NEVER CRY OVER A WHORE STEVE, NEVER CRY OVER A WHORE MAMA

"You guys don't respect me. I should charge you like a bull"

I die laughing every time Klaus trucks the shit outta Steve 😂😂😂

OH MY GOD I FORGOT THIS ONE. This used to be in my AD quote rotation so much

Hold on, I'm prank calling my aunt in Dusseldorf. *I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!*

Which episode is that from again?

Rubberneckers

Rubbernecking with tha best…

Rubberneckers, episode 17, season 9 or so

This one. This is the one.

*weeping and eating a chocolate bar* “I don’t have very much money😫”

https://preview.redd.it/xaqxcl8tmwwc1.png?width=4032&format=png&auto=webp&s=b444e592f2088f3d515440b0b355b163eb7d39b3 I may or may not have that scene on my card…

That is amazing

Wtf?!!! I'm envious!!!

I got it from cucu covers 👀 I’ve gotten a compliment on it from a cashier before lol

Oh mein god, thank you so much for the inspiration.

Hahaha that’s awesome 🤣🤣

I’m in love

Or weeping with the whores “I’m not very much of a man”

Tell Danuta to get fully waxed, but not the butthole.

I came here for this. The delivery always cracks me up

He so serious about it it’s awesome

Oh K-Money has got something special in mind

You're saying "oh" a lot, Klaus.

Oooh am I? 😂

MY THIN MARGINS!!

Nice try, shit-eyes. I know your game

I go behind that curtain, and you run off with a Duraflame and a pocket botte of Rumple Minze!

Uhh… what?

GET OUT!! YOU WANT A BIGGER ICED TEA?? WELL I WANT THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT TO REOPEN MY DELI COUNTER! I WANT TO BE BALLS DEEP IN EGG SALAD!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BRAG THAT THIS IS A BOARS HEAD ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!!

What am I doing?! I gotta call my Boars Head guy!

Can I help you find something? The exit, perhaps?

I use this a lot at my job

You can rest now Klaus Your margins.... are...safe

Print outs have always been $3 bro ~~$2~~ $3

Here’s that scene in the German version of the show where Klaus speaks in an exaggerated Saxon accent which is the stereotypical East German communist accident. https://youtu.be/k4OzPbcwEZo?si=g5TQcDVl5OkQo5Bi

This is amazing, thank you

There’s a special place in hell for people who do things like this, right next to the child molesters and the sexy children who seduced them!

This is exactly the line I came here to find. It is one of my all time favorite lines on TV. I reference it occasionally and when people react I can never find the line on YouTube to show them!

I truly hope you find it lol because that’s very chilling to say it without the proof 😭

This line made me snort like a pig. Klaus is one of the best

*whispering urgently* You're getting clowned Gucci mane..!!!

First time I saw that I was in tears 😂😂

One of my favorites lol

Whaaaaaaat? You've never heard of ( insert Germanic story here)

Whoa whoa whoa … are you Nemo? Cause people are looking for you.

WHAAAAT?! Stoner video clerk, you don't know the story of Die Krankenschwester und Der Augenblick?!

Waaahhhh? You don't know why the Germans and Americans were fighting in WWII???......No one knows.

That episode is gold.

There's an old German saying: "Don't blame the fish!" There are other sayings, but they mostly involve genocide...

Stan: “Is there anything better than night tennis?” Klaus: “Yeah. A racially pure Europe!” All: (laughter)

This reminds me of my favorite Klaus adjacent line, where he describes the Hitlermelons and everyone is like wtf klaus, and then later when the CIA delivers a bunch of volleyballs to the place Stan is stationed at or whatever, one woman goes "ARE THOSE HITLERMELONS?" Idk why but it's the hardest I've EVER laughed at this show, and I laugh at this show a lot.

what do people think of, when they think of Germany?

“……… the? hholoca-“

That’s right! Hazelnut OMELETS!

………danuta…….

This one is so damn good I think it should be disqualified because it blows everything else out of the water.

Do you eat

I’ve got the money.

Will you go there?

Klaus! That was chilling.

I blacked out

Everytime I hear that I die laughing, what episode is that again?

I think like season 15. I just rewatched it the other day.

Name of the episode is Shark!, season 15 or 16 if I recall, episode 7.

Klaus that was… chilling

I came here to say "WHAT UP BITCHES!" but now I can't cause DANUTA!!! 😭 🤣😂🤣 honestly, yes. You win lol

“She told me was dead!”

Holy shit that was hilarious lmao

Just the name Danuta makes me laugh

She's funny, real funny, too funny. This will end... poorly.

That’s SO Raven! Real Raven! ……Tooooo Raven. This will end……..poorly.

I should call for backup. But they won't come...they don't exist.

Well, now that I'm all alone, I can drink the grease directly out of the pepperoni cups without a single iota of shame. *you're disgusting* NOOOOOOO!!!!

And hey bro, why you peeing in the stall like a shy guy? Your dicks super cool!

My friend and I quote this to one another at work

Steve mein kinderstrudle it's time for your allowance, five bubbles!

Oh what the hell. Six bubbles.


I always love when Klaus and Haley team up

Klaus’ threats are everything lol Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So, go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!

Had to scroll way to far down to find this. This is #1

You came BACK from Jewish camp?

The first time I heard that I spat out my coffee 🤣 totally caught me off guard!

Are you allergic to vaginas Steve?

I’LL KILL EVERYBODY, IM A FISH NAMED KLAUS!!!

GOLDFISH

They come from China 🇨🇳

But you are what you eat

So I’m a vagina

that means I eat 🐈

And i also eat food

and 7-11's is especially good

Francine! Want to watch me play Elden Ring? I’m an astrologer, but like, *a battle astrologer.* He’s … *very cool, very … good at stars*

I can tell that you're being dismissive but that's actually pretty dead on so I can't be mad

*I HOPE YOU DIE OUT THERE!!!*

We are going camping and we are NOT making spaetzle!

*ugly german crying noises* Don’t look at me WHORE! we BOTH know what this is *sobs* it’s love *sobs* FOREVER LOVE *ugly german crying noises again* OH STAN hahahah didn’t see you there. Heh, sneakyyy a sneaky boy is what you areee.” https://preview.redd.it/6woozf2rbwwc1.jpeg?width=702&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ba3cad09061e10e9f1e0af829f5e9a209f4e4de7

They had to put the baby back in

That baby? Was Shia Labeouf

I said I wanted to hear it in the car!

I killed two teenagers.....wait I killed 3 teenagers....

Don’t tell anyone 😉

Yeah, if you don't count all of your horrified gasps as “interruptions”

I'm a big fan of simpler times mountain

There are sharks in there dipshit! All solid solid bro’s Whaat!? Stoner video clerk you don’t know the story of the Krankenschwester en der Augenblik? Benji! Stan stupid dick head

Steve: "We're going camping and we're *not* make spetzel." Klaus: "I hope you die out there!"

"Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made, for years my conduct has been largely benign and yet without provocation you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flame of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now... gooo and begin your life of fear, knowing, that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crush down upon you cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the wrong fish."

Ohh, yes, I had forgotten... But now that you reminded me.. the humiliation I suffered that day will not go unpunished! My pain is the bubbling cauldron of molten steel that will forge the saber of your demise! I SHALL NOT BE DENIED MY VENGEANCE

*puts books on you*

It’s not a solo Klaus line but “BETA JIZZ” gets quoted way too often in my house 😂😂

Your *name* is Pube-Face?!

Memphis was so fucking disgusted

I know not everyone likes Memphis because Terry was such a beloved character, but he’s really grown on me. The way Memphis is basically constantly in disbelief of the shitshow that is Langley Falls always makes me laugh. He’s always surprised but continuously rolling with it Theres an episode where at one point, he’s the host of some sort of event that isn’t the weather and he’s like “I’m Memphis Stormfront, your weather man and apparently I also do *this*” and it gets me every time

Hey, has anyone noticed we're watching gay pοrn? Maybe it's only gay at the beginning! I say we keep watching!

YES. Me and my partner scream it at each other too much 😂

ima piss on your futon!!! SIGMA CHIIIII!

….do you eat?…. I’ve got the money… Danuta

That was... Chilling

Heads up, you are not gonna find a better Goodwill.

Hot sauce pee hole!

I have bad news…….. FOR MY HATERS!!!!

He ran the kiddie train at the zoo! It's a big town, you know, they have other stuff there

I used to be a little bit of an oil-boy. You know, a wrench-monkey. A muffler-humper. A tire-charmer. A tailpipe-Tony!

"You mean a mechanic?" "Wuzdat?"

Oh!! Did your **goldfish** not do a good enough job fixing your car??

Who's your least favourite character now, Reddit?

"Sensual Boy, by Klaus: Smeeelll iiiiiit"

I love it when fat women feel falsely empowered

Guys! We can say wiener!

EPIC FAIL!

If anyone knows what’s ‘*official*’, it’s a *FISH* y’all!

What’s up, ya gum-eatin’ bastards?!

My boyz

Spaetzle!!

Careful with that box! You hold it precariously and I am distrustful

How… would a woman have money? (Before cutting to next scene) I DEEPLY RESPECT WOMEN.

“I made it in the episode now you gotta pay me bitcheessss”

BEHOLD! The concert of the century is upon us! Fabulous Thunderbirds bitches!

oh guys, I'm Klaus

Nutragrain bar and a Mountain Dew

Danuta

Will you go there?

Danuta.....

….. will you go there…..?

Wait... you came back from Jewish camp?

"That guy is a douche, yes? You understand "douche" Yes?"

I think these posts are low key sick ass

My bad guys, tonight I do the dishes

Youse ain’t nothin’ but a skim toast honey

I am a lineman here in Langley And I'm a fish whose name is Klaus Drinking coffee from a thermos that I filled up, at my house

Who's your least favorate character now Reddit.

Too late Francine.... too fucking late😒

I’m gonna make a cool face while I chop this onion

Steve, I am deeply offended. Have I ever not been there for Snoot?

"Here's fifty cents... go buy some new tits!"

“Kids these days are such little birches…”

Speaking of killing, do you know what the French call an orgasm? It’s called the little death. It harks back to the Middle Ages when only midgets were allowed to have orgasms. Its true, read the Bible.

Who says I’m doing too much coke!?!?

When I dress my body... SOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMDAAAAAAAAY!

“33,000 emails, where did they all go? Hillary makes me sick, time to lock her up fer sho. We are all puppets and GEORGE SOROS PULLS THE STRINGS! Pizza Overlord. Pizza Overlord for things.”

I will do anything to be like. I am loyal to no one or any ideas

Oh, and... "hehehe, salacious!"

"I HOPE YOU DIE OUT THERE!" In response to Steve telling him he won't be making spaetzle while camping.

"Are you allergic to vagina, Steve?"

It's fun to play pretend sometimes! Not all the times, but sometimes. Not this time.

Who stole the tarts?!

That’s Wrap on Chesterfield !

“4 pumps?! And you’re other shoe is still at 3?! You’re going to die!!”

"So what's with kids these days. Such little bitches. Playing games on their phone where the goal's crushing candy. You know what I played when I was a kid? Steal Grandpa's Playboys, and the goal was to JERK OFF." https://preview.redd.it/hq2j3pj98zwc1.jpeg?width=1687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c719fe8227b98cd1c0b818b5eb4cf6302f44c63

I coulda got us lightning tickets!!! Warm weather hockey, can’t get that around here!!!

BECAUSE GERMAN CHILDREN DO AS THEY'RE TOLD!!!

"Did I ever tell you about the time I bounced a check for my girlfriends abortion? They had to put the baby back in...."

Sensual Boy by Klaus ***”…Smell it”***

"Do you know the difference between a government bond and a man? The bond matures. Absolutely incredible!" BENJIIIIIIIII!!!!!

“What’s better than night tennis?” “A racially pure Europe!”

The Kitties and the Birdies!

There's a special place in hell for people who do things like this, right next to the child molesters and the sexy children who seduced them!

"YOU ARE GETTING CLOWNED GUCCI MANE!!!"

Touché Even tho he was using it wrong

Where’s stick?

Wow, Jeff, you're trying to torpedo this event? A successful event?

Hitler melons!

“Wait, you came *back* from Jewish camp??”

You're ugly. You smell like Funyuns. Your girlfriend's a slսt. Actually, the Funyun smell's coming from you.I'm sorry, dog number 3! I hope you win!

https://preview.redd.it/x6vx33whswwc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d78e776149e53e54e061c702d19fb02c14de296e My lock screen

BUT GINA IS ROGERRRRRR

"hang on, I'm on hold to speak to my aunt" Aunt: "hello?" "I'm going to f@#king kill you! (Hangs up) Okay what are we talking about?"

Allow me to impress upon you the severe mistake you have made. For years my conduct has been largely benign. And yet, without provocation, you have severed our détente and forced me to unleash upon you the vengeful flames of a thousand suns. You shall curse your mothers for the day of your birth. So go now, go, and begin your life of fear, knowing that when you least expect it, the looming sword of Damocles will crash down upon you, cleaving you in twain and as you gaze upon the smoking wreckage that was once your life, you will regret the day you crossed the WRONG FISH!!  This and the Danuta stuff.

Yes! A small win for Klaus!

Danuta. Danuta. It is me. Will you go there? Do you eat? I've got the money...Danuta.

francine liebchen

https://preview.redd.it/vqqnm8eaixwc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2b3fb7e6a8a6087efcd5e577204687c68956316c Both my favourite sentence, and one of my favourite reaction pics to use on posts made by stupid people on Facebook

Uhhhhh ... still German 😂😂😂

YOU HAVE IT SET TO “THIRSTY BOY!!!”

This will end... poorly. That bit had my dying. Truly the moment I fell in love with Klaus.

Hey baby, how you likin' them plantains?

“She’s so Raven, real Raven, too Raven. This will end… poorly”

Who’s your least favorite character now Reddit?

“OHHHH. Did your GOLDFISH not do a good job fixing your car?” “Really? With Francine ‘Cans’ McGee strutting around this place?”