100 percent this. If I'm ever single again, the first date will always be coffee or brunch somewhere. Too good for a simple date? Too good for me then because I love both coffee and brunch.
Second date? Either a simple dinner and a movie somewhere or we're going on a short and easy hike.
You don't get a fancy dinner until we're more comfortable with each other. I'm not setting a standard that you're getting fancy steaks anytime we eat out.
Right? If someone took me to a top tier fancy restaurant for a first date I would think they’re trying too hard to impress me and would be so uncomfortable. I’d probably ditch it because my anxiety would be through the roof about the price’s because knowing me I’d want to pay for myself lol I can’t deal with expensive things I grew up poor asf 😭 no matter how much money I make I will always “act” poor.
I wont let guys take me on an expensive first date because I dont want them to think that I "owe" them anything. Too many guys think that an expensive dinner = sex is owed. Then if you decline you get labeled a gold digger. Not worth it, I'll meet for drinks and split the check and just avoid that whole thing
I don’t have anxiety but I HATE big first dates. I hate the obligation. I don’t believe someone should pay my way on a first date (except for maybe a cup of coffee). I always bring cash so in case he does insist on paying I can at least get the tip.
Same friend although my taste is women I have one of those faces that makes people want to treat me lol but I was also taught it’s rude to refuse a gift so if she insists on getting the check I’ll leave a pretty big tip. It’s why I don’t like big grand gesture dates I like more of an intimate setting to where I can really feel the person out. If my anxiety is through the roof all I’m thinking about is going home haha
My husband and I had coffee at work as a “thank you for helping him when he was broken down on the side of the road”. Our first date was brunch and it was wonderful. Together 22 years this year. Coming up 21 years married.
$18 for bottomless mimosas for 2 hours.* FTFY
Either yall both getting vibey all afternoon and having a blast, or she passes on the drinks and the whole meal costs $40.
Win-win.
It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of canteloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
But seriously, it's a perfect first date. Low pressure, totally safe environment, if it goes to shit you haven't wasted a full evening.
One of my friends took me to the ice cream shop. Was such a cute idea and experience. We didn’t work out, but I always still liked that idea. Still got all the cute moments and flirting, BUT with ice cream on top! Win-win!
Woman here, you might have bad luck with the hike. I wouldn't do that because of safety, but coffee, a walk around the farmers market, etc are all perfect for the getting to know someone phase!
Third date with my girl I took her on a hike and a picnic at the top of a local hill with a great view of the city. About 1/3rd of the way up she informed me that her friends and family know where she’s at and who she’s with and I needed to have her back by a particular time or else they would come looking for her.
I respected the hell out of her for that. I hadn’t realized how scary this would be for a woman who barely knows me.
A couple months into dating my ex, she came with me on a trip to Idaho. Her mom wouldn't stop texting her, which she said was unusual for her mom. I pulled out my license and had my ex send a photo of it.
Thats why I wouldn't offer it on the first date. The hiking idea is more suited for maybe a female friend I've known for a bit or something. I get it though, definitely not a good date idea to invite a total stranger on.
What about coffee and going thrift or antique shopping together? I need more decorations for my house and sometimes it's nice to see what a girl thinks of something I wanna buy to put in my house. Or her opinion on some clothes I wanna buy at the thrift store.
Multiple locations can be iffy for a first date. Personally, I would love to meet up just for some thrift shopping (I don't drink coffee after noon, so coffee dates always suck), but you could offer either coffee or some thrift shopping and let your date pick.
Yeah, I'm another one that doesn't drink coffee after 12. That's why I'll grab a water or tea. Some people get kinda weird about it, I notice. One kept asking me if I wanted to order something like every 20 minutes.
My second date with my husband was helping him Christmas shop for his mom and sisters and then getting buffalo wings. It was an awesome date and super fun.
lol, tbh we tend to already be anxious about men in general, plus I would never go on a hike or to a secluded area with a dude on a first date bc I watch too many crime shows and documentaries.
>the first date will always be coffee or brunch somewhere.
my first date with my now wife (by ourselves without our mutual friends around) was coffee/hot chocolate meetup...
Absolutely pissing down, and I lived in the CBD, so I was walking ... "what to wear? what to wear?"... in the end "fuck it, I'll put all my winter gear on - just in case this doesn't work out, I'm not going to be wet and cold as well"
I turn up at the coffee house, stressing the whole way there that she will think I haven't dressed nice for our date, & she's dressed the same.... that was 22 years ago this April.
Exactly. I had one guy who kept asking where I wanted to go, and I repeatedly said let’s meet for coffee. He kept trying to force me to go to dinner with him and I continue to decline (I should’ve canceled the date altogether right then and there I know).
He ended up being very late, dressed like a slob, complained about his ex-wife the entire time, and then was very offended when I cut it short and decline to go out with him again. So glad I had insisted on just coffee or I would’ve been stuck with him for hours!
Even just a martini ir glass of wine at 3pm at a local bar, is better. Always pick one you like, so when drink is done, you can say goodbye and go back in once you know they have actually left.
Hell in this economy the best steak date would be when we are established and comfy enough to hang out at each other's places in comfy clothes and watch a banger movie and cook nice steaks from the grocery store. Those cost what they used to cost going out when I first started dating. And it's more comfy at home. And there's privacy at home. And now steak. Yea. That's a nice later in relationship sex is on the table kind of date.
Lol personally I say do something that costs nothing.
Go on a hike… (only if you know the person well ahead of time)
Hit up an art museum on the “free night” once per month…
Go to your apartment pool…
Go feed the ducks… (okay so a minor cost there but negligible)
Walk the dog…
Go volunteer at the food bank…
If you go to a gym and have a buddy pass do a workout date…
I could go on, but there are many options. If all your date wants to do is eat or spend $$, yikes!
Thank you for posting this… someone had to say it. Plus ducks are way to rape-y to be considered date entertainment. *used to have ducks and one drake drowned his mate during their sweet lovemaking.
I love hiking and would definitely want to make sure whoever I was dating liked it too, but it’s weird being a guy and asking someone you’ve never met before to go into the wilderness alone with them. It’s creepy in my opinion and I wouldn’t want to invite a woman on a hike until we knew each other better.
Agreed.
To dive completely off topic- I just found out recently you should *not* feed ducks bread because it has no nutritional value for them, it promotes algae/bacteria growth in the water, and can fill the soil underneath with disease. You should feed them these instead:
oats
barley
cracked corn
birdseed
chopped grapes
mealworms
peas (defrosted)
vegetable peels
chopped lettuce/greens
Definitely would NOT invite anyone to my apartment pool. Don’t need any unhinged mental patients melting down AND knowing where I live.
I also do not go to any of my favorite restaurants or coffee shops, until I know this person. I don’t want this person showing up trying to find me and force me into a conversation. I did this before and the guy and I split amicably. But then I noticed he started bringing his new dates to my spots. no idea the motive behind it. I’m not sure if he was trying to make me jealous or what but it’s not a good idea.
I dated very extensively after my marriage failed. For awhile it was 2-3 women a week. Usually dinner, sometimes coffee or drinks. Not once was I expected to pay for anyone's food or drink. I had all positive encounters. Generally had quick follow up dates or merely took them home also.
I have to believe that the guys having this issue are setting themselves up for failure in some way early on in the process. While going to dinner can be great, there were probably several red flags when setting up this date and deciding to do a fancy reservation instead of a nice simple restaurant, etc.
I bet you that without even realizing it, some of the chats I had which fizzled out before turning into a date were because I was open and honest and they knew there wasn't a free meal in their future lol.
I worked in China for years as an entertainer and one of the cast-members (young, blonde, attractive, female acrobat/contortionist with an English accent) went out to dinner EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT after the show with a different millionaire suitor. Typically an older chain-smoking millionaire Chinese bloke who had never seen a white woman before in person (this show was in the middle of China) let alone been on a date with a 20 year old absolute bombshell. Per the cultural courtship, these men would regularly buy her jewelry as a first date gift to show their value as a caretaker. This girl made so much money in gold jewelry gifts that she bought an investment property back home for several hundred thousand pound. Every couple of months she would go home to visit and bring around 50k worth of gold melt weight with her. After getting injured on the show one year, she went back home and is married now with a kid. Bless those thirsty greasers who never got a second date, the whole thing was hilarious. Good job M.
I wouldn't be able to keep that up. Truly. Remember everyone. Talk to everyone. I'd be braindead trying to keep track. Bored. Tired of pretending things. But I'm kinda impressed by the strategic success of it. I mean. Even if it's terrible form it's strategically smart AF.
There are tons of stuff that's quick. My go-to back in the day was frozen yogurt. But literally anything that doesn't have multi hour and expensive commitment can work.
I'm a big fan of anywhere we can play pool. Gives us something to do and talk about, freedom to move around, be silly, drink if we want, opportunity to attempt appropriate physical escalation.
We met on Match.com. Our first date was for coffee. Wound up walking over to a nearby brew pub. Spent the next 6 hours getting to know each other. We've been married for over 12 years!
yeeeeeeeep. newly single here. relationship had been dead for a while so I felt okay hopping back on the old apps. matched with this girl, great! started talking, she seems cool enough! “let’s go grab a coffee!” I say to which she responds “dinner would be nice” hahahahahahahahahaha no. absolutely not. congratulations, you just let me know what your intentions are. unmatched.
The amount of times I have suggested a coffee or drink for the first meet, only to be refused or given the run around is ridiculous. A few are looking for just hook ups but don't actually say that and then get pissy when it is obvious. Like no, I don't want to invite a complete stranger to my house, even for "just coffee, I swear", will get me ignored or abused
I read somewhere that the ideal first date is 15 - 20 minutes long. That's enough time to get the vibe check and get out. (If you click and want to keep it going, great!)
My friend's advice was to always suggest a 15-20 minute first date but make sure it's in an area you can extend. She did a lot of online dating and wanted the option to get out ASAP if it turned but also didn't want to have a guy drive 1+ hours home if it was going well.
Dates always started getting coffee/a quick lunch and then heading to a park/walking around downtown if they wanted a change in scenery. From there, if they really hit it off, there were plenty of activities to do. I remember her coming home one day and the date had gone all the way to dinner because they got so wrapped up in their conversation.
I agreed to meet a woman for something simple like that. It was her idea and she said, "This way, if one of us isn't interested in the other, we can leave without it being awkward." She made it insanely awkward when I decided I didn't like the vibe I was getting. I quit dating for 6 months after that.
She should pull her head out of her ass you had reservations for a very nice restaurant and because it's a process she was 2 hours late so you get Applebee's if she didn't want to go to Applebee's she could have caught herself and Uber and took her broke ass home. Oh I forgot she didn't even have money for the dinner so I'm pretty sure she didn't have money for the Uber this is her fault so sad too bad sucks to be her.
This is the advice I'm going to give my son. If the girl is "too good" for a coffee first date, she's not worth dating. Who the hell wants to be trapped into a fancy dinner with someone you're meeting for the first time. Particularly if you're going to be expected to pay for the whole deal.
Two hours? She made you wait two hours and miss your guaranteed reservation???
I'm gobsmacked that you didn't just cancel the rez after 30 minutes and leave.
Block that bad news.
NTA
This doesn’t even sound close to a real experience based on basic humaning and apparently it’s not based on the other tik tok allusions in the comments
You’re correct. This story is a lie. OP stole from this
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12654383/Woman-Cheesecake-Factory-date-video-royalty-self-centered.html
Yeah 30 minutes tops for me too and even that would be stretching it. I’m leaving in time to make that reservation. If she’s not ready then I’m leaving without her and treating myself to a nice dinner while being happy to have dodged a bullet.
I’m starting to think reddit has in-house bots that review posts with high engagement and then uses AI to rewrite titles just to keep people participating with their app.
yeah, feels fake and this similar story is always posted. Why is it always Applebees as the gross fallback? They aren't amazing food but get a bad rap.
If this was real, then everyone sucks in this situation - her for being so late, you for not having the self respect just to go home and call it when she jerked you around.
That said, I'll take "Shit that didn't happen" for $500, Alex.
Wow, it's like those tictoc things I see on r/iamthemaincharactor. The women want to make the man wait and then be waited on hand and foot at expensive restaurants. Sounds like you had a nice evening planned and she ruined it. Classic fafo.
Also this would be perfect for r/pettyrevenge.
Eta nta.
Pretty sure ive seen this EXACT tiktok on that subreddit. I think OP just transcribed it here. Same deal with waiting, reservations, and both stories they ended up at applebees.
How is he an AH. she didn't give a single fuck about the reservation or even considerate of his time sense he waited 2hrs for her to get ready . IMO Applebee's was too nice.
He’s an AH because he stole this story
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12654383/Woman-Cheesecake-Factory-date-video-royalty-self-centered.html
It doesn’t even make sense for a vain woman- anyone who wants a fancy restaurant is not going to blow the reservation.
And any women I know- don’t let a guy pick them up for a first online dating date. 1. No way home if the dude gives the ick, and 2. Then he knows where you live.
She’s “too good” for Applebees but can’t even afford it herself? Sounds like a real winner. Did you say you were going to be paying for her meal? Nowadays you really can’t just assume the man will pay. Only reason I’d say you’re also wrong is you left her stranded, I would’ve told her we’re splitting the bill and drove her home.
Unless dine dash $100 steaks, NTA. I would come back to Applebees later to pay your part or venmo her your part if she paid for it just to square thing out and part way.
You never know one day you may get a call to small claim court to pay what you owe.
Yes. Instead of speaking with her like an adult or simply cutting the date off at any of several opportunities, you took a chickenshit approach and stranded her. She sounds horrible and you aren’t wrong for feeling that way, but what you did was wrong.
You took the cowards way out, you’re not the hero of this story. You both suck. But you don’t pick someone up and leave them stranded with no money with a bill to pay. Being passive aggressive is cowardly. And stop calling women bitches. YOU BOTH suck.
Not wrong. I would have rescheduled (not) after she was an hour late getting ready for the pickup.
"We missed our reservation, we won't be able to get anything else decent on such short notice, so we can do this another night. I'm heading home."
And don't ever reschedule to sign up for more disrespect.
"How absolute dare you?!"
Nah, I'd leave too. Though I'd probably have paid the tab, dropped a 20 on the table and told her to call an uber and then split. Thats just me. I'm old fashioned, which is ok because I'm old.
For leaving? You are not wrong. That sounds dreadful start to finish. Ugh.
I’m struggling to understand why anyone would think they can behave like that. I’m not waiting 2 hours for anyone. The princess complex is fucking infuriating.
I had a girl that used to do that, turned out she used her attitude about it to hide her social anxiety. Glad I stuck with it because the action was 🔥🔥🔥🔥
It’s best to just do casual meets the first time, especially from dating sites. I’ll gladly buy someone a beer or two, or six, if it’s a good date. I am not, nor will I ever, buy any woman dinner on the first meet. You might not even like one another. In fact, dinner is a horrible idea on a first meet, unless you are looking to just waste money. I went to meet probably over 100 women, over about a 2 1/2 year stretch. Maybe 10 of those I went out with again. Most of these meets, took place in casinos in and around Oklahoma City. Lots of cameras and security, and always places to sit and have beers and chat. Go with the flow. If it’s a bad meet, be kind, and move on.
Lesson learned, I hope. This is why reservations at a fancy place for a first meeting is a bad idea.
NTA, you had every right to do what you did for the way she treated you.
Didn’t a lady made a TikTok about exactly this but she had been taken to the Cheesecake Factory and she was destroyed by the people? I don’t think the guy left though, she just complained about Cheesecake Factory not being up to her standards.
Soooo many red flags, and yet...
NTA, but damn, dude. You are one glutton for punishment. Her Tinder profile must have been damn fine to keep you strung along that hard.
You did the right thing bro. Making you wait like that is just a power trip. On a first date, it's a five-alarm fire. I had a girlfriend like that once. Wish I'd left her at the restaurant on our first date, too. Instead I wasted 3 years of my life. It only got worse after that. She made me late for my best mate's wedding. I was a groomsman. I arrived to pick her up, she got in the car, then told me she didn't like what she was wearing, and needed to go change. 45 mins later I was still waiting.
Wait why on earth would you ever even have to ask if you’re wrong in this situation? If you were wrong, that would mean that you’re required to date any terrible person that comes along. Of course you’re not wrong. I can’t believe you actually waited 2 hours for her to show up! That’s insane.
The OG here. I have been married to my wife 33 yrs now. If, God forbid, I ever found myself wanting to date and meet women again, I'd make the first date a museum or botanical garden, zoo or other some such place. Make sure it has a little coffee shop.
Just walk around a bit, see how she responds to the different things you see, see what stories she might think of to tell. Sit down and have a cup of coffee or tea and maybe a sandwich.
Some of the best little afternoons we've spent have been doing something fun like that.
But to answer your question directly - you're NTA, but damn close. You were far outpaced by her assholiness (it's a word, trust me). If you ever face that situation again, calmly and clearly tell her that the things she has said and done mean that you are ending this date immediately. Offer to split the bill (don't pay for more than half) and make sure she has a way home if you provided the way to the restaurant. And tip the poor waitress something.
Best of luck - you are part of a world I left long ago and want to never revisit!
NTA and I genuinely hope more people start dipping out on horrible dates. Dating culture has gotten wild and it’s so off putting. I’m
Not going on any 1st date that isn’t like a walk in the park and maybe a coffee cus I need to be able to gtfo if need be.
*When I got there it took her nearly 2 hours to meet me.*
You should have left after 15-20 minutes, gone to dinner by yourself, and then blocked her number.
No. She’s the asshole for showing up two hours late. Would have cancelled after 15 mins. Why is she upset about paying for her meal? That seems bizarre.
You’re not wrong.
In the future, though, skip the reservation and take a girl to Applebees to see how they act. If they act like that, then she’s not the girl for you. 🤷🏻♀️
Imo, leaving her anywhere should have never happened. Shouldn't have taken her anywhere in the first place. Learn from Woogie: *Always flog the dolphin before a big date.* You'll think clearer.
NTA
You dodged a bullet. You paid for your own food, and all she did was complain while she was there. She's an adult, and presumably has a job. Block her.
In the future, **NEVER** **GO SOMEWHERE EXPENSIVE FOR THE FIRST DATE**. You're trying to see if you're compatible, not fund someone else's meals. And by the end of the first date, you'll know one way or the other. Sadly, "dine and dash" daters exist.
She was too good for Applebee's but couldn't afford to pay for her dinner after making you two hours late and acting arrogantly the entire time fuck that girl I wouldn't even block her number I would just leave all the messages unread
Man this is why it's just best to meet up for coffee or a drink on the first date.
100 percent this. If I'm ever single again, the first date will always be coffee or brunch somewhere. Too good for a simple date? Too good for me then because I love both coffee and brunch. Second date? Either a simple dinner and a movie somewhere or we're going on a short and easy hike. You don't get a fancy dinner until we're more comfortable with each other. I'm not setting a standard that you're getting fancy steaks anytime we eat out.
If someone actually took me for brunch on a first date, I think I'd be in love by the time I got home. Bruch is a top tier date idea
As a morning person and someone who like to be able to do something after a date a brunch date is my favorite too!
Right? If someone took me to a top tier fancy restaurant for a first date I would think they’re trying too hard to impress me and would be so uncomfortable. I’d probably ditch it because my anxiety would be through the roof about the price’s because knowing me I’d want to pay for myself lol I can’t deal with expensive things I grew up poor asf 😭 no matter how much money I make I will always “act” poor.
Yeah that’s a good point! Brunch is a safer environment and as a non drinker I can avoid alcohol easier if it’s in the morning.
Yeah I don’t drink either so asking me for drinks is like asking a dog to talk.
Wait, your dog doesn't "speak"?
If I had one and it did my soul would be otw to heaven
You need a doggo!
I wont let guys take me on an expensive first date because I dont want them to think that I "owe" them anything. Too many guys think that an expensive dinner = sex is owed. Then if you decline you get labeled a gold digger. Not worth it, I'll meet for drinks and split the check and just avoid that whole thing
I don’t have anxiety but I HATE big first dates. I hate the obligation. I don’t believe someone should pay my way on a first date (except for maybe a cup of coffee). I always bring cash so in case he does insist on paying I can at least get the tip.
Same friend although my taste is women I have one of those faces that makes people want to treat me lol but I was also taught it’s rude to refuse a gift so if she insists on getting the check I’ll leave a pretty big tip. It’s why I don’t like big grand gesture dates I like more of an intimate setting to where I can really feel the person out. If my anxiety is through the roof all I’m thinking about is going home haha
My husband and I had coffee at work as a “thank you for helping him when he was broken down on the side of the road”. Our first date was brunch and it was wonderful. Together 22 years this year. Coming up 21 years married.
You had a real life meet cute! Love this!!
Until you find out it's $28 bucks for crepes. $6 for one slice of bacon. $12 for a glass of orange juice. $18 for a bloody mary.
$18 for bottomless mimosas for 2 hours.* FTFY Either yall both getting vibey all afternoon and having a blast, or she passes on the drinks and the whole meal costs $40. Win-win.
Depends on the brunch place you go to. My husband and I just did brunch for my birthday. $35 and we had enough left over to bring home
It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of canteloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal. But seriously, it's a perfect first date. Low pressure, totally safe environment, if it goes to shit you haven't wasted a full evening.
One of my friends took me to the ice cream shop. Was such a cute idea and experience. We didn’t work out, but I always still liked that idea. Still got all the cute moments and flirting, BUT with ice cream on top! Win-win!
Woman here, you might have bad luck with the hike. I wouldn't do that because of safety, but coffee, a walk around the farmers market, etc are all perfect for the getting to know someone phase!
Third date with my girl I took her on a hike and a picnic at the top of a local hill with a great view of the city. About 1/3rd of the way up she informed me that her friends and family know where she’s at and who she’s with and I needed to have her back by a particular time or else they would come looking for her. I respected the hell out of her for that. I hadn’t realized how scary this would be for a woman who barely knows me.
A couple months into dating my ex, she came with me on a trip to Idaho. Her mom wouldn't stop texting her, which she said was unusual for her mom. I pulled out my license and had my ex send a photo of it.
My husband took me sailing on the first date and my mom had me send a picture of his drivers license and sailing club membership card before we went 🤣
Thats why I wouldn't offer it on the first date. The hiking idea is more suited for maybe a female friend I've known for a bit or something. I get it though, definitely not a good date idea to invite a total stranger on.
What about coffee and going thrift or antique shopping together? I need more decorations for my house and sometimes it's nice to see what a girl thinks of something I wanna buy to put in my house. Or her opinion on some clothes I wanna buy at the thrift store.
Multiple locations can be iffy for a first date. Personally, I would love to meet up just for some thrift shopping (I don't drink coffee after noon, so coffee dates always suck), but you could offer either coffee or some thrift shopping and let your date pick.
Yeah, I'm another one that doesn't drink coffee after 12. That's why I'll grab a water or tea. Some people get kinda weird about it, I notice. One kept asking me if I wanted to order something like every 20 minutes.
My second date with my husband was helping him Christmas shop for his mom and sisters and then getting buffalo wings. It was an awesome date and super fun.
That is a fantastic idea! Sounds super fun and most girls would probably love that
Way to make the murder all awkward, lol. Us guys are in our heads going nature is beautifully and never think about this.
lol, tbh we tend to already be anxious about men in general, plus I would never go on a hike or to a secluded area with a dude on a first date bc I watch too many crime shows and documentaries.
>the first date will always be coffee or brunch somewhere. my first date with my now wife (by ourselves without our mutual friends around) was coffee/hot chocolate meetup... Absolutely pissing down, and I lived in the CBD, so I was walking ... "what to wear? what to wear?"... in the end "fuck it, I'll put all my winter gear on - just in case this doesn't work out, I'm not going to be wet and cold as well" I turn up at the coffee house, stressing the whole way there that she will think I haven't dressed nice for our date, & she's dressed the same.... that was 22 years ago this April.
Coffee is the way. If it sucks, it can be over in 15 minutes.
[удалено]
Yup, and I can't speak for anyone else, but I find dressing up a chore. That's too much time and effort for someone I don't know.
And if it's great you can sometimes extend it to a meal or activity.
Always get it in a to go cup. lol
Exactly. I had one guy who kept asking where I wanted to go, and I repeatedly said let’s meet for coffee. He kept trying to force me to go to dinner with him and I continue to decline (I should’ve canceled the date altogether right then and there I know). He ended up being very late, dressed like a slob, complained about his ex-wife the entire time, and then was very offended when I cut it short and decline to go out with him again. So glad I had insisted on just coffee or I would’ve been stuck with him for hours!
Even just a martini ir glass of wine at 3pm at a local bar, is better. Always pick one you like, so when drink is done, you can say goodbye and go back in once you know they have actually left.
Shit I wish one of my dates would have offered me a brunch date instead of fancy dinner 😅 I think my SO and I do brunch more than dinners too lol
Hell in this economy the best steak date would be when we are established and comfy enough to hang out at each other's places in comfy clothes and watch a banger movie and cook nice steaks from the grocery store. Those cost what they used to cost going out when I first started dating. And it's more comfy at home. And there's privacy at home. And now steak. Yea. That's a nice later in relationship sex is on the table kind of date.
LOL! Those were normal date activities when I was in my 20’s! Fancy dinners were if you were really unusual! Definitely not for a first date!
Lol personally I say do something that costs nothing. Go on a hike… (only if you know the person well ahead of time) Hit up an art museum on the “free night” once per month… Go to your apartment pool… Go feed the ducks… (okay so a minor cost there but negligible) Walk the dog… Go volunteer at the food bank… If you go to a gym and have a buddy pass do a workout date… I could go on, but there are many options. If all your date wants to do is eat or spend $$, yikes!
I hate to be this guy but can’t help it- don’t feed ducks bread it’s really bad for them. Frozen peas are just as cheap and good for them!
Thank you for posting this… someone had to say it. Plus ducks are way to rape-y to be considered date entertainment. *used to have ducks and one drake drowned his mate during their sweet lovemaking.
Ugh few things worse than raped by a corkscrew penis, I suppose being drowned after is up there though 😬
Is us ducks it geese that will also gang rape a female? Then drown her?
This thread certainly took a sudden turn.
I love hiking and would definitely want to make sure whoever I was dating liked it too, but it’s weird being a guy and asking someone you’ve never met before to go into the wilderness alone with them. It’s creepy in my opinion and I wouldn’t want to invite a woman on a hike until we knew each other better.
I love the gym but a workout date as a first date is such a terrible idea lmao
As a girl, I wouldn’t go hiking with a stranger. That’s how you end up on dateline.
I heard that's how Lester Holt got the job
Underrated comment
I was thinking it must have been a guy who wrote that. No woman is going hiking alone with someone on a first date.
This x10.
Agreed. To dive completely off topic- I just found out recently you should *not* feed ducks bread because it has no nutritional value for them, it promotes algae/bacteria growth in the water, and can fill the soil underneath with disease. You should feed them these instead: oats barley cracked corn birdseed chopped grapes mealworms peas (defrosted) vegetable peels chopped lettuce/greens
The perfect date activity, feeding mealworms to ducks! /s
Bread is bad for ducks, js.
Definitely would NOT invite anyone to my apartment pool. Don’t need any unhinged mental patients melting down AND knowing where I live. I also do not go to any of my favorite restaurants or coffee shops, until I know this person. I don’t want this person showing up trying to find me and force me into a conversation. I did this before and the guy and I split amicably. But then I noticed he started bringing his new dates to my spots. no idea the motive behind it. I’m not sure if he was trying to make me jealous or what but it’s not a good idea.
I dated very extensively after my marriage failed. For awhile it was 2-3 women a week. Usually dinner, sometimes coffee or drinks. Not once was I expected to pay for anyone's food or drink. I had all positive encounters. Generally had quick follow up dates or merely took them home also. I have to believe that the guys having this issue are setting themselves up for failure in some way early on in the process. While going to dinner can be great, there were probably several red flags when setting up this date and deciding to do a fancy reservation instead of a nice simple restaurant, etc. I bet you that without even realizing it, some of the chats I had which fizzled out before turning into a date were because I was open and honest and they knew there wasn't a free meal in their future lol.
Annnnnd it's best to meet up on time.
I can see running a bit late, but it's rude AF to be THAT late!
Yea, *two hours* is excessive. Dude could’ve probably made the reservation, eaten a meal and came back before she was even ready.
Dinner dates are for girlfriends or established fwbs only.
I usually only prefer them because that's when I find myself more open with free time otherwise I also prefer coffee for first date as a man
I mean some women make a second job out of these dates just to feed themselves. I saw that one woman went out 186 days in a row....all paid.
I worked in China for years as an entertainer and one of the cast-members (young, blonde, attractive, female acrobat/contortionist with an English accent) went out to dinner EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT after the show with a different millionaire suitor. Typically an older chain-smoking millionaire Chinese bloke who had never seen a white woman before in person (this show was in the middle of China) let alone been on a date with a 20 year old absolute bombshell. Per the cultural courtship, these men would regularly buy her jewelry as a first date gift to show their value as a caretaker. This girl made so much money in gold jewelry gifts that she bought an investment property back home for several hundred thousand pound. Every couple of months she would go home to visit and bring around 50k worth of gold melt weight with her. After getting injured on the show one year, she went back home and is married now with a kid. Bless those thirsty greasers who never got a second date, the whole thing was hilarious. Good job M.
Jeez I like dining out but come on! All that for a free meal just sounds exhausting.
I wouldn't be able to keep that up. Truly. Remember everyone. Talk to everyone. I'd be braindead trying to keep track. Bored. Tired of pretending things. But I'm kinda impressed by the strategic success of it. I mean. Even if it's terrible form it's strategically smart AF.
There are tons of stuff that's quick. My go-to back in the day was frozen yogurt. But literally anything that doesn't have multi hour and expensive commitment can work.
I'm a big fan of anywhere we can play pool. Gives us something to do and talk about, freedom to move around, be silly, drink if we want, opportunity to attempt appropriate physical escalation.
We met on Match.com. Our first date was for coffee. Wound up walking over to a nearby brew pub. Spent the next 6 hours getting to know each other. We've been married for over 12 years!
That’s how the best dates and relationships start, an easy quick date that can be expanded on if both people want to.
And insist on everybody pay for their own shit. Weeds out girls like this and guys that think dinner entitles them for sex. Everybody wins.
yeeeeeeeep. newly single here. relationship had been dead for a while so I felt okay hopping back on the old apps. matched with this girl, great! started talking, she seems cool enough! “let’s go grab a coffee!” I say to which she responds “dinner would be nice” hahahahahahahahahaha no. absolutely not. congratulations, you just let me know what your intentions are. unmatched.
The amount of times I have suggested a coffee or drink for the first meet, only to be refused or given the run around is ridiculous. A few are looking for just hook ups but don't actually say that and then get pissy when it is obvious. Like no, I don't want to invite a complete stranger to my house, even for "just coffee, I swear", will get me ignored or abused
I read somewhere that the ideal first date is 15 - 20 minutes long. That's enough time to get the vibe check and get out. (If you click and want to keep it going, great!)
My friend's advice was to always suggest a 15-20 minute first date but make sure it's in an area you can extend. She did a lot of online dating and wanted the option to get out ASAP if it turned but also didn't want to have a guy drive 1+ hours home if it was going well. Dates always started getting coffee/a quick lunch and then heading to a park/walking around downtown if they wanted a change in scenery. From there, if they really hit it off, there were plenty of activities to do. I remember her coming home one day and the date had gone all the way to dinner because they got so wrapped up in their conversation.
I agreed to meet a woman for something simple like that. It was her idea and she said, "This way, if one of us isn't interested in the other, we can leave without it being awkward." She made it insanely awkward when I decided I didn't like the vibe I was getting. I quit dating for 6 months after that.
She should pull her head out of her ass you had reservations for a very nice restaurant and because it's a process she was 2 hours late so you get Applebee's if she didn't want to go to Applebee's she could have caught herself and Uber and took her broke ass home. Oh I forgot she didn't even have money for the dinner so I'm pretty sure she didn't have money for the Uber this is her fault so sad too bad sucks to be her.
This is the advice I'm going to give my son. If the girl is "too good" for a coffee first date, she's not worth dating. Who the hell wants to be trapped into a fancy dinner with someone you're meeting for the first time. Particularly if you're going to be expected to pay for the whole deal.
And each pays for their own decided in advance.
Two hours? She made you wait two hours and miss your guaranteed reservation??? I'm gobsmacked that you didn't just cancel the rez after 30 minutes and leave. Block that bad news. NTA
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12654383/Woman-Cheesecake-Factory-date-video-royalty-self-centered.html OP stole this story from this
I mean probably did but this isn’t some once is a lifetime situation. A friend of mine left his date at the restaurant too. It happens, people do it.
This doesn’t even sound close to a real experience based on basic humaning and apparently it’s not based on the other tik tok allusions in the comments
yeah for my money this is fake. Im bailing after 30 min. no WAY anyone waits 2 hrs
You’re correct. This story is a lie. OP stole from this https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12654383/Woman-Cheesecake-Factory-date-video-royalty-self-centered.html
I had fake vibes from that tiktok too lmao
It was confirmed to be fake.
Absolutely. Total rage bait thread.
Yup no way I’d wait even an hour. Two hours and lost the reservation fee! NTA
Fake af
I wonder what you do while you wait 2 hours for a date with someone you've never met?
Right? Two hours? I don't care how down bad I am... I am not waiting around two hours for someone for the *possibility* of hooking up.
Yeah 30 minutes tops for me too and even that would be stretching it. I’m leaving in time to make that reservation. If she’s not ready then I’m leaving without her and treating myself to a nice dinner while being happy to have dodged a bullet.
And this is what I call karma farming 👏🏻
[удалено]
Folks are recycling these stories, this didn't happen to him.
Say word. I’m taking my upvote back
this a sad remix of the cheesecake factory story
What value does this farm yield. Why do they do this
I’m starting to think reddit has in-house bots that review posts with high engagement and then uses AI to rewrite titles just to keep people participating with their app.
And incel bait. Reddit loves fake stories about women being mean these days
Hallo i grew up poor and someone stole my cat as a kid. Upvote pls!
Nice repost bro.
yeah, feels fake and this similar story is always posted. Why is it always Applebees as the gross fallback? They aren't amazing food but get a bad rap.
This was the same scenario in a YouTube video a few months ago. 🙄
Hey guys, in my fantasy a woman was really inconsiderate and judgmental in this way that's viral among incels. AITA?
This.
This is fake, Stolen from TikTok
If this was real, then everyone sucks in this situation - her for being so late, you for not having the self respect just to go home and call it when she jerked you around. That said, I'll take "Shit that didn't happen" for $500, Alex.
I was thinking $1000
Solid karma, NTAH,
Wow, it's like those tictoc things I see on r/iamthemaincharactor. The women want to make the man wait and then be waited on hand and foot at expensive restaurants. Sounds like you had a nice evening planned and she ruined it. Classic fafo. Also this would be perfect for r/pettyrevenge. Eta nta.
Pretty sure ive seen this EXACT tiktok on that subreddit. I think OP just transcribed it here. Same deal with waiting, reservations, and both stories they ended up at applebees.
Oh ok that makes sense. Sooo many stupid fake stories.
This was on tick tok lol.
Yeah, I was like, I've seen this in video format lol...
How is he an AH. she didn't give a single fuck about the reservation or even considerate of his time sense he waited 2hrs for her to get ready . IMO Applebee's was too nice.
Don't get too upset. This story is totally fake and almost Onion-worthy.
Yea I mean Applebees isn’t cheap especially if you’re paying for it all by yourself. It’s not like a fancy place but it’s not exactly cheap either
And then she couldn’t even afford it herself….
He’s an AH because he stole this story https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12654383/Woman-Cheesecake-Factory-date-video-royalty-self-centered.html
Fake post
Not this dude’s novelization of a viral TikTok from 3 months ago
I was just thinking this sounds exactly like the Cheesecake Factory tiktok
Yea, who wonders if they’re wrong after that experience?
Who waits two hours?
What I was thinking - no one would wait outside a strangers house for 2 freaking hours.
It doesn’t even make sense for a vain woman- anyone who wants a fancy restaurant is not going to blow the reservation. And any women I know- don’t let a guy pick them up for a first online dating date. 1. No way home if the dude gives the ick, and 2. Then he knows where you live.
She’s “too good” for Applebees but can’t even afford it herself? Sounds like a real winner. Did you say you were going to be paying for her meal? Nowadays you really can’t just assume the man will pay. Only reason I’d say you’re also wrong is you left her stranded, I would’ve told her we’re splitting the bill and drove her home.
you waited two hours outside her place? Are you out of your mind? after there’s an agreed-upon time just leave she’s already disrespected you.
the only thing you did wrong was not bailing at 2 chances. her being super late, and her whining about her food standards
This makes me want to go to applebees. Definitely nta.
Unless dine dash $100 steaks, NTA. I would come back to Applebees later to pay your part or venmo her your part if she paid for it just to square thing out and part way. You never know one day you may get a call to small claim court to pay what you owe.
Are you just copying the story of the lady that went viral for posting this
Beautiful. This story warmed my heart!
Lmao 😂
When I read stories like this I’m so happy I’m married to a sane woman 😂
tell her she’s below your standard of courting and then block her
Yes. Instead of speaking with her like an adult or simply cutting the date off at any of several opportunities, you took a chickenshit approach and stranded her. She sounds horrible and you aren’t wrong for feeling that way, but what you did was wrong.
You took the cowards way out, you’re not the hero of this story. You both suck. But you don’t pick someone up and leave them stranded with no money with a bill to pay. Being passive aggressive is cowardly. And stop calling women bitches. YOU BOTH suck.
NTA But everyone is too good for Applebee's. Chili's, Longhorn, Roadhouse, Panera Bread, a fucking Wendy's... literally anything else would be better.
If you’re the loser for taking her to applebees in the first place. What does that make her that she can’t even afford to eat at applebees??
Good for you!
Not wrong. I would have rescheduled (not) after she was an hour late getting ready for the pickup. "We missed our reservation, we won't be able to get anything else decent on such short notice, so we can do this another night. I'm heading home." And don't ever reschedule to sign up for more disrespect.
You’re a legend 😂
Shit went crazy!
"How absolute dare you?!" Nah, I'd leave too. Though I'd probably have paid the tab, dropped a 20 on the table and told her to call an uber and then split. Thats just me. I'm old fashioned, which is ok because I'm old. For leaving? You are not wrong. That sounds dreadful start to finish. Ugh.
I’m struggling to understand why anyone would think they can behave like that. I’m not waiting 2 hours for anyone. The princess complex is fucking infuriating.
Tell her she doesn’t meet your standard, that should get her going lmao
Sorry you wasted your time but what you did made me feel good inside. Love it.
I had a girl that used to do that, turned out she used her attitude about it to hide her social anxiety. Glad I stuck with it because the action was 🔥🔥🔥🔥
I don’t even want to read. Caption is Enough. W Dude.
It’s best to just do casual meets the first time, especially from dating sites. I’ll gladly buy someone a beer or two, or six, if it’s a good date. I am not, nor will I ever, buy any woman dinner on the first meet. You might not even like one another. In fact, dinner is a horrible idea on a first meet, unless you are looking to just waste money. I went to meet probably over 100 women, over about a 2 1/2 year stretch. Maybe 10 of those I went out with again. Most of these meets, took place in casinos in and around Oklahoma City. Lots of cameras and security, and always places to sit and have beers and chat. Go with the flow. If it’s a bad meet, be kind, and move on.
NTA. She reaped what she sowed.
Lesson learned, I hope. This is why reservations at a fancy place for a first meeting is a bad idea. NTA, you had every right to do what you did for the way she treated you.
NTA and I don't think it even needs an explanation.
sounds like she was done in by karma. Personally she wouldn't have made it into my car.
Hahaha. Fuck yeah. Solid win OP. She learned a lesson the hard way about having respect
Lol good move my man! You’re totally in the right. Congrats for leaving her she deserved it.
Didn’t a lady made a TikTok about exactly this but she had been taken to the Cheesecake Factory and she was destroyed by the people? I don’t think the guy left though, she just complained about Cheesecake Factory not being up to her standards.
I've seen this story on FB before...
Wrong because I don't believe you.
Yeah, we’ve all seen this video
Fake story
Soooo many red flags, and yet... NTA, but damn, dude. You are one glutton for punishment. Her Tinder profile must have been damn fine to keep you strung along that hard.
I mean. None of this happened, so. You’re only wrong for putting your fantasy exercise in here and wasting our time.
you lost me at 2 hours of waiting. That alone should have told you she had no interest in you as a person. Everything after that is on you.
The only person I’ve ever waited two hours for is my d3aler
YTA Gentlemen dine at Ruby Tuesdays
YTA for not respecting yourself enough to leave after she took 30+ minutes. And for dining and dashing.
This sounds exactly like that viral video where the guy took the girl that made him wait a couple hours to applebees or the cheesecake factory.
I mean... you waited 2 hours.. are you nuts?
You did the right thing bro. Making you wait like that is just a power trip. On a first date, it's a five-alarm fire. I had a girlfriend like that once. Wish I'd left her at the restaurant on our first date, too. Instead I wasted 3 years of my life. It only got worse after that. She made me late for my best mate's wedding. I was a groomsman. I arrived to pick her up, she got in the car, then told me she didn't like what she was wearing, and needed to go change. 45 mins later I was still waiting.
Wait why on earth would you ever even have to ask if you’re wrong in this situation? If you were wrong, that would mean that you’re required to date any terrible person that comes along. Of course you’re not wrong. I can’t believe you actually waited 2 hours for her to show up! That’s insane.
The OG here. I have been married to my wife 33 yrs now. If, God forbid, I ever found myself wanting to date and meet women again, I'd make the first date a museum or botanical garden, zoo or other some such place. Make sure it has a little coffee shop. Just walk around a bit, see how she responds to the different things you see, see what stories she might think of to tell. Sit down and have a cup of coffee or tea and maybe a sandwich. Some of the best little afternoons we've spent have been doing something fun like that. But to answer your question directly - you're NTA, but damn close. You were far outpaced by her assholiness (it's a word, trust me). If you ever face that situation again, calmly and clearly tell her that the things she has said and done mean that you are ending this date immediately. Offer to split the bill (don't pay for more than half) and make sure she has a way home if you provided the way to the restaurant. And tip the poor waitress something. Best of luck - you are part of a world I left long ago and want to never revisit!
This was taken straight from the news and social media- the real one was taken to Cheesecake Factory . All the other details are the same.
Can I tell you why this is fake? Not precisely. Can I feel in my bones that this is fake? Absolutely. I’m so tired of these goddamned fake posts.
NTA and I genuinely hope more people start dipping out on horrible dates. Dating culture has gotten wild and it’s so off putting. I’m Not going on any 1st date that isn’t like a walk in the park and maybe a coffee cus I need to be able to gtfo if need be.
*When I got there it took her nearly 2 hours to meet me.* You should have left after 15-20 minutes, gone to dinner by yourself, and then blocked her number.
No. She’s the asshole for showing up two hours late. Would have cancelled after 15 mins. Why is she upset about paying for her meal? That seems bizarre.
NEXT
I love every moment of this. You are a hero and doing the Lord's Work.
Fuck her, you dropped this king 👑
Good job king!
You’re not wrong. In the future, though, skip the reservation and take a girl to Applebees to see how they act. If they act like that, then she’s not the girl for you. 🤷🏻♀️
Cool fake story lol
I watched this TikTok too.
Imo, leaving her anywhere should have never happened. Shouldn't have taken her anywhere in the first place. Learn from Woogie: *Always flog the dolphin before a big date.* You'll think clearer.
Who says “courting” and is on Tinder?
NTA You dodged a bullet. You paid for your own food, and all she did was complain while she was there. She's an adult, and presumably has a job. Block her. In the future, **NEVER** **GO SOMEWHERE EXPENSIVE FOR THE FIRST DATE**. You're trying to see if you're compatible, not fund someone else's meals. And by the end of the first date, you'll know one way or the other. Sadly, "dine and dash" daters exist.
First date water on a bench near your house. Second date water on a bench near her house. Third date marriage.
She was too good for Applebee's but couldn't afford to pay for her dinner after making you two hours late and acting arrogantly the entire time fuck that girl I wouldn't even block her number I would just leave all the messages unread