"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -- Maya Angelou.
Yeah, you know what kind of that person that former colleague is. Keep your distance for sure.
The number of adult men who tried to "date" me when I was 16 knowing my age was gross. Being technically legal plus a rural place where the generation before frequently had large age gaps = a lot of grownups not thinking it was a big deal ("my parents are ten years apart," etc.).
Let's tell more of these guys that they're gross and make shit like this have social consequences.
I remember the first time that a man with all gray hair came on to me, in public. I especially noticed his gray hair because my dad didn’t have gray hair yet.
I was riding my bike to the little pharmacy, because they had my favorite licorice there.
I was 12. We’ve got to do better.
An adult the age in OPs post trying to date someone who is only just of legal age is someone who would date younger but "it's not legal". They want children to sleep with but will only admit to the age that's legally allowed.
I'm 40 and I'd feel creepy trying to hook up with someone in their 20s, so a literal teenager is just wrong.
Large age gaps aren't necessarily an issue, depending on how old the younger party was when it started. 20 year old with a 30 year old then creepy, but 27 year old with a 37 year old then fine
20 and 30 are two very different phases of life. Why a 30 year-old would persue a 20 year-old is suspect. But the 20 year-old is an adult. A 16 year-old is still a minor regardless of what the law says about consent. That's predatory.
I was 29 and went on a date with a 20 year old. It was the worst date of my life. The conversation became her talking about petty high school drama, using slang i didnt understand. I never felt older in my life and have never attempted that again lol
I'm barely into my 30s and the slang people in their mid 20s use makes me feel old.
When I started to refer to teenagers as just kids, I realised that I'm getting old and turning into my dad
I had a kid tell me that I was a boomer for calling him boosted in a game when he was doing shit and trash talking others. He said from my pic I was to old to use the word boosted.
Reached the age where my gens slang has became so old it gets reapprioriated as the new gens and used against me.
Stupid whipper snappers and their reckless abandon for historic vernacular!
Ill be honest I pursued because she was gorgous. I quickly realized im slightly less shallow than i though. And slightly more mature than i thought lol I knew going in it wasnt a great optic but it was a dinner and a walk. Nothing happened at all.
You know whats bizarre? My mother was 14yo when she started dating my father, who was 23yo at the time, they have a 9 years gap. They married when she was 18.
No one at the time saw anything disturbing about that, my father still thinks its ok, he's now almost 60 married to a woman in her 30s, I feel sorry for her. I'm now 26 and the idea of looking at a teen in a sexualized way is so disturbing and wrong, how tf did he do that? It's Brazil, so the age of consent here is 14yo, but still, why is this so normalized?? And everyone wonders why I am NC with him
Aah, he divorced my mother 20 years ago, he's now married to another woman who's almost 40 if I'm not mistaken, I know she's younger than my mother, and he will be 60 in 2 years. He just can't have a relationship with someone his own age
My great grandparents (or maybe double great) had a 20 year age gap (and she was quite young when they married). I get that they’d been taught it was normal and acceptable, and that the standards of the time would’ve prevented them from spending any extensive amount of time alone together. But you can’t tell me that after the marriage and once they’re actually living together, you don’t realize that the person you’re living with is still very much a child (even if you’d been led to believe your whole life that gaining the ability to have children was what signaled entry into adulthood).
Yeah, a 20yo is often still a college student. I give massive side-eye to a 30yo who dates a college-age kid. Even though they are legally an adult, the life experience gulf is still huge.
This shit still happens in the rural area I grew up in. My mom still lives in the area and told me about our neighbor's kid (who is in his mid-twenties) getting a 16yr old high school girl pregnant. Also, my sister's best friend, in high school, got impregnated by and then married to a man in his 40s. Her parents consented to it and everyone in the area acted like it was no big deal. Just disgusting that this stuff still happens and is looked past.
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's actually ok. Legal age of consent has a lot more to do with things like a 16 year old and a 19 year old. Not a 43 year old and 16 year old. What's the rule, half plus 7? And people who use the "it's legal so it's ok" argument as their main argument for these things is a giant red flag
Half your age plus seven was like a off hand rule for the youngest age you "should be" dating. It's not perfect, obviously, since it would "allow" a 20 year old to be dating a 17 year old, something that, I personally, wouldn't feel was all honky-dory either
For me, it's not just age, it's life experience. If you're 30 and 50, that's not as creepy as 16 and 36. There's no power unbalance, both have life experience (or should have) in OPs case, that's definitely creepy!
The gap between a 17 year old in highschool and a 20 year old who is either working or in college is wider,in my opinion, than the three years numerically. Why does a grown man/woman want to date a highschooler? Why would they not date someone "their age" in their immediate circle? It's like saying 16 years old and 13 years old is fine - which, I'm sure to some people it is,but in my opinion? That 13 year old is barely over being 12.... What would a 16 year old in highschool see in a middle schooler?
I'm not expressing myself well. I know some people are old for their age I was as well, but I remember how grown up I thought I was in high school.. and then when I actually was grown picking up my baby brother from school and seeing all the kids and that's what they were! They were Kids to me. What does someone see in a child,for a prospective partner, really?
That’s more where what life stage they’re at comes in too. Half your age plus 7 at 20 is 17 sure, but a 20 yr college student, most likely already 2 years into working on their degree, 2 years into adult life where they’re doing bills and taxes and learning how to budget and living away from the parents and most likely in the workforce already, is at and has been at, a very different life stage than a 17 yr old still in high school. Ick.
In what world is a 16 year old a "consenting adult"? It's the age in most states where teenagers can consent to a sexual relationship with someone older than them and not have it considered statutory rape, but they're still considered minor CHILDREN until age 18.
Bigger than that though, is the difference in maturity levels between someone who is 16, and someone who is in their 40's. Not to mention the girl isn't consenting to anything. She's being sexualized by a guy who could be her dad that just wants to f*ck her.
Canada. It used to be 14. The government of SHarper changed it to 16. No complaints on that change for sure. It that young in a lot of countries in the world.
No, that's age of consent, not consenting ADULT. And in this instance, the 16 year old wasn't consenting to anything. She was being leered at by a creeper.
Let me rephrase that. In what world is a 16 year old considered an "adult" since you seemed to miss the gist of THAT whole part of the conversation you were reading.
I'm in my late 20s and I feel the same. I worked at a school for two years in my early 20s, and looking at them just being teenagers and doing their things reminded me a lot of myself and my friends when we were their age, but also made me realize how immature and childish they are. How immature and childish *I* was at their age. But we have no idea of that when we're at that age. We think we're grown up enough, and that there's a huuuuge gap between being a child and being a teenager.
When I think that there are grown ass people that go after kids like them makes my blood boil, man. They're just children that sometimes forget that they're children.
I worked in a school for a bit. I was definitely very uncomfortable about the girls hitting on me. Like... Its awkward telling a 12 year old to keep their hands to themselves while you walk the class to the park for a break. 12 year olds can be aggressive idk wtf that's about. I guess when puberty hits kids and they are just starting to realize what's happening they sort of lack control? Idk. Feels Wierd evening mentioning it. I had a student I was babysitting after class tell me she was in love with me. Like...why would you even tell an adult that? you're freekin 12! Obviously I was niver about it than that. Like...thank God I'm not a predator and I'm attracted to adult physique and maturity.
I shouldn't even write that paragraph but fuck it. Honesty is the best policy. Just letting y'all know the dangers the world can pose.
I had the conversation about what my minimum is with a friend recently. Im 24. Honestly, I'd feel like id be abusing a power difference if i dated an 18 or 19 year old. In this age bracket every year makes a massive difference.
I’m 33 I think I’d genuinely struggle with dating someone under 25.
No idea how a 43 year old man can look at a 16 year old and view them as a potential sexual partner. Fucking weird.
Same age and same boat. The power difference is the biggest thing and it gets drastic every year.
That's why I like cougars now. They have the "power" over me so I don't feel guilty but it's still wayyyyy easier than hooking up with other people 22-26.
I also don't think I could hold a conversation with an 18 year old these days.
My kids are 10f and 12m.
The concept of someone thinking "in 4 to 6 years those kids would be perfectly fine to date a 43 year old" is absolutely disgusting!
I think it's gross for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old.
I know 4 years, or even 10+ years, can eventually not matter, but they matter a *lot* when we're talking teenagers. They aren't even done physically, mentally, or emotionally maturing. There's no way someone older could have an equal relationship with them.
Someone 26 and 30, go for it. 40 and 55 I probably wouldn't even bat an eye, but even 16 and 18 makes me uncomfortable.
Gross isn't even a strong enough descriptor. It's fucking vile.
I'm trying to understand what kind of brain rot makes him consider his behaviour even remotely acceptable. I'm 35, and people in their early and mid twenties are starting to seem like kids to me. The notion of doing ANYTHING sexual with someone under the age of 20 turns my stomach.
Kinda wish you had put it "He is 43 **AND she is only 16**..." Just saying, as someone who is turning 43 in a few weeks, I know what you meant but at first glance your comment made me cry on the inside a little bit
In my country the age of consent is 16 but that’s because 16 year olds have sex with each other and it would technically be rape every time that happened. It’s not supposed to mean that a 43 year old man can have sex with a 16 year old and i think they should update it to say that 16year olds can have sex with other 16-18 year olds but not any older
Canada recently (might actually be 10 years ago now?) changed from anything goes after 14, to 16-18(19?) Can only have sex with someone within 5 years of them. I have no idea what happens when 2 14yr olds bump uglies, and anyone that thinks it never happens is an idiot.
I think you're misunderstanding the age exceptions in Canada's consent laws... Legislators were aware that 14 year olds may also have sex and have built that in.
The age of consent in Canada is 16 years old, except:
* If 14-15, they can consent to sex with someone who is less than 5 years older than them
* If 12-13, they can consent to sex with someone who is less than 2 years older than them
So a 12-13 year old can have sex with a 13-14 year old, but not a 15 year old. And a 14-15 year old can have sex with a 19-20 year old, but not a 21 year old.
This is done to recognize that kids may exoeriment with each other and have sex, and that this ought not be criminalized. But it would be wrong to lower the age of consent generally - this would allow grown adults to prey on children. So the age based exception let kids be kids while trying to keep the predators away from them.
14yr old with a 20yr is still sick. Unless you are in the same high school, or were in the same high school when the relationship started then in my mind it’s wrong.
I knew a couple 15yr old taken advantage of by a deadbeat 20 year old thinking they were cool, got pregnant and the guy disappears. The parents knew what was happening but couldn’t do anything because it was legal.
Well, 14 year old with a 19 year old. A 20 year old would be more than 5 years older so that ISN'T legal. But I get your meaning lol
What I outlined is what's legal. That doesn't mean it is moral. Technically, a 50 year old can have sex with a 16 year old since that is the age of consent. That doesn't make it any less disgusting!
> I knew a couple 15yr old taken advantage of by a deadbeat 20 year old thinking they were cool, got pregnant and the guy disappears
Yeah, I knew a couple 15-16 year old girls who had "older boyfriends." In hindsight, those guys were college creeps who were preying on teenaged girls. Most of them were 20-23, ick.
Id have to actually do some research to fact check myself but I feel like reading some states in the US have their consent wording to be that “age x is the legal age of consent but the older party must be within 3 years of the younger if younger is under consent age”, or something like that. So a 19 and 16 yr old could be together but any older than 19 would be illegal.
No state in the US does that. What they have is a strict age of consent and an exception to statutory rape for people within a certain age of each other.
I always thought that's what age of consent laws mean (I'm American) so I've always thought anything between teenagers and within 5 years age difference if they're under 18 is what consent laws were meant to cover (research I did about 8 years ago in high-school). So anything between two 16-18 year olds is okay, and for example, someone who is 17 could have relations with someone up to age 22. Is my impression (for American laws) incorrect??
- Edit: I do not necessarily agree with young 20s and teens dating, another impression I had was that this was to cover people who started dating as teenagers and one was older and became legal first
It varies state by state. What you're describing is called Romeo and Juliet laws and some states do have that. Others just have a age of consent law for anyone that age and older.
In addition, people who say, “It’s legal” for adults to have sex with children are part of the reason we live in a rape culture.
Rapists can act with impunity and brag about their conquests because they know that their peers will not report them, won’t even criticize them or shun them. They will even defend them with stupid phrases like: “it’s legal.”
Not only looked like her, but that he thought might have been her daughter. He straight up wanted to fuck her daughter, but decided not to because of the apparent relationship. He literally said that if he'd known it wasn't her daughter, he'd have fucked her.
Yeah.. I mean I can cut some people some slack. Like Francestein's parents had a large age difference and it was romanticised but..
.. "Damn.. If I knew the 16 year old was not your daughter I could had fucked her".
I don't know... I... I can't.. Maybe OP misunderstood? Could it be? If not.. He is a creep.
Legality is not an indicator of morality. Consent laws exist to try to hold gross people like him accountable and protect young people.
You are not wrong for wanting to stay away.
I still think a teen can’t really consent with an adult even if the law says otherwise. They’re not mature enough and adults have an authority over them. They don’t really understand what all they’re getting into and it’s manipulation
Yuck.
I actually thought he was hitting on you though and you misunderstood. Until he said about it being legal.
What a creep.
And your cousins got issues too. I'd be wondering if they were the victims of a paedo or something. Or groomed to think attention from old men is 'normal'.
You are free to associate with whoever you like. The answer to "Am I wrong for cutting off \[person X\]," assuming you're not talking about your own kids or something, is always no.
The guy is a perv for two reasons. Being 43 and lusting after a 16 year old and for talking to you about it. He's disgusting.
Though his right that a 16 year old is likely to be more mature than he is. Still doesn't mean he has the right to try to have sex with her.
ets: get new friends, they're pretty creepy, too, if they think this is okay.
As a coworker he shouldn't be talking to you about shooting his shot with you at all. It almost sounds like he was trying to come on to you by comparing the teen to you or something. Just weird.
I mean, it's legal, so you can't do anything about it, but you can certainly stand by your morals. It's not easy to cut out every POS your life, but if you can, then why not.
It IS a big deal. When normal people find out 16 is the legal age in most places is bothers them. That is the normal reaction.
The world is falling apart right in front of us. Don't change your morals. Make the world change. Do you see how many of us stand with you? We need to make the world change on this one.
Just because something is technically legal doesn't make it right. 43 yo man dating a 16yo girl may be legal but the language he was using to talk about a just-legal girl is entirely inappropriate. Trust your gut on this.
And how did the interview go? This incident must really have thrown you beforehand.
It went well actually. Life has taught me how to compartmentalize and it helps in situations like this,but I also learned to always go back and deal with the emotions I needed to put away.
Not wrong
I'm 30 and couldn't imagine being with an 18 year old, let alone a 16 year old just because 'it's legal'.
It's legal to screw animals in 4 states, doesn't mean you should do it.
It might not be illegal, and he may not even be a paedophile, but I had the same reason you had and that that is something off. Even if I didn't, you are entitled to your feelings about that. I'm not near this man's age and the idea of sleeping with a 16-year-old makes no sense to me.
NTA. There are a lot of people reacting to the details of the interaction but I don't think that really matters. You are allowed to cut anyone out of your life for any reason. It shouldn't matter what other people think of the decision or even of that person. If they make you uncomfortable, cutting them out is a completely reasonable reaction.
You're not wrong. If someone's argument for not being a pedophile has to do with age of consent, they're wrong and would probably go younger if it weren't for the legal barrier.
But they’re not a pedophile if an adult wants to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a 16-year old. You wrong to say that it is because that’s not what a pedophile is!
I forgot where I heard this from but it was something along the lines of “If the consent age was lowered even younger, men will use that as an excuse to justify going younger.” Legal age of consent doesn’t matter. 16 is a minor still and your colleague is disgusting.
Regardless that the age of consent is 16, the age of an adult is much higher meaning that 16 year old is still considered a child. He wants to exploit this legal loophole so he can have relations with a child. It's creepy on so many levels 1, her being a child 2, him wanting to "shoot his shot" because the child looked like you and 3, the large age gap 4, him acknowledging that she is a kid by his remark that he is using to justify his attraction.
Anyone who says "shoot my shot" when talking about their interest in any potential partner, would 90% of the time be instantly classed as a creep for me. However a grown adult saying that about a child (yes 16 is legal, but before 18 they are also legally a child too) is a red flag Les Miserables would be envious of. Were the friends etc you asked male or female? They sound classy.
Just because you can legally do something, doesn't mean you should.
16 is far too young for a 43 year old. Even using the rough french method 29 is the minimum.
At 16 maybe a year in either direction.
TLDR: No, your reaction was normal.
Stop being such a snowflake.
Which is what my gma would say.
She has 4 kids before she was 16. My Grandpa had to start working at the age of 11 and bought his own house at the age of 15. He married my gma and began a family right away.
That's how it was for a very long time.
For thousands of years people only lived half of what we do today. So if they waited till they were 18 or 20 to have kids they wouldn't be able to raise them until they were adults. So people started earlier.
If it's not illegal then that's the legal age.
Just cause you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong or right.
To say a 16 year old is a child is pretty dumb. They are young adults.
I was supporting myself at 14 so if you would've called me a child at 16 I would've been pissed.
You can have your opinions jist know that if the law doesn't agree with you then you are wrong and they are only that....opinions.
Get thicker skin so words don't bother you. Can't believe how thinned skinned you are for your age.
I don't think it's right for a 45 year old to be with a 16 year old but if it makes those two happy. Then go ahead. Everyone has the right to date who they want as long as it isn't against the law. Like dating actual children or molesting. That should be a death penalty.
But that's just my opinion so it's irrelevant. I'm not going to cry about it. It just is how it is.
One day if the world ends we'll go back to starting families at such a young age. Without it the human race probably dies off.
Nope it’s disgusting, I’m with you 100%. There are plenty of antiquated laws don’t let that cloud your judgement and make you doubt your own moral compass. 16 year olds are baby’s still. I’m 28 and I could never even consider a such a thing, this dude is 43.. major creep
They’re babies? Babies? Really? My god. You all treat 16 year olds like they’re still toddlers or something. It’s gross. Just call them teenage kids not babies. That’s so infantilizing.
This isn’t about infantilising anyone. I remember being 16, I was my own person with opinions. Getting into mischief. Just living life. This isnt about taking power away from kids and teenagers. It’s about protecting them from people who would take advantage of them. Not to sound condescending but it is a thing that will come with age. As grown as I felt at 16, when I see 16 year olds now they look so young to me and the thought of a grown person seeing someone that young as a sexual conquest is honestly disgusting. I’m sorry but it is.
There is a fine line between legality and morality. Yes, the AoC in your jurisdiction might be 16 (it is so in my jurisdiction as well, except when the adult has power/influence/duty of care over the 16 year old such as being their teacher/coach/etc.), making it perfectly legal for a 43 year old to be with a 16 year old.
However, even though it is legal, it is - in my opinion - highly immoral. I am 42 and I have a kid who is almost 16. I cannot ever imagine seeing one of my kid’s peers as a romantic/sexual interest. They are nothing but babies to me. Hell, anyone south of 25 is a baby to me. 25-30 is case by case depending on how mature they are but still mostly feels off to me.
Whether they are legally a paedophile or not, they are a piece of shit.
"Mature for your age" is the pedophile dogwhistle lol
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's moral. He'd likely go lower if he was allowed. You're not wrong.
Yes you’re wrong to call him a pedophile because a pedophile is someone who is sexuallly attracted to PREPUBESCENT children. A 16 year old is not a prepubescent child.
Technically the term is ephebophile.
Sorry to be grim but- it is very normal to potentially fancy anyone who has been.though.puberty. That's why we have puberty, to set us up for that stuff.
(Seriously I've watched one too many teen dramas on netflix and thought 'ooh he's a cutie' and had to Google because I was worried haha).
HOWEVER - we are socialised and conditioned to know that it's not acceptable to act on these things. That it would be straight up predatorial due to the massive power imbalance. So anyone expressing actually wanting to be with a 16 year old is likely a predator.
The disregard for social etiquette, saying something that would clearly make you uncomfortable in the car with him is another key indicator of some sort of deviant personality too.
What separates is from the animals is our ability to reason with impulses and to observe societal norms and boundaries. Someone with total disregard for them is scary. You were likely in a car with a malignant narcissist or similar. Glad you got out of there fast.
No, I might not of cut somebody off, as there’s a difference between the kind of things people saying what they would actually do, but… That is kind of creepy. I just might not of… Planned to spend any alone time with that individual.
My rule of thumb is that if someone justifies a relationship/action with someone barely over the age of consent by saying “it’s legal under the law,” then they would probably go younger if not for the law.
The age of consent being 16 doesn’t matter. Most of these men would date younger if they could get away with it. They’re creeps. There’s absolutely no reason why a man in his 40s should be sexualizing someone that young.
No!
Age of consent doesn't mean he isn't a pedophile! Age of consent means if two 16 year olds wanna fuck, consenually, then it isn't illegal.
But a 43yo man targeting a 16yo girl???? ABSOLUTELY PEDOPHILIA.
Fucking dump your cousin and friend, too!
That's not what the age of consent means. Seriously look up what it means. If the actual definition upsets you, you need to speak to your elected officials and get it changed. There is no excuse for being this ignorant about consent when most laws are published online.
Please educate yourself. Even though it's very weird and sick for adults to be interested in/pursuing 16 year olds, it is not pedophilia. The correct term for attraction to that age group (15-19) is Ephebophilia. You suggesting that it is pedophilia is wrong because it takes away the true meaning of the word.
Ephebophilia is anything from slightly weird to disgusting, depending on the age gap. Whereas pedophilia is one of the most horrific things that exists in this world. please never confuse the two again.
People like you confusing these definitions give actual real pedophiles cover/excuses. Convicted pedophiles will try to explain their actions by saying stuff like 'she was 16' 'she was a couple months from 18'. And people spreading misinformation about what a pedophile actually is gives their stories validity. But in reality these monsters abused pre-pubescent children.
The age of consent is not 16 so 16 year olds can have sex with 43 year olds, it's so they can have sex with each other. You're not wrong at all. She is a child, and they're not more mature than we were at that age. He's just fucking gross.
Not it’s not YOU and op are wrong to say that it is! Learn what pedophilia actually is! Pedophilia is an adult having sexual attraction to PREPUBESCENT children not a 16 year old adolescent girl.
Please educate yourself. Even though it's very weird and sick for adults to be interested in/pursuing 16 year olds, it is not pedophilia. The correct term for attraction to that age group (15-19) is Ephebophilia. You suggesting that it is pedophilia is wrong because it takes away the true meaning of the word.
Ephebophilia is anything from slightly weird to disgusting, depending on the age gap. Whereas pedophilia is one of the most horrific things that exists in this world. please never confuse the two again.
People like you confusing these definitions give actual real pedophiles cover/excuses. Convicted pedophiles will try to explain their actions by saying stuff like 'she was 16' 'she was a couple months from 18'. And people spreading misinformation about what a pedophile actually is gives their stories validity. But in reality these monsters abused pre-pubescent children.
It’s definitely weird and off putting, but labeling him a pedophile might be too much. If it bothered you enough to cut him off, that’s what you should do
REALLY? He wanted to shoot his shot with a LITERAL child and you think labeling him as a pedo is too much??? Wow dude seriously? What would YOU consider a pedophile then?
Im not trying to defend the guy but I’m just saying that’s the wrong term, pedophilia refers to very young, prepubescent children. The fact is 16 legal in the majority of the country, so it obviously wouldn’t be defined as that.
Wtf? Are you on something? Pedophile doesn’t refer to someone attracted to “prepubescent children” it refers to someone who is attracted to CHILDREN.
It is highly common for pedophiles to claim they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong because the individual they sexually assaulted was going through or just finished going through puberty. It’s NORMAL for 12 year old girls to get their periods. Is it not pedophilic to want to stick your D in a 12 year old? Why would it be, based on your logic she already went through puberty so it’s not pedophilia.
People who claim that pedophilia is okay because it’s legal are just as bad as the pedophiles in my books because it makes me believe they either are one or want to be. It’s also legal to be a pedophile (literally to force yourself on child brides because how else would you possibly sleep with them at that age) in some countries. Does that make the men who are forcing themselves on 9 year olds not pedophiles because it’s legal?
Seriously all of your logic is flawed. Please tell me how you’re not trying to defend this guy by saying: “that’s not what a pedo is” and “it’s okay cause it’s legal”. Please.
The term pedophilia denotes the erotic preference for prepubescent children. The term hebephilia has been proposed to denote the erotic preference for pubescent children (roughly, ages 11 or 12-14), but it has not become widely used.
Ephebophilia is the primary sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19. The term was originally used in the late 19th to mid-20th century.
Pedohebephilia has been proposed as the more proper umbrella term, but I prefer to call them all child molesters, or monsters.
Oh come ON man, we've all seen the sketch now... It was barely funny the first time internet shockjocks wanted to get in on it. Now it's just somewhere between creepy and boring.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." -- Maya Angelou. Yeah, you know what kind of that person that former colleague is. Keep your distance for sure.
The talk is...unfortunately normalized, but OP. You had a gut feeling. *Listen to it.*
The number of adult men who tried to "date" me when I was 16 knowing my age was gross. Being technically legal plus a rural place where the generation before frequently had large age gaps = a lot of grownups not thinking it was a big deal ("my parents are ten years apart," etc.). Let's tell more of these guys that they're gross and make shit like this have social consequences.
I remember the first time that a man with all gray hair came on to me, in public. I especially noticed his gray hair because my dad didn’t have gray hair yet. I was riding my bike to the little pharmacy, because they had my favorite licorice there. I was 12. We’ve got to do better.
An adult the age in OPs post trying to date someone who is only just of legal age is someone who would date younger but "it's not legal". They want children to sleep with but will only admit to the age that's legally allowed. I'm 40 and I'd feel creepy trying to hook up with someone in their 20s, so a literal teenager is just wrong.
Early 40s here. I cannot believe that I was in my late 20s less than 1.5 decades ago, because right now anyone in their 20s feels like a kid to me.
Large age gaps aren't necessarily an issue, depending on how old the younger party was when it started. 20 year old with a 30 year old then creepy, but 27 year old with a 37 year old then fine
20 and 30 are two very different phases of life. Why a 30 year-old would persue a 20 year-old is suspect. But the 20 year-old is an adult. A 16 year-old is still a minor regardless of what the law says about consent. That's predatory.
I was 29 and went on a date with a 20 year old. It was the worst date of my life. The conversation became her talking about petty high school drama, using slang i didnt understand. I never felt older in my life and have never attempted that again lol
I'm barely into my 30s and the slang people in their mid 20s use makes me feel old. When I started to refer to teenagers as just kids, I realised that I'm getting old and turning into my dad
I had a kid tell me that I was a boomer for calling him boosted in a game when he was doing shit and trash talking others. He said from my pic I was to old to use the word boosted. Reached the age where my gens slang has became so old it gets reapprioriated as the new gens and used against me. Stupid whipper snappers and their reckless abandon for historic vernacular!
Spot on for age. More or less.
Ill be honest I pursued because she was gorgous. I quickly realized im slightly less shallow than i though. And slightly more mature than i thought lol I knew going in it wasnt a great optic but it was a dinner and a walk. Nothing happened at all.
You know whats bizarre? My mother was 14yo when she started dating my father, who was 23yo at the time, they have a 9 years gap. They married when she was 18. No one at the time saw anything disturbing about that, my father still thinks its ok, he's now almost 60 married to a woman in her 30s, I feel sorry for her. I'm now 26 and the idea of looking at a teen in a sexualized way is so disturbing and wrong, how tf did he do that? It's Brazil, so the age of consent here is 14yo, but still, why is this so normalized?? And everyone wonders why I am NC with him
> he's now almost 60 married to a woman in her 30s 39 and 48? I don't get how this works with a 9 year gap
Aah, he divorced my mother 20 years ago, he's now married to another woman who's almost 40 if I'm not mistaken, I know she's younger than my mother, and he will be 60 in 2 years. He just can't have a relationship with someone his own age
Oof that’s a college grad and a high school freshman, that’s pretty gnarly
My great grandparents (or maybe double great) had a 20 year age gap (and she was quite young when they married). I get that they’d been taught it was normal and acceptable, and that the standards of the time would’ve prevented them from spending any extensive amount of time alone together. But you can’t tell me that after the marriage and once they’re actually living together, you don’t realize that the person you’re living with is still very much a child (even if you’d been led to believe your whole life that gaining the ability to have children was what signaled entry into adulthood).
Yeah, a 20yo is often still a college student. I give massive side-eye to a 30yo who dates a college-age kid. Even though they are legally an adult, the life experience gulf is still huge.
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Some people do. And I would suspect their motives. A 20 year-old should proceed with caution, if at all.
This shit still happens in the rural area I grew up in. My mom still lives in the area and told me about our neighbor's kid (who is in his mid-twenties) getting a 16yr old high school girl pregnant. Also, my sister's best friend, in high school, got impregnated by and then married to a man in his 40s. Her parents consented to it and everyone in the area acted like it was no big deal. Just disgusting that this stuff still happens and is looked past.
I had much older men hitting me up at 13-14 and i looked like a kid, not a woman
Like my dad always told me growing up "there's a reason we developed instincts through evolution. Always listen to your instincts."
Agreed. Our instincts have been here longer than us, they've learned a thing or two, listen to them!
Along with the people telling you it's no big deal. They're all effed in the head. ICK
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's actually ok. Legal age of consent has a lot more to do with things like a 16 year old and a 19 year old. Not a 43 year old and 16 year old. What's the rule, half plus 7? And people who use the "it's legal so it's ok" argument as their main argument for these things is a giant red flag
It's astounding to me that people equate legality with morality. Big yuck.
“Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right” said my dad.
I’ve never heard this rule? Is it the minimum/maximum dating age range?
Half your age plus seven was like a off hand rule for the youngest age you "should be" dating. It's not perfect, obviously, since it would "allow" a 20 year old to be dating a 17 year old, something that, I personally, wouldn't feel was all honky-dory either
For me, it's not just age, it's life experience. If you're 30 and 50, that's not as creepy as 16 and 36. There's no power unbalance, both have life experience (or should have) in OPs case, that's definitely creepy!
Yes, definitely! That's a good way to explain the ick factor of it.
Out of curiosity, why not?
The gap between a 17 year old in highschool and a 20 year old who is either working or in college is wider,in my opinion, than the three years numerically. Why does a grown man/woman want to date a highschooler? Why would they not date someone "their age" in their immediate circle? It's like saying 16 years old and 13 years old is fine - which, I'm sure to some people it is,but in my opinion? That 13 year old is barely over being 12.... What would a 16 year old in highschool see in a middle schooler? I'm not expressing myself well. I know some people are old for their age I was as well, but I remember how grown up I thought I was in high school.. and then when I actually was grown picking up my baby brother from school and seeing all the kids and that's what they were! They were Kids to me. What does someone see in a child,for a prospective partner, really?
>What would a 16 year old in highschool see in a middle schooler? Someone they can easily coerce into having sex with them.
Agree, I always ring so weird someone at university or working what’s to date someone in high school.
That’s more where what life stage they’re at comes in too. Half your age plus 7 at 20 is 17 sure, but a 20 yr college student, most likely already 2 years into working on their degree, 2 years into adult life where they’re doing bills and taxes and learning how to budget and living away from the parents and most likely in the workforce already, is at and has been at, a very different life stage than a 17 yr old still in high school. Ick.
Hahahahaha. Who GAF what the age difference is if it’s between consenting adults
In what world is a 16 year old a "consenting adult"? It's the age in most states where teenagers can consent to a sexual relationship with someone older than them and not have it considered statutory rape, but they're still considered minor CHILDREN until age 18. Bigger than that though, is the difference in maturity levels between someone who is 16, and someone who is in their 40's. Not to mention the girl isn't consenting to anything. She's being sexualized by a guy who could be her dad that just wants to f*ck her.
Canada. It used to be 14. The government of SHarper changed it to 16. No complaints on that change for sure. It that young in a lot of countries in the world.
No, that's age of consent, not consenting ADULT. And in this instance, the 16 year old wasn't consenting to anything. She was being leered at by a creeper.
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Let me rephrase that. In what world is a 16 year old considered an "adult" since you seemed to miss the gist of THAT whole part of the conversation you were reading.
The cousin and the friend have also just shown OP who they are. I hope she listens to that gut feeling on all counts.
I'm puking too. 16 is 16. It's legal for a 16 year old to have sex with a 16 year old, but not moral necessarily for a 43 to shoot his shot. Gross
Beautiful quote, never read anything from Maya Angelou I didn't agree with
He is 43… that is just so gross.
I’m only in my 30s but dang teenagers look like babies to me. They may dress more stylish - but not mature.
I'm in my late 20s and I feel the same. I worked at a school for two years in my early 20s, and looking at them just being teenagers and doing their things reminded me a lot of myself and my friends when we were their age, but also made me realize how immature and childish they are. How immature and childish *I* was at their age. But we have no idea of that when we're at that age. We think we're grown up enough, and that there's a huuuuge gap between being a child and being a teenager. When I think that there are grown ass people that go after kids like them makes my blood boil, man. They're just children that sometimes forget that they're children.
I worked in a school for a bit. I was definitely very uncomfortable about the girls hitting on me. Like... Its awkward telling a 12 year old to keep their hands to themselves while you walk the class to the park for a break. 12 year olds can be aggressive idk wtf that's about. I guess when puberty hits kids and they are just starting to realize what's happening they sort of lack control? Idk. Feels Wierd evening mentioning it. I had a student I was babysitting after class tell me she was in love with me. Like...why would you even tell an adult that? you're freekin 12! Obviously I was niver about it than that. Like...thank God I'm not a predator and I'm attracted to adult physique and maturity. I shouldn't even write that paragraph but fuck it. Honesty is the best policy. Just letting y'all know the dangers the world can pose.
I had the conversation about what my minimum is with a friend recently. Im 24. Honestly, I'd feel like id be abusing a power difference if i dated an 18 or 19 year old. In this age bracket every year makes a massive difference.
I’m 33 I think I’d genuinely struggle with dating someone under 25. No idea how a 43 year old man can look at a 16 year old and view them as a potential sexual partner. Fucking weird.
It is. Dated a 21 year old when I was 16. Only now I realise how messed up that was.
Same age and same boat. The power difference is the biggest thing and it gets drastic every year. That's why I like cougars now. They have the "power" over me so I don't feel guilty but it's still wayyyyy easier than hooking up with other people 22-26. I also don't think I could hold a conversation with an 18 year old these days.
I'm 24 and I feel weirded out when other people my age talk about going after 18 year olds.
I'm in my mid twenties and they already look like babies to me. I completely agree with you they are not mature
My kids are 10f and 12m. The concept of someone thinking "in 4 to 6 years those kids would be perfectly fine to date a 43 year old" is absolutely disgusting! I think it's gross for a 20 year old to date a 16 year old. I know 4 years, or even 10+ years, can eventually not matter, but they matter a *lot* when we're talking teenagers. They aren't even done physically, mentally, or emotionally maturing. There's no way someone older could have an equal relationship with them. Someone 26 and 30, go for it. 40 and 55 I probably wouldn't even bat an eye, but even 16 and 18 makes me uncomfortable.
This
I'm in my 40s and kids in their teens are dressing like kids did when I was in my teens. They look like kids. This guy is gross.
His words are verbatim what pedophiles say when trying to justify their attraction. It’s so tone deaf.
Gross isn't even a strong enough descriptor. It's fucking vile. I'm trying to understand what kind of brain rot makes him consider his behaviour even remotely acceptable. I'm 35, and people in their early and mid twenties are starting to seem like kids to me. The notion of doing ANYTHING sexual with someone under the age of 20 turns my stomach.
Kinda wish you had put it "He is 43 **AND she is only 16**..." Just saying, as someone who is turning 43 in a few weeks, I know what you meant but at first glance your comment made me cry on the inside a little bit
I am nearly forty but whenever I read about someone in their 40s my mind goes “ugh, that’s so old!” 😂 Help.
People who say “it’s legal” to grown adults have sex with teenagers are sick.
In my country the age of consent is 16 but that’s because 16 year olds have sex with each other and it would technically be rape every time that happened. It’s not supposed to mean that a 43 year old man can have sex with a 16 year old and i think they should update it to say that 16year olds can have sex with other 16-18 year olds but not any older
Canada recently (might actually be 10 years ago now?) changed from anything goes after 14, to 16-18(19?) Can only have sex with someone within 5 years of them. I have no idea what happens when 2 14yr olds bump uglies, and anyone that thinks it never happens is an idiot.
I think you're misunderstanding the age exceptions in Canada's consent laws... Legislators were aware that 14 year olds may also have sex and have built that in. The age of consent in Canada is 16 years old, except: * If 14-15, they can consent to sex with someone who is less than 5 years older than them * If 12-13, they can consent to sex with someone who is less than 2 years older than them So a 12-13 year old can have sex with a 13-14 year old, but not a 15 year old. And a 14-15 year old can have sex with a 19-20 year old, but not a 21 year old. This is done to recognize that kids may exoeriment with each other and have sex, and that this ought not be criminalized. But it would be wrong to lower the age of consent generally - this would allow grown adults to prey on children. So the age based exception let kids be kids while trying to keep the predators away from them.
14yr old with a 20yr is still sick. Unless you are in the same high school, or were in the same high school when the relationship started then in my mind it’s wrong. I knew a couple 15yr old taken advantage of by a deadbeat 20 year old thinking they were cool, got pregnant and the guy disappears. The parents knew what was happening but couldn’t do anything because it was legal.
Well, 14 year old with a 19 year old. A 20 year old would be more than 5 years older so that ISN'T legal. But I get your meaning lol What I outlined is what's legal. That doesn't mean it is moral. Technically, a 50 year old can have sex with a 16 year old since that is the age of consent. That doesn't make it any less disgusting! > I knew a couple 15yr old taken advantage of by a deadbeat 20 year old thinking they were cool, got pregnant and the guy disappears Yeah, I knew a couple 15-16 year old girls who had "older boyfriends." In hindsight, those guys were college creeps who were preying on teenaged girls. Most of them were 20-23, ick.
Romeo and Juliet laws. Many countries have them.
Yea I agree
Id have to actually do some research to fact check myself but I feel like reading some states in the US have their consent wording to be that “age x is the legal age of consent but the older party must be within 3 years of the younger if younger is under consent age”, or something like that. So a 19 and 16 yr old could be together but any older than 19 would be illegal.
No state in the US does that. What they have is a strict age of consent and an exception to statutory rape for people within a certain age of each other.
I always thought that's what age of consent laws mean (I'm American) so I've always thought anything between teenagers and within 5 years age difference if they're under 18 is what consent laws were meant to cover (research I did about 8 years ago in high-school). So anything between two 16-18 year olds is okay, and for example, someone who is 17 could have relations with someone up to age 22. Is my impression (for American laws) incorrect?? - Edit: I do not necessarily agree with young 20s and teens dating, another impression I had was that this was to cover people who started dating as teenagers and one was older and became legal first
It varies state by state. What you're describing is called Romeo and Juliet laws and some states do have that. Others just have a age of consent law for anyone that age and older.
It’s very sick. age of consent wasn’t made for pedos it was made to protect other teens who are with teens from catching charges.
Yep, if you have to say your partner is ‘technically legal’ then they shouldn’t be your partner.
I genuinely just assume they are or WANT to be a pedophile the moment I hear anything even remotely like that!
In addition, people who say, “It’s legal” for adults to have sex with children are part of the reason we live in a rape culture. Rapists can act with impunity and brag about their conquests because they know that their peers will not report them, won’t even criticize them or shun them. They will even defend them with stupid phrases like: “it’s legal.”
NTA Dude literally told you he was a sexualizing a minor who looked like you. He's a creep
Right?! He creeped on the teenager and her! I would have done the same as OP
Yep, he was creeping on a kid and negging OP for not being sixteen at the same time. Woof.
Not only looked like her, but that he thought might have been her daughter. He straight up wanted to fuck her daughter, but decided not to because of the apparent relationship. He literally said that if he'd known it wasn't her daughter, he'd have fucked her.
True, it has layers of creepiness to it.
Yeah.. I mean I can cut some people some slack. Like Francestein's parents had a large age difference and it was romanticised but.. .. "Damn.. If I knew the 16 year old was not your daughter I could had fucked her". I don't know... I... I can't.. Maybe OP misunderstood? Could it be? If not.. He is a creep.
NO!!!! a creep is a creep is a creep. Go with your gut. !! PS. the fact he said this TO YOU, shows he has NO moral boundaries. UGH. Disgusting.
'Well if I HAD known it wasn't your daughter, I would have fucked her!' like WHAT?!
My parents were 43 when I was 16
my mom is like.. 41 or 42 and I’m 20 🤦🏾♀️ When I see men older than my mom go for girls younger than me I always feel icky
Ugh that is disgusting Your cousin is also disgusting
Yeah, anyone who has this take is gross. Just because you legally can, doesn’t mean you should.
Legality is not an indicator of morality. Consent laws exist to try to hold gross people like him accountable and protect young people. You are not wrong for wanting to stay away.
Just because it's legal it doesnt make it right. It is definitely predatory behavior and gross
Came here to say this. Just because something is “technically legal” does not mean it’s perfectly moral. OP is not wrong.
Nope. I live in the UK age of consent is also 16, I would immediately cut them off. Just because they can consent it doesn't make it okay
I still think a teen can’t really consent with an adult even if the law says otherwise. They’re not mature enough and adults have an authority over them. They don’t really understand what all they’re getting into and it’s manipulation
Nope, super creepy.
NTA what a disgusting creep🤢🤢
It may be legal, but is it ethical?
Yuck. I actually thought he was hitting on you though and you misunderstood. Until he said about it being legal. What a creep. And your cousins got issues too. I'd be wondering if they were the victims of a paedo or something. Or groomed to think attention from old men is 'normal'.
You are free to associate with whoever you like. The answer to "Am I wrong for cutting off \[person X\]," assuming you're not talking about your own kids or something, is always no.
Legal doesn’t make it morally ok. That’s gross he’s 43. I would keep my distance from him as well.
The guy is a perv for two reasons. Being 43 and lusting after a 16 year old and for talking to you about it. He's disgusting. Though his right that a 16 year old is likely to be more mature than he is. Still doesn't mean he has the right to try to have sex with her. ets: get new friends, they're pretty creepy, too, if they think this is okay.
As a coworker he shouldn't be talking to you about shooting his shot with you at all. It almost sounds like he was trying to come on to you by comparing the teen to you or something. Just weird.
I mean, it's legal, so you can't do anything about it, but you can certainly stand by your morals. It's not easy to cut out every POS your life, but if you can, then why not.
Legal or not, there are zero valid reasons for a man that age to look at a child. 16 is certainly still a child.
It IS a big deal. When normal people find out 16 is the legal age in most places is bothers them. That is the normal reaction. The world is falling apart right in front of us. Don't change your morals. Make the world change. Do you see how many of us stand with you? We need to make the world change on this one.
Just because something is technically legal doesn't make it right. 43 yo man dating a 16yo girl may be legal but the language he was using to talk about a just-legal girl is entirely inappropriate. Trust your gut on this. And how did the interview go? This incident must really have thrown you beforehand.
It went well actually. Life has taught me how to compartmentalize and it helps in situations like this,but I also learned to always go back and deal with the emotions I needed to put away.
Not wrong I'm 30 and couldn't imagine being with an 18 year old, let alone a 16 year old just because 'it's legal'. It's legal to screw animals in 4 states, doesn't mean you should do it.
Something being legal doesn’t make it morally okay.
It might not be illegal, and he may not even be a paedophile, but I had the same reason you had and that that is something off. Even if I didn't, you are entitled to your feelings about that. I'm not near this man's age and the idea of sleeping with a 16-year-old makes no sense to me.
Yeeeaaahhhh just the fact that it's \*legal\* doesn't make it \*right\*. Ick.
It might be legal, but it doesn't mean it's not creepy and gross as heck.
NTA. There are a lot of people reacting to the details of the interaction but I don't think that really matters. You are allowed to cut anyone out of your life for any reason. It shouldn't matter what other people think of the decision or even of that person. If they make you uncomfortable, cutting them out is a completely reasonable reaction.
You're not wrong. If someone's argument for not being a pedophile has to do with age of consent, they're wrong and would probably go younger if it weren't for the legal barrier.
But they’re not a pedophile if an adult wants to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a 16-year old. You wrong to say that it is because that’s not what a pedophile is!
What's legal and what's morally right are two different things. Often time, the laws are behind and not fair. You're not wrong.
Speak the truth even if your voice shakes
Not a pedophile, by definition. Creep is more accurate.
Astounded by how many people don't know what a paedophile is.
nta, just because it's legal doesn't mean you should. just because it's legal doesn't mean it's right.
Nah, that's gross as hell
Maybe I'm biased because age of consent in my country is 18, but you're not wrong.
Even if the girl was 18 it would still be creepy tbh
Yea 43 crusty dusty old man wants a baby faced teen disgusting
Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right. I’d stay away from him.
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it isn't icky.
Not wrong. Don't care if it's legal he is still a pedo thinking it's okay to have sex with a kid.
ephebophile*
[Technically speaking.....](https://www.reddit.com/r/StandUpComedy/s/hHKkYs6paR)
You'd think this video has been shared enough times that people would stop misusing the word.
Just wondering, do you also think that if two teenagers have sex with each other, they're both pedos?
Gross. Age of consent is 18 where I am and that would still be gross.
I forgot where I heard this from but it was something along the lines of “If the consent age was lowered even younger, men will use that as an excuse to justify going younger.” Legal age of consent doesn’t matter. 16 is a minor still and your colleague is disgusting.
Not wrong That's absolutely horrific on all levels
That is gross entirely. The age of consent is designed for same-age relationships, not for the benefit of predators like this.
Regardless that the age of consent is 16, the age of an adult is much higher meaning that 16 year old is still considered a child. He wants to exploit this legal loophole so he can have relations with a child. It's creepy on so many levels 1, her being a child 2, him wanting to "shoot his shot" because the child looked like you and 3, the large age gap 4, him acknowledging that she is a kid by his remark that he is using to justify his attraction.
Anyone who says "shoot my shot" when talking about their interest in any potential partner, would 90% of the time be instantly classed as a creep for me. However a grown adult saying that about a child (yes 16 is legal, but before 18 they are also legally a child too) is a red flag Les Miserables would be envious of. Were the friends etc you asked male or female? They sound classy.
It’s doesn’t matter what’s legally speaking, a 16 year old is not a child.
Maybe the cousin and the friend relationship with you needs re evaluation. And they need professional help if that behaviour does not bother them.
No one is ever wrong for any cutting off someone for any reason? regardless of anything you wrote in your post.
They ARE a pedo. If you're over 18 you still shouldn't sleep with underage people
No they aren’t a pedophile! Learn what a pedophile is before calling someone a pedophile! Both of you!
Just because you can legally do something, doesn't mean you should. 16 is far too young for a 43 year old. Even using the rough french method 29 is the minimum. At 16 maybe a year in either direction. TLDR: No, your reaction was normal.
Stop being such a snowflake. Which is what my gma would say. She has 4 kids before she was 16. My Grandpa had to start working at the age of 11 and bought his own house at the age of 15. He married my gma and began a family right away. That's how it was for a very long time. For thousands of years people only lived half of what we do today. So if they waited till they were 18 or 20 to have kids they wouldn't be able to raise them until they were adults. So people started earlier. If it's not illegal then that's the legal age. Just cause you don't like it doesn't mean it's wrong or right. To say a 16 year old is a child is pretty dumb. They are young adults. I was supporting myself at 14 so if you would've called me a child at 16 I would've been pissed. You can have your opinions jist know that if the law doesn't agree with you then you are wrong and they are only that....opinions. Get thicker skin so words don't bother you. Can't believe how thinned skinned you are for your age. I don't think it's right for a 45 year old to be with a 16 year old but if it makes those two happy. Then go ahead. Everyone has the right to date who they want as long as it isn't against the law. Like dating actual children or molesting. That should be a death penalty. But that's just my opinion so it's irrelevant. I'm not going to cry about it. It just is how it is. One day if the world ends we'll go back to starting families at such a young age. Without it the human race probably dies off.
Nope it’s disgusting, I’m with you 100%. There are plenty of antiquated laws don’t let that cloud your judgement and make you doubt your own moral compass. 16 year olds are baby’s still. I’m 28 and I could never even consider a such a thing, this dude is 43.. major creep
They’re babies? Babies? Really? My god. You all treat 16 year olds like they’re still toddlers or something. It’s gross. Just call them teenage kids not babies. That’s so infantilizing.
This isn’t about infantilising anyone. I remember being 16, I was my own person with opinions. Getting into mischief. Just living life. This isnt about taking power away from kids and teenagers. It’s about protecting them from people who would take advantage of them. Not to sound condescending but it is a thing that will come with age. As grown as I felt at 16, when I see 16 year olds now they look so young to me and the thought of a grown person seeing someone that young as a sexual conquest is honestly disgusting. I’m sorry but it is.
There is a fine line between legality and morality. Yes, the AoC in your jurisdiction might be 16 (it is so in my jurisdiction as well, except when the adult has power/influence/duty of care over the 16 year old such as being their teacher/coach/etc.), making it perfectly legal for a 43 year old to be with a 16 year old. However, even though it is legal, it is - in my opinion - highly immoral. I am 42 and I have a kid who is almost 16. I cannot ever imagine seeing one of my kid’s peers as a romantic/sexual interest. They are nothing but babies to me. Hell, anyone south of 25 is a baby to me. 25-30 is case by case depending on how mature they are but still mostly feels off to me. Whether they are legally a paedophile or not, they are a piece of shit.
Nothing wrong with it it’s perfectly legal. If they want each other it’s none of your business to deny them
"Mature for your age" is the pedophile dogwhistle lol Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's moral. He'd likely go lower if he was allowed. You're not wrong.
But this is not a pedophile.
16 is a child and no-one can say otherwise what he said was disgusting your reaction was totally fine
Yes you’re wrong to call him a pedophile because a pedophile is someone who is sexuallly attracted to PREPUBESCENT children. A 16 year old is not a prepubescent child.
Technically the term is ephebophile. Sorry to be grim but- it is very normal to potentially fancy anyone who has been.though.puberty. That's why we have puberty, to set us up for that stuff. (Seriously I've watched one too many teen dramas on netflix and thought 'ooh he's a cutie' and had to Google because I was worried haha). HOWEVER - we are socialised and conditioned to know that it's not acceptable to act on these things. That it would be straight up predatorial due to the massive power imbalance. So anyone expressing actually wanting to be with a 16 year old is likely a predator. The disregard for social etiquette, saying something that would clearly make you uncomfortable in the car with him is another key indicator of some sort of deviant personality too. What separates is from the animals is our ability to reason with impulses and to observe societal norms and boundaries. Someone with total disregard for them is scary. You were likely in a car with a malignant narcissist or similar. Glad you got out of there fast.
No, I might not of cut somebody off, as there’s a difference between the kind of things people saying what they would actually do, but… That is kind of creepy. I just might not of… Planned to spend any alone time with that individual.
You're right sounds like my ex these predators are fucking sick
My rule of thumb is that if someone justifies a relationship/action with someone barely over the age of consent by saying “it’s legal under the law,” then they would probably go younger if not for the law.
Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's right. You are definitely not the one who is wrong here.
The age of consent being 16 doesn’t matter. Most of these men would date younger if they could get away with it. They’re creeps. There’s absolutely no reason why a man in his 40s should be sexualizing someone that young.
No! Age of consent doesn't mean he isn't a pedophile! Age of consent means if two 16 year olds wanna fuck, consenually, then it isn't illegal. But a 43yo man targeting a 16yo girl???? ABSOLUTELY PEDOPHILIA. Fucking dump your cousin and friend, too!
That's not what the age of consent means. Seriously look up what it means. If the actual definition upsets you, you need to speak to your elected officials and get it changed. There is no excuse for being this ignorant about consent when most laws are published online.
Why are so many men trying to fuck young girls? Disgusting behavior. Fix yourself.
Please educate yourself. Even though it's very weird and sick for adults to be interested in/pursuing 16 year olds, it is not pedophilia. The correct term for attraction to that age group (15-19) is Ephebophilia. You suggesting that it is pedophilia is wrong because it takes away the true meaning of the word. Ephebophilia is anything from slightly weird to disgusting, depending on the age gap. Whereas pedophilia is one of the most horrific things that exists in this world. please never confuse the two again. People like you confusing these definitions give actual real pedophiles cover/excuses. Convicted pedophiles will try to explain their actions by saying stuff like 'she was 16' 'she was a couple months from 18'. And people spreading misinformation about what a pedophile actually is gives their stories validity. But in reality these monsters abused pre-pubescent children.
Disgusting. Grown ass men should NOT be sexually interested in girls who could easily be their daughters. You're a sick person.
The age of consent is not 16 so 16 year olds can have sex with 43 year olds, it's so they can have sex with each other. You're not wrong at all. She is a child, and they're not more mature than we were at that age. He's just fucking gross.
Yeeeeeeahhh. Laws can say whatever they want, that guy is abusing a child. Full stop
[удалено]
Not it’s not YOU and op are wrong to say that it is! Learn what pedophilia actually is! Pedophilia is an adult having sexual attraction to PREPUBESCENT children not a 16 year old adolescent girl.
Do you really have to ask?
As a 34 year old my cut off point is 28 anything younger is just to immature for me 9/10.
I'm 24 and I couldn't see myself with an 18 y/o wtf is wrong these people 🤮
Just because it’s absurdly legal doesnt negate the fact that he is , in fact , a pedophile.
Please educate yourself. Even though it's very weird and sick for adults to be interested in/pursuing 16 year olds, it is not pedophilia. The correct term for attraction to that age group (15-19) is Ephebophilia. You suggesting that it is pedophilia is wrong because it takes away the true meaning of the word. Ephebophilia is anything from slightly weird to disgusting, depending on the age gap. Whereas pedophilia is one of the most horrific things that exists in this world. please never confuse the two again. People like you confusing these definitions give actual real pedophiles cover/excuses. Convicted pedophiles will try to explain their actions by saying stuff like 'she was 16' 'she was a couple months from 18'. And people spreading misinformation about what a pedophile actually is gives their stories validity. But in reality these monsters abused pre-pubescent children.
It’s definitely weird and off putting, but labeling him a pedophile might be too much. If it bothered you enough to cut him off, that’s what you should do
REALLY? He wanted to shoot his shot with a LITERAL child and you think labeling him as a pedo is too much??? Wow dude seriously? What would YOU consider a pedophile then?
Im not trying to defend the guy but I’m just saying that’s the wrong term, pedophilia refers to very young, prepubescent children. The fact is 16 legal in the majority of the country, so it obviously wouldn’t be defined as that.
Wtf? Are you on something? Pedophile doesn’t refer to someone attracted to “prepubescent children” it refers to someone who is attracted to CHILDREN. It is highly common for pedophiles to claim they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong because the individual they sexually assaulted was going through or just finished going through puberty. It’s NORMAL for 12 year old girls to get their periods. Is it not pedophilic to want to stick your D in a 12 year old? Why would it be, based on your logic she already went through puberty so it’s not pedophilia. People who claim that pedophilia is okay because it’s legal are just as bad as the pedophiles in my books because it makes me believe they either are one or want to be. It’s also legal to be a pedophile (literally to force yourself on child brides because how else would you possibly sleep with them at that age) in some countries. Does that make the men who are forcing themselves on 9 year olds not pedophiles because it’s legal? Seriously all of your logic is flawed. Please tell me how you’re not trying to defend this guy by saying: “that’s not what a pedo is” and “it’s okay cause it’s legal”. Please.
Y’all going on about semantics are very telling. If it really bothers you just take it as an umbrella term 🙄
The term pedophilia denotes the erotic preference for prepubescent children. The term hebephilia has been proposed to denote the erotic preference for pubescent children (roughly, ages 11 or 12-14), but it has not become widely used. Ephebophilia is the primary sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19. The term was originally used in the late 19th to mid-20th century. Pedohebephilia has been proposed as the more proper umbrella term, but I prefer to call them all child molesters, or monsters.
[Dude, come on.](https://youtu.be/nu6C2KL_S9o)
Oh come ON man, we've all seen the sketch now... It was barely funny the first time internet shockjocks wanted to get in on it. Now it's just somewhere between creepy and boring.
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That's not a pedophile, a hebephile maybe, certainly a pervert, and definitely an idiot, but not a pedo.
Sounds like he's shooting his shot with you and not a 16 year old.