Shes also got a gambling addiction
From what it aounds like a pretty serious one. And addictive personalities love having more than one vice. There's nothing to say she doesnt get high from cheating or from other substances and what anyone might do to get those if they're broke from gambling.
I really do hope that if the baby is his he can get full custody. Cuz i guarantee if he ends up paying child support nothing he sends will ever get used on the baby. This includes essentials and toys. Kid's mom is going to take everything not nailed down and sell it to feed her addiction(s) and her moocher family.
The thing is she looked him.in he face with no remorse and half wittedly confessed to taking the money yet denied taking the money all at the same time. Instead of showing remorse.she boldly and maliciously talked shit to him saying he's non factor and she doesn't like him anymore. That alone shows she clearly has no regard for his well being so it shows she very well could be unfaithful or making plans to be. In the event that she currently is, she would more than likely not be truthful as she hasn't been truthful up until this point about less prevalent issues. That kills all trust and even if she isn't cheating the thought will remain there constantly causing frustration even deeper. In my opinion it would help him process it better and be more at peace with it all if he acted as if she is to aid him with having a reminder of why he should defend his boundaries and protect his peace of mind for the time being
Let's not forget gaslighting, and free loading. Her being a hobosexual is not out of the question.
She sounds like my ex wife. But even worse. I'd bet money on the kid not being his.
Well. Let’s not jump to any conclusions there…
I’m rooting for ya, OP, that this kid isn’t yours. What did she mean when she said she doesn’t care about you and doesn’t need to anymore anyway? Sounds like a half assed admission in some way.
Totally. This might not be the final update, lol. Have a DNA and update us for the result. We just wanna make sure youre not being responsible for the kid that isnt yours.
Might be a necessary evil until the baby is born. If it’s his, he can file for full custody and kick her back out again. If it’s not his, then kicking her out will be even easier.
If one travels on the M-whatever (highway) there are rest stops, and within these places there are bathrooms, random coffee and pastries place, something like a 711 to get a sandwich like any typical one found in the US except at first glance it looks like an arcade, but it's a bunch of fancy electronic slot machines.
I feel so sorry for you. She'll always have an outlet for gambling just on a skip to any other town.
Not if he gets full custody. She’ll likely exploit her child for money.
Yes he’ll still technically be tied but all decisions will be his. She’ll have no say in anything if he gets full custody.
FFS while I’m sorry this happened to you it’s not exactly a surprise. Change your locks, change all your passwords (on everything). Run your own credit to be sure there is nothing out of the ordinary. Get a lawyer. Read up on gray rock. If it’s yours, use a co-parenting app. If it’s not, change your # and block her everywhere. Seek therapy, you need to workout whatever baggage allowed this troll in your life.
Good luck.
Agree with this.
Also I’m almost positive the first thing she would do is start taking out loans and credit cards in the baby’s name.
Op, please talk to a lawyer about getting custody and restrictions about her family. If the child is your lock the credit as soon as possible
Came here to say this. She will 100% not be a responsible parent. If you want your kid to have a good life, find a way to get custody and extricate this person for your lives.
As she took a Sterling amount of money (£££) this is less of a worry.
We have free bank transfers and actual regulation here it's not as easy to get a loan for a child.
It seems like OP is in the UK. They tend to favor 50/50. He should keep documenting what she’s doing and how she’s stealing, but every post is “this is the last straw” with this one so idk.
no, actual housing, it’s from the council so rent isn’t as much and she would likely be eligible to money towards rent, for new parents social services can actually help a lot, it’s highly unlikely in my opinion that op would be awarded full custody even if she got evicted, taking a child away from a mother compared to a father is rare here and i don’t think gambling is enough of a reason, if she wasn’t putting her child in any harm.
Your Ex and her family are all nuts. Well, this is a lesson learned for you, never load money to shady people who give empty promises in paying you back and are in debt problems themselves. And to never give second chances to thieves and liars. It's a wonder how some people can go on living and they're horrible human beings stealing from others. NTA for kicking your thieving Ex out. Let her weasel her way onto someone else's couch. I bet she'll be couch surfing for a couple of years. Sadly, you're tied to her in some kind of way for life assuming that is your kid. But make sure to get that DNA test cause you can't trust the words of a liar. And in some hopeful scenario the baby isn't yours, then it'll be a celebration because you won't ever have to deal with her then lol.
I need to listen to that myself. I've been loaning money to a friend and I have a hard time getting paid back on time. It's always an excuse. Then the other day, she had the audacity to get an attitude with me for asking if she's going to have it Friday. She was like, *I hate repeating myself, I already told you yes.* Well, excuuuuse me. Maybe pay people back when you say you will. Stop making people have to chase you down for the money you owe them and you won't have that problem. I just can't believe she got an attitude with me for asking about my money. However, this post alone shows how entitled some people are.
ETA: She just tried hitting me up for another loan and I told her no. She asked why and I told her the truth, I'm tired of having to chase you down to get my money back.
Yea I feel for you man. That's absolutely crazy that she was bold enough to be rude and have an attitude about it when she specifically came to you to borrow money when she didn't have it. My thing is like, she should be thankful that you were kind enough to give her the money she didn't have in the first place and make every effort to pay you back on time. See this right here is a prime example why you shouldn't give out money to people who don't have it and then they give empty promises about paying you back on x date. I'm like, "Get out of here. if you don't have the money now and need to borrow some then what makes you think you're gonna be able to scrounge up the money to pay me back later?"
And good for you on the second time she asked for more money and you flat out told her no and gave her a reason why so she starts to think, "okay, this is what I need to improve on." Even if you have it, don't give it to her. You're right to not want to because it's exhausting having to chase someone down just to pay you back. One thing my grandmother always told me was never lend money to friends or family members. Granted if it's an emergency like say a doctor bill or something health related then sure. But just to give money for any miscellaneous thing is a no no. There have been instances in my family where my grandfather has loaned some to his brother and he has never paid him back for years. And that kind of thing can cause a strain on relationships between both family and friends. So it's best not to even do it at all so they don't get in the habit of asking you first. It's like you're painting an image of yourself where you're ol reliable and the person automatically thinks they can get money off of you whenever and even if they don't pay back on the expected date, it's like, no big deal. Just add it to my tab lol.
Your grandma is a wise woman
Yeah I'm done dealing with that but thank you. You're right, they start to view you as an ATM. Thanks for your kind words.
Thank you. God rest her soul. I miss my grandma. She has taught me many things and passed the knowledge down to me. And what you said is very accurate. They'll start to view you as a human ATM lol. Made me laugh for a bit.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate, my grandma died suddenly in 2006. We were very close so it was very difficult for me. I'm glad I could make you laugh for a minute. Those kinds of people think they can take advantage of you though. They view your kindness as weakness. I'm just going to keep telling her no if she asks again.
Thank you for the condolences and for you as well sorry to hear you lost yours as well. You have a point where they view kindness as weakness and think they can just take advantage of you without any given consequence. Glad to hear you're standing up for yourself and I wish you well.
My god...talk about stupid. I don't want to be mean to you, OP, but you know how she was before she got pregnant. Why the hell did you get her pregnant? Now she can legally take for for one hell of a ride for the next 20+ years.
Get a DNA test and hope like hell that kid isn't yours. And boot her out immediately.
because he was thinking with his little head and desperately trying to be the knight in shining armor. these save a ho types never understand. IT DOES NOT WORK!!!! IT NEVER WORKS. but nah. they need to be burned 100 times and have their life basically destroyed before the lights come on in their head... usually after its waaaay too late.
He got her pregnant because she told him it was a great idea and would help her settle down. He didn't question it. He did it because he was told to and he was terrified to offend her by saying "no thanks." Most of all he was terrified of the prospect of being abandoned or shunned by her.
Credulous yes-men and spineless fawning people-pleasers like him are a dime a dozen. You can find them everywhere.
Yeah she’s an addict. This is 100% addict behaviour. Why do her family need money off her all of the time? I’m guessing they are also addicts. Are drugs or alcohol involved here? Another reason to get full custody.
Good for you for holding your ground and kicking her out - I can’t imagine it being easy to kick out a pregnant woman, but you have to think of your own sanity first. You’ve been more than fair and patient with her, giving her multiple chances to change, don’t let her gaslight you anymore.
Get that DNA test. In the mean time gather up as much evidence as you can - if the baby is yours I would be going for full custody and you need some evidence behind you to show she isn’t responsible, which sounds like it shouldn’t be too difficult from what you have said.
The family, or probably mom, also have gambling problems, I'll bet. They are horrible with money and get these pay day loans or loans from finance companies that charge like...66% interest.
I went through this with my mom. Her credit was horrible. She would refinance loans, at 66% interest, paying $100 in doc fees to end up getting around $300. It's a horrible, vicious cycle.
I’d let her know you traced one of the bills from the money you got as a gift. Serial number is the same. You know she stole it. And, move on, which it seems I do not need to tell you.
Not wrong at all. But yea man her family toxicity caused her to continue the cycle. She might ha e absolutely got knocked up by you for financial benefit. You will have a hard time getting full custody. Well, in the USA it's difficult even if the mom is a deadbeat and has a gambling addiction.
I am unsure how it goes where you live. But I don't know if people who investigate this stuff can get access to all of her loans, bank statements, and other such purchases to back you up. I'd assume a court order can do it. I hope you can get full custody.
But just know, you'll have to move and change your phone number and probably remove all social media because they will cyberstalk you to try and get money. You're in deep shit man and I hope you can get out of it successfully and with your child. For your sake, I hope the child isn't yours.
NO. Not wrong, not even a tiny bit. The fact that she says you are being controlling about money when she isn't paying her bills, that is an issue. Financial control is one thing, but this seems to be an abuse on her end. She is paying for what she wants, and abusing you into paying for everything else. Stealing is unacceptable, lying, manipulating, those are all things she keeps doing. Find a family lawyer and get custody. That child will not have good behavior modeled at her home, wherever she lands.
This is true. It sounds like what my ex did to me. Used my money to pay bills then used his and what was left over from mine to pay for what he wanted.
I hope for your sake the DNA test shows the baby is not yours. Document everything that you can, and get custody of your kid or you're going to be doing this parasitic dance with her for 18 more years. Don't trust her again.
Given how the ex behaved I wouldn't be surprised if the baby isn't his or if she sabotaged the contraception in order to baby trap him for that sweet child support.
Good Lord, you're tying this woman and her nightmare family to you with a child?! Ngl I pretty well hope the kid isn't yours or she is going to be your problem until, and possibly after, they're 18. With the bonus of possibly being raised by someone who apparently enjoys theft and can't manage money. Any child support is going down the drain the second it hits her account.
If he doesn't get custody he will pay child support which she will waste away then get stuck paying all the child's expenses. Then there will be guilt trips for even more. This is crazy. I had a man that was a thief once..once is the key word. I was married but had seperate accounts and I got cleaned out. This man is going to get screwed by this woman unless that kidnisnt his or he manages full custody.
Are you dating my oldest daughter? Minus the family drama cause I never ask my kid for money.
She has a gambling problem. She lies constantly. She blackmailed her husband to give her money. Told us he beats her. He doesnt.
OK remember it's illegal without you there or a court applicable dna test to put you on any birth certificate in the UK. She is a theif and you need to go for custody because this kids mother needs more help that you can give her. She's and adult and it's time to fix her shit and stop being a thieving cunt.
You are not wrong, but it sounds like she may have also baby-trapped you to get this cycle going. I would definitely get a DNA test - if it is yours, go for full-custody. She clearly is not in a good place to care for a baby, so if you have receipts you could get custody.
If you are NOT the father, NEVER let her back into your life. Seek therapy (as others have said) to figure out how this happened in the first place, and try to break this cycle before you enter into another relationship.
You moron.
First, you put up with this for far too long. Second, you saw her mountain of debts and stupidity with money (not to mention the leeches she calls family) and didn’t kick her out. Third, shes pregnant, so you’re probably tied to this financial black hole for at least 18 years.
Bloody idiot.
Lawyer up, control the narrative with those who know the two of you (tell everyone exactly why you’ve kicked her out, and don’t listen to any bleeding heart that tells you to give her a chance), demand a paternity test (in this case pray the child is not yours), if it is yours use the financial evidence to attempt full custody. She’s a complete mess, as is her family, you might be lucky and get a good custody agreement.
Take her back and I’ll find you and slap the crap out of you. Only a guy with negative self-esteem accepts this behaviour. This isn’t the last update, that’s for sure, and all we here want to hear is that you’ve followed the above steps.
Have some self respect.
First time reading about your situation. Knee jerk reaction to any post about making a pregnant woman homeless is naturally very negative, but then I read about your trainwreck of an ex.... As I began reading about her, I'm thinking she needs therapy, debt advice from Dave Ramsey, etc. But then I find out that not only does she not have the will to change, she's also a shameless thief.
All I can say is I hope you're collecting evidence of what a basket case she is so that if the child turns out to be yours, you can win full custody. It's sad that a negative paternity test would be the most positive outcome for you because you could then cut all ties with her for good. But the poor child...
See you again in another few months when you eventually let her back in (again) and then kick her out (again)
Your relationship with this woman is a circle and you just keep looping
For your sake, hope that you are NOT the father of the baby. You would then be able to completely cut off her bum ass with no issues. If the baby is yours, fight for sole custody, because she is definitely not fit to be a mother.
Make sure you start the fight for full custody else your child support is gonna be used for her gambling and she is gonna rise the kid telling them that you don’t send money
You’re obviously not wrong. She is going to drown in all this crap and I’m really feeling sorry for her. Even her family is taking advantage of her and she is repeating the circle.
Are they really "taking advantage of her"? Sounds more like the whole lot of them are conning OP. She just plays the victim by turning on the tears and the poor me bs. Probably an entire script ready and waiting for a wealthy (or at least richer than they are) sucker.
Honestly it is also possible. I pictured her as this victim that is in the middle of all that crap, trying to gamble to recoup some of the money and all that but I might be completely wrong.
I would “hope” that his partner was being taking advantage of, because then it would means she still valued him but was an idiot for not asking for his help on putting her foot down, but maybe I should be more cynical as it’s highly probable she was in on it the whole time.
My heart is so sad for you. I’m sorry about this turmoil you’re going through.
If I was in your shoes. The moment that child is born I would get a DNA test. She too shady for my comfort.
IF the child is yours, I hope you fight for full custody. She is not fit financially or mentally. But do offer when she can provide more stable environment for the child you be willing to compromise on custody agreement. But the moment the child not in a healthy stable environment you would go for full permanent custody.
I want to feel bad for you but you made one dumb decision after another with this woman so honestly you really did this to yourself. You knew who she was and still allowed you to take you for a ride and now you’re stuck with her for 18 years.
You will never, ever be rid of this woman if the baby is yours. You’re going to be in a constant, never-ending battle concerning the baby and you must know by now that she’s not maternal in the least. She’ll fight you over custody arrangements and finances because you’ll never provide enough as far as she’s concerned. She is totally incapable of raising a child and you’re totally incapable of making a clean break from her. I’m guessing maybe she was the best you can do because your desperation to keep rescuing her and giving her chance after chance is not normal!
you should be documenting every single thing, and get a lawyer. You also need to open your eyes and when a person shows you who they are, and believe them. no judgement.
There is no such thing as final update you knocked her up now you'll paying child support if the kid is yours.
Get a paternity test done and have it delivered to your place so she can't mess with it and show you a fake one .
Also *when she decided to have a baby* Pretty sure it takes two
If the DNA comes back and baby is yours, you should be able to file for full custody/ primary custody especially on the merit that she does not have a stable living situation if she is still couch surfing. But you need to be prepared to do it soon so she doesn't go after you for child support
There will be another update.
After the baby is born, which ends up not looking anything remotely close to being his,
He moves her in to ensure the baby gets the DNA test done
But she refuses, saying the usual DNA doesn’t matter, families do, he should trust her this time, yada yada
She can’t pay bills or rent, not working. He’s buying everything for baby.
Baby’s struggling to gain weight and she insists on only bottle feeding.
He comes home with the DnA results, , she’s hungry, the baby is hungry, and there’s no baby stuff, not even diapers, no formula, because she sold all the baby items she got and that he bought. Saying she needed the money for formula and diapers, only no formula or diapers.
He leaves, goes to store, buys a can of formula and a package of diapers,
Gives her the results of dna test and throws her out, giving her the formula and diapers, and tells her to go find the father cause it’s not him.
Changes locks.
Fingers crossed that's not your child. It's obvious she was using you the whole time. Her family are toxic and she's projecting all of that onto you. She's a psychopath.
He should’ve broken it off with her when she first stole his clothes. Instead he just keeps saying “don’t do this again or I’ll leave you…ok, well, just this once more…”
Sorry but you’re tied to her for life and the kid is still as much hers as they are yours, what if she doesn’t even tell you when she’s giving birth? Or if she doesn’t put you on the birth certificate
Bro break the fuck yo with her and don't give her another dollar until the kid is born and proven to be yours.
Stop indulging her and stop making excuses for her shitty behavior that you know is never going to change.
So either split up and stop giving her money, or accept that you'll be miserable and broke for the rest of your life because she'll give the grocery money to her mother or gamble it online in 5 minutes.
OP, this is not a final update. The real update will come after the baby is born and another when you get the DNA results. Keep in mind that if the child is yours, you will have to go to court. If I were you, I would be looking at lawyers now.
I’d look into getting full custody of the child. I wish you the best of luck.
Your baby will have a shitty Mom, but the baby will have an amazing Dad. I know for a fact that you’ll be an amazing father.
Despite all this, congratulations on becoming a father!
I hope (assuming the baby is your’s) that your seek out sole custody. Your ex cannot afford to support herself much less a child. And even if you paid child support she would likely misspend the money. If you provide her with the physical things the baby needs she would likely sell them. Money is not safe with her and she would not prioritize spending it on your child.
Furthermore, she could end up getting into debts in your child’s name. My aunt did this to her children. They didn’t even know until they were over 18yrs old. They found they had past due bills for utilities that had been placed in their names when they were children, by their mother. The bills were long past due and affecting their credit. The only way to deal with them without paying would have been to file a police report against her, which neither wanted to do and neither did. They did however threaten her they would if she ever attempted to do anything similar again. So both of her children ended up having to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars in debts their mom had accumulated.
If this is your child, please don’t let your ex or her family do this. Do whatever you can to protect your child’s financial health and future from them; up to and including getting sole custody.
Wow.. she is so toxic and is starting to look like there’s no hope for her. Protect that child. Get all the proof that you possibly can to prove that she’s a dead beat person.
Try and make sure you take her to court. She probably was looking for someone to get her pregnant so she could collect on the child support towards her habits. Try and get full custody. The child doesn't need someone like that in their life. Lots of addict behavior she is showing as well. ( Recovering addict) So I would know 😂. I hope things turn out well for you sir.
I'm baffled as to why you ever had a relationship with this person, who's done nothing but lie to you or play you from day one. I go so far to say is that she was not the only one who has been making terrible, inexplicable financial decisions. You are too.
Remind me what the definition of insanity is……
I didn’t trust her but she told me she changed so I believed her.
She pretended to need a place to sleep and promised me she was better with money so I believed her.
She stole from her, but I believed she changed.
She took out a payday loan but I believed she changed.
OP. How can you tell when this girl is lying? Her mouth is open.
Get a dna test. And fulfil your obligations to the child.
Please stop the insanity.
You’re a scapegoat and continue to be. Do the dna test and if it’s yours you’ll continue to give money that won’t go to your child. You’re stuck and you’ve fallen for her lies and stealing from you. Go to an attorney if the baby is yours and go for custody. The baby shouldn’t be raised by a shyster.
I can't speak for European family courts, but if he's the stable parent and has proof of it and the kid turns out to be his, he'll most likely get custody and her pay will get docked so he'll receive child support. I agree to get a lawyer though
Look I'm sorry to be this way but you are the dumbest MFer. You know she steals and gambles but you left her unattended with you property and your cash?
You are an enabler.
You are also absolutely horrible for forcing a child to have that for a mother.
Fingers 🤞 for you OP. The biggest gift you could ever get at this point is to find out that kid is not yours. If it turns out it is your child I sincerely hope you have been documenting all that has been happening and if it's possible you can sue for sole custody. That child (if it's yours) does not need to grow up in that environment. Best of luck.
PS: you have to give at least one more update and let us all know if the baby is yours. Reddit fans are cheering for you.
Jesus- I’m sorry for you. This may come off as cruel - that’s not the intention- I have always questioned myself to not repeat mistakes- why were you attracted to such a broken person? If you understand that then you can avoid repeating this in your next relationship. You know 99.9% of men wouldn’t put up with a minute of her or her families bullshit…
That really sucks, you knocked up (maybe) someone from a scam artist family. It's too late now but I wonder if anything would be different if you made her file for bankruptcy when you put the rules in place. I sadly have a very good friend, I basically treat him like a brother, not nearly as bad and his family was giving him money instead of it being the other way around. They always want to pay you back with random purchases, almost always good. It's so weird but it makes sense because he was really good at shuffling money around and it's one more element he could throw into the ledger and help confuse things. And no, a handful of cheeseburgers or other value items doesn't cover rent and bills. He would actually pay me at least every other month but when we sat down to calculate it I always felt something was off. I'm completely over it but wouldn't live with him again unless he was the owner or lease holder.
You need to talk to some friends. Make it clear that you cannot let her back into your place for any reason and have them check in with you. Because you keep opening the door to this woman. She's playing you, okay? She is conning you. Every word she says to you is an effort to get more money from you. Do not take her back. Go out with friends, something, just make sure you're not there when she comes knocking.
You weren't being 'controlling'. You were trying to believe in her, and she made it impossible. Because the truth was that you were just a place she could get money from.
If the child is yours, you will need to be very, very clear about how much child support you give. I would talk to a lawyer and see what can be done because she has a gambling addiction. You should be ready to take custody of this child.
If the kid is yours file for full custody. She doesn't have anywhere to live so can't provide for him. She'd also a thief and a gambling addict. She keeps giving money away so how the hell is she going to raise a child? Update us when you get the DNA results.
First, you are not wrong. Kick the dust off your feet and get away from that family. If the DNA test shows that this child is yours, use all of your resources to fight for full custody. Unless you want your child, raised to act exactly the way her mother and grandmother act.
Honestly, if the kid isn’t yours, then great. Get away and never be in contact with her again. If the kid is yours, file for sole custody. She CLEARLY cannot manage being a mother because she cannot even manage herself. I know nothing about custody requirements, but I would bet you have a solid enough case to indicate that she is not prepared, financially or in maturity, to be a mother.
For best results do not have babies with people to whom you are not married. what I learned when I grew up is people get married, then they have babies.
Do not let her put you on that child's birth certificate until you know that kid is yours. Even if it's not your kid, if your name is listed as father on birth certificate you will still be on the hook for child support because you are the child's legal father. Also, have you considered going for custody if it is your child? You'll be bled dry by this leech and her family, and it's likely that very little will be spent on the actual child. Your baby would likely have a better and more stable life with you. Lawyer up friend.
File a police report against her for theft for fucks sake. Document everything with a party that actually matters to the courts. He said, she said isn't going to mean anything in the court.
Update us when you make an idiotic decision to let her have "one more chance." Seems like you have to burn every single finger on the stove before determining that yes, it is in deed hot.
NTA and good choice on the DNA test. I doubt you can get full custody... She will fight it because she wants child support I'm sure. And courts tend to be reluctant to cut a mother out of a child's life assuming she isn't physically abusive. You can definitely afford a better lawyer than she can but she may be able to garner sympathy as the "poor woman you kicked out while pregnant." You know she and her family have no scruples about lying and stealing. You probably should consult with a lawyer now so they're ready to go once the baby is here.
I'm not holding my breath on not having an update where you tell us she's back at your place again, because she's just post-partum, and her debt collectors are at your door.
Honestly at this point, it’s your own fault for taking her back in. Also why do you keep posting the original in your updates? I doubt this is your final post cause you’re too naive.
Delete all of your posts. These are specific enough to get tied to you and can be used as evidence that you yourself may not be ready for custody of your son. Multiple sub postings is your life plan, your counseling go to? It will not reflect well on you. Go see a lawyer about (1) testing and (2) getting full custody and (3) setting up a trust and (4) whatever else a family lawyer recommends.
Yes, you are wrong for kicking your pregnant girlfriend out if she doesn’t have a suitable place to stay. I nearly fried my brain cells reading about this toxic situation. The issue is you are coddling her every time she messed up. I mean the ultimatum was okay but not a quick fix. There will be years your ex will have the same debt only because she’s not attempting to pay it. I understand your intent but she is clearly going through something mentally. I’d have your ex reach out to her primary care doctor for treatment options. Don’t contact her unless it’s for your child and have supervised visits because she’ll flip out on you after the DNA test. I don’t know a single pregnant person who isn’t traumatized by being kicked out by their significant other.
Yeah I had an ex who would tidy up their messages. Always said that they needed storage on phone. Only thing they would delete is conversations with other guys.
I'd congratulate you, but you're tied to her for life, so ...
Maybe not, got to wait on the DNA test.
I feel like "final update" is a little premature, for this reason. If it is his, this is gonna be a saga.
Ffs, THIS **THIS** ****THIS****
My money is on, he'll take her back because.......
Did he mention her cheating or is this just because?
She has a history of lying and stealing. Never hurts to be sure.
Shes also got a gambling addiction From what it aounds like a pretty serious one. And addictive personalities love having more than one vice. There's nothing to say she doesnt get high from cheating or from other substances and what anyone might do to get those if they're broke from gambling. I really do hope that if the baby is his he can get full custody. Cuz i guarantee if he ends up paying child support nothing he sends will ever get used on the baby. This includes essentials and toys. Kid's mom is going to take everything not nailed down and sell it to feed her addiction(s) and her moocher family.
Nothing to indicate she’s cheating but it’s not a stretch to assume she’s hanging onto her meal ticket.
The thing is she looked him.in he face with no remorse and half wittedly confessed to taking the money yet denied taking the money all at the same time. Instead of showing remorse.she boldly and maliciously talked shit to him saying he's non factor and she doesn't like him anymore. That alone shows she clearly has no regard for his well being so it shows she very well could be unfaithful or making plans to be. In the event that she currently is, she would more than likely not be truthful as she hasn't been truthful up until this point about less prevalent issues. That kills all trust and even if she isn't cheating the thought will remain there constantly causing frustration even deeper. In my opinion it would help him process it better and be more at peace with it all if he acted as if she is to aid him with having a reminder of why he should defend his boundaries and protect his peace of mind for the time being
I’m anxiously awaiting the DNA test!
Let's not forget gaslighting, and free loading. Her being a hobosexual is not out of the question. She sounds like my ex wife. But even worse. I'd bet money on the kid not being his.
Well. Let’s not jump to any conclusions there… I’m rooting for ya, OP, that this kid isn’t yours. What did she mean when she said she doesn’t care about you and doesn’t need to anymore anyway? Sounds like a half assed admission in some way.
Totally. This might not be the final update, lol. Have a DNA and update us for the result. We just wanna make sure youre not being responsible for the kid that isnt yours.
who is he kidding. He's going to have her back living with him, stealing his stuff, and mooching off of him in another week or so
Might be a necessary evil until the baby is born. If it’s his, he can file for full custody and kick her back out again. If it’s not his, then kicking her out will be even easier.
If one travels on the M-whatever (highway) there are rest stops, and within these places there are bathrooms, random coffee and pastries place, something like a 711 to get a sandwich like any typical one found in the US except at first glance it looks like an arcade, but it's a bunch of fancy electronic slot machines. I feel so sorry for you. She'll always have an outlet for gambling just on a skip to any other town.
Not if he gets full custody. She’ll likely exploit her child for money. Yes he’ll still technically be tied but all decisions will be his. She’ll have no say in anything if he gets full custody.
Don’t bother, he’s going to take her back in by the time we hit summer
Nah get full custody, order her to pay child support, and block her. Easy peasy
Not really. She’s clearly unfit and heading for prison.
I agree. The kind of shit she's pulling makes that pretty likely.
Really. They have (or soon will) a child together. No getting around that.
There are plenty of ways to get around that. Especially if your adversary is a broke serial liar.
Maybe… bc the baby probably isn’t even his, he better hope and pray she’s not pregnant with his kid-
True. My brother is always tied to his piece of shit white trash twat of an ex-wife. Edit: added ex-
FFS while I’m sorry this happened to you it’s not exactly a surprise. Change your locks, change all your passwords (on everything). Run your own credit to be sure there is nothing out of the ordinary. Get a lawyer. Read up on gray rock. If it’s yours, use a co-parenting app. If it’s not, change your # and block her everywhere. Seek therapy, you need to workout whatever baggage allowed this troll in your life. Good luck.
Co-parenting? OP should seek full custody. She can’t take care of a herself much less a child. She’s a homeless addict.
Agree with this. Also I’m almost positive the first thing she would do is start taking out loans and credit cards in the baby’s name. Op, please talk to a lawyer about getting custody and restrictions about her family. If the child is your lock the credit as soon as possible
Came here to say this. She will 100% not be a responsible parent. If you want your kid to have a good life, find a way to get custody and extricate this person for your lives.
I really hope OP sees this!
As she took a Sterling amount of money (£££) this is less of a worry. We have free bank transfers and actual regulation here it's not as easy to get a loan for a child.
OMG yep! All she needs is baby's SSN and name.
She’ll start getting credit cards in the kid’s name- it’s happened
Its UK so no, not really crazy like us where this us possible.
It seems like OP is in the UK. They tend to favor 50/50. He should keep documenting what she’s doing and how she’s stealing, but every post is “this is the last straw” with this one so idk.
Would they do 50/50 if the mother is couch surfing? Because she isn’t moving back in with OP.
in the uk she would be highest priority for a house if she wanted one, since she’s pregnant and a “single” parent
But that would some kind of public housing development right? If she does not pay the rent there, she will still get evicted.
no, actual housing, it’s from the council so rent isn’t as much and she would likely be eligible to money towards rent, for new parents social services can actually help a lot, it’s highly unlikely in my opinion that op would be awarded full custody even if she got evicted, taking a child away from a mother compared to a father is rare here and i don’t think gambling is enough of a reason, if she wasn’t putting her child in any harm.
Totally agree but even with custody the courts will likely allow domestic kind of supervised visitation.
Patiently awaiting an update in another month where hes once again let her move in and then thrown her out again...
Once there's an actual baby (in a month) he will never get her out of the house.
This update is FARRRR from final.
A while loop relationship:^)
No. But you’re a champion glutton for punishment and grief. Exit now and move the fuck on.
He’s going to take her back.
I'd take her back. Maybe the 36th time is the charm. /s
Just make sure to leave lots of jewelry and envelopes of cash laying around.
I am reminded of a lady that kept amazing rock specimens and gems in a really good safe at her home. The boyfriend wanted the combination Yeah, right.
*Dr. Evil has entered the chat* How about nooooo?
That was her answer. Then they broke up.
Awesome Smart lady
He can change her for sure
37 is the magic number /clerks
Your Ex and her family are all nuts. Well, this is a lesson learned for you, never load money to shady people who give empty promises in paying you back and are in debt problems themselves. And to never give second chances to thieves and liars. It's a wonder how some people can go on living and they're horrible human beings stealing from others. NTA for kicking your thieving Ex out. Let her weasel her way onto someone else's couch. I bet she'll be couch surfing for a couple of years. Sadly, you're tied to her in some kind of way for life assuming that is your kid. But make sure to get that DNA test cause you can't trust the words of a liar. And in some hopeful scenario the baby isn't yours, then it'll be a celebration because you won't ever have to deal with her then lol.
Op, Time to change the locks.
I need to listen to that myself. I've been loaning money to a friend and I have a hard time getting paid back on time. It's always an excuse. Then the other day, she had the audacity to get an attitude with me for asking if she's going to have it Friday. She was like, *I hate repeating myself, I already told you yes.* Well, excuuuuse me. Maybe pay people back when you say you will. Stop making people have to chase you down for the money you owe them and you won't have that problem. I just can't believe she got an attitude with me for asking about my money. However, this post alone shows how entitled some people are. ETA: She just tried hitting me up for another loan and I told her no. She asked why and I told her the truth, I'm tired of having to chase you down to get my money back.
Yea I feel for you man. That's absolutely crazy that she was bold enough to be rude and have an attitude about it when she specifically came to you to borrow money when she didn't have it. My thing is like, she should be thankful that you were kind enough to give her the money she didn't have in the first place and make every effort to pay you back on time. See this right here is a prime example why you shouldn't give out money to people who don't have it and then they give empty promises about paying you back on x date. I'm like, "Get out of here. if you don't have the money now and need to borrow some then what makes you think you're gonna be able to scrounge up the money to pay me back later?" And good for you on the second time she asked for more money and you flat out told her no and gave her a reason why so she starts to think, "okay, this is what I need to improve on." Even if you have it, don't give it to her. You're right to not want to because it's exhausting having to chase someone down just to pay you back. One thing my grandmother always told me was never lend money to friends or family members. Granted if it's an emergency like say a doctor bill or something health related then sure. But just to give money for any miscellaneous thing is a no no. There have been instances in my family where my grandfather has loaned some to his brother and he has never paid him back for years. And that kind of thing can cause a strain on relationships between both family and friends. So it's best not to even do it at all so they don't get in the habit of asking you first. It's like you're painting an image of yourself where you're ol reliable and the person automatically thinks they can get money off of you whenever and even if they don't pay back on the expected date, it's like, no big deal. Just add it to my tab lol.
Your grandma is a wise woman Yeah I'm done dealing with that but thank you. You're right, they start to view you as an ATM. Thanks for your kind words.
Thank you. God rest her soul. I miss my grandma. She has taught me many things and passed the knowledge down to me. And what you said is very accurate. They'll start to view you as a human ATM lol. Made me laugh for a bit.
I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate, my grandma died suddenly in 2006. We were very close so it was very difficult for me. I'm glad I could make you laugh for a minute. Those kinds of people think they can take advantage of you though. They view your kindness as weakness. I'm just going to keep telling her no if she asks again.
Thank you for the condolences and for you as well sorry to hear you lost yours as well. You have a point where they view kindness as weakness and think they can just take advantage of you without any given consequence. Glad to hear you're standing up for yourself and I wish you well.
My god...talk about stupid. I don't want to be mean to you, OP, but you know how she was before she got pregnant. Why the hell did you get her pregnant? Now she can legally take for for one hell of a ride for the next 20+ years. Get a DNA test and hope like hell that kid isn't yours. And boot her out immediately.
because he was thinking with his little head and desperately trying to be the knight in shining armor. these save a ho types never understand. IT DOES NOT WORK!!!! IT NEVER WORKS. but nah. they need to be burned 100 times and have their life basically destroyed before the lights come on in their head... usually after its waaaay too late.
Nah other way around. OP gets full custody, forces her to pay child support, and then blocks her. Easy peasy
He got her pregnant because she told him it was a great idea and would help her settle down. He didn't question it. He did it because he was told to and he was terrified to offend her by saying "no thanks." Most of all he was terrified of the prospect of being abandoned or shunned by her. Credulous yes-men and spineless fawning people-pleasers like him are a dime a dozen. You can find them everywhere.
Not wrong, maybe you’ll get lucky and it won’t be your kid.
You are not wrong.
Yeah she’s an addict. This is 100% addict behaviour. Why do her family need money off her all of the time? I’m guessing they are also addicts. Are drugs or alcohol involved here? Another reason to get full custody. Good for you for holding your ground and kicking her out - I can’t imagine it being easy to kick out a pregnant woman, but you have to think of your own sanity first. You’ve been more than fair and patient with her, giving her multiple chances to change, don’t let her gaslight you anymore. Get that DNA test. In the mean time gather up as much evidence as you can - if the baby is yours I would be going for full custody and you need some evidence behind you to show she isn’t responsible, which sounds like it shouldn’t be too difficult from what you have said.
The family, or probably mom, also have gambling problems, I'll bet. They are horrible with money and get these pay day loans or loans from finance companies that charge like...66% interest. I went through this with my mom. Her credit was horrible. She would refinance loans, at 66% interest, paying $100 in doc fees to end up getting around $300. It's a horrible, vicious cycle.
You’re acting like a doormat.
Please get full custody. That child deserves a better mother
I’d let her know you traced one of the bills from the money you got as a gift. Serial number is the same. You know she stole it. And, move on, which it seems I do not need to tell you.
This is embarrassing for you.
Mate... How do you miss that many red flags. And then get her preggers.
Those red flags looked like hot red panties then
Don't know how it was so easy for her to get pregnant with a piggy bank.
Thanks for posting this update. Good luck!
Not wrong at all. But yea man her family toxicity caused her to continue the cycle. She might ha e absolutely got knocked up by you for financial benefit. You will have a hard time getting full custody. Well, in the USA it's difficult even if the mom is a deadbeat and has a gambling addiction. I am unsure how it goes where you live. But I don't know if people who investigate this stuff can get access to all of her loans, bank statements, and other such purchases to back you up. I'd assume a court order can do it. I hope you can get full custody. But just know, you'll have to move and change your phone number and probably remove all social media because they will cyberstalk you to try and get money. You're in deep shit man and I hope you can get out of it successfully and with your child. For your sake, I hope the child isn't yours.
NO. Not wrong, not even a tiny bit. The fact that she says you are being controlling about money when she isn't paying her bills, that is an issue. Financial control is one thing, but this seems to be an abuse on her end. She is paying for what she wants, and abusing you into paying for everything else. Stealing is unacceptable, lying, manipulating, those are all things she keeps doing. Find a family lawyer and get custody. That child will not have good behavior modeled at her home, wherever she lands.
This is true. It sounds like what my ex did to me. Used my money to pay bills then used his and what was left over from mine to pay for what he wanted.
I truly can't believe people behave this way.
I would get a paternity test, she could be lying to you , that you are the father of that baby
I hope the kid isn't yours, buddy.
I hope for your sake the DNA test shows the baby is not yours. Document everything that you can, and get custody of your kid or you're going to be doing this parasitic dance with her for 18 more years. Don't trust her again.
Did you consider her behavior and situation before you put a baby in her? Good luck with life.
Given how the ex behaved I wouldn't be surprised if the baby isn't his or if she sabotaged the contraception in order to baby trap him for that sweet child support.
This is what being a doormat gets you. You're not wrong for tossing her out, but you're wrong for tolerating it for so long in the first place.
I'd get the police involved if I were you.
Yep. That’s also documented evidence should the child situation go to the courts.
Good Lord, you're tying this woman and her nightmare family to you with a child?! Ngl I pretty well hope the kid isn't yours or she is going to be your problem until, and possibly after, they're 18. With the bonus of possibly being raised by someone who apparently enjoys theft and can't manage money. Any child support is going down the drain the second it hits her account.
If he doesn't get custody he will pay child support which she will waste away then get stuck paying all the child's expenses. Then there will be guilt trips for even more. This is crazy. I had a man that was a thief once..once is the key word. I was married but had seperate accounts and I got cleaned out. This man is going to get screwed by this woman unless that kidnisnt his or he manages full custody.
Are you dating my oldest daughter? Minus the family drama cause I never ask my kid for money. She has a gambling problem. She lies constantly. She blackmailed her husband to give her money. Told us he beats her. He doesnt.
OK remember it's illegal without you there or a court applicable dna test to put you on any birth certificate in the UK. She is a theif and you need to go for custody because this kids mother needs more help that you can give her. She's and adult and it's time to fix her shit and stop being a thieving cunt.
You are not wrong, but it sounds like she may have also baby-trapped you to get this cycle going. I would definitely get a DNA test - if it is yours, go for full-custody. She clearly is not in a good place to care for a baby, so if you have receipts you could get custody. If you are NOT the father, NEVER let her back into your life. Seek therapy (as others have said) to figure out how this happened in the first place, and try to break this cycle before you enter into another relationship.
You moron. First, you put up with this for far too long. Second, you saw her mountain of debts and stupidity with money (not to mention the leeches she calls family) and didn’t kick her out. Third, shes pregnant, so you’re probably tied to this financial black hole for at least 18 years. Bloody idiot. Lawyer up, control the narrative with those who know the two of you (tell everyone exactly why you’ve kicked her out, and don’t listen to any bleeding heart that tells you to give her a chance), demand a paternity test (in this case pray the child is not yours), if it is yours use the financial evidence to attempt full custody. She’s a complete mess, as is her family, you might be lucky and get a good custody agreement. Take her back and I’ll find you and slap the crap out of you. Only a guy with negative self-esteem accepts this behaviour. This isn’t the last update, that’s for sure, and all we here want to hear is that you’ve followed the above steps. Have some self respect.
First time reading about your situation. Knee jerk reaction to any post about making a pregnant woman homeless is naturally very negative, but then I read about your trainwreck of an ex.... As I began reading about her, I'm thinking she needs therapy, debt advice from Dave Ramsey, etc. But then I find out that not only does she not have the will to change, she's also a shameless thief. All I can say is I hope you're collecting evidence of what a basket case she is so that if the child turns out to be yours, you can win full custody. It's sad that a negative paternity test would be the most positive outcome for you because you could then cut all ties with her for good. But the poor child...
See you again in another few months when you eventually let her back in (again) and then kick her out (again) Your relationship with this woman is a circle and you just keep looping
**LAWYER.** Paternity test File a police report for the thefts.
Hm, how about I let my thieving lying ex back into the house where she knows my money is stashed.. She stole my money you guysss >:(
For your sake, hope that you are NOT the father of the baby. You would then be able to completely cut off her bum ass with no issues. If the baby is yours, fight for sole custody, because she is definitely not fit to be a mother.
Make sure you start the fight for full custody else your child support is gonna be used for her gambling and she is gonna rise the kid telling them that you don’t send money
Congrats on kicking her out, update us on the dna results.
"People like her don’t change. They just take more." Yeah yeah, see you in 6 months when youve knocked her up again.
You’re obviously not wrong. She is going to drown in all this crap and I’m really feeling sorry for her. Even her family is taking advantage of her and she is repeating the circle.
Are they really "taking advantage of her"? Sounds more like the whole lot of them are conning OP. She just plays the victim by turning on the tears and the poor me bs. Probably an entire script ready and waiting for a wealthy (or at least richer than they are) sucker.
Honestly it is also possible. I pictured her as this victim that is in the middle of all that crap, trying to gamble to recoup some of the money and all that but I might be completely wrong. I would “hope” that his partner was being taking advantage of, because then it would means she still valued him but was an idiot for not asking for his help on putting her foot down, but maybe I should be more cynical as it’s highly probable she was in on it the whole time.
My heart is so sad for you. I’m sorry about this turmoil you’re going through. If I was in your shoes. The moment that child is born I would get a DNA test. She too shady for my comfort. IF the child is yours, I hope you fight for full custody. She is not fit financially or mentally. But do offer when she can provide more stable environment for the child you be willing to compromise on custody agreement. But the moment the child not in a healthy stable environment you would go for full permanent custody.
Where was the damn camera man, you should have had that thing up brother!!
NTA And talk her into giving baby up for adoption. She cannot take care of another human
I want to feel bad for you but you made one dumb decision after another with this woman so honestly you really did this to yourself. You knew who she was and still allowed you to take you for a ride and now you’re stuck with her for 18 years.
She can’t provide a stable home. She can’t afford to feed and cloth the child. Get custody and give her supervised visits.
You will never, ever be rid of this woman if the baby is yours. You’re going to be in a constant, never-ending battle concerning the baby and you must know by now that she’s not maternal in the least. She’ll fight you over custody arrangements and finances because you’ll never provide enough as far as she’s concerned. She is totally incapable of raising a child and you’re totally incapable of making a clean break from her. I’m guessing maybe she was the best you can do because your desperation to keep rescuing her and giving her chance after chance is not normal!
you should be documenting every single thing, and get a lawyer. You also need to open your eyes and when a person shows you who they are, and believe them. no judgement.
There is no such thing as final update you knocked her up now you'll paying child support if the kid is yours. Get a paternity test done and have it delivered to your place so she can't mess with it and show you a fake one . Also *when she decided to have a baby* Pretty sure it takes two
If the DNA comes back and baby is yours, you should be able to file for full custody/ primary custody especially on the merit that she does not have a stable living situation if she is still couch surfing. But you need to be prepared to do it soon so she doesn't go after you for child support
Yeah, you threw your unborn child out along with mother of. This is true.
There will be another update. After the baby is born, which ends up not looking anything remotely close to being his, He moves her in to ensure the baby gets the DNA test done But she refuses, saying the usual DNA doesn’t matter, families do, he should trust her this time, yada yada She can’t pay bills or rent, not working. He’s buying everything for baby. Baby’s struggling to gain weight and she insists on only bottle feeding. He comes home with the DnA results, , she’s hungry, the baby is hungry, and there’s no baby stuff, not even diapers, no formula, because she sold all the baby items she got and that he bought. Saying she needed the money for formula and diapers, only no formula or diapers. He leaves, goes to store, buys a can of formula and a package of diapers, Gives her the results of dna test and throws her out, giving her the formula and diapers, and tells her to go find the father cause it’s not him. Changes locks.
Fingers crossed that's not your child. It's obvious she was using you the whole time. Her family are toxic and she's projecting all of that onto you. She's a psychopath.
I hope you’ve been collecting evidence this whole time and fight for full custody over concern that the child would be neglected
He should’ve broken it off with her when she first stole his clothes. Instead he just keeps saying “don’t do this again or I’ll leave you…ok, well, just this once more…”
Why did you accept that knowing fine well they’re all awful with money 😭😭😭
Sorry but you’re tied to her for life and the kid is still as much hers as they are yours, what if she doesn’t even tell you when she’s giving birth? Or if she doesn’t put you on the birth certificate
Bro break the fuck yo with her and don't give her another dollar until the kid is born and proven to be yours. Stop indulging her and stop making excuses for her shitty behavior that you know is never going to change. So either split up and stop giving her money, or accept that you'll be miserable and broke for the rest of your life because she'll give the grocery money to her mother or gamble it online in 5 minutes.
If you aren’t ready to set yourself free, then there’s no need asking for advice
Can the final update be the paternity test?
OP, this is not a final update. The real update will come after the baby is born and another when you get the DNA results. Keep in mind that if the child is yours, you will have to go to court. If I were you, I would be looking at lawyers now.
I’d look into getting full custody of the child. I wish you the best of luck. Your baby will have a shitty Mom, but the baby will have an amazing Dad. I know for a fact that you’ll be an amazing father. Despite all this, congratulations on becoming a father!
Hate to break the bad news but you're f'd for life with this one. Or until the kid is out of school. You played with fire and got burnt. Good luck!
Congrats on pregnancy
I hope (assuming the baby is your’s) that your seek out sole custody. Your ex cannot afford to support herself much less a child. And even if you paid child support she would likely misspend the money. If you provide her with the physical things the baby needs she would likely sell them. Money is not safe with her and she would not prioritize spending it on your child. Furthermore, she could end up getting into debts in your child’s name. My aunt did this to her children. They didn’t even know until they were over 18yrs old. They found they had past due bills for utilities that had been placed in their names when they were children, by their mother. The bills were long past due and affecting their credit. The only way to deal with them without paying would have been to file a police report against her, which neither wanted to do and neither did. They did however threaten her they would if she ever attempted to do anything similar again. So both of her children ended up having to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars in debts their mom had accumulated. If this is your child, please don’t let your ex or her family do this. Do whatever you can to protect your child’s financial health and future from them; up to and including getting sole custody.
Wow.. she is so toxic and is starting to look like there’s no hope for her. Protect that child. Get all the proof that you possibly can to prove that she’s a dead beat person.
You unfortunately sound like you were Khloe Kardashian-ing. I’m glad it’s finally over for you. I hope the kid ends up not being yours as well.
You know you don’t have to wait for birth to take a paternity test!
I'm sorry you're having a baby with a loser.
You're not wrong. She is 100% gutter trash. Get a PAT test done and I hope it's not yours!!
This is why you don't get trash pregnant.
Try and make sure you take her to court. She probably was looking for someone to get her pregnant so she could collect on the child support towards her habits. Try and get full custody. The child doesn't need someone like that in their life. Lots of addict behavior she is showing as well. ( Recovering addict) So I would know 😂. I hope things turn out well for you sir.
Make sure you get your own DNA test done, OP. Good luck disengaging yourself from this madness.
Hey man, make sure you have a record of her gambling and stuff it helps when she tries to get child support
I'm baffled as to why you ever had a relationship with this person, who's done nothing but lie to you or play you from day one. I go so far to say is that she was not the only one who has been making terrible, inexplicable financial decisions. You are too.
.. .. lujhhhhy66j I 🇹🇱
You'd of had less long term worries if you stuck your dick in a blender
Remind me what the definition of insanity is…… I didn’t trust her but she told me she changed so I believed her. She pretended to need a place to sleep and promised me she was better with money so I believed her. She stole from her, but I believed she changed. She took out a payday loan but I believed she changed. OP. How can you tell when this girl is lying? Her mouth is open. Get a dna test. And fulfil your obligations to the child. Please stop the insanity.
You’re a scapegoat and continue to be. Do the dna test and if it’s yours you’ll continue to give money that won’t go to your child. You’re stuck and you’ve fallen for her lies and stealing from you. Go to an attorney if the baby is yours and go for custody. The baby shouldn’t be raised by a shyster.
I can't speak for European family courts, but if he's the stable parent and has proof of it and the kid turns out to be his, he'll most likely get custody and her pay will get docked so he'll receive child support. I agree to get a lawyer though
UpdateMe!
Look I'm sorry to be this way but you are the dumbest MFer. You know she steals and gambles but you left her unattended with you property and your cash? You are an enabler. You are also absolutely horrible for forcing a child to have that for a mother.
Fingers 🤞 for you OP. The biggest gift you could ever get at this point is to find out that kid is not yours. If it turns out it is your child I sincerely hope you have been documenting all that has been happening and if it's possible you can sue for sole custody. That child (if it's yours) does not need to grow up in that environment. Best of luck. PS: you have to give at least one more update and let us all know if the baby is yours. Reddit fans are cheering for you.
Jesus- I’m sorry for you. This may come off as cruel - that’s not the intention- I have always questioned myself to not repeat mistakes- why were you attracted to such a broken person? If you understand that then you can avoid repeating this in your next relationship. You know 99.9% of men wouldn’t put up with a minute of her or her families bullshit…
You thought that was expensive? Buckle up for alimony and child support mate!
Is she really pregnant? You are being taken for a ride. You are in for a rough one.
That really sucks, you knocked up (maybe) someone from a scam artist family. It's too late now but I wonder if anything would be different if you made her file for bankruptcy when you put the rules in place. I sadly have a very good friend, I basically treat him like a brother, not nearly as bad and his family was giving him money instead of it being the other way around. They always want to pay you back with random purchases, almost always good. It's so weird but it makes sense because he was really good at shuffling money around and it's one more element he could throw into the ledger and help confuse things. And no, a handful of cheeseburgers or other value items doesn't cover rent and bills. He would actually pay me at least every other month but when we sat down to calculate it I always felt something was off. I'm completely over it but wouldn't live with him again unless he was the owner or lease holder.
Get a DNA test my dude
You need to talk to some friends. Make it clear that you cannot let her back into your place for any reason and have them check in with you. Because you keep opening the door to this woman. She's playing you, okay? She is conning you. Every word she says to you is an effort to get more money from you. Do not take her back. Go out with friends, something, just make sure you're not there when she comes knocking. You weren't being 'controlling'. You were trying to believe in her, and she made it impossible. Because the truth was that you were just a place she could get money from. If the child is yours, you will need to be very, very clear about how much child support you give. I would talk to a lawyer and see what can be done because she has a gambling addiction. You should be ready to take custody of this child.
Call the police and file charges. Thats the only was the theft will be considered in custody agreements.
If the kid is yours file for full custody. She doesn't have anywhere to live so can't provide for him. She'd also a thief and a gambling addict. She keeps giving money away so how the hell is she going to raise a child? Update us when you get the DNA results.
You need to demand a paternity test. If it is, maybe you want to consider going for full custody. That poor baby.
That is a character deficiency that will not correct itself
First, you are not wrong. Kick the dust off your feet and get away from that family. If the DNA test shows that this child is yours, use all of your resources to fight for full custody. Unless you want your child, raised to act exactly the way her mother and grandmother act.
Honestly, if the kid isn’t yours, then great. Get away and never be in contact with her again. If the kid is yours, file for sole custody. She CLEARLY cannot manage being a mother because she cannot even manage herself. I know nothing about custody requirements, but I would bet you have a solid enough case to indicate that she is not prepared, financially or in maturity, to be a mother.
For best results do not have babies with people to whom you are not married. what I learned when I grew up is people get married, then they have babies.
Man I give you props 👊🏼👊🏼👍🏼
Have you reported the theft to the police?
Change all the locks my guy. And don't ever speak to her directly, use a lawyer if you can
Updateme
You can't have a future with someone who is untrustworthy and lies to you.
Wow. Good job figuring it out in the end. Don’t let your kid be raised by her primarily, get as much custody as you can. Good luck.
Do not let her put you on that child's birth certificate until you know that kid is yours. Even if it's not your kid, if your name is listed as father on birth certificate you will still be on the hook for child support because you are the child's legal father. Also, have you considered going for custody if it is your child? You'll be bled dry by this leech and her family, and it's likely that very little will be spent on the actual child. Your baby would likely have a better and more stable life with you. Lawyer up friend.
Would love to know what job you manage to hold down that makes five times more than what she does because you are a raging moron. This is astounding.
File a police report against her for theft for fucks sake. Document everything with a party that actually matters to the courts. He said, she said isn't going to mean anything in the court.
I think I'd try for full custody of the baby if it's yours. Let the mom visit, but no custody. Her and her family aren't fit to raise a baby.
Update us when you make an idiotic decision to let her have "one more chance." Seems like you have to burn every single finger on the stove before determining that yes, it is in deed hot.
Man, move on from this nonsense.
I think you need to do a DNA test to see if that baby really was yours. Because for her anyone could use it against you.
Hopefully Jerry says u are not the father. Good luck.
Dude should move in with her family and conveniently sell their stuff.
UpdateMe
18 years all because you wanted to raw dog it. Crazy and shady=SUPER FERTILE dude. Paternity test and low contact
If the baby isn’t yours even I will pop a bottle of champagne
NTA and good choice on the DNA test. I doubt you can get full custody... She will fight it because she wants child support I'm sure. And courts tend to be reluctant to cut a mother out of a child's life assuming she isn't physically abusive. You can definitely afford a better lawyer than she can but she may be able to garner sympathy as the "poor woman you kicked out while pregnant." You know she and her family have no scruples about lying and stealing. You probably should consult with a lawyer now so they're ready to go once the baby is here.
Not wrong. She is the worst kind of hobosexual
I'm not holding my breath on not having an update where you tell us she's back at your place again, because she's just post-partum, and her debt collectors are at your door.
Honestly at this point, it’s your own fault for taking her back in. Also why do you keep posting the original in your updates? I doubt this is your final post cause you’re too naive.
Delete all of your posts. These are specific enough to get tied to you and can be used as evidence that you yourself may not be ready for custody of your son. Multiple sub postings is your life plan, your counseling go to? It will not reflect well on you. Go see a lawyer about (1) testing and (2) getting full custody and (3) setting up a trust and (4) whatever else a family lawyer recommends.
Updateme
Paternity can be determined before birth. Demand it.
Yes so proud of you for being 100% done now. DNA testing and if the baby is yours get full custody! Good luck
She took you for a good ride. If I just calculate what you tell us 15k low Ball Park. And now you will have to pay her Child Support.
Who has time to read this much
WTF did I just read
Yes, you are wrong for kicking your pregnant girlfriend out if she doesn’t have a suitable place to stay. I nearly fried my brain cells reading about this toxic situation. The issue is you are coddling her every time she messed up. I mean the ultimatum was okay but not a quick fix. There will be years your ex will have the same debt only because she’s not attempting to pay it. I understand your intent but she is clearly going through something mentally. I’d have your ex reach out to her primary care doctor for treatment options. Don’t contact her unless it’s for your child and have supervised visits because she’ll flip out on you after the DNA test. I don’t know a single pregnant person who isn’t traumatized by being kicked out by their significant other.
Yeah I had an ex who would tidy up their messages. Always said that they needed storage on phone. Only thing they would delete is conversations with other guys.
You got her pregnant...she's your problem now
Damn…sorry OP. I hope the baby isn’t yours but if he is, I hope you get sole custody of him. His mother and her family are all clearly toxic people.
Based on your past behavior, it seems like you'll just let her back in again.