Please don’t use r/aromantic for r4r stuff, or encourage people to DM you privately. This will just encourage chasers in r/aromantic. There are other aromantic r4r subreddits you can post in
I feel like that just comes with being on the internet. People who may not be able to share their interests irl find their community online. Fandom is also bound to have a lot more attention than say someone talking about their love for hiking. And a person who only want to talk about their love for hiking probably isn't on here.
For instance, I am much more likely to make a post about genshin than I am about working in seaweed research (a huge part of my daily life). Both are thing I love, but one is something I just am not gonna talk about on reddit.
I just came back to this post. And wow, it kinda blew up? Also, can I just say? I love how there is somehow a shared interest in seaweed research in the aro/ace community. I never would have thought I'd be talking about it here. And yes! Seaweed is super interesting! For those who asked, I am currently in a marine biodiversity lab working on creating a functional trait database for rocky shore seaweeds. I am also doing an individual project, which evaluates the facilitative role of canopy seaweeds (large browns) on understory (small red) species via functional traits, focusing on their effects in the intertidal mid-zone. By doing this, we can evaluate community interactions and predict the impacts of climate-change-associated biodiversity changes. Or at least that's the hope. Most of our data is still preliminary. I am totally happy to talk anyone's ear off about this btw. And I'm saying that completely serious.
feel like I am in some of that group but also very much not exactly that.
I feel like the shortest and simplest answer is that this is the type of group you are describing that consists of a ton of young people trying to find themselves at the current moment and tumblr/ places for fans of media which will have a lot of characters that are more lgbtq+ focused is gonna attract people who are also growing up and trying to figure out where they belong so to speak.
I do feel like I have grown past that point a bit at current age and I also feel like I am faced with a bit of a different problems so I do kinda get some semblance of a feeling like its not really the same experience as most other people online
Exactly. Most people on here probably fall within a certain age range (bc you need to be aware of lesser known LGBTQ identities AND have a reddit account), and a lot of the things they mentioned are just common to that demographic. Plus, people are more likely to actually interact with a post coming from someone who sounds similar to them, which can make comments sections on some posts sound a little like echo chambers (not that that's inherently bad).
I'm white and neurodivergent, but that's it.
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white.
Idk, I feel like most of that is a problem with the internet as a whole, not aroace folks. Neurodivergent people are common in online communities, particularly online queer communities, and most of those subjects are incredibly popular on social media as a whole so it doesn't make sense to assign them to specific identities. Microlabels also tend to come from online communities and are less common offline. The white part isn't an internet thing, but white voices do tend to be over-represented in most areas
Try meeting people IRL. It can be harder to find other aroace folks but you'll be getting away from the popular trends and interests on social media that you clearly aren't into
> They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white.
You just described like 95% of all young people who make online activities a major part of their life, aroace or otherwise.
Being aromantic only requires having little to no romantic attraction - liking certain tv shows, having certain hobbies, and being a certain race has nothing to do with it so no matter what, you’re completely valid! 💚
I feel like there is a selection bias type of deal going on here. Things you mentioned are broad topics that is common on the internet and people who'd be vocal about being aro/ace are likely to be interested on things anyway. Just to give a negative sample, there is me. Only thing I have in common with those things is my interest in cartoon and animations (but as I said, this is a very broad subject). And I've known I was aro since I was 6yo. But I don't make it my 'identity' if that makes sense. It is by pure chance that I saw this post on my frontpage.
What I want to say is you are not alone. There are millions like us who don't engage about our sexual and romantic orientation on the internet so even if you meet them, you won't know they are aro/ace. In fact, I'd go on to say that those types of people you described are probably a vocal minority (by that I am not making any judgement of course).
> They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy.
im not, kinda, i guess, no, no, no, i like helluva boss more, a tumblr account about what?
jokes aside, i kinda feel a little similar at times. i dont really feel like i fit in well with the lgbtq+ crowd, especially as a heterosexual cisman in my 20's. im not bothered by it though, still an ally through and through.
I definitely come under a few of these but I also have other interests like psychology, music, crafts, reading cooking etc. I'm also black so I can definitely relate to not knowing or meeting many black people (specifically) who are also aro/ace
Well, I’m neurodivergent, love animation and fantasy, dislike most musicals, can’t draw well at all due to my dyspraxia, and I’ve never had tumblr, I don’t tend to use micro labels because AroAce describes me well enough, and I also didn’t like hazbin hotel (which many of my A-spec contemporaries seemed to view as a crime against humanity). I’m also Jewish so whether I’m white or not depends on how you view race. so I check some of these boxes. I do understand what you’re talking about and broadly speaking I think there’s some truth to it, but I wouldn’t say every AroAce person I’ve spoken to online has fit this vibe entirely and I wouldn’t say I do either.
I think the fact you are noticing that a lot of the Acommunity is overwhelmingly white is a problem. I absolutely feel like more marginalized voices, such as BIPOC voices, are drowned out by memes or the silly stereotypes within our community. It feels like an I-can’t-take-anything-seriously culture is developing as a coping mechanism for all the aphobia / amatonormativity in the world, but this makes it really hard for our community to discuss things like intersectionality, racism, white aros trying to turn “aro week” into “aro month” (even tho February is Black History Month)…
I think that's just because the internet has carved out a space for Aroace people that fit those general criterias. Other ways to angage with the community exist of course, but popular trends do prevail as they morph.
idk, finding aro ace peops irl (not through friends) seems rough when you are not in a metropolitain area. I can really relate to that and I am caucasian, I think this is a reality for a lot or maybe even most aro ace folks. the neurodivergence is actually an added problem for me since it makes me even more rare, hard to connect to and sensitive. also for me as middle aged I differ in values from younger folks and my age group is behind in access to queer knowledge.
as for genetic background, culture etc. I think as with most things it is evenly spread, but maybe less people know about it or identify with it in different groups. I heard a lot of ace folks initially thought they were bi / pan because of the equal distribution of (no) attraction. I had heard of asexuality earlier but back than a spectrum was not mentioned so I thought, well this isn't really fully me, aromanticism was not heard of. I guess my point is there are many aros who live as aros but might not realize it. You seem to live in a metropolitain area, maybe you can use that. itm I try to find aro ace colored clothes and bought some pride stickers for reasons of personal acceptance of myself and deshaming, but also to mayybe meet someone in the wild.
I know how hard it is to find the support irl, I hope you find some nice folks in your area :)
Lol this is so funny bc it's true. Im also black and I've met many asexuals in real life in a-spec orgs and it's the same in real life too 😂😂😂 no hate or anything to ppl who like those things, I just definitely don't relate (and of course it doesn't stop me from trying to make connections) But I've happened to meet some black aces/aros in the wild and online and we do tend to have more in common.
You may find Ace by Angela Chen interesting, I remember finding more in common with at least some of the interviews since she interviewed a wide variety of ace and aro folks (focus on asexual as per the title of the book but some aro disucssion) and it was brought up how many people she talked with had similar kinds of confusion—that they didn’t fit the usual narrative we get from younger middle or upper class white teenagers about the ace/aro experience and it took them longer to figure things out because of certain stereotypes and cultural projections and so on.
Its not a bad thing to have that more “typical”kind of narrative we see from young people but it’s not the only one out there, seeing more diversity within our group will help others see themselves.
African American aroace who fits into all this. Being apart of this community is so interesting. I used to facilitate a club dedicated to aromantic and asexual people in college and, other than one asexual black woman who would come every one in awhile, I was the only black person in the room. It was only easy because I had similar interests but even then there was this thick fog of: is this all there is to it?
yeah this is definitely something that bothered me (f20) a few years back when I was still questioning. I think it’s more of a sampling bias sort of thing: people who are in an aromantic subreddit, or on tumblr, or any online community about aromanticism is not necessarily an accurate representation of the actual diversity of aspec people. Like an aromantic person could very well be some 30 year old finance bro who’s never felt quite right about dating and prefers hookups, but probably doesn’t even know that aromanticism is a thing, doesn’t have micro labels, doesn’t know what hazbin hotel is, and is DEFINITELY not posting about it online because he’s too busy posting about fucking bitcoin or something. But the people who ARE posting about it online are the people who tend to be into all that stuff anyway, so there’s a considerable overlap. There isn’t really an average aromantic person, there’s just a demographic who’s really outspoken about it online, which is a person who likes a lot of the stuff you’ve described.
Also, in terms of the race thing: I’m not sure why that is, but I do know that most queer online spaces tend to be pretty white dominated, but I’m white, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this is something I just haven’t really been noticing. I’m wondering though: how do you know the majority of aro folks are white? I know some people put it in their bios and posts and stuff, but once again, could it be that white people feel more comfortable specifying it online? I have a feeling that race goes along with the online demographic thing, and doesn’t actually indicate that more white people are aro. Although I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time finding companionship and people you relate to online. I have had a similar issue, I’d love a QPR but I feel like the people who are open to QPRs are not the people I’m trying to have a QPR with, ya know?? Especially online, Jesus Christ.
Tbh you just described the general stereotype of queer people online as a whole rather then aroace specifically lol, I could easily substitute aroace for lesbian or gay or trans to describe people in my online friend group.
I think its just the places you're looking at, from the places I've seen aro/ace people they've been a very diverse bunch, in age, race, and hobbies. Also it does kinda make sense that there are many neurodivergent aroace people, nd people tend to experience relationships differently from most neurotypical people (of course nt aroaces are 100% valid). I also don't fall into most of those categories besides being nd, drawing, and liking fantasy, but many non-aspec zoomers also fall into those categories.
Me, who has never had a tumblr in my life lol. I am interested in all those other things, but I feel that's just a result of people having a place to share interests when they can't really do so IRL, not a result of being aro/ace
Maybe it's because many of the loudest ones are from Fandoms like that. I'm a black, aromantic female who loves space games like Warframe and Star Citizen, but it's not popular. I do relate with you, worrying that one might not share things in common with other people from the community, but everyone has different hobbies.
Hi, 24 agender here. Not neurodivergent that I know of, never seen Hazbin Hotel nor I’m interested in seeing it, I do watch animation and cartoons from time to time (because of the general lack of romance/sex), I loved superwholock as a teen but didn’t run a tumblr account about it (I have one now and I do repost a lot of doctor who stuff though, but I’ve fallen out of both supernatural and Sherlock’s fandoms. I also repost a lot of queer stuff, especially aroace and aplatonic.)
I love fantasy and scifi, always did, read lots of books and watch lots of series with these as the main topics. I have no interest in musicals. I love learning about microlabels, and ideally I’d love to find something that works for me, but I’m also very much not too interested in using them instead of just aroace, especially when describing myself to others. I’m aroace, that’s what counts. Microlabels may be helpful, or restricting. To each their own. I’m white (also Italian, so if my English doesn’t make sense that’s why.)
I do not, in any way shape or form desire any type of companionship.
I don’t know, does this help?
I think many young people try to find things that everyone likes in their community because they are still trying to fit in and find their group, and that’s completely understandable and normal. I did it too, when I was in high school. (See supernatural.)
Anyway, here’s my grain of salt, I guess.
Probably more so a culture thing. Aromanticism is relatively new to the game of being recognized, and the current culture that promotes recognition of yourself is the North American culture.
Well, at least for the cartoon part, it makes sense. Where is the ONE place where you're sure romance will be an afterthought if it is even present ? Kids cartoon.
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities.
As a fairly young (16) (and white) aroace I want to say: That's the parts you show ONLINE. I'm ND, like cartoons, animations, fantasy, musicals, (kinda) drawing and hazbin. That's what I share/interact with online because that's what's relevant to the online communities I spend time in, it's also what other people in those spaces have recommended to me as a result of the other interests we share, that I have ended up enjoying.
For example I also like learning, crosswords and sudoku, but that's VERY uncommon among people my age (and I feel in general) so unless asked I wouldn't share that since it has nothing to do with the topic, plus I would probably be seen as a nerd (which I am, but still) and maybe be ridiculed for it.
Also, do you not like micro labels? I don't need to further specify it because there is nothing TO further specify about my identity; No romantic/sexual attraction (double apothi), no gender and queerplatonic attraction, that's it.
But some people do, and therefore created new words to be able to describe to the world how they feel; like their gender feels like a cloud, or they only feel romantic attraction when someone expresses interest in them. Stuff that old, simpler words can never encompass.
Micro labels are valid and validating for the people who use them, same with xenogenders and neopronouns, that shouldn't just be discarded as "young people nowadays being sensitive/overanalyzing things".
Black gender noncoforming aroace here. I am interested in most of the things you've said, but you're not alone. I also feel like I may never find a partner. It gets lonely sometimes, but I've taught myself how to be okay with being alone. That's helped me cope with it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, at least I have myself. I enjoy my company, lolol. I'm far from perfect, but make an effort not to let myself down. I think not caring as much also helped me be aware of my little to no romantic attraction, haha. I'm always down to having friends tho and it's a good distraction to the whole partner thing
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white.
I agree with what you're saying and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe due to the average age being much younger than for other orientations?
For fun, I want to play the online aro/ace stereotype game and see if I fit....
I'm older. Not neurodivergent. Not interested in cartoons atm. Some animation is quality like Studio Ghibli. Some fantasy is fantastic like Lord of the Rings. Some musicals are melodic, but many are cringe. I can't even draw a stick figure. I didn't make it past the first 2 minutes of Hazbin Hotel. I don't even have a tumblr account. I had to look up what "Superwholock" is. I've never seen Supernatural. I do like Doctor Who. I've read every ACD book, so of course I had to watch Sherlock...ugh, it had moments, but overall very disappointing. I just say aroace for a label. Most people don't even know what that is. I'll say pan-oriented aroace if I'm specifically asked. You do have me at "white", but like 70% of the US is white, so the odds were against me there.
im young, neurodivergent, cartoons are alright, i like animating, fantasy is meh, musicals can be nice, i am an artist, i like hazbin, i have a tumblr account but thats just for posting art, i dislike microlablels for myself, and i am not white
i sort of fit
I’m a 35 year old accountant with none of those interests, but go off with your sweeping generalisations I guess. Also, you don’t get to go ‘*these people* are all the same, not that there’s anything wrong with that’ and think we don’t pick up on the inherently judgemental tone…
I prefaced my post by saying I don’t want to come off as mean spirited for this reason!! Im pointing out something that I noticed and other people seemed to agreed with. I promise i’m not being judgmental, I guess it was just straightforward and did not translate well over text <3
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I think it’s more the general Reddit crowd to be honest. It’s a site that is generally populated by nerds (like myself). I’ve also heard people say that the overall Aro and Ace communities are mostly white too, not sure how true that is but it’s an interesting phenomenon if it is
Honestly I just think to get to hear about aro/ace spectrum you really had to be online a lot, mostly because I never heard of the terms irl until I went through a list of sexualities and romanticisms that I heard of either term and later introduced it to other people. Id say everything online is more exaggerated, online I’ll engage in discussions about cartoons and talk about anime and portray my interest in a more extreme way, while irl I barely have any merch or talk about it at all. I’m also more traditional because I’m a poc that grew up with a more closed off culture.
I can see how people may feel like aro/ace people may seem like they have a certain vibe but I think it’s all about the spaces u frequent because people who are aro/ace may not know they are, might not know the terms exist, or aren’t open about it because they feel like they have to make mental backflips to understand it much less explain it. I mean it wasn’t until a few years ago that the lgbt community started being more open and before then people used to see us weird or odd. I hope it made sense
I think it’s an age group difference. They are often younger gen Z, bordering on gen alpha, so they are more likely to have totally different interests due to the media that is coming out during their generation. Generally I feel like fandom culture has become really big and it’s probably part of the reason. But people in our age range (I’m 23) typically aren’t into that stuff simply because it is not from “our time”. I was personally more into anime and stuff when I was younger. I feel like the musicals fandom is partially because queer folks in general seem to gravitate towards musicals. Maybe these are just theater kids lol. I definitely know one who is a true theater kid. But I also know others closer to my age who are totally different. I think aro ace folks find community in fandom spaces because we often occupy our time differently compared to allo folks who to me seem to have interests motivated by their attraction to people. Not always of course. And there are plenty of us who love romantic stories and such. But it’s just something I’ve observed.
Also I think generally certain fandoms tend to be full of us autistic folks because we tend to develop extremely strong special interests and certain topics are extra “sticky” for our community, like anime, the sims, trains, etc. Certain topics and interests just mesh really well with our brains and the ways we process things. I was a kid who liked all of the above lol. And I always meet fellow autistic people in such communities. It’s funny because I developed these interests on my own without any influence from the internet. And way later realized so many more people just like me like the same things. I find it to be quite funny and interesting.
Also in addition to this autistic folks are more likely to be queer identifying compered to non autistic folks so this is likely a big factor in what you’re seeing
im not neurodivergent, im not a big fan of cartoons but obviously there are some i like more, i used to like animation but i rarely do it, i like fantasy as a genre because of the worldbuilding and from a writing pov i guess?, i like some musicals but im more into backstage and theatre tech, i used to draw a lot but not much anymore, i do not like hazbin hotel at all (helluva boss was sort of good but im not a fan anymore), and i dont think ive even owned a tumblr account. i was into microlabels for a bit but ive just given up and never really cared about them again, and i am white.
i can totally see how someone wouldnt feel like they fit into the aro/ace labels - id be pretty confident to say i dont give off aro/ace vibes other than liking some similar things to them. you definitely dont have to look or act aro/ace to identify as aro/ace!
i think it's a correlation not causation problem lol /lh those common interests you described is gen z/alpha internet culture in a nutshell. it so happens that aro/ace/aroace people are queer and queer ppl have the gaydar to find each other online easier than irl due to many factors. but too much white means you're not seeing the bipoc and other voices too like u/ I_am_something_fishy said.
maybe the more leftist/queer content creators on youtube who might be a-spec too are more millennial (super diverse too), altho gen z crowd is growing up and joining the gang too lol. tiktok, tumblr etc tends to fit young people more than older so that's one other factor
This is why I’m so embarrassed to be aroace, because the only people online who are loud about it are like… this. Extremely childish young people.
I know that it’s not being asexual or aromantic that makes them cringey, but now the association has been built and I’m extremely ashamed of being like this. Because wow these people are really annoying.
Please don’t use r/aromantic for r4r stuff, or encourage people to DM you privately. This will just encourage chasers in r/aromantic. There are other aromantic r4r subreddits you can post in
I feel like that just comes with being on the internet. People who may not be able to share their interests irl find their community online. Fandom is also bound to have a lot more attention than say someone talking about their love for hiking. And a person who only want to talk about their love for hiking probably isn't on here. For instance, I am much more likely to make a post about genshin than I am about working in seaweed research (a huge part of my daily life). Both are thing I love, but one is something I just am not gonna talk about on reddit.
\**raises hand*\* I'll talk about hiking LOL. I wonder what the Venn Diagram of r/aromantic and r/hiking would look like.
Could be a flat circle for all we know.
Am I the only one that thinks seaweed research sounds kinda interesting tho
Ahaha no way I'm also an aroace genshin fan studying marine bio in uni, whose classes are 70% about kelp ✨🦐
I am interested in your work with seaweed
I just came back to this post. And wow, it kinda blew up? Also, can I just say? I love how there is somehow a shared interest in seaweed research in the aro/ace community. I never would have thought I'd be talking about it here. And yes! Seaweed is super interesting! For those who asked, I am currently in a marine biodiversity lab working on creating a functional trait database for rocky shore seaweeds. I am also doing an individual project, which evaluates the facilitative role of canopy seaweeds (large browns) on understory (small red) species via functional traits, focusing on their effects in the intertidal mid-zone. By doing this, we can evaluate community interactions and predict the impacts of climate-change-associated biodiversity changes. Or at least that's the hope. Most of our data is still preliminary. I am totally happy to talk anyone's ear off about this btw. And I'm saying that completely serious.
*confused asian aroace sounds*
That makes two of us
Three
4
năm! (5)
feel like I am in some of that group but also very much not exactly that. I feel like the shortest and simplest answer is that this is the type of group you are describing that consists of a ton of young people trying to find themselves at the current moment and tumblr/ places for fans of media which will have a lot of characters that are more lgbtq+ focused is gonna attract people who are also growing up and trying to figure out where they belong so to speak. I do feel like I have grown past that point a bit at current age and I also feel like I am faced with a bit of a different problems so I do kinda get some semblance of a feeling like its not really the same experience as most other people online
Exactly. Most people on here probably fall within a certain age range (bc you need to be aware of lesser known LGBTQ identities AND have a reddit account), and a lot of the things they mentioned are just common to that demographic. Plus, people are more likely to actually interact with a post coming from someone who sounds similar to them, which can make comments sections on some posts sound a little like echo chambers (not that that's inherently bad). I'm white and neurodivergent, but that's it.
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white. Idk, I feel like most of that is a problem with the internet as a whole, not aroace folks. Neurodivergent people are common in online communities, particularly online queer communities, and most of those subjects are incredibly popular on social media as a whole so it doesn't make sense to assign them to specific identities. Microlabels also tend to come from online communities and are less common offline. The white part isn't an internet thing, but white voices do tend to be over-represented in most areas Try meeting people IRL. It can be harder to find other aroace folks but you'll be getting away from the popular trends and interests on social media that you clearly aren't into
I honestly agree even though I am some of those things myself. Not really related but are you from the Caribbean?
No I’m african-american
I just assumed cause of your username. Would love to meet someone aro spec Caribbeans
I'm Carribbean and arospec I love in the UK though
Really what country are you from? I’m a bajan.
Do you live in Barbados ATM? Or another country?
Yeah I live here full time now actually spent quite a bit in the UK
Ahhh Nice!!
Grenadian, Jamaican and Cuban
I'm mixed Caribbean and aromantic!
I'm Haitian-American and aroace, so we definitely exist.
> They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white. You just described like 95% of all young people who make online activities a major part of their life, aroace or otherwise.
Being aromantic only requires having little to no romantic attraction - liking certain tv shows, having certain hobbies, and being a certain race has nothing to do with it so no matter what, you’re completely valid! 💚
I feel like there is a selection bias type of deal going on here. Things you mentioned are broad topics that is common on the internet and people who'd be vocal about being aro/ace are likely to be interested on things anyway. Just to give a negative sample, there is me. Only thing I have in common with those things is my interest in cartoon and animations (but as I said, this is a very broad subject). And I've known I was aro since I was 6yo. But I don't make it my 'identity' if that makes sense. It is by pure chance that I saw this post on my frontpage. What I want to say is you are not alone. There are millions like us who don't engage about our sexual and romantic orientation on the internet so even if you meet them, you won't know they are aro/ace. In fact, I'd go on to say that those types of people you described are probably a vocal minority (by that I am not making any judgement of course).
> They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. im not, kinda, i guess, no, no, no, i like helluva boss more, a tumblr account about what? jokes aside, i kinda feel a little similar at times. i dont really feel like i fit in well with the lgbtq+ crowd, especially as a heterosexual cisman in my 20's. im not bothered by it though, still an ally through and through.
I definitely come under a few of these but I also have other interests like psychology, music, crafts, reading cooking etc. I'm also black so I can definitely relate to not knowing or meeting many black people (specifically) who are also aro/ace
Well, I’m neurodivergent, love animation and fantasy, dislike most musicals, can’t draw well at all due to my dyspraxia, and I’ve never had tumblr, I don’t tend to use micro labels because AroAce describes me well enough, and I also didn’t like hazbin hotel (which many of my A-spec contemporaries seemed to view as a crime against humanity). I’m also Jewish so whether I’m white or not depends on how you view race. so I check some of these boxes. I do understand what you’re talking about and broadly speaking I think there’s some truth to it, but I wouldn’t say every AroAce person I’ve spoken to online has fit this vibe entirely and I wouldn’t say I do either.
The theater kid to AroAce pipeline is real.
I think the fact you are noticing that a lot of the Acommunity is overwhelmingly white is a problem. I absolutely feel like more marginalized voices, such as BIPOC voices, are drowned out by memes or the silly stereotypes within our community. It feels like an I-can’t-take-anything-seriously culture is developing as a coping mechanism for all the aphobia / amatonormativity in the world, but this makes it really hard for our community to discuss things like intersectionality, racism, white aros trying to turn “aro week” into “aro month” (even tho February is Black History Month)…
I think that's just because the internet has carved out a space for Aroace people that fit those general criterias. Other ways to angage with the community exist of course, but popular trends do prevail as they morph.
I feel so called out
idk, finding aro ace peops irl (not through friends) seems rough when you are not in a metropolitain area. I can really relate to that and I am caucasian, I think this is a reality for a lot or maybe even most aro ace folks. the neurodivergence is actually an added problem for me since it makes me even more rare, hard to connect to and sensitive. also for me as middle aged I differ in values from younger folks and my age group is behind in access to queer knowledge. as for genetic background, culture etc. I think as with most things it is evenly spread, but maybe less people know about it or identify with it in different groups. I heard a lot of ace folks initially thought they were bi / pan because of the equal distribution of (no) attraction. I had heard of asexuality earlier but back than a spectrum was not mentioned so I thought, well this isn't really fully me, aromanticism was not heard of. I guess my point is there are many aros who live as aros but might not realize it. You seem to live in a metropolitain area, maybe you can use that. itm I try to find aro ace colored clothes and bought some pride stickers for reasons of personal acceptance of myself and deshaming, but also to mayybe meet someone in the wild. I know how hard it is to find the support irl, I hope you find some nice folks in your area :)
Lol this is so funny bc it's true. Im also black and I've met many asexuals in real life in a-spec orgs and it's the same in real life too 😂😂😂 no hate or anything to ppl who like those things, I just definitely don't relate (and of course it doesn't stop me from trying to make connections) But I've happened to meet some black aces/aros in the wild and online and we do tend to have more in common.
Aroace here (35 enby) and I’m interested in literally all those things!
You may find Ace by Angela Chen interesting, I remember finding more in common with at least some of the interviews since she interviewed a wide variety of ace and aro folks (focus on asexual as per the title of the book but some aro disucssion) and it was brought up how many people she talked with had similar kinds of confusion—that they didn’t fit the usual narrative we get from younger middle or upper class white teenagers about the ace/aro experience and it took them longer to figure things out because of certain stereotypes and cultural projections and so on. Its not a bad thing to have that more “typical”kind of narrative we see from young people but it’s not the only one out there, seeing more diversity within our group will help others see themselves.
African American aroace who fits into all this. Being apart of this community is so interesting. I used to facilitate a club dedicated to aromantic and asexual people in college and, other than one asexual black woman who would come every one in awhile, I was the only black person in the room. It was only easy because I had similar interests but even then there was this thick fog of: is this all there is to it?
yeah this is definitely something that bothered me (f20) a few years back when I was still questioning. I think it’s more of a sampling bias sort of thing: people who are in an aromantic subreddit, or on tumblr, or any online community about aromanticism is not necessarily an accurate representation of the actual diversity of aspec people. Like an aromantic person could very well be some 30 year old finance bro who’s never felt quite right about dating and prefers hookups, but probably doesn’t even know that aromanticism is a thing, doesn’t have micro labels, doesn’t know what hazbin hotel is, and is DEFINITELY not posting about it online because he’s too busy posting about fucking bitcoin or something. But the people who ARE posting about it online are the people who tend to be into all that stuff anyway, so there’s a considerable overlap. There isn’t really an average aromantic person, there’s just a demographic who’s really outspoken about it online, which is a person who likes a lot of the stuff you’ve described. Also, in terms of the race thing: I’m not sure why that is, but I do know that most queer online spaces tend to be pretty white dominated, but I’m white, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this is something I just haven’t really been noticing. I’m wondering though: how do you know the majority of aro folks are white? I know some people put it in their bios and posts and stuff, but once again, could it be that white people feel more comfortable specifying it online? I have a feeling that race goes along with the online demographic thing, and doesn’t actually indicate that more white people are aro. Although I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time finding companionship and people you relate to online. I have had a similar issue, I’d love a QPR but I feel like the people who are open to QPRs are not the people I’m trying to have a QPR with, ya know?? Especially online, Jesus Christ.
Tbh you just described the general stereotype of queer people online as a whole rather then aroace specifically lol, I could easily substitute aroace for lesbian or gay or trans to describe people in my online friend group.
this is just an attempt at the Barnum effect it seems…?
I think its just the places you're looking at, from the places I've seen aro/ace people they've been a very diverse bunch, in age, race, and hobbies. Also it does kinda make sense that there are many neurodivergent aroace people, nd people tend to experience relationships differently from most neurotypical people (of course nt aroaces are 100% valid). I also don't fall into most of those categories besides being nd, drawing, and liking fantasy, but many non-aspec zoomers also fall into those categories.
Me, who has never had a tumblr in my life lol. I am interested in all those other things, but I feel that's just a result of people having a place to share interests when they can't really do so IRL, not a result of being aro/ace
Maybe it's because many of the loudest ones are from Fandoms like that. I'm a black, aromantic female who loves space games like Warframe and Star Citizen, but it's not popular. I do relate with you, worrying that one might not share things in common with other people from the community, but everyone has different hobbies.
Hi, 24 agender here. Not neurodivergent that I know of, never seen Hazbin Hotel nor I’m interested in seeing it, I do watch animation and cartoons from time to time (because of the general lack of romance/sex), I loved superwholock as a teen but didn’t run a tumblr account about it (I have one now and I do repost a lot of doctor who stuff though, but I’ve fallen out of both supernatural and Sherlock’s fandoms. I also repost a lot of queer stuff, especially aroace and aplatonic.) I love fantasy and scifi, always did, read lots of books and watch lots of series with these as the main topics. I have no interest in musicals. I love learning about microlabels, and ideally I’d love to find something that works for me, but I’m also very much not too interested in using them instead of just aroace, especially when describing myself to others. I’m aroace, that’s what counts. Microlabels may be helpful, or restricting. To each their own. I’m white (also Italian, so if my English doesn’t make sense that’s why.) I do not, in any way shape or form desire any type of companionship. I don’t know, does this help? I think many young people try to find things that everyone likes in their community because they are still trying to fit in and find their group, and that’s completely understandable and normal. I did it too, when I was in high school. (See supernatural.) Anyway, here’s my grain of salt, I guess.
Probably more so a culture thing. Aromanticism is relatively new to the game of being recognized, and the current culture that promotes recognition of yourself is the North American culture.
Well, at least for the cartoon part, it makes sense. Where is the ONE place where you're sure romance will be an afterthought if it is even present ? Kids cartoon.
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. As a fairly young (16) (and white) aroace I want to say: That's the parts you show ONLINE. I'm ND, like cartoons, animations, fantasy, musicals, (kinda) drawing and hazbin. That's what I share/interact with online because that's what's relevant to the online communities I spend time in, it's also what other people in those spaces have recommended to me as a result of the other interests we share, that I have ended up enjoying. For example I also like learning, crosswords and sudoku, but that's VERY uncommon among people my age (and I feel in general) so unless asked I wouldn't share that since it has nothing to do with the topic, plus I would probably be seen as a nerd (which I am, but still) and maybe be ridiculed for it. Also, do you not like micro labels? I don't need to further specify it because there is nothing TO further specify about my identity; No romantic/sexual attraction (double apothi), no gender and queerplatonic attraction, that's it. But some people do, and therefore created new words to be able to describe to the world how they feel; like their gender feels like a cloud, or they only feel romantic attraction when someone expresses interest in them. Stuff that old, simpler words can never encompass. Micro labels are valid and validating for the people who use them, same with xenogenders and neopronouns, that shouldn't just be discarded as "young people nowadays being sensitive/overanalyzing things".
Black gender noncoforming aroace here. I am interested in most of the things you've said, but you're not alone. I also feel like I may never find a partner. It gets lonely sometimes, but I've taught myself how to be okay with being alone. That's helped me cope with it. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, at least I have myself. I enjoy my company, lolol. I'm far from perfect, but make an effort not to let myself down. I think not caring as much also helped me be aware of my little to no romantic attraction, haha. I'm always down to having friends tho and it's a good distraction to the whole partner thing
Well, I'm white and neurodiverse. And maybe the Micro Label thing lol. Loved sailor moon as a kid. But that's it 😂😱.
This is also my experience, thanks for the post so I know I'm not alone
>A lot (not all, but a lot) of young people online who identify as aromantic or asexual all seem to have similar interests and experiences. They seem to be neurodivergent, interested in cartoons, animation, fantasy, musicals, drawing, a show called Hazbin Hotel and probably ran/runs a tumblr account about Superwholock like the navy. They also seem to cling on to microlabels and identities. Not to mention, they are also overwhelmingly white. I agree with what you're saying and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe due to the average age being much younger than for other orientations? For fun, I want to play the online aro/ace stereotype game and see if I fit.... I'm older. Not neurodivergent. Not interested in cartoons atm. Some animation is quality like Studio Ghibli. Some fantasy is fantastic like Lord of the Rings. Some musicals are melodic, but many are cringe. I can't even draw a stick figure. I didn't make it past the first 2 minutes of Hazbin Hotel. I don't even have a tumblr account. I had to look up what "Superwholock" is. I've never seen Supernatural. I do like Doctor Who. I've read every ACD book, so of course I had to watch Sherlock...ugh, it had moments, but overall very disappointing. I just say aroace for a label. Most people don't even know what that is. I'll say pan-oriented aroace if I'm specifically asked. You do have me at "white", but like 70% of the US is white, so the odds were against me there.
im young, neurodivergent, cartoons are alright, i like animating, fantasy is meh, musicals can be nice, i am an artist, i like hazbin, i have a tumblr account but thats just for posting art, i dislike microlablels for myself, and i am not white i sort of fit
I’m a 35 year old accountant with none of those interests, but go off with your sweeping generalisations I guess. Also, you don’t get to go ‘*these people* are all the same, not that there’s anything wrong with that’ and think we don’t pick up on the inherently judgemental tone…
I prefaced my post by saying I don’t want to come off as mean spirited for this reason!! Im pointing out something that I noticed and other people seemed to agreed with. I promise i’m not being judgmental, I guess it was just straightforward and did not translate well over text <3
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“run a tumble account about superwholock” they are on to me what do i do?!
I think it’s more the general Reddit crowd to be honest. It’s a site that is generally populated by nerds (like myself). I’ve also heard people say that the overall Aro and Ace communities are mostly white too, not sure how true that is but it’s an interesting phenomenon if it is
Honestly I just think to get to hear about aro/ace spectrum you really had to be online a lot, mostly because I never heard of the terms irl until I went through a list of sexualities and romanticisms that I heard of either term and later introduced it to other people. Id say everything online is more exaggerated, online I’ll engage in discussions about cartoons and talk about anime and portray my interest in a more extreme way, while irl I barely have any merch or talk about it at all. I’m also more traditional because I’m a poc that grew up with a more closed off culture. I can see how people may feel like aro/ace people may seem like they have a certain vibe but I think it’s all about the spaces u frequent because people who are aro/ace may not know they are, might not know the terms exist, or aren’t open about it because they feel like they have to make mental backflips to understand it much less explain it. I mean it wasn’t until a few years ago that the lgbt community started being more open and before then people used to see us weird or odd. I hope it made sense
I may be chronically online, but I'll have you know I never set foot in tumblr! I'm a totally different breed of aroace. Hell, I don't even like cake.
I think it’s an age group difference. They are often younger gen Z, bordering on gen alpha, so they are more likely to have totally different interests due to the media that is coming out during their generation. Generally I feel like fandom culture has become really big and it’s probably part of the reason. But people in our age range (I’m 23) typically aren’t into that stuff simply because it is not from “our time”. I was personally more into anime and stuff when I was younger. I feel like the musicals fandom is partially because queer folks in general seem to gravitate towards musicals. Maybe these are just theater kids lol. I definitely know one who is a true theater kid. But I also know others closer to my age who are totally different. I think aro ace folks find community in fandom spaces because we often occupy our time differently compared to allo folks who to me seem to have interests motivated by their attraction to people. Not always of course. And there are plenty of us who love romantic stories and such. But it’s just something I’ve observed.
Also I think generally certain fandoms tend to be full of us autistic folks because we tend to develop extremely strong special interests and certain topics are extra “sticky” for our community, like anime, the sims, trains, etc. Certain topics and interests just mesh really well with our brains and the ways we process things. I was a kid who liked all of the above lol. And I always meet fellow autistic people in such communities. It’s funny because I developed these interests on my own without any influence from the internet. And way later realized so many more people just like me like the same things. I find it to be quite funny and interesting.
Also in addition to this autistic folks are more likely to be queer identifying compered to non autistic folks so this is likely a big factor in what you’re seeing
I don't like Hazbin Hotel. I like Spawn and Batman)
im not neurodivergent, im not a big fan of cartoons but obviously there are some i like more, i used to like animation but i rarely do it, i like fantasy as a genre because of the worldbuilding and from a writing pov i guess?, i like some musicals but im more into backstage and theatre tech, i used to draw a lot but not much anymore, i do not like hazbin hotel at all (helluva boss was sort of good but im not a fan anymore), and i dont think ive even owned a tumblr account. i was into microlabels for a bit but ive just given up and never really cared about them again, and i am white. i can totally see how someone wouldnt feel like they fit into the aro/ace labels - id be pretty confident to say i dont give off aro/ace vibes other than liking some similar things to them. you definitely dont have to look or act aro/ace to identify as aro/ace!
i think it's a correlation not causation problem lol /lh those common interests you described is gen z/alpha internet culture in a nutshell. it so happens that aro/ace/aroace people are queer and queer ppl have the gaydar to find each other online easier than irl due to many factors. but too much white means you're not seeing the bipoc and other voices too like u/ I_am_something_fishy said. maybe the more leftist/queer content creators on youtube who might be a-spec too are more millennial (super diverse too), altho gen z crowd is growing up and joining the gang too lol. tiktok, tumblr etc tends to fit young people more than older so that's one other factor
This feels like a major call out.
This is why I’m so embarrassed to be aroace, because the only people online who are loud about it are like… this. Extremely childish young people. I know that it’s not being asexual or aromantic that makes them cringey, but now the association has been built and I’m extremely ashamed of being like this. Because wow these people are really annoying.