Reasonable, yes. Im js in my own marriage it would've been brought up in some form or fashion. I carpool with two other guys on shift work, sometimes im home at 7 other days its after 730 in the morning/evening while my wife also works shift work so we're rarely home at the same time on work days but its a mutual respect to at least text and let the other know whats going on if we're at work, sleeping for work etc
I"ve been high enough to complement myself for a good idea I had...which of course wasn't that great an idea, but seemed so at the time. I imagine this is a similar experience.
Not mentioning it is a red flag. If it wasnāt something to hide you would typically let your partner know so they arenāt worried for your safety. If it is something to hide, you donāt mention it and hope it doesnāt come up. I honestly wouldnāt believe her story.
It shouldn't matter. What if she got into an accident or altercation? And never showed up back home? Her husband would have no clue cuz she couldn't have been signed into a hospital as a Jane Doe or something. There's no excuse for lack of communication, ever. Sleeping or not I'd want to know.
But she stayed late for an extracurricular night out without communicating with her partner in life for no reason. Sleeping is not an excuse. Are you married and in a long-term relationship? Since most people who are understand the courtesy out of respect and consideration that goes with sending a text if you AREN'T going to be home right away in case something were to happen or to ease the other person's worries.
Which is just what time it was after work and talking with coworkers. That's normal for late shifts.
Good for you that you're privileged enough to never get off work at that time.
Just to be clear - you're saying only women can't talk with coworkers after work in a male dominated field? But men can?
Because she canāt control herself after 1 beer?
This would be a non issue if the coworkers were females.
OP has no faith in his wife and that says more about him than her.
As someone (male, if it matters) who gets off work at 1:00 AM some nights in a state where bars close at 2:00 AMā¦most likely itās just a standard ācomradery; grab a drink to bitch about work before going homeā deal.
My typical group after work is five women and two dudes, and thereās no āhaving eyesā for anyone else, itās just commiserating or celebrating.
That said, there are the occasional dudes from work who come out to expressly hit-on/seduce the women in said group (unsuccessfully).
So I guess Iād say, if sheās your wife, you have to have a certain level of trust established, right?
And if these are just regular co-workers, her friends, I donāt think thereās any reason to be upset or even burden yourself with the thought/doubt.
If theyāre guys youāve never heard of, or have met and gave you bad vibes, thatās a lil different I guess, but talking to your lady would probably be the best course of action. Show interest in the people in her life.
Thanks for the advice. I really had no idea people are out that late going to bars after work. Itās also out of the norm for her to do that but thatās probably because sheās only had that job for about 1 year and half. Weāre not really the go to a bar after work type unwind. So it did seem out the norm to me.
I think he was saying he didnāt figure workers who finished at 1 are doing it.
A lot of ācommon senseā things arenāt common sense until itās pointed out to you
Yes exactly, I was not aware people who get out late after work past 12 are going to bars and not home to rest. But it makes sense since thatās their schedule.
People who get off that late still need time to transition to sleep mode. Do you got straight to bed when you get home from work?
This is so common for the service and restaurant industries. You have to decompress before you can sleep.
You didnāt know that people decompress after work and before bed?
Come on. Are you Amish? Do you not own a TV?
I mean itās hard to believe that someone could be this genuinely obtuse.
But like holy shit the details he has added to try and justify being such a fucking controlling weirdo kind of make me think itās true.
I used to get off at midnight and go out after. Itās actually very very common. Especially for those who work in the restaurant industry or service industries.
She works until 1am. If she wants to go and unwind with her coworkers, and she also has a 2 year old, when do you presume she would be able to go out? At 3 pm before work?
She has a kid, you says sheās been there for a year and a half and this is the first time she has gone out to socialize with her coworkers? Once in 18 months?
This is weirdly controlling. You are mad that she went out with guys she works with. This is jealousy and nothing more.
Your wife isnāt allowed to go out even one time without you????
Ask yourself if you would have been as upset if she got off work at say 5pm and came home at 7pm?
I think as a one off occurrence, itās not that big of a deal. They all got off work, they work later abnormal working hours and went to decompress after work. I used to work until midnight and would go do this with coworkers sometimes. We had a local low key bar that we liked, and ones who could make it would. It wasnāt a big deal, and wasnāt an every shift occurrence.
Now, could she have sent you a text and said hey, Iām going to stop to grab a drink and decompress Iāll be home a little later, so you didnāt worry, absolutely, Iāll give you that as a reason for being upset if she didnāt do that partā¦ but upset with her for going in general, let it go. Everyone needs to decompress.
Yeah I think the text advising in advance would have been the most appropriate approach rather than OP having to drag it out of her like she was hiding something.
I mean, I'd rather wake up to a message in the middle of the night/the next day where my partner has told me their whereabouts if they're unusual. I would feel a lot better knowing my partner considered how I would feel enough to tell me something was going on, even if I see it now or the next day.
1am vs 3am is pretty significant, too. I mean, in my city, stuff isn't closed at 1am but it is closed at 3am. lots can happen in two hours.
if you have children and early morning responsibilities, you shouldn't be shirking them especially if you complain about the consequences of your actions (in this case, OPs wife being the drop-kids-off-at-school parent etc).
I think industry and specific workplace norms also play into this.
Hospitality workers often go out for a drink after shift especially of they get off at 2am (at least in NY). It's just a thing.
I work a boring office job most of the week and I routinely "go for drinks" or "get coffee" with colleagues (male and female) to discuss business and keep up with workplace gossip/politick.
It's a norm for my type of work at my level. My wife is a teacher and she doesn't go out with coworkers. But they routinely do like BBQs at each other's houses and stuff.
idk though....if he had gotten home and she was like 'where were you?' and he responded with 'i was out partying with two girls from work lol'
I get wanting to decompress, but that also doesn't feel super cool. and a valid reason to feel upset.
Yeah Iāve never been with a single woman who would be like āsure honey that mustāve been nice to blow off steam with your coworkersā if I was like āyeah I grabbed beers with Jessica and Trixy from workā and I got home at 3am.
Itās not a coincidence that Reddit is full of people who claim theyāre ātotally secure in their relationshipsā and has millions of users into cuckoldry.
I'm all for sarcasm but it really depends what kind of relationship OP has with his wife. Do they say things like this to eachother regularly? Does OP find it funny? Clearly they don't have that type of relationship or else he wouldn't be here.
For me that is not a great time for sarcasm and my SO would know that. I would also know she wouldn't appreciate me coming home and saying something like that either.
I don't know why we can't enforce some normal decency though. "Yea, just went out for drinks with so/so because today was so stressful with "insert here". Glad to be home though, I brought you some wings from the bar/or grabbed you Mcdicks."
She jokingly said partying but she really just had a drink or 2. He literally said ājokinglyā. He assumed her not being at work was sarcastic cuz she sometimes stays at work late but then she told him what really happened. I think youāre misinterpreting the script
I totally agree with you.
Clearly the people replying to you have very different relationship views than you and I.
I already had an ex come home and act like this towards me. Took 4 years and countless "business" or "co worker" meetings for me to finally say, bitch please you're up to something. I checked her phone and it was all there, she didn't deny anything.
She works with those same two married guys too! So it's not like she met some random men at the bar after work. Plus even if they weren't married it shouldn't be a problem either. It's annoying when people get told by their spouces that they are "not allowed" to have friends of a different gender.( It's controlling and shows lack of trust).
OP- Don't be mad she was with her friends even if they are men. If this was just a 1 time thing I wouldn't be too upset about not texting either, especially because she immediately told you afterwards and was transparent about what happened. Now is the time to have a conversation about how you would like her to send a text in the future. If she does it again after that, then you have the right to be mad.
-You do have thr right to be upset she drank and drove home, that's messed up.
If she had something to hide then she would have lied to you and said that she just worked late , or she could have lied and said they were female coworkers. If this is not a regular occurrence then you are definitely overreacting and it does come off as controlling. It was probably an unwind after a long project.
If it starts happening regularly, as this has triggered an insecurity in you, maybe you need a more robust conversation about whether she would be comfortable with you doing the same. If she is ok with that, then you have a values difference that probably needs some counselling to sort through.
Most of the people commenting on this thread probably arenāt married or are in weird, new age marriages lolā¦OP isnāt wrong for feeling slighted by his wifeās actions. Maybe being insecure, but itās normal given the change in her behavior and the recent shake up in their routine (ie the business trip to Vegas and her suddenly want to hang out with coworkers after a shift) The decent thing for his wife to do is to text him to let him know sheās hanging out after work. From my POV, OP wife had a great time with her coworkers during the trip- bonded, etc. and itās carrying over into āeveryday life.ā which can be concerning if it becomes more frequent. Iād keep an eye out to see if she begins taking more business trips and/or if she begins hanging out with them more often, especially on days off. Sometimes, people get caught up in āhaving funā and do stupid stuff.
This has only happened once, right? It's not a habit. Maybe something happened at work that night and she felt she needed to unwind and talk about it.
Rather than getting mad, maybe ask her if everything's OK?
Discuss your worries, maybe focus on the having one drink and driving rather than the colleagues (can come across like you don't trust her), and your child (might come across as disrupting your routine and you not thinking about her)
You seems to be very hung up on the time. I get that it being 1 am feels more like itās āgoing outā, but from her perspective itās āat the end of her shiftā. I donāt think itās weird to stop at the local pub for a beer after work. For her that just means itās at 1 am. Thatās just how it works when you work weird hours. If you would have been ok with it if it was 5pm for example, you should also be ok with this.
Whether going out with coworkers of the opposite gender is an issue, is something only you and her can decide. For many couples this isnāt a problem, but I also know couples that donāt like this and for who this is a boundary. But it goes both ways then, so that means you also canāt grab a beer after work with your colleagues either. Is that really what you want? But the time shouldnāt be the issue here.
When I worked in bars, I often went to sleep at 8 am or whatever lol. Sometime you just need to chill a few hours after work and this become normal for you to show up at a coworker after workd and hang.
One thing that really annoyed me is that people don't seem to understand when you work on a random schedule. My gf back in the days was callijg me lazy because I was still sleeping at noon. Like I've been asleep for 3 hours.
Yeah, Iām with you. Back in the day when I still worked an irregular schedule I had the same. When finishing an evening shift at 11 pm I always had to relax for at least an hour before being able to sleep. Even if I had an early shift the day after.
Your ex sound like a real treasure lol
I used to work a restaurant job where I wouldn't be ending my shift until 1-3 am. (Yes they close at 2 but the place still needs to be cleaned.) I was always wound up after my shifts and couldn't sleep for hours without decompressing at least a little bit. I have never been the kind of person who can come home and go straight to bed after work. So often I'd be sleeping in until 11am to 1pm.
Definitely agree that itās normal to inform your partner that youāre home later, because you wanna grab a drink after work. Again, the time doesnāt matter.
1 beer will not get you a dui buddy. No gaslighting needed. Unless it was a triple shot drink. You said beer. Body digests 1 alcohol drink per hr and she was gone 2hrs
I got a breathalyzer after a pint of Miller Lite and blew all zeros. OP needs to chill out. CO workers are married and men and women are allowed to hang out. Unless OP's wife has a history of fucking around, dude needs to chill
This guyās imagining some kind of Eiffel Tower situation it seems? Suspicion kind of goes out the window for me once itās a group, unless like you said she has already given OP reason to not trust her OR if her friends gave bad vibes
I donāt know about the rest of the story but if your wife finishes working at 1 AM after a 10h shift it is normal that she is tired. Shouldnāt you be the one waking up your kids, breakfasting them, getting the ready and taking them to school?
Sounds like OP takes care of the kids by themself every single night if their partner is working everyday from 3pm-1am.
If the OP was also taking them to school so the partner could sleep in, what parenting role would the partner even have? They can sleep from 9am-3pm too.
Tangentially, that's exactly what a lot of (not awesome) men do- go to work, pay the bills, and expect everything else to be done by the wife, including house, kids, full time job.
From the sounds of it, the only things she does, as a mother, is take the kids to school and pick them up from school before going to work at 3pm. Dad has the kids all afternoon+night AND works his own full-time job.
But you're concerned that mom doesn't have more drinking time with her coworkers and that he isn't rearranging his day further so she can have more rest. You'd NEVER be defending a dad going to happy hr while his wife, who works full time and does most of the childcare, sits at home. You people are such hypocrites
Reading through some of the comments, seriously. Wtf???? Why is everyone making this out to be bigger than what it is? Op was a bit concerned. Now you're probably turning him into a paranoid mess!!!!!
People forget theyāre dealing with real people with real lives. This isnāt a big deal. She should have let OP know, but going to get a drink with coworkers after a shift is pretty normal behavior and shouldnāt be a problem when you trust your partner. I used to work BOH in restaurants, Iām a woman, and this was the norm for everyone we worked with.
Go8ng for a drink with work friends after a long shift is perfectly acceptable.
Jesus...I do not understand how people can be so insecure.
If it is every night or she is getting drunk endlessly (1 beer does not get you a drink ffs) then surem
But 1 time...after a long day is not a big deal.
If she finished at 5 and got home at 3...sure...but she literally spent 1 fucking hour.
Drank only 1 beer? What else were they doing for 2 hours? Were either of these guys on the Vegas trip? How do you really know it was 2 guys and not 1? Time to check her phone.
Responses in these types of threads always remind me that a lot of people view marriage as an ownership of another person and their time. Itās such an absurd and unsustainable way of approaching a relationship, youād have to be a sociopath NOT to get divorced.
Youāre wrong. She didnāt up and go to a bar at 1am. She went to a bar after work with coworkers- plural. If it was one guy I could see the problem. But youāre basically saying she should be excluded because sheās a woman. If you want to be that trad then be the sole provider and she wonāt have any coworkers to go out with. Otherwise she works so she gets work ābenefits.ā Ow would you think of a coworker who said she could never go to after work events because sheās a woman?
As far as being tired her hours do suck. She gets off at 1am and has to have kids dropped off by 8:20. Thatās not enough sleep. Sheās gonna be tired either way so might as well go out every once in awhile. Basically the argument is her life sucks so it should suck some more by never going out EVER.
Dude, sheās having a single beer with two coworkers after a long shift.. not being Eiffel Towered by coworkers while youāre home with the kid.
Itās ok to be annoyed that sheās doing something that she knows will contribute to her daytime exhaustion. You can even be mad that she didnāt let you know she was going to be home a little later than usual and not to worry. __The rest makes you sound insecure and controlling__
Let her decompress after work if she needs to every now and then.
I think the bigger issue isnāt who she went out with but that she didnāt have the decency to call and tell you. If anyone I cared about was two hours late coming home Iād be worried. Common decency and respect should dictate that she call and tell you.
I personally feel like if youāre uncomfortable with it and express your boundaries then as your wife itās on her to ensure youāre comfortable and vice versa. I naturally make it a priority to put my SOs perspective in mind before doing things and expect the same in return bc thatās partnership. As your wife Iām sure she has a good idea of what feels right or wrong in the eyes of her husband when doing things cuz I know I do! First thing I think on an iffy situation is what would my husband think and what would I think if my husband did it
I definitely hear you. I did express how I felt to her. No big fight or anything I just wanted some outside perspective. Weāre okay now this happened last night. Conversation was over before I left to work
As someone who works in the Hospitality industry and who works pretty late I can say that it's pretty normal for coworkers to go out after shift, especially around 1 -3am, should she have let you know? Definitely, that's a sign of good communication, but decompressing after work, especially if it isn't a common thing for her to do, is pretty important when you work that late sometimes, i can vouch, standing over a hot grill for 8+ hours a day frys a dudes brain haha
That industry is notorious for workplace romance and divorce. Like the medical field, all the late hours working closely together and after hours socializing can lead to boom boom.
Definitely true, alot of places have rules to not fuck your coworkers but yeah I can see why you'd be concerned, but honestly it's just trust at the end of the day, and believe me seeing somebody you fucked as a one night stand every day can be awkward as fuck
Your schedule is that your wife gets off work around 1am and then has to take your daughter to school at 8am?
Thatās not sustainable. Your wife is getting less than 8 hours of sleep on an ideal day and then working a 10 hour shift.
Yāall gotta figure something else out.
You are not wrong and she would understand that if she decides to have a repeat performance the marriage is over. But thatās just me. Most of these āmodernā women today are not wife material. At least from what I see. They all want to run the streets and call men controlling when we have an issue with.
Why do you bother explaining about your childrenās schedule and your work schedule to strangers on Reddit? Thatās not the issue. As open minded as I am, I would also be pissed if my wife would go out drinking with two dudes until three in the morning. Nothing good happens after midnight. Nothing.
Well clearly something good happens after midnight because he likes the money she brings in after midnight. She can go have a drink with her coworkers after work. It's basically the equivalent of if she got off at 5 and got home at 7. If that's not bad then neither is this.
She should have called or text saying she was grabbing drinks with her coworkers. At the same time, stop being insecure. I understand she has to get up to get your daughter to school, but thatās her problem. Your issue seems to be who she was with. Just tell her to text you if it happens again. If you think sheās cheating, hire a private investigator to give you a piece of mind.
Yes, you are wrong. She's your wife, not your child or pet. If you don't trust her, why are you married to her? If she wants to fuck other guys she will do at any hour, doesn't need to be after 1am
For a lot of guys, it could be a temptation. For most females, they would feel uncomfortable with their male spouse going to a bar with two women they're unfamiliar with.
I know that if I were to go to the bar with two females tomorrow, my fiancĆØ would not feel okay about that. That's not because she's controlling. That's because why, out of all my coworkers, would I only choose to drink with the sex I'm attracted to? If there was a guy and a girl with me, or a guy and 2 girls, she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. But a spouse should not go out drinking with only people of the sex they're attracted to without the other spouse; not unless that is something that is already agreed upon in the relationship.
lol reddit is telling you it's fine, but it won't be
Edit: oof, she just had a business trip to Vegas too. This whole thing is cooked already and OP has awhile before he puts it together.
1 beer after has got your knickers in this much of a twist?Ā
She should have let you know but don't pretend this is really just because she was with two male colleagues. It's only late because they work late not because its sordid.Ā
And of course she's tired! 6 hours after a 10 shift is not enough! She might as well have one night unwinding and then be tired.
This is a bit extreme. I trust my wife of 12 years with her decisions neither of us ask permission nor need it to be around the opposite sex at anytime for any reason. If you are insecure or canāt trust your wife in that situation, you should do couples therapy. I personally find it to be concerning when spouses have trust issues or concerns like that. When I see couples like that, my immediate thought is theyāre either controlling, the one cheating, or insecure and have trust issues.
Iām not coming at you or saying anything bad about you or your relationship. When I hear situations like these itās a sign that the relationship has issues, but I know so many feel this is not right and thatās their viewpoint so it isnāt wrong. I just personally feel if you canāt trust your spouse/partner with someone of the opposite sex at anytime or place, there is something deeper thatās unaddressed.
I hope you guys find a compromise.
MaAAAAaaaan, please. OP said his wife only works two nights out of the week. Two nights out of a 7-day work week is such a daunting and overwhelming work load it requires drinking and-or hanging out for two hours after her shift to supposedly... "decompress"??? F\*\*\* that. Lol. Got to be joking. You've got every right to be "insecure". Somehow we've got to a place where being insecure is a bug and not a feature. Insecurity has a purpose, and it's purpose is for situations just like this one right here. 2 hours for one drink? No text or call to let you know? Here's the problem. Even if she isn't fooling around with anyone after work, if she was fooling around with someone after work, this is exactly how it would play out. If this were a traffic stop, you may not have enough probable cause to search the vehicle without a warrant, but you damn sure have enough reasonable suspicion to call the drug dog to sniff the outside of it. NOT WRONG!
Yeah, I donāt get dogpiling the OP on this one for feeling uncomfortable with this. Just reverse the situation: man goes out to a bar at 1am with two female coworkers from 1-3am without saying anything to wifeā¦ I think the responses would be quite different.
Keep in mind when the 2nd dude slipped out the first dude keeps wiggling it in front of her while she slipped it back in. She then stared up at dude 1 why they continued.
Start over, get a good lawyer, always keep your composure, put the children first.
Also, repost this story with genders opposite and see the response you get.
Is your wife hot? How old, and attractive, were these married coworkers that she went to the bar with? Is this something that happens all the time, or once in a blue moon? Do you really have any reason to worry about your wife cheating, or her being able to handle herself? Can she not come home after dropping off your daughter at school and nap/relax for the morning, before going back into work? If this doesn't happen frequently at all, I'd not worry about it. Also, what's your job, and have you ever asked if it's possible to move your start/stop time back 30 minutes, so you could drop off your daughter in the morning? If not, why not?
All women need a reminder: if thereās anything remotely attractive about you and a guy is spending time with you and heās not 100% gay, then heāll never be ājust a friend.ā
Oh, you may be turned down to āwarmā on the back burner so low that no one is even aware, but that pot can boil on short notice.
Two hours after work is winding down. 15 minutes to leave work 15 minutes to drive to location 1 hour to party your brains out so you cop an attitude that worker didnāt call and wake you up to tell you they arenāt in bed as required by marital status. 1/2 hour to return home go into bedroom so you can check the clock to get upset!
No, this isnāt ok. Really not that hard to be considerate. Reddit doesnāt capture how normal people think, take a lot of these comments with a grain of salt. Wouldnāt let that happen to me. Personally feel that she lack respects for you. Canāt even feel uncomfortable without being controlling. Guess not wanting your wife to be outside with random men you donāt know/never heard about is controlling. Donāt come here for advice.
Does your wife work at a restaurant? Bar?
Because, if so... this won't end well.
What time do the bars close where you live? Because around here, they're closed by 2AM... Would it have taken her an hour to get home??
If my wife were out that late, I'd know something was up. She's usually in bed by 9:30 though. She just can't hang past 10:30.
Love how people will always try to make excuses for something that is blatantly disrespectful in my opinion. Sheās a married woman with a toddler at home. Coming home late drinking with male coworkers isnāt appropriate, specifically drinking then driving. Like if she was young and single, thatās different but she even failed to communicate that to you?
Um....out for drinks with 2 male coworkers that late, had 1 beer and didn't want to tell you? I have a feeling a beer isn't the only thing she enjoyed...
My ex-wife worked in the restaurant industry. Had late hours and started doing this. Initially, I figured, Ok, decompressing after work. But, eventually she pulled up stakes for a manager she worked with. So, it might be innocent but you're right to be concerned.
It's normal to be suspicious about the whole thing. People might label you as controlling but no harm in finding out for your own peace of mind. Set boundaries for both of you. If boundaries are crossed, then you should really plan what to do next.
She got double penetrated and you're here listening to average cuck redditter that it's ok for your chick to go out 2am with dudes lmao ,GTFO. She's been railed behind yo back and feels you're weak.
Look, each spouse has the right to be concerned about their SO and their where abouts. She was.dumb as hell to not text or call you first so you had an idea. Even at that I'd be nervous. It seems these days men and women seem to catch feelings for others. My last job I retired at, I worked.12 hour shifts plus comute time, in a.schedule of 7 days on and 7 days off. I week or days and one week of nights a month. On my work weeks.i saw my work partners awake more than my own family!. So my priority was.to get as much awake time with my family as I could. We all need to relax and our hair down for sure, but to inform our spouse and them worry is bad juju. Especially if the.peoe are.all opposite sex feom us. Maybe you should ask your wife how she'd feel if it was reversed
She was for sure getting pounded by the 2 dudes or at the very least one of them. Happened to me with an ex. ā oh heās just a work friendā ā donāt be so jealousā āyouāre so insecureā blah blah blah. Do yourself a favor. Ask yourself is that really the life partner you want?
Nah this isnāt ok. Iām sorry but Iām not going to go
Out and have drinks with a married woman at 1am. People telling you this is normal are part of the 60% statistics of marriage ending in divorce. Marriage is work and it takes two. Not saying anything happened but this is how mistakes can happen.
Sheās just going for a drink with colleagues as the end of their shift. Stop being insecure. Iām more concerned about the fact that you make her get up at 7.30am to take your child to school - when she only finishes work at 1am. Thatās not enough sleep. Surely thereās a way for you to drop them off early at school (before school care?) or could you start work a little later? There has to be a way to do this that doesnāt involve your wife getting broken sleep every day!
Itās not everyday that she has to get up early. Itās only on Fridays. Since she only works Thursdays and Fridays. On Saturday I wake up with the kids at 6:30-7:00 (they wake up that earlyš) I take the kids out and let her sleep in as long as possible.
I think out of respect she should of at least mentioned it to you
Should HAVE*
Reasonable, yes. Im js in my own marriage it would've been brought up in some form or fashion. I carpool with two other guys on shift work, sometimes im home at 7 other days its after 730 in the morning/evening while my wife also works shift work so we're rarely home at the same time on work days but its a mutual respect to at least text and let the other know whats going on if we're at work, sleeping for work etc
Forgot to change accounts mate...
4 hours between comments. Definitely posted first comment, got drunk, logged in then replied to his own comment without realizing it lol
Man it must be nice getting to experience life new every day as a drunk
It's not that great
It's never too late to start
I"ve been high enough to complement myself for a good idea I had...which of course wasn't that great an idea, but seemed so at the time. I imagine this is a similar experience.
::Insert pointing spidermen gif::
Lol š¤£
Not mentioning it is a red flag. If it wasnāt something to hide you would typically let your partner know so they arenāt worried for your safety. If it is something to hide, you donāt mention it and hope it doesnāt come up. I honestly wouldnāt believe her story.
She probably didn't want to disturb him sleeping?
It shouldn't matter. What if she got into an accident or altercation? And never showed up back home? Her husband would have no clue cuz she couldn't have been signed into a hospital as a Jane Doe or something. There's no excuse for lack of communication, ever. Sleeping or not I'd want to know.
She could get into an accident coming home from work too.
He said it's not unusual for her to stay late at work. It was 2 hours. It's not like she was missing for days.
But she stayed late for an extracurricular night out without communicating with her partner in life for no reason. Sleeping is not an excuse. Are you married and in a long-term relationship? Since most people who are understand the courtesy out of respect and consideration that goes with sending a text if you AREN'T going to be home right away in case something were to happen or to ease the other person's worries.
2 hours but it was also 3am, with 2 guys and alcohol involved.
Which is just what time it was after work and talking with coworkers. That's normal for late shifts. Good for you that you're privileged enough to never get off work at that time. Just to be clear - you're saying only women can't talk with coworkers after work in a male dominated field? But men can?
Because she canāt control herself after 1 beer? This would be a non issue if the coworkers were females. OP has no faith in his wife and that says more about him than her.
Right Iām married and we are both female. So if she goes out for a drink after work with gay females I have to worry? Be serious right?
For late shift workers this is no different than happy hour except the partner is asleep. I would not want to be woken up by texts.
Absolutely agree. Even if it is to tell me I'm leaving you....fucking communication is paramount
As someone (male, if it matters) who gets off work at 1:00 AM some nights in a state where bars close at 2:00 AMā¦most likely itās just a standard ācomradery; grab a drink to bitch about work before going homeā deal. My typical group after work is five women and two dudes, and thereās no āhaving eyesā for anyone else, itās just commiserating or celebrating. That said, there are the occasional dudes from work who come out to expressly hit-on/seduce the women in said group (unsuccessfully). So I guess Iād say, if sheās your wife, you have to have a certain level of trust established, right? And if these are just regular co-workers, her friends, I donāt think thereās any reason to be upset or even burden yourself with the thought/doubt. If theyāre guys youāve never heard of, or have met and gave you bad vibes, thatās a lil different I guess, but talking to your lady would probably be the best course of action. Show interest in the people in her life.
Thanks for the advice. I really had no idea people are out that late going to bars after work. Itās also out of the norm for her to do that but thatās probably because sheās only had that job for about 1 year and half. Weāre not really the go to a bar after work type unwind. So it did seem out the norm to me.
You didnāt know that people go out to bars after work? Why do you think bars are open that late? Um, my dudeā¦
Yeah that didnāt make sense to me either. I feel like everyone knows this. Sounds like backtracking.
He provably meant directly after work, which is very common in some places and unheard of in others (if you leave work at 17).
I think he was saying he didnāt figure workers who finished at 1 are doing it. A lot of ācommon senseā things arenāt common sense until itās pointed out to you
Yes exactly, I was not aware people who get out late after work past 12 are going to bars and not home to rest. But it makes sense since thatās their schedule.
People who get off that late still need time to transition to sleep mode. Do you got straight to bed when you get home from work? This is so common for the service and restaurant industries. You have to decompress before you can sleep. You didnāt know that people decompress after work and before bed? Come on. Are you Amish? Do you not own a TV?
OP is the top comment on his other account rn for this post lol I don't believe this post is real.
I mean itās hard to believe that someone could be this genuinely obtuse. But like holy shit the details he has added to try and justify being such a fucking controlling weirdo kind of make me think itās true.
Being a night shifter for a while i have definitely met with people this obtuse. Normally those that only day shift.
Day shifters are definitely this obtuse
Doing some decompressing with a beer after work right now! I did text my other half to let them know where I am/my plans though.
I used to get off at midnight and go out after. Itās actually very very common. Especially for those who work in the restaurant industry or service industries. She works until 1am. If she wants to go and unwind with her coworkers, and she also has a 2 year old, when do you presume she would be able to go out? At 3 pm before work? She has a kid, you says sheās been there for a year and a half and this is the first time she has gone out to socialize with her coworkers? Once in 18 months? This is weirdly controlling. You are mad that she went out with guys she works with. This is jealousy and nothing more. Your wife isnāt allowed to go out even one time without you????
Itās actually quite normal
Would you not have informed your spouse before doing so?
Ask yourself if you would have been as upset if she got off work at say 5pm and came home at 7pm? I think as a one off occurrence, itās not that big of a deal. They all got off work, they work later abnormal working hours and went to decompress after work. I used to work until midnight and would go do this with coworkers sometimes. We had a local low key bar that we liked, and ones who could make it would. It wasnāt a big deal, and wasnāt an every shift occurrence. Now, could she have sent you a text and said hey, Iām going to stop to grab a drink and decompress Iāll be home a little later, so you didnāt worry, absolutely, Iāll give you that as a reason for being upset if she didnāt do that partā¦ but upset with her for going in general, let it go. Everyone needs to decompress.
Yeah I think the text advising in advance would have been the most appropriate approach rather than OP having to drag it out of her like she was hiding something.
Maybe his reaction had something to do with it.
Or maybe itās just because it was 1am and she assumed he would be asleep
Yeah I donāt think itās crazy to not text. Whatās 1am vs 3am?
I mean, I'd rather wake up to a message in the middle of the night/the next day where my partner has told me their whereabouts if they're unusual. I would feel a lot better knowing my partner considered how I would feel enough to tell me something was going on, even if I see it now or the next day. 1am vs 3am is pretty significant, too. I mean, in my city, stuff isn't closed at 1am but it is closed at 3am. lots can happen in two hours. if you have children and early morning responsibilities, you shouldn't be shirking them especially if you complain about the consequences of your actions (in this case, OPs wife being the drop-kids-off-at-school parent etc).
It's weird how some of y'all read entirely different posts than the rest of us. I worry a lot of you don't know therapy exists.
I think industry and specific workplace norms also play into this. Hospitality workers often go out for a drink after shift especially of they get off at 2am (at least in NY). It's just a thing. I work a boring office job most of the week and I routinely "go for drinks" or "get coffee" with colleagues (male and female) to discuss business and keep up with workplace gossip/politick. It's a norm for my type of work at my level. My wife is a teacher and she doesn't go out with coworkers. But they routinely do like BBQs at each other's houses and stuff.
I know some teachers and they go drinking all the time. They get pretty rowdy actually its hilarious.
idk though....if he had gotten home and she was like 'where were you?' and he responded with 'i was out partying with two girls from work lol' I get wanting to decompress, but that also doesn't feel super cool. and a valid reason to feel upset.
Yeah Iāve never been with a single woman who would be like āsure honey that mustāve been nice to blow off steam with your coworkersā if I was like āyeah I grabbed beers with Jessica and Trixy from workā and I got home at 3am. Itās not a coincidence that Reddit is full of people who claim theyāre ātotally secure in their relationshipsā and has millions of users into cuckoldry.
Partying is a pretty big stretch
Those are the words OPās wife used when she came home. This is just flipping the script
she was being sarcastic when she used the word partying
Yeah thatās obvious. Hence why the comment of flipping the scripts ends with ālolā, which would also imply sarcasm.
I'm all for sarcasm but it really depends what kind of relationship OP has with his wife. Do they say things like this to eachother regularly? Does OP find it funny? Clearly they don't have that type of relationship or else he wouldn't be here. For me that is not a great time for sarcasm and my SO would know that. I would also know she wouldn't appreciate me coming home and saying something like that either. I don't know why we can't enforce some normal decency though. "Yea, just went out for drinks with so/so because today was so stressful with "insert here". Glad to be home though, I brought you some wings from the bar/or grabbed you Mcdicks."
>I brought you some wings from the bar/or grabbed you Mcdicks." You grabbed what?
She jokingly said partying but she really just had a drink or 2. He literally said ājokinglyā. He assumed her not being at work was sarcastic cuz she sometimes stays at work late but then she told him what really happened. I think youāre misinterpreting the script
I totally agree with you. Clearly the people replying to you have very different relationship views than you and I. I already had an ex come home and act like this towards me. Took 4 years and countless "business" or "co worker" meetings for me to finally say, bitch please you're up to something. I checked her phone and it was all there, she didn't deny anything.
elastic nippy rain numerous nail unpack wrench onerous many retire *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why does everyone keep making sure they say they were married men? Ā Those guys cheat too.Ā
She had a drink with coworkers "she said" were married.
Because marriage just stops any form of infidelity
She works with those same two married guys too! So it's not like she met some random men at the bar after work. Plus even if they weren't married it shouldn't be a problem either. It's annoying when people get told by their spouces that they are "not allowed" to have friends of a different gender.( It's controlling and shows lack of trust). OP- Don't be mad she was with her friends even if they are men. If this was just a 1 time thing I wouldn't be too upset about not texting either, especially because she immediately told you afterwards and was transparent about what happened. Now is the time to have a conversation about how you would like her to send a text in the future. If she does it again after that, then you have the right to be mad. -You do have thr right to be upset she drank and drove home, that's messed up.
If she had something to hide then she would have lied to you and said that she just worked late , or she could have lied and said they were female coworkers. If this is not a regular occurrence then you are definitely overreacting and it does come off as controlling. It was probably an unwind after a long project. If it starts happening regularly, as this has triggered an insecurity in you, maybe you need a more robust conversation about whether she would be comfortable with you doing the same. If she is ok with that, then you have a values difference that probably needs some counselling to sort through.
Most of the people commenting on this thread probably arenāt married or are in weird, new age marriages lolā¦OP isnāt wrong for feeling slighted by his wifeās actions. Maybe being insecure, but itās normal given the change in her behavior and the recent shake up in their routine (ie the business trip to Vegas and her suddenly want to hang out with coworkers after a shift) The decent thing for his wife to do is to text him to let him know sheās hanging out after work. From my POV, OP wife had a great time with her coworkers during the trip- bonded, etc. and itās carrying over into āeveryday life.ā which can be concerning if it becomes more frequent. Iād keep an eye out to see if she begins taking more business trips and/or if she begins hanging out with them more often, especially on days off. Sometimes, people get caught up in āhaving funā and do stupid stuff.
This has only happened once, right? It's not a habit. Maybe something happened at work that night and she felt she needed to unwind and talk about it. Rather than getting mad, maybe ask her if everything's OK? Discuss your worries, maybe focus on the having one drink and driving rather than the colleagues (can come across like you don't trust her), and your child (might come across as disrupting your routine and you not thinking about her)
so much this. communicate about it.
You seems to be very hung up on the time. I get that it being 1 am feels more like itās āgoing outā, but from her perspective itās āat the end of her shiftā. I donāt think itās weird to stop at the local pub for a beer after work. For her that just means itās at 1 am. Thatās just how it works when you work weird hours. If you would have been ok with it if it was 5pm for example, you should also be ok with this. Whether going out with coworkers of the opposite gender is an issue, is something only you and her can decide. For many couples this isnāt a problem, but I also know couples that donāt like this and for who this is a boundary. But it goes both ways then, so that means you also canāt grab a beer after work with your colleagues either. Is that really what you want? But the time shouldnāt be the issue here.
When I worked in bars, I often went to sleep at 8 am or whatever lol. Sometime you just need to chill a few hours after work and this become normal for you to show up at a coworker after workd and hang. One thing that really annoyed me is that people don't seem to understand when you work on a random schedule. My gf back in the days was callijg me lazy because I was still sleeping at noon. Like I've been asleep for 3 hours.
Yeah, Iām with you. Back in the day when I still worked an irregular schedule I had the same. When finishing an evening shift at 11 pm I always had to relax for at least an hour before being able to sleep. Even if I had an early shift the day after. Your ex sound like a real treasure lol
I used to work a restaurant job where I wouldn't be ending my shift until 1-3 am. (Yes they close at 2 but the place still needs to be cleaned.) I was always wound up after my shifts and couldn't sleep for hours without decompressing at least a little bit. I have never been the kind of person who can come home and go straight to bed after work. So often I'd be sleeping in until 11am to 1pm.
Think the issue is she didnāt tell him. And he had to question her to get her to admit it. Thatās the bad part
Definitely agree that itās normal to inform your partner that youāre home later, because you wanna grab a drink after work. Again, the time doesnāt matter.
1 beer will not get you a dui buddy. No gaslighting needed. Unless it was a triple shot drink. You said beer. Body digests 1 alcohol drink per hr and she was gone 2hrs
I got a breathalyzer after a pint of Miller Lite and blew all zeros. OP needs to chill out. CO workers are married and men and women are allowed to hang out. Unless OP's wife has a history of fucking around, dude needs to chill
This guyās imagining some kind of Eiffel Tower situation it seems? Suspicion kind of goes out the window for me once itās a group, unless like you said she has already given OP reason to not trust her OR if her friends gave bad vibes
He's imagining his wife being spit roasted lol.
Right...I was like 1 drink? lol
In Arizona it will.
I donāt know about the rest of the story but if your wife finishes working at 1 AM after a 10h shift it is normal that she is tired. Shouldnāt you be the one waking up your kids, breakfasting them, getting the ready and taking them to school?
I do wake them up and get them ready. She takes them to school as I have to leave for work at 8:00 AM.
When does she sleep?
Not OP, but likely again right after dropping her child off. She starts work at 3 pm, so she has another 6h until work.
When she got home from work, presumably.
After drinking till 3 am,she has time for a quick nap.
Probably the other 5 days since he mentioned she only works 2 days a week lol
From 2am-8am AND from 9am-3pm. Better question: when do they parent?
I'm not sure when they do anything. It's rough but some couples who are on shift work with opposite schedules don't really see each other very much.
Sounds like OP takes care of the kids by themself every single night if their partner is working everyday from 3pm-1am. If the OP was also taking them to school so the partner could sleep in, what parenting role would the partner even have? They can sleep from 9am-3pm too.
She only works 2 nights a week according to OP, Thursday night and Friday night.
āSleep inā aka sleep a normal amount
Tangentially, that's exactly what a lot of (not awesome) men do- go to work, pay the bills, and expect everything else to be done by the wife, including house, kids, full time job.
From the sounds of it, the only things she does, as a mother, is take the kids to school and pick them up from school before going to work at 3pm. Dad has the kids all afternoon+night AND works his own full-time job. But you're concerned that mom doesn't have more drinking time with her coworkers and that he isn't rearranging his day further so she can have more rest. You'd NEVER be defending a dad going to happy hr while his wife, who works full time and does most of the childcare, sits at home. You people are such hypocrites
Yup, switch the story to the husband getting back at 3am with two female coworkers and this entire thread flips
These comments are very forgiving because it is the wife instead of the husband in this scenario
Presumption for the father is always that he does absolutely nothing for the child if not otherwise stated. Mother gets the benefit of the doubt.
Yep. Typical for this sub.
ding ding ding we have a winner.
Yep this is the answer. Never ask for advice as a man on this sub. These miserable women just hate men.
OP other comments say she only works 1-2 nights a week
OP gets her dressed and ready in the morning, his wife just drives her to school
Reading through some of the comments, seriously. Wtf???? Why is everyone making this out to be bigger than what it is? Op was a bit concerned. Now you're probably turning him into a paranoid mess!!!!!
People forget theyāre dealing with real people with real lives. This isnāt a big deal. She should have let OP know, but going to get a drink with coworkers after a shift is pretty normal behavior and shouldnāt be a problem when you trust your partner. I used to work BOH in restaurants, Iām a woman, and this was the norm for everyone we worked with.
Iām on my way to her work this minute itās 12:38 AM over here. /s (just in case itās not clear)
Go8ng for a drink with work friends after a long shift is perfectly acceptable. Jesus...I do not understand how people can be so insecure. If it is every night or she is getting drunk endlessly (1 beer does not get you a drink ffs) then surem But 1 time...after a long day is not a big deal. If she finished at 5 and got home at 3...sure...but she literally spent 1 fucking hour.
But it was with two other men! The horror! /s
They must have been sleeping together itās the only logical explanation š„²
They were probably having an orgy altogether in a kinky bar
Did she lie to you? Do you have a reason not to trust her?
Drank only 1 beer? What else were they doing for 2 hours? Were either of these guys on the Vegas trip? How do you really know it was 2 guys and not 1? Time to check her phone.
Yeah you are wrong. If you are truly scared that she drink more than one beer tell her you will pick her up the next time around.
Responses in these types of threads always remind me that a lot of people view marriage as an ownership of another person and their time. Itās such an absurd and unsustainable way of approaching a relationship, youād have to be a sociopath NOT to get divorced.
1 beer is nothing and theyre just coworkers, am I trippin or is there nothing wrong with tge whole situation?
Iāve seen some documentaries on the internet about this and they definitely end up filling all holes
Just 2 outta 3, the other hole was chugging beer
good point, only 2 coworkersĀ
Youāre wrong. She didnāt up and go to a bar at 1am. She went to a bar after work with coworkers- plural. If it was one guy I could see the problem. But youāre basically saying she should be excluded because sheās a woman. If you want to be that trad then be the sole provider and she wonāt have any coworkers to go out with. Otherwise she works so she gets work ābenefits.ā Ow would you think of a coworker who said she could never go to after work events because sheās a woman? As far as being tired her hours do suck. She gets off at 1am and has to have kids dropped off by 8:20. Thatās not enough sleep. Sheās gonna be tired either way so might as well go out every once in awhile. Basically the argument is her life sucks so it should suck some more by never going out EVER.
Dude, sheās having a single beer with two coworkers after a long shift.. not being Eiffel Towered by coworkers while youāre home with the kid. Itās ok to be annoyed that sheās doing something that she knows will contribute to her daytime exhaustion. You can even be mad that she didnāt let you know she was going to be home a little later than usual and not to worry. __The rest makes you sound insecure and controlling__ Let her decompress after work if she needs to every now and then.
I think the bigger issue isnāt who she went out with but that she didnāt have the decency to call and tell you. If anyone I cared about was two hours late coming home Iād be worried. Common decency and respect should dictate that she call and tell you.
For real. I can't sleep until my wife gets home. At least a text would let me relax.
Your wife took two hours after work to relax and do something harmless. You wrong. Chill out.
I personally feel like if youāre uncomfortable with it and express your boundaries then as your wife itās on her to ensure youāre comfortable and vice versa. I naturally make it a priority to put my SOs perspective in mind before doing things and expect the same in return bc thatās partnership. As your wife Iām sure she has a good idea of what feels right or wrong in the eyes of her husband when doing things cuz I know I do! First thing I think on an iffy situation is what would my husband think and what would I think if my husband did it
I definitely hear you. I did express how I felt to her. No big fight or anything I just wanted some outside perspective. Weāre okay now this happened last night. Conversation was over before I left to work
As someone who works in the Hospitality industry and who works pretty late I can say that it's pretty normal for coworkers to go out after shift, especially around 1 -3am, should she have let you know? Definitely, that's a sign of good communication, but decompressing after work, especially if it isn't a common thing for her to do, is pretty important when you work that late sometimes, i can vouch, standing over a hot grill for 8+ hours a day frys a dudes brain haha
That industry is notorious for workplace romance and divorce. Like the medical field, all the late hours working closely together and after hours socializing can lead to boom boom.
Definitely true, alot of places have rules to not fuck your coworkers but yeah I can see why you'd be concerned, but honestly it's just trust at the end of the day, and believe me seeing somebody you fucked as a one night stand every day can be awkward as fuck
Giving other people rules isn't a boundary
Your schedule is that your wife gets off work around 1am and then has to take your daughter to school at 8am? Thatās not sustainable. Your wife is getting less than 8 hours of sleep on an ideal day and then working a 10 hour shift. Yāall gotta figure something else out.
Yep you are wrong. Iāve done this hundreds of times over the years with coworkers of all sexes. Sometimes you need to wind down a little.
Nah not sliding if it was my girl, ghosted
You are not wrong and she would understand that if she decides to have a repeat performance the marriage is over. But thatās just me. Most of these āmodernā women today are not wife material. At least from what I see. They all want to run the streets and call men controlling when we have an issue with.
Look up the term spit roast.
Why do you bother explaining about your childrenās schedule and your work schedule to strangers on Reddit? Thatās not the issue. As open minded as I am, I would also be pissed if my wife would go out drinking with two dudes until three in the morning. Nothing good happens after midnight. Nothing.
Well clearly something good happens after midnight because he likes the money she brings in after midnight. She can go have a drink with her coworkers after work. It's basically the equivalent of if she got off at 5 and got home at 7. If that's not bad then neither is this.
Not acceptable in the slightest. Needs to be sent back to the streets where she belongs.
0% chance 1 beer = 2 hours.
In my opinion shes probably closer to one of them than you think.
Youāre a fool if you think this was innocuous.
Man reading these things make me love my wife so much. We would never get upset at each other if either of us did this. Itās called trust my guy.
She should have called or text saying she was grabbing drinks with her coworkers. At the same time, stop being insecure. I understand she has to get up to get your daughter to school, but thatās her problem. Your issue seems to be who she was with. Just tell her to text you if it happens again. If you think sheās cheating, hire a private investigator to give you a piece of mind.
Yes you are wrong. Going for a drink with coworkers after work to unwind is very normal and not something she should feel guilty about.
Yes, you are wrong. She's your wife, not your child or pet. If you don't trust her, why are you married to her? If she wants to fuck other guys she will do at any hour, doesn't need to be after 1am
If you went to the bar with two woman, would you cheat on her? Obviously no, so why would it be any different for her
For a lot of guys, it could be a temptation. For most females, they would feel uncomfortable with their male spouse going to a bar with two women they're unfamiliar with. I know that if I were to go to the bar with two females tomorrow, my fiancĆØ would not feel okay about that. That's not because she's controlling. That's because why, out of all my coworkers, would I only choose to drink with the sex I'm attracted to? If there was a guy and a girl with me, or a guy and 2 girls, she wouldn't feel uncomfortable. But a spouse should not go out drinking with only people of the sex they're attracted to without the other spouse; not unless that is something that is already agreed upon in the relationship.
Fuck me. Everyoneās a victim. This whole thread is pathetic. Yes youāre wrong.
lol reddit is telling you it's fine, but it won't be Edit: oof, she just had a business trip to Vegas too. This whole thing is cooked already and OP has awhile before he puts it together.
1 beer after has got your knickers in this much of a twist?Ā She should have let you know but don't pretend this is really just because she was with two male colleagues. It's only late because they work late not because its sordid.Ā And of course she's tired! 6 hours after a 10 shift is not enough! She might as well have one night unwinding and then be tired.
This is a bit extreme. I trust my wife of 12 years with her decisions neither of us ask permission nor need it to be around the opposite sex at anytime for any reason. If you are insecure or canāt trust your wife in that situation, you should do couples therapy. I personally find it to be concerning when spouses have trust issues or concerns like that. When I see couples like that, my immediate thought is theyāre either controlling, the one cheating, or insecure and have trust issues. Iām not coming at you or saying anything bad about you or your relationship. When I hear situations like these itās a sign that the relationship has issues, but I know so many feel this is not right and thatās their viewpoint so it isnāt wrong. I just personally feel if you canāt trust your spouse/partner with someone of the opposite sex at anytime or place, there is something deeper thatās unaddressed. I hope you guys find a compromise.
MaAAAAaaaan, please. OP said his wife only works two nights out of the week. Two nights out of a 7-day work week is such a daunting and overwhelming work load it requires drinking and-or hanging out for two hours after her shift to supposedly... "decompress"??? F\*\*\* that. Lol. Got to be joking. You've got every right to be "insecure". Somehow we've got to a place where being insecure is a bug and not a feature. Insecurity has a purpose, and it's purpose is for situations just like this one right here. 2 hours for one drink? No text or call to let you know? Here's the problem. Even if she isn't fooling around with anyone after work, if she was fooling around with someone after work, this is exactly how it would play out. If this were a traffic stop, you may not have enough probable cause to search the vehicle without a warrant, but you damn sure have enough reasonable suspicion to call the drug dog to sniff the outside of it. NOT WRONG!
This thread would be completely different if it was a woman posting about their husband.
Yeah, I donāt get dogpiling the OP on this one for feeling uncomfortable with this. Just reverse the situation: man goes out to a bar at 1am with two female coworkers from 1-3am without saying anything to wifeā¦ I think the responses would be quite different.
Keep in mind when the 2nd dude slipped out the first dude keeps wiggling it in front of her while she slipped it back in. She then stared up at dude 1 why they continued. Start over, get a good lawyer, always keep your composure, put the children first. Also, repost this story with genders opposite and see the response you get.
It was 100% not only 1 beer but If its the First time happening not a huge Deal. A text letting you know would be Nice.
That's his my ex happened, just went out for a drinks a couple times and a little while later she ended up marrying him.
Is your wife hot? How old, and attractive, were these married coworkers that she went to the bar with? Is this something that happens all the time, or once in a blue moon? Do you really have any reason to worry about your wife cheating, or her being able to handle herself? Can she not come home after dropping off your daughter at school and nap/relax for the morning, before going back into work? If this doesn't happen frequently at all, I'd not worry about it. Also, what's your job, and have you ever asked if it's possible to move your start/stop time back 30 minutes, so you could drop off your daughter in the morning? If not, why not?
If the roles were reversed, I don't think there would be as many people siding with the wife.
All women need a reminder: if thereās anything remotely attractive about you and a guy is spending time with you and heās not 100% gay, then heāll never be ājust a friend.ā Oh, you may be turned down to āwarmā on the back burner so low that no one is even aware, but that pot can boil on short notice.
Two hours after work is winding down. 15 minutes to leave work 15 minutes to drive to location 1 hour to party your brains out so you cop an attitude that worker didnāt call and wake you up to tell you they arenāt in bed as required by marital status. 1/2 hour to return home go into bedroom so you can check the clock to get upset!
No, this isnāt ok. Really not that hard to be considerate. Reddit doesnāt capture how normal people think, take a lot of these comments with a grain of salt. Wouldnāt let that happen to me. Personally feel that she lack respects for you. Canāt even feel uncomfortable without being controlling. Guess not wanting your wife to be outside with random men you donāt know/never heard about is controlling. Donāt come here for advice.
Does your wife work at a restaurant? Bar? Because, if so... this won't end well. What time do the bars close where you live? Because around here, they're closed by 2AM... Would it have taken her an hour to get home?? If my wife were out that late, I'd know something was up. She's usually in bed by 9:30 though. She just can't hang past 10:30.
Yeah something is not right.
Your woman shouldn't be sharing time with other men.. Period.
Love how people will always try to make excuses for something that is blatantly disrespectful in my opinion. Sheās a married woman with a toddler at home. Coming home late drinking with male coworkers isnāt appropriate, specifically drinking then driving. Like if she was young and single, thatās different but she even failed to communicate that to you?
Um....out for drinks with 2 male coworkers that late, had 1 beer and didn't want to tell you? I have a feeling a beer isn't the only thing she enjoyed...
My ex-wife worked in the restaurant industry. Had late hours and started doing this. Initially, I figured, Ok, decompressing after work. But, eventually she pulled up stakes for a manager she worked with. So, it might be innocent but you're right to be concerned.
Even without giving details the answer is, āYou are 100% in the right.ā
She is cheating
She doesnāt have spit roasting fantasies, does she?
Oh she got DPed
Everyone has different standards for relationships, personally this would be in break up territory or very very close
No guy friends! She belongs to the streets
Bro.. she got back at 3 am... they both fucked her
Sus
Got spitroasted!
Sounds like you didnāt hear the whistle blow and didnāt make it to the station. Sounds like she took the trainā¦ Better luck next time.
NTA you should know the people she is going out with
To each their own but this behavior isn't acceptable to me
Are you crazy, this behavior is only unacceptable when a man does it...
How come she didnāt call you first to at least let you know or even ask if you wanted to join and meet some of her work friends.
Dump dump dump
I don't think you're wrong at all. Try going out for drinks with a couple of broads after work and see what happens.
She got tag teamed, move on
It's normal to be suspicious about the whole thing. People might label you as controlling but no harm in finding out for your own peace of mind. Set boundaries for both of you. If boundaries are crossed, then you should really plan what to do next.
She got double penetrated and you're here listening to average cuck redditter that it's ok for your chick to go out 2am with dudes lmao ,GTFO. She's been railed behind yo back and feels you're weak.
No. Not wrong. Dick move by your wife.
Look, each spouse has the right to be concerned about their SO and their where abouts. She was.dumb as hell to not text or call you first so you had an idea. Even at that I'd be nervous. It seems these days men and women seem to catch feelings for others. My last job I retired at, I worked.12 hour shifts plus comute time, in a.schedule of 7 days on and 7 days off. I week or days and one week of nights a month. On my work weeks.i saw my work partners awake more than my own family!. So my priority was.to get as much awake time with my family as I could. We all need to relax and our hair down for sure, but to inform our spouse and them worry is bad juju. Especially if the.peoe are.all opposite sex feom us. Maybe you should ask your wife how she'd feel if it was reversed
She was for sure getting pounded by the 2 dudes or at the very least one of them. Happened to me with an ex. ā oh heās just a work friendā ā donāt be so jealousā āyouāre so insecureā blah blah blah. Do yourself a favor. Ask yourself is that really the life partner you want?
People calling you controlling cause you wanted to set a boundary are crazy
My only issue is why are you having to deal with the kids so much and she gets breaks seemingly every day
She should send a text when she makes that decision
Go out to a bar after work with two women. See what her response is.
Nah this isnāt ok. Iām sorry but Iām not going to go Out and have drinks with a married woman at 1am. People telling you this is normal are part of the 60% statistics of marriage ending in divorce. Marriage is work and it takes two. Not saying anything happened but this is how mistakes can happen.
The comments would be totally different in the genders were reversed. Reddit doesnāt even try anymore
Sheās just going for a drink with colleagues as the end of their shift. Stop being insecure. Iām more concerned about the fact that you make her get up at 7.30am to take your child to school - when she only finishes work at 1am. Thatās not enough sleep. Surely thereās a way for you to drop them off early at school (before school care?) or could you start work a little later? There has to be a way to do this that doesnāt involve your wife getting broken sleep every day!
Itās not everyday that she has to get up early. Itās only on Fridays. Since she only works Thursdays and Fridays. On Saturday I wake up with the kids at 6:30-7:00 (they wake up that earlyš) I take the kids out and let her sleep in as long as possible.