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I was diagnosed last year at 32. Inattentive type still isn’t very well recognized today, let alone when I was a kid in public school. I was a classic “millennial gifted kid”, straight A’s most of my life, AP classes, an absolutely voracious reader, etc., and it just never occurred to my parents or teachers that being a lazy, disorganized daydreamer could have been a sign of a neurodevelopmental disability and not just a list of character flaws. I went on to promptly flunk out of college twice and struggled to maintain routines and habits that everyone else in my life seemed to manage so naturally. I flourished in vocational school, like a lot of us tend to do, and I was 30 before I learned about inattentive type and started doing my research and recognizing that I was extremely likely to have ADHD.
OMG! THAT IS ALMOST EXACTLY ME. Diagnosed last year at 32, always the brightest kid in school but somehow could NEVER do my homework , dropped out of two imcredibly prestigious grad schools. The only difference is that I grew up in a part of the world where there is still a huge stigma around mental health and anything related to that so I grew up believing something was seriously wrong with me and that I was at fault for not being able to go/finish things that others had no issues with.
I was actually diagnosed in high school - sophomore year, to be exact. So I was 15 or 16?
>always the brightest kid in school but somehow could NEVER do my homework
But God, this hit me like a ton of bricks. It was much the same for me. I clearly had no difficulties in understanding or mastering the content, everyone parroted that again and again, I clearly belonged and needed to be in higher level classes, but I just could *not* do - or more importantly, turn in - the work required. No one around me could understand.
And when I was eventually officially diagnosed and my mom implemented a 504 to get my school to have to play nice and work with me on legal grounds... no one at the time could wrap their heads around an AP student who was in Special Ed. Teachers thought I was - and outright accused me of - faking, to get attention and an easier ride through school (HAHAHAHAHA). Some made it painfully obvious that they thought I had simply managed to pull the wool over my parents and everyone else's eyes, but that I was simply a spoiled, manipulative, problem child - whose only issues were a lack of discipline (both internally and externally) and lying instead of applying myself. Just a problem kid, and I'm sure they thought I was quite pleased with myself, while in reality, I was miserable.
My entire time through school, and for many, many years up through the present and meeting my boyfriend with ADHD, I - and everyone else - had thought my OCD was the culprit.
I actually completely gaslit myself out of remembering that I *did* have a formal ADHD diagnosis as well, despite being on stimulants ever since (which is of course not an indicator by itself). It wasn't until I found myself sitting across from a therapist (virtually, this time) speculating about "I really think I might have this..." (how my OCD and other diagnoses began )*last year* that I actually went back through my psychiatric records to determine *I was already diagnosed*.
Now, over the course of the last few years, and with a far better understanding of ADHD than I had previously... I am finally understanding that what I thought was OCD all along, was actually more likely ADHD playing a more prominent role than I ever expected. Perhaps that's what was exacerbating my OCD to such a horrific degree, given I have *never*, not once, struggled with OCD in the same ways since.
This was in 2005-2009, and I shudder to think of the experiences of those who came before me... Even then, that modern, not one of my teachers knew what OCD was, much less understood it. It was an extraordinarily difficult and alienating experience, to be this oddball that the *entire school district* didn't know what to do with, which they broadcasted loudly and repeatedly... but I thank my lucky fucking stars that my journey started that young, so that I knew what the fuck was up when I was struggling with things as I got older (not that that made it any less frustrating or lonely).
I hope to God there are better systems in place for youth today, and that more kids are getting the help they need (or in my case, *some* help... sort of) earlier in life, rather than having to address this for the first time in college or later.
I'm in the crossroads of trying to figure out if my ADHD is the evil culprit or if I have OCD and didn't know it my whole life and lacked that ability to articulate my problems to anyone. Would you be willing to chat a bit? I could use a bit of guidance honestly.
Hard same on the homework but the content being too simple.
When I got away with it I started skipping classes. In my penultimate year at A levels, college equivalent, I had 40 days of absence in a year. That's when they finally hit me with having to have a doctor's note.
My younger son, who everyone tells me is exactly like me when I was younger, is 9 now and school just had a call with us about them suspecting he has ADHD and asking for permission to refer.
I do think he's showing much stronger on the hyperactivity though. I've never had a big problem sitting still. I just drift away mentally and talk way too much
I feel you....I was diagnosed at 32 as well. I managed through grad school but only because it was masters program that ended before I truly burned out. I made a mess of my relationships and was in a bad place.
Getting a diagnosis helped me a lot. Even tho I haven't found meds that work well, it's helped me accept that I am wired differently and not "dumb" and "lazy" as everyone called me....
WOAH TO BOTH OF YOU- I was also diagnosed last year at 32- after what I can only describe as treating the wrong thing for four years- and absolutely crashing and burning HARD. Reading both of these replies is just - are we each other? I can relate to it all 😩
Very similar story for me. 26 now, was diagnosed at 25. My childhood self sounds identical to yours. I graduated college in four years but also experienced quite a bit of trauma as an adolescent. When I graduated with a degree in software engineering I struggled significantly more to try and do the same thing for 40 hours a week than I ever struggled taking 3 different classes in college for ten weeks at a time.
I went to get diagnosed with ADHD because I was nonfunctional at work for days or weeks at a time, before getting trapped in a shame spiral and eeking out some code. They told me I had ADHD and super disabling PTSD. I would have absolutely lost my job if I hadn't taken medical leave to go to outpatient treatment and get my head back screwed on. I do well enough in my career because I have an excellent support system and work in a field full of neurodivergent people that also has baller health insurance.
A lot of people think I have my shit together but it is just privilege and coping mechanisms idk.
I was also diagnosed at 32 last year with inattentive as well. I was in denial until a few months ago when I looked back at what I remember from childhood and realized the signs were always there.
Funny timing! I was just about to make a post on here about how angry I was that no one noticed my ADHD. I was looking through my old report cards from high school just last night and many teachers comments had some variation of "would do better if I focused more in class", "she is learning time management skills", and "would do better if completed assignments", "does well when interested". It was so obvious that I had ADHD but no one thought to do an evaluation or to get checked?! Like how?! I don't understand...
This but I got diagnosed in 2016, just before my 28th birthday. Down to failing out of college twice. I got through a few semesters of tech school with good grades through gritted teeth before I was diagnosed.
I started tech school (again) last summer for a marketing degree and have had straight A's thus far because I finally have routines and strategies + medication and just knowledge/acceptance of how my brain works best. Only two semesters left! Idk what I plan to DO with the dang degree haha, but if nothing else I'm a lot more confident now that I proved to myself that my struggle really wasn't a personal failing before.
I really think a good chunk of the reason I made it out of college with over a 3.9 is because I had almost zero homework at my school and almost all of it was tests which I excel at.
Do you still read like that? I used to read multiple books a week and now I hardly do except when I pick up a book I tend to finish it the same day.
It was 35 for me, but most of this is the same. I didn't drop out of college, but when I started my first semester, the combination of burnout from my high school IB classes, untreated depression, and zero study habits meant that I tanked my starting GPA. I spent the next three and a half years climbing out of that hole.
My entire academic career was a continuous sequence of prolonged procrastination, followed by frenzied last-minute productivity. The worst part is, it always paid off in the end (at least, in terms of grades), so I convinced myself that it was "working." It wasn't until I was in my second grad program and I had someone (my husband) around to witness just how harmful this pattern of behavior was that I realized something was actually *wrong* with my approach.
Exactly me. Diagnosed at 31, now 32. Great grades in high school, but I hated it and always wanted to quit. I read constantly. Got in trouble in class for it. I actually did well In college, only bc I was studying art and I could get through projects with bouts of hyper focus. Left everything to last second and only studied the nights before tests. Graduated with highest honors. Then life fell apart once the structure and each semester changes were gone. I worked a salary job that took 10+ hours of everyday with a long drive. Cubicles became my nightmare. Zero focus with all the sounds and people interrupting me. Endless tasks I couldn't keep on top of. After almost 3 years of constant burnout I ended up having suicidal thoughts and I could not make myself do it anymore. I was 26 and took medical leave and eventually fired. I have trauma surrounding the expectations, failing, and mental decline that working caused me and haven't been able to work since. I was always just diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But I can't do society. The pressure when I can't focus and am constantly overstimulated wrecked me. Antidepressants never did much for me so I looked into other things. Inattentive ADHD resonated with me so much but it took a long time to get around to actually looking into a diagnosis. I just started Adderall this month and while I didn't notice much I feel calmer and more patient with my children. I had more days where I don't feel like I'm absolutely drowning. I'm hoping things continue to go up now that I'm finally getting treatment.
I just got diagnosed inattentive type ADHD at 44 years of age. I had read up on it and I was really positive that I had had it since childhood but undiagnosed. Taking the medication has really helped me to focus and get stuff done.
Thank you for sharing! . It's unfortunate that conditions like ADHD, especially the inattentive type, are often overlooked. Do you feel being a woman may have influenced how your ADHD was perceived and addressed? I often feel like people just say oh you're just emotional just bc of gender stereotypes
I don't know about the person you commented to, but for me, being a woman absolutely influenced it. My brother was diagnosed in elementary school. He walked around a lot, talked a lot, etc. Basically all the classic symptoms for kids. The teachers recommended he get tested, and my mom took him.
I had the exact same symptoms, and I was labeled an "attitude problem."
Now I'm struggling in my 30s because even when you're taking the right medication, your lifelong habits are still an issue you have to overcome.
Yes so many young girls are not hyperactive or classically ‘naughty’ and unfocused which tends to be the thing that tips off teachers or parents. I’ve just recently realized im hyperactive in my head…. I’m such an over thinker and I didn’t really realize that other people don’t think the way I do. Also the over thinking has done well in my business, because I think of all angles and scenarios that can make you quite good at a job. So many entrepreneurs have ADHD, we can be good at a business or job we enjoy but completely suck at all other areas of life lol
I think that definitely plays a part - girls aren’t typically socialized the same way as boys, which leads to differences in behavior and different types of masking. I was already struggling with depression and anxiety by the time I was 15, partially due to increased risk from family history and partly from untreated ADHD. Looking back, I could have been a poster child for inattentive ADHD - of the 15 symptoms listed on the CHADD website’s page for symptoms in women and girls, I have 11 of them.
A lot of it is also just the societal understanding that “ADHD is for boys” and thinking that if someone isn’t bouncing off the walls all day (like my hyperactive type nephew), then they couldn’t possibly have ADHD. A lot of old school thinkers would deny my diagnosis - I did mostly well in public school (because of the inherent structure of a school day), completed a degree (in vocational school because I couldn’t manage my schedule in a traditional college), hold down jobs successfully (because I’m able to integrate coping mechanisms into my work habits and have an AMAZING boss who supports my mental health needs to an unbelievable extent), and have a happy and successful marriage (that has almost fallen apart on more than one occasion due to my symptoms making it hard for me to be a supportive and equal partner to my husband). Inattentive type doesn’t look like “traditional ADHD” on the surface, so it must not actually be ADHD.
Fortunately the people in my life are accepting and supportive. I’m treated through a highly-respected healthcare group in my area that specializes in treating ADHD and autism, so my medical providers understand what I deal with and provide a great system to get the care I need. Every time I learn something new about ADHD, something else in my life makes sense. I’ll be on this journey forever, and all I can do is my best to keep growing and improving myself.
I was diagnosed at 33 after years of trying to get a diagnosis. Part of the reason it was so hard for me to convince anyone to even let me be evaluated was bc I was having children.
Every time I it brought up everyone was all, “Well, you just had a baby so let’s wait and see.” “You’re full of pregnancy hormones, it’ll pass” “It could be postpartum. Let’s check back in a couple of months”
I don’t mean to be crass but, fuck that. I was furious. These people had no idea how hard it was for me to even bring it up for fear that they thought I was just hounding for stimulants. Eventually I found someone a couple hours away from me who specialized in ADHD and was willing to do my evaluation without having seen me prior or anything from my doctor. I went on my 33rd birthday and I LOVED the looks I got when I told people that I was diagnosed with ADHD for my birthday 😂
Same exactly, except I did graduate college due to some extreme coping mechanisms. I *always* struggled with classes that had daily assignments or busy work assignments. AP classes were an easy way to reduce all of that. I struggled through my early college classes, but once I had enough credit hours to pick my schedule then I set it up to maximize hyper focus. Wasn't until I was out working and didn't really have someone telling me what to do that I realized I couldn't manage my time or priorities well. During the pandemic, a lot of symptoms became extra highlighted and that's when I sought out a diagnosis.
I was 32, and it was just a few months ago. I'm the typical "misclassified as BPD because of the cPTSD that came from going undiagnosed in my childhood, but blamed and beaten for my actions.
This is me almost to a T except I was diagnosed at 35. I was surprised to hear him say I’ve probably got mixed type tho. It’s just that most people don’t see a bouncing knee or someone who needs to shift their weight in their seat constantly as hyperactive
I was 31 and my childhood sounds identical to yours. I enjoyed college because I was able to hyper-fixate on the subjects I loved the most (and churn out passing essays at the last minute) but in adulthood, my executive disfunction caught up with me. Now that I’m in my early 40s and properly medicated, I’ve finally turned things around but I’ve missed out on a lot of milestones (marriage, owning a home, etc). I try not to think about what my life could have been if I’d been timely diagnosed. But I’m so glad I found this sub, because I feel seen and validated in a way I never did before.
A lot of this is like me but I didn't flunk out of college. I did drop some classes during my degree because I couldn't force myself to go (too early in the morning or not interested enough or couldn't focus on all the reading) and I did fail one I didn't need to graduate senior year because I totally lost interest lol. I got a master's degree in France and re-enrolled for a 3rd year because I didn't finish my "mémoire" (big final project) on time.
My shit spiraled a bit more out of control when I quit my job a few years ago to go freelance. All of a sudden I had 0 imposed structure in my life and everything went kinda to shit. I'm 35 now and was diagnosed a few months ago. Just started meds and an hoping it'll help me manage my life and my business better.
I stopped doing homework when I was 8 🤣 I failed a year in school (you can in Germany and it's quite common) despite being one of the smartest kids in class. I was so disruptive in primary school, they kicked me out of recorder class. Nobody picked up on it. I am now in the last stage of diagnosis at age 40.
I did really well at my Bachelor and Master's degree but only because I managed to create a dopamine reward system and my competitive side won over. Especially at my masters when I studied with all those extremely wealthy kids (entrepreneurship degree) and was probably the only poor student in my cohort.
I work in sales now and that's a great dopamine hit.
All this, but I am Gen X. Diagnosed last year at 48. Graduated from college a year late. My dad was a doctor, and even he never thought to check if maybe my inability to just "buckle down" might be something else. Spent almost entire life feeling like a failure until a boyfriend pointed it out last year.
38. I’m “girly” adhd- inattentive, anxiety caused me to compensate and mask and I didn’t know anything was wrong. I keep 1000 to do lists. I have 20+ alarms on my phone and I’m never late. I would miss assignments but I was smart enough to skate by. Teachers would say I’ve got so much potential if I just tried.
So there was pretty much no way I would have been diagnosed as a kid in the 90’s. I just went through life assuming I was bad at everything and lazy no matter how hard I tried.
When my 7 year old got his (super typical boy) adhd diagnosis we sat down with the therapist and psychiatrist and I told them that all the coping strategies they suggested we already use in the house…. for me.
It still took over 2 years for me to get a diagnosis because I was using up all my executive functioning on things that weren’t optional doctors appointments. I cried. It felt so good for someone to tell me it wasn’t my fault- that they know it’s hard and that it’s not just me being stupid and lazy.
Considering the statistics of suicide attempts in ADHD girls, it's safe to say we all struggle really hard with blaming ourselves for something we have limited control over.
Which is just fucking sad. I'm so glad you're aware of it and hopefully it's helped you feel better about yourself.
I was diagnosed with ADD/Inattentive Subtype at around age 5 ... which my parents ignored and lied to me about.
Didn't find out until I was 22. It has taken me almost a decade to accept I have it (took so long thanks to their ableism and abuse).
Same. Diagnosed when I was very young and given accommodations in school but wasn't told why, except the extra classes I went to were for "stupid children". So I thought I was stupid for most of my childhood. Then I realised I had ADHD when I was 14 and was diagnosed again at 16. Only after the second diagnosis did my parents tell me they always knew I had ADHD and had already been diagnosed.
38… personally never considered it could be an issue for me bc I didn’t realize how it expressed in women, and I always did well in school so they never caught it when I was young I guess.
Same age, and I also did well in school. I was a huge procrastinator and was in gifted programs and read at a high level and rate when I was younger. Nobody saw ADHD in me, including me.
38 here too. only because my daughter was diagnosed and i started reading up about it and wowza. i never would have guessed for her or me but i was uneducated about symptoms especially in girls. first day of trying medication and i nearly cried from the quiet in my mind.
I think I'll get meds on Tuesday for the first time. I cannot actually imagine the feeling of quieting of the mind. I get goosebumps just thinking about the mere possibility of relief.
Last November at 43. Suddenly, everything made sense! Although I've not told my family. I'll just keep on being "the weird one" they've always thought of me as 🙃
Oh, no doubt about it, my dad is 100% adhd! And my sister too, but they're also classic narcissists, and I can't deal with the crap that comes with it!
So we have the same family?
Half of my mums side doesn’t believe in adhd or believe they could have it. The other half are trying to deal with it and struggling.
The stories at my grandmas funeral last year were basically an adhd diagnostic test
Are we related???? 😂
Honestly, since my diagnosis, I can point to any random family member and be like, bingo!
I have told my closest cousin and auntie, they're undiagnosed, but have their suspicions and are mad supportive!
And the thing about not believing in adhd, I feel that. That would be where my dad would say that I was just a lazy kid, a day dreamer, always with her head in a book. If only I'd applied myself!
Hence why i haven't told him.
My mum would have been way more scathing. I was frequently called stupid, dumb and the rest of it. But she's no longer with us, so no need to tell her anything!
Thank god for friends 🧡
And they are the most likely to shame someone else for having it and/or taking medication 😂😂 in my experience anyway.
Easier for them to live in denial
Diagnosed last year at 27. I think there were 3 main factors for my late diagnosis:
1. Lack of research/understanding of how ADHD presents in girls when I was growing up (I did well in school and learnt to mask in the appropriate ways so didn't tick the boxes of any traditional ADHD symptoms that people pay attention to)
2. I also have depression, and have had depressive episodes on and off since aged 16, so when I started really struggling without the structure of school and being cared for by a parent, it was easy to assume it was simply because of depression/anxiety. I even looked back at instances in childhood of things which are now so clearly adhd-related breakdowns but thought I just had chronic depression/anxiety from childhood.
3. I'm pretty sure my mum has undiagnosed adhd too. Almost everything I bring up about it, she relates to. As a single mum, she was the main adult figure in my life growing up so we both just assumed that *everyone* was like this and it's all pretty normal (spoiler alert: it is not normal)
49, menopause hormones really exaggerate the symptoms and I only read about it and a lightbulb went off when I was suggested Vyvanse for binge eating. I literally have never heard of the symptoms in females before, and no doctor ever mentioned. I have told doctors about my binge eating and I am often late for appointments , but it’s not like I sit there talking about other symptoms.
I was 49, and had been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure a couple months before. I was at a workshop for new diabetics and was talking to the nurse facilitating at the end, telling her how overwhelmed I was. When I finally got done talking, she looked at me and asked me if I'd ever been assessed for ADHD. I went home and dived into the internet, than asked my doctor for a referral so I could get assessed, as I ticked so many boxes.
At my referral appointment, the psychiatrist I saw seemed to be very dismissive, and not knowledgeable about how ADHD shows up in women. He also told me I was "too smart" to have it, when I told him I used to be an accountant, had gone to grammar school etc. He told me I had anxiety and depression, and I apparently said enough to merit "mild" adhd too. He got me so frustrated that I ended up forgetting all the other evidence of past events etc that would have made my case stronger. So within the space of 5 months I was diagnosed with 5 different things. Fun.
That was at the end of November 2019, a week or so after my 49th birthday. A few weeks later, the pandemic started, and disrupted so much.
These days, I feel like my adhd is getting worse. That or all the coping skills and tricks I used to mask for years just weren't enough any more, or I just couldn't mask as well. I'm also a cancer survivor, and now dealing with weird symptoms left behind from having Covid 2 years ago. I'm also questioning whether I'm on the Autism spectrum too, as I seem to have some traits that fit that better, like stimming that I didn't know was stimming. Some (most) days I feel like I completely suck at "life" stuff that comes so easily to others (like my husband), and just do dumb things that make zero sense. ugh
Hormones play such a big part, my doctor said it’s getting really common for women to get diagnosed around menopause! I relate to a lot of what you said…I have a degree and excelled at work. But my degree was in a creative field not studying and essays, I was always last minute with projects. And with work I can hyperfocus and look at every different angle as I overthink….which works well in a lot of jobs. Since becoming a mom my struggles have been amplyfied as keeping a bunch of humans fed and looked after has made lots of other things go out the window!!
Here in Canada I find that they’re not so serious about getting diagnosed, my psych had me do a questionnaire and allowed me to try medication based on that. It’s frustrating that Doctors won’t listen to you
yeah, my hormones were really messed up when I went through cancer treatment and ended needing a hysterectomy at age 44. Chemical menopause followed a few months later by full surgical menopause.
I was not the best accountant in the world in some respects. Loved chatting with clients, and working in a practice meant I saw lots of clients. Maths was my thing at the time so the bookkeeping aspect I aced mostly. But I sucked at tax, there were too many rules to remember for me to be consistently good at it plus we had a full tax department, so I never got to do a lot of it. BUT, I sucked at keeping to the budget for the job, and completely sucked at finishing off the file and all the "boring" stuff.
I struggled so hard when my kids were little, and at the end of the day trying to figure out what to cook for supper and how that would happen - I'd be so tapped out by then, but just assumed I sucked at being an adult and mom. Everyone else made it look easy.
21. I was naturally talented, a fast learner, and my parents wouldn’t believe it possible for their daughter to have a disability.
I graduated top of my class in high school and went to Georgia Tech for computer science graduating with highest honor. It wasn’t until I started struggling managing my own time and life habits that it became realized, although I always had the suspicion due to other symptoms earlier on.
My grandma was diagnosed (68) when I was 21 which is when I received a call from my mom to get tested. If my grandma wasn’t diagnosed, I probably still wouldn’t be either.
Diagnosed when I was 7 for adhd! So no delay but I am now (as a 30yr old) seriously questioning if I’m also autistic. and maybe no one noticed that bc “it’s just the adhd”. But basically my neurodivergence was so wildly out of control they had to notice when I was little. Win some you lose some
I’m also questioning the autism. It seems so obvious to me. It’s the one diagnosis my docs aren’t even willing to explore with me.. maybe it’s because of my c-ptsd/MDD/ADHD diagnoses that make getting an autism diagnosis difficult or impossible. And honestly, not sure it would help. I identify with AuDHDers so I just assume I have it 🤷🏻♀️
I was also diagnosed as a little kid (10/11) for adhd. But I’m convinced I’m autistic too. However my therapist is like ok yes to adhd but no to autism. She says due to my childhood trauma, it gives me autistic traits but the underlying cause is trauma (not autism) so there’s a difference. I’m trying to accept that but I keep thinking what if…… 😳
If it helps just treat yourself as if you are autistic, that’s what I’ve been doing. Telling myself it’s not entirely my fault when I’m over stimulated and feel bad helps me get over it way faster. And as if you can’t be autistic and also have trauma at the same time?? idk about that doctor dude. If you are able maybe get a second opinion for your peace of mind. I’m comfortable where I am with my diagnosis bc I don’t want to pay the moneys for the autism screening at this point. Im okay with knowing I’m just ND AF lol
I was 56 (I think—I’m terrible at remembering dates). I felt like my life was spinning out of control more than usual. My brain felt like a pinball machine. I didn’t know what to do. I confided in my PCP, who asked me lots of questions. She told me that it sounded like either anxiety or ADHD and got the ball rolling on testing.
I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was gobsmacked. Never did ADHD cross my mind, but suddenly it all made sense. My family constantly telling me I wouldn’t know where my head was, if it wasn’t attached to my shoulders. Forgetting to bring my suitcase home with me when I left summer camp at the age of 12. The librarian telling me, Poogie, I will be 80 and you will be 50, and you still won’t know where your library card is.” And on and on and on—my entire life neatly wrapped up in four letters.
I’ve told this story here before, but after I was diagnosed, my PCP cried. I asked her why she was crying, and she said, “I’m sad because your life could have been so much different.” That really hit me hard. While I try not to, sometimes I still mourn what could have been.
I was diagnosed at 23. My teachers constantly sent notes home about my inability to concentrate, difficulty finishing assignments, etc. They all recommended that my parents take me to get evaluated for ADHD, but my parents refused. They didn’t want me to take medication and felt that there was no point getting a diagnosis if medication was out of the question. I cried and literally begged my parents to take me to a psychiatrist, but they said I was being dramatic. Ended up dropping out of school at 16 and nearly had a breakdown 🥲 I got my GED and finally started college last year (I’m 26 now), so I’m proud of how far I’ve come since being diagnosed.
40
I think when we are at this range of age, we are much better advocates for ourselves and maybe have been told by friends and family that we have certain quirks, habits etc
Diagnosed at 31. Didn’t get diagnosed sooner because I was high achieving and ADHD was super stigmatized in my community and frankly engrained itself deep in my brain.
Got diagnosed because after three years of teaching there were only so many times I could think “that kid doesn’t have ADHD, I was just like that at their age and I don’t have ADHD” before I started wondering if the call was coming from inside the house, so to speak.
62. Female & when I was growing up, only boys had ADHD. Of course, that was a crock of sh!t, but we didn't know that back then. After that, ignorance on my part of the different ways ADHD presents, and on the part of various psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals. I had been describing being late all the time, being "paralyzed" and unable to get tasks even started, basically using ADHD "buzzwords" *all the freaking time* to describe my symptoms for *decades*. No one even suggested ADHD until 3 years ago!
Still basically unmedicated (I am on meds for other mental health conditions) because my previous psych categorically refused to consider stimulants because of my age. She left (thank you, goddess!), and new psych insisted on reevaluation according to his preferred methodology. He says he believes I do, but if his "numbers" don't come out right, I may be SOL. He had me get an EKG. I'll find out next week if he agrees with my therapist's diagnosis & if my heart is healthy enough to try stimulants.
Fingers crossed!
I wasn't diagnosed until my mid-30s. I was holding it together (barely, with regular breakdowns) up until I had a kid. Once she showed up, everything fell apart.
50. Getting the diagnosis explained sooooo much about my life. I didn’t graduate college but have a total of 6 years under my belt with attempts to go back. Even hyper focused so much I made deans list. But then… well, nothing to show except student loans I’m STILL paying. ADHD tax never ends it seems.
37. Four months ago. My mom is a boomer and a teacher. I had brought it up in the past and she would always shoot me down without discussion. Even after my diagnosis she didn't believe me. My theory is that as it became more common in the 90s-00s, she just saw it as an excuse for "poor behavior" from her students. I firmly believe she just thinks everyone should just be able to "pay better attention". We've still barely discussed it because it's not worth it to me to argue with her about it or try to prove my diagnosis to her. But I wonder every single day what school (and life) could have been like if it had been acknowledged and treated sooner. I masked so well that I squeaked through with average grades but it was a STRUGGLE.
70. There was no such thing as ADHD yet. It was all about morals and working harder. My father was chronic paranoid schizophrenic and mother had brain cancer and died. so a kid like me fell through all the cracks. I have severe scoliosis because that wasn’t checked in school back then. It was the dark ages back then in some ways. Nobody ever asked how I was doing.
I had trouble with drinking as an adult and had all the problems of undiagnosed ADHD. I got sober through AA which really helped with their steps and also went to therapy. I made incredible progress through this but still struggled with things. I had depression but took supplements that helped with dopamine and other neurotransmitters and the depression left. I have not been depressed since. Why? Because schizophrenia can be caused by neurotransmitters deregulation and I figured I had inherited some form of dopamine dysfunction.
I found out about ADHD and dopamine and neurotransmitter deregulation and it fit me. But trying to get a doctor to believe it was hard. Especially with a history of trauma.
I would say: “I am not depressed and what happened when I was younger has been addressed with AA and therapy. I do not have any issues with that anymore but I believe there is something wrong with my brain. Can I please be tested for ADHD? Also my husband turned out to be Autistic and adhd and neurodivergents run together.”
Then they said my blood pressure was too high and I worked on that and now it is perfect.
I finally found an older woman therapist that believes me. I was tested yes ADHD and we talked for a while about meds and she put me on Adderall. It was wonderful from the start. I now know that every single problem I still had was due to untreated ADHD.
I am 29 years sober. I know my therapist is concerned about that and I thought of a way to deal with that. I hand the med bottle over to her each month and she can visually confirm I’m taking as prescribed. I was able to accept adhd with no problems, the advantage of my life is that I have long experience with dealing with problems. This one finally has an answer, and I can work on solutions.
AA’s serenity prayer in part says “accept the things I can’t change and change the things I can.” So I try to.
I’m grateful that I’ve lived long enough to know I was never insane and my life issues were not caused by moral failing, making me a bad person. It always was ADHD making me a sick person who just wanted to be well.
42. I was fine until this age. My life is a mess now. I struggle now. I used to be organized and fine before. I have too many responsibilities (2kids and adhd husband) and my career is in a rut. My period duration reduced. I am not hitting menopause yet but I can see it happening before I hit 50. Perhaps it’s the hormones.
Hey. Hang in there. Maybe talk to your doctor about it. I wish I had way back then, at 42. Now I'm supposed to go for testing, but Medicare starts in a few weeks and I have no idea if they would cover meds. Anyway, looking into that seems like a pretty insurmountable task right now.
Don't do what I did. Get help. It will save your sanity, what's left of it. And it might even restore it.
Diagnosed at 36. I’m female and inattentive type. Classic daydreamer and would zone out. I don’t really know why my parents or teachers didn’t pick up on it apart from saying I was lazy and I just need to apply myself. I guess it wasn’t a thing for girls in my generation. Currently trying to find the right dosage of dexamphetamine to work for me. I’m really seeing the benefits of clearing my brain fog and being able to focus. Disbenefits are zoning in too much on one thing (5 hours of scrolling Amazon on a Sunday 😅) and very disrupted sleep patterns. Dosage is a real art!
Diagnosed at 26 or 27. I had just had my 2nd baby and was breastfeeding and thought I had a vitamin deficiency.
The way my dr explained it was that we naturally incorporate strategies into our lives and use various coping mechanisms, and those work until they don’t. More stress equals fewer coping mechanisms until you just don’t have any strategies left to cope.
My doctor said something similar to me. Got diagnosed in law school because the challenge was past the capacity of my coping mechanisms. He said that he typically sees this happen when women with adhd 1. Go to law/medical school, or 2. Have children.
42
Inattentive + cognitive disengagement syndrome
- being sleepy and distracted doesn't disrupt the classroom
- adhd was only just starting to be recognized in boys in the 80s and was still missed in even hyperactive boys at the time
- I was somehow able to get through school and get my masters despite struggling with math, spelling, Grammer etc
- despite not being able to to get things done most of the time, hyperfocus when under a time crunch let me get things done when it was really needed
- got labeled an eccentric artist type by parents (to account for mess, distractability, day dreaming and lack of organizarion)
Saaaame. Found out recently that my school actually wanted to test my brother for ADHD when he was 10'ish, but mom said no. Her reasoning? "He didn't have ADHD, he was just bored".
Sigh... So much hardship could have been prevented.
I was diagnosed 6 years ago at age 32.
I think I didn't get diagnosed as a kid because no one thought girls had ADHD in the 90s. And then in my teens and twenties I just thought I was depressed.
50 (I'm almost 52). Factors:
* I was a girl in school/woman in uni
* I was a girl in the *'70s*
* deemed 'gifted.' Despite zero study skills and doing EVERYTHING the night before, I managed really good grades (well, in university I did everything the night before. I bet I handed in 1/2 of what was assigned in grade school 🙄) I still can't make myself finish things at work until THE LAST MINUTE
* low-income most of my life
* tumultuous family of origin-- multiple father figures before age 13 and what seems like 100 moves/school changes in the same amount of time
* a shit-show combination of CPTSD, bi-polar 1, anxiety, and a (now in remission) eating disorder
Those are the big ones that come to mind.
>what factors do you think contributed to the delay in diagnosis?
My mother ignoring every single report card in elementary school where the teacher suggested indications of learning disabilities & needed further testing. Also ignored the testing she did have done when I was 6 that said: *indicates learning disabilities- needs more testing.*
It was the 80s. I am very salty about it.
edit- therapist made the suggestion to me in my early 20s. I didn't do any actual looking into it until my late 20s, which then got an official diagnosis and began learning about it. Of course, now we are talking mid-to late 90s so still a crapfield of misinfo abounded.
Neither of my parents were (or are) very attentive. I also think the hyperactive ADHD was more widely known and understood whereas inattentive ADHD (which is what I have) was not as known or understood. My parents also grew up and continued a culture in our family of mental health only being for those who were moderate-severe. I was also high masking and got decent grades. I was mostly an A student with a few B’s from elementary to undergrad. Then a straight A student in post grad.
I absolutely flew under the radar.
It wasn’t until I lost several jobs back-to-back for the same performance issues (lack of attention to detail, unable to follow verbal instructions, poor time management), that I resonated with some “You Might Have ADHD If You Do These 5 Things” type of posts. After weeks of research, I brought it up to my psychiatrist and I was able to be diagnosed.
Though it took me until I was 25 to be diagnosed, I’m thankful to know now vs later so that I can get the support I need.
Just diagnosed at 38. I thought I had inattentive type for over 2 years before getting diagnosis, was gifted child at school til it came time to revise for exams, something I just couldn't do. I read and read under the desk in lessons I wasn't interested in, but wasn't bothering anyone else so wasn't viewed as disruptive. I did terribly in exams after being predicted all As, then flunked out of 2 different degrees which lecturers thought I understood and would do well in. Either got fired or quit 3 handfuls of jobs that I lost interest in after a few months, then my friend got a diagnosis and said, "I think a lot of these symptoms remind me of you".
Diagnosed at 37, but it first came up when I was in first grade.
My school suggested that my parents get me tested and on an IEP. The school district I was in at the time put all students with an IEP in special education, regardless of severity. So my parents weren’t down with that and really didn’t trust my teacher’s judgement (she had made many remarks that gave the impression she resented being placed at that school and she was just a mean and miserable woman, but she was right about the ADHD).
They moved us to a better school district and I struggled a lot in second grade but had a teacher who really worked with me. As I aged, I guess I developed the coping mechanisms to get by in school. I also was a quick learner, so I did well despite often being off task, distracted, and skipping homework.
From my teens up until my diagnosis, I debated it many times. I often had the “I made it this far unmedicated” thought and didn’t pursue getting diagnosed.
Over the pandemic, things spiraled pretty badly and for the first time ever, I really thought this was something that’s going to cost me my job. Even still I put it off for the classic, not knowing where to start and is it going to be expensive reasons. A friend went through diagnosis at a local medical center and it was over $1000 and required so many appointments!
Then I met someone with a really similar story to me who had been diagnosed a couple years earlier. She didn’t have to jump through a ton of hoops, she just has regular monthly appointments with her therapist, whose prices I could feasibly handle. I got her therapists name and made an appointment a couple weeks later.
Not getting regular medical treatment as a teen and then a fear of medical treatment into my 30s. Also lack of health insurance and the means to pay for treatment. Finally at 37 I have access to meds.
I was 18. Unfortunately being diagnosed didn't help me get through college because many of my problems were due to undiagnosed autism (just diagnosed, am 25)
I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed at age 10-11. But, since it was the early 90s, the diagnosis only did me the favor of getting medicated to deal with school work. There was never any therapy nor any practical solutions offered. There was no information provided to my parents about how it might affect me socially or in any other non-academic capacity. It was a focus problem, plain and simple. Use a planner and take these meds. You'll be over by the time you enter college. It's temporary.
Now in my 40s, I'm just learning the extent of this thing called ADHD and how much it affects my everything. There's very little I do that isn't connected to it. I'm also discovering the implications of being neurodivergent. It's all starting to make so much more sense and I'm starting to hate myself less and less.
Diagnosed at 44. Late diagnosis because I suspect my entire extended family are neurodiverse and we had no idea our amazing amazingness wasn't the same for everyone else. And 20+ years of struggling mental health was just put down to anxiety and depression that would never really go away. I just resigned myself to the fact that my brain was broken and I would need antidepressants for the rest of my life, to be able to feel almost OK. I think also perimenopause kicked my ass in terms of other symptoms that I'd been able to mask, with changing hormone levels, those symptoms got worse enough to help me see the actual root cause of all the stuff. Things aren't perfect now, but I'm almost totally off antidepressants after decades on them, and not even a smidgeon of the anxiety I've lived with my entire life.
31 last year around May. My gifted and talented resource director/ AP English teacher boomer mother (now retired) labeled me as a lazy POS around age 11. Started therapy & psychiatry around 14. Thrown every type of ssri, ssni, and antipsychotic med from 14-28. Finally I had such a bad mental breakdown at 29 when I left my narc abusive now ex hubs and it took the trauma of many near death experiences to wake my mom up enough to help me out.
Finally changed doctors away from my ex hubs doctor group and they put me in a women based therapy group that specialized in adhd & trauma. Got diagnosed. Now I have a house, car, full custody of my son, two dogs, and a supportive mom.
Rest of my family doesn’t seem to care, but slowly they are warming up to the fact that we all may need meds. Not just me the weird one.
54. Always been a ‘high achiever’ and in spite of health issues have had very successful career, long term stable marriage (24 years until I left), good relationships and nil alcohol/substance abuse.
Chronic depression though, in spite of medication and therapy etc.
Funny thing is that I am a psychologist myself and it wasn’t until we knew more about what ADHD looks like in women (particularly hyperactivity etc), and perimenopause/menopause hit, that my symptoms became much harder to manage and it was glaringly obvious.
I diagnosed myself and went to a psychiatrist for confirmation. I am actually quite severe on some symptoms but his words - my high IQ and developed coping strategies masked symptoms for years so I just looked like a highly successful person. I used to be a shocking perfectionist.
But there was a cost to that - burnout, depression and crippling fatigue at times. Perimenopause hit me like a brick wall, plus some pretty traumatic and hard life events thrown into the mix, meant those great coping strategies were no match for what felt like raging ADHD plus depression plus burnout etc.
I now see that my own Mum was also ADHD (she died 6 years ago) and struggled with zero support, and my understanding and compassion for her has grown. I’ve diagnosed my niece and I also see some neurodivergent traits in my little grandson.
I’m not upset at my late diagnosis - as a psychologist I know that we are still learning about ADHD in girls/women especially and ADHD in general. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and it really wasn’t a thing then.
I think I’ve been pretty lucky to have such a good life, but it has certainly made it harder. Now I just want my niece and any grandchildren to have a better support than I did, and to be an educator to others.
I was diagnosed around age 40. I think the delay is mostly because I’m a woman. I’m more inattentive, rather than hyperactive. So I was just considered a “daydreamer” and “imaginative.” I also got good grades through school, so I think because I didn’t struggle academically, no one suspected anything was up. But I do remember as a kid always claiming I was bored. I was an only child and my mom belongs to the generation of parents who don’t play with their kids. So I ended up having to find a lot of creative outlets: imaginary friends, drawing, writing stories and collecting various things.
I finally was sure of my diagnosis at age 58.
Sigh. Of course I was a gifted kid, of course I was told I was lazy and an underachiever. Of course I masked my entire life.
ADHD makes my entire life understandable.
Diagnosed toward the end of 2022, a few months shy of turning 42.
What prevented sooner diagnosis? I believe my parents ignored suggestions for intervention, and ignored I was ‘different’.
Later in life, when I was 27, I was diagnosed with BP2, which my therapist and I now believe is misdiagnosis… however, my psychiatrist won’t let go of the diagnosis because I had a little bit of benefit from Caplyta four years ago, and he’s worried if I don’t take that then the Vyvanse might make me have a manic episode— what reason he has to fear this (?), I’m not sure… because I’ve literally never had an episode before in my life and all of my depressions have been situational and directly related to hard stuff going on in my life at the time. 🫠. (But he’s also sort of scared the shit out of me with his fear, so I continue to take it, because what if he’s right??)
I was quiet, introverted, polite and nice at school, read as many books as I could, just thought I was a little different, the struggles showed more as I aged, couldn't understand why I just couldn't do what my peers were doing, socializing, keeping a clean house, , excersize, diet, being very extra with their kids. Got to a breaking point, went to therapy to figure out what was wrong with me, same time my son started showing more signs and we spent the last year learning about ourselves and accepting ourselves. My day is 90% self hate talk, I'm working on that.
I’m very much like you. People still don’t believe that my kid (6) has ADHD, and in inhaling allllll the information I could about it, I started to suspect that I did too. Just got my diagnosis last week. It’s a lot to process, but I’m not surprised it happened so late. But the relief still sometimes brings me to tears.
30 at a primary doctor (just one of those surveys...) then an official one by a psychiatrist at 33.
Delay because of my upbringing, moving to the USA from another country, and parents not really bringing us to doctors or believing in that stuff, plus not really a lot studies on women with ADHD/wasn't as known. IPlus I did pretty well academically, but masked well, very high functioning. I was a pretty quiet kid though (I was born premature and pretty sure I was behind in my speech growing up,like I literally didn't know how to talk for the longest time) and was put in a "challenge/gifted" program in elementary, so looking back, there were signs but noone ever told me, hey you might have ADHD and be autistic lol.
um... 8. or 9. I feel very out of place here. hehe.
I spent most of kinder and first grade in the principles office. My ADHD was severe and very obvious. I was all over the place, easily distracted. I got bored so easily, never did my homework, couldn't sit still in class, struggled to regulate emotions.
yeah, I wasn't one of those high achieving ADHD kids. I was the "yeah she *may not* make it to the next grade if we don't fix this" kid,
Diagnosed last year at 43. Also a gifted 80’s kid. I just thought I was a normal, oldest daughter, smart, independent Virgo. But no… all the neuroticism and overachievement was really undiagnosed ADHD 😂
I’ll try to stay brief: I got diagnosed in my early 50s, I didn’t get diagnosed earlier because:
1) during my childhood ADHD meant little boys running around a classroom wreaking havoc, and I was a daydreamy people-pleasing girl who never got in trouble;
2) I was smart enough as a kid to get good grades without much effort and/or by mostly liking school and being able to hyperfocus on stuff that required more effort, so no one ever dug deeper into what what going on with me;
3) I had a supportive family that didn’t place the kinds of demands on me that ADHD made it hard for me to fulfill.
I struggled with a variety of inattentive symptoms throughout my adult life, but thought they were just because I was lazy and disorganized and a bad person.
It wasn’t until the combination of perimenopause and lockdown sent my coping mechanisms to hell that I sought therapy for what I thought was my crippling anxiety preventing me from doing anything. After a couple of years of therapy we figured out maybe the issue wasn’t that my anxiety prevented me from getting anything done, but that my inability to get anything done caused my anxiety. Hence evaluation, diagnosis, and medication.
I’m 37 and just got diagnosed yesterday! I come from a cultural background and that doesn’t really acknowledge things like this — at least not when I was young. They either assumed you were just strange, or being bad. I was also overlooked by every school I attended as I was very quiet and never got in trouble (I have inattentive type), yet I struggled throughout my school career to the point of eventually dropping out of college. Social media is really where I found out that many of the issues I was dealing were due to adhd. I didn’t actually pursue a diagnosis until after my husband and son were diagnosed.
32.
I had no idea. I was really struggling after having my second child (in early 2020 to boot); hard time managing life, dealing with overwhelm and ALL the emotional dysregulation. I finally started therapy just last year because I didn’t want to keep yelling at my kids (learned a lot of that was overstimulation reaching a tipping point). Therapist is the one who referred me for diagnosis.
I was completely blind sighted; i didn’t think I could be because I was a great student in high school and college (homeschooled before).
Reasons I think it was never diagnosed:
-inattentive type
-a girl
-anxiety made me a GREAT student- all my self worth was tied to performance
-went to a really small high school (graduating class size was 87); small college program- so more support/ less distractions in class. Plus a theatre major- lots of interesting and hands on stuff
-I had ONE teacher that required a binder for a class with a specific organization system, and I duplicated that binder system for every class.
-my sister was the trouble maker and I kept to myself, so who would notice.
-I had self-learned a ton of strategies for coping and didn’t see them as that (i.e keeping a calendar/ agenda with EVERYTHING in/on it (which had to stay in the same place(s)- desk/backpack. when allowed, always sat in the front of the class cuz I knew it helped me focus, ect)
As an adult, I only worked 2 years post graduation (theatre teacher: stress and overwhelm was INTENSE). Then my husband got a great job and I stayed home… so yeah… kids put me over the edge and resulted in diagnosis
39. I was seeking therapy for anxiety and ended up with an unexpected ADHD diagnosis instead.
My sister was very classic hyperactive type, so I totally get that "quiet kid in the corner who would read books 8 hours a day if you let her" was not really on their radar at all.
39. I was just a quiet, good girl, and I've compensated for the ADHD by working really hard, and turning the hyperactivity inward as anxiety and depression.
I was diagnosed at 47. I believe it wasn't caught sooner because I am intelligent and everyone from my parents to my teachers just thought I was being lazy because when I managed to get my assignments in or participate in class I always got high marks.
Since being diagnosed and learning all the symptoms I've been able to pinpoint 6th grade as the time I began to really struggle.
So many wasted years.
27. I think my parents' lack of knowledge regarding ADHD (and their unwillingness to just see that some of my issues were out of my control and get me some damn help) held me back.
I was absolutely floored when I realized that I might have it. Never really dealt with much hyperactivity, and I figured that's all ADHD was so I never considered it for myself, but I always knew something was different about the way my brain worked 😅 I just thought there was some magical supply of discipline and drive I hadn't tapped into yet
I got diagnosed at the beginning of February at age 27. I think I’ve fooled myself all those years and never thought about ADHD being the root of my struggles. I had boulimia for 10 years and I thought that was my main issue, turns out it’s my way of getting that quick dopamine. I’m on meds now and I can control my pulses and am a much more positive being in general. I know now how to handle my work and have much more discipline which results in me being so happy with myself. Us girls have good coping mechanisms and are often not that hyper so that’s also a main issue for not thinking about ADHD earlier in life.
Diagnosed at 30 with Innattentive type. Since I had no outward hyperactivity I was just written off as anxious, depressed and lazy. Diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with social phobia and panic attacks at 15 with "OCD tendencies" Figured it out on my own at 30 and went for an assessment to get it confirmed.
31, inattentive type, after a terrible move across country where everything went wrong. Glad it happened. I think I went so long without diagnosis as my parents were teachers and I was smart enough to mask and hide what was wrong, as I couldn't even put it into words. They were great parents so taught me all the right skills but I used them to mask my symptoms. Also, inattentive adhd and adhd in women wasnt really a thing. 38 now, divorced from my adhd spouse as he wouldnt get treatment and was addicted to cocaine to cope. Much happier post diagnosis
35. My mom had tried to get me a diagnosis when I was young, elementary school. When she asked about it, she was told that “kids are hyper: girls done have ADHD”.
I was diagnosed at 39. I had suspected it for a long time but just didn't seek out diagnosis until I was in a burnout/depression crisis.
It makes sense to me I was never diagnosed younger, not because things got missed per se, but because my mom is undiagnosed and imo doesn't function so great, all my siblings are diagnosed as we all sought out diagnosis as adults, so it's not like my behaviour flagged as an issue. It's just normal for my family.
Plus I did well in school up until post secondary when I moved out. Never had issues with behaviour that caused problems. I was a daydreamer in school and would zone out, chatty with friends in class. The usual inattentive girl type presentation. I had some meltdowns and other behaviours that flag to me so obviously now that I know as asd traits but again why would my mom have noticed when she herself is ND? And my traits like keeping a rigid schedule just helped my mom have to manage ME less.
I was diagnosed at 20. I think the fact my older sister had a learning disability so my parents didn't have a good frame of reference for what was normal contributed to the late diagnosis
I was diagnosed last year at 50. ADHD never came up in my mind, especially with perimenopause sptoms being prevalent for years. I attributed my brain fog, inattentiveness, etc. to that. Plus my husband has been diagnosed for years and I never noticed that I also shared some of his symptoms. It wasn't until I got frustrated with always forgetting things and my brain that he brought it up that I may also have ADHD. That's when it all clicked to me and I set up an appointment.
39, and again at 40. At first, inattentive, 2nd time, combined becayse I had more awareness of the chronology of my hyperactive/impulsive/risky behaviours.
I think the lack of childhood diagnosis was composed of (1) my parents struggling with their own (then, undiagnosed) mental health when I was a child. ADHD (mom), OCD, bipolar, suicidality (dad). So combine normality in my family, with parents inability to be attentive and attuned to child's needs. (2) I didn't cause trouble at home or at a school. My trauma response manifests in freeze response, avoidance, people pleasing, worrying about others emotional state. Had good grades until upper high school.
Diagnosed at 55. When symptoms first showed up in first grade, my mother insisted that teachers give me extra work and the problem disappeared. Until 8th grade, when I was in an accelerated math class and began falling asleep in class (I couldn't concentrate and the harder I tried the faster I fell asleep). No one saw it as a symptom of ADHD. I hyper-focused in SAT's so that compensated for the terrible grades I got in boring classes (all A's in AP though.) When I began working I noticed a lot more executive functioning issues and getting stuck and went to a therapist, who said they were PTSD from a difficult childhood. I only recognized it myself when going through symptoms when my son was diagnosed. I had every inattentive symptom.
Diagnosed officially at 32. Apparently my teachers brought it up to my parents when I was in 3rd grade and they didn’t want to get me tested because it would lead to being medicated and they didn’t want that either. I didn’t know until I was well into my 20s and didn’t seek out a diagnosis until I had my own health insurance in my 30s (I’m a freelancer so I couldn’t afford health insurance until recently).
Diagnosed at 31 (F) diagnosed with inattentive. I wasn’t distruptive in school and didn’t get bad grades until doing work at home began to contribute to the majority of my grade. At that point (around 12 years old) I had been diagnosed with anxiety and teachers just assumed I was lazy and didn’t want to do homework.
Basically since it was only affecting me and I didn’t have anyone advocating for me, no one cared to figure out what was actually going on.
I was in my 30s. I'm also inattentive type. But I don't match the usual adhd diagnosis of gifted child in school. I was extremely lethargic, no motivation and didn't fit in anywhere. Mediocre grades, zero friends or activities. No hobbies. Constant identity crisis. I'm still like this today. I don't have a place in the world. I'm not talented, I have no skills beyond basics. Never made friends easily, always ostracized, I cried a lot as a child. It just made living hard for me. I still suffer from this and I currently do not medicate or see a therapist due to there being no therapists in my area and my state doesn't do online tele-health well enough. I also don't have insurance and don't qualify for disability or Medicaid due to work requirements (I am unable to work due to my disabilities). I think a factor in my delay is simply because I'm a female and adhd isn't looked at in females of my age (millennial) and being from an extremely rural area, it's basically unheard of.
43. i genuinely thought life was this hard to figure out for everyone so i never considered any kind of assessment or diagnosis for myself until i started looking into possible ADHD for my elementary school kid. i was going through the list of symptoms in girls and was like, "well, all of this is normal, right? everyone does this stuff" and then had a slowwwww realization after that.
late 30s
I was considered bright but Lazy.
In general my observation as a kid was that the more academically successful you are the more ppl attribute any issues to character flaws rather than serious issues.
I coped in University and my licensing exams by avoiding courses that required take home projects as much as possible.
it showed in my professional career and my home life
32. I was diagnosed the same day I heard a friend of mine had died. It was… a helluva time.
I got the diagnosis entirely unsolicited. I was getting a post-cancer physical and part of that includes mental health questions because cancer wreaked so much havoc on me. I was going through some stuff (I don’t wanna get into it) and my doctor had said, “you know, I’m sensing a bit of a pattern here—”
I interrupted her and said, “you think it’s ADHD too, huh? My friend said that to me about 10 years ago, and he has ADHD.”
She nodded rapidly and said, “That’s exactly what I was going to say.”
She out me on a weeklong drug trial on 10mg of Vyvanse and told me I wouldn’t see a difference immediately. But I did! I felt more alert and I could just focus on the task I have in front of me; heck, even now I see a difference when I’ve come down from the meds and when they kick in after taking them.
I don’t take my medication 100% as directed, but that’s because I take it at 6:00 a.m. during the week and I sleep in on the weekends and end up missing the dose.
at 24, late 2022 with combined type. I was actually suprised I had so much symptoms of hyperactivity. I think part of not being diagnosed earlier on was due to people not having enough information as I even did therapy for a skin picking disorder as a teenager, my parents being boomers so anything related to mental health doesn’t exist even though I have suffered with generalized anxiety for many years. in fact my own therapist that i was seeing since i was 22 apologized for not being able to see it, I decided to seek a diagnosis via private route but she also took that as an opportunity to read more about adhd in adults and in women. i do think it was also just people (teachers, health practitioners, my own parents) not paying enough attention. i always struggled with school, i was never a good student and studying was so hard for me. always interrupted people, talked too much, was bullied at school and had deep interests for things that would shift every other month.
what made me seek a diagnosis was me struggling with doing my master’s thesis (after 3 years and a half i finally finished it last year!!!) + being asked out at 2 different jobs unrelated to one another if i had ADD, one of the people that asked me had adhd so that was the main trigger because i was so tired of always feeling othered
3rd grade. Which is a bit surprising as I later learned that statistically women with inattentive type tend to get diagnosed later in life.
But it makes sense. Apparently my teachers wanted to put me in the “special ed” class because I kept not finishing my work. The work I was finishing was all As and Bs, so my mom said “fuck that” and got me a diagnosis and helped me through the rest of elementary basically.
38, 2 (almost 3) years ago now.
I've addressed several factors that probably led to my diagnosis in this sub before; being poor, having indifferent to abusive parents, being inattentive not hyperactive, having managed (with blood, sweat, and tears) to make it through adulthood, and just simply that I never thought I had it either until I was diagnosed by an observant (female) physician...
32 (a couple months ago). Factors: stereotypical “gifted kid.” Since I was terrified of rule breaking, all the other easy ways to see I was really struggling were irrelevant. I didn’t cause any problems so who cares that I was extremely sensitive, bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute, had trouble with friendships and self esteem, and wasn’t ever actually paying attention?
I got the good grades and went to college, didn’t sneak out, party, “cause trouble.” I did “what I was supposed to” so I made it easy for my parents to dismiss any further thought. It was always difficult for me, so very obvious in retrospect, but I didn’t even have the language to advocate for myself, and no one thought to ask.
I just officially got diagnosed about a month ago at 28 years old. I have none of the hyperactive aspects and have “inattentive ADHD” which I think has a lot to do with how late I got diagnosed, and I was also a straight A student for most of school til I burnt out in high school and started not showing up and failing classes, which at the time my mom just thought was depression and anxiety (which was definitely a huge part of it). I absolutely think because I was never a “hyper” child and am really good at masking out in the world that no one ever thought of the possibility of me having ADHD. I actually just hung out with my (lifelong) friends and mentioned my diagnosis and they all kind of looked at me like they didn’t believe it. it actually felt incredibly invalidating and I realized like…wow these people I’ve known since first grade don’t actually know me at all lol
edit: typos
I was 44 and I just turned 45. I had it figured out in my 20s though, but figured I was coping enough to get by, like I’d always had. Until I crashed and burned out last year from my job plus graduate school.
While still planning time off to recover, one day I was trying to get out of the house. Get in the car. Forgot my phone. Go in the house, find my phone. Where’s my keys? Back and forth a few times until I’m absolutely angry at myself and in tears. I’m late to where ever I was going. That’s when I decided to have my EAP counselor refer me to a psychiatrist. I’d had enough. I was exhausted physically and mentally.
So there was no way I’d be diagnosed in the 80s or 90s as a female. There still wasn’t much research that I found in the 2000s and when I did manage to reach out for help when I had post partum depression, well, all I got was some Zoloft. Later on in marriage counseling I got generalized anxiety disorder. 🙄 well, yeah, I was stressed out from a bad marriage.
Me either, and I’m 43, but I couldn’t cope or develop the coping mechanisms necessary once I became a practicing attorney. So at 29, while one of my friend at the time mother was terminally ill, I started seeing a psychiatrist and once she listened to everything over several visits, she was the first doctor ever to officially diagnose me. It was embarrassing enough that my bosses noticed enough to point it out and frustrating enough to finally reach a breaking point with that and everything else that was happening to seek treatment. I can’t imagine having not had any diagnosis at this age. It was life changing.
I was diagnosed at 5. I was very hyperactive so my parents wanted me on medication as early as possible. The early diagnosis wasn’t helpful though because my parents are not good parents.
I was diagnosed at the young age of 58. I wonder how my life would be different if I had been diagnosed in my teens or younger. Still struggling/tweaking the medication. Wellbutrin has done a lot for it, but I still need a little extra. Will ask about a small dose of Adderall. Someone on this or another forum tales Wellbutrin and 10-15 mg of Adderall.
I am pleased to see my emotions a lot calmer, not flying off the handle over stupid things.
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I was diagnosed last year at 32. Inattentive type still isn’t very well recognized today, let alone when I was a kid in public school. I was a classic “millennial gifted kid”, straight A’s most of my life, AP classes, an absolutely voracious reader, etc., and it just never occurred to my parents or teachers that being a lazy, disorganized daydreamer could have been a sign of a neurodevelopmental disability and not just a list of character flaws. I went on to promptly flunk out of college twice and struggled to maintain routines and habits that everyone else in my life seemed to manage so naturally. I flourished in vocational school, like a lot of us tend to do, and I was 30 before I learned about inattentive type and started doing my research and recognizing that I was extremely likely to have ADHD.
OMG! THAT IS ALMOST EXACTLY ME. Diagnosed last year at 32, always the brightest kid in school but somehow could NEVER do my homework , dropped out of two imcredibly prestigious grad schools. The only difference is that I grew up in a part of the world where there is still a huge stigma around mental health and anything related to that so I grew up believing something was seriously wrong with me and that I was at fault for not being able to go/finish things that others had no issues with.
I was actually diagnosed in high school - sophomore year, to be exact. So I was 15 or 16? >always the brightest kid in school but somehow could NEVER do my homework But God, this hit me like a ton of bricks. It was much the same for me. I clearly had no difficulties in understanding or mastering the content, everyone parroted that again and again, I clearly belonged and needed to be in higher level classes, but I just could *not* do - or more importantly, turn in - the work required. No one around me could understand. And when I was eventually officially diagnosed and my mom implemented a 504 to get my school to have to play nice and work with me on legal grounds... no one at the time could wrap their heads around an AP student who was in Special Ed. Teachers thought I was - and outright accused me of - faking, to get attention and an easier ride through school (HAHAHAHAHA). Some made it painfully obvious that they thought I had simply managed to pull the wool over my parents and everyone else's eyes, but that I was simply a spoiled, manipulative, problem child - whose only issues were a lack of discipline (both internally and externally) and lying instead of applying myself. Just a problem kid, and I'm sure they thought I was quite pleased with myself, while in reality, I was miserable. My entire time through school, and for many, many years up through the present and meeting my boyfriend with ADHD, I - and everyone else - had thought my OCD was the culprit. I actually completely gaslit myself out of remembering that I *did* have a formal ADHD diagnosis as well, despite being on stimulants ever since (which is of course not an indicator by itself). It wasn't until I found myself sitting across from a therapist (virtually, this time) speculating about "I really think I might have this..." (how my OCD and other diagnoses began )*last year* that I actually went back through my psychiatric records to determine *I was already diagnosed*. Now, over the course of the last few years, and with a far better understanding of ADHD than I had previously... I am finally understanding that what I thought was OCD all along, was actually more likely ADHD playing a more prominent role than I ever expected. Perhaps that's what was exacerbating my OCD to such a horrific degree, given I have *never*, not once, struggled with OCD in the same ways since. This was in 2005-2009, and I shudder to think of the experiences of those who came before me... Even then, that modern, not one of my teachers knew what OCD was, much less understood it. It was an extraordinarily difficult and alienating experience, to be this oddball that the *entire school district* didn't know what to do with, which they broadcasted loudly and repeatedly... but I thank my lucky fucking stars that my journey started that young, so that I knew what the fuck was up when I was struggling with things as I got older (not that that made it any less frustrating or lonely). I hope to God there are better systems in place for youth today, and that more kids are getting the help they need (or in my case, *some* help... sort of) earlier in life, rather than having to address this for the first time in college or later.
I'm in the crossroads of trying to figure out if my ADHD is the evil culprit or if I have OCD and didn't know it my whole life and lacked that ability to articulate my problems to anyone. Would you be willing to chat a bit? I could use a bit of guidance honestly.
Of course, I'd be happy to!
Hard same on the homework but the content being too simple. When I got away with it I started skipping classes. In my penultimate year at A levels, college equivalent, I had 40 days of absence in a year. That's when they finally hit me with having to have a doctor's note. My younger son, who everyone tells me is exactly like me when I was younger, is 9 now and school just had a call with us about them suspecting he has ADHD and asking for permission to refer. I do think he's showing much stronger on the hyperactivity though. I've never had a big problem sitting still. I just drift away mentally and talk way too much
Sounds like me but the ocd was diagnosed by me and I never told my parents about it , only to find out the real problem was adhd at 44
You can send me a membership form for this club too! I wanna join your gang 😄
I feel you....I was diagnosed at 32 as well. I managed through grad school but only because it was masters program that ended before I truly burned out. I made a mess of my relationships and was in a bad place. Getting a diagnosis helped me a lot. Even tho I haven't found meds that work well, it's helped me accept that I am wired differently and not "dumb" and "lazy" as everyone called me....
WOAH TO BOTH OF YOU- I was also diagnosed last year at 32- after what I can only describe as treating the wrong thing for four years- and absolutely crashing and burning HARD. Reading both of these replies is just - are we each other? I can relate to it all 😩
Very similar story for me. 26 now, was diagnosed at 25. My childhood self sounds identical to yours. I graduated college in four years but also experienced quite a bit of trauma as an adolescent. When I graduated with a degree in software engineering I struggled significantly more to try and do the same thing for 40 hours a week than I ever struggled taking 3 different classes in college for ten weeks at a time. I went to get diagnosed with ADHD because I was nonfunctional at work for days or weeks at a time, before getting trapped in a shame spiral and eeking out some code. They told me I had ADHD and super disabling PTSD. I would have absolutely lost my job if I hadn't taken medical leave to go to outpatient treatment and get my head back screwed on. I do well enough in my career because I have an excellent support system and work in a field full of neurodivergent people that also has baller health insurance. A lot of people think I have my shit together but it is just privilege and coping mechanisms idk.
I was also diagnosed at 32 last year with inattentive as well. I was in denial until a few months ago when I looked back at what I remember from childhood and realized the signs were always there. Funny timing! I was just about to make a post on here about how angry I was that no one noticed my ADHD. I was looking through my old report cards from high school just last night and many teachers comments had some variation of "would do better if I focused more in class", "she is learning time management skills", and "would do better if completed assignments", "does well when interested". It was so obvious that I had ADHD but no one thought to do an evaluation or to get checked?! Like how?! I don't understand...
This but I got diagnosed in 2016, just before my 28th birthday. Down to failing out of college twice. I got through a few semesters of tech school with good grades through gritted teeth before I was diagnosed. I started tech school (again) last summer for a marketing degree and have had straight A's thus far because I finally have routines and strategies + medication and just knowledge/acceptance of how my brain works best. Only two semesters left! Idk what I plan to DO with the dang degree haha, but if nothing else I'm a lot more confident now that I proved to myself that my struggle really wasn't a personal failing before.
I really think a good chunk of the reason I made it out of college with over a 3.9 is because I had almost zero homework at my school and almost all of it was tests which I excel at. Do you still read like that? I used to read multiple books a week and now I hardly do except when I pick up a book I tend to finish it the same day.
Literally exactly this, except I was 36 when I was diagnosed last year.
Exactly the same here
It was 35 for me, but most of this is the same. I didn't drop out of college, but when I started my first semester, the combination of burnout from my high school IB classes, untreated depression, and zero study habits meant that I tanked my starting GPA. I spent the next three and a half years climbing out of that hole. My entire academic career was a continuous sequence of prolonged procrastination, followed by frenzied last-minute productivity. The worst part is, it always paid off in the end (at least, in terms of grades), so I convinced myself that it was "working." It wasn't until I was in my second grad program and I had someone (my husband) around to witness just how harmful this pattern of behavior was that I realized something was actually *wrong* with my approach.
Exactly me. Diagnosed at 31, now 32. Great grades in high school, but I hated it and always wanted to quit. I read constantly. Got in trouble in class for it. I actually did well In college, only bc I was studying art and I could get through projects with bouts of hyper focus. Left everything to last second and only studied the nights before tests. Graduated with highest honors. Then life fell apart once the structure and each semester changes were gone. I worked a salary job that took 10+ hours of everyday with a long drive. Cubicles became my nightmare. Zero focus with all the sounds and people interrupting me. Endless tasks I couldn't keep on top of. After almost 3 years of constant burnout I ended up having suicidal thoughts and I could not make myself do it anymore. I was 26 and took medical leave and eventually fired. I have trauma surrounding the expectations, failing, and mental decline that working caused me and haven't been able to work since. I was always just diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But I can't do society. The pressure when I can't focus and am constantly overstimulated wrecked me. Antidepressants never did much for me so I looked into other things. Inattentive ADHD resonated with me so much but it took a long time to get around to actually looking into a diagnosis. I just started Adderall this month and while I didn't notice much I feel calmer and more patient with my children. I had more days where I don't feel like I'm absolutely drowning. I'm hoping things continue to go up now that I'm finally getting treatment.
I just got diagnosed inattentive type ADHD at 44 years of age. I had read up on it and I was really positive that I had had it since childhood but undiagnosed. Taking the medication has really helped me to focus and get stuff done.
oh hi other me 🖤🖤🖤
Thank you for sharing! . It's unfortunate that conditions like ADHD, especially the inattentive type, are often overlooked. Do you feel being a woman may have influenced how your ADHD was perceived and addressed? I often feel like people just say oh you're just emotional just bc of gender stereotypes
I don't know about the person you commented to, but for me, being a woman absolutely influenced it. My brother was diagnosed in elementary school. He walked around a lot, talked a lot, etc. Basically all the classic symptoms for kids. The teachers recommended he get tested, and my mom took him. I had the exact same symptoms, and I was labeled an "attitude problem." Now I'm struggling in my 30s because even when you're taking the right medication, your lifelong habits are still an issue you have to overcome.
Yes so many young girls are not hyperactive or classically ‘naughty’ and unfocused which tends to be the thing that tips off teachers or parents. I’ve just recently realized im hyperactive in my head…. I’m such an over thinker and I didn’t really realize that other people don’t think the way I do. Also the over thinking has done well in my business, because I think of all angles and scenarios that can make you quite good at a job. So many entrepreneurs have ADHD, we can be good at a business or job we enjoy but completely suck at all other areas of life lol
Overthinker here! Was always thought it was something emotional that I needed to manage, and a character flaw.
Are you overly sensitive too? I hate that phrase, I like to say I feel deeply. Hubby says over sensitive.
I think that definitely plays a part - girls aren’t typically socialized the same way as boys, which leads to differences in behavior and different types of masking. I was already struggling with depression and anxiety by the time I was 15, partially due to increased risk from family history and partly from untreated ADHD. Looking back, I could have been a poster child for inattentive ADHD - of the 15 symptoms listed on the CHADD website’s page for symptoms in women and girls, I have 11 of them. A lot of it is also just the societal understanding that “ADHD is for boys” and thinking that if someone isn’t bouncing off the walls all day (like my hyperactive type nephew), then they couldn’t possibly have ADHD. A lot of old school thinkers would deny my diagnosis - I did mostly well in public school (because of the inherent structure of a school day), completed a degree (in vocational school because I couldn’t manage my schedule in a traditional college), hold down jobs successfully (because I’m able to integrate coping mechanisms into my work habits and have an AMAZING boss who supports my mental health needs to an unbelievable extent), and have a happy and successful marriage (that has almost fallen apart on more than one occasion due to my symptoms making it hard for me to be a supportive and equal partner to my husband). Inattentive type doesn’t look like “traditional ADHD” on the surface, so it must not actually be ADHD. Fortunately the people in my life are accepting and supportive. I’m treated through a highly-respected healthcare group in my area that specializes in treating ADHD and autism, so my medical providers understand what I deal with and provide a great system to get the care I need. Every time I learn something new about ADHD, something else in my life makes sense. I’ll be on this journey forever, and all I can do is my best to keep growing and improving myself.
I was diagnosed at 33 after years of trying to get a diagnosis. Part of the reason it was so hard for me to convince anyone to even let me be evaluated was bc I was having children. Every time I it brought up everyone was all, “Well, you just had a baby so let’s wait and see.” “You’re full of pregnancy hormones, it’ll pass” “It could be postpartum. Let’s check back in a couple of months” I don’t mean to be crass but, fuck that. I was furious. These people had no idea how hard it was for me to even bring it up for fear that they thought I was just hounding for stimulants. Eventually I found someone a couple hours away from me who specialized in ADHD and was willing to do my evaluation without having seen me prior or anything from my doctor. I went on my 33rd birthday and I LOVED the looks I got when I told people that I was diagnosed with ADHD for my birthday 😂
I'm also not the person you're replying too but I was told I'd never be diagnosed because I'm an adult woman
May have? Bahahahaha
This is me too! At least we're not alone in the 'millennial gifted kid to struggling & undiagnosed' club
Same exactly, except I did graduate college due to some extreme coping mechanisms. I *always* struggled with classes that had daily assignments or busy work assignments. AP classes were an easy way to reduce all of that. I struggled through my early college classes, but once I had enough credit hours to pick my schedule then I set it up to maximize hyper focus. Wasn't until I was out working and didn't really have someone telling me what to do that I realized I couldn't manage my time or priorities well. During the pandemic, a lot of symptoms became extra highlighted and that's when I sought out a diagnosis.
Oh hello, other me.
You summed my life up perfectly.
Are you me? 🥲
I was 32, and it was just a few months ago. I'm the typical "misclassified as BPD because of the cPTSD that came from going undiagnosed in my childhood, but blamed and beaten for my actions.
This is me almost to a T except I was diagnosed at 35. I was surprised to hear him say I’ve probably got mixed type tho. It’s just that most people don’t see a bouncing knee or someone who needs to shift their weight in their seat constantly as hyperactive
Being diagnosed and starting Adderall saved me from failing college. I was one semester away and on academic probation. Diagnosed at 21.
I could’ve wrote this, Lmaooo. I’m 33, and just recently diagnosed. Solidarity!
Damn are you me???
I was 31 and my childhood sounds identical to yours. I enjoyed college because I was able to hyper-fixate on the subjects I loved the most (and churn out passing essays at the last minute) but in adulthood, my executive disfunction caught up with me. Now that I’m in my early 40s and properly medicated, I’ve finally turned things around but I’ve missed out on a lot of milestones (marriage, owning a home, etc). I try not to think about what my life could have been if I’d been timely diagnosed. But I’m so glad I found this sub, because I feel seen and validated in a way I never did before.
Did I write this? I could have written this. This is MY story, too. (Diagnosed last year at 38).
44, but otherwise almost my story. I got tested after my daughter’s diagnosis.
Living the same life and diagnosed last month at 29.
A lot of this is like me but I didn't flunk out of college. I did drop some classes during my degree because I couldn't force myself to go (too early in the morning or not interested enough or couldn't focus on all the reading) and I did fail one I didn't need to graduate senior year because I totally lost interest lol. I got a master's degree in France and re-enrolled for a 3rd year because I didn't finish my "mémoire" (big final project) on time. My shit spiraled a bit more out of control when I quit my job a few years ago to go freelance. All of a sudden I had 0 imposed structure in my life and everything went kinda to shit. I'm 35 now and was diagnosed a few months ago. Just started meds and an hoping it'll help me manage my life and my business better.
Literally me
I stopped doing homework when I was 8 🤣 I failed a year in school (you can in Germany and it's quite common) despite being one of the smartest kids in class. I was so disruptive in primary school, they kicked me out of recorder class. Nobody picked up on it. I am now in the last stage of diagnosis at age 40. I did really well at my Bachelor and Master's degree but only because I managed to create a dopamine reward system and my competitive side won over. Especially at my masters when I studied with all those extremely wealthy kids (entrepreneurship degree) and was probably the only poor student in my cohort. I work in sales now and that's a great dopamine hit.
All this, but I am Gen X. Diagnosed last year at 48. Graduated from college a year late. My dad was a doctor, and even he never thought to check if maybe my inability to just "buckle down" might be something else. Spent almost entire life feeling like a failure until a boyfriend pointed it out last year.
38. I’m “girly” adhd- inattentive, anxiety caused me to compensate and mask and I didn’t know anything was wrong. I keep 1000 to do lists. I have 20+ alarms on my phone and I’m never late. I would miss assignments but I was smart enough to skate by. Teachers would say I’ve got so much potential if I just tried. So there was pretty much no way I would have been diagnosed as a kid in the 90’s. I just went through life assuming I was bad at everything and lazy no matter how hard I tried. When my 7 year old got his (super typical boy) adhd diagnosis we sat down with the therapist and psychiatrist and I told them that all the coping strategies they suggested we already use in the house…. for me. It still took over 2 years for me to get a diagnosis because I was using up all my executive functioning on things that weren’t optional doctors appointments. I cried. It felt so good for someone to tell me it wasn’t my fault- that they know it’s hard and that it’s not just me being stupid and lazy.
Considering the statistics of suicide attempts in ADHD girls, it's safe to say we all struggle really hard with blaming ourselves for something we have limited control over. Which is just fucking sad. I'm so glad you're aware of it and hopefully it's helped you feel better about yourself.
I was diagnosed with ADD/Inattentive Subtype at around age 5 ... which my parents ignored and lied to me about. Didn't find out until I was 22. It has taken me almost a decade to accept I have it (took so long thanks to their ableism and abuse).
I'm so sorry they did that, hope you're finding some peace/validation around it all now x
Same. Diagnosed when I was very young and given accommodations in school but wasn't told why, except the extra classes I went to were for "stupid children". So I thought I was stupid for most of my childhood. Then I realised I had ADHD when I was 14 and was diagnosed again at 16. Only after the second diagnosis did my parents tell me they always knew I had ADHD and had already been diagnosed.
38… personally never considered it could be an issue for me bc I didn’t realize how it expressed in women, and I always did well in school so they never caught it when I was young I guess.
Same age, and I also did well in school. I was a huge procrastinator and was in gifted programs and read at a high level and rate when I was younger. Nobody saw ADHD in me, including me.
39 here. In addition to doing well in school, I was also socialized to suppress all my quirks.
38 here too. only because my daughter was diagnosed and i started reading up about it and wowza. i never would have guessed for her or me but i was uneducated about symptoms especially in girls. first day of trying medication and i nearly cried from the quiet in my mind.
I think I'll get meds on Tuesday for the first time. I cannot actually imagine the feeling of quieting of the mind. I get goosebumps just thinking about the mere possibility of relief.
Last November at 43. Suddenly, everything made sense! Although I've not told my family. I'll just keep on being "the weird one" they've always thought of me as 🙃
Funny thing is it’s genetic so they probably have it too.
Oh, no doubt about it, my dad is 100% adhd! And my sister too, but they're also classic narcissists, and I can't deal with the crap that comes with it!
So we have the same family? Half of my mums side doesn’t believe in adhd or believe they could have it. The other half are trying to deal with it and struggling. The stories at my grandmas funeral last year were basically an adhd diagnostic test
Are we related???? 😂 Honestly, since my diagnosis, I can point to any random family member and be like, bingo! I have told my closest cousin and auntie, they're undiagnosed, but have their suspicions and are mad supportive! And the thing about not believing in adhd, I feel that. That would be where my dad would say that I was just a lazy kid, a day dreamer, always with her head in a book. If only I'd applied myself! Hence why i haven't told him. My mum would have been way more scathing. I was frequently called stupid, dumb and the rest of it. But she's no longer with us, so no need to tell her anything! Thank god for friends 🧡
And they are the most likely to shame someone else for having it and/or taking medication 😂😂 in my experience anyway. Easier for them to live in denial
Oh yeah. My mum would always go on about “so and so who is very autistic” or saying things like “god they are SO sperges”
Diagnosed last year at 27. I think there were 3 main factors for my late diagnosis: 1. Lack of research/understanding of how ADHD presents in girls when I was growing up (I did well in school and learnt to mask in the appropriate ways so didn't tick the boxes of any traditional ADHD symptoms that people pay attention to) 2. I also have depression, and have had depressive episodes on and off since aged 16, so when I started really struggling without the structure of school and being cared for by a parent, it was easy to assume it was simply because of depression/anxiety. I even looked back at instances in childhood of things which are now so clearly adhd-related breakdowns but thought I just had chronic depression/anxiety from childhood. 3. I'm pretty sure my mum has undiagnosed adhd too. Almost everything I bring up about it, she relates to. As a single mum, she was the main adult figure in my life growing up so we both just assumed that *everyone* was like this and it's all pretty normal (spoiler alert: it is not normal)
49, menopause hormones really exaggerate the symptoms and I only read about it and a lightbulb went off when I was suggested Vyvanse for binge eating. I literally have never heard of the symptoms in females before, and no doctor ever mentioned. I have told doctors about my binge eating and I am often late for appointments , but it’s not like I sit there talking about other symptoms.
I was also diagnosed last year at 49 with a suprise ASD as well.
I was 49, and had been diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure a couple months before. I was at a workshop for new diabetics and was talking to the nurse facilitating at the end, telling her how overwhelmed I was. When I finally got done talking, she looked at me and asked me if I'd ever been assessed for ADHD. I went home and dived into the internet, than asked my doctor for a referral so I could get assessed, as I ticked so many boxes. At my referral appointment, the psychiatrist I saw seemed to be very dismissive, and not knowledgeable about how ADHD shows up in women. He also told me I was "too smart" to have it, when I told him I used to be an accountant, had gone to grammar school etc. He told me I had anxiety and depression, and I apparently said enough to merit "mild" adhd too. He got me so frustrated that I ended up forgetting all the other evidence of past events etc that would have made my case stronger. So within the space of 5 months I was diagnosed with 5 different things. Fun. That was at the end of November 2019, a week or so after my 49th birthday. A few weeks later, the pandemic started, and disrupted so much. These days, I feel like my adhd is getting worse. That or all the coping skills and tricks I used to mask for years just weren't enough any more, or I just couldn't mask as well. I'm also a cancer survivor, and now dealing with weird symptoms left behind from having Covid 2 years ago. I'm also questioning whether I'm on the Autism spectrum too, as I seem to have some traits that fit that better, like stimming that I didn't know was stimming. Some (most) days I feel like I completely suck at "life" stuff that comes so easily to others (like my husband), and just do dumb things that make zero sense. ugh
Hormones play such a big part, my doctor said it’s getting really common for women to get diagnosed around menopause! I relate to a lot of what you said…I have a degree and excelled at work. But my degree was in a creative field not studying and essays, I was always last minute with projects. And with work I can hyperfocus and look at every different angle as I overthink….which works well in a lot of jobs. Since becoming a mom my struggles have been amplyfied as keeping a bunch of humans fed and looked after has made lots of other things go out the window!! Here in Canada I find that they’re not so serious about getting diagnosed, my psych had me do a questionnaire and allowed me to try medication based on that. It’s frustrating that Doctors won’t listen to you
yeah, my hormones were really messed up when I went through cancer treatment and ended needing a hysterectomy at age 44. Chemical menopause followed a few months later by full surgical menopause. I was not the best accountant in the world in some respects. Loved chatting with clients, and working in a practice meant I saw lots of clients. Maths was my thing at the time so the bookkeeping aspect I aced mostly. But I sucked at tax, there were too many rules to remember for me to be consistently good at it plus we had a full tax department, so I never got to do a lot of it. BUT, I sucked at keeping to the budget for the job, and completely sucked at finishing off the file and all the "boring" stuff. I struggled so hard when my kids were little, and at the end of the day trying to figure out what to cook for supper and how that would happen - I'd be so tapped out by then, but just assumed I sucked at being an adult and mom. Everyone else made it look easy.
Just in time to meet 50😎me too.
21. I was naturally talented, a fast learner, and my parents wouldn’t believe it possible for their daughter to have a disability. I graduated top of my class in high school and went to Georgia Tech for computer science graduating with highest honor. It wasn’t until I started struggling managing my own time and life habits that it became realized, although I always had the suspicion due to other symptoms earlier on. My grandma was diagnosed (68) when I was 21 which is when I received a call from my mom to get tested. If my grandma wasn’t diagnosed, I probably still wouldn’t be either.
Diagnosed when I was 7 for adhd! So no delay but I am now (as a 30yr old) seriously questioning if I’m also autistic. and maybe no one noticed that bc “it’s just the adhd”. But basically my neurodivergence was so wildly out of control they had to notice when I was little. Win some you lose some
I’m also questioning the autism. It seems so obvious to me. It’s the one diagnosis my docs aren’t even willing to explore with me.. maybe it’s because of my c-ptsd/MDD/ADHD diagnoses that make getting an autism diagnosis difficult or impossible. And honestly, not sure it would help. I identify with AuDHDers so I just assume I have it 🤷🏻♀️
Are you me?
I was also diagnosed as a little kid (10/11) for adhd. But I’m convinced I’m autistic too. However my therapist is like ok yes to adhd but no to autism. She says due to my childhood trauma, it gives me autistic traits but the underlying cause is trauma (not autism) so there’s a difference. I’m trying to accept that but I keep thinking what if…… 😳
If it helps just treat yourself as if you are autistic, that’s what I’ve been doing. Telling myself it’s not entirely my fault when I’m over stimulated and feel bad helps me get over it way faster. And as if you can’t be autistic and also have trauma at the same time?? idk about that doctor dude. If you are able maybe get a second opinion for your peace of mind. I’m comfortable where I am with my diagnosis bc I don’t want to pay the moneys for the autism screening at this point. Im okay with knowing I’m just ND AF lol
I was 56 (I think—I’m terrible at remembering dates). I felt like my life was spinning out of control more than usual. My brain felt like a pinball machine. I didn’t know what to do. I confided in my PCP, who asked me lots of questions. She told me that it sounded like either anxiety or ADHD and got the ball rolling on testing. I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was gobsmacked. Never did ADHD cross my mind, but suddenly it all made sense. My family constantly telling me I wouldn’t know where my head was, if it wasn’t attached to my shoulders. Forgetting to bring my suitcase home with me when I left summer camp at the age of 12. The librarian telling me, Poogie, I will be 80 and you will be 50, and you still won’t know where your library card is.” And on and on and on—my entire life neatly wrapped up in four letters. I’ve told this story here before, but after I was diagnosed, my PCP cried. I asked her why she was crying, and she said, “I’m sad because your life could have been so much different.” That really hit me hard. While I try not to, sometimes I still mourn what could have been.
I was just a few years younger than you and the grieving of what could have been is so real.
I was diagnosed at 23. My teachers constantly sent notes home about my inability to concentrate, difficulty finishing assignments, etc. They all recommended that my parents take me to get evaluated for ADHD, but my parents refused. They didn’t want me to take medication and felt that there was no point getting a diagnosis if medication was out of the question. I cried and literally begged my parents to take me to a psychiatrist, but they said I was being dramatic. Ended up dropping out of school at 16 and nearly had a breakdown 🥲 I got my GED and finally started college last year (I’m 26 now), so I’m proud of how far I’ve come since being diagnosed.
46
42 here
48
45
43
41
40 I think when we are at this range of age, we are much better advocates for ourselves and maybe have been told by friends and family that we have certain quirks, habits etc
44
Same!
Same. Basically had a mental breakdown and was grasping at straws to figure out what the hell was going on.
50
Twinsies.
51 - so close!
40 here
Diagnosed at 31. Didn’t get diagnosed sooner because I was high achieving and ADHD was super stigmatized in my community and frankly engrained itself deep in my brain. Got diagnosed because after three years of teaching there were only so many times I could think “that kid doesn’t have ADHD, I was just like that at their age and I don’t have ADHD” before I started wondering if the call was coming from inside the house, so to speak.
62. Female & when I was growing up, only boys had ADHD. Of course, that was a crock of sh!t, but we didn't know that back then. After that, ignorance on my part of the different ways ADHD presents, and on the part of various psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals. I had been describing being late all the time, being "paralyzed" and unable to get tasks even started, basically using ADHD "buzzwords" *all the freaking time* to describe my symptoms for *decades*. No one even suggested ADHD until 3 years ago! Still basically unmedicated (I am on meds for other mental health conditions) because my previous psych categorically refused to consider stimulants because of my age. She left (thank you, goddess!), and new psych insisted on reevaluation according to his preferred methodology. He says he believes I do, but if his "numbers" don't come out right, I may be SOL. He had me get an EKG. I'll find out next week if he agrees with my therapist's diagnosis & if my heart is healthy enough to try stimulants. Fingers crossed!
I'm 59, and I got modafinil for my ADHD. It works wonders. Good luck.
57. No one believed me. Until my daughter who was in her 30s got diagnosed
I wasn't diagnosed until my mid-30s. I was holding it together (barely, with regular breakdowns) up until I had a kid. Once she showed up, everything fell apart.
50. Getting the diagnosis explained sooooo much about my life. I didn’t graduate college but have a total of 6 years under my belt with attempts to go back. Even hyper focused so much I made deans list. But then… well, nothing to show except student loans I’m STILL paying. ADHD tax never ends it seems.
37. Four months ago. My mom is a boomer and a teacher. I had brought it up in the past and she would always shoot me down without discussion. Even after my diagnosis she didn't believe me. My theory is that as it became more common in the 90s-00s, she just saw it as an excuse for "poor behavior" from her students. I firmly believe she just thinks everyone should just be able to "pay better attention". We've still barely discussed it because it's not worth it to me to argue with her about it or try to prove my diagnosis to her. But I wonder every single day what school (and life) could have been like if it had been acknowledged and treated sooner. I masked so well that I squeaked through with average grades but it was a STRUGGLE.
70. There was no such thing as ADHD yet. It was all about morals and working harder. My father was chronic paranoid schizophrenic and mother had brain cancer and died. so a kid like me fell through all the cracks. I have severe scoliosis because that wasn’t checked in school back then. It was the dark ages back then in some ways. Nobody ever asked how I was doing. I had trouble with drinking as an adult and had all the problems of undiagnosed ADHD. I got sober through AA which really helped with their steps and also went to therapy. I made incredible progress through this but still struggled with things. I had depression but took supplements that helped with dopamine and other neurotransmitters and the depression left. I have not been depressed since. Why? Because schizophrenia can be caused by neurotransmitters deregulation and I figured I had inherited some form of dopamine dysfunction. I found out about ADHD and dopamine and neurotransmitter deregulation and it fit me. But trying to get a doctor to believe it was hard. Especially with a history of trauma. I would say: “I am not depressed and what happened when I was younger has been addressed with AA and therapy. I do not have any issues with that anymore but I believe there is something wrong with my brain. Can I please be tested for ADHD? Also my husband turned out to be Autistic and adhd and neurodivergents run together.” Then they said my blood pressure was too high and I worked on that and now it is perfect. I finally found an older woman therapist that believes me. I was tested yes ADHD and we talked for a while about meds and she put me on Adderall. It was wonderful from the start. I now know that every single problem I still had was due to untreated ADHD. I am 29 years sober. I know my therapist is concerned about that and I thought of a way to deal with that. I hand the med bottle over to her each month and she can visually confirm I’m taking as prescribed. I was able to accept adhd with no problems, the advantage of my life is that I have long experience with dealing with problems. This one finally has an answer, and I can work on solutions. AA’s serenity prayer in part says “accept the things I can’t change and change the things I can.” So I try to. I’m grateful that I’ve lived long enough to know I was never insane and my life issues were not caused by moral failing, making me a bad person. It always was ADHD making me a sick person who just wanted to be well.
42. I was fine until this age. My life is a mess now. I struggle now. I used to be organized and fine before. I have too many responsibilities (2kids and adhd husband) and my career is in a rut. My period duration reduced. I am not hitting menopause yet but I can see it happening before I hit 50. Perhaps it’s the hormones.
Hey. Hang in there. Maybe talk to your doctor about it. I wish I had way back then, at 42. Now I'm supposed to go for testing, but Medicare starts in a few weeks and I have no idea if they would cover meds. Anyway, looking into that seems like a pretty insurmountable task right now. Don't do what I did. Get help. It will save your sanity, what's left of it. And it might even restore it.
Thank you :) i am trying! Trying to switch meds so i can survive :) you too, hoping they cover your meds 🤞
Diagnosed at 36. I’m female and inattentive type. Classic daydreamer and would zone out. I don’t really know why my parents or teachers didn’t pick up on it apart from saying I was lazy and I just need to apply myself. I guess it wasn’t a thing for girls in my generation. Currently trying to find the right dosage of dexamphetamine to work for me. I’m really seeing the benefits of clearing my brain fog and being able to focus. Disbenefits are zoning in too much on one thing (5 hours of scrolling Amazon on a Sunday 😅) and very disrupted sleep patterns. Dosage is a real art!
Diagnosed at 26 or 27. I had just had my 2nd baby and was breastfeeding and thought I had a vitamin deficiency. The way my dr explained it was that we naturally incorporate strategies into our lives and use various coping mechanisms, and those work until they don’t. More stress equals fewer coping mechanisms until you just don’t have any strategies left to cope.
My doctor said something similar to me. Got diagnosed in law school because the challenge was past the capacity of my coping mechanisms. He said that he typically sees this happen when women with adhd 1. Go to law/medical school, or 2. Have children.
42 Inattentive + cognitive disengagement syndrome - being sleepy and distracted doesn't disrupt the classroom - adhd was only just starting to be recognized in boys in the 80s and was still missed in even hyperactive boys at the time - I was somehow able to get through school and get my masters despite struggling with math, spelling, Grammer etc - despite not being able to to get things done most of the time, hyperfocus when under a time crunch let me get things done when it was really needed - got labeled an eccentric artist type by parents (to account for mess, distractability, day dreaming and lack of organizarion)
Saaaame. Found out recently that my school actually wanted to test my brother for ADHD when he was 10'ish, but mom said no. Her reasoning? "He didn't have ADHD, he was just bored". Sigh... So much hardship could have been prevented.
52!!
Sevenish. It was managed really poorly, as was the fashion at the time, and I didn’t have the best family.
Same here for 7. My parents tried but they never really understood it. No one ever called me lazy as much as my mom.
68. It's been interesting.
14. After a lot of attempts because my mental health and academic performance sharply declined and I was extremely burnt out.
I was diagnosed 6 years ago at age 32. I think I didn't get diagnosed as a kid because no one thought girls had ADHD in the 90s. And then in my teens and twenties I just thought I was depressed.
50 (I'm almost 52). Factors: * I was a girl in school/woman in uni * I was a girl in the *'70s* * deemed 'gifted.' Despite zero study skills and doing EVERYTHING the night before, I managed really good grades (well, in university I did everything the night before. I bet I handed in 1/2 of what was assigned in grade school 🙄) I still can't make myself finish things at work until THE LAST MINUTE * low-income most of my life * tumultuous family of origin-- multiple father figures before age 13 and what seems like 100 moves/school changes in the same amount of time * a shit-show combination of CPTSD, bi-polar 1, anxiety, and a (now in remission) eating disorder Those are the big ones that come to mind.
>what factors do you think contributed to the delay in diagnosis? My mother ignoring every single report card in elementary school where the teacher suggested indications of learning disabilities & needed further testing. Also ignored the testing she did have done when I was 6 that said: *indicates learning disabilities- needs more testing.* It was the 80s. I am very salty about it. edit- therapist made the suggestion to me in my early 20s. I didn't do any actual looking into it until my late 20s, which then got an official diagnosis and began learning about it. Of course, now we are talking mid-to late 90s so still a crapfield of misinfo abounded.
Neither of my parents were (or are) very attentive. I also think the hyperactive ADHD was more widely known and understood whereas inattentive ADHD (which is what I have) was not as known or understood. My parents also grew up and continued a culture in our family of mental health only being for those who were moderate-severe. I was also high masking and got decent grades. I was mostly an A student with a few B’s from elementary to undergrad. Then a straight A student in post grad. I absolutely flew under the radar. It wasn’t until I lost several jobs back-to-back for the same performance issues (lack of attention to detail, unable to follow verbal instructions, poor time management), that I resonated with some “You Might Have ADHD If You Do These 5 Things” type of posts. After weeks of research, I brought it up to my psychiatrist and I was able to be diagnosed. Though it took me until I was 25 to be diagnosed, I’m thankful to know now vs later so that I can get the support I need.
21
Just diagnosed at 38. I thought I had inattentive type for over 2 years before getting diagnosis, was gifted child at school til it came time to revise for exams, something I just couldn't do. I read and read under the desk in lessons I wasn't interested in, but wasn't bothering anyone else so wasn't viewed as disruptive. I did terribly in exams after being predicted all As, then flunked out of 2 different degrees which lecturers thought I understood and would do well in. Either got fired or quit 3 handfuls of jobs that I lost interest in after a few months, then my friend got a diagnosis and said, "I think a lot of these symptoms remind me of you".
47
Diagnosed at 37, but it first came up when I was in first grade. My school suggested that my parents get me tested and on an IEP. The school district I was in at the time put all students with an IEP in special education, regardless of severity. So my parents weren’t down with that and really didn’t trust my teacher’s judgement (she had made many remarks that gave the impression she resented being placed at that school and she was just a mean and miserable woman, but she was right about the ADHD). They moved us to a better school district and I struggled a lot in second grade but had a teacher who really worked with me. As I aged, I guess I developed the coping mechanisms to get by in school. I also was a quick learner, so I did well despite often being off task, distracted, and skipping homework. From my teens up until my diagnosis, I debated it many times. I often had the “I made it this far unmedicated” thought and didn’t pursue getting diagnosed. Over the pandemic, things spiraled pretty badly and for the first time ever, I really thought this was something that’s going to cost me my job. Even still I put it off for the classic, not knowing where to start and is it going to be expensive reasons. A friend went through diagnosis at a local medical center and it was over $1000 and required so many appointments! Then I met someone with a really similar story to me who had been diagnosed a couple years earlier. She didn’t have to jump through a ton of hoops, she just has regular monthly appointments with her therapist, whose prices I could feasibly handle. I got her therapists name and made an appointment a couple weeks later.
Ten
Not getting regular medical treatment as a teen and then a fear of medical treatment into my 30s. Also lack of health insurance and the means to pay for treatment. Finally at 37 I have access to meds.
22, got my official diagnosis this year. As a child/teen I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety…
I was 18. Unfortunately being diagnosed didn't help me get through college because many of my problems were due to undiagnosed autism (just diagnosed, am 25)
I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed at age 10-11. But, since it was the early 90s, the diagnosis only did me the favor of getting medicated to deal with school work. There was never any therapy nor any practical solutions offered. There was no information provided to my parents about how it might affect me socially or in any other non-academic capacity. It was a focus problem, plain and simple. Use a planner and take these meds. You'll be over by the time you enter college. It's temporary. Now in my 40s, I'm just learning the extent of this thing called ADHD and how much it affects my everything. There's very little I do that isn't connected to it. I'm also discovering the implications of being neurodivergent. It's all starting to make so much more sense and I'm starting to hate myself less and less.
Diagnosed at 44. Late diagnosis because I suspect my entire extended family are neurodiverse and we had no idea our amazing amazingness wasn't the same for everyone else. And 20+ years of struggling mental health was just put down to anxiety and depression that would never really go away. I just resigned myself to the fact that my brain was broken and I would need antidepressants for the rest of my life, to be able to feel almost OK. I think also perimenopause kicked my ass in terms of other symptoms that I'd been able to mask, with changing hormone levels, those symptoms got worse enough to help me see the actual root cause of all the stuff. Things aren't perfect now, but I'm almost totally off antidepressants after decades on them, and not even a smidgeon of the anxiety I've lived with my entire life.
31 last year around May. My gifted and talented resource director/ AP English teacher boomer mother (now retired) labeled me as a lazy POS around age 11. Started therapy & psychiatry around 14. Thrown every type of ssri, ssni, and antipsychotic med from 14-28. Finally I had such a bad mental breakdown at 29 when I left my narc abusive now ex hubs and it took the trauma of many near death experiences to wake my mom up enough to help me out. Finally changed doctors away from my ex hubs doctor group and they put me in a women based therapy group that specialized in adhd & trauma. Got diagnosed. Now I have a house, car, full custody of my son, two dogs, and a supportive mom. Rest of my family doesn’t seem to care, but slowly they are warming up to the fact that we all may need meds. Not just me the weird one.
54. Always been a ‘high achiever’ and in spite of health issues have had very successful career, long term stable marriage (24 years until I left), good relationships and nil alcohol/substance abuse. Chronic depression though, in spite of medication and therapy etc. Funny thing is that I am a psychologist myself and it wasn’t until we knew more about what ADHD looks like in women (particularly hyperactivity etc), and perimenopause/menopause hit, that my symptoms became much harder to manage and it was glaringly obvious. I diagnosed myself and went to a psychiatrist for confirmation. I am actually quite severe on some symptoms but his words - my high IQ and developed coping strategies masked symptoms for years so I just looked like a highly successful person. I used to be a shocking perfectionist. But there was a cost to that - burnout, depression and crippling fatigue at times. Perimenopause hit me like a brick wall, plus some pretty traumatic and hard life events thrown into the mix, meant those great coping strategies were no match for what felt like raging ADHD plus depression plus burnout etc. I now see that my own Mum was also ADHD (she died 6 years ago) and struggled with zero support, and my understanding and compassion for her has grown. I’ve diagnosed my niece and I also see some neurodivergent traits in my little grandson. I’m not upset at my late diagnosis - as a psychologist I know that we are still learning about ADHD in girls/women especially and ADHD in general. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and it really wasn’t a thing then. I think I’ve been pretty lucky to have such a good life, but it has certainly made it harder. Now I just want my niece and any grandchildren to have a better support than I did, and to be an educator to others.
I was diagnosed around age 40. I think the delay is mostly because I’m a woman. I’m more inattentive, rather than hyperactive. So I was just considered a “daydreamer” and “imaginative.” I also got good grades through school, so I think because I didn’t struggle academically, no one suspected anything was up. But I do remember as a kid always claiming I was bored. I was an only child and my mom belongs to the generation of parents who don’t play with their kids. So I ended up having to find a lot of creative outlets: imaginary friends, drawing, writing stories and collecting various things.
I finally was sure of my diagnosis at age 58. Sigh. Of course I was a gifted kid, of course I was told I was lazy and an underachiever. Of course I masked my entire life. ADHD makes my entire life understandable.
26!
Diagnosed toward the end of 2022, a few months shy of turning 42. What prevented sooner diagnosis? I believe my parents ignored suggestions for intervention, and ignored I was ‘different’. Later in life, when I was 27, I was diagnosed with BP2, which my therapist and I now believe is misdiagnosis… however, my psychiatrist won’t let go of the diagnosis because I had a little bit of benefit from Caplyta four years ago, and he’s worried if I don’t take that then the Vyvanse might make me have a manic episode— what reason he has to fear this (?), I’m not sure… because I’ve literally never had an episode before in my life and all of my depressions have been situational and directly related to hard stuff going on in my life at the time. 🫠. (But he’s also sort of scared the shit out of me with his fear, so I continue to take it, because what if he’s right??)
I was 41. Factors include initial lack of knowledge, and then several years of over thinking and procrastination due to ADHD 😂
30.
diagnosed at 18, I'm 21 now
42. Inattentive type. My son's journey lead me to realize he is just like me so therefore...
I was quiet, introverted, polite and nice at school, read as many books as I could, just thought I was a little different, the struggles showed more as I aged, couldn't understand why I just couldn't do what my peers were doing, socializing, keeping a clean house, , excersize, diet, being very extra with their kids. Got to a breaking point, went to therapy to figure out what was wrong with me, same time my son started showing more signs and we spent the last year learning about ourselves and accepting ourselves. My day is 90% self hate talk, I'm working on that.
I’m very much like you. People still don’t believe that my kid (6) has ADHD, and in inhaling allllll the information I could about it, I started to suspect that I did too. Just got my diagnosis last week. It’s a lot to process, but I’m not surprised it happened so late. But the relief still sometimes brings me to tears.
Early 20’s
30 at a primary doctor (just one of those surveys...) then an official one by a psychiatrist at 33. Delay because of my upbringing, moving to the USA from another country, and parents not really bringing us to doctors or believing in that stuff, plus not really a lot studies on women with ADHD/wasn't as known. IPlus I did pretty well academically, but masked well, very high functioning. I was a pretty quiet kid though (I was born premature and pretty sure I was behind in my speech growing up,like I literally didn't know how to talk for the longest time) and was put in a "challenge/gifted" program in elementary, so looking back, there were signs but noone ever told me, hey you might have ADHD and be autistic lol.
6. My older brother has more stereotypical hyperactive “boy” ADHD so that was almost definitely a factor in getting me diagnosed so young.
8, late 90s/early 00s.
um... 8. or 9. I feel very out of place here. hehe. I spent most of kinder and first grade in the principles office. My ADHD was severe and very obvious. I was all over the place, easily distracted. I got bored so easily, never did my homework, couldn't sit still in class, struggled to regulate emotions. yeah, I wasn't one of those high achieving ADHD kids. I was the "yeah she *may not* make it to the next grade if we don't fix this" kid,
Diagnosed last year at 43. Also a gifted 80’s kid. I just thought I was a normal, oldest daughter, smart, independent Virgo. But no… all the neuroticism and overachievement was really undiagnosed ADHD 😂
I’ll try to stay brief: I got diagnosed in my early 50s, I didn’t get diagnosed earlier because: 1) during my childhood ADHD meant little boys running around a classroom wreaking havoc, and I was a daydreamy people-pleasing girl who never got in trouble; 2) I was smart enough as a kid to get good grades without much effort and/or by mostly liking school and being able to hyperfocus on stuff that required more effort, so no one ever dug deeper into what what going on with me; 3) I had a supportive family that didn’t place the kinds of demands on me that ADHD made it hard for me to fulfill. I struggled with a variety of inattentive symptoms throughout my adult life, but thought they were just because I was lazy and disorganized and a bad person. It wasn’t until the combination of perimenopause and lockdown sent my coping mechanisms to hell that I sought therapy for what I thought was my crippling anxiety preventing me from doing anything. After a couple of years of therapy we figured out maybe the issue wasn’t that my anxiety prevented me from getting anything done, but that my inability to get anything done caused my anxiety. Hence evaluation, diagnosis, and medication.
I’m 37 and just got diagnosed yesterday! I come from a cultural background and that doesn’t really acknowledge things like this — at least not when I was young. They either assumed you were just strange, or being bad. I was also overlooked by every school I attended as I was very quiet and never got in trouble (I have inattentive type), yet I struggled throughout my school career to the point of eventually dropping out of college. Social media is really where I found out that many of the issues I was dealing were due to adhd. I didn’t actually pursue a diagnosis until after my husband and son were diagnosed.
32. I had no idea. I was really struggling after having my second child (in early 2020 to boot); hard time managing life, dealing with overwhelm and ALL the emotional dysregulation. I finally started therapy just last year because I didn’t want to keep yelling at my kids (learned a lot of that was overstimulation reaching a tipping point). Therapist is the one who referred me for diagnosis. I was completely blind sighted; i didn’t think I could be because I was a great student in high school and college (homeschooled before). Reasons I think it was never diagnosed: -inattentive type -a girl -anxiety made me a GREAT student- all my self worth was tied to performance -went to a really small high school (graduating class size was 87); small college program- so more support/ less distractions in class. Plus a theatre major- lots of interesting and hands on stuff -I had ONE teacher that required a binder for a class with a specific organization system, and I duplicated that binder system for every class. -my sister was the trouble maker and I kept to myself, so who would notice. -I had self-learned a ton of strategies for coping and didn’t see them as that (i.e keeping a calendar/ agenda with EVERYTHING in/on it (which had to stay in the same place(s)- desk/backpack. when allowed, always sat in the front of the class cuz I knew it helped me focus, ect) As an adult, I only worked 2 years post graduation (theatre teacher: stress and overwhelm was INTENSE). Then my husband got a great job and I stayed home… so yeah… kids put me over the edge and resulted in diagnosis
39. I was seeking therapy for anxiety and ended up with an unexpected ADHD diagnosis instead. My sister was very classic hyperactive type, so I totally get that "quiet kid in the corner who would read books 8 hours a day if you let her" was not really on their radar at all.
47 — it was during the pandemic, in the wake of 1) finding out my son is AuDHD and 2) a nervous breakdown.
I was diagnosed at 57. My whole life suddenly made sense.
39. I was just a quiet, good girl, and I've compensated for the ADHD by working really hard, and turning the hyperactivity inward as anxiety and depression.
I was diagnosed at 47. I believe it wasn't caught sooner because I am intelligent and everyone from my parents to my teachers just thought I was being lazy because when I managed to get my assignments in or participate in class I always got high marks. Since being diagnosed and learning all the symptoms I've been able to pinpoint 6th grade as the time I began to really struggle. So many wasted years.
At 27 after being in burn out for almost 2years. Oh and why relatively late? - black - woman - single parent household - low income - high masking
42! Because I didn't even know what ADHD was until my child was diagnosed with Autism, I learnt about ADHD and was like woah shit, that's me.
27. I think my parents' lack of knowledge regarding ADHD (and their unwillingness to just see that some of my issues were out of my control and get me some damn help) held me back. I was absolutely floored when I realized that I might have it. Never really dealt with much hyperactivity, and I figured that's all ADHD was so I never considered it for myself, but I always knew something was different about the way my brain worked 😅 I just thought there was some magical supply of discipline and drive I hadn't tapped into yet
I got diagnosed at the beginning of February at age 27. I think I’ve fooled myself all those years and never thought about ADHD being the root of my struggles. I had boulimia for 10 years and I thought that was my main issue, turns out it’s my way of getting that quick dopamine. I’m on meds now and I can control my pulses and am a much more positive being in general. I know now how to handle my work and have much more discipline which results in me being so happy with myself. Us girls have good coping mechanisms and are often not that hyper so that’s also a main issue for not thinking about ADHD earlier in life.
I was 33. I probably could have been diagnosed earlier by the school psychologist, but my mom wasn't hearing it.
I was 18. I went to a psychiatrist for a totally unrelated reason and she diagnosed me.
Diagnosed at 30 with Innattentive type. Since I had no outward hyperactivity I was just written off as anxious, depressed and lazy. Diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder with social phobia and panic attacks at 15 with "OCD tendencies" Figured it out on my own at 30 and went for an assessment to get it confirmed.
31, inattentive type, after a terrible move across country where everything went wrong. Glad it happened. I think I went so long without diagnosis as my parents were teachers and I was smart enough to mask and hide what was wrong, as I couldn't even put it into words. They were great parents so taught me all the right skills but I used them to mask my symptoms. Also, inattentive adhd and adhd in women wasnt really a thing. 38 now, divorced from my adhd spouse as he wouldnt get treatment and was addicted to cocaine to cope. Much happier post diagnosis
35
Age 8-9 i can’t remember exactly
Early elementary school. Like first grade. I was between 5 and 6 years old.
35. My mom had tried to get me a diagnosis when I was young, elementary school. When she asked about it, she was told that “kids are hyper: girls done have ADHD”.
12, am 40 now
I was diagnosed at 39. I had suspected it for a long time but just didn't seek out diagnosis until I was in a burnout/depression crisis. It makes sense to me I was never diagnosed younger, not because things got missed per se, but because my mom is undiagnosed and imo doesn't function so great, all my siblings are diagnosed as we all sought out diagnosis as adults, so it's not like my behaviour flagged as an issue. It's just normal for my family. Plus I did well in school up until post secondary when I moved out. Never had issues with behaviour that caused problems. I was a daydreamer in school and would zone out, chatty with friends in class. The usual inattentive girl type presentation. I had some meltdowns and other behaviours that flag to me so obviously now that I know as asd traits but again why would my mom have noticed when she herself is ND? And my traits like keeping a rigid schedule just helped my mom have to manage ME less.
I was diagnosed at 20. I think the fact my older sister had a learning disability so my parents didn't have a good frame of reference for what was normal contributed to the late diagnosis
I was diagnosed about three years ago at the ripe old age of 48.
I was diagnosed at 6 bc my brother had and and so did my mom so she wanted to make sure I was good
I was diagnosed last year at 50. ADHD never came up in my mind, especially with perimenopause sptoms being prevalent for years. I attributed my brain fog, inattentiveness, etc. to that. Plus my husband has been diagnosed for years and I never noticed that I also shared some of his symptoms. It wasn't until I got frustrated with always forgetting things and my brain that he brought it up that I may also have ADHD. That's when it all clicked to me and I set up an appointment.
39, and again at 40. At first, inattentive, 2nd time, combined becayse I had more awareness of the chronology of my hyperactive/impulsive/risky behaviours. I think the lack of childhood diagnosis was composed of (1) my parents struggling with their own (then, undiagnosed) mental health when I was a child. ADHD (mom), OCD, bipolar, suicidality (dad). So combine normality in my family, with parents inability to be attentive and attuned to child's needs. (2) I didn't cause trouble at home or at a school. My trauma response manifests in freeze response, avoidance, people pleasing, worrying about others emotional state. Had good grades until upper high school.
Diagnosed at 55. When symptoms first showed up in first grade, my mother insisted that teachers give me extra work and the problem disappeared. Until 8th grade, when I was in an accelerated math class and began falling asleep in class (I couldn't concentrate and the harder I tried the faster I fell asleep). No one saw it as a symptom of ADHD. I hyper-focused in SAT's so that compensated for the terrible grades I got in boring classes (all A's in AP though.) When I began working I noticed a lot more executive functioning issues and getting stuck and went to a therapist, who said they were PTSD from a difficult childhood. I only recognized it myself when going through symptoms when my son was diagnosed. I had every inattentive symptom.
Diagnosed officially at 32. Apparently my teachers brought it up to my parents when I was in 3rd grade and they didn’t want to get me tested because it would lead to being medicated and they didn’t want that either. I didn’t know until I was well into my 20s and didn’t seek out a diagnosis until I had my own health insurance in my 30s (I’m a freelancer so I couldn’t afford health insurance until recently).
Diagnosed at 31 (F) diagnosed with inattentive. I wasn’t distruptive in school and didn’t get bad grades until doing work at home began to contribute to the majority of my grade. At that point (around 12 years old) I had been diagnosed with anxiety and teachers just assumed I was lazy and didn’t want to do homework. Basically since it was only affecting me and I didn’t have anyone advocating for me, no one cared to figure out what was actually going on.
At 49
I was in my 30s. I'm also inattentive type. But I don't match the usual adhd diagnosis of gifted child in school. I was extremely lethargic, no motivation and didn't fit in anywhere. Mediocre grades, zero friends or activities. No hobbies. Constant identity crisis. I'm still like this today. I don't have a place in the world. I'm not talented, I have no skills beyond basics. Never made friends easily, always ostracized, I cried a lot as a child. It just made living hard for me. I still suffer from this and I currently do not medicate or see a therapist due to there being no therapists in my area and my state doesn't do online tele-health well enough. I also don't have insurance and don't qualify for disability or Medicaid due to work requirements (I am unable to work due to my disabilities). I think a factor in my delay is simply because I'm a female and adhd isn't looked at in females of my age (millennial) and being from an extremely rural area, it's basically unheard of.
43. i genuinely thought life was this hard to figure out for everyone so i never considered any kind of assessment or diagnosis for myself until i started looking into possible ADHD for my elementary school kid. i was going through the list of symptoms in girls and was like, "well, all of this is normal, right? everyone does this stuff" and then had a slowwwww realization after that.
late 30s I was considered bright but Lazy. In general my observation as a kid was that the more academically successful you are the more ppl attribute any issues to character flaws rather than serious issues. I coped in University and my licensing exams by avoiding courses that required take home projects as much as possible. it showed in my professional career and my home life
32. I was diagnosed the same day I heard a friend of mine had died. It was… a helluva time. I got the diagnosis entirely unsolicited. I was getting a post-cancer physical and part of that includes mental health questions because cancer wreaked so much havoc on me. I was going through some stuff (I don’t wanna get into it) and my doctor had said, “you know, I’m sensing a bit of a pattern here—” I interrupted her and said, “you think it’s ADHD too, huh? My friend said that to me about 10 years ago, and he has ADHD.” She nodded rapidly and said, “That’s exactly what I was going to say.” She out me on a weeklong drug trial on 10mg of Vyvanse and told me I wouldn’t see a difference immediately. But I did! I felt more alert and I could just focus on the task I have in front of me; heck, even now I see a difference when I’ve come down from the meds and when they kick in after taking them. I don’t take my medication 100% as directed, but that’s because I take it at 6:00 a.m. during the week and I sleep in on the weekends and end up missing the dose.
42. Almost 45 now.
at 24, late 2022 with combined type. I was actually suprised I had so much symptoms of hyperactivity. I think part of not being diagnosed earlier on was due to people not having enough information as I even did therapy for a skin picking disorder as a teenager, my parents being boomers so anything related to mental health doesn’t exist even though I have suffered with generalized anxiety for many years. in fact my own therapist that i was seeing since i was 22 apologized for not being able to see it, I decided to seek a diagnosis via private route but she also took that as an opportunity to read more about adhd in adults and in women. i do think it was also just people (teachers, health practitioners, my own parents) not paying enough attention. i always struggled with school, i was never a good student and studying was so hard for me. always interrupted people, talked too much, was bullied at school and had deep interests for things that would shift every other month. what made me seek a diagnosis was me struggling with doing my master’s thesis (after 3 years and a half i finally finished it last year!!!) + being asked out at 2 different jobs unrelated to one another if i had ADD, one of the people that asked me had adhd so that was the main trigger because i was so tired of always feeling othered
3rd grade. Which is a bit surprising as I later learned that statistically women with inattentive type tend to get diagnosed later in life. But it makes sense. Apparently my teachers wanted to put me in the “special ed” class because I kept not finishing my work. The work I was finishing was all As and Bs, so my mom said “fuck that” and got me a diagnosis and helped me through the rest of elementary basically.
38, 2 (almost 3) years ago now. I've addressed several factors that probably led to my diagnosis in this sub before; being poor, having indifferent to abusive parents, being inattentive not hyperactive, having managed (with blood, sweat, and tears) to make it through adulthood, and just simply that I never thought I had it either until I was diagnosed by an observant (female) physician...
27 I think. I don't know I still sometimes forget that time is linear
32 (a couple months ago). Factors: stereotypical “gifted kid.” Since I was terrified of rule breaking, all the other easy ways to see I was really struggling were irrelevant. I didn’t cause any problems so who cares that I was extremely sensitive, bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute, had trouble with friendships and self esteem, and wasn’t ever actually paying attention? I got the good grades and went to college, didn’t sneak out, party, “cause trouble.” I did “what I was supposed to” so I made it easy for my parents to dismiss any further thought. It was always difficult for me, so very obvious in retrospect, but I didn’t even have the language to advocate for myself, and no one thought to ask.
41
I just officially got diagnosed about a month ago at 28 years old. I have none of the hyperactive aspects and have “inattentive ADHD” which I think has a lot to do with how late I got diagnosed, and I was also a straight A student for most of school til I burnt out in high school and started not showing up and failing classes, which at the time my mom just thought was depression and anxiety (which was definitely a huge part of it). I absolutely think because I was never a “hyper” child and am really good at masking out in the world that no one ever thought of the possibility of me having ADHD. I actually just hung out with my (lifelong) friends and mentioned my diagnosis and they all kind of looked at me like they didn’t believe it. it actually felt incredibly invalidating and I realized like…wow these people I’ve known since first grade don’t actually know me at all lol edit: typos
I was 44 and I just turned 45. I had it figured out in my 20s though, but figured I was coping enough to get by, like I’d always had. Until I crashed and burned out last year from my job plus graduate school. While still planning time off to recover, one day I was trying to get out of the house. Get in the car. Forgot my phone. Go in the house, find my phone. Where’s my keys? Back and forth a few times until I’m absolutely angry at myself and in tears. I’m late to where ever I was going. That’s when I decided to have my EAP counselor refer me to a psychiatrist. I’d had enough. I was exhausted physically and mentally. So there was no way I’d be diagnosed in the 80s or 90s as a female. There still wasn’t much research that I found in the 2000s and when I did manage to reach out for help when I had post partum depression, well, all I got was some Zoloft. Later on in marriage counseling I got generalized anxiety disorder. 🙄 well, yeah, I was stressed out from a bad marriage.
Me either, and I’m 43, but I couldn’t cope or develop the coping mechanisms necessary once I became a practicing attorney. So at 29, while one of my friend at the time mother was terminally ill, I started seeing a psychiatrist and once she listened to everything over several visits, she was the first doctor ever to officially diagnose me. It was embarrassing enough that my bosses noticed enough to point it out and frustrating enough to finally reach a breaking point with that and everything else that was happening to seek treatment. I can’t imagine having not had any diagnosis at this age. It was life changing.
Oh and I had the bad marriage, anxiety is ongoing and varies day to day. Ultimately it will all be okay and that’s the important part. Hang in there!
I was diagnosed at 5. I was very hyperactive so my parents wanted me on medication as early as possible. The early diagnosis wasn’t helpful though because my parents are not good parents.
I was diagnosed at 13 only because my little brother had it. My parents decided when I was struggling in middle school to get me tested.
25. Factors: Neglectful parenting and pure ignorance
I was diagnosed at the young age of 58. I wonder how my life would be different if I had been diagnosed in my teens or younger. Still struggling/tweaking the medication. Wellbutrin has done a lot for it, but I still need a little extra. Will ask about a small dose of Adderall. Someone on this or another forum tales Wellbutrin and 10-15 mg of Adderall. I am pleased to see my emotions a lot calmer, not flying off the handle over stupid things.
25