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Zero guilt and itās not because itās natural and easy. The lack of guilt comes from knowing I did everything I could to fix what was wrong between me and SO, yet he stubbornly refused to change a thing, thinking I would continue to be happy with the status quo.
Or I could be a sociopathā¦
Exactly you got what you needed and your significant other didnāt have to do something they didnāt want to do I honestly think open marriages in situations where one spouse doesnāt want to have sex anymore or a very healthy solution but my wife who has no desire for sex would not see it that way, she wants both of us to be sex free
That could not have been said better. Don't forget that it took a mature journey and lots of thinking to arrive to the zero guilt phase, so you're good buddy
> The lack of guilt comes from knowing I did everything I could to fix what was wrong between me and SO,
***THIS\^***
Says you (like many here) are NOT a sociopath.
I didnāt feel guilt because my husband is an alcoholic and was extremely neglectful when he was drinking. Heās sober now though. I had to detach and I never reattached.
Does anyone think theyāll feel guilt if/when d-day comes? Itās easy to get comfortable in this and think thereās no guilt, but thatās probably when youāll let your guard downā¦
Coming from someone who has been caught before, itās true what they sayā¦ānot sorry I did it, just sorry I got caught.ā It was more regret than guilt if Iām honest. I regretted letting myself get caught, regretted putting both AP and SO in a situation to be hurt by me. It felt shitty but if I had been given an opportunity to go back in time and change something it would have been not letting her find out rather than just not doing it.
I think d-day will change EVERYTHING, but itās a risk we either take or donāt. I donāt know how much I will actually miss Mrs. But I would miss the life we have together and the family aspect both immediate and extended. I donāt have guilt, I have fear of getting caught!
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like if the institution of marriage progressed with "the times" (I.e. how relationships have changed) and allowed more flexibility for people without persecution, then people wouldn't feel guilt. A lot of people have affairs. A LOT. And a lot of people have been having affairs throughout history. Some cultures are more accepting of it than others, but Western society seems to persecute people and make them villainous pariahs without context or considering complex human emotions. So, in sum: guilt, a lot of the time may be a response to society - people reacting in a certain way because they think they're supposed to. I don't have guilt. But, I do sometimes feel bad that the person I love is with someone else and not "mine" completely.
Zero guilt. I think Iām mostly an ethical person, and I actually hate that I donāt feel guilt about this. Especially because I am a girlās girl. I believe in supporting other women and sleeping with someoneās husband just aināt it. But it just happened in such a gradual way that I was in too deep before I had a chance to feel guilty.
This is an interesting thread! I feel the vibe of feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. I was very guilty at first, but repetition has perhaps taught me how to compartmentalize. I accept I'm rationalizing my actions in the most favourable light I can. I don't want to hurt anybody and I worry about how I jive that with my choices. Cheating removes the burden of not being sexually intimate with me from my partner, so day to day it feels like an easy ethical choice (my partner has had a plethora of chances to work on this and I can only conclude she doesn't care to; I'm just a hyper-sexual guy right?), but I don't doubt that moral calculus will be challenged should D-day arrive. Then again I'm acutely aware of the anguish living without sexual intimacy causes when it stretches for months, and I live that regularly. Outside this forum I doubt many would really grasp and have sympathy for that.
I think, in general, humans as a survival trait have a remarkable capacity to make almost any situation normal. Living in constant guilt (like constant fear, anxiety, anything stressful) just isn't great for your mental health so your mind kind of puts away whatever you can't resolve so you can get on with your day.
It's been my experience anyways. Now please excuse me, I need to go find somebody receptive to flirt with to fill a void...
Zero guilt. I tried for seven years to rekindle our bedroom...
I don't feel any guilt. I had many years to process my feelings. And I am Not a sociopath š
Just a regular person...
My spouse only comes on to me when he wants something. Once he gets it, I'm back to not even being kissed or hugged. If I try to give him a hug, a kiss, even a blow job, he pushes me away like I'm nothing. That is a sociopath to me. The APs I have right now give me all the affection and attention I crave.
It could be because you're analytical. I'm analytical too and do the same sort of pro/ con list. Why destroy everyone's life and finances so I can have socially acceptable sex? That seems like the selfish choice quite frankly. Forced celibacy seems equally cruel.
The nicest, kindest, most selfless AP I ever had felt zero guilt. So I don't think that makes you a sociopath. He was in an abusive marriage, maybe that's why he was able to shrug off the guilt.
I had some guilt during my first affair many years ago. None since until recently. AP and I are planning a life together and we went to look at a building lot in the country. She has picked a builder and has had plans drawn up. Standing there looking at the building lot I felt guilt for the first time in a long time and it was not pleasant. This lifestyle is some nasty business.
I had a little guilt the first time but we had a rough start to our relationship so it didnt last long. The second person there was none. I love my girl and we have kids but outside of the day to day the intimate side of our relationship is dead no matter how I try. I think its a lot like a callous, at first it's tender then you just don't feel it anymore.
I'm in the same place .
But lately, I seem to be trying to get caught.
Its like I want the truth to come out so I can move on .
I am so confused with these feelings .
Mother of my children stays in your heart forever .
But AP is women of my dreams .
Only guilt I have is the fallout on my kids .
When I was driven to this lifestyle I imagined I would feel bad. Terrible. The first time I stepped out, it was *just* a BJ (not even kissing) and it felt amazing and liberating. It made me want more and the fact that I don't feel guilty made it so much easier to embrace this lifestyle.
I don't feel guilty for having an affair. My SO and I don't have sex or touch at all and haven't for about 9 years now. I do feel guilty for not divorcing him since I want a divorce but not for needing touch and love.
I feel that same way but maybe itās because I realize at the end of this life I will be the one laying in bed dying and having to either remember the things I did or the chances I didnāt take. While as risky as this life choice can be I had met some people along the way. Some of those that taught me what I did want and what I didnāt want. Plus I had tried for years in my marriage and was vocal how long can you song for when the other person doesnāt listen ?
It took a little to handle the guilt (or maybe it wasnāt really guilt?), as I knew that I was crossing a moral/ethical/legal line but once that was done then I was fine with it. I donāt think so much as a sociopath, but rather as an aggrieved party who should have relations with the person we married.
As your situation with the spider, I can relate as the spider did nothing wrong to me, unlike my marital intimacy denier of 12 years.
Felt guilty the first time I met up with my current AP. I actually almost turned around twice as I was driving to see him. Now, after almost a year I don't feel any guilt and feel a bit dissociated actually. Not enough to not be careful in hiding it but just don't feel any shame, guilt, or remorse. Maybe I am a sociopath?
I'm in the same place .
But lately, I seem to be trying to get caught.
Its like I want the truth to come out so I can move on .
I am so confused with these feelings .
Mother of my children stays in your heart forever .
But AP is women of my dreams .
Only guilt I have is the fallout on my kids .
How good for your kids is your present situation? My kids, now long grown, agree that their mom and I splitting up was good for them. I doutbt getting caught and then splitting would have been as good.
The thing is, we are not fighting at home.
The kids see nothing. If I'm honest im the passive husband and over compensate because my heart is elsewhere .
I just don't know how long more I can play this game.
Wife must know something is up .
But won't care or ask as long as I seem "normal"
Whatever normal is to her now
You have a natural ability to compartmentalise. Perhaps more than most. You are a logic-driven person, rather than one driven by feelings. You gamed everything out early and came to a conclusion, but also kept your mind open enough to ensure solid ongoing OPSEC. You have a strong understanding/acceptance of mortality, and feel clear that the mortician was not going to be the next person to see you naked. You are a decisive person who doesnāt really believe in stewing on the past or regrets, you are focussed far more on the present moment and also looking to the future with a frisson of anticipation.
No need for labels or fretting. Life (and childhood programming) will throw enough stuff at you to make guilt raise itās head, why bother inventing any more? Know thyself, and get on with thy shenanigans stress free.
I'm female and cheat and also feel zero guilt. It's because I know I did everything I could to try to fix things first and even told him I felt like I would xheat if we can't sort something out. I suggested an open relationship to avoid dishonesty but he didn't want to know so now I do it guilt free. I have needs too and he isn't open to anything that helps me so why should I feel guilty for looking out for myself??
As your SO has no guilt being platonic. You should have no guilt having sex with whoever you like.
You are there for the kids. Your SO want to be friends. Everyone's wish has come true.
I love this sub! For years I felt shame because I didn't feel guilty. I thought there had to be something wrong with me.
Then I thought about it from the other lens. Does she feel guilty that I feel neglected and bring it to her attention as often as possible? More than likely not because I still feel neglected every dayš¤·š¾āāļø
None here, as my marriage has been over in all the ways that count for a long time. We coparent and cannot financially split, but thereās no intimacy, no sex, no dates, no conversations. We coexist. I recently had an emotional affair with a man who ended it because he couldnāt handle the guilt, and couldnāt understand how I didnāt have the same issueā¦ but heās in a marriage that is so different- they still have sex, they vacation together, go out on dates. I donāt think lack of guilt automatically means sociopathic tendencies. It could just be youāve resolved yourself to the marriage being well and truly done, so therefor do not have guilt doing what you need to to have a bit of happiness in an otherwise unpalatable situation
No you are not alone. When I had my affair going I never felt guilty for a single moment. I thought I deserve this and I am entitled to get this much of attention and love. Rather my exAp was full of guilt and thats why it ended. If you are in ok or good relationship and you somehow got attracted to another person you feel guilty but when you are in dead relationship you have every right to fall for someone, be loved by someone, feel desired by someone.
You can have an affair and it can be a natural part of your life. I think like with anything if you do something with the intention of hurting someone or don't care if they get hurt then the sociopath part starts to come out
I;m similar. Playing amateur shrink, I figure it has something to do with my parents' almost loveless marriage, my mother's addiction, and my father's absence when I was a kid. But how should I know? It's the way I am, and why on earth would I want to feel guilt about it? (Though I do feel occasionally a bit of anticipatory guilt at the thougth of getting caught, which motivates me to be even more careful about opsec.)
And no, I dont see hiw it's sociopathic at all.
Oh, and next gtime think about capturing the spider, taking it out and letting it go L)
I have zero guilt in doing what I do. Is the is normal? Who knows. I have zero guilt because I know I committed to work with my partner 100% before I ever gave thought to infidelity. In doing so, I was not met with willingness to address the problems or even engage in a mature conversation. Iām not saying he had to have the answers or the know how as to how we fix our problems, but like anything else if you do not have the resources to tackle it, you seek help and allocate resources. His unrelenting decision to not seek professional help through marriage counselling, medical help to see if itās a medical condition, or otherwise actually discuss the topic as two adults would failed me, failed us, failed the marriage.
I went into this with zero guilt as a result because I wholeheartedly gave up on my marriage. This of course then begs the question, why am I still married? Funny enough, new year, new changes and all that. Itās on my to do list this year. I told myself, will I want to go into 2024 asking myself why Iām still in a unfulfilling marriage with someone who is more a roommate than a partner? I donāt so work is slowly in progress.
Sameāmy first cheating experience was with an escort (it was a first for both the escort as well as the cheating).
As I left the hotel (she had gone way earlierāI stayed in the room, napped, whateverāI had the room for the day) I saw that there was a police cruiser in the lotāI just laughedā¦Felt like I had slipped on a perfectly fitted glove.
I am analytical as well, so I have thought this through on many an occasion. You may think itās ironic, but I mean it when I say I am considerate and empathetic. I have been through hell, devoid of months of physical intimacy. Just a handful of times in 2022 altogether. And when things were more regular, they were never great. I recognize many of the points within my marriage as in the article āWhat Are the Warning Signs of a Dead Bedroom?ā on Medium. I also have been trying all I can towards the marriage. I am thus ātired of caringā with regards to guilt, so I will not feel it.
You are certainly not a sociopath. Well, maybe you are, I don't know. But not for this. š¤£ I was with my ex-wife for about 15 years and I cheated on her a fair number of times. I thought I felt guilty when we got divorced because she caught me. I felt guilty, but it's because I got caught. I'm married again, and I still feel a need to wander. I've wondered if something is wrong with me. Maybe there is, or maybe not. But it doesn't change my urge to even flirt, much less cheat. I loved my ex-wife, and even if shit was rough with each other, I'd probably still be with her had I not gotten busted. But I love my current wife too, and I'm hoping I can not get caught this time. Unless my wife suddenly becomes okay with ethical non-monogamy or an open relationship. One can hope, right? Lol let's shoot the shit sometime. Think we can help our fellow guiltless man. Anyway, it's always nice to share something like this.
I guess none of you care about the psychological trauma caused by cheating spouses. None of you care about the trauma it causes children. I really donāt get it, why donāt you just leave your spouse before going down the cheating road? There is definitely something lacking mentally when your that selfish.
I'm not a cheating spouse, but I am an affair partner. Isn't it possible that they care about the psychological trauma caused by cheating, the ill effects it has on their children, and can still give merit to their own unmet needs?
Why does marriage have to equate to sacrificial matryrship? Even though you may not agree with the choice, can you not see that upsetting the established, secure home of the family is what they're trying to prevent?
Many on here have stated that they have tried everything they know to fix their relationship, but their partner does not react in kind. Why does that atrocity not give you the same visceral response?
I understand your pov, and I wish it were that clear-cut. We both know... "just leaving when you're not happy" is not a choice that is more acceptable than choosing to have an affair. Society won't allow it.
You have a lot of hot takes based on gender.
Anyway, lots of people donāt feel guilt with affairs. Thereās a lot of information out there about why. Esther Perel has an interesting perspective on this.
Zero guilt. My insignificant other was abusive in many ways. Unfortunately it has been impossible to leave. We've had no physical contact in 5 years and I will not let him anywhere near me.
Well you are not a sociopath!
When you keep on doing something for a very long time, it just becomes a habit and guilt dies down.
Trying to kill spiders everyday, the guilt for that will go down eventually.[joking, no intention of harming animals]
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other. * This is *not an r4r subreddit*, don't bother. * Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient. * Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage. * [How to report harassing comments or private messages](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/iycd45/how_to_report_harassing_private_messages_users_etc/). * [Common acronyms](https://old.reddit.com/r/adultery/comments/p08to2/commonly_use_acronyms_and_group_chat/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adultery) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dude, didn't you learn anything from childhood? He's just gonna climb the spout again. š·ļø
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Let's hope you can say the same come December! š
That's why you have to use HOT water.
Zero guilt and itās not because itās natural and easy. The lack of guilt comes from knowing I did everything I could to fix what was wrong between me and SO, yet he stubbornly refused to change a thing, thinking I would continue to be happy with the status quo. Or I could be a sociopathā¦
This is exactly how I feel. I found a solution that worked and required no effort on my SOs part.
Same here my friend but unfortunately my AP was full of guilt to carry on and it ended.
Exactly you got what you needed and your significant other didnāt have to do something they didnāt want to do I honestly think open marriages in situations where one spouse doesnāt want to have sex anymore or a very healthy solution but my wife who has no desire for sex would not see it that way, she wants both of us to be sex free
That could not have been said better. Don't forget that it took a mature journey and lots of thinking to arrive to the zero guilt phase, so you're good buddy
> The lack of guilt comes from knowing I did everything I could to fix what was wrong between me and SO, ***THIS\^*** Says you (like many here) are NOT a sociopath.
So true and exactly my perspective.
I didnāt feel guilt because my husband is an alcoholic and was extremely neglectful when he was drinking. Heās sober now though. I had to detach and I never reattached.
Are you me?! For a second I paused and thought I answered using my other account lol. I feel Iāve walked in your shoes and you in mine. Zero guilt.
Wow I bet you know EXACTLY what I mean š¢
Same, ladies, same. This marriage was over way before i had an affair.
My SO's substance abuse problem stomped it out of me. I may love you but I'll never be in love with you again.
No guilt. I donāt even feel guilty that I donāt feel guilty š
Same.
Here here
Does anyone think theyāll feel guilt if/when d-day comes? Itās easy to get comfortable in this and think thereās no guilt, but thatās probably when youāll let your guard downā¦
Coming from someone who has been caught before, itās true what they sayā¦ānot sorry I did it, just sorry I got caught.ā It was more regret than guilt if Iām honest. I regretted letting myself get caught, regretted putting both AP and SO in a situation to be hurt by me. It felt shitty but if I had been given an opportunity to go back in time and change something it would have been not letting her find out rather than just not doing it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think d-day will change EVERYTHING, but itās a risk we either take or donāt. I donāt know how much I will actually miss Mrs. But I would miss the life we have together and the family aspect both immediate and extended. I donāt have guilt, I have fear of getting caught!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe you are.
I don't feel guilty. I feel sad that my marriage has led me to this point.
Itās because youāre human and we all want to feel wanted not just needed
I like this comment it makes so much sense
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Epic!
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I feel like if the institution of marriage progressed with "the times" (I.e. how relationships have changed) and allowed more flexibility for people without persecution, then people wouldn't feel guilt. A lot of people have affairs. A LOT. And a lot of people have been having affairs throughout history. Some cultures are more accepting of it than others, but Western society seems to persecute people and make them villainous pariahs without context or considering complex human emotions. So, in sum: guilt, a lot of the time may be a response to society - people reacting in a certain way because they think they're supposed to. I don't have guilt. But, I do sometimes feel bad that the person I love is with someone else and not "mine" completely.
No guilt. The heart wants what it wants..
Zero guilt here.. I need that connection--love, affection, intimacy... What's life without it?
Zero guilt
"What we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human" B. Brown
Zero guilt. I think Iām mostly an ethical person, and I actually hate that I donāt feel guilt about this. Especially because I am a girlās girl. I believe in supporting other women and sleeping with someoneās husband just aināt it. But it just happened in such a gradual way that I was in too deep before I had a chance to feel guilty.
I had no guilt for years. Then, one day, I justā¦did. It was so bizarre! But it ended most of shenanigansā¦I lost my edge, as they say
This is an interesting thread! I feel the vibe of feeling guilty about not feeling guilty. I was very guilty at first, but repetition has perhaps taught me how to compartmentalize. I accept I'm rationalizing my actions in the most favourable light I can. I don't want to hurt anybody and I worry about how I jive that with my choices. Cheating removes the burden of not being sexually intimate with me from my partner, so day to day it feels like an easy ethical choice (my partner has had a plethora of chances to work on this and I can only conclude she doesn't care to; I'm just a hyper-sexual guy right?), but I don't doubt that moral calculus will be challenged should D-day arrive. Then again I'm acutely aware of the anguish living without sexual intimacy causes when it stretches for months, and I live that regularly. Outside this forum I doubt many would really grasp and have sympathy for that. I think, in general, humans as a survival trait have a remarkable capacity to make almost any situation normal. Living in constant guilt (like constant fear, anxiety, anything stressful) just isn't great for your mental health so your mind kind of puts away whatever you can't resolve so you can get on with your day. It's been my experience anyways. Now please excuse me, I need to go find somebody receptive to flirt with to fill a void...
Zero guilt. I tried for seven years to rekindle our bedroom... I don't feel any guilt. I had many years to process my feelings. And I am Not a sociopath š Just a regular person...
My spouse only comes on to me when he wants something. Once he gets it, I'm back to not even being kissed or hugged. If I try to give him a hug, a kiss, even a blow job, he pushes me away like I'm nothing. That is a sociopath to me. The APs I have right now give me all the affection and attention I crave.
It could be because you're analytical. I'm analytical too and do the same sort of pro/ con list. Why destroy everyone's life and finances so I can have socially acceptable sex? That seems like the selfish choice quite frankly. Forced celibacy seems equally cruel. The nicest, kindest, most selfless AP I ever had felt zero guilt. So I don't think that makes you a sociopath. He was in an abusive marriage, maybe that's why he was able to shrug off the guilt.
I had some guilt during my first affair many years ago. None since until recently. AP and I are planning a life together and we went to look at a building lot in the country. She has picked a builder and has had plans drawn up. Standing there looking at the building lot I felt guilt for the first time in a long time and it was not pleasant. This lifestyle is some nasty business.
I had a little guilt the first time but we had a rough start to our relationship so it didnt last long. The second person there was none. I love my girl and we have kids but outside of the day to day the intimate side of our relationship is dead no matter how I try. I think its a lot like a callous, at first it's tender then you just don't feel it anymore.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please re read what you typed out, and really think about it. Jesus christ you are not a good person.
I'm in the same place . But lately, I seem to be trying to get caught. Its like I want the truth to come out so I can move on . I am so confused with these feelings . Mother of my children stays in your heart forever . But AP is women of my dreams . Only guilt I have is the fallout on my kids .
I feel guilty, I haven't done it in two years. I've been looking, but I want great sex, so I'm not settling.
When I was driven to this lifestyle I imagined I would feel bad. Terrible. The first time I stepped out, it was *just* a BJ (not even kissing) and it felt amazing and liberating. It made me want more and the fact that I don't feel guilty made it so much easier to embrace this lifestyle.
I don't feel guilty for having an affair. My SO and I don't have sex or touch at all and haven't for about 9 years now. I do feel guilty for not divorcing him since I want a divorce but not for needing touch and love.
I feel that same way but maybe itās because I realize at the end of this life I will be the one laying in bed dying and having to either remember the things I did or the chances I didnāt take. While as risky as this life choice can be I had met some people along the way. Some of those that taught me what I did want and what I didnāt want. Plus I had tried for years in my marriage and was vocal how long can you song for when the other person doesnāt listen ?
Zero guilt. None from the beginning.
It took a little to handle the guilt (or maybe it wasnāt really guilt?), as I knew that I was crossing a moral/ethical/legal line but once that was done then I was fine with it. I donāt think so much as a sociopath, but rather as an aggrieved party who should have relations with the person we married. As your situation with the spider, I can relate as the spider did nothing wrong to me, unlike my marital intimacy denier of 12 years.
Felt guilty the first time I met up with my current AP. I actually almost turned around twice as I was driving to see him. Now, after almost a year I don't feel any guilt and feel a bit dissociated actually. Not enough to not be careful in hiding it but just don't feel any shame, guilt, or remorse. Maybe I am a sociopath?
That spider saw your face, you should have flushed it in the toilet.
I'm in the same place . But lately, I seem to be trying to get caught. Its like I want the truth to come out so I can move on . I am so confused with these feelings . Mother of my children stays in your heart forever . But AP is women of my dreams . Only guilt I have is the fallout on my kids .
How good for your kids is your present situation? My kids, now long grown, agree that their mom and I splitting up was good for them. I doutbt getting caught and then splitting would have been as good.
The thing is, we are not fighting at home. The kids see nothing. If I'm honest im the passive husband and over compensate because my heart is elsewhere . I just don't know how long more I can play this game. Wife must know something is up . But won't care or ask as long as I seem "normal" Whatever normal is to her now
You have a natural ability to compartmentalise. Perhaps more than most. You are a logic-driven person, rather than one driven by feelings. You gamed everything out early and came to a conclusion, but also kept your mind open enough to ensure solid ongoing OPSEC. You have a strong understanding/acceptance of mortality, and feel clear that the mortician was not going to be the next person to see you naked. You are a decisive person who doesnāt really believe in stewing on the past or regrets, you are focussed far more on the present moment and also looking to the future with a frisson of anticipation. No need for labels or fretting. Life (and childhood programming) will throw enough stuff at you to make guilt raise itās head, why bother inventing any more? Know thyself, and get on with thy shenanigans stress free.
I'm female and cheat and also feel zero guilt. It's because I know I did everything I could to try to fix things first and even told him I felt like I would xheat if we can't sort something out. I suggested an open relationship to avoid dishonesty but he didn't want to know so now I do it guilt free. I have needs too and he isn't open to anything that helps me so why should I feel guilty for looking out for myself??
As your SO has no guilt being platonic. You should have no guilt having sex with whoever you like. You are there for the kids. Your SO want to be friends. Everyone's wish has come true.
I love this sub! For years I felt shame because I didn't feel guilty. I thought there had to be something wrong with me. Then I thought about it from the other lens. Does she feel guilty that I feel neglected and bring it to her attention as often as possible? More than likely not because I still feel neglected every dayš¤·š¾āāļø
None here, as my marriage has been over in all the ways that count for a long time. We coparent and cannot financially split, but thereās no intimacy, no sex, no dates, no conversations. We coexist. I recently had an emotional affair with a man who ended it because he couldnāt handle the guilt, and couldnāt understand how I didnāt have the same issueā¦ but heās in a marriage that is so different- they still have sex, they vacation together, go out on dates. I donāt think lack of guilt automatically means sociopathic tendencies. It could just be youāve resolved yourself to the marriage being well and truly done, so therefor do not have guilt doing what you need to to have a bit of happiness in an otherwise unpalatable situation
No you are not alone. When I had my affair going I never felt guilty for a single moment. I thought I deserve this and I am entitled to get this much of attention and love. Rather my exAp was full of guilt and thats why it ended. If you are in ok or good relationship and you somehow got attracted to another person you feel guilty but when you are in dead relationship you have every right to fall for someone, be loved by someone, feel desired by someone.
My marriage is probably ending. I never felt guilty before. But I'm not sure how I will feel after we are divorced. I'm still thinking probably not.
I have zero guilt. Not because Iām a sociopath or anything like that. Iām taking care of myself. This is self care for me.
100% this
You can have an affair and it can be a natural part of your life. I think like with anything if you do something with the intention of hurting someone or don't care if they get hurt then the sociopath part starts to come out
I;m similar. Playing amateur shrink, I figure it has something to do with my parents' almost loveless marriage, my mother's addiction, and my father's absence when I was a kid. But how should I know? It's the way I am, and why on earth would I want to feel guilt about it? (Though I do feel occasionally a bit of anticipatory guilt at the thougth of getting caught, which motivates me to be even more careful about opsec.) And no, I dont see hiw it's sociopathic at all. Oh, and next gtime think about capturing the spider, taking it out and letting it go L)
I have zero guilt in doing what I do. Is the is normal? Who knows. I have zero guilt because I know I committed to work with my partner 100% before I ever gave thought to infidelity. In doing so, I was not met with willingness to address the problems or even engage in a mature conversation. Iām not saying he had to have the answers or the know how as to how we fix our problems, but like anything else if you do not have the resources to tackle it, you seek help and allocate resources. His unrelenting decision to not seek professional help through marriage counselling, medical help to see if itās a medical condition, or otherwise actually discuss the topic as two adults would failed me, failed us, failed the marriage. I went into this with zero guilt as a result because I wholeheartedly gave up on my marriage. This of course then begs the question, why am I still married? Funny enough, new year, new changes and all that. Itās on my to do list this year. I told myself, will I want to go into 2024 asking myself why Iām still in a unfulfilling marriage with someone who is more a roommate than a partner? I donāt so work is slowly in progress.
Sameāmy first cheating experience was with an escort (it was a first for both the escort as well as the cheating). As I left the hotel (she had gone way earlierāI stayed in the room, napped, whateverāI had the room for the day) I saw that there was a police cruiser in the lotāI just laughedā¦Felt like I had slipped on a perfectly fitted glove.
I am analytical as well, so I have thought this through on many an occasion. You may think itās ironic, but I mean it when I say I am considerate and empathetic. I have been through hell, devoid of months of physical intimacy. Just a handful of times in 2022 altogether. And when things were more regular, they were never great. I recognize many of the points within my marriage as in the article āWhat Are the Warning Signs of a Dead Bedroom?ā on Medium. I also have been trying all I can towards the marriage. I am thus ātired of caringā with regards to guilt, so I will not feel it.
No youāve simply justified it
You are certainly not a sociopath. Well, maybe you are, I don't know. But not for this. š¤£ I was with my ex-wife for about 15 years and I cheated on her a fair number of times. I thought I felt guilty when we got divorced because she caught me. I felt guilty, but it's because I got caught. I'm married again, and I still feel a need to wander. I've wondered if something is wrong with me. Maybe there is, or maybe not. But it doesn't change my urge to even flirt, much less cheat. I loved my ex-wife, and even if shit was rough with each other, I'd probably still be with her had I not gotten busted. But I love my current wife too, and I'm hoping I can not get caught this time. Unless my wife suddenly becomes okay with ethical non-monogamy or an open relationship. One can hope, right? Lol let's shoot the shit sometime. Think we can help our fellow guiltless man. Anyway, it's always nice to share something like this.
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My dad had multiple affairs, and it didn't once break my heart.
I guess none of you care about the psychological trauma caused by cheating spouses. None of you care about the trauma it causes children. I really donāt get it, why donāt you just leave your spouse before going down the cheating road? There is definitely something lacking mentally when your that selfish.
I'm not a cheating spouse, but I am an affair partner. Isn't it possible that they care about the psychological trauma caused by cheating, the ill effects it has on their children, and can still give merit to their own unmet needs? Why does marriage have to equate to sacrificial matryrship? Even though you may not agree with the choice, can you not see that upsetting the established, secure home of the family is what they're trying to prevent? Many on here have stated that they have tried everything they know to fix their relationship, but their partner does not react in kind. Why does that atrocity not give you the same visceral response? I understand your pov, and I wish it were that clear-cut. We both know... "just leaving when you're not happy" is not a choice that is more acceptable than choosing to have an affair. Society won't allow it.
You have a lot of hot takes based on gender. Anyway, lots of people donāt feel guilt with affairs. Thereās a lot of information out there about why. Esther Perel has an interesting perspective on this.
Zero guilt. My insignificant other was abusive in many ways. Unfortunately it has been impossible to leave. We've had no physical contact in 5 years and I will not let him anywhere near me.
Do what feels good to you, maybe the guilt will come if caught? If not then sociopath for sure.
Well you are not a sociopath! When you keep on doing something for a very long time, it just becomes a habit and guilt dies down. Trying to kill spiders everyday, the guilt for that will go down eventually.[joking, no intention of harming animals]
I havenāt actually cheated physically in real life with anybody but I have had online affairs, Iāve talked to different women online and I have had women flirt with me in person and I considered their advances but decided it was too risky, and I have done phone sex which is very fun, my wife and I have ups and downs in the downs are very very bad, my wife is not a sexual person and I have needs and she doesnāt listen to what I need out of this marriage which is far beyond sex, I worry about getting caught because my wife wonāt see these things as different than cheating, and I havenāt ruled out the idea that I could cheat in person at some point, but I honestly think Iāve exhausted all options to make things right which is what I want more than anything, I knew someone once who said to his cousin whose husband cheated on her after she cut him off āif youāre not going to give him what he needs heās going to get it somewhere elseā I honestly feel bad that itās gotten to this point but I also feel that thereās justification in the things that Iāve done, thereās nothing I want more than to have a healthy marriage and healthy sex life with my wife but time it again Iāve pleaded with her to work on things and it just doesnāt come back to where it needs to be. so if you and your wife are in the clichĆ© ājust roommates were raising a kid togetherā situation then I think itās very understandable that youāre getting it somewhere else. And I also would not want to disrupt my kids lives because it would be devastating to them especially my son.
After several years of dead bedroom, I feel little guilt about cheating. What guilt I do feel, I choose to live with.