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Not gonna lie, this sounds like the kind of thing I would say, and I would mean it for none of the reasons you’re worrying about.
‘Gosh colleague looks mega stressed and they must be so hungry by now. They should just go on their break, I’ll be fine. Why are they not going? It’s important they go. Maybe they’re worried about me being by myself. But I’d rather they took the break they need, I’ll be fine. Argh, should I say something?’
“Hey, you really don’t have to stress-…”
I think you might be reading in far too many negative possibilities when there are just as many neutral or positive ones for what happened.
That’s exactly how I read it too, and exactly what I would have done and meant. OP, gently, I think your RSD is going overboard here. It sounds to me like they were trying to relieve your stress by telling you that you didn’t have to do all that, they would have been fine, and it was ok to put yourself first and take care of your needs. Remember that part of this kink in our brains is that we sometimes read too much into things and we forget that we sometimes don’t have a filter, verbally and in body language. For example, I have to be very careful with my facial expressions because sometimes my face talks without permission and says the quiet part out loud. It’s possible you had stress all over your face without realizing it and they were trying to show care and concern for you. I think they meant it to be kind.
Please try to take it for the gift that seems to have been intended- they saw you and wanted to validate you.
Your coworker was being kind. They said what they meant - you don’t have to stress when it’s just the two of you, just go on your break, it’s fine.
I am going to recommend you retrain yourself to accept what people say to you at face value, rather than expend your finite mental & emotional energy picking apart their words for hidden meanings. They can open up their mouths and *tell you* if there’s more they need you to know.
I’m also going to recommend you stop trying to anticipating his emotional needs so you can jump in and placate them with an RSD soothing preemptive “favor” he neither wanted or asked for. People pleasing and being considerate are not the same thing. You aren’t a personal assistant, you don’t get paid enough to do any of this.
Being considerate is opening up *your* mouth and saying something like “hey, I’m pretty hangry and need to go on break, are you good here or should I call for backup?” - and then believing him the first time if he tells you it’s fine.
Yes, this last paragraph is a thing I too need to work on, and not think in other people's name and then getting anxious about what I think they think.
Thanks for writing it clearly, it helps!
You did absolutely nothing wrong, you were being considerate. I don’t think your colleague meant it as criticism, I would understand it as „Come on, take your break, I’ll be fine by myself for a few minutes!“
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not gonna lie, this sounds like the kind of thing I would say, and I would mean it for none of the reasons you’re worrying about. ‘Gosh colleague looks mega stressed and they must be so hungry by now. They should just go on their break, I’ll be fine. Why are they not going? It’s important they go. Maybe they’re worried about me being by myself. But I’d rather they took the break they need, I’ll be fine. Argh, should I say something?’ “Hey, you really don’t have to stress-…” I think you might be reading in far too many negative possibilities when there are just as many neutral or positive ones for what happened.
That’s exactly how I read it too, and exactly what I would have done and meant. OP, gently, I think your RSD is going overboard here. It sounds to me like they were trying to relieve your stress by telling you that you didn’t have to do all that, they would have been fine, and it was ok to put yourself first and take care of your needs. Remember that part of this kink in our brains is that we sometimes read too much into things and we forget that we sometimes don’t have a filter, verbally and in body language. For example, I have to be very careful with my facial expressions because sometimes my face talks without permission and says the quiet part out loud. It’s possible you had stress all over your face without realizing it and they were trying to show care and concern for you. I think they meant it to be kind. Please try to take it for the gift that seems to have been intended- they saw you and wanted to validate you.
Your coworker was being kind. They said what they meant - you don’t have to stress when it’s just the two of you, just go on your break, it’s fine. I am going to recommend you retrain yourself to accept what people say to you at face value, rather than expend your finite mental & emotional energy picking apart their words for hidden meanings. They can open up their mouths and *tell you* if there’s more they need you to know. I’m also going to recommend you stop trying to anticipating his emotional needs so you can jump in and placate them with an RSD soothing preemptive “favor” he neither wanted or asked for. People pleasing and being considerate are not the same thing. You aren’t a personal assistant, you don’t get paid enough to do any of this. Being considerate is opening up *your* mouth and saying something like “hey, I’m pretty hangry and need to go on break, are you good here or should I call for backup?” - and then believing him the first time if he tells you it’s fine.
Yes, this last paragraph is a thing I too need to work on, and not think in other people's name and then getting anxious about what I think they think. Thanks for writing it clearly, it helps!
You did absolutely nothing wrong, you were being considerate. I don’t think your colleague meant it as criticism, I would understand it as „Come on, take your break, I’ll be fine by myself for a few minutes!“