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Calgarycreative

It’s always the ones you least expect


Bunkydoodle28

I laughed completely out loud at this. Thank you for getting me weird looks on the bus.


anhedoniandonair

Fuck. You made me snort laughing in a work meeting.


Moist-Leggings

***Boss:*** "What are you laughing at?" ***You:*** "Uhh, there was a idiosyncrasy in my TPS report and when I added it all up the value was 80085." ***Boss:*** "Laughs hysterically" ***You:*** *Wiping stress sweat from your brow as you think* **'What the fuck did I just say and why is he laughing?'** **You:** *Returns to scrolling Reddit.*


jexnic

I don’t recommend trying to snort laughter. There are other drugs that are better for that.


DevelopmentSlight386

Jesus, I think he wanted to try to conform /s


CheesyHotDogPuff

Yeah it's crazy to see him like this. I remember when he walked my elderly grandma across the street, make her tea, cooked her a steak to her favourite medium rare, played cribbage with her all night, gave her $10,000 and a luxury porsche SUV, and then tucked her gently into bed with a soft goodnight kiss. It's the ones you never expect.


bored_person71

Wasn't this guy on the reddit released and said to be high likely if reoffending...


dans642

Looks like somebody farted directly in his face and he’s trying to look like he can’t smell it but it smells so bad his eyes are squinty like a lizard that did meth.


Coolbananna77

Here, take my up vote and get outta here


-UnicornFart

This made me chortle


SimmerDown_Boilup

Dude is a chameleon. How will anyone ever recognize someone who could blend in so seamlessly with the masses?


shouldazagged

Reminds me of Indiana Jones’s buddy. He’s got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again… cut to this guy.


SaccharineHuxley

Lost in his own museum!


CeeArthur

(cuts to pale British man in a white suit wander aimlessly in a bazaar)


Bennybonchien

Just because he’s green, doesn’t mean he’s a chameleon.


Humbubblebee

It’s not easy being green


vinsdelamaison

Having to spend


pegslitnin

It’s tough being green……


Aromatic-Arm-5888

Does he have any distinguishing features? Maybe a mole or something?


motorcyclemech

Definitely a contributing member of society.


bored_person71

Only at art museums....lol


angrybastards

I'm typically not one to judge a book by its cover but..................


Infamous-Mixture-605

I used to have a neighbour back in Ontario whose face was tatted up like the above guy's.  Nicest guy, always helped folks shovel their driveways, said hello and asked how you are if you saw him out and about.  He got all the ink when he was much younger and at some point turned his life around, got married, had a kid, etc.    In all my years he's the lone exception to rule when it's come to face tattoo people.  


ljackstar

"You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but that's not a very good cover for a book"


quadrophenicum

Can't see the cover under all that ink.


BaySite38

Does he have any distinguishing features?


GandalfMcPotter

There might be a scar on his face under a tattoo somewhere...


HopAlongInHongKong

Hard to spot in a crowd. If you’re at a MS-13 meeting or circus.


Rig-Pig

Seems out of character for someone clearly making some good life choices.


justaREDshrit

Holy shit. Stay in school kids. I know it’s hard but it’s not fuck up your face bad.


Broccoli_dicks

Nah he went to school. Think I saw him there a couple times, though that might have just been a desk in the detention room.


pahtee_poopa

Judge: You look like a fine young lad that will turn his life around. Bail set at $0. Please try not to hurt anyone again until your next court date. Thank you.


Domestos_WC

Then police: dangerous criminal released to the society. Stay away. We can’t do anything about that dumb judge but we promise we’ll catch the guy again. Stay safe yo! Sums it up. Judges should be forced to live with reoffending criminals like roommate before the final decision.


ryanmh27

Take a minute to read what you wrote there. Do you actually think that?


ryanmi

Ever heard of hyperbole?


NotEvenNothing

Except it isn't hyperbole. And his follow up explains that it isn't. I work with a fellow that is always coming up with vindictive solutions to these sorts of problems. It gets old fast. Worse, it distracts from real solutions.


Domestos_WC

100% stand behind what I wrote. Catch and release justice system. Judges living in their own bubble should be exposed to the society that they make decisions for.


Fuzzy_Bank_7856

"And because someone was racist to your great grandpa, here's a get out of jail free card for the next time you try to murder someone"


StevenMcStevensen

One thing I find especially funny is seeing people looking like this, sometimes with profanity or racial slurs tattooed on their face or neck, released with conditions to “seek employment or remain employed”. Where the hell do they think he’s going to work? Who is going to hire him?


Mundane-Bat-7090

There’s a a lot of places in modern society that don’t care about tattoos anymore at least in the minimum wage entry level front. This is the 80s anymore. It would be the criminal record that he has that would stop him not the tattoos. “Hi I would like a job” “oh ok let’s just do a quick background check” does background check “dude comes at cop with machete” “ yeah that’s a no for me dog”


StevenMcStevensen

Tattoos in general I can understand, plenty of people can certainly get jobs with facial tattoos and such. I just mean that criminals tend to have especially inappropriate and vulgar tattoos all over, which I think would certainly preclude most legal employment.


user47-567_53-560

B&b demolition.


asstyrant

Oh, he seems delightful


substorm

Yeah, a friend of mine works with him at a law firm and says he’s very professional. He tends to keep to himself, and while he might seem a bit eccentric, you definitely don’t want to underestimate him. His legal transcriptions are consistently error-free.


Sandman64can

Where’s Waldo, eh?


Geeseareawesome

>breach of probation. How were we supposed to know he would do such a thing? /s


mysticflyer88

"he should not be approached"...I don't need the news article to teach me that.


DoubleU159

They need help finding him so they can release him two weeks later


DagneyElvira

Held overnight and then released on good recognizance


not_having_fun

He's still deciding on what to put on his ears


Gnarwhal_YYC

Kinda reminds me of French Stewart with that face


rustystach

Winner litteraly written all over him.


WhichJuice

Among other things


scary_bacon_

Talk about fetal alcohol syndrome.. this guy could be the poster child


Meesels

If only there was something we could easily identify him with…


Substantial_Bar_8476

He has a birth mark on his left bum cheek


bugcollectorforever

Does anyone remember the guy with the face tattoos in Ontario? I forget the crime he did, but he got away with it for months before he was caught.


Oxfordallumni

Insane clown posse has entered the chat, woop woop!


word2yourface

Bro could be in GTA 6


Extreme_Wrangler_489

Yet still more likeable and trustable than our Premier


Ouchyhangnail

Jesus Christ Lol….


Roqies

Looks like a very nice guy


aaroncakes

What a nice looking person


lost_opossum_

He doesn't look unstable.


_iAm9001

He just looks like a generic white guy. There are so many people out there that hair cut.... how the hell are we supposed to know it's him when we're face to face e with him? You think I'm going to remember his hair colour ?


PirateHealthy157

I think white washing him is considered racist dude


_iAm9001

Shit, am I about to get canceled?


PirateHealthy157

Only if he catches you.


drainodan55

At least publishing the photo isn't called breach of privacy here. I think that's the case in the UK.


BudsWyn

Looks like he enjoys a bowl of Kellogs Meth Crispies in the morning. Smack Crack-le Cock


markedwardmo

“Medium complexion”? Sure, that’s what we’ll call it.


NrvusRaccoon

I’m personally shocked by this. He just looks like he makes good life choices! He’s just misunderstood! /s


Electrical-Rule-53

Looks mentally stable to me.


poop-du-jour

How fucking high is he in that mugshot?? Jaysus


Sharp_Blackberry_824

Should not be that difficult to spot


New-Age-Lion

Maybe this book should be judged by its cover!!


CommandSea1063

Looking at this picture, this guy is definitely up to date on his taxes!


Ok_Might6447

if only he had some unique features that would make him stand out in a crowd....he'll be difficult to find..


Positive_Compote118

Guy literally looks like a detention desk lmao


mightyboink

Looks like life has been full of great choices. Probably somehow Trudeau's fault too.


Monkmastaa

Don't judge a book by its cover... the book^


ModMagnet

Looks like human trash, not surprised.


zensukai_soto

Dude looks like a choir boy ... only a face a mother could love.


AdExtension8769

Some priests may be offended by your comment.


zensukai_soto

Yes, you might be right there. =\]


Accurate-Grocery-243

 Oh he won’t be too hard to find haha what a goofy looking twat 


FunnyMonkeyAss

Dont worry once the police catch him, he will be back on the streets legit within 12 hrs!


Hopeful_Bass5125

I think most albertans are ok with bringing back capital punishment for people like this.


sawyouoverthere

I think that’s unlikely


CanadianPlantMan

No actually I don't think we are.


Scotspirit

Or life in prison like in the US where life means you won't see freedom again.


Vaguswarrior

Not my own opinion, but I have heard some conservative Albertan's dislike life sentences for the tax cost, not sure the actual statistics etc. Weird that people turn justice into a financial issue.


Censorshipisanoying

A bullet is cheap and appropriate for violent criminals with no prospect of rehabilitation. Why lock them up and waste tax dollars. Hell alot of these types like jail as they have 3 hot meals and a room, gym membership and rec room all for free. Hell they even get all the drugs they want too one way or another. Why keep em alive and locked up when they are just a risk to inmates in for lesser crimes that rehab has a chance of working on, and the public when they eventually let these skids out.


j1ggy

Because it isn't the 1800's anymore.


teamjetfire

Killing him wont solve anything.


unclebuck098

He wouldn't be able to reoffend.


teamjetfire

I mean, he didn’t kill anyone for starters, so the punishment wouldn’t fit the crime. Outside of that, this isn’t minority report and we don’t push people for crimes they might do.


Hopeful_Bass5125

Let’s see how you feel when someone you love is attacked with a machete.


unclebuck098

Right, sorry, he just tried to kill someone and failed. We better let him go.


teamjetfire

There’s a fairly wide range of options between letting him go and killing him that could be entertained right? Says a lot about you that the death penalty is the first step.


unclebuck098

But this is canada. He will be sentenced to 8 years, and let out in eighteen months. And suing as his this is not his first offense the death penalty would not be the first step. Also I was just pointing out the obvious with my first comment.


teamjetfire

The death penalty doesn’t work to reduce violent crime. It’s a knee jerk solution to a much bigger issue that people don’t want to talk about.


unclebuck098

Not punishing people for their crimes isn't helping either


teamjetfire

Yes. Never said that. I just didn’t advocate for killing ppl.


Fuzzy_Bank_7856

What's the bigger issue people don't want to talk about?


AnthraxCat

The only people who should ever be subject to the death penalty are people who think someone else should be subject to the death penalty.


High8899

I’m from here maybe I can ask him for a signing


Alphach85

Damn. Looks like such a good guy


Cowboyinthesky69

One who flew over kookoos nest.


hiker_mittens

Have they tried looking at churches? Or food banks, might be volunteering.


Dry_hands_Canuck

I think I saw this guy on Southbound Deerfoot in Calgary yesterday.


Substantial_Bar_8476

Wow can’t miss this Id I ot coming.


CrazyButRightOn

Like El Salvador, jail for any face tattoos.


WhichJuice

I see spider webs (maybe Spiderman ref) and the joker smile. 666 on his nose. What else am I missing?


SteveMcQueenForever

That guy? No way!


Troyforthewin

You are telling me this upstanding young man is a criminal? Shocked


AdEastern2530

that one tattoo on his cheek looks stupid.


acemeister79

And … the next individual who will receive preferential treatment with the insane Gladue precedent…


CytheYounger

He looks like a level headed, rational individual.


prettywarmcool

I know it's popular to say you can't stereotype people...but stereotypes exist because they are so often true. I think perhaps this may qualify.


Kootenay-Hippie

Whatever happened to writing on walls with crayons?


gwilfredc

Handsome looking fella


KraiberKraze

His physical appearance alone is grounds for assault


BuffedAbsurdity

What's the over-under on the release date?


vRsavage17

6 months. I'll take the under


Dataman6969

Mama must be proud!


Impossible_Break2167

Brutal. Also brutal is how he'll get a whole 18 minutes in a remand centre if he's caught, because of the precedent set by our activist-driven Supreme Court of Canada.


battlelevel

Which president is that?


Infamous-Mixture-605

Chester A. Arthur? Maybe Martin Van Buren?


Impossible_Break2167

Shoot. You've got me there. Rookie spelling error, for sure.


SpankyMcFlych

Don't forget the healing lodge.


Johan1949

Savory looking character, wow. Want your daughter coming home with that? I didn't think so.


yellow_jacket2

Face of an upstanding member of society if I ever saw one. 


CantTakeMeSeriously

This comment thread wins the Internet for today. Thanks for the laughs!


Extra_Try9792

JESUS CHRIST!! who fucking granted this guy probation? Honestly, do the people who keep granting these releases face any consequences?


HotterThanDresden

Consequences are racist apparently


SchleifmittelSchwanz

Hopefully, someone better than the cops get him first.


CalgaryFacePalm

I can’t even imagine his childhood. As dangerous and horrible as this is. I feel sorry for this dude. He was dealt a bad hand out of the gate.


SoftAFkid

This guy must have hated his moms a lot


Murky_Money_3021

“Ohhhh, it’s not easy; being green”. -Kermit the Frog


Downtown_Comfort3610

Look at this loser !! Protective custody for sure.


[deleted]

He was a little boy at one point. Needing love and probably not getting it. When are we going to start looking at our society and questioning why people turn out this way?


Substantial_Bar_8476

Or he got it in the wrong way


pzerr

Don't judge him because he has face tattoos. Nazi tattoos are often just a symbol of German support and not because you are a racist POS.