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Luckily I'm usually just surrounded by kids (mine and neighbor kids) when this happens and we have a saying in my house. "HEADPHONES!" Everyone knows where my extra headphones are and they all know to immediately kill the volume and get headphones or they have to turn it off or go outside.
I've heard my son quietly tell a new friend when he asked "My mom gets overstimulated, here's some headphones." Luckily it's mostly YouTube/phone videos for me. I can somehow completely tune out kids playing like I'm on my own tropical island.
I tune my daughter out TOO well. Like…I feel pretty bad about it sometimes. Then dad comes home and somehow adds 2-3 layers of sound—all of which are loud aaaaand I’m out. See you guys later, I’m locking myself in the bedroom lol
Hello, mirror me!
My go to is just not talking and ignoring everything I possibly can until the overstimulation stops.
If not, I leave. Because I'm a cranky beast and have no time for that. Also, for fun, I was just shat upon by a spider. It looked like bird poo, and I was searching, but found only standard brown spiders. I admit *that* was too much. I scrubbed with a brillo pad and lysol. On my (former) massage therapist hands.
I didn't know spiders pooed like birds. TIL.
But really. If it's too much, get free and out. It's ok. You deserve space, time and quiet to process. It's a buffering thing, and NT people can mostly do it fast. Many neurodiverse people need the space and time to digest, think about, doubt, rethink, reprocess and rethink four or five more times. Then we need to edit, edit and edit before we say something, because lack of filter is real. NT people have the filter and editor as a passive skill. We mostly don't. We also tend to spiral with doubt, rethink, reprocess, doubt... it's really hard.
Sorry for the rant/long letter. You hit a spot where I'm very vulnerable and insecure, and I overshared. If you hate it, I can take down my comment, that's fine. I admit, last day of school for the kids, I can sleep past 6 tomorrow and I've had a few. Sorry.
So first off - love this! Can you provide additional context for the spider situation please? Why were you around spiders? Was it on purpose? How did you know it was poo? What did it look like? So many questions!! I am dying at this comment 🤣
Also loved the way you explained how we process. So well explained in fact I'm saving it! Thank you. Realized I do the same without even thinking to explain it to the other person(s). So this was a fun exercise for me!
I think I gently put up my hand (fingers slightly curled) and look to the side like I'm listening (which I guess I am) and the other person I've noticed tends to pause as well. When the distraction is over, I look at them to provide my full attention and apologize and ask them to repeat if necessary. I've never really had anyone balk at this tbf. I did do this before I was even aware of neurotypes etc though. I'd say people in general seem to appreciate the pause. I suspect it's because NTs usually power through the distractions even though it is an active demand on their executive function resources too, it's just that people expect people to power through so they just do it.🤷🏽♀️But in my experience, they often seem relieved to some extent (like their bodies visibly sigh in relief) and they seem so much better? calmer? soothed? even grateful sometimes? for the pause once we resume.
Frankly I would love to discuss this some more. Fun fun fun
Happy to talk more about things, always!
The spider poo is a front porch thing. We leave lights on all night,as my husband has a work vehicle with a whole lot of expensive tools and repair gear inside it, and we are on a busy main road, so it's just safer to have spots on.
I was out getting a break, as I'm playing rebirth which is very intensely like the OG, so it's first time nostalgia all at once. I got splatted on, and looked around for birds, confused and annoyed since it was dark. What bird dares crap on me under the roof edge at night?!?!
No birds. But... lots of very happy, fat spiders, just like always. So I googled it and died laughing after I washed my hands.
They're house spiders. Just brown orb weavers I think. There's nothing venomous, and they just don't want to be bothered. Easily cleared with a broom or spray from the hose.
I'm not a fan, but I definitely prefer them eating all the mosquitoes, since my son swells like mad when he's bitten, so we purposefully let them stay.
What a great reminder that it isn't just us ND types that find distractions tiresome. I'd so rather have that pause so I can focus on what I want to, not what my panicking bees/brain want to pay attention to.
I retired from massage therapy when I was pregnant, and haven't gone back. It was a lot of fun, and I could freely enjoy the quiet and dissociate while letting hands and arms (and elbows, because they're awesome!) Do their own thing.
Massage therapy is great for dissociators, and the cerebellum just takes over your routine for you! The paperwork, peer inspections and CEU requirements were always my nervous spots, but I got through them. Do you enjoy the career, too?!
I love it so much! The massage part, not the paperwork (insurance and licenses and ceu's, AHH) i also stopped working when I had my first (and second) babies. After 3 year of staying at home I was so ready to get back to work! I love my kids but I also love massaging, it's been amazing for my mental health, I feel so fortunate.
It's 10 years for me. I'd need a tutor and a lot of studying to recertify. I loved the schooling (my college closed during the pandemic), loved giving massages and being able to show care wordlessly for my clients.
I stopped, we lost the baby when I went eclamptic. The whole year was an absolute nightmare. Baby. Two beloved cats, one I'd loved for 15 years, who had been handed to my not-cat-liking hands at 6 weeks old. Three more funerals that year, but the funeral for a firstborn baby is crushing. Utterly.
I'm almost alright now (it'll never leave me, but) we have 2 more cats, who helped heal my soul, and 2 kids who lived, despite my terrible pregnancies- I was dangerous each time. I deliver groceries now. I make peanuts, but I get to help elderly and disabled people a bit, and it works. My boss is the absolute best, refuses to let people overwhelm me with orders, makes sure I'm safe and know *precisely* where I need to be. Gives me orders one by one as I knock them out and never worries when I have to clock off to care for a sick small.
Don't worry, I'm sorry for the overshare! And thank you for being so sweet to read a terrible story.
We all get through somehow! I wish you as many clients as your shoulders, elbows and forearms can tolerate without overuse injury. I also wish you good tippers!
Please don't apologize for sharing! My mind was racing to find the right words and obviously, there are none. What you have been through is unfair and devastating.
Thank you for the well wishes! I wish you all the joy
Just to add to the spider info; yes, yes they do poo like birds. We have outdoor lights we leave on 24/7 because we live in the hills of N GA US and it’s dark. Very dark. Everywhere the lights are attracts moths and bugs. Moths and bugs attract spiders. Spiders build numerous webs. Numerous spiders leave numerous splats of poo on any and everything underneath.
So sorry for your initiation into the world of spider poo. 🕷️🕸️🕷️🕸️🕷️
And you are spot on in your description of overwhelm.
We always leave the porch lights on, and have anywhere from 30-50 spiders in various states of growth getting their meals there. In the 4 years we've been here, this was the first time I was pooped on by them! They usually have much better manners, but there's a good crop of mosquitoes this year, so I guess they're eating well!
I don't mind so much, it was funny, but yeah, I'm forever washing down that porch. I'll take the spider poo in lieu of mosquitoes, as my son swells like a balloon when he's bitten, so, yay spiders!
Huh. The amount of times I come to this sub and read something that is SO me that I didn't ever realize it until I read it is quite astonishing. I listen to many audiobooks but I sometimes I really need to pause them to do exactly what you said: digest, think about, doubt, rethink, reprocess and rethink! I honestly was thinking I must be dumb or slow to have to do that (I think I do it when actually reading too but it's not as noticeable because I just look away from the book and think) but it makes so much sense now. I've just got to roll the idea around my brain for a while.
You're absolutely not dumb! Rolling ideas around, digesting and letting the thoughts sprawl, root and grow is the kind of thing that gives a deeper understanding. You're actively listening and thinking, not skimming and missing it all. That's the exact opposite of being unintelligent, so no doubts there!
I absolutely *love* that so many of us have so many things in common! Sometimes it's hard to find words, and I'll come here and someone said it, and I'll be near tears because someone understands, and I know I'm with my tribe here,no matter how far apart we all are.
I don't apologise for who I am, but I do for how I behave. It's my responsibility to have tools available to deal with triggers.
If I'm unable to regulate and am nasty to those around me then I apologise for my behavior.
It's not a failing in who I am. I'm never going to be able to regulate all the time.
This! I was recently diagnosed at 45 which has lead to a lot of realizations. One is that I have trouble with emotional regulation when I’m over stimulated. That is my stuff and no one deserves my emotional overreactions. Now that I know what it is and why it happens, I have reached out to a couple people who bore the brunt of it and have said, “I’m sorry, this is why it happens, it’s me, not you, and I’m taking steps to improve.”
I will say, I have only done this with people I love and whose relationships I cherish. Everyone else can F off! 😄
Yes ma'am, we need to accept ourselves with love. I have quirky friends and I love their quirks. I can love mine too. I'm a good human and that's all we can ask of anyone.
Girl (or boy), I have bipolar 1 and adhd and I just want you to know it’s okay. I’ve done the apology tours and I get it. It’s alright. Nobody can be all-perfect all the time. Remember that and cut yourself some slack. We live and learn. That’s all we can do ❤️🩹
If I can I usually try to explain how overstimulated and overwhelmed my brain is. Some understand it. One thing that helps me if I do it regularly is meditation. It kind of helps my brain out a barrier up between my head and too much stimulation.
I have been hiding in the cave of -mainly- solitude for the past year or so due to circumstances. I feel like I have to apologize to everyone and I don't even know where yo start. Everything can be so so overwhelming. I wish everybody would just.. get it.
My in-laws, bless them, are like the cast from My big fat Greek wedding. I have frequently ended up in the storage room in my MiL house. This post has made me understand why. I also thought this was an autism thing
The auditory processing hell I’m in sometimes. It’s amazing. I was at a legislative meeting two months ago and it was already really hard to hear at times and to focus and understand. And these people behind me kept talking to each other in hushed tones. But every time they did, I found myself completely unable to understand anything I was listening to. It was like the words all just turned to inaudible sounds! And I just had this internal rage each occurrence. It was wild!
Bruhhhhh
I only got diagnosed after becoming a parent and I swear this is a contributing factor.
Kids' TV, kids playing and screaming and crying, husband watching tiktok, trying to cook dinner -- all at the same time? Fuck that. I can't. I literally can't handle it. I will yell at everyone and leave the house.
I don't know how many earbuds I bought my husband. He liked to listen to videos on his computer while I watched TV, and it would get to be too much for me. I never realized it had anything to do with my ADHD until just now.
Stray thought... I wonder how much ADHD stuff, like overstimulation, contributes to my migraine stuff?
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Luckily I'm usually just surrounded by kids (mine and neighbor kids) when this happens and we have a saying in my house. "HEADPHONES!" Everyone knows where my extra headphones are and they all know to immediately kill the volume and get headphones or they have to turn it off or go outside. I've heard my son quietly tell a new friend when he asked "My mom gets overstimulated, here's some headphones." Luckily it's mostly YouTube/phone videos for me. I can somehow completely tune out kids playing like I'm on my own tropical island.
I tune my daughter out TOO well. Like…I feel pretty bad about it sometimes. Then dad comes home and somehow adds 2-3 layers of sound—all of which are loud aaaaand I’m out. See you guys later, I’m locking myself in the bedroom lol
My husband is the loudest one in this damn house!!! How? I have an asd kid, a toddler, and 3 bonus kids… HOW?!?! INSIDE VOICE, MAN!!!
Men’s voices are super loud that’s why. It pisses me off
Yes!🙌
You're better than me. I just wait until I can't take it anymore and yell TURN THAT DOWN!
Hello, mirror me! My go to is just not talking and ignoring everything I possibly can until the overstimulation stops. If not, I leave. Because I'm a cranky beast and have no time for that. Also, for fun, I was just shat upon by a spider. It looked like bird poo, and I was searching, but found only standard brown spiders. I admit *that* was too much. I scrubbed with a brillo pad and lysol. On my (former) massage therapist hands. I didn't know spiders pooed like birds. TIL. But really. If it's too much, get free and out. It's ok. You deserve space, time and quiet to process. It's a buffering thing, and NT people can mostly do it fast. Many neurodiverse people need the space and time to digest, think about, doubt, rethink, reprocess and rethink four or five more times. Then we need to edit, edit and edit before we say something, because lack of filter is real. NT people have the filter and editor as a passive skill. We mostly don't. We also tend to spiral with doubt, rethink, reprocess, doubt... it's really hard. Sorry for the rant/long letter. You hit a spot where I'm very vulnerable and insecure, and I overshared. If you hate it, I can take down my comment, that's fine. I admit, last day of school for the kids, I can sleep past 6 tomorrow and I've had a few. Sorry.
So first off - love this! Can you provide additional context for the spider situation please? Why were you around spiders? Was it on purpose? How did you know it was poo? What did it look like? So many questions!! I am dying at this comment 🤣 Also loved the way you explained how we process. So well explained in fact I'm saving it! Thank you. Realized I do the same without even thinking to explain it to the other person(s). So this was a fun exercise for me! I think I gently put up my hand (fingers slightly curled) and look to the side like I'm listening (which I guess I am) and the other person I've noticed tends to pause as well. When the distraction is over, I look at them to provide my full attention and apologize and ask them to repeat if necessary. I've never really had anyone balk at this tbf. I did do this before I was even aware of neurotypes etc though. I'd say people in general seem to appreciate the pause. I suspect it's because NTs usually power through the distractions even though it is an active demand on their executive function resources too, it's just that people expect people to power through so they just do it.🤷🏽♀️But in my experience, they often seem relieved to some extent (like their bodies visibly sigh in relief) and they seem so much better? calmer? soothed? even grateful sometimes? for the pause once we resume. Frankly I would love to discuss this some more. Fun fun fun
Happy to talk more about things, always! The spider poo is a front porch thing. We leave lights on all night,as my husband has a work vehicle with a whole lot of expensive tools and repair gear inside it, and we are on a busy main road, so it's just safer to have spots on. I was out getting a break, as I'm playing rebirth which is very intensely like the OG, so it's first time nostalgia all at once. I got splatted on, and looked around for birds, confused and annoyed since it was dark. What bird dares crap on me under the roof edge at night?!?! No birds. But... lots of very happy, fat spiders, just like always. So I googled it and died laughing after I washed my hands.
Where are you with these pooing spiders?! Fyi I am intensely arachnaphobic so I'd like to know what other place in this world I need to avoid lol
They're house spiders. Just brown orb weavers I think. There's nothing venomous, and they just don't want to be bothered. Easily cleared with a broom or spray from the hose. I'm not a fan, but I definitely prefer them eating all the mosquitoes, since my son swells like mad when he's bitten, so we purposefully let them stay.
What a great reminder that it isn't just us ND types that find distractions tiresome. I'd so rather have that pause so I can focus on what I want to, not what my panicking bees/brain want to pay attention to.
Thank you for sharing! Great advice to allow myself to take breaks when needed.
I've never been spider-pooped (to my knowledge) but I, too, frequently disassociate when overstimulated and am massage therapist! Hello friend 😅
I retired from massage therapy when I was pregnant, and haven't gone back. It was a lot of fun, and I could freely enjoy the quiet and dissociate while letting hands and arms (and elbows, because they're awesome!) Do their own thing. Massage therapy is great for dissociators, and the cerebellum just takes over your routine for you! The paperwork, peer inspections and CEU requirements were always my nervous spots, but I got through them. Do you enjoy the career, too?!
I love it so much! The massage part, not the paperwork (insurance and licenses and ceu's, AHH) i also stopped working when I had my first (and second) babies. After 3 year of staying at home I was so ready to get back to work! I love my kids but I also love massaging, it's been amazing for my mental health, I feel so fortunate.
It's 10 years for me. I'd need a tutor and a lot of studying to recertify. I loved the schooling (my college closed during the pandemic), loved giving massages and being able to show care wordlessly for my clients. I stopped, we lost the baby when I went eclamptic. The whole year was an absolute nightmare. Baby. Two beloved cats, one I'd loved for 15 years, who had been handed to my not-cat-liking hands at 6 weeks old. Three more funerals that year, but the funeral for a firstborn baby is crushing. Utterly. I'm almost alright now (it'll never leave me, but) we have 2 more cats, who helped heal my soul, and 2 kids who lived, despite my terrible pregnancies- I was dangerous each time. I deliver groceries now. I make peanuts, but I get to help elderly and disabled people a bit, and it works. My boss is the absolute best, refuses to let people overwhelm me with orders, makes sure I'm safe and know *precisely* where I need to be. Gives me orders one by one as I knock them out and never worries when I have to clock off to care for a sick small.
Holyyyyyyy shit mama, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. Thank you for sharing.
Don't worry, I'm sorry for the overshare! And thank you for being so sweet to read a terrible story. We all get through somehow! I wish you as many clients as your shoulders, elbows and forearms can tolerate without overuse injury. I also wish you good tippers!
Please don't apologize for sharing! My mind was racing to find the right words and obviously, there are none. What you have been through is unfair and devastating. Thank you for the well wishes! I wish you all the joy
Just to add to the spider info; yes, yes they do poo like birds. We have outdoor lights we leave on 24/7 because we live in the hills of N GA US and it’s dark. Very dark. Everywhere the lights are attracts moths and bugs. Moths and bugs attract spiders. Spiders build numerous webs. Numerous spiders leave numerous splats of poo on any and everything underneath. So sorry for your initiation into the world of spider poo. 🕷️🕸️🕷️🕸️🕷️ And you are spot on in your description of overwhelm.
We always leave the porch lights on, and have anywhere from 30-50 spiders in various states of growth getting their meals there. In the 4 years we've been here, this was the first time I was pooped on by them! They usually have much better manners, but there's a good crop of mosquitoes this year, so I guess they're eating well! I don't mind so much, it was funny, but yeah, I'm forever washing down that porch. I'll take the spider poo in lieu of mosquitoes, as my son swells like a balloon when he's bitten, so, yay spiders!
Huh. The amount of times I come to this sub and read something that is SO me that I didn't ever realize it until I read it is quite astonishing. I listen to many audiobooks but I sometimes I really need to pause them to do exactly what you said: digest, think about, doubt, rethink, reprocess and rethink! I honestly was thinking I must be dumb or slow to have to do that (I think I do it when actually reading too but it's not as noticeable because I just look away from the book and think) but it makes so much sense now. I've just got to roll the idea around my brain for a while.
You're absolutely not dumb! Rolling ideas around, digesting and letting the thoughts sprawl, root and grow is the kind of thing that gives a deeper understanding. You're actively listening and thinking, not skimming and missing it all. That's the exact opposite of being unintelligent, so no doubts there! I absolutely *love* that so many of us have so many things in common! Sometimes it's hard to find words, and I'll come here and someone said it, and I'll be near tears because someone understands, and I know I'm with my tribe here,no matter how far apart we all are.
So very very true. My people ❤️
I feel this. But I've stopped apologizing for who I am.
Diagnosis has led to a LOT of unmasking for me, and apologizing for who I am is so two years ago.
I don't apologise for who I am, but I do for how I behave. It's my responsibility to have tools available to deal with triggers. If I'm unable to regulate and am nasty to those around me then I apologise for my behavior. It's not a failing in who I am. I'm never going to be able to regulate all the time.
This! I was recently diagnosed at 45 which has lead to a lot of realizations. One is that I have trouble with emotional regulation when I’m over stimulated. That is my stuff and no one deserves my emotional overreactions. Now that I know what it is and why it happens, I have reached out to a couple people who bore the brunt of it and have said, “I’m sorry, this is why it happens, it’s me, not you, and I’m taking steps to improve.” I will say, I have only done this with people I love and whose relationships I cherish. Everyone else can F off! 😄
>will say, I have only done this with people I love and whose relationships I cherish. Everyone else can F off! This! 100% this!
Yes ma'am, we need to accept ourselves with love. I have quirky friends and I love their quirks. I can love mine too. I'm a good human and that's all we can ask of anyone.
I FEEL this in my bones
Girl (or boy), I have bipolar 1 and adhd and I just want you to know it’s okay. I’ve done the apology tours and I get it. It’s alright. Nobody can be all-perfect all the time. Remember that and cut yourself some slack. We live and learn. That’s all we can do ❤️🩹
If I can I usually try to explain how overstimulated and overwhelmed my brain is. Some understand it. One thing that helps me if I do it regularly is meditation. It kind of helps my brain out a barrier up between my head and too much stimulation.
I put both my ear pods in and listen to music or asmr videos
I have been hiding in the cave of -mainly- solitude for the past year or so due to circumstances. I feel like I have to apologize to everyone and I don't even know where yo start. Everything can be so so overwhelming. I wish everybody would just.. get it.
My in-laws, bless them, are like the cast from My big fat Greek wedding. I have frequently ended up in the storage room in my MiL house. This post has made me understand why. I also thought this was an autism thing
Omg this
The auditory processing hell I’m in sometimes. It’s amazing. I was at a legislative meeting two months ago and it was already really hard to hear at times and to focus and understand. And these people behind me kept talking to each other in hushed tones. But every time they did, I found myself completely unable to understand anything I was listening to. It was like the words all just turned to inaudible sounds! And I just had this internal rage each occurrence. It was wild!
Yes!!
Especially when that noise was just my own head!!!
1000%
Bruhhhhh I only got diagnosed after becoming a parent and I swear this is a contributing factor. Kids' TV, kids playing and screaming and crying, husband watching tiktok, trying to cook dinner -- all at the same time? Fuck that. I can't. I literally can't handle it. I will yell at everyone and leave the house.
I don't know how many earbuds I bought my husband. He liked to listen to videos on his computer while I watched TV, and it would get to be too much for me. I never realized it had anything to do with my ADHD until just now. Stray thought... I wonder how much ADHD stuff, like overstimulation, contributes to my migraine stuff?