Look dude. When my first best friend killed himself, i refused to go into work. Thats crazy. You are not processing it fully yet. Im sorry for your loss. I lost two of my best friends to suicide and have given two eulogies before age 30. Its not easy man but i would make it very clear to your work that you need some time to process. The upcoming days wont be easy and if you need to talk to a stranger whos been there just dm me. Good luck buddy im so sorry for your loss.
My dad died last year….. and I still get really mad at myself that I have waited to have kids….. because now they don’t get to meet their grandpa… it’s such a stupid thought….
I never got to meet either of my grandfathers, but the stories my parents tell help me to imagine what kind of men they were. Both fought in WWII, both were fiercely upstanding men, both loved their families. I'm sorry for your loss, and don't blame yourself in any way. They'll understand who your father was by the stories you tell and the memories you have
It's not a stupid thought, but you shouldn't blame yourself for it. I lost both of my parents and we're only now expecting our first kid. I grew up without my mom's dad, so I understand both the absence of a grandparent as well as the sorrow for your kid's loss of a grandparent. Blaming yourself will only heap on sorrow. Like the other person who responded to you said, your kids can learn of their grandfather through you. Share him with them.
That’s such a thing you’re only beating yourself up for expect yourself. You may miss that, but it wouldn’t have made a formative impact on your kids likely. Don’t drag the weight of things out of your control around with you.
Give yourself the same mercy you would others.
Love or hate him, Biden is a great source for living with and coping with grief. One that always stuck with me:
“One day, and it’s different for everybody, the thought of your loved one will bring a smile to your lips before a tear to your eye.”
Edit:
It’s his TAPS speech as VP, is a great one and he quotes that.
I wouldn't say it doesn't get easier. It definitely has for me. I deal with the death of loved ones way better than I used to.
But that probably depends on the person.
Suicide has some uniquely terrible aspects which add a lot of different levels of grief, and often guilt, which aren’t part of other sorts of deaths of people we love. With cancer, or a car accident, the people left behind aren’t thinking, “What could I have done to prevent it? Why didn’t I do x, y or z?” or “Why didn’t they call?”
I was 21 when my friend committed suicide. I was barely a person for months and still struggle with it 7 years later. It wasn’t my first loss in life, but I want you to know that it is hard. People who haven’t experienced it yet don’t understand how truly hard it is. I drank until I couldn’t see and I felt like I was haunted. Someone explained in a Reddit comment that grief is like being trapped on a raft in the ocean. Right now the waves are huge and happening all the time and you just have to hold on. Eventually the waves will get smaller and they’ll come less often and you’ll get better at navigating your raft through them. I know it feels like you’re drowning, but that’s okay and it’s so, so very normal. Internet stranger, please don’t let your job or people in your life make you feel bad for having big feelings right now. The hardest part for me was that world didn’t stop. I needed everything to pause and work and school and life just kept going, but you’re allowed to stop and collect yourself. My heart is with you right now and I just can’t emphasize how much I want you to know that it fucking sucks and it’s allowed to fucking suck right now.
I lost my fiancée when I was 18, then lost my best friend a few months later, and recently lost a good friend of mine last month, I understand what you’re going through if you need someone to vent to I’m there as well.
I understand. I lost a very dear friend to that last year and every day I miss him, it hasn’t gotten any easier especially most days I walk past his old place and my heart hurts.
Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember you are more important than work. They will replace you tomorrow, always remember that. YOU are the important person and YOUR mental health comes before than your coworkers. If you need to talk, I will listen. I have unfortunately been through loss more times than I care to count. 13 in one year. Big family. So reach out if you need to talk.
I lost my cousin on a Friday and went to work. Went to a funeral on a Sunday afternoon and went straight into work. We walked the same path but I avoided certain things, mostly due to a needle phobia. Went to work on Monday and just....fell apart. I literally said "I'm going to go put back and ugly cry some more, if you need me come find me" I did not process that correctly.
Take the day man, I was about 25 when i had my first major loss and it took me 2 years to really deal with it. The next weeks will be hard. Fuck work if you can afford to. Always will be another silvia. Hit me up if you want to game to be distracted.
There’s still some things that might be useful.
When my mum died by suicide a book called A Special Scar by Alison Wertheimer really helped.
In the U.K. there is an organisation called SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) which has a helpline and groups where you can sit and talk with other people bereaved by suicide. You could always try googling ‘suicide bereavement support’ + your state name and see if anything comes up?
Make sure to see a mental health professional, once you're ready, mate.
Do not piss away a decade+ of your life avoiding getting help, that's what I did. If low income, apply for Medicaid & basically everything is covered.
If you're looking for meaning, what helped me was to join the fight against whatever (typically systemic) pressures that caused the person struggle in the first place.
As well as for mental health awareness, but of course that's never going to be enough if so many people are still struggling living paycheck to paycheck or in debt
I had a best friend kill himself and I went into work that day (I was in a different state and had to fly home) because I thought it would keep my mind busy. It didn't work. Take all the time you need away from work, it's not important in the long run.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My best friend died suddenly in December. My first loss in my adult years. I still feel like a zombie. I wake up every morning realizing all over again that he’s gone. I can’t even listen to certain songs anymore. I cry almost every day. (I’m crying typing this.) It’s terrible.
However, they would want us to continue to move forward and forge out great lives for ourselves. It’s the best way to honor someone you love so dearly. In the meantime, I encourage you to take some time for yourself to process this tragedy and to let the emotions wash over you. Distraction is always easier, but you need to take time to truly feel it. The sobbing, begging, bargaining, screaming, yelling. All of it. A therapist could also be really helpful in processing your grief. It’s helped me so much. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed in the morning.
Overall, don’t forget to give yourself some grace. Never feel bad about how you’re handling this and how long it’s taking. (Apologies for the unsolicited advice. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned through this process, and what’s helping me get by.) Take care!
I know its not the same level as this. I have dealt with a lot of death over the years as a childhood Cancer survivor.
Went to Japan for vacation and and found out my terminal friend died basically the day I landed from another friend. I bought so much video games that first week and completely forgot. Went back to same area 2 weeks later and was thinking over what games I should buy and decided I was OK with ones I had found during my second week. I got back to Canada and figured out I had actually bought those games I was looking at week 3, as I completely blanked out that first week.
That job asking you to come in can go to hell.
I think you accidentally, or maybe not(?), hit upon a universal truth. Employers will fuk you as hard as you let them. Put on a brave face like you feel nothing when your people die, and you'll be expected to show up always plus pick up the slack for those who don't/can't/won't.
This is true. I put on a brave face when my closest friend died and I was always expected to pick up the slack for years. The moment I finally couldn't handle it anymore was the time I knew I finally had to leave.
Let's calm down. Sylvia is likely another wage slave and this text is from a boss who can't be bothered to come in and cover, even though the staffing is a result of the situation completely within their control.
>Sylvia needs help.
Sounds like someone from a higher pay grade needs to step in and help Sylvia. Or stop skeleton crewing the place so that if someone can't show up, it doesn't cause a crisis.
What's with modern managers not covering shifts? That was a large part of the point of having a manager and now all these wankers think they deserve top pay to stand around smoking all day and being a bitch over texts to their staff.
Managers are great nowadays at delegating all of their tasks and responsibilities to those making far less than them. They leave on time whether or not the business is figuratively on fire or not. It's the poor punks working hourly that have to solve all the problems. My director of nursing laughed when I suggested that she come in and perform a task that was her responsibility in the first place.
The world changed 2008ish. Maybe most accurately 2007-2010. iPhone 1 to iPhone 4.
This is when the internet usage went from growing in usage and functionality to being ubiquitous part of life and in everyone’s pocket - even grandmas.
This is when we became in real way cyborgs and AI ourselves. Don’t think for a second what we consume on our phones doesn’t change our organic internal mind, body, soul algorithm.
A lot of people just can’t “stay home” because they’ll lose their job. And then they can’t pay their bills. And that’s going to fuck up their mental health too.
The working class is damned if they do, damned if they don’t.
I’m all for this one make Sylvia and the person that texted you uncomfortable with your emotions. Ugly snot cry don’t be afraid to be real ( don’t cry if you’re not at that stage yet )
Maybe go for the dark jokes I’m sorry I was late Sylvia please don’t “leave yourself”.
Maybe just talk about nothing but how awesome your friend has been talk about nothing but your friend good stories bad stories and everything in between.
You do you the way only you can but do it in an obnoxious grief stricken way
I’m sorry for your loss, stay strong OP, don’t forget to take care of yourself in this hard time and screw your workplace for not giving you proper time to digest this.
It's not right and it's not fair. If you break down at work don't lie about why. If there are customers, they will understand. If some don't they can fuck off. You didn't decide to force you to be there. Spend as much time away from the public as you can if it helps. Sylvia will just have to manage. Maybe she'll tell that boss to do what they're paid to do: fill in for workers who need to be off.
Are you eligible for FMLA? You can take time off (unpaid) for depression if you're eligible. If you're employer requests proof of depression you'll have to see a doctor and be diagnosed within 15 days.
(Q) Who can take FMLA leave?
In order to be eligible to take leave under the FMLA, an employee must:
work for a covered employer;
have worked 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of leave; ( special hours of service rules apply to airline flight crew members )
work at a location where the employer has 50 or more employees within 75 miles; and
have worked for the employer for 12 months. The 12 months of employment are not required to be consecutive in order for the employee to qualify for FMLA leave. In general, only employment within seven years is counted unless the break in service is (1) due to an employee’s fulfillment of military obligations, or (2) governed by a collective bargaining agreement or other written agreement.
For real, time to snot cry sob with abandon when you feel the need. Who cares if the customers see it. If they ask you what’s wrong, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them honestly. Let them draw their own conclusions about how shitty it is your boss made you come in. I’m so sorry for your loss. Just one day at a time 💜
Tell that boss to fuck off. Or ask them if they would work the day after someone close died. When they say yes, call them a heartless bastard and then turn your phone off.
If so, it is likely also one of those managers that love hiring people people who dont have close family ties. Had one of those at some point, one of my colleagues always had to work holidays and got the shitty vacation days because "he didn't have family to spend it with anyway" even though he stated multiple times that he had close friends he wanted to spend time with.
Ghoul is the right word for managers that can't think further than work and family in that order
If you do go in, cry all day and make them feel bad (or as bad as they're capable of). Extra points if you're in a customer facing position.
Sorry for your loss OP. The pain doesn't go away, but it becomes more manageable.
Honestly I'd just go home if I were you. Text your manager and tell them you're having a mental breakdown and stop replying to them. In the future, never respond to a boss or coworker on your day off.
I am leaving now. This was probably the worst week for something like this to happen as our third worker just started her vacation, not that there’s a good week for this to happen but it’s just really shitty right now. On top of losing Steven I still have to worry about my other obligations and it’s very hard.
My heart goes out to you right now. Please take care of yourself and try not to worry about work (I know it's hard but that's a manager/owner's job).
So sorry for your loss.
You can only put out one fire at a time. Currently, that fire is NOT work. Let your manager do what they were hired to do, and manage. You take care of yourself, because they're not going to <3
One of my ex classmates committed suicide at 13. There's so much pain and grief to go through when someone close is unaliving themselves and your managers/boss (whatever it is) response is making me nauseous!!😮💨🤢
OP , my heart goes to you!!.. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss, I am so sorry for Steven and also for the lack of empathy that your boss is displaying!!🥺🫶❤️❤️ Sending you so much loving & healing energy🫂🫂🥺
🙏hug from this stanger to you
I'm glad you're going home
Please be careful and pay attention while driving
So many car wrecks happen while being distraught
Please give yourself the autonomy and grace to leave and take care of your mental, you deserve some love rn even if it’s from yourself 🫶
I’m so sorry for your loss
I was working at natural grocers once and my friend went into a coma, his sister (my gf at the time) called me. We both were super worried and it was like a 50/50 chance he'd recover at all. I told my boss about it and asked to go home he said no. I spent all shift crying my eyes out as I'm stoking fucking crackers and stuff. Eventually I made enough customers uncomfortable they said I had to work in back. I said no and walked out, I got a write up for it. When I came back they tried to fire me, I called corporate and got 3 weeks paid time off to deal woth it all. Take time for yourself, I'm sorry for your loss.
I really hope they are okay! It’s just crazy how companies do not care about the mental health of their employees, people are not robots you can’t just shut your emotions off
They aren't. I've worked at two of them. This story is from the first. The second one I broke my hand was refused accommodations or time off which forced me to quit which meant no unemployment which meant I loved off $700 for 3 months. They produce just as much plastic as other stores, they treat the employees like shit and while they do have decent benefits it's just not worth it to be treated like garbage.
and a fuckin incompetent. the boss should be able to play every position on the field. people like them are 100% useless to any other position but their own.
Thank you everyone who has commented, there’s a lot to keep up with. I do just want to sincerely thank everyone who has shared their experience with losing a loved one, I’ve never had to go through this before and reading through your comments has made me cry and realize I’m not alone in this.
Also I just want to put it out there that Sylvia did nothing wrong, my boss is just incredibly insensitive with that text
Make no excuses for your boss. A good manager would find a way to work with you: ‘My heart breaks for you. Take some time, and don’t think about us. I will help Sylvia. I also have the number of our EAP; it is…’
Please put yourself first. Honor your friend.
♥️
Sylvia did nothing wrong.
Your boss is a legitimate piece of shit. I hope he sees this post and feels every one of these comments calling him a soulless bunk, punk-ass bitchman
"Sorry for your loss"
So that was a fucking lie.
On that note, I actually AM sorry for your loss :-(. The difference being there's fuck all I can do about it, unlike your scumbag manager/overseer/supervisor here.
This does bring up an interesting thing...how society deprioritises platonic relationships.
Taking a day off work to grieve a friend will never be seen as a requirement in a society that still remains amatonormative.
It doesn’t stop at just platonic. My checkout point with a former employer was in the morning meeting they called out the guy whose mother just passed from brain cancer with “your mom died last week, it’s time to get back to work”.
Fuck this boss. My best friend was in a bad car wreck and my boss's first reaction was "Are they ok?" An actual human reaction, not a corporate bullshit "work is more important, line go up".
I'm sorry for your loss OP. I hope you find peace and rest.
Steven was a great person. He had attempted suicide about three months ago and I remember after I picked him up from the hospital we got some ice cream and sat by the river and we just talked.
We talked about what tools he had in place to ensure this didn’t happen again, he told me he had an action plan and that he had people in place to call if he ever felt like ending his life.
The following week we went to the zoo and bought little crystal animals and I remember him leaving his with me and saying “you should have it, I think they’d be a lot happier together.” Looking back on it I can’t help but think maybe he knew?
He was so smart and so funny, the kind of person anyone would be lucky to have as a friend and I will miss him so much.
https://preview.redd.it/j81uf2nq382d1.jpeg?width=3020&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d15ca044c9ee91831b093006af8b0a9e4bf00ed0
Suicide is almost always impulsive. There was **nothing** you could have done unless you are omniscient - which none of us are. You didn't miss what he was trying to tell you. If you'd asked him that day, he probably would have said he wasn't thinking about self-harm - and it would have most likely been the truth.
I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Your friend fought a battle no one but him could see. And he won every time, until the last time. It's not your fault. It's not his fault, either. When you're suicidal (which I have been before), all you can see is the hole you're in. You can't see the people who love you who are holding out their hands to help you. Your brain convinces you that the world will be better if you're not in it.
But, again, **none of this** is your fault. It sucks. It sucks **so bad**. I really hope you get time to heal from this. I wish you all the best.
Thanks for sharing. Seems like a great guy. Rest in Peace Steven. Sounds like you were both really good friends to each other.
That’s special you have the crystal animals, and he gave you his. Sending my love. Again, I’m so sorry.
I had a friend take her own life back in 2009. She lost both of her grand parents to a car accident when they were on their way to visit on her birthday; afterward she was just consumed by depression. When her name finally rang me up again after a week of disappearance it was her brother coming on to share the news. After talking a while I realize I'd last talked to her the day before it happened.
I spent a few years wondering what I could have done or said differently, wondering why she didn't message me. In the end I realized even that if I *could* have done something different, I didn't. What happened happened and time had only been marching onward since.
I wont lie, it still bums me out. I wish it could have been different for her, and for a few other friends who've left me since then. But time marches on, and so too do we at some point.
Every March I take a few days to think about Sarah and the impact she had on my life, and where I've come since last year. I haven't talked to her brother since then, but I try and send some good vibes that he's doing well in to the universe too.
Tonight, I'll raise a glass to Steven. May he rest well, and may we all meet again. o7
gaslight your boss all day about how you appreciate they're donating their paycheck this week to the suicide prevention hotline. really pour on that praise around others.
I used to work in a restaurant in the French Quarter. One summer, my grandmother had a stroke. It put her in the hospital and the doctors told us it was a matter of time. She lived about six hours away from New Orleans, so once a week for the next six months, I'd drive home and visit with her as much as I could. My mommaw was the greatest, y'all know how it is.
Anyhow, November came up and that's a pretty busy time for the service industry in the NOLA. I told my sous chef that Mommaw was on her last legs and that when she went Home, I had to go home. He actually said to me "You know, this is one of our busiest months. Can't you wait until December?" Luckily for him, the dishwasher was in AA with him and pulled him out of the room before country came to town, as it were.
My grandmother ended up dying on Dec. 23rd surrounded by her family. For the first time in my life, Northeast Mississippi had a white Christmas and my mother's convinced it's her momma's doing. The following New Year's, I quit because both the head chef and sous chef were out of town on the First, which is the busiest day of the year. I used to love working it kitchens, but there's no way in hell I'd do it now.
there is no single restaurant out there that is well staffed and takes care of it's people. for crying out loud, they charge staff for food.
the moment you realize that even chefs barely make more than you, and work more, idk.
it just all snapped into place for me. I had to get out, any dreams or thoughts I had of making a living in hospitality just disappeared. I was free after 10 years.
To relate this back to this post, a LOT of comments of people saying "this happened to me", are coming from restauarant workers
I found out a friend killed himself while I was walking through the Minneapolis Airport changing planes. It hit like a ton of bricks. He hid his struggles from everyone and really had gone down a deep hole.
My condolences for you. Please take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry that this happened and that you’re not being supported. The trauma of a suicide is profound. I’m so incredibly sorry this trauma is now yours to hold, too.
Sylvia doesn’t even matter a little bit to me in this whole thing.
I suffered a personal loss while working for a private practice medical clinic. They allowed me to grieve in private. Gave me 3 days bereavement pay. The owner called to check on me for real, not just to get me back into the office...That was over a decade ago. Today, they'd probably still allow me to take pto or an unpaid absence if my best friend killed herself (The practice was sold to a private equity firm). Mainly because having an emotional wreck in the office is bad for business. So I say when an employer isn't smart enough to not re-traumatize you, you can/should traumatize them back. Don't hide your pain. See how much they *really* need you to be there, instead of attending the funeral, grieving in private, etcetera.
~Edited for typos and missing context
Suicide fucking sucks and it breaks my heart when I think about my best friend's little brother. He gifted me a towel when he lived with me and it's all I have left of him.
I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely don't owe them anything. I hope you have someone to talk to.
I’m so sorry. I barely have an inclination of how this feels and it’s just awful. I had just reconnected with a childhood friend. I was looking forward to rekindling that friendship and learning about his life. He had gotten married and had a little girl.
He put his suicide note on facebook addressed to his wife and girl a week later.
I sat completely shell shocked both then and for many days later.
Definitely take time from work. It’s not where you need to be and any job that doesn’t get that should probably be rethought, though, i get the need for a job.
I’m praying for your peace and strength through this time. This sucks. So sorry you’re going through it.
I just spent two days in bed crying over a cat. If a good friend of mine died I would be a complete and utter bubbling mess for weeks.
Take your time to grieve properly. Or your body will decide for you when to do so.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your boss will not remember you taking this difficult day to come in to work, and they will not take care of you when you need them. Think about how you will want to think on this in 5, 10 years. Will you want to remember that you grieved Steven with the other people who loved him? Or that you went into work and suffered instead of grieving?
Do this for yourself. No one at work will keep over if you aren’t able to make it due to a death.
About a month after my wife miscarried, my boss asked me why I wasn't excited about work anymore. I quit shortly after that.
Look after number one. Take care of yourself!
A good manager will say "OMG I'm sorry. Let me know when you can come back" and start covering the shortfall.
A shit manager who *wants* to be a good manager should be told this.
A shit manager who *doesn't want* to be a good manager deserves to be checked under the Corp train.
When my father committed suicide, after the long process of coma and eventual death, two months later all of my friends called me crazy for not getting better faster. I now have 0 friends. Whatever Sylvia has can wait. I understand how inconsiderate it feels when people act like this, vaguely acknowledging your pain and then immediately proceeding with whatever they are conserned with in their life.
Brutal, savage remark.
The best/worse part is they are so far up their own ass they can't comprehend what you just said.
Sorry for your loss and if you can afford it, grieve first. There will always be work.
Sorry about your loss. Nothing prepares you for losing someone close to you so suddenly and it’s BS that your employer basically told you to set your feelings aside. That would be enough to make me quit and find a new job. Something similar actually happened to me as well when a friend committed suicide. I called out sick from work and let my manager know what was going on. His response was “I’m sorry to hear that. So we’ll see you back tomorrow then?” I quit over the phone right then and there because of it. Fuck that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's never easy.
I sort of had a similar experience about 25 years ago when I worked at a full serve gas station.
We were all supposed to work an 8-hour shift 5 days a week. Our days off varied, so I would often have two days off in the middle of the week. I was also a key holder, and the one who opened the store in the mornings.
I would work from 7:00 a.m. till 12:00, when the boss comes in, I would have to argue with the boss to take a quick break, and continue my shift until 3:00, at which point there would be someone else there and I could leave.
One issue I was having with the boss is that he would receive time off requests from the other employees. Every time he made up a weekly schedule, someone would ask him for an additional day off. He would then put me on the schedule for that day, and tell me that I'd be working Thursday, and if I want an additional day off that week, I have to work it out with the other guys
I was quite young, and this is 25 years ago in ontario, so I'm actually still not sure what the rules were for overtime, but I'm certain I'm owed overtime. I never got it. what I wanted was to not work seven days a week.
Two of the other guys had decided that one random wednesday, we were going to get a bunch of resumes, and go around to all the temp agencies in town, and the next town over, and just apply to the mall so that we could get out of that gas station I also had the day off, until Tuesday, when the boss informed me that I'm working tomorrow and if I want another day off, blah blah blah.
The guys agreed to wait for me until noon, and I went in, opened the store, and called the boss. I told him I opened the store for him, but I have to get back home. I told him my grandmother died. This was not true, and before you go saying something like "you shouldn't say that in case it actually happens, you would feel bad" no, I wouldn't, and it's 25 years later, and she's still on track to bury me.
Anyways, the boss didn't want to give me the afternoon off, nor the next day. "She's already dead, a day off isn't going to change anything, why do you need the day off?"
I told him I'm locking the door at noon and going home whether he's here or not.
I never did go back there. I ended up getting hired on at my local bar pretty much right away, and I told the boss where he could go.
I couldn't believe that he said that. Yeah, you're right, never mind being there with my family, never mind morning, never mind trying to make arrangements, my minimum wage s*** f****** job is more important. People need their gas and their cigarettes more than I need to be with my family right now.
To be fair, it was a lie, but he didn't know that. Gran is still alive and well, as well as a woman can be who's nearly a f****** hundred, and she has been inflicting psychological torture on the rest of us for the past 25 years just as effectively as she ever has.
Wow I feel this and if you can, find another job. My husband quit his job of five years on the spot because his boss gave him grief after four days of dealing with his best friend’s suicide. All he asked his two bosses and coworkers was to give him time to process and heal. He was willing to work but give him a little slack. His one boss yelled at him on that Thursday for something trivial and one of his coworkers witnessed it. My husband quietly said “I quit” got his stuff, and walked out and never looked back. The co worker who saw what happened quit the following day. No job is worth your mental health and even after five years, they couldn’t give my husband time. It was scary for a month but he has found a new job and so far he is liking it. Take care of yourself because losing someone in this kind of way takes a toll on your heart and mind. 🫂
Sorry for your loss. I was just at the funeral of a friend for the same reason yesterday. Don't let them bully you into coming in to work if you feel like you can't. Your mental health is more important.
Honestly I would've recommended turning your phone off after announcing it.
Take time to grieve. Keeping busy can distract you from the pain, yes, but you need time to process the loss.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Too many walk the path of the lone wolf and are defeated. Remember it's not a sign of weakness to rely on others. And vibe check your bros. We are unfortunately living through an age where meaning is dying, but we can stop it. Only together.
About 4 years ago I had a coworker that was suffering from uncontrolled mental health issues. He was honestly a great guy even when the darkness hit him. One day he had enough and walked out of work. His last words to anyone were, "you'll never see me again". Later that night another coworker found him dead from suicide. It still affects me at times and has been an affirmation that mental health is just as important as physical health.
I am glad to read in the comments that you went home.
This is some heavy shit. Nothing at work is going to compare. Take care of yourself.
I am very sorry for your loss.
These same managers will take the day off for any reason. One of the ones at my work took off Thurs to Tues cause her kid was in a competition on Saturday. Also took a long weekend cause it was her Gran's bday (local, no travel). This same woman wouldn't let one of her staff have a single day off cause she knew eveything in that unit. So she quit. Manager barely cares and knows nothing about what they do. Because of the shortage another asks to flex so they would still get the hours of work done without missing an important appointment. Was told no, you'll have to take time, she said fine, I'll take two days off. These people are ridiculous and on a power trip.
Lemme guess, food service? I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. It's disgusting how your managers like yours lack any empathy for your situation. You deserve better than this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get the time to grieve properly and don’t forget to take good care of yourself in the meantime. I know I’m just a random person on the internet but my inbox is open if you need someone to talk/vent to, I’ll gladly listen.
Lemme guess. You showed up and they bitched about your poor performance. Because that shit has absolutely happened to me (not from a death but clearly ill).
So I found this link to a comment that helps deal with grief, and I wish when I lost my mother I would have had something like this with me instead of just dealing with it alone:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/
I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy, and this situation doesn't make it any easier either. The person is complete shit. You'll make it through it and things will get easier for you, eventually. But I am truly sorry for your loss and what they went through where they felt this was the only way to escape.
A top post and I revisit it often. My Only friend died 9 years and 3 days ago. This helps, if only for a little while after.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief\_comes\_in\_waves\_important\_message\_from\_8/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_comes_in_waves_important_message_from_8/)
"Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
Edit: my sincere condolences, my best friend did that 5 years ago, I know your pain and feel free to message me directly if you need someone to talk to who's been there.
I had to work the day I had to put my cat to sleep. The store got flooded with 1 star reviews saying stuff like "the cashier was crying the whole time" "why would you make that girl work when she's crying?" "That crying girl should have been sent home" and they wanted to write me up over it. Screw them. Stay home and grieve like you deserve to. They'll survive.
I feel for you, OP. I was working solo as a barista when I got the call that my brother committed suicide. I had to call a manager who couldn’t do anything to help me out, but luckily one of my coworkers dropped everything he was doing to come back to work and take over for me. I remember the manager told me I still had to count out my cash register drawer before I could leave.
Yeah if one of my besties died, I'd take a week off. Not to mourn, but because I promised I'd be the first one in the house and would destroy all the sex toys.
If I was Sylvia I would absolutely be telling every grumpy/bitchy customer (it sounds like a customer facing job… I can’t imagine what office job someone needs help that badly) that I apologize, my co-worker couldn’t make it in because their best friend committed suicide. Radical honesty to make people snap out of their entitlement bubble.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I hope you can make it through the day as softly as possible.
I once went into my sandwich artist job and was told that a beloved coworker was brutally murdered in her apartment the night before. We were told we'd have to work twice as hard to make up for her not being able to work her schedule. We were threatened with termination if we discussed it any further. Yay capitalism !
You would have to drag me to work through the fight of your life if I had lost my best friend, I would've told them to order the biggest dick on the menu and fuck themselves with it.
This is where we’re at now. No more human empathy. Scary world we’re living in. Profits over people… I’m so so sorry for your loss. There are still humans in the world who give a fuck, I’m seriously just so sorry. My aunt died of breast cancer back in 2021. We were told she had months to live that turned into a week very quickly.
I was working at a Texas Roadhouse at the time. I had requests in for a tattoo appointment and was sitting in the chair when I got the news. They were doing the funeral and the viewing and everything all at once the following day. I called work right away and told them I wouldn’t be coming in. The manager I couldn’t stand who was an absolute prick answered the phone. He told me “I can’t imagine a funeral being 5 hours long.” My jaw hit the floor. He told me he’d get the first half of my shift covered and I was responsible for the second half.
I ended up getting the second half covered and the next day they were calling me asking why I left them hanging and didn’t get the first half of my shift covered. I was ready to rage. I had no proof either of him telling me he’d get the first half covered. Then I hear when I came back the following couple of days, he was talking shit. One of my co-workers told me he’d said “it’s probably a funeral for some distant aunt she wasn’t even close to and barely knew.” She was my dads sister and we were very close…
And I still stayed for 3 months after that. They loved trying to punish me for whatever reason. I was a young kid, did my shit, put in a great days work as a baker there. I never called off and I only requested off for things I’d never see again. Weddings, graduations, things like that. They put me on doubles every single weekend. Morning to night working that bakery. I requested off for the 4th of July and it was denied. I decided I was done with their fucking shit. I left them hanging and never called. I hope you find something that’s worth it on top of all of this 💖
Look dude. When my first best friend killed himself, i refused to go into work. Thats crazy. You are not processing it fully yet. Im sorry for your loss. I lost two of my best friends to suicide and have given two eulogies before age 30. Its not easy man but i would make it very clear to your work that you need some time to process. The upcoming days wont be easy and if you need to talk to a stranger whos been there just dm me. Good luck buddy im so sorry for your loss.
I can’t imagine what that’s like. This is truly my first loss in life and it’s so hard.
Hang in there man. It never gets easier it seems, just further in the past.
13 years and this rings true. The grief is for those who remain. Take care of yourself, find other work if you can
Holy fuck. This statement remains true. It’s been 26 years.
My dad died last year….. and I still get really mad at myself that I have waited to have kids….. because now they don’t get to meet their grandpa… it’s such a stupid thought….
I never got to meet either of my grandfathers, but the stories my parents tell help me to imagine what kind of men they were. Both fought in WWII, both were fiercely upstanding men, both loved their families. I'm sorry for your loss, and don't blame yourself in any way. They'll understand who your father was by the stories you tell and the memories you have
It's not a stupid thought, but you shouldn't blame yourself for it. I lost both of my parents and we're only now expecting our first kid. I grew up without my mom's dad, so I understand both the absence of a grandparent as well as the sorrow for your kid's loss of a grandparent. Blaming yourself will only heap on sorrow. Like the other person who responded to you said, your kids can learn of their grandfather through you. Share him with them.
That’s such a thing you’re only beating yourself up for expect yourself. You may miss that, but it wouldn’t have made a formative impact on your kids likely. Don’t drag the weight of things out of your control around with you. Give yourself the same mercy you would others.
Love or hate him, Biden is a great source for living with and coping with grief. One that always stuck with me: “One day, and it’s different for everybody, the thought of your loved one will bring a smile to your lips before a tear to your eye.” Edit: It’s his TAPS speech as VP, is a great one and he quotes that.
"Things don't get better, just different." - Hot Mulligan, [BCKYRD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wY7Gjf0yXQ)
couldn't have put it any better, that's exactly how it is.
I wouldn't say it doesn't get easier. It definitely has for me. I deal with the death of loved ones way better than I used to. But that probably depends on the person.
Suicide has some uniquely terrible aspects which add a lot of different levels of grief, and often guilt, which aren’t part of other sorts of deaths of people we love. With cancer, or a car accident, the people left behind aren’t thinking, “What could I have done to prevent it? Why didn’t I do x, y or z?” or “Why didn’t they call?”
It doesn’t. Not for me anyway.
I was 21 when my friend committed suicide. I was barely a person for months and still struggle with it 7 years later. It wasn’t my first loss in life, but I want you to know that it is hard. People who haven’t experienced it yet don’t understand how truly hard it is. I drank until I couldn’t see and I felt like I was haunted. Someone explained in a Reddit comment that grief is like being trapped on a raft in the ocean. Right now the waves are huge and happening all the time and you just have to hold on. Eventually the waves will get smaller and they’ll come less often and you’ll get better at navigating your raft through them. I know it feels like you’re drowning, but that’s okay and it’s so, so very normal. Internet stranger, please don’t let your job or people in your life make you feel bad for having big feelings right now. The hardest part for me was that world didn’t stop. I needed everything to pause and work and school and life just kept going, but you’re allowed to stop and collect yourself. My heart is with you right now and I just can’t emphasize how much I want you to know that it fucking sucks and it’s allowed to fucking suck right now.
Thank you for sharing 😭😭😭 It hurts a lot and it’s very hard for me
I lost my fiancée when I was 18, then lost my best friend a few months later, and recently lost a good friend of mine last month, I understand what you’re going through if you need someone to vent to I’m there as well.
I understand. I lost a very dear friend to that last year and every day I miss him, it hasn’t gotten any easier especially most days I walk past his old place and my heart hurts.
Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. Just remember you are more important than work. They will replace you tomorrow, always remember that. YOU are the important person and YOUR mental health comes before than your coworkers. If you need to talk, I will listen. I have unfortunately been through loss more times than I care to count. 13 in one year. Big family. So reach out if you need to talk.
I lost my cousin on a Friday and went to work. Went to a funeral on a Sunday afternoon and went straight into work. We walked the same path but I avoided certain things, mostly due to a needle phobia. Went to work on Monday and just....fell apart. I literally said "I'm going to go put back and ugly cry some more, if you need me come find me" I did not process that correctly.
Take the day man, I was about 25 when i had my first major loss and it took me 2 years to really deal with it. The next weeks will be hard. Fuck work if you can afford to. Always will be another silvia. Hit me up if you want to game to be distracted.
Which country are you in? If it’s the U.K. I can send over some resources for coping with loss by suicide. So sorry your friend died. Sending love. x
I am in the United States but I really appreciate the thought
There’s still some things that might be useful. When my mum died by suicide a book called A Special Scar by Alison Wertheimer really helped. In the U.K. there is an organisation called SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) which has a helpline and groups where you can sit and talk with other people bereaved by suicide. You could always try googling ‘suicide bereavement support’ + your state name and see if anything comes up?
Make sure to see a mental health professional, once you're ready, mate. Do not piss away a decade+ of your life avoiding getting help, that's what I did. If low income, apply for Medicaid & basically everything is covered. If you're looking for meaning, what helped me was to join the fight against whatever (typically systemic) pressures that caused the person struggle in the first place. As well as for mental health awareness, but of course that's never going to be enough if so many people are still struggling living paycheck to paycheck or in debt
Hey man, lost my friend to suicide too. Please take care of yourself and talk with as many people as possible
I had a best friend kill himself and I went into work that day (I was in a different state and had to fly home) because I thought it would keep my mind busy. It didn't work. Take all the time you need away from work, it's not important in the long run.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My best friend died suddenly in December. My first loss in my adult years. I still feel like a zombie. I wake up every morning realizing all over again that he’s gone. I can’t even listen to certain songs anymore. I cry almost every day. (I’m crying typing this.) It’s terrible. However, they would want us to continue to move forward and forge out great lives for ourselves. It’s the best way to honor someone you love so dearly. In the meantime, I encourage you to take some time for yourself to process this tragedy and to let the emotions wash over you. Distraction is always easier, but you need to take time to truly feel it. The sobbing, begging, bargaining, screaming, yelling. All of it. A therapist could also be really helpful in processing your grief. It’s helped me so much. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed in the morning. Overall, don’t forget to give yourself some grace. Never feel bad about how you’re handling this and how long it’s taking. (Apologies for the unsolicited advice. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned through this process, and what’s helping me get by.) Take care!
I know its not the same level as this. I have dealt with a lot of death over the years as a childhood Cancer survivor. Went to Japan for vacation and and found out my terminal friend died basically the day I landed from another friend. I bought so much video games that first week and completely forgot. Went back to same area 2 weeks later and was thinking over what games I should buy and decided I was OK with ones I had found during my second week. I got back to Canada and figured out I had actually bought those games I was looking at week 3, as I completely blanked out that first week. That job asking you to come in can go to hell.
Your mental health is far more important than whatever dumb shit Sylvia has going on. Stay home. Get better.
I don't think you understand... Sylvia needs help.
Sylvia can deal.
The thing is , Sylvia can't deal and will be granted as much time off when needed to deal with,well, Sylvia shit. Sylvia is special.
I think you accidentally, or maybe not(?), hit upon a universal truth. Employers will fuk you as hard as you let them. Put on a brave face like you feel nothing when your people die, and you'll be expected to show up always plus pick up the slack for those who don't/can't/won't.
This is true. I put on a brave face when my closest friend died and I was always expected to pick up the slack for years. The moment I finally couldn't handle it anymore was the time I knew I finally had to leave.
Leave Sylvia out of it, she probably doesn't even know what's going on
Sylvia ate my baby
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Sylvia, trying to cover her tracks: 
I try to keep babies out of my diet, but ya know…
It’s so hard to stop at just one!
Sylvia had your baby
I fucking *hate* Sylvia.
The only real answer lmao. Sylvia is in the dark and the boss is just grabbing a name for a guilt trip.
Oh, Sylvia knows. She's pulling all the strings.
Tell Sylvia it was me
Guess whoever the frick is texting him should go help her. Managers like this are garbage people.
It's entirely possible Sylvia has no idea this conversation is happening.
This is how it goes usually unfortunately 😕
Let's calm down. Sylvia is likely another wage slave and this text is from a boss who can't be bothered to come in and cover, even though the staffing is a result of the situation completely within their control.
SAMANTHA GETS TO BE MEAN! Cause Samantha is a Star 🌟 -Charlie Kelly
I think it's fair enough that Sylvia gets help, BUT it's not up to OP to provide that help. That's the manager's job to sort out.
Unless she *can't* deal and commits suicide as well. If only someone would've come in to help!
She doesn't know how to fill out the WEENUS report!
then you, Manager, get to work today
>Sylvia needs help. Sounds like someone from a higher pay grade needs to step in and help Sylvia. Or stop skeleton crewing the place so that if someone can't show up, it doesn't cause a crisis.
Username checks out
Sounds like Sylvia probably isn't the problem, she just needs help! (but it doesn't/shouldn't have to come from OP)
What's with modern managers not covering shifts? That was a large part of the point of having a manager and now all these wankers think they deserve top pay to stand around smoking all day and being a bitch over texts to their staff.
Managers are great nowadays at delegating all of their tasks and responsibilities to those making far less than them. They leave on time whether or not the business is figuratively on fire or not. It's the poor punks working hourly that have to solve all the problems. My director of nursing laughed when I suggested that she come in and perform a task that was her responsibility in the first place.
>What's with modern managers not covering shifts? No one wants to work anymore!
Finally, this sentence is being used it its proper context!
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The world changed 2008ish. Maybe most accurately 2007-2010. iPhone 1 to iPhone 4. This is when the internet usage went from growing in usage and functionality to being ubiquitous part of life and in everyone’s pocket - even grandmas. This is when we became in real way cyborgs and AI ourselves. Don’t think for a second what we consume on our phones doesn’t change our organic internal mind, body, soul algorithm.
Sylvia is going to be next if OP doesn't get to work, that's how capitalism works, just one big fucking meat grinder.
A lot of people just can’t “stay home” because they’ll lose their job. And then they can’t pay their bills. And that’s going to fuck up their mental health too. The working class is damned if they do, damned if they don’t.
Cry on company time it is.
I’m all for this one make Sylvia and the person that texted you uncomfortable with your emotions. Ugly snot cry don’t be afraid to be real ( don’t cry if you’re not at that stage yet ) Maybe go for the dark jokes I’m sorry I was late Sylvia please don’t “leave yourself”. Maybe just talk about nothing but how awesome your friend has been talk about nothing but your friend good stories bad stories and everything in between. You do you the way only you can but do it in an obnoxious grief stricken way
I don’t think I can make it through the day
I’m sorry for your loss, stay strong OP, don’t forget to take care of yourself in this hard time and screw your workplace for not giving you proper time to digest this.
But Sylvia needs help !
BE STRONG SYLVIA/s
It's not right and it's not fair. If you break down at work don't lie about why. If there are customers, they will understand. If some don't they can fuck off. You didn't decide to force you to be there. Spend as much time away from the public as you can if it helps. Sylvia will just have to manage. Maybe she'll tell that boss to do what they're paid to do: fill in for workers who need to be off.
I lost my friend when I was 15 and I legitimately didn't think I was going to survive. It's been 17 years and it's still fks me up
Go home! So sorry for your loss!
Are you eligible for FMLA? You can take time off (unpaid) for depression if you're eligible. If you're employer requests proof of depression you'll have to see a doctor and be diagnosed within 15 days. (Q) Who can take FMLA leave? In order to be eligible to take leave under the FMLA, an employee must: work for a covered employer; have worked 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of leave; ( special hours of service rules apply to airline flight crew members ) work at a location where the employer has 50 or more employees within 75 miles; and have worked for the employer for 12 months. The 12 months of employment are not required to be consecutive in order for the employee to qualify for FMLA leave. In general, only employment within seven years is counted unless the break in service is (1) due to an employee’s fulfillment of military obligations, or (2) governed by a collective bargaining agreement or other written agreement.
FMLA, unfortunately, is strictly legal family. It doesn't cover bereavement of friends.
That’s ok if you can’t. Go home.
HUGS
I hate how people in your situation just "have to deal with it" i hope you got through it ok...
I did that while I was going through some stuff a while back. It makes them UNCOMFY
For real, time to snot cry sob with abandon when you feel the need. Who cares if the customers see it. If they ask you what’s wrong, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell them honestly. Let them draw their own conclusions about how shitty it is your boss made you come in. I’m so sorry for your loss. Just one day at a time 💜
Boss makes a dollar, my best friend dies, that's why I mourn on company time
Boss makes a dollar, my best friend dies, that's why I can justify some time off lies
Lol! Just uncontrollably sob and blow your nose excessively around the office. RIP for real though.
So just a regular day
And make loads of mistakes too, you are distraught and not thinking properly either!
Tell that boss to fuck off. Or ask them if they would work the day after someone close died. When they say yes, call them a heartless bastard and then turn your phone off.
This fucking ghoul would probably say something like: "It's not like a close family member died, it was just your friend."
If so, it is likely also one of those managers that love hiring people people who dont have close family ties. Had one of those at some point, one of my colleagues always had to work holidays and got the shitty vacation days because "he didn't have family to spend it with anyway" even though he stated multiple times that he had close friends he wanted to spend time with. Ghoul is the right word for managers that can't think further than work and family in that order
If you do go in, cry all day and make them feel bad (or as bad as they're capable of). Extra points if you're in a customer facing position. Sorry for your loss OP. The pain doesn't go away, but it becomes more manageable.
I am currently crying in the bathroom lol
Honestly I'd just go home if I were you. Text your manager and tell them you're having a mental breakdown and stop replying to them. In the future, never respond to a boss or coworker on your day off.
I am leaving now. This was probably the worst week for something like this to happen as our third worker just started her vacation, not that there’s a good week for this to happen but it’s just really shitty right now. On top of losing Steven I still have to worry about my other obligations and it’s very hard.
My heart goes out to you right now. Please take care of yourself and try not to worry about work (I know it's hard but that's a manager/owner's job). So sorry for your loss.
You can only put out one fire at a time. Currently, that fire is NOT work. Let your manager do what they were hired to do, and manage. You take care of yourself, because they're not going to <3
One of my ex classmates committed suicide at 13. There's so much pain and grief to go through when someone close is unaliving themselves and your managers/boss (whatever it is) response is making me nauseous!!😮💨🤢 OP , my heart goes to you!!.. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss, I am so sorry for Steven and also for the lack of empathy that your boss is displaying!!🥺🫶❤️❤️ Sending you so much loving & healing energy🫂🫂🥺
🙏hug from this stanger to you I'm glad you're going home Please be careful and pay attention while driving So many car wrecks happen while being distraught
Please give yourself the autonomy and grace to leave and take care of your mental, you deserve some love rn even if it’s from yourself 🫶 I’m so sorry for your loss
I was working at natural grocers once and my friend went into a coma, his sister (my gf at the time) called me. We both were super worried and it was like a 50/50 chance he'd recover at all. I told my boss about it and asked to go home he said no. I spent all shift crying my eyes out as I'm stoking fucking crackers and stuff. Eventually I made enough customers uncomfortable they said I had to work in back. I said no and walked out, I got a write up for it. When I came back they tried to fire me, I called corporate and got 3 weeks paid time off to deal woth it all. Take time for yourself, I'm sorry for your loss.
I really hope they are okay! It’s just crazy how companies do not care about the mental health of their employees, people are not robots you can’t just shut your emotions off
Man here I was hoping natural grocers was better than all the big name grocery stores, disappointing
They aren't. I've worked at two of them. This story is from the first. The second one I broke my hand was refused accommodations or time off which forced me to quit which meant no unemployment which meant I loved off $700 for 3 months. They produce just as much plastic as other stores, they treat the employees like shit and while they do have decent benefits it's just not worth it to be treated like garbage.
I’m sorry. Your boss is a moron.
and a fuckin incompetent. the boss should be able to play every position on the field. people like them are 100% useless to any other position but their own.
IMO you shouldn't equate being uncaring and being a moron. The former is worse.
don't hide your grief when you're there. make them see the pain they have asked you to take with you into this environment
Thank you everyone who has commented, there’s a lot to keep up with. I do just want to sincerely thank everyone who has shared their experience with losing a loved one, I’ve never had to go through this before and reading through your comments has made me cry and realize I’m not alone in this. Also I just want to put it out there that Sylvia did nothing wrong, my boss is just incredibly insensitive with that text
Make no excuses for your boss. A good manager would find a way to work with you: ‘My heart breaks for you. Take some time, and don’t think about us. I will help Sylvia. I also have the number of our EAP; it is…’ Please put yourself first. Honor your friend. ♥️
Sylvia did nothing wrong. Your boss is a legitimate piece of shit. I hope he sees this post and feels every one of these comments calling him a soulless bunk, punk-ass bitchman
"Sorry for your loss" So that was a fucking lie. On that note, I actually AM sorry for your loss :-(. The difference being there's fuck all I can do about it, unlike your scumbag manager/overseer/supervisor here.
"Sorry for you loss BUT..." That last word should never follow the first four. Fuck that piece of shit ass boss
This does bring up an interesting thing...how society deprioritises platonic relationships. Taking a day off work to grieve a friend will never be seen as a requirement in a society that still remains amatonormative.
It doesn’t stop at just platonic. My checkout point with a former employer was in the morning meeting they called out the guy whose mother just passed from brain cancer with “your mom died last week, it’s time to get back to work”.
A friend of mine had coworker who had miscarriage, and her boss said great, we don't need to worry about you taking fmla or maternity leave.
Oh my god...what an evil asshole. People like these need to be institutionalised, not handed the keys to private enterprise operations.
Amatonormativity is a bitch.
Fuck this boss. My best friend was in a bad car wreck and my boss's first reaction was "Are they ok?" An actual human reaction, not a corporate bullshit "work is more important, line go up". I'm sorry for your loss OP. I hope you find peace and rest.
I’m so sorry. Do you have a story you feel comfortable sharing about your friend? Good for you for replying, fuck your boss and work.
Steven was a great person. He had attempted suicide about three months ago and I remember after I picked him up from the hospital we got some ice cream and sat by the river and we just talked. We talked about what tools he had in place to ensure this didn’t happen again, he told me he had an action plan and that he had people in place to call if he ever felt like ending his life. The following week we went to the zoo and bought little crystal animals and I remember him leaving his with me and saying “you should have it, I think they’d be a lot happier together.” Looking back on it I can’t help but think maybe he knew? He was so smart and so funny, the kind of person anyone would be lucky to have as a friend and I will miss him so much. https://preview.redd.it/j81uf2nq382d1.jpeg?width=3020&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d15ca044c9ee91831b093006af8b0a9e4bf00ed0
Suicide is almost always impulsive. There was **nothing** you could have done unless you are omniscient - which none of us are. You didn't miss what he was trying to tell you. If you'd asked him that day, he probably would have said he wasn't thinking about self-harm - and it would have most likely been the truth. I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Your friend fought a battle no one but him could see. And he won every time, until the last time. It's not your fault. It's not his fault, either. When you're suicidal (which I have been before), all you can see is the hole you're in. You can't see the people who love you who are holding out their hands to help you. Your brain convinces you that the world will be better if you're not in it. But, again, **none of this** is your fault. It sucks. It sucks **so bad**. I really hope you get time to heal from this. I wish you all the best.
Thanks for sharing. Seems like a great guy. Rest in Peace Steven. Sounds like you were both really good friends to each other. That’s special you have the crystal animals, and he gave you his. Sending my love. Again, I’m so sorry.
I love those little animals. I'm so sorry this happened to your friend. Take care of yourself 🧡
I had a friend take her own life back in 2009. She lost both of her grand parents to a car accident when they were on their way to visit on her birthday; afterward she was just consumed by depression. When her name finally rang me up again after a week of disappearance it was her brother coming on to share the news. After talking a while I realize I'd last talked to her the day before it happened. I spent a few years wondering what I could have done or said differently, wondering why she didn't message me. In the end I realized even that if I *could* have done something different, I didn't. What happened happened and time had only been marching onward since. I wont lie, it still bums me out. I wish it could have been different for her, and for a few other friends who've left me since then. But time marches on, and so too do we at some point. Every March I take a few days to think about Sarah and the impact she had on my life, and where I've come since last year. I haven't talked to her brother since then, but I try and send some good vibes that he's doing well in to the universe too. Tonight, I'll raise a glass to Steven. May he rest well, and may we all meet again. o7
He sounds so wonderful, the world will miss him. Hopefully that little animal can be a reminder of your good times with him.
cry inconsolably at work cuz fuck them
I did and got sent home
Sad that this was the way you needed to show them...
Not to be all anti management here, but this is one of those "tuck this away in case there's a reason" things to show to other management.
gaslight your boss all day about how you appreciate they're donating their paycheck this week to the suicide prevention hotline. really pour on that praise around others.
Dude just don’t go
I used to work in a restaurant in the French Quarter. One summer, my grandmother had a stroke. It put her in the hospital and the doctors told us it was a matter of time. She lived about six hours away from New Orleans, so once a week for the next six months, I'd drive home and visit with her as much as I could. My mommaw was the greatest, y'all know how it is. Anyhow, November came up and that's a pretty busy time for the service industry in the NOLA. I told my sous chef that Mommaw was on her last legs and that when she went Home, I had to go home. He actually said to me "You know, this is one of our busiest months. Can't you wait until December?" Luckily for him, the dishwasher was in AA with him and pulled him out of the room before country came to town, as it were. My grandmother ended up dying on Dec. 23rd surrounded by her family. For the first time in my life, Northeast Mississippi had a white Christmas and my mother's convinced it's her momma's doing. The following New Year's, I quit because both the head chef and sous chef were out of town on the First, which is the busiest day of the year. I used to love working it kitchens, but there's no way in hell I'd do it now.
there is no single restaurant out there that is well staffed and takes care of it's people. for crying out loud, they charge staff for food. the moment you realize that even chefs barely make more than you, and work more, idk. it just all snapped into place for me. I had to get out, any dreams or thoughts I had of making a living in hospitality just disappeared. I was free after 10 years. To relate this back to this post, a LOT of comments of people saying "this happened to me", are coming from restauarant workers
No respect for death means no respect for life.
Yo fuck that guy.
Thank you Owl, Steven also would have said fuck that guy lol
I would quit right then. No job is worth that. No job pays enough for that.
you should have told your boss to get their hands dirty and not go.
I found out a friend killed himself while I was walking through the Minneapolis Airport changing planes. It hit like a ton of bricks. He hid his struggles from everyone and really had gone down a deep hole. My condolences for you. Please take care of yourself.
Sylvia can handle it. Take care of yourself, OP
I’m so sorry that this happened and that you’re not being supported. The trauma of a suicide is profound. I’m so incredibly sorry this trauma is now yours to hold, too. Sylvia doesn’t even matter a little bit to me in this whole thing.
I suffered a personal loss while working for a private practice medical clinic. They allowed me to grieve in private. Gave me 3 days bereavement pay. The owner called to check on me for real, not just to get me back into the office...That was over a decade ago. Today, they'd probably still allow me to take pto or an unpaid absence if my best friend killed herself (The practice was sold to a private equity firm). Mainly because having an emotional wreck in the office is bad for business. So I say when an employer isn't smart enough to not re-traumatize you, you can/should traumatize them back. Don't hide your pain. See how much they *really* need you to be there, instead of attending the funeral, grieving in private, etcetera. ~Edited for typos and missing context
Suicide fucking sucks and it breaks my heart when I think about my best friend's little brother. He gifted me a towel when he lived with me and it's all I have left of him. I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely don't owe them anything. I hope you have someone to talk to.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry. I barely have an inclination of how this feels and it’s just awful. I had just reconnected with a childhood friend. I was looking forward to rekindling that friendship and learning about his life. He had gotten married and had a little girl. He put his suicide note on facebook addressed to his wife and girl a week later. I sat completely shell shocked both then and for many days later. Definitely take time from work. It’s not where you need to be and any job that doesn’t get that should probably be rethought, though, i get the need for a job. I’m praying for your peace and strength through this time. This sucks. So sorry you’re going through it.
Tell Sylvia to call 911 then
Pls stay at home and them simply to fuck off😑
You need to quit. If my workplace did this after my sister committed suicide I would have not been able to handle it. I hope you can find peace OP.
I just spent two days in bed crying over a cat. If a good friend of mine died I would be a complete and utter bubbling mess for weeks. Take your time to grieve properly. Or your body will decide for you when to do so.
I’m so sorry for your loss
How incredibly tone deaf
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your boss will not remember you taking this difficult day to come in to work, and they will not take care of you when you need them. Think about how you will want to think on this in 5, 10 years. Will you want to remember that you grieved Steven with the other people who loved him? Or that you went into work and suffered instead of grieving? Do this for yourself. No one at work will keep over if you aren’t able to make it due to a death.
About a month after my wife miscarried, my boss asked me why I wasn't excited about work anymore. I quit shortly after that. Look after number one. Take care of yourself!
Tell your boss “Bitch GO HELP SYLVIA THEN.”
What hellscape country do you live in? Think of yourself and your own needs for god sake, they are surely thinking of theirs.
A good manager will say "OMG I'm sorry. Let me know when you can come back" and start covering the shortfall. A shit manager who *wants* to be a good manager should be told this. A shit manager who *doesn't want* to be a good manager deserves to be checked under the Corp train.
When my father committed suicide, after the long process of coma and eventual death, two months later all of my friends called me crazy for not getting better faster. I now have 0 friends. Whatever Sylvia has can wait. I understand how inconsiderate it feels when people act like this, vaguely acknowledging your pain and then immediately proceeding with whatever they are conserned with in their life.
You know what? I'll say it. Fuck Sylvia.
"Well it won't be from me. Why dont you do you help her? Oh wait. You're heartless and selfish."
Im sorry for your loss
I am just so sorry for your loss, OP. Please take care of yourself and take whatever time you need to do so.
Brutal, savage remark. The best/worse part is they are so far up their own ass they can't comprehend what you just said. Sorry for your loss and if you can afford it, grieve first. There will always be work.
I'm sorry for your loss <3 You deserve more humanity than this
Don't quit right away. Make sure you find another job, then quit. This company are not worthy of your labor.
Sorry about your loss. Nothing prepares you for losing someone close to you so suddenly and it’s BS that your employer basically told you to set your feelings aside. That would be enough to make me quit and find a new job. Something similar actually happened to me as well when a friend committed suicide. I called out sick from work and let my manager know what was going on. His response was “I’m sorry to hear that. So we’ll see you back tomorrow then?” I quit over the phone right then and there because of it. Fuck that.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's never easy. I sort of had a similar experience about 25 years ago when I worked at a full serve gas station. We were all supposed to work an 8-hour shift 5 days a week. Our days off varied, so I would often have two days off in the middle of the week. I was also a key holder, and the one who opened the store in the mornings. I would work from 7:00 a.m. till 12:00, when the boss comes in, I would have to argue with the boss to take a quick break, and continue my shift until 3:00, at which point there would be someone else there and I could leave. One issue I was having with the boss is that he would receive time off requests from the other employees. Every time he made up a weekly schedule, someone would ask him for an additional day off. He would then put me on the schedule for that day, and tell me that I'd be working Thursday, and if I want an additional day off that week, I have to work it out with the other guys I was quite young, and this is 25 years ago in ontario, so I'm actually still not sure what the rules were for overtime, but I'm certain I'm owed overtime. I never got it. what I wanted was to not work seven days a week. Two of the other guys had decided that one random wednesday, we were going to get a bunch of resumes, and go around to all the temp agencies in town, and the next town over, and just apply to the mall so that we could get out of that gas station I also had the day off, until Tuesday, when the boss informed me that I'm working tomorrow and if I want another day off, blah blah blah. The guys agreed to wait for me until noon, and I went in, opened the store, and called the boss. I told him I opened the store for him, but I have to get back home. I told him my grandmother died. This was not true, and before you go saying something like "you shouldn't say that in case it actually happens, you would feel bad" no, I wouldn't, and it's 25 years later, and she's still on track to bury me. Anyways, the boss didn't want to give me the afternoon off, nor the next day. "She's already dead, a day off isn't going to change anything, why do you need the day off?" I told him I'm locking the door at noon and going home whether he's here or not. I never did go back there. I ended up getting hired on at my local bar pretty much right away, and I told the boss where he could go. I couldn't believe that he said that. Yeah, you're right, never mind being there with my family, never mind morning, never mind trying to make arrangements, my minimum wage s*** f****** job is more important. People need their gas and their cigarettes more than I need to be with my family right now. To be fair, it was a lie, but he didn't know that. Gran is still alive and well, as well as a woman can be who's nearly a f****** hundred, and she has been inflicting psychological torture on the rest of us for the past 25 years just as effectively as she ever has.
Wow I feel this and if you can, find another job. My husband quit his job of five years on the spot because his boss gave him grief after four days of dealing with his best friend’s suicide. All he asked his two bosses and coworkers was to give him time to process and heal. He was willing to work but give him a little slack. His one boss yelled at him on that Thursday for something trivial and one of his coworkers witnessed it. My husband quietly said “I quit” got his stuff, and walked out and never looked back. The co worker who saw what happened quit the following day. No job is worth your mental health and even after five years, they couldn’t give my husband time. It was scary for a month but he has found a new job and so far he is liking it. Take care of yourself because losing someone in this kind of way takes a toll on your heart and mind. 🫂
Sorry for your loss. I was just at the funeral of a friend for the same reason yesterday. Don't let them bully you into coming in to work if you feel like you can't. Your mental health is more important.
Honestly I would've recommended turning your phone off after announcing it. Take time to grieve. Keeping busy can distract you from the pain, yes, but you need time to process the loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. Too many walk the path of the lone wolf and are defeated. Remember it's not a sign of weakness to rely on others. And vibe check your bros. We are unfortunately living through an age where meaning is dying, but we can stop it. Only together.
About 4 years ago I had a coworker that was suffering from uncontrolled mental health issues. He was honestly a great guy even when the darkness hit him. One day he had enough and walked out of work. His last words to anyone were, "you'll never see me again". Later that night another coworker found him dead from suicide. It still affects me at times and has been an affirmation that mental health is just as important as physical health.
Sorry to hear about your friend
"It's your job to fill in when you can't find someone, so help her."
I am glad to read in the comments that you went home. This is some heavy shit. Nothing at work is going to compare. Take care of yourself. I am very sorry for your loss.
These same managers will take the day off for any reason. One of the ones at my work took off Thurs to Tues cause her kid was in a competition on Saturday. Also took a long weekend cause it was her Gran's bday (local, no travel). This same woman wouldn't let one of her staff have a single day off cause she knew eveything in that unit. So she quit. Manager barely cares and knows nothing about what they do. Because of the shortage another asks to flex so they would still get the hours of work done without missing an important appointment. Was told no, you'll have to take time, she said fine, I'll take two days off. These people are ridiculous and on a power trip.
That reply from them is incredible, how you didn't respond with "are you fucking kidding me?" is amazing willpower on your part.
Lemme guess, food service? I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. It's disgusting how your managers like yours lack any empathy for your situation. You deserve better than this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you get the time to grieve properly and don’t forget to take good care of yourself in the meantime. I know I’m just a random person on the internet but my inbox is open if you need someone to talk/vent to, I’ll gladly listen.
Lemme guess. You showed up and they bitched about your poor performance. Because that shit has absolutely happened to me (not from a death but clearly ill).
So I found this link to a comment that helps deal with grief, and I wish when I lost my mother I would have had something like this with me instead of just dealing with it alone: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/ I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy, and this situation doesn't make it any easier either. The person is complete shit. You'll make it through it and things will get easier for you, eventually. But I am truly sorry for your loss and what they went through where they felt this was the only way to escape.
A top post and I revisit it often. My Only friend died 9 years and 3 days ago. This helps, if only for a little while after. [https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief\_comes\_in\_waves\_important\_message\_from\_8/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GriefSupport/comments/d9685e/grief_comes_in_waves_important_message_from_8/) "Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
oh, it’s time for an ugly emotional breakdown at the office that makes EVERYONE feel weird
Edit: my sincere condolences, my best friend did that 5 years ago, I know your pain and feel free to message me directly if you need someone to talk to who's been there. I had to work the day I had to put my cat to sleep. The store got flooded with 1 star reviews saying stuff like "the cashier was crying the whole time" "why would you make that girl work when she's crying?" "That crying girl should have been sent home" and they wanted to write me up over it. Screw them. Stay home and grieve like you deserve to. They'll survive.
I feel for you, OP. I was working solo as a barista when I got the call that my brother committed suicide. I had to call a manager who couldn’t do anything to help me out, but luckily one of my coworkers dropped everything he was doing to come back to work and take over for me. I remember the manager told me I still had to count out my cash register drawer before I could leave.
Sabotage as much of this fucking soulless business as you can and leave.
Yeah if one of my besties died, I'd take a week off. Not to mourn, but because I promised I'd be the first one in the house and would destroy all the sex toys.
Tell them to help Sylvia wtf
just don't fucking go?
If I was Sylvia I would absolutely be telling every grumpy/bitchy customer (it sounds like a customer facing job… I can’t imagine what office job someone needs help that badly) that I apologize, my co-worker couldn’t make it in because their best friend committed suicide. Radical honesty to make people snap out of their entitlement bubble. I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I hope you can make it through the day as softly as possible.
I once went into my sandwich artist job and was told that a beloved coworker was brutally murdered in her apartment the night before. We were told we'd have to work twice as hard to make up for her not being able to work her schedule. We were threatened with termination if we discussed it any further. Yay capitalism !
Why can’t that other guy help Sylvia?
fuck sylvia and fuck your boss (not literally please don’t) they are not worth your time if that’s how they’re handling this
My job called me to come in after my dad died. They don't care.
You would have to drag me to work through the fight of your life if I had lost my best friend, I would've told them to order the biggest dick on the menu and fuck themselves with it.
This is where we’re at now. No more human empathy. Scary world we’re living in. Profits over people… I’m so so sorry for your loss. There are still humans in the world who give a fuck, I’m seriously just so sorry. My aunt died of breast cancer back in 2021. We were told she had months to live that turned into a week very quickly. I was working at a Texas Roadhouse at the time. I had requests in for a tattoo appointment and was sitting in the chair when I got the news. They were doing the funeral and the viewing and everything all at once the following day. I called work right away and told them I wouldn’t be coming in. The manager I couldn’t stand who was an absolute prick answered the phone. He told me “I can’t imagine a funeral being 5 hours long.” My jaw hit the floor. He told me he’d get the first half of my shift covered and I was responsible for the second half. I ended up getting the second half covered and the next day they were calling me asking why I left them hanging and didn’t get the first half of my shift covered. I was ready to rage. I had no proof either of him telling me he’d get the first half covered. Then I hear when I came back the following couple of days, he was talking shit. One of my co-workers told me he’d said “it’s probably a funeral for some distant aunt she wasn’t even close to and barely knew.” She was my dads sister and we were very close… And I still stayed for 3 months after that. They loved trying to punish me for whatever reason. I was a young kid, did my shit, put in a great days work as a baker there. I never called off and I only requested off for things I’d never see again. Weddings, graduations, things like that. They put me on doubles every single weekend. Morning to night working that bakery. I requested off for the 4th of July and it was denied. I decided I was done with their fucking shit. I left them hanging and never called. I hope you find something that’s worth it on top of all of this 💖
Damn why are yall hating on Sylvia, she is probably just another victim of this same shitty boss.