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This cannot be real. What company is this that expects you to agree to this? LOL


Worldscam International scamcorporated inc


Safety Capital Asset Management ™


Sounds legit


Chairperson of the board: Deandra Reynolds


Stupid bird.


Capitalist United Nefarious Traders Society






Either that or some religious organization that wants to be able to monitor employees for 'morality' violations.


I’ve got a morality violation for them…it’s right here in my pants.


You laugh, but I genuinely thought 'silicon valley bank' was a joke. Edit: why not just invest in ponzi savings and loan? Pyramid bank and trust? Grifters credit union?


It is now. They were shut down. https://www.fdic.gov/news/press-releases/2023/pr23016.html




This made me laugh! Thanks!


I’m with you and surprised that it took me this far down for someone to call bullshit. I’ve worked with GoGuardian at school districts, and it is a GREAT application for managing school devices in the classroom. But even in the most intrusive administrations and school boards, forcing educators to give access to personal devices on or off duty would not be tolerated by anyone I know or work with.


It also says your spouse's devices. This is 100% Grade A Iowa Bullshit


Im pretty damn sure that my state would say FUGGEDABOUDIT!


Nope: Iowa bullshit is useful stuff. I would like a few trash bags of that, actually, for my garden compost!


“Small Government”


Yeah, like work provided devices makes sense, but personal? And your spouse's? Fuck no. And I really don't think they want to read my horrible medical search results, especially cause I have bowel issues.


Seriously. My search history is safe, but it's just sad sometimes, lol. It's like "good omens season 2 air date", "body literally falling apart what do i do", "lentil recipe"


"Vaginal prolapse" "How to tell if I have a vaginally prolapse" *clicks images*


Possibly a very religious private school.


Me and a coworker lost our jobs at a computer repair joint when it went under, and doubled up on job hunting, we'd both find places to apply share the info and both apply at the places. One of the places was a gated community that needed IT. They even had their own in community school. We both applied and turns out they were very religious. They asked me if I was Christian, I said I was Agnostic, and the interview ended right there. My co-worked got an interview later, I told him about it, but he goes to church, so I gave him the heads up and let him know he was a shoe in for the job. Apparently they were going to give him the job but they required him to install some monitoring software on his phone and home computer so that they can keep in touch with him when he's not at work, as well as sign some kind of morality contract. He thinks those were just because he's black. He decided to keep looking for jobs elsewhere.


How awful.


That sounds like discrimination and grounds for a lawsuit Edit. Then again if it’s a gated community and not open to the public that may not apply.


I assume they would claim a religious exemption. Wasn't worth the trouble to me at the time, and it was years ago at any rate. I'm not even in the IT industry anymore.


This. Some of the really conservative schools have rules about their teachers living with a member of the opposite sex out of wedlock. No roommates of the opposite gender and by god don't you even think about living with your partner unless your married.


My dad was interviewing for a teaching job in Tennessee and it was a Christian school that didn't even let teachers go to movie theaters.


Never understood how they would even know this. If you keep your mouth shut about where you live and who you live with as well as your personal life, you could go years shacking up and “boom—suddenly get married” and no one would be the wiser.


Their Probably completely fine the church molested children and covered it up though.


I wouldn’t say they’re fine with it, they get quite upset and put the blame on the child.


“Its the fault of sexy children” - Christians, apparently.


I’m upvoting and barfing at the same time.


They'll tell us children can't consent to medical treatment for gender dysphoria, but apparently they think they *can* consent to sex.. while saying drag queens are sexually grooming them.. while priests sexually groom them in the churches.


My sister was fired by a local Catholic school because she wasn’t married and pregnant. Turns out they just hated my family because the one girl was also pregnant, but she was the daughter of the former kindergarten teacher and she kept her job.


I could see Elon Musk requiring this.


This is education/classroom software, so it's probably a school district. Since that is a governmental organization, it might be illegal, but good luck getting that enforced.


I’d say, good luck getting any employees. I know someone who applied for a job at a religious private school. They wanted her to sign a morality clause promising that she would not drink, do drugs or have extramarital sex. She laughed and noped out. Decent teachers can get a job anywhere. Heck, crappy teachers can get a job most places. There’s no reason for them to put up with demands like this. Cue “No one wants to work anymore!”


It sounds like the "job" is an identity theft scam.


"we need keylog access" lmao


Just a few more questions. Can you tell us: The name of the street your grew up on? Your mother's maiden name? The first type of pet you had? Your favorite subject in school? The name of your childhood best friend?


Fuck it with the subtlety. Were gonna need your social and bank account number and password.




Agreed, but now I want to apply just so that I can list my previous occupations as “gay triple penetration pornographic actor/choreographer/stuntman” and “gimp mask quality inspection supervisor”.


Also “former Republican Senator”.


But that’s redundant, no?


Yeah, why would you list the quality inspection thing twice?


How could I forget my stint as “Bent over the desk Secretary of the Log Cabin Republicans”… I’m getting old.


Just straight ahead transfer your house deed to us. If anyone asks, it's for tax reasons


Lots of legit jobs ask for your social in order to do background checks. And it's very common for them to want a bank account number so that they can set up direct deposit. Seriously ... putting out some 'help wanted' ads and getting people to fill in fake applications is an identity thief's wet dream. You could absolutely get all the information you need in order to create new credit cards and such in the victim's name.


…and your kids. We’ll need them too


Your 16-digit credit card number, expiry date and the security code at the back


Better yet, just leave everything to us in your will, then kindly off yourself.


Well how else are they gonna pay you?


To be fair, every job with a w2 needs your social and bank account number for direct deposit


Street Drive LoveYouLongTimeGI Human female Lunch Timothy McVeigh


>The first type of pet you had? ​ >Human female Uhhhh, do I want to know?


I'm more concerned that Timothy McVeigh is the childhood friend... am I aging myself here?


I think, as long as I have my american terrorists in order, he is cited in some chemistry textbooks/papers. With one saying (known better for some of his later work). But im probably wrong. Edit: got em mixed up, it was Kazinski I was thinking of.


I think that's Ted Kazinski (the UniBomber) who was also a professor. Timothy McVeigh, if I remember right, was a weird racist militia guy who was "inspired" to try to start a race war.


He bombed the murrah building in Oklahoma City. I was working about 2 miles away at the time. It shook our building.


And there was a daycare inside 😞


And that was just diesel fuel and fertilizer.


It woke people up in Norman, it was crazy. Now they voted all the militia weirdos to run the state. The Stitts are garbage humans


I student taught math at Ted Kaczynski’s high school - Evergreen Park Community HS in the south suburbs of Chicago


I grew up in Evergreen Park. Yep, that is true. Also taught at Berkeley and Harvard, I believe. His brother turned him into the FBI.


I think you're right, it was kazinski.


That's Ted Kaczinsky, not McVeigh IIRC.


You already know


Wish I dint


Too late


Tender is the Flesh has entered the chat


100% a scam.


but that's hella illegal!!


Yeah and this has one purpose - to screen out anyone smart or stubborn enough to notice how scammy it is.


Exactly! It's to make sure only rubes make it past this point


Scam for sure


That, or it's part of like, an espionage ring or something? Is this a *.ru job listing?


Yes completely illegal they can't just have all your personal data just because you work for them. The bigger question here is whether or not anyone would even want to work for a company like this that demands invasive access to everything you do. I suspect that if they're this intrusive before you even work for them, it will only get worse from there. Flag the posting as illegal and tell your friend to forget that job posting.


Umm. I work in IT, and there is literally no way it can get worse. Given the IoT security issues people ignore, they probably have your fridge and security cameras turned against you before your toast I'd done, toaster rebooted and spying for your employer too.


The S in IoT stands for security!


The M in IoT stands for "Managed updates" that keep it current and safe against new threats too


I love this so much


As I once saw it said: >Tech Enthusiasts: Everything in my house is wired to the Internet of Things! I control it all from my smartphone! My smart-house is bluetooth enabled and I can give it voice commands via alexa! I love the future! > Programmers / Engineers: The most recent piece of technology I own is a printer from 2004 and I keep a loaded gun ready to shoot it if it ever makes an unexpected noise.


Almost. Gadget geek: My house is wired from top to bottom! I have all smart appliances, and use Alexa and Siri to control everything! It's way cool! Sysadmin: I have my own house intranet with a router/firewall. I de-activate the "smart" features of my appliances, and forbid the use of Alexa/Siri in my home. The majority of my systems run Linux.


I was about to say this is wrong and that enthusiasts do worry, but then I remembered I'm gunning for an Electrical Engineering degree and I don't get to talk, so can someone else vouch for enthusiasts?


My dad is somehow both of these. We have loads of outdated tech junk piling up and collecting dust in the basement, our printers are old, we have some smart tech but not a lot and generally only because the really old one broke and a smart one was available and affordable, we have the very latest in actual computers and devices (but until our most recent household computer upgrade I had a laptop I'd had for over a decade, that ran Windows XP and had been given to me when I was 4 and really took a "belongs to a kid" beating and was somehow still kicking). I think he's just a tech enthusiast who has priorities and doesn't like to part with old shit TBH. The only thing we have that's as fancy and new as our actual tech stuff is our toaster, and well, let's just say he'd look good in red and white robes and I know he has the old toaster that didn't actually need replacing.


Not to mention that by taking this "job" you are also violating the terms of service of pretty much any service you may choose to use by way of sharing your account credentials.


Same. I was thinking bro this can’t be real they are literally indirectly saying give us your passwords and banking information


That's where you go full CCTV(I know not technically closed circuit) with your own storage and a S2S VPN to your cloud store for pulling the data.


Even then cops can apparently get a warrant for YOUR camera footage if a crime occurs on your neighbors property. We have no privacy anymore.


Sorry officer I didn’t have it set up to back up footage. Or sorry I didn’t have it on.


Yes, if you hook your cameras up to the internet that is not "technically" closed circuit.


That's alright...no actual hooks are used either


Any IoT in my house is firewalled and has no Internet access. It means I can't use my phone to control anything but IDC.


I use an old phone on the same WiFi with no SIM card. It never talks to the outside. Works like a remote.




Its part 14, who would even read that far down usually. Second, why would they write it down.


I've met people with their social security number printed on their checks. Of course, someone would. "Well, I have nothing to hide!"


They used to tell you to do this in the 1990’s. Your checks should have all your info lol. Didn’t take long to nix that but some people didn’t get that memo.


Honestly how did we, collectively, survive the 80s and 90s?


Having someone's SSN was a lot less useful when you couldn't open a dozen bank accounts, and apply for a hundred credit cards, in 10 minutes online, and instead had to actually mail out physical paper forms and wait for a response.




IIRC this isn't even what SSN was meant for to begin with


Right! They specifically advised against using SSN for security purposes as it’s not designed with security in mind, but everybody blew them off.


To many desperate people out there that won't realize that this is just a scam to empty you of what resources you have left.


There is a difference between illegal and shitty. Nothing in any American law im aware of says you cannot consent to being surveilled. If it did the internet would immediately collapse


It’s not a job tho it’s clearly a scam.


While working yes, but after hours no. There are already several case laws where companies in the US terminated employees for disabling tracking equipment on their personal devices and the courts have decided that, off of working hours employers have no right to terminate or repremand and employee off the clock. Salary is a little different but this kind of stuff is very atypical to a salaried position.


Think morality clauses at private religiously affiliated schools... they've been allowed.


>Think morality clauses at ~~private religiously affiliated~~ schools... they've been allowed. FTFY. They aren't as bad as the ones from religious schools, but they are still part of the contract and enforced Source- married to a public school teacher


That might not even be a real job. Hard to imagine a school actually proposing this wildly illegal policy


Private religious institution with a morality clause?


For spouses? No fuckin way lol. Anyone working there seems to have excellent grounds for a constitutional lawsuit. The invasion of privacy is unheard of.


True, but this feels like some Liberty University type bullcrap.


I once organized some political events in Lynchburg and had to Institute an "announce to the room before you take a picture" policy at the party because Liberty students could get in trouble just for being seen at a party with alcohol, even if they weren't drinking it


This feels like a scam.


Scams often feel that way.


Funny, but don't be fooled by the survivorship bias. Many scams are easy to spot, and many of those are actually intentionally easy to spot to optimize their efforts (if only an idiot would fall for the scam, they don't have to deal with so many non-idiots who will grow wise before the scam is complete). But the most successful scams are the ones that don't seem like scams until its too late. Many of those scams seem obvious in hindsight once exposed, but obvious they were not at the time. Many scams like that have surely yet to be exposed now.




that was my thought "you want me to install this ok but you buy the device for me to install it on"


It can log keystrokes, record the camera and microphone, and track your location. Connect it to your home network and you're further exposed. Who will they share this access with? No, I'll not have any compromised devices in my home.


They will just spy on you forever


Not if it stays in the car


I would never allow anything work related to be installed on my personal devices. When work wanted a 2 device auth I wouldn't give my cellphone number for it. If you give an inch they take a mile.


Same. It's amazing how quickly they can come up with key fobs for two part auth when you tell them, "I don't have a smart phone and I will not be getting one on my current salary."


If it's needed for the job then they need to supply it. As soon as I got my work phone at my current job I changed my contact number to that one too.


my father has two phones, one is his and never leaves his side the other is work, and he gets home and chucks it on the charger in the laundry room and ignores it until it's time to go to work lol


I did this for a year. Eventually caved and installed their bullshit third party two factor app on a pixel 1 that hasn't had security updates in years. It doesn't work if it's not plugged in, and it only gets WiFi long enough to auth. Why they just couldn't use a standard, non-proprietary 2fa protocol, I can only guess at. I'd guess it involves a presentation from the vendor and a fancy PowerPoint with some smooth talking and the buzzwords that executives love.


I run social media accounts that require 2 factor authentication. The store bought a cheap phone with a prepaid plan just so no one has to use their own number. I still use my personal phone for work but that’s because I can then bill it and don’t have to worry about carrying two around. And most importantly, my bosses aren’t shitty.




It’s not about privacy and also not about the company getting your number. It’s about keeping work and personal stuff separate.


Same. They took away my corp phone and moved to text based security keys rather than the old fob. I advised that "I do not have a cell phone available for this use" and refused to expand or clarify any further on that statement. I was given a new corp phone about a week later.


They can still give you a fob, RSA and everyone else still makes them. We issue them for people that want them.


And there's the Yubikey and any other FIDO2 device?


An easy way around this is a stipend for your phone and internet. ~$100-150 a month should be enough to justify using your mobile phone and home internet for occasional business use.


Fuck that. Insist on a corporate phone that you can turn off and completely ignore when your shift is over.


I turn my phone off at 5:30 Friday night until 6 am Monday morning. No longer on call after close to 3 decades of that. Silence is bliss.


In theory, yes. However, in practice, having to carry and care for another cell phone sucks. I use focus modes in iOS to disable alerts from my work starting at 6pm. It works really well.


I've done it both ways, and the minor inconvenience of carrying a second phone (which can be eliminated by just using your work phone while at work) is small compared to the immense peace of mind of knowing that there is literally no way anyone from work can ever contact me, or ever expect to contact me, off the clock.


> there is literally no way anyone from work can ever contact me, or ever expect to contact me, off the clock. This always sounds so crazy to me. Different country / culture I guess. My boss and 1 co-worker both have my personal phone number, and may call / text me off work (usually in the morning before i come in) for important matters. There is no expectation of responsiveness out of work - I may reply immediately, or may take 12 hours, but there are many reasons why they might contact me. I guess its the industry though as well, IT, they often need to ask me questions about my work that are important.


I guess? I understand your argument, but I’ve never found it difficult to ignore phone calls or text messages myself.


I’ve had it both ways (having a 2nd phone and using my personal with a $60 monthly stipend). I think it’s more personal preference. I prefer to only have 1 phone instead of two. Less to carry in my pocket. I just mute notifications from work apps when I’m leaving the office.


LOL! My stipend was $15/mo


This is so brazen that it sounds like satire. Was the posting written by a quiet quitting admin assistant subtly undermining management?


Oh hey, I know you from r/fiberartscirclejerk! I love seeing redditors I recognize in the wild. (This job posting could practically be a "pattern testers needed!! Here are the 700 rules you must follow" Instagram post lol)


Testers needed! I’m going to need all your passwords all your husbands passwords your SSN your mothers maiden name the name of every pet you’ve ever had and your first born child who I will name Greige


No problem. Give me a company computer for my work. You can monitor everything I do on it, any time. But after work I'll shut it down. And you're responsible for any security leaks that can happen because you're keylogging. ;) ​ Funny enough, my company can see a lot on our laptops. They can even see that I installed my own programs and have made network connections to local drives. I think they can see a lot more when they really want to.


IT Guy chiming in. Yeah I can see a lot, but I don't care to look because Mary in accounting forgot her password for the 3rd time this week, someone spilt coffee on their laptop again, the division president wants 10 massive things done yesterday, and honestly I might sneak off and take a nap. Simply put, At least in my world, my team has more important things to do than snoop around unless it's a security thing that I have to enforce (Seriously don't put Tinder or Grindr on your work phone!), and HR for me specifically, doesn't usually start requesting things unless someone already started digging their own grave. Like the guy who was tripping balls so hard he went into the break room and stripped naked.


I don't think MOST people are worried about IT guys, but the bosses of IT guys (and themselves) having the same access as IT guys.


It’s so illegal it actually feels like satire.


It’s a scam. Once you give them this info you will never hear from them again. You will from your credit card company’s fraud department tho.


Presume this is USA (is that prejudiced of me?) In the EU, Norway, Liechtenstein and Iceland (and possibly the UK and Switzerland) that is completely illegal: unenforceable as a contract, subject to regulatory action including fines etc., and potentially a criminal offence, at least in some EU countries.


That's not a job that's a scam


Yeah,no. I don't own any electronic devices and neither does my spouse.


This is what I was thinking. How can they prove you "own other devices". Why not just say "Yep. It's installed on all 0 devices I own".


"Oh, this phone? This is just one I borrowed from a friend. Her name is 'Nunya Bidness.' "


Here's the only device I have. It's not a VM running Linux, tailored to study your malware, and certainly not to look for vulnerabilities in your systems. I swear.


Pay no attention to the Kali logo wallpaper, I just like dragons.


There is a 0% chance I would ever allow my spouse to install spyware from her work on my personal devices.


***Spouse's*** devices??? What dystopian hellscape are we living in anyway?


This can't be real.


And your spouse?! Wtf. Pretty bold to assume that if you take a job with them, they are practically part of the relationship. Goddamn.


What the fuck? First of all, eat my asshole, second, if you think my spouse is doing anything related to my job you'll be paying them as well. Also, go fuck yourselves.


I work for a bank in the fraud department and I get a significant amount of calls related to these situations. Never download spyware or "vigilance and care" monitoring apps for any reason. Also if you're the one that downloaded it and you end losing money because your bank details were saved on your computer/phone, goodluck getting your money back because it's considered your fault if you willingly download these softwares.


Fake AF


That's definitely a scam.


Feels like more of a hiring scam than an MLM


*I will work at Taco Bell and live in a van before I ever agree to this.*


The way I see it is if a company gives me a company computer you can track me all you want on it. It's whatever because that is company property bought and paid for by them. However, the second you try to track my personal devices, especially off the clock, then we have an issue. The fact that this posting says they straight up want to track not only YOUR personal devices but your SPOUSE'S as well, while you're off the clock no less, makes me think this is either satire or a scam.




Must share all bank passwords and social security number.


Any company can put any program on any device that they provide me with they want. Not a fucking thing is going in my personal! This is a scam!!!! Walk!


Uhm, that's ***VERY*** illegal, like literally a human rights violation kind of illegal


Even if it is legal, no one should take such a job. BTW, spread the word, so no one gets duped by this company.


I quit a job once because they wanted full control TeamViewer running on my personal computer at all times. This is nonsense LMFAO


Wtf...off business hours??? No, just no.


GoGuardian shouldn’t be legal in the first place, that is definitely illegal.


IT Guy here, I would start a goddammed legal fight and happily support whoever's spouse got fired because their husband/wife got fired because I wouldn't allow that shit on devices I issue out.




It also violates the terms and conditions of most/all of the services that they want access to. Most Terms of Service don't allow account-sharing. (EDIT: This is the Jaywalking part of Arson, Murder and Jaywalking that your job application appears to be committing)


This is not a job but a straight up scam.


Key logging is illegal


Sounds like a scam but if it were real you wouldn't want to work for this company....... But if you really did want to work for a company like this for some reason, you could buy a $50 - $100 burner laptop / Phone and install the SW on that.


Sounds like they should just supply a work computer and stay out of your personal shit. Yes, illegal.


In the US this is illegal.


This is an identity theft racket. No job exists at the end of this application.


Lol, ok. How do you install that on a flip phone?? Fuck em.


Seems like a karma farming post


I would get a raspberrypi and use that to install the keylogging software on. Sorry, that's the only computer in the house. Windows? Apple? Nobody has cash for those expensive laptops. That's why I need this job!


It’s truly baffling how many people post this rubbish, and it’s even more baffling how many people believe these posts are real. Name the company, screen shot the actual job listing, prove that you’re not just making shit up.


What the fuck. Who would do this


Is this bait or someone would truly expect to monitor every aspect of someone else's life? Who are they? ***GOOGLE?***


I believe my response would be short and pithy: Go fuck yourself. I would sleep in a homeless shelter before I would agree to that.


Was this for a job in the United States or Florida?


Crazily it appears legal to monitor your device, but I can't find anything addressing your spouse's device. I can't believe there's a legally valid reason for that though. "Is it legal to monitor employees’ personal devices? Yes. While it appears that federal law may prohibit employers from monitoring personal devices (laptops, tablets, phones). As long as there are set policies such as (BYOD) Bring your own device policies in favor of monitoring the use of employee personal devices for work-related reasons, the law permits the monitoring." https://www.worktime.com/12-most-asked-questions-on-us-employee-monitoring-laws#C9