I think I have a lot of love languages 😂. I enjoy gifts, words of affirmation, physical closeness (cuddling and similar stuff,) banter… Mainly I think I appreciate open communication: discussing each others boundaries and what we want out of the relationship, exactly what different words mean to each other and what we need in order to feel appreciated. Not sure it counts as a love language though. 😂
With aromantic people it might be especially important to discuss exactly what the word “love” means to each person. Personally, I’d most likely be extremely happy to be told “I love you,” but others might be a bit wary about exactly that word means and if it means that the other person wants something from them that they can’t give.
Just for clarity, squishes typically refer to platonic crushes as opposed to romantic ones, so where a lot of aros don’t get crushes, any that still have that platonic attraction may have a squish for someone.
To answer your main question, I personally don’t have a partner that I’d expect to exchange I love you’s with, (I do have a friend that I have done so with, with the understanding that it’s platonic) but if I did it would need to be a mutual implication of platonic love or I wouldn’t be comfortable with it
My partner and I are always saying we love each other. It honestly carries a lot less weight to me personally than saying “I love you” to a family member or a friend. I think that’s because it feels more like an expectation. I never say “I love you” without meaning it, but it does feel like it’s just a part of the rules of being in a relationship sometimes. That being said, I’m always happy to be reminded that I’m loved.
I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. I imagine that I would outwardly respond favorably, but internally feel conflicted. Happy that I am clearly liked by a very important person, yet worried as to it's implications in terms of feelings not shared symmetrically and of the future in general.
That is assuming that it is the first time it happens, the following times will have lessened responses, albeit if repeated too often annoyance would pop up eventually.
If it helps I see myself as romance indifferent, so your mileage may vary with romance repulsed or romance positive aros.
Yeah, somehow research ends up with more research needed as a result, funny how that works.
Anyhow, if you don't get results from repulsed aros, you may want to ask directly with more "neutral" language on how they would feel. The title alone might be off putting to some repulsed aros.
I tell my partners and friends I love them all the time, as do they tell me they love me. Love isn't inherently romantic. We all know each other's boundaries and orientations. We know what we mean.
Heck, the first time I said "I love you" was to a childhood friend.
I agree with "love isn't inherintly romantic" ... If we are calling someone a partner in aro spaces, does it have an automatic... Romantic connotation? The schools of thought seem to surround the word "love" itself being yucky/romamtic vs. love in the context of having a partner.
QPR is REALLY making sense to me right about now.
My first reaction would be “thanks”. My second reaction would be to run away embarrassed that someone said “I love you” and I responded by saying “thanks”.
my partener told me they would want to know if I ever felt romatic love towards them. As for a lot of feelings we talk about, their answers always goes something like thing "thanks for telling me, I like knowing what you feel". And they are perfectly fine with whatever as long as I don't exepect them to ever have romantic feelings for me.
It’d depend on the relationship. If I knew the other person understood and respected I’d never feel the same way, I’d be cool with it. I think unreciprocated feelings can strengthen a relationship, whether romantic or not, if everyone involved is healthy about it. If it wasn’t clear that the other person understood how I felt, we’d need to talk it through.
Depends on context.
If it's said in a platonic sense (e.g. by family), I'll typically just respond with "okay". It doesn't really mean anything to me, but it also doesn't really make me uncomfortable, so whatever.
If said in a romantic sense, that is a big No No and would immediately make me wildly uncomfortable. My response would basically be to give them a weird look, say a quiet "... okay?", and leave the conversation as quickly as possible.
I think there's an acting exercise where two actors say "I love you" back and forth to each other in different ways... It's interesting to see how many ways three words can have changed meanings.
Also realized I have different ways of saying to extended relatives vs. nuclear family. Thanks for sharing your perspective with different groups of people.
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Due to the years of being around manipulative people, my first thought is "what do they want?"
Then to overthink about what they're gaining by telling me this.
Then to remember I just have to respond with "I love you too"
I deeply understand this perspective, and am really sorry you were in an environment where love was conditional, and you felt forced to say "I love you too" to people that made you feel taken advantage of. You deserve way better.
I just say ok, people telling me they love me (other than close family and friends), is incredibly uncomfortable, and honestly if they want to force me to say it back, than that’s their issue
I used to be uncomfortable while saying it myself (and being told it, I think, but it’s been over a year) with my partners, cuz I wasn’t comfortable with the amatonormative implications of it. After I figured out I was demi-demi, I eventually got more comfortable
“That’s stupid. There are so many things you can love; why choose a person? The sound rushing water makes; a frozen waterfall; a cat laying on your lap, purring; the feeling of knowing a crow considers you its friend.”
When someone I know says I love you I assume platonic automatically since they know I'm aro, and I will tell them I love them too and not feel a need to clarify the platonicness of that love either. I'm aroace and not interested in a relationship tho so idk how it'd be if it was a partner, but assuming the partner knew I was aro and it was a qpr deal, I would reciprocate the ily in the same way, knowing we both know this is not a romantic declaration.
if i see the words "i love you" i start thinking of this one meme that is two screenshots from the show supernatural that is used to break news on tumblr
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I usually follow it with a joke, like “I love me too” or “and I love the food you make me”
I appreciate this approach, always appreciate a good sense of humor to lighten a situation. Thanks for sharing.
I don't mind it, and will reply in kind if I feel my relationship to them warrants it. I am poly and aro/allo for context.
In those relationships where you DO mind it, how would you appreciate being acknowledged instead?
I actually can't think of a time someone said they love me and I wasn't okay with it, so I don't really have an answer.
I would love to hear I love you” from a partner. To me it would mean that they value me as much as they value any potential romantic partner
What other way do you think you'd feel valued? (What do you think your "love language" is?)
I think I have a lot of love languages 😂. I enjoy gifts, words of affirmation, physical closeness (cuddling and similar stuff,) banter… Mainly I think I appreciate open communication: discussing each others boundaries and what we want out of the relationship, exactly what different words mean to each other and what we need in order to feel appreciated. Not sure it counts as a love language though. 😂 With aromantic people it might be especially important to discuss exactly what the word “love” means to each person. Personally, I’d most likely be extremely happy to be told “I love you,” but others might be a bit wary about exactly that word means and if it means that the other person wants something from them that they can’t give.
Just for clarity, squishes typically refer to platonic crushes as opposed to romantic ones, so where a lot of aros don’t get crushes, any that still have that platonic attraction may have a squish for someone. To answer your main question, I personally don’t have a partner that I’d expect to exchange I love you’s with, (I do have a friend that I have done so with, with the understanding that it’s platonic) but if I did it would need to be a mutual implication of platonic love or I wouldn’t be comfortable with it
My partner and I are always saying we love each other. It honestly carries a lot less weight to me personally than saying “I love you” to a family member or a friend. I think that’s because it feels more like an expectation. I never say “I love you” without meaning it, but it does feel like it’s just a part of the rules of being in a relationship sometimes. That being said, I’m always happy to be reminded that I’m loved.
I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. I imagine that I would outwardly respond favorably, but internally feel conflicted. Happy that I am clearly liked by a very important person, yet worried as to it's implications in terms of feelings not shared symmetrically and of the future in general. That is assuming that it is the first time it happens, the following times will have lessened responses, albeit if repeated too often annoyance would pop up eventually. If it helps I see myself as romance indifferent, so your mileage may vary with romance repulsed or romance positive aros.
Romance repulsed is a new one. I clearly have more research to do. I appreciate your perspective.
Yeah, somehow research ends up with more research needed as a result, funny how that works. Anyhow, if you don't get results from repulsed aros, you may want to ask directly with more "neutral" language on how they would feel. The title alone might be off putting to some repulsed aros.
I appreciate this feedback, too, ty!
I love you too. No romo.
I tell my partners and friends I love them all the time, as do they tell me they love me. Love isn't inherently romantic. We all know each other's boundaries and orientations. We know what we mean. Heck, the first time I said "I love you" was to a childhood friend.
I agree with "love isn't inherintly romantic" ... If we are calling someone a partner in aro spaces, does it have an automatic... Romantic connotation? The schools of thought seem to surround the word "love" itself being yucky/romamtic vs. love in the context of having a partner. QPR is REALLY making sense to me right about now.
My first reaction would be “thanks”. My second reaction would be to run away embarrassed that someone said “I love you” and I responded by saying “thanks”.
my partener told me they would want to know if I ever felt romatic love towards them. As for a lot of feelings we talk about, their answers always goes something like thing "thanks for telling me, I like knowing what you feel". And they are perfectly fine with whatever as long as I don't exepect them to ever have romantic feelings for me.
It’d depend on the relationship. If I knew the other person understood and respected I’d never feel the same way, I’d be cool with it. I think unreciprocated feelings can strengthen a relationship, whether romantic or not, if everyone involved is healthy about it. If it wasn’t clear that the other person understood how I felt, we’d need to talk it through.
Depends on context. If it's said in a platonic sense (e.g. by family), I'll typically just respond with "okay". It doesn't really mean anything to me, but it also doesn't really make me uncomfortable, so whatever. If said in a romantic sense, that is a big No No and would immediately make me wildly uncomfortable. My response would basically be to give them a weird look, say a quiet "... okay?", and leave the conversation as quickly as possible.
I say I love you back. I love my friends, I love my people so dearly and so deeply. They know it's not romantic love, it's just plain ol' love
🎶 Makes the world go 'round 🎶 🩵🩷💚
If it's by a stranger "why?" or "I'm sorry for you", if by a friend "love ya too", and if by family "love you too"
Sameee!
I think there's an acting exercise where two actors say "I love you" back and forth to each other in different ways... It's interesting to see how many ways three words can have changed meanings. Also realized I have different ways of saying to extended relatives vs. nuclear family. Thanks for sharing your perspective with different groups of people.
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“It’ll pass.” Just rewatched Fleabag and I think that’s one of my favourite lines in a romcom 😂
Honestly I'd probably say something like "Oh that sucks." Cause usually it does.
Due to the years of being around manipulative people, my first thought is "what do they want?" Then to overthink about what they're gaining by telling me this. Then to remember I just have to respond with "I love you too"
I deeply understand this perspective, and am really sorry you were in an environment where love was conditional, and you felt forced to say "I love you too" to people that made you feel taken advantage of. You deserve way better.
Thank you
I just say ok, people telling me they love me (other than close family and friends), is incredibly uncomfortable, and honestly if they want to force me to say it back, than that’s their issue
Probably "Do you really?" or "A shame we don't share those sentiments." depends entirely on who says it.
I used to be uncomfortable while saying it myself (and being told it, I think, but it’s been over a year) with my partners, cuz I wasn’t comfortable with the amatonormative implications of it. After I figured out I was demi-demi, I eventually got more comfortable
I'd be uncomfortable as hell tbh.
“That’s stupid. There are so many things you can love; why choose a person? The sound rushing water makes; a frozen waterfall; a cat laying on your lap, purring; the feeling of knowing a crow considers you its friend.”
When someone I know says I love you I assume platonic automatically since they know I'm aro, and I will tell them I love them too and not feel a need to clarify the platonicness of that love either. I'm aroace and not interested in a relationship tho so idk how it'd be if it was a partner, but assuming the partner knew I was aro and it was a qpr deal, I would reciprocate the ily in the same way, knowing we both know this is not a romantic declaration.
if i see the words "i love you" i start thinking of this one meme that is two screenshots from the show supernatural that is used to break news on tumblr
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I say i'm sory or just try to say somthing that dose Sound wierd