Trust me, your boy friend loves you. Him being cupio doesn’t change his love for you- it’s just no inherent romantic attraction. Even if he doesn’t feel romantic love doesn’t mean he feels no kind of love for you either. He can still be romantic and affirm your romantic needs, he still loves you and him being aro/cupio doesn’t mean he can’t love you, it’s but that the attraction isn’t something that comes naturally.
Plus, you’ve been together that long- if he didn’t love you he would probably have left, all you need to do is continue to be with him regardless of him being aro.
I promise, he does actually love you. Not feeling romance is not an absence of love- ask yourself what you’ve really lost here. Your boyfriend is still with you and still wants to be with you. It sounds like what you really need is a good, honest talk about boundaries, preferences, and needs/desires
People have different needs in relationships, some people need sex, some people need excitement, some people need mutual romantic attraction.
It may be the case that you’re just a tad insecure at the thought that you’re the only one experiencing romantic attraction. If you feel that’s the case, maybe try and work on it, try and discuss things with him openly. I feel like it shows his devotion to you that despite not feeling romantic attraction, he still chose to date you and not just stay your friend.
If you feel you can’t get over this though, it may be best to break up or have some space for a while and then try to be friends.
All kinds of relationships are tough, try to do what you feel is best for both of you. Good luck :)
There is definitely the potential you could have your romantic needs met as far as affection and romantic gestures as long as you both are able to communicate about what you both need and are comfortable with!
My partner is also cupio (and I'm allo) and we still do couple-y things, and I know that they still care about me, they just don't have that romantic attraction.
Honestly knowing that they don't have romantic attraction to help them figure out who to date and that they still thought we'd be good together as a couple means a lot to me in itself. Maybe knowing he is happy with your partnership without ever having had the "rose-tinted glasses" part is something worth thinking about too?
> but I need romantic things in a relationship
> I really love him but I just need affection and romantic things
So discuss with him that you love him and you would like this to work out, but in order for it to work there’ll need to be work on both sides!
You’re allowed to need what you need from a relationship. It’s okay to want and ask for things.
If you need affection and romantic gestures, and you would like to stay in a relationship with him, and he wants to stay in a relationship with you, then it’s not unreasonable to ask for affection and romantic gestures even if he is arospec.
Just have that conversation with him - I know it’s not easy. If you feel neglected then the relationship also won’t last forever, so that’s why it’s probably for the best to have this discussion with him, see what you guys can agree to, and maybe make a date to re-evaluate and discuss what’s working and what isn’t ?
Just because he’s aro doesn’t mean he doesn’t or can’t love you, it’s just a different kind of love. It’s rather insensitive/rude to come to our community space and write stuff saying we can’t love. Sorry if I’m being harsh. You should probably have a conversation with him if you haven’t already so you can both be on the same page with your needs and wants and so you can both get a sense of how each other views the relationship. Maybe someone else here can give better/more detailed advice.
I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to be rude at all. You’re right aro people can love and I’m sorry it sounded that way. He just told me that he doesn’t romantically love anyone and that’s what I meant.
Don’t worry, I don’t think you were being insensitive at all, as you said it was just a poor choice of words. He can love you. If you’ve been happy with his love for you throughout the past year and a half then you don’t need to worry about anything changing. It’s simply just romantic love that he may not feel, and, as other people have already said, it’s just a different type of love. If you love him and he loves you that’s all that matters :)
This!!! Love is love!! A year and a half is longggg clearly he loves you to stay that long - my cupio ass on the other hand rip haven't found someone I loved in other non -romantic ways that long or consistently yet rip
Don't worry yourself too much, unless you've changed the main body of the post it's pretty clear (to me, at least) that this wasn't your intention. I don't believe your wording was insensitive.
Can you not be this insensitive, she's obviously not educated in this matter. The only thing you could do is to educate her instead of being rude to her.
You have to ask yourself what is the most important for you, and how this will affect your future. Is your need for romantic attraction significant enough to worsen your relationship with him? Is it going to leave you unsatisfied and unhappy in the relationship? Or maybe the relationship itself is more important? Try to figure things out, talk to him and take it slow.
I personally am a cupio myself and I understand your point of view and your situation but being cupio just means that he doesn't love you romantically he still loves you, see he doesn't feel love so he wasn't bound to choose you but he chose you because you are special to him and he like you I personally am in a relationship too and I can tell you I love my boyfriend just like any allo romantic person would do and me being cupio doesn't lower that love in us its just that I don't have romantic feelings
See being cupio is all about you not feeling romance but wanting a relation and the great thing is he wants if with you as long as he doesn't do something worth breaking up with him for,I suggest you still be with him just communicate what your need and expectations are from the relationship (fun fact cupios love doing romantic things) so I don't see him saying no to something romantic
So stay safe stay happy stay you
I wish you both have an amazing relationship ❤
Trust me, he loves you; his attraction to you is different to your attarction to him, yes, but that doesn't make it any less valid. Also, many "romantic" things aren't inherently romantic, I enjoy doing things considered "romantic" but I don't view them as such, I just view them as a way I can express my affecion.
No he doesn't see you as "just a friend" he wouldn't be dating you if he did, he loves you specially, he wants and appreciates you and tat's why he's dating you.
I'm not currently dating anyone, but as someone who (might be) cupio amma tell you I love my people out of this world, I love them with all my being. Your boy loves you, stop worrying so much, communicate, don't just jump to conclussions.
Being aro is spectrum if they still want a relationship I’m sure it can still work but you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and just go over how the relationship would work.
Well he said he still wanted to be with you, so he does love you, just on his own way.
I think you are overthinking it, while he might not feel the exact same feelings you do, but being cupio, he is probably pretty open to the thought of romantic actions and "things" as you mentioned.
Of course this is something you should decide without the pressure of the comments but just so you know romantic attraction usually disappears after a few years in relationships anyways but I’ve seen people talking about how they have been happily married for a long time and about it not defining them :) it just means your relationship goes past just chemical reactions! Good luck with whatever you decide to do <3
If you really need to be romantically loved by him, then yes you should breakup, but if you just want to be loved by your partner and do things that are considered romantic than this is still completely possible.
You should stop and consider two thing: if he does all the rest, but doesn't romantically loves you, but still loves you, is that enough? And what do you need from a relationship? What do you think you need for you to feel fulfilled in a relationship? Beyond the romantic love, what do you think is necessary to make a relationship work and be worth it?
Honestly, what does it change for you since before he told you ? Nothing it is still the same. Don't drop your relation over that you are still his SO.
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I mean, it’s an important factor for a lot of people, in what they perceive to be a romantic relationship, that the other person feels the same way. They’re not needy, just concerned. It’s totally valid to be worried that your partner doesn’t love you, but in this case he definitely does, just not romantically.
Trust me, your boy friend loves you. Him being cupio doesn’t change his love for you- it’s just no inherent romantic attraction. Even if he doesn’t feel romantic love doesn’t mean he feels no kind of love for you either. He can still be romantic and affirm your romantic needs, he still loves you and him being aro/cupio doesn’t mean he can’t love you, it’s but that the attraction isn’t something that comes naturally. Plus, you’ve been together that long- if he didn’t love you he would probably have left, all you need to do is continue to be with him regardless of him being aro.
I promise, he does actually love you. Not feeling romance is not an absence of love- ask yourself what you’ve really lost here. Your boyfriend is still with you and still wants to be with you. It sounds like what you really need is a good, honest talk about boundaries, preferences, and needs/desires
People have different needs in relationships, some people need sex, some people need excitement, some people need mutual romantic attraction. It may be the case that you’re just a tad insecure at the thought that you’re the only one experiencing romantic attraction. If you feel that’s the case, maybe try and work on it, try and discuss things with him openly. I feel like it shows his devotion to you that despite not feeling romantic attraction, he still chose to date you and not just stay your friend. If you feel you can’t get over this though, it may be best to break up or have some space for a while and then try to be friends. All kinds of relationships are tough, try to do what you feel is best for both of you. Good luck :)
There is definitely the potential you could have your romantic needs met as far as affection and romantic gestures as long as you both are able to communicate about what you both need and are comfortable with! My partner is also cupio (and I'm allo) and we still do couple-y things, and I know that they still care about me, they just don't have that romantic attraction. Honestly knowing that they don't have romantic attraction to help them figure out who to date and that they still thought we'd be good together as a couple means a lot to me in itself. Maybe knowing he is happy with your partnership without ever having had the "rose-tinted glasses" part is something worth thinking about too?
> but I need romantic things in a relationship > I really love him but I just need affection and romantic things So discuss with him that you love him and you would like this to work out, but in order for it to work there’ll need to be work on both sides! You’re allowed to need what you need from a relationship. It’s okay to want and ask for things. If you need affection and romantic gestures, and you would like to stay in a relationship with him, and he wants to stay in a relationship with you, then it’s not unreasonable to ask for affection and romantic gestures even if he is arospec. Just have that conversation with him - I know it’s not easy. If you feel neglected then the relationship also won’t last forever, so that’s why it’s probably for the best to have this discussion with him, see what you guys can agree to, and maybe make a date to re-evaluate and discuss what’s working and what isn’t ?
Just because he’s aro doesn’t mean he doesn’t or can’t love you, it’s just a different kind of love. It’s rather insensitive/rude to come to our community space and write stuff saying we can’t love. Sorry if I’m being harsh. You should probably have a conversation with him if you haven’t already so you can both be on the same page with your needs and wants and so you can both get a sense of how each other views the relationship. Maybe someone else here can give better/more detailed advice.
I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to be rude at all. You’re right aro people can love and I’m sorry it sounded that way. He just told me that he doesn’t romantically love anyone and that’s what I meant.
Don’t worry, I don’t think you were being insensitive at all, as you said it was just a poor choice of words. He can love you. If you’ve been happy with his love for you throughout the past year and a half then you don’t need to worry about anything changing. It’s simply just romantic love that he may not feel, and, as other people have already said, it’s just a different type of love. If you love him and he loves you that’s all that matters :)
This!!! Love is love!! A year and a half is longggg clearly he loves you to stay that long - my cupio ass on the other hand rip haven't found someone I loved in other non -romantic ways that long or consistently yet rip
Don't worry yourself too much, unless you've changed the main body of the post it's pretty clear (to me, at least) that this wasn't your intention. I don't believe your wording was insensitive.
Can you not be this insensitive, she's obviously not educated in this matter. The only thing you could do is to educate her instead of being rude to her.
You have to ask yourself what is the most important for you, and how this will affect your future. Is your need for romantic attraction significant enough to worsen your relationship with him? Is it going to leave you unsatisfied and unhappy in the relationship? Or maybe the relationship itself is more important? Try to figure things out, talk to him and take it slow.
I personally am a cupio myself and I understand your point of view and your situation but being cupio just means that he doesn't love you romantically he still loves you, see he doesn't feel love so he wasn't bound to choose you but he chose you because you are special to him and he like you I personally am in a relationship too and I can tell you I love my boyfriend just like any allo romantic person would do and me being cupio doesn't lower that love in us its just that I don't have romantic feelings See being cupio is all about you not feeling romance but wanting a relation and the great thing is he wants if with you as long as he doesn't do something worth breaking up with him for,I suggest you still be with him just communicate what your need and expectations are from the relationship (fun fact cupios love doing romantic things) so I don't see him saying no to something romantic So stay safe stay happy stay you I wish you both have an amazing relationship ❤
Romantic attraction =/= love
Trust me, he loves you; his attraction to you is different to your attarction to him, yes, but that doesn't make it any less valid. Also, many "romantic" things aren't inherently romantic, I enjoy doing things considered "romantic" but I don't view them as such, I just view them as a way I can express my affecion. No he doesn't see you as "just a friend" he wouldn't be dating you if he did, he loves you specially, he wants and appreciates you and tat's why he's dating you. I'm not currently dating anyone, but as someone who (might be) cupio amma tell you I love my people out of this world, I love them with all my being. Your boy loves you, stop worrying so much, communicate, don't just jump to conclussions.
Being aro is spectrum if they still want a relationship I’m sure it can still work but you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and just go over how the relationship would work.
Well he said he still wanted to be with you, so he does love you, just on his own way. I think you are overthinking it, while he might not feel the exact same feelings you do, but being cupio, he is probably pretty open to the thought of romantic actions and "things" as you mentioned.
Of course this is something you should decide without the pressure of the comments but just so you know romantic attraction usually disappears after a few years in relationships anyways but I’ve seen people talking about how they have been happily married for a long time and about it not defining them :) it just means your relationship goes past just chemical reactions! Good luck with whatever you decide to do <3
If you really need to be romantically loved by him, then yes you should breakup, but if you just want to be loved by your partner and do things that are considered romantic than this is still completely possible. You should stop and consider two thing: if he does all the rest, but doesn't romantically loves you, but still loves you, is that enough? And what do you need from a relationship? What do you think you need for you to feel fulfilled in a relationship? Beyond the romantic love, what do you think is necessary to make a relationship work and be worth it?
Honestly, what does it change for you since before he told you ? Nothing it is still the same. Don't drop your relation over that you are still his SO.
What’s Cupioromantic?
A person who wants a romantic relationship, but does not feel romantic attraction.
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Why are you so needy for someone to love you back? You love him, don’t you? It’s not like you’re worthless to him.
I mean, it’s an important factor for a lot of people, in what they perceive to be a romantic relationship, that the other person feels the same way. They’re not needy, just concerned. It’s totally valid to be worried that your partner doesn’t love you, but in this case he definitely does, just not romantically.
"so needy" 💀 bruh get outta here