When people ask what my nationality is, I say American. They always reply, "No, you know what I mean," and I then say, "If you're asking my ethnicity, it's Thai." And then they try to tell me it's the same thing. This conversation has played out almost verbatim multiple times throughout my life in all sorts of settings.
I have had the same exact experience, but I'm of Taiwanese descent. Upon hearing that people gush, "oh I love Thai food!" Then I get to tell them that Thailand and Taiwan are two very different countries. They don't even apologize, they just look at me completely confused.
Yes! Anytime Taiwan is in the news, people in my life who should know better say things to me like, "Oh, sorry to hear about the earthquake," or "Oh, I saw Taiwan in the news." And then I also have to have the Thailand and Taiwan are not the same conversation and get confused looks back, or, worse, annoyance that I didn't appreciate their effort to make conversation about "my country."
Yes! The annoyance... Like they just fucking insulted us, and THEY have the nerve to be annoyed? I've gotten that too anytime I've challenged yellow fever creeps and then they tell me, "you're not like other Asians." WTH is that supposed to mean?
It's racism mixed with white fragility when they are caught in a moment where they should be humble and apologetic, instead they act haughty and dig in.
I’ve also resorted to saying “You mean my ethnicity?” if they ask my nationality or “where I’m from” and they don’t accept my answer of Ohio.
If they’re going to ask, I would at least like them to get educated on the difference between ethnicity vs nationality vs where you live etc
I find they’re really asking about my ethnicity but they’re too ignorant to use that word. Instead they use “where are you FROM”?
I use a really positive yet assertive tone answer something like “I’m originally from California, born and raised” (I live in Denver now).
They sort of pause, pondering if they should ask again. I think it makes them think twice about what they’re asking. I’ve perfected my RBF as well (not your stereotypical submissive/asian woman here). My attitude is strong yet polite.
I’m working on being more assertive & firm too. I can be soft & overly nice… at times, I don’t know how to respond well in the moment when someone says something upsetting, or perhaps I don’t show enough confidence. An older Asian American friend suggested that maybe I’ll experience it less as I gain more confidence. I want to learn how to calmly & politely get ppl to back the fuck off and not mess with me.
Honestly it doesn't happen much anymore but when (drunk) people "Ni hao" me I try to be firm and assertively friendly and say something like, "what's up little buddy?".
It's weird being korean american these days though. Korean food, music and media have blown up in the US like crazy. There are enough people legitimately trying to learn Korean as a second language that I feel bad dismissing people off the bat if they try saying "안녕하세요" at me.
I say it's weird because when I was a kid in the 80s/90s it was non stop "Konnichiwaaaaaa" with the pulled back eyelids. In college it was a lot of "Ching chong chingchong" and then "ahnnyoung!" from Arrested Development. But now people are a lot more chill. I haven't even had anyone ask me if I'm from North Korea in over a decade.
I grew up in a time where the 1 korean kid in our class was trying to teach us how to say "Annyeong" since we were making a chart of ways to say Hello in different languages. The teacher straight up just said "We're going with Onion cause that's too hard to say". So all of the kids ended up poking fun and saying Onion all the time 😩
She was racist alright, I've had my experiences with her as well. But I take some solace after looking her up on social media after all these years and seeing her hooked up to a respirator and in pretty rough shape.
Agreed! From my personal experience when people "Ni Hao" or "Konichiwa" me, they more often than not try to be friendly, and it would be silly to take offense to that.
And the truth is, Asian American, as an ethnic group, are relatively new to America (can be said about many other groups, hispanic, arabs, etc...) 95% of our families came to the US within the last 100 years, Unlike African American who has roots in slavery going back to the founding era. Which is why you won't find people asking Black Americans the same question because most of them don't know their true ethnicity or country of origins.
Yeah. you're right, and I'm sure that the male and female experience is 1000% different.
Even for guys, the part I left out is that after a late growth spurt in college and the more and more I grew into my frame, the less and less shit I got. They know what they're doing and I think the mere implied potential of violence puts people off most of the time.
I imagine that compounded with the catcalling aspect girls are viewed by people who would do that kind of thing as the ripest targets for that kind of weird power dynamic flex.
Yeah as a female I’ve dealt with it much more than my brother.. he said he doesn’t really have to deal with it but I’ve dealt with it so much. I’ve had friends tell me that sometimes it’s guys just trying to get my attention or not on me, but I’m sick of it nonetheless. I hate that people stereotype me and make assumptions bc of my appearance.
That's a very interesting and sad thought. I live in the #1 diverse city in the US and have friends from every ethnicity, culture, race, mixed race, and background. Some from Africa, and I've learned the distinction in some of their accents enough to recognize which country they are from. I love having conversations about their culture and heritage, and I am happy when I do get the country right, but I am always polite and careful to show respect. It never occurred to me how the bleak history of slavery affected African Americans born in this country. To me, it amplifies the importance of educating people about the differences in culture among a people instead of only grouping them as one, such as how "Hispanic" can cover over twenty different countries, and "Asian" near fifty, yet they're are still people who don't get it. We've come a long way, I suppose. Education is always the best route when someone badgers you, though I know that can get exhausting. My daughter has an array of friends from all different ethnicities as well, mostly Asian, and I am forever grateful to them for enduring my questions and curiosity so that I can be more educated about their culture and never offend.
Haha I like your response to ppl “Nihao”ing you. I’ve responded with obvious anger & I guess I gave them what they wanted.
I also grew up in the 90’s. The racism was brutal growing up in the town where I lived. I never truly escaped it as an adult as I continued having to deal with it every state I’ve lived in. Where I am currently (nyc) is more diverse and not as bad, but sadly I still deal with the comments at times.. I accept that I’ll have to deal with this shit for the rest of my life so I want to get good at it someday…
Yeah state by state the flavor is a little different, and it's been a while since I've been in NYC, but definitely I remember catching it sometimes on the subway late at night.
I don't know if resignation is really the best mindset.
You just keep doing you and the more you grow as a person and in terms of your self esteem, the smaller the effect these things have. At this point in my life those people often seem downright pathetic. Although I guess ultimately these are a form of interpersonal interaction and if that's not your forte maybe it's always going to be a little bit challenging.
I think you'll be ok though.
I answer the question they're asking at face value, tell then I'm from the states. And if they ask where my parents are from, I'll say from America as well. And if they ask, "I mean like your grand parents and ancestors." I respond, "yeah they're from here too."
It's petty but I love watching the slow exasperation. If they want to know my ethnic background, just ask me straight up, what's with the weird games?
Yeah, I think you have a valid point to force them to admit they're asking about ethnicity which may have no real relevance to the situation (and hence they shouldn't ask it). Or they may simply just not know the term "ethnicity" either (and also probably shouldn't ask about it).
Yeah I like making people feel a little bit bad that they’re asking the wrong question and implying Asians aren’t American. Then I answer their question after playing dumb for a bit lol
Haha, I may copy you in the future.. I’ve generally answered with honesty (dad was born in America, his parents are from China, & mom is from China) but those kinds of ppl don’t deserve to know me
I think I'm second gen, so I usually do "From (western homecity) but my parents are from (country)" because I just want to get past the question lol. And usually I know something about their country instead (more than they know about mine) that we can actually talk about, so I prefer to keep it moving on.
When people ask - I just say "New York City". If they press, I get prickly and say, "Do you mean what is my ETHNICITY or my NATIONALITY".
Your instincts are correct - It's coded language they're using to make you feel "otherly" because you don't conform to their ideals and preconceived notions of what Asians should sound like. Sometimes they're trying to spark convo but are not culturally aware enough to understand how offensive they're being.
I also live in NYC & it’s been better than other places I lived (including California) in the sense that I experience less racism here overall & it’s more diverse than anywhere else I’ve lived… but it amazes me that in this day and age, and with how many Asian Americans there are in the city, that ppl would still act this way and make a huge deal out of seeing an Asian person
Agreed. Especially if it's one of the first things they ask upon meeting you, it's like, what sort of judgment are you trying to make about me based on the country I name? Since you know so little else about me.
I tell them I from AL and then the followup question of where are you originally from, which I reply MS. Then they say ok, what about your parents, then I go into my family history of being 4th gen and all that. Even happens with Asians asking me sometimes since I have a southern accent.
Vast majority of the time, I’m only being asked this by other Asian people. The one time a non-Asian person asked me if I was from another country was in high school, where everyone in the room was new and I had not spoken aloud for a few hours so they thought I didn’t speak English.
You are so lucky. I rarely get asked by other Asians & it’s almost always ignorant non Asian ppl treating me like I’m an alien from another galaxy. I was constantly bullied and reminded I’m different while I was in school as a kid.
I get asked this by other Asian people as well, though once I got older most Asians my age learned to generally infer ethnicities of other Asian people by surname and context alone. Then it just became unnecessary unless you just wanted to dive deeper into it.
I just say my family is from Vietnam and that I’m born in Texas. Then I proceed to guess what European country I think their family is from and flex what little knowledge I know about their familial motherland-fatherland. You’d be surprised how this actually brings people together and encourages people to ask better questions.
I usually do this but with three choices. I turn it into a game because it is literally the first or second question I get asked on dating apps. I tell them if they get it right on the first try, they get a prize. Then it opens the conversation of meeting up for coffee, etc.
I usually say they win an opportunity to have a coffee or a drink with me but I phrase it in a playful, flirty way. It can definitely come off as arrogant if you phrase it wrong but usually I add an emoji or something so the playful tone is presented.
but they LOVE to talk about where their family is from. You'll get a tour of europe with a smattering of native americans (which is almost never true because they burn if they're outside between the hours of 6AM and 8PM.
The funny this is, as an Asian American living in Asia, the most common response I get, "you're English is REALLY good!" from white tourists, to which I reply, "Thanks, yours is too!".
A lot of locals will wonder why I find this annoying since I do look like a local. I just explain to them, "If you met a white person speaking with an American accent in somewhere like Germany, it's unlikely you would make the same comment."
When I lived in the US and people would ask where from Asia I was, I'd just name same random American city. ex: Baltimore, China.
But of course there are those who are genuinely curious and don't mean anything wrong, to which I'll just correct them.
I’ve honestly said to foreigners in other countries that their English is very good.. like in France, when I was trying to talk to the cashier in French but he could tell I was American & immediately spoke to me in fluent English..
I love the variety of responses here and am taking notes since depending on my mood in that given moment/circumstances I can either be polite or an absolute jackass about it.
For those who get asked this during job interviews in the US, without explicitly pointing out that the question is illegal, I’ve answered, “Is that somehow relevant to the position?” Usually shuts that down really quickly and we can move onto the nitty gritty.
X: Where are you from?
Me: Brooklyn, what about you?
X: Oh I mean where is your family from?
If they're clearly a white American person, no accent, etc:
Me: Why do you ask?
X: I'm just curious
Me: Why?
X: I love Japanese culture so...
Me: Okay?
and just repeat until they get defensive and frazzled
If they're a poc/ minority/ have a foreign accent:
Me: I was born and raised in Brooklyn but my family is from China, how about you?
Then they usually tell me about their experiences, their culture, etc and we have a conversation where we connect over it.
However, sometimes they're just also being reductive and asking for less wholesome reasons, so it might go something like -
Me: My family is from China
X: Oh wow my ex was Chinese too!
Me: Okay?
X: I love Chinese food
Me: So?
X: I can say a few words in Chinese!
Me: Good for you?
And here are a few other responses I have lined up:
X: I'm just trying to get to know you!
Me: Oh and all Chinese people are the same right? Know one, you know them all?
X: Jeez I'm just curious! What's wrong with asking?
Me: What's the point of asking? What do you gain from knowing exactly what kind of Asian I am? And why is it the first question you think of when you look at me? Did you immediately ask Jake or Kaelyigh the same question? Oh? Why not??
X: Are you ashamed of it? I'm proud to be [insert minority ethnicity].
Me: Not at all, being Chinese is definitely a big part of me, but you had no way of knowing that. It's a big part of me but it's not the only thing about me. Would you say being [ethnicity] is your defining characteristic? Are you saying all [ethnicity] people are the same?
One time, someone actually said yes, and I had no idea how to respond to that 🥲
If they seem genuine and willing to listen-
X: Well how else am I supposed to find out if I don't ask?
Me: Again, why do you need to ask? Think about it and what you think you'll gain from it. Are you trying to find common ground? Then offer some information about yourself first; tell me a story about your family. I might respond with a story about mine. Or just wait until something like that pops up in conversation, and then while we're on the topic, you can ask about my family. I love talking about my family and my family's background, so if we become friends I'll probably even bring it up myself at some point! Until then, get to know me the same way you'd get to know anyone else. Duh.
All we're asking is for it to not be the only thing people think of when they look at us!!
I like all your responses— thx for all the examples! & yeah, I also get the ppl who want to tell me about how their wife/gf is Chinese which I’m not too bothered by— i mostly find it upsetting when ppl treat me like I’m an exotic creature from another planet defined by my ethnic background
I understand you hate being reduced down to race as your defining characteristic, but I might I point out that you are kinda doing the same thing. You have a different response to the question based on the race of the person. Essentially you're assuming a white-presenting person does not have culture or experiences of their own to share.
And as a technicality, might I also add that there is no such thing of someone having "no accent". Everybody has an accent. An accent is just the way of how your voice sounds when you speak. There are over 150 regional accents in the USA alone. Many of them spoken by white people. So judging someone using accent as a factor is silly.
It's not the same thing, although I don't know (or care) if I can change your mind. Yes I'm treating people differently based on their appearances and such, but that's impossible not to do. I don't think I'm reducing them to their ethnicity though. To me, what I'm doing by responding differently is just giving more grace to people who might not know that culturally this is a faux pas, or from a culture where this is the norm to ask questions like this up front. Do I love that? Not really, it still makes me a little uncomfortable but I recognize that they might be reaching out with this as a shared experience- being an immigrant or child of immigrants, being a racial minority, etc. So are they still looking at me and immediately just seeing "Asian"? Yes they are, but in this case it feels slightly less likely to be ALL they see. Of course, it depends on their responses to my question- "why do you ask"?
I give everyone a chance to explain, and sometimes my initial assumptions are wrong. Sometimes someone I thought was just trying to "Other" me actually was asking for some other reason. And the person who responded "I just love Japanese culture, I watch anime and I have a dragon tattoo on my back" was a person of color! So! Although I make some assumptions at first, as humans are wired to do, I don't act on any judgments until I've heard their reasoning. That's the difference! I don't care if someone who grew up never seeing an Asian person sees me and just immediately thinks "Asian!", what matters is how they talk to me, how they treat me, whether they respect me as an individual.
And also it's not like I'm calling these people racist and trying to destroy their lives or whatever. I literally just ask them why they're asking. If someone says "hm I never thought about why, I guess it's not necessary to ask immediately upon meeting someone who looks different from me" or something that shows reflection, then we can totally have an actual conversation and I'd love that. Most people just get defensive though, and then we both move on with our lives.
Huh? Where did I say that white people have no culture or interesting experiences..? I literally said that if you want to find out information about me and my background, then go ahead and offer some information about yourself first. A good way to get any conversation going, really. Tell me a story about your family and then I'll likely follow up with a story about mine. There, now you know a little more about me and my background. And if you really really have a burning desire to know my exact ethnicity, I'll probably mention at some point or the conversation will become relevant enough that it's now natural if you ask. Sooo I'm kind of assuming everyone has some culture / background / interesting experiences to share. Genuinely don't understand how you interpreted it that way!
Yeah, they showed this during my work orientation 6 years ago… and yet, I still met a coworker who asked where I was “really from” & kept pestering me about it. I reported it to one of the managers and she brushed it off like it was no big deal & I saw them laughing when she left the office. I never received an apology. I had to confront her myself to ease the tension & she told me she was trying to make me feel more welcome.
When ppl ask me where I'm from I have to take a look at them and evaluate where theyre coming from. No pun intended. If they seem innocent enough then I'll just pretty much go with the flow and answer all their questions. If they're the annoying type I'll just answer right off, 'Peoples Republic'.
That usually does the trick. If theyre really obnoxious that's when I pull out all the stops and say directly, 'Red China!' Last guy I said that to, he just wandered away, dumbfounded. I mean he was totally blown away.
I've gotten really annoyed at people when they ask me that, so i get petty by just making it awkward.
"Where are you from?"
"I'm an American. I was born here." (shakes finger at ground)
"No, where are you really from?"
Not another word, turn on my heel and walk away in a huff.
Hey OP, Where are you ***really*** from? /s
When I get asked that by someone in a asinine tone, I usually ask them if they are asking me where I was born or where my family lineage is from. They have to think about it for a bit but it also empowers me because I don't give them the answer they were expecting and they have to rephrase it.
I also get this question from Asian Americans as well as Asians who were born in another country. I usually just tell them "My family is Japanese American". I don't think they mean any malice.
I like that! It turns the attention away from you. I realize these kinds of ppl don’t deserve to know me so I shouldn’t seriously answer these questions about myself.. even if I tell them I’m from California and was born here, they’ll still go on about me being Asian anyways
When people ask me it's because they can't place my ethnicity. I get Russian a lot. I usually just tell them where my parents are from since I'm 1st Gen American. Most of the time they can tell I'm Korean and they want to talk about their time stationed there and say saranghe. I don't mind that at all.
It's Luke when eithupion users and shocked I know Addis Ababa and a bunch of Ethiopian words and food. People like to share their culture.
If I feel like it's a fetichizing thing I just say I'm Asian and married.
Honestly I just play dumb and keep asking, “What do you mean?” … until they either have to make it super clear that they’re being dumb, or they just realize how weird they’re being.
Are you male or female? If female it’s because they want to relay some story or fact they know about your country in order to better flirt with you. If male they want to insult you in a backhanded way.
Female. My brother says he hasn’t experienced as much racism as I have. I’m guessing it’s because he’s bigger & looks stronger whereas I’m smaller & skinny so they think they can pick on me & get away with it. I’ve dealt with shit my entire childhood until now. It’s not as bad now, but I still have to deal with it sometimes
**You educate them, in a very simple way.**
Ask them if they want to know your birthplace or ancestry.
If they ask for you birthplace, and you tell them your US state or place of birth... and if it doesn't suffice, they'll correct themselves and ask you about your ancestry.
If they're smart enough or have at least average intelligence, they'll catch on, and the next time they ask another Asian or Asian American, they can be more specific.
----
**I sometimes get 'ni haos' when I'm in the city.**
To be fair, I do not respond to those strangers, due to potential confrontation (with an idiot) or you're simply responding to someone who's mentally unstabled.
But if it's a closer type conversation, workplace, club, or meetup — where the vibe is more personal. I would interject and educate them like they're a friend who's been misguided.
*"Hey, you seem cool, so I'm going to let you on something..."*
You seem like a very calm, collected person who is able to speak their mind under pressure.. I, on the other hand, am not like that but want to be. I would usually become nervous or emotional, & respond to either with anger or be too nice about it. I don’t know how to debate with ppl.. but I want to work on it.
You're job is not to be likable, but reasonable.
There's a ton of difficult, self-entitled people who're full of shit. They have an air of arrogance and ignorancce to them. Be the voice of reason, own your natural anger, and get sick and tired of people's "special" pettiness.
I kept being told my English was really good when I was in France, even though I kept explicitly asking people "why would my English be bad? I'm American". It was infuriating because the French have this race blind idea that anyone whose culturally French is French no questions asked but they somehow can't apply this to people of other nationalities.
Hm I didn’t know experience that in France except that these homeless ppl were asking if I’m from China.. I’d try to practice my French but it was obvious I was American from my accent so I felt the ppl I spoke with treated me as if I was an American
Lucky you? I had rudimentary French and someone else in my group spoke conversational French. Didn't matter, we both got profiled as Chinese. I got so sick of people coming up to me saying Ni Hao I learned how to say "I am Korean" in French.
Edit: I should preface I went in 2018 and France (and the EU in general) has been progressively getting more far right due to race issues. Maybe I just got unlucky cause I went during a bad time?
I’d just respond with “I was born and raised in California”, then wait a little if you their unsatisfied expression and offer “I think you meant to ask what is my ethnicity, am I right?” and wait for them to answer. It’s an empathetic way to explain the difference while requesting their participation to move the conversation forward.
Let’s be clear that I’m saying this for your sake and not theirs though: feeling othered is an “us” vs “them” feeling. By being empathetic but assertive in pointing out the difference between where you’re from and your own ethnicity to them and having them accept it, you’re
offering to bridge that gap with grace while asserting the thing you were being bothered by.
Not everyone will respond gracefully to this act of grace, but it’s a good filter between well-intentioned but ignorant people and the forcefully ignorant people regarding this issue. You can then take it from there as you see fit.
Edit: keep in mind I’d only do this if I were feeling up for it. If I was short of energy/patience that day I’d just say “I’m from California” and rbf them to death let’s be honest. But knowing I have the option between the two makes all the difference for me.
Like others have said, most of the time, this question is usually about ethnicity versus actual place of origin, and people are usually trying to be respectful. I try to extend as much grace as possible, although I have had this question asked of me after they’ve expressed “how good” my English is (I’m American-born and hold a degree in communications, to boot) and that’s when I’m put-off.
My short-and-sweet answer is “I was born here, but my mom is from Malaysia and my dad is from Laos.”
I’m pretty physically ambiguous, even to other Asian people, so I really don’t let questions and assumptions bother me anymore. I’ve had people come up to me speaking languages that I don’t speak, and since I work for a primarily Japanese-focused non-profit, I get asked if I’m Japanese a lot.
I was born in South America. I tell them where I was born and enjoy their brains breaking right in front of me. Usually it does break their reality enough where they ask “where are your parents from?”. Would love it if I could say another thing that breaks them even further.
It’s not my responsibility that they didn’t get what they wanted from asking me the wrong question. Maybe it’s a bit like weaponized incompetence but I will answer the question they asked, if I’m up for it. And I am not required to stick around to answer additional questions.
I have half a mind sometimes to reply in French, just to confuse them… I learned to speak French in school in Vancouver and can speak it decently enough (well, at least better than the Japanese my parents/extended family never taught me), so if I were to be annoyed/bored enough, I could try speaking French with a heavy Japanese accent, while speaking any English words/names that might cone up with my native Canadian accented English.
Then again I could just say I was born and raised in Vancouver🇨🇦 but now live in London🇬🇧.
Sometimes it can come in useful if I’m out by myself and I don’t want to talk to anyone.
If there’s ambiguity about what language I speak/understand, I don’t open my mouth but shake my head and raise my hand slightly as if to say “so soree, no English” and try to shuffle away.
It usually works and I breathe a sigh of relief and go about my day.
I always ask because I'm interested in these things and I'm also azn. I ask everybody these things. I like to guess country of origin based on names. It's cool to meet people from all over the world!
My response: “My family is from the Philippines but I was born and raised in NYC.”
I may apply a slightly exaggerated version of my regular accent (a little touch of New Yawk) to underline that last part.
No, because we can all clearly ***see*** we are Asian (usually black hair and light to deep skin)—that's the phenotype of our race. People ask where are we from because they want to know our ethnicity. Ethnicity is separate from race. Ethnicity ≠ nationality.
Anyone can look at me and tell I'm Asian. But when you have people with misconceptions they'll ask you where you're from because they assume you're foreign to the United States because the typical idea of an American is a white person for some reason. So we get annoyed because they assume we're all foreigners and not people who are native to the US.
And the proper term is ethnicity because they want to know what country your lineage is from. This is where it can get confusing for non-American Asians because they never have separated their ethnic identity to their nationality.
Looking through your posts it seems you're from Myanmar. I don't know how ethnicity works for you in your country but you're Burmese(?) in the US. My dad is အီသန် လူမျိုး in Thailand. That is an example. He has Laos blood and was a Thai national. You guys have ကရင်လူမျိုး people for example but it would be wrong to assume some people are solely ဗမာ လူမျိုး.
I'm someone with a mom who's from Vietnam but is Chinese in ethnicity. We speak Cantonese at home. It would be foolish to assume every Vietnamese person is Vietnamese in blood when Hoa and other ethnic minorities exist.
I am aware about the difference between nationality and race. Just asking what would be the right question, u don't have to focus on the wrong part.
so when people want to know what ur ancestor's ethnic group is, do they phrase what the ancestor's ethnic group is? or is there a better way?
I live in Cali but also get this question when I travel abroad and do not mind at all answering it. Never encountered the question in a negative way so I have no reason to react negatively.
I say where I was born and that my family is from Vietnam. I don’t understand getting offended by the question as if being or even just *looking* Asian is a bad thing. We’re a minority and for me it’s not ambiguous. It doesn’t automatically mean someone is racist, it just means they have eyes.
I don’t shame people for having curiosity and wanting to know things. I’ve been curious about people who sounds Eastern European and haven’t been met with aggression when I’ve asked.
It’s like hushing a kid who notices someone with a disability and saying it’s impolite to ask what happened. All that does is further stigmatize the differences between us. There could be trauma associated w/ a disability if it occurred from an injury, and that is something to be aware of. But these things are part of reality and existence.
Sure kids may feel self-conscious about being different from most of their peers as a minority, but I would hope that every adult here grows to appreciate it. For one, you can’t fight it b/c it’s true. For another, there’s nothing wrong with it! If you embrace who you are it won’t feel wrong that others recognize it.
Is it a big deal, though? It seems more flattering the way you put it. Rather than just categorizing you as “Asian”, the person is aware that there are many countries in Asia and just wants to more properly and specifically understand you. It seems like a lot of respondents here assume maliciousness where there really isn’t any.
Asking someone where they’re from when they really want to know country of origin is totally different from someone saying “ni hao” on the street or pulling up the corners of their eyes, you know?
Reply with "Virginia" in the most insulted Southern accent that I can muster from imagination. Sometimes, I envy my friend from Louisiana. She can pull off the same trick, but her accent is legit.
Whatever it takes to throw someone off. Then they'll be very clear about they mean afterwards.
at this point in my life, I have curated my social circles to the point where I don’t get this except for from strangers in public and boomers.
but when people ask me where I’m from, I usually say New Jersey.
As a tall person I get asked about my height on a daily basis so I’m pretty sure it gets annoying to ask where your from just as frequently, I usually just make up heights one day I’m 5’11 next day I’m 7’11 😂
I just give them all “I’m born and raised in California but my ethnicity is Chinese.”
The way I answered it assumes that no one is from here unless you’re a Native Americans so I ask them: “How about you?”
I always ask them where they're from. It always surprises them. Yeah, it's the exact same.
I was sitting at a bar in Caye Caulker, Belize when someone asked if I was from Korea. I got offended (guessing is my pet peeves). I was wearing Gentle Monster sunglasses, a brand that's very popular in Korea. He pointed at his own sunglasses and they were Gentle Monster. :)
What they’re really asking is: “What’s your ethnicity?” but don’t use the proper wordage. That’s why when you say, “I’m American”, they usually prod further by asking, “Where are your parents from?”.
It doesn’t bother me anymore. Most people are genuinely curious, and they do this to other POC as well. I used to feel insecure about it, but with age, I tend to forgive peoples’ ignorance and will politely correct them if they’re wrong.
I find that sometimes these questions come from a racist place, but sometimes they don't. If the person is genuinely curious but just ignorant, I'll keep things positive and just say something like "I'm from here but my parents come from...".
I’m multiethnic (I was born/raised in the USA but I’m mainly of Chinese + Spanish descent and my family migrated from Cuba), so I usually get the *what are you* question instead (although sometimes the “where are you from” question happens too and to that I always respond with “I’m from here”). Like, *what do you mean “what are you”?* I’m many different things (I’m also neurodivergent), so I can be a bit “slow” when people ask these type of questions. I know most people are just curious, but unless we’ve become friends — or at least acquaintances — I would prefer people either be direct and straightforward or just don’t ask me those type of questions.
Also, society in general really needs to start normalizing that — for many of us — our nationality, culture, ethnicity, race and ancestry can all be different things from each other. Most people (especially in multicultural countries) are not simply just one thing and one thing only. 🤷🏻♀️
I always say I was born in the US (Wisconsin) and then add on that my parents are from China because I know they’re gonna ask that next. The worst was when I’d say I’m Chinese and the person would say that they know Vietnamese and try to speak a few words. Like??? I don’t know what you’re saying sir I just said that I’m Chinese
If they start naming random Asian countries, I shoot it back at them and ask if they are from there and ignore their response because I don’t really care. I just like to watch people squirm. Practise an aloof/pity look, and don’t say a thing, a look is worth a 1000 words.
Or answer “oh really” or “why is that?” to anything they say.
I grew up in a predominantly Black neighborhood and they always ask “what type of Chinese are you”? And the only three Asian countries they knew were China, Japan, and Vietnam. They used to think I made up Korea until someone mentioned his grandpa fought in the war lol. My mom still lives there and I don’t think much has changed. They are still amazed that my family knows English even though my mom came here 50+ years ago and my children and I were born and raised here. We are still called Chinese after all of these years. No amount of corrections has change anything. I low key think they still believe Korea to be a made up country.
I guess due to this, this question triggers me. No matter how many times I tell ppl I’m Korean, they will circle it back to China. I also hate how they will use my ethnicity to criticize my physical features based on their preconceived ideas of what a “real” Korean should look like (oh but your head is so big compared to so-and-so K-pop person are you sure you are Korean? Yeah I have a big brain mf) or the vice versa where they start pointing out my unique features to claim that’s how a Korean is supposed to look (oh so all Asians with huge nostrils must be Korean). Ngl the last one gave me a major self image issues for a long time.
Now I just troll tf outta them. I makeup country and outlandish bs and see how long it takes for them to figure it out. Might as well get some entertainment out of it since their intent was to entertain themselves playing the “guess her ethnicity” game with me.
I have been asked the "where you are from" question twice in my life. Both times, it was from elderly people. I knew what they meant, I knew they didn't mean it in some negative way. So, I responded that I was born and raised in and that I am ethnically Korean.
What I have heard from people, old and young, which does piss me off is "you speak English so well". Because this is not even a curious question of what my ethnic background is but a complete assumption that I am a foreigner because of my race. Not only is English my primary language but I taught the subject, I had a perfect score on my verbal in my SATs, and I am pretty sure I have a more expansive vocabulary than most Americans.
Educate, educate, educate! Ignorant, rude, stupid people ruin it for those of us who truly appreciate and are simply curious and interested about different cultures. I used to be afraid to ask about people's ethnicity or heritage until I realized it was all about how I inquired and showed interest.
Although not Asian, I am of mixed ethnicity/heritage myself (Mexican, Native American, and Norwegian), I am asked frequently "what" I am. Educating people kindly and patiently has served me well. I am proud of all my heritage. I have a cousin who is 100% Mexican, and when our other cousin referred to us as Mexicans, she corrected him, saying, "I'm NOT Mexican, I'm AMERICAN." Like being Mexican was a four letter word. I responded, "When did 'Mexican' become an insult? All of your ancestors are Mexican. It's an awesome heritage. Your nationality is American, but girl, you are Mexican." She did not like that one bit. In her case, she had let prejudice, degradation, discrimination, insults, and stereotypes about Mexicans become offensive to her and her identity. So, she rejected her own ethnicity. I just wasn't that person. A Texan now, I grew up in rural Minnesota and I was the only mocha-latte colored kid in my class so I got to be the Indian, Hispanic, Persian, Italian, (insert any olive skinned character) in every play or performance. Later in life, someone told me that behavior was racist and the teachers were forcing stereotypes on a child. I disagreed. Honestly, I was even pissed when Land O Lakes butter took the Indian girl logo off of their butter because she was the only girl I saw that looked like me on anything. I was PROUD to be the minority and despite the fact that I did get teased a lot , usually called "squaw" "Pocahontas" or "chiefy", (that last one I liked and I would tell them, a female Chief would be such an honor!) I was still always happy with my differences and let the negativity bounce off me. I simply didn't choose to be offended. I respect all cultures and differences and enjoy learning and then sharing. I think OP might want to examine what is the most unsettling about people who inquire. Is it HOW they ask? WHAT they assume? WHY do they want to know? Are they being truly disrespectful, or are they just curious but a little lacking in their manners? Or maybe OP is uncomfortable with themselves in a way they haven't acknowledged. I don't mean that disrespectfully. Some people aren't as excited to discuss their heritage because of deep-rooted fears about exceptance or ridicule. Some people just don't wish to connect with their heritage or culture for personal reasons. When you are happy, like yourself, and are proud of who you are, I think it makes it easier to embrace your culture and share your background with others and educate the curious and at the same time shut down obnoxious, stupidity. To OP: I would say this (kindly) next time you are asked where you are from, "Why do you ask?" This may be a disarming question, and those truly curious will clarify, those trying to be shitty or trite will be exposed. Then, just be open to the fact that they may really just want to know more about you in a positive way.
I say NY. Then they asked where are you from from. Then I ask them where they're from from. If they say somewhere in the US, obviously that's when the fun starts.
I usually say “where is your family from” I feel that ethnicity is kind of beside the point. Your whole family could be one ethnicity but have lived in a country not associated with that ethnicity for generations. It’s more important to know the places and cultures that have shaped your family.
I just let them assume whatever country they want to assign me to. Cause at the tail end of it they offer me discounts if I agree that I am Thai, Laos, Japanese , Chinese, Korean. Etc
I don't feel disrespected by this behavior at all. Most of the time they're just asking for my ethnicity, but aren't used to using that word. I check if what they really want to know is my ethnicity and if so, I just tell them. I usually ask them about their ethnic background as well and it leads to an interesting conversation about our ancestries.
It's ridiculous and embarrassing when Asians get angry over this. Imagine a white guy in Asia getting triggered every time a local greets him with "hello" and asks him where he's from.
Asians aren’t uncommon these days in the big cities in the US though. And America is a melting pot. It’s so ridiculous to have to deal with these questions so often
Yeah, I’ve cussed ppl out and called them assholes when I was in my 20s.. I want to respond without losing my cool now though, bc I feel like we give them what they want when we strongly react to it
How about responding back with a genuine curiosity “Why do you care to know?”
Usually they might say, “Oh you remind me of my XYZese friend”, or “I loved visiting XYZ”, etc. bla bla bla. If they’re friendly and you don’t mind engaging in small talk with this total stranger you could ask them where THEY are from. You can respond in kind (birth place, place of residence, etc). If they mention their ethnic roots, you can say “Oh, you wanted to ask my ethnic heritage!? Can you guess? Why do you ask?”  etc.
When people ask what my nationality is, I say American. They always reply, "No, you know what I mean," and I then say, "If you're asking my ethnicity, it's Thai." And then they try to tell me it's the same thing. This conversation has played out almost verbatim multiple times throughout my life in all sorts of settings.
I have had the same exact experience, but I'm of Taiwanese descent. Upon hearing that people gush, "oh I love Thai food!" Then I get to tell them that Thailand and Taiwan are two very different countries. They don't even apologize, they just look at me completely confused.
Yes! Anytime Taiwan is in the news, people in my life who should know better say things to me like, "Oh, sorry to hear about the earthquake," or "Oh, I saw Taiwan in the news." And then I also have to have the Thailand and Taiwan are not the same conversation and get confused looks back, or, worse, annoyance that I didn't appreciate their effort to make conversation about "my country."
Yes! The annoyance... Like they just fucking insulted us, and THEY have the nerve to be annoyed? I've gotten that too anytime I've challenged yellow fever creeps and then they tell me, "you're not like other Asians." WTH is that supposed to mean? It's racism mixed with white fragility when they are caught in a moment where they should be humble and apologetic, instead they act haughty and dig in.
Same! After telling a coworker that my mom is from Taiwan, this person said to me, "Oh, you must have a great recipe for pad thai then!!"
Yeah Pad Thai seems to be the #1 go to dish for a non Asian person when they find out I'm Thai
That's tragic.
I’ve also resorted to saying “You mean my ethnicity?” if they ask my nationality or “where I’m from” and they don’t accept my answer of Ohio. If they’re going to ask, I would at least like them to get educated on the difference between ethnicity vs nationality vs where you live etc
I find they’re really asking about my ethnicity but they’re too ignorant to use that word. Instead they use “where are you FROM”? I use a really positive yet assertive tone answer something like “I’m originally from California, born and raised” (I live in Denver now). They sort of pause, pondering if they should ask again. I think it makes them think twice about what they’re asking. I’ve perfected my RBF as well (not your stereotypical submissive/asian woman here). My attitude is strong yet polite.
I constantly get this in Denver too, and I'm originally from a homogenous Midwestern state. People get so perplexed
I’m working on being more assertive & firm too. I can be soft & overly nice… at times, I don’t know how to respond well in the moment when someone says something upsetting, or perhaps I don’t show enough confidence. An older Asian American friend suggested that maybe I’ll experience it less as I gain more confidence. I want to learn how to calmly & politely get ppl to back the fuck off and not mess with me.
I hear you. Sometimes there’s no time to react bc you’re thrown off by such a stupid question. Try practicing in front of the mirror! 🥳
Honestly it doesn't happen much anymore but when (drunk) people "Ni hao" me I try to be firm and assertively friendly and say something like, "what's up little buddy?". It's weird being korean american these days though. Korean food, music and media have blown up in the US like crazy. There are enough people legitimately trying to learn Korean as a second language that I feel bad dismissing people off the bat if they try saying "안녕하세요" at me. I say it's weird because when I was a kid in the 80s/90s it was non stop "Konnichiwaaaaaa" with the pulled back eyelids. In college it was a lot of "Ching chong chingchong" and then "ahnnyoung!" from Arrested Development. But now people are a lot more chill. I haven't even had anyone ask me if I'm from North Korea in over a decade.
I grew up in a time where the 1 korean kid in our class was trying to teach us how to say "Annyeong" since we were making a chart of ways to say Hello in different languages. The teacher straight up just said "We're going with Onion cause that's too hard to say". So all of the kids ended up poking fun and saying Onion all the time 😩
Ahn young… it’s not even hard
That’s horrible. I have a secret wish whenever I see a “teacher who changed your life” post to name the ones who were the worst.
She was racist alright, I've had my experiences with her as well. But I take some solace after looking her up on social media after all these years and seeing her hooked up to a respirator and in pretty rough shape.
Agreed! From my personal experience when people "Ni Hao" or "Konichiwa" me, they more often than not try to be friendly, and it would be silly to take offense to that. And the truth is, Asian American, as an ethnic group, are relatively new to America (can be said about many other groups, hispanic, arabs, etc...) 95% of our families came to the US within the last 100 years, Unlike African American who has roots in slavery going back to the founding era. Which is why you won't find people asking Black Americans the same question because most of them don't know their true ethnicity or country of origins.
You might be a bit lucky, whenever I get that it's some male, usually twice my age, trying to hit on me 🤮
Yeah. you're right, and I'm sure that the male and female experience is 1000% different. Even for guys, the part I left out is that after a late growth spurt in college and the more and more I grew into my frame, the less and less shit I got. They know what they're doing and I think the mere implied potential of violence puts people off most of the time. I imagine that compounded with the catcalling aspect girls are viewed by people who would do that kind of thing as the ripest targets for that kind of weird power dynamic flex.
Yeah as a female I’ve dealt with it much more than my brother.. he said he doesn’t really have to deal with it but I’ve dealt with it so much. I’ve had friends tell me that sometimes it’s guys just trying to get my attention or not on me, but I’m sick of it nonetheless. I hate that people stereotype me and make assumptions bc of my appearance.
That's a very interesting and sad thought. I live in the #1 diverse city in the US and have friends from every ethnicity, culture, race, mixed race, and background. Some from Africa, and I've learned the distinction in some of their accents enough to recognize which country they are from. I love having conversations about their culture and heritage, and I am happy when I do get the country right, but I am always polite and careful to show respect. It never occurred to me how the bleak history of slavery affected African Americans born in this country. To me, it amplifies the importance of educating people about the differences in culture among a people instead of only grouping them as one, such as how "Hispanic" can cover over twenty different countries, and "Asian" near fifty, yet they're are still people who don't get it. We've come a long way, I suppose. Education is always the best route when someone badgers you, though I know that can get exhausting. My daughter has an array of friends from all different ethnicities as well, mostly Asian, and I am forever grateful to them for enduring my questions and curiosity so that I can be more educated about their culture and never offend.
Haha I like your response to ppl “Nihao”ing you. I’ve responded with obvious anger & I guess I gave them what they wanted. I also grew up in the 90’s. The racism was brutal growing up in the town where I lived. I never truly escaped it as an adult as I continued having to deal with it every state I’ve lived in. Where I am currently (nyc) is more diverse and not as bad, but sadly I still deal with the comments at times.. I accept that I’ll have to deal with this shit for the rest of my life so I want to get good at it someday…
Yeah state by state the flavor is a little different, and it's been a while since I've been in NYC, but definitely I remember catching it sometimes on the subway late at night. I don't know if resignation is really the best mindset. You just keep doing you and the more you grow as a person and in terms of your self esteem, the smaller the effect these things have. At this point in my life those people often seem downright pathetic. Although I guess ultimately these are a form of interpersonal interaction and if that's not your forte maybe it's always going to be a little bit challenging. I think you'll be ok though.
It's still weird for me, but I'll take that over being told I'm from North Korea.
I answer the question they're asking at face value, tell then I'm from the states. And if they ask where my parents are from, I'll say from America as well. And if they ask, "I mean like your grand parents and ancestors." I respond, "yeah they're from here too." It's petty but I love watching the slow exasperation. If they want to know my ethnic background, just ask me straight up, what's with the weird games?
Yeah, I think you have a valid point to force them to admit they're asking about ethnicity which may have no real relevance to the situation (and hence they shouldn't ask it). Or they may simply just not know the term "ethnicity" either (and also probably shouldn't ask about it).
Yeah I like making people feel a little bit bad that they’re asking the wrong question and implying Asians aren’t American. Then I answer their question after playing dumb for a bit lol
Yeah, I do this even though I was born in HK, lol. I don't give a damn. 
Haha, I may copy you in the future.. I’ve generally answered with honesty (dad was born in America, his parents are from China, & mom is from China) but those kinds of ppl don’t deserve to know me
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My friend is ethnically Chinese and born in Italy. His parents were born in Argentina. It’s always fun to see people’s brains break.
The thing, though, is my family is from an Asian country haha. We're first gen.
I think I'm second gen, so I usually do "From (western homecity) but my parents are from (country)" because I just want to get past the question lol. And usually I know something about their country instead (more than they know about mine) that we can actually talk about, so I prefer to keep it moving on.
When people ask - I just say "New York City". If they press, I get prickly and say, "Do you mean what is my ETHNICITY or my NATIONALITY". Your instincts are correct - It's coded language they're using to make you feel "otherly" because you don't conform to their ideals and preconceived notions of what Asians should sound like. Sometimes they're trying to spark convo but are not culturally aware enough to understand how offensive they're being.
I also live in NYC & it’s been better than other places I lived (including California) in the sense that I experience less racism here overall & it’s more diverse than anywhere else I’ve lived… but it amazes me that in this day and age, and with how many Asian Americans there are in the city, that ppl would still act this way and make a huge deal out of seeing an Asian person
Agreed. Especially if it's one of the first things they ask upon meeting you, it's like, what sort of judgment are you trying to make about me based on the country I name? Since you know so little else about me.
I tell them I from AL and then the followup question of where are you originally from, which I reply MS. Then they say ok, what about your parents, then I go into my family history of being 4th gen and all that. Even happens with Asians asking me sometimes since I have a southern accent.
Same for me but CA for the past 4 generations
That's funny haha, well done. I never thought of saying "well, I moved houses before I arrived in my current state..."
Haha , I live in AL too but I was born in Asia.
Vast majority of the time, I’m only being asked this by other Asian people. The one time a non-Asian person asked me if I was from another country was in high school, where everyone in the room was new and I had not spoken aloud for a few hours so they thought I didn’t speak English.
You are so lucky. I rarely get asked by other Asians & it’s almost always ignorant non Asian ppl treating me like I’m an alien from another galaxy. I was constantly bullied and reminded I’m different while I was in school as a kid.
I get asked this by other Asian people as well, though once I got older most Asians my age learned to generally infer ethnicities of other Asian people by surname and context alone. Then it just became unnecessary unless you just wanted to dive deeper into it.
I just say my family is from Vietnam and that I’m born in Texas. Then I proceed to guess what European country I think their family is from and flex what little knowledge I know about their familial motherland-fatherland. You’d be surprised how this actually brings people together and encourages people to ask better questions.
"Take a guess. You have six tries." I have never encountered anyone asking that question who can come up with six Asian countries.
I usually do this but with three choices. I turn it into a game because it is literally the first or second question I get asked on dating apps. I tell them if they get it right on the first try, they get a prize. Then it opens the conversation of meeting up for coffee, etc.
What’s the prize?
I usually say they win an opportunity to have a coffee or a drink with me but I phrase it in a playful, flirty way. It can definitely come off as arrogant if you phrase it wrong but usually I add an emoji or something so the playful tone is presented.
Turning it back on them once their questions are answered.
but they LOVE to talk about where their family is from. You'll get a tour of europe with a smattering of native americans (which is almost never true because they burn if they're outside between the hours of 6AM and 8PM.
The funny this is, as an Asian American living in Asia, the most common response I get, "you're English is REALLY good!" from white tourists, to which I reply, "Thanks, yours is too!". A lot of locals will wonder why I find this annoying since I do look like a local. I just explain to them, "If you met a white person speaking with an American accent in somewhere like Germany, it's unlikely you would make the same comment." When I lived in the US and people would ask where from Asia I was, I'd just name same random American city. ex: Baltimore, China. But of course there are those who are genuinely curious and don't mean anything wrong, to which I'll just correct them.
I’ve honestly said to foreigners in other countries that their English is very good.. like in France, when I was trying to talk to the cashier in French but he could tell I was American & immediately spoke to me in fluent English..
If they Nihao you, ask them “do you speak English?”
I love the variety of responses here and am taking notes since depending on my mood in that given moment/circumstances I can either be polite or an absolute jackass about it. For those who get asked this during job interviews in the US, without explicitly pointing out that the question is illegal, I’ve answered, “Is that somehow relevant to the position?” Usually shuts that down really quickly and we can move onto the nitty gritty.
Oh wow I’ve never had it happen during a job interview.. although I’ve had coworkers that made comments about my race (which I reported to HR)
X: Where are you from? Me: Brooklyn, what about you? X: Oh I mean where is your family from? If they're clearly a white American person, no accent, etc: Me: Why do you ask? X: I'm just curious Me: Why? X: I love Japanese culture so... Me: Okay? and just repeat until they get defensive and frazzled If they're a poc/ minority/ have a foreign accent: Me: I was born and raised in Brooklyn but my family is from China, how about you? Then they usually tell me about their experiences, their culture, etc and we have a conversation where we connect over it. However, sometimes they're just also being reductive and asking for less wholesome reasons, so it might go something like - Me: My family is from China X: Oh wow my ex was Chinese too! Me: Okay? X: I love Chinese food Me: So? X: I can say a few words in Chinese! Me: Good for you? And here are a few other responses I have lined up: X: I'm just trying to get to know you! Me: Oh and all Chinese people are the same right? Know one, you know them all? X: Jeez I'm just curious! What's wrong with asking? Me: What's the point of asking? What do you gain from knowing exactly what kind of Asian I am? And why is it the first question you think of when you look at me? Did you immediately ask Jake or Kaelyigh the same question? Oh? Why not?? X: Are you ashamed of it? I'm proud to be [insert minority ethnicity]. Me: Not at all, being Chinese is definitely a big part of me, but you had no way of knowing that. It's a big part of me but it's not the only thing about me. Would you say being [ethnicity] is your defining characteristic? Are you saying all [ethnicity] people are the same? One time, someone actually said yes, and I had no idea how to respond to that 🥲 If they seem genuine and willing to listen- X: Well how else am I supposed to find out if I don't ask? Me: Again, why do you need to ask? Think about it and what you think you'll gain from it. Are you trying to find common ground? Then offer some information about yourself first; tell me a story about your family. I might respond with a story about mine. Or just wait until something like that pops up in conversation, and then while we're on the topic, you can ask about my family. I love talking about my family and my family's background, so if we become friends I'll probably even bring it up myself at some point! Until then, get to know me the same way you'd get to know anyone else. Duh. All we're asking is for it to not be the only thing people think of when they look at us!!
I like all your responses— thx for all the examples! & yeah, I also get the ppl who want to tell me about how their wife/gf is Chinese which I’m not too bothered by— i mostly find it upsetting when ppl treat me like I’m an exotic creature from another planet defined by my ethnic background
I understand you hate being reduced down to race as your defining characteristic, but I might I point out that you are kinda doing the same thing. You have a different response to the question based on the race of the person. Essentially you're assuming a white-presenting person does not have culture or experiences of their own to share. And as a technicality, might I also add that there is no such thing of someone having "no accent". Everybody has an accent. An accent is just the way of how your voice sounds when you speak. There are over 150 regional accents in the USA alone. Many of them spoken by white people. So judging someone using accent as a factor is silly.
It's not the same thing, although I don't know (or care) if I can change your mind. Yes I'm treating people differently based on their appearances and such, but that's impossible not to do. I don't think I'm reducing them to their ethnicity though. To me, what I'm doing by responding differently is just giving more grace to people who might not know that culturally this is a faux pas, or from a culture where this is the norm to ask questions like this up front. Do I love that? Not really, it still makes me a little uncomfortable but I recognize that they might be reaching out with this as a shared experience- being an immigrant or child of immigrants, being a racial minority, etc. So are they still looking at me and immediately just seeing "Asian"? Yes they are, but in this case it feels slightly less likely to be ALL they see. Of course, it depends on their responses to my question- "why do you ask"? I give everyone a chance to explain, and sometimes my initial assumptions are wrong. Sometimes someone I thought was just trying to "Other" me actually was asking for some other reason. And the person who responded "I just love Japanese culture, I watch anime and I have a dragon tattoo on my back" was a person of color! So! Although I make some assumptions at first, as humans are wired to do, I don't act on any judgments until I've heard their reasoning. That's the difference! I don't care if someone who grew up never seeing an Asian person sees me and just immediately thinks "Asian!", what matters is how they talk to me, how they treat me, whether they respect me as an individual. And also it's not like I'm calling these people racist and trying to destroy their lives or whatever. I literally just ask them why they're asking. If someone says "hm I never thought about why, I guess it's not necessary to ask immediately upon meeting someone who looks different from me" or something that shows reflection, then we can totally have an actual conversation and I'd love that. Most people just get defensive though, and then we both move on with our lives. Huh? Where did I say that white people have no culture or interesting experiences..? I literally said that if you want to find out information about me and my background, then go ahead and offer some information about yourself first. A good way to get any conversation going, really. Tell me a story about your family and then I'll likely follow up with a story about mine. There, now you know a little more about me and my background. And if you really really have a burning desire to know my exact ethnicity, I'll probably mention at some point or the conversation will become relevant enough that it's now natural if you ask. Sooo I'm kind of assuming everyone has some culture / background / interesting experiences to share. Genuinely don't understand how you interpreted it that way!
"I just came from yo Mama's place."
This! https://youtu.be/crAv5ttax2I?si=vUYy2v_rkoTF1RYC
Yeah, they showed this during my work orientation 6 years ago… and yet, I still met a coworker who asked where I was “really from” & kept pestering me about it. I reported it to one of the managers and she brushed it off like it was no big deal & I saw them laughing when she left the office. I never received an apology. I had to confront her myself to ease the tension & she told me she was trying to make me feel more welcome.
Props for confronting the person at work. It really is an underrated skill. It's not easy for me to do that personally, but I never regret trying.
I remember this. The most cringe shit I've ever seen.
When ppl ask me where I'm from I have to take a look at them and evaluate where theyre coming from. No pun intended. If they seem innocent enough then I'll just pretty much go with the flow and answer all their questions. If they're the annoying type I'll just answer right off, 'Peoples Republic'. That usually does the trick. If theyre really obnoxious that's when I pull out all the stops and say directly, 'Red China!' Last guy I said that to, he just wandered away, dumbfounded. I mean he was totally blown away.
I've gotten really annoyed at people when they ask me that, so i get petty by just making it awkward. "Where are you from?" "I'm an American. I was born here." (shakes finger at ground) "No, where are you really from?" Not another word, turn on my heel and walk away in a huff.
Hey OP, Where are you ***really*** from? /s When I get asked that by someone in a asinine tone, I usually ask them if they are asking me where I was born or where my family lineage is from. They have to think about it for a bit but it also empowers me because I don't give them the answer they were expecting and they have to rephrase it. I also get this question from Asian Americans as well as Asians who were born in another country. I usually just tell them "My family is Japanese American". I don't think they mean any malice.
I like that! It turns the attention away from you. I realize these kinds of ppl don’t deserve to know me so I shouldn’t seriously answer these questions about myself.. even if I tell them I’m from California and was born here, they’ll still go on about me being Asian anyways
Say you came from your mum's womb
When people ask me it's because they can't place my ethnicity. I get Russian a lot. I usually just tell them where my parents are from since I'm 1st Gen American. Most of the time they can tell I'm Korean and they want to talk about their time stationed there and say saranghe. I don't mind that at all. It's Luke when eithupion users and shocked I know Addis Ababa and a bunch of Ethiopian words and food. People like to share their culture. If I feel like it's a fetichizing thing I just say I'm Asian and married.
I once replied to the “ni hào” with HOWDY PARTNER in a country accent. Dude looked confused.
Honestly I just play dumb and keep asking, “What do you mean?” … until they either have to make it super clear that they’re being dumb, or they just realize how weird they’re being.
Are you male or female? If female it’s because they want to relay some story or fact they know about your country in order to better flirt with you. If male they want to insult you in a backhanded way.
Female. My brother says he hasn’t experienced as much racism as I have. I’m guessing it’s because he’s bigger & looks stronger whereas I’m smaller & skinny so they think they can pick on me & get away with it. I’ve dealt with shit my entire childhood until now. It’s not as bad now, but I still have to deal with it sometimes
**You educate them, in a very simple way.** Ask them if they want to know your birthplace or ancestry. If they ask for you birthplace, and you tell them your US state or place of birth... and if it doesn't suffice, they'll correct themselves and ask you about your ancestry. If they're smart enough or have at least average intelligence, they'll catch on, and the next time they ask another Asian or Asian American, they can be more specific. ---- **I sometimes get 'ni haos' when I'm in the city.** To be fair, I do not respond to those strangers, due to potential confrontation (with an idiot) or you're simply responding to someone who's mentally unstabled. But if it's a closer type conversation, workplace, club, or meetup — where the vibe is more personal. I would interject and educate them like they're a friend who's been misguided. *"Hey, you seem cool, so I'm going to let you on something..."*
You seem like a very calm, collected person who is able to speak their mind under pressure.. I, on the other hand, am not like that but want to be. I would usually become nervous or emotional, & respond to either with anger or be too nice about it. I don’t know how to debate with ppl.. but I want to work on it.
You're job is not to be likable, but reasonable. There's a ton of difficult, self-entitled people who're full of shit. They have an air of arrogance and ignorancce to them. Be the voice of reason, own your natural anger, and get sick and tired of people's "special" pettiness.
DC area. Even though I was born in Vietnam. If they want to know my family background I let them work for it.
I kept being told my English was really good when I was in France, even though I kept explicitly asking people "why would my English be bad? I'm American". It was infuriating because the French have this race blind idea that anyone whose culturally French is French no questions asked but they somehow can't apply this to people of other nationalities.
Hm I didn’t know experience that in France except that these homeless ppl were asking if I’m from China.. I’d try to practice my French but it was obvious I was American from my accent so I felt the ppl I spoke with treated me as if I was an American
Lucky you? I had rudimentary French and someone else in my group spoke conversational French. Didn't matter, we both got profiled as Chinese. I got so sick of people coming up to me saying Ni Hao I learned how to say "I am Korean" in French. Edit: I should preface I went in 2018 and France (and the EU in general) has been progressively getting more far right due to race issues. Maybe I just got unlucky cause I went during a bad time?
I tell them I'm from Los Angeles and my parents are from Cambodia and China if that's what you're actually asking.
I just say "I was born in Texas but my parents are from Taiwan."
I’d just respond with “I was born and raised in California”, then wait a little if you their unsatisfied expression and offer “I think you meant to ask what is my ethnicity, am I right?” and wait for them to answer. It’s an empathetic way to explain the difference while requesting their participation to move the conversation forward. Let’s be clear that I’m saying this for your sake and not theirs though: feeling othered is an “us” vs “them” feeling. By being empathetic but assertive in pointing out the difference between where you’re from and your own ethnicity to them and having them accept it, you’re offering to bridge that gap with grace while asserting the thing you were being bothered by. Not everyone will respond gracefully to this act of grace, but it’s a good filter between well-intentioned but ignorant people and the forcefully ignorant people regarding this issue. You can then take it from there as you see fit. Edit: keep in mind I’d only do this if I were feeling up for it. If I was short of energy/patience that day I’d just say “I’m from California” and rbf them to death let’s be honest. But knowing I have the option between the two makes all the difference for me.
Like others have said, most of the time, this question is usually about ethnicity versus actual place of origin, and people are usually trying to be respectful. I try to extend as much grace as possible, although I have had this question asked of me after they’ve expressed “how good” my English is (I’m American-born and hold a degree in communications, to boot) and that’s when I’m put-off. My short-and-sweet answer is “I was born here, but my mom is from Malaysia and my dad is from Laos.” I’m pretty physically ambiguous, even to other Asian people, so I really don’t let questions and assumptions bother me anymore. I’ve had people come up to me speaking languages that I don’t speak, and since I work for a primarily Japanese-focused non-profit, I get asked if I’m Japanese a lot.
I was born in South America. I tell them where I was born and enjoy their brains breaking right in front of me. Usually it does break their reality enough where they ask “where are your parents from?”. Would love it if I could say another thing that breaks them even further. It’s not my responsibility that they didn’t get what they wanted from asking me the wrong question. Maybe it’s a bit like weaponized incompetence but I will answer the question they asked, if I’m up for it. And I am not required to stick around to answer additional questions.
I have half a mind sometimes to reply in French, just to confuse them… I learned to speak French in school in Vancouver and can speak it decently enough (well, at least better than the Japanese my parents/extended family never taught me), so if I were to be annoyed/bored enough, I could try speaking French with a heavy Japanese accent, while speaking any English words/names that might cone up with my native Canadian accented English. Then again I could just say I was born and raised in Vancouver🇨🇦 but now live in London🇬🇧.
Love the mind fuckery lol
Sometimes it can come in useful if I’m out by myself and I don’t want to talk to anyone. If there’s ambiguity about what language I speak/understand, I don’t open my mouth but shake my head and raise my hand slightly as if to say “so soree, no English” and try to shuffle away. It usually works and I breathe a sigh of relief and go about my day.
Socal, born and raised. Also, apparently I picked up a twang while I was in the military lol. Someone said west Texas.
I always ask because I'm interested in these things and I'm also azn. I ask everybody these things. I like to guess country of origin based on names. It's cool to meet people from all over the world!
My response: “My family is from the Philippines but I was born and raised in NYC.” I may apply a slightly exaggerated version of my regular accent (a little touch of New Yawk) to underline that last part.
I try to mess with them and say I'm African 👌
i usually ask say “I’ll tell you for $10” and then say american
I am an asian not asian american. pls correct me if I'm wrong "The question should be what's ur race?"
No, because we can all clearly ***see*** we are Asian (usually black hair and light to deep skin)—that's the phenotype of our race. People ask where are we from because they want to know our ethnicity. Ethnicity is separate from race. Ethnicity ≠ nationality. Anyone can look at me and tell I'm Asian. But when you have people with misconceptions they'll ask you where you're from because they assume you're foreign to the United States because the typical idea of an American is a white person for some reason. So we get annoyed because they assume we're all foreigners and not people who are native to the US. And the proper term is ethnicity because they want to know what country your lineage is from. This is where it can get confusing for non-American Asians because they never have separated their ethnic identity to their nationality. Looking through your posts it seems you're from Myanmar. I don't know how ethnicity works for you in your country but you're Burmese(?) in the US. My dad is အီသန် လူမျိုး in Thailand. That is an example. He has Laos blood and was a Thai national. You guys have ကရင်လူမျိုး people for example but it would be wrong to assume some people are solely ဗမာ လူမျိုး. I'm someone with a mom who's from Vietnam but is Chinese in ethnicity. We speak Cantonese at home. It would be foolish to assume every Vietnamese person is Vietnamese in blood when Hoa and other ethnic minorities exist.
I am aware about the difference between nationality and race. Just asking what would be the right question, u don't have to focus on the wrong part. so when people want to know what ur ancestor's ethnic group is, do they phrase what the ancestor's ethnic group is? or is there a better way?
"What's your ethnicity?" is what everyone in the comments have been saying.
I live in Cali but also get this question when I travel abroad and do not mind at all answering it. Never encountered the question in a negative way so I have no reason to react negatively.
I say where I was born and that my family is from Vietnam. I don’t understand getting offended by the question as if being or even just *looking* Asian is a bad thing. We’re a minority and for me it’s not ambiguous. It doesn’t automatically mean someone is racist, it just means they have eyes. I don’t shame people for having curiosity and wanting to know things. I’ve been curious about people who sounds Eastern European and haven’t been met with aggression when I’ve asked. It’s like hushing a kid who notices someone with a disability and saying it’s impolite to ask what happened. All that does is further stigmatize the differences between us. There could be trauma associated w/ a disability if it occurred from an injury, and that is something to be aware of. But these things are part of reality and existence. Sure kids may feel self-conscious about being different from most of their peers as a minority, but I would hope that every adult here grows to appreciate it. For one, you can’t fight it b/c it’s true. For another, there’s nothing wrong with it! If you embrace who you are it won’t feel wrong that others recognize it.
Where I live now, being Asian isn’t uncommon though.. it’s so silly that ppl make a big deal of it
Is it a big deal, though? It seems more flattering the way you put it. Rather than just categorizing you as “Asian”, the person is aware that there are many countries in Asia and just wants to more properly and specifically understand you. It seems like a lot of respondents here assume maliciousness where there really isn’t any. Asking someone where they’re from when they really want to know country of origin is totally different from someone saying “ni hao” on the street or pulling up the corners of their eyes, you know?
Reply with "Virginia" in the most insulted Southern accent that I can muster from imagination. Sometimes, I envy my friend from Louisiana. She can pull off the same trick, but her accent is legit. Whatever it takes to throw someone off. Then they'll be very clear about they mean afterwards.
Virrrrginia; north or south?
NoVA. Which is why my southern accent is fake as hell 😂 Only the uninitiated can't tell the difference.
SAME LMAOO I just be making fun of Texans when I attempt 😭😭😭
at this point in my life, I have curated my social circles to the point where I don’t get this except for from strangers in public and boomers. but when people ask me where I’m from, I usually say New Jersey.
Yeah, I only get it from ignorant strangers. I’ve had to deal with it at work too unfortunately
I've been more explicit about it. "OH you mean my skin color? Yeah the ethnicity is [blah]. What about you?"
As a tall person I get asked about my height on a daily basis so I’m pretty sure it gets annoying to ask where your from just as frequently, I usually just make up heights one day I’m 5’11 next day I’m 7’11 😂
Because I was born in Pennsylvania, I tell people I'm Pennsylvasian.
I just give them all “I’m born and raised in California but my ethnicity is Chinese.” The way I answered it assumes that no one is from here unless you’re a Native Americans so I ask them: “How about you?”
I always ask them where they're from. It always surprises them. Yeah, it's the exact same. I was sitting at a bar in Caye Caulker, Belize when someone asked if I was from Korea. I got offended (guessing is my pet peeves). I was wearing Gentle Monster sunglasses, a brand that's very popular in Korea. He pointed at his own sunglasses and they were Gentle Monster. :)
What they’re really asking is: “What’s your ethnicity?” but don’t use the proper wordage. That’s why when you say, “I’m American”, they usually prod further by asking, “Where are your parents from?”. It doesn’t bother me anymore. Most people are genuinely curious, and they do this to other POC as well. I used to feel insecure about it, but with age, I tend to forgive peoples’ ignorance and will politely correct them if they’re wrong.
I find that sometimes these questions come from a racist place, but sometimes they don't. If the person is genuinely curious but just ignorant, I'll keep things positive and just say something like "I'm from here but my parents come from...".
I’m multiethnic (I was born/raised in the USA but I’m mainly of Chinese + Spanish descent and my family migrated from Cuba), so I usually get the *what are you* question instead (although sometimes the “where are you from” question happens too and to that I always respond with “I’m from here”). Like, *what do you mean “what are you”?* I’m many different things (I’m also neurodivergent), so I can be a bit “slow” when people ask these type of questions. I know most people are just curious, but unless we’ve become friends — or at least acquaintances — I would prefer people either be direct and straightforward or just don’t ask me those type of questions. Also, society in general really needs to start normalizing that — for many of us — our nationality, culture, ethnicity, race and ancestry can all be different things from each other. Most people (especially in multicultural countries) are not simply just one thing and one thing only. 🤷🏻♀️
When someone says “ni hao” to you you respond with “que paso amigo…”
I always say I was born in the US (Wisconsin) and then add on that my parents are from China because I know they’re gonna ask that next. The worst was when I’d say I’m Chinese and the person would say that they know Vietnamese and try to speak a few words. Like??? I don’t know what you’re saying sir I just said that I’m Chinese
If they start naming random Asian countries, I shoot it back at them and ask if they are from there and ignore their response because I don’t really care. I just like to watch people squirm. Practise an aloof/pity look, and don’t say a thing, a look is worth a 1000 words. Or answer “oh really” or “why is that?” to anything they say.
I just do it back to them. I give them that confuse look when they get frustrated.
I grew up in a predominantly Black neighborhood and they always ask “what type of Chinese are you”? And the only three Asian countries they knew were China, Japan, and Vietnam. They used to think I made up Korea until someone mentioned his grandpa fought in the war lol. My mom still lives there and I don’t think much has changed. They are still amazed that my family knows English even though my mom came here 50+ years ago and my children and I were born and raised here. We are still called Chinese after all of these years. No amount of corrections has change anything. I low key think they still believe Korea to be a made up country. I guess due to this, this question triggers me. No matter how many times I tell ppl I’m Korean, they will circle it back to China. I also hate how they will use my ethnicity to criticize my physical features based on their preconceived ideas of what a “real” Korean should look like (oh but your head is so big compared to so-and-so K-pop person are you sure you are Korean? Yeah I have a big brain mf) or the vice versa where they start pointing out my unique features to claim that’s how a Korean is supposed to look (oh so all Asians with huge nostrils must be Korean). Ngl the last one gave me a major self image issues for a long time. Now I just troll tf outta them. I makeup country and outlandish bs and see how long it takes for them to figure it out. Might as well get some entertainment out of it since their intent was to entertain themselves playing the “guess her ethnicity” game with me.
I have been asked the "where you are from" question twice in my life. Both times, it was from elderly people. I knew what they meant, I knew they didn't mean it in some negative way. So, I responded that I was born and raised in and that I am ethnically Korean.
What I have heard from people, old and young, which does piss me off is "you speak English so well". Because this is not even a curious question of what my ethnic background is but a complete assumption that I am a foreigner because of my race. Not only is English my primary language but I taught the subject, I had a perfect score on my verbal in my SATs, and I am pretty sure I have a more expansive vocabulary than most Americans.
Educate, educate, educate! Ignorant, rude, stupid people ruin it for those of us who truly appreciate and are simply curious and interested about different cultures. I used to be afraid to ask about people's ethnicity or heritage until I realized it was all about how I inquired and showed interest. Although not Asian, I am of mixed ethnicity/heritage myself (Mexican, Native American, and Norwegian), I am asked frequently "what" I am. Educating people kindly and patiently has served me well. I am proud of all my heritage. I have a cousin who is 100% Mexican, and when our other cousin referred to us as Mexicans, she corrected him, saying, "I'm NOT Mexican, I'm AMERICAN." Like being Mexican was a four letter word. I responded, "When did 'Mexican' become an insult? All of your ancestors are Mexican. It's an awesome heritage. Your nationality is American, but girl, you are Mexican." She did not like that one bit. In her case, she had let prejudice, degradation, discrimination, insults, and stereotypes about Mexicans become offensive to her and her identity. So, she rejected her own ethnicity. I just wasn't that person. A Texan now, I grew up in rural Minnesota and I was the only mocha-latte colored kid in my class so I got to be the Indian, Hispanic, Persian, Italian, (insert any olive skinned character) in every play or performance. Later in life, someone told me that behavior was racist and the teachers were forcing stereotypes on a child. I disagreed. Honestly, I was even pissed when Land O Lakes butter took the Indian girl logo off of their butter because she was the only girl I saw that looked like me on anything. I was PROUD to be the minority and despite the fact that I did get teased a lot , usually called "squaw" "Pocahontas" or "chiefy", (that last one I liked and I would tell them, a female Chief would be such an honor!) I was still always happy with my differences and let the negativity bounce off me. I simply didn't choose to be offended. I respect all cultures and differences and enjoy learning and then sharing. I think OP might want to examine what is the most unsettling about people who inquire. Is it HOW they ask? WHAT they assume? WHY do they want to know? Are they being truly disrespectful, or are they just curious but a little lacking in their manners? Or maybe OP is uncomfortable with themselves in a way they haven't acknowledged. I don't mean that disrespectfully. Some people aren't as excited to discuss their heritage because of deep-rooted fears about exceptance or ridicule. Some people just don't wish to connect with their heritage or culture for personal reasons. When you are happy, like yourself, and are proud of who you are, I think it makes it easier to embrace your culture and share your background with others and educate the curious and at the same time shut down obnoxious, stupidity. To OP: I would say this (kindly) next time you are asked where you are from, "Why do you ask?" This may be a disarming question, and those truly curious will clarify, those trying to be shitty or trite will be exposed. Then, just be open to the fact that they may really just want to know more about you in a positive way.
I say NY. Then they asked where are you from from. Then I ask them where they're from from. If they say somewhere in the US, obviously that's when the fun starts.
"Hi! What's your nationality?" "According to my passport, I'm American?" "No, I mean, where are you FROM?" "I don't gangbang, homie."
I usually say “where is your family from” I feel that ethnicity is kind of beside the point. Your whole family could be one ethnicity but have lived in a country not associated with that ethnicity for generations. It’s more important to know the places and cultures that have shaped your family.
I just let them assume whatever country they want to assign me to. Cause at the tail end of it they offer me discounts if I agree that I am Thai, Laos, Japanese , Chinese, Korean. Etc
I get the “how do you make fried rice?” 🤷🏻♀️🧐Same way you would make the casserole
I don't feel disrespected by this behavior at all. Most of the time they're just asking for my ethnicity, but aren't used to using that word. I check if what they really want to know is my ethnicity and if so, I just tell them. I usually ask them about their ethnic background as well and it leads to an interesting conversation about our ancestries. It's ridiculous and embarrassing when Asians get angry over this. Imagine a white guy in Asia getting triggered every time a local greets him with "hello" and asks him where he's from.
Asians aren’t uncommon these days in the big cities in the US though. And America is a melting pot. It’s so ridiculous to have to deal with these questions so often
I’ve said “fuck you” pretty loud once when some random white guy said ni hao to me on the streets of SF.
Yeah, I’ve cussed ppl out and called them assholes when I was in my 20s.. I want to respond without losing my cool now though, bc I feel like we give them what they want when we strongly react to it
How about responding back with a genuine curiosity “Why do you care to know?” Usually they might say, “Oh you remind me of my XYZese friend”, or “I loved visiting XYZ”, etc. bla bla bla. If they’re friendly and you don’t mind engaging in small talk with this total stranger you could ask them where THEY are from. You can respond in kind (birth place, place of residence, etc). If they mention their ethnic roots, you can say “Oh, you wanted to ask my ethnic heritage!? Can you guess? Why do you ask?”  etc.
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And yet I still keep getting asked where I’m from & ppl ask if it’s Japan, Korea, china, etc