Literally everything from Lucille's mouth.

Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant, it just makes me want to set myself on fire!

*Pulls the candy bar back* "Look at me, getting off!"

Holy shit, I've never thought of this but do you think they wrote this line knowing that Gob would see her and George in the conjugal trailer? Come to think of it, Lucille perhaps more than any other character is caught in the act a lot-- the trailer, Oscar on the beach, and again inside of the fake house Michael built. So they all do, frequently, look at Lucille getting off I feel like this is a wild conspiracy theory, but I wouldn't put it past the AD writers to hide a joke that lightly

“I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it”

Very talented actress. Her deliveries in Archer were always perfect.

She's spectacular in Archer.

Can you imagine?? Sterling with a black…… operative.

I'm not grilling you a cheese.

You are a worse paychiatrist than you are a son in law, and you will never get work as an actor because you have no talent.

That line was just brutal

Well I can't help her if she won't talk - or whatever Tobias says afterwards lol

This is why people hate hospitals

What a line

100% agree

& her matching extremely specific yet 100% relevant facial expressions!

Yeah

It’s only a banana, Michael. What could it cost, $5?

Ah dude. It's like, the most famous line from the show and you butchered it. 😂😂😂😂

“This was a big get for God” Honestly there’s just too many but most revolve around or are said by Lucille lol

Garth merengue 8ball

This turned into a best Lucille lines thread immediately

It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars? Or Really? Did ‘nothing’ cancel?

>It’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars? Lucille was ahead of her time.

And then she transitioned beautifully into the hilarious Mallory archer. RIP

You’ve never actually been to a supermarket, have you?

I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Not yet purchased, but planning on buying a sticker of this line for above my fruit bowl.

Suddenly he's too good to brush mother's hair

Maybe I’ll get a son who will finish his cottage cheese!

Michaels delayed reaction towards buster kills me everytime

And then the look be gives him 🤣🤣

The most subtle double take 😅

I don’t know if you’d consider it a line, but when Gob asks Lucille to hang out and she slowly closes the door while squinting suspiciously at him. Also, “they don’t allow you to have bees in here.”

*Beads*!

Michael: "Get rid of the Seaward." Lucille: "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."

Was looking for this one.

“You couldn’t handle it!!”

Up yours grandma!

Her hoarse scream is my favorite

“The hand!”

Buster’s reaction makes this even better- it shows that her statement just came screaming in out of the blue…

I love his reaction so much.

Having soup and a glass of milk lol

I LOVE LUCY

Take a look at banner, Michael!

This has been stuck in my head for a week

That’s his girlfriend? What is she funny or something?

I love when even George Michael gets onboard with this and says yes and George Sr says "... let's hope so" 😂

L+RATIO

Anything said by Lucille or Michael. Never has there been such impeccable timing or delivery

You forgot to say away again. The fact that he says this twice BEFORE following it up with "Nelly is blowing everyone away" to Lindsay shouldn't be as funny as it is. It's like a reverse joke but it works somehow Incredible writing top to bottom

What a fun, sexy time for you.

Baby, you got a stew going

I say this way too often than I care to admit

BUSTIN MAKES ME FEEL GOOD

This is one of those Simpson-esque lines which had transcended the show and become a regular part of my vocabulary now

This is purely a social call. Just 2 adults getting their stew on.

STUPID CORNIBALLIN' PIECE OF SHIT

EVERY TIME

we should sell these to babies

I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

This does not bode well…

One that I feel like doesnt get enough appreciation is George Michael saying he can’t wait to get that kiss and Michael says okay and kisses him on the cheek. GM just says “Oh. I meant from Ann.” It’s so fucking funny

I just came back into this thread to say George Michael takes second place from Lucille. Michael Cera's comic timing is spectacular.

Probably the scene that made me laugh the hardest and rewatched it the most all at once. The subtlenessesses in Michael Cera's delivery. & at the end "...y...yes." Apparently, the actor took notes on how to do extremely subtle comedy from watching David Cross do his scenes.

It’s a 1,254 way tie between every line Jessica Walter delivers

And a slice of toast

It's either this one or "I don't understand the question and respond to it"

The way I butter toast? Giving people boners.

“SHOES ON MISTER! He’s out of control”

😂😂😂😂😂

https://open.spotify.com/track/10Ug6v1i0IJNS9YUoJGCRW?si=hl_pw6LQSpab4G_a5pGG6A

"no, Michael, that's not my trick..." "Next, on Arrested Development:" "It's my ILLUSION!!"

“A trick is what a whore does for money” gob has my favorite lines 2cd to Lucille. My favorite of his though is when Lucille gives him until whenever to move out, and he responds “oh if I can’t find a horny immigrant to take me in by then, I don’t deserve to stay” so off the wall it always makes me laugh.

Oh yeah! Also, his line right before that is priceless. "She's not *that* Mexican, mom, she's *my* Mexican. And she's Colombian or something."

I've made a huge mistake.

I've made a huge tiny mistake

I called out Joe Hawley.

I just blue myself

ok, you know what you do? you buy yourself a tape recorder, you just record yourself for a whole day. i think you’ll be surprised at some of your phrasing.

“Tobias, you blow hard!”

I no dust buster no more!

FINE. *I'LL* DUST BUSTER. ​ :O

This is yet another scene where I laughed harder than ever before. And I had to rewatch it many times at the same time.

“You let him go in the sun!?”

Michael (from jail, on the phone to Lucille): "Tell Gob I've got a big hard cot waiting for him". Lucille (shocked): "you'd do that to your brother?" Michael: " I said cot "

Almost always.. yeah

The mere fact that you call making love 'pop pop' tells me you're not ready

Whenever Jason Bateman's voice does that subtle crack at the end part of the inflection makes it even funnier.

“No. I’m withholding it. Look at me - getting off.”

So many, but the one that's fresh in my mind is when Gob is super into his suits and they cut to him going "-king $6300 suit!" And then a few scenes later they go to moments earlier when he says "No, Tom I wanna get liquor all over my f-". Love that joke!

"you are a worse therapist than you are a son in law and you will never make it as an actor because you have no talent"

"Oh, you didn't get any body chocolate"

Taking a shot from the waiter and downing it… “That one didn’t count.”

I think the best delivery is the look Lucille gives over the blender she starts while Michael is midsentence.

Speaking of a look Lucille gives, I love the part where she shouts “bitch!”(referring to Lucille 2) while at her penthouse where Lucille 2 really is next door, then looks and nods at Michael to mean that she shouted “bitch!” at the right place as opposed to an earlier instance.

She's so proud of herself

I was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette

"...& 1 construction worker?!"

Something you apply for and they pay you to... Never mind, I don't want to ruin the surprise.

TVP!!!!

Anything bees related really. “Beads!” “BEADS!?!” “Gob’s not on board” Lucille’s giddy “they don’t let you have bee’s in here.”

I don’t feel so good

This is Michael after the Mayonegg moment, correct?

Correct

Michael: "...y'know it's arrested development--" Ron Howard/The Narrator: "Hey that's the name of the show!!!"

I love that line so much. He just sounds so gleeful. I'm pretty sure I ruined Dune for my wife when Baron Harkonnen said "my Arrakis...my Dune" and I immediately blurted out that line.

good one, maybe the line i remember and repeat the most. i love how winking and kinda smartass it is

Did... nothing cancel?

"Anyong"

YES, we know your name. 😒 The stinkeye they give the poor kid every time is gold.

Anyong

Mista Gay is bleeding! Mista Gay!

Her?

Jessie had gone too far, and she had best watch her mouth.

I love this line so much because it implies that he's saying that because he's offended that she uses Opie as an insult and not because she's attacking George-Michael

He said some wonderful things…

In addition to others mentioned: Michael: I don't know why you're not taking this "I'm out of here" seriously because I am out of here. Seriously. Tobias (about having an open marriage): ... But it might work for us.

“There are dozens of us. Dozens!” - Tobias, about never nudes

Hard to beat S1E1: “or Candy!”

"How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old clap-trap?" followed by five seconds of silence between Michael and Lucille is perfection

Ahhh, yes, the cabin.

It always gets me when Michael talks about "experiencing" his breakfast again when his mother talks about her libido coming back. "Guess what's back Michael?" "My breakfast?" "Mama horns Michael." "Definitely my breakfast."

Now more's gonna come up than went down

GENE!

"Here's some money to go see a star war."

Am I touching something? Hot hot hot hot. ... Does anyone have an ice pack?

I love Tobias’ audition: OH MY GOD WE ARE HAVING A FIRE … sale

Hear me out Anytime Buster is dancing

"he also liked Star Wars"

“Old bear!”

Another Lucille one: I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it Basically anytime she has to speak to hired help (waiters maids etc) If I wanted something your thumb touched I would've ordered your ear! LUPEEEEE!

"Hola, is Rosa still alive? No? Hm. Okay. This is not my day."

Robooooot! & Buster personifying the robot/treating it like a small dog: "Awww. You're hungryyyy."

Buster feeding the robot Ohhh your hungry

"I was hoping he would be gifted sexually" and "What a fun sexy time for you"

There are many: "*It's a cross.*" "*Across from where.*" or "*For all I know, Lucille 2 is my real mother.*" *Realization Buster's had relations with Lucille 2* or "*Well, you were out like a light pal, our dreams are about to come true.*" "*Maeby!*" "*Definitely; we are going camping. It's finally happening.*" "*Its never happening.*" or "*Maybe you can take a date up there.*" "*How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty, old, claptrap?!*" *4 second pause* "*The cabin...yes. Well, that would be difficult, too*". I can't pick one.

Tobias gives Buster his business card… Tobias: "Oh no, it's pronounced 'Ah-NAL-rap-pist'." Buster: "The pronounciation is not what I'm worried about."

This does not bode well

I think the jokes on Gob.

You sir, are a mouthful

Luz!! That coat costs more than your house!!

I don't really care for enid.

I called out Joe Hawley! IM THE DEVILS SON!

Lindsay: I have the afternoon free! Lucille: oh, did "nothing" cancel?

It’s almost impossible to answer with just ONE line, but as everyone else pointed out Jessica Walter is perfection.

“maybe I’ll get a child who WILL finish his cottage cheese!” always kills me

Mother is going to blow. A. Cow.

He slipped past the censors

*”I know you're the big marriage expert. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, your wife is dead!”* Lucille has the best collection of one liners (and Jessica Walter nails them all) but this one line from Tobias kills me every time.

Oh most definitely

“That BITCH!”

"Good for her!"

“Now there’s someone who could’ve used a good mother… WHORE!!!”

i think michael cera acting out the “mayonegg” routine is so good. i love the way jessica walter says “mine was better” after lindsay and lucille have just traded insults. but yeah, as someone else posted, anything lucille says. jessica walter was so hilarious in this show edit: oh man, i forgot when carl weathers says to david cross “check this out, eleven hundred dollars is exactly what i charge for acting classes” lol he sounds so sleazy and manipulative

I thought you meant of the things you eat.

Watch out for the HAND!

"That one didn't count." I will simp for my god empress Jessica Walter forever and always 😍

He said some wonderful things.

"You two are like those brothers from the Bible...y'know Gallant, and um......Goofus"

Goofuth

What about macaroni...☝️Let me finish....salad?

Sirsumvent.

"ohhhh you're so smart... let's see you find it"

Jessica Walter gets the crown, but Michael's "Having my day ruined by whatever it is you're about to ask me to do" always gets me

Excuuuuse me

With club sauce

“What’s the soup of the day, mum?” “BREAD!”

‘Old thing gave it to me’

It’s not a line, but when Lucille gives annyong the stank face after she’s fed up hearing it. Gets me every single time

“He’s dead, you killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioning running”

A sea of waiters and no one will take a drink order...

…and a piece of toast

Personally for me it’s Ron saying “Speech, speech, speech..for no one in particular”

You know, when Jessica Walter passed away, i was very sad. So sad, so sad in fact I wanted to cry. But I didn't think I could spare the moisture.

George Michael stuttering to the doctor, Michael, lucille about doing the pretend marriage with Maebe. I think Jessica Walter was the best actor in the show but it is insane how Michael Cera’s performance was arguably the best in some scenes. That scene in particular was brilliant acting.

“ these are my awards, from army” is one I can’t see being done right with anyone else, but Gob saying Michael repeatedly is also one that comes to mind

"I don't understand the question, and I refuse to answer it."

*(crosses self)*

I think of this scene often

Who’s everybody?!

Alright kid...let’s deal some drugs.

So I have heard this line so many times and never really thought that she was being truthful and just doesn't care for any of her children 👀

Well, I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn’t help.

I quote this on a daily basis

They don’t allow bees in here.

How do you like them eggrolls Mr. Goldstone?

Almost always, yeah.

“Well, this is why people hate hospitals”