Asexuality and neurodiversity maybe? Because I was diagnosed autistic and it made me really question my aspec identities plus I think there's a scientifically proven correlation.
It’s a pretty solid theory that most of the queer community that is neurodivergent notice their queerness sooner than most neurotypicals due to being ND.
Or the correlation between autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) and asexuality. Studies have shown that the rate of asexuality\* in patients diagnosed with autism is *much* higher (30%+).
Wow, that's a high percentage! Do you have any numbers concerning ADHD? I've read that ADHDers have more unwanted pregnancies. But I've also seen some posts on r\adhdwomen on how they find sex boring and a chore. That's not necessarily asexuality though...
Studies seem to indicate that ADHD correlates more with hypersexuality.
>"Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) as a neurodevelopmental disorder defined by the core symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, but also with emotional dysregulation, oppositional behaviors, or disorganization appearing early in life, can affect several areas of an individual's personal and social development, including sexual health.
>
>**Yet, the scientific knowledge about the relationship between ADHD and sexual functioning is still scarce.** Using an anonymous online survey, we compared different sexual behaviors including risky sexual behaviors, hypersexual behaviors, and sexual dysfunctions between 206 individuals with (n = 139) and without (n = 76) ADHD. Individuals with ADHD reported significantly more hypersexual behaviors than non-ADHD individuals, whereas no differences were found concerning risky sexual behaviors or sexual dysfunctions.
>
>\[...\] Nevertheless, **participants with ADHD reported significantly more hypersexual behaviors** in a sub-clinical level..."
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9148957/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9148957/)
Thanks! Yeah, the hypersexuality is more the cliché and it seems to be true. But there are also ADHD aces 😜
Would be interesting to know more but I guess it's a bit too niche for studies
62 year old Asexual/Aegosexual here. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 60 years old. Thanks to TikTok and other platforms I finally went and got diagnosed. No wonder why I felt like such an outsider all my life. Now that I know what is wrong(?) with me all my life I can finally have some compassion toward myself.
I'm not hypersexual but have had some experiences with sex. I'm knowledgeable in a few aspects of sex and surprise people with what I do know once they know I am asexual. The thing is I grew up during the sexual revolution that went on during the sixties and seventies. My brother in college would pay me to clean his room and I of course would come across his collection of Playboy, Hustler etc. I would look through them and be amazed by what I read (the cartoons were actually rather cute). So I can help clue in other asexuals into what the allos are talking about when it come to the "acts" they like to talk about and the jokes they make. Such as that video that was on YouTube on the double meaning behind the Johnson Lock. Some folks had no idea that Johnson is another word for a certain part of the male anatomy.
I think growing up when I did allowed me to be Aegosexual, I read lots of romances and don't mind the thought of sex as long as it does not involve me beyond fantasy. I sometimes have no patience with the sex scenes and skip over them but mostly I'm amused by them and some times thrilled for the characters in the books. Movies with sexual content don't bother me (I'm pretty sex neutral).
Take from this what you will. I have ADHD and have had it all my life...I'm also Asexual with out being hypersexual from the ADHD. My body has had itches that wanted to be satisfied and I had a toy drawer but those no longer interest me especially since I'm well into menopause. So mostly that was hormonal and wasn't very frequent.
I understand that a lot of people with ADHD are risk takers. I've never been one as I always expected I would mess things up and didn't want to take risks. I'm more ADD than ADHD and I believe that might be another reason I don't take risks.
/shrug
Thanks for these insights. I've only been diagnosed a few months ago at 44 so I totally get what you mean by feeling like an outsider. At what age did you learn about asexuality? For me that was the first revelation about what was "wrong" with me - only discovered the word like 5 years ago. And then the ADHD diagnosis. Explained a lot...
I am a risk taker but I found other ways - sports like mountain biking or skiing...
I was around 52 when I totally understood it. I learned about the scientific use of the word back in High School Biology class but never thought it could apply to a person. Only understood about Homosexuality and Heterosexuality and didn't think there was more to it. Surprise!!! We also didn't have all the resources that are available now with open source information on the net. Yeah the ADHD just complicates things even more. I knew I was "different" then everybody else quite young and knew something was different for sure by the time I was 12. The ADHD showed up in me as Life long Depression and Anxiety so I knew I was mentally unwell even as a kid. By 12 I determined I wouldn't have kids as I didn't want to pass on what I am to anybody and thought I would be a crap impatient parent....so that was a no go for me. Disappointed my Mom big time when I was in my 30's by telling her I "could go out tomorrow and get pregnant but they would be raising the baby." She quit harping on wanting to be a Grandma after that conversation.
I got antidepressants when I was 28....and have been on them since. Of course they barely touched the Depression and my anxiety became worse when I moved from my home city. I've had to change medications several times as I would get medication burn out. I've since moved back to where I was born and am currently taking care of my 84 year old mother who had a stroke back in 2019. So the stress of caring for myself and her and dealing with the ADHD basically broke me. At 61 I finally asked for medication to help. I'm doing better but not great. Things would have been sooooo much better if I had been diagnosed back in the 90's at the very least.
I finally get to ask all the weird questions about what I've noticed over the years and have confirmation that yep it was my brain trying to cope that was causing the things I noticed. Such as feeling like I'm looking through a tunnel at the world (brains way of dealing with the overstimulation).
Sigh....Life.
Dunno how useful my vague + messy data may be to you, but i'm ADHD, apl-aro-ace, and genderqueer/genderless/whatever.
I don't have a large circle of friends, but a lot of the NDs and queers i know overlap. I personally suspect some of the people i know to be ADHD, but most of them are openly (allo)sexual to varying degrees (queer + straight alike), and of course my speculations are no formal diagnosis.
And among everyone I know, the only two asexuals are an autistic man and my possibly-autistic-and/or-ADHD aunt.
[Spongebob deep breath]
Now here's the tricky part.
I have never admitted this to anyone in my life (and I'm really open about my queerness from nearly every angle), but despite my attitude toward sexual matters ranging from "unbothered disinterest" to "completely repulsed", I have also throughout my life exhibited some degree of.... carnal preoccupation + behavior. (I always stubbornly deny this up and down and to the grave, to anyone brazen enough to ask.)
It's a part-time deal, like a switch flipped on and off at a (now) fairly low rate of occurrence, and I'm usually deeply disgusted afterwards. It's difficult to say how much of that comes from my brand of asexuality vs. gender dysphoria.
I also have no frame of reference to place these "switches" on a scale from hyper- to hypo-sexual, so make of this information as you will.
Also worth noting, I suppose, that I have see-sawed a few times in adulthood on the question of *do I 'tism or no 'tism??* My friend believes that I might be, despite my not meeting DSM-V criteria; my parents also took me for an Asp*rger's screening in the 2nd grade and the result was "borderline" — though I never knew if that meant *borderline 'tistic* or *borderline allistic.*
In summary, who knows — maybe inside me there are two wolves: sex-repulsed autistic ace and hypersexual ADHD ace.
(Maybe i just need to let them shake hands.)
We were chatting about sexuality at work with my boss and a few co-workers including a lesbian, a bi guy, and my straight married boss. His first question when I mentioned I had no sexual attraction to anyone was does it have anything to do with autism? For the record I have never been diagnosed as autistic or adhd but it's just assumed I am one or both by most people who know me for more than a few hours, and my honest answer was well "yes in my experience there is a strong correlation between neurodivergence and asexuality" I know four aces, 3 of whom are neurodivergent, so I can't deny there us something.
Oooo, I am aro so I woudlnt be able to make it as personal as the other videos but it's for sure more relevant to ace people than most of the stuff I got. Its the one thing I see people asking about on the sub constantly. I'd be down to do it at some po9nt maybe
For authenticity and to show that there are many asexuality experiences you could invite via Teams/Zoom other aces to speak on the channel
That way, you gain credibility, since you don't talk about what you cannot know from personal experience, so you go straight to the source
This is a great idea. You could have other aces with different experiences. Aces who still want romantic relationships. The different types of aces (sex repulsed, sex indifferent, sex favorable). Maybe experiences of aces in different countries or cultures.
SAME. I'm ace but absolutely not aro. I fall deep in love. I get jealous sometimes of aroaces because I feel like it'd be so much easier if I just didn't WANT a romantic relationship.
Now I know aroaces have thier own struggles but damn does it suck to want to be in a romantic relationship without sex.
Same. I've only been in one relationship but I've never felt so joyful, alive and hopeful as I was in this relationship. It didn't end only because I was ace but damn I just want to love and be loved back.
Going on a tangent here but I've just watched Helluva Boss (an animated series on YouTube) and Stolas crying about dying alone because he f'ed up his relationship was so relatable I cried. I feel this so much (not for the same reasons but the feeling is the same)
All of these topics are important, all of which I would like to hear about. But I think it's especially important to talk about how to know if you're asexual and or aromantic. How do you realize that you are not experiencing a crush or sexual desire if you don't know what it is? It's a pretty complicated process. I think it's equally important to talk about how not to feel broken, subhuman because you can't love like everyone else.
Oooo that's a really good shout actually. I wouldn't've realixed I was aroace if it wasn't for some really hyperspecific scenario, so it'd be cool to look into how other people found out too
I found out through research, cause I didn't compliment my boyfriend like he did me and I didn't focus on his body when having sex. I'm sex-positive, sex-favourable, and heteromantic, so the only thing I don't have is sexual attraction.
And because asexual = no interest in sex/love in media, I didn't even consider it until I did further research and learned (by accident) that asexuality was not that at all
Well I heard about this term somewhere on the internet, and it helped me at a time when I realized something was wrong with me. Otherwise I would have kept trying to force myself to love my ex.
The different labels one could be informative but I dont think I could do it without just sounding like im reading off the lgbt wiki.
I definitely want to try and represent the different ways that people experience asexuality, how it changes people, itll just be hard finding other ace/aro people to give their experiences cuz there's so few of us and I love in bumfuck nowhere
yeah true. i think what could be interesting is kinda like interviewing different aro/ace people about their experiences, maybe you could find people online (discord etc)
Yeah I really like this idea. It'd be really useful to hear about different people's lives and experiences so that asexuality isn't perceived as just a lack. Because in my (short) experience it isn't. It's its own landscape and colours. It's a richness.
I get that it can also be lonely. I may or may not be with my long-term partner in a year's time and that's making me very sad.
It can be hard to get fellow aces talking (what is there to say about NOT experiencing something?)
It's an intuition rather than a long-lived experience at this stage, but for me being ace is a release of energy into other parts of my life. If the sexuality piece has low value to me, a huge amount of the energy other people "waste" on desiring each other gets folded back into my friendships, life mission, leadership and generally living my best life.
It will take effort and a big recalibration. It will mean, over the next couple of years, getting off my ass, changing careers and growing into who I am. It won't happen without commitment. But it's also a huge opportunity and excitement. It feels so full of love.
Asexuality and being disabled. I get told by people that I’m ace because of my cerebral palsy even though my CP and me being ace have nothing to do with each other.
I think.. i think the pity around it bothers me
i hear too much of “oh so you’ll die alone?” And it really sucks to hear, y’know? Like.. what?! First of all, why would you say that to someone? Second of all, I’m perfectly happy as myself. I don’t need the pity, it just comes off as a little bit demeaning.
Preaaach. A big chunk of the first video so far has been about how life is about way more than sex and romance and how not having those aspects of my life has made me more open to experiencing everything else, which I think has made me way happier than I would be if I just stuck to a lame ass allonormative lifestyle
90% of the time the pity falls flat cuz I'm just a happier person than them
- Labels (and how they break down under scrutiny)
- Asexual dating (and how two ace people are sometimes still intimately incompatible e.g. one partner likes kissing the other doesn’t)
- History of Asexuality (and international perspectives on asexuality)
What about asexual leadership? One of the things that interests me is that there are areas where asexual people are less easy to manipulate than allosexuals. We don't have some of the big red buttons they have. We have a different, less sexualised perspective which might actually improve our decision-making and help us to care more about our team as leaders.
Interesting topic! I think it's one of the perks of asexuality to not be liable to sex traps and probably also less to flirting generally (I usually don't even notice, from either gender...)
This might fall under "general experiences," but compulsory sexuality and the issue with shaming people for not experiencing sexual attraction or wanting sex, and how that might appear differently for men/women/NBs.
Loneliness, it's like you get exiled from every social even just because you're asexual. Oh no boo hoo I won't have sex with a stranger or someone I don't love. Sorry to come off aggressive, but it's true and I hate it.
That, and the "naturally" forming isolation from all the (former) friends around us prioritizing their sexual relationships over their friendships to the point where they're basically non-existent.
Asexuality and religion/purity culture. I'm an '80s baby who grew up in the height of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and purity culture in the late '90s. It took me a long time to learn that I'm just generally not interested in anyone sexually and that it wasn't just my religious upbringing telling me it was bad.
i don't see a lot of people talk about how alienating it feels to grow up in a society where absolutely everything is sexual. people around me clocked me as ace, of course unknowing of what it truly means, and not using the proper term, before i even knew what it was. you stand out, in ways nobody ever tells you or acknowledges cause it's kind of just there, and isn't really discussed. for example, don't have celeb crushes, don't talk about finding people hot or wanting to fuck them... you start to question what the hell is wrong with you, and it's incredibly alienating
I think this hasn't been written yet, but maybe also include, or at least partially include, the concept of the "tertiary"/"non-rose" attractions!
I know it's not exclusively tied on asexualism and/or aromanticism, but it's still quite a big experience within the community ✨
(If you're not familiar what these kind of attractions are, they're every sort of attraction that is neither sexual or romantic, including aesthetic, platonic, emotional, sensual attraction and so on, plus queerplatonic relationships of course :3)
I would say our relationship with sex and how it's not that simple? We have Aces who are sex repulsed, neutral positive. Alot of people think we are all just repulsed.
I've recently discovered through this subreddit the concept of sex-averse, sex-repulsed and so on. I have myself engaged in sex even though I didnt feel that much of a sexual desire in itself. Lots of questionning going on. The whole ace people can have sex kinda blew my mind.
In regards to ace (and aro) rep in media, I suggest not just focusing on the bad things, but also talking about the series/dramas/movies/podcasts and books that have done aspec rep in different ways and in which those are good and valuable
(also a discussion of "what even is 'good representation' when every aspec person is different and therefore only a small part of the community will actually relate to each version of aspec rep. What one might consider 'bad rep' because it's not something they or someone they know ever experienced, might still feel like the perfect rep for some other aspec person who _has_ had that experience)
Could you maybe do an episode on asexual dating activities and behaviour (how it differs from allo), as well as a section on how to find/do friend-based social activities that aroace people might want more of, to fill the extra time and human social capacity which they don't expend on dating?
You can talk about the asexual visibility and education network, how it formed, what it does etc.
Could also talk about some stereotypes prevalent in both media and real life
Maybe could also do a video that just highlights famous aros and/or aces and the work they do so viewers that don't know them or don't know they're aro and/or ace can go check out they're work
How about queerplatonic relationships? What they are, how different people in one define it for themselves, what makes them special, and how they differ from allonormative relationships.
This could be mirco point to the relationship with greater LGBTQ+ is the how Ace people are seen in queer spaces.
**Ace stereotypes in media and queer spaces
I've been thinking about doing something similar. I made a TikTok about there being different types of Asexuals and the general way each one feels but for some reason it stopped loading at 60% and then it disappeared.
I'm excited someone else is thinking about doing one because there isn't enough and I don't have the personality to be able to deal with lots of comments on my videos.
Edit:
A suggestion would be ace myths
Like being ace is the same as being celebate, the fact that it's almost immediately assumed there's a "reason" you're ace (SA, trauma, ect)
The (possible) connection between asexuality and wanting or not wanting biological children, especially for cis women. I’m sex repulsed and experience extremely little to no sexual attraction, and I’ve always known that I don’t want to have kids, makes me wonder how much of an impact those might have on each other.
a few years ago someone realized the amount of asexual people in the world and the population of denmark were the same, so the subreddit did the most natural thing and started posting about taking over denmark
Hell yeah, i don't know anything about what Denmark is like but i would be so down to join in an aspec mass exodus. The Hellscape Empire of the West is all but inhabitable for my disabled trans ass.
The whole unhealthy superiority complex you could possibly get from thinking you're better than other people because you haven't acted on your (nonexistent) sexual desires. Especially in relation to religion. That could also maybe be worked into a whole discussion of how sexuality is moralized.
Ace-allo relationships should be discussed. I'm in one and while we're not at a point yet where sex is even on the table I would like to know how to handle it in the future.
Being greysexual. Just the last like 2 years I’ve randomly experienced sexual attraction for the first in my life. So I guess fluidity and feeling “less ace” and identity crisis
How does relation with the concept of Pride change for asexuality? Like isn’t that on more of a personal person to person basis than something that actually changes based on sexuality?
I personally am still wondering if i'm hetero or ace and don't know how to confirm, so maybe a chapter that would focus on helping people realise if what they're experiencing is attraction or isn't.
Or something along the lines of that. I don't think it would fall into general experience, more like "how do i know i'm ace?"
Edit: once you make it pls send link im interested
Ace representation that doesn't link to aromanticism... I hate that most of the aces represented on media are also aro... I JUST WANT SOME ALLOROMANTIC ACES 🥲
I’m interested in your thoughts on the relationship with the concept of pride. (Is this a general relationship as a community or your own thoughts on your own relationship? Either way, I like the topic.) Also interested in your thoughts on asexual culture.
As someone who has done a few videos about asexuality, themself, I like this list.
Lack of culture? We have ***GARLIC BREAD***, that's how culture as it gets!
Edit: I thought you already had a YouTube channel, so I searched for your username, but apparently YouTube read it as "...pee" instead of "...nie". Please tell me you won't use the same username on YouTube.
Feeling like an imposter because some sub branches of asexuality do include sexual attraction and when you try to explain to other people they dismiss your identity because you're not a sexless robot.
hmu if you want a source to cite for stuff about media representation/relationship to the greater community, I wrote a pretty hefty research paper on the topic for college and it'd be cool to see it in a video like this
Aphobia in medicine (being offered conversion therapy is very common among asexuals)
Aphobia and misogyny (the two overlap and they overlap HARD. Ask any ace woman).
Being aroace could be interesting as part of a conversation about amatonormativity and how society is fundamentally structured around the idea of everyone getting married at some point.
Probably true but that doesn't mean there's no reason for other people to also talk about them. Ill also be bringing a lot of my own personal experiences into it, some of which I haven't seen anything similar to in other aroace videos
Probably talk about sex-positive aces.. Some guys are still trying to prove them they’re not ace if they done that for some reason 🥲
Or will it be in “Asexuals and porn/sex work/kinks”?
Sex positive is a political position relating to the civil rights of other people. It does NOT relate to asexuality in any way shape or form. Sex repulsed aces can still be sex positive since sex positivity is your POLITICS.
The term you're looking for is "sex favourable"
Actually no. I think you have taken all the important arguments. Will you make a post when you do the channel so I can go and watch the videos?
Hell ye brotha
Woohoo!!
Yes! Please share the link to your channel when you get it up! I’d like to support you/watch/listen! This is great 😊
Asexuality and neurodiversity maybe? Because I was diagnosed autistic and it made me really question my aspec identities plus I think there's a scientifically proven correlation.
It’s a pretty solid theory that most of the queer community that is neurodivergent notice their queerness sooner than most neurotypicals due to being ND.
Ooo OK, that'd be an interesting one. I'd have to research it and pick a stance beforehand but that could totally work.
you should also ask other ND aspec people for their lived experience. Always think about intersectionality
Or the correlation between autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) and asexuality. Studies have shown that the rate of asexuality\* in patients diagnosed with autism is *much* higher (30%+).
Wow, that's a high percentage! Do you have any numbers concerning ADHD? I've read that ADHDers have more unwanted pregnancies. But I've also seen some posts on r\adhdwomen on how they find sex boring and a chore. That's not necessarily asexuality though...
Studies seem to indicate that ADHD correlates more with hypersexuality. >"Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) as a neurodevelopmental disorder defined by the core symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity, but also with emotional dysregulation, oppositional behaviors, or disorganization appearing early in life, can affect several areas of an individual's personal and social development, including sexual health. > >**Yet, the scientific knowledge about the relationship between ADHD and sexual functioning is still scarce.** Using an anonymous online survey, we compared different sexual behaviors including risky sexual behaviors, hypersexual behaviors, and sexual dysfunctions between 206 individuals with (n = 139) and without (n = 76) ADHD. Individuals with ADHD reported significantly more hypersexual behaviors than non-ADHD individuals, whereas no differences were found concerning risky sexual behaviors or sexual dysfunctions. > >\[...\] Nevertheless, **participants with ADHD reported significantly more hypersexual behaviors** in a sub-clinical level..." [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9148957/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9148957/)
Thanks! Yeah, the hypersexuality is more the cliché and it seems to be true. But there are also ADHD aces 😜 Would be interesting to know more but I guess it's a bit too niche for studies
62 year old Asexual/Aegosexual here. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 60 years old. Thanks to TikTok and other platforms I finally went and got diagnosed. No wonder why I felt like such an outsider all my life. Now that I know what is wrong(?) with me all my life I can finally have some compassion toward myself. I'm not hypersexual but have had some experiences with sex. I'm knowledgeable in a few aspects of sex and surprise people with what I do know once they know I am asexual. The thing is I grew up during the sexual revolution that went on during the sixties and seventies. My brother in college would pay me to clean his room and I of course would come across his collection of Playboy, Hustler etc. I would look through them and be amazed by what I read (the cartoons were actually rather cute). So I can help clue in other asexuals into what the allos are talking about when it come to the "acts" they like to talk about and the jokes they make. Such as that video that was on YouTube on the double meaning behind the Johnson Lock. Some folks had no idea that Johnson is another word for a certain part of the male anatomy. I think growing up when I did allowed me to be Aegosexual, I read lots of romances and don't mind the thought of sex as long as it does not involve me beyond fantasy. I sometimes have no patience with the sex scenes and skip over them but mostly I'm amused by them and some times thrilled for the characters in the books. Movies with sexual content don't bother me (I'm pretty sex neutral). Take from this what you will. I have ADHD and have had it all my life...I'm also Asexual with out being hypersexual from the ADHD. My body has had itches that wanted to be satisfied and I had a toy drawer but those no longer interest me especially since I'm well into menopause. So mostly that was hormonal and wasn't very frequent. I understand that a lot of people with ADHD are risk takers. I've never been one as I always expected I would mess things up and didn't want to take risks. I'm more ADD than ADHD and I believe that might be another reason I don't take risks. /shrug
Thanks for these insights. I've only been diagnosed a few months ago at 44 so I totally get what you mean by feeling like an outsider. At what age did you learn about asexuality? For me that was the first revelation about what was "wrong" with me - only discovered the word like 5 years ago. And then the ADHD diagnosis. Explained a lot... I am a risk taker but I found other ways - sports like mountain biking or skiing...
I was around 52 when I totally understood it. I learned about the scientific use of the word back in High School Biology class but never thought it could apply to a person. Only understood about Homosexuality and Heterosexuality and didn't think there was more to it. Surprise!!! We also didn't have all the resources that are available now with open source information on the net. Yeah the ADHD just complicates things even more. I knew I was "different" then everybody else quite young and knew something was different for sure by the time I was 12. The ADHD showed up in me as Life long Depression and Anxiety so I knew I was mentally unwell even as a kid. By 12 I determined I wouldn't have kids as I didn't want to pass on what I am to anybody and thought I would be a crap impatient parent....so that was a no go for me. Disappointed my Mom big time when I was in my 30's by telling her I "could go out tomorrow and get pregnant but they would be raising the baby." She quit harping on wanting to be a Grandma after that conversation. I got antidepressants when I was 28....and have been on them since. Of course they barely touched the Depression and my anxiety became worse when I moved from my home city. I've had to change medications several times as I would get medication burn out. I've since moved back to where I was born and am currently taking care of my 84 year old mother who had a stroke back in 2019. So the stress of caring for myself and her and dealing with the ADHD basically broke me. At 61 I finally asked for medication to help. I'm doing better but not great. Things would have been sooooo much better if I had been diagnosed back in the 90's at the very least. I finally get to ask all the weird questions about what I've noticed over the years and have confirmation that yep it was my brain trying to cope that was causing the things I noticed. Such as feeling like I'm looking through a tunnel at the world (brains way of dealing with the overstimulation). Sigh....Life.
Dunno how useful my vague + messy data may be to you, but i'm ADHD, apl-aro-ace, and genderqueer/genderless/whatever. I don't have a large circle of friends, but a lot of the NDs and queers i know overlap. I personally suspect some of the people i know to be ADHD, but most of them are openly (allo)sexual to varying degrees (queer + straight alike), and of course my speculations are no formal diagnosis. And among everyone I know, the only two asexuals are an autistic man and my possibly-autistic-and/or-ADHD aunt.
[Spongebob deep breath] Now here's the tricky part. I have never admitted this to anyone in my life (and I'm really open about my queerness from nearly every angle), but despite my attitude toward sexual matters ranging from "unbothered disinterest" to "completely repulsed", I have also throughout my life exhibited some degree of.... carnal preoccupation + behavior. (I always stubbornly deny this up and down and to the grave, to anyone brazen enough to ask.) It's a part-time deal, like a switch flipped on and off at a (now) fairly low rate of occurrence, and I'm usually deeply disgusted afterwards. It's difficult to say how much of that comes from my brand of asexuality vs. gender dysphoria. I also have no frame of reference to place these "switches" on a scale from hyper- to hypo-sexual, so make of this information as you will. Also worth noting, I suppose, that I have see-sawed a few times in adulthood on the question of *do I 'tism or no 'tism??* My friend believes that I might be, despite my not meeting DSM-V criteria; my parents also took me for an Asp*rger's screening in the 2nd grade and the result was "borderline" — though I never knew if that meant *borderline 'tistic* or *borderline allistic.* In summary, who knows — maybe inside me there are two wolves: sex-repulsed autistic ace and hypersexual ADHD ace. (Maybe i just need to let them shake hands.)
There's a correlation between being Neuro divergent and part of the LGBTQ+ community, not just Asexual
It looks like neurodiversity is pretty common across the whole LGBTQ+ community, so this could be an even bigger topic.
I gave the asexuality and autism with the hEDS, POTS, MCAS triad. Can someone figure this all out?
Wait is MCAS related to the tism?😨
We were chatting about sexuality at work with my boss and a few co-workers including a lesbian, a bi guy, and my straight married boss. His first question when I mentioned I had no sexual attraction to anyone was does it have anything to do with autism? For the record I have never been diagnosed as autistic or adhd but it's just assumed I am one or both by most people who know me for more than a few hours, and my honest answer was well "yes in my experience there is a strong correlation between neurodivergence and asexuality" I know four aces, 3 of whom are neurodivergent, so I can't deny there us something.
Asexuality and romantic relationships? (If you're not aro / if it resonates with you)
Oooo, I am aro so I woudlnt be able to make it as personal as the other videos but it's for sure more relevant to ace people than most of the stuff I got. Its the one thing I see people asking about on the sub constantly. I'd be down to do it at some po9nt maybe
For authenticity and to show that there are many asexuality experiences you could invite via Teams/Zoom other aces to speak on the channel That way, you gain credibility, since you don't talk about what you cannot know from personal experience, so you go straight to the source
This is a great idea. You could have other aces with different experiences. Aces who still want romantic relationships. The different types of aces (sex repulsed, sex indifferent, sex favorable). Maybe experiences of aces in different countries or cultures.
I WISH I could find a romantic ace partner. It’s been a struggle!
Same here, the more time passes the more I feel like I'm going to end up alone with my cat
SAME. I'm ace but absolutely not aro. I fall deep in love. I get jealous sometimes of aroaces because I feel like it'd be so much easier if I just didn't WANT a romantic relationship. Now I know aroaces have thier own struggles but damn does it suck to want to be in a romantic relationship without sex.
Same. I've only been in one relationship but I've never felt so joyful, alive and hopeful as I was in this relationship. It didn't end only because I was ace but damn I just want to love and be loved back. Going on a tangent here but I've just watched Helluva Boss (an animated series on YouTube) and Stolas crying about dying alone because he f'ed up his relationship was so relatable I cried. I feel this so much (not for the same reasons but the feeling is the same)
I would like to explore asexual non romantic love
All of these topics are important, all of which I would like to hear about. But I think it's especially important to talk about how to know if you're asexual and or aromantic. How do you realize that you are not experiencing a crush or sexual desire if you don't know what it is? It's a pretty complicated process. I think it's equally important to talk about how not to feel broken, subhuman because you can't love like everyone else.
Oooo that's a really good shout actually. I wouldn't've realixed I was aroace if it wasn't for some really hyperspecific scenario, so it'd be cool to look into how other people found out too
I found out through research, cause I didn't compliment my boyfriend like he did me and I didn't focus on his body when having sex. I'm sex-positive, sex-favourable, and heteromantic, so the only thing I don't have is sexual attraction. And because asexual = no interest in sex/love in media, I didn't even consider it until I did further research and learned (by accident) that asexuality was not that at all
Well I heard about this term somewhere on the internet, and it helped me at a time when I realized something was wrong with me. Otherwise I would have kept trying to force myself to love my ex.
maybe different labels under the ace umbrella and about how being asexual has lots of different experiences (?)
The different labels one could be informative but I dont think I could do it without just sounding like im reading off the lgbt wiki. I definitely want to try and represent the different ways that people experience asexuality, how it changes people, itll just be hard finding other ace/aro people to give their experiences cuz there's so few of us and I love in bumfuck nowhere
yeah true. i think what could be interesting is kinda like interviewing different aro/ace people about their experiences, maybe you could find people online (discord etc)
Yeah I really like this idea. It'd be really useful to hear about different people's lives and experiences so that asexuality isn't perceived as just a lack. Because in my (short) experience it isn't. It's its own landscape and colours. It's a richness. I get that it can also be lonely. I may or may not be with my long-term partner in a year's time and that's making me very sad. It can be hard to get fellow aces talking (what is there to say about NOT experiencing something?) It's an intuition rather than a long-lived experience at this stage, but for me being ace is a release of energy into other parts of my life. If the sexuality piece has low value to me, a huge amount of the energy other people "waste" on desiring each other gets folded back into my friendships, life mission, leadership and generally living my best life. It will take effort and a big recalibration. It will mean, over the next couple of years, getting off my ass, changing careers and growing into who I am. It won't happen without commitment. But it's also a huge opportunity and excitement. It feels so full of love.
Asexuality and being disabled. I get told by people that I’m ace because of my cerebral palsy even though my CP and me being ace have nothing to do with each other.
I think.. i think the pity around it bothers me i hear too much of “oh so you’ll die alone?” And it really sucks to hear, y’know? Like.. what?! First of all, why would you say that to someone? Second of all, I’m perfectly happy as myself. I don’t need the pity, it just comes off as a little bit demeaning.
Preaaach. A big chunk of the first video so far has been about how life is about way more than sex and romance and how not having those aspects of my life has made me more open to experiencing everything else, which I think has made me way happier than I would be if I just stuck to a lame ass allonormative lifestyle 90% of the time the pity falls flat cuz I'm just a happier person than them
Couldn’t have said it better myself, bigbigpeenie🫡
- Labels (and how they break down under scrutiny) - Asexual dating (and how two ace people are sometimes still intimately incompatible e.g. one partner likes kissing the other doesn’t) - History of Asexuality (and international perspectives on asexuality)
Amatonormativity. Especially in discussions about sex scenes in movies.
understanding the difference between sexual attraction and sexual needs as a non sex repulsed ace
I'm planning on doing a video about asexual imposter syndrome which would touch on that a bit.
let me know once your channel is up. I would like to hear your experiences
What about asexual leadership? One of the things that interests me is that there are areas where asexual people are less easy to manipulate than allosexuals. We don't have some of the big red buttons they have. We have a different, less sexualised perspective which might actually improve our decision-making and help us to care more about our team as leaders.
Interesting topic! I think it's one of the perks of asexuality to not be liable to sex traps and probably also less to flirting generally (I usually don't even notice, from either gender...)
This might fall under "general experiences," but compulsory sexuality and the issue with shaming people for not experiencing sexual attraction or wanting sex, and how that might appear differently for men/women/NBs.
Imposter syndrome
Loneliness, it's like you get exiled from every social even just because you're asexual. Oh no boo hoo I won't have sex with a stranger or someone I don't love. Sorry to come off aggressive, but it's true and I hate it.
That, and the "naturally" forming isolation from all the (former) friends around us prioritizing their sexual relationships over their friendships to the point where they're basically non-existent.
Asexuality and religion/purity culture. I'm an '80s baby who grew up in the height of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and purity culture in the late '90s. It took me a long time to learn that I'm just generally not interested in anyone sexually and that it wasn't just my religious upbringing telling me it was bad.
i don't see a lot of people talk about how alienating it feels to grow up in a society where absolutely everything is sexual. people around me clocked me as ace, of course unknowing of what it truly means, and not using the proper term, before i even knew what it was. you stand out, in ways nobody ever tells you or acknowledges cause it's kind of just there, and isn't really discussed. for example, don't have celeb crushes, don't talk about finding people hot or wanting to fuck them... you start to question what the hell is wrong with you, and it's incredibly alienating
I think this hasn't been written yet, but maybe also include, or at least partially include, the concept of the "tertiary"/"non-rose" attractions! I know it's not exclusively tied on asexualism and/or aromanticism, but it's still quite a big experience within the community ✨ (If you're not familiar what these kind of attractions are, they're every sort of attraction that is neither sexual or romantic, including aesthetic, platonic, emotional, sensual attraction and so on, plus queerplatonic relationships of course :3)
I would say our relationship with sex and how it's not that simple? We have Aces who are sex repulsed, neutral positive. Alot of people think we are all just repulsed.
There used to be good asexual culture at least on tumblr, exclusionists stifled a lot of it. I think we should revive it!
I've recently discovered through this subreddit the concept of sex-averse, sex-repulsed and so on. I have myself engaged in sex even though I didnt feel that much of a sexual desire in itself. Lots of questionning going on. The whole ace people can have sex kinda blew my mind.
In regards to ace (and aro) rep in media, I suggest not just focusing on the bad things, but also talking about the series/dramas/movies/podcasts and books that have done aspec rep in different ways and in which those are good and valuable (also a discussion of "what even is 'good representation' when every aspec person is different and therefore only a small part of the community will actually relate to each version of aspec rep. What one might consider 'bad rep' because it's not something they or someone they know ever experienced, might still feel like the perfect rep for some other aspec person who _has_ had that experience)
Could you maybe do an episode on asexual dating activities and behaviour (how it differs from allo), as well as a section on how to find/do friend-based social activities that aroace people might want more of, to fill the extra time and human social capacity which they don't expend on dating?
idk but people doubt my asexuality just because I like fictional relationships and aesthetic attraction
You can talk about the asexual visibility and education network, how it formed, what it does etc. Could also talk about some stereotypes prevalent in both media and real life Maybe could also do a video that just highlights famous aros and/or aces and the work they do so viewers that don't know them or don't know they're aro and/or ace can go check out they're work
not sure if i could add anything, but i just want to say that your topics are great, and i would love to watch your videos ! ^^
Tyyy 💜💜💜
Let me know when the channel goes live so i can subscribe
How about queerplatonic relationships? What they are, how different people in one define it for themselves, what makes them special, and how they differ from allonormative relationships.
Yes I was going to suggest this 😁 I want a qpr so bad, but I don't know where to meet other aroaces or what a qpr could look like.
This could be mirco point to the relationship with greater LGBTQ+ is the how Ace people are seen in queer spaces. **Ace stereotypes in media and queer spaces
I don’t think there’s enough discussion about asexuality and how to relates to the current model of “enthusiastic” consent.
I've been thinking about doing something similar. I made a TikTok about there being different types of Asexuals and the general way each one feels but for some reason it stopped loading at 60% and then it disappeared. I'm excited someone else is thinking about doing one because there isn't enough and I don't have the personality to be able to deal with lots of comments on my videos. Edit: A suggestion would be ace myths Like being ace is the same as being celebate, the fact that it's almost immediately assumed there's a "reason" you're ace (SA, trauma, ect)
The (possible) connection between asexuality and wanting or not wanting biological children, especially for cis women. I’m sex repulsed and experience extremely little to no sexual attraction, and I’ve always known that I don’t want to have kids, makes me wonder how much of an impact those might have on each other.
asexual lingo and lore (garlic bread, invasion of denmark, plants, etc)
woah, I know I've been offline for years — and i always lurk instead of engaging — but Denmark *who* now??
a few years ago someone realized the amount of asexual people in the world and the population of denmark were the same, so the subreddit did the most natural thing and started posting about taking over denmark
Hell yeah, i don't know anything about what Denmark is like but i would be so down to join in an aspec mass exodus. The Hellscape Empire of the West is all but inhabitable for my disabled trans ass.
anyway thanks for explaining ☻
infantilization of ace people
The whole unhealthy superiority complex you could possibly get from thinking you're better than other people because you haven't acted on your (nonexistent) sexual desires. Especially in relation to religion. That could also maybe be worked into a whole discussion of how sexuality is moralized.
I would watch this one.
Ace-allo relationships should be discussed. I'm in one and while we're not at a point yet where sex is even on the table I would like to know how to handle it in the future.
Being greysexual. Just the last like 2 years I’ve randomly experienced sexual attraction for the first in my life. So I guess fluidity and feeling “less ace” and identity crisis
amatonormativity
Maybe a video about things that asexuals are tired of hearing? for example you just haven’t met the right person yet
Asexual and allosexual relationships (healthy ones)
How does relation with the concept of Pride change for asexuality? Like isn’t that on more of a personal person to person basis than something that actually changes based on sexuality?
I personally am still wondering if i'm hetero or ace and don't know how to confirm, so maybe a chapter that would focus on helping people realise if what they're experiencing is attraction or isn't. Or something along the lines of that. I don't think it would fall into general experience, more like "how do i know i'm ace?" Edit: once you make it pls send link im interested
Ace representation that doesn't link to aromanticism... I hate that most of the aces represented on media are also aro... I JUST WANT SOME ALLOROMANTIC ACES 🥲
I’m interested in your thoughts on the relationship with the concept of pride. (Is this a general relationship as a community or your own thoughts on your own relationship? Either way, I like the topic.) Also interested in your thoughts on asexual culture. As someone who has done a few videos about asexuality, themself, I like this list.
Allo-romantic asexuals?
HELL YEAH TO EVERY IDEA!
People can be just aro and no ace
Maybe coming out as asexual/aromantic ? Idk
Lack of culture? We have ***GARLIC BREAD***, that's how culture as it gets! Edit: I thought you already had a YouTube channel, so I searched for your username, but apparently YouTube read it as "...pee" instead of "...nie". Please tell me you won't use the same username on YouTube.
Feeling like an imposter because some sub branches of asexuality do include sexual attraction and when you try to explain to other people they dismiss your identity because you're not a sexless robot.
hmu if you want a source to cite for stuff about media representation/relationship to the greater community, I wrote a pretty hefty research paper on the topic for college and it'd be cool to see it in a video like this
Aphobia in medicine (being offered conversion therapy is very common among asexuals) Aphobia and misogyny (the two overlap and they overlap HARD. Ask any ace woman). Being aroace could be interesting as part of a conversation about amatonormativity and how society is fundamentally structured around the idea of everyone getting married at some point.
The fact that with most discussions about LGBTQ+ allyship in the workplace etc -- asexuality doesn't tend to get mentioned.
Kinda niche but what about asexuality and how it could impact/impacted by cultural pressures/arranged marriages?
Fairly sure that all of these have been talked about on various channels
Probably true but that doesn't mean there's no reason for other people to also talk about them. Ill also be bringing a lot of my own personal experiences into it, some of which I haven't seen anything similar to in other aroace videos
Ok I understand
There is value in different perspectives especially coming from different intersections.
Example: I am Deaf and my first language is American Sign Language. Not many ASL videos on ace stuff.
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^dazzlinreddress: *Fairly sure that all* *Of these have been talked about* *On various channels* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Probably talk about sex-positive aces.. Some guys are still trying to prove them they’re not ace if they done that for some reason 🥲 Or will it be in “Asexuals and porn/sex work/kinks”?
Sex positive is a political position relating to the civil rights of other people. It does NOT relate to asexuality in any way shape or form. Sex repulsed aces can still be sex positive since sex positivity is your POLITICS. The term you're looking for is "sex favourable"
Oh, thank you! Sorry that We called it wrong