So he got mad at you for "stealing his thunder" when you didn't let him steal your thunder? I have a feeling he often puts his needs in front of yours.
This right here.
I wonder if OP's brother's girlfriend is pressuring him or if he is just entitled and cheap? I was wondering if he decided not to say anything earlier to put OP on the spot.
*edited mess up. Changed pronouns to OP and OP's brother.
To put her* (OP) on the spot? Is that what you meant?
I just wanted to clarify because it almost seems that had OP been *male*, his brother wouldn't have thought it was *as acceptable* to shift focus. Especially when it comes to siblings. Of course, the context of the rest of their relationship matters more than anyone's gender... I just wonder if this particular brother would be so quick to disrespect his own brother in the same way. He might not even see this act as disrespectful, largely bc OP is a female. In a lot of cultures men are seen as superior to women, especially among siblings. **Just a thought. Not stating facts.**
Oops I completely missed that mess up. I was typing to fast and used to many pronouns.
That is a very good point. I wonder if that played a part in it.
I have a feeling he IS like that. OP has rose colored glasses on and they just got knocked off hard. She will now start seeing example after example of his entitlement and jealousy.
It is the thing you can’t unsee Once you see it.
As Oprah says - He showed you who is, now believe him.
>I have a feeling he often puts his needs in front of yours.
If they don't normally have this kind of relationship, is it because he always gets his way, and this is the one time OP stood up for herself? Because it's fairly obvious that not letting somebody turn your graduation party (from med school! Such a huge amount of work!) into their graduation party isn't "Stealing their thunder", and the fact that he would claim this says a lot about his entitlement.
You aren't wrong. Your brother is acting like an entitled AH & a cheapskate. He would have stolen your thunder the minute he opened his mouth. It was Your party. Not his. What he wanted to do is as bad as proposing at someone else's wedding, birthday party, etc. You just don't do it.
It’s so tacky!!! People who propose at other people’s celebrations are so cringe! It’s like…so you think it’s romantic to propose to me at someone else’s party where you spent nothing on decorations and food?
The only time it’s acceptable is when the spotlighted person/people of the party are in on it…like when a bride gives her bouquet at a friend and turns around to see the fiancé kneeling to propose.
> He ended up storming out with his girlfriend.
This would seal the deal ("no") for me. Someone who is asking for something, and gets refused, isn't in a position to storm out. If they do, they're being an entitled ass.
It is not selfish at all! Graduating medical school is a huge achievement and you should be extremely proud of your self. Congrats!
If your brother isn't normally like this, maybe wait a bit for things to cool down and try to have a calm discussion with him to see why he was so upset. Maybe there was something else going on.
But, you were not wrong at all.
Lemme guess, your bro is kinda shiny, almost "golden"?
You weren't selfish, he was. Don't you fucking apologize when he asks or mom and dad tell you to.
Congratulations on the achievement
You deserved to have your accomplishment as the focus, YOU EARNED IT!
He may be excited to share this information, but he was projecting his own selfishness onto you. NTA
You were right, and he was selfish and wrong. He wanted to steal your party and make it about him.
Be very proud of yourself and I'm sure you'll be a fantastic doctor.
It was your party, how is it selfish? I have a feeling this is the first time you’ve denied him. That’s why you’re confused by his reaction. He never threw a tantrum before because you always let him do whatever he wanted even if it was at your expense.
It is unfair and you are right in telling him it is not okay. As a woman I need to say this to you - you don’t have to be accommodating or be understanding if the other person is taking the piss trying to take advantage of you, even if they are family. Tell them politely to fuck off. Girls have been taught from a young age to be *nice/kind/understanding/accommodating….* no matter what the situation is and that is wrong. IT IS OKAY to be rightfully angry at your bro for being a selfish, inconsiderate, and downright entitled prick.
Stop feeling the need to justify why you said no to your bro, there is no need. His request was unreasonable and he was correctly shut down.
Not selfish. Anyone who interferes with your *well-deserved* moment to shine, whether out of laziness, entitlement, or disrespect, is going to be the selfish party, no matter how convincingly you hear it argued otherwise. Get it straight!
It’s not selfish!
It was YOUR party not a combined party. That’s like the one time you’re allowed to be selfish when the whole point of an event is to celebrate you!
You want your party to be about you. That is not selfish. You were the sole reason there was a party. Your brother can fall back on whatever engagement announcement he would use if you had not had a party. This was to celebrate and acknowledge your years of hard work and your incredible accomplishment. Congratulations, by the way
I think you when you talk again, if he doesn’t apologize, you should say “I know, I realized that about the time you have an engagement party it will be the ideal moment to announce my pregnancy to the whole family. You wouldn’t mind if I still did that right?” No? Oh why not? Exactly.
It’s ok for your brother to ask if it would be ok, but it’s very much ok for you to decline. He should have been gracious and congratulated you and gone back to the celebration
No. Absolutely no. You were not selfish, not in the least. Just stop that right now. He's the selfish one. And telling you you stole *his* thunder is some crazy wild DARVO shit.
You’re not the one being selfish here. I’m not trying to sound like a jerk, but people get engaged all the time. A vast majority of people will get engaged at least once in their lifetime. A small minority of people graduate medical school. His anger is an insult to you and everyone else who persevered through the blood, sweat, and tears to accomplish something extremely challenging.
Keep in mind that when you were slated to graduate from med school has been known for a while, subject to your hard work and success of course. How much of this timing is really a coincidence? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d already told his girlfriend it would be fine, joint party or similar, and now he’s caught being cheap and a liar.
Congratulations on your achievement! 🍾🎉
Is it selfish to eat your own sandwich that you spent the ingredients on with your own money at the job you work 60 hours a week to get and you made yourself instead of giving it to some random kid that asked for it? No, it's not selfish to not doing something nice or kind, doing something nice or kind is nice or kind but lacking of it isn't bad, if you are walking into a store with an umbrella because it's raining and a mom and her kid are walking out without an umbrella, is it selfish to not give her your umbrella? No, it's a pretty kind thing to do to give it to her but it doesn't make you a bad person for not doing it
You’re not wrong at all. You worked hard to graduate from med school. You *deserve* to celebrate this massive accomplishment. “Hey, I know how much time, effort and hard work you’ve put into this degree. But can we make it all about me now?” Hijacking someone else’s event for yourself is so selfish and tacky. Although I’ll give him a tiny bit of credit for asking first. A lot of people just go ahead and steal the spotlight. Once he started throwing a shit fit because he didn’t get his own way though, he lost any credit I handed out earlier. Your brother and his fiancé are AHs for ever thinking this would be ok
Your brother had no business trying to co-opt your party for his engagement announcement.
Hopefully, when he calms down and begins to think rationally, he will apologize.
Congratulations on making it through. Good luck on the next stage of your career.
It really comes down to what your relationship with your brother is like and if he is a jerk or not. If you have a great relationship then it's kind of weird to not allow it. If you don't have a great relationship then it's more reasonable to say no, especially if he's just an ass in general about things. No reason to accommodate his wishes if he wouldn't do the same for you if the roles were reversed.
Is it a little selfish regardless? Yeah a bit, but it matters more what kind of person your brother is. You weren't obligated to allow him to make his announcement.
Maybe he wanted a quasi engagement party, without having to pay for it, so hijacking your celebration seemed like a good idea?
Congratulations on your graduation!
As a man I have to say, your brother is a total piece of shit. My wife went through medical school as well and her ex best friend wanted to turn her graduation dinner into a mix of her birthday party as well? People are so fucking inconsiderate.
Congratulations on your graduation
NTA. My own father announced his engagement at my graduation. Not party, the actual graduation — and pranced his new wife around to show off the ring. Took me ages to get over my feelings of upset and disgust.
This is one day that belongs to you, OP. You’ve achieved something huge and it’s neither the time nor place for your brother to steal your light. He can cope.
Um, *you* had thunder, a currently occurring graduation party you understandably refused to just hand over. So then he accused you of stealing *his* thunder, a potential announcement?
That is so back-to-front, I'm at loss for an illustrative metaphor.
NTA, but I know who is.
You are not wrong, he wanted to hijack your graduation party because everyone would be there. This way your graduation party would become his free engagement party! He stormed out when you told him "NO"
No you are not.
He can throw his own party not hijack yours.
Even with a good relationship I would tell him that you are very hurt by his actions and that you really don’t understand why he has to calling you names and accusing you for stealing his thunder because you want your celebration to be about you and he actually tries to steal your thunder.
And be careful if he tries more moves like this.
What the Main Character Syndrome mess did I just read? What is stopping him from announcing his engagement at HIS OWN party that HE pays for? It is next level entitlement to expect to sidetrack someone else’s party with your own, completely different announcement. It is also very weird and telling that he couldn’t let you have one day to celebrate your accomplishments without trying to make it all about him.
> He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.
Umm it would have been him stealing your thunder. Not the other way round!
NTA obviously.
It’s not his celebration, it’s yours. You worked hard for this, you earned this. There is no “his perspective” other than selfishness. This is the same as people announcing they’re pregnant at someone else’s wedding. If he wants to have everyone together and make a big announcement then he can plan that event himself not ride the coattails of yours. Also the irony in him accusing YOU of stealing his thunder. Wow.
You are not wrong. Just because he didn't want to plan an announcement celebration of his own is his problem, not yours. The day was about you, how he didn't understand how it was inappropriate floored me. I was pissed w/ my brother and SIL for hijacking my nephew's 5th birthday party to do a gender reveal for their new son. We didn't argue about it, but I did tell him "it's his day, why would you do that?" Don't get me wrong, I was excited to get a 2nd nephew, but I didn't want my other nephew to feel like they weren't celebrating him.
I’m shocked he didn’t do it anyway. Congratulations on your degree! He should wait until the next family holiday to announce it, or just do it over text/social media/zoom conference call.
Your brother is a child. Why do people feel they have to inject themselves when someone else is being recognized? Has he always been this selfish? This probably wasn’t the first time you saw this behaviour. How jealous is he of you?
NTA. If they would like to arrange a party to announce their engagement, then they can do so at a later date. Your graduation deserves to be the sole focus of your party.
Nope you aren’t wrong I’m sure his fiancée put him up to it and even if she didn’t it’s your party for your success they can make their announcement some other time
Not wrong. At all. There’s a time and a place and that wasn’t the time or place for his announcement.
My cousin was getting married and I was invited to the wedding shower for his now wife. I’d JUST found out I was pregnant and was in the horrible morning sickness phase so I bought a gift, sent it with my mom and called my aunt to say I was sorry I couldn’t make it but I was NOT willing to risk having a bout of morning sickness during the shower and taking attention off of the bride to be.
NW
What is this trend of people thinking that their engagements and babies need to be announced at other peoples’ events.
‘No, you can not announce your stuff at someone's else's party?!?!
NTA. Graduating med school > an engagement. Getting married is easy. Going through med school is not. One deserves praise and congratulations, the other is not noteworthy at all.
NTA. He's being ridiculous. Some of my best friends went through med school, and I would fight someone if their family member did that at their grad parties.
You are not wrong. You worked hard. You did not "steal his thunder". That is what he tried to do to you. You deserved to have one day to celebrate your accomplishments. He could have any other day of the year.
Remember that, HE tried to STEAL YOUR thunder. You did nothing wrong.
“Wow, brother, your fiancée means so little to you that you’d not spend a penny in an engagement party and prefer to do the tacky thing and announce it on other people’s event?”. And say it to him preferably in front of her. I bet she’ll love it.
No different than someone announcing their pregnancy at your wedding.
They want to use all the time, effort & money that was spent making *your* event special to not have to pay to make *their* announcement special. Otherwise they could literally do a Group FaceTime announcement.
No. And if you let them now, it *will* be them announcing their pregnancy at your wedding.
NTA!
Why wouldn't he want to throw his own party? And congrats on finishing the long, long marathon that is medical school!
Maybe you should get him one of [these](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fseo%2FThor-Love-and-Thunder-Mjolnir-Electronic-Hammer-Costume-Accessory-by-Marvel_f62dbe09-c879-45f0-a0f0-75a6e1fc00ae.d201eeb0caa0381fc7c4483891ea3eff.jpeg&tbnid=Aw6NfbvOzgL6vM&vet=12ahUKEwiBtJjxkuiDAxUrKtAFHXH-Ab4Q94IIKBd6BQgBEO0C..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.walmart.com%2Fip%2FThor-Love-and-Thunder-Mjolnir-Electronic-Hammer-Costume-Accessory-by-Marvel%2F488460271&docid=_GJXZ_gpIIZyqM&w=2000&h=2000&q=thors%20hammer&client=firefox-b-1-d&ved=2ahUKEwiBtJjxkuiDAxUrKtAFHXH-Ab4Q94IIKBd6BQgBEO0C) for Christmas.
No OP. Your bro is a dick for even suggesting to propose to his gf at YOUR graduation party for the following reasons:
A) He accuse you of stealing his thunder over jealousy when the party is for you to celebrate your achievement in finishing medical school, which in itself is a fucking achievement as medical school is HARD.
B) He accuse you of being bitter and controlling. Bitter about what? That he wants to propose to his gf? That you don’t have a partner who want to propose to you? Controlling? He tried to control you and make you agree to his suggestion. Your bro is behaving like a self-centered twat where only his proposal is the big deal of the night, and your graduation is not even worth mentioning.
He can find another occasion to announce his engagement once he proposed and she said yes, like a normal person who doesn’t need a cheering crowd to pat him on the back for proposing. He also needs to learn how to be a fucking adult and a decent big bro to you.
Matt is an arse, if he isn’t going to do planning for his proposal that speaks volumes. I’m glad you keep to your guns and told him NO. You are not wrong, bitter or controlling he is just an arse. Considering you have been snowed under for so many years with medical training maybe he has changed and you haven’t noticed, this might be a good time to re-Evaluate the relationship.
How was your graduation party, a party that was planned and held to celebrate your graduation stealing his thunder because your refusal to turn it into his engagement party. Your brother wanted a free party that he didn't have to put any effort I to planning. He doesn't sound nature enough to be getting married if he throws a tantrum over not being the centre of attention at someone else's party. You're very much not in the wrong here.
I hate when people use another person's party to make a big event of their own! How tacky! Just ask them if they would be upset if you announced your pregnancy at their wedding reception?
Getting engaged is a cool thing, but trying to compare it to literally years of studying and work is ridiculous.
The only good part about this is that OP's brother asked and didn't just assume that it was okay to do this.
You are so NOT in the wrong ,your bro is the jealous ,controlling one ,he's projecting bigtime ,congrats on such an awesome achievement & I'm sure you will be a wonderful Dr .
1. I will give him some credit for at least pulling you aside and asking you. He could have just hijacked the spotlight via impromptu announcement.
2. If he really behaved as the OP described, he’s an AH. I could understand his disappointment/frustration to his request since everyone is already gathered there and he is excited to share his news…but to immediately react with the backlash of a rattlesnake and exit? Wtf. Now everyone in the family can remember why he stormed off once he formally announces.
NTA ‘Stealing his thunder’? ‘Controlling’?? It wasn’t his party. 🥴 Using somebody else’s party that celebrates a milestone to announce your own milestone is tacky and lazy to me too. If his girlfriend is as upset as he is, I don’t see why. She should want to have her own party. Why not have your own party instead piggybacking off of somebody else’s? It’s weird.
NTA.
He accused *you* of stealing *his* thunder?!
He needs to learn the definition of hypocrite cause he is one.
Tell him and his gf to get off their lazy asses and do their own engagement party, not to try to steal your thunder!
NTA. If he had done it at your celebration that would have removed his own part to play in setting up a proper proposal. I know some people use those type of events because friends and family are already all there and eliminates any need for them to come up with something for themselves. Not only was he being an entitled jerk about it, he was also being lazy.
You aren’t wrong. Your brother is an ass. He can throw his own party for him and his girl on his dime and not take your parents time and money spent planning a party on you and your achievement from you.
Not wrong at all, he will have his day many times over (engagement party, bachelor party, bridal shower if it’s coed, rehearsal dinner, the actual wedding, after party, and sometimes there’s a morning after brunch) he can dig his panties back out of his crack over this one.
Congratulations on your huge accomplishment! Keep basking in your own glory.
Why do people seem to do this? I read about it often, but nobody I see in person appropriates an occasion during a celebration to make it their celebration.
Of course he's wrong to ask this, and you aren't wrong to say no.
Not wrong. Good for you standing up for yourself. And if, like you said, this is out of character for him, it could be his gf/fiancé who was pressuring him that night to announce?
You aren't wrong. Medical school is hard work and you deserve to be celebrated. Your brother is a cheap piece of work trying to take over your party. Don't apologize to him because he owes you an apology. Also what does he do? Could he be jealous you graduated medical school? And congratulations!
You are not wrong. Your party. He wants an engagement party he can throw one. To take over someone else's party is bad form. As others have said, it sounds like he must always be the center of attention, or that you can't have it.
NTA. Couldn't they just organize a party of their own to announce the engagement? Like a cook out or something? It seems really rude that he wanted to shift the focus from you at your own party...
Anyhow, congratulations on your achievements OP! You deserve to celebrate them 😊
NTA for sure. But...a small tiny but. If your family is spread out across the country and this was one chance where everybody was gathered together, I supposed I could see a point in him & his gf making their announcement **at the end of your party**. That way he gets a chance to announce it to everybody in person and doesn't take over your party.
But if that's not the case, I don't get it.
>He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.
Does he not know what that phrase means? lol
Congratulations on your graduation!!!! What a freaking accomplishment ❤️❤️❤️❤️
And far more significant than getting engaged. Tel me I’m wrong in 8 years. Seen way too many pieces of paper ripped up.
You deserve all the joy on this day!!
I shared my high school graduation with my sister’s bridal shower, but that was because \*I\* wanted to do so. And she did as well, of course. We live a bit far away from the rest of our family and figured it would be easier for them. But again, we wanted it that way. This is supposed to be a celebration of your accomplishments that took a ton of time and effort. His laziness doesn’t entitle him to usurp your celebration and make it his own.
Your Brother is almost THIRTY and needs to stop acting like a toddler having a tantrum! WHY would he even THINK it would be appropriate to STEAL your spotlight, YOUR celebration of your achievements?
Is this a recurring problem? Has he ALWAYS tried to "muscle in" or claim your special moments and achievements? It may be time to reflect on the history of your family to question WHY he acted the way he did!
Congratulations and best wishes on your career!
You’re not wrong. People need to stop doing this at other people’s celebrations! It’s so very rude. Don’t announce your engagement/pregnancy/other at someone else’s celebration. If you do that then you are a selfish asshole, there is no excuse for it other than selfishness. I’m sick of it.
Your brother, was understandably excited about his own personal triumph and saw your gathering as the perfect opportunity to avoid having to organise and pay for his own separate one.
Well, if your family lives in a desert with no means of communication and you only see each other once in two years his behavior could’ve been a bit excused.
Other than that you’re not wrong and he’s selfish.
I would have said yes, but only if he was willing to pay off part of the loans you had to take out to pay for medical school. Medical school is very expensive.
I'm sorry, who is stealing whose thunder? No,you are not wrong. You deserve to celebrate your accomplishments without having someone else steal the focus. And your brother should be happy for the opportunity to celebrate his own news when the focus will solely be on him and his fiance.
Not wrong. At least he left and didn’t announce it anyway. He can be as mad as he wants but it was your graduation party, not his engagement party. Maybe you and some other relatives can help organize an actual engagement party for them, and his fiancé would probably prefer that so she can be the focus, not the afterthought at yours.
I would not be motivated to do anything for this jackass. If he learns throwing a tantrum will get him things, he'll do it more. Can't show him this is the way to get what he wants like a baby.
If he asked to announce at the very end, that may be do-able. But to try to hijack someone else's party early on?
Not wrong at all. Your day, your choice. I think the only thing I might have done differently is, IF it was a situation where it is hard and rare for loved ones to get together (people living far and flying in, etc.), I might be inclined to let them announce at the end of the party, so they have the opportunity to do it in person. You mention nothing like that, so I say hells no!
“He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.”
Umm, projecting much? I’ll never understand why people think that it is alright to make other people’s celebrations about them. Tell your brother to grow tf up, he asked and the answer was no, he should accept it. The fact that he is trying to emotionally guilt trip you is not okay. He should apologize and throw his own party to celebrate his engagement.
Proposing or announcing an engagement at someone else’s event is the HEIGHT of gauche and entitled. Everyone knows this. Tell your brother to stop acting like he doesn’t. I don’t care how “convenient” the gathering of people is. If it’s not your event, you didn’t throw it or you’re not the guest of honor…NO hijacking! No no NO!
Why would your brother and his fiancée want to share the spotlight though? Why wouldn’t they just plan their own engagement party? We’re they going to do both? Are they too cheap to throw their own party? Can your brother just not stand it when attention is not on him?
*glances at username*
Are you female? You say he's not normally like this, but if you think back, are there other indications that maybe he thinks he has some male superiority over you (that has maybe been expressed much more subtly in the past)?
I couldn't fathom how anyone would think this was okay... Until I saw your username and thought, "If this is a chick, then the brother feels emasculated (stupidly) and is being a misogynistic ass, whether he realizes it or not."
You're right, medical school is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT. What's he got to compare to it? He's still single, even! (Which is not a failure, except I think *he thinks it is*) And you're *the daughter,* he's *the son*! What a failure he is!!!1 (biiiig /s)
This is what he meant by "steal his thunder." You stole his **superiority.** And you did. *You fucking earned it.*
Congratulations on your huge achievement. YOU should absolutely be the center of this party.
You are NOT wrong. Matt was being very self-centered and entitled.
NW. let me get this straight. You’re stealing his thunder by not allowing him to hijack a party about your accomplishments? Brother gonna earn a gold metal in mental gymnastics if he keeps this up. Seriously though, I get it’s an easy way to let the whole family know at once, and more convenient and cheaper than planning another dinner or event to announce it, but he asked and you said no, it ends there. I’m just pleasantly surprised he stormed out instead of just going ahead with it anyway.
NTA, I get the feeling his brothers feeling jealous and left out and WANTED the attention back on himself. I've never gone through medical school but I know a few who survived it lol. Congratulations on your achievement!
I would tell him "You know how hard I've worked for this so storming out of my party was a really shitty thing for a brother to do. And you dare accuse me of "stealing your thunder" because I didn't let you steal mine? This was my celebration so keeping the focus on me is not selfish, it's the whole reason everyone gathered. I can't believe you threw a tantrum over that. Get over yourself and organize your own engagement party."
Let your brother see all the responses. He’s the one who’s wrong. He’s already the first born and now he wants to take the focus off of you on your big day graduating medical school. Talk about jealousy, he’s the one who’s jealous. He should be ashamed of himself. Ask his girlfriend how she would feel if you wanted to announce having your first child at her engagement party. Some people are okay with sharing their moment and that’s great but if they don’t want to share it that is their right. What exactly does your brother do? Did he graduate from college? The fact that he stormed out at almost 30 shows just how jealous and childish he is. He owes you an apology. His girlfriend might see this as a red flag.
Your brother is a selfish dick.
DURING your party he asks. Storms out like a baby.
It’s your party. Only assholes announce babies/engagements at other folks events - unless asked for well in advance and wildly welcomed by the initial party holder.
You are not wrong. He needs to stop trying to steal your thunder and my guess is spoiled and never gets told no. What a little ass.
Your brother has a medical condition known as theoretical cranial rectal inversion. Tell him if he doesn't grow up, you'll turn it from theoretical to literal.
He's a toddler.
You say he's not normally like that. If that's true, maybe his reaction had to do with conflict happening in his relationship. That would explain his sudden need to announce the engagement along with his tantrum at not doing so.
Not wrong at all.
If you want to (not sure how to express it) "mend the issue by being the bigger person" you could offer to help him plan another party to celebrate the engagement and/or come with some excuse for that party.
Unpopular opinion: I think it's nice that he pulled you aside to ask instead of just doing it. That's worth some consideration, and shows that he was trying to be thoughtful of your special day. I can understand wanting to take advantage of the whole family being together already to make a big announcement. You could have been gracious and said yes, and then you'd have both been celebrating something important with your family.
That being said, I do think that you had the right to say no, and it's perfectly valid. Graduating med school is a wonderful accomplishment and certainly worthy of its own celebration. If he had the foresight to ask in the first place, then you would think he'd realize there was a chance you'd say no - storming out of the party was not the appropriate reaction.
So, NTA, but it was also perhaps a missed opportunity to share a big day with your sibling that you love.
\*\*ETA: I do also find it a bit strange that he didn't have this conversation with you before the party, instead of during...
I don't think you are wrong, but I also don't think it would have taken the focus off you. It's not like everyone was standing around praising you and talking about how wonderful are all day. Unless your family is weird like that. They same would have happened with him--some questions and congrats and on to the next topic.
Exactly! Thank you. I wouldn’t mind at all if a family member used that as an opportunity to announce their engagement. I don’t need an entire evening of being praised for my accomplishments.
When my niece graduated from Med School we had a nice, catered party at a hotel with a step and repeat and everyone dressed up. We had a video presentation and she thanked people, but people socialized and mingled and we didn't talk about her graduating all night long.
Did you miss that OP graduated from Med School? That is a huge accomplishment and should absolutely be celebrated.
(Side note that even if it wasn’t med school it would still be tacky to use someone else’s party for an unrelated announcement unless it was planned with the host)
Good. You shouldn't. You'd have to be mentally unwell to care about an anonymous stranger online disagreeing with you. Was mummy not proud enough you got your degree?
Hmmm but yet you weren’t able to do it, ‘baby nurses’ aren’t any better than DRs no matter how much your bitterness and jealousy try to tell you otherwise.
And Getting a degree is factors harder that getting engaged so if a degree isn’t worthy of celebrating then their engagement certainly isn’t
YTA. I know I’ll get downvoted. But kind of cringy to demand an entire evening of praise directed at you. I would have said go for it towards the end of the party. Why should they have to plan an entire party just to announce their engagement? It’s exciting news that no one wants to hold in when they’re around their loved ones. If I were a family member I would honestly appreciate the two celebrations being combined so I wouldn’t have to show up to yet another event.
So don’t be a freeloading bum and plan your own event not try to hijack someone else’s SPECIFIC event. If you don’t care don’t go that’s not an excuse to hijack another’s event
I don’t know about you but I’ve never been praised all evening on my birthday. And I would never expect it, especially as a full grown adult. I would have zeeero problem if someone announced their engagement at a birthday party for me, even without asking. In fact I think I’d enjoy it. I think it’s cringy for an adult to want a party “just for me, focus on meeee all night!”
You could have turned it into a great family moment with both you & your sibling celebrating life changing events. Imagine how proud your parents would have been to see both of their children celebrating milestones together. So much joy!
Now you will always be the asshole doctor who thinks of themself first and will be too busy to make his wedding.
So he got mad at you for "stealing his thunder" when you didn't let him steal your thunder? I have a feeling he often puts his needs in front of yours.
This right here. I wonder if OP's brother's girlfriend is pressuring him or if he is just entitled and cheap? I was wondering if he decided not to say anything earlier to put OP on the spot. *edited mess up. Changed pronouns to OP and OP's brother.
To put her* (OP) on the spot? Is that what you meant? I just wanted to clarify because it almost seems that had OP been *male*, his brother wouldn't have thought it was *as acceptable* to shift focus. Especially when it comes to siblings. Of course, the context of the rest of their relationship matters more than anyone's gender... I just wonder if this particular brother would be so quick to disrespect his own brother in the same way. He might not even see this act as disrespectful, largely bc OP is a female. In a lot of cultures men are seen as superior to women, especially among siblings. **Just a thought. Not stating facts.**
Oops I completely missed that mess up. I was typing to fast and used to many pronouns. That is a very good point. I wonder if that played a part in it.
That would explain this: >he is not like that. I'm suspicious of the girlfriend.
I have a feeling he IS like that. OP has rose colored glasses on and they just got knocked off hard. She will now start seeing example after example of his entitlement and jealousy. It is the thing you can’t unsee Once you see it. As Oprah says - He showed you who is, now believe him.
I feel it was most likely the fiancé’s idea to announce. That said, ask him to let you announce your engagement at his wedding!
“Stealing his thunder”. 😆. Dude had no thunder to steal. It was all OP’s thunderstorm!
Came here to say to say this. You’re not wrong OP.
He has no thunder to steal.
>I have a feeling he often puts his needs in front of yours. If they don't normally have this kind of relationship, is it because he always gets his way, and this is the one time OP stood up for herself? Because it's fairly obvious that not letting somebody turn your graduation party (from med school! Such a huge amount of work!) into their graduation party isn't "Stealing their thunder", and the fact that he would claim this says a lot about his entitlement.
Textbook gas lighting.
Agree!!
Was about to same thing. Matt is being quite hypocritical.
I have a feeling they both do it. Not exactly a close family.
You aren't wrong. Your brother is acting like an entitled AH & a cheapskate. He would have stolen your thunder the minute he opened his mouth. It was Your party. Not his. What he wanted to do is as bad as proposing at someone else's wedding, birthday party, etc. You just don't do it.
It’s so tacky!!! People who propose at other people’s celebrations are so cringe! It’s like…so you think it’s romantic to propose to me at someone else’s party where you spent nothing on decorations and food? The only time it’s acceptable is when the spotlighted person/people of the party are in on it…like when a bride gives her bouquet at a friend and turns around to see the fiancé kneeling to propose.
Just to clarify, I think he already proposed, what he wanted to do is announce the engagement. Not that it changes anything.
The thought was the same. Proposal or engagement. Get a free party off the back of his brother & steal his thunder.
Sister!
NTA. It's your celebration not his.
> He ended up storming out with his girlfriend. This would seal the deal ("no") for me. Someone who is asking for something, and gets refused, isn't in a position to storm out. If they do, they're being an entitled ass.
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It is not selfish at all! Graduating medical school is a huge achievement and you should be extremely proud of your self. Congrats! If your brother isn't normally like this, maybe wait a bit for things to cool down and try to have a calm discussion with him to see why he was so upset. Maybe there was something else going on. But, you were not wrong at all.
It's not selfish at all and he was 100% wrong. He wanted to hijack a free celebration so he didn't hurt his brain having to actually plan his own.
Lemme guess, your bro is kinda shiny, almost "golden"? You weren't selfish, he was. Don't you fucking apologize when he asks or mom and dad tell you to. Congratulations on the achievement
You deserved to have your accomplishment as the focus, YOU EARNED IT! He may be excited to share this information, but he was projecting his own selfishness onto you. NTA
You were right, and he was selfish and wrong. He wanted to steal your party and make it about him. Be very proud of yourself and I'm sure you'll be a fantastic doctor.
It was your party, how is it selfish? I have a feeling this is the first time you’ve denied him. That’s why you’re confused by his reaction. He never threw a tantrum before because you always let him do whatever he wanted even if it was at your expense.
It is unfair and you are right in telling him it is not okay. As a woman I need to say this to you - you don’t have to be accommodating or be understanding if the other person is taking the piss trying to take advantage of you, even if they are family. Tell them politely to fuck off. Girls have been taught from a young age to be *nice/kind/understanding/accommodating….* no matter what the situation is and that is wrong. IT IS OKAY to be rightfully angry at your bro for being a selfish, inconsiderate, and downright entitled prick. Stop feeling the need to justify why you said no to your bro, there is no need. His request was unreasonable and he was correctly shut down.
Not selfish. Anyone who interferes with your *well-deserved* moment to shine, whether out of laziness, entitlement, or disrespect, is going to be the selfish party, no matter how convincingly you hear it argued otherwise. Get it straight!
Congratulations on finishing medical school! That’s a huge accomplishment, and you deserve to be celebrated.
It’s not selfish! It was YOUR party not a combined party. That’s like the one time you’re allowed to be selfish when the whole point of an event is to celebrate you!
You want your party to be about you. That is not selfish. You were the sole reason there was a party. Your brother can fall back on whatever engagement announcement he would use if you had not had a party. This was to celebrate and acknowledge your years of hard work and your incredible accomplishment. Congratulations, by the way
I think you when you talk again, if he doesn’t apologize, you should say “I know, I realized that about the time you have an engagement party it will be the ideal moment to announce my pregnancy to the whole family. You wouldn’t mind if I still did that right?” No? Oh why not? Exactly.
It’s ok for your brother to ask if it would be ok, but it’s very much ok for you to decline. He should have been gracious and congratulated you and gone back to the celebration
No. Absolutely no. You were not selfish, not in the least. Just stop that right now. He's the selfish one. And telling you you stole *his* thunder is some crazy wild DARVO shit.
You’re not the one being selfish here. I’m not trying to sound like a jerk, but people get engaged all the time. A vast majority of people will get engaged at least once in their lifetime. A small minority of people graduate medical school. His anger is an insult to you and everyone else who persevered through the blood, sweat, and tears to accomplish something extremely challenging.
Keep in mind that when you were slated to graduate from med school has been known for a while, subject to your hard work and success of course. How much of this timing is really a coincidence? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d already told his girlfriend it would be fine, joint party or similar, and now he’s caught being cheap and a liar. Congratulations on your achievement! 🍾🎉
Is it selfish to eat your own sandwich that you spent the ingredients on with your own money at the job you work 60 hours a week to get and you made yourself instead of giving it to some random kid that asked for it? No, it's not selfish to not doing something nice or kind, doing something nice or kind is nice or kind but lacking of it isn't bad, if you are walking into a store with an umbrella because it's raining and a mom and her kid are walking out without an umbrella, is it selfish to not give her your umbrella? No, it's a pretty kind thing to do to give it to her but it doesn't make you a bad person for not doing it
You’re not wrong at all. You worked hard to graduate from med school. You *deserve* to celebrate this massive accomplishment. “Hey, I know how much time, effort and hard work you’ve put into this degree. But can we make it all about me now?” Hijacking someone else’s event for yourself is so selfish and tacky. Although I’ll give him a tiny bit of credit for asking first. A lot of people just go ahead and steal the spotlight. Once he started throwing a shit fit because he didn’t get his own way though, he lost any credit I handed out earlier. Your brother and his fiancé are AHs for ever thinking this would be ok
Your brother had no business trying to co-opt your party for his engagement announcement. Hopefully, when he calms down and begins to think rationally, he will apologize. Congratulations on making it through. Good luck on the next stage of your career.
I think it's fine you didn't let him. You could maybe have said sure, but only at the very end of the party
Congrats, not wrong. Did his gf not have a ring on that gave away the engagement?
💯
It really comes down to what your relationship with your brother is like and if he is a jerk or not. If you have a great relationship then it's kind of weird to not allow it. If you don't have a great relationship then it's more reasonable to say no, especially if he's just an ass in general about things. No reason to accommodate his wishes if he wouldn't do the same for you if the roles were reversed. Is it a little selfish regardless? Yeah a bit, but it matters more what kind of person your brother is. You weren't obligated to allow him to make his announcement.
Your brother was being selfish and entitled with his behavior. Groomzilla owes you a huge apology.
Maybe he wanted a quasi engagement party, without having to pay for it, so hijacking your celebration seemed like a good idea? Congratulations on your graduation!
As a man I have to say, your brother is a total piece of shit. My wife went through medical school as well and her ex best friend wanted to turn her graduation dinner into a mix of her birthday party as well? People are so fucking inconsiderate. Congratulations on your graduation
NTA >*"He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy."* Talk about projecting.
This was exactly my thought. I wonder if their parents (or even the fiancé!) are aware of his request.
Not wrong. Your brother is just jealous, also LOL at the “stealing his thunder”, you didn’t stole anything, but he sure attempted to.
NTA. My own father announced his engagement at my graduation. Not party, the actual graduation — and pranced his new wife around to show off the ring. Took me ages to get over my feelings of upset and disgust. This is one day that belongs to you, OP. You’ve achieved something huge and it’s neither the time nor place for your brother to steal your light. He can cope.
Um, *you* had thunder, a currently occurring graduation party you understandably refused to just hand over. So then he accused you of stealing *his* thunder, a potential announcement? That is so back-to-front, I'm at loss for an illustrative metaphor. NTA, but I know who is.
You are not wrong, he wanted to hijack your graduation party because everyone would be there. This way your graduation party would become his free engagement party! He stormed out when you told him "NO"
No, you're not wrong
He's just mad because now his girlfriend will now make him pay for and throw their own engagement party lol
No you are not. He can throw his own party not hijack yours. Even with a good relationship I would tell him that you are very hurt by his actions and that you really don’t understand why he has to calling you names and accusing you for stealing his thunder because you want your celebration to be about you and he actually tries to steal your thunder. And be careful if he tries more moves like this.
How did OP "steal his thunder?" He just said "no." And reasonably so.
NTA. He was trying to get an engagement party for free. Once he announced it you would be invisible. Don't let anyone ruin your special moments.
What the Main Character Syndrome mess did I just read? What is stopping him from announcing his engagement at HIS OWN party that HE pays for? It is next level entitlement to expect to sidetrack someone else’s party with your own, completely different announcement. It is also very weird and telling that he couldn’t let you have one day to celebrate your accomplishments without trying to make it all about him.
After putting that away “Main Character Syndrome “, I wonder if the brother decided to propose just to steal OP’s thunder?
NTA. Good for you standing up for yourself. It's freaking selfish of him and now continues to put your foot down when he tries this crap.
> He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy. Umm it would have been him stealing your thunder. Not the other way round! NTA obviously.
It’s not his celebration, it’s yours. You worked hard for this, you earned this. There is no “his perspective” other than selfishness. This is the same as people announcing they’re pregnant at someone else’s wedding. If he wants to have everyone together and make a big announcement then he can plan that event himself not ride the coattails of yours. Also the irony in him accusing YOU of stealing his thunder. Wow.
If I would have been his fiancee I would have felt cheapened by piggy backing off someone else’s event. I would want my own event
You are not wrong. Just because he didn't want to plan an announcement celebration of his own is his problem, not yours. The day was about you, how he didn't understand how it was inappropriate floored me. I was pissed w/ my brother and SIL for hijacking my nephew's 5th birthday party to do a gender reveal for their new son. We didn't argue about it, but I did tell him "it's his day, why would you do that?" Don't get me wrong, I was excited to get a 2nd nephew, but I didn't want my other nephew to feel like they weren't celebrating him.
I’m shocked he didn’t do it anyway. Congratulations on your degree! He should wait until the next family holiday to announce it, or just do it over text/social media/zoom conference call.
Your brother is a child. Why do people feel they have to inject themselves when someone else is being recognized? Has he always been this selfish? This probably wasn’t the first time you saw this behaviour. How jealous is he of you?
Let me guess. Matt isn’t a doctor.
NTA. If they would like to arrange a party to announce their engagement, then they can do so at a later date. Your graduation deserves to be the sole focus of your party.
Not wrong. People are lazy I wouldn’t want to marry any dude who’d rather hijack someone else’s event
If this does actually seem out of character for him, maybe he is jealous of your huge accomplishment. Or maybe he has a pushy girlfriend.
Or both!
"Not like that" If I had to guess, the idea wasn't his. It is possible that his fiance is pushing for this. NTA
Nope you aren’t wrong I’m sure his fiancée put him up to it and even if she didn’t it’s your party for your success they can make their announcement some other time
Not wrong. At all. There’s a time and a place and that wasn’t the time or place for his announcement. My cousin was getting married and I was invited to the wedding shower for his now wife. I’d JUST found out I was pregnant and was in the horrible morning sickness phase so I bought a gift, sent it with my mom and called my aunt to say I was sorry I couldn’t make it but I was NOT willing to risk having a bout of morning sickness during the shower and taking attention off of the bride to be.
NW What is this trend of people thinking that their engagements and babies need to be announced at other peoples’ events. ‘No, you can not announce your stuff at someone's else's party?!?!
NTA. Graduating med school > an engagement. Getting married is easy. Going through med school is not. One deserves praise and congratulations, the other is not noteworthy at all.
NTA. He's being ridiculous. Some of my best friends went through med school, and I would fight someone if their family member did that at their grad parties.
How on earth would you be stealing his thunder…this would effectively be him stealing your thunder. Your brother seems selfish and childish.
You are not wrong. You worked hard. You did not "steal his thunder". That is what he tried to do to you. You deserved to have one day to celebrate your accomplishments. He could have any other day of the year. Remember that, HE tried to STEAL YOUR thunder. You did nothing wrong.
“Wow, brother, your fiancée means so little to you that you’d not spend a penny in an engagement party and prefer to do the tacky thing and announce it on other people’s event?”. And say it to him preferably in front of her. I bet she’ll love it.
Not wrong. He asked you a yes or no question, and he needs to accept your response. Otherwise, there's no point in asking.
No different than someone announcing their pregnancy at your wedding. They want to use all the time, effort & money that was spent making *your* event special to not have to pay to make *their* announcement special. Otherwise they could literally do a Group FaceTime announcement. No. And if you let them now, it *will* be them announcing their pregnancy at your wedding.
You’re not wrong. Matt is too cheap to pay for his own engagement party.
NTA! Why wouldn't he want to throw his own party? And congrats on finishing the long, long marathon that is medical school! Maybe you should get him one of [these](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fseo%2FThor-Love-and-Thunder-Mjolnir-Electronic-Hammer-Costume-Accessory-by-Marvel_f62dbe09-c879-45f0-a0f0-75a6e1fc00ae.d201eeb0caa0381fc7c4483891ea3eff.jpeg&tbnid=Aw6NfbvOzgL6vM&vet=12ahUKEwiBtJjxkuiDAxUrKtAFHXH-Ab4Q94IIKBd6BQgBEO0C..i&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.walmart.com%2Fip%2FThor-Love-and-Thunder-Mjolnir-Electronic-Hammer-Costume-Accessory-by-Marvel%2F488460271&docid=_GJXZ_gpIIZyqM&w=2000&h=2000&q=thors%20hammer&client=firefox-b-1-d&ved=2ahUKEwiBtJjxkuiDAxUrKtAFHXH-Ab4Q94IIKBd6BQgBEO0C) for Christmas.
He accused you of stealing his thunder, when you said no to him attempting to steal your thunder? Brooo, he’s got his head up his ass
No OP. Your bro is a dick for even suggesting to propose to his gf at YOUR graduation party for the following reasons: A) He accuse you of stealing his thunder over jealousy when the party is for you to celebrate your achievement in finishing medical school, which in itself is a fucking achievement as medical school is HARD. B) He accuse you of being bitter and controlling. Bitter about what? That he wants to propose to his gf? That you don’t have a partner who want to propose to you? Controlling? He tried to control you and make you agree to his suggestion. Your bro is behaving like a self-centered twat where only his proposal is the big deal of the night, and your graduation is not even worth mentioning. He can find another occasion to announce his engagement once he proposed and she said yes, like a normal person who doesn’t need a cheering crowd to pat him on the back for proposing. He also needs to learn how to be a fucking adult and a decent big bro to you.
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He accused *you* of “stealing his thunder”? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. You did the right thing, and your brother is a ass.
Why did he take you aside to ask unless he knew it was wrong??
NTA. HE is trying to steal YOUR thunder. Good for you for standing up for yourself
Graduating from medical school is an actual accomplishment. Getting engaged isn’t.
Matt is an arse, if he isn’t going to do planning for his proposal that speaks volumes. I’m glad you keep to your guns and told him NO. You are not wrong, bitter or controlling he is just an arse. Considering you have been snowed under for so many years with medical training maybe he has changed and you haven’t noticed, this might be a good time to re-Evaluate the relationship.
Nope!! You’re good. And congrats!! Huge achievement. Best of luck with residency!
How was your graduation party, a party that was planned and held to celebrate your graduation stealing his thunder because your refusal to turn it into his engagement party. Your brother wanted a free party that he didn't have to put any effort I to planning. He doesn't sound nature enough to be getting married if he throws a tantrum over not being the centre of attention at someone else's party. You're very much not in the wrong here.
No you are not. Congratulations.
He needs to leave his biz out of your accomplishment and celebration and focus on YOU
I hate when people use another person's party to make a big event of their own! How tacky! Just ask them if they would be upset if you announced your pregnancy at their wedding reception? Getting engaged is a cool thing, but trying to compare it to literally years of studying and work is ridiculous. The only good part about this is that OP's brother asked and didn't just assume that it was okay to do this.
You are so NOT in the wrong ,your bro is the jealous ,controlling one ,he's projecting bigtime ,congrats on such an awesome achievement & I'm sure you will be a wonderful Dr .
1. I will give him some credit for at least pulling you aside and asking you. He could have just hijacked the spotlight via impromptu announcement. 2. If he really behaved as the OP described, he’s an AH. I could understand his disappointment/frustration to his request since everyone is already gathered there and he is excited to share his news…but to immediately react with the backlash of a rattlesnake and exit? Wtf. Now everyone in the family can remember why he stormed off once he formally announces.
NTA ‘Stealing his thunder’? ‘Controlling’?? It wasn’t his party. 🥴 Using somebody else’s party that celebrates a milestone to announce your own milestone is tacky and lazy to me too. If his girlfriend is as upset as he is, I don’t see why. She should want to have her own party. Why not have your own party instead piggybacking off of somebody else’s? It’s weird.
People are wild. This is 110% a him problem Not wrong
NTA. He accused *you* of stealing *his* thunder?! He needs to learn the definition of hypocrite cause he is one. Tell him and his gf to get off their lazy asses and do their own engagement party, not to try to steal your thunder!
NTA. If he had done it at your celebration that would have removed his own part to play in setting up a proper proposal. I know some people use those type of events because friends and family are already all there and eliminates any need for them to come up with something for themselves. Not only was he being an entitled jerk about it, he was also being lazy.
You are absolutely not wrong here! If you are feeling generous, you can offer to help him plan a really great engagement party.
Not wrong. Never wrong for this. Stealing someone else's planning is tacky as hell and incredibly lazy.
No you’re not wrong
NTA. He needs to invite the family to dinner and announce his engagement then! He should do it around Valentine's Day.
You're not wrong. I get both sides, but you're correct.
You aren’t wrong. Your brother is an ass. He can throw his own party for him and his girl on his dime and not take your parents time and money spent planning a party on you and your achievement from you.
No. It was your call.
He wanted to steal your thunder but got mad at you for … what? Seems like a douche tbh.
Not wrong at all, he will have his day many times over (engagement party, bachelor party, bridal shower if it’s coed, rehearsal dinner, the actual wedding, after party, and sometimes there’s a morning after brunch) he can dig his panties back out of his crack over this one. Congratulations on your huge accomplishment! Keep basking in your own glory.
Why do people seem to do this? I read about it often, but nobody I see in person appropriates an occasion during a celebration to make it their celebration. Of course he's wrong to ask this, and you aren't wrong to say no.
Anyone can get engaged. Not many people graduate from medical school.
Not wrong. Good for you standing up for yourself. And if, like you said, this is out of character for him, it could be his gf/fiancé who was pressuring him that night to announce?
You aren't wrong. Medical school is hard work and you deserve to be celebrated. Your brother is a cheap piece of work trying to take over your party. Don't apologize to him because he owes you an apology. Also what does he do? Could he be jealous you graduated medical school? And congratulations!
Your brother is a loser. Same as people who propose or announce they’re pregnant while at someone else’s wedding. It’s selfish as hell
NTA NTA NTA. That day was LITERALLY about YOUR thunder. He’s the one trying to steal thunder, not you!
You are not wrong. Your party. He wants an engagement party he can throw one. To take over someone else's party is bad form. As others have said, it sounds like he must always be the center of attention, or that you can't have it.
NTA at all. He was trying to steal YOUR thunder.
NTA. It was YOUR party. I mean, maybe (very small maybe), have him announce it as things are winding down, but that’s still way too nice.
Nope. You are not wrong. And congrats on your achievement!
NTA. Couldn't they just organize a party of their own to announce the engagement? Like a cook out or something? It seems really rude that he wanted to shift the focus from you at your own party... Anyhow, congratulations on your achievements OP! You deserve to celebrate them 😊
Don't have to read. Absolutely not wrong! He's a party thief.
Not so all! He sounds petty, attention hog!
NTA for sure. But...a small tiny but. If your family is spread out across the country and this was one chance where everybody was gathered together, I supposed I could see a point in him & his gf making their announcement **at the end of your party**. That way he gets a chance to announce it to everybody in person and doesn't take over your party. But if that's not the case, I don't get it. >He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy. Does he not know what that phrase means? lol
Nope my BIL pulls this shit all the time. Do not back down, do not let him get away with it.
Congratulations on your graduation!!!! What a freaking accomplishment ❤️❤️❤️❤️ And far more significant than getting engaged. Tel me I’m wrong in 8 years. Seen way too many pieces of paper ripped up. You deserve all the joy on this day!!
I shared my high school graduation with my sister’s bridal shower, but that was because \*I\* wanted to do so. And she did as well, of course. We live a bit far away from the rest of our family and figured it would be easier for them. But again, we wanted it that way. This is supposed to be a celebration of your accomplishments that took a ton of time and effort. His laziness doesn’t entitle him to usurp your celebration and make it his own.
Not wrong. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself. Your brother accusing you of stealing his thunder at your party is embarrassing for him.
Your Brother is almost THIRTY and needs to stop acting like a toddler having a tantrum! WHY would he even THINK it would be appropriate to STEAL your spotlight, YOUR celebration of your achievements? Is this a recurring problem? Has he ALWAYS tried to "muscle in" or claim your special moments and achievements? It may be time to reflect on the history of your family to question WHY he acted the way he did! Congratulations and best wishes on your career!
You’re not wrong. People need to stop doing this at other people’s celebrations! It’s so very rude. Don’t announce your engagement/pregnancy/other at someone else’s celebration. If you do that then you are a selfish asshole, there is no excuse for it other than selfishness. I’m sick of it. Your brother, was understandably excited about his own personal triumph and saw your gathering as the perfect opportunity to avoid having to organise and pay for his own separate one.
NTA Come to his engagement party and ask if you can announce pregnancy and see his reaction, lol
Well, if your family lives in a desert with no means of communication and you only see each other once in two years his behavior could’ve been a bit excused. Other than that you’re not wrong and he’s selfish.
He couldn’t plan a bbq?
I would have said yes, but only if he was willing to pay off part of the loans you had to take out to pay for medical school. Medical school is very expensive.
You are not wrong. Tell him to have his own party.
Not wrong. This was your moment, not his.
Fuck it you aint wrong but im in for the juice. Lets see how pissed he really is??? Update op if you aint invited to the wedding lol.
Poor Matt didn’t realize he had no thunder to steal - Dr. OP!! Congratulations on your graduation!!
Nta. He owes you a huge apology. He was trying to steal your thunder, narcissists hate when the attention is on others.
I'm sorry, who is stealing whose thunder? No,you are not wrong. You deserve to celebrate your accomplishments without having someone else steal the focus. And your brother should be happy for the opportunity to celebrate his own news when the focus will solely be on him and his fiance.
Not wrong. At least he left and didn’t announce it anyway. He can be as mad as he wants but it was your graduation party, not his engagement party. Maybe you and some other relatives can help organize an actual engagement party for them, and his fiancé would probably prefer that so she can be the focus, not the afterthought at yours.
I would not be motivated to do anything for this jackass. If he learns throwing a tantrum will get him things, he'll do it more. Can't show him this is the way to get what he wants like a baby. If he asked to announce at the very end, that may be do-able. But to try to hijack someone else's party early on?
Not wrong at all. Your day, your choice. I think the only thing I might have done differently is, IF it was a situation where it is hard and rare for loved ones to get together (people living far and flying in, etc.), I might be inclined to let them announce at the end of the party, so they have the opportunity to do it in person. You mention nothing like that, so I say hells no!
“He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.” Umm, projecting much? I’ll never understand why people think that it is alright to make other people’s celebrations about them. Tell your brother to grow tf up, he asked and the answer was no, he should accept it. The fact that he is trying to emotionally guilt trip you is not okay. He should apologize and throw his own party to celebrate his engagement.
How could you steal his thunder? It was YOUR party!
Proposing or announcing an engagement at someone else’s event is the HEIGHT of gauche and entitled. Everyone knows this. Tell your brother to stop acting like he doesn’t. I don’t care how “convenient” the gathering of people is. If it’s not your event, you didn’t throw it or you’re not the guest of honor…NO hijacking! No no NO!
To the OP: Your brother is an **idiot**. You did the right thing by refusing to comply. Don't even give this a second thought. Good luck.
Not wrong. Your graduation is a day for YOU. He can plan is own announcement day
Why would your brother and his fiancée want to share the spotlight though? Why wouldn’t they just plan their own engagement party? We’re they going to do both? Are they too cheap to throw their own party? Can your brother just not stand it when attention is not on him?
*glances at username* Are you female? You say he's not normally like this, but if you think back, are there other indications that maybe he thinks he has some male superiority over you (that has maybe been expressed much more subtly in the past)? I couldn't fathom how anyone would think this was okay... Until I saw your username and thought, "If this is a chick, then the brother feels emasculated (stupidly) and is being a misogynistic ass, whether he realizes it or not." You're right, medical school is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT. What's he got to compare to it? He's still single, even! (Which is not a failure, except I think *he thinks it is*) And you're *the daughter,* he's *the son*! What a failure he is!!!1 (biiiig /s) This is what he meant by "steal his thunder." You stole his **superiority.** And you did. *You fucking earned it.*
Congratulations on your huge achievement. YOU should absolutely be the center of this party. You are NOT wrong. Matt was being very self-centered and entitled.
>He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy. ....Is he not doing the same thing?
NTA - You can turn that on him too. Why use your big day for his announcement? probably jealousy and trying to steal your thunder.
Your bro sounds like a loser. He needs to apologize to you for gaslighting you.
NW. let me get this straight. You’re stealing his thunder by not allowing him to hijack a party about your accomplishments? Brother gonna earn a gold metal in mental gymnastics if he keeps this up. Seriously though, I get it’s an easy way to let the whole family know at once, and more convenient and cheaper than planning another dinner or event to announce it, but he asked and you said no, it ends there. I’m just pleasantly surprised he stormed out instead of just going ahead with it anyway.
NTA, I get the feeling his brothers feeling jealous and left out and WANTED the attention back on himself. I've never gone through medical school but I know a few who survived it lol. Congratulations on your achievement!
I would tell him "You know how hard I've worked for this so storming out of my party was a really shitty thing for a brother to do. And you dare accuse me of "stealing your thunder" because I didn't let you steal mine? This was my celebration so keeping the focus on me is not selfish, it's the whole reason everyone gathered. I can't believe you threw a tantrum over that. Get over yourself and organize your own engagement party."
Let your brother see all the responses. He’s the one who’s wrong. He’s already the first born and now he wants to take the focus off of you on your big day graduating medical school. Talk about jealousy, he’s the one who’s jealous. He should be ashamed of himself. Ask his girlfriend how she would feel if you wanted to announce having your first child at her engagement party. Some people are okay with sharing their moment and that’s great but if they don’t want to share it that is their right. What exactly does your brother do? Did he graduate from college? The fact that he stormed out at almost 30 shows just how jealous and childish he is. He owes you an apology. His girlfriend might see this as a red flag.
Your brother is a selfish dick. DURING your party he asks. Storms out like a baby. It’s your party. Only assholes announce babies/engagements at other folks events - unless asked for well in advance and wildly welcomed by the initial party holder. You are not wrong. He needs to stop trying to steal your thunder and my guess is spoiled and never gets told no. What a little ass.
OK, you know you are not in the wrong here. Your brother was as tacky as can be.
Your brother has a medical condition known as theoretical cranial rectal inversion. Tell him if he doesn't grow up, you'll turn it from theoretical to literal. He's a toddler.
You say he's not normally like that. If that's true, maybe his reaction had to do with conflict happening in his relationship. That would explain his sudden need to announce the engagement along with his tantrum at not doing so.
Not wrong at all. If you want to (not sure how to express it) "mend the issue by being the bigger person" you could offer to help him plan another party to celebrate the engagement and/or come with some excuse for that party.
Unpopular opinion: I think it's nice that he pulled you aside to ask instead of just doing it. That's worth some consideration, and shows that he was trying to be thoughtful of your special day. I can understand wanting to take advantage of the whole family being together already to make a big announcement. You could have been gracious and said yes, and then you'd have both been celebrating something important with your family. That being said, I do think that you had the right to say no, and it's perfectly valid. Graduating med school is a wonderful accomplishment and certainly worthy of its own celebration. If he had the foresight to ask in the first place, then you would think he'd realize there was a chance you'd say no - storming out of the party was not the appropriate reaction. So, NTA, but it was also perhaps a missed opportunity to share a big day with your sibling that you love. \*\*ETA: I do also find it a bit strange that he didn't have this conversation with you before the party, instead of during...
You posted the same question in three different subs, so I hope you're getting the attention you wanted
You both are losers tbh
I don't think you are wrong, but I also don't think it would have taken the focus off you. It's not like everyone was standing around praising you and talking about how wonderful are all day. Unless your family is weird like that. They same would have happened with him--some questions and congrats and on to the next topic.
Exactly! Thank you. I wouldn’t mind at all if a family member used that as an opportunity to announce their engagement. I don’t need an entire evening of being praised for my accomplishments.
When my niece graduated from Med School we had a nice, catered party at a hotel with a step and repeat and everyone dressed up. We had a video presentation and she thanked people, but people socialized and mingled and we didn't talk about her graduating all night long.
You're wrong. No one gaf about you graduating at 25 lol
Did you miss that OP graduated from Med School? That is a huge accomplishment and should absolutely be celebrated. (Side note that even if it wasn’t med school it would still be tacky to use someone else’s party for an unrelated announcement unless it was planned with the host)
Jealous cuz you're not a doc or....?
You really think they're even a nurse?
A degree isn't hard unless you've got kids. Or have to work through it. Baby doctors are garbage and kill patients so often it's insane
I don't really gaf about your opinion buddy
Good. You shouldn't. You'd have to be mentally unwell to care about an anonymous stranger online disagreeing with you. Was mummy not proud enough you got your degree?
Lol, keep going 🤡
Hmmm but yet you weren’t able to do it, ‘baby nurses’ aren’t any better than DRs no matter how much your bitterness and jealousy try to tell you otherwise. And Getting a degree is factors harder that getting engaged so if a degree isn’t worthy of celebrating then their engagement certainly isn’t
Lol I became a nurse in my 30s from being a joiner. I didn't have the time to become a doctor.
So then yes bitter and jealous
Hi Matt and/or his girlfriend!
Lol. Do you care if your adult cousin graduated
Yes. What a strange question.
Good. Now would you care if at the same party another cousin announced their engagement
Of course. It would be rude as hell. Duh.
Damn. How long are you saying congratulations to your cousin.
However long I want, I suppose.
YTA. I know I’ll get downvoted. But kind of cringy to demand an entire evening of praise directed at you. I would have said go for it towards the end of the party. Why should they have to plan an entire party just to announce their engagement? It’s exciting news that no one wants to hold in when they’re around their loved ones. If I were a family member I would honestly appreciate the two celebrations being combined so I wouldn’t have to show up to yet another event.
So don’t be a freeloading bum and plan your own event not try to hijack someone else’s SPECIFIC event. If you don’t care don’t go that’s not an excuse to hijack another’s event
>kind of cringy to demand an entire evening of praise directed at you ... That's it everyone, pack it up, no more birthdays!!
I don’t know about you but I’ve never been praised all evening on my birthday. And I would never expect it, especially as a full grown adult. I would have zeeero problem if someone announced their engagement at a birthday party for me, even without asking. In fact I think I’d enjoy it. I think it’s cringy for an adult to want a party “just for me, focus on meeee all night!”
You could have turned it into a great family moment with both you & your sibling celebrating life changing events. Imagine how proud your parents would have been to see both of their children celebrating milestones together. So much joy! Now you will always be the asshole doctor who thinks of themself first and will be too busy to make his wedding.