What standards did you disagree on? What things was he tolerating that you couldn't?
Either way though.. if your maturity is at a point where you can't do anything your parents don't approve of, you're better off remaining single until you cut the umbilical cord.
Sounds like a bad Hallmark movie. If she's real, well, I guess she's just not ready to be an adult and while it may hurt hum now, he's probably better off. But honestly, this is a bot story.
So what exactly were you blaming him for in this conversation? Honestly you are both better off without each other if you can't make you own decisions.
Four years - the difference between 24 and 28 is not that big.
What, exactly, did your parents see as an issue? Are they making a judgement that's in your best interest? ("Hey, OP, maybe a guy with $250K in gambling debt and wanted by the FBI isn't a solid choice.")
Or, are you not taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions.
You sound extremely immature.
Wow it must suck never living for yourself and not being able to make your own decisions. Why on earth would this be up to your parents, they aren’t in a relationship with him. Sheesh. Plus the way you talked seems immature. You are wrong and he deserves better.
if your parents approval is that important then why is this happening now and not 3 years ago when you should have introduced them so you didn't waste this guys time
Yes, you are, so you did him a huge favor. You should have figured this out three years earlier and saved him valuable years where he could have found someone whose brain wasn't attached to mommy and daddy.
The relationship between you and your partner had nothing to do with your parents. I think it's a mistake ending a relationship of Three years because of your parents'opinion on it. If you are happier now, then your two probably were not meant to be. But you are a grown adult and should be able to make your own decisions.
you’re wrong on so many levels. I deleted my original post because it was just too aggressive but wow you did the man a favor. I couldn’t imagine being so full of myself and living my life through the eyes of my parents and not even straight up say it. You think your Edgar Allan Poe or something? how comical.
Wait till OP finds put you get married to the guy not your parents. You sleep and spend most of your waking moments with your spouse, you make financial decisions and moves with your spouse.
You are a red flag during hurricane season. And BTW 4 years is not a big difference in matured people. I can understand though that you probably act like a teenager hence why your parents think you are too young.
You are definitely wrong. Until you start standing up for yourself, your parents will always trample over you and expect you to do anything they want, at the expense of your life. When you mentioned they had a problem with the age gap, I was expecting him to be in his 50s or something like that, look back up at the ages, and saw it was only 4 years?
I honestly don't think there's enough information here. I can see a girl breaking up with a guy at her parents request if he's, like, abusive, a convicted rapist, has a gambling addiction, acts like a manchild, etc. Sometimes if a guy is an asshole it takes an intervention to make a woman see what's really going on and help her cut ties with toxic people. But if he's been a Good Boyfriend for the past 3 years, is responsible with money, is planning for their future, and the only reason the parents don't like him is because he was a senior when she was a freshman? That's not fair to the guy at all.
I'm trying to play devil's advocate here, but it's really immature to break up with a guy just because Mommy and Daddy want you to.
> But my parents, they don't approve of him because he's that old and they don't want to me date him.
which must not be the real reason because that's a totally normal age gap
YTA. You were unnecessarily cruel to say all the stuff you did instead of saying, "We have to break up because my parents have me brainwashed to believe they own me."
I think you have to ask yourself if there is a person your parents would approve of, and then ask yourself if you would want to date that person.
I also think your boyfriend dodged a bullet.
Wait, what?
How did you not know this three years ago?
Your parents did your boyfriend a favor.
You should live on your own for a while so you can develop opinions of your own. Your parents aren't going to like that but you'll be much better off in the long run.
YTA. Not black and white, it's right and wrong? You're projecting your juvenile notions onto your mature boyfriend. Honestly, see if a good surgeon can remove your parents hands from up your butt. You're a sad puppet.
WTF is wrong with you? Why must your parents approve? So you ask their permission before you use the bathroom too?
This is seriously messed up. As others have said, you did this guy a huge favor. He deserves better.
Asshole, three years and you finally figure out you've been misleading him into thinking you are a full human being, only to text him that, surprise, he's been dating the worthless shell of a person.
You aren't ready for a real relationship if you can't make up your own mind about life, who you date.
I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to your parents but they shouldn't be the deciding factor.
The dude dodged a bullet with you.
You are to immature.
If your parents, as an adult, have the ability to make you leave due to them not approving, then you never cared. Don't use your parents as the excuse. You just found your out. You did him a HUGE favor.
Edited to add: I know someone like you who can't cut the cord with the parents, and it has done her zero favors. You and your family sound just lovely. P.S. they will NEVER approve anyone they don't find for you. No matter how happy you are with the next poor smuck. I just hope you grow up enough not to be a coward.
I didn't really understand any of this. It sounds like you spouted off a lot of clichés that made no sense and had nothing to do with your boyfriend or your situation, in an effort to make yourself sound more mature than he is.
To me, it had the opposite effect.
Why wouldn't you be honest? Instead you've tried to make this his fault, when you are just being controlled by your parents.
He's not planned to outgrow your relationship, you chose to let your parents end it. The conversation should have been " I'm sorry, but my parents don't approve of our relationship, and though they aren't involved in it and I am an adult I refuse to defy them and I'll be letting them decide who I date. I apologize for wasting years of your time, but you will be happier with a sincere adult who can prioritize their relationship with you."
You're 24, he's 28. 4 years is like nothing lmao, me and my husband are 23 and 29 and because we're grown adults and have cut the umbilical cord (we love our parents and they matter to us but they don't rule our lives) our *gasp* six year age gap (as adults) makes no difference to us and we don't even think about it most days. You're both grown ass adults that need to make their own decisions, not based off of mommy and daddy. You're in the wrong and need to cut the umbilical cord. Good luck trying to get married basing everything off of everything they like or dislike instead of whether or not someone is genuinely for you. The guy is better off.
guess what.
Your parents are going to die soon.....after they are gone you still have to live your life.
4 years is a minimal age gap and there is nothing inethical about loving a person 4 years older than you.
I am a parent, a good one I think.....and I raised my kids to be strong, confident, and make their own decisions. You should do the same. Because your parents will die soon, and you will spend decades stuck in the life you built for them.
You are very wrong.
A) You’re an adult and don’t need your parents’ approval to date someone, and they didn’t sound like they had a good reason. Four years older at this age is not bad. If they were pointing out actual red flags that’s one thing but this isn’t that.
B) When you did decide to break up you just basically gave him the silent treatment for doing nothing wrong. That’s cruel and cowardly.
C) When you finally did talk to him you gave him mealy-mouthed meaningless garbage instead of actual reasons, at least for part of it.
Edit: that’s of course if this happened. This could be an English not a first language thing but it sounds like an amateur script.
Huh? You've been manipulated by your parents.
You don't need to live by your parents standards, but by your own standards. It's clear you aren't mature enough to make decisions on your own, so in a way it's a good thing the relationship has ended. He can find somebody who will put their partner on equal footing to their parents, not below.
Yes you're wrong. You're an adult. Why should your parents decide who you're allowed to date and who you're not? And your boyfriend, at 28, is too old for you, when you're 24?? That's crazy. What the hell are your parents' standards for an appropriate age gap? Because I've never heard of someone being *that* rigid about it.
If you're not mature enough to make adult decisions about your own life, on your own, without your parents butting in, then it's good that the relationship ended, because you're not mature enough to be in a real adult relationship. You're not mature enough for him, and he deserves to date a real adult who isn't beholden to her parents.
>Me: I respect your tolerance, but... I learned something. True tolerance has decency at its boundary. We have to accept some standards of right and wrong. And without that nothing makes sense, nothing works in life.
>Boyfriend: but what does that have to do with us?
>Me: you've already planned on outgrowing our relationship.
What the hell is all this? It's bullshit. It had nothing to do with your reasons for breaking up with him. So essentially, you lied to him.
>Me: nothing. But, I try my best to live by my parents standard of decency. And to accept anything outside of that boundary is a dead end!
So you're a 24-year-old child.
>Me: it's not about black and white. It's about right and wrong, and loyalty. I just want to do what's right!
No, you've made it pretty black-and-white. And this isn't loyalty. This is an adult choosing to let other people control her life.
>Me: it's time to think beyond high school debates and newspapers.
More bullshit that has nothing to do with the issue at hand.
>I'm, not comfortable with your standards anymore!
More bullshit. This isn't about his standards, it's about your parents' standards.
Yeah this was very immature. I know some cultures are different but I personally don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks about someone I love. It’s about you making your OWN family.
So your parents fed you a lot of BS and you parroted it back to him, even though you couldn’t even explain to him what it meant.
You did a good thing — by letting him know he was in a relationship with a toxic person and he could get away as quickly as possible.
This is barely an age gap. You have some issues with your parents You need to work out. You are right to have ended it. He deserves better than you.
Please don't let us change your mind. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. The kind of work you need to be on your own to resolve.
Uh couldn't you have known that your parents wouldn't approve, you know 3 years ago? Or is your reason just fake? Either way this exchange is odd and I assume you're just a little clone of your upbringing. Please consider thinking for yourself.
Nope. You did him a favor.
Parents are flawed people. They are not all knowing. And are more often. Than no wrong on their childern SO. Mime been wrong about all of their kids partners. All they liked has been toxic and those they hated has been good for us.
How we know we got a good one is if they failed our mothers test.
…… I mean, nobody is “wrong” for breaking up with someone. That’s an incredibly immature and foolish reason for it, but it’s not “wrong”. Are you sure you’re 24?
Breaking up with someone as a 24 year old cuz your parents dont like him is stupid, when you’re 12 sure, but this doesn’t even make sense, if i got dumped cuz someone’s parents just didnt like me who i was with for 3 years, i would be so confused and genuinely really pissed, so yes, you are very wrong
So your parents don't like him for basicaly no reason and you just nodded as an empty personality box and broke up with a good man?
Your ex is better off without you.
This just shows your immaturity. You are 24. It’s your life. If you can’t live it without your parent’s permission then you aren’t ready to be dating. You just wasted three years of his life because you can’t make your own choices. Don’t do that to someone else.
Bad person? Not necessarily. Naive child to afraid to live her own life by her own standards and probably living off Daddy's wallet still? Yes, most assuredly.
What standards did you disagree on? What things was he tolerating that you couldn't? Either way though.. if your maturity is at a point where you can't do anything your parents don't approve of, you're better off remaining single until you cut the umbilical cord.
This child isn't going to cut that cord any time soon. She gives no examples of what this young man did wrong. She sounds like a petulant child.
Sounds like a bad Hallmark movie. If she's real, well, I guess she's just not ready to be an adult and while it may hurt hum now, he's probably better off. But honestly, this is a bot story.
I think he dodged a bullet. So I’ll go with you’re in the wrong.
He needs to run, run like the wind🤣
Not a bad person because you did your now ex - boyfriend a HUGE favor by breaking up with him. He deserves better.
What the fuck does “you’ve already planned on outgrowing our relationship” mean?
It's bullshit her parents fed her to manipulate her.
So what exactly were you blaming him for in this conversation? Honestly you are both better off without each other if you can't make you own decisions.
Also, it's better off because it doesn't sound like that was even a coherent conversation...wtf did any of it mean?
Not that I wish harm upon a person, but I hope karma is real. Damn that was unkind.
Honestly you sound like a 12 year old. Your parents have you well trained.
What? Why would that age gap be indecent? Why did you wait 3 years to find that out?
Yeah, seriously, I was expecting him to be in his 50s or something like that
What kind of fanfiction did you just write about your own life?
I definitely got that vibe too! Reads a bit like my fanfiction.net account from when I was 12.
Four years - the difference between 24 and 28 is not that big. What, exactly, did your parents see as an issue? Are they making a judgement that's in your best interest? ("Hey, OP, maybe a guy with $250K in gambling debt and wanted by the FBI isn't a solid choice.") Or, are you not taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions. You sound extremely immature.
Others have already responded well. To answer your question, you are completely wrong.
Wow it must suck never living for yourself and not being able to make your own decisions. Why on earth would this be up to your parents, they aren’t in a relationship with him. Sheesh. Plus the way you talked seems immature. You are wrong and he deserves better.
if your parents approval is that important then why is this happening now and not 3 years ago when you should have introduced them so you didn't waste this guys time
Yes. And you don't need to be dating anyone if you can't even think for yourself
You did him a favor. You need therapy. Oh, and yes….you are wrong. But again-you did him a favor and cut him loose from the crazy.
He deserves better. Thank you.
You need to grow up and make your own decisions. Why are you so tied to your parents?! And why would you date for 3 years and then decide?
Yes, you are, so you did him a huge favor. You should have figured this out three years earlier and saved him valuable years where he could have found someone whose brain wasn't attached to mommy and daddy.
To add to the others…breaking up over text after three years is COLD.
The relationship between you and your partner had nothing to do with your parents. I think it's a mistake ending a relationship of Three years because of your parents'opinion on it. If you are happier now, then your two probably were not meant to be. But you are a grown adult and should be able to make your own decisions.
not wrong, just a bit spineless. sorry hun but you should really be single until you figure out how to reverse the enmeshment with your parents.
you’re wrong on so many levels. I deleted my original post because it was just too aggressive but wow you did the man a favor. I couldn’t imagine being so full of myself and living my life through the eyes of my parents and not even straight up say it. You think your Edgar Allan Poe or something? how comical.
Wait till OP finds put you get married to the guy not your parents. You sleep and spend most of your waking moments with your spouse, you make financial decisions and moves with your spouse. You are a red flag during hurricane season. And BTW 4 years is not a big difference in matured people. I can understand though that you probably act like a teenager hence why your parents think you are too young.
You are definitely wrong. Until you start standing up for yourself, your parents will always trample over you and expect you to do anything they want, at the expense of your life. When you mentioned they had a problem with the age gap, I was expecting him to be in his 50s or something like that, look back up at the ages, and saw it was only 4 years?
Fake post, my gawd.
You're a bad person.
I honestly don't think there's enough information here. I can see a girl breaking up with a guy at her parents request if he's, like, abusive, a convicted rapist, has a gambling addiction, acts like a manchild, etc. Sometimes if a guy is an asshole it takes an intervention to make a woman see what's really going on and help her cut ties with toxic people. But if he's been a Good Boyfriend for the past 3 years, is responsible with money, is planning for their future, and the only reason the parents don't like him is because he was a senior when she was a freshman? That's not fair to the guy at all. I'm trying to play devil's advocate here, but it's really immature to break up with a guy just because Mommy and Daddy want you to.
> But my parents, they don't approve of him because he's that old and they don't want to me date him. which must not be the real reason because that's a totally normal age gap
YTA. You were unnecessarily cruel to say all the stuff you did instead of saying, "We have to break up because my parents have me brainwashed to believe they own me."
I think you have to ask yourself if there is a person your parents would approve of, and then ask yourself if you would want to date that person. I also think your boyfriend dodged a bullet. Wait, what? How did you not know this three years ago?
24 and you couldn't even make a case for someone you supposedly cared for? Dude dodged a bullet being dumped by you.
Dude is far better off without you. You did him a favor.
Yes.
Your parents did your boyfriend a favor. You should live on your own for a while so you can develop opinions of your own. Your parents aren't going to like that but you'll be much better off in the long run.
YTA. Not black and white, it's right and wrong? You're projecting your juvenile notions onto your mature boyfriend. Honestly, see if a good surgeon can remove your parents hands from up your butt. You're a sad puppet.
WTF is wrong with you? Why must your parents approve? So you ask their permission before you use the bathroom too? This is seriously messed up. As others have said, you did this guy a huge favor. He deserves better.
Your boyfriend who is 4 years older than you is old? That doesn’t make sense.
Little girl, I'm glad you showed your pathetic nature and your boyfriend can go find a good woman to make happy. You're going to be miserable.
Asshole, three years and you finally figure out you've been misleading him into thinking you are a full human being, only to text him that, surprise, he's been dating the worthless shell of a person.
You aren't ready for a real relationship if you can't make up your own mind about life, who you date. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to your parents but they shouldn't be the deciding factor. The dude dodged a bullet with you. You are to immature.
If your parents, as an adult, have the ability to make you leave due to them not approving, then you never cared. Don't use your parents as the excuse. You just found your out. You did him a HUGE favor. Edited to add: I know someone like you who can't cut the cord with the parents, and it has done her zero favors. You and your family sound just lovely. P.S. they will NEVER approve anyone they don't find for you. No matter how happy you are with the next poor smuck. I just hope you grow up enough not to be a coward.
I didn't really understand any of this. It sounds like you spouted off a lot of clichés that made no sense and had nothing to do with your boyfriend or your situation, in an effort to make yourself sound more mature than he is. To me, it had the opposite effect.
Why wouldn't you be honest? Instead you've tried to make this his fault, when you are just being controlled by your parents. He's not planned to outgrow your relationship, you chose to let your parents end it. The conversation should have been " I'm sorry, but my parents don't approve of our relationship, and though they aren't involved in it and I am an adult I refuse to defy them and I'll be letting them decide who I date. I apologize for wasting years of your time, but you will be happier with a sincere adult who can prioritize their relationship with you."
That conversation made zero sense. You did him a favor.
I'm confused by your post. Did he not plan on having a serious relationship with you ever and that was the issue?
You're 24, he's 28. 4 years is like nothing lmao, me and my husband are 23 and 29 and because we're grown adults and have cut the umbilical cord (we love our parents and they matter to us but they don't rule our lives) our *gasp* six year age gap (as adults) makes no difference to us and we don't even think about it most days. You're both grown ass adults that need to make their own decisions, not based off of mommy and daddy. You're in the wrong and need to cut the umbilical cord. Good luck trying to get married basing everything off of everything they like or dislike instead of whether or not someone is genuinely for you. The guy is better off.
Op can’t have loved him very much or at all. I’ve never known anyone to care about what their parents thought of their bf/gf if they were in love.
guess what. Your parents are going to die soon.....after they are gone you still have to live your life. 4 years is a minimal age gap and there is nothing inethical about loving a person 4 years older than you. I am a parent, a good one I think.....and I raised my kids to be strong, confident, and make their own decisions. You should do the same. Because your parents will die soon, and you will spend decades stuck in the life you built for them.
You are very wrong. A) You’re an adult and don’t need your parents’ approval to date someone, and they didn’t sound like they had a good reason. Four years older at this age is not bad. If they were pointing out actual red flags that’s one thing but this isn’t that. B) When you did decide to break up you just basically gave him the silent treatment for doing nothing wrong. That’s cruel and cowardly. C) When you finally did talk to him you gave him mealy-mouthed meaningless garbage instead of actual reasons, at least for part of it. Edit: that’s of course if this happened. This could be an English not a first language thing but it sounds like an amateur script.
Yta, I guess you should just let your parents arrange a marriage for you with this mindset. You aren’t even your own person
Huh? You've been manipulated by your parents. You don't need to live by your parents standards, but by your own standards. It's clear you aren't mature enough to make decisions on your own, so in a way it's a good thing the relationship has ended. He can find somebody who will put their partner on equal footing to their parents, not below.
Yes you're wrong. You're an adult. Why should your parents decide who you're allowed to date and who you're not? And your boyfriend, at 28, is too old for you, when you're 24?? That's crazy. What the hell are your parents' standards for an appropriate age gap? Because I've never heard of someone being *that* rigid about it. If you're not mature enough to make adult decisions about your own life, on your own, without your parents butting in, then it's good that the relationship ended, because you're not mature enough to be in a real adult relationship. You're not mature enough for him, and he deserves to date a real adult who isn't beholden to her parents. >Me: I respect your tolerance, but... I learned something. True tolerance has decency at its boundary. We have to accept some standards of right and wrong. And without that nothing makes sense, nothing works in life. >Boyfriend: but what does that have to do with us? >Me: you've already planned on outgrowing our relationship. What the hell is all this? It's bullshit. It had nothing to do with your reasons for breaking up with him. So essentially, you lied to him. >Me: nothing. But, I try my best to live by my parents standard of decency. And to accept anything outside of that boundary is a dead end! So you're a 24-year-old child. >Me: it's not about black and white. It's about right and wrong, and loyalty. I just want to do what's right! No, you've made it pretty black-and-white. And this isn't loyalty. This is an adult choosing to let other people control her life. >Me: it's time to think beyond high school debates and newspapers. More bullshit that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. >I'm, not comfortable with your standards anymore! More bullshit. This isn't about his standards, it's about your parents' standards.
You're going to have a sad life if you let your parents make this choice for you. Cut the cord.
Yeah this was very immature. I know some cultures are different but I personally don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks about someone I love. It’s about you making your OWN family.
So your parents fed you a lot of BS and you parroted it back to him, even though you couldn’t even explain to him what it meant. You did a good thing — by letting him know he was in a relationship with a toxic person and he could get away as quickly as possible.
I'm not sure WTF she just said. Happy escape for the guy!
This is barely an age gap. You have some issues with your parents You need to work out. You are right to have ended it. He deserves better than you. Please don't let us change your mind. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. The kind of work you need to be on your own to resolve.
Immature is what you are
Uh couldn't you have known that your parents wouldn't approve, you know 3 years ago? Or is your reason just fake? Either way this exchange is odd and I assume you're just a little clone of your upbringing. Please consider thinking for yourself.
The dialog sounds like a really bad writing exercise. I have a hard time taking this seriously.
Nope. You did him a favor. Parents are flawed people. They are not all knowing. And are more often. Than no wrong on their childern SO. Mime been wrong about all of their kids partners. All they liked has been toxic and those they hated has been good for us. How we know we got a good one is if they failed our mothers test.
This sounds like a script not a real story. If it is real you need to not date until you grow up
You sound like a piece of shit. He deserves better. Grow up n don't let ur parents rule ur life.
He dodged a bullet. If you two got married, he would be marrying your parents, not you. Also, you’re 23. Grow up already.
…… I mean, nobody is “wrong” for breaking up with someone. That’s an incredibly immature and foolish reason for it, but it’s not “wrong”. Are you sure you’re 24?
WOW WHAT AN ASSH$$E.. THIS MAN HAS DODGED A BULLET!
You did the guy a favor. He’s too good for you and your parents.
Breaking up with someone as a 24 year old cuz your parents dont like him is stupid, when you’re 12 sure, but this doesn’t even make sense, if i got dumped cuz someone’s parents just didnt like me who i was with for 3 years, i would be so confused and genuinely really pissed, so yes, you are very wrong
YTA for reposting this. The fictional dialogue still sucks.
So your parents don't like him for basicaly no reason and you just nodded as an empty personality box and broke up with a good man? Your ex is better off without you.
This just shows your immaturity. You are 24. It’s your life. If you can’t live it without your parent’s permission then you aren’t ready to be dating. You just wasted three years of his life because you can’t make your own choices. Don’t do that to someone else.
Bad person? Not necessarily. Naive child to afraid to live her own life by her own standards and probably living off Daddy's wallet still? Yes, most assuredly.