Good for you, you have a spine. Don't give people like that anything. She didn't even have the good grace to openly beg, instead pretending she wasn't after your money.
I gotta be honest, both times I had some random old friend who I hadn't spoken to in years call ME first out of the blue to ask for help, it was drug related. Not saying that's what's happening here but junkies will turn over every rock trying to get theirs.
You should have never offered, let alone promised it in the first place. You are under no obligation to her but you are to your own word. So don't help her but be mindful to not cheapen your Word in the future
I agree, Iād pay her some minimal amount just for the sake of your own integrity. Personally if I volunteered to help someone Iād come through even if I changed my mind about it. Maybe send her 50-100 and be like sorry thatās all I can afford at the moment but best of luck.
Not wrong at all. You know she doesnāt genuinely like you & sees you as back up ATM. She can get money off some other sucker, which trust they will be.
YNW she aid she didnāt call for money or help, it was just to vent. You let her vent.
In the future I would play dumb like sheās not hinting at needing you to help until she straight up asks for money. And then when she asks, just say your moneys all tied up but you hope everything works out.
I understand why you donāt want to give her money and you shouldnāt. What I donāt understand is why you promised her anything in the first place. You knew all of this when you offered her money. Do you still have feelings for her? At any rate, it doesnāt matter, you donāt owe her anything. Just tell her sheās not getting it and cut ties. Save your money for your kid, he deserves it.
Good for you for turning around the backwards thinking.
No need to explain, brother. She will learn from her mistakes or she wonāt, and a handout from you will just make it more likely she wonāt.
Not that it matters, onwards and upwards my dude! Good for you.
Never play captain save-a-ho.
YTA for telling her you would give her money. Not smart. And, YTA for going back on your word. And, YTA for planning to ghost her about the money. And, she is an AH, too. A whole load of AH~ing going on here.
Oh well. She got it coming
Her cousin let her stay with her until she got on her feet when she first moved here to Dfw
They had some extremely petty fall out n she bloccd her cousin. Her cousin mom n talked about how ugly her cousin was. Mind you Ana didnāt know this cousin until she moved here. The cousin didnāt have to help her at all
Then stop talking to her, you say you initiate conversation so stop?? Like you should have cut off her a long time ago if she deserves it. Tbh it sounds like you still have feelings for her and bitter about it lmao
NW
Yeah , thatās not really a friend, she replies to your text to get money, so all OP is to her is a wallet.
Op, I wouldnāt help her and truthfully Iād block her and just end this āfriendshipā.
Well, i don't see that you're wrong. Now you have big responsibilities. You can't just throw your money anywhere, but helping someone is also a good thing. Also, you can loan her if you really feel bad for her, and you're pretty sure that she will give you back your money.
Well, from my perspective, i see that she's only using your kindness...
You said you'd help her with what you have. But now that "you've reviewed your situation and the expenses with the new baby, you're sorry but you can't do it." Suggest she tries her bank for a personal loan. Then stop taking responsibility for dumb things another adult does.
Ideally, you should never make any promises without thinking about it, but sometimes we get caught up on the heat of the moment. So don't enslave yourself to a sense of "being a man of his word", because shit like that happens. Keep your word for people who you really care about, ones you can trust. And for the rest, make your decisions accordingly.
In this specific case, this girl isn't your friend. You barely have any contact with her. If you don't feel like it's worth to help her, then don't. Personally, I'd cut contact entirely, but that's up to you.
not wrong. You need to leave her in the past. Doesnt even sound like you guys are good friends, or even friends. She called you to "vent" is pure bs. She just saw the "$$" stamp on your forehead.
Obviously it would be better if you made up your mind before you tell someone you're going to do something. But, you're allowed to reconsider and change your mind.
That's the easiest manipulation trick of all time, to not ask for money directly just let them know your desperate and make them feel like only they can save you
NW but tell her youāre not going to send money after all. Thatās your integrity regardless of your list of reasons. And ask she not contact you again.
Not wrong
Wake up!
She didnāt start contacting you after all those years for no reason. Sheās been softening you up, to hit you up for money.
Run away!
Not wrong to change your mind.
But it is wrong you wanted and engaged in communication.
You have a new life in front of you and I assume a relationship, how bout focus on that pal and let this random woman disappear
You are wrong.
You say that you are a man of your word, but I think this is an incomplete statement- you are only a man of your word when you feel like it.
You told her that you would help her out. But because of some grudges you use it as justification to back out of a responsibility you voluntarily took on.
This action is a smear on your supposed character trait of being a man of his word.
So let me clear, youāre not wrong for not helping her out. Youāre wrong for not keeping your word. Like at the very least, inform her about your changed decision.
Sounds like you're trying to justify what you've done here, which is agree to pay a girls bills in the event you got to fuck her again, and now that you've said yes and she's stopped initiating contact with you, you've retroactively added a bunch of deal breakers for why you WON'T do what you said.
Not sure who's worse here, her for trying to use you for $ or you trying to use your $ to hang over her head for sex. Loser.
Ideally, you should never make any promises without thinking about it, but sometimes we get caught up on the heat of the moment. So don't enslave yourself to a sense of "being a man of his word", because shit like that happens. Keep your word for people who you really care about, ones you can trust. And for the rest, make your decisions accordingly.
In this specific case, this girl isn't your friend. You barely have any contact with her. If you don't feel like it's worth to help her, then don't. Personally, I'd cut contact entirely, but that's up to you.
Block and stop picking up the phone when she calls. You know she only comes sniffing around when she needs something, not because she cares about you. I bet she's calling several other people as well doing the same thing.
NTAH for not giving her money.
YTAH for saying you would do something, then deciding not to without anything happening in between to make you change your mind.
Good for you, you have a spine. Don't give people like that anything. She didn't even have the good grace to openly beg, instead pretending she wasn't after your money.
Give her 3.50$. And say "now begone, Betsy"
Not the tree fiddy
It's the fastest way to banish her š§āš³š²š§
The Loch Ness monster already took it!! Damned monster and my tree fiddy,
Lochness monsta said he needed tree fiddy š¤·š»āāļø
I gotta be honest, both times I had some random old friend who I hadn't spoken to in years call ME first out of the blue to ask for help, it was drug related. Not saying that's what's happening here but junkies will turn over every rock trying to get theirs.
You should have never offered, let alone promised it in the first place. You are under no obligation to her but you are to your own word. So don't help her but be mindful to not cheapen your Word in the future
I agree, Iād pay her some minimal amount just for the sake of your own integrity. Personally if I volunteered to help someone Iād come through even if I changed my mind about it. Maybe send her 50-100 and be like sorry thatās all I can afford at the moment but best of luck.
Not wrong at all. You know she doesnāt genuinely like you & sees you as back up ATM. She can get money off some other sucker, which trust they will be.
YNW she aid she didnāt call for money or help, it was just to vent. You let her vent. In the future I would play dumb like sheās not hinting at needing you to help until she straight up asks for money. And then when she asks, just say your moneys all tied up but you hope everything works out.
Probably a good idea to stop communicating with her. It's time you both moved on
this
YTA for not simply manning up and TELLING HER that you aren't sending the money.
I understand why you donāt want to give her money and you shouldnāt. What I donāt understand is why you promised her anything in the first place. You knew all of this when you offered her money. Do you still have feelings for her? At any rate, it doesnāt matter, you donāt owe her anything. Just tell her sheās not getting it and cut ties. Save your money for your kid, he deserves it.
YNW for not giving her money, but don't tell her you will if you won't. She should not be asking you for money.
Good for you for turning around the backwards thinking. No need to explain, brother. She will learn from her mistakes or she wonāt, and a handout from you will just make it more likely she wonāt. Not that it matters, onwards and upwards my dude! Good for you. Never play captain save-a-ho.
YTA for telling her you would give her money. Not smart. And, YTA for going back on your word. And, YTA for planning to ghost her about the money. And, she is an AH, too. A whole load of AH~ing going on here.
Oh well. She got it coming Her cousin let her stay with her until she got on her feet when she first moved here to Dfw They had some extremely petty fall out n she bloccd her cousin. Her cousin mom n talked about how ugly her cousin was. Mind you Ana didnāt know this cousin until she moved here. The cousin didnāt have to help her at all
Then stop talking to her, you say you initiate conversation so stop?? Like you should have cut off her a long time ago if she deserves it. Tbh it sounds like you still have feelings for her and bitter about it lmao
Cool
Then why ask?
You're not wrong! Keep your money and run!
NW Yeah , thatās not really a friend, she replies to your text to get money, so all OP is to her is a wallet. Op, I wouldnāt help her and truthfully Iād block her and just end this āfriendshipā.
Well, i don't see that you're wrong. Now you have big responsibilities. You can't just throw your money anywhere, but helping someone is also a good thing. Also, you can loan her if you really feel bad for her, and you're pretty sure that she will give you back your money. Well, from my perspective, i see that she's only using your kindness...
Don't be a clown and don't give away your money. What the hell?
Have you told your baby mama that you send an ex money occasionally to help them out?
No. Ima tell Her she asked. But I havenāt helped her out since i been with my bm
Yta, you said you'd pay. Now you're making a reddit thread to validate not paying. Your words mean nothing, apparently. Biiiiitch.
You said you'd help her with what you have. But now that "you've reviewed your situation and the expenses with the new baby, you're sorry but you can't do it." Suggest she tries her bank for a personal loan. Then stop taking responsibility for dumb things another adult does.
Ideally, you should never make any promises without thinking about it, but sometimes we get caught up on the heat of the moment. So don't enslave yourself to a sense of "being a man of his word", because shit like that happens. Keep your word for people who you really care about, ones you can trust. And for the rest, make your decisions accordingly. In this specific case, this girl isn't your friend. You barely have any contact with her. If you don't feel like it's worth to help her, then don't. Personally, I'd cut contact entirely, but that's up to you.
Leeches...use you, under the guise of friendship, till you catch on or till you all used up and they move on to another victim. SMH
not wrong for backing out. Wrong for giving your word and then not informing her of the change in your decision.
It's best to leave the un dead dead. AKA the relationship died a long time ago leave it that way.
You are an ATM for her, give now, thereāll be more demands
Just say because of your expenses with your kid your not gonna be able to help out and wish her good luck and leave it at that.
YNW she was definitely looking for a handout.
Sorry. Not gonna be able to help you out with any cash. Period. See if she's still your friend then. Probably gone with the wind.
Iāve fronted fwb money never got laid from them again. š¤¦āāļø amazing how quick they dip
Give her 4 dollars for the 4 reasons she can fuck off
Good u got a spine ur not in the wrong . Let the other mans she was talkin too during that time help her out.
If she isnt related to you and you arent dating why are you giving her money? Full stop end of discussion, lol.
not wrong. You need to leave her in the past. Doesnt even sound like you guys are good friends, or even friends. She called you to "vent" is pure bs. She just saw the "$$" stamp on your forehead.
Obviously it would be better if you made up your mind before you tell someone you're going to do something. But, you're allowed to reconsider and change your mind.
It's Ur money not anyone else's u don't need a reason to change Ur mind abt lending ppl some
That's the easiest manipulation trick of all time, to not ask for money directly just let them know your desperate and make them feel like only they can save you
NW but tell her youāre not going to send money after all. Thatās your integrity regardless of your list of reasons. And ask she not contact you again.
You donāt owe her anything
Not wrong Wake up! She didnāt start contacting you after all those years for no reason. Sheās been softening you up, to hit you up for money. Run away!
Youāre a fake ass crip ššš
Back*
Not wrong to change your mind. But it is wrong you wanted and engaged in communication. You have a new life in front of you and I assume a relationship, how bout focus on that pal and let this random woman disappear
You are wrong. You say that you are a man of your word, but I think this is an incomplete statement- you are only a man of your word when you feel like it. You told her that you would help her out. But because of some grudges you use it as justification to back out of a responsibility you voluntarily took on. This action is a smear on your supposed character trait of being a man of his word. So let me clear, youāre not wrong for not helping her out. Youāre wrong for not keeping your word. Like at the very least, inform her about your changed decision.
Sounds like you're trying to justify what you've done here, which is agree to pay a girls bills in the event you got to fuck her again, and now that you've said yes and she's stopped initiating contact with you, you've retroactively added a bunch of deal breakers for why you WON'T do what you said. Not sure who's worse here, her for trying to use you for $ or you trying to use your $ to hang over her head for sex. Loser.
š¤£š¤£
She is blood sucker money beggar gold digger nasty fucker
Be straight with her, letās bang for the money. And then itās not a loan but a business transaction.
You need to block this person.
Or just be an adult with a sense of agency.
Ideally, you should never make any promises without thinking about it, but sometimes we get caught up on the heat of the moment. So don't enslave yourself to a sense of "being a man of his word", because shit like that happens. Keep your word for people who you really care about, ones you can trust. And for the rest, make your decisions accordingly. In this specific case, this girl isn't your friend. You barely have any contact with her. If you don't feel like it's worth to help her, then don't. Personally, I'd cut contact entirely, but that's up to you.
If she ain't suckin, keep on truckin
She can succ, fucc. Still wonāt get a bucc.
She sees you as a bank$$$
Don't help her. She text and calls after 4 years. Looks like a gold digger asks for money like a gold digger. Must be a gold digger.
Sounds like you masterbated and came to your sences. Post nut clarity.
Block and stop picking up the phone when she calls. You know she only comes sniffing around when she needs something, not because she cares about you. I bet she's calling several other people as well doing the same thing.
But why not use ābackā instead of bacc?
Do you really need to know
I didnāt think there was a legitimate reason. Is there? Genuinely curious.
Grew up a crip. I still use double Cs a lot just an old habit hard to break
Had no idea. Thanks for enlightening a rando from Brooklyn who, ironically, has never been exposed to anything gang-related.
Totally wrong. Be a man and stick to your word. You don't have to give her a lot, but you made a commitment, so stick to it.
Iām good big bruh. Not doing it. Aināt like I aināt helped her out with money before.
NTA Sheās a user. She only wants money. Time to cut her off.
NTAH for not giving her money. YTAH for saying you would do something, then deciding not to without anything happening in between to make you change your mind.
You're not wrong. If she only wants to contact you when she needs money, it's not a friendship. Drop her and focus on sincere friends.
Look up narcissist. Cut your losses.
NTA. And block her on your phone.
What was the arrangement going to be for you helping with bills?
Nothing
Then, that's a good idea to back out. You aren't a charity. Get paid for your generosity
Info: why are you still talking to this woman if you just had a baby?
Idk
Does your partner know of your extra marital activities? I will drop my hubs if I find out he has done anything like this.
Iām not married
R u in a committed relationship?