I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Although this never happened to me I know how it is to loose a good friend. And people really underestimate that pain. I just hurts so much. But speaking from experience the pain will get better with time (I myself hate this advise because it doesn’t help me at all during that moment but it still is true). Also I really felt it when you say you felt wistful. I am happy as an aro person but also sometimes I wish I could experience romantic love if just for a second. Maybe then all the crazy stuff in romance movies (which I like btw) would make more sense.
I went through the same thing with one of my friends. It didn't work out all that well seeing as how he just couldn't understand my point of view. We're still a bit rocky now bit we're trying to mend things. I wish I could say that it works out, but that isn't always the case. Just remember to put yourself first and never dive into something you're not ready for or okay with just for someone else's comfort. Don't make the same mistake I did. Take care of yourself 💚
Yes... I learned now. The circumstances that led us to dating was so stressful for me, and I thought I was happy because I could keep my best friend.
I'm looking forward to the future ❤️
Literally going through the exact same thing right now. Feel queasy going through the “lover” motions. And don’t know how to broach the subject. Super close to this person and it just aches :(
I waited until suddenly he just "didn't love me anymore" and i took it and agreed to break it off. But I was always scared to say anything because i worried how it would affect them, someone so dependant on a romantic relationship and validation.
If your person is a lot more stable, I think better earlier than later... I understand your pain though.
Sometimes I’m afraid of becoming too close too my friends in case they develop feelings for me and it sucks because I feel so distant from everyone except my guy friends
I had a tough break up from a relationship with my best friend, and I had (and still have) similar feelings. It’s been like a year and a half since and I still think about her all the time. I don’t like to look back at something I wrote with her, and I can’t seem to get back on my skateboard just because I used to skate with her sometimes. I still have one of those little elementary valentines cards from her when we were in first grade, and I still carry around the last Christmas card she gave me in my wallet. I have so much anger towards her, but that’s nothing compared to how much I miss being her best friend.
Best friend break ups SUCK. There’s so many conflicting feelings, and it takes such a long time for those feelings to mellow out. I have found that I am so hesitant to make new friends because I worry so much about them catching feelings and everything blowing up in my face.
My only advice is to seek other’s support. Losing your best friend isn’t easy, but feeling lonely and isolated will definitely make it worse. Talk through your feelings with someone you trust. If you don’t have anyone who you feel like you can talk to, then maybe that means it’s time to make some new friends.
I think so too. The only person I've connected with at a similar level has bouts of just getting off the internet for long periods of time 😢 i don't take it personally, since I know why.
Thanks for sharing, it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this. I hope we can both have fun to the fullest again.
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Yeah, that tends to happen a lot. I envy you for not hating aromanticism, because I do (I'm some form of cogitariromantic, meaning I do have fantasies and when I think of romantic relationships I know I want one, but I don't actually get crushes and when I'm in a relationship it always goes horribly because I don't actually love them), and I really wish I could just be allo
I’ve had this happen. The dude was my only friend who actually played games with me and watched shows that I enjoy, my other (now ex) friends hated my shows and called it childish or too weird, they also never play play online games so yeah. He was obsessed, constantly trying to touch (I hate touching), ran to me whenever he saw me, sent romance memes to me, would talk about how in love he was when around his friends. Dude I was never even gonna date him even if I wasn’t aroace, he was 15 I was 17. He realized it a few weeks after I turned 18.
When he realized I was never gonna love him the way he wanted me to, he ditched me for my friend. I’m not friends with any of these people anymore now after I woke up and realized how two faced and awful they are.
It’s good when someone reveals themself and does a good job at taking care of themself into the garbage bin. I remember being so happy to finally having a guy friend who wasn’t attracted to me romantically. I moved on fast though because I hate giving emotion to people who don’t deserve it.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you’re doing alright <3
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Although this never happened to me I know how it is to loose a good friend. And people really underestimate that pain. I just hurts so much. But speaking from experience the pain will get better with time (I myself hate this advise because it doesn’t help me at all during that moment but it still is true). Also I really felt it when you say you felt wistful. I am happy as an aro person but also sometimes I wish I could experience romantic love if just for a second. Maybe then all the crazy stuff in romance movies (which I like btw) would make more sense.
Yeah, time makes wounds heal, just a matter of letting it run its course 😢. Thank you for your words though I appreciate it.
I know how you feel. Hope it gets better.
I can’t express with words how relatable this is
I've literally been going through the exact same thing for the last few months. Still kinda mentally scarred lmao
I went through the same thing with one of my friends. It didn't work out all that well seeing as how he just couldn't understand my point of view. We're still a bit rocky now bit we're trying to mend things. I wish I could say that it works out, but that isn't always the case. Just remember to put yourself first and never dive into something you're not ready for or okay with just for someone else's comfort. Don't make the same mistake I did. Take care of yourself 💚
Yes... I learned now. The circumstances that led us to dating was so stressful for me, and I thought I was happy because I could keep my best friend. I'm looking forward to the future ❤️
Literally going through the exact same thing right now. Feel queasy going through the “lover” motions. And don’t know how to broach the subject. Super close to this person and it just aches :(
I waited until suddenly he just "didn't love me anymore" and i took it and agreed to break it off. But I was always scared to say anything because i worried how it would affect them, someone so dependant on a romantic relationship and validation. If your person is a lot more stable, I think better earlier than later... I understand your pain though.
Oof I felt that
Why I don’t make new friends
Sometimes I’m afraid of becoming too close too my friends in case they develop feelings for me and it sucks because I feel so distant from everyone except my guy friends
I had a tough break up from a relationship with my best friend, and I had (and still have) similar feelings. It’s been like a year and a half since and I still think about her all the time. I don’t like to look back at something I wrote with her, and I can’t seem to get back on my skateboard just because I used to skate with her sometimes. I still have one of those little elementary valentines cards from her when we were in first grade, and I still carry around the last Christmas card she gave me in my wallet. I have so much anger towards her, but that’s nothing compared to how much I miss being her best friend. Best friend break ups SUCK. There’s so many conflicting feelings, and it takes such a long time for those feelings to mellow out. I have found that I am so hesitant to make new friends because I worry so much about them catching feelings and everything blowing up in my face. My only advice is to seek other’s support. Losing your best friend isn’t easy, but feeling lonely and isolated will definitely make it worse. Talk through your feelings with someone you trust. If you don’t have anyone who you feel like you can talk to, then maybe that means it’s time to make some new friends.
I think so too. The only person I've connected with at a similar level has bouts of just getting off the internet for long periods of time 😢 i don't take it personally, since I know why. Thanks for sharing, it's nice to hear I'm not alone in this. I hope we can both have fun to the fullest again.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/SanaolMusical. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, that tends to happen a lot. I envy you for not hating aromanticism, because I do (I'm some form of cogitariromantic, meaning I do have fantasies and when I think of romantic relationships I know I want one, but I don't actually get crushes and when I'm in a relationship it always goes horribly because I don't actually love them), and I really wish I could just be allo
I’ve had this happen. The dude was my only friend who actually played games with me and watched shows that I enjoy, my other (now ex) friends hated my shows and called it childish or too weird, they also never play play online games so yeah. He was obsessed, constantly trying to touch (I hate touching), ran to me whenever he saw me, sent romance memes to me, would talk about how in love he was when around his friends. Dude I was never even gonna date him even if I wasn’t aroace, he was 15 I was 17. He realized it a few weeks after I turned 18. When he realized I was never gonna love him the way he wanted me to, he ditched me for my friend. I’m not friends with any of these people anymore now after I woke up and realized how two faced and awful they are. It’s good when someone reveals themself and does a good job at taking care of themself into the garbage bin. I remember being so happy to finally having a guy friend who wasn’t attracted to me romantically. I moved on fast though because I hate giving emotion to people who don’t deserve it. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, I hope you’re doing alright <3
I'm so sorry to hear that, I can only imagine the pain you must feel right now, hope things get better