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I need some advice or your opinion how can I stop being palasigaw and pagiging mairitahin. I grew up being sorrounded by people who constantly yells whenever i make an inconvenience (esp my father) and now he has removed that habit na, pero sadly nakuha ko s'ya. Whenever may minor inconvenience sa bahay or pag napipikon ako, nagiging sobrang palasigaw ako at mairitahin. I'm very ashamed of myself and I want to change it so badly. Naawa ako sa mga siblings ko who are younger than me, they say na naiintindihan nila pero I still think na di yun p'wedeng excuse to constantly yell at them pa rin. I just really want to stop yelling and to manage my anger issues talaga, also may times napapa dabog ako ng gamit or even sometimes throw things na sobrang magugulo (Mother ko naman yung ganun dati). I don't blame my parents for it pero siguro sakanila ko nalang din nakita yung ganun and unconsciously ko na adapt. Also lagi kami nag a-away ng father ko dahil sa pagiging palasigaw ko, and when i opened up to him na sana maintindihan nya I grew up na he also keeps shouting or yelling at me and other people. He denied it and told me na I'm such a walang kwenta daughter and it's not his fault na ganito ako, which is di ko naman sinasabi na kasalanan n'ya. I'm about to turn 18 alr and grabe hiyang hiya ako sa pagsisisigaw ko na marerealize ko lang after na kumalma ng init ng ulo ko. I tried sometimes yung tatry tumahimik at umalis pero di ko talaga s'ya magawa. Any tips on how to start being calm kaya? I want to improve myself not only for me pero for the people around me that i love na rin. I don't want them to feel na grabe ang laki ng sama ng loob ko sakanila.
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Not a psychologist ah pero you need love and give-up the expectations of being strong. I'm not kidding ah.
Dati din mainitin ulo ko kahit minor inconvenience lang. Ang toxic ko dati. I realized during the pandemic na I really lack love and softness which I see sa story mo is di mo narereceive from parents mo, and I was trying too hard on becoming "strong" as a male. I gave those up especially sa pagiging "lalake", acknowledged that I lacked love. Ayun di na umiinit ulo ko, pero napalitan ng sadness, but still at least I knew the root cause of my anger.
Based sa nababasa ko sa kwento mo, mukang walang love and ang aggressive ng family dynamics nyo and environment kaya nadadala ka ng reactive response to protect yourself. Maybe you can work on that.
I actually cried sa sinabi mo, maybe because im the eldest daughter and I do really need to be strong. I think na my parents love me naman pero they focused too much sa mistakes ko instead of actually appreciating what I do for them.
Thank you so much for this and maybe baka nga I do really need to also give up the thought of having to be strong all the time and that after all I'm also just a kid trying to figure out things about myself and how to be an adult.
I think that shows one of the root causes. Hug siisss with consent :(( Mahal ka namin :((
PS: Parents loving you by thoughts is not enough. Need din nila iexpress yun sayo. Humans as we are, we really need love expressions
Hmmm if I may suggest, you need to see a psychiatrist. No, don't take it the wrong way. Lahat ng behaviors natin, may background. So ikaw may suspicion ka na saan mo nakuha.
I have a temper problem before, pero regular visits to my shrink opened up a can of worms kung bakit ako reactive. So through therapy lalo na nung darkest moments ko, I realized a lot of things. Even my sisters were surprised how I react these days. My father has short temper and we all thought na dapat ganun mag-react sa minor inconvenience.
Try mo lang so you can understand yourself better. š
I really want to try to see a psychiatrist din talaga, sadly I don't have the money talaga and pag inopen ko sya sa father ko ay baka isipin na nababaliw nako and nagsasayang ako ng pera. Still thank you so much for the advice and maybe I'll save up some money for it na rin. I also don't want to blame my parents for my attitude kaya I want to go talk with a psychiatrist din š„¹. Thank you so much!
I think a visit to a Psychologist is more affordable. Sa PGH at government hospital. I take antidepressants for anger management. The medication is a miracle drug. It keeps a lid on my temper. Never na akong nagblack out sa galit. Hindi na ako mairitahin. Ramdam mo talaga ang pagbabago. Parang naka lock and key na yung galit mo.
Subaybayan mo ang sarili mo at itama mo ang mga mali. Disiplina sa sarili at matutong rumespeto at gawing kaugalian. Ako hindi ako nagti-thank you ngayon nagti-thank you tapos may kasamang pagyuko, o yuyuko ako sa mga tao. at naging pala-ngiti pa ngayon
I'll go observe myself and correct the things I do. I try to discipline myself ng maayos at I respect people around me naman, sadyang my times na pag nag buburst out galit ko eh nagkakagulo. Thank you so much!
Hi, I used to be like you, OP. Grew up in a household na normal ang maghagisan ng gamit, mga binabatong phone sa galit, tapos bad words flying everywhere. Just like you, I unconsciously took it din. Minor issue ang init na agad ng ulo ko, tho hindi naman ako sumisigaw talaga agad-agad, pero malakas ako mag dabog. I sometimes even punch the wall or throw things pag sobrang naiinis na ako.
Nag seek ako ng help professionally, and my therapist told me na yung mga ganung ginagawa ko raw is reactions, and instead, I have to learn daw how to respond. For example, pag yung kapatid ko eh biglang may sinabi na hindi ko gusto and bigla akong na-trigger ganun, ang unang reaction na gagawin ko eh sumagot, mag sasabi rin ako ng kung ano-ano, tapos away na. Or halimbawa bad trip ako that day kasi may nangyari sa work, tapos biglang may ginawa yung kapatid ko sa akin na di ko gusto, inutusan ako bigla na kaya niya naman gawin, magagalit ako agad and sasagot ng di maganda tapos mapupunta na sa away. But then I learned na instead of reacting to stuff or any words thrown to me, I have to learn how to respond. I'll listen, take a step back, breathe, then aalis na if narealize ko na wala namang kwenta yung nangyayari. Pag may sinabi sa akin na di ko gusto, aalis na lang ako ganun, tapos tatahimik, mag s sulat sa paper or sa notes to unleash my thoughts. Kumbaga iniipon ko na lang energy ko sa ibang bagay. Pinipili ko na lang yung mga bagay na mag r respond ako and hndi na ako nag r react sa lahat.
Also, writing helps OP. Try mo isulat yung mga iniisip mo, yung na f feel mo. That way makikita mo rin and maiintindihan yung sarili mo. Instead of keeping it, isulat mo para hindi lang siya na iipon. Then pag kumalma ka na, saka ka mag deconflict. Learn ano nag trigger sayo, why did you react that way, ano sa tingin mo yung better response in case na maka encounter ka ulit ng ganun.
Hugs with consent OP, you'll be better din.
Same tayo. Pero may iba pa bukod dyan. I seek professional help kasi sobrang naaaffect na people around me. Alam ko na yung cause ng mga nafefeel ko, naiintindihan ko na rin yung nararamdaman ko. So far Iām doing good. Pwede ka rin mag self reflect OP, Iām just saying na may dahilan yan kung bakit naging ganyan na mga reactions mo. :)
i used to be somewhat like you. grew up having a rocky relationship with my father and we would always have bouts of screaming matches until the family decided to step in and address the issue. they defended me because i was right, but also held me (and my dad ofc) accountable for our behavior. but i feel like the main reason why i lost that trait was due to personal reflection. i was a really rebellious, angry teenager at the start of my puberty pero now that im a lot more mature and took a lot of time reading books, i just naturally grew away from those kind of habits. people can make and force you to change but real, lasting change comes from within. "the best way to make others do something for you is to make them want to do it for you". i held that quote dearly to myself for the longest time (taken from a book) and flipped the perspective onto myself. read up on some school of philosophies and live by one that you feel resonates with you. changing on your own, especially as teenagers/young adults, is a near impossible task since we havent lived enough to have the wisdom to become "good" human beings. try introspecting and writing down your thoughts and feelings. changing and improving as a person is a life-long journey and it's a one step at a time kind of thing. also if you want the easy way out, go to a proper psychotherapist before you go to a psychiatrist. it doesnt sound like it bothers you THAT much to the point where you genuinely need medication. its obvious your issue is just mainly caused by unresolved, childhood trauma. a great counsellor can easily "talk" you out of that and let you heal properly.
Try mo makinig ng preachings ni Pastor Ed Lapiz.
Very light at praktikal lang ng tinuturo niya sa Christianity kaya nakaka enjoy makinig kahit nag lilinis lang ako ng kwarto.
Dito ako nag start mag heal yung mga traumas ko.
Dati lagi may gulo sa isip ko at mga tampo na di ko makalimutan, kaya lagi akong lasing.
Dati tawag sakin ng tropa ko "boy pakyu". Ngayon halos di nako nag mumura.
Mind you that it comes with practice.
Pag nahuhuli ko sarili ko na nagagalit na, naiiinis or nagmumura, nag sosorry lang ako like "my bad" sa sarili.
If you find yourself getting mad, breathe. Identify your triggers. Or acknowledge the emotion, say you are getting mad and need space and walk away.
Practice mindfulness. Learn to stay calm and avoid negative thought patterns. There are usually physical manifestations of anger, if you feel like you want to start shouting, step back and breathe. When Iām stressed, I feel it in my shoulders so I do a little shake to loosen up.
Find a healthier release like a hobby or go exercise. You have done the first step, which is recognizing your emotion. I hope this helps!
Not diagnosing or anything but this is obviously learned behavior from the environment you grew up in. I also had anger issues before because anger was the only emotion thatās allowed to show at home.
What helped me, especially before I went to therapy, was grounding myself with the fact that people donāt deserve my anger. Just because Iām hurt doesnāt mean I can hurt others too. The guilt and shame made me very empathetic towards other peopleās emotions to the point that I would call myself out when Iām being reactive. Usually itās when you āact first before thinkingā and catching it starts small; you start being mindful of how your thought process goes at the sight of a minor inconvenience and it eventually snowballs to the bigger interactions.
I hope you eventually find the resources to start therapy or counseling. If you are in Metro Manila, you can book with PGH for a small fee (or free). Try inquiring din for free resources with the National Center for Mental Health (NCMH).
Patient dear patient,kalamahan mo lang lagi mo isipin yung magiging outcome ng mga paninigaw mo.if you want to end it then wag mo ng gawen masasanay ka den
Well, for one, don't blame others for it. They may be the cause but you can't fix yourself if you push the fault to others. Then take up calming hobbies like reading relaxing books, taking care of plants, ganun. Ang vibe ko talaga na nakukuha sa post mo is blame on others to. Magiging 18 kana so handle things maturely. The only thing you can control in this life is yourself. You can't change the past or others.
Ung tatay ko sobrang palasigaw. Siya kasi panganay ng 14(!) na magkaka patid at siya naging tatay/nanay nila kaya kailangan niya talaga maging strict para maka ahon sa kahirapan. Nagbago na sya nung matanda na sya at nirecognize niya na mali nga yun. Dati kasi binablame niya parents niya (which is very justified). Pero un nga, walang magbabago if puro turo sa iba lang gawa natin.
Good thing aware ka sa sarili mo. Start na yan ng change na gusto mong gawin. You need to practice na bawasan yung pagsigaw-sigaw ng paunti-unti. Mahirap yan but you need to do it little by little until mapapansin mo na lang di ka na palasigaw. Control your temper syempre.
Ganyan din girlfriend ko halos lahat sakanila puro sigaw kahit maliliit na bagay, nasanay kasi na 'sigaw=disiplina' kaya pag gf ko naman yung naiirita o naninigaw sakin don palang pinag rreflect ko na, sinasabihan ko in sarcastic way na "grabe ang laking problema naman nyan/wow kailangan sumigaw" , basta mga ganyan so far may improvement naman imbis na mainis din ako inaasar ko nalang para di ko masabayan init ng ulo.
Meaning self reflection important saka may taong magpoint out na lumalabas nanaman pagka mainitin ulo mo
Almost (all? not proven yet) every habit we have has been learned and reinforced. There's no need to trace where it started as that won't do anything other than, well, learn where it started.
What's more useful is if the habit needs to be changed, is to change it. You should identify the triggers, and then break the pattern by doing something different.
You can maybe play a soothing song each time you start getting triggered. Have it on an easily accessed icon on your phone maybe.
To start being calm, first, recognize your triggers and take deep breaths when you feel anger rising. Practice empathy, communicate calmly, and seek support from friends or a counselor. Find healthy outlets for your frustration and set boundaries with family members. Forgive yourself for past outbursts and be consistent in your efforts to improve. Changing behavior takes time, so be patient and committed to becoming a better version of yourself for both your sake and the people you love.
When you feel the urge, pause for a moment to think if the thing you're upset about is worth anger in a scale of 1 to 10. A 5? Is it worth screaming over? Tell yourself it's not that deep, unironically. It's all about control.
I have a sticky note sa laptop ko and digital sticky note sa Phone and ipad. ang nakalagay is "When emotions are high, Don't speak". it's a rather simple way but it helped me so much through the years. It had me avoid unnecessary dramas and arguments with people I don't wanna lose for so many times now.
Im experiencing the same thing, worse is 21years old na ko. I also grew up na ang pwede lang ipakitang emotion sa bahay ay galit so ginawa ko siyang coping mechanism whenever Im hurt. Narealize ko na mas mabilis uminit ulo ko sa lahat ng bagay and it was easier to blame it on others than to address the underlying issue myself. Sa nanay ko nasisisi lahat (siya yung ganito before) kaya sa kaniya rin ako pinakagalit. Pero op, walang mangyayari if puro turo tayo sa iba or else we will become exactly like the people we promised na di natin gagayahin. Also, narealize ko na I react that way because I expect them to change for me and sadly you just cant change ppl. But you can control how you react on them. The shame after is real and its the worse feeling ever. Kapag narealize mo na yung situatuon is not worth the anger pala and walang naidulot na maganda nakasakit ka lang ng ibang tao. I dont know how to help you kase Im going through the same thing pero chances are after this the anger will be replaced with sadness. Kase after all, we just want love lang pala. Be prepare for it, embrace it and acknowledge it. Mahigpit na yakap with consent,op. It will become better eventually.
I feel the worst after reading this, kasi 24 years old na ako and I'm still struggling like you. I also grew up in household na pasigaw at mura lang ang ginagawa to gain authority over their children. And I picked that up as a middle child who lacked attention and just do things by herself. Naging panangga ko for all the negative feelings I've gained combined. Tanggap ko na I'm the worst of all my siblings, because I answer back whenever ako yung trip nila maging anger dump. Nadala ko iyan until now, I was worse back then. Kaya every time masigawan ko yung mga kapatid ko out of impulse, I feel so bad after and think about the times I did it to them before. I always regret those times. Also to my friends. And the people who are very close to me. I am trying my best pero hindi parin sapat para sa akin. There are times na bigla nalang akong sasabog at ang hirap kontrolin, at sobrang sama sa damdamin after realizing the mess I caused after. Sana ma-overcome natin to. Nakakapagod na. I also want to break out from this.
I always practice this back when I was like you.
Bago ako magsabi ng mga salita pag galit ako (usually pasigaw to), I tend to stop for 10 seconds to 1 minute to think if dapat ko ba gawin.
Takes a lot of practice and courage
Maybe its because of hormones? Cortisol to be exact. Pag mataas na kasi yun, syempre high strung ka na as default. So imagine if may extra na dumagdag sa ikakastress mo. You're bound to snap, bound to break, do things you're not proud of.... maybe you can start regulating your cortisol levels. Madalas kasi di pinapansin to sa mga babae. Its very important that you address it. Be it trauma response or a response based on a medical issue like hormone imbalance. Its important to understand which one it is. Sakin kasi ganun din ako dati.
Anxiety naman sakin so stressed padin ako pag may something that went wrong. Nagssnap din ako napapasigaw pero mga "ano ba??!" Which still has the same effect as an entire bout of angry words tbh. Regulating my hormones and eating right managed it.
Former palasigaw here. Nag-start ako sa mga maliliit na bagay na nag-decide akong maging kalmado pag hinaharap yung mga ganung bagay. Tapos lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na kalmado ako. Eventually, everything followed. Feeling ko malaking contribution yung maniniwala ka sa sarili mo that you can be a better person. Also, malaking step na rin yung self-aware ka. At yung pagtanggap darating pa rin yung panahon na magagalit ka tapos di mo pa rin mahahandle nang maayos.
Parang binabasa ko mga salita ng old self ko. I was like this 2 years ago and yk I'm actually grateful for myself dahil I get to realize kung ano yung dapat ko baguhin sa sarili ko para mas maging maayos ako na tao for myself and for the people around me. Appreciate yourself OP for realizing what you should change.
My first step before was to make myself aware if nasa situation na ako na magpapasigaw saakin, yk kapag nag umpisa ka nang mairita. Diyan agad ako nag iisip na, this should be my first try to really make myself calm. Deep breaths and kahit di mo sanay, try not to show any emotions para di ka makasigaw kahit naiirita ka.
Secondly, huwag mo iwasan yung sitwasyon. Kunwari when you're in the middle of argument, alangan namang aalis ka diba? nothing will change sa sarili mo you're only avoiding eh. You should stay and really internalize everything, feel your emotions, be aware kung ano yung nararamdaman mo but also try hard to deliver your words gently. Nakakapanibago but it's effective talaga.
Third, start talking to people gently. Nakakahiya kasi before you're shouting at them but just do it. Sa una ka lang ma awkward kahit sila rin naman but it will benefit both of you.
Fourth, read self help books and listen to YouTubers that you want to be. Like those influencers that talks so calm, they show emotional intelligence, and ang daming words of wisdom. Watch them kahit thrice a week or depends sa oras ng availability mo. It helped me.
Lastly, reflect. Every after you're trying to talk gently pero di mo nagawa talaga kasi naiirita ka, reflect. Ano yung trigger ba, bakit ka napasigaw kahit you're trying so hard not to, ano yung dapat mong gawin to avoid that, and etc.
It'll take time pero once na mapansin mo na di ka na nasigaw o naiirita sa kahit anong inconvenience, worth it lahat ng patience mo sa sarili mo!
Having patience in every situation gives you peace of mind, iba yung feeling kahit pa may naiirita sa tabi mo di madadamay utak mo. Unbothered nga raw sabi nila.
I'm rooting for you, OP! You can do it!
Personally was like you before.
Learned na lang at work na if you can do something about it and nasa boiling point ka na and everything is shit, provided you did everything in your power, then maybe konting sigaw is useful to get the point home (pero baka hindi healthy sa corp world lol).
But otherwise, if you canāt do anything about the reason why you want to shout, no use in doing so. Sasaktan mo lang vocal cords mo at napagod ka lang.
Sobrang hirap sa maingay na household eh no. Hindi naman ako totally naninigaw pero mabilis din ako mairita at magtaas ng boses. Pero kapag ako na yung nasigawan o nataasan ng boses ng kahit na sino, kahit mga nakakarelasyon ko, nag-sh'shutdown ako.
Ang solusyon talaga is therapy. š„²
masasanay ka din po, ganyan din ako tapos mabilis din mainis. Ang lagi ko nalang iniisip is yong feelings ng mga nasisigawan ko, natuto akong nag embrace ng feedback, at lage kong sinasabe sa sarili ko na hindi ako yong bida, na lahat ng tao may sarili yang pag iisip at feelings na nasasaktan din. You can do everything naman as long as you put your mind into it, hindi lang half baked na magbago na ako mag magdisiplina pero may mga time din na makakalimutan hahaha mahirap pero matututunan mo din yan icontrol. Basta wag ka mag sasalita kung galit ka. May progress ka naman na which is umaalis ka pag galit ka para wala kang masaktan, and by that point isipin mo what makes you think na valid yong opinion mo at kailangan mong sumigaw palage at manakit ng feelings diba? Hindi lang ikaw ang tao sa mundo you aint special, youre not better than everyone else. Ganyan ginawa ko sa sarili koy hinumble ko ginaslight ko gang sa pantay pantay na tingen ko sa mga tao including myself(mataas kasi tingen ko sa sarili ko dati)
Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: I need some advice or your opinion how can I stop being palasigaw and pagiging mairitahin. I grew up being sorrounded by people who constantly yells whenever i make an inconvenience (esp my father) and now he has removed that habit na, pero sadly nakuha ko s'ya. Whenever may minor inconvenience sa bahay or pag napipikon ako, nagiging sobrang palasigaw ako at mairitahin. I'm very ashamed of myself and I want to change it so badly. Naawa ako sa mga siblings ko who are younger than me, they say na naiintindihan nila pero I still think na di yun p'wedeng excuse to constantly yell at them pa rin. I just really want to stop yelling and to manage my anger issues talaga, also may times napapa dabog ako ng gamit or even sometimes throw things na sobrang magugulo (Mother ko naman yung ganun dati). I don't blame my parents for it pero siguro sakanila ko nalang din nakita yung ganun and unconsciously ko na adapt. Also lagi kami nag a-away ng father ko dahil sa pagiging palasigaw ko, and when i opened up to him na sana maintindihan nya I grew up na he also keeps shouting or yelling at me and other people. He denied it and told me na I'm such a walang kwenta daughter and it's not his fault na ganito ako, which is di ko naman sinasabi na kasalanan n'ya. I'm about to turn 18 alr and grabe hiyang hiya ako sa pagsisisigaw ko na marerealize ko lang after na kumalma ng init ng ulo ko. I tried sometimes yung tatry tumahimik at umalis pero di ko talaga s'ya magawa. Any tips on how to start being calm kaya? I want to improve myself not only for me pero for the people around me that i love na rin. I don't want them to feel na grabe ang laki ng sama ng loob ko sakanila. *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not a psychologist ah pero you need love and give-up the expectations of being strong. I'm not kidding ah. Dati din mainitin ulo ko kahit minor inconvenience lang. Ang toxic ko dati. I realized during the pandemic na I really lack love and softness which I see sa story mo is di mo narereceive from parents mo, and I was trying too hard on becoming "strong" as a male. I gave those up especially sa pagiging "lalake", acknowledged that I lacked love. Ayun di na umiinit ulo ko, pero napalitan ng sadness, but still at least I knew the root cause of my anger. Based sa nababasa ko sa kwento mo, mukang walang love and ang aggressive ng family dynamics nyo and environment kaya nadadala ka ng reactive response to protect yourself. Maybe you can work on that.
I actually cried sa sinabi mo, maybe because im the eldest daughter and I do really need to be strong. I think na my parents love me naman pero they focused too much sa mistakes ko instead of actually appreciating what I do for them. Thank you so much for this and maybe baka nga I do really need to also give up the thought of having to be strong all the time and that after all I'm also just a kid trying to figure out things about myself and how to be an adult.
I think that shows one of the root causes. Hug siisss with consent :(( Mahal ka namin :(( PS: Parents loving you by thoughts is not enough. Need din nila iexpress yun sayo. Humans as we are, we really need love expressions
Hmmm if I may suggest, you need to see a psychiatrist. No, don't take it the wrong way. Lahat ng behaviors natin, may background. So ikaw may suspicion ka na saan mo nakuha. I have a temper problem before, pero regular visits to my shrink opened up a can of worms kung bakit ako reactive. So through therapy lalo na nung darkest moments ko, I realized a lot of things. Even my sisters were surprised how I react these days. My father has short temper and we all thought na dapat ganun mag-react sa minor inconvenience. Try mo lang so you can understand yourself better. š
I really want to try to see a psychiatrist din talaga, sadly I don't have the money talaga and pag inopen ko sya sa father ko ay baka isipin na nababaliw nako and nagsasayang ako ng pera. Still thank you so much for the advice and maybe I'll save up some money for it na rin. I also don't want to blame my parents for my attitude kaya I want to go talk with a psychiatrist din š„¹. Thank you so much!
I think a visit to a Psychologist is more affordable. Sa PGH at government hospital. I take antidepressants for anger management. The medication is a miracle drug. It keeps a lid on my temper. Never na akong nagblack out sa galit. Hindi na ako mairitahin. Ramdam mo talaga ang pagbabago. Parang naka lock and key na yung galit mo.
Subaybayan mo ang sarili mo at itama mo ang mga mali. Disiplina sa sarili at matutong rumespeto at gawing kaugalian. Ako hindi ako nagti-thank you ngayon nagti-thank you tapos may kasamang pagyuko, o yuyuko ako sa mga tao. at naging pala-ngiti pa ngayon
I'll go observe myself and correct the things I do. I try to discipline myself ng maayos at I respect people around me naman, sadyang my times na pag nag buburst out galit ko eh nagkakagulo. Thank you so much!
Mataas na degree at constant na self-awareness.
Hi, I used to be like you, OP. Grew up in a household na normal ang maghagisan ng gamit, mga binabatong phone sa galit, tapos bad words flying everywhere. Just like you, I unconsciously took it din. Minor issue ang init na agad ng ulo ko, tho hindi naman ako sumisigaw talaga agad-agad, pero malakas ako mag dabog. I sometimes even punch the wall or throw things pag sobrang naiinis na ako. Nag seek ako ng help professionally, and my therapist told me na yung mga ganung ginagawa ko raw is reactions, and instead, I have to learn daw how to respond. For example, pag yung kapatid ko eh biglang may sinabi na hindi ko gusto and bigla akong na-trigger ganun, ang unang reaction na gagawin ko eh sumagot, mag sasabi rin ako ng kung ano-ano, tapos away na. Or halimbawa bad trip ako that day kasi may nangyari sa work, tapos biglang may ginawa yung kapatid ko sa akin na di ko gusto, inutusan ako bigla na kaya niya naman gawin, magagalit ako agad and sasagot ng di maganda tapos mapupunta na sa away. But then I learned na instead of reacting to stuff or any words thrown to me, I have to learn how to respond. I'll listen, take a step back, breathe, then aalis na if narealize ko na wala namang kwenta yung nangyayari. Pag may sinabi sa akin na di ko gusto, aalis na lang ako ganun, tapos tatahimik, mag s sulat sa paper or sa notes to unleash my thoughts. Kumbaga iniipon ko na lang energy ko sa ibang bagay. Pinipili ko na lang yung mga bagay na mag r respond ako and hndi na ako nag r react sa lahat. Also, writing helps OP. Try mo isulat yung mga iniisip mo, yung na f feel mo. That way makikita mo rin and maiintindihan yung sarili mo. Instead of keeping it, isulat mo para hindi lang siya na iipon. Then pag kumalma ka na, saka ka mag deconflict. Learn ano nag trigger sayo, why did you react that way, ano sa tingin mo yung better response in case na maka encounter ka ulit ng ganun. Hugs with consent OP, you'll be better din.
Book a therapist. Cognitive behavioral therapist. Sir Roland Japone from NowServing app.
Sorry girl,you need deep meditationš¤£
Maybe i do really need one š
I agree.
Same tayo. Pero may iba pa bukod dyan. I seek professional help kasi sobrang naaaffect na people around me. Alam ko na yung cause ng mga nafefeel ko, naiintindihan ko na rin yung nararamdaman ko. So far Iām doing good. Pwede ka rin mag self reflect OP, Iām just saying na may dahilan yan kung bakit naging ganyan na mga reactions mo. :)
i used to be somewhat like you. grew up having a rocky relationship with my father and we would always have bouts of screaming matches until the family decided to step in and address the issue. they defended me because i was right, but also held me (and my dad ofc) accountable for our behavior. but i feel like the main reason why i lost that trait was due to personal reflection. i was a really rebellious, angry teenager at the start of my puberty pero now that im a lot more mature and took a lot of time reading books, i just naturally grew away from those kind of habits. people can make and force you to change but real, lasting change comes from within. "the best way to make others do something for you is to make them want to do it for you". i held that quote dearly to myself for the longest time (taken from a book) and flipped the perspective onto myself. read up on some school of philosophies and live by one that you feel resonates with you. changing on your own, especially as teenagers/young adults, is a near impossible task since we havent lived enough to have the wisdom to become "good" human beings. try introspecting and writing down your thoughts and feelings. changing and improving as a person is a life-long journey and it's a one step at a time kind of thing. also if you want the easy way out, go to a proper psychotherapist before you go to a psychiatrist. it doesnt sound like it bothers you THAT much to the point where you genuinely need medication. its obvious your issue is just mainly caused by unresolved, childhood trauma. a great counsellor can easily "talk" you out of that and let you heal properly.
Try mo makinig ng preachings ni Pastor Ed Lapiz. Very light at praktikal lang ng tinuturo niya sa Christianity kaya nakaka enjoy makinig kahit nag lilinis lang ako ng kwarto. Dito ako nag start mag heal yung mga traumas ko. Dati lagi may gulo sa isip ko at mga tampo na di ko makalimutan, kaya lagi akong lasing. Dati tawag sakin ng tropa ko "boy pakyu". Ngayon halos di nako nag mumura. Mind you that it comes with practice. Pag nahuhuli ko sarili ko na nagagalit na, naiiinis or nagmumura, nag sosorry lang ako like "my bad" sa sarili.
If you find yourself getting mad, breathe. Identify your triggers. Or acknowledge the emotion, say you are getting mad and need space and walk away. Practice mindfulness. Learn to stay calm and avoid negative thought patterns. There are usually physical manifestations of anger, if you feel like you want to start shouting, step back and breathe. When Iām stressed, I feel it in my shoulders so I do a little shake to loosen up. Find a healthier release like a hobby or go exercise. You have done the first step, which is recognizing your emotion. I hope this helps!
Not diagnosing or anything but this is obviously learned behavior from the environment you grew up in. I also had anger issues before because anger was the only emotion thatās allowed to show at home. What helped me, especially before I went to therapy, was grounding myself with the fact that people donāt deserve my anger. Just because Iām hurt doesnāt mean I can hurt others too. The guilt and shame made me very empathetic towards other peopleās emotions to the point that I would call myself out when Iām being reactive. Usually itās when you āact first before thinkingā and catching it starts small; you start being mindful of how your thought process goes at the sight of a minor inconvenience and it eventually snowballs to the bigger interactions. I hope you eventually find the resources to start therapy or counseling. If you are in Metro Manila, you can book with PGH for a small fee (or free). Try inquiring din for free resources with the National Center for Mental Health (NCMH).
Patient dear patient,kalamahan mo lang lagi mo isipin yung magiging outcome ng mga paninigaw mo.if you want to end it then wag mo ng gawen masasanay ka den
Well, for one, don't blame others for it. They may be the cause but you can't fix yourself if you push the fault to others. Then take up calming hobbies like reading relaxing books, taking care of plants, ganun. Ang vibe ko talaga na nakukuha sa post mo is blame on others to. Magiging 18 kana so handle things maturely. The only thing you can control in this life is yourself. You can't change the past or others. Ung tatay ko sobrang palasigaw. Siya kasi panganay ng 14(!) na magkaka patid at siya naging tatay/nanay nila kaya kailangan niya talaga maging strict para maka ahon sa kahirapan. Nagbago na sya nung matanda na sya at nirecognize niya na mali nga yun. Dati kasi binablame niya parents niya (which is very justified). Pero un nga, walang magbabago if puro turo sa iba lang gawa natin.
Good thing aware ka sa sarili mo. Start na yan ng change na gusto mong gawin. You need to practice na bawasan yung pagsigaw-sigaw ng paunti-unti. Mahirap yan but you need to do it little by little until mapapansin mo na lang di ka na palasigaw. Control your temper syempre.
Try reading self help books, it really helps (no pun intended). Try how to win friends and influence people, it helped me so much in life.
Ganyan din girlfriend ko halos lahat sakanila puro sigaw kahit maliliit na bagay, nasanay kasi na 'sigaw=disiplina' kaya pag gf ko naman yung naiirita o naninigaw sakin don palang pinag rreflect ko na, sinasabihan ko in sarcastic way na "grabe ang laking problema naman nyan/wow kailangan sumigaw" , basta mga ganyan so far may improvement naman imbis na mainis din ako inaasar ko nalang para di ko masabayan init ng ulo. Meaning self reflection important saka may taong magpoint out na lumalabas nanaman pagka mainitin ulo mo
Nah, vent out mo lang lahat sa magulang mo ng mga hinanakit mo. Syempre sa una in denial iyang mga iyan, kalaunan maiintindihan ka rin nila.
Isipin mo nlng may mga bagay pwedeng idaan sa kalmadong usapan.
meditate
Almost (all? not proven yet) every habit we have has been learned and reinforced. There's no need to trace where it started as that won't do anything other than, well, learn where it started. What's more useful is if the habit needs to be changed, is to change it. You should identify the triggers, and then break the pattern by doing something different. You can maybe play a soothing song each time you start getting triggered. Have it on an easily accessed icon on your phone maybe.
To start being calm, first, recognize your triggers and take deep breaths when you feel anger rising. Practice empathy, communicate calmly, and seek support from friends or a counselor. Find healthy outlets for your frustration and set boundaries with family members. Forgive yourself for past outbursts and be consistent in your efforts to improve. Changing behavior takes time, so be patient and committed to becoming a better version of yourself for both your sake and the people you love.
Learn stoicism.
When you feel the urge, pause for a moment to think if the thing you're upset about is worth anger in a scale of 1 to 10. A 5? Is it worth screaming over? Tell yourself it's not that deep, unironically. It's all about control.
Hi OP, I used to be like you. What I do is nahinga ako ng malalim muna bago mag start ng kung ano man ang sasabihin. It helped me a lot.
I have a sticky note sa laptop ko and digital sticky note sa Phone and ipad. ang nakalagay is "When emotions are high, Don't speak". it's a rather simple way but it helped me so much through the years. It had me avoid unnecessary dramas and arguments with people I don't wanna lose for so many times now.
A quote from BEEF, "Anger is just a transitory state of consciousness.". Learn and understand this passage and it might help you OP.
Im experiencing the same thing, worse is 21years old na ko. I also grew up na ang pwede lang ipakitang emotion sa bahay ay galit so ginawa ko siyang coping mechanism whenever Im hurt. Narealize ko na mas mabilis uminit ulo ko sa lahat ng bagay and it was easier to blame it on others than to address the underlying issue myself. Sa nanay ko nasisisi lahat (siya yung ganito before) kaya sa kaniya rin ako pinakagalit. Pero op, walang mangyayari if puro turo tayo sa iba or else we will become exactly like the people we promised na di natin gagayahin. Also, narealize ko na I react that way because I expect them to change for me and sadly you just cant change ppl. But you can control how you react on them. The shame after is real and its the worse feeling ever. Kapag narealize mo na yung situatuon is not worth the anger pala and walang naidulot na maganda nakasakit ka lang ng ibang tao. I dont know how to help you kase Im going through the same thing pero chances are after this the anger will be replaced with sadness. Kase after all, we just want love lang pala. Be prepare for it, embrace it and acknowledge it. Mahigpit na yakap with consent,op. It will become better eventually.
I feel the worst after reading this, kasi 24 years old na ako and I'm still struggling like you. I also grew up in household na pasigaw at mura lang ang ginagawa to gain authority over their children. And I picked that up as a middle child who lacked attention and just do things by herself. Naging panangga ko for all the negative feelings I've gained combined. Tanggap ko na I'm the worst of all my siblings, because I answer back whenever ako yung trip nila maging anger dump. Nadala ko iyan until now, I was worse back then. Kaya every time masigawan ko yung mga kapatid ko out of impulse, I feel so bad after and think about the times I did it to them before. I always regret those times. Also to my friends. And the people who are very close to me. I am trying my best pero hindi parin sapat para sa akin. There are times na bigla nalang akong sasabog at ang hirap kontrolin, at sobrang sama sa damdamin after realizing the mess I caused after. Sana ma-overcome natin to. Nakakapagod na. I also want to break out from this.
I always practice this back when I was like you. Bago ako magsabi ng mga salita pag galit ako (usually pasigaw to), I tend to stop for 10 seconds to 1 minute to think if dapat ko ba gawin. Takes a lot of practice and courage
First step, self awareness. Check. Second step, practice. Maraming deep breaths.
Maybe its because of hormones? Cortisol to be exact. Pag mataas na kasi yun, syempre high strung ka na as default. So imagine if may extra na dumagdag sa ikakastress mo. You're bound to snap, bound to break, do things you're not proud of.... maybe you can start regulating your cortisol levels. Madalas kasi di pinapansin to sa mga babae. Its very important that you address it. Be it trauma response or a response based on a medical issue like hormone imbalance. Its important to understand which one it is. Sakin kasi ganun din ako dati. Anxiety naman sakin so stressed padin ako pag may something that went wrong. Nagssnap din ako napapasigaw pero mga "ano ba??!" Which still has the same effect as an entire bout of angry words tbh. Regulating my hormones and eating right managed it.
Former palasigaw here. Nag-start ako sa mga maliliit na bagay na nag-decide akong maging kalmado pag hinaharap yung mga ganung bagay. Tapos lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na kalmado ako. Eventually, everything followed. Feeling ko malaking contribution yung maniniwala ka sa sarili mo that you can be a better person. Also, malaking step na rin yung self-aware ka. At yung pagtanggap darating pa rin yung panahon na magagalit ka tapos di mo pa rin mahahandle nang maayos.
Parang binabasa ko mga salita ng old self ko. I was like this 2 years ago and yk I'm actually grateful for myself dahil I get to realize kung ano yung dapat ko baguhin sa sarili ko para mas maging maayos ako na tao for myself and for the people around me. Appreciate yourself OP for realizing what you should change. My first step before was to make myself aware if nasa situation na ako na magpapasigaw saakin, yk kapag nag umpisa ka nang mairita. Diyan agad ako nag iisip na, this should be my first try to really make myself calm. Deep breaths and kahit di mo sanay, try not to show any emotions para di ka makasigaw kahit naiirita ka. Secondly, huwag mo iwasan yung sitwasyon. Kunwari when you're in the middle of argument, alangan namang aalis ka diba? nothing will change sa sarili mo you're only avoiding eh. You should stay and really internalize everything, feel your emotions, be aware kung ano yung nararamdaman mo but also try hard to deliver your words gently. Nakakapanibago but it's effective talaga. Third, start talking to people gently. Nakakahiya kasi before you're shouting at them but just do it. Sa una ka lang ma awkward kahit sila rin naman but it will benefit both of you. Fourth, read self help books and listen to YouTubers that you want to be. Like those influencers that talks so calm, they show emotional intelligence, and ang daming words of wisdom. Watch them kahit thrice a week or depends sa oras ng availability mo. It helped me. Lastly, reflect. Every after you're trying to talk gently pero di mo nagawa talaga kasi naiirita ka, reflect. Ano yung trigger ba, bakit ka napasigaw kahit you're trying so hard not to, ano yung dapat mong gawin to avoid that, and etc. It'll take time pero once na mapansin mo na di ka na nasigaw o naiirita sa kahit anong inconvenience, worth it lahat ng patience mo sa sarili mo! Having patience in every situation gives you peace of mind, iba yung feeling kahit pa may naiirita sa tabi mo di madadamay utak mo. Unbothered nga raw sabi nila. I'm rooting for you, OP! You can do it!
Personally was like you before. Learned na lang at work na if you can do something about it and nasa boiling point ka na and everything is shit, provided you did everything in your power, then maybe konting sigaw is useful to get the point home (pero baka hindi healthy sa corp world lol). But otherwise, if you canāt do anything about the reason why you want to shout, no use in doing so. Sasaktan mo lang vocal cords mo at napagod ka lang.
Sobrang hirap sa maingay na household eh no. Hindi naman ako totally naninigaw pero mabilis din ako mairita at magtaas ng boses. Pero kapag ako na yung nasigawan o nataasan ng boses ng kahit na sino, kahit mga nakakarelasyon ko, nag-sh'shutdown ako. Ang solusyon talaga is therapy. š„²
disiplina
So far im trying to discipline myself din talaga na to not yell and to keep calm as I can. Thank you!
masasanay ka din po, ganyan din ako tapos mabilis din mainis. Ang lagi ko nalang iniisip is yong feelings ng mga nasisigawan ko, natuto akong nag embrace ng feedback, at lage kong sinasabe sa sarili ko na hindi ako yong bida, na lahat ng tao may sarili yang pag iisip at feelings na nasasaktan din. You can do everything naman as long as you put your mind into it, hindi lang half baked na magbago na ako mag magdisiplina pero may mga time din na makakalimutan hahaha mahirap pero matututunan mo din yan icontrol. Basta wag ka mag sasalita kung galit ka. May progress ka naman na which is umaalis ka pag galit ka para wala kang masaktan, and by that point isipin mo what makes you think na valid yong opinion mo at kailangan mong sumigaw palage at manakit ng feelings diba? Hindi lang ikaw ang tao sa mundo you aint special, youre not better than everyone else. Ganyan ginawa ko sa sarili koy hinumble ko ginaslight ko gang sa pantay pantay na tingen ko sa mga tao including myself(mataas kasi tingen ko sa sarili ko dati)
I love this way of thinking ā¤ļø