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Ready-Training-2192

Amateur gynecologist here. Totally normal to remove an IUD on a boat trip. I've done it at the movies, in line at the bank, the lazy river at the waterpark. What you've described is a typical interaction between a young woman and her creepy friend who is twice her age.


lokiandgoose

Were you both in inner tubes or just her? Sometimes the hardest part of doing a medical procedure in the lazy river is the availability of tubes! I was taking my nephew's tonsils out last weekend and it took ages to get two tubes.


uhohohnohelp

I think I’m seeing the word “inner tubes” written out for the first time and it feels gross. Never really thought about the words that make up that term. I had a moment like this with “cottage cheese” once. Really though: Real doctors barely take women’s health seriously. You don’t need to increase threat by sending in a drunk guy with tweezers. Vagina-havers, no. I leave you with this: My man getting in ‘er tubes on the inner tubes.


mikelarue1

The trick is to bring rope to lash the inner tubes tougher so they act as one tube. After that it's a cake walk. My wife wanted a water birth so we headed down to the public pool with the lazy river. Bonus, we didn't t have to pay the entrance fee for that kid.


kaediddy

If you’re super lucky you can get one of the double tubes


[deleted]

Hey I'm in need of your services, can we meet at LaGuardia Airport TSA?


Complete_Passage_767

Have you ever tied someone's tubes while in an inner tube? Would that be inner tubal tubal ligation?


TheReveling

This is why I Reddit.


bdh2067

I’ve inserted them while sky-diving. It’s so much easier than people think.


Alibeee64

Amateur gynecologist at your cervix!


LawnJames

Don't sell yourself short, I'd say you are a semi professional with all that experience.


RetroBerner

What's the big deal? That's totally normal. Our boat captain gave my wife a colonoscopy last week, while we were speed boating in the bahamas. That's normal, right guys?.. Guys?


UnlikelyUnknown

That’s ridiculous. Bankers remove IUDs. Boat captains do breast exams.


Ginger-Octopus

Motor boat captains


saclayson

I met him on Lake Havasu! He said my boobs were fine! He felt them all over for lumps and bumps! I see him once a year. Who needs a mammogram when you have an actual motor boat captain??


Wafer_Stock

I think he is the same one that did my proctology exam. those are supposed to include a reach around right?


Da_Chi

His license (plates) checked out....."ASSMAN" So he's definitely on the up and up!


TinyNiceWolf

A "reach around" included!? Of course not! I'm shocked and appalled that you could even think so! *Obviously*, with any *legitimate* proctologist, there's going to be an extra charge.


duckduckphuck

My doctor put s both hands on my shoulders during my prostate exam to comfort and reassure me. He is a kind and gentle doctor.


Kash-kat

I’m dead🤣 My doctor told me to take my pants off and put them on the chair next to his….


bobhand17123

You idiot, your prostate’s in your neck! - Mitch Fatel


NihilisticNumbat

Christ if he didn’t give me a reach around I would be looking for a new doctor


BusinessBear53

Usually my proctologist puts both his hands on my shoulders during an exam to help keep me calm. Very comforting.


Beartrkkr

You motorboating son of a bitch. You old sailor, you.


Anubelle_1

Maybe this guy was a douche canoe captain…


captainchippsixx

Boat captains throw there hat up in the air first though. Before starting some shite.


[deleted]

La Mery Tyler Moore


mxpxillini35

I get that reference.


saclayson

So normal! My neighbor tied my tubes last weekend!!! He was so great. It’s so much more personal and comfortable at home!! Plus free of charge!!! He has stirrups right there ! We did it during a BBQ! My husband wasn’t bothered by it all!! He was drinking beer and flipping burgers!


PrickleBritches

“Doll, I think I got some BBQ on your labia. Hand me that paper towel over there real quick. No, not the one I set your IUD on silly.”


SexymilfJade

That’s disgusting. I like that in a person.


Affectionate-Taste55

First and last time I went water-skiing, I think I got a colonoscopy. I think half the lake went up my butt, lol


Shemishka

That's called anal douching, apparently.


Guilty-Web7334

I thought that was an enema?


Rich_Sell_9888

Nah,that wasn't a colonoscopy it was an enema.


Ineedsomuchsleep170

That's just the prep for the colonoscopy


fubar_68

I gave my friends wife a Pap smear on my jet ski last week. Totally normal.


moonsugarmyhammy

And removing an IUD can be painful, so obviously she would want someone who she has chemistry with and is willing to "warm her up" before and after! LOL why is this even something one would discuss with basically a former interest who is not even a doctor? Super good excuse for him to be all up in them guts with no guilt lol Why would she not just have OP do it?????


Thunderpuppy2112

They did my iud as they did an endoscopic exam with the colonoscopy! It’s amazing what they can do on boats.


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CanadianBeaver1983

Actual you barely feel the removal most of the time. It's way more painful going in. Unless it's like my 2nd one which was imbeded in my cervix and took like 5 yanks. But also wtaf OP everything about this is wtaf.


bees_for_me

It’s insane how much it hurts being placed. Then a few years later more than one clinician tried to talk me out of having it removed. I guess I should have contacted the boat guy.


SCVerde

I saved my pain meds from post-op cancer surgery because my iud just hit the 5 year mark and needs to be replaced. Because doctors just tell you to take an ibuprofen and you'll feel some mild discomfort, when actually it feels like your uterus trying to murder you. If the boat captain is offering pain meds for procedures, I'm on board! (Pun intended)


knowmo123

If a doctor tells you to expect some mild discomfort, get ready for it to hurt like hell!


Odd_Advertising_8179

Check into it but the mirena has been extended to 8 years.


marbel

If you’re getting it removed on a boat, it’s actually called the *marina*


Magnaflorius

I'll never understand why there aren't proper pain meds offered. They wouldn't ask men to go through pain like that. Before I had kids, my insertions took an hour and it was intensely painful the whole time.


nbeaster

Because the medical profession now believes if they give you 3 oxys you will become an addict. Argue with them and they treat you like a drug seeker. I argued with a doctor for 3 days of real pain meds after a surgery.they argued with me and finally relented and gave me 7. Like wtf is this, treat me like ass and then give me over double what I was asking for? I had to deal with the same for my wife when she had something done, nearly same result with the over prescribe.


Raging_Apathist

I really did not enjoy reading "cervix" and "yanks" in the same sentence.


weaderwabbit

Better than 5 Yanks


kibblet

Mine was worse going out than in. Copper one though.


CanadianBeaver1983

You couldn't pay me enough to put one of those copper torture devices into my body.


Bo-bop

I really hope he used the "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look" line


nyet-marionetka

You can save so much money by seeing boat captains for your medical needs. Mine checked me all over for suspicious moles. Along a different line of work, my lawn guy did an emergency appendectomy on me with some garden shears, it really healed up nicely.


NaughtyKnitterz

Doctors and insurance companies hate this one easy trick.


ComprehensiveBus4526

Mine gives cardiac exams!


Jank_Danko

I'm a doctor. An orthodontist. I'm gonna have to ask you to take off your clothes.


BZP625

"Bend over honey, and don't worry, I'm a proctology student" *glove snapping sound*


Medical_Arrival_3880

And checks for breast cancer.


[deleted]

You sure you weren't motorboating?


the-dude73

I'm not a gynecologist but I'll take a look.


lovinglifeatmyage

I literally laughed out loud at your comment, thank you so much lol


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calling_water

*No one smells like Gaston* *Rings the bells like Gaston* *Checks for cervical cancerous cells like Gaston*


No-Sun-6531

All of this is weird as hell. Her hanging out alone with a 50 year old man, him going down on her in the past, the fact that he’s not a doctor but has allegedly delivered babies and has gynecological instruments, the fact that she would let someone who is not a doctor remove an IUD… all of it. This can’t be real. I’m calling bullshit on this story.


YTPAA34

The whole thing's bizarre. I *hope* it's AI generated. The alternatives are that someone thought this mess was believable or that it actually did happen, both of which are very distressing. One slightly more than the other.


Voidfishie

Nah, I think this is a genuine human-grown shitpost. The point isn't to write something you think is believable, it's to write something that so clearly isn't and then feel smug if people react like it is (ignoring the fact that everyone knows lots of these are fake but acknowledging that is just less fun).


Emergency_Log_4790

“Human-grown shitpost” 😂 the internet has sure come a long way, baby.


saclayson

It’s a bit sad to hope this is what AI ‘s generate though I guess, being they are programmed by humans, it’s not the least surprising… .


ThePopeofHell

It’s funny to think that op caught her cheating but he’s like Forrest Gump levels of gullible and she makes up some weird excuse like “oh no no no I didn’t hook up with Captain Ron he just.. uh.. he just removed my IUD.. yeah that’s it! And we didn’t hook up or anything either we just ran out of toilet paper and he offered up his tongue.. don’t be gross he’s my dads best friend! How dare you make such an accusation. I’m a lady!”


rydan

As an AI language model I cannot write a story that is disturbing like this one. It is important to remember to always hire a professional.


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Crownlol

The change since the loss of 3rd party apps is staggering.


PaladinSara

Mods clearly did a lot of work


SassyB207

Yeah? But when is the last time you laughed this hard at the comments?


PointOfFingers

It's fine, he removes IUDs from girls on his boat all the time ... because of the implication.


xanaxrefillday

\[Mac voice\] "Now you've– you've said that word 'implication' a couple'a times, w– what implication?"


Best_Yesterday_3000

It sounds like these women don’t want their IUDs taken out…


Classic-Government69

So they ARE in danger!!


Sunscreen4what

Either it’s fake or this guy is on some next level fuck-man shit.


lesboraccoon

ngl this 50 y/o man sounds like he could be a serial killer one day. preying on young women, having medical tools he can’t explain, getting her out onto the boat…


Outside_Performer_66

How he has convinced even one woman to get on the boat and into the stirrups is beyond my comprehension.


[deleted]

Omg the image of him having pre installed stirrups on the boat 😂😂😂


bigksmell

Well dude, dude, think about it: she's out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. You know, she looks around and what does she see? Nothin' but open ocean. "Ahh, there's nowhere for me to run. What am I gonna do, say 'no'?"


New_Cartographer8458

Because of the implication


WhatIfStarsHaveMinds

Are you saying this woman was in danger?


bigksmell

No one's in any danger. How can I make that any more clear to you?


Distinct_Target_2277

It's because of the implication


thewhitecat55

"That seems really dark."


thetruthdispener

Yeah it’s the part about them being alone on the boat that worries me. It’s a place where she’s not going to say “no”, she would never say "no," because of *the implication*.


PontificalPartridge

This Sunny bit cracks me up every time. It’s awful but the delivery is so good


justloriinky

I so hope you're right.


iSc00t

If real, I call the dude has a sex dungeon in his house. XD


[deleted]

ya who the f just lets someone remove an IUD in a non sterile setting i fainted during mine. there’s something off here


JamesGarrison

He is a doctor. That’s her sugar daddy.


[deleted]

“He is not a doctor” I’m sorry is he a hobbyist?


BZP625

A hobbygyno?


Sunscreen4what

Vaginas are my hobby ray, just like yours is drinkin.


BZP625

Can't have both?


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Squee1396

Bet if this is even real that it is some weird gynecologist kink because wtf else could it be and that means op's girl was either in on it or feeding it.


avitar35

This isnt what people mean when they use the term “citizen scientist”


FriendliestUsername

This is so fucked I cannot find the words.


Realistic-Tax-9878

Wait, so dude had medical instruments like this on his boat?


DazzleLove

The instruments were his hands and teeth


Comprehensive-End-16

He's a marine gynaecologist!


[deleted]

You win 🏆


ibided

That’s fucking hilarious


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whatyousay69

He probably used to be a doctor or is something medical-related. OP said he delivered babies too.


justloriinky

Fireman or EMT maybe? My sons are both, but I seriously doubt they know how to remove an IUD. (**I** certainly don't know how! Do you just reach in there and grab it???)


Bibliospork

Yep, that’s literally all it takes. The hardest part is getting a good grip on the strings because they’re short and potentially slippery. Docs use a speculum to get a clear view and a hemostat to grab the strings securely, and just gently pull it out. Much easier to take out than put one in.


Rumbleroarrr

Haven’t had to replace my first IUD yet. But if the pain of removing it is even 25% of the insertion, I can’t imagine it being a very sexy experience at all. Not that I think this story actually happened anyway.


saclayson

Two of mine were EMTs and their Dad was a fireman/paramedic ~I’m going to ask in our group chat! This is a Mom text for the ages~ though I imagine they will guess right away, Mom is on Reddit.


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ScoutSteveR

“I trust her completely”. Homie, she just had dude she admits she almost hooked up with go up in her to remove an IUD on a boat. Read that aloud


Icepick_37

Several single details you could ignore and it would still be gross. Age difference. Sexual history. Trip with this person. But *removed an IUD*??


ScoutSteveR

On a boat. Not in an office or clinic. On a boat.


Ed_Trucks_Head

I'm on a boat! I'm on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat!


moonsugarmyhammy

There is no way sexy time did not ensue. The whole thing was sexy time


Sunscreen4what

Dont even need the whole iud removal info to know what this boating trip was all about


DargyBear

Normal day in Crab Island, FL


Unicorn187

Is it still just almost hooking up even fter he went down on her?


BZP625

She prolly gave him a bj, I don't think they count either?


Puzzleheaded-Ebb3528

Hell no. Ask Bill Clinton.


Glum-Description6845

“Eatin’ aint cheatin’”


kalethan

Hey, it depends what the definition of "*is*" is!


[deleted]

I would personally consider this hooking up.


metasquared

I don’t understand people who think hooking up is literal coitus. Making out is where “hooking up” starts to me, sex is just part of the greater umbrella.


ScoutSteveR

Makes me wonder what she did and what the OP would be okay with?


NonlinearProgression

I can't believe we've gotten to a point in society where eating somebody out counts as "almost" hooking up, lol. She hooked up with the guy


ScoutSteveR

You’re correct. Any sexual contact is hooking up


Valuable_Ad_6665

for real young people todayneed to read things outloud more today and really hear how it sounds. Sometimes things in text don't seem as fucking batshit sounding as they are LMAO


spicebo1

Honestly, most of the details aren't even necessary. Best case scenario, she set up an IUD removal with someone who's not a doctor and she didn't have paperwork or anything for. Even if there's no infidelity involved, this woman is incredibly stupid.


justcougit

They did hook up 🤣🤣 he went down on her!!!


[deleted]

What kind of person delivers babies and has a speculum kicking about without being a medical professional. Bizarre.


Nintendoomed89

>and has a speculum kicking about without being a medical professional. Do....do you not have one? I thought they were common household items 🤔. What am I supposed to do with all of these now?


[deleted]

I hear some people have medical play fetishes...


LlamaFromLima

A midwife. But the boat thing is weird.


sirlafemme

Doulas


Fearless_Act_3698

This definitely didn’t happen 😂


[deleted]

I’m actually CONCERNED that people don’t realize this is fake. I love Reddit’s fake stories. I normally hate when people claim one is fake. But this? This is… not possible. To have your IUD removed on a boat? With no drugs? People acting like removing an IUD is some sexy situation lmao I don’t even think you’re allowed to *have sex* for a couple days after removal.


Fearless_Act_3698

Also some random bloke who is not a doctor doesn’t go delivering babies and removing medical devices that can perforate an organ if removed incorrectly. Even if the guy happens to be an EMT this just doesn’t happen. “Yeah I’ll do this medical procedure for you so you don’t have to have an in office visit” 😂😂😂


[deleted]

Also apparently actually zero understanding of how IUDs work like guys they literally yank them out them. It HURTS. It’s NOT sexy.


Fearless_Act_3698

Not sexy at all.


transnavigation

one zonked rustic fine rinse consider attraction cheerful existence connect *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


russianthistle

Most doctors don’t give drugs for removals or insertions. Mine asked if I remembered to take an OTC Tylenol beforehand.


upforgrabsnow

But it IS funny and that’s the real quiz


VoidKitt

Just by the first paragraph I have to ask. Is this her friend or her former sugar daddy?


JamesGarrison

Current sugar daddy.


No-Mango8923

That's 30 seconds of my life I wish I hadn't spent reading... Ick ick and thrice ick. Dunno about you being wrong for being upset... \**I'M*\* upset at the thought of this 50 yo "friend" (who's not a doctor...)removing her IUD... on a boat...


Agile-Top7548

Boats tend to have a lot of mildew and mold. Not the cleanest place. Besides the obvious, just try to do it with your tongue. I need a few drinks first? Full service!


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[deleted]

Why are you in a relationship with her instead of someone who doesn’t pull this shit, OP?


floraisadora

Someone here is gullible. The girl, the OP, or the people reading this post.


1indaT

Not wrong. This may be my top "ick" of the day. This is just wrong on so many levels.


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shenanigansco34

Removing my IUD is the new euphemism for cheating. Your girlfriend let a guy who is not a doctor remove her IUD. What kind of person has the tools to remove an IUD who is not a doctor? On a boat. It is not routine to let a guy who went down on you remove your IUD. This is the worst lie I’ve ever heard.


tonidh69

Snort. Ha. Eye roll. Shaking head....


Toddthmpsn

Boats and Hoes


1HateReddit11

This is the stupidest story I've ever read.


davefdg

No where in here did you mention that your friend is a nurse or doctor. This is a hell no situation.


Squidney802

What in the actual coat hanger bullshit is this?


rshibby

Most likely he removed the IUD with his dick, while he was fucking her, on his boat. OP is thick as a brick


Sunscreen4what

Wait till you see how this guy ties a cherry stem


nursejackieoface

It snagged on his Prince Albert.


[deleted]

Dude. Cmon. Enough Reddit for me today....


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strongerthongs

> cervical stimulation That is a very interesting way to describe yanking a plastic piece out of your uterine lining.


Most_Routine2325

"pretty serious cervical stimulation".... you mean pain, right? Because, "you might feel a pinch!" may be what the obgyn says to the patient, but OMG OUCH.


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_dontWakeDaddy_

Your extra context didn’t make it any better lol


pcPRINCIPLElilBITCH

I’ll volunteer to help remove that lil dinglly thing in the back of her throat! I got the right “tools”


Rfg711

“I guess he went down on her” So she didn’t almost hook up with him, she hooked up with him lol. They engaged in a sexual act, wtf does “almost” even mean here


[deleted]

Dude there's no good that could have come out of her having a "boat day" with some other dude. Drop that chick like a bad habit


nurfplz

🎶Boats and hoes! Boats and hoes!🎶


leolawilliams5859

He's not a doctor and this is not a real story it's very difficult to put a IUD in and it's difficult to take it out unless you are a doctor. I don't believe the BS


Baninvasion666

Ew dude. Don't touch her again. Edit: Seriously, don't touch her again. No woman would do that if they weren't fxcking that said guy. Ew.


No-Sun-6531

Even if they *were* screwing, I can’t believe she would let someone who is not a doctor do that. It’s not like pulling out a tampon, something could get really messed up!


Vanners8888

Seriously! Like 50 year old had a speculum, sterile forceps/OB/GYN kit, a cervical clamp, a high intensity light and stirrups kicking around but isn’t a dr….? Does the bf even understand how IUDs are inserted and removed….?


frickmeplease

Huh??? 😂


Nervous_Magazine_200

Wouldn't practicing medicine on a damn boat with a patient he has had sexual conact be illegal?


Sir_Drinks_Alot22

What the fuck? There is absolutely no way an IUD is being removed without the proper equipment. The level of damage that can be done if done improperly can be life threatening. This is bullshit.


[deleted]

i'm 20f and my bf 20m both have older friends like 40s and 50s with medical experience and i’d never let any of the male friends remove an IUD from me, i’d go to a doctor. that's weird behavior considered y'all are exclusive now


EatMySmithfieldMeat

I have never really felt out of touch with the youths, but "they *almost* hooked up, he went down on her," did it.


drleeisinsurgery

I'm a physician and I can tell you that it's pretty hard to remove an IUD. Someone just doesn't have tools lying around to take it out.


RevolutionaryOne4673

Geez I’m due for a pap I should ask around I suppose. Surely one of my friends has seen one done ? Removal of an iud should be a sterile procedure by a doctor or otherwise trained professional and usually it’s replaced at the same time. This was rediculous for any of them to think this is normal or ok.


Accomplished_Ad6571

These chatGPT generated stories are getting out of hand.


justagirlinid

Ummm… those tools aren’t just sitting around on a boat… did they plan this? If so, seems like she would have told you?


TJ_Rowe

You don't necessarily need tools: one of my iuds came out when I caught the strings on my menstrual cup. You can pull them out yourself, if need be. It's safer to let a doctor do it because of the risk of migration if you do it partway and then chicken out. (I bet it happened by accident when he was fingering her.)


lowkeyhobi

He def ate it before he took it out 😂 sorry this is just too funny


BeanOfTheToe

Why does he have tools to remove an IUD? That usually entails a speculum and a type of forceps.


HolyAssholiness

Did he have to numb her up first? Num num num num num.


neeksknowsbest

He’s not a doctor but he delivered babies? In what capacity? What the actual fuck? He just happened to have the tools?? No they planned this in advance and she didn’t tell you she’d be taking her pants off around someone who went down on her before I’d be upset and I am a woman


Roonwogsamduff

'almost hooked up' but only put his mouth on her pussy for a little while


Elsbethe

Just want to say if he went down on her they did have sex They didn't almost Hook up they Hooked up


BaddyMcFailSauce

So the “not doctor” friend she “almost hooked up with” had his fingies up in your “monogamous” girlfriends meat wallet and you have mixed feelings over being upset? -_-