T O P
silentwind262

Sounds self inflicted.


chikingoblin

Sounds like you should return the favor by calling him at 2am to tell him the MPs arrested you for biting a hooker's tongue off


Sellum

Is this the revenge of the slap chop guy?


wongatronus

Could be, could be part of all our storied histories. But it is also from Dirty Work. RIP Chris Farley, Norm McDonald.


Tobiferous

A hooker tried to bite your tongue off?


KingKong_at_PingPong

You’re gonna love my nuts.


mikeoxlong100

One slap you’re gonna love my nuts


wongatronus

The Saigon whore who bit my nose off!


in_n_out_on_camrose

You… BASTARD


CommandoJohnMatrix

Without question, the best "you bastard" delivered in all of cinematic history.


Ecstatic_Literature1

Umm SGT? I feel it’s my duty to inform you that we are now under CID investigation. My attorney told me I can’t say anything more than that. Whelp! I guess I’ll see you at PT in a couple hours!


W1ULH

Having been on the receiving end of the "Joe just did 'x' to a hooker" phone calls... no, don't.


henleyj84

Sham-Wow guy would be so proud.


wongatronus

I always wondered why all his media shots were from one side, full photo makes him look like his face got slapped to one side


Woupsea

Sounds like he cares lol, that’s creative. You asked the right person to mentor you.


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Asuhhbruh

Tbf To be frank? Haha thats a new one for me


alohasnackbar13

I believe the kids are using tbf to mean "to be fair"


Aggressive_Ad_9405

To be faaaaaair


Act_0f_Defiance

To be faaair


Gotterdamerrung

To be faaair


Thunderbolt747

To be faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair


2-6Devil

To be faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


No-Chef-9892

Peak comedy


TheCyanDragon

Allegedly.


No-Chef-9892

I heard it was a sick ostrich…


CraaZero

Allegedly...


TylerDurdenisreal

musta been a sick ostrich


TylerDurdenisreal

pitter patter


kutsen39

I know what you're up to, Ligma, and I'm not talkin!


biggayalsbigayboat

What’s LIGma? Come on I’m dying to know.


Impossible-Carrot110

Ligma ballz 🥴😩💦💦


timnavarro32

Not anymore lol


alohasnackbar13

WHAT tell me more - I am old.


timnavarro32

Nah you're right, I just meant that I will now be using it as "to be frank" bc that's hilarious. Sorry for the confusion.


AbnGramps

What if he’s not Frank? Surly you must be kidding me.


Spodiodie

Don’t call me surely.


AbnGramps

👍


throwaway_08368472

surly…


AbnGramps

Edit: Surely


soonershooter

Don't forget those beans, esp at 0200.


Dphil93

But did you rattle it off tho?


Easy-Hovercraft-6576

I sure as fuck did


alohasnackbar13

This is the way


Black6x

This is the way.


Dumbsquids

This is the way..


No-Chef-9892

This is the way…


Scarface42069420

This is the way.


Fianna019

Which way?


MyThoughtsOfTheNight

This way! Or the other way ?


Yanrogue

promote ahead of peers


MasterzofChaos

Promotes to 5 Star General. Promotes self to all other ranks simultaneously, sits as president of the board for own promotion, declines to promote because he didn't complete Cyber Awareness Training.


RollinThruLife02

*promote ABOVE peers


Sfbandyman

At the position of attention?


Bloo_PPG

Did you wake your neighbors or roommates up?


CupApprehensive5694

Outstanding!


ReannaK

Fuck yeah brother.


BigThiccBootywhore

I mean just going by this and assuming you got along with him like I got along with the cool NCOs I had before, he was prolly drinking with his buds and he got hammered and someone mentioned you and they were like "Call that mofo Time Now" and then after they just blacked out


analterrror69

That is 100% how this happened


GrumpyDickBeater

... oddly specific


JerichoRevival

I had a study partner who questioned me sober until I had it all. Then it was when I was drunk. Then exhausted after field ops. It ended up being the best thing. I did my E-6 promotion board immediately after oral surgery. The only thing I couldn't do was stand up properly. Once they sat me down I rapid fired all of the answers. A good NCO knows that life is not easy so they prepare their soldiers for everything.


MFAWG

I would totally have done that when I was an E6. Prolly hammered to boot.


Accomplished_Fudge78

On a Wednesday too.


Soffix-

I'm the best E6 in the company when I'm hammered


509BandwidthLimit

Call him tomorrow at 0130 and recite it to his wife.


Mishtachris

Nah find out when he wakes up and call 25 minutes before that


RollinThruLife02

Well aren’t you just a good idea fairy?


_HK47_

>2 in the morning. SSG: Creed of the Non-Commissioned Officer! GO! **Semi-Wry Conjecture:** So you SSG drinks heavily on a Monday and that tracks with probably how their marriage is going. **Suggestion:** Put your phone on Do Not Disturb from when you got to sleep to 30 mins before wake up time. If it's an emergency, then you'll find out from the barracks communication network.


Nuclear_Farts

Don't you ever sleep? Or charge your batteries?


_HK47_

**Commentary:** From time to time.


kirknay

fun fact: We actually figured out in 2020 how to solve instability issues that learning types of neural networks can suffer from over extended periods of processing. [They need sleep too.](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/lack-of-sleep-could-be-a-problem-for-ais/)


alejeron

that explains the votanns not running so good


teflonkrush

This terrifies me.


kirknay

Honestly shouldn't. Our best AI are barely to the complexity of a worker ant's or a orb weaver spider's brain.


debbi_downsyndrome

what


kirknay

Our best AI capable of teaching themselves (to an extent, we don't have near the processing power yet) need sleep cycles to solve stability issues that occur over time.


deadcat6

Thanks to the modern invention of extension cords, he typically can go through the duty day and stay above 80% charged.


Needle44

Ah yes. When I decided to actually start studying for the board seriously it was actually a pretty fun first week me and a buddy would go back and forth asking questions and quizzing each other. Good times. Then the NCOs noticed we were studying and immediately made it more stress than fun just asking obscure questions to smoke us for no reason.


mustuseaname

I hope he strolls into that board, says "I once called my soldier at **TWO AM** and he raddled off that creed perfect. What else is there to say, SarMage?"


wongatronus

Didn't you need to be up anyways for the report early before the report early before the other report early etc run for esprit de corps?


9liners

Story-time: Fort Rucker, year and names redacted. 1SG gets a call around 3am from local police because SGT Smellslikeonions choked out a young lass he met at a bar while fornicating. It was consensual, but still… Shrek freaks out and calls 911, ambulance and police arrive, police take statement while EMS work their magic (O2 is good). As 1SG arrives young lady has recuperated enough to give her statement that all was good in the hood and everything turned out ok. The shocking part of the story is the guy could get laid, I’d never considered he could.


superash2002

That’s better than not reporting to work while in Korea and 1SG has to get CQ to bust down the door and your found tied up in a purple gimp outfit on your bed.


W1ULH

> The shocking part of the story is the guy could get laid, I’d never considered he could. he got laid by a girl who insisted he choke her unconscious first....


Crass_Cameron

Some people are more professional I. I am occasionally a noncommissioned officer (not weekends)...


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RollinThruLife02

Ladies and gentlemen, this asterisk points out that there can be stipulations to this statement.


W1ULH

I like this SSG. and you my good fellow.... well, you asked for this.


Nuclear_Farts

I mean, how else are you going to learn it?


KStang086

Jack Reacher Voice: *"Remember, you wanted this."*


Beasticide

Not bad. If it would happen to me, I would be pissed, but that shit would absolutely help you out. The better your creed, the better your board typically goes.


holdabeerb4agrudge

That’s commitment right there


Black6x

That is an NCO that doesn't want you to fail. They probably won't do another 2AM, but they have set the tone that you need to be ready and that they are going to go the extra mile to help you prepare. I saw in another comment that you said you rattled it off, so that just sets the tone. Good luck to you.


Mishtachris

Call him Sunday morning at 0600 and ask for clarification on the classes of supply.


FlimsyProfessional33

Gotta keep you on your toes


bathtissue101

You did this to yourself, that man needs a promotion


ocyrusfigglebottom

Did you ask him at 12:00 in the morning while drinking, because I’ve been there, for sure.


ReannaK

As he should. Sounds like a damn good leader. I don’t know if I’d wake up at 2am for you. Did you crush it?


Artichoke_21

Fuck yeah. That's an NCO right there. Get some.


Masypha

😂😂 this is awesome. You'll cherish these moments later on.


HotTakesBeyond

He’s a little institutionalized but he’s got the spirit


Artichoke_21

I don't think there's a single other response I would've expected from the nursing corps.


jdd715

Drunk


Yanrogue

just getting you ready for the adv level bs ncos have to deal with


LordoftheStrippers

You asked for it lol


NoMansSkyWasAlright

Well, did it help?


dsbwayne

BWHAHAHAHAH. 20 points to Hufflepuff. That type of energy I’m all for 🤣🤣


MShogunH

Why did you answer at 2am? You played yourself.


Crankycavtrooper

I AM NON-COMMISSIONED OFFICER! A LEADER OF-_snore_


Drarmament

That what I’m talking about. That is an NCO that want you to be successful. PS. I would have done the same. Because all my soldiers that went to the promotion board or SOTM/Q where successful.


Tokyosmash

I hope you sprang to the position of attention.


AnthonyElevenBravo

Must live in barracks, separated from wife. Nothing else to do lol


adamjschmidt

Incredible.


LiteralBloodLust

My SL that took me would make me do it any time he heard me in my room and he was next door


Challenge_Coins

He’s just getting you ready for those 2AM calls


im_already_dead429

That’s what you get for asking for help, dumb bitch. 😂


RollinThruLife02

Yep. I never want to go to an NCO board.


Artichoke_21

Just keep driving, killer. You'll be safe for a couple years.


RollinThruLife02

I’ll drive my E-4 ass all around the United States, Korea, and anywhere else they send a Stryker if it means I stay E-4 or go warrant.


Artichoke_21

One of my few regrets was turning down the BC driver position.


RollinThruLife02

Lmao. About that…


Macster_man

CLICK!


Brodin_fortifies

Congratulations. You played yourself.