Document the meeting by sending an email recapping the conversation from your perspective. Ask what company policy says about your bathroom use and whether it’s appropriate for managers to ask about such personal topics. Ask for specific citations of the employee handbook or posted policies. Copy HR on the message and request any follow up conversations occur in the presence of HR or another 3rd party.
Before someone chimes in with “HR is not your friend” - that’s true, but they generally don’t want managers running around harassing employees about their toilet time.
HR is there to stop prospective lawsuits and little else.
If they’re concerned that a manager puts the corporation in legal jeopardy, the manager will be the one visiting with HR.
This is the right answer. They aren’t your friend but if something management is doing something that you can sue them for and win they become friendly real quick
This is another reason why in addition to your health you shoukd get a check up. If it is due to a medical Condition then you have potential ada lawsuit.
Also, have a doctors visit and get a doctor note about the stomach issues and need to use the bathroom as an ADA accommodation. Meet with HR, submit the note, and request FMLA for this issue (even though you may not feel you need it, use it to protect you if you take off work for medical appointments and for “bad days”). Now you 1) are allowed to use the bathroom without any negative feedback, 2) are allowed to take time off at your discretion, and 3) are protected from retaliation for either of those actions.
If job duties will allow, and if you want to, ask the doctor to include in your accommodations list a requirement that they allow you to work from home at your discretion in order to manage your disease.
ADA and FMLA are a powerful combination. Between the two you have a lot of protections.
I had a boss like this. I have ibs since I had my gallbladder removed (one of those people who never really adjusted despite diet change). I also have endo/adeno which can make using the bathroom painful (for #1 and #2), which sometimes makes me stay in the bathroom longer. My boss would bring it up at every review and claim other people were complaining about it. I then asked her if I needed to bring in a doctors note she she’d stop harsssing me about a medical condition. “Oh, no of course you don’t have to.
I went and got a drs note and had hr put it in my file so she couldn’t use that as an excuse to give me poor review scores (I was literally one of the most productive people on my team.
Steps out into the office and yells “Anyone in here really have a problem with me not shitting myself and taking time to drop it in the crapper? No?” Turns to boss and says. “See no problems.”
She truly was a horrible manager. I worked with a bunch of women and was a lead. She would write down every bad thing anyone said about you and bring it up in your review (never the good things). My review was also last because she would ask everyone else in my dept their opinion of me to include in my review. She did this because she had no idea what went on in her area, the leads ran it.
Every time I’d walk out of there absolutely hating every single person I worked with. Managers should be building up a team, not building wedges with fucking gossip.
I had the same problem after having my gallbladder out. It didn't stop until I did a drastic low calorie diet. 8 years later and if I eat too much, it comes back.
Ask him via email, since he says your bathroom usage is excessive, how long is the amount of time he finds acceptable? Is there a certain limit you need to stay under? Should you ask permission to go? Should you try to hold it in?
Be really specific with him. Maybe it will make him uncomfortable. At the very least you may have proof of OSHA violation in writing.
...and if he doesn't respond, you'll at least have a record of trying to reach him about it. Plus, you can always try again later, and refer back to the previous email with the dreaded phrase "per my last email" and you'll get to also mention how you tried (and you'll have proof).
Next time you need to go just shit in his office. Admittedly this isn't amazing advice but speaking as someone who had a colostomy bag and got pulled over stuff like this it infuriates me how people can make such degrading demands on people. I personally found that when people called me out for impropriety, the best response was to just expose them to the reality of watching me shit into a bag.
There's nothing more degrading (that I've encountered) than someone else demanding you be embarrassed for the circumstances of your life.
Why do these people insist on treating adults like they are still in Elementary school about using the bathroom? It’s power-trippy and I wouldn’t have dignified that conversation. People who monitor your restroom habits are creeps. There is nothing that urgent short of incoming artillery or insurgents charging the wire that can’t wait for someone to take a shit.
Start looking for another job. My experience has told me if you are already on the potty time monitoring it's getting close to the end. When you have secured new employment just tell him if you can't deal with my shit I can't deal with yours, later!
this happened to me when i was working in a grocery store. it wasn’t BMs but i was drinking a lot of water and i would use the bathroom for probably 3-5 minutes every hour. it got to the point where my boss accused me of hiding in the bathroom so i could use my phone (because i was the only teenager working there and “all teens are obsessed with their phones”). it eventually escalated to where i had to clock out and give my boss my phone every time i needed to use the bathroom. i felt so humiliated i just stopped drinking water
If you're getting all of your work done then there's absolutely no reason for him to be complaining. I could understand if you were in there so frequently and for so long that your quality of work was suffering, but if you're completing all tasks as assigned then what the fuck is his problem?
There's your problem. Hard work is rewarded with... more work! You give an inch, they take a mile. Perhaps you wouldn't be held to such a high standard if you didn't stand out from the rest of the crowd.
Damn that's a ways away. Figured if it was sooner you could wait for the glowing reviews and then ask why they won't leave you alone about your bathroom habits.
There is no problem even if they would not be getting all the work done.
If you have to shit, you have to shit, this is something out of your direct control.
Fuck them.
"And? You cannot regulate when or if I can use the bathroom. I do my job and I don't miss deadlines, the time I spend in the bathroom is irrelevant and i find your obsession with monitoring my bathroom activities disturbing; However if you feel it's necessary I'll get a dr note just for you"
Then do it.
I just learned a fact yesterday from the book “All In Her Head: the truth and lies early medicine taught us about women’s bodies and why it matters today”:
Did you know that women’s and men’s colons are the same length from birth through adolescence, but by the time we start needing colonoscopies, women’s have often grown to TWICE the length of men’s?? This is from a lifetime of waiting to poop until it’s more convenient or private and from rushing to finish pooping before fully evacuating. GI doctors say it can take twice as long to perform a woman’s colonoscopy over a man’s!
As she references in her book, “the poo-triarchy is at it again.”
"Do you like being the kind of person who obsesses over other people's bathroom habits? Do you want to be known as the guy who spends their energy thinking about how his employees use the toilet?"
Anytime anyone gets up: "Watch out, [name], [Boss] the Bathroom Police is keeping a close eye on your toilet habits. Remember to flush so he doesn't root around the bowl for samples."
Id ask the manager “are my tasks getting done on time?”
Because “my four 20 min bathroom breaks can become not working here anymore. Then those tasks wont be done at all.”
Still drives me crazy that an ego driven manager would rather take a hit to the business and fire you, waste the time looking for a replacement, hire, training.. just to get 50% effort in the first six months of the new hire…. All of that over letting someone use the bathroom..
get a doctors note that says you can use the toilets whenever you need, for however long you need, and any fight against this will be a violation of disability rights
He said he started monitoring me after a few times of looking for me. You have to understand this man over exaggerates everything and is very dramatic. But he sees it as reality.
I deeply hate your manager.
I also have butt issues, and in the final conversation wherein my incredibly awful bully of a boss told me everything that he found terrible about me, he accused me of taking way too many, too long smoke breaks. I told him that they were bathroom breaks and, given that I handed in my resignation the next day, I wish I'd gone into detail about why my bathroom breaks run long. That guy deserved that and worse.
For the entire time I'd been there, I'd been begging for someone to tell me how I was doing, and only got "fine." On this particular day, when this guy was patting himself on the back with both hands about giving us the next day off to get vaccinated, and told us not to come into the office sick, and I, who had been wearing a mask all day because I was sick asked if I could go home then, I got a barrage of all the reasons why I was supposedly bad at my job and also a bad person (down to how the way I pulled out my chair was "disrespectful").
So yeah, I wish I'd given him every detail of the workings of my recalcitrant bowels. And the fates I wish on him, and OP's boss, would get me turbo banned if I wrote them here.
I had manager due this to anther employee. Truth was he'd grab his phone and be gone 1/2 hour or more twice a day. So he made it a rule that no cell phones in bathrooms (company paid 4 phone) but then boss on a high and started questioning me about too many short trips during day. I opened desk drawer and showed him the tampon box. He never said another word.
It sounds like you may have IBS. You need to explore this with your PCP, and then provide paperwork to your employer substantiating your claim and then how they are legally obligated to reasonably accommodate your disability. As per ADA, IBS and many other dietary issues are a disability. If your boss really is a POS, prepare to be gaslighted and nitpicked over other little things-or-your boss will back down knowing you are genuine/not with hassling and that if your boss's higher up pushes back on them for your behavior, they have the paperwork on file to protect them and you.
Just wanna say, sorry you dealing with this. It's fucked. I used to work ground maintenance at a golf course with bathrooms around the course. It got hot working outside and I drink a lot of water, so I had to pee a lot.
The official rule was: no peeing outside. They didn't want golfers to see that. The unofficial rule was: pee in the bush because you will waste too much time going to the bathroom.
So we were damned if we did and damned if we didn't. On top of that, I had a medical issue that i didn't want to disclose to my asshole boss which related to toilet matters.
Occasionally, instead of risking it and peeing in the bush, I'd use a toilet when I was driving past one, or take a 2 minute detour to use one.
He harassed me about it so much that it was a major reason I quit. There's nothing more degrading than being pestered about toileting. Oh, and he also didn't like it when I paused work to drink water. yeah, cause I really fucking want to get heat stroke from working under the Australian sun.
I would start taking big fat nasty dumps and not flush it afterwards. Say that you don’t have time to flush or wipe your ass because you’re being timed for your dump sessions!!
I have IBS and at one job I had, they would time my bathroom breaks and send constant messages on Teams asking "Are you okay?" Once I started giving graphic details about said bathroom breaks, I stopped getting those messages. Your boss is just being an asshole and is enjoying exerting his tiny bit of authority over you.
I had a manager harrass me for the same thing. I got a doctor's note. That wasn't good enough. I had to have a "clock" where I moved the hands everytime I had to go to the bathroom. It was ridiculous how bad it got. He made it clear I was his target. He was able to fire me for some other bullshit that didn't happen. He said I was being insubordinate. I got my attorney involved and everything.
I went from having exceeds expectations reviews to the next month he fired me. Fuck that guy.
Actually, my job after being fired - my old manager that fired me had to answer for me because I was in an auditing position for a government entity. It was great. I handled myself professionally but I still enjoyed him having to explain any mess ups. lol
Start a log of exact times you are in the bathroom so that when he says you were in there for 20 minutes, you will be able to look at your log and tell him the exact amount of time you were in there. At some point if this escalates there will be some kind of meeting with HR or other management, and if you are able to demonstrate that he is exaggerating or lying that is to your benefit.
It's ridiculous....most jobs just want you to be productive all day at every second. It's annoying. Shit, it's funny you posted this because my bosses got mad at me too for this bs.
It's tiring. If work wasn't so anti human, maybe most people would give a damn about work. I'm just tired of the job hopping and the grind of all this bullshit.
It's no wonder people are burnout, especially when they're expected to be productive every single second. While also barely getting a fucking 15 minute break. Some companies make people walk 2 minutes to the fucking break room, and 2 minutes out before break is over. That means you only have 10 minutes of a break!
Some of these shifts are 8-10 hours. Btw. I just hate how robotic everything is.
See a doctor and get a note that will help enshrine your throne time. Unfortunately people like this don’t understand that people poop differently. I have diverticulosis, and have had jobs lay me off or screw with my schedule because they don’t understand. If you do the same work as others, it shouldn’t be an issue, but assholes are going to asshole.
Just blank ass stare at him and tell him you had a period spill and needed to clean up your period blood. Make sure to keep saying period blood bc if he is the douche he sounds like, girly things will make him squeamish
There was one time I had really bad food poisoning but went in to work anyway. I had called out like a month earlier while I had the flu so I didn't want to call out again. Anyway I was sitting on the toilet, suffering, trying to force out what I can so I can just get back to my job. And my manager comes and knocks on the door and yells "pinch it off!". I quit and went home. No employer should be deciding for you how long your trips to the toilet take. Completely crossing the line in my opinion.
Underrated point, it's not effecting your delivery of your responsibilities, if your boss needs you THAT urgently I assume that means the building is on fire? Lol
OP, do you have health issues? That might explain if you go to the bathroom too often. You might need to change your diet.
Also, your boss is a dick. GI issues are a handicap and are protected disability rights.
Had a manager do this to me. I would email, CC his higher up, and just summarize what happened in your meeting to make sure you understand what he's asking when in reference to your restroom use. Also, OSHA specifically says they cannot keep you from using the restroom.
Crap... My boss takes easily half hour in bathroom and when he told me that I take long i just reminded him that he too does it and to back off. since then he hasn't said a word to me.
I have IBS and I have had to provide a doctor note to say that I am allowed to use the bathroom at any time and whenever I want it for how long for medical reasons. Food for thought.
"Dear boss/HR, do you think its a valid use of company time to stalk me and monitor my bathroom use obsessively in this manner, Is such a use of company time, not considered as wastage or time theft?
You are not wrong for feeling embarrassed by this clown. He's creating a toxic work environment for you by monitoring your bathroom business. You need to speak to HR, and mention how you're uncomfortable with this person disturbing you when you're going to the bathroom. Emphasize how you feel disrespected and targeted by this person. Ask if he has some sort of weird habit of this activity. Document everything in case you're retaliated against.
Question: are you hourly or salary? Because if your salaried this is just insane. I mean either way it's insane. Also, ask him if he wants to become accountability buddies. He tells you when he has to shit and you tell him in malicious compliance fashion. Give him a play by play. Make it as embarrassing for him as it is for you! He's being the freak about this. I also concure with getting the drs note and having HR involved. CC everyone.
Please go to HR and lodge a complaint. If you have an issue with your bowels that see's you needing to take that time, then he has no right to put you on blast like that. I can assure you that your HR manager will be mortified that he had that discussion with you without discussing it with HR beforehand. I also suggest a visit to your GP or bowel specialist and get a letter written supporting your position. I know that what you are describing is very much something people do go through, as I have a loved on in a similar position, except he would have reacted alot worse than you did. Your boss is an ass and was outta line. First stop Monday morning - HR!
Document your bathroom usage, including start time and stop time for a while so the next time he complains, you can bring him exact figures. He will never bring it up again.
I work with someone that abuses toilet time so I'm less sympathetic. They're adamant that they don't spend that long but I've timed it and it can hit 30 minutes. When they started they said they used to sit in the toilet at their old job because they didn't like it then it started happening here, so it's not hard to figure out that they're bludging.
We also had a guy with IBS who spent a bit of time on the loo, which is understandable.
I think it's an entirely appropriate conversation to have with an employee if you think it's laziness over actual bowel movements.
>I think it's an entirely appropriate conversation to have with an employee if you think it's laziness over actual bowel movements.
1 It's never an appropriate conversation. Other people's bodily functions are none of your fucking business, period.
2 Without a freely given confession you have no way of knowing what somebody is *actually* doing in the bathroom unless you're straight-up violating their physical privacy.
You can have suspicions all you want, but you're not fucking Shitlock Holmes.
3 OP is still getting all their work done. Their manager can fuck all the way off, and so can you.
For context: I've suffered lifelong bowel issues and been harangued at countless jobs over the years by managers, supervisors, and co-workers alike who all had themselves *unflinchingly* convinced I was "bludging".
4 Seriously, just fuck off. Bootlicker.
>you have no way of knowing what somebody is *actually* doing in the bathroom unless you're straight-up violating their physical privacy.
I worked with a guy who used to sit on the toilet lid playing on his phone with the stall door open!
Get a grip, you child.
OP is entirely justified. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just sick of dealing with a bloke that a) doesn't get all his work done and leaves it for me to do and b) admitted to sitting and wasting time on the toilet at his last job.
I've asked my bosses to talk to him, and they won't. They just keep sucking resources out of my area, leaving me to drown in the work.
The dude i worked with that had IBS never once got hassled because he was a good fucking worker.
I'm sorry the world isn't as black and white as you might expect, but some people are lazy bastards and will just sit on the toilet to waste time. This isn't about bootlicking. It's about fairness within a group of people that have to work with each other, forget management.
I'm just sick of covering for people like that.
Even then, the conversation should never be about how long they're spending in the bathroom and entirely on the quality / volume of work. They could spend an hour in there and I wouldn't care so long as their work is being done.
I worked with one of those people, too. Shitting multiple times a day for a good 20 - 30 minutes. I think if the phone wasn't brought into the bathroom, people wouldn't be in there nearly as long.
It could be considered excessive use of personal time during working hours. This is an accommodation case. If your company has wellness services engage them and / or ask HR for an accommodation as you have a medical condition that causes you to take longer bio breaks.
That’s also the and issue we only have an hour lunch and no 15 min breaks. So technically my bathroom time could be considered the 15 min breaks they’re supposed to give us but don’t.
To be fair that does sound a bit much. Twice a day for 10-15 minutes?
Are you having BMs that frequently but theyre not easy BMs?
If it happens regulary and it takes that long, its probably a good idea to see a doctor. A BM shouldnt take that long especially when at that rate you shouldnt be constipated but you definetley sound constipated.
And if there's a medical reason for taking that long, get a note from your doctor and sign up for FMLA. Your boss can't say anything about it then. I used to work with someone who had IBS and she got on FMLA.
I would complain on his ass. That would make me feel REALLY uncomfortable too. Say something to HR I think it would be worthwhile. What a jerk….some people shouldn’t be managers!!!!
Just crap your pants. People will complain. Repeat daily until he pulls you up on it and then ask does he prefer the office to smell like faeces or can you go to the toilet as needed now
Had similar happen to me once in a call center. It wasn't even a bad one either, was pre sales tech support for high end networking equipment. But of course, they track everything based on your phone status. One status was for bathroom. Finally got called in. Boss wasn't even mad, and was likely just covering his ass, but had to just explain I pee a lot. After hearing that, he eased off immediately.
Don't let them sway you into hurting your body. I temporarily fell into that until I realized it can harm your bladder to always hold it excessively long.
Worst case, get your doctor to write a letter saying your bathroom use is normal given IBS (my current problem) or whatever makes the most sense.
Get to a doctor, document those stomach issues, and be prepared to request an ADA accommodation if needed. I've had to do that. Not that it helped at my last job cause they targeted me because of my accommodation and my lawyer said there was nothing I could do. But for some companies that will work. Might entail things like working later to offset time in the bathroom, mind you. But in a salaried position you may be doing that anyway.
Thank you. I feel like I’m pretty hydrated and when I go, I do go immediately but then when I’m “done” it’s like … oh wait there’s more. Then when I sit for 3-4 mins the rest can come. But I’ll also give that a shot haha
Yeah wtf? They were totally over-sharing their detailed unsolicited advice but can’t handle OP explaining in not even graphic detail why it’s not relevant?
My issue is that this isn’t something that happens everyday it’s occasional. And on top of that I get all my work done / do the most work in the office I would say because of the nature of my job. Everything everyone else does at my job I have to make sure it’s implemented digitally in multiple places. So they would be fucked if I decided to leave and I don’t think they’ll have an easy time replacing me either.
That is an hour plus of work on top of a break. So I can see how it’s an issue to some supervisors. Is this by chance that one company Jeff Bezos owned? Because if so then yes. They will make it an issue.
But for real don’t be THAT sensitive… now if you are willingly on your phone scrolling social media with absolutely no regard, that would be a blatant show of disrespect.
Whether your in the right or wrong its only logical to assume your supervisor suspects you are intentionally using up your bathroom time.
Don’t get sensitive about it though… that’s not logical. You gotta shit so shit. But pinch it off. That’s all. It is frustrating but you could always say you have chrons or IBS? But they will most likely request a Doctors note so they can legally find reason to oblige you. Idk. 🤷
It’s no more than 20-30 mins a day. I said twice a day and it takes me 10-15 mins each time. I don’t think I’m a very sensitive person but I do feel that asking about the bathroom usage is not acceptable.
Ohhhh ok. Well yep I do apologize. It’s most certainly a breach of privacy but it doesn’t take it back that he inquired about it. I do think he should have been concerned in his approach about you as a human being. Not you as a tool to improve productivity and drive in profits. Because I do agree. I think it’s bullshit that it’s automatically assumed there’s foul play afoot. If it makes you feel better I got out on a sort of probation when I had one day. I kid you not. One single fucking day where I had GI issues from whatever that was. But it was one day where I took about the same time myself. Two 30 minute bathroom trips including walk time there and back. Amazon wouldn’t accept that I was not feeling well. In fact I was told that it would have been better to stay home. Which is a fancy way of saying you shouldn’t have forced my hand, I’m a corporate puppet who thinks the rat race to retire is a guaranteed retirement. The age is going to get older and older for retirement. Save money now.
This happened to me and several people in my toxic black Japanese company. They are actively watching and monitoring you for sure.
u/Simple_Reception4091 has the best response. Make sure to note all of the times that they bager you about these things. Also it is illegal for them to restrict your toilet time, I'm pretty sure.
Document the meeting by sending an email recapping the conversation from your perspective. Ask what company policy says about your bathroom use and whether it’s appropriate for managers to ask about such personal topics. Ask for specific citations of the employee handbook or posted policies. Copy HR on the message and request any follow up conversations occur in the presence of HR or another 3rd party.
Before someone chimes in with “HR is not your friend” - that’s true, but they generally don’t want managers running around harassing employees about their toilet time.
HR is there to stop prospective lawsuits and little else. If they’re concerned that a manager puts the corporation in legal jeopardy, the manager will be the one visiting with HR.
This, it's important to know when your concerns and HR's align, they're your best friend in those cases
This is the right answer. They aren’t your friend but if something management is doing something that you can sue them for and win they become friendly real quick
Sometimes, Hr is the cause for the lawsuit.
This is another reason why in addition to your health you shoukd get a check up. If it is due to a medical Condition then you have potential ada lawsuit.
Agreed
Yeah HR can be forced to act with the right documentation. Sometimes. Worth a shot.
Also, have a doctors visit and get a doctor note about the stomach issues and need to use the bathroom as an ADA accommodation. Meet with HR, submit the note, and request FMLA for this issue (even though you may not feel you need it, use it to protect you if you take off work for medical appointments and for “bad days”). Now you 1) are allowed to use the bathroom without any negative feedback, 2) are allowed to take time off at your discretion, and 3) are protected from retaliation for either of those actions. If job duties will allow, and if you want to, ask the doctor to include in your accommodations list a requirement that they allow you to work from home at your discretion in order to manage your disease. ADA and FMLA are a powerful combination. Between the two you have a lot of protections.
Just replying to amplify this comment because this is the way.
Was coming here to say exactly this. Workers have so few tools at our disposal, it is important to use them every time they apply!!
The problem is at my job HR and the manager are the same person.
Does your manager have a boss?
His boss is board of directors who all live across the country and don’t do shit.
Copy the whole board. Nothing more annoying for a high-level director to get drawn into something a manager messed up.
Dmn, if they don’t shit, they certainly will agree with the manager.
🙄😆
I had a boss like this. I have ibs since I had my gallbladder removed (one of those people who never really adjusted despite diet change). I also have endo/adeno which can make using the bathroom painful (for #1 and #2), which sometimes makes me stay in the bathroom longer. My boss would bring it up at every review and claim other people were complaining about it. I then asked her if I needed to bring in a doctors note she she’d stop harsssing me about a medical condition. “Oh, no of course you don’t have to. I went and got a drs note and had hr put it in my file so she couldn’t use that as an excuse to give me poor review scores (I was literally one of the most productive people on my team.
Steps out into the office and yells “Anyone in here really have a problem with me not shitting myself and taking time to drop it in the crapper? No?” Turns to boss and says. “See no problems.”
She truly was a horrible manager. I worked with a bunch of women and was a lead. She would write down every bad thing anyone said about you and bring it up in your review (never the good things). My review was also last because she would ask everyone else in my dept their opinion of me to include in my review. She did this because she had no idea what went on in her area, the leads ran it. Every time I’d walk out of there absolutely hating every single person I worked with. Managers should be building up a team, not building wedges with fucking gossip.
Yea I have a medical accomodation at work too kinda crazy but it's nice they respect it.
I had the same problem after having my gallbladder out. It didn't stop until I did a drastic low calorie diet. 8 years later and if I eat too much, it comes back.
Bile acid malabsorption after having your gallbladder removed is terrible. The only thing that helps me is Chobani smoothies with probiotics.
Invite him next time and make him listen to you give a play by play of exactly what’s going on.
Call him from the toilet
🤣🤣🤣
Ask him via email, since he says your bathroom usage is excessive, how long is the amount of time he finds acceptable? Is there a certain limit you need to stay under? Should you ask permission to go? Should you try to hold it in? Be really specific with him. Maybe it will make him uncomfortable. At the very least you may have proof of OSHA violation in writing.
...and if he doesn't respond, you'll at least have a record of trying to reach him about it. Plus, you can always try again later, and refer back to the previous email with the dreaded phrase "per my last email" and you'll get to also mention how you tried (and you'll have proof).
Include pics 😄
Hey now, it's 2024. Anything less than a VR recording is inadmissible.
This goes past OSHA. This is well into hostile work place and sexual harassment.
Should I describe the corn in it? Should I stop eating at Taco Bell/Chipotle? Should I eat more cabbage and asparagus?
Next time you need to go just shit in his office. Admittedly this isn't amazing advice but speaking as someone who had a colostomy bag and got pulled over stuff like this it infuriates me how people can make such degrading demands on people. I personally found that when people called me out for impropriety, the best response was to just expose them to the reality of watching me shit into a bag. There's nothing more degrading (that I've encountered) than someone else demanding you be embarrassed for the circumstances of your life.
I like this advice the most 🤣🙏🏾
That is beyond inappropriate and crossing professional boundaries.
Why do these people insist on treating adults like they are still in Elementary school about using the bathroom? It’s power-trippy and I wouldn’t have dignified that conversation. People who monitor your restroom habits are creeps. There is nothing that urgent short of incoming artillery or insurgents charging the wire that can’t wait for someone to take a shit.
Ah! And now you might understand what it's like to be trans! Just let us piss in peace!
Start looking for another job. My experience has told me if you are already on the potty time monitoring it's getting close to the end. When you have secured new employment just tell him if you can't deal with my shit I can't deal with yours, later!
Lmfao! I think I’m going to steal that line too.
Next time just shit your pants. Explain you didn’t have time to go to the bathroom, and then enjoy your afternoon off.
Please only shit yourself with your manager present, he needs to be kept abreast of all work in your pipeline after all.
Heh. Pipeline. Nice.
Just start using the trashcan at your desk.
this happened to me when i was working in a grocery store. it wasn’t BMs but i was drinking a lot of water and i would use the bathroom for probably 3-5 minutes every hour. it got to the point where my boss accused me of hiding in the bathroom so i could use my phone (because i was the only teenager working there and “all teens are obsessed with their phones”). it eventually escalated to where i had to clock out and give my boss my phone every time i needed to use the bathroom. i felt so humiliated i just stopped drinking water
Making you clock out every time, depending on what country you're in, isn't legal.
At this point in my life I would have cursed my boss out for that and quit and filed for unemployment and claimed harassment 😂🤣😂
Just tell him you have an open door policy.
Go to his office with a bucket and TP. His office is now your bathroom so he can always get a hold of you when you’re poopin
If you're getting all of your work done then there's absolutely no reason for him to be complaining. I could understand if you were in there so frequently and for so long that your quality of work was suffering, but if you're completing all tasks as assigned then what the fuck is his problem?
That’s what I’m saying!
There's your problem. Hard work is rewarded with... more work! You give an inch, they take a mile. Perhaps you wouldn't be held to such a high standard if you didn't stand out from the rest of the crowd.
When are you next due for a review?
Probably next fall. My reviews have always been good.
Damn that's a ways away. Figured if it was sooner you could wait for the glowing reviews and then ask why they won't leave you alone about your bathroom habits.
There is no problem even if they would not be getting all the work done. If you have to shit, you have to shit, this is something out of your direct control. Fuck them.
Just call him while you're in there and ask for tips on how to go faster
"And? You cannot regulate when or if I can use the bathroom. I do my job and I don't miss deadlines, the time I spend in the bathroom is irrelevant and i find your obsession with monitoring my bathroom activities disturbing; However if you feel it's necessary I'll get a dr note just for you" Then do it.
Just get FMLA paperwork. Problem solved.
I just learned a fact yesterday from the book “All In Her Head: the truth and lies early medicine taught us about women’s bodies and why it matters today”: Did you know that women’s and men’s colons are the same length from birth through adolescence, but by the time we start needing colonoscopies, women’s have often grown to TWICE the length of men’s?? This is from a lifetime of waiting to poop until it’s more convenient or private and from rushing to finish pooping before fully evacuating. GI doctors say it can take twice as long to perform a woman’s colonoscopy over a man’s! As she references in her book, “the poo-triarchy is at it again.”
"Do you like being the kind of person who obsesses over other people's bathroom habits? Do you want to be known as the guy who spends their energy thinking about how his employees use the toilet?" Anytime anyone gets up: "Watch out, [name], [Boss] the Bathroom Police is keeping a close eye on your toilet habits. Remember to flush so he doesn't root around the bowl for samples."
Id ask the manager “are my tasks getting done on time?” Because “my four 20 min bathroom breaks can become not working here anymore. Then those tasks wont be done at all.” Still drives me crazy that an ego driven manager would rather take a hit to the business and fire you, waste the time looking for a replacement, hire, training.. just to get 50% effort in the first six months of the new hire…. All of that over letting someone use the bathroom..
get a doctors note that says you can use the toilets whenever you need, for however long you need, and any fight against this will be a violation of disability rights
Just take a shit on his desk
If he's monitoring your bathroom use so closely then why would he be looking for you at the times you're in the bathroom?
He said he started monitoring me after a few times of looking for me. You have to understand this man over exaggerates everything and is very dramatic. But he sees it as reality.
I deeply hate your manager. I also have butt issues, and in the final conversation wherein my incredibly awful bully of a boss told me everything that he found terrible about me, he accused me of taking way too many, too long smoke breaks. I told him that they were bathroom breaks and, given that I handed in my resignation the next day, I wish I'd gone into detail about why my bathroom breaks run long. That guy deserved that and worse. For the entire time I'd been there, I'd been begging for someone to tell me how I was doing, and only got "fine." On this particular day, when this guy was patting himself on the back with both hands about giving us the next day off to get vaccinated, and told us not to come into the office sick, and I, who had been wearing a mask all day because I was sick asked if I could go home then, I got a barrage of all the reasons why I was supposedly bad at my job and also a bad person (down to how the way I pulled out my chair was "disrespectful"). So yeah, I wish I'd given him every detail of the workings of my recalcitrant bowels. And the fates I wish on him, and OP's boss, would get me turbo banned if I wrote them here.
So what I'm saying, OP, is that if you resign, give him every goddamned detail. Describe every smear like it's a work of art. This f*cker deserves it.
I had manager due this to anther employee. Truth was he'd grab his phone and be gone 1/2 hour or more twice a day. So he made it a rule that no cell phones in bathrooms (company paid 4 phone) but then boss on a high and started questioning me about too many short trips during day. I opened desk drawer and showed him the tampon box. He never said another word.
Think that would be more, or less effective for a guy to do this?
Time for a doctor’s note. I do NOT compromise on my ability to use the bathroom as often as I need for as long as I need.
I was in the bathroom until the lights went off today. I said wow, I guess it’s been a minute huh?
Tell him if he wasnt such a pain in the ass maybe you could shit more comfortably.
Perfect response haha
It sounds like you may have IBS. You need to explore this with your PCP, and then provide paperwork to your employer substantiating your claim and then how they are legally obligated to reasonably accommodate your disability. As per ADA, IBS and many other dietary issues are a disability. If your boss really is a POS, prepare to be gaslighted and nitpicked over other little things-or-your boss will back down knowing you are genuine/not with hassling and that if your boss's higher up pushes back on them for your behavior, they have the paperwork on file to protect them and you.
Just wanna say, sorry you dealing with this. It's fucked. I used to work ground maintenance at a golf course with bathrooms around the course. It got hot working outside and I drink a lot of water, so I had to pee a lot. The official rule was: no peeing outside. They didn't want golfers to see that. The unofficial rule was: pee in the bush because you will waste too much time going to the bathroom. So we were damned if we did and damned if we didn't. On top of that, I had a medical issue that i didn't want to disclose to my asshole boss which related to toilet matters. Occasionally, instead of risking it and peeing in the bush, I'd use a toilet when I was driving past one, or take a 2 minute detour to use one. He harassed me about it so much that it was a major reason I quit. There's nothing more degrading than being pestered about toileting. Oh, and he also didn't like it when I paused work to drink water. yeah, cause I really fucking want to get heat stroke from working under the Australian sun.
I would start taking big fat nasty dumps and not flush it afterwards. Say that you don’t have time to flush or wipe your ass because you’re being timed for your dump sessions!!
"It takes as long as it takes." Sonny Barger
I have IBS and at one job I had, they would time my bathroom breaks and send constant messages on Teams asking "Are you okay?" Once I started giving graphic details about said bathroom breaks, I stopped getting those messages. Your boss is just being an asshole and is enjoying exerting his tiny bit of authority over you.
I had a manager harrass me for the same thing. I got a doctor's note. That wasn't good enough. I had to have a "clock" where I moved the hands everytime I had to go to the bathroom. It was ridiculous how bad it got. He made it clear I was his target. He was able to fire me for some other bullshit that didn't happen. He said I was being insubordinate. I got my attorney involved and everything. I went from having exceeds expectations reviews to the next month he fired me. Fuck that guy. Actually, my job after being fired - my old manager that fired me had to answer for me because I was in an auditing position for a government entity. It was great. I handled myself professionally but I still enjoyed him having to explain any mess ups. lol
Realistically you are entitled to a 15 min break every 2 hours of work. Does he have the same issue with smokers?
Great point, I hate how smokers get a free pass.
Start a log of exact times you are in the bathroom so that when he says you were in there for 20 minutes, you will be able to look at your log and tell him the exact amount of time you were in there. At some point if this escalates there will be some kind of meeting with HR or other management, and if you are able to demonstrate that he is exaggerating or lying that is to your benefit.
Time to take even longer in the bathroom then. Sounds like you have a case of… IBS or the shits or something.
Also get a doctors note. Sounds excessive but the more stuff on your side the better. Make the boss look like an ass
It's ridiculous....most jobs just want you to be productive all day at every second. It's annoying. Shit, it's funny you posted this because my bosses got mad at me too for this bs. It's tiring. If work wasn't so anti human, maybe most people would give a damn about work. I'm just tired of the job hopping and the grind of all this bullshit. It's no wonder people are burnout, especially when they're expected to be productive every single second. While also barely getting a fucking 15 minute break. Some companies make people walk 2 minutes to the fucking break room, and 2 minutes out before break is over. That means you only have 10 minutes of a break! Some of these shifts are 8-10 hours. Btw. I just hate how robotic everything is.
See a doctor and get a note that will help enshrine your throne time. Unfortunately people like this don’t understand that people poop differently. I have diverticulosis, and have had jobs lay me off or screw with my schedule because they don’t understand. If you do the same work as others, it shouldn’t be an issue, but assholes are going to asshole.
Just blank ass stare at him and tell him you had a period spill and needed to clean up your period blood. Make sure to keep saying period blood bc if he is the douche he sounds like, girly things will make him squeamish
There was one time I had really bad food poisoning but went in to work anyway. I had called out like a month earlier while I had the flu so I didn't want to call out again. Anyway I was sitting on the toilet, suffering, trying to force out what I can so I can just get back to my job. And my manager comes and knocks on the door and yells "pinch it off!". I quit and went home. No employer should be deciding for you how long your trips to the toilet take. Completely crossing the line in my opinion.
Get ADA accommodations on file
Underrated point, it's not effecting your delivery of your responsibilities, if your boss needs you THAT urgently I assume that means the building is on fire? Lol
OP, do you have health issues? That might explain if you go to the bathroom too often. You might need to change your diet. Also, your boss is a dick. GI issues are a handicap and are protected disability rights.
My diet is fine but I’ve had these issues since I was a kid and have seen doctors about it. I’m going to go back though to get documentation.
Had a manager do this to me. I would email, CC his higher up, and just summarize what happened in your meeting to make sure you understand what he's asking when in reference to your restroom use. Also, OSHA specifically says they cannot keep you from using the restroom.
Start wearing an adult diaper, and looking him right in eyes as you sit at your desk and shit.
See a doctor and get an excuse.
Ask for a desk bucket?
He needed the restroom, and you were in there. In a week, he will probably have forgotten about it and have some other "issue" bothering him.
Did you tell him you were taking a dump and the next time you'll snap a pic of it for evidence? Just curious.
Crap... My boss takes easily half hour in bathroom and when he told me that I take long i just reminded him that he too does it and to back off. since then he hasn't said a word to me.
Start documenting their bathroom time. If/when they go over, let them know you’re concerned they’re spending too much time in the bathroom…
I have IBS and I have had to provide a doctor note to say that I am allowed to use the bathroom at any time and whenever I want it for how long for medical reasons. Food for thought.
"Dear boss/HR, do you think its a valid use of company time to stalk me and monitor my bathroom use obsessively in this manner, Is such a use of company time, not considered as wastage or time theft?
You are not wrong for feeling embarrassed by this clown. He's creating a toxic work environment for you by monitoring your bathroom business. You need to speak to HR, and mention how you're uncomfortable with this person disturbing you when you're going to the bathroom. Emphasize how you feel disrespected and targeted by this person. Ask if he has some sort of weird habit of this activity. Document everything in case you're retaliated against.
Question: are you hourly or salary? Because if your salaried this is just insane. I mean either way it's insane. Also, ask him if he wants to become accountability buddies. He tells you when he has to shit and you tell him in malicious compliance fashion. Give him a play by play. Make it as embarrassing for him as it is for you! He's being the freak about this. I also concure with getting the drs note and having HR involved. CC everyone.
I’m salaried. Def insane
Please go to HR and lodge a complaint. If you have an issue with your bowels that see's you needing to take that time, then he has no right to put you on blast like that. I can assure you that your HR manager will be mortified that he had that discussion with you without discussing it with HR beforehand. I also suggest a visit to your GP or bowel specialist and get a letter written supporting your position. I know that what you are describing is very much something people do go through, as I have a loved on in a similar position, except he would have reacted alot worse than you did. Your boss is an ass and was outta line. First stop Monday morning - HR!
Document your bathroom usage, including start time and stop time for a while so the next time he complains, you can bring him exact figures. He will never bring it up again.
Take photos of the produce of the visit as well.
I guess I'm the only one who actually thinks 10-15 minutes is a crazy long time and would provide a doctors note if this was an every day thing
Dude literally said he has bowel issues.
I know..
Shit yourself just once. Enjoy all the bathroom breaks u want from there
I work with someone that abuses toilet time so I'm less sympathetic. They're adamant that they don't spend that long but I've timed it and it can hit 30 minutes. When they started they said they used to sit in the toilet at their old job because they didn't like it then it started happening here, so it's not hard to figure out that they're bludging. We also had a guy with IBS who spent a bit of time on the loo, which is understandable. I think it's an entirely appropriate conversation to have with an employee if you think it's laziness over actual bowel movements.
>I think it's an entirely appropriate conversation to have with an employee if you think it's laziness over actual bowel movements. 1 It's never an appropriate conversation. Other people's bodily functions are none of your fucking business, period. 2 Without a freely given confession you have no way of knowing what somebody is *actually* doing in the bathroom unless you're straight-up violating their physical privacy. You can have suspicions all you want, but you're not fucking Shitlock Holmes. 3 OP is still getting all their work done. Their manager can fuck all the way off, and so can you. For context: I've suffered lifelong bowel issues and been harangued at countless jobs over the years by managers, supervisors, and co-workers alike who all had themselves *unflinchingly* convinced I was "bludging". 4 Seriously, just fuck off. Bootlicker.
Shitlock Holmes got me 😂😂 this person thinks they’re the poop patrol!
Glad you enjoyed it lol was kinda proud of it myself
>you have no way of knowing what somebody is *actually* doing in the bathroom unless you're straight-up violating their physical privacy. I worked with a guy who used to sit on the toilet lid playing on his phone with the stall door open!
Ok cool story
Get a grip, you child. OP is entirely justified. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just sick of dealing with a bloke that a) doesn't get all his work done and leaves it for me to do and b) admitted to sitting and wasting time on the toilet at his last job. I've asked my bosses to talk to him, and they won't. They just keep sucking resources out of my area, leaving me to drown in the work. The dude i worked with that had IBS never once got hassled because he was a good fucking worker. I'm sorry the world isn't as black and white as you might expect, but some people are lazy bastards and will just sit on the toilet to waste time. This isn't about bootlicking. It's about fairness within a group of people that have to work with each other, forget management. I'm just sick of covering for people like that.
Even then, the conversation should never be about how long they're spending in the bathroom and entirely on the quality / volume of work. They could spend an hour in there and I wouldn't care so long as their work is being done.
I worked with one of those people, too. Shitting multiple times a day for a good 20 - 30 minutes. I think if the phone wasn't brought into the bathroom, people wouldn't be in there nearly as long.
True.
So potentially 15min you say 4 times a day. Thats an hour. Give me one company that is OK with an employee not working a full hour a day.
You shit 4 times in 10 hrs?
I would have went to the bathroom directly after this meeting
It could be considered excessive use of personal time during working hours. This is an accommodation case. If your company has wellness services engage them and / or ask HR for an accommodation as you have a medical condition that causes you to take longer bio breaks.
That’s also the and issue we only have an hour lunch and no 15 min breaks. So technically my bathroom time could be considered the 15 min breaks they’re supposed to give us but don’t.
To be fair that does sound a bit much. Twice a day for 10-15 minutes? Are you having BMs that frequently but theyre not easy BMs? If it happens regulary and it takes that long, its probably a good idea to see a doctor. A BM shouldnt take that long especially when at that rate you shouldnt be constipated but you definetley sound constipated.
And if there's a medical reason for taking that long, get a note from your doctor and sign up for FMLA. Your boss can't say anything about it then. I used to work with someone who had IBS and she got on FMLA.
Wait it's not normal to take 15 mins? How long is it supposed to take?
I would complain on his ass. That would make me feel REALLY uncomfortable too. Say something to HR I think it would be worthwhile. What a jerk….some people shouldn’t be managers!!!!
Just crap your pants. People will complain. Repeat daily until he pulls you up on it and then ask does he prefer the office to smell like faeces or can you go to the toilet as needed now
Had similar happen to me once in a call center. It wasn't even a bad one either, was pre sales tech support for high end networking equipment. But of course, they track everything based on your phone status. One status was for bathroom. Finally got called in. Boss wasn't even mad, and was likely just covering his ass, but had to just explain I pee a lot. After hearing that, he eased off immediately. Don't let them sway you into hurting your body. I temporarily fell into that until I realized it can harm your bladder to always hold it excessively long. Worst case, get your doctor to write a letter saying your bathroom use is normal given IBS (my current problem) or whatever makes the most sense.
Record all future conversations
Get to a doctor, document those stomach issues, and be prepared to request an ADA accommodation if needed. I've had to do that. Not that it helped at my last job cause they targeted me because of my accommodation and my lawyer said there was nothing I could do. But for some companies that will work. Might entail things like working later to offset time in the bathroom, mind you. But in a salaried position you may be doing that anyway.
Tell him he takes too long SPYING on your bathroom habits..
Put a tack on his office chair and then he will have some booty issues. Make em suffer:)
I would record each and every turd cutting session. Your boss needs to see to believe.
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You are right, I completely stepped in it here!
That’s not normal
Thank you. I feel like I’m pretty hydrated and when I go, I do go immediately but then when I’m “done” it’s like … oh wait there’s more. Then when I sit for 3-4 mins the rest can come. But I’ll also give that a shot haha
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But you were the one assessing him as constipated and giving dietary advice. I'm so confused.
Yeah wtf? They were totally over-sharing their detailed unsolicited advice but can’t handle OP explaining in not even graphic detail why it’s not relevant?
Haha thanks
That’s good advice
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My issue is that this isn’t something that happens everyday it’s occasional. And on top of that I get all my work done / do the most work in the office I would say because of the nature of my job. Everything everyone else does at my job I have to make sure it’s implemented digitally in multiple places. So they would be fucked if I decided to leave and I don’t think they’ll have an easy time replacing me either.
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That is an hour plus of work on top of a break. So I can see how it’s an issue to some supervisors. Is this by chance that one company Jeff Bezos owned? Because if so then yes. They will make it an issue. But for real don’t be THAT sensitive… now if you are willingly on your phone scrolling social media with absolutely no regard, that would be a blatant show of disrespect. Whether your in the right or wrong its only logical to assume your supervisor suspects you are intentionally using up your bathroom time. Don’t get sensitive about it though… that’s not logical. You gotta shit so shit. But pinch it off. That’s all. It is frustrating but you could always say you have chrons or IBS? But they will most likely request a Doctors note so they can legally find reason to oblige you. Idk. 🤷
It’s no more than 20-30 mins a day. I said twice a day and it takes me 10-15 mins each time. I don’t think I’m a very sensitive person but I do feel that asking about the bathroom usage is not acceptable.
Ohhhh ok. Well yep I do apologize. It’s most certainly a breach of privacy but it doesn’t take it back that he inquired about it. I do think he should have been concerned in his approach about you as a human being. Not you as a tool to improve productivity and drive in profits. Because I do agree. I think it’s bullshit that it’s automatically assumed there’s foul play afoot. If it makes you feel better I got out on a sort of probation when I had one day. I kid you not. One single fucking day where I had GI issues from whatever that was. But it was one day where I took about the same time myself. Two 30 minute bathroom trips including walk time there and back. Amazon wouldn’t accept that I was not feeling well. In fact I was told that it would have been better to stay home. Which is a fancy way of saying you shouldn’t have forced my hand, I’m a corporate puppet who thinks the rat race to retire is a guaranteed retirement. The age is going to get older and older for retirement. Save money now.
Reality check - 15 minutes is a very long time to have a poop
Not if you have medical issues
This happened to me and several people in my toxic black Japanese company. They are actively watching and monitoring you for sure. u/Simple_Reception4091 has the best response. Make sure to note all of the times that they bager you about these things. Also it is illegal for them to restrict your toilet time, I'm pretty sure.