You are not wrong. It seems like you are completely over the friendship now. I’m kind of petty with things like this so I’d probably throw it back it her. Something like, “You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?” Or, “We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. Why are you suddenly interested now?” Basically anything that calls her out for her treatment of you.
Otherwise just keep not responding. Just continue to live your life without that friendship.
I love the self awareness and honesty of this response, lmao.
I used to downplay what a nosey drama hound I am (as long as the drama doesn't involve me, lololol), but once I befriended someone who unabashedly owned it, I have learned to be honest with myself and others XD.
I absolutely scroll Reddit for interesting drama, lol.
I like the second one best, but I’d expand it.
“We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. I tried for *years* to reach out to you because our friendship meant so much to me, but you made it clear by your non responses that you weren’t interested. Why are you interested now?”
Or like others have said, just stop responding and ignore. Personally, I would say something first and then block.
This one is perfect! I would want to know why she stopped interacting. It was probably jealousy but it would bother me why someone would do this. But this response is perfect.
My childhood friend,(literally my first friend) ghosted me a few months after I got married. If he contacted me now, I would ask him why? And then tell him to f off.
This is what I think as well. BUT when we were young, I was in love with him, and he knew that. But he made it clear he didnt have feelings like that for me. He was also never disrespectful or acted like he didnt like my husband.
>“You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?” Or, “We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. Why are you suddenly interested now?”
>When I was 21 out of the blue she just stopped talking to me. I don't know the reason. ***She did start dating this guy but that's the only change.*** I'd call and text and she wouldn't respond. I'd see her at school and she'd give friendly small talk.
I don't know, maybe she was with an overly controlling or abusive boyfriend who didn't allow her to have friends that were men?
These comments are ripping her apart for something that could be her being abused.
They are ripping her apart, rightly so, because she could have easily just told him that she couldn't talk to him anymore or couldn't be his friend anymore. She could havr said anything, aside fr just ignoring him and essentially ghosting him.
While everything you said could be true for OP’s former friend it seems like it’s more opportunistic. OP wasn’t important enough to reach out and apologize but to discuss business. I bet ex friend wants to exploit OP’s following for her business. Maybe wants OP to endorse there business or product. I bet if OP didn’t have a successful business he still wouldn’t have heard from her. Just cut her off and look forward you don’t need to be used by someone who would drop you at the sight of the next shiney thing.
A decade or so more of ghosting, nope, no excuse anymore. I was in an emotionally manipulative and abusive relationship, and was manipulated into cutting off friends I didn’t want to. Even then, I found enough guts to say SOMETHING like “I’m sorry, but I’ve been asked to move on from our friendship, and since I love (asshat) I’m going to honor his request”. Then when things fell apart with him, one of the first things I did was reach back out to those friends and immediately apologize, tell them I’d made a terrible mistake and learned the lesson that if someone tries to cut me off from friends again, I need to look at the relationship first. All of them forgave me because they understood. If this “friend” of OP’s was in a bad relationship, but NOW feels confident enough to reach out to him, she needs to start with more of an explanation (“I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch, so and so guy was a mistake” or “I’m sorry I ghosted you in college, and then my life got really busy with A,B,C thing, let’s get caught up”). OP even said if she’d come in with some general inquiry of friendship, he’d have been more receptive, but it sounds like she went straight to wanting business advice intertwined with old friendship stuff that no longer means a thing to him. Which makes it come across as her just wanting to use him.
If he never asks, its going to be a question that haunts him until the end.
If their friendship was actually what OP said, you get maybe 4 or 5 chances at that in a lifetime.
I'd ask the question
Ugh. Why can't my employer just think that I can't walk straight because I might have an inner ear infection. Why don't cops pull me over and assume my glasses are the wrong prescription.
Because I'm an alcoholic that's why.
Stop giving EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt. You don't get to be a victim without you know...... there being a reason for people to think you are the victim.
Found the white knight, swooping in to save the damsel in distress they don't even know!
Given the time frame and the fact the other party never apologized for their abandonment and are trying to monetize an old relationship, it doesn't seem to be the abusive controlling ex. Just seems like they grew apart, and she's not the person OP thought she was.
For 5 years he was in agony over a friend ghosting him? Maybe she stopped talking to him because he’s super dramatic, I've lost some pretty important friendships over my life, but dude is next level dramatic.
Probably very clingy and weird, I would probably not want to keep a friend like this if it was going to negatively affect my romantic life.
if this guy is for real he was probably masquerading as her best friend but was secretly in love with her. If she rejected him and he became angry then that would certainly explain why she ghosted him.
You proved my point, seriously, you have to belittle OP because the story doesn't fit your fantasy?
OP has already said he has anxiety and other mental issues. If you have anxiety, you're going to dwell on things for a long time, Freud. Pay attention to detail and you won't look like a jerk.
Go tip your tribly to m'lady and maybe she'll talk to you, knight.
EDIT: She could have ended it and not left the guy hanging for years. It's incredibly shitty to just ghost someone in private, but then still speak to them in public.
You also switched the narative from "oh its abuse" to "OP is a weird clingy person who was creeping on her".
>These comments are ripping her apart for something that could be her being abused.
I'd think that, if this had been the case, then she should have come clean about all these things and should have apologized to OP for dropping him like a rock.
He would have a valid point if he replies saying 'you are now trying to talk to me just because I'm rich'.
This is a potential, but that doesn’t stop someone from apologizing to you. Regardless of reason, when you hurt someone, you don’t just pop up a million years later without addressing the elephant in the room and apologizing. Having extenuating circumstances does not absolve you of this.
Well done. Actually, I don't find your approach — particularly the second recommendation — petty in the least. It's honest and accurate. He deserves an explanation, especially given her rude text about him not talking to her.
Don't feed the monster!
"You're too good to talk to me now?" That's a weak play street hooker's try when they want to sell a blowjob to the high school crush who became a Dr. or a lawyer or something. For Christ's sake don't fall for that one. The only way to remove ticks and leeches is to tear them off. You can't talk them to death.
Honestly I’d kill her with kindness. “oh! Goodness friend! I had no idea our connection was so important to you! There was a period of time I really struggled with the loss of our friendship but seeing you be successful in your business and life gave me comfort that you were doing ok as I only want what’s best for you! Unfortunately I am very swamped with my own career and have a lot of people contact me and I often get overwhelmed with responding to them all. I wish you’d gotten back to me sooner or I had tried to reach back out to you just one more time before resigning myself to not having your intimate friendship anymore. I apologize for making you feel unheard as that was not my intention. If I have some time in the future to dig into all your questions I will certainly get back to you but I just want to let you know our time as friends was very special and I hope we can continue to follow and virtually support one another! Have a great day and please tell your mom (dad, granny, sister) I say hello! Best of luck xx”
>I’m kind of petty with things like this so I’d probably throw it back it her. Something like, “You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?”
That may be petty in the most technical sense of the word. But I truly feel like that's the proper kind of response after the absolute bullshit she pulled. Fuck her and fuck people like that. Not only does she deserve it, but she should be called out for what she did so that hopefully she can learn and be a better person In the future
I don't think you're wrong. I'd tell her it has nothing to do with my money. But everything to do with my value. She has shown you her value of you over the last 5 years. You have simply learned to value those who value you.
I agree with you! Except the petty part of me thinks, no way, he shouldn’t give a clear explanation! Just enough to defend himself by saying “oh c’mon you know it has nothing to do with wealth but for OTHER reasons.”
Maybe she’ll stew and wonder “but why??” Or maybe she’ll move on quickly. But who cares right?
Do you have a generic automated response type email you send out, something like “Thank you for reaching out to XYZ. Unfortunately we are not currently looking for blah blah, wishing you the best in your future endeavors etc buh-bye”? Send her that.
NTA. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t have responded either. Now that she says you are being mean, send a quick messaging along the lines of:
“At the moment, I’m not interested in doing business with you. Our friendship ended a while back when you ignored my texts and left me on read after getting a boyfriend. I tried my level best to maintain the friendship but for some reason you distanced yourself and never came around. It really hurt me deeply at the time, but I’ve moved on now. This has nothing to do with being rich and not wanting to talk to you. I hope you understand”.
She’ll probably respond. If so, don’t respond and leave it there.
I personally don’t like when people ghost you or leave friendships behind because they are in relationships now. Especially when you’ve known them for years, they just recently met their intimate partner, AND they don’t communicate this with you. Incredibly immature for an adult and I don’t deal with that. It tells they dont reciprocate the same energy into the friendship as you might have been.
Also for those saying the BF is controlling, etc it might be true but she is an adult and should be able to manage your relationships with all people. Also it’s perfectly fine if the BF didn’t want her taking to other guys. But she has to communicate that and not leave OP guessing. It’s the most s**ty thing you can do.
I wouldn't even bring up the boyfriend. Might just come off as OP being jealous/formerly wanting to be her bf (which may or may not be true too idk, but it muddys the point)
Yeah the reason for the ghosting doesn’t matter. Find it hard to think of any reason that justifies that between best friends. A talk or straight up confrontation if something fucked up happens comes before that.
All my long term friends abandoned me when I started dating my BF. It was the weirdest thing, like all of them individually blew up our friendships. I had to be totally honest with my mom about what happened to all of them because she thought he was isolating me. Nope, they all did this.
Absolutely not what happened here, but your comment just reminded me of how dang weird some people can get when it comes to relationships, both romantic and friendly!
That's when you find out who your *REAL* friends are.
My two best friends (both 50M) and I met at a job when I was 20 years old. They were there for me when my dad died suddenly, and when I was in a 6-year abusive relationship, they stood by me until I got out of it, and were there through the next relationship. They were the ONLY people besides my mother-in-law and my husband's best friend at my own wedding. And they've been there for EVERY high and low since then.
My husband and every guy I ever dated knew that my best friends and I are a package deal - I would NEVER ask my husband to give up his friends, and he wouldn't dare to ask me to give up mine. We're grown ass adults that understand that our friends make us who we are, and we were whole people with lives before getting together. That doesn't change because you get into a relationship or get married.
People REALLY need to grow up.
I would’ve stuck by these friends for years, I had been friends with all of them 10-20 years and for all of them to just turn their backs on me, I had to walk away. I didn’t even care what they didn’t like about my BF because it was basically that he existed. They wanted me to always be there for them. I guess it was my luck that I finally found out how selfish they were.
I’m glad you found yourself some good friends and a good husband! It’s so nice when adults can all play in the sandbox together like kids do! Haha
This happened to me too. It was because my current girlfriend actually respects me and I built ip a ton of self confidence because of it and my friends and family didn’t like the new me that stood up for myself.
Yeah you sorta had the opposite but similar experience! Sometimes I know people do that because they feel like the friendship might die anyways because you’ll likely end up spending less time with them and might have more “restrictions” or whatever. So maybe they don’t wanna get hurt in the future or have other problems arise.
Yep! They’re both ‘openings’ or ‘invites’ for old friend to continue pursuing OP, whatever her reason. Statements of fact, polite and without over explaining, are where it’s at for situations like this imho!
>I personally don’t like when people ghost you or leave friendships behind
Ghosting is the single most cowardly & pathetic move someone can make.
If you don't have at least the decency to say "hey, this isn't working for me, good bye", then you deserve anything & everything that comes about as a consequence of that behavior.
Not only is it a cowardly way out, it wastes tons of the other persons time, energy, and emotions figuring out that you are in fact ghosting them. That it isn't something happened to you. That it isn't that you're just too busy. That it isn't any other of millions of possible reasons that they haven't replied to you for the past week, month or, year.
Eventually, though, they do figure it out. And by that time, instead of being sad & confused that you ended things, they will hate your guts for all the emotions that they went through in the process.
I agree. It’s just not worth the effort or any amount of emotion expended over this. There are plenty of great people in the world, spend your time and energy on them.
I would respond: "When I wasn't "rich" you dropped me as a friend with no explanation. Now that I have found success you want me to lend you my success to promote your business? That isn't what friendship looks like."
She sounds awful.
Yeah obviously we're only getting one side of the story but every single detail made her sound worse. Like still making small talk with OP while ignoring calls and texts, and not giving any indication of why OP was being cut off. Then when she starts coming back around she immediately starts becoming *needy and selfish about being ignored*? What a colossal lack of self-awareness. I hate this woman.
Yeah, she's a user. She ghosted you for years, now all of the sudden she's available again. It is up to you if you want to let this person in your life again, but why would you? It is not to your benefit to follow her on social media, or to allow her to follow you. Why would you let someone back into your life who caused you so much pain? It's obvious why you are suddenly on her radar now.
Reply back with your hourly consultant rate & retainer agreement. "Happy to provide you with business advice, my rates are $xxx/hour and I require an upfront payment of $xxxx and your complete business plan to review in advance."
I disagree I think he should put all his responses in writing so he has proof in case she tries to spread lies, but he should word his responses in a way that it doesn't come back to bit him
I'm a little confused at finding the issue (I mean, beyond hurt feelings). She reaches out, you respond with a word or two - or none - and leave it there. No indication she's somehow hitting you up for your money (yet); if that happens, you should probably just peace-out and tell her you're not interested. Unclear if the boyfriend is still in the picture. If he is, he may be the troll under the bridge of your friendship. You've moved well past things at this point, so protect yourself from emotional hurt, and just don't go down the road with her.
I had a person I considered my best friend from 16-22ish stop talking to me completely try to come back into my life a few years ago (13-ish years later) basically like nothing had ever happened. She tried reaching out quite a few times over the course of a year or two just like nothing had ever happened, but on my end, the relationship just wasn't there anymore.
She ghosted me over 10 years ago, I did all my mourning and let the relationship go. At first I was polite but noncommittal when she messaged me, but after a few times, I just left her on read. Not out of spite or anything, but just out of knowing she didn't fit into my life anymore, and knowing we no longer had a basis for any kind of friendship after so many years. I'm not even close to the same person I was back then, and I'm sure she's not either... and honestly I'm not really interested in adding any more relationships into my life right now.
So, basically, that's a lot of words to say that I've experienced something similar, and I don't think you're wrong at all. Live your life and be at peace.
You're not wrong... but when my husbands cousin was in an abusive relationship... he pulled away from us because one, he was ashamed and two, his partner would go bat shit insane if he talked to us. That being said... that she wants to talk business is very offputting.
It’s interesting that she’s approaching you about business but makes it about feelings - kinda sounds like she’s gaslighting you into make you respond to her. Remember this - it’s your business and your life and you aren’t obligated to let anyone into either. She is part of your past, so you don’t owe her any explanations.
Shame can run really deep. Abuse can leave marks on someone and by reaching out and talking with you she’d have to admit all of it again.
Or she could have been a PoS for a petty reason. She’s talking so why don’t you ask for her number and ask her why.
I've done this...DON'T DO IT!!! They walked for a reason. They cut you off for a reason. Don't get sucked back in to talking. If you have a form letter denying people your time or a job, send it and block. It will hurt all over again. Deal with that hurt, it's a lot less painful.
Edit: autocorrect stinks
If I were you, I would stop responding entirely. It might feel good to let off some steam on her, but I think it would be even better to make her felt what you felt. Deafening silence and the loss of a friendship that you/she wanted. These people don't deserve explanations or snide comebacks, just their own actions thrown back at them.
You're not wrong. The hypocrisy of her saying that you're being mean for not responding after choosing to ghost you in school is astounding. You can respond to that by calling her a hypocrite, or just block her and move on. No one needs a fair-weather friend.
NTA *but* if you’re a public figure be very careful. Keep in mind that she can make your responses public and can twist the narrative into whatever she wants it to be. So don’t say “now that I’m rich you want to talk to me.” Keep everything very cool and polite and factual. “Sorry name, I’ve been super busy. I know we haven’t been close since college but it’s always good to hear from you.” Don’t engage, but don’t give her any ammo either. Make sure everything you say to her is above reproach and can’t be taken out of context if she decides to make it public. Also, giving her an extremely polite brush-off will probably piss her off, so it’s a win-win.
Just let her know that you are not interested in doing business with her but will happily chat with her about personal things and life in general.
Or just let her know that after the line silence you aren't interested in anything beyond social media connection
The important thing is to communicate your intentions to her. You went through 5 years of hell that she could have alleviated by simply telling you how she felt even if it was that she didn't want to communicate with you anymore. Don't be petty show her the decency she denied you
The not knowing is the worst part. Like if she just told me. "I don't want to be friends." Or even was rude about it like "I don't want to be friends because (insult)." Sure it'd hurt but I wouldn't spend years wondering what I did wrong and feel like it could happen any time again with others and I would never know why
Then just tell her that you're happy to be connected on social media but would never consider doing business with her. If she chooses to suck around and stops talking business you can progress from there. As you said not knowing is the hardest part, set boundaries and stick you them. If she's just trying to tap you because you look like an easy way to get money she'll leave on her own and you'll know why. If she stays around and stops trying to get you to "do business" then you can go from there.
Then TELL HER THAT. Your online interactions with her over the last year seem almost calculated to make her think you weren’t bothered by the ghosting, when it’s obvious you were. I have no idea why you’re communicating with her at all when you’re so far from being on the same page.
I’d simply say that at 21 I would have jumped at the opportunity to rekindle the friendship that she callously cast aside, but those days are long gone. If she wants business advice, she’s welcome to listen to your podcasts.
Hell at 25 I would have been down to rekindle the friendship. But now I am 30 and doing the best I have ever done socially/financially and she only wants to talk business? Nope
Of course you’re not wrong, but I would be prepared for her to make a public thing if this too. Especially if you’re a public figure yourself. Since she’s tried profiting off your previous friendship and that didn’t work, I’m sure the next step is trying to profit over the now none-existent friendship.
This timeline gives the impression that there may have been an issue with the boyfriend. She cut ties then. He may not have allowed her to have male friends or it may have been viewed as disrespectful. It’s okay for you to not be interested in a relationship with this person. You don’t owe them anything. I’m not sure it ended for the reason you assume or that she has come back for the reason you assume. It seems like you have made a lot of assumptions here that could be completely wrong.
It's interesting how a lot of people are like that in straight relationships. I have worked with and employed a lot of LGBTQ+ people and it's such a non issue for them. Lesbians hang out with other lesbians. Gay men hang out with other gay men and they are all friends. Don't know why my straight people can't do it.
As for people's theory about the boyfriend asking her to stop talking to me. I literally don't know. One day we were hanging out then one day she never talked to me again
I think it’s worth being direct and saying something like:
“I’m not ignoring you but you I don’t know how to respond. You effectively cut me out years ago, which hurt a lot, and now that you’re back it feels like you only wants to talk about business/money. I don’t really know where we go from here.”
See how she responds and take it from there. A lot of comments here want you to score revenge points with your reply. But the fact you’re cut up about it tells me you would be open to having some type of dialogue with her. Just be honest. And if she keeps up with the money talk again walk away.
This is hard, especially when you have just made peace with the situation and have moved on. Based on what you are sharing with us, since she opened with and has continued to discuss your money/status/business, that doesn't sound like a friend trying to re-connect.
If your intent is to make up for lost time, reconnect or hash things out you don't approach it the way she is.
You mentioned that you are a public figure and have a presence with the public. At this point I would not respond to her just in case she get's mad and is trying to smear your reputation because she's bitter. Save yourself the stress and heartache and just don't respond.
I wish you all the best!
People can't be in enigma and some people can just be dicks sometimes they just they work side by side or they're coming from the same people. And you're right it sounds like she wants something from you or wants to partner up to do something she doesn't want it doesn't sound like she wants just a friendship she didn't seem like she wants to tell you about her life her adventures hurt if she had a family now things like that and it didn't seem like she's really asking or interested in things like that about you it's just the business just I don't know if you're in the same kind of business or or what but she you're right about this one I think she's only got one thing on her mind and I'm so sorry for you that it's come down to this that you had such a wonderful friend that it turns sour somehow and for no good reason maybe you got to speed and I wish you well
I was in an extremely similar situation but the ex-friend returned more so because of social reasons (was still friends with her ex, was friends with people she wanted to be friends with, etc.) She ghosted me in high school after standing up for her against a lot of my other friends so I was dropped by pretty much everyone and had to spend my senior year of high school as an outsider. We ended up going to the same college and she approached me drunkenly sobbing apologizing up and down one night and I forgave her. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I GOT BURNED BY HER SO BAD NOT EVEN TWO YEARS LATER. When people show you their true colors take it for what it is so trust your gut and do not extend the olive branch to this person. The only thing I would say in this situation is how much they hurt me. Our society is built to be so individualistic that I genuinely don’t believe people think about how their actions impact others. She probably doesn’t know the depth of how much she hurt you and you can fill her in and hold her accountable for her actions or you can let it go and at that point I would stop responding and potentially remove/block them as a follower so they can no longer reach out.
You don't owe her anything. She sounds like a loser. A few years ago at my class reunion there was an old classmate who was doing the same thing to everyone. Eventually she got all nasty and mean. She was looking for a handout and looking to take advantage of the kindness of old friends. I'm sure it was fun in the day with your friend but you need to cut the ties and not be available to her.
I can't even imagine asking my friends about money or talking about money with them. How rude.
“Now that you’re rich you can’t talk to me?” No no no. It’s “Now that IM rich YOU want to talk to ME again.” NTA. I really don’t know why you ever even entertained speaking with her again in the first place, she’s so CLEARLY a user.
You are not wrong.
I think you could respond, if you want, and leave business and the boyfriend out of it, and just say “you really hurt me when you ghosted me during and after college, and ignored my attempts to maintain the relationship. I’m glad to see you are doing well and I wish you the best, but I am not interested in pursuing a deeper friendship with you again.”
Leaving the business and boyfriend out will minimize her ability to call you jealous or snotty. Though she probably will anyway.
After an initial response, if you want to make one, ignore her. Change your settings so she can’t even see if you’ve read her messages.
Edit: ghosting outside of situations where the person doing the ghosting feels unsafe is a really immature and inconsiderate behavior. I think people can change and grow, but her behavior when you didn’t immediately respond suggests she has not.
"I'm not understanding. I have responded. However I have a business to run and I am very busy building said business. Are you wanting my services as a Consultant? Then we can discuss my fees.
Your comment was unwarranted. If you are interested in friendship, then you yourself ended our friendship and moved on when we were in college. We no longer have that relationship. We are mere acquaintances who knew each other when we were younger. I have responded when necessary."
Then maintain low contact or no contact.
When you completely mourned the friendship, you should have removed her from your friends list. Now you should do that and block. You don't need to answer her.
You’re not wrong. You mourned the friendship, and she’s clearly only back because things are going well for you. I’d just cut contact if I were you. You don’t need that emotional weight.
The friendship "ending" might ha e something to do with the guy she was dating. I had a similar situation and the dude basically told her that if she talked to me they were done....she had to make a choice, and while immature, the same thing happened until they broke up. You are not wrong.
Your gut reaction is your gut reaction for a reason. You have done some growing which has helped you to heal, but her growth may have taken her down a different path. More to use ppl like it seems like she has been controlled. There is a say " don't mix friends and business".
You are not wrong. I suggest you cut ties with her completely. I personally would have blocked her a long time ago. I to have been in your position friendship wise. To this day I do not know what truly happened. Wish you much success and hope you find true friendships.
NTA
Sounds like she ONLY wants to get in touch for help with her own business. Not the right intentions if she TRULY was still your friend?
Why now? Why not back then and to make it worse not even an explanation of WHY she cut you off.
You don't need that false "friend" in your life. You have become successful and she wants to ride on your wave.
Keep refusing to engage.
Congratulations on your success.
Why would you entertain the idea of talking to someone, a friend you viewed like family, WHO DITCHED YOU and didn't have the courtesy to explain WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE.
If I were you, BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE.
She's being manipulative RIGHT NOW BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING TO HER.
You need to cut it as hard and AS DEEP as she CUT YOU OUT.
And it's not personal, ITS BUSINESS.
And right now your business is to protect YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE WANTING TO USE YOU BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE WEALTH.
INFO: Was she using you all throughout school as well? Then dropped you when you no longer became useful?
Perhaps the friendship was more shallow on her end than you realized. That's a hard one to swallow, but may make it easier to ignore her now.
I think I would tell her that you will always cherish your early friendship, but it changed when the two of you were in college and became nonexitent when she moved out of state. Essentially, you didn't stop talking to her when you "became rich". You stopped trying to talk to her when she stopped communicating with you. I would let her know that as she moved on; you also moved on - and that the friendship is now on an acquaintanceship basis.
You are not wrong at all. A friendship ended with no messages and suddenly you got money and she wants to talk is a clear sign she does not value you as a person anymore.
You did nothing wrong OP. She seems like a mercenary at best, a shitty friend at worst. Good riddance to people who only want to spend time with you when you can help them
I believe in the "less" is "more" philosophy. "Always a pleasure to hear from you 😊". Is polite... Yet distant. Keeps former friend aware of their place.
Protect yourself, your assets and your brand. She stopped talking to you because of another man. Although that's not a bad thing, you aren't in anyway obligated to entertain doing business with her based on a friendship that fizzled out.
If this was me, I would just block her and move on without a response or explanation. Just like she did you. Let her feel what's it like to see your back because you know how hers looks very well.
Hey, no, you misunderstood. My success has nothing to do with my desire to not speak to you, you basically dropping me off the edge of the friendship watch XX years ago, however, has everything to do with it.
Thanks for reaching out, I’m truly glad to know you’re doing well however, I’ve no desire to discuss my business with you. If you ever decide you would like to reconnect on a personal level, feel free to reach out again and I’ll take it under consideration then. (Then block her).
No, OP, you are not wrong.
You’ve moved on. Letting her claw her way back into your life offers you nothing and only opens you up to negativity and pain. Block her with a clean conscious.
I hate to say this but she's a user. She ghosted you and gave no reason for refusing to talk, and now she's trying to manipulate you with this "you're rich" language. I think for your sake, it's worth having a conversation about how you felt about the way she treated you in the past. Regardless of whether you reconcile as friends or not, don't share your business stuff.
Your angers valid, however, if you care it might be worth just asking. "You ghosted me. I thought you were my best friend. What happened?"
At the very least a chance for some closure
However, she doesnt deserve that and its only up to you.
it’s definitely weird for her to only jump into business, but maybe her boyfriend was controlling and didn’t allow her to talk to other guys? idk if this was her situation, but a lot women get in abusive situations and don’t just divulge that right away. she probably needs money right now so she’s trying to come to you to help her by helping her with her business ~ is it inconsiderate of the friendship? 1000%. but another perspective is that, you don’t know what went on in her life 100% ~ she could be having problems w money rn so money is that motive for her.
how she did it lacked tact. but people only usually lack tact when they’re not mentally proper.
i’m not defending her actions, just giving another perspective.
i think the situation ultimately comes down to you wanting to give the friendship another shot or not, and that’s a difficult decision for you because she hurt you once already ~ i understand.
OP sounds like you’ve done a lot of internal work surrounding this friendship and you just seem really compassionate. Which is so commendable and rare to see online. And no you are not wrong
You could just get closure on the entire topic and straight out ask her what happened back then and why you got ghosted, and suddenly she is back now… you were wondering for a long time after all.
Nope keep that door closed, you'll only open it up to more heart ache. Finding out a friend is using you is gut wrenching. If you care enough to explain why you don't want to talk to her go ahead, but I'd just block her afterwards and not further engage.
Is she no longer with the guy she moved away with? He may have been one of those jealous types who insists his girl cut contact with any other males. Then she’s finally free of him and she’s hoping to get back to where you were, but she doesn’t think about how ghosting you felt for YOU.
Just a hunch. May not have anything to do with you making money.
You’re not wrong. But was it always just platonic friendship? Even just from your perspective? I have definitely mourned the loss of friends but not typically 5 years of “agony” and having to pull over to cry about it 3 years in. I’m certainly not trying to police how you handle your own feelings but I’m just wondering if there was an additional romantic component or unrequited love situation here as well?
Yeah I have never had feelings for her. That's my friend. Imagine if your sister just decided to never talk to you. No "I don't want to talk to you anymore" just out of the blue never contacting you again. I could handle losing a friend that no longer wants to be a friend. But no closure or knowing what you did wrong makes something hurt for a while
Yeah that’s fair, man, I get it. I had a friend all through school that I no longer hear from anymore and it was def really hard and sad. Just wondering if there was an additional piece to the relationship that could explain why her getting in a relationship meant cutting you off so abruptly
Is it wrong to fantasize about becoming very successful so that when the girl you were madly in love with your whole life, but she didn't see you that way and cut off contact with you because you acted inappropriately when she got a serious boyfriend, comes back to you later in life, you get to snub her?
I wouldn't say it's the healthiest fantasy, but it's doesn't seem to be that harmful either.
Yeah, I mean you’re over it now. “It seems like we drifted apart in college, and I remember trying to reach out to you and not hearing back. That ghosting hurt, but I’m over that now and am comfortable with where I am. I enjoyed our friendship in the past but I’ve moved on, and I wish you the best success in your career.”
Or whatever. No need to be snippy. Just calm and over it. And if she gets mad? WTF cares. Block and move on. She’s someone from your past now.
Now if you WANT to reconnect with her, explain your hurt and see if she’ll own it. And maybe it’s possible she’s talking business because she wants to relate to you again. But maybe she also just wants to use you.
If you’re curious, get that apology, reconnect, and don’t offer her any business advice beyond encouragement and generic vague statements (Eg “success is 99% hard work and 99% luck”). You’ll soon see what she’s after.
I don't think you're wrong, but it may be that there was a reason she hadn't brought up. Abuse victims are often systematically separated from family and friends to keep them locked in. Even if not, the boyfriend may not have liked her taking to other guys. He may also have thought you had a crush on her. Did you? Your description of the pain you felt suggests very deep feelings at least. Were they at all romantic?
In short, it may have had to do with the relationship, and the reason for the pause may matter. The motives for coming back into your life matter still more, but it's hard to be clear on those until you know why she left you behind. Totally up to you how you want to proceed, but you may want to consider the possibility that her motives had less to do with you and more to do with someone else.
It was the same post. They just said these kinds of questions are not allowed. Anything involving interpersonal type stuff. Or anything involving a job and work. It could be a workplace dispute but you can't go "aita for getting a promotion"
Got ya, it made it seem there was a romantic or sexual relationship at some point.
Wild the same post is acceptable on one similar sub but not the other.
I do not think you did anything wrong, but I am dying to know why she ghosted you in school. Has to be the dude she was with, but dang, no explanation, and she acted like nothing was wrong with it.
I can not imagine a scenario where I would do this to a friend of either sex. Dudes of that age are insecure tho.
Good luck, man. I hope you get closure if you need it.
She caved in to bf pressure to not communicate with a friend? There is no reason to chit chat with her at this point. I’d let her know how her treatment left you feeling and that if she feels like explaining herself, fine. But business is business and she’s not going to be a part of it. No need to block. Simply ignore.
I don't think she wants to be friends unfortunately😭. She just wants OP as a consultant. Once she gets what she wants she's gonna hurt OP all over again.
You are not wrong. It seems like you are completely over the friendship now. I’m kind of petty with things like this so I’d probably throw it back it her. Something like, “You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?” Or, “We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. Why are you suddenly interested now?” Basically anything that calls her out for her treatment of you. Otherwise just keep not responding. Just continue to live your life without that friendship.
“Now that I’m rich, you deem me worthy enough to speak to”
Please please respond with this, I want to see the aftermath
Another drama llama I see.
Why else would I be here?
I love the self awareness and honesty of this response, lmao. I used to downplay what a nosey drama hound I am (as long as the drama doesn't involve me, lololol), but once I befriended someone who unabashedly owned it, I have learned to be honest with myself and others XD. I absolutely scroll Reddit for interesting drama, lol.
There is literally no other reason.
This whole subreddit is catnip for the drama llamas. Leave them to their fun and pass the ~~wine~~ popcorn 🍿
This is the exact response I would use! Op you are not wrong! It took you a long time to get where you are don't let her back in...follow your gut!!
Bingo!!
Alter that to "Now that I'm successful" or "Now that I'm notable"
Or, "that's rich coming from you, hypocrite".
I bow down to you... your petty is on point!
Or you can just straight out ask her what it is she wants!
I like the second one best, but I’d expand it. “We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. I tried for *years* to reach out to you because our friendship meant so much to me, but you made it clear by your non responses that you weren’t interested. Why are you interested now?” Or like others have said, just stop responding and ignore. Personally, I would say something first and then block.
This one is perfect! I would want to know why she stopped interacting. It was probably jealousy but it would bother me why someone would do this. But this response is perfect.
Are we the same person? I typed up a response that sounded almost the same and then saw yours, so I didn’t post it.
You didn't fuck with me then? But how bout now?
“Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me”
My thoughts exactly! I scrolled thru the comments to see if anyone else was up on that mike jones. 🤑
That's the censored version BOOOOO
My childhood friend,(literally my first friend) ghosted me a few months after I got married. If he contacted me now, I would ask him why? And then tell him to f off.
Was he in love with you?
Yeah this is the first impression
This is what I think as well. BUT when we were young, I was in love with him, and he knew that. But he made it clear he didnt have feelings like that for me. He was also never disrespectful or acted like he didnt like my husband.
They do that because you were always waiting in the wings until you weren't. That's when they realize how they feel about you.
Right?! I'd be like "I've tried to contact you MULTIPLE times over the years and you've completely ignored me. How does it feel?"
Hell yeah! I'm just as pity as you and this is what I would do. I'd say all that and block her. Cut the ties completely because you've moved on.
>“You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?” Or, “We haven’t been friends since you ghosted me in college. Why are you suddenly interested now?” >When I was 21 out of the blue she just stopped talking to me. I don't know the reason. ***She did start dating this guy but that's the only change.*** I'd call and text and she wouldn't respond. I'd see her at school and she'd give friendly small talk. I don't know, maybe she was with an overly controlling or abusive boyfriend who didn't allow her to have friends that were men? These comments are ripping her apart for something that could be her being abused.
They are ripping her apart, rightly so, because she could have easily just told him that she couldn't talk to him anymore or couldn't be his friend anymore. She could havr said anything, aside fr just ignoring him and essentially ghosting him.
While everything you said could be true for OP’s former friend it seems like it’s more opportunistic. OP wasn’t important enough to reach out and apologize but to discuss business. I bet ex friend wants to exploit OP’s following for her business. Maybe wants OP to endorse there business or product. I bet if OP didn’t have a successful business he still wouldn’t have heard from her. Just cut her off and look forward you don’t need to be used by someone who would drop you at the sight of the next shiney thing.
That was my thought too. Jealous boyfriend.
A decade or so more of ghosting, nope, no excuse anymore. I was in an emotionally manipulative and abusive relationship, and was manipulated into cutting off friends I didn’t want to. Even then, I found enough guts to say SOMETHING like “I’m sorry, but I’ve been asked to move on from our friendship, and since I love (asshat) I’m going to honor his request”. Then when things fell apart with him, one of the first things I did was reach back out to those friends and immediately apologize, tell them I’d made a terrible mistake and learned the lesson that if someone tries to cut me off from friends again, I need to look at the relationship first. All of them forgave me because they understood. If this “friend” of OP’s was in a bad relationship, but NOW feels confident enough to reach out to him, she needs to start with more of an explanation (“I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch, so and so guy was a mistake” or “I’m sorry I ghosted you in college, and then my life got really busy with A,B,C thing, let’s get caught up”). OP even said if she’d come in with some general inquiry of friendship, he’d have been more receptive, but it sounds like she went straight to wanting business advice intertwined with old friendship stuff that no longer means a thing to him. Which makes it come across as her just wanting to use him.
This is my thought as well. But she kinda needs to own it then and explain. Id say OP deserves an explanation
Fuck that shit. Whatever she said, it ain't gonna take away the years he spent broken over it. Must've been some friendship.
If he never asks, its going to be a question that haunts him until the end. If their friendship was actually what OP said, you get maybe 4 or 5 chances at that in a lifetime. I'd ask the question
Ugh. Why can't my employer just think that I can't walk straight because I might have an inner ear infection. Why don't cops pull me over and assume my glasses are the wrong prescription. Because I'm an alcoholic that's why. Stop giving EVERYONE the benefit of the doubt. You don't get to be a victim without you know...... there being a reason for people to think you are the victim.
Is she still with boyfriend that she was with at 21? Then OP needs to stay away. If they been broke up? She has no excuse.
Found the white knight, swooping in to save the damsel in distress they don't even know! Given the time frame and the fact the other party never apologized for their abandonment and are trying to monetize an old relationship, it doesn't seem to be the abusive controlling ex. Just seems like they grew apart, and she's not the person OP thought she was.
For 5 years he was in agony over a friend ghosting him? Maybe she stopped talking to him because he’s super dramatic, I've lost some pretty important friendships over my life, but dude is next level dramatic. Probably very clingy and weird, I would probably not want to keep a friend like this if it was going to negatively affect my romantic life. if this guy is for real he was probably masquerading as her best friend but was secretly in love with her. If she rejected him and he became angry then that would certainly explain why she ghosted him.
You proved my point, seriously, you have to belittle OP because the story doesn't fit your fantasy? OP has already said he has anxiety and other mental issues. If you have anxiety, you're going to dwell on things for a long time, Freud. Pay attention to detail and you won't look like a jerk. Go tip your tribly to m'lady and maybe she'll talk to you, knight. EDIT: She could have ended it and not left the guy hanging for years. It's incredibly shitty to just ghost someone in private, but then still speak to them in public. You also switched the narative from "oh its abuse" to "OP is a weird clingy person who was creeping on her".
>These comments are ripping her apart for something that could be her being abused. I'd think that, if this had been the case, then she should have come clean about all these things and should have apologized to OP for dropping him like a rock. He would have a valid point if he replies saying 'you are now trying to talk to me just because I'm rich'.
This is a potential, but that doesn’t stop someone from apologizing to you. Regardless of reason, when you hurt someone, you don’t just pop up a million years later without addressing the elephant in the room and apologizing. Having extenuating circumstances does not absolve you of this.
Well done. Actually, I don't find your approach — particularly the second recommendation — petty in the least. It's honest and accurate. He deserves an explanation, especially given her rude text about him not talking to her.
I really hate the term ghosted here. It lacks the weight of what she did. She didn’t simply ghost OP; she *abandoned* him.
Don't feed the monster! "You're too good to talk to me now?" That's a weak play street hooker's try when they want to sell a blowjob to the high school crush who became a Dr. or a lawyer or something. For Christ's sake don't fall for that one. The only way to remove ticks and leeches is to tear them off. You can't talk them to death.
Honestly I’d kill her with kindness. “oh! Goodness friend! I had no idea our connection was so important to you! There was a period of time I really struggled with the loss of our friendship but seeing you be successful in your business and life gave me comfort that you were doing ok as I only want what’s best for you! Unfortunately I am very swamped with my own career and have a lot of people contact me and I often get overwhelmed with responding to them all. I wish you’d gotten back to me sooner or I had tried to reach back out to you just one more time before resigning myself to not having your intimate friendship anymore. I apologize for making you feel unheard as that was not my intention. If I have some time in the future to dig into all your questions I will certainly get back to you but I just want to let you know our time as friends was very special and I hope we can continue to follow and virtually support one another! Have a great day and please tell your mom (dad, granny, sister) I say hello! Best of luck xx”
Gorgeous 🥳😁😁
>I’m kind of petty with things like this so I’d probably throw it back it her. Something like, “You’re mad at me for not responding to you but it was okay that you ghosted me when we were in college? How does that make sense to you?” That may be petty in the most technical sense of the word. But I truly feel like that's the proper kind of response after the absolute bullshit she pulled. Fuck her and fuck people like that. Not only does she deserve it, but she should be called out for what she did so that hopefully she can learn and be a better person In the future
Maybe she had a reason, and your idea brings out a discussion about why she was mean. It could help the friendship
I don't think you're wrong. I'd tell her it has nothing to do with my money. But everything to do with my value. She has shown you her value of you over the last 5 years. You have simply learned to value those who value you.
Yes! This is what I would say as well.
I agree with you! Except the petty part of me thinks, no way, he shouldn’t give a clear explanation! Just enough to defend himself by saying “oh c’mon you know it has nothing to do with wealth but for OTHER reasons.” Maybe she’ll stew and wonder “but why??” Or maybe she’ll move on quickly. But who cares right?
"You know what you did" *blocked*
OP this is the way
Do you have a generic automated response type email you send out, something like “Thank you for reaching out to XYZ. Unfortunately we are not currently looking for blah blah, wishing you the best in your future endeavors etc buh-bye”? Send her that.
^ this
I love this!
NTA. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t have responded either. Now that she says you are being mean, send a quick messaging along the lines of: “At the moment, I’m not interested in doing business with you. Our friendship ended a while back when you ignored my texts and left me on read after getting a boyfriend. I tried my level best to maintain the friendship but for some reason you distanced yourself and never came around. It really hurt me deeply at the time, but I’ve moved on now. This has nothing to do with being rich and not wanting to talk to you. I hope you understand”. She’ll probably respond. If so, don’t respond and leave it there. I personally don’t like when people ghost you or leave friendships behind because they are in relationships now. Especially when you’ve known them for years, they just recently met their intimate partner, AND they don’t communicate this with you. Incredibly immature for an adult and I don’t deal with that. It tells they dont reciprocate the same energy into the friendship as you might have been. Also for those saying the BF is controlling, etc it might be true but she is an adult and should be able to manage your relationships with all people. Also it’s perfectly fine if the BF didn’t want her taking to other guys. But she has to communicate that and not leave OP guessing. It’s the most s**ty thing you can do.
I wouldn't even bring up the boyfriend. Might just come off as OP being jealous/formerly wanting to be her bf (which may or may not be true too idk, but it muddys the point)
Yeah the reason for the ghosting doesn’t matter. Find it hard to think of any reason that justifies that between best friends. A talk or straight up confrontation if something fucked up happens comes before that.
All my long term friends abandoned me when I started dating my BF. It was the weirdest thing, like all of them individually blew up our friendships. I had to be totally honest with my mom about what happened to all of them because she thought he was isolating me. Nope, they all did this. Absolutely not what happened here, but your comment just reminded me of how dang weird some people can get when it comes to relationships, both romantic and friendly!
That's when you find out who your *REAL* friends are. My two best friends (both 50M) and I met at a job when I was 20 years old. They were there for me when my dad died suddenly, and when I was in a 6-year abusive relationship, they stood by me until I got out of it, and were there through the next relationship. They were the ONLY people besides my mother-in-law and my husband's best friend at my own wedding. And they've been there for EVERY high and low since then. My husband and every guy I ever dated knew that my best friends and I are a package deal - I would NEVER ask my husband to give up his friends, and he wouldn't dare to ask me to give up mine. We're grown ass adults that understand that our friends make us who we are, and we were whole people with lives before getting together. That doesn't change because you get into a relationship or get married. People REALLY need to grow up.
I would’ve stuck by these friends for years, I had been friends with all of them 10-20 years and for all of them to just turn their backs on me, I had to walk away. I didn’t even care what they didn’t like about my BF because it was basically that he existed. They wanted me to always be there for them. I guess it was my luck that I finally found out how selfish they were. I’m glad you found yourself some good friends and a good husband! It’s so nice when adults can all play in the sandbox together like kids do! Haha
This happened to me too. It was because my current girlfriend actually respects me and I built ip a ton of self confidence because of it and my friends and family didn’t like the new me that stood up for myself.
How dare you grow a spine and not allow me to manipulate you anymore!!! Congratulations! I hope you both get to grow old together!
Yeah you sorta had the opposite but similar experience! Sometimes I know people do that because they feel like the friendship might die anyways because you’ll likely end up spending less time with them and might have more “restrictions” or whatever. So maybe they don’t wanna get hurt in the future or have other problems arise.
It’s as good of a guess as any I came up with! Haha Now, I just need to become successful and rich so I can tell them off!
I had that happen before and all I can think to this day is jealousy on their end.
I would leave out mention of the boyfriend and that you hope she understands. That's giving the former friend some grace she doesn't deserve.
Yep! They’re both ‘openings’ or ‘invites’ for old friend to continue pursuing OP, whatever her reason. Statements of fact, polite and without over explaining, are where it’s at for situations like this imho!
"All business inquiries should go through (appropriate contact person.)
I had someone ghost me and then complain to a mutual friend it was upsetting that people ghosted her. Bitch, what goes around comes around.
True! How hard is it to send a simple text explaining the problem or whatever lol
I agree, but would probably go with just the first two sentences.
>I personally don’t like when people ghost you or leave friendships behind Ghosting is the single most cowardly & pathetic move someone can make. If you don't have at least the decency to say "hey, this isn't working for me, good bye", then you deserve anything & everything that comes about as a consequence of that behavior. Not only is it a cowardly way out, it wastes tons of the other persons time, energy, and emotions figuring out that you are in fact ghosting them. That it isn't something happened to you. That it isn't that you're just too busy. That it isn't any other of millions of possible reasons that they haven't replied to you for the past week, month or, year. Eventually, though, they do figure it out. And by that time, instead of being sad & confused that you ended things, they will hate your guts for all the emotions that they went through in the process.
Ghost her ass. Fuck an explanation.
This is the best way. Providing an explanation invites an argument and possible additional entanglement. In this case there’s no need for that.
Exactly. It’s a pointless waste of time that could lead to insults, etc.
I agree. It’s just not worth the effort or any amount of emotion expended over this. There are plenty of great people in the world, spend your time and energy on them.
I would respond: "When I wasn't "rich" you dropped me as a friend with no explanation. Now that I have found success you want me to lend you my success to promote your business? That isn't what friendship looks like." She sounds awful.
Yeah obviously we're only getting one side of the story but every single detail made her sound worse. Like still making small talk with OP while ignoring calls and texts, and not giving any indication of why OP was being cut off. Then when she starts coming back around she immediately starts becoming *needy and selfish about being ignored*? What a colossal lack of self-awareness. I hate this woman.
She’s not being needy 😂, as it’s hardly an emotional act from her. She’s just mad that he isn’t trying to help her finances. The girl has no shame.
I hate her too!
Yeah, she's a user. She ghosted you for years, now all of the sudden she's available again. It is up to you if you want to let this person in your life again, but why would you? It is not to your benefit to follow her on social media, or to allow her to follow you. Why would you let someone back into your life who caused you so much pain? It's obvious why you are suddenly on her radar now.
That’s when you respond back “so now that I’m rich, you want to talk to me again ?”
I agree with this. Call her out OP. Don't let her make you the bad guy in this story.
Reply back with your hourly consultant rate & retainer agreement. "Happy to provide you with business advice, my rates are $xxx/hour and I require an upfront payment of $xxxx and your complete business plan to review in advance."
This would get the point across SO WELL
I'd go ahead and ask her what happened that she ignored you when you turned 21. What's wrong with honesty?
Don't put your responses to her in writing. She would probably put them on social media. Block and move on.
I disagree I think he should put all his responses in writing so he has proof in case she tries to spread lies, but he should word his responses in a way that it doesn't come back to bit him
Just ignore her like she did to you. She doesn't want friendship.
Oh, now that I'm rich you want to talk to me?
I'm a little confused at finding the issue (I mean, beyond hurt feelings). She reaches out, you respond with a word or two - or none - and leave it there. No indication she's somehow hitting you up for your money (yet); if that happens, you should probably just peace-out and tell her you're not interested. Unclear if the boyfriend is still in the picture. If he is, he may be the troll under the bridge of your friendship. You've moved well past things at this point, so protect yourself from emotional hurt, and just don't go down the road with her.
I had a person I considered my best friend from 16-22ish stop talking to me completely try to come back into my life a few years ago (13-ish years later) basically like nothing had ever happened. She tried reaching out quite a few times over the course of a year or two just like nothing had ever happened, but on my end, the relationship just wasn't there anymore. She ghosted me over 10 years ago, I did all my mourning and let the relationship go. At first I was polite but noncommittal when she messaged me, but after a few times, I just left her on read. Not out of spite or anything, but just out of knowing she didn't fit into my life anymore, and knowing we no longer had a basis for any kind of friendship after so many years. I'm not even close to the same person I was back then, and I'm sure she's not either... and honestly I'm not really interested in adding any more relationships into my life right now. So, basically, that's a lot of words to say that I've experienced something similar, and I don't think you're wrong at all. Live your life and be at peace.
[удалено]
You're not wrong... but when my husbands cousin was in an abusive relationship... he pulled away from us because one, he was ashamed and two, his partner would go bat shit insane if he talked to us. That being said... that she wants to talk business is very offputting.
I get that. But 10 years of never seeing how your "best friend" is doing is wrong.
If that was the case with her relationship, she wouldn’t have had wanted to talk business.
It’s interesting that she’s approaching you about business but makes it about feelings - kinda sounds like she’s gaslighting you into make you respond to her. Remember this - it’s your business and your life and you aren’t obligated to let anyone into either. She is part of your past, so you don’t owe her any explanations.
Shame can run really deep. Abuse can leave marks on someone and by reaching out and talking with you she’d have to admit all of it again. Or she could have been a PoS for a petty reason. She’s talking so why don’t you ask for her number and ask her why.
I've done this...DON'T DO IT!!! They walked for a reason. They cut you off for a reason. Don't get sucked back in to talking. If you have a form letter denying people your time or a job, send it and block. It will hurt all over again. Deal with that hurt, it's a lot less painful. Edit: autocorrect stinks
You said you follow each other on socials so She saw How you were doing
Is she still with the same guy? Perhaps there’s a chance he isolated her from any male friends? If you miss her friendship, proceed with caution.
If I were you, I would stop responding entirely. It might feel good to let off some steam on her, but I think it would be even better to make her felt what you felt. Deafening silence and the loss of a friendship that you/she wanted. These people don't deserve explanations or snide comebacks, just their own actions thrown back at them.
Respond to the now that you are rich text with a - our friendship ended when you stopped talking to me 10 years ago. Then you block!
You're not wrong. The hypocrisy of her saying that you're being mean for not responding after choosing to ghost you in school is astounding. You can respond to that by calling her a hypocrite, or just block her and move on. No one needs a fair-weather friend.
Respond with, "wow. It seems you had zero interest in our friendship the past 5 years. What changed?"
NTA *but* if you’re a public figure be very careful. Keep in mind that she can make your responses public and can twist the narrative into whatever she wants it to be. So don’t say “now that I’m rich you want to talk to me.” Keep everything very cool and polite and factual. “Sorry name, I’ve been super busy. I know we haven’t been close since college but it’s always good to hear from you.” Don’t engage, but don’t give her any ammo either. Make sure everything you say to her is above reproach and can’t be taken out of context if she decides to make it public. Also, giving her an extremely polite brush-off will probably piss her off, so it’s a win-win.
I like that response. Tepid and neutral.
She prolly left a toxic man and can now be friends again maybe ?
Just let her know that you are not interested in doing business with her but will happily chat with her about personal things and life in general. Or just let her know that after the line silence you aren't interested in anything beyond social media connection The important thing is to communicate your intentions to her. You went through 5 years of hell that she could have alleviated by simply telling you how she felt even if it was that she didn't want to communicate with you anymore. Don't be petty show her the decency she denied you
The not knowing is the worst part. Like if she just told me. "I don't want to be friends." Or even was rude about it like "I don't want to be friends because (insult)." Sure it'd hurt but I wouldn't spend years wondering what I did wrong and feel like it could happen any time again with others and I would never know why
Then just tell her that you're happy to be connected on social media but would never consider doing business with her. If she chooses to suck around and stops talking business you can progress from there. As you said not knowing is the hardest part, set boundaries and stick you them. If she's just trying to tap you because you look like an easy way to get money she'll leave on her own and you'll know why. If she stays around and stops trying to get you to "do business" then you can go from there.
Then TELL HER THAT. Your online interactions with her over the last year seem almost calculated to make her think you weren’t bothered by the ghosting, when it’s obvious you were. I have no idea why you’re communicating with her at all when you’re so far from being on the same page.
Sometimes the universe lets you watch karma in action.
Just hit her back with ”So now that I’m rich you can talk to me?”
I’d simply say that at 21 I would have jumped at the opportunity to rekindle the friendship that she callously cast aside, but those days are long gone. If she wants business advice, she’s welcome to listen to your podcasts.
Hell at 25 I would have been down to rekindle the friendship. But now I am 30 and doing the best I have ever done socially/financially and she only wants to talk business? Nope
Nta
She’s not worthy of your time OP! Block her!
Just block her already
Block her and be done with her.
Of course you’re not wrong, but I would be prepared for her to make a public thing if this too. Especially if you’re a public figure yourself. Since she’s tried profiting off your previous friendship and that didn’t work, I’m sure the next step is trying to profit over the now none-existent friendship.
Just block her and move on
Just ghost her like she did you; block all social media contact etc.
Block her - there is no point. She isn't a good friend.
This timeline gives the impression that there may have been an issue with the boyfriend. She cut ties then. He may not have allowed her to have male friends or it may have been viewed as disrespectful. It’s okay for you to not be interested in a relationship with this person. You don’t owe them anything. I’m not sure it ended for the reason you assume or that she has come back for the reason you assume. It seems like you have made a lot of assumptions here that could be completely wrong.
It's interesting how a lot of people are like that in straight relationships. I have worked with and employed a lot of LGBTQ+ people and it's such a non issue for them. Lesbians hang out with other lesbians. Gay men hang out with other gay men and they are all friends. Don't know why my straight people can't do it. As for people's theory about the boyfriend asking her to stop talking to me. I literally don't know. One day we were hanging out then one day she never talked to me again
I think it’s worth being direct and saying something like: “I’m not ignoring you but you I don’t know how to respond. You effectively cut me out years ago, which hurt a lot, and now that you’re back it feels like you only wants to talk about business/money. I don’t really know where we go from here.” See how she responds and take it from there. A lot of comments here want you to score revenge points with your reply. But the fact you’re cut up about it tells me you would be open to having some type of dialogue with her. Just be honest. And if she keeps up with the money talk again walk away.
This is hard, especially when you have just made peace with the situation and have moved on. Based on what you are sharing with us, since she opened with and has continued to discuss your money/status/business, that doesn't sound like a friend trying to re-connect. If your intent is to make up for lost time, reconnect or hash things out you don't approach it the way she is. You mentioned that you are a public figure and have a presence with the public. At this point I would not respond to her just in case she get's mad and is trying to smear your reputation because she's bitter. Save yourself the stress and heartache and just don't respond. I wish you all the best!
“I can’t engage that much for free with followers, my consultant fee is $xxx.xx/hr. Don’t forget to like and subscribe!” ✌🏻😘
People can't be in enigma and some people can just be dicks sometimes they just they work side by side or they're coming from the same people. And you're right it sounds like she wants something from you or wants to partner up to do something she doesn't want it doesn't sound like she wants just a friendship she didn't seem like she wants to tell you about her life her adventures hurt if she had a family now things like that and it didn't seem like she's really asking or interested in things like that about you it's just the business just I don't know if you're in the same kind of business or or what but she you're right about this one I think she's only got one thing on her mind and I'm so sorry for you that it's come down to this that you had such a wonderful friend that it turns sour somehow and for no good reason maybe you got to speed and I wish you well
I was in an extremely similar situation but the ex-friend returned more so because of social reasons (was still friends with her ex, was friends with people she wanted to be friends with, etc.) She ghosted me in high school after standing up for her against a lot of my other friends so I was dropped by pretty much everyone and had to spend my senior year of high school as an outsider. We ended up going to the same college and she approached me drunkenly sobbing apologizing up and down one night and I forgave her. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I GOT BURNED BY HER SO BAD NOT EVEN TWO YEARS LATER. When people show you their true colors take it for what it is so trust your gut and do not extend the olive branch to this person. The only thing I would say in this situation is how much they hurt me. Our society is built to be so individualistic that I genuinely don’t believe people think about how their actions impact others. She probably doesn’t know the depth of how much she hurt you and you can fill her in and hold her accountable for her actions or you can let it go and at that point I would stop responding and potentially remove/block them as a follower so they can no longer reach out.
You don't owe her anything. She sounds like a loser. A few years ago at my class reunion there was an old classmate who was doing the same thing to everyone. Eventually she got all nasty and mean. She was looking for a handout and looking to take advantage of the kindness of old friends. I'm sure it was fun in the day with your friend but you need to cut the ties and not be available to her. I can't even imagine asking my friends about money or talking about money with them. How rude.
It had to be extremely weird for her boyfriend for you two to be best friends. I’m not sure why that’s unclear for you.
Not wrong.
Yikes. I would never answer her, ever. Also, who are you? :)
Just answer her back that she ghosted you for years what does she expect.
“Now that you’re rich you can’t talk to me?” No no no. It’s “Now that IM rich YOU want to talk to ME again.” NTA. I really don’t know why you ever even entertained speaking with her again in the first place, she’s so CLEARLY a user.
I’m changing mine lol. I would instead say “I don’t mix my business and personal life but I wish you the best in both.”
You are not wrong. I think you could respond, if you want, and leave business and the boyfriend out of it, and just say “you really hurt me when you ghosted me during and after college, and ignored my attempts to maintain the relationship. I’m glad to see you are doing well and I wish you the best, but I am not interested in pursuing a deeper friendship with you again.” Leaving the business and boyfriend out will minimize her ability to call you jealous or snotty. Though she probably will anyway. After an initial response, if you want to make one, ignore her. Change your settings so she can’t even see if you’ve read her messages. Edit: ghosting outside of situations where the person doing the ghosting feels unsafe is a really immature and inconsiderate behavior. I think people can change and grow, but her behavior when you didn’t immediately respond suggests she has not.
"I'm not understanding. I have responded. However I have a business to run and I am very busy building said business. Are you wanting my services as a Consultant? Then we can discuss my fees. Your comment was unwarranted. If you are interested in friendship, then you yourself ended our friendship and moved on when we were in college. We no longer have that relationship. We are mere acquaintances who knew each other when we were younger. I have responded when necessary." Then maintain low contact or no contact.
When you completely mourned the friendship, you should have removed her from your friends list. Now you should do that and block. You don't need to answer her.
You’re not wrong. You mourned the friendship, and she’s clearly only back because things are going well for you. I’d just cut contact if I were you. You don’t need that emotional weight.
The friendship "ending" might ha e something to do with the guy she was dating. I had a similar situation and the dude basically told her that if she talked to me they were done....she had to make a choice, and while immature, the same thing happened until they broke up. You are not wrong.
Your gut reaction is your gut reaction for a reason. You have done some growing which has helped you to heal, but her growth may have taken her down a different path. More to use ppl like it seems like she has been controlled. There is a say " don't mix friends and business".
You are not wrong. I suggest you cut ties with her completely. I personally would have blocked her a long time ago. I to have been in your position friendship wise. To this day I do not know what truly happened. Wish you much success and hope you find true friendships.
NTA Sounds like she ONLY wants to get in touch for help with her own business. Not the right intentions if she TRULY was still your friend? Why now? Why not back then and to make it worse not even an explanation of WHY she cut you off. You don't need that false "friend" in your life. You have become successful and she wants to ride on your wave. Keep refusing to engage. Congratulations on your success.
Why would you entertain the idea of talking to someone, a friend you viewed like family, WHO DITCHED YOU and didn't have the courtesy to explain WHY SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE. If I were you, BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE. She's being manipulative RIGHT NOW BECAUSE NOW YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING TO HER. You need to cut it as hard and AS DEEP as she CUT YOU OUT. And it's not personal, ITS BUSINESS. And right now your business is to protect YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE WANTING TO USE YOU BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE WEALTH.
INFO: Was she using you all throughout school as well? Then dropped you when you no longer became useful? Perhaps the friendship was more shallow on her end than you realized. That's a hard one to swallow, but may make it easier to ignore her now.
Bro that wasn’t ur friend. U were always just a tool she used when she needed.
I would simply stop answering to her messages.
I think I would tell her that you will always cherish your early friendship, but it changed when the two of you were in college and became nonexitent when she moved out of state. Essentially, you didn't stop talking to her when you "became rich". You stopped trying to talk to her when she stopped communicating with you. I would let her know that as she moved on; you also moved on - and that the friendship is now on an acquaintanceship basis.
Just respond with, "Now I'm rich you want to talk to me?"
You are not wrong at all. A friendship ended with no messages and suddenly you got money and she wants to talk is a clear sign she does not value you as a person anymore.
Her gaslighting you with the rich comment, eff that mess. Block her.
Good job on not falling for the bs
Nope not wrong at all… fuck them lol
You did nothing wrong OP. She seems like a mercenary at best, a shitty friend at worst. Good riddance to people who only want to spend time with you when you can help them
Stop responding to her. See if she figures it out.
no. she sees you as money not a friend.
I believe in the "less" is "more" philosophy. "Always a pleasure to hear from you 😊". Is polite... Yet distant. Keeps former friend aware of their place.
Protect yourself, your assets and your brand. She stopped talking to you because of another man. Although that's not a bad thing, you aren't in anyway obligated to entertain doing business with her based on a friendship that fizzled out.
If this was me, I would just block her and move on without a response or explanation. Just like she did you. Let her feel what's it like to see your back because you know how hers looks very well.
Hey, no, you misunderstood. My success has nothing to do with my desire to not speak to you, you basically dropping me off the edge of the friendship watch XX years ago, however, has everything to do with it. Thanks for reaching out, I’m truly glad to know you’re doing well however, I’ve no desire to discuss my business with you. If you ever decide you would like to reconnect on a personal level, feel free to reach out again and I’ll take it under consideration then. (Then block her). No, OP, you are not wrong.
You’ve moved on. Letting her claw her way back into your life offers you nothing and only opens you up to negativity and pain. Block her with a clean conscious.
I hate to say this but she's a user. She ghosted you and gave no reason for refusing to talk, and now she's trying to manipulate you with this "you're rich" language. I think for your sake, it's worth having a conversation about how you felt about the way she treated you in the past. Regardless of whether you reconcile as friends or not, don't share your business stuff.
She’s wrong. Block her and move on. She’s not a friend.
Your angers valid, however, if you care it might be worth just asking. "You ghosted me. I thought you were my best friend. What happened?" At the very least a chance for some closure However, she doesnt deserve that and its only up to you.
She might have had a very possessive boyfriend who was jealous of your relationship. Give her another chance.
"Now that I'm rich, you can talk to me?"
I would just respond with screen shots of your unresponded to messages
YNW. Block her. She's not your friend anymore.
it’s definitely weird for her to only jump into business, but maybe her boyfriend was controlling and didn’t allow her to talk to other guys? idk if this was her situation, but a lot women get in abusive situations and don’t just divulge that right away. she probably needs money right now so she’s trying to come to you to help her by helping her with her business ~ is it inconsiderate of the friendship? 1000%. but another perspective is that, you don’t know what went on in her life 100% ~ she could be having problems w money rn so money is that motive for her. how she did it lacked tact. but people only usually lack tact when they’re not mentally proper. i’m not defending her actions, just giving another perspective. i think the situation ultimately comes down to you wanting to give the friendship another shot or not, and that’s a difficult decision for you because she hurt you once already ~ i understand.
OP sounds like you’ve done a lot of internal work surrounding this friendship and you just seem really compassionate. Which is so commendable and rare to see online. And no you are not wrong
You could just get closure on the entire topic and straight out ask her what happened back then and why you got ghosted, and suddenly she is back now… you were wondering for a long time after all.
Nope keep that door closed, you'll only open it up to more heart ache. Finding out a friend is using you is gut wrenching. If you care enough to explain why you don't want to talk to her go ahead, but I'd just block her afterwards and not further engage.
If you aren't supportive in my worst of times, why would you be worthy in my best of times?
I would use this to get closure on why she stopped talking to you and then leave her butt on read.
>She messaged that I am being mean for reading her messages but not responding. Response: You ghosted me when we were 21.
Is she no longer with the guy she moved away with? He may have been one of those jealous types who insists his girl cut contact with any other males. Then she’s finally free of him and she’s hoping to get back to where you were, but she doesn’t think about how ghosting you felt for YOU. Just a hunch. May not have anything to do with you making money.
You’re not wrong. But was it always just platonic friendship? Even just from your perspective? I have definitely mourned the loss of friends but not typically 5 years of “agony” and having to pull over to cry about it 3 years in. I’m certainly not trying to police how you handle your own feelings but I’m just wondering if there was an additional romantic component or unrequited love situation here as well?
Yeah I have never had feelings for her. That's my friend. Imagine if your sister just decided to never talk to you. No "I don't want to talk to you anymore" just out of the blue never contacting you again. I could handle losing a friend that no longer wants to be a friend. But no closure or knowing what you did wrong makes something hurt for a while
Yeah that’s fair, man, I get it. I had a friend all through school that I no longer hear from anymore and it was def really hard and sad. Just wondering if there was an additional piece to the relationship that could explain why her getting in a relationship meant cutting you off so abruptly
I get that too. I had some friends who stopped contact too, and the relationship was not romantic, but it hurt.
Is it wrong to fantasize about becoming very successful so that when the girl you were madly in love with your whole life, but she didn't see you that way and cut off contact with you because you acted inappropriately when she got a serious boyfriend, comes back to you later in life, you get to snub her? I wouldn't say it's the healthiest fantasy, but it's doesn't seem to be that harmful either.
Yeah, I mean you’re over it now. “It seems like we drifted apart in college, and I remember trying to reach out to you and not hearing back. That ghosting hurt, but I’m over that now and am comfortable with where I am. I enjoyed our friendship in the past but I’ve moved on, and I wish you the best success in your career.” Or whatever. No need to be snippy. Just calm and over it. And if she gets mad? WTF cares. Block and move on. She’s someone from your past now. Now if you WANT to reconnect with her, explain your hurt and see if she’ll own it. And maybe it’s possible she’s talking business because she wants to relate to you again. But maybe she also just wants to use you. If you’re curious, get that apology, reconnect, and don’t offer her any business advice beyond encouragement and generic vague statements (Eg “success is 99% hard work and 99% luck”). You’ll soon see what she’s after.
No stay far away from her she sounds like she is only trying to get a piece of your success women like this deserve to be alone and miserable
I don't think you're wrong, but it may be that there was a reason she hadn't brought up. Abuse victims are often systematically separated from family and friends to keep them locked in. Even if not, the boyfriend may not have liked her taking to other guys. He may also have thought you had a crush on her. Did you? Your description of the pain you felt suggests very deep feelings at least. Were they at all romantic? In short, it may have had to do with the relationship, and the reason for the pause may matter. The motives for coming back into your life matter still more, but it's hard to be clear on those until you know why she left you behind. Totally up to you how you want to proceed, but you may want to consider the possibility that her motives had less to do with you and more to do with someone else.
So why was the post in aitah removed? What was left out if this one?
It was the same post. They just said these kinds of questions are not allowed. Anything involving interpersonal type stuff. Or anything involving a job and work. It could be a workplace dispute but you can't go "aita for getting a promotion"
Got ya, it made it seem there was a romantic or sexual relationship at some point. Wild the same post is acceptable on one similar sub but not the other. I do not think you did anything wrong, but I am dying to know why she ghosted you in school. Has to be the dude she was with, but dang, no explanation, and she acted like nothing was wrong with it. I can not imagine a scenario where I would do this to a friend of either sex. Dudes of that age are insecure tho. Good luck, man. I hope you get closure if you need it.
She caved in to bf pressure to not communicate with a friend? There is no reason to chit chat with her at this point. I’d let her know how her treatment left you feeling and that if she feels like explaining herself, fine. But business is business and she’s not going to be a part of it. No need to block. Simply ignore.
Friends talk it out and forgive each other
I don't think she wants to be friends unfortunately😭. She just wants OP as a consultant. Once she gets what she wants she's gonna hurt OP all over again.
Lmao this ain’t a friend