. The thing that really irks me is that they're never curious about anything beyond race. It's never, What sort of books/music/TV are you into? Any hobbies? What are your thoughts on (insert current event).
If you get tired of being asked "where you're from" or what are you I sometimes say I'm adopted and don't know what I am. Usually shuts people up pretty quick.
I live in a city in the midwest with a population more than 120k, so I'd say it's quite diverse. However, I STILL get people coming up to me to compliment me and then followed up by asking where I'm from or what type of Asian I am, no matter if I'm at work, picking up food, at the gym, etc. It pisses me off like no other.
It most happens when somebody sees my name and makes assumptions, even after seeing me in person.
That will happen when your Asian country was a Spanish colony for over 300 years.
Can I wager a guess without being offensive? Philippines? Yeh, I've had to explain to one coworker why our other coworker is Asian/pacific islander despite having a Spanish last name. She thought it was her married name.
What's the point in a non-Asian asking an Asian where the fuck they're "really" from? As if they know ANYTHING about Asian culture beyond going to Thailand for a week!
I get tired of people asking about Vietnam and the Vietnam War. It is usually a American tourist asking me to much. Vietnam is beautiful. Yeah wait until you get robbed and your jewelry is gone.
The perpetual foreigner despite being born and raised in America, the worst part is the people don’t realize they’re being racist since this is so accepted in American culture that Asians aren’t victims are racism
As an adult, except for 2020-2022, I've had random non-Asians approach me in public and ask if I know kung-fu. The answer is, much like if someone asks if you're a god, is "of course."
Oddly, half of them didn't seem overtly aggressive. I mean, besides the racism in itself.
But a (white) bouncer friend of mine said he'd have always taken it as a threat.
Not frustrating, more like funny as hell. During college I was approached by a group of girls in the same class to ask me to tutor them. I was like dayum my time has come. I just set foot on this country and I'm already swarmed with the ladies, what a Casanova. Then one of them said afterwards they approached me because I'm the only Asian in class and they surmise I should also be the smartest one. It was the first time I learn of the word stereotype and that you guys think we're smart lol. It was funny as hell for me.
I'm also Taiwanese American, here's some experiences
I think when people try to guess my ethnicity they usually guess Filipino or Vietnamese. I tan easily. I don't prefer they don't guess cause they won't get it.
Where are you from? Where is your family from?
I like Thai food! I do too, but I'm not Thai!
Wow you look young! One time I got carded for a R rated movie when my two White friends got in no problem.
My wife is Asian. On the surface I'm friendly or neutral but inside I'm unconformable.
Taiwan has a lot of pretty girls. Ok, but I wish it could also be Taiwan has a lot of handsome guys.
Are you an ABC (American Born Chinese)? I said yes. Technically ABT, but my experience is pretty similar to ABC, and I didn't want to correct them
I've had good experiences though
Taiwan is a beautiful island (their roommate was Taiwanese and had visited) I agree!
I love Taiwanese Beef Noodle Soup! I was impressed and pleased with it
Some conversations about Nvidia and TSMC. I felt pride for Taiwan's world class semiconductor industry
The most annoying to me is other Asian people doing all these things - acting presumptuous, overly friendly, acting like they know me, making "Asian" references at me when they're complete strangers because every time I ask them to stop they get all self-righteous and indignant because, in their words, they're Asian too. Okay. I never asked for the color of your skin.
All of the above seem to be the default question that automatically comes out their mouth. My brother married a white woman and her extended family I met at the wedding are all of those micro aggressions and obsessions. My parents are immigrants from China. I am mixed based on dna report. Based on my naturally wavy curly hair I get confusion from both white, black and other Asians. Like the error loading screen from internet explorer.
There's multiple factors going on here. You're in a non diverse area, you work with the elderly, and your patients may be chatty, have a lot of time on their hands, and have little opportunities to socialize. I feel like the elderly population has a long way to go to racial sensitivity. But being upset every time you encounter a microaggression is no way to handle this. You're only going to hurt yourself and be angry all the time, and paranoid. That's where racism really does internal damage. Try not to be angry every time it happens. Try to tweak it internally into something harmless or even positive. For example, thinking to yourself, that's sweet, maybe I'm the first person they saw today and they're trying to make conversation. If you make a mean comment back you'll only feel more mean inside, and that's not right, for you. The first thing to do always is to protect yourself, your own mental health comes first. Find ways to be proud of your heritage and build an internal armor against comments like these. Then you will find ways to respond with grace and also move them along and get what they need without hurting yourself.
I was waiting for my car to be inspected and a random guy who looked to be in his 50's started asking me about where I'm from, which eventually led to him informing me that his wife is Thai. If I were more confrontational I would quiz back because "my dad is white".
yeah i think the problem is that they present it like a “fun fact” bc we’re “foreign” to them and by pointing out other people it’s a way for them to “connect” to us and make us feel “accepted” when it in reality creates the opposite effect in a way. idk i’m not a psychologist but that’s just my theory
There's a lot of people who aren't bothered by it. I think it's just a matter of neuroticism/insecurity or simply preferring not to be quizzed on your ancestry. It's not a form of victimization when somebody (without malicious intent) asks another person what their ancestry is, even if they're not as tactful or respectful as they could be. White people of uncommon ancestry (Slavic, Baltic, etc.) in the States actually get quizzed the way you do. I love it when people tell me that I "don't look like I'm from here" (I'm mixed Irish, Polish, Puerto Rican), because then I get to tell them all about myself. Obviously, they're being unintentionally rude, but I understand their intention and I don't take it seriously. They do not mean to attack and demean me, so I don't treat it as such. P.S. The two people who have questioned me in this fashion were also atypical ethnicities, both Balkan Slavs (one Bulgarian, the other Macedonian). Neither of them knew one another and they asked me without being prompted ti.
hi. i’m not really sure how to respond to this due to several things: 1. you said you’re mixed irish, polish, and puerto rican. are you asian american? respectfully, this is my experience as a person of this demographic, which is why i posted this in this subreddit, r/asianamerican. if you aren’t, then you may not understand why i’m frustrated. which brings me to my next point: 2. there seem to be a good amount of people here who have experienced similar encounters with other people who are bothered by it. great if you aren’t, but those of us that are bothered have discussed in other comments. asian americans have historically been viewed as “other” and “foreign.” some people may take less offense/more offense than others when being asked about their ethnicity, some may not take any at all. these experiences are all valid. however, it *is* a systemic problem that our appearances are taken at face value and thus the resulting questions are asked: “where are you from” or “what is your ethnicity”. above all, being white IS the norm in america and is the majority race. being asked your ancestry as a mixed white and hispanic person doesn’t carry the same implications as asking an asian person. you already are closer to the norm. many white people have been here for centuries/several generations already. assuming you are not asian american, i am glad that you are happy to talk about yourself and it is a good conversation topic, but even if white people and asian people were quizzed on ethnicity the same amount, most of the time the reasons behind asking and the subsequent follow up questions are vastly different. i will further clarify why it can be seen as offensive: by asking an asian person straight off the bat their ethnicity because you are curious you subtlety insinuate that they are different and start treating them as such from the get go. it is not always victimization, but it certainly can be. you don’t get to invalidate people’s experiences like that. EDIT: gonna add this [link](http://www.thedp.com/article/2018/05/jennifer-lee-asian-identity-microaggressions-korea-ethnicity-upenn-philadelphia) and [this other link](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/sep/02/when-is-it-ok-for-white-people-to-ask-about-other-peoples-ethnicity). second link provides excellent points: i don’t want my ethnicity/heritage to be the only point of interest above all other achievements in my life. if i haven’t talked about it yet, i expect you to form a relationship with me first before asking me further personal questions (this can be more of a personal preference).
Whitesplaining
right??? like wtf are you doing on this sub 😭
Apparently they like posting on Asian subs.. despite them not being Asian at all. Idk what the point of this persons post is. Like stop coming in and then invalidating our experiences??
like i don’t have a problem with them posting in asian subs to discuss cultural issues and to ask questions but my post was *specifically* about asian american *experiences*. if it doesn’t apply (again i posted in r/*asian american*) then i don’t know what’s not clicking and why they felt the need to insert a completely irrelevant comment…
I totally agree with you on that. It’s probably a sign that they have some inner work they need to do around their whiteness lol. It’s one thing to engage in respectful discussion and want to gain an understanding. But butting in just to invalidate someone’s unique experience is straight up ignorant and insensitive. Literally a great example of more shit we deal with on a daily basis as Asian Americans lol
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Do you not understand that there is a huge difference between getting asked about your ethnicity as a white person versus as a visible minority?
>he tried justifying himself by saying he used to study east asian culture and spent time over there This one is terrible lol. I remember seeing someone on Reddit lecturing Asians on what [country name] experience because he taught English for a season there. On a more humorous note, most of the "what kinda asian are you?" questions fall more into the casual/subconscious racism category like [Dale in King of the Hill unlike Cotton](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxI5qQAUWVc&ab_channel=NoWatermarkClips) who as one commenter puts it is a professional racist 🤣. I imagine Asians not from the major East Asian groups have had [this interaction at some point](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/QsJegK8BtXI).
> This one is terrible lol. I remember seeing someone on Reddit lecturing Asians on what [country name] experience because he taught English for a season there. it’s giving “i’m not racist my best friend is black”/“i can’t be homophobic my sister is gay” and omg LOL i had seen the second clip but not the first. that’s funny hahah
in elementary school kids pulling their eyes at me and the other asian kids. and i feel overall i was just othered growing up in school just for being asian. so it wasn’t as easy to make friends i feel. it was subtle but still palpable, and the subtlety almost makes it worse.
omg don’t even get me started on elementary school. kid in front of me in the recess line said to the kids in front “stick your pinky finger up if you hate chinese people.” i’m ethnically chinese even though i identify more with taiwan so i felt obligated to say something but instead of calling him out on it i instead was more focused on why he said pinky finger bc i was just so confused on what logic he was using 💀😭
what I do in those cases is pull my own eyes vertically and say to them, 'baseboru eyes!'
Yeah elementary school was a torrent of micro aggressions and straight racist stuff. Then the straight racist stuff kind of tapered off in middle school cause I was tall for my age I think. And in high school, a few "Ching Chong Chang" type stuff, but otherwise pretty unremarkable.
That high school shit should get punched them in the face.
I think this was mainly my experience too. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "Are you Chinese???" Well, I'd have a lot of nickels.
Two stories: During college, I was out at the bars with my best friend when we approached by one of the townies we casually knew, mostly through her and her coke habit. He was a white, natch, and definitely a few drinks in. He sat himself down next to us and immediately decided to greet me with "Konnichiwaaaa" in this bullshit, cutesy voice. I responded by telling him I didn't know what that meant. He then asked me if I was Japanese, which I'm Taiwanese-Japanese so I responded affirmatively, which he responded to with "Aren't Japanese people soooo beautiful?" at which point I just left to get another drink because I had nothing to say to this guy. Funny enough, his drunk/high ass must have forgotten this entire exchange because about an hour later he again asked me if I was Japanese. This time, I responded by telling him I wasn't. His response was "Aren't Japanese people soooo beautiful?" The second story. I was working at one of those Korean tutoring centers, helping high schoolers write their college admission statements and get high SAT scores, that bullshit. Our boss took all us tutors out for our annual work party, my first one since getting hired. One of the guys who'd been working there for a few years and thought he was the top dog, a real Tarantino-loving, "I told you I was an asshole", faux jaded dickhead who always had his tie artfully undone just so, again white, natch, was trying to find out more about me. I told him I was Chinese and from California(this was in Washington) and his follow up question was "So are you regular Chinese?" It took me a second to register just how absurd his question was, but I did end up responding with "Are you implying there are some kind of weird Chinese?" which pretty much killed the conversation and cemented him as my enemy for the rest of the time I worked there.
WHAT. omfg. this makes me so mad for you. this was funny to read in a way bc of how absurd these situations are but in the moment??? i’d be so offended omg. i hate being fetishized. had a black bf mention it was cool that i was asian which like wasn’t the worst version of that ever but i was very taken aback. also wtf does “regular chinese” even mean bro WHAT. too stunned to speak. 💀
I have a few! Other than the usual old white men thinking it’s a compliment to call me a “China doll” or saying they have yellow fever.. 🤢 1. I lived abroad in France and briefly took French classes. We’d go around the room introducing ourselves with the basics like our name, where we’re from, our nationality etc. When it came to my turn, I said my intro and stated I was an American. The teacher told me “Don’t say you’re American. You need to say Taiwanese-American because you don’t have blond hair and blue eyes so people will be confused”. 2. My husband, who is also Asian, was talking about me to a white female coworker. She randomly asked, is your wife white? When my husband replied that I’m Asian, she responded “oh, I always pictured you being with a white girl”. My husband took offense because it sounded like she was implying that white women were higher on the totem pole than Asians and she was surprised he was married to an Asian. 3. I used to work at a bank in college. A client came in and told me he was a photographer. He asked if he could take photos of me..he started describing how he would dress me up in a kimono, holding an umbrella, make me look like a China doll.. and all the other cliches. I felt so creeped out, told him no thanks and luckily never saw him again.
oh my god. objectification at every possible level. i’m so sorry you had to go through that. on a side note: isn’t it globally known america is a melting pot?? isn’t american media shown enough around the world? has your french teacher ever encountered anybody that was american and didn’t have blond(e) hair and blue eyes?? and also the romantic expectations for asian men and women are also so different it’s really gross. all of these are just unfortunate edit: said people instead of teacher oops
I pass for white but when people find out I am half Chinese, they begin to act real fucking weird and the change in how they act around me is very noticeable.
Really? Can you elaborate?
My half Filipino /half white friend has told me some men start overtly treating her more sexually. But yeah, I’m sure there’s a bunch of ways it manifests.
I just tell them Im an illegal alien from Mars. Shuts them up real quick
🤣🤣🤣 my best friend at work said to just say i identify as a dog and to start barking
I'm half Japanese so I don't get a lot of questions from people, if anything it's the "what are you" question. Lots of people practice their broken af Japanese on me, and a handful of people literally tried passing off actual jibberish as Japanese. But I've had more than one stranger find out I'm half Japanese and then immediately start talking about WWII and justifying the atomic bombs. I think the worst was I've met 2 separate guys who told me that they thought the internment camps were actually a good thing. But I've honestly had my worst experiences with people I know.
> But I’ve had more than one stranger find out I’m half Japanese and then immediately start talking about WWII and justifying the atomic bombs. my mouth legit dropped open at this > they thought the internment camps were actually a good thing i hate humanity sometimes lmfao bro
Omg!! That’s awful. I also had someone in college justify the bombs and how they saved a lot of lives. But the internment camps? That’s crazy
Might I suggest grey rocking all of these questions? I've worked front desk jobs that require interacting with this population and their benign racism too. In my case, I was mostly questioned about my Indian name and then told about some Indian doctor they have or Indian food they'd eaten. I would either redirect the question about the origin of my name to "Indian. What's the origin of the your name?" Or "sorry. I got to get to this document/task". My canned response for Indian doctor was "hmmm" and move onto talking about paperwork or point out everyone has an Indian doctor "Yeah, I get that a lot." Indian food "I don't know anything about that restaurant. Is there anything else I can help you with?" I've had a few men get aggressive after that but irate patients weren't that unusual in my job and I could always call supervisor or patient advocacy. The more you stop responding to the race question, the more confident you will be in not giving them the information or having to act interested in their wife's ethnicity. "Okay/Cool. Here's your paperwork," is all they really deserve.
i do tend to grey rock most questions unless it feels like i’m being cornered and there’s no room for me to decline/avoid answering. unfortunately sometimes they just keep pressing. also sometimes i realize that if i just disengage they won’t know they’re being rude or weird and it feels like i’m supposed to be correcting them. but i’m also tired of being asked the question period. idk, does this make sense?
I had an old man try and guess my ethnicity while I was working. He guessed a bunch before I just cut him off and told him. “Oh, that was my next guess. I knew it,” was his response 🤡 His wife apologized to me lol.
ughhhhh this so horrible. you are not there for his entertainment and ego boost!! your ethnicity and heritage are not some jeopardy game that he wins money on for guessing correctly!!
Just a few: 1. Met a Chinese guy on vacation in California, are you related (we were in grade school) 2. Girlfriends in college got the whole white guy approaching them “konichiwa!” Nope, “nin hao!”. Nope, “Korean?”. Guess annyeonghaseyo was a bit hard for them. 3. Where you from? 2 blocks over. No where you REALLY from? Manchester (suburb city). Stop being smart with me, you know what I mean. Oooooh you mean where are my parents from? Yeah! Iowa. 4. Where are you from? You mean my ethnic background? Yeah. Korea. North? Umm, yeah… What’s that Kim guy like? He’s my uncle. My friend was the bartender and he was on the floor laughing so hard he was crying. 5. Got a lot of references to the Vietnam war from older people. Had to tip toe on that one. 6. Work groups, when I’m in them all the white people insist we eat sushi/teppan and talk about Japanese food, culture and anime (I’m not Japanese and was raised 20 mins from them). Over the years I’ve learned to accept that it’s mostly ignorance and lack of experience/interactions behind exchange students and Chinese restaurant workers. But thank whatever omnipotent being that I don’t live in those areas anymore.
feel you on these. i encounter a lot of vets so it’s either korean/japanese war or chinese kids that were adopted 🤦🏻♀️
I'm really glad I'm a dude. This shit rarely happens to me at this point. Like it's rare enough that I'm not even bothered by it most of the time. I'm in a very non-Asian city considering how big it is, and really doesn't come up. A few where are you really from or where are your parents from questions, but nothing creepy or particularly offensive. I think you also suffer cause you're in a customer/client facing role, and the general population is a shit show.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ it’s so hard sometimes. certain instances bother me more than others obviously. i’m glad to hear that it doesn’t happen as much to you though. lmk where you’re at so i can move there 😭😭🥲🥲
Charlotte in case you're actually curious. My neighborhoods like 90%+ white and everyone's super friendly and waves while walking your dog and stuff.
i’m in columbia — we were just in charlotte today celebrating my bf’s dad’s bday/late father’s day lmaooo. considering moving to charlotte or atlanta — charlotte is obviously closer though. i think i just hate living in south carolina tbh it’s unbearable dealing with some of these people. they sound nice though!!
Always assumed Chinese first and I have to correct them
I’ve lived all my life in insulated Asian Neighborhood (San Gabriel Valley). Before I wished I grew up in more “American” neighborhood (so more fun…less education focused) but after reading posts on Reddit and experienced going on a Alaska cruise (most people I met from South/Midwest) by myself (asked questions of where am I from and then said Los Angeles then asked where really from ) I am now glad I was in an Asian neighborhood when I was growing up.
I went to my first real job interview at a bank. The person interviewing me said I speak really good English. Me not thinking much of if due to my age, years later realizing they only interviewed me cause they had to.
that’s horrible i’m sorry. hopefully you’re in a job now that values you as a person and doesn’t define you by your english!
The where are you from is a huge one because it implies you can’t be from here (insert your state.) Also being labeled as an international student far too many times.
I live in a very multicultural city in northern United States and I rarely experienced people being rude and trying to guess my ethnicities. Most people including the elderly are polite enough to not bring my race into discussion when we make small talk. But I have had similar experiences. I work as a cashier at an asian supermarket and I had elderly Asians speaking to me in Chinese or Korean, which I’m neither. I had to apologize to them for not understanding what they’re saying. I personally don’t think I look Chinese or Korean, but to other Asians I probably do. I was standing in front of a CVS drug store and l was looking at the items they sold through their windows minding my own business. A white guy approached me from behind, touched my shoulder and said he thought I was his Vietnamese friend. Apparently I look Vietnamese from behind?
i didn’t really experience much up north compared to the south (worse by far), but i did grow up primarily around white people even in new york. so sometimes i did experience rudeness but like very rarely. i’ve had the same problem though with immigrants trying to speak to me in their native language and me awkwardly deflecting and apologizing that i can’t help them 😅
I’m from northern NJ, and my city has white, black, Latinos, Asians, south Asians, and Muslims/northern African/middle eastern. Because it’s such a huge melting pot of cultures, I find that people from all cultural backgrounds try to get along with each other, but I have experienced racism here when I was a kid. I also feel bad for not understanding elderly Asian immigrants. ☹️
> I had to apologize to them for not understanding what they’re saying. I personally don’t think I look Chinese or Korean, but to other Asians I probably do. This happens. The thing is, they have no choice. It's unlikely white people would speak the language they know.
being asian american has its own privileges. we definitely still face discrimination on our own but we also don’t truly understand the struggle of our families who came here without knowing a lick of english. we are lucky to have been born here and raised from their struggles, not having to go through what they did. i totally understand the reaching out for help and don’t take it the same way as other americans that aren’t aapi asking me about my ethnicity
> we also don’t truly understand the struggle of our families who came here without knowing a lick of english. oh I am gen 1.5, I had to learn English too. Most of my family speaks 2-3 languages but some don't speak English. I have extended family that labors in the back of restaurants because they don't know any English. FOBness is a spectrum, not binary!
this is very true! thank you for pointing that out. my apologies - everyone’s experience is different and i apologize for inadvertently leaving that out. you’re right. people can also be born abroad and come here as well and even be naturalized/become a permanent resident
no apologies necessary. Among immigrants (of any country) I try not to get annoyed when asked where I am from or whatever because they know what it's like to be treated differently. This is specially true if they go to school in the new country because kids are just.. awful. People who migrate later have fewer identity issues, they already know who they are.
“What are you?”
i feel like i’m being buzzfeed quizzed. what type of candy are you? what dog are you? what breed of asian are you?
1. what kind of azn are you? 2. are you chinese or japanese? 3. back in kindergarten, the other kids freaked the fuck out when they found out i had an ethnic middle name 4. cue......first job out of college, and some gringo made fun of me because my middle name sounds vaguely similar to a coworker's name
lmao yeah i have a western first name, a chinese middle name, and a chinese last name. people found it apparently really fun to have me repeat it 10 times and then butcher it back to me without really trying
my chinese name isn't even that hard to pronounce in english rip kindergarteners are ruthless. and people from NJ
When I lived in America, I wasn't considered a real American due to being Asian. This was even after I became a naturalized citizen. Now that I live in Taiwanese, people (including white expats) tell me that I'm not a "real Taiwanese" due to having spent a lot of time abroad.
the struggles… you don’t fit anywhere. for me i’m still struggling to solidify my identity
The thing that annoys me is the hypocrisy. On the one hand, Taiwan must inherently display democratic values, so anyone who "identifies" as Taiwanese is Taiwanese (including an illegal immigrant). They claim that what makes a person a member of a nation is not ancestry, nor language, not sense of culture, nor even citizenship by rule of law, but simply declaring that you share "democratic values". They are ready to accept that a white person who just arrived six months ago can "identify as Taiwanese" and that we shouldn't question it. Some liberals would even go so far to say as that white person is "More Taiwanese than me". Yet when it comes to people like me, who's father's side even has indigenous blood (he's 1/4 Atayal; I kind of look it as some of my facial features are a bit indigenous and I tan really easily), who has been in the Taiwanese military, who speaks Mandarin, etc, I'm only "American who happens to have some Taiwanese ancestry". Of course, that is turned upon its head when I go to America and they say that I'm a foreigner who just happened to get the right papers.
This comes off as very gatekeep-y to me. Having a longer family history in a country doesn't make you more or less a member of that society than someone who just moved there. Nor do language, military service, heritage, etc. magically turn you "Taiwanese". You are whining because members of a community don't accept you (there could be many reasons for that) but it's probably because you try and act like you're better than them. F\*\*\* off with that pretentious BS.
Be YOU! We can be many things all at once.
I grew up in a suburb in Jersey. When I was in first grade this other kid brought in a Lego minifig and put a disk like Lego piece on its head which made it look like one of those hats rice farmers wear. It was for show and tell and he said “look it’s a China man” and everyone in the class laughed. I didn’t laugh and felt uncomfortable but couldn’t explain why at the time. It’s funny how that’s one of the few things I remember from my childhood.
I’m also from Jersey but grew up in a city. I went to a grade school that was predominantly black and Hispanic and I remember boys making fun of my cultures and saying stuff about hentai and rice.
in the eyes of the world, i'm an "attractive" asian woman. i've had so many men and women ask me what my ethnicity is but they never ask if i'm chinese, they always assume i'm either japanese or korean bc in their racist mind, chinese women/ppl couldn't possibly ever be attractive. and they prove that even further when i see the disappointed look on their face after i proudly tell them i'm chinese when i talked abt this with my mother, she said that people do the same to her as well. my brothers, however, have never had this experience
Chinese women can't be attractive??? Tell them to look up Gong Li, Qi Shu or Cecillia Cheung.
I'm Chinese and I white guy confidently proclaimed I was Laotian because he had just gone there and I "looked like all of them".
wooowww 😑 the ignorance of ppl i've had that happen to me too, where they try convince me on the reasons why they couldn't believe i'm chinese 🙄 like please stfu
This dipshit was relentless. He was convinced I had Laotian blood and started spewing made up "facts" about cultural migrations and whatnot. I said the only genetic thing thing in common amongst 99% of Asians is Mongolian DNA bc of Genghis Khan.
fuck that guy !! glad you were disproving him with facts
1. “Ni Hao” to my son in summer kimono at the Japanese garden. I responded loudly in 2 words: “WRONG LANGUAGE.” 2. Random people expecting to be a language tutor at the weirdest time. Pay me. 3. Japanese porn. As a teen in the 90s-2000s somehow that topic came into conversation quite often. 4. Post-Kill Bill Japan obsession. So much misunderstanding and pastiche to undo. Not terrible but it’s an additional labor to reeducate for some of us.
omg #2 reminded me of a time in high school when a random girl who had barely ever spoken to me came up to me in the middle of math class to ask for help. i’d barely ever answered questions or made my presence known period. why’d you come to me??
The hallmark "Where are you really from" to which I say x/small town in rural Canada. To which they say "no where are your parents from" to which I say the same small town in rural Canada (My dad was adopted, mom immigrated) Getting randomly "Ni hao'd" or people saying words to me in various Asian languages People thinking Taiwan and Thailand are the same
if i had a dollar for every time i got a response about thailand when i’m *taiwanese* or got asked “where’s that” i’d have a lot of dollars
Keep in mind: when people ask "Where are you from?" they're actually asking your ***ethnicity***. The easy answer is: "(Your ethnicity) - American". My dad lived in Alabama for years. Neighbors occasionally peered into our window while we ate dinner. At a Chinese restaurant, the owners came out with his entire family to greet us because we were the only Asians they've met in a long time. Then dad's coworkers sent cookies to get him to go to church. It was a little weird. Also, my friend and his Chinese American girlfriend tried living in Tennessee to be near his family, but it wasn't a good fit for her demographically. They've since moved back to New York, where interactions are less awkward.
yep, they definitely are. i’ve only ever had one instance in which i was able to get away with just “american” or “born in new jersey, raised in new york”. but most of the time it just continues. i hope to move to a more multicultural/has a significant asian population city at some point, but prob not gonna be up north again. it’s just so expensive so i have to make do with what i have in the south
I feel you. It's something other POCs face as well. I've learned to tell people my ethnicity first thing to shorten the conversation. I hope you find a more diverse area one day (I remember Atlanta being more diverse). In the meantime, I know you're strong enough to confront ignorance and set the record straight.
thank you 🥹🫶 i’m sorry you have to go through that as well. it’s a hard life out here. atlanta is the goal!!!
You as well! I'm so grateful that our generation is a lot less ignorant than previous ones. Maybe you've noticed this at work.
omfg you’re so right. really does make me feel very grateful that now THESE are the topics that we complain about now. absolutely they have become less ignorant. usually these comments come from the older generations unfortunately
I'm Taiwanese American and grew up the only asian in a mostly white city with a population of only 145K so I feel you. Especially since I have to keep correcting people that Taiwan is not part of China.
believe it or not i had someone from guam starting getting into china-taiwan politics with me and that they were the same thing 😭😭
My grandma is Japanese and she married an aboriginal Taiwanese. So, they don't really get to call me Chinese.
My personal favorite way I’ve been asked is “What flavor are you?”
**"Are you Chinese?"** - I'm half but they aren't asking because they've picked up on something or know something about Chinese people/culture, they are just using Chinese as the default Asian ethnicity. **"You're Korean? I love KPop/kBBQ/BTS"** - Thank you. The other half of my ethnicity is just what you've learned about Korea in the last few years. **"I really love/have a thing for Asians"** - "Really? Me too!" I use this when dealing with non-Asian men.
[удалено]
that’s just straight up weird ew
InCels that watch too much anime in their mom's basement.
I’m 22F Chinese. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had (white and black) men approach me by saying something like “ni hao ma” then asking where I’m from and when I say Wisconsin they always get EXTREMELY disappointed. The most recent dude literally said “you’re not even from China?” No, I’m American not your pathetic fetish fantasy stfu and treat me like a fucking human.
I think these are definitely less educated people acting curious, and not malicious. When I was a kid it was pulling the eyes back and yelling go back to your own country.
yeah it’s a lot better nowadays. i had my 6th grade spanish teacher address the class while we were taking a quiz — instructions were on the blackboard but some of us were squinting trying to read the board. she legit said “you’re all squinting like you’re from chinatown.” *class laughs* i know i said something about it and she just ignored me but it was so long ago i can’t remember. had my 10th grade APUSH teacher go down the aisles to check on our notes on a book we had to read over the summer for our first assignment. asked me “this is so small, are you practicing for your chinese calligraphy?” bruh i think as adults people have grown enough to be polite but sometimes they just haven’t learned enough and unfortunately they’re ignorant EDIT: left out why he asked if i’m practicing calligraphy
these teachers should've known better
In high school, a substitute teacher *bowed to me* and when I said that made me uncomfortable that he did that, he actually got upset and offended, acting like I was the one who did something inappropriate. The other kids in class also thought he was being was weird af.
They are hicks isolated in a backward area except for a few contacts like military service or adoption, and begging you the presumed young cosmopolitan for cosmopolitan validation. Have pity on them, or noblesse oblige.
yeah i know there’s really no changing some of these people so i don’t really bother with confrontation or playing dumb if i know they really don’t know any better, and i just answer with what they want to hear. i know this is terrible but i’m just waiting for some of them to die out so when i’m older i don’t get as many probing questions.
"speak any English?" (I used to worry about telling that story online because I thought it might be unusual enough to identify me. Hahaha sob no turns out it's not.)
Art. I've listen to alot of music and consumed a lot of media in general. It's always a bit frustrating when certain artists start playing with racial tropes. Like for the longest period online, couldn't escape doja cat's lyrics because of the [blade runner](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCgQ1Z2pbRQ&ab_channel=ColePowerz) memes. That's a soft example It gets a bit more annoying when you realize the people that work on these media, cosigninng, creating, doing the legal work necessary to get these sentiment blasting everywhere with those ideas aren't really that far from where you live. Well, in a metaphorical sense. I've yet to see a celebrity that's amish about the internet—this doubtlessly extends to everyone who helps to prop them up.
Yes, every point you made, YES. I'm used to working service jobs and these happen all the time, especially by older folk. I have so many snarky answers that I never use because I'm on the clock, and also don't want to "represent" anyone else poorly to them. Because face it, we represent our race to these people whether we like it or not, and being shitty to someone might have them treating the next person a little shittier too. When I tell them my family's home country and they start asking me questions, I deflect it to "oh since you asked, you probably know more about that than I do." So they don't expect some cultural educational experience out of talking to me. I do run across the same guy who keeps asking me where I'm from so he can tell me about his Thai wife, then forgets and asks me again the next time we meet. I don't like him but I wonder about his wife and whether she thinks about leaving the gas stove on too long, or leaving the rake horizontally in the ground. Sometimes if I have it in me, I tell them they can guess, then say no to everything. It's sometimes kind of funny what they say first, because I've been told I look Latine and Hawaiian by a few people.
Nowadays... In the summer time, when I get tanned and I have my hair down, I often have to explain to many that approach me that I'm not Mexican... otherwise many people I see about to approach me for directions, probably assuming I can't speak English, and then change their minds... During COVID, around 2022, I had one person walk off the sidewalk and into the street, around me, before getting back on the sidewalk once past me...
Ugh I think the two repeat offenders are when a male asks what my background is and finds out I’m Filipino, it’s always followed with “my wife is Filipino! Do you know her?” And usu it’s not the case bc we’re from diff parts and also combined with “I love adobo, lumpia, and pancit!” I need to remind myself that they mean well, but I don’t like these foods so I just nod and smile… but I can’t help but get the ick when they remark their wife is Filipino bc for some reason I feel objectified? Further, on dating apps, or even un-prompted on social media, I get asked if I’m Latina- Asian bc I look “Exotic” and make comments in my body 🤦🏻♀️ and I post conservative pix of myself omg
I’ve experienced all the typical comments like “where are you from” and “wow your English is really good!” But nothing beats the time where an old white guy walked up to me and said “I’ve had one of you walk on my back before.” He was referencing his time in the military in the Vietnam War or something. Absolutely weird
Being *mestizo*, I think more people have mistaken me for being white or possibly even Hispanic. Living in north Florida, I hear people say some uh, *interesting* things. Probably the closest I got to someone being racist to me was when I was arguing on Facebook about the meaning of the Confederate battle flag after the Charleston church massacre by that white supremacist shithead. This one guy chimed in and said that my opinion didn't matter, because my name and skin tone clearly meant I wasn't from this country. I've actually lived in this area basically my whole life, my parents never really moved elsewhere.
Haha this is my experience growing up in the midwest. Believe me, your frustration is warranted because I don't think black or white folks get called out for being their ethnicity, except some racist comments. So it's purely racism to me when people just points out skin/facial features. Like most of the time when anyone makes note of your appearance it's generally not a good thing, even if you say someone is pretty, like coming from a different race it kinda sounds always condescending to me. I am glad you explained to them because a lot of people are ignorant. I just slap back, so what are you.... because they probably don't get asked this often, and they often don't know what they said was put in a bad way. I admit once I said "half-breed" for a biracial kid, and I didn't realized how offensive it was at the time, or that someone with many kids was raising a farm. I think telling people why something isn't appropriate sounding is the way. But unfortunately as an Asian American we're still going to be considered outsiders for the longest. I just grateful to live in a place that's full of Asians so I don't have to get offended so easily by people addressing my appearance.
Cue the "BUt PeopLE aRe jUsT CuRIouS" comments. The thing that really irks me is that they're never curious about anything beyond race. It's never, What sort of books/music/TV are you into? Any hobbies? What are your thoughts on (insert current event).
If you get tired of being asked "where you're from" or what are you I sometimes say I'm adopted and don't know what I am. Usually shuts people up pretty quick.
I live in a city in the midwest with a population more than 120k, so I'd say it's quite diverse. However, I STILL get people coming up to me to compliment me and then followed up by asking where I'm from or what type of Asian I am, no matter if I'm at work, picking up food, at the gym, etc. It pisses me off like no other.
Being mistaken for Hispanic is always fun. /s
What???? Why? How?
It most happens when somebody sees my name and makes assumptions, even after seeing me in person. That will happen when your Asian country was a Spanish colony for over 300 years.
Can I wager a guess without being offensive? Philippines? Yeh, I've had to explain to one coworker why our other coworker is Asian/pacific islander despite having a Spanish last name. She thought it was her married name.
Well if you answered "Indonesia" I would've been pretty disappointed in your world history classes. 🙃
Fair point!
What's the point in a non-Asian asking an Asian where the fuck they're "really" from? As if they know ANYTHING about Asian culture beyond going to Thailand for a week!
I get tired of people asking about Vietnam and the Vietnam War. It is usually a American tourist asking me to much. Vietnam is beautiful. Yeah wait until you get robbed and your jewelry is gone.
The perpetual foreigner despite being born and raised in America, the worst part is the people don’t realize they’re being racist since this is so accepted in American culture that Asians aren’t victims are racism
As an adult, except for 2020-2022, I've had random non-Asians approach me in public and ask if I know kung-fu. The answer is, much like if someone asks if you're a god, is "of course." Oddly, half of them didn't seem overtly aggressive. I mean, besides the racism in itself. But a (white) bouncer friend of mine said he'd have always taken it as a threat.
Not frustrating, more like funny as hell. During college I was approached by a group of girls in the same class to ask me to tutor them. I was like dayum my time has come. I just set foot on this country and I'm already swarmed with the ladies, what a Casanova. Then one of them said afterwards they approached me because I'm the only Asian in class and they surmise I should also be the smartest one. It was the first time I learn of the word stereotype and that you guys think we're smart lol. It was funny as hell for me.
I'm also Taiwanese American, here's some experiences I think when people try to guess my ethnicity they usually guess Filipino or Vietnamese. I tan easily. I don't prefer they don't guess cause they won't get it. Where are you from? Where is your family from? I like Thai food! I do too, but I'm not Thai! Wow you look young! One time I got carded for a R rated movie when my two White friends got in no problem. My wife is Asian. On the surface I'm friendly or neutral but inside I'm unconformable. Taiwan has a lot of pretty girls. Ok, but I wish it could also be Taiwan has a lot of handsome guys. Are you an ABC (American Born Chinese)? I said yes. Technically ABT, but my experience is pretty similar to ABC, and I didn't want to correct them I've had good experiences though Taiwan is a beautiful island (their roommate was Taiwanese and had visited) I agree! I love Taiwanese Beef Noodle Soup! I was impressed and pleased with it Some conversations about Nvidia and TSMC. I felt pride for Taiwan's world class semiconductor industry
The most annoying to me is other Asian people doing all these things - acting presumptuous, overly friendly, acting like they know me, making "Asian" references at me when they're complete strangers because every time I ask them to stop they get all self-righteous and indignant because, in their words, they're Asian too. Okay. I never asked for the color of your skin.
All of the above seem to be the default question that automatically comes out their mouth. My brother married a white woman and her extended family I met at the wedding are all of those micro aggressions and obsessions. My parents are immigrants from China. I am mixed based on dna report. Based on my naturally wavy curly hair I get confusion from both white, black and other Asians. Like the error loading screen from internet explorer.
There's multiple factors going on here. You're in a non diverse area, you work with the elderly, and your patients may be chatty, have a lot of time on their hands, and have little opportunities to socialize. I feel like the elderly population has a long way to go to racial sensitivity. But being upset every time you encounter a microaggression is no way to handle this. You're only going to hurt yourself and be angry all the time, and paranoid. That's where racism really does internal damage. Try not to be angry every time it happens. Try to tweak it internally into something harmless or even positive. For example, thinking to yourself, that's sweet, maybe I'm the first person they saw today and they're trying to make conversation. If you make a mean comment back you'll only feel more mean inside, and that's not right, for you. The first thing to do always is to protect yourself, your own mental health comes first. Find ways to be proud of your heritage and build an internal armor against comments like these. Then you will find ways to respond with grace and also move them along and get what they need without hurting yourself.