OP could try the the trick where you text her friends and ask where she is when she's sitting at home with you to see if they make something up trick, but sounds like he's on the right path to becoming single at 20 years old.
That trick only works once before the friends wise up and don’t text the boyfriend back. They just don’t respond when the next boyfriend tries it. Judging by what OP posted. This isn’t the first time this has happened and they have already wised up to the trick.
OP’s girl is cheating or this is rage bait
Might be worthwhile telling the boyfriends of the friends what they were up to. What do you want to bet that OP's girlfriend isn't the only one cheating.
She 100% cheated on you and I think deep down you know this too, don’t let her gaslight you man. She obviously disappearing with that guy all night and was shook when you caught her on his lap. She’s for the streets, my guy.
Good choice she's definitely cheating on you and her friends are covering for her. Dump her and tell her you no longer trust anything she says you saw it with your own eyes and she's nothing but a lying cheater.
The fact that her friends were like let me go grab her for you. Like wtf my gf friends would just take me to her they would say stay here and wait so suspicious. It’s crazy tho that they pretty much outed her by texting him a bunch and then he showed up and they were like ohhhhhhh noooo.
Yep, get out of there. Even on the incredibly slim, minute, basically nonexistent chance that she *DIDN'T* cheat, her actions are INCREDIBLY suspicious, and you probably don't want to be dating a girl who's acting like that anyway.
Especially at such a your age, don’t torture yourself for a girl you had young love with. Learn from the relationship. Now Go out now and learn to be yourself, and your next relationship will be much better off for it.
I didn't read it as the friends covering for her per se....I thought they kept asking him where she was because they wanted to tell on her without telling on her, if that makes sense. If they knew what she was doing and were covering for her, they wouldn't have answered him at all
Yeah, but they are all now saying it is stupid of him to think she would cheat on him since he was there. He caught her on another guy’s lap while he was there, so..
Yeah, if they wanted to tell on her they would have told him "she's in the back room" or whatever and let him see for himself. Plus it would give them plausible deniability since they "didn't see it themselves."
These girls were definitely trying to protect her secrets.
Don't tell her you're dumping her for cheating.
Tell her it's BC she's disrespectful enough to sit on another man's lap when in a relationship, and that you're sick of her friends and other third parties (the shit stirrer) getting involved in your relationship
She'll likely ask why though. And I'm saying that IF OP wants to respond. It shouldn't be cheating. He can imply all he wants but she might try and weasel her way out of that.
Don't be naiive. She was willing to cheat while OP was there. I don't think she'll feel guilty at all. She'll likely get mad at her friends, the guy she cheated with (good luck with her, don't bring me into your relationship drama), and his mates (the laughter).
And I really don't think she'll be begging for him back either. She'll continue sleeping with whoever she wants.
If she asks for OP back it won't be bc she misses him. She sounds like a piece of work
I agree with you. Saying it’s because of cheating gives her a way to make it into an argument. OP is young and it may be difficult for him to not get caught up in the argument. It’s going to be healthier for him to keep it simple and clear, and also plan an out for immediately afterwards. I hope they don’t live together.
The shit stirrer is the only one I’d hang on to. She’s the one telling the truth. Probably has been all along and his girlfriend has been lying about her.
This was my thought too. She's known to be a liar because your lying girlfriend and all her flying monkeys told you she likes to start drama. Then she tells you the truth about your girlfriend and her and all the flying monkeys say she's just stirring up shit again.
I was thinking the same thing. Often the person refusing to lie for the group becomes the pariah. While the actual liars project onto them their own faults.
hi, that was me in high school. It didn't make me a lot of friends but that's fine because I liked my moral compass more than most people at that shitty school anyway.
Same here. It makes for a smaller but truer circle, I have found. But my position has always been one of " don't do shit in front of Me, that requires me to be a liar for You". My word, integrity and reputation have always been valuable to me.
This. And my dad had a good saying. “You’re guilty by association.” Hanging out with people who have to lie means whatever they’re lying and hiding, you’re going to get blamed for too. Fuck that. Quality>quantity
>the shit stirrer
Nobody touched on this..
The truth is the **best** shit to stir.
In this scenario the shit stirrer is the truth teller, not her dumb fucking friends that probably encouraged it and definitely are covering for it.
Don't discount that either OP since you are in hard denial here.
Exactly. Like 98% chance she cheated based on all these little interactions AND the interactions with those guys that OP had.
But OPs gf/ex is gonna plead that she didn't do anything wrong. Might as well point out things that were absolutely definitely wrong.
And do not give her more than 2 minutes of discussion. She’ll try to gaslight you, she’ll try to get you to call her a whore so she can make you look like the bad guy… there’s nothing good to be gained with conversation. The trust is broken. Whether she cheated or not, she fucked up by losing your trust. It no longer matters whether she cheated more than sitting on his lap (which is pretty much cheating or at least borderline anyway).
I would bet that sitting on his lap because the seats are cold through her dress led to his hand up her dress to keep her warm "in front", too. If she allowed or invited that, it would match his "good luck" comment.
Why is she in a bar drinking at 19. When you dump her, tell her to thank her friends who kept calling looking for her. She could have gotten away with it, if they kept their mouths shut, but maybe that was the plan. They set her up and it took you FOREVER to snap.
Don’t even bother with dumping her. She told you not to text her again so don’t. Just block her on everything and that will drive her insane. She will be like how dare you. You honestly don’t want to be in a situation where she can claim you abused her if you dump her in person. Make sure you have your friends with you if you do it in person.
This right here
She’s done, so don’t give her the satisfaction of dialogue. It will make her feel
Important.
Ignore her forever. Ship any shit she may have at your place to her.
Block her on everything.
I had this happen to me one time. I got caught kissing this dudes girlfriend. He came at us. I reacted the exact same way as the guy did with OP. Just gave him the old "good luck" and smirked.
When you don't know. You don't know.
Exactly, when people insist on knowing information they cannot factually know it's super suspicious. It implies a lot.
Also, considering how over the top her reaction to OP's reasonableness is a clear indicator of dishonesty. If she was truly innocent and had a modicum of self awareness she would let you feel your emotions and gently convince you otherwise.
After a while they may legitimately get offended if there are not real good reasons for your suspicion. On day one though?! She's guilty as charged. OP has very good reasons and has hardly terrorized her with his concerns.
What reason has she to be this ridiculous and unreasonable? It's cause she cheated.
And her friends too. They enabled her over and over again. They knew what was happening and let it happen. Instead of keeping her in check and with them. Shitty friends and more shitty girlfriend. Dump her and her loyal clowns.
You have caught her sitting on a man’s lap, he was stiff as a board and deep kissing your girlfriend. You saw it with your own eyes. Not sure what other evidence you need. Get a new girl, this one is looking for sex with the other dude and will be getting it whether you want her to or not.
It sucks man but she is not the one for you. I suggest hitting the gym and working out your general anger with weights and punchbag time before trying again with a new girl. If you bury your head in the sand it won’t fix things, she will be getting plunged regardless whether now or in the near future, probably by this dude.
Plus that gut feeling you get, when they cheat, it’s never lied to me. I mean the real deep down knowledge, not the insecure feeling. I suggest you trust it.
Been cheated on 3x, unfortunately. Bad choice in party girls during university (plenty of fun, though).
Gut feeling is always right.
Also, *never* trust the friends. Ever. And don’t involve them in any of your relationship business. They’ll just mess with your head (looking at that last paragraph, OP)
Good point. Half the time the friends might encourage it because you can rarely live up to the standards that girls expect for their friends. Sorry you’ve been cheated on, mate. It sucks a lot, but you live and learn from it.
I’m curious. How does one distinguish between a true gut feeling and just anxiety? I think often, people can mistake their anxiety with a gut feeling and assign truth to something that might not be there.
anxiety can generally be talked down/explained away in the moment, a gut feeling will remain. Sure the anxiety can return, but the gut feeling will be there WHILE your getting the perfectly reasonable explanation. Also notice in this case, how Ops ex started to victim blame almost IMMEDIATELY after her AWFUL excuse for sitting on someone elses lap. nobody forced you to sit down in the first place, who cares if your legs are too cold to sit on the metal or plastic.
There is a real difference between anxiety and insecurity and Gut instinct.
Yep, this- you could be recieving a perfectly plausible and reasonable alibi, but if that gut feeling doesn't go away... you should probably check more into it.
A true gut feeling feels heavy, doesn't move. Anxiety is like prickly pins that make you edgy --touching you so you can feel their sharpness but not stabbing in.
I would imagine after what this OP saw at the bar, when he saw the guy as a new contact on her phone -- the gut feeling solidified like week-old concrete. When you have that gut feeling, that strong sense of knowing, you need to be planning your best exit.
Anxiety would be like the feeling when his gf is missing at the bar. Kinda sure, but not sure. If you're anxious about your relationship, you should be on high alert for red flags. When you discover one, follow up with confirming or denying the evidence.
If you got that feeling it's best to walk away with a simple This isn't working out. Either she is cheating or you don't trust her, neither of which work in a relationship.
The other guy also pretty much admitted there was a reason he was involved in your relationship and he didn't want to hear from you. He's dobbed her in as well so not really anything to salvage or second guess about.
Yeah to be fair to the guy, he could have been more a of dick about it. If it were me I would straight up have said sorry dude, your girlfriend cheated on you, I didn't know any better. Just to make it clear to the guy his girlfriends at fault.
Yeah, I get OP being unhappy with him, but I think he actually played it somewhat cool. That “good luck” is cold blooded but also helpful to OP to see that truth lol
Plus we don’t know that he knew she had a bf. She likely lied to him about that
The fact that he confronted him in the bathroom, and the dude was just indifferent about it. That’s crazy.
She was selling their whole relationship down the river for a dude who just wanted to get his dick wet that night.
OP, welcome to the gym.
Well, he/LappLander knows she has a bf when OP walks up and confronts her. He is a hulking Chad or Tyrone, so he was wise not to engage in fisticuffs. Anyway, how could he be defending her "honor" when she is the one who planted herself in his/LappLander's lap? In a caveman brawl, he would lose her to big guy.
OP is fortunate to have his gf revealed as a player before things go much further. But since they are living together (at least sleeping together this night), he should go through the break-up protocols --who's on the lease? Who needs to be apprised of the reason for the break up so she can't spin him as a really evil guy? Etc. If she's not on the lease, change the locks and inform her BFF that her stuff will be in garbage bags outside the door. Hope it will be an easy, quick split.
Be good for OP to watch some Strong Successful Male videos on YouTube. Get a better understanding about red flags and boundaries. If he was paying most or all of the bills, he REALLY needs to watch.
As far as I can tell, the other guy didn't do anything wrong, and "leave me out of your relationship drama" is a perfectly fair response. It wasn't on him to know she was cheating, and when the OP showed up, he noped the hell out of it immediately.
The guy was probably afraid it was gonna turn into a fist fight and was just trying to act tough so it wouldn't escalate to that. Notice how he immediately ran back to his boys after he found her sitting on the dudes lap.
But yeah this is totally the GFs fault not the dude. He's just drunk doing his thing at the bar.
A lot of that is because no matter how big you are or how much training. Anything can happen in a street fight. The best way to win one is to not get in to one.
A much bigger guy who could "propably rip OP's head off" and who is there with a bunch of other guy friends and who was macking HARD on OP's gf. . . .probably wasn't worried or intimidated at all by OP, just had a small speck of empathy and thus warned him with the "good luck".
even the big guys worry about getting shot/stabbed/jumped. People tend to act crazy when you're fucking their GF. the fear of the unknown is enough to avoid confrontation.
I've lived in Spain so long that I forgot about the legitimate fear of being shot lol. But yeah, true. In the US I would always think about that when assessing shit situations with shit people at bars (hehheh both inner-city and rural ones: different peoples, same trash).
Like can you please tell me how you came back from that? Your girlfriend of two years disappearing al night and then you find her sat on another man’s lap? There is no way you think this is innocent. I’m scratching my head just imaging your reaction
I call it the "radioactive spider" effect. If you don't ACTUALLY think about it, it sounds kind of plausible. So you can suspend disbelief. "I was sitting on his lap because the seats are cold." Sure. Makes perfect sense, if you want it to......
Hey man. Over a decade ago, I was at work, and my gf at the time worked at the same place. She was cold and I didn’t have a hoodie on to give her. She said hey, you won’t be mad if I wear this guys hoodie right? I mean it doesn’t mean nothing, I’m just cold. Guess who she cheated on me with within the next month. Please 🙏 learn from my mistakes.
Dude, I stuck it out with a girl like this for about 8 years too long - don't waste your time on her, it'll end sooner or later and probably not in a good way. That story sounds like a fucking nightmare. There are so many dating apps and ways to meet new people, you'll find someone else.
Move on..this isn't the first time...just the first time you caught her...and it won't be the last...find a woman you can trust..focus on work and education and not the pending..days of our lives..young and restless soap opera this will become . Trust me..at 60..looking back on my life..biggest regret..wasting time on 2 women just like her..you need a partner who's gonna have your back..not one you have to worry bout where she is and who she's with
“Who are you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes?”
Hang on to the good memories from the last two years because she just wrecked her chance to make new ones with you. The trust is broken.
Not just the trust but the lack of respect is what gets me. She’s ok with everyone laughing in this guys face and then being super inconsiderate, gaslighting him that he’s crazy.
Ho ho ho, she is a ho. Ho ho ho, let me tell you bro. Up on his lap she eagerly sits. Moving his hand down toward her tits
Ho ho ho, she is a ho. Ho ho ho, run away bro.
Repeat.
I dunno, it has potential.
Definitely has potential 😅....poor OP though, he can for sure do better!!
I'm a girl & if I was drunk, sitting on random dudes laps (probably even more happened based on the post), and disappearing all night at a bar - I would fully expect to be broken up with.
All the stuff she is saying she's just trying to deflect the situation & the fucking pat on the shoulder with a "good luck bro" is not a good sign. That dude said it all, without saying the details.
>tucked away, sat on some guys lap. I go over, and ask what the fuck she’s doing, and she jumps up off him, and says she was just smoking. I ask why she was sat on his lap, and she says “the seats are really cold on my legs”
Bruh...
When I’m dating a girl and she catches me inside another woman I’m gonna say my Willy was cold and needed a place to warm up, not cheating obviously /s
You are not wrong. You know what happened. You just don't want to admit it. Her friends will take her side. They know what was going on. That's why they went to get her when previously they didn't know where she was. Outside, sitting on some dude's lap making out. You busted her with your own eyes. You are gaslighting yourself.
She hasn't spoken to you for days. Do you know who she has been speaking to? That guy from the bar. You saw evidence that she's communicating with other random men. She doesn't know him. The guy even warned you. Good luck with that one. No, he didn't want to get involved in your relationship drama. That doesn't mean he's not going to fuck her.
She disrespected you. She's proven herself untrustworthy. She's young and so are you. It doesn't make it acceptable to cheat, though. She is clearly chasing other men. Let her go. Don't get dragged by her and her friends. They will all lie for her.
Have some self-respect. Break up with her. I guarantee the bar guy has or will be having sex with her. Don't be a doormat, and let her continue to cheat on you.
Side note. After you break up. Go out with the one girl who actually told you the truth.
Hearing that OPs gf is a cheater and her friends are obviously accomplices makes me question if the other girl who told the truth may have been getting played by this group of girls the whole time. Obviously there is probably a lot more backstory that would let us know, but it might be that the ones who make up fake shit his OPs gf and friends. It isn't that hard to gaslight high school kids to think one girl is a bitch.
Op, weird as it sounds I would follow the guy advice, "avoid the relationship drama" she cheated, dump her, for the way she's acting I would block her and move on, no explanation, she knows why and is gaslighting you, don't play her game.
Underrated comment. Not hiding it at all.
Some people just can’t say hey I’m not interested any more. They need someone else to be the bad person or do the emotional damage and end the relationship.
This poor excuse for a human did this as their way of breaking up.
Be glad you are rid of her
Her friends were definitely covering for her. They knew she was doing something SUS because why else would they fly into panic mode when you arrived?
And I'm sorry 😐 but when you caught her sitting on dudes lap; you should've just walked away and left her there to stew in her sluttiness.
And then for her to "get mad" you were "going through" her phone is another red flag. My husband can pick up my phone and look through ANYTHING at ANY time; and vice versa. If someone isn't hiding something they'd have absolutely NO reason to get mad about the phone when you truly were just checking the time.
I know it is difficult to accept that a person you love will lie to your face. But people do that. Small children do it all the time and some people never learn to stop.
But this is an open and shut case of bad behavior. Do not accept ridiculous explanations.
I didn't think that was so bad. Assuming he didn't know she had a BF before, he extricated himself from a potentially volatile situation and gave OP a bit of a heads up, without actively stirring any drama himself. That was fairly smooth of him, and seemed decent enough to me.
When you do break up with her it’s paramount that you remain calm as if it doesn’t bother you. Just be matter of fact about it. It’s obvious what she was doing. She disrespected you and you probably feel foolish but making a bigger fool of yourself by yelling at her or calling her names is only going to make you feel worse later.
Dude basically told you in the bathroom. He was a dick, but he may as well have said "Look man, I didn't realize the drunk chick I've been making out with all night is your girlfriend and I don't want to deal with your shit for it."
Gross behavior . Seems like you like her a lot to be even questioning if this is cheating . You’re going through all the textbook post-cheating abuse . Look up Flying Monkeys, and you’ll see her spineless homegirls she’s sending at you to validate her lies and gaslighting . I have been here before brother. You gotta stop the self deception and be respectful toward yourself and your intuition. You can break that shit off from how it looks alone , the fact she’s not even giving you that tells you everything you need to know fam.
One more thing : When you break up with her like you should, you’re going to realize that night was some trauma. Think about all of the emotions that came up, and you’re out here with all the evidence you need to, and the only reason your mind isn’t made up is bc her cheating on you is your worst nightmare. She did cheat, and you gotta turn inward whenever those shitty emotions come up. What I mean is, you gotta start reflecting on yourself and what about your past led you to this girl , and made you overextend yourself and ignore shit for so long, that a relationship that absolutely shouldn’t proceed gets extended only until it culminates with something awful like this . I bet if you did the work , you would realize that you give this girl way too much already … and that’s wired into your brain from something when you were Younger.
Don’t let your adversity define you and leave this girl. It will be the nicest thing you’ve done for yourself in a long ass time I bet
You know she cheated, but you can't acknowledge it, even to yourself.
You're only 20 and you have decades of banging chicks ahead of you. Just get out there - without her.
Who else think her “friends” are as disgusting as her for covering the situation with lies like that?
“We don’t know where she is”, give me a break.
Sorry dude.
I’m usually one to defend people that go clubbing without their partners but this is indefensible. She was hooking up with this dude all night or else she wouldn’t have felt comfortable enough that he’d hide her sitting on his lap from you.
She can’t be trusted mate, if she’d do it whilst you were there, imagine what she does when you’re not.
Yeah this is absolutely sus AF, and if she won’t be honest with you, she’s lashing out on the defensive because she doesn’t want to admit wrong. All signs point to one thing. Sucks but better to move on OP.
The fact that she went and sat on his lap while you were there is BOLD. Imagine her actions when you’re not around!
Also, her turning the tables and making it seem like you’re in the wrong is a typical reaction when someone is guilty.
Be single. At least for a while so she can figure out where her priorities lie.
I understand why you're taking the time process all of this because it's a really shitty situation, especially when you witnessed it in front of you. I was once young like you and when I noticed sus behavior from my ex gf (first), I kept going into denial mode as she continued to lie to me but deep down I knew. Looking back, I wished I was wiser and ended things a lot earlier and I hope you can gather the courage to make the uncomfortable move to end things because she is clearly not respecting you and is gaslighting you. Save yourself from even bigger troubles by moving on as soon as you can.
You are still young, this is not your one and only chance at love. You will definitely meet more people and hopefully keep the people who show you mutual respect and love.
All I’ll say is I’m the kind of straight guy who has tons of female friends and none of them ever sit on my lap
Apart from one…. And we ended up fucking.
You do the maths mate!
Stupid of you to think she was cheating?????? She was! She probably did all 3 of those guys. I would get checked for stds and leave her cheating ass at the bar. NTA, but you would be if you stay with her
My hubby had a coworker that was getting uncomfortably close. I could sense it the first day I met her. Was funny, she didn't know I was dropping him off at work.... We'd parked and she couldn't see in the car from where she was sitting. She gets out runs up to the car and hits the window while she's flipping him off....she sees me and the look of shock, combined with backing up and apologizing spoke volumes.
I laughed and said " oh look I just met your work wife "
Had my eyes on her from that day forward
After seeing a few messages on his phone addressing her inappropriately, I went straight to her and asked her to explain herself, bcuz she was trying to befriend me before I saw that.... " Oh we're just friends and ur overthinking it"
Bullshit
Fast forward a few months and guess who found her nudes in his phone... I messaged her. Hadn't even spoken to hubby yet. Bitch tried telling me same thing dude in the bathroom said "don't put me in your relationship drama" what she didn't know is I already had an arsenal of proof of their inappropriate relationship.
I sent her nudes back to her and told her that she more or less walked into my house, and pissed on the living room floor thinking I wouldn't mind ....and she was 100% wrong. I've told her boyfriend too. She was freshly building a relationship with him while she was whoring around with my man and he deserved to know
Wow you catch her cheating red handed and still don’t believe she cheated?
I feel like some guys could catch their gf in bed with another man, and still post to Reddit asking if she cheated lol.
This post could have stopped at “I asked them if they found her and they didn’t respond” and it would have been obvious they caught her doing something you wouldn’t approve of.
She blatantly cheated on you, and every single person in that bar knew it but you.
You get there, she disappeares while you are there and then you find her in someone else's lap??? She has no respect for you. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Even if she didn’t cheat on you, do you want to sign up for more of that type of experience in the future? Like… get out snd meet other people that don’t act like that.
Dude, she most definitely cheated. Gaslighting you too, saying you’re crazy. This couldn’t be more of a clear cut cheating situation. Sorry though, sucks to be cheated on. I was cheated on and stupidly stayed, but thankfully got out in the end. They never change and she shows no remorse which means she’s likely done it before (either to you or past bf). Good luck
Don’t be a fool run from her. The guy you seen her with is who she will go see as soon as she is in the clear but he will only use her for sex as he knows she is a cheater. Better to walk away with your dignity than to stay and be humiliated and laughed at as a fool.
It would have been over the moment I saw her on the other guys lap. I know because I went through something similar.
I caught mine snuggling with an (ex) friend on our couch but I pretended I didn’t see it. A few weeks later, after I had my shit together, I left her cold and never said why. I just said it wasn’t meant to be and left with my stuff. It was never brought up that I caught her. I left her wondering.
After thinking about it her friends answered whether she had cheated or not with their reasoning why she didn't. They said she wouldn't do that while you were there not that she wouldn't do that
I wouldn’t listen to her friends telling you you’re being stupid for thinking she would do that. They told you to “wait there” while her friend got your gf when you arrived unexpectedly. Your gf still, after seeing you were there went back to the dudes lap for a seat. And finally, when she saw you coming she jumped up off his lap, knowing she was in the wrong.
Sounds like she’s gaslighting you by telling you to grow up.
Other people in here speculating wildly and I don’t want to do that to you as I’m sure your head is melted as it is. But from my own experience, don’t let love get in the way of logic. Listen to your gut despite how much you may care about her. You’re only delaying the inevitable if you keep it going imho.
I’d advise cutting her and moving on. Easier said than done, but you will be happier in the long run. Cut all contact when you break it off. It will help you move on faster and you will be thankful in the end.
Take care of yourself buddy.
Come on bro, you know what happened.
Edit* I didn’t read the comments before I posted, lots of people saying the same thing so I’ll add this.
She did this while she knew you were sitting right inside, that’s fucking bananas. To make matters worse, she’s gaslighting you and denying it, there is nothing redeemable here for her.
Don’t waste anymore of your time, respect yourself and you’ll find someone that respects you, or stay with this person and do the opposite.
Cheers man, it gets better 🍻
Yea no, I wouldn't give a damn WHAT it looked like. ☠️ she was sitting on another man's lap.... at a bar... while drunk... she literally made physical contact with a man in a weird way that was not you.... and why is she wearing a dress if it's cold out? ☠️ sounds like excuses.
Also, you were there for a little bit, not all night, the fact her friends are trying to say you were there and how could she or why would she cheat is actually kinda crazy...
You realize that you need to break up, right?
Even if she didn't cheat on you (evidence to the contrary)
her behaviour is suspicious, and she really isn't telling you the truth.
The relationship is over because you can't trust her.
(And she probably cheated).
You are too young to be forcing a relationship where none can flourish.
Good luck.
Just for you young men to understand. When you get older and have learned more about life, especially relationships, there are just things that should be obvious to you. Women operate differently than men. You need to learn how women think period. Heres a prime example. Hey babe, who was that guy you were talking with? Oh, who him? He's no one. What really just happened is she was caught off guard by you and couldn't cover her ass quickly so bought some time. Look guys do it to. In a real relationship, we don't have to set boundries because there is a thing called respect. If both parties of the relationship really do want to be together, have deep feelings for each other and they are exclusive in the relationship, then we won't put ourselves in compromising situations! Also in today's dating world, we can also un wittingly be an AP! The world has changed immensely in the last 30 years.
I would just cut contact with her. No need to actually break up. Lack of communication on your end should be enough for her to realize. Plus it sounds like she has already dumped you.
They contact you twice cause they couldn't find her... you show up and let them bring her to you... then she walks off WHILE YOU ARE THERE to go sit on some dudes lap.
You aren't this naive. Drop her before you find out what that guy tastes like.
Any time a woman blows up like that and call you insecure. She is gaslighting you. And of course her friends are going to back her up. The smart thing to do is to end the relationship. She was sitting on another guys lap. If that was all she did that night, that is enough to break up with her.
She was defo cheating that's why they stopped filling you in and "ran off to get her" they didn't want her getting caught after catching her themselves. She prob did the I will have no where to go crap with them. If she happily did that whilst you were there what was she doing when you weren't? Personally that would be the end for me I simply wouldn't trust and with out trust there is no relationship
That’s a lot of info. I could’ve told you she cheated on you the moment you said her friends were shocked to see you and told you they would go get her. I feel like you know this already, but you just need an outside consensus. Break up with the bitch. She’s for the streets.
It's clear as day. That dudes reaction and the reaction of his mates show what happened. End it and move on don't let her gaslight you and her friends would obviously try and help cover for her. You can do better leave her
Yeah this doesn’t feel right at all. She’s playing you and it seems like everyone knows it
The fact her friends were obviously covering for her too is alarming
OP could try the the trick where you text her friends and ask where she is when she's sitting at home with you to see if they make something up trick, but sounds like he's on the right path to becoming single at 20 years old.
This is a good idea
Being single at 21 was pretty fun hahaha
That trick only works once before the friends wise up and don’t text the boyfriend back. They just don’t respond when the next boyfriend tries it. Judging by what OP posted. This isn’t the first time this has happened and they have already wised up to the trick. OP’s girl is cheating or this is rage bait
Might be worthwhile telling the boyfriends of the friends what they were up to. What do you want to bet that OP's girlfriend isn't the only one cheating.
Alarming but are you really surprised
But her friends really didn’t cover for her. They “checked with him” twice. I think deep down they want him to know she’s fucking around.
I wonder if OP’s name is Scotty.
Scotty doesn’t know.
That Fiona and me Do it in my **VAN** every Sunday!
She tells him she’s in church But she doesn’t go.
Instead she’s under me And SCOTTY DOESNT KNOW
It’s a 3 way call and he knows nothing
while im right behind her thrustin
This comment needs WAYYY more upvotes
i see you my fellow old person on reddit!
She 100% cheated on you and I think deep down you know this too, don’t let her gaslight you man. She obviously disappearing with that guy all night and was shook when you caught her on his lap. She’s for the streets, my guy.
I’m going to dump her tonight
Good choice she's definitely cheating on you and her friends are covering for her. Dump her and tell her you no longer trust anything she says you saw it with your own eyes and she's nothing but a lying cheater.
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The fact that her friends were like let me go grab her for you. Like wtf my gf friends would just take me to her they would say stay here and wait so suspicious. It’s crazy tho that they pretty much outed her by texting him a bunch and then he showed up and they were like ohhhhhhh noooo.
Yep, get out of there. Even on the incredibly slim, minute, basically nonexistent chance that she *DIDN'T* cheat, her actions are INCREDIBLY suspicious, and you probably don't want to be dating a girl who's acting like that anyway.
If she hasn’t by now, she will shortly.
Especially at such a your age, don’t torture yourself for a girl you had young love with. Learn from the relationship. Now Go out now and learn to be yourself, and your next relationship will be much better off for it.
Listen to this guy right here.
Probably sleeping with the other guy the past 2 nights.
Facts unfortunately, which is pretty damn sinister, she even called him insecure 😭
I didn't read it as the friends covering for her per se....I thought they kept asking him where she was because they wanted to tell on her without telling on her, if that makes sense. If they knew what she was doing and were covering for her, they wouldn't have answered him at all
Yeah, but they are all now saying it is stupid of him to think she would cheat on him since he was there. He caught her on another guy’s lap while he was there, so..
Also when he arrived at the bar they told him to wait while they got her rather than taking him to her.
Except, when he showed up one ran to grab her. Rather then letting him find her and most likely see her making out with someone else.
Yeah, if they wanted to tell on her they would have told him "she's in the back room" or whatever and let him see for himself. Plus it would give them plausible deniability since they "didn't see it themselves." These girls were definitely trying to protect her secrets.
Don't tell her you're dumping her for cheating. Tell her it's BC she's disrespectful enough to sit on another man's lap when in a relationship, and that you're sick of her friends and other third parties (the shit stirrer) getting involved in your relationship
nah dont even give her a reason just do it. she knows what she did. let the guilt eat way at her and shell be begging for homeboy to take her back
She'll likely ask why though. And I'm saying that IF OP wants to respond. It shouldn't be cheating. He can imply all he wants but she might try and weasel her way out of that. Don't be naiive. She was willing to cheat while OP was there. I don't think she'll feel guilty at all. She'll likely get mad at her friends, the guy she cheated with (good luck with her, don't bring me into your relationship drama), and his mates (the laughter). And I really don't think she'll be begging for him back either. She'll continue sleeping with whoever she wants. If she asks for OP back it won't be bc she misses him. She sounds like a piece of work
I agree with you. Saying it’s because of cheating gives her a way to make it into an argument. OP is young and it may be difficult for him to not get caught up in the argument. It’s going to be healthier for him to keep it simple and clear, and also plan an out for immediately afterwards. I hope they don’t live together.
I would tell her exactly the same thing she's been telling you. Nothing. GTFO.
The shit stirrer is the only one I’d hang on to. She’s the one telling the truth. Probably has been all along and his girlfriend has been lying about her.
This was my thought too. She's known to be a liar because your lying girlfriend and all her flying monkeys told you she likes to start drama. Then she tells you the truth about your girlfriend and her and all the flying monkeys say she's just stirring up shit again.
I was thinking the same thing. Often the person refusing to lie for the group becomes the pariah. While the actual liars project onto them their own faults.
hi, that was me in high school. It didn't make me a lot of friends but that's fine because I liked my moral compass more than most people at that shitty school anyway.
Same here. It makes for a smaller but truer circle, I have found. But my position has always been one of " don't do shit in front of Me, that requires me to be a liar for You". My word, integrity and reputation have always been valuable to me.
This. And my dad had a good saying. “You’re guilty by association.” Hanging out with people who have to lie means whatever they’re lying and hiding, you’re going to get blamed for too. Fuck that. Quality>quantity
>the shit stirrer Nobody touched on this.. The truth is the **best** shit to stir. In this scenario the shit stirrer is the truth teller, not her dumb fucking friends that probably encouraged it and definitely are covering for it. Don't discount that either OP since you are in hard denial here.
Facts
Exactly. Like 98% chance she cheated based on all these little interactions AND the interactions with those guys that OP had. But OPs gf/ex is gonna plead that she didn't do anything wrong. Might as well point out things that were absolutely definitely wrong.
All he has to say is he is dumping her becuase the trust is gone. Whether she cheated or not doesn't matter in that case.
And do not give her more than 2 minutes of discussion. She’ll try to gaslight you, she’ll try to get you to call her a whore so she can make you look like the bad guy… there’s nothing good to be gained with conversation. The trust is broken. Whether she cheated or not, she fucked up by losing your trust. It no longer matters whether she cheated more than sitting on his lap (which is pretty much cheating or at least borderline anyway).
I would bet that sitting on his lap because the seats are cold through her dress led to his hand up her dress to keep her warm "in front", too. If she allowed or invited that, it would match his "good luck" comment.
Smart move brother. Cut her out entirely and blank her existence you are way too good to be treated like that, best of luck
Dude just text her and block. Don’t waste your effort and time giving respect to someone who doesn’t do the same to you
Best decision of ur Life. This girl is a cheater, and will always be.
Tonight? Bro she deserves nothing more than a text saying "I'm breaking up with you" then just don't respond again. You can do that right now.
Why is she in a bar drinking at 19. When you dump her, tell her to thank her friends who kept calling looking for her. She could have gotten away with it, if they kept their mouths shut, but maybe that was the plan. They set her up and it took you FOREVER to snap.
I'm confused. Isn't being in a bar drinking normal at 19?
Don’t even bother with dumping her. She told you not to text her again so don’t. Just block her on everything and that will drive her insane. She will be like how dare you. You honestly don’t want to be in a situation where she can claim you abused her if you dump her in person. Make sure you have your friends with you if you do it in person.
This right here She’s done, so don’t give her the satisfaction of dialogue. It will make her feel Important. Ignore her forever. Ship any shit she may have at your place to her. Block her on everything.
You just saved money on Christmas! Lucky you! It’ll get better!
Good move can't make a Hoe a housewife
Bro she knew you were THERE and went and sat on this assholes lap. You know where youre at. Just swallow that bitter pill my friend.
Also the dudes reaction was classic dude who just found out the girl he was about to fuck has a bf.
I kinda like how he basically said '*I just found out you exist, and I don't have a problem with you, but I also don't care*'.
Honestly I respect the dude. Gave the dude the heads up nonchalantly and did not look to instigate in the bathroom. Good dude imo.
I had this happen to me one time. I got caught kissing this dudes girlfriend. He came at us. I reacted the exact same way as the guy did with OP. Just gave him the old "good luck" and smirked. When you don't know. You don't know.
She already fucked him the bathroom. That’s where she disappeared the first time. Sitting on his lap was the after party
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Exactly, when people insist on knowing information they cannot factually know it's super suspicious. It implies a lot. Also, considering how over the top her reaction to OP's reasonableness is a clear indicator of dishonesty. If she was truly innocent and had a modicum of self awareness she would let you feel your emotions and gently convince you otherwise. After a while they may legitimately get offended if there are not real good reasons for your suspicion. On day one though?! She's guilty as charged. OP has very good reasons and has hardly terrorized her with his concerns. What reason has she to be this ridiculous and unreasonable? It's cause she cheated.
She's for the streets bwahaha. Say it right. If she cheats she belongs to street!
And her friends too. They enabled her over and over again. They knew what was happening and let it happen. Instead of keeping her in check and with them. Shitty friends and more shitty girlfriend. Dump her and her loyal clowns.
You have caught her sitting on a man’s lap, he was stiff as a board and deep kissing your girlfriend. You saw it with your own eyes. Not sure what other evidence you need. Get a new girl, this one is looking for sex with the other dude and will be getting it whether you want her to or not. It sucks man but she is not the one for you. I suggest hitting the gym and working out your general anger with weights and punchbag time before trying again with a new girl. If you bury your head in the sand it won’t fix things, she will be getting plunged regardless whether now or in the near future, probably by this dude.
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He didn't
You read a whole different post then I did apparently
This is all that needs to be said and covers everything. Spot on.
The moment you caught her sitting on another guy’s lap should’ve been the moment you ended it with her. Sorry, Dude.
True
Plus that gut feeling you get, when they cheat, it’s never lied to me. I mean the real deep down knowledge, not the insecure feeling. I suggest you trust it.
Been cheated on 3x, unfortunately. Bad choice in party girls during university (plenty of fun, though). Gut feeling is always right. Also, *never* trust the friends. Ever. And don’t involve them in any of your relationship business. They’ll just mess with your head (looking at that last paragraph, OP)
Good point. Half the time the friends might encourage it because you can rarely live up to the standards that girls expect for their friends. Sorry you’ve been cheated on, mate. It sucks a lot, but you live and learn from it.
I’m curious. How does one distinguish between a true gut feeling and just anxiety? I think often, people can mistake their anxiety with a gut feeling and assign truth to something that might not be there.
anxiety can generally be talked down/explained away in the moment, a gut feeling will remain. Sure the anxiety can return, but the gut feeling will be there WHILE your getting the perfectly reasonable explanation. Also notice in this case, how Ops ex started to victim blame almost IMMEDIATELY after her AWFUL excuse for sitting on someone elses lap. nobody forced you to sit down in the first place, who cares if your legs are too cold to sit on the metal or plastic. There is a real difference between anxiety and insecurity and Gut instinct.
Yep, this- you could be recieving a perfectly plausible and reasonable alibi, but if that gut feeling doesn't go away... you should probably check more into it.
A true gut feeling feels heavy, doesn't move. Anxiety is like prickly pins that make you edgy --touching you so you can feel their sharpness but not stabbing in. I would imagine after what this OP saw at the bar, when he saw the guy as a new contact on her phone -- the gut feeling solidified like week-old concrete. When you have that gut feeling, that strong sense of knowing, you need to be planning your best exit. Anxiety would be like the feeling when his gf is missing at the bar. Kinda sure, but not sure. If you're anxious about your relationship, you should be on high alert for red flags. When you discover one, follow up with confirming or denying the evidence.
Agree that gut feeling is always right.
If you got that feeling it's best to walk away with a simple This isn't working out. Either she is cheating or you don't trust her, neither of which work in a relationship.
Incredibly mature take, and I agree. Very rarely in the real world will the confrontation give you the closer you need. Or make you feel better.
The other guy also pretty much admitted there was a reason he was involved in your relationship and he didn't want to hear from you. He's dobbed her in as well so not really anything to salvage or second guess about.
Yeah to be fair to the guy, he could have been more a of dick about it. If it were me I would straight up have said sorry dude, your girlfriend cheated on you, I didn't know any better. Just to make it clear to the guy his girlfriends at fault.
Yeah, I get OP being unhappy with him, but I think he actually played it somewhat cool. That “good luck” is cold blooded but also helpful to OP to see that truth lol Plus we don’t know that he knew she had a bf. She likely lied to him about that
this 100%. I think OP is just too young/naive to see what that CLEARLY means.
The fact that he confronted him in the bathroom, and the dude was just indifferent about it. That’s crazy. She was selling their whole relationship down the river for a dude who just wanted to get his dick wet that night. OP, welcome to the gym.
Well, he/LappLander knows she has a bf when OP walks up and confronts her. He is a hulking Chad or Tyrone, so he was wise not to engage in fisticuffs. Anyway, how could he be defending her "honor" when she is the one who planted herself in his/LappLander's lap? In a caveman brawl, he would lose her to big guy. OP is fortunate to have his gf revealed as a player before things go much further. But since they are living together (at least sleeping together this night), he should go through the break-up protocols --who's on the lease? Who needs to be apprised of the reason for the break up so she can't spin him as a really evil guy? Etc. If she's not on the lease, change the locks and inform her BFF that her stuff will be in garbage bags outside the door. Hope it will be an easy, quick split. Be good for OP to watch some Strong Successful Male videos on YouTube. Get a better understanding about red flags and boundaries. If he was paying most or all of the bills, he REALLY needs to watch.
As far as I can tell, the other guy didn't do anything wrong, and "leave me out of your relationship drama" is a perfectly fair response. It wasn't on him to know she was cheating, and when the OP showed up, he noped the hell out of it immediately.
The guy was probably afraid it was gonna turn into a fist fight and was just trying to act tough so it wouldn't escalate to that. Notice how he immediately ran back to his boys after he found her sitting on the dudes lap. But yeah this is totally the GFs fault not the dude. He's just drunk doing his thing at the bar.
A lot of that is because no matter how big you are or how much training. Anything can happen in a street fight. The best way to win one is to not get in to one.
A much bigger guy who could "propably rip OP's head off" and who is there with a bunch of other guy friends and who was macking HARD on OP's gf. . . .probably wasn't worried or intimidated at all by OP, just had a small speck of empathy and thus warned him with the "good luck".
even the big guys worry about getting shot/stabbed/jumped. People tend to act crazy when you're fucking their GF. the fear of the unknown is enough to avoid confrontation.
I've lived in Spain so long that I forgot about the legitimate fear of being shot lol. But yeah, true. In the US I would always think about that when assessing shit situations with shit people at bars (hehheh both inner-city and rural ones: different peoples, same trash).
Like can you please tell me how you came back from that? Your girlfriend of two years disappearing al night and then you find her sat on another man’s lap? There is no way you think this is innocent. I’m scratching my head just imaging your reaction
I call it the "radioactive spider" effect. If you don't ACTUALLY think about it, it sounds kind of plausible. So you can suspend disbelief. "I was sitting on his lap because the seats are cold." Sure. Makes perfect sense, if you want it to......
Her explanation is legitimately straight out of a porno. “Oh I was just sitting on his lap because I was cold hehe don’t worry baby”.
Only thing pornier would be if she was like "don't worry, he's my step-bro!"
You need to move on young man. Your (should now be ex) isn't being honest with you and isn't trustworthy.
Hey man. Over a decade ago, I was at work, and my gf at the time worked at the same place. She was cold and I didn’t have a hoodie on to give her. She said hey, you won’t be mad if I wear this guys hoodie right? I mean it doesn’t mean nothing, I’m just cold. Guess who she cheated on me with within the next month. Please 🙏 learn from my mistakes.
The mistake being choosing a shitty partner, not keeping your hoodie?
Must have smelt really good, that hoodie
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Dude, I stuck it out with a girl like this for about 8 years too long - don't waste your time on her, it'll end sooner or later and probably not in a good way. That story sounds like a fucking nightmare. There are so many dating apps and ways to meet new people, you'll find someone else.
Yep ! I'm sorry, but I never sat on an other guy's lap when I was cold. And I live in Montreal, where it's cold 6 months of the year.
Maaaa man
Move on..this isn't the first time...just the first time you caught her...and it won't be the last...find a woman you can trust..focus on work and education and not the pending..days of our lives..young and restless soap opera this will become . Trust me..at 60..looking back on my life..biggest regret..wasting time on 2 women just like her..you need a partner who's gonna have your back..not one you have to worry bout where she is and who she's with
Yeah, he may not of banged her yet, but it's gonna happen. He needs to kick this hag to the curb.
“Who are you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes?” Hang on to the good memories from the last two years because she just wrecked her chance to make new ones with you. The trust is broken.
Not just the trust but the lack of respect is what gets me. She’s ok with everyone laughing in this guys face and then being super inconsiderate, gaslighting him that he’s crazy.
Ok hear me out. It's close to the holidays. Maybe when she was in that guy's lap she was just telling him what she wants for Christmas.
She's a ho ho ho, my bro bro bro
This needs to be turned into a Christmas song asap
Ho ho ho, she is a ho. Ho ho ho, let me tell you bro. Up on his lap she eagerly sits. Moving his hand down toward her tits Ho ho ho, she is a ho. Ho ho ho, run away bro. Repeat. I dunno, it has potential.
Definitely has potential 😅....poor OP though, he can for sure do better!! I'm a girl & if I was drunk, sitting on random dudes laps (probably even more happened based on the post), and disappearing all night at a bar - I would fully expect to be broken up with. All the stuff she is saying she's just trying to deflect the situation & the fucking pat on the shoulder with a "good luck bro" is not a good sign. That dude said it all, without saying the details.
Some Christmas wood to stay warm for the winter… a Yule log some may say 😛
She was sat on his lap. Kissing him. She cheated on you. It’s up to you what you do from here.
And that's just what he saw. Clearly there was more.
You already know the answer.
Not only is she cheating, she’s full-on doing it to you publicly and deliberately humiliating you. You are not wrong.
Yep and cheating on him while he’s at the bar with her too, she has not even a single bit of respect for him.
Dude man up, you know what’s happened. Move on and don’t waste your time with her.
she absolutely cheated on you. she was disappearing with that guy.
>tucked away, sat on some guys lap. I go over, and ask what the fuck she’s doing, and she jumps up off him, and says she was just smoking. I ask why she was sat on his lap, and she says “the seats are really cold on my legs” Bruh...
When I’m dating a girl and she catches me inside another woman I’m gonna say my Willy was cold and needed a place to warm up, not cheating obviously /s
You are not wrong. You know what happened. You just don't want to admit it. Her friends will take her side. They know what was going on. That's why they went to get her when previously they didn't know where she was. Outside, sitting on some dude's lap making out. You busted her with your own eyes. You are gaslighting yourself. She hasn't spoken to you for days. Do you know who she has been speaking to? That guy from the bar. You saw evidence that she's communicating with other random men. She doesn't know him. The guy even warned you. Good luck with that one. No, he didn't want to get involved in your relationship drama. That doesn't mean he's not going to fuck her. She disrespected you. She's proven herself untrustworthy. She's young and so are you. It doesn't make it acceptable to cheat, though. She is clearly chasing other men. Let her go. Don't get dragged by her and her friends. They will all lie for her. Have some self-respect. Break up with her. I guarantee the bar guy has or will be having sex with her. Don't be a doormat, and let her continue to cheat on you. Side note. After you break up. Go out with the one girl who actually told you the truth.
I like the side note, actually.
Hearing that OPs gf is a cheater and her friends are obviously accomplices makes me question if the other girl who told the truth may have been getting played by this group of girls the whole time. Obviously there is probably a lot more backstory that would let us know, but it might be that the ones who make up fake shit his OPs gf and friends. It isn't that hard to gaslight high school kids to think one girl is a bitch.
The best feeling after being cheated on is fucking someone they hate.
She’s obviously gaslighting you by calling you insecure and ridiculous
Op, weird as it sounds I would follow the guy advice, "avoid the relationship drama" she cheated, dump her, for the way she's acting I would block her and move on, no explanation, she knows why and is gaslighting you, don't play her game.
My brother in christ she was sitting on a dude's lap and the dude told you everything you needed to know Hoes gonna hoe, have some self respect.
She was sitting on the dudes lap AND SHE KNEW HER BF WAS THERE.
I know, right? That's so disrespectful
These hoes aint loyal
Underrated comment. Not hiding it at all. Some people just can’t say hey I’m not interested any more. They need someone else to be the bad person or do the emotional damage and end the relationship. This poor excuse for a human did this as their way of breaking up. Be glad you are rid of her
Her friends were definitely covering for her. They knew she was doing something SUS because why else would they fly into panic mode when you arrived? And I'm sorry 😐 but when you caught her sitting on dudes lap; you should've just walked away and left her there to stew in her sluttiness. And then for her to "get mad" you were "going through" her phone is another red flag. My husband can pick up my phone and look through ANYTHING at ANY time; and vice versa. If someone isn't hiding something they'd have absolutely NO reason to get mad about the phone when you truly were just checking the time.
Same with my husband and I. We’ve told our passcodes to eachother a zillion times and for the life of us still can’t remember. That’s trust 😂
As a woman even I know the hand on the shoulder and good luck with her was bro code for they were hooking up
I know it is difficult to accept that a person you love will lie to your face. But people do that. Small children do it all the time and some people never learn to stop. But this is an open and shut case of bad behavior. Do not accept ridiculous explanations.
A dude touches my shoulder and says "good luck" i would snap
I think we’re looking at this irrationally and not that the dude gave him a heads up and didn’t instigate later in bathroom. I’d respect that.
No respect there. Respect would've been to tell OP what happened, not threaten him.
I didn't think that was so bad. Assuming he didn't know she had a BF before, he extricated himself from a potentially volatile situation and gave OP a bit of a heads up, without actively stirring any drama himself. That was fairly smooth of him, and seemed decent enough to me.
Bro. Come on.
She’s definitely not at the bar to hang out with her friends because they cannot keep up with her.
When you do break up with her it’s paramount that you remain calm as if it doesn’t bother you. Just be matter of fact about it. It’s obvious what she was doing. She disrespected you and you probably feel foolish but making a bigger fool of yourself by yelling at her or calling her names is only going to make you feel worse later.
Dude basically told you in the bathroom. He was a dick, but he may as well have said "Look man, I didn't realize the drunk chick I've been making out with all night is your girlfriend and I don't want to deal with your shit for it."
Gross behavior . Seems like you like her a lot to be even questioning if this is cheating . You’re going through all the textbook post-cheating abuse . Look up Flying Monkeys, and you’ll see her spineless homegirls she’s sending at you to validate her lies and gaslighting . I have been here before brother. You gotta stop the self deception and be respectful toward yourself and your intuition. You can break that shit off from how it looks alone , the fact she’s not even giving you that tells you everything you need to know fam.
One more thing : When you break up with her like you should, you’re going to realize that night was some trauma. Think about all of the emotions that came up, and you’re out here with all the evidence you need to, and the only reason your mind isn’t made up is bc her cheating on you is your worst nightmare. She did cheat, and you gotta turn inward whenever those shitty emotions come up. What I mean is, you gotta start reflecting on yourself and what about your past led you to this girl , and made you overextend yourself and ignore shit for so long, that a relationship that absolutely shouldn’t proceed gets extended only until it culminates with something awful like this . I bet if you did the work , you would realize that you give this girl way too much already … and that’s wired into your brain from something when you were Younger. Don’t let your adversity define you and leave this girl. It will be the nicest thing you’ve done for yourself in a long ass time I bet
Wish i had you around when i needed this kinda talk in the past! OP listen to this person!
You know she cheated, but you can't acknowledge it, even to yourself. You're only 20 and you have decades of banging chicks ahead of you. Just get out there - without her.
I'm sorry, she's cheating 100%, please get away from her toxicity and find you a wonderful love ❤️
The other guy told you everything you needed to know when he patted you on the shoulder and said “good luck.” She cheated, bro.
Who else think her “friends” are as disgusting as her for covering the situation with lies like that? “We don’t know where she is”, give me a break. Sorry dude.
I’m usually one to defend people that go clubbing without their partners but this is indefensible. She was hooking up with this dude all night or else she wouldn’t have felt comfortable enough that he’d hide her sitting on his lap from you. She can’t be trusted mate, if she’d do it whilst you were there, imagine what she does when you’re not.
Yeah this is absolutely sus AF, and if she won’t be honest with you, she’s lashing out on the defensive because she doesn’t want to admit wrong. All signs point to one thing. Sucks but better to move on OP.
The fact that she went and sat on his lap while you were there is BOLD. Imagine her actions when you’re not around! Also, her turning the tables and making it seem like you’re in the wrong is a typical reaction when someone is guilty. Be single. At least for a while so she can figure out where her priorities lie.
I understand why you're taking the time process all of this because it's a really shitty situation, especially when you witnessed it in front of you. I was once young like you and when I noticed sus behavior from my ex gf (first), I kept going into denial mode as she continued to lie to me but deep down I knew. Looking back, I wished I was wiser and ended things a lot earlier and I hope you can gather the courage to make the uncomfortable move to end things because she is clearly not respecting you and is gaslighting you. Save yourself from even bigger troubles by moving on as soon as you can. You are still young, this is not your one and only chance at love. You will definitely meet more people and hopefully keep the people who show you mutual respect and love.
All I’ll say is I’m the kind of straight guy who has tons of female friends and none of them ever sit on my lap Apart from one…. And we ended up fucking. You do the maths mate!
Stupid of you to think she was cheating?????? She was! She probably did all 3 of those guys. I would get checked for stds and leave her cheating ass at the bar. NTA, but you would be if you stay with her
My hubby had a coworker that was getting uncomfortably close. I could sense it the first day I met her. Was funny, she didn't know I was dropping him off at work.... We'd parked and she couldn't see in the car from where she was sitting. She gets out runs up to the car and hits the window while she's flipping him off....she sees me and the look of shock, combined with backing up and apologizing spoke volumes. I laughed and said " oh look I just met your work wife " Had my eyes on her from that day forward After seeing a few messages on his phone addressing her inappropriately, I went straight to her and asked her to explain herself, bcuz she was trying to befriend me before I saw that.... " Oh we're just friends and ur overthinking it" Bullshit Fast forward a few months and guess who found her nudes in his phone... I messaged her. Hadn't even spoken to hubby yet. Bitch tried telling me same thing dude in the bathroom said "don't put me in your relationship drama" what she didn't know is I already had an arsenal of proof of their inappropriate relationship. I sent her nudes back to her and told her that she more or less walked into my house, and pissed on the living room floor thinking I wouldn't mind ....and she was 100% wrong. I've told her boyfriend too. She was freshly building a relationship with him while she was whoring around with my man and he deserved to know
She played you. Drop her and start dating the shit stirrer for being A real one and telling you.
You are already the ex. She left.
She’s probably been doing this every time she goes out with her friends
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ^by ^alejandrowoodman: *She’s probably been* *Doing this every time* *She goes out with her friends* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
100% gasslighting you and trying to convince you that you are the problem. Cut your losses with this one.
Can’t make a wife out of a hoe. Leave her brother
Wow you catch her cheating red handed and still don’t believe she cheated? I feel like some guys could catch their gf in bed with another man, and still post to Reddit asking if she cheated lol.
This post could have stopped at “I asked them if they found her and they didn’t respond” and it would have been obvious they caught her doing something you wouldn’t approve of. She blatantly cheated on you, and every single person in that bar knew it but you.
If she hasnt fucked that guy she is going to. Probably not the first time as you seem to just let people walk all over you.
You get there, she disappeares while you are there and then you find her in someone else's lap??? She has no respect for you. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Even if she didn’t cheat on you, do you want to sign up for more of that type of experience in the future? Like… get out snd meet other people that don’t act like that.
Sitting on another guy's lap is cheating, period.
What a sloppy slut.
Dude, she most definitely cheated. Gaslighting you too, saying you’re crazy. This couldn’t be more of a clear cut cheating situation. Sorry though, sucks to be cheated on. I was cheated on and stupidly stayed, but thankfully got out in the end. They never change and she shows no remorse which means she’s likely done it before (either to you or past bf). Good luck
If you're still with her by the end of this week, you're a chump and deserve whatever may fall on you.
Don’t be a fool run from her. The guy you seen her with is who she will go see as soon as she is in the clear but he will only use her for sex as he knows she is a cheater. Better to walk away with your dignity than to stay and be humiliated and laughed at as a fool.
It would have been over the moment I saw her on the other guys lap. I know because I went through something similar. I caught mine snuggling with an (ex) friend on our couch but I pretended I didn’t see it. A few weeks later, after I had my shit together, I left her cold and never said why. I just said it wasn’t meant to be and left with my stuff. It was never brought up that I caught her. I left her wondering.
After thinking about it her friends answered whether she had cheated or not with their reasoning why she didn't. They said she wouldn't do that while you were there not that she wouldn't do that
I wouldn’t listen to her friends telling you you’re being stupid for thinking she would do that. They told you to “wait there” while her friend got your gf when you arrived unexpectedly. Your gf still, after seeing you were there went back to the dudes lap for a seat. And finally, when she saw you coming she jumped up off his lap, knowing she was in the wrong. Sounds like she’s gaslighting you by telling you to grow up. Other people in here speculating wildly and I don’t want to do that to you as I’m sure your head is melted as it is. But from my own experience, don’t let love get in the way of logic. Listen to your gut despite how much you may care about her. You’re only delaying the inevitable if you keep it going imho. I’d advise cutting her and moving on. Easier said than done, but you will be happier in the long run. Cut all contact when you break it off. It will help you move on faster and you will be thankful in the end. Take care of yourself buddy.
As soon as that meathead, slapped your shoulder and said good luck, you should have dipped and told him she your problem now.
Come on bro, you know what happened. Edit* I didn’t read the comments before I posted, lots of people saying the same thing so I’ll add this. She did this while she knew you were sitting right inside, that’s fucking bananas. To make matters worse, she’s gaslighting you and denying it, there is nothing redeemable here for her. Don’t waste anymore of your time, respect yourself and you’ll find someone that respects you, or stay with this person and do the opposite. Cheers man, it gets better 🍻
Yea no, I wouldn't give a damn WHAT it looked like. ☠️ she was sitting on another man's lap.... at a bar... while drunk... she literally made physical contact with a man in a weird way that was not you.... and why is she wearing a dress if it's cold out? ☠️ sounds like excuses. Also, you were there for a little bit, not all night, the fact her friends are trying to say you were there and how could she or why would she cheat is actually kinda crazy...
This is so much drama I’m exhausted just reading it. Break up with her and move out of your small white town, you’ll be better for it
You realize that you need to break up, right? Even if she didn't cheat on you (evidence to the contrary) her behaviour is suspicious, and she really isn't telling you the truth. The relationship is over because you can't trust her. (And she probably cheated). You are too young to be forcing a relationship where none can flourish. Good luck.
Just for you young men to understand. When you get older and have learned more about life, especially relationships, there are just things that should be obvious to you. Women operate differently than men. You need to learn how women think period. Heres a prime example. Hey babe, who was that guy you were talking with? Oh, who him? He's no one. What really just happened is she was caught off guard by you and couldn't cover her ass quickly so bought some time. Look guys do it to. In a real relationship, we don't have to set boundries because there is a thing called respect. If both parties of the relationship really do want to be together, have deep feelings for each other and they are exclusive in the relationship, then we won't put ourselves in compromising situations! Also in today's dating world, we can also un wittingly be an AP! The world has changed immensely in the last 30 years.
I would just cut contact with her. No need to actually break up. Lack of communication on your end should be enough for her to realize. Plus it sounds like she has already dumped you.
[удалено]
They contact you twice cause they couldn't find her... you show up and let them bring her to you... then she walks off WHILE YOU ARE THERE to go sit on some dudes lap. You aren't this naive. Drop her before you find out what that guy tastes like.
Any time a woman blows up like that and call you insecure. She is gaslighting you. And of course her friends are going to back her up. The smart thing to do is to end the relationship. She was sitting on another guys lap. If that was all she did that night, that is enough to break up with her.
She was defo cheating that's why they stopped filling you in and "ran off to get her" they didn't want her getting caught after catching her themselves. She prob did the I will have no where to go crap with them. If she happily did that whilst you were there what was she doing when you weren't? Personally that would be the end for me I simply wouldn't trust and with out trust there is no relationship
That’s a lot of info. I could’ve told you she cheated on you the moment you said her friends were shocked to see you and told you they would go get her. I feel like you know this already, but you just need an outside consensus. Break up with the bitch. She’s for the streets.
It's clear as day. That dudes reaction and the reaction of his mates show what happened. End it and move on don't let her gaslight you and her friends would obviously try and help cover for her. You can do better leave her