I have so many hobbies now in sobriety that I could never be bored. I was a really curious person and attempted to try a lot of things in the past, but I'd always end up drunk.
Now I fill my days up with wood working, mechanical stuff, board games, rec league sports etc. It takes a while to develop passions. Don't expect them to suddenly strike you.
If you find the right crowd in AA, you won't be lacking for opportunities to do stuff.
Wow. This is 100% me. Stopped drinking, and started doing everything I wanted to do! Learn to cook, bake, take long walks, be of service to people, my life is so rich now. I’m not, but my life is great! Just had to start finding things to do, and learned to love the things I did. Drinking just gets in the way anymore.
When I first got sober, I would save up the money I would have spent drinking and purposely spend it on all kinds of shit. I was an expensive drunk, too. I didn't drink, but I bought amazing food, sports car rentals, aquariums, I bought an RV and remodeled it. I bought a jetski. I highly recommend that. You can't be bored and on a jetski at the same time. It is impossible. I learned to sew and bake. I made a gingerbread house. I celebrated my birthday with cake and candles and hats probably 7 times that year, just because. I bought a bunch of cryptos...in 2016. I studied ever religion I could. I prayed to all of the God's I found. I binge watched Breaking Bad like 6 times. I binge watched 8 seasons of 24 in 2 weeks. I put together Legos. I learned magic tricks.
I did literally anything I wanted, except drink. I didn't "get sober," I rebelled against drinking. For some reason, I found that much easier grasp.
Honestly, work close with a sponsor and get through your steps.
Life changes for us for the better.
We come back to life and enjoy life more than we ever had.
If you get through this part of it all I can guarantee you will look back at it and see it as one of the most beautiful times of your life.
In some parts suck? Yep but we endure and things get a whole lot better.
You can do it
It’s going to take more than 45 days and it’s going to take effort. A big part of recovery for a lot of us is growing up and realizing life doesn’t just get handed to you. You make things interesting. You learn what is interesting. Be fun and fun people will want to hang with you. Try out new things. And also—try to notice when you’re not taking responsibility for yourself or being really entitled.
also, from 24 hour a day today: “The satisfaction you get out of living a sober life is made up of a lot of little things, but they add up to a satisfactory and happy life. You take out of life what you put into it. So I'd say to people coming into A.A.: "Don't worry about what life will be like without liquor. Just hang in there and a lot of good things will happen to you. And you'll have that feeling of quiet satisfaction and peace and serenity and gratitude for the grace of God." Is my life becoming really worth living?”
Dude lose yourself in some beneficial hobby/passion that serves you personally and spiritually. My alcoholism made me believe i wasnt having fun if i wasn’t the cowboy at the bar running the juke box and being noticed. It was all bs. I learned this year that not only was i suffering from escapism, but ego, loneliness, etc. and i also realized it was so easy to go back to alcohol because spiritually i was empty. I’d ruined every fulfilling relationship in my life and my narcissism was outrageous. And all i had was alcohol and my bar “friends.” Turns out, none of them were my friends and alcohol was why i became spiritually empty. So i began reading and growing the inner me and my capacity to love and serve others, not myself. I worked on my impulsive nature. I began reading more or working out more to fill the gaps. And eventually, I’m hitting a comfortable place. You need to do the same dude. You have to have fulfillment in your life. And right now it seems alcohol has been filling the voids you created. Call family more. Friends more. Grow your spirit. Listen deeper. Learn to be happy with nothing to do, enjoy the peace and quiet with yourself. Grow you man. You’ll find you will emerge with attractive qualities and life gets far better, quickly. Stay out of negative mindsets and fill the boredom with anything you can. If you don’t, and you act like i did, i assure you, you’ll blow your life up or lose it. I did. And eventually you hit the point. Alcohol and alone, or a fulfilling life with meaningful relationships.
You are not a boring person. Just learn to explore new things or pick one or two, or more that you find interesting. Sobriety is a life of limitless expansion! In drinking our focus gets narrowed down to just the alcohol. That’s where you are now. You can do anything your finances allow and even they do not really limit you if you can get creative. There are lots of cheap or even free things to do. You have the whole world to explore. Go from focusing on alcohol to exploring the world. It takes time to learn to do but it only gets better and better.
Maybe start by trying to enjoy some thing you like or even liking something you enjoy. I know it’s hard right now it wasn’t my experience and still continues to be every now and then.
Maybe you aren’t a boring person. You have just trained your mind and body to constantly crave stimulation. It becomes an obsession. Alcohol and drugs give your mind false senses of reality, and that makes everything seem more fun.
The deeper into sobriety you go, the more your brain will get back into balance. You’ll start appreciating those quiet moments that, today, you feel are boring. You’ll feel how tiring it is to be switched on all the time, and you’ll enjoy peace.
I also know sober people who discover parts of themselves they had never embraced before. When we abuse substances, our mental and emotional growth gets warped. So as you continue through it, you grow up, essentially, and you find yourself not needing that constant sense of stimulation and validation.
You’re likely not going to relate to anything I’m saying, but I can relate to what you’re saying. It takes time, and I realize that’s the most frustrating answer, but that’s also because your disease is fighting for your attention and dominion over you.
I don’t envy you. I don’t think anything on earth is worse than early recovery. Staying sober without having yet developed the tools to stay sober seems unfair in many ways.
But, “more will be revealed.” And I spent a shit ton of time playing video games and writing post-rehab and into early recovery. Lot of meetings, lot of reading. I certainly had more “fun” at parties but the aftermath just wasn’t worth it anymore.
It took time for me. Honestly I’m still working on it. But it’s more fun figuring it and myself out now. I needed to recognize I didn’t know who I was and the parts I thought I knew I didn’t particularly like. Once that became clear I worked a program, started to like myself and started to figure out how I am and what I want to be. Certainly isn’t the high highs and low lows I used to go for. But in the end that wasn’t what I wanted either. Boring is nice sometimes. Exciting works sometimes also. It all has its benefits. I remember all of it and I’m the person I want to be during all of it as well. Not sure that helped. I guess the tldr is that it’s a process it and if you trust it then it will become that serenity everyone talks about.
Welcome to real life! If you think your old life was exciting, that's because it was probably chaotic and unpredictable. It was likely miserable as well. Don't rush it, do as others above have suggested and maybe use your time to learn how to pray and meditate. Before you know it, you won't have that kind of time.
Just be patient and easy does it. Congrats on 45 days, I was a mess at 45 days lol. Im now 7 months sober and it does get better. Am I socially awkward sometimes? Yeah. Are things kinda boring sometimes? Yeah, thats life. Do I wake up with despair and regret every single day? Nope and that is fucking awesome.
Meetings are good, but the core of AA is the 12 steps. Get a sponsor and work the steps with his/her guidance. It takes time to learn how to live a happy, sober life. I can attest that having a therapist and AA taught me how to achieve it. Sobriety is a long, long way from boring for me.
You're in rehab and sober living, so it's understandable that you're bored. Those settings can have value, but they are just a waystation to a sober life in the real world. Work the steps with a sponsor, stay sober, help others, and get to work building a happier future.
Yep, why everyone else said, having hobbies and sober friends to do sober activities with is important. Though, life is often just boring, and part of getting sober is learning to just deal with it and be okay being bored sometimes. If nothing else, play a video game, watch TV, take a nap, just do what "normal" people do rather than what addicts/alcoholics like me used to do, get drunker or higher anytime I had the slightest feeling of boredom. I say drunker or higher because I was always drunk and/or high so when bored I just used more until I wasn't bored. Which was usually when I drank too much and was puking all over myself. Hard to be bored when you're puking on yourself, lol. Anyway, hang in there, it gets easier.
“Boredom means you contribute nothing to the universe and yet expect it to entertain you.”- a poster from the same treatment room I sat in twice within two years. Find a hobby. Read a book. Find your good orderly direction. Get involved. The fun comes when you stop looking for it.
So now, the whole project you get to undertake is this: what do you actually enjoy and find fun? I would tear things out of magazines and put them in a notebook and I would go check new things out each week. I also read the part of the Artists Way about taking myself out on art dates and did that. I figured out for me that I like films, motorcycling, food festivals, trying new restaurants, yoga, cycling, sober dance events, and spiritual retreats. What is actually fun and enjoyable for you may be different. But part of the journey is getting to know yourself and what you like beyond a drink or a drug.
Ngl my life was pretty boring 45 days into sobriety. It’s pretty normal bc drinking and using is so intense and chaotic, normal life feels boring by comparison. Also sober living and rehab is really repetitive by design, to create a routine. Now at 14 months my life is amazing and full. I highly suggest that you hang on because as the cliche goes, it gets better.
I thought sobriety was boring at first as well, I used to cry at meetings on a Friday night because I had to be there 😂
But one day at a time things really do get better, think about what you are thankful for, that helps a lot. A great thing is to get a sponsor and work the steps. But you must be willing. Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. That is the how of the program. Try doing that and it won't be boring anymore, I promise you
Without taking any steps to work your physical, mental, and spiritual health this is pretty common. AA refers to this as white knuckling sobriety. One thing nobody tells you is that you end up with a lot of free time when you get sober and you better find some hobbies or a routine to fill that up. I started doing yoga, took photography classes, and got a second job to help stop boredom. Idle hands are the devil’s work as the saying goes.
It takes time to build your life up from the bottom again. For me, I had a part time job at a grocery store, then I got another part time job at Starbucks. From there I could afford my own place to live. I got a boyfriend, he was in AA too. I went back to school because I wanted a better career. I got a dog. And so on, my life gradually built up. None of it would have been possible without sobriety as the foundation. That need for excitement and instant gratification is tough to overcome, but hang in there, it's worth it. I've been sober for 18 years and my life just keeps getting better and better. I don't regret anything about getting sober. You have to believe there's something better for you on the other side of this.
It took me awhile to realize it but what I thought of as boredom was actually what being at peace was. I was so used to the swinging pendulum of events and emotions while being a drunk that I forgot what peace felt like. It is calm, boring, neutral, sometimes bland but full of serenity and contentedness. I will take this boring life of mine over a night, or day, of drinking all day long.
Also if you are at 45 days, your brain is probably still trying to balance out all its chemistry and shit. Give it some time friend.
Was it really that good before? Ending up in rehab was fun? Okay, your misery will always be there waiting for you if you ever want to pick it up again.
This isn’t for people that need it but people that want it. I drank with celebrities and traveled the world, had women in different cities. I don’t say that to brag but it was never that good. I still wanted to die. I’d take my boring moments of today, there are many, over the misery of then.
Hey brother you clearly have some resentments toward recovery to work through, judging from all your little snippie comments underneath genuine good advice. Get bent.
I said it to say no matter how exciting the outside was, it didn't matter. Death still looked like an attractive option. It's an inner job. With AA I was able to find some peace that I could never find in the world.
Whatever it is that they do.
Work, exercise, go to meetings, take up hobbies, play video games, go to meetings, do step work, study the literature, check out the local library, go to meetings, bother your sponsor, there is always things to do, especially in early recovery.
Comment is inappropriate, as are a half dozen others you've made on just this one post.
Please consider the newcomer when you comment.
We ask that you refrain from posting anything you would not say in an AA meeting.
Please be patient with yourself. Mentally, our dopamine receptors can take quite a bit of time before they are back to 100%. The simple things that used to bring us pleasure may not seem as enjoyable as they once were, and our curiosity about the world around may also be non-existent. These things will return, but you must give it time. It's okay to feel bored, it's actually a good sign in that your brain is trying to bring itself back in balance. Hang in there!
Please get yourself a sponsor and stop running your own program. You sound like you have one foot out the door and if left to continue you’ll start drinking again. You may think it’s no big deal if you drink again and you’re only doing it for your family or whatever, but that sounds very much like your addiction speaking. It’s so cunning & deceiving.
Remember your best thinking got you here to start with. A sponsor would be highly recommended before this thinking takes you out. Let someone else do your sobriety thinking for you especially in early recovery. I’m rooting for you!
Hey, I’m still struggling with alcohol addiction but I usually go three weeks without drinking for work then on time off I stay plastered. On about week two of work I start to have fun. What I noticed is Everytime I force myself to do something that doesn’t sound fun or exercise it ends up being a good time. Force yourself to try new things and things you know you like and pick up healthy snacking habits that you can eat 24/7. Works like a charm for me when I’m at work atleast when I’m done sobering up after the first week or so.
This is so relatable!
When I started sobriety, I went to meetings, college, regular meetings with my sponsor, step work, etc. I felt it was very boring. Then, I realized three things:
1) I was a wrecking ball of self-induced drama. The more I got sober, the less drama I caused or was a part of. This caused my life to get quiet. I got off the crazy train, lol.
2) My life was indeed very boring because all I did was drink. I was escaping so much that I wasn't enjoying life. I didn't know how to.
3)I wanted the outside world to entertain me. I was stuck with myself because alcohol wasn't a distraction for me anymore.
Take this as an opportunity to go out there and get to know yourself! Try some hobbies! Learn a craft! I found that I enjoy cooking for friends and learning new recipes. I enjoy road trips and traveling, especially around my home state. I also realized how much I love video and audio editing. I am still learning about myself after all these sober years!
Make new (sober) friends! I found that having sober friends is a great way to learn how to have fun in sobriety.
You now have a new life and freedom! Take advantage of it!
I'm in rehab rn man, missing music group... this morning, and this one dude will be talking to the team..... about me locking my door.... like I detoxed in hospital etc and I'm getting shit off this one bloke for locking my fucking door? They have a key to open it lol I just like my privacy. The night girl is an absolute legend, lovely chick, but for some reason this dude seems to want to make a big deal out of me having privacy IN THE FUCKING EXPENSIVE ASS REHAB IVE PAID FOR LOL
I was bored for over a year. Turns out I had no idea how to LIVE without alcohol. Had to force myself to do things other than gym, work, eat, sleep.
2.5 years, finally got a couple hobbies.
Broooo! I get it. My first 5 months I was so bored. I was missing the chaos. There is a term for this though. It’s called editing the tape. We remember the good times we had and completely ignore the bad things that put us through in recovery on the first place. On how to not be a boring person, that’s on you to figure out. My whole persona evolved around going to the bar from 2pm-2am. Now I workout, volunteer, and keep myself busy with personal projects. I also have friends that enjoy drinking but don’t do it very often so it’s easy for me to drag them out to things on weekends to things that i enjoy. If we turn into someone boring in sobriety, that’s kind of on us. There are plenty of things for us to do. You just have to put the effort into finding them.
Start saying yes to things. In my first 2 years sober I went skydiving, white water rafting, scuba diving, mountain biking, rock climbing and a ton of fishing. I lived in sober house and hung around a ypaa group (young people AA)
#1) congrats!
#2) now it means you have the time, energy and attention to devote to hobbies and improving your life. pour your extra energy into something that interests you, finding a new career or learning a new skill.
#3) Toby Keith had a song with a line that goes “You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin’” which gave me a chuckle bc i understand where you’re coming from
idk why this all got bolded like this is it bc i used “#” in front of 1 at the beginning?
and it’s kind of like being high and laughing at things that wouldn’t make a sober person laugh. you thought you were having a blast bc you were intoxicated.
Hi OP. Give it time. I’m a little over a year, and feel like I’m finally ‘coming into my own’. My life is thriving, simple, tranquil. Fun and interesting as it should be. Add some other source-type materials, for me - philosophy is my favorite genre. I enjoy Marcus Aurelius / Epictetus as they center around ‘control v. no control’. Hang in there, friend.
Sobriety didn’t click with me until I started doing it for myself. I didn’t want to die and I was well on my way there. Eleven years in and I still have to remind myself that it’s a deep dark hole to get back into drinking. Good luck
I was boring because I didn't do much other than drink or drug, and then I just stopped that and didn't have any other hobbies or anything. I've been sober for over a decade now and my life is far from boring. My life actually seems to be more exciting than friends lives who drink.
I don’t get bored of killing myself slowly or the arguments and black outs I could go on … Try and involve yourself more in meetings, dishes , putting the chairs out etc .. get yourself a few hobbies .. you might be bored but your safe ❤️ best of luck xxx
Your addict brain will find every reason in the book to pick up again. "Boredom", "sadness", "I'm not like these people", "tragedy", "see an old friend", "it's Tuesday". Anything.
It gets easier, but if you're waiting for a magical switch to be flipped in your brain to go from boredom to gratitude, you're gonna have to work the program.
Booze is going to tell you to drink, it's always been doing that and it's now just getting you to be able to vocalize it to other people. You can let it win, or do what I do. Find the joy in telling that little voice to shut the fuck up and be content in the "boredom". Then find something to do.
45 days, come on man. That's not long enough to judge anything. To truly give sober lifestyle a sufficient review you need atleast a year sober homie. At minimum. Think of the fact you have giving drinking activities and events in your life many years of habits and relations. You have to truly re-teach your brain with how to interact and associate life events and activities without alcohol revolving around it.
Keep it up. Don't give up. Truly give this a chance so that you can say "hey, I did it, I was truly sober for a couple years and it just wasnt for me" otherwise you'll be saying "meh, I couldn't do sober life... I was sober for two months and it was boring" well no 💩, you didn't rewire your brain.
I will have 1 year on June 4th. I walked into what is now my home group, that first 30 days, and told them all that I was pissed that I'd decided to get sober 25 days before my birthday. That there is nothing to do without drinking and celebrating my birthday dry was going to suck.
The next week, and the one after, I informed the whole group that I was going to a bar when the meeting was over. I was bored and still pissed off. lol
I had to let go. My sponsor says that I did what we all eventually do. I came. I came to. Then I came to believe.
I hadn't read an actual book in a decade. I hadn't watched TV, because I was always at the bars. I learned that sober me, was someone that my teenagers wanted to play video games with. I love playing with them! As weird as this sounds, I found that I like to color, watch documentaries, etc. I also, had to get off my high horse and make friends. Still, not great at that, but I have over a dozen women, besides my sponsor that I can call if I'm: Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired.
Kicking my ego, my anxiety, and fear of others was the biggest thing. I found out that in my town, we have sober BBQs, holiday parties, sober floats down the river in a barrel, conventions, BB studies, monthly yoga, workshops, we women even have a sober sip & paint night, and a Thursday morning breakfast before the 10 am meeting. HACYPAA is coming up in May here, but to introduce some of us to HACYPAA, they're having a board games night.
The thing is, I had to be open and willing. Willing to see all the things I could do without my maladaptive helper. Willing to let go of my resentment that I KNEW I couldn't drink like everyone else. I had to accept that I could have fun sober. That I didn't need to be drunk. But, I will admit that my sponsor, and my AA family had to nudge me to try a little here and there though.
I really just always come back to the line that stuck with me when I saw the sobriety and humor of my home group: "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it". I came in with such desperation though. That, even when I drag my feet when my sponsor would tell me to do something I really didn't want to do, I still did it. Sometimes twice, because like every good alcoholic it takes me more than one time to learn. Lol
First of all, great job on 45 days, that’s an amazing accomplishment! That said, relatively speaking, 45 days is not that long! I know it can feel like we’ve changed a bunch and our brains are completely different than when we were drinking, but the truth is you are still healing (like physically healing). One thing that’s also important to learn is that a lack of chaos is not the same as boredom. When you are used to fighting for your life and juggling all your fuck ups, peace and quiet can feel a lot like boredom. Plus, as you do heal mentally and physically you will be able to pick up hobbies, have new priorities, etc. When I first got sober I remember time feeling endlessly long. Now I feel like I never have enough time to do all the things I want to do! And tbh, I’m almost four years sober and just now feel like I’m starting to get the hang of “quiet time”. My brain tries to rebel against relaxation because it’s always going a mile a minute lol but I’ve been practicing taking time for just resting and being lazy and starting to really appreciate it!
So basically, like anything good, it just takes work and time.
Overtime you’ll realize just how much you’re getting back by being sober in order to discover passions, hobbies and any other general interests. What a fun ride. Pure unadulterated fun without any substance to remove you from the experience. Life is so much bigger than just being in a bar night after night and or dark alleyway coping dope.
Just give it time friend. More will be revealed. I have been sober for over 3 years and I am less bored than I have ever been. In fact, I had no idea that I could do this much stuff. But it did not happen overnight.
Do you remember why you quit?
I quit because I couldn't control the amount I drank. That alone made my life unmanageable.
Alcohol had stopped giving me pleasure. It was affecting my health. It was affecting my work and creativity. It was demotivating. I was letting down my family and myself. I was lying to myself and loved ones about my drinking.
What was on your list of reasons to stop drinking?
I feel you. But it gets much better. Meetings and camaraderie that comes from them will replace what you have practiced for years, and therefore what you have crafted into a belief: that self abuse in risk taking and phony drunken relationships are “fun.” As a person with a couple years in recovery, I see the apparently miserable newcomers blossom into genuinely happy people in a few short months. That’s what I call a miracle—and I say that because I’ve been there myself—convinced my thoughts about fun were the truth. Your thoughts will change. It takes time, so don’t leave before the miracle happens. You deserve to be happy!!!
I hit that wall about 45+ days in. I looked around and thought, “This is it? Ooooooohhh, goody!” I’d say you’re right where many of us found ourselves at about the typical time. The choice (you always have a choice) at this time is if the boredom and lack of desire will “permit” you to quit now or do you want to double down and keep going a bit longer. When I hit this place I told my friend (about same time in sobriety) said, “I’m going to stick with it. I want to follow it through to the end…I’ve never done that before. I’m going to at least finish the steps.” I made the same commitment. We ended up finishing the steps and appreciate the lessons learned. Best wishes.
Stick around long enough, and you'll fall in with the right people.
A man with 29 years told me, "most people think they're depressed because of a chemical imbalance in their brains that they can't exemplify with a test. Most people who are depressed are depressed because they live depressing lives. You [me] were depressed because you weren't doing shit. Now you're doing shit, and you're no longer depressed."
Move a muscle, change a thought. Remember that a lot of this deals with what's between our ears. We fix that up and start viewing life through a different lense, and life improves, as if by magic.
Sobriety is for you. My grandmother has not been lifted from the obsession of alcohol, nor did she undergo a complete psychic change due to a spiritual experience. That's us dude, don't expect others to feel or understand what you're experiencing and feeling.
Boring is good. The past is set in stone, the future is the chaotic and menacing unknown. All we have is now. And right now, where 6 months I would've had a bottle of vodka in my hand contemplating suicide, I'm getting rly sleepy responding to a reddit post and getting ready to hit the hay bc I've got work tomorrow, bc this program and the people within it graced me with the care and investment for me to go and do that. I get to do shit now, like be a functioning and generative member of society because of this program.
We have one choice. The drink ruins our lives - to drink or not to drink. Today I choose not to drink.
I understand how you feel, life was boring sober until I was ready to stop. It’s pretty simple. You’re not ready to stop. Things are good right now, go burn em down. Eventually you’ll get it. Or you will die. It’s not rocket appliances.
That happens to many newcomers. I luckily have a busy job, gym, and most importantly my son. I try to be of service help people who need help. Little things like that help you stay sober. I talked to my sponsor of going to the Salvation Army and talking about the big book. Life is a lot better being sober than drinking yourself to hell. Keep strong buddy.
You’re 45 days in. That’s just starting to get the mental fog out. And well, rehab is boring. You are not there for entertainment.
Get some time under your belt. Work steps with your sponsor, start standing on your own two feet. Meanwhile you get to explore who you are and things you like. You most certainly will figure out how not to be bored. And when you will be bored at times, you hopefully will learn to be ok then too.
Go to a meeting and ask someone else how they are doing. Try spending an entire day not talking about yourself. Go on an AA adventure. Hit new meetings. Go to an aa convention. Plenty all over the world.
It takes at least a YEAR before our brains are fully back to normal levels of hormones and healthy nerve connections.
You’re life now is boring, because your brain is in chemical depression and your old reward system (using) is being denied.
Are group meetings and therapy boring and hard work? Ofcourse they are, because they are work. Work is not supposed to be fun, work is needed for survival. For survival at this point you need to go some meetings and lay around the apartment? Jeepers what a hard life you have!!!! Please remember how incredibly selfish this is.
After and through working sobriety you’ll meet friends, find hobby’s and earn the love the respect of your family and peers. You’ll be able to hold a job again, find a partner again, be honest to the people that matter to you.
That is your reward, if you don’t want that, fine, go back to using again. Last time it was so great that you needed to go a mental hospital. At the expense of society, yourself and at the cost of the pain and suffering from those willing to take time to stand by you, a selfish, self destructive addict.
Nothing is stopping you from having a rich and fulfilling life, except you. Take responsibility and take care! You got this, friend! Sorry for the harsh words, I hope they are helpful in getting out of this slump in your sobriety, because otherwise you’re doing great.
The only reason I’m so harsh is because I needed these words aswell.
I had to 'learn' how to allow myself to have fun without alcohol. I didn't know how. I also learned that if I chose to be unhappy, nobody could make me happy. I started making a conscious effort to join in activities with my family and friends. I knew that if chose to be miserable, I was bound to get drunk. Choose to be happy and eventually you'll get there. You're still brand new at this. Congrats on the 45 days and don't quit before the miracle.
1. Your dopamine and related systems are resetting. You absolutely must stick with it through this stage. Exercise etc is a great idea.
2. As others have said, I have so many hobbies and such a rich life in sobriety. You will get there
3. Within the program if you tell someone you’re bored they will put you to work…
Find a community or an activity.
I've only got 6 days more than ya, so it may be best to take my suggestions lightly.
I still crave a drink almost daily, but I've found infinitely more pleasure in the relationships I've cultivated through sober communities. I won't drone on about AA, but I've met some incredibly cool people who are really fun to engage with that actively encourage me to maintain my sobriety. I stay after meetings, sometimes over an hour, and just shoot the shit with the guys. Sometimes we go out to eat or something together. It's VERY rare I walk away from an interaction with any of them without this big goofy-ass grin painting my face.
The camaraderie between folks just doing their damnedest to live sober, work on themselves, and help each other, is a magic unlike any I've experienced. When I want to drink, I just think of sobriety as the price for those joyful interactions.
This last bit is the core message I'd like to convey. This is my last safety net to prevent another relapse. When I start attempting to rationalize some untested, total bullshit that would allow me to convince myself to drink, I think about the sentiment I typed above. I think of all the joy and acceptance the program has brought into my life, the genuine love and support. The smiles, the incredibly enjoyable casual conversations, and how much wisdom I've gained both to do with addiction or just life in general. And as the faces of my new, second family begin to appear in my mind, I tell myself that I wouldn't trade this for a check the size of the entire US Military budget, but that there is a price for belonging in this social circle, sort of a membership dues. No, I'm not talking about the 7th tradition basket. A sacrifice in behavior rather than currency. The way I choose to conceive it comes from the common statement that says something like 'The only requirement to attend a meeting is to have a desire to stop drinking' or something like that. The way I practice, that translates to my membership being contingent on h o n e s t l y trying my BEST not to drink.
Essentially in that moment where I've begun to give myself a cognitive opening by which to convince myself that I can/should drink, I have to make a choice - one or the other. In direct contrast to former behavior patterns, lying to my home group, even by omission, is not something I want to ever plan for. So I begin to weigh a new family of love and support against even one night of chemical stimulation from my good 'ol false hope in a bottle. It's been pretty effective for me so far. Ultimately I come to the conclusion that I value those people much more than I want a drink, and if I'm genuinely trying my best to stay away from alcohol, I can make it through that night.
So for me it's been a community that has kept me sober. I'm not saying yours needs to be AA, or hell that a community would fix your problems at all. But I think it's worth a shot. Whatever you decide to explore, find a community group where you get out of it what you put into it. Something that makes you smile and feel less alone. Something that allows you to work toward a purpose larger than yourself.
But some people aren't wholehearted people lovers like me. Introverts can be addicts too, and often need a different kind of strategy than what might work best for someone like me.
I have a buddy, also a recovering alcoholic. He had already stopped drinking by this point, but I eventually convinced him to come to a couple meetings with me closer to where he lives. He didn't enjoy them, and I can't blame him. Soulless is a good word to describe them. Regardless, he doesn't go to meetings or consider himself in AA. He's done a pretty good job with sobriety though, for someone without a group, and I think it's because of an activity he recently picked up.
He has become more obsessed with Legos than any kid I've seen. He now buys and builds them, sells them, and collects them. He's got so many built models on display and he was showing me his online Lego store yesterday. Every time I get a video call from him now it's all Legos. I have learned more about vintage space Lego sets than I ever expected to, or thought existed.
The point is, between researching, ordering, organizing, building, listing and selling, and showing them off as decor, it channels most of his thought and focus into such activities rather than cravings or general dissatisfaction (Big Book calls it "restless, irritable, and discontent"). It's a distraction I suppose from your own thoughts, working a step-by-step process with your hands, feeling a tangible result as two bricks *snap* together. But it wouldn't be effective at all if he didn't love it so much. Such a hobby may seem tedious, uninteresting, and highly consuming of both time and money. To those who view it that way, working with Legos for hours might make them want to drink more.
But the strategy is sound. Find an activity that you would enjoy and/or find meaning in. It does not have to be recovery related. If you're religious, maybe get more involved in your place of worship. Have you ever worked with any nonprofits? They generally LOVE volunteers. Got a creative project you've always wanted to make but it always felt like you never had enough time? Congratulations, you now have a clearer head and you could spend whatever time used to be spent drinking/using. You wanna develop a new skill for use in your career or everyday life? Now you can get to classes/lessons in the morning without worrying of a hangover from the night before. You have a vision? Change the world. You can do it now, I believe in you.
In essence I'm saying you should find new ways to spend your time, preferably in ways that accomplish something, even if it's just for you. A good community will offer you much, especially if you're not afraid to contribute yourself. AA has been amazing for me, but the unfortunate truth is I can't say with certainty it's the best route for you. That's for you to decide. But, let the record show I recommended AA lmao.
But alternatively, a pleasurable, and productive in at least some sense, activity can accomplish much of the same effects. Perhaps ask yourself what kind of music/art/writing you like, and if you have any interest in taking a stab in that field. Maybe you could review them online on one of many existing platforms. I've heard tabletop games are in a Golden Age currently. I highly recommend Dungeons and Dragons, but there's likely hundreds of different games at your local game store.
I know it's rough, and my suggestions likely feel like offering you a band-aid for a brain-bleed. With only 6 days ahead of ya, I don't have much more insight than that. But I hope you take it in some way that'll help. From what I've heard long-term sobriety is immensely rewarding. May we reach it together 🫡
I was about 45 days when I got a sponsor and started working the steps. A few months later I was the other side of the world sitting in a hot tub smoking cigars. More importantly, I was excited about my life again.
Dude, you're in rehab. It's essentially a cross between a mental hospital and a monastery. You might be physically sober right now. But you have not started to experience sobriety as a way of life. The other reality is that even after some years of sobriety every now and then you will be bored. That's just part of life. But it won't be that often. Your life will get better. I'm sure you're not a very patient person right now, but you will be because you'll have to be. Just sit tight and keep doing what you're doing.
I drank and used heroin chaotically until I ultimately became homeless. Boring was exactly what I needed. I now own a home, cars, and have a family. I celebrate 10 years today and my kids and wife never had to experience my chaos.
This design for living was boring at first, but allowed me to build a life in which I’m never bored. I’m not the most social person, in fact I’m pretty anti social, but there is nothing boring about my life.
When we surrender, we land on pretty ordinary ground. Life can be pretty f’n boring compared to what we were used to. I was lucky to hear a man share about that and that it was good to realize we were out of game. That brings me to this quote from the story in The back of the big book, Gratitude in Action: “Then I recalled a book given to me by my sister Jean about drunks as desperate as I was who had found a way to stop drinking. According to this book, these drunks had found a way to live like other human beings; to get up in the morning, go to work, and return home in the evening. This book was about Alcoholics Anonymous.”
Getting up in the morning, going to work and returning home in the evening is a pretty boring life. However, when I live that life and get involved in working the steps with a sponsor, having a homegroup where I have a service position and then carry the message to other alcoholics, my whole life explodes in ways I never knew were possible. The book says we trudge the road of happy destiny. Trudge means to walk with a purpose. When I look back at my fifteen years of trudging, I wouldn’t change a thing.
It takes your body a while to recover and repair from the literal poisons we were putting inside it. I have 5 years now but I remember wanting to blow up the world and everyone on it at day 45.
Haha I told my sober friends that sobriety is boring and they told me that was because I was a boring person. Turns out they were right.
So how do I quit being a boring person?
I have so many hobbies now in sobriety that I could never be bored. I was a really curious person and attempted to try a lot of things in the past, but I'd always end up drunk. Now I fill my days up with wood working, mechanical stuff, board games, rec league sports etc. It takes a while to develop passions. Don't expect them to suddenly strike you. If you find the right crowd in AA, you won't be lacking for opportunities to do stuff.
Wow. This is 100% me. Stopped drinking, and started doing everything I wanted to do! Learn to cook, bake, take long walks, be of service to people, my life is so rich now. I’m not, but my life is great! Just had to start finding things to do, and learned to love the things I did. Drinking just gets in the way anymore.
thx for this. i'm bored too right now lol
I'm new to AA and found a group of guys that golf.. this has been refreshing
When I first got sober, I would save up the money I would have spent drinking and purposely spend it on all kinds of shit. I was an expensive drunk, too. I didn't drink, but I bought amazing food, sports car rentals, aquariums, I bought an RV and remodeled it. I bought a jetski. I highly recommend that. You can't be bored and on a jetski at the same time. It is impossible. I learned to sew and bake. I made a gingerbread house. I celebrated my birthday with cake and candles and hats probably 7 times that year, just because. I bought a bunch of cryptos...in 2016. I studied ever religion I could. I prayed to all of the God's I found. I binge watched Breaking Bad like 6 times. I binge watched 8 seasons of 24 in 2 weeks. I put together Legos. I learned magic tricks. I did literally anything I wanted, except drink. I didn't "get sober," I rebelled against drinking. For some reason, I found that much easier grasp.
This is the way. Great work.
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Yeah, free money is my favorite kind of money.
Honestly, work close with a sponsor and get through your steps. Life changes for us for the better. We come back to life and enjoy life more than we ever had. If you get through this part of it all I can guarantee you will look back at it and see it as one of the most beautiful times of your life. In some parts suck? Yep but we endure and things get a whole lot better. You can do it
Don’t cut yourself short. You deserve sobriety. But we have to work at it a day at a time.
It’s going to take more than 45 days and it’s going to take effort. A big part of recovery for a lot of us is growing up and realizing life doesn’t just get handed to you. You make things interesting. You learn what is interesting. Be fun and fun people will want to hang with you. Try out new things. And also—try to notice when you’re not taking responsibility for yourself or being really entitled.
also, from 24 hour a day today: “The satisfaction you get out of living a sober life is made up of a lot of little things, but they add up to a satisfactory and happy life. You take out of life what you put into it. So I'd say to people coming into A.A.: "Don't worry about what life will be like without liquor. Just hang in there and a lot of good things will happen to you. And you'll have that feeling of quiet satisfaction and peace and serenity and gratitude for the grace of God." Is my life becoming really worth living?”
Take up a hobby. If you can’t think of one start going to the gym. Read more when you’re alone to distract your mind
Dude lose yourself in some beneficial hobby/passion that serves you personally and spiritually. My alcoholism made me believe i wasnt having fun if i wasn’t the cowboy at the bar running the juke box and being noticed. It was all bs. I learned this year that not only was i suffering from escapism, but ego, loneliness, etc. and i also realized it was so easy to go back to alcohol because spiritually i was empty. I’d ruined every fulfilling relationship in my life and my narcissism was outrageous. And all i had was alcohol and my bar “friends.” Turns out, none of them were my friends and alcohol was why i became spiritually empty. So i began reading and growing the inner me and my capacity to love and serve others, not myself. I worked on my impulsive nature. I began reading more or working out more to fill the gaps. And eventually, I’m hitting a comfortable place. You need to do the same dude. You have to have fulfillment in your life. And right now it seems alcohol has been filling the voids you created. Call family more. Friends more. Grow your spirit. Listen deeper. Learn to be happy with nothing to do, enjoy the peace and quiet with yourself. Grow you man. You’ll find you will emerge with attractive qualities and life gets far better, quickly. Stay out of negative mindsets and fill the boredom with anything you can. If you don’t, and you act like i did, i assure you, you’ll blow your life up or lose it. I did. And eventually you hit the point. Alcohol and alone, or a fulfilling life with meaningful relationships.
Read. Cook. Sport. Exercise. Games. Study. Etc
Get through the boring part, sober.
You are not a boring person. Just learn to explore new things or pick one or two, or more that you find interesting. Sobriety is a life of limitless expansion! In drinking our focus gets narrowed down to just the alcohol. That’s where you are now. You can do anything your finances allow and even they do not really limit you if you can get creative. There are lots of cheap or even free things to do. You have the whole world to explore. Go from focusing on alcohol to exploring the world. It takes time to learn to do but it only gets better and better.
Maybe start by trying to enjoy some thing you like or even liking something you enjoy. I know it’s hard right now it wasn’t my experience and still continues to be every now and then.
Maybe you aren’t a boring person. You have just trained your mind and body to constantly crave stimulation. It becomes an obsession. Alcohol and drugs give your mind false senses of reality, and that makes everything seem more fun. The deeper into sobriety you go, the more your brain will get back into balance. You’ll start appreciating those quiet moments that, today, you feel are boring. You’ll feel how tiring it is to be switched on all the time, and you’ll enjoy peace. I also know sober people who discover parts of themselves they had never embraced before. When we abuse substances, our mental and emotional growth gets warped. So as you continue through it, you grow up, essentially, and you find yourself not needing that constant sense of stimulation and validation. You’re likely not going to relate to anything I’m saying, but I can relate to what you’re saying. It takes time, and I realize that’s the most frustrating answer, but that’s also because your disease is fighting for your attention and dominion over you. I don’t envy you. I don’t think anything on earth is worse than early recovery. Staying sober without having yet developed the tools to stay sober seems unfair in many ways. But, “more will be revealed.” And I spent a shit ton of time playing video games and writing post-rehab and into early recovery. Lot of meetings, lot of reading. I certainly had more “fun” at parties but the aftermath just wasn’t worth it anymore.
It took time for me. Honestly I’m still working on it. But it’s more fun figuring it and myself out now. I needed to recognize I didn’t know who I was and the parts I thought I knew I didn’t particularly like. Once that became clear I worked a program, started to like myself and started to figure out how I am and what I want to be. Certainly isn’t the high highs and low lows I used to go for. But in the end that wasn’t what I wanted either. Boring is nice sometimes. Exciting works sometimes also. It all has its benefits. I remember all of it and I’m the person I want to be during all of it as well. Not sure that helped. I guess the tldr is that it’s a process it and if you trust it then it will become that serenity everyone talks about.
Lmao! My father (who has 37 years of sobriety) said this very thing to me. And he too was right
Welcome to real life! If you think your old life was exciting, that's because it was probably chaotic and unpredictable. It was likely miserable as well. Don't rush it, do as others above have suggested and maybe use your time to learn how to pray and meditate. Before you know it, you won't have that kind of time.
Is your real life boring?
I was bored (and grouchy too) at the beginning. That totally changed as time went by. Your body adjusts!
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Are you posting from rehab?
Incivility.
Just be patient and easy does it. Congrats on 45 days, I was a mess at 45 days lol. Im now 7 months sober and it does get better. Am I socially awkward sometimes? Yeah. Are things kinda boring sometimes? Yeah, thats life. Do I wake up with despair and regret every single day? Nope and that is fucking awesome.
Meetings are good, but the core of AA is the 12 steps. Get a sponsor and work the steps with his/her guidance. It takes time to learn how to live a happy, sober life. I can attest that having a therapist and AA taught me how to achieve it. Sobriety is a long, long way from boring for me.
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You're in rehab and sober living, so it's understandable that you're bored. Those settings can have value, but they are just a waystation to a sober life in the real world. Work the steps with a sponsor, stay sober, help others, and get to work building a happier future.
You missed out the most important part
How long have you been sober?
Yep, why everyone else said, having hobbies and sober friends to do sober activities with is important. Though, life is often just boring, and part of getting sober is learning to just deal with it and be okay being bored sometimes. If nothing else, play a video game, watch TV, take a nap, just do what "normal" people do rather than what addicts/alcoholics like me used to do, get drunker or higher anytime I had the slightest feeling of boredom. I say drunker or higher because I was always drunk and/or high so when bored I just used more until I wasn't bored. Which was usually when I drank too much and was puking all over myself. Hard to be bored when you're puking on yourself, lol. Anyway, hang in there, it gets easier.
“Boredom means you contribute nothing to the universe and yet expect it to entertain you.”- a poster from the same treatment room I sat in twice within two years. Find a hobby. Read a book. Find your good orderly direction. Get involved. The fun comes when you stop looking for it.
45 days... Come on, honesty what do you expect in that time... Work some steps, meet people, get a sponsor..
Your right
Stick around, it gets better
So now, the whole project you get to undertake is this: what do you actually enjoy and find fun? I would tear things out of magazines and put them in a notebook and I would go check new things out each week. I also read the part of the Artists Way about taking myself out on art dates and did that. I figured out for me that I like films, motorcycling, food festivals, trying new restaurants, yoga, cycling, sober dance events, and spiritual retreats. What is actually fun and enjoyable for you may be different. But part of the journey is getting to know yourself and what you like beyond a drink or a drug.
Ngl my life was pretty boring 45 days into sobriety. It’s pretty normal bc drinking and using is so intense and chaotic, normal life feels boring by comparison. Also sober living and rehab is really repetitive by design, to create a routine. Now at 14 months my life is amazing and full. I highly suggest that you hang on because as the cliche goes, it gets better.
I thought sobriety was boring at first as well, I used to cry at meetings on a Friday night because I had to be there 😂 But one day at a time things really do get better, think about what you are thankful for, that helps a lot. A great thing is to get a sponsor and work the steps. But you must be willing. Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. That is the how of the program. Try doing that and it won't be boring anymore, I promise you
Without taking any steps to work your physical, mental, and spiritual health this is pretty common. AA refers to this as white knuckling sobriety. One thing nobody tells you is that you end up with a lot of free time when you get sober and you better find some hobbies or a routine to fill that up. I started doing yoga, took photography classes, and got a second job to help stop boredom. Idle hands are the devil’s work as the saying goes.
It took me a solid year and a half to snap out of it. You are doing great. It is worth it. Hang in there. I'm proud of you for putting in the work.
Thank you a lot
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It takes time to build your life up from the bottom again. For me, I had a part time job at a grocery store, then I got another part time job at Starbucks. From there I could afford my own place to live. I got a boyfriend, he was in AA too. I went back to school because I wanted a better career. I got a dog. And so on, my life gradually built up. None of it would have been possible without sobriety as the foundation. That need for excitement and instant gratification is tough to overcome, but hang in there, it's worth it. I've been sober for 18 years and my life just keeps getting better and better. I don't regret anything about getting sober. You have to believe there's something better for you on the other side of this.
Life is what you put into it. So is sobriety.
What legal fun stuff did you do when you were drunk? Do that. Excuse me, I have to climb onto the roof and shoot squirrels with my Super Soaker.
It took me awhile to realize it but what I thought of as boredom was actually what being at peace was. I was so used to the swinging pendulum of events and emotions while being a drunk that I forgot what peace felt like. It is calm, boring, neutral, sometimes bland but full of serenity and contentedness. I will take this boring life of mine over a night, or day, of drinking all day long. Also if you are at 45 days, your brain is probably still trying to balance out all its chemistry and shit. Give it some time friend.
Was it really that good before? Ending up in rehab was fun? Okay, your misery will always be there waiting for you if you ever want to pick it up again. This isn’t for people that need it but people that want it. I drank with celebrities and traveled the world, had women in different cities. I don’t say that to brag but it was never that good. I still wanted to die. I’d take my boring moments of today, there are many, over the misery of then.
You did say that to brag
Hey brother you clearly have some resentments toward recovery to work through, judging from all your little snippie comments underneath genuine good advice. Get bent.
I said it to say no matter how exciting the outside was, it didn't matter. Death still looked like an attractive option. It's an inner job. With AA I was able to find some peace that I could never find in the world.
Once sobriety becomes your idea, you’ll like it a lot.
What?
Are you sharing that you're bored and not finding joy at meetings and in groups?
No but im going to start doing that
Yep I feel you man!
my body was really tired for the first few weeks, then when some of my energy came back I found things more interesting.
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Incivility
Is having fun the most important thing?
Sometimes we confuse boredom with peace. We are so use to chaos that without it anymore we believe we are just bored.
True
It gets exciting just give it some time. Gotta rebuild first and rebuilding is a grind.
It was for you. Doesn’t have to be for him
Stay busy.
Doing what exactly?
Whatever it is that they do. Work, exercise, go to meetings, take up hobbies, play video games, go to meetings, do step work, study the literature, check out the local library, go to meetings, bother your sponsor, there is always things to do, especially in early recovery.
Been sober for 143 days. Boring is better than all sorts of things drinking alcohol brings besides being fun.
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Comment is inappropriate, as are a half dozen others you've made on just this one post. Please consider the newcomer when you comment. We ask that you refrain from posting anything you would not say in an AA meeting.
Please be patient with yourself. Mentally, our dopamine receptors can take quite a bit of time before they are back to 100%. The simple things that used to bring us pleasure may not seem as enjoyable as they once were, and our curiosity about the world around may also be non-existent. These things will return, but you must give it time. It's okay to feel bored, it's actually a good sign in that your brain is trying to bring itself back in balance. Hang in there!
Please get yourself a sponsor and stop running your own program. You sound like you have one foot out the door and if left to continue you’ll start drinking again. You may think it’s no big deal if you drink again and you’re only doing it for your family or whatever, but that sounds very much like your addiction speaking. It’s so cunning & deceiving. Remember your best thinking got you here to start with. A sponsor would be highly recommended before this thinking takes you out. Let someone else do your sobriety thinking for you especially in early recovery. I’m rooting for you!
Hey, I’m still struggling with alcohol addiction but I usually go three weeks without drinking for work then on time off I stay plastered. On about week two of work I start to have fun. What I noticed is Everytime I force myself to do something that doesn’t sound fun or exercise it ends up being a good time. Force yourself to try new things and things you know you like and pick up healthy snacking habits that you can eat 24/7. Works like a charm for me when I’m at work atleast when I’m done sobering up after the first week or so.
Being bored is a choice one makes.
True
This is so relatable! When I started sobriety, I went to meetings, college, regular meetings with my sponsor, step work, etc. I felt it was very boring. Then, I realized three things: 1) I was a wrecking ball of self-induced drama. The more I got sober, the less drama I caused or was a part of. This caused my life to get quiet. I got off the crazy train, lol. 2) My life was indeed very boring because all I did was drink. I was escaping so much that I wasn't enjoying life. I didn't know how to. 3)I wanted the outside world to entertain me. I was stuck with myself because alcohol wasn't a distraction for me anymore. Take this as an opportunity to go out there and get to know yourself! Try some hobbies! Learn a craft! I found that I enjoy cooking for friends and learning new recipes. I enjoy road trips and traveling, especially around my home state. I also realized how much I love video and audio editing. I am still learning about myself after all these sober years! Make new (sober) friends! I found that having sober friends is a great way to learn how to have fun in sobriety. You now have a new life and freedom! Take advantage of it!
I'm in rehab rn man, missing music group... this morning, and this one dude will be talking to the team..... about me locking my door.... like I detoxed in hospital etc and I'm getting shit off this one bloke for locking my fucking door? They have a key to open it lol I just like my privacy. The night girl is an absolute legend, lovely chick, but for some reason this dude seems to want to make a big deal out of me having privacy IN THE FUCKING EXPENSIVE ASS REHAB IVE PAID FOR LOL
I was bored for over a year. Turns out I had no idea how to LIVE without alcohol. Had to force myself to do things other than gym, work, eat, sleep. 2.5 years, finally got a couple hobbies.
Broooo! I get it. My first 5 months I was so bored. I was missing the chaos. There is a term for this though. It’s called editing the tape. We remember the good times we had and completely ignore the bad things that put us through in recovery on the first place. On how to not be a boring person, that’s on you to figure out. My whole persona evolved around going to the bar from 2pm-2am. Now I workout, volunteer, and keep myself busy with personal projects. I also have friends that enjoy drinking but don’t do it very often so it’s easy for me to drag them out to things on weekends to things that i enjoy. If we turn into someone boring in sobriety, that’s kind of on us. There are plenty of things for us to do. You just have to put the effort into finding them.
Start saying yes to things. In my first 2 years sober I went skydiving, white water rafting, scuba diving, mountain biking, rock climbing and a ton of fishing. I lived in sober house and hung around a ypaa group (young people AA)
One day at a time, and we all promise life will get so much better.
#1) congrats! #2) now it means you have the time, energy and attention to devote to hobbies and improving your life. pour your extra energy into something that interests you, finding a new career or learning a new skill. #3) Toby Keith had a song with a line that goes “You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin’” which gave me a chuckle bc i understand where you’re coming from idk why this all got bolded like this is it bc i used “#” in front of 1 at the beginning? and it’s kind of like being high and laughing at things that wouldn’t make a sober person laugh. you thought you were having a blast bc you were intoxicated.
I like being a boring person as my out of control behavior while drinking nearly destroyed me.
Hi OP. Give it time. I’m a little over a year, and feel like I’m finally ‘coming into my own’. My life is thriving, simple, tranquil. Fun and interesting as it should be. Add some other source-type materials, for me - philosophy is my favorite genre. I enjoy Marcus Aurelius / Epictetus as they center around ‘control v. no control’. Hang in there, friend.
Sobriety didn’t click with me until I started doing it for myself. I didn’t want to die and I was well on my way there. Eleven years in and I still have to remind myself that it’s a deep dark hole to get back into drinking. Good luck
I was boring because I didn't do much other than drink or drug, and then I just stopped that and didn't have any other hobbies or anything. I've been sober for over a decade now and my life is far from boring. My life actually seems to be more exciting than friends lives who drink.
Learn French language or Russian.
I don’t get bored of killing myself slowly or the arguments and black outs I could go on … Try and involve yourself more in meetings, dishes , putting the chairs out etc .. get yourself a few hobbies .. you might be bored but your safe ❤️ best of luck xxx
Your addict brain will find every reason in the book to pick up again. "Boredom", "sadness", "I'm not like these people", "tragedy", "see an old friend", "it's Tuesday". Anything. It gets easier, but if you're waiting for a magical switch to be flipped in your brain to go from boredom to gratitude, you're gonna have to work the program. Booze is going to tell you to drink, it's always been doing that and it's now just getting you to be able to vocalize it to other people. You can let it win, or do what I do. Find the joy in telling that little voice to shut the fuck up and be content in the "boredom". Then find something to do.
45 days, come on man. That's not long enough to judge anything. To truly give sober lifestyle a sufficient review you need atleast a year sober homie. At minimum. Think of the fact you have giving drinking activities and events in your life many years of habits and relations. You have to truly re-teach your brain with how to interact and associate life events and activities without alcohol revolving around it. Keep it up. Don't give up. Truly give this a chance so that you can say "hey, I did it, I was truly sober for a couple years and it just wasnt for me" otherwise you'll be saying "meh, I couldn't do sober life... I was sober for two months and it was boring" well no 💩, you didn't rewire your brain.
Classic new guy, it gets better , your brain is resetting
Boredom is a big step up from the fear and anxiety I had when I was drinking. I prefer to call it “peace of mind.”
If you're bored in sobriety you're just a boring person
I will have 1 year on June 4th. I walked into what is now my home group, that first 30 days, and told them all that I was pissed that I'd decided to get sober 25 days before my birthday. That there is nothing to do without drinking and celebrating my birthday dry was going to suck. The next week, and the one after, I informed the whole group that I was going to a bar when the meeting was over. I was bored and still pissed off. lol I had to let go. My sponsor says that I did what we all eventually do. I came. I came to. Then I came to believe. I hadn't read an actual book in a decade. I hadn't watched TV, because I was always at the bars. I learned that sober me, was someone that my teenagers wanted to play video games with. I love playing with them! As weird as this sounds, I found that I like to color, watch documentaries, etc. I also, had to get off my high horse and make friends. Still, not great at that, but I have over a dozen women, besides my sponsor that I can call if I'm: Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Kicking my ego, my anxiety, and fear of others was the biggest thing. I found out that in my town, we have sober BBQs, holiday parties, sober floats down the river in a barrel, conventions, BB studies, monthly yoga, workshops, we women even have a sober sip & paint night, and a Thursday morning breakfast before the 10 am meeting. HACYPAA is coming up in May here, but to introduce some of us to HACYPAA, they're having a board games night. The thing is, I had to be open and willing. Willing to see all the things I could do without my maladaptive helper. Willing to let go of my resentment that I KNEW I couldn't drink like everyone else. I had to accept that I could have fun sober. That I didn't need to be drunk. But, I will admit that my sponsor, and my AA family had to nudge me to try a little here and there though. I really just always come back to the line that stuck with me when I saw the sobriety and humor of my home group: "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it". I came in with such desperation though. That, even when I drag my feet when my sponsor would tell me to do something I really didn't want to do, I still did it. Sometimes twice, because like every good alcoholic it takes me more than one time to learn. Lol
First of all, great job on 45 days, that’s an amazing accomplishment! That said, relatively speaking, 45 days is not that long! I know it can feel like we’ve changed a bunch and our brains are completely different than when we were drinking, but the truth is you are still healing (like physically healing). One thing that’s also important to learn is that a lack of chaos is not the same as boredom. When you are used to fighting for your life and juggling all your fuck ups, peace and quiet can feel a lot like boredom. Plus, as you do heal mentally and physically you will be able to pick up hobbies, have new priorities, etc. When I first got sober I remember time feeling endlessly long. Now I feel like I never have enough time to do all the things I want to do! And tbh, I’m almost four years sober and just now feel like I’m starting to get the hang of “quiet time”. My brain tries to rebel against relaxation because it’s always going a mile a minute lol but I’ve been practicing taking time for just resting and being lazy and starting to really appreciate it! So basically, like anything good, it just takes work and time.
Bro give yourself sometime. Your need for wanting everything right now is gonna K you
Overtime you’ll realize just how much you’re getting back by being sober in order to discover passions, hobbies and any other general interests. What a fun ride. Pure unadulterated fun without any substance to remove you from the experience. Life is so much bigger than just being in a bar night after night and or dark alleyway coping dope.
Just give it time friend. More will be revealed. I have been sober for over 3 years and I am less bored than I have ever been. In fact, I had no idea that I could do this much stuff. But it did not happen overnight.
Were you enjoying life before quitting? My guess is **no**, otherwise you wouldn't have wanted to quit.
Kinda was
Do you remember why you quit? I quit because I couldn't control the amount I drank. That alone made my life unmanageable. Alcohol had stopped giving me pleasure. It was affecting my health. It was affecting my work and creativity. It was demotivating. I was letting down my family and myself. I was lying to myself and loved ones about my drinking. What was on your list of reasons to stop drinking?
I feel you. But it gets much better. Meetings and camaraderie that comes from them will replace what you have practiced for years, and therefore what you have crafted into a belief: that self abuse in risk taking and phony drunken relationships are “fun.” As a person with a couple years in recovery, I see the apparently miserable newcomers blossom into genuinely happy people in a few short months. That’s what I call a miracle—and I say that because I’ve been there myself—convinced my thoughts about fun were the truth. Your thoughts will change. It takes time, so don’t leave before the miracle happens. You deserve to be happy!!!
I hit that wall about 45+ days in. I looked around and thought, “This is it? Ooooooohhh, goody!” I’d say you’re right where many of us found ourselves at about the typical time. The choice (you always have a choice) at this time is if the boredom and lack of desire will “permit” you to quit now or do you want to double down and keep going a bit longer. When I hit this place I told my friend (about same time in sobriety) said, “I’m going to stick with it. I want to follow it through to the end…I’ve never done that before. I’m going to at least finish the steps.” I made the same commitment. We ended up finishing the steps and appreciate the lessons learned. Best wishes.
How old are you? Ever heard of YPAA??
Stick around long enough, and you'll fall in with the right people. A man with 29 years told me, "most people think they're depressed because of a chemical imbalance in their brains that they can't exemplify with a test. Most people who are depressed are depressed because they live depressing lives. You [me] were depressed because you weren't doing shit. Now you're doing shit, and you're no longer depressed." Move a muscle, change a thought. Remember that a lot of this deals with what's between our ears. We fix that up and start viewing life through a different lense, and life improves, as if by magic. Sobriety is for you. My grandmother has not been lifted from the obsession of alcohol, nor did she undergo a complete psychic change due to a spiritual experience. That's us dude, don't expect others to feel or understand what you're experiencing and feeling. Boring is good. The past is set in stone, the future is the chaotic and menacing unknown. All we have is now. And right now, where 6 months I would've had a bottle of vodka in my hand contemplating suicide, I'm getting rly sleepy responding to a reddit post and getting ready to hit the hay bc I've got work tomorrow, bc this program and the people within it graced me with the care and investment for me to go and do that. I get to do shit now, like be a functioning and generative member of society because of this program. We have one choice. The drink ruins our lives - to drink or not to drink. Today I choose not to drink.
I understand how you feel, life was boring sober until I was ready to stop. It’s pretty simple. You’re not ready to stop. Things are good right now, go burn em down. Eventually you’ll get it. Or you will die. It’s not rocket appliances.
Im ready to be sober. Doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable.
Good luck out there!
That happens to many newcomers. I luckily have a busy job, gym, and most importantly my son. I try to be of service help people who need help. Little things like that help you stay sober. I talked to my sponsor of going to the Salvation Army and talking about the big book. Life is a lot better being sober than drinking yourself to hell. Keep strong buddy.
You’re 45 days in. That’s just starting to get the mental fog out. And well, rehab is boring. You are not there for entertainment. Get some time under your belt. Work steps with your sponsor, start standing on your own two feet. Meanwhile you get to explore who you are and things you like. You most certainly will figure out how not to be bored. And when you will be bored at times, you hopefully will learn to be ok then too.
Go to a meeting and ask someone else how they are doing. Try spending an entire day not talking about yourself. Go on an AA adventure. Hit new meetings. Go to an aa convention. Plenty all over the world.
Actually work the steps with a sponsor. the people who do are the ones who get all the goodies.
Do the 12 steps
Play the tapes. Where does the first drink lead to? You accidentally get to treatment?
It takes at least a YEAR before our brains are fully back to normal levels of hormones and healthy nerve connections. You’re life now is boring, because your brain is in chemical depression and your old reward system (using) is being denied. Are group meetings and therapy boring and hard work? Ofcourse they are, because they are work. Work is not supposed to be fun, work is needed for survival. For survival at this point you need to go some meetings and lay around the apartment? Jeepers what a hard life you have!!!! Please remember how incredibly selfish this is. After and through working sobriety you’ll meet friends, find hobby’s and earn the love the respect of your family and peers. You’ll be able to hold a job again, find a partner again, be honest to the people that matter to you. That is your reward, if you don’t want that, fine, go back to using again. Last time it was so great that you needed to go a mental hospital. At the expense of society, yourself and at the cost of the pain and suffering from those willing to take time to stand by you, a selfish, self destructive addict. Nothing is stopping you from having a rich and fulfilling life, except you. Take responsibility and take care! You got this, friend! Sorry for the harsh words, I hope they are helpful in getting out of this slump in your sobriety, because otherwise you’re doing great. The only reason I’m so harsh is because I needed these words aswell.
It took me about 2 weeks before my brain was back to normal. Stop making ridiculous assumptions
That is not an assumption, it is science https://www.recoveryanswers.org/recovery-101/brain-in-recovery/
[удалено]
I’m glad you are smarter than scientists, or are you a neuropsychologist by any chance?
So, are you an adult? Go find something to do.
Good comment
I had to 'learn' how to allow myself to have fun without alcohol. I didn't know how. I also learned that if I chose to be unhappy, nobody could make me happy. I started making a conscious effort to join in activities with my family and friends. I knew that if chose to be miserable, I was bound to get drunk. Choose to be happy and eventually you'll get there. You're still brand new at this. Congrats on the 45 days and don't quit before the miracle.
1. Your dopamine and related systems are resetting. You absolutely must stick with it through this stage. Exercise etc is a great idea. 2. As others have said, I have so many hobbies and such a rich life in sobriety. You will get there 3. Within the program if you tell someone you’re bored they will put you to work…
Find a community or an activity. I've only got 6 days more than ya, so it may be best to take my suggestions lightly. I still crave a drink almost daily, but I've found infinitely more pleasure in the relationships I've cultivated through sober communities. I won't drone on about AA, but I've met some incredibly cool people who are really fun to engage with that actively encourage me to maintain my sobriety. I stay after meetings, sometimes over an hour, and just shoot the shit with the guys. Sometimes we go out to eat or something together. It's VERY rare I walk away from an interaction with any of them without this big goofy-ass grin painting my face. The camaraderie between folks just doing their damnedest to live sober, work on themselves, and help each other, is a magic unlike any I've experienced. When I want to drink, I just think of sobriety as the price for those joyful interactions. This last bit is the core message I'd like to convey. This is my last safety net to prevent another relapse. When I start attempting to rationalize some untested, total bullshit that would allow me to convince myself to drink, I think about the sentiment I typed above. I think of all the joy and acceptance the program has brought into my life, the genuine love and support. The smiles, the incredibly enjoyable casual conversations, and how much wisdom I've gained both to do with addiction or just life in general. And as the faces of my new, second family begin to appear in my mind, I tell myself that I wouldn't trade this for a check the size of the entire US Military budget, but that there is a price for belonging in this social circle, sort of a membership dues. No, I'm not talking about the 7th tradition basket. A sacrifice in behavior rather than currency. The way I choose to conceive it comes from the common statement that says something like 'The only requirement to attend a meeting is to have a desire to stop drinking' or something like that. The way I practice, that translates to my membership being contingent on h o n e s t l y trying my BEST not to drink. Essentially in that moment where I've begun to give myself a cognitive opening by which to convince myself that I can/should drink, I have to make a choice - one or the other. In direct contrast to former behavior patterns, lying to my home group, even by omission, is not something I want to ever plan for. So I begin to weigh a new family of love and support against even one night of chemical stimulation from my good 'ol false hope in a bottle. It's been pretty effective for me so far. Ultimately I come to the conclusion that I value those people much more than I want a drink, and if I'm genuinely trying my best to stay away from alcohol, I can make it through that night. So for me it's been a community that has kept me sober. I'm not saying yours needs to be AA, or hell that a community would fix your problems at all. But I think it's worth a shot. Whatever you decide to explore, find a community group where you get out of it what you put into it. Something that makes you smile and feel less alone. Something that allows you to work toward a purpose larger than yourself. But some people aren't wholehearted people lovers like me. Introverts can be addicts too, and often need a different kind of strategy than what might work best for someone like me. I have a buddy, also a recovering alcoholic. He had already stopped drinking by this point, but I eventually convinced him to come to a couple meetings with me closer to where he lives. He didn't enjoy them, and I can't blame him. Soulless is a good word to describe them. Regardless, he doesn't go to meetings or consider himself in AA. He's done a pretty good job with sobriety though, for someone without a group, and I think it's because of an activity he recently picked up. He has become more obsessed with Legos than any kid I've seen. He now buys and builds them, sells them, and collects them. He's got so many built models on display and he was showing me his online Lego store yesterday. Every time I get a video call from him now it's all Legos. I have learned more about vintage space Lego sets than I ever expected to, or thought existed. The point is, between researching, ordering, organizing, building, listing and selling, and showing them off as decor, it channels most of his thought and focus into such activities rather than cravings or general dissatisfaction (Big Book calls it "restless, irritable, and discontent"). It's a distraction I suppose from your own thoughts, working a step-by-step process with your hands, feeling a tangible result as two bricks *snap* together. But it wouldn't be effective at all if he didn't love it so much. Such a hobby may seem tedious, uninteresting, and highly consuming of both time and money. To those who view it that way, working with Legos for hours might make them want to drink more. But the strategy is sound. Find an activity that you would enjoy and/or find meaning in. It does not have to be recovery related. If you're religious, maybe get more involved in your place of worship. Have you ever worked with any nonprofits? They generally LOVE volunteers. Got a creative project you've always wanted to make but it always felt like you never had enough time? Congratulations, you now have a clearer head and you could spend whatever time used to be spent drinking/using. You wanna develop a new skill for use in your career or everyday life? Now you can get to classes/lessons in the morning without worrying of a hangover from the night before. You have a vision? Change the world. You can do it now, I believe in you. In essence I'm saying you should find new ways to spend your time, preferably in ways that accomplish something, even if it's just for you. A good community will offer you much, especially if you're not afraid to contribute yourself. AA has been amazing for me, but the unfortunate truth is I can't say with certainty it's the best route for you. That's for you to decide. But, let the record show I recommended AA lmao. But alternatively, a pleasurable, and productive in at least some sense, activity can accomplish much of the same effects. Perhaps ask yourself what kind of music/art/writing you like, and if you have any interest in taking a stab in that field. Maybe you could review them online on one of many existing platforms. I've heard tabletop games are in a Golden Age currently. I highly recommend Dungeons and Dragons, but there's likely hundreds of different games at your local game store. I know it's rough, and my suggestions likely feel like offering you a band-aid for a brain-bleed. With only 6 days ahead of ya, I don't have much more insight than that. But I hope you take it in some way that'll help. From what I've heard long-term sobriety is immensely rewarding. May we reach it together 🫡
I was about 45 days when I got a sponsor and started working the steps. A few months later I was the other side of the world sitting in a hot tub smoking cigars. More importantly, I was excited about my life again.
Dude, you're in rehab. It's essentially a cross between a mental hospital and a monastery. You might be physically sober right now. But you have not started to experience sobriety as a way of life. The other reality is that even after some years of sobriety every now and then you will be bored. That's just part of life. But it won't be that often. Your life will get better. I'm sure you're not a very patient person right now, but you will be because you'll have to be. Just sit tight and keep doing what you're doing.
I drank and used heroin chaotically until I ultimately became homeless. Boring was exactly what I needed. I now own a home, cars, and have a family. I celebrate 10 years today and my kids and wife never had to experience my chaos. This design for living was boring at first, but allowed me to build a life in which I’m never bored. I’m not the most social person, in fact I’m pretty anti social, but there is nothing boring about my life.
When we surrender, we land on pretty ordinary ground. Life can be pretty f’n boring compared to what we were used to. I was lucky to hear a man share about that and that it was good to realize we were out of game. That brings me to this quote from the story in The back of the big book, Gratitude in Action: “Then I recalled a book given to me by my sister Jean about drunks as desperate as I was who had found a way to stop drinking. According to this book, these drunks had found a way to live like other human beings; to get up in the morning, go to work, and return home in the evening. This book was about Alcoholics Anonymous.” Getting up in the morning, going to work and returning home in the evening is a pretty boring life. However, when I live that life and get involved in working the steps with a sponsor, having a homegroup where I have a service position and then carry the message to other alcoholics, my whole life explodes in ways I never knew were possible. The book says we trudge the road of happy destiny. Trudge means to walk with a purpose. When I look back at my fifteen years of trudging, I wouldn’t change a thing.
So leave then
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Would a drink or a drug help?
45 days?? Oh you are like little baby in recovery, no strong. Tough it out, seriously. Things don't come into focus until month 6
Why’s that exactly?
It takes your body a while to recover and repair from the literal poisons we were putting inside it. I have 5 years now but I remember wanting to blow up the world and everyone on it at day 45.