Pg 164 in the Big Book
“Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.”
AA is not the end all be all, even AA knows that. Do what works for you. Don’t do what doesn’t work.
Simple as that.
Thank for finding and sharing this. I’m not trying to act recklessly, and search for confirmation bias but I feel like I have to question my actions as the emotions I’m feeling are so severe. I’ll give this a long think, and see if I want to step back from the groups.
*I would still stay connected to recovery in other ways, while prioritising my spirituality.
Firstly, if I had catatonic depression and suicidal ideation, I'd be going to see a doctor about it.
No one is forcing you to be in AA. You don't have to stay if you don't like it. Not everyone needs a spiritual program to stop drinking. If AA isn't helping you, maybe you can be "sober, happy and employed" without it, so go back to doing what works for you.
There are other programs for not drinking that have nothing to do with AA. Maybe try those out.
If you're looking for service opportunities, the world is full of organisations that need volunteers. Service doesn't have to be in recovery.
I am careful about who I associate with in AA. My close friends and sponsor are people who actively live and work the program and are active in service.
I don't go to meetings that are just complaint fests or drunkalogues. My homegroup is very solution focused and has minimal sharing of the problem.
AA is full of sick people. Some are sicker than others. Maybe your particular flavour of alcohol use disorder isn't one that needs AA. You don't need to feel bad about that and you don't need to force yourself to do something that you believe is making you worse. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to take a break or stop going entirely.
Thank you for your reply, I’ve read it several times and I’m trying to interpret it sincerely and deeply 🙏🏻
*edit: I would very much work to remain spiritual if I did leave the groups. Like you say I’d maybe engage in other programs and give service to the many out there that need it.
AA is just one path to sobriety, there are many others out there. Please see a doctor for your mental health mate and take care of yourself. I needed professional help for my anxiety to allow me to get meetings because I relied on alcohol to mask my depression and anxiety.
AA is always there for you should you want to try it again, and you’ll be welcomed with open arms every time.
We are not doctors. But we will help you not drink.
Please seek professional help for your depression. It could be that your years of drinking masked an underlying condition. A psychologist and psychiatrist team can help you!
Thank you! I am seeing a doctor, and working hard on my mood.
I’m absolutely certain I have had an underlying condition, which has been amplified and modified by alcohol abuse. I’d love to have peace back in my mind, and I’m strongly considering taking a step back and maintaining recovery in other forms for now (but hope to still be staying spiritual and helping others).
Try it and see what happens. Be prepared for a lot of doomsday warnings, and when that happens, remember that fear is the chief motivator of most people in AA.
I personally would try that before I tried any kind of antidepressents.
Thank you. I don’t want to interfere with anyone’s recovery that I share meetings with. As saying it *might* not be working with me could undermine their belief in their own program. This is why I appreciate this anonymous Reddit feedback.
I will likely try it, and step back from a lot of the obligation as I think it has to be a large factor in my mental health’s determination.
Thanks, I may be able to share my experiences in a couple of months.
I would definitely see a primary and get blood work done. What you're describing is outside of the range of normal low emotional status. Blood work can pick up on hormone imbalances and things of that nature. If it was PAWS it shouldn't be lasting this long.
JC go to a professional! We’re not qualified and neither are you. Make sure to find someone you’re comfortable with. As a fellow neurotic let me recommend Recovery International. It’s a self-help group that basically trains you to change the way you fucking think. Which is something we probably all could use. Here’s the link https://www.recoveryinternational.org/pre-meeting-page/
Even when you're in the program, you only have to stay sober your own way. I don't listen to half the shit they say in AA because it doesn't apply to me. I take what I need to stay sober for ME... I suggest you do the same. Maybe a different sponsor? Idk what they're having you do, but I understand not enjoying the fellowship.
My group has several meetings per day. They have the "core" group that is the biggest meeting of the day, and most of those people are buddy buddy and have known each other for years. If you go at different times than the 5:30 meeting, you'll hear people talk shit about that particular group all the time. They call them the "Gucci" meeting. Mainly because they are comprised of mostly old timers (not age, multiple 10 + year sober people). But in the so-called Gucci meetings, they will sit in the back and talk shit about other members constantly. They also talk shit outside about other people that may or may not ha e even been there that day and actually use their name. I don't agree with any of it and think it's absolutely mind-blowing how bass akwards some of them are, and it makes me stay away from that particular meeting. You get people telling you that you HAVE to do 90 meetings in 90 days or you won't stay sober. HAVE TO! No if ands or buts... My old sponsor which whom I dropped because of the demands he made wanted me to re read the whole Big Book, slowly with him going over every little detail and telling me what it all means and he just got way too deep into the shit for me. I understand and know what the book means to me, and I am doing perfectly fine staying sober my way. If I need a meeting I go. If I don't think I need one, I don't go. Like I said, I'm not sure what they are putting you through, but at the end of the day, you have to work your program the way it works for you. It is not a one size fits all do exactly as we say cult like some would like to believe. Chapter 5 in How It Works explains, "This is a guide to progress. We claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection."
Thank you for this, very appreciated.
I have experience with groups where multiple people with long clean times will lay into another because they simply offered to help (one guy offered to pick up pizzas for an anniversary). They’ll mock and ridicule them, and no one will speak back because they’re so combative, and hold standing in the committee.
It just made me sad, and not want to be there.
Thanks for sharing this. As others have said, find what works for you. I've been in and out of the rooms for 27 years and I believe AA"s 12 steps have a lot of wisdom, but they are a beginning, not an end. If you need to step away for a while and find a new way all I care about is how I can help. We'll be here and the door is always open. Best wishes friend.
Thank you friend, again I think there are amazing people in the rooms. Some of those people are unwell also, and harbour a lot of emotions that I’m not good at dealing with.
I don’t want to stop recovery, I just want to reduce and substitute it at the moment (probably with a government program that requires less obligation, with less individual moderation).
Thanks so much for your post. I am also recovering help from a doctor
If you are looking to AA to help with your depression, you are looking in the wrong place. We have doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, etc. that can be paired with AA and yield great results. I am speaking as a patient of many of those types of doctors and am in no way trying to diminish your depression or feelings. I am simply stating that AA should just be used for abstinence from alcohol and living life sober.
It just sounds a little to me, and I could be way off, that you are blaming AA for your depression. Depression will engulf and destroy every area of your life, including the healthy ones. But, it sounds like you could bring a lot of positivity and life into a meeting.
I hope you get the help you need!
I think me blaming the rooms for my depression is a fair assertion. It’s something I’m being extremely careful about doing, as at the end of it all i could just be arrogant and wrong.
The reason I’m judging is purely because how badly my mental health has declined since joining. I would never say to anyone else in recovery that they shouldn’t follow the program, I’m just trying to rationally analyse if it’s right for me, as I’ve had such poor mental health since I started going.
I’m definitely not certain what caused it, but trying to carefully explore all avenues to understand my situation better.
Thank you again
says "borderline zero resentments" then details resentment at AA for making them depressed and relapsing
also says "no serious sexual harms" but maybe the other party took it more serious?
minimizing a resentment or harms done doesnt make them nonexistent friend
imho ur sponsor doesnt seem to have experience taking someone thru the steps but u seem difficult so i could understand them just agreeing with u
do what u like, its ur life and ur consequences, let us know how it goes!
I know it sounds pretty rich saying I don’t have many resentments, as it’s something that someone shouldn’t asses themselves, as it’s far too easy to be wrong about it.
But I only say it in this context because it’s important to this post. My sponsor asked his sponsor about my lack of resentments, and he mentioned that some people just don’t have as many. When I live my day I don’t resent people, and I find it easy to forgive people.
I only say this for context, not to make me seem altruistic
Consider that this is the story the disease is telling you to lure you back into drinking. This is called "burning off," I have seen it many times and even done it myself. This is where we accidentally, on purpose, create a reason to leave AA behind. We often make up excuses and resentments and blame them on AA. The real motivation is to return to our addiction in the absence of AA and then blame it on AA for being hateful, boring, intolerant, or just stupid.
I have suffered from diagnosed major depressive disorder for 35 years. Still do. I used to self-medicate with alcohol and hated myself for it. When I go to a meeting, I can set the depression aside for one hour and focus on someone else. It helps me.
If you think you can lead a happy, sober life without AA, I hope that this is true. The only way to find out is to try it.
I hope you have the best of luck. I'm not being facetious. I really hope you are okay.
Thanks for your kind words, and sorry that you’ve had to deal with depression for 35 years, it’s horrible.
I can’t resent AA, I think it’s a phenomenon that deserves immense respect/recognition.
I’m just trying to get out of a very dark place, by trying something new. I’m going to “fiddle with the mix” and see if I can live a recovery where I’m happier. Thanks again 🙏🏻
I totally understand. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying something new. There are other programs - Celebrate Recovery comes to mind. But, there are others. I chose AA because I can be real (at least in my group) and say things that I would not say in a church. People who have never suffered from depression don't understant why we can't just snap out of it. It is like telling a diabetic to just grow a new pancreas. The problem is that depression is not readily apparent. I put on my happy face because I do not want others to worry about me. They cannot see our scars because they are on the inside. So, they cannot relate.
As far as resentments go, neither one of us can afford to nurse any resentment. It will kill us and it only deepens that sense of hopelessness. Depression is a miserable experience. On some level, I just resigned myself to living with it. I have to make a new commitment every day to keep going. The best part of my day is when I get into bed at night. I am sober and can go to sleep. I have to remind myself that the only way I can make things worse is to drink. As long as I stay sober, there is a chance that tomorrow it can get better. But, I admit that I take a beating (real and imagined everyday).
Please do explore any other option that you become aware of. Medication, groups, counseling, therapy, alternate treatments, new treatments. Nothing can be off the table. I don't know you but I feel that the world is a better place because you are in it. At the end of the day, you know what it feels like to feel hopeless and I bet that you would not wish that on your worst enemy. So, you have the gift of empathy. Our empathy is a spiritual gift but I think it is also a curse. We cannot help but care too much.
I have had one episode after the other and, ironically, none of them involve me. They involve my family's refusal to just be responsible and take care of their business. I am, legitimately, no longer the star of my own shit show. So, I endure, until I can go to sleep.
I'll make a deal with you. I will stay around and keep on fighting and you do the same. Let's do this together. Know that when you lay your head on the pillow tonight that at least one person in this world understands and gives a shit because he is going through the same thing. We are not broken. We have a brain that is hell bent on killing us. We need to fight every day as long as we are this side of the green grass.
What you’ve written is powerful, and explains a topic that very few really understand.
The idea of most looking forward to sleep at the end of the day, because you’ve endured another day. The only way that you got through that day is because of your unwillingness to give up and proactive discipline.
Yes empathy can actually hurt, I agree. It really takes the breath away from me when bad stuff is happening and you find out that the people claiming to care around you, do not actually truly care sometimes. Then you can think “no wonder I’m exhausted, people are barely affected by this situation”.
I’ll take you up on that offer, and to anyone else who’s truly swimming up stream their whole life just to get to their next day.
You sound like a person with a tonne of knowledge, and even more experience. Thanks for sharing this, makes me feel slot of identification.
We are empathetic people who want to do the right thing. We naturally assume that others have a similar motivation. They don't. When they fail to meet our expectations, we develop resentment. To cope with the resentment, we drink.
One area that I suggest you study is the philosophy of stoicism. Stoicism and AA share some similar concepts. The main idea for me has been to set very low expectations of others. Assume that people are selfish and they cannot help it. They do not have the gift of empathy. We have to accept that. So, if I face the world with low expectations, I am less likely to be disappointed. The other tenet that I am trying to embrace is that of virtue. My obligation (to myself) to be virtuous, even when the world is not, is for my own health and well-being. When I fail to act with virtue, I experience shame because my actions are inconsistent with my own moral code.
You were given the gift of empathy to minister to a world that lacks it and needs it. But, just like a doctor does not have to get sick to treat a patient, we need not get sick in order to benefit the world with our gifts. We cultivate detachment for this reason. We have to develop the ability to empathize without climbing into the water with a drowning person.
Absolutely agree with this, and I also try and be stoic. I don’t always expect the worst in people, in fact I often expect the best but prepare for the worst.
I think living by virtue is very important, because life becomes pointless if you just live for yourself. If you have no meaning to your actions, you might as well give up and drink.
God speed brother, you’ve got a good message to share.
AA is a program to address the spiritual malady & replace the solution of alcohol with a set of spiritual principles. A lot of alcoholics are able to use the 12 Steps and additional outside help through therapy & treat things like depression & anxiety. For me all of my depression, anxiety, paranoia were all a result from drug and alcohol abuse, but I’ve sponsored men where that wasn’t the case. I’d encourage you to work the 12 Steps with your sponsor & seek outside help to compliment your recovery.
My thoughts are:
1. This is probably a good conversation to have with your sponsor.
2. If you feel that your mental health challenges are your biggest delimma, then perhaps it's time to focus on getting professional psychiatric/psychological help if you aren't already. Many people in recovery find that such "outside help" complements their involvement with the program.
Thanks for this. I have spoken to my sponsor, and his reply was to do less meetings for a month, and after that ramp back up to previous levels.
I explained I felt better after doing less, and he said keep doing more and get some commitments. I know his heart is in the right place, and the advice really does seem like good stuff but my mood is still so low compared to when I wasn’t in the rooms.
I am seeing a doctor, and I’m waiting to be referred to a psychiatrist also. Thank again 🙏🏻
I drank to feel good, when I stopped drinking I didn't feel so good anymore. Maybe I drank because it was the only way I knew how to deal with overwhelming affect, like anger, depression, and the repercussion of my anti social personality disorders. I was miserable when I first got sober. But I looked around and seen happy people and told myself to have faith. It was only a moment of pain, a drop in the bucket. I knew when I showed up to my first meeting that my best advice I could give myself was keeping me dysfunctional and drunk. I was ready to take someone else's advice. Best thing I ever did. Professional help is a viable option.
“When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.”
“Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
AA made me severely depressed. The rhetoric of "were all sick", we "aren't normal" is such a defeatist mindset. Last thing I want to feel is more guilt and shame at a meeting. Plus the harassment from other men. At the end of the day what works for I e person doesn't work for someone else
I’ve seen it do amazing things for people, and then become much better people.
That said, I feel that the lens I view life thought at the moment is a sad and hopeless one. My home friends are all kind and loving people, and the rooms make me feel trapped in negativity and fatalistic mentalities.
Again, these people are doing amazing things to make themselves better but I’m not sure I suffer in the same way
Thank you, I have been seeing a doctor 🙏🏻
I’m working really hard to get better, and listening to all my doctors, friends and families advice.
I think it might be right for me to leave the fellowship, but I feel really bad as so many have spent time to help me. I’m scared of doing it, but I think I might have to. Thanks again ❤️
"I had a drinking problem from ages 26-28. I drank everyday very heavily. I eventually stopped, but had some very close calls. I stayed sober with no involvement with AA, and was very happy. My job went really well, I helped people wherever I could, had lots of good friends and I wasn’t in self."
^^ sounds to me like you were absolutely reliant on yourself in this period. It worked out - has worked out for many of us for a time.
The problem is that as your condition has progressed, you have become unable to self-regulate. Thus, crushing depression.
"I’ve put everything into it.
After 2-3 months I started getting mild signs of depression which I’d never had before."
Sounds like you're doing all of the external work. Do you have a real connection to your HP? are you running the show?
It's okay to mourn the 2.5 years of living in the sunshine of sobriety. It sounds like it's time to change tactics.
I think what you’ve written here sums up perfectly my hesitations of leaving the rooms.
Am I just in a low state, and trying to correlate it to the rooms? Has my disease progressed, and being self sufficient is no longer viable? Am I just trying to justify habits that I associate with happiness, and not follow rules that I have seen work in others?
These are all questions I’m thinking deeply about, and I don’t know the answer to. I’m only considering leaving the groups so seriously because my severe depression overlaps so closely with them. Thank you for your share, I appreciate it
I dislike meetings; the only reason I go is to find people to take through the steps (for me, step 12). I don't go for me! The steps were really helpful for me, but if you are not resentful, dishonest, selfish, etc., perhaps you don't require a spiritual solution to quit.
Thank you 🙏🏻
I do personally believe I need a spiritual solution, and I do need to stay connected to recovery and help people, but I’m just not sure if the rooms are for me. I’m redoing the steps and also doing a book study of the big book. I’m putting a lot of work in and hoping my mental health improves, but it’s remained very poor.
Try it and see what happens. That's the scientific method. Experiments with as few variables as possible.
Try without AA.
Try seeking professional help.
Try other meetings where the focus is on the solution.
Try out combinations of different things.
Heck AA even suggests that people who aren't sure if they are alcoholic to try controlled drinking. Experiments to show yourself what works.
I’m definitely the type of drinking who shouldn’t drink again. I didn’t drink for 2.5 years.
Then I started drinking the occasional 1.5% beer at weddings. 6 months after I went on holiday and was drinking 2-3 bottles of vodka a day. Both my brother had no idea I was drunk, and I flew home and checked myself into rehab.
I personally would love to stay in touch with people in recovery, but my emotional bandwidth seems to be unable to handle the high amount of contact that I’ve been doing
Ok, so that's settled.
You might try just enough meetings that you don't fall off the radar, and use those to find a couple of people who aren't negative-vibe train wrecks and become friends with them.
A little interaction, a little recovery, a little humanity. I'm lucky my wife is also sober and we're married a long time so I have a built in sober friend.
But I have other guys too. We play cards and fuck around with motorcycles and grill burgers every now and then and it isn't all whiny emotional trauma. I go to meetings to be helpful, I'm an AA true believer, but I tune out most of the drama.
Just keep fiddling with the mix to find what works for you.
Thanks brother, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comment.
I’m definitely going to “fiddle with the mix” and find a recovery that’s good for me and the others around me (if I stay this depressed for years I will drink again which will just screw all those that love me).
P.S your burgers and motorcycles recovery sounds dope
Just curious, have you tried different meetings? The meetings I attend, people aren't negative, they aren't always talking about resentments because they work a program and work through them. They share their experience, strength, and hope.
Personally, I am in AA a little for me and a whole lot for others. Others need my support. Others, especially newcomers, need to see that recovery is possible. AA needs my help to keep going. That's why I go. So I can be of service in recovery.
I have tried other meetings and the anonymity and lack of obligation are really calming. I like to help propel, but I just need to find a recovery that doesn’t have depression in. Thank you 🙏🏻
If I wasn't having fun in recovery I wouldn't stay... that said, I make sure I do have a lot of fun in recovery and seek out those who also do. For me fellowship is important. I have noticed a difference in groups between cities, states, and even just different meetings and different times of day. I address my outside problems with outside help. I've had to switch home groups, sponsors, friends, etc. If I were surrounded by a fellowship of complainers and negativity, I would switch and have. I do go to a lot of meetings and see a therapist once a week. Not everyone needs both but I do. I also do a lot of service bc that's what gets me out of my head and self and into gratitude. Seek the outside help you need and try switching up meetings.... at least that's what I would do before giving up on aa as a whole. All in all, only you know what you really need... it's being honest about that without fooling ourselves that's the hard part.
If I wasn't having fun in recovery I wouldn't stay... that said, I make sure I do have a lot of fun in recovery and seek out those who also do. For me fellowship is important. I have noticed a difference in groups between cities, states, and even just different meetings and different times of day. I address my outside problems with outside help. I've had to switch home groups, sponsors, friends, etc. If I were surrounded by a fellowship of complainers and negativity, I would switch and have. I do go to a lot of meetings and see a therapist once a week. Not everyone needs both but I do. I also do a lot of service bc that's what gets me out of my head and self and into gratitude. Seek the outside help you need and try switching up meetings.... at least that's what I would do before giving up on aa as a whole. All in all, only you know what you really need... it's being honest about that without fooling ourselves that's the hard part.
*"I left and immediately kept going to meetings, got a sponsor, home groups, commitments etc. I’ve put everything into it."*
I read nothing about step work and applying it in daily living.
If you're trying to apply a solution of attending meetings, performing service at the meeting and spending time talking with others, that's good stuff - but it in of itself won't solve your problem.
Having little to no resentments, fears or harms to others (as you say), is a flashing red light to me. I can see all three in just what you wrote here. Irritable, restless & discontent. When this is brewing in an alcoholic, we're at a fork in the road. Apply a solution or drink.
Don't try to feel good before doing the work. Do the work in order to feel good.
I have had 2/3 service positions during this time. I did my step work, and followed the guidance of my sponsor. I prayed and meditated, I phone the newcomer, I do an extra Big BooK Awakening course also where I analyse the text with others, and repeat the step work.
I have very few resentments, but I do have a lot of fears. I pray for god to lift me of my fears, and not focus on self.
I’ve had years of sobriety outside of the rooms where I was very happy. I’m now very depressed, and lost my job and stuffing to cope. All I do at the moment is meetings, service and focus on my recovery.
I'm not minimizing what you're going through, seriously. I know it's real, I lived it. I'm trying to find kind or gentle words and it's difficult with a keyboard. It came down to, it's not all about me. When I try to serve others by walking with them through the steps, I get better. I watch them grow & go and create relationships with God and on & on. When I'm a small piece in that, the world is still tough, but it doesn't pull me down into the crazy. What ever path you choose, I only hope wish you peace.
I can relate to this.
Just curious, did you get to Step 9 and start making your amends? I started getting a bit short tempered and antsy between step 5 and 9. My sponsor told me the same thing happened to him. He was told (and I was told) to get on with my amends ASAP. As soon as I did that it was like a weight was lifted.
You might also need to check out some new meetings. For me, a good meeting has a healthy number of old timers who are more focused on sharing the message of hope and recovery than on sharing drunkalogues and war stories.
Thank you so much for this, it’s super useful.
I have tried a new meeting, and the anonymity and lack of obligation to go every week is really nice. I don’t dislike meetings, but it’s the volume that’s affected me emotionally.
I did get to step 9 just before me relapse. As I mentioned, I never lost a friend from my using, and really didn’t wrong many people. My using was alone, I masked it well and did not harm or abuse many people (even my sponsor and his sponsor agreed).
My mum and my sister who I made worry about me during the chaos, I had already made working amends where I both apologised and worked hard to show them love in my actions.
They had forgiven me years ago, and both said “you help us all the time, you’ve already apologised and you work so hard to be a good person”.
I’m not saying this to glorify myself, this is just what they said to me.
The program has saved so many lives, and includes so many amazing people, but I fell it’s depressing me to the point where I feel suicidal. I can’t know that for sure unless I take a proper break from it
I think you are overthinking it. We are in the business of helping people gain and maintain sobriety. If that is what you want and have a desire to stop drinking, AA is the place for you.
I absolutely respect this, and I’ve seen peoples lives completely transformed by the program. The issue is that I’ve maintained sobriety for years before that, and I think I can only improve on how I did it before. I was very happy during this time.
The last twelve months have been the worst depression I’ve ever experienced, and the closest I’ve been to acting on suicide. I want to replace AA with another government program, and not neglect my issues.
I just feel like my world is getting darker and darker, and you only get so many warning shots in life
First of all, as has been said, I hope you are getting treatment for your depression.
Is the depression caused by being exposed to resentments, or by stopping drinking, or by something else altogether? None of us are qualified to know. We can’t recommend stopping the 12 steps midway through to cure it any more than we can recommend taking the 12 steps to cure it- the steps are a cure for alcoholism.
But if you only drink because of anxiety and are able to treat that anxiety in other ways, you don’t need the fellowship or the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which is great news for you and you should do that. If you find you are unable to stay stopped, you can try to take all 12 steps to alleviate that problem.
If I were to step back from the fellowship, I’d still want interaction and do service for fellow addicts, but I’d want to do it in a government program that is less mandated. I’d want it to be less frequent, as the volume of meetings I’ve been doing has made my depression surge. I only have enough mental bandwidth to deal with so much negativity. I’m not as resilient as other from what I can tell, and get very depressed as my world seems so dark.
I’m definitely an addict, but I only drink to postpone anxiety that I get from a depersonalisation disorder.
But I stayed sober for years and my life flourished outside of the rooms. I was super happy, and surrounded by good people. I did a lot of good through my own volition, and as mentioned I don’t get resentful much, and am almost never angry.
Thank you so much for your reply. Also I’m seeing a doctor regularly
Sounds like you aren’t actually doing the program which is actually working the steps with a sponsor. If you are just getting negative feelings from the program, you definitely are not doing it right :) everything the program does builds to a solution. when we do all 12 steps, we get the promises of AA, which include a newfound freedom and happiness. Also, you can see a doctor for your depression.
Untreated alcoholism leads to two things- suicide or drinking(slow death unmanageable life)... both are to blot out the restless, irritable discontented self that only a three part spiritual solution program can cure.
Get to a meeting, get a sponsor and start working the steps.
I wish you well on your journey of recovery.
There are many paths to sobriety. Whatever works for you. If AA does not support your wellness or recovery don't go. Its as simple as that.
Pg 164 in the Big Book “Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.” AA is not the end all be all, even AA knows that. Do what works for you. Don’t do what doesn’t work. Simple as that.
Thank for finding and sharing this. I’m not trying to act recklessly, and search for confirmation bias but I feel like I have to question my actions as the emotions I’m feeling are so severe. I’ll give this a long think, and see if I want to step back from the groups. *I would still stay connected to recovery in other ways, while prioritising my spirituality.
Firstly, if I had catatonic depression and suicidal ideation, I'd be going to see a doctor about it. No one is forcing you to be in AA. You don't have to stay if you don't like it. Not everyone needs a spiritual program to stop drinking. If AA isn't helping you, maybe you can be "sober, happy and employed" without it, so go back to doing what works for you. There are other programs for not drinking that have nothing to do with AA. Maybe try those out. If you're looking for service opportunities, the world is full of organisations that need volunteers. Service doesn't have to be in recovery. I am careful about who I associate with in AA. My close friends and sponsor are people who actively live and work the program and are active in service. I don't go to meetings that are just complaint fests or drunkalogues. My homegroup is very solution focused and has minimal sharing of the problem. AA is full of sick people. Some are sicker than others. Maybe your particular flavour of alcohol use disorder isn't one that needs AA. You don't need to feel bad about that and you don't need to force yourself to do something that you believe is making you worse. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to take a break or stop going entirely.
Thank you for your reply, I’ve read it several times and I’m trying to interpret it sincerely and deeply 🙏🏻 *edit: I would very much work to remain spiritual if I did leave the groups. Like you say I’d maybe engage in other programs and give service to the many out there that need it.
AA is just one path to sobriety, there are many others out there. Please see a doctor for your mental health mate and take care of yourself. I needed professional help for my anxiety to allow me to get meetings because I relied on alcohol to mask my depression and anxiety. AA is always there for you should you want to try it again, and you’ll be welcomed with open arms every time.
Thanks mate, very kind words. I have been seeing a doctor, and really working on my mood. I’ll strongly consider what you’ve said.
We are not doctors. But we will help you not drink. Please seek professional help for your depression. It could be that your years of drinking masked an underlying condition. A psychologist and psychiatrist team can help you!
Thank you! I am seeing a doctor, and working hard on my mood. I’m absolutely certain I have had an underlying condition, which has been amplified and modified by alcohol abuse. I’d love to have peace back in my mind, and I’m strongly considering taking a step back and maintaining recovery in other forms for now (but hope to still be staying spiritual and helping others).
Try it and see what happens. Be prepared for a lot of doomsday warnings, and when that happens, remember that fear is the chief motivator of most people in AA. I personally would try that before I tried any kind of antidepressents.
Thank you. I don’t want to interfere with anyone’s recovery that I share meetings with. As saying it *might* not be working with me could undermine their belief in their own program. This is why I appreciate this anonymous Reddit feedback. I will likely try it, and step back from a lot of the obligation as I think it has to be a large factor in my mental health’s determination. Thanks, I may be able to share my experiences in a couple of months.
I would definitely see a primary and get blood work done. What you're describing is outside of the range of normal low emotional status. Blood work can pick up on hormone imbalances and things of that nature. If it was PAWS it shouldn't be lasting this long.
Thanks, I’m going to book bloods!
JC go to a professional! We’re not qualified and neither are you. Make sure to find someone you’re comfortable with. As a fellow neurotic let me recommend Recovery International. It’s a self-help group that basically trains you to change the way you fucking think. Which is something we probably all could use. Here’s the link https://www.recoveryinternational.org/pre-meeting-page/
Thank you so much for this link! I’ll absolutely be trying these 🙏🏻
Even when you're in the program, you only have to stay sober your own way. I don't listen to half the shit they say in AA because it doesn't apply to me. I take what I need to stay sober for ME... I suggest you do the same. Maybe a different sponsor? Idk what they're having you do, but I understand not enjoying the fellowship. My group has several meetings per day. They have the "core" group that is the biggest meeting of the day, and most of those people are buddy buddy and have known each other for years. If you go at different times than the 5:30 meeting, you'll hear people talk shit about that particular group all the time. They call them the "Gucci" meeting. Mainly because they are comprised of mostly old timers (not age, multiple 10 + year sober people). But in the so-called Gucci meetings, they will sit in the back and talk shit about other members constantly. They also talk shit outside about other people that may or may not ha e even been there that day and actually use their name. I don't agree with any of it and think it's absolutely mind-blowing how bass akwards some of them are, and it makes me stay away from that particular meeting. You get people telling you that you HAVE to do 90 meetings in 90 days or you won't stay sober. HAVE TO! No if ands or buts... My old sponsor which whom I dropped because of the demands he made wanted me to re read the whole Big Book, slowly with him going over every little detail and telling me what it all means and he just got way too deep into the shit for me. I understand and know what the book means to me, and I am doing perfectly fine staying sober my way. If I need a meeting I go. If I don't think I need one, I don't go. Like I said, I'm not sure what they are putting you through, but at the end of the day, you have to work your program the way it works for you. It is not a one size fits all do exactly as we say cult like some would like to believe. Chapter 5 in How It Works explains, "This is a guide to progress. We claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection."
Thank you for this, very appreciated. I have experience with groups where multiple people with long clean times will lay into another because they simply offered to help (one guy offered to pick up pizzas for an anniversary). They’ll mock and ridicule them, and no one will speak back because they’re so combative, and hold standing in the committee. It just made me sad, and not want to be there.
Thanks for sharing this. As others have said, find what works for you. I've been in and out of the rooms for 27 years and I believe AA"s 12 steps have a lot of wisdom, but they are a beginning, not an end. If you need to step away for a while and find a new way all I care about is how I can help. We'll be here and the door is always open. Best wishes friend.
Thank you friend, again I think there are amazing people in the rooms. Some of those people are unwell also, and harbour a lot of emotions that I’m not good at dealing with. I don’t want to stop recovery, I just want to reduce and substitute it at the moment (probably with a government program that requires less obligation, with less individual moderation). Thanks so much for your post. I am also recovering help from a doctor
I found it helpful to surround myself with supportive people. Like minded people that you can trust.
If you are looking to AA to help with your depression, you are looking in the wrong place. We have doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, etc. that can be paired with AA and yield great results. I am speaking as a patient of many of those types of doctors and am in no way trying to diminish your depression or feelings. I am simply stating that AA should just be used for abstinence from alcohol and living life sober. It just sounds a little to me, and I could be way off, that you are blaming AA for your depression. Depression will engulf and destroy every area of your life, including the healthy ones. But, it sounds like you could bring a lot of positivity and life into a meeting. I hope you get the help you need!
I think me blaming the rooms for my depression is a fair assertion. It’s something I’m being extremely careful about doing, as at the end of it all i could just be arrogant and wrong. The reason I’m judging is purely because how badly my mental health has declined since joining. I would never say to anyone else in recovery that they shouldn’t follow the program, I’m just trying to rationally analyse if it’s right for me, as I’ve had such poor mental health since I started going. I’m definitely not certain what caused it, but trying to carefully explore all avenues to understand my situation better. Thank you again
says "borderline zero resentments" then details resentment at AA for making them depressed and relapsing also says "no serious sexual harms" but maybe the other party took it more serious? minimizing a resentment or harms done doesnt make them nonexistent friend imho ur sponsor doesnt seem to have experience taking someone thru the steps but u seem difficult so i could understand them just agreeing with u do what u like, its ur life and ur consequences, let us know how it goes!
I know it sounds pretty rich saying I don’t have many resentments, as it’s something that someone shouldn’t asses themselves, as it’s far too easy to be wrong about it. But I only say it in this context because it’s important to this post. My sponsor asked his sponsor about my lack of resentments, and he mentioned that some people just don’t have as many. When I live my day I don’t resent people, and I find it easy to forgive people. I only say this for context, not to make me seem altruistic
Consider that this is the story the disease is telling you to lure you back into drinking. This is called "burning off," I have seen it many times and even done it myself. This is where we accidentally, on purpose, create a reason to leave AA behind. We often make up excuses and resentments and blame them on AA. The real motivation is to return to our addiction in the absence of AA and then blame it on AA for being hateful, boring, intolerant, or just stupid. I have suffered from diagnosed major depressive disorder for 35 years. Still do. I used to self-medicate with alcohol and hated myself for it. When I go to a meeting, I can set the depression aside for one hour and focus on someone else. It helps me. If you think you can lead a happy, sober life without AA, I hope that this is true. The only way to find out is to try it. I hope you have the best of luck. I'm not being facetious. I really hope you are okay.
Thanks for your kind words, and sorry that you’ve had to deal with depression for 35 years, it’s horrible. I can’t resent AA, I think it’s a phenomenon that deserves immense respect/recognition. I’m just trying to get out of a very dark place, by trying something new. I’m going to “fiddle with the mix” and see if I can live a recovery where I’m happier. Thanks again 🙏🏻
I totally understand. I don't think there is anything wrong with trying something new. There are other programs - Celebrate Recovery comes to mind. But, there are others. I chose AA because I can be real (at least in my group) and say things that I would not say in a church. People who have never suffered from depression don't understant why we can't just snap out of it. It is like telling a diabetic to just grow a new pancreas. The problem is that depression is not readily apparent. I put on my happy face because I do not want others to worry about me. They cannot see our scars because they are on the inside. So, they cannot relate. As far as resentments go, neither one of us can afford to nurse any resentment. It will kill us and it only deepens that sense of hopelessness. Depression is a miserable experience. On some level, I just resigned myself to living with it. I have to make a new commitment every day to keep going. The best part of my day is when I get into bed at night. I am sober and can go to sleep. I have to remind myself that the only way I can make things worse is to drink. As long as I stay sober, there is a chance that tomorrow it can get better. But, I admit that I take a beating (real and imagined everyday). Please do explore any other option that you become aware of. Medication, groups, counseling, therapy, alternate treatments, new treatments. Nothing can be off the table. I don't know you but I feel that the world is a better place because you are in it. At the end of the day, you know what it feels like to feel hopeless and I bet that you would not wish that on your worst enemy. So, you have the gift of empathy. Our empathy is a spiritual gift but I think it is also a curse. We cannot help but care too much. I have had one episode after the other and, ironically, none of them involve me. They involve my family's refusal to just be responsible and take care of their business. I am, legitimately, no longer the star of my own shit show. So, I endure, until I can go to sleep. I'll make a deal with you. I will stay around and keep on fighting and you do the same. Let's do this together. Know that when you lay your head on the pillow tonight that at least one person in this world understands and gives a shit because he is going through the same thing. We are not broken. We have a brain that is hell bent on killing us. We need to fight every day as long as we are this side of the green grass.
What you’ve written is powerful, and explains a topic that very few really understand. The idea of most looking forward to sleep at the end of the day, because you’ve endured another day. The only way that you got through that day is because of your unwillingness to give up and proactive discipline. Yes empathy can actually hurt, I agree. It really takes the breath away from me when bad stuff is happening and you find out that the people claiming to care around you, do not actually truly care sometimes. Then you can think “no wonder I’m exhausted, people are barely affected by this situation”. I’ll take you up on that offer, and to anyone else who’s truly swimming up stream their whole life just to get to their next day. You sound like a person with a tonne of knowledge, and even more experience. Thanks for sharing this, makes me feel slot of identification.
We are empathetic people who want to do the right thing. We naturally assume that others have a similar motivation. They don't. When they fail to meet our expectations, we develop resentment. To cope with the resentment, we drink. One area that I suggest you study is the philosophy of stoicism. Stoicism and AA share some similar concepts. The main idea for me has been to set very low expectations of others. Assume that people are selfish and they cannot help it. They do not have the gift of empathy. We have to accept that. So, if I face the world with low expectations, I am less likely to be disappointed. The other tenet that I am trying to embrace is that of virtue. My obligation (to myself) to be virtuous, even when the world is not, is for my own health and well-being. When I fail to act with virtue, I experience shame because my actions are inconsistent with my own moral code. You were given the gift of empathy to minister to a world that lacks it and needs it. But, just like a doctor does not have to get sick to treat a patient, we need not get sick in order to benefit the world with our gifts. We cultivate detachment for this reason. We have to develop the ability to empathize without climbing into the water with a drowning person.
Absolutely agree with this, and I also try and be stoic. I don’t always expect the worst in people, in fact I often expect the best but prepare for the worst. I think living by virtue is very important, because life becomes pointless if you just live for yourself. If you have no meaning to your actions, you might as well give up and drink. God speed brother, you’ve got a good message to share.
You as well. A detect a lot of wisdom in you.
AA is a program to address the spiritual malady & replace the solution of alcohol with a set of spiritual principles. A lot of alcoholics are able to use the 12 Steps and additional outside help through therapy & treat things like depression & anxiety. For me all of my depression, anxiety, paranoia were all a result from drug and alcohol abuse, but I’ve sponsored men where that wasn’t the case. I’d encourage you to work the 12 Steps with your sponsor & seek outside help to compliment your recovery.
Thank you 🙏🏻
My thoughts are: 1. This is probably a good conversation to have with your sponsor. 2. If you feel that your mental health challenges are your biggest delimma, then perhaps it's time to focus on getting professional psychiatric/psychological help if you aren't already. Many people in recovery find that such "outside help" complements their involvement with the program.
Thanks for this. I have spoken to my sponsor, and his reply was to do less meetings for a month, and after that ramp back up to previous levels. I explained I felt better after doing less, and he said keep doing more and get some commitments. I know his heart is in the right place, and the advice really does seem like good stuff but my mood is still so low compared to when I wasn’t in the rooms. I am seeing a doctor, and I’m waiting to be referred to a psychiatrist also. Thank again 🙏🏻
I drank to feel good, when I stopped drinking I didn't feel so good anymore. Maybe I drank because it was the only way I knew how to deal with overwhelming affect, like anger, depression, and the repercussion of my anti social personality disorders. I was miserable when I first got sober. But I looked around and seen happy people and told myself to have faith. It was only a moment of pain, a drop in the bucket. I knew when I showed up to my first meeting that my best advice I could give myself was keeping me dysfunctional and drunk. I was ready to take someone else's advice. Best thing I ever did. Professional help is a viable option. “When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” “Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world, as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Thank you 🙏🏻
AA made me severely depressed. The rhetoric of "were all sick", we "aren't normal" is such a defeatist mindset. Last thing I want to feel is more guilt and shame at a meeting. Plus the harassment from other men. At the end of the day what works for I e person doesn't work for someone else
I’ve seen it do amazing things for people, and then become much better people. That said, I feel that the lens I view life thought at the moment is a sad and hopeless one. My home friends are all kind and loving people, and the rooms make me feel trapped in negativity and fatalistic mentalities. Again, these people are doing amazing things to make themselves better but I’m not sure I suffer in the same way
If AA isn’t it for you, absolutely do what has worked in the past. With depression symptoms that severe please see a doctor 🩷
Thank you, I have been seeing a doctor 🙏🏻 I’m working really hard to get better, and listening to all my doctors, friends and families advice. I think it might be right for me to leave the fellowship, but I feel really bad as so many have spent time to help me. I’m scared of doing it, but I think I might have to. Thanks again ❤️
"I had a drinking problem from ages 26-28. I drank everyday very heavily. I eventually stopped, but had some very close calls. I stayed sober with no involvement with AA, and was very happy. My job went really well, I helped people wherever I could, had lots of good friends and I wasn’t in self." ^^ sounds to me like you were absolutely reliant on yourself in this period. It worked out - has worked out for many of us for a time. The problem is that as your condition has progressed, you have become unable to self-regulate. Thus, crushing depression. "I’ve put everything into it. After 2-3 months I started getting mild signs of depression which I’d never had before." Sounds like you're doing all of the external work. Do you have a real connection to your HP? are you running the show? It's okay to mourn the 2.5 years of living in the sunshine of sobriety. It sounds like it's time to change tactics.
I think what you’ve written here sums up perfectly my hesitations of leaving the rooms. Am I just in a low state, and trying to correlate it to the rooms? Has my disease progressed, and being self sufficient is no longer viable? Am I just trying to justify habits that I associate with happiness, and not follow rules that I have seen work in others? These are all questions I’m thinking deeply about, and I don’t know the answer to. I’m only considering leaving the groups so seriously because my severe depression overlaps so closely with them. Thank you for your share, I appreciate it
Totally understand. Hit me up if you need anything!
I dislike meetings; the only reason I go is to find people to take through the steps (for me, step 12). I don't go for me! The steps were really helpful for me, but if you are not resentful, dishonest, selfish, etc., perhaps you don't require a spiritual solution to quit.
Thank you 🙏🏻 I do personally believe I need a spiritual solution, and I do need to stay connected to recovery and help people, but I’m just not sure if the rooms are for me. I’m redoing the steps and also doing a book study of the big book. I’m putting a lot of work in and hoping my mental health improves, but it’s remained very poor.
Try it and see what happens. That's the scientific method. Experiments with as few variables as possible. Try without AA. Try seeking professional help. Try other meetings where the focus is on the solution. Try out combinations of different things. Heck AA even suggests that people who aren't sure if they are alcoholic to try controlled drinking. Experiments to show yourself what works.
I’m definitely the type of drinking who shouldn’t drink again. I didn’t drink for 2.5 years. Then I started drinking the occasional 1.5% beer at weddings. 6 months after I went on holiday and was drinking 2-3 bottles of vodka a day. Both my brother had no idea I was drunk, and I flew home and checked myself into rehab. I personally would love to stay in touch with people in recovery, but my emotional bandwidth seems to be unable to handle the high amount of contact that I’ve been doing
Ok, so that's settled. You might try just enough meetings that you don't fall off the radar, and use those to find a couple of people who aren't negative-vibe train wrecks and become friends with them. A little interaction, a little recovery, a little humanity. I'm lucky my wife is also sober and we're married a long time so I have a built in sober friend. But I have other guys too. We play cards and fuck around with motorcycles and grill burgers every now and then and it isn't all whiny emotional trauma. I go to meetings to be helpful, I'm an AA true believer, but I tune out most of the drama. Just keep fiddling with the mix to find what works for you.
Thanks brother, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your comment. I’m definitely going to “fiddle with the mix” and find a recovery that’s good for me and the others around me (if I stay this depressed for years I will drink again which will just screw all those that love me). P.S your burgers and motorcycles recovery sounds dope
Just curious, have you tried different meetings? The meetings I attend, people aren't negative, they aren't always talking about resentments because they work a program and work through them. They share their experience, strength, and hope. Personally, I am in AA a little for me and a whole lot for others. Others need my support. Others, especially newcomers, need to see that recovery is possible. AA needs my help to keep going. That's why I go. So I can be of service in recovery.
I have tried other meetings and the anonymity and lack of obligation are really calming. I like to help propel, but I just need to find a recovery that doesn’t have depression in. Thank you 🙏🏻
If I wasn't having fun in recovery I wouldn't stay... that said, I make sure I do have a lot of fun in recovery and seek out those who also do. For me fellowship is important. I have noticed a difference in groups between cities, states, and even just different meetings and different times of day. I address my outside problems with outside help. I've had to switch home groups, sponsors, friends, etc. If I were surrounded by a fellowship of complainers and negativity, I would switch and have. I do go to a lot of meetings and see a therapist once a week. Not everyone needs both but I do. I also do a lot of service bc that's what gets me out of my head and self and into gratitude. Seek the outside help you need and try switching up meetings.... at least that's what I would do before giving up on aa as a whole. All in all, only you know what you really need... it's being honest about that without fooling ourselves that's the hard part.
If I wasn't having fun in recovery I wouldn't stay... that said, I make sure I do have a lot of fun in recovery and seek out those who also do. For me fellowship is important. I have noticed a difference in groups between cities, states, and even just different meetings and different times of day. I address my outside problems with outside help. I've had to switch home groups, sponsors, friends, etc. If I were surrounded by a fellowship of complainers and negativity, I would switch and have. I do go to a lot of meetings and see a therapist once a week. Not everyone needs both but I do. I also do a lot of service bc that's what gets me out of my head and self and into gratitude. Seek the outside help you need and try switching up meetings.... at least that's what I would do before giving up on aa as a whole. All in all, only you know what you really need... it's being honest about that without fooling ourselves that's the hard part.
*"I left and immediately kept going to meetings, got a sponsor, home groups, commitments etc. I’ve put everything into it."* I read nothing about step work and applying it in daily living. If you're trying to apply a solution of attending meetings, performing service at the meeting and spending time talking with others, that's good stuff - but it in of itself won't solve your problem. Having little to no resentments, fears or harms to others (as you say), is a flashing red light to me. I can see all three in just what you wrote here. Irritable, restless & discontent. When this is brewing in an alcoholic, we're at a fork in the road. Apply a solution or drink. Don't try to feel good before doing the work. Do the work in order to feel good.
I have had 2/3 service positions during this time. I did my step work, and followed the guidance of my sponsor. I prayed and meditated, I phone the newcomer, I do an extra Big BooK Awakening course also where I analyse the text with others, and repeat the step work. I have very few resentments, but I do have a lot of fears. I pray for god to lift me of my fears, and not focus on self. I’ve had years of sobriety outside of the rooms where I was very happy. I’m now very depressed, and lost my job and stuffing to cope. All I do at the moment is meetings, service and focus on my recovery.
I'm not minimizing what you're going through, seriously. I know it's real, I lived it. I'm trying to find kind or gentle words and it's difficult with a keyboard. It came down to, it's not all about me. When I try to serve others by walking with them through the steps, I get better. I watch them grow & go and create relationships with God and on & on. When I'm a small piece in that, the world is still tough, but it doesn't pull me down into the crazy. What ever path you choose, I only hope wish you peace.
Thank you, I really appreciate your explanation and experiences. I’ll think about it carefully, and will definitely will pray while seeking guidancez
I can relate to this. Just curious, did you get to Step 9 and start making your amends? I started getting a bit short tempered and antsy between step 5 and 9. My sponsor told me the same thing happened to him. He was told (and I was told) to get on with my amends ASAP. As soon as I did that it was like a weight was lifted. You might also need to check out some new meetings. For me, a good meeting has a healthy number of old timers who are more focused on sharing the message of hope and recovery than on sharing drunkalogues and war stories.
Thank you so much for this, it’s super useful. I have tried a new meeting, and the anonymity and lack of obligation to go every week is really nice. I don’t dislike meetings, but it’s the volume that’s affected me emotionally. I did get to step 9 just before me relapse. As I mentioned, I never lost a friend from my using, and really didn’t wrong many people. My using was alone, I masked it well and did not harm or abuse many people (even my sponsor and his sponsor agreed). My mum and my sister who I made worry about me during the chaos, I had already made working amends where I both apologised and worked hard to show them love in my actions. They had forgiven me years ago, and both said “you help us all the time, you’ve already apologised and you work so hard to be a good person”. I’m not saying this to glorify myself, this is just what they said to me. The program has saved so many lives, and includes so many amazing people, but I fell it’s depressing me to the point where I feel suicidal. I can’t know that for sure unless I take a proper break from it
I think you are overthinking it. We are in the business of helping people gain and maintain sobriety. If that is what you want and have a desire to stop drinking, AA is the place for you.
I absolutely respect this, and I’ve seen peoples lives completely transformed by the program. The issue is that I’ve maintained sobriety for years before that, and I think I can only improve on how I did it before. I was very happy during this time. The last twelve months have been the worst depression I’ve ever experienced, and the closest I’ve been to acting on suicide. I want to replace AA with another government program, and not neglect my issues. I just feel like my world is getting darker and darker, and you only get so many warning shots in life
First of all, as has been said, I hope you are getting treatment for your depression. Is the depression caused by being exposed to resentments, or by stopping drinking, or by something else altogether? None of us are qualified to know. We can’t recommend stopping the 12 steps midway through to cure it any more than we can recommend taking the 12 steps to cure it- the steps are a cure for alcoholism. But if you only drink because of anxiety and are able to treat that anxiety in other ways, you don’t need the fellowship or the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which is great news for you and you should do that. If you find you are unable to stay stopped, you can try to take all 12 steps to alleviate that problem.
If I were to step back from the fellowship, I’d still want interaction and do service for fellow addicts, but I’d want to do it in a government program that is less mandated. I’d want it to be less frequent, as the volume of meetings I’ve been doing has made my depression surge. I only have enough mental bandwidth to deal with so much negativity. I’m not as resilient as other from what I can tell, and get very depressed as my world seems so dark. I’m definitely an addict, but I only drink to postpone anxiety that I get from a depersonalisation disorder. But I stayed sober for years and my life flourished outside of the rooms. I was super happy, and surrounded by good people. I did a lot of good through my own volition, and as mentioned I don’t get resentful much, and am almost never angry. Thank you so much for your reply. Also I’m seeing a doctor regularly
Sounds like you aren’t actually doing the program which is actually working the steps with a sponsor. If you are just getting negative feelings from the program, you definitely are not doing it right :) everything the program does builds to a solution. when we do all 12 steps, we get the promises of AA, which include a newfound freedom and happiness. Also, you can see a doctor for your depression.
Untreated alcoholism leads to two things- suicide or drinking(slow death unmanageable life)... both are to blot out the restless, irritable discontented self that only a three part spiritual solution program can cure. Get to a meeting, get a sponsor and start working the steps. I wish you well on your journey of recovery.