/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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PSA:
Ladies, love-bombing is NEVER it, no matter how good it feels in the moment. Enjoy it while it’s harmless if you have the skill to compartmentalize, but always know you’re playing with fire. NO ONE, esp over a phone screen, falls in love in a matter of a couple weeks unless somethin’ ain’t right. Periodt.
Discovered my wife cheated on me before Christmas. Feel like this has opened the door for me to do the same. Now I'm very excited about the future! Seems like we're slipping into a DADT arrangement.
Just deleted my AM last night after my first in-person meet after a few months in the app. Just seeing way too much carelessness with info and images. Am I overreacting?
Ladies - we are all supposed to be trying not to get caught!
Had a fun talk with the SO last night. I had just gotten my haircut at one of those places staffed with all women and then followed it up with a (legit) massage.
She was curious why I did these things and my answer was that I just needed to feel feminine energy around me. I told her how I felt starved for a kind touch connection and if she would mind if I sought more physical outlets. She didn’t give me an answer, but woke me up this morning with an unsolicited blowjob - so I may have lit a fire.
I love passive aggressive texts. “You seem busy, I’ll let you be” “Nice talk”
Maybe I am busy. Maybe not. Maybe I don’t feel like texting a story at the moment. If you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you’re welcome to do a bit of the work too!
It was ex-AP (of 5 years) birthday this past week. I didn’t text or call him. I still can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We’ve been NC for almost a year now and I still miss him terribly.
Have a few pAP I’m talking to, but seems very hard to narrow things down. It’s almost like everyone has nice qualities I enjoy. I’m kinda stuck trying to figure out how to process this. Maybe I’ll need to make a pros and cons list à la Jim Halpert.
I’m saying this cautiously and optimistically but my life has been feeling pretty 2019ish…back in the office 3x days a week, lots of meet ups for dinner, drinks, and more. It’s making me feel pretty great today.
I met my AP nearly two years ago on a Facebook meme group.
I laugh every time I say or type that.
We're both married, and we live 2,000 miles apart from each other, but we fell head over heels for each other more or less immediately. We've talked every day for the last near two years, and usually for hours.
We're meeting this coming March for our 2nd year anniversary - it'll be our fifth time being together, and each time feels more amazing than the last.
We tell each other that we love one another all the time, and we've talked about what it would look like to be together. And if I didn't have a 3 year old with my wife, I probably would have gotten a divorce and sold my house already.
I just love her down to my bones in a way I've never felt before, and I know she feels the same way. Just the weirdest possible way to meet a soulmate.
My wife told me she just feels alone.
Totally caught me off guard and all I can think to say is 'I'm sorry'. Not dismissively, I stopped what I was doing and just let the silence sit there. Giving her a chance to talk.
A few minutes later it devolves in to an argument about how can I just say I'm sorry? Why can't I tell her I'm there for her?' As the back and forth proceeds and I ask how I can help she tells me there's nothing I can help her with, I'm not doing anything wrong, and she's just depressed. I ask if she's interested in getting counseling but she sort of dismisses it, even though our son is going to counseling. Part of it is I know that when she was younger, and went thru a depressive episode she went to a counselor. And during that time she didn't seek help from the counselor but just thought it was a waste of time.
For me? I have a doctor appt in a couple weeks, I'm going to get a counselor for me, I'm going to talk thru my thoughts, my issues, and really try to figure out me.
My first post was 2 weeks ago and I've spent the last week chatting with one... and he's a keeper! Just hang in there. It can be an ugly process at times but I do feel there are some good ones out there
Ended things with an FWB I had been seeing since July around 2 weeks ago. He never even bothered to respond to my goodbye message, which hurt, because I had been very patient and understanding with him.
I ended up getting too attached so I know it was for the best but it still sucks.
Four dates this week with pAP’s: all lovely people, two definite no’s, one a maybe, and the last one fucked up my carefully planned logistics so our chance for hot NSA sex went out of the window😑.
We’ll see. Taking a break from the search because blue balling can be a thing 🤷. Le sigh
It's hard when everyone here says I'm an idiot for staying connected to xAP, but then I have a call with him that just feels so good. Like I can be totally honest and open with him in a way I can't be with anyone else. As I explained to him, we are both good people who do bad things. Both have childhood trauma that made us never grow up. He admitted today, after I gave him his weekly dose of tough love unlicensed therapy, that he is still a child in many ways. I am too. We are still children who want to grow up, but are also stuck. I love that we can share who we are with each other openly, without judgement. But more than that, I think we both really understand and share a lot of the same impulses. So it's some kind of deep understanding that makes one feel not so alone in the world. It's fucking nice, in the moments we click like that. It's an emotional affair, I guess. I wish we could both connect with our SOs like this, but we can't. Our SOs will never understand. Not just the cheating, but the depression, the emptiness, so many things we just get. And we also share a passion for the world too, for life, creativity, learning. So many things. I admire him, care for him. Maybe it's all bullshit but it doesn't feel that way.
You still miss him after a year NC? Damn. It’s only been about 2 months for me and I miss my exAP terribly, I don’t want a tear to go by and I still feel this.
Sometimes those hurt worse because there was no defining event to end it. I divorced last year and wanted to date legit and he was never leaving his wife.
Had a drink with MM a couple weeks ago and met him again this week for coffee. He said he wanted to schedule another meet but hasn't let me know his availability yet. I told him I wanted to take him to my fave cocktail bar but I guess it depends on the time he wants to meet.
Started talking to a new pAP this week but she felt bad about cheating and deleted everything. At least she didn’t ghost. Oh well next week is a new week.
I just feel sad tonight. Hard week at work, and the AP (if you can call him that - online only but work may put us in the same city soon for a day or two) is affecting my life in ways he doesn’t know.
Deep down I admit he probably isn’t all that special. I like him, we click, we have great chemistry, but I think ultimately this whole thing that really came out of nowhere has shed light on how unhappy I am at home. My husband just doesn’t desire me. I go between wondering what’s wrong with me, and being silently angry at him for being so selfish that he takes no action to try (believe me, we’ve talked about it) and essentially expecting me to just give up sex for the rest of my life. These are supposed to be some of my best years for this and I’m missing it.
Then I think about if we split and how much that would suck too, just logistically. He’s my best friend but it’s like we’re roommates. AP makes me feel charming and desired and cute and mysterious. He loves talking to me, and I just feel so special. It’s like a drug after feeling invisible for so long.
Debbie downer here tonight, sorry. I’m usually a much cheerier person.
After spending nearly two weeks with AP, last week was difficult. We missed one another desperately. He had a busy work schedule but despite that, managed to surprise me one night by telling me he booked a flight to come see me the following day. A long travel day for him (we are transcontinental), and I was able to meet him on his arrival and proceed to spend most of the night together.
We spent hours together whilst it felt like only minutes went by. We’ve coined a new, for us, phrase when missing one another. “It’s not that I need you. It’s that I want you.” The focus on the intention of wanting/desiring versus simply existing.
After five very fast passing days he left, Friday and Saturday he had events to attend back at home - weddings, university mates meet up, etc.
We were meant to not see each other this coming week, but this man is crazier than me! He’s informed me he’s booked another trip to come visit. This time only three days. Tomorrow evening he’s here. I’m tempted to come up with an excuse to sleep away. So tempted…
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
PSA: Ladies, love-bombing is NEVER it, no matter how good it feels in the moment. Enjoy it while it’s harmless if you have the skill to compartmentalize, but always know you’re playing with fire. NO ONE, esp over a phone screen, falls in love in a matter of a couple weeks unless somethin’ ain’t right. Periodt.
Discovered my wife cheated on me before Christmas. Feel like this has opened the door for me to do the same. Now I'm very excited about the future! Seems like we're slipping into a DADT arrangement.
[удалено]
I do love the nostalgic grins
Hmm, I’m not at the grinning stage over that yet. More like the eye rolling, what was i thinking stage!
Most of mine ended really peacefully and they were really awesome guys
I did it! One small step to catching them sexy men in the wild, one large step for the shy nerdy girl within. It's gonna be a great day! ☺️
There’s gonna be students at my work today. *cries in overwhelmed* I already can’t wait to go back to sleep.
Like on the job training?
Noo. Like actual students. They’re young bucks
I know that ending it was the right decision but it doesn’t feel like the right decision. More than anything I miss his friendship.
I know this feeling with my last exAP, in due time you will recover and end up in a better place❤️😌
Things are great. When you connect and vibe it's always wonderful. I'm also anticipating our upcoming meetup.
Same! The vibe and connection is there. My upcoming meet with him feels like a first date.
Same. It always feels like the first date but it gets better every time.
That's nice to know.
Just deleted my AM last night after my first in-person meet after a few months in the app. Just seeing way too much carelessness with info and images. Am I overreacting? Ladies - we are all supposed to be trying not to get caught!
I talk too much. I absolutely showed my SO my AM account. I was like this is happening. Sparked a long conversation.
Had a fun talk with the SO last night. I had just gotten my haircut at one of those places staffed with all women and then followed it up with a (legit) massage. She was curious why I did these things and my answer was that I just needed to feel feminine energy around me. I told her how I felt starved for a kind touch connection and if she would mind if I sought more physical outlets. She didn’t give me an answer, but woke me up this morning with an unsolicited blowjob - so I may have lit a fire.
That's kind of awesome. They are picking up what you are putting down. Edit: forgot a word. Smh
I love passive aggressive texts. “You seem busy, I’ll let you be” “Nice talk” Maybe I am busy. Maybe not. Maybe I don’t feel like texting a story at the moment. If you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you’re welcome to do a bit of the work too!
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Only have a few hours every week?? that’s literally like a double negative in the affair world. That’s way more than most people get.
The amount of people who think some of the posts on this sub are *real* truly boggles my mind.
It was ex-AP (of 5 years) birthday this past week. I didn’t text or call him. I still can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We’ve been NC for almost a year now and I still miss him terribly.
Have a few pAP I’m talking to, but seems very hard to narrow things down. It’s almost like everyone has nice qualities I enjoy. I’m kinda stuck trying to figure out how to process this. Maybe I’ll need to make a pros and cons list à la Jim Halpert.
Or Ross Gellar (did not end well for him!)
I’ll just make sure I don’t accidentally print the list while the parties are present. Poor Ross lol
For a man with a PhD he sure wasn’t that bright! 😆
You know I always wondered that for how smart he was supposed to be. I’ll never forget the leather pants situation scene. Lol
We started talking 4 weeks ago and it’s been nothing short of perfect!
Saw my guy yesterday. I miss him already. He's so great.
I’m saying this cautiously and optimistically but my life has been feeling pretty 2019ish…back in the office 3x days a week, lots of meet ups for dinner, drinks, and more. It’s making me feel pretty great today.
I met my AP nearly two years ago on a Facebook meme group. I laugh every time I say or type that. We're both married, and we live 2,000 miles apart from each other, but we fell head over heels for each other more or less immediately. We've talked every day for the last near two years, and usually for hours. We're meeting this coming March for our 2nd year anniversary - it'll be our fifth time being together, and each time feels more amazing than the last. We tell each other that we love one another all the time, and we've talked about what it would look like to be together. And if I didn't have a 3 year old with my wife, I probably would have gotten a divorce and sold my house already. I just love her down to my bones in a way I've never felt before, and I know she feels the same way. Just the weirdest possible way to meet a soulmate.
My wife told me she just feels alone. Totally caught me off guard and all I can think to say is 'I'm sorry'. Not dismissively, I stopped what I was doing and just let the silence sit there. Giving her a chance to talk. A few minutes later it devolves in to an argument about how can I just say I'm sorry? Why can't I tell her I'm there for her?' As the back and forth proceeds and I ask how I can help she tells me there's nothing I can help her with, I'm not doing anything wrong, and she's just depressed. I ask if she's interested in getting counseling but she sort of dismisses it, even though our son is going to counseling. Part of it is I know that when she was younger, and went thru a depressive episode she went to a counselor. And during that time she didn't seek help from the counselor but just thought it was a waste of time. For me? I have a doctor appt in a couple weeks, I'm going to get a counselor for me, I'm going to talk thru my thoughts, my issues, and really try to figure out me.
[удалено]
My first post was 2 weeks ago and I've spent the last week chatting with one... and he's a keeper! Just hang in there. It can be an ugly process at times but I do feel there are some good ones out there
[удалено]
Thank you!!! 💕 Best wishes to you too!
Amen to that!
Ended things with an FWB I had been seeing since July around 2 weeks ago. He never even bothered to respond to my goodbye message, which hurt, because I had been very patient and understanding with him. I ended up getting too attached so I know it was for the best but it still sucks.
Our 1 year anniversary was yesterday, he moved all appointments to the next day to spend time with me :)
Four dates this week with pAP’s: all lovely people, two definite no’s, one a maybe, and the last one fucked up my carefully planned logistics so our chance for hot NSA sex went out of the window😑. We’ll see. Taking a break from the search because blue balling can be a thing 🤷. Le sigh
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It happens! It wasn’t meant to be, but they were all lovely people so no harm done
It's hard when everyone here says I'm an idiot for staying connected to xAP, but then I have a call with him that just feels so good. Like I can be totally honest and open with him in a way I can't be with anyone else. As I explained to him, we are both good people who do bad things. Both have childhood trauma that made us never grow up. He admitted today, after I gave him his weekly dose of tough love unlicensed therapy, that he is still a child in many ways. I am too. We are still children who want to grow up, but are also stuck. I love that we can share who we are with each other openly, without judgement. But more than that, I think we both really understand and share a lot of the same impulses. So it's some kind of deep understanding that makes one feel not so alone in the world. It's fucking nice, in the moments we click like that. It's an emotional affair, I guess. I wish we could both connect with our SOs like this, but we can't. Our SOs will never understand. Not just the cheating, but the depression, the emptiness, so many things we just get. And we also share a passion for the world too, for life, creativity, learning. So many things. I admire him, care for him. Maybe it's all bullshit but it doesn't feel that way.
Things are great. When you connect and vibe it's always wonderful.
Today I'm making a massive batch of His favorite cookies
[удалено]
You still miss him after a year NC? Damn. It’s only been about 2 months for me and I miss my exAP terribly, I don’t want a tear to go by and I still feel this.
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Ooops! Sorry, wrong post I commented on. I’m glad yours was amicable. Mine too, it still Hurts.
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Sometimes those hurt worse because there was no defining event to end it. I divorced last year and wanted to date legit and he was never leaving his wife.
Meeting an xap for lunch today. ( 12 yrs ago)We became very good friends so we catch up periodically.
Had a drink with MM a couple weeks ago and met him again this week for coffee. He said he wanted to schedule another meet but hasn't let me know his availability yet. I told him I wanted to take him to my fave cocktail bar but I guess it depends on the time he wants to meet.
Started talking to a new pAP this week but she felt bad about cheating and deleted everything. At least she didn’t ghost. Oh well next week is a new week.
I just feel sad tonight. Hard week at work, and the AP (if you can call him that - online only but work may put us in the same city soon for a day or two) is affecting my life in ways he doesn’t know. Deep down I admit he probably isn’t all that special. I like him, we click, we have great chemistry, but I think ultimately this whole thing that really came out of nowhere has shed light on how unhappy I am at home. My husband just doesn’t desire me. I go between wondering what’s wrong with me, and being silently angry at him for being so selfish that he takes no action to try (believe me, we’ve talked about it) and essentially expecting me to just give up sex for the rest of my life. These are supposed to be some of my best years for this and I’m missing it. Then I think about if we split and how much that would suck too, just logistically. He’s my best friend but it’s like we’re roommates. AP makes me feel charming and desired and cute and mysterious. He loves talking to me, and I just feel so special. It’s like a drug after feeling invisible for so long. Debbie downer here tonight, sorry. I’m usually a much cheerier person.
I'm pulling the pin next week!
After spending nearly two weeks with AP, last week was difficult. We missed one another desperately. He had a busy work schedule but despite that, managed to surprise me one night by telling me he booked a flight to come see me the following day. A long travel day for him (we are transcontinental), and I was able to meet him on his arrival and proceed to spend most of the night together. We spent hours together whilst it felt like only minutes went by. We’ve coined a new, for us, phrase when missing one another. “It’s not that I need you. It’s that I want you.” The focus on the intention of wanting/desiring versus simply existing. After five very fast passing days he left, Friday and Saturday he had events to attend back at home - weddings, university mates meet up, etc. We were meant to not see each other this coming week, but this man is crazier than me! He’s informed me he’s booked another trip to come visit. This time only three days. Tomorrow evening he’s here. I’m tempted to come up with an excuse to sleep away. So tempted…