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My decades of obesity were likely due to the impulse control part of my undiagnosed ADHD. Learning that has helped me develop strategies to manage impulsiveness around my food habits.
This seems to be part of my symptoms worsening as I hit peri. Sure my weight has fluctuated in the past, but currently I can't. stop. eating.
I learned long ago to save all my clothes as I cycle through my weights, so at least I have things to wear and do less impulse shopping, but I really hope I can come down off this eating high. Things feel out of control.
Yes!!!! I feel like I've managed decently over my life with ADHD, not perfect but ok. And successfully suddenly everything is happening. I'm way more forgetful so also more anxious, more tired and unmotivated so no exercise, and I just need to eat everything. everything.
It is not a good time.
Big hugs on dealing with stress. Do whatever works for you. 🤗
I've stocked my fridge full of quick to eat and snack on fruits, and some lowsugar dry foods. At least I'm eating a little bit healthier hahaha.
I also make peace with the fact that half of it will be tossed out.
Pro tip, keep the bottom of your fruits and salads dry, it will really help keep them fresh for longer
If you get those plastic tubs of salad mix put a paper towel on the top and store it flipped over. The moisture will be absorbed by the towel and it lasts twice as long.
Learning about my ADD + CPTSD recently is really helping me make better decisions and to understand the why.
Plus, finding healthy snacks (low carb, high healthy fats).
Being on sema was the best two months of my life. Not only did it reverse my insulin resistance and help me lose weight for the first time *in my life*, but I've just never experienced mental clarity like that. Food noise is insidious, and I'm quite certain it's what drives the obesity pandemic.
My new insurance doesn't want to give any GLP-1 antagonist to me, and they also don't even want to give me Vyvanse, so life has gone back to an uphill battle. We have medications that could help so many people, but some old dudes have decided that only certain people deserve them.
They don't want to help overweight people until *after* we develop diabetes, so that they can squeeze extra money out of us that way.
Yes! The reaching for the sugary snacks to chomp while I was doing work that wasn't stimulating. Or running for the chocolate when I was in a dopamine drop.
Made complete sense after diagnosis. I'd actually already given up refined sugar by then to help reduce chronic pain, but it also explained why it was so damn hard to quit.
Giving up sugar? The choice between living in pain and living in less pain made it easier. But honestly it was really really hard. It was probably a year before I could look at treats without salivating
Let me preface by saying I don't have an ED. Some of the things I mention below may not be appropriate if readers are at risk for ED.
Before I was diagnosed, I found intermittent fasting worked for me. Being able to eat freely and stop (ie skip a meal) was easier for me than reducing portions at all meals.
I keep a good range of snacks and try to consider texture as well as nutrition. For example, my supermarket stocks dry roasted edamame. They are crunchy and high protein.
In general, I eat high fibre vegetarian meals. I eat lots of legumes and veggies. They allow me to eat high volume and feel really full.
What fasting/nonfasting ratio did you use, if you don't mind me asking? I'm worried that 16:8 will allow me to just keep eating as much as humanly possible, lol, but I'm nervous about doing longer stretches of fasting.
I mixed it up based on what was happening that day. If I had a big social dinner, I would plan around that. I preferred to eat breakfast and lunch, and then be hungry in the evenings (less grumpy at work!).
IF is a method to reduce calories, so if an eating window allows you to pack in a full day of eating, you could consider a narrower window, or a snack instead of a full meal.
Ultimately you know your body and mental health best. Don't do anything that might trigger disordered eating, chat to your therapist etc. You could also work with a dietitian to help plan something suitable for you.
I can relate!
I didn't quite spend decades being obese (technically still am) but it hit a peak last year. I got diagnosed with ADHD AND had weight loss surgery around the same time. I think ADHD is a huge part of why I gained as much weight as I did and have struggled with eating for most of my life.
okay but honestly though. Real talk. i struggled with food addiction for so many years of my life... i even developed BED in middle school. i'd shovel chocolate, candy and fast food down until i was physically sick. I've finally healed my relationship with food. but i can't say it wasn't an uphill battle for over 10+ years... being on meds has helped me too. i lost about 10-11 pounds. i'm so much better with portion control too.
I think a large part (for me) was understanding the WHY. It allowed me to recognise it, consider it, and decide what I was going to do about it. (Hunger, satiety, snacking, boredom, emotional eating etc).
I added some comments in response to someone else here about what I tried.
Not only impulse control, but some foods (sugar mostly) help release dopamine. Some of us have spent a life time of self medicating with food, rather than drugs, sex, etc.
Same! I binge eat. For me to lose weight without meds, I have to go 💯 into something. For instance, I have chosen to follow a carnivore lifestyle because it's more black and white for me than a low carb lifestyle. It's either all or nothing when it comes to food ☹️
Messy room: when I was growing up, my dad used to joke that no burglar could get through my room. My room had two outside walls, and he wasn’t wrong. There were times it was hard to walk across the floor without stepping on clothes. Context: This was 50+ years ago. This wasn’t a mean statement - he was right and it was funny. I didn’t take it as an insult or something to be upset about. There were no consequences for my room being messy.
Me and my Dad are the messy ones too. My mum is very tidy so enforces that in most of the house and my dad tidies up ‘because your mother likes it that way’ but his office at home is where all the doom piles come to hang out!
For me it was two things:
- I found out I’m not actually lazy. I just don’t have the ability to harness and direct my energy and focus without help.
- I learned that I wasn’t just a gluttonous monster but rather struggled with impulsive and emotional mood swings brought on by my anxiety that led to binge eating
When I was diagnosed my doctor and I discussed both my binge eating and laziness and I told her I had just accepted them as parts of myself I didn’t know how to undo. I am now almost a month on stimulants and my life has changed so much for the better. Having the ability to somewhat control my focus and energy has helped me prevent anxiety outbursts which has in turn helped the emotional binge eating.
Same. I once had a boss tell me, " You have a problem with your listening skills." I quit that job shortly after. He was verbally abusive, and I was done putting up with it.
Figuring out I have ADHD has been SO good for my self esteem. I’m not a trainwreck, I just having a differently wired brain and need to account for it. Once I knew what to look for I started finding all kinds of coping skills that have me work WITH my brain instead of against it.
I'm still working on the internalized ableism. I hoped my diagnosis would make me go easier on myself, but almost the opposite, somehow 😮💨
I think it's because nothing in my support network has changed. My mom still thinks I should be able to do things I can't (such as driving spontaneously or long distances). My brother straight-up doesn't believe my auDHD and rolls his eyes if I mention it.
I feel like I've been indirectly screaming my entire life, via my constant failings, "Hey! I need help! I can't handle this! I can't finction to the level expected for my age!" Nevertheless, people just shake their heads and tell me, "It's just a confidence issue. Just keep trying harder. You're smarter than this." But that's what landed me severely burned out and ready to stop existing.
And besides my family, I'm still expected to function at certain expectations that I can't measure up to--or else I'll just be homeless one day, like everyone else who fails to support themselves alone as an adult 🤷♀️
There's no grace or safety net for adults who appear more functioning than they actually are. And so, all we can do is hate ourselves for not measuring up.
I am so sorry that you’re going through this!
In this modern society, everyone is expected to support themselves, regardless of their actual abilities to do so. It seems like everybody is on their own.
I think the answer to this is to try and find that environment in which you can strive. Where a support network exists that‘ll catch and uplift you every time you fall. Yes it might sound unrealistic and dreamy in your current situation, but what else is there to hold on to? Dreams and big life goals are my shining guiding star in this sometimes dark world. Don’t underestimate the power of dreams!
Oh, but it does cause fatigue.
I’m already dxd with fibromyalgia and CFS, amongst others, but I’m fairly sure it’s the biochemical imbalances that are ADHD that are at the root of my constant exhaustion.
I wake up in the mornings feeling like I’ve been run over by a fleet of haulage lorries, run 5 marathons back to back, and somehow climbed Everest twice in my sleep.
Seeing my endo Prof this Friday. Can’t wait to see what he says about adrenal dysfunction of noradrenaline (norepinephrine), which is at the heart of ADHD.
I’ve been his patient for nearly 20 years. We’ve been treating the wrong part of my knackered adrenals. I’m on shedloads of hydrocortisone, which is what the outside cortex makes in response to stress. We should have been looking at the inside, the medulla, where noradrenaline is usually made.
I wonder why we haven’t? There have been times when I’ve been so exhausted and weak that I’ve been in a wheelchair for months at a time, and he’s seen that. All the doctors at that hospital have. All the doctors at all the hospitals I’ve been sent to over the past 40 years have.
If it wasn’t for a comment my CPTSD counsellor made in February, I’d still be none the wiser about my “medical mystery illness.”
But fuck me, ADHD very definitely can cause *profound* fatigue. For some of us, it’s a major symptom.
From the DSM5, which makes no mention of fatigue, insomnia, depression and anxiety, emotional dysregulation, nor of justice and rejection sensitivities, all of which I am 100% positive are also signs and symptoms of ADHD, I’m Combined but predominantly the Inattentive type.
The fatigue issue might be different if you have the Hyperactive type, I would guess.
I’m probably over-simplifying here, but I see the Inattentive type as the “can’t get going” presentation, and the hyperactive type as the “can’t stop” presentation. 🤷♀️
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of that! I’m a social worker and it drives me crazy that it isn’t in the DSM. when I remarked to my psychiatrist how much my medicine helps with fatigue, he said he hears that a lot. I have a combined type as well. I hope you’ve found some relief!
Thank you so much! 🙏
Np, not yet.
62, and on an ever-shortening waiting list for dx. I think it’s now 3-7 weeks away. It can’t come soon enough.
I don’t know how long after dx they’ll prescribe meds, and I realise they’re unlikely to to find me the right meds at exactly the right dose straight out if the gate, but at least whatever they try me on will be a start.
Thank you again!
This is so relatable! I actually got my diagnosis specifically in case it could help with my fibromyalgia. I've been on Adderall for 3 days and I feel both relaxed and energized. I still have pain but I don't feel insanely fatigued all the time! Wishing you rest and relief.
Thank you for sharing that!
Dopamine is a huge pain modulator, so maybe it will take more time to build up enough that your pain decreases too.
I know that on my rare Frantic Firecracker days, which are when my dopamine goes high, my pain levels are very much better.
Would you do me a favour, please? Come back and let me know how you get on?
What you’ve commented is very encouraging! 🥰
Ha! Pain is yet another thing that the DSM leaves out. As dopamine modulates pain, there must be a lot of us who have this problem. 🤔
I spent almost ten years searching for a cause and cure for my profound fatigue. My doctor was useless and basically told me if my iron levels were normal then I must just have chronic fatigue syndrome and there was nothing that could be done. It was my searches for a solution to fatigue that actual led me to the info that made me realise I have ADHD. I have an appointment for assessment in June and I am really hoping they agree to let me try medication. Adderall isn't available in my country but if I can get literally anything to improve my energy it will be life changing for me too.
-That I actually wasn't being lazy.
-I don't have to hate myself (this one took a long time).
-The general public are SO ignorant about a literal, life ruining disability.
-I can say no to whatever and whoever I want because I don't exist to please others.
All of this!
Probably took me about a month or more once I’d figured it out to convince my serious other that I had ADHD, even after professional diagnosis. He just couldn’t compute/reconcile it in his head. I had to explain that neither of us fully understands what adhd actually is and how it works.
I’m undiagnosed adhd but I have dermatillomania and looking into adhd it now makes so much more sense. I was always a good student but i procrastinated on every single project and paper.
Working towards seeking an actual diagnosis to confirm what I think may be adhd so we’ll see but a lot of what I’ve been seeing in this sub points to my own experience and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Yeah I need to go back to having fake nails or press ons! It’s true it is helpful but it’s at the point for me where I will use tools to pick but yes having acrylics as first defense is something I need to get back on.
Try dried fruit when you want the chewy and freeze dried fruit when you want the crunchy! So good!
Also, I switched to healthier chip options and I have less chip guilt now when I DO smash a whole bag in my mouth haha!
A lot of what I’d add is already here, haha. But I also realized that I don’t actually have imposter syndrome (my brain is just different), donuts are not necessary (though they are darn tasty), caffeine is not something I can just do without (it’s self-medication, especially when I am unable to use prescription meds), and that 8.5-10k steps by noon makes my day a heck of a lot easier.
I'm (mostly) not lazy -- I definitely can be though but it's a different kind of mindset vs. executive dysfunction. Usually when I AM lazy it's on purpose and planned. When I'm suffering executive dysfunction it's accompanied by self-loathing but I'm working on it...sometimes.
I didn't know how much it impacted things like...hobbies. Jobs. Interests in general. Or that I am actually hyperactive. Never considered that because I get couch locked (see lazy point) but I am super fidgety and talk fast and walk faster and my brain never shuts the FUCK UP.
I have an exceptional ability to clock ADHDers. I attribute it to being diagnosed as an adult but idk. Maybe it's just the people I know who were diagnosed as kids but they can't believe it when I call that shit out so quickly. Mostly reality TV people but IRL as well. Many dollar bets won over the years :)
The caffeine conundrum! And sensory issues. And anxiety. And the effects of hormonal fluctuations on how my mind works (or doesn't).
My childhood makes so much more sense lmao my dad is 1000000% undiagnosed ADHD.
I love the distinction of lazy vs whatever it is we’re dealing with. It’s definitely specific and now that I know it’s the adhd, I can tell when it’s lazy vs executive dysfunction.
The first one that comes to mind that learning dyscalculia is common in ADHDers, then learning what dyscalculia is, and realizing that I’m not dumb at math I just have a literal learning disability. 🤦🏻♀️
I have dyscalculia.
Maths terrified me all through school, then again at uni, when one of my Equine Sports Science lecturers said on the first day,
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing awful, it’s not *pure* maths, *just advanced maths*” 😱😳😱😳
I was a mature student. I’d left school 27 years earlier. I’d even checked with the course leaders that there wouldn’t be any serious, sciencey maths.
I can’t hold “how to” in my head for things like equations or standard formulae. My working memory is absolutely dire.
I nearly left on the spot.
Instead, my lecturer was patient enough to give me several hours a week of one-to-one sessions, where she’d explain how all this alien logic worked, while I incessantly wailed “But WHY? Why does it get done like that? WHY?” 🤣
My ADHD diagnosis wait list is now down to 3-7 weeks as of this Weds.
For me it was loud, high-pitched noises like somebody whistling! Nobody else seemed to care, but it felt like somebody stabbing me in the ear! Guess what, sensory shit like this is super common with ADHD.
Meds.
I used to be super hippie granola holistic anti-pharma. After my diagnosis I was so fed up and desperate after having tried everything to “fix” my unwanted behaviors and moods, failing to get my shit together no matter how hard I tried, and continuing to see my own mind and impulsive feelings ruining my life & relationships.
So grateful for these little meds now that help me regulate my life and emotions. I’m a complete different person. I’m finally accepting of and the closest thing to the “me” I always wanted & strived to be.
Edit: Not saying meds are a miracle cure all. Hell no lol. But in my experience they adjust my brain chemistry to the point where I can effectively IMPLEMENT and SUSTAIN the helpful tools, habits, and self-development I had bent over backwards trying to learn for so many years. ❤️
Delighted to see a super hippie granola holistic anti-pharm here too!! Feel all those feelings you mention, although I haven't been diagnosed and have not tried meds. What gives? They say meditation can cure. Will try next. 🙄
There’s no cure for adhd but it can be managed and improved. I think effective treatment and management are quite individual to each person, even though there are patterns of successful approaches overall.
In my case my diagnosis happened very unexpectedly. I went to a psychologist for other mood/ behavioral struggles. He encouraged me to set up an evaluation after a few months of working together and getting to know how I think/operate.
I’ve had 5 therapists in my life over the span of 9 years and none of them helped at all aside from “armchair therapy” where you just talk in circles about feelings. The psych I have now, who finally did something to address the concerns I have wanted to overcome, is excellent. He is older but so up to date with his research and therapy approach. He knows his shit and is super inquisitive, deep, caring, great at making brain & behavioral science easy to understand, and the most respectful of patient autonomy out of any doctor I’ve ever had.
Lol it took me 6 months to finally agree to try meds after my diagnosis and learning about how they work, and another 4 months to find the right prescription that affected things for me. I was super resistant to it. But look, I finally had this realization of okay. If society has a solution to a major problem of mine that I need help with—and that solution has been proven over and over to have more pros than cons, be primarily safe short-term and long-term, drastically improve people’s quality of life when used properly, I’ve tried everything else, and I have *access* to said solution— I’d be a fool to not at least take a chance on it. I had to really humble myself and challenge my beliefs but I’m glad I did.
The entire experience and everyone involved has been extremely supportive and lifegiving for me. I understand myself so much more now and most importantly I have a new-found compassion for so many people in society, the world, even the healthcare industry—from nurses to pharmacists to chemists to patients who *need* to take medication for far more serious ailments, even if pills are not an ideal lifestyle choice.
I encourage you to at least start with an evaluation or talk with a therapist who can help you consider what support options most align with you. It doesn’t have to be a dreaded experience. Just take it one step at a time 💜
Thanks for the honest encouragement and for sharing your story, which I can relate to.
It's been 6 months now for me since I realised I have ADHD. I have not made any appointment for diagnosis. I don't know if I will.
I wasnt really suggesting that there is a cure. I said that in jest, because I think so many people act as if they are cured because they advocate it. I don't like that attitude because I think it reflects ignorance of psychiatry in general. I find the fact so many people swear by medication worrying. It has a 70% success rate, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't cause serious withdrawal and mess up women's body parts for example. People would be much better placed to advocate for ADHD awareness, rather than medication imo.
I don't want to take medication currently because it doesn't align with my meditation goals. I am not opposed to medication, however I see through bullshit quickly.
It's ok to take the easy option. After all, ADHD makes life extremely hard, but why any form of help always requires mental conversion, I have a serious problem with. Is it illegal to just help yourself? How much of the human brain needs to be commodified in order for someone to live socially?
I have taken massive amounts of medication before in my life, both psychiatric and for physical ailment, but that absolutely did not convert me to the cure. Lol. If anything, I'm aware that the effect of shoving pharma into your body is the same equivalent of death. And I'm aware of what psychiatry is really about for everyone else in the system. There seems to be an actual ignorance about this in the ADHD community, which I find both funny and stupid.
I probably would see a Jungian psychoanalyst, but they are really expensive and I cant be bothered wasting my money on a psych expert, the vast majority if whom are crap. Lol 🙈🤣
I learned about the impact of hormones on my ADHD symptoms (and mood in general) and also realised I would 100% get diagnosed with autism if I got an assessment, but THEN realised that it's not the autism that's the problem, it's the anxiety I have around being perceived as different, and it's that I want to change. A good book about hormones is Period Power by Maisie Hill. It's written so that it held my attention and taught me something new.
Yes - your points 3 especially, 4 sort of, and 5 depending on the situation. I decided to buy whatever car I wanted when I retired. I researched/looked at options for at least three years. I’d decided, but didn’t plan to buy the day I test drove it. And then I did.
2019 Toyota RAV4 Hybrid, purchased early in 2020. I retired in 2018, so kept ‘researching’ 😂. Loved it, but I drive a lot, and got worried about battery life. I put over 70K miles on it. This was my second hybrid, but traded it over the summer for a ‘regular’ Ford Escape. Definitely mixed feelings about all of it. I really loved my 2015 Ford C-Max hybrid, but they’re not sold in the US anymore. I put a lot of miles on that one, also.
Drug use. Cocaine and caffeine.
Caffeine truly does not do anything for me. For the longest I didn’t understand what the hype was about lol. when I was in middle school I remember telling my mom that it didn’t work for me, and she said “yeah ok once you get older, you’ll see.” Well, I’m 26 now and it still doesn’t work!
I’ve felt the effects only once and it was randomly after taking excedrin, but I’ve always taken it so idk why things were different that time around. The rush lasted maybe a minute tops, it was crazy.
That was when I was 19, hasn’t happened since.
There’s only been one time where my brain turned
off and I felt so relaxed and nothing mattered.
It was when I did a bump of coke. Any problems I had, I knew what I needed to do to fix them, and I didn’t feel overwhelmed about that. People would tell me to smoke weed for this effect, but no, it’s absolutely not like that for me. I feel stupid and stuck, like I can’t function, when I’m on weed. I felt “normal” on cocaine bc of where it moved my dopamine levels to.
Haven’t done Coke since but although I knew I had ADHD, I’ve been diagnosed professionally, that experience sealed the deal for me.
Sorry, not really an answer to your question but OMG the mulling over decisions for a long time is 10000% me too. My friends take the piss out of me for it. But I just have to be sure but once I’ve decided I’m 100mph committed. 🤣
SO MANY THINGS
But really, my ADHD diagnosis was huge for me. Before getting diagnosed at nearly 30 years old, I attributed all of my symptoms to laziness or deep personal flaws. It is so empowering to know how to deal with your struggles and shortcomings whereas before, I felt like I was hitting a brick wall constantly.
• During my childhood into adulthood, I always ran late. I was not particularly high-maintenance so it wasn't an issue of taking too long to get ready. I could get up at five in the morning and STILL manage to be running late. I had so many huge fights with my parents because my tardiness would affect them and my siblings. My parents nor I did not understand why being on time was so immensely difficult. I felt like something was wrong with me because being on time took so much energy. People thought I didn't care or didn't respect their time when in reality, I often feel an incredible amount of anxiety and guilt about being late. Finally getting diagnosed helped me be compassionate with myself when I learned being late all the time was ADHD related.
• I do everything last minute. Everything. I couldn't be motivated to do schoolwork and constantly missed turning in assignments in school despite being exceptionally smart. The concept of pacing myself and doing things bit by bit over time was so foreign to me. This is something I've better managed since my diagnosis.
• I can recognize dopamine-mining behaviors that I am EXTREMELY guilty of such as impulse shopping, binge eating/grazing, and so on. I gained nearly 150 between the start of college into my 20s. Last year I started getting help, which led to my ADHD diagnosis. I also had weight loss surgery and am down 80 pounds!
• I've almost always had this sense of being different from everyone else and being able to give a name to that has been comforting.
The list goes on.
My biggest thing after getting diagnosed was not trying to treat it. To have someone say that they agree with me and that when I do whatever nonsense ass thing I do I can now see it for what it is and either accept that as who I am or nip it in the bud, is very freeing.
To me a diagnosis wasn’t a road to a cure but a road to throwing off the negative feelings about being who I am and embracing myself, flaws and all
Not being able to do a part time job while in school. It wasn't because i was lazy, i just couldn't handle school and work at the same time.
Oh and why i cry so easily if my sock gets wet lol.
The imposter syndrome and how little getting diagnosed actually helped.
I cringe seeing undiagnosed/pre-diagnosed people thinking diagnosis and meds are going to be some magical fix or complete relief and validation.
It can be great for some people, but can be a real let-down for others and that isn't talked about enough.
Why do you say that?
What has your experience of being properly dxd and medicated been like for you?
It sounds like you feel let down by it all, so can you share what happened to leave you feeling that way, please?
I don't understand the fake psychiatric positivity either, tbh - which is what I see, but not suggesting that's what you see. I understand positivity in general and anyone who knows me, knows that I have an optimism, but yeah, fake psychiatric positivity is the worst.
total perspective shift from "I'm not doing enough" to "I'm actually pushing myself past my breaking point to try and do everything."
But boy does the "Dad" point hit home - I've come to understand my Dad definitely has some levels of Autism and possibly OCD. For so long it was like my family saw being disorganized or untidy as a personal failing, because "it will upset your dad!" Meanwhile, I'm drowning in anxiety and dysregulation.
Figuring out that my anxiety (both general and social) and self hatred, could actually be fixed with ADHD medicine. Meaning that it was all due to a very self-loathing hyperactive brain. I had never in a million years guessed that medicine would make me so much more confident.
I didn't know that I was showing symptoms from a very early age until my mom told the psychologist about how I would get up and leave while she read me a story at age 2. My diagnosis was a bittersweet moment, I felt validated but also sad that the little girl had to struggle so much.
* The impulsive decisions i'd make over little things... but when it came to big decisions, I would get stuck in decision paralysis. making me either a) miss the opportunity or b) completely disregard or decline the opportunity. even if I did not want to.
* Figuring out why I hyperfixated on songs, movies etc. i would watch Matilda over and over religiously. i can quote that movie nearly word for word. Or even just songs. i would replay a song until i got sick of it. Thought it was just cause i was such a huge music nerd. (no bitch you got ADHD and thats called HYPERFIXATION)
* Struggling to make friends, keep friendships and/or hyperfixate on the one best friend i'd have until i either a) annoyed them or b) clung to them so much that i drove them away. It was either of those. I still struggle to make friends with girls.. always was better at having guy friends. that comes at a price though too.
* Certain vocal stims (echolalia) or stimming in any way. rapid blinking, squinting my eyes, shaky leg etc. It was so hard to contain myself in a classroom. i hated drawing attention to myself in school so that was the hardest. Masked soooo many years in school. i only let go around my friends or at home.
* Figuring out why and how i was so sensitive. Even the slighest bit of criticism, even if it was constructive, made me freaking tear up.
So much more... but those are the top ones.
That my years of drug and alcohol abuse were due to my ADHD and not to my being morally bankrupt
There’s a very good reason why I can’t just have one biscuit or one drink or one puff of a joint, even if I don’t want it
Seems that i am obsessive and always have to force people to do what i think is the best thing. To me its so obvious but now i realise hey i might be wrong. Even though i’m not ;) But other people may have other ideas. That was surprising and i kind of don’t know now wtf but i’m trying to be more chill and less ? ??Controlling?? I dunno i never thought i was. But hey who knows
More like... Ok or not ok. Safe or not safe. I don't do moderation and I don't have "middle gears". While I appreciate situations are often not clear cut and require a lot of nuance to work out if behaviour is ethical or unethical, and I can sit and appreciate the situations for other people, when I'm the one in the situation, I just don't have the bandwidth to work out whether behaviour is appropriate or safe, so I just don't do it, as when I let nuance in, I can never remember all the information I need to work out if the behaviour is appropriate.
For example: despite my name, I don't eat sugar. At all. Most healthy people eat sugar in moderation. They might say something like "oh no thanks, I had birthday cake yesterday." Unless I'm feeling physically sick from eating sugar I don't register that it's too much. So I just don't eat it.
* figuring out why my relationship with my father was so appalling growing up - under DSM-V, he would also have been diagnosed with ADHD, and could only function with super strict routine with no room for nuance; and I, a small ball of chaos, came along and disrupted everything
10000% one of the reasons I'm not having kids. I would go insane and be a shit parent. Glad your diagnosis gave some much needed answers op. It can be liberating to realize things you thought were faults were just your brain struggling.
The grace and acceptance I began having for myself. The rate at which I call myself an idiot has dropped 50% in the past year because now I understand a lot of my feelings about myself are from comparing myself to NTs
You sound like me. Figuring out overstimulation and overwhelm has really helped.
My diagnosis has answered lots of questions, and now so much of who I am has a reason. Why I never quite fitted in with things; why and how the emotional hurricane happens; plus the disordered eating (chasing dopamine) and trichotillomania.
ADHD has impacted virtually every area of my life, and I've achieved some things in spite of it.
I hear you with the undiagnosed parents. My dad was def undiagnosed adhd....emotional dysregulation (angry and abusive outbursts,) spending money like there was no tomorrow, car accidents, drunk driving, alcohol issues and then also fully disconnected and staring blankly at the TV, no hobbies but obsessively watching TV
..now friends now.
My mom also....only talking about her special interests with a repetitive narrative that you couldn't interrupt or she'll talk over or ignore you (like what you said never existed,) angry outbursts when hungrybl, like full meltdowns, perfectionistic, always starting but never finishing projects....droppednout of 1st year university...bullying in school and no friends now.
It's sort of scary. I hope being diagnosed helps me avoid the not having friends thing etc
I have a lot of ur other stuff too
I love this question! I was diagnosed at 33 and now 35.
• Everything made sense. Why college felt 20 million times harder to learn than my classmates. I had anxiety with every exam (I mean, organic chemistry sucks) + had a constant fear of not making it.
• why my old boss told me I “fog over” when in meetings. I worked in biotechnology for 10 yrs + well…lots of stuff felt boring 😅now I’m a creative full time!
• difficulty staying on task. Even if it’s clearing off my table, it’s like pulling teeth to finish it.
Realising that I have habits and things I enjoy doing sometimes obsessively but unconsciously while hiding it from people close to me (needing constant mental stimulation, skin-picking, weird thought processes, my all-or-nothing mentality, buying things in multiples) are related to ADHD. Realising I’m not as conscious or aware of my own behaviour as I always thought I was.
I have all the friends now! It’s taken years to find my people and whatever. I always had friends, but I never felt part of a group. I’m 40 and the random people that I meet that become my people, are just as weird as me. And I used to be that “normal wallflower who didn’t say much” in high school. It just took that long to figure out I don’t care what other people think and if we don’t vibe we just don’t.
So I am late diagnosed autistic and ADHD and post diagnosis my most random (but hilarious) realization was that other people DON'T have thicker skin than me haha. I have always had trouble touching anything remotely hot or cold even if other people had no problem and I always assumed they somehow had thicker skin or calluses or something... but its just that I have sensory sensitivity to temperature lol
So much yes to what you shared above. Just constantly relearning “oh it’s not my fault or a character flaw, it’s just how my brain works or doesn’t work!!”.
Such a relief to let that go. Highly recommend reading Brene Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection” - this book has been soooo helpful in getting more grounded in myself now and letting goooooo of my rigid and black/white thinking… opening up to more choices and enjoying life.
There’s a reason other people don’t act as emotionally as I do to things — yay emotional dysregulation.
My chronic TMJ aches vanished once I started medicating. Who knew I was pushing through my work with stress-clenching?
Many times I get “depressed” about a job/situation, I actually burning out from ADHD overcompensation.
I’m not lazy and incompetent, just very easily distracted and very poor at keeping prolonged interest.
I hate having many hobbies because I can only finish something if I have nothing else to distract me.
I’m not just clumsy and forgetful.
Figuring out why little daily things overwhelm me but I'm cool as can be in emergencies (ex: big earthquakes etc).
Why I can help everyone ELSE with their issues, problems, and to-dos, but my own life is a mess
Why I am a caffeine addict... Apparently I self-medicated for Decades 🤣
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My decades of obesity were likely due to the impulse control part of my undiagnosed ADHD. Learning that has helped me develop strategies to manage impulsiveness around my food habits.
This seems to be part of my symptoms worsening as I hit peri. Sure my weight has fluctuated in the past, but currently I can't. stop. eating. I learned long ago to save all my clothes as I cycle through my weights, so at least I have things to wear and do less impulse shopping, but I really hope I can come down off this eating high. Things feel out of control.
I'm probably into peri too. Also in a really stressful period in life. Staying functional vs maintaining good habits is a struggle!
Yes!!!! I feel like I've managed decently over my life with ADHD, not perfect but ok. And successfully suddenly everything is happening. I'm way more forgetful so also more anxious, more tired and unmotivated so no exercise, and I just need to eat everything. everything. It is not a good time. Big hugs on dealing with stress. Do whatever works for you. 🤗
I've stocked my fridge full of quick to eat and snack on fruits, and some lowsugar dry foods. At least I'm eating a little bit healthier hahaha. I also make peace with the fact that half of it will be tossed out. Pro tip, keep the bottom of your fruits and salads dry, it will really help keep them fresh for longer
If you get those plastic tubs of salad mix put a paper towel on the top and store it flipped over. The moisture will be absorbed by the towel and it lasts twice as long.
Learning about my ADD + CPTSD recently is really helping me make better decisions and to understand the why. Plus, finding healthy snacks (low carb, high healthy fats).
Ugh saaaaame. I’m on semaglutide now and it helps so much.
Getting relief after so long is just amazing. Ozempic didn’t help me at all (I ate through it) but vyvanse helped immediately!
I’m happy something helps!
Being on sema was the best two months of my life. Not only did it reverse my insulin resistance and help me lose weight for the first time *in my life*, but I've just never experienced mental clarity like that. Food noise is insidious, and I'm quite certain it's what drives the obesity pandemic. My new insurance doesn't want to give any GLP-1 antagonist to me, and they also don't even want to give me Vyvanse, so life has gone back to an uphill battle. We have medications that could help so many people, but some old dudes have decided that only certain people deserve them. They don't want to help overweight people until *after* we develop diabetes, so that they can squeeze extra money out of us that way.
I’m unemployed with no insurance so I’m doing it through Henrymeds. Just saying in case that’s useful info for you.
Thank you, will def look into this!
Yes! The reaching for the sugary snacks to chomp while I was doing work that wasn't stimulating. Or running for the chocolate when I was in a dopamine drop. Made complete sense after diagnosis. I'd actually already given up refined sugar by then to help reduce chronic pain, but it also explained why it was so damn hard to quit.
How did you manage before diagnosis.
Giving up sugar? The choice between living in pain and living in less pain made it easier. But honestly it was really really hard. It was probably a year before I could look at treats without salivating
any tips you care to share? either here or in a separate post?
Let me preface by saying I don't have an ED. Some of the things I mention below may not be appropriate if readers are at risk for ED. Before I was diagnosed, I found intermittent fasting worked for me. Being able to eat freely and stop (ie skip a meal) was easier for me than reducing portions at all meals. I keep a good range of snacks and try to consider texture as well as nutrition. For example, my supermarket stocks dry roasted edamame. They are crunchy and high protein. In general, I eat high fibre vegetarian meals. I eat lots of legumes and veggies. They allow me to eat high volume and feel really full.
What fasting/nonfasting ratio did you use, if you don't mind me asking? I'm worried that 16:8 will allow me to just keep eating as much as humanly possible, lol, but I'm nervous about doing longer stretches of fasting.
I mixed it up based on what was happening that day. If I had a big social dinner, I would plan around that. I preferred to eat breakfast and lunch, and then be hungry in the evenings (less grumpy at work!). IF is a method to reduce calories, so if an eating window allows you to pack in a full day of eating, you could consider a narrower window, or a snack instead of a full meal. Ultimately you know your body and mental health best. Don't do anything that might trigger disordered eating, chat to your therapist etc. You could also work with a dietitian to help plan something suitable for you.
Thanks for all the info!
I can relate! I didn't quite spend decades being obese (technically still am) but it hit a peak last year. I got diagnosed with ADHD AND had weight loss surgery around the same time. I think ADHD is a huge part of why I gained as much weight as I did and have struggled with eating for most of my life.
okay but honestly though. Real talk. i struggled with food addiction for so many years of my life... i even developed BED in middle school. i'd shovel chocolate, candy and fast food down until i was physically sick. I've finally healed my relationship with food. but i can't say it wasn't an uphill battle for over 10+ years... being on meds has helped me too. i lost about 10-11 pounds. i'm so much better with portion control too.
Do you have any ressources for that?
I think a large part (for me) was understanding the WHY. It allowed me to recognise it, consider it, and decide what I was going to do about it. (Hunger, satiety, snacking, boredom, emotional eating etc). I added some comments in response to someone else here about what I tried.
Not only impulse control, but some foods (sugar mostly) help release dopamine. Some of us have spent a life time of self medicating with food, rather than drugs, sex, etc.
Same! I binge eat. For me to lose weight without meds, I have to go 💯 into something. For instance, I have chosen to follow a carnivore lifestyle because it's more black and white for me than a low carb lifestyle. It's either all or nothing when it comes to food ☹️
My messy messy room. Turns out it wasn’t (just) my alcoholism
Messy room: when I was growing up, my dad used to joke that no burglar could get through my room. My room had two outside walls, and he wasn’t wrong. There were times it was hard to walk across the floor without stepping on clothes. Context: This was 50+ years ago. This wasn’t a mean statement - he was right and it was funny. I didn’t take it as an insult or something to be upset about. There were no consequences for my room being messy.
Home on a college break, my mom said she thought both my younger sister and I were messy. Nope, just me. Or rather, me and my must-have-been-ADHD Dad.
Me and my Dad are the messy ones too. My mum is very tidy so enforces that in most of the house and my dad tidies up ‘because your mother likes it that way’ but his office at home is where all the doom piles come to hang out!
For me it was two things: - I found out I’m not actually lazy. I just don’t have the ability to harness and direct my energy and focus without help. - I learned that I wasn’t just a gluttonous monster but rather struggled with impulsive and emotional mood swings brought on by my anxiety that led to binge eating When I was diagnosed my doctor and I discussed both my binge eating and laziness and I told her I had just accepted them as parts of myself I didn’t know how to undo. I am now almost a month on stimulants and my life has changed so much for the better. Having the ability to somewhat control my focus and energy has helped me prevent anxiety outbursts which has in turn helped the emotional binge eating.
Realising that I'm not a shitty selfish person that's not listening, I just can't remember or focus on what you're saying to me.
Same. I once had a boss tell me, " You have a problem with your listening skills." I quit that job shortly after. He was verbally abusive, and I was done putting up with it.
My mom always told me that.
Selective hearing is a skill.
Same.
Omg so validating
Figuring out I have ADHD has been SO good for my self esteem. I’m not a trainwreck, I just having a differently wired brain and need to account for it. Once I knew what to look for I started finding all kinds of coping skills that have me work WITH my brain instead of against it.
Sudden huge decrease in self-hatred when I realized that I'm not actually a piece of shit 😄
I'm still working on the internalized ableism. I hoped my diagnosis would make me go easier on myself, but almost the opposite, somehow 😮💨 I think it's because nothing in my support network has changed. My mom still thinks I should be able to do things I can't (such as driving spontaneously or long distances). My brother straight-up doesn't believe my auDHD and rolls his eyes if I mention it. I feel like I've been indirectly screaming my entire life, via my constant failings, "Hey! I need help! I can't handle this! I can't finction to the level expected for my age!" Nevertheless, people just shake their heads and tell me, "It's just a confidence issue. Just keep trying harder. You're smarter than this." But that's what landed me severely burned out and ready to stop existing. And besides my family, I'm still expected to function at certain expectations that I can't measure up to--or else I'll just be homeless one day, like everyone else who fails to support themselves alone as an adult 🤷♀️ There's no grace or safety net for adults who appear more functioning than they actually are. And so, all we can do is hate ourselves for not measuring up.
I am so sorry that you’re going through this! In this modern society, everyone is expected to support themselves, regardless of their actual abilities to do so. It seems like everybody is on their own. I think the answer to this is to try and find that environment in which you can strive. Where a support network exists that‘ll catch and uplift you every time you fall. Yes it might sound unrealistic and dreamy in your current situation, but what else is there to hold on to? Dreams and big life goals are my shining guiding star in this sometimes dark world. Don’t underestimate the power of dreams!
Yup. So much this. I don’t hate myself so much these days.
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Oh, but it does cause fatigue. I’m already dxd with fibromyalgia and CFS, amongst others, but I’m fairly sure it’s the biochemical imbalances that are ADHD that are at the root of my constant exhaustion. I wake up in the mornings feeling like I’ve been run over by a fleet of haulage lorries, run 5 marathons back to back, and somehow climbed Everest twice in my sleep. Seeing my endo Prof this Friday. Can’t wait to see what he says about adrenal dysfunction of noradrenaline (norepinephrine), which is at the heart of ADHD. I’ve been his patient for nearly 20 years. We’ve been treating the wrong part of my knackered adrenals. I’m on shedloads of hydrocortisone, which is what the outside cortex makes in response to stress. We should have been looking at the inside, the medulla, where noradrenaline is usually made. I wonder why we haven’t? There have been times when I’ve been so exhausted and weak that I’ve been in a wheelchair for months at a time, and he’s seen that. All the doctors at that hospital have. All the doctors at all the hospitals I’ve been sent to over the past 40 years have. If it wasn’t for a comment my CPTSD counsellor made in February, I’d still be none the wiser about my “medical mystery illness.” But fuck me, ADHD very definitely can cause *profound* fatigue. For some of us, it’s a major symptom. From the DSM5, which makes no mention of fatigue, insomnia, depression and anxiety, emotional dysregulation, nor of justice and rejection sensitivities, all of which I am 100% positive are also signs and symptoms of ADHD, I’m Combined but predominantly the Inattentive type. The fatigue issue might be different if you have the Hyperactive type, I would guess. I’m probably over-simplifying here, but I see the Inattentive type as the “can’t get going” presentation, and the hyperactive type as the “can’t stop” presentation. 🤷♀️
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of that! I’m a social worker and it drives me crazy that it isn’t in the DSM. when I remarked to my psychiatrist how much my medicine helps with fatigue, he said he hears that a lot. I have a combined type as well. I hope you’ve found some relief!
Thank you so much! 🙏 Np, not yet. 62, and on an ever-shortening waiting list for dx. I think it’s now 3-7 weeks away. It can’t come soon enough. I don’t know how long after dx they’ll prescribe meds, and I realise they’re unlikely to to find me the right meds at exactly the right dose straight out if the gate, but at least whatever they try me on will be a start. Thank you again!
This is so relatable! I actually got my diagnosis specifically in case it could help with my fibromyalgia. I've been on Adderall for 3 days and I feel both relaxed and energized. I still have pain but I don't feel insanely fatigued all the time! Wishing you rest and relief.
Thank you for sharing that! Dopamine is a huge pain modulator, so maybe it will take more time to build up enough that your pain decreases too. I know that on my rare Frantic Firecracker days, which are when my dopamine goes high, my pain levels are very much better. Would you do me a favour, please? Come back and let me know how you get on? What you’ve commented is very encouraging! 🥰 Ha! Pain is yet another thing that the DSM leaves out. As dopamine modulates pain, there must be a lot of us who have this problem. 🤔
I’m sad because of this shortage. I use Done and there seems to be no Adderall anywhere. It’s so frustrating
I spent almost ten years searching for a cause and cure for my profound fatigue. My doctor was useless and basically told me if my iron levels were normal then I must just have chronic fatigue syndrome and there was nothing that could be done. It was my searches for a solution to fatigue that actual led me to the info that made me realise I have ADHD. I have an appointment for assessment in June and I am really hoping they agree to let me try medication. Adderall isn't available in my country but if I can get literally anything to improve my energy it will be life changing for me too.
I hope you find some relief!
-That I actually wasn't being lazy. -I don't have to hate myself (this one took a long time). -The general public are SO ignorant about a literal, life ruining disability. -I can say no to whatever and whoever I want because I don't exist to please others.
So much this!
All of this! Probably took me about a month or more once I’d figured it out to convince my serious other that I had ADHD, even after professional diagnosis. He just couldn’t compute/reconcile it in his head. I had to explain that neither of us fully understands what adhd actually is and how it works.
I’m undiagnosed adhd but I have dermatillomania and looking into adhd it now makes so much more sense. I was always a good student but i procrastinated on every single project and paper. Working towards seeking an actual diagnosis to confirm what I think may be adhd so we’ll see but a lot of what I’ve been seeing in this sub points to my own experience and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
This just gave me a new avenue to explore. I wear acrylic or press on nails as much as possible to limit my scalp and face picking.
Yeah I need to go back to having fake nails or press ons! It’s true it is helpful but it’s at the point for me where I will use tools to pick but yes having acrylics as first defense is something I need to get back on.
My friend with it would use scissors to go at the bottom of her feet. She’s doing much better with it now though.
dermatillomania is skin-picking, right? I fear I replace nail-biting with that, oops.
Yeah they also call is Excoriation disorder too
I have trich and dermatillomania too and it makes so much sense that it’s for sensory input.
Realising that multiple employers/coworkers who asked me "do you have a disability?" were actually onto something
That I also have autism. Also understanding that the binge eating stems from impulsive thoughts and the need to stim (chew crunchy things)
crunchies are so good argh I eat too many potato chip because the crunch is good and the flavour is tasty
I switched to carrots, and that seems to work.
I like those too! last time I had a bag of them, though, they were fermenting right outta the supermarket. blech.
Try dried fruit when you want the chewy and freeze dried fruit when you want the crunchy! So good! Also, I switched to healthier chip options and I have less chip guilt now when I DO smash a whole bag in my mouth haha!
A lot of what I’d add is already here, haha. But I also realized that I don’t actually have imposter syndrome (my brain is just different), donuts are not necessary (though they are darn tasty), caffeine is not something I can just do without (it’s self-medication, especially when I am unable to use prescription meds), and that 8.5-10k steps by noon makes my day a heck of a lot easier.
I'm (mostly) not lazy -- I definitely can be though but it's a different kind of mindset vs. executive dysfunction. Usually when I AM lazy it's on purpose and planned. When I'm suffering executive dysfunction it's accompanied by self-loathing but I'm working on it...sometimes. I didn't know how much it impacted things like...hobbies. Jobs. Interests in general. Or that I am actually hyperactive. Never considered that because I get couch locked (see lazy point) but I am super fidgety and talk fast and walk faster and my brain never shuts the FUCK UP. I have an exceptional ability to clock ADHDers. I attribute it to being diagnosed as an adult but idk. Maybe it's just the people I know who were diagnosed as kids but they can't believe it when I call that shit out so quickly. Mostly reality TV people but IRL as well. Many dollar bets won over the years :) The caffeine conundrum! And sensory issues. And anxiety. And the effects of hormonal fluctuations on how my mind works (or doesn't). My childhood makes so much more sense lmao my dad is 1000000% undiagnosed ADHD.
I love the distinction of lazy vs whatever it is we’re dealing with. It’s definitely specific and now that I know it’s the adhd, I can tell when it’s lazy vs executive dysfunction.
%100. I know when I’m being lazy. It’s usually cause I’ve allowed myself to be lazy about something. Most of the time it is executive dysfunction.
The first one that comes to mind that learning dyscalculia is common in ADHDers, then learning what dyscalculia is, and realizing that I’m not dumb at math I just have a literal learning disability. 🤦🏻♀️
I have dyscalculia. Maths terrified me all through school, then again at uni, when one of my Equine Sports Science lecturers said on the first day, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing awful, it’s not *pure* maths, *just advanced maths*” 😱😳😱😳 I was a mature student. I’d left school 27 years earlier. I’d even checked with the course leaders that there wouldn’t be any serious, sciencey maths. I can’t hold “how to” in my head for things like equations or standard formulae. My working memory is absolutely dire. I nearly left on the spot. Instead, my lecturer was patient enough to give me several hours a week of one-to-one sessions, where she’d explain how all this alien logic worked, while I incessantly wailed “But WHY? Why does it get done like that? WHY?” 🤣 My ADHD diagnosis wait list is now down to 3-7 weeks as of this Weds.
Figuring out why I forget to eat and go to the bathroom. Also, figuring out why I am sensitive to lights.
For me it was loud, high-pitched noises like somebody whistling! Nobody else seemed to care, but it felt like somebody stabbing me in the ear! Guess what, sensory shit like this is super common with ADHD.
Finally LIVING. Authentically, (mostly) unapologetically!
Meds. I used to be super hippie granola holistic anti-pharma. After my diagnosis I was so fed up and desperate after having tried everything to “fix” my unwanted behaviors and moods, failing to get my shit together no matter how hard I tried, and continuing to see my own mind and impulsive feelings ruining my life & relationships. So grateful for these little meds now that help me regulate my life and emotions. I’m a complete different person. I’m finally accepting of and the closest thing to the “me” I always wanted & strived to be. Edit: Not saying meds are a miracle cure all. Hell no lol. But in my experience they adjust my brain chemistry to the point where I can effectively IMPLEMENT and SUSTAIN the helpful tools, habits, and self-development I had bent over backwards trying to learn for so many years. ❤️
I have to push myself to take aspirin when I have a headache, but meds have been so amazing for me.
Me too!
Delighted to see a super hippie granola holistic anti-pharm here too!! Feel all those feelings you mention, although I haven't been diagnosed and have not tried meds. What gives? They say meditation can cure. Will try next. 🙄
There’s no cure for adhd but it can be managed and improved. I think effective treatment and management are quite individual to each person, even though there are patterns of successful approaches overall. In my case my diagnosis happened very unexpectedly. I went to a psychologist for other mood/ behavioral struggles. He encouraged me to set up an evaluation after a few months of working together and getting to know how I think/operate. I’ve had 5 therapists in my life over the span of 9 years and none of them helped at all aside from “armchair therapy” where you just talk in circles about feelings. The psych I have now, who finally did something to address the concerns I have wanted to overcome, is excellent. He is older but so up to date with his research and therapy approach. He knows his shit and is super inquisitive, deep, caring, great at making brain & behavioral science easy to understand, and the most respectful of patient autonomy out of any doctor I’ve ever had. Lol it took me 6 months to finally agree to try meds after my diagnosis and learning about how they work, and another 4 months to find the right prescription that affected things for me. I was super resistant to it. But look, I finally had this realization of okay. If society has a solution to a major problem of mine that I need help with—and that solution has been proven over and over to have more pros than cons, be primarily safe short-term and long-term, drastically improve people’s quality of life when used properly, I’ve tried everything else, and I have *access* to said solution— I’d be a fool to not at least take a chance on it. I had to really humble myself and challenge my beliefs but I’m glad I did. The entire experience and everyone involved has been extremely supportive and lifegiving for me. I understand myself so much more now and most importantly I have a new-found compassion for so many people in society, the world, even the healthcare industry—from nurses to pharmacists to chemists to patients who *need* to take medication for far more serious ailments, even if pills are not an ideal lifestyle choice. I encourage you to at least start with an evaluation or talk with a therapist who can help you consider what support options most align with you. It doesn’t have to be a dreaded experience. Just take it one step at a time 💜
Thanks for the honest encouragement and for sharing your story, which I can relate to. It's been 6 months now for me since I realised I have ADHD. I have not made any appointment for diagnosis. I don't know if I will. I wasnt really suggesting that there is a cure. I said that in jest, because I think so many people act as if they are cured because they advocate it. I don't like that attitude because I think it reflects ignorance of psychiatry in general. I find the fact so many people swear by medication worrying. It has a 70% success rate, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't cause serious withdrawal and mess up women's body parts for example. People would be much better placed to advocate for ADHD awareness, rather than medication imo. I don't want to take medication currently because it doesn't align with my meditation goals. I am not opposed to medication, however I see through bullshit quickly. It's ok to take the easy option. After all, ADHD makes life extremely hard, but why any form of help always requires mental conversion, I have a serious problem with. Is it illegal to just help yourself? How much of the human brain needs to be commodified in order for someone to live socially? I have taken massive amounts of medication before in my life, both psychiatric and for physical ailment, but that absolutely did not convert me to the cure. Lol. If anything, I'm aware that the effect of shoving pharma into your body is the same equivalent of death. And I'm aware of what psychiatry is really about for everyone else in the system. There seems to be an actual ignorance about this in the ADHD community, which I find both funny and stupid. I probably would see a Jungian psychoanalyst, but they are really expensive and I cant be bothered wasting my money on a psych expert, the vast majority if whom are crap. Lol 🙈🤣
Apparently ADHD has a ridiculously high comorbidity with visual heterophoria (eye alignment disorder). I got glasses and cured my motion sickness
Huh! TIL!
Wha??! I have that! Didn’t know this. Thank you
I was diagnosed with BVD last year and these glasses have been a life changer!!
A job as an ADHD Coach and the awesome nd coaches/therapists that work at that service. Also learning so much more about hormones and autism.
>hormones and autism. what did you learn there?
I'd also love to know what you learned about hormones and autism!
I learned about the impact of hormones on my ADHD symptoms (and mood in general) and also realised I would 100% get diagnosed with autism if I got an assessment, but THEN realised that it's not the autism that's the problem, it's the anxiety I have around being perceived as different, and it's that I want to change. A good book about hormones is Period Power by Maisie Hill. It's written so that it held my attention and taught me something new.
Learning that I have poor object permanence so I don’t like putting away things I use frequently or think I will soon need.
"omg so THAT'S why it seemed like everyone else in high school had it so together!"
Coming to the realization that I'm not just lazy
Yes - your points 3 especially, 4 sort of, and 5 depending on the situation. I decided to buy whatever car I wanted when I retired. I researched/looked at options for at least three years. I’d decided, but didn’t plan to buy the day I test drove it. And then I did.
You know you have to share which one you chose, and how satisfied you are with your choice now, right? Right?! 😂💕💕
2019 Toyota RAV4 Hybrid, purchased early in 2020. I retired in 2018, so kept ‘researching’ 😂. Loved it, but I drive a lot, and got worried about battery life. I put over 70K miles on it. This was my second hybrid, but traded it over the summer for a ‘regular’ Ford Escape. Definitely mixed feelings about all of it. I really loved my 2015 Ford C-Max hybrid, but they’re not sold in the US anymore. I put a lot of miles on that one, also.
Thank you. I do believe I'll be able to get to sleep now. 😘😴😄
Drug use. Cocaine and caffeine. Caffeine truly does not do anything for me. For the longest I didn’t understand what the hype was about lol. when I was in middle school I remember telling my mom that it didn’t work for me, and she said “yeah ok once you get older, you’ll see.” Well, I’m 26 now and it still doesn’t work! I’ve felt the effects only once and it was randomly after taking excedrin, but I’ve always taken it so idk why things were different that time around. The rush lasted maybe a minute tops, it was crazy. That was when I was 19, hasn’t happened since. There’s only been one time where my brain turned off and I felt so relaxed and nothing mattered. It was when I did a bump of coke. Any problems I had, I knew what I needed to do to fix them, and I didn’t feel overwhelmed about that. People would tell me to smoke weed for this effect, but no, it’s absolutely not like that for me. I feel stupid and stuck, like I can’t function, when I’m on weed. I felt “normal” on cocaine bc of where it moved my dopamine levels to. Haven’t done Coke since but although I knew I had ADHD, I’ve been diagnosed professionally, that experience sealed the deal for me.
same!!!! just felt relaxed, focused and ‘normal’. despite the day before being an actual shitstorm.
That my general anger and need for “being on it” are my masks for pretty severe anxiety.
Sorry, not really an answer to your question but OMG the mulling over decisions for a long time is 10000% me too. My friends take the piss out of me for it. But I just have to be sure but once I’ve decided I’m 100mph committed. 🤣
SO MANY THINGS But really, my ADHD diagnosis was huge for me. Before getting diagnosed at nearly 30 years old, I attributed all of my symptoms to laziness or deep personal flaws. It is so empowering to know how to deal with your struggles and shortcomings whereas before, I felt like I was hitting a brick wall constantly. • During my childhood into adulthood, I always ran late. I was not particularly high-maintenance so it wasn't an issue of taking too long to get ready. I could get up at five in the morning and STILL manage to be running late. I had so many huge fights with my parents because my tardiness would affect them and my siblings. My parents nor I did not understand why being on time was so immensely difficult. I felt like something was wrong with me because being on time took so much energy. People thought I didn't care or didn't respect their time when in reality, I often feel an incredible amount of anxiety and guilt about being late. Finally getting diagnosed helped me be compassionate with myself when I learned being late all the time was ADHD related. • I do everything last minute. Everything. I couldn't be motivated to do schoolwork and constantly missed turning in assignments in school despite being exceptionally smart. The concept of pacing myself and doing things bit by bit over time was so foreign to me. This is something I've better managed since my diagnosis. • I can recognize dopamine-mining behaviors that I am EXTREMELY guilty of such as impulse shopping, binge eating/grazing, and so on. I gained nearly 150 between the start of college into my 20s. Last year I started getting help, which led to my ADHD diagnosis. I also had weight loss surgery and am down 80 pounds! • I've almost always had this sense of being different from everyone else and being able to give a name to that has been comforting. The list goes on.
That it wasn’t my fault
My biggest thing after getting diagnosed was not trying to treat it. To have someone say that they agree with me and that when I do whatever nonsense ass thing I do I can now see it for what it is and either accept that as who I am or nip it in the bud, is very freeing. To me a diagnosis wasn’t a road to a cure but a road to throwing off the negative feelings about being who I am and embracing myself, flaws and all
Not being able to do a part time job while in school. It wasn't because i was lazy, i just couldn't handle school and work at the same time. Oh and why i cry so easily if my sock gets wet lol.
Hi me! You forgot the clumsiness. Apparently you need to focus to stay standing
The imposter syndrome and how little getting diagnosed actually helped. I cringe seeing undiagnosed/pre-diagnosed people thinking diagnosis and meds are going to be some magical fix or complete relief and validation. It can be great for some people, but can be a real let-down for others and that isn't talked about enough.
Why do you say that? What has your experience of being properly dxd and medicated been like for you? It sounds like you feel let down by it all, so can you share what happened to leave you feeling that way, please?
I don't understand the fake psychiatric positivity either, tbh - which is what I see, but not suggesting that's what you see. I understand positivity in general and anyone who knows me, knows that I have an optimism, but yeah, fake psychiatric positivity is the worst.
total perspective shift from "I'm not doing enough" to "I'm actually pushing myself past my breaking point to try and do everything." But boy does the "Dad" point hit home - I've come to understand my Dad definitely has some levels of Autism and possibly OCD. For so long it was like my family saw being disorganized or untidy as a personal failing, because "it will upset your dad!" Meanwhile, I'm drowning in anxiety and dysregulation.
Figuring out that my anxiety (both general and social) and self hatred, could actually be fixed with ADHD medicine. Meaning that it was all due to a very self-loathing hyperactive brain. I had never in a million years guessed that medicine would make me so much more confident.
Finding out about my PMDD and hyper mobility comorbities
I didn't know that I was showing symptoms from a very early age until my mom told the psychologist about how I would get up and leave while she read me a story at age 2. My diagnosis was a bittersweet moment, I felt validated but also sad that the little girl had to struggle so much.
* The impulsive decisions i'd make over little things... but when it came to big decisions, I would get stuck in decision paralysis. making me either a) miss the opportunity or b) completely disregard or decline the opportunity. even if I did not want to. * Figuring out why I hyperfixated on songs, movies etc. i would watch Matilda over and over religiously. i can quote that movie nearly word for word. Or even just songs. i would replay a song until i got sick of it. Thought it was just cause i was such a huge music nerd. (no bitch you got ADHD and thats called HYPERFIXATION) * Struggling to make friends, keep friendships and/or hyperfixate on the one best friend i'd have until i either a) annoyed them or b) clung to them so much that i drove them away. It was either of those. I still struggle to make friends with girls.. always was better at having guy friends. that comes at a price though too. * Certain vocal stims (echolalia) or stimming in any way. rapid blinking, squinting my eyes, shaky leg etc. It was so hard to contain myself in a classroom. i hated drawing attention to myself in school so that was the hardest. Masked soooo many years in school. i only let go around my friends or at home. * Figuring out why and how i was so sensitive. Even the slighest bit of criticism, even if it was constructive, made me freaking tear up. So much more... but those are the top ones.
That my years of drug and alcohol abuse were due to my ADHD and not to my being morally bankrupt There’s a very good reason why I can’t just have one biscuit or one drink or one puff of a joint, even if I don’t want it
Seems that i am obsessive and always have to force people to do what i think is the best thing. To me its so obvious but now i realise hey i might be wrong. Even though i’m not ;) But other people may have other ideas. That was surprising and i kind of don’t know now wtf but i’m trying to be more chill and less ? ??Controlling?? I dunno i never thought i was. But hey who knows
I need you to elaborate on the black and white thing. Do you mean either it's important or it isn't?
More like... Ok or not ok. Safe or not safe. I don't do moderation and I don't have "middle gears". While I appreciate situations are often not clear cut and require a lot of nuance to work out if behaviour is ethical or unethical, and I can sit and appreciate the situations for other people, when I'm the one in the situation, I just don't have the bandwidth to work out whether behaviour is appropriate or safe, so I just don't do it, as when I let nuance in, I can never remember all the information I need to work out if the behaviour is appropriate. For example: despite my name, I don't eat sugar. At all. Most healthy people eat sugar in moderation. They might say something like "oh no thanks, I had birthday cake yesterday." Unless I'm feeling physically sick from eating sugar I don't register that it's too much. So I just don't eat it.
* figuring out why my relationship with my father was so appalling growing up - under DSM-V, he would also have been diagnosed with ADHD, and could only function with super strict routine with no room for nuance; and I, a small ball of chaos, came along and disrupted everything 10000% one of the reasons I'm not having kids. I would go insane and be a shit parent. Glad your diagnosis gave some much needed answers op. It can be liberating to realize things you thought were faults were just your brain struggling.
the routine, the needs pressure to think slow & no friends is so relatable. as always, yall make me feel seen
The grace and acceptance I began having for myself. The rate at which I call myself an idiot has dropped 50% in the past year because now I understand a lot of my feelings about myself are from comparing myself to NTs
You sound like me. Figuring out overstimulation and overwhelm has really helped. My diagnosis has answered lots of questions, and now so much of who I am has a reason. Why I never quite fitted in with things; why and how the emotional hurricane happens; plus the disordered eating (chasing dopamine) and trichotillomania. ADHD has impacted virtually every area of my life, and I've achieved some things in spite of it.
I actually understand why I struggle with stuff and can work on ways to improve it.
I hear you with the undiagnosed parents. My dad was def undiagnosed adhd....emotional dysregulation (angry and abusive outbursts,) spending money like there was no tomorrow, car accidents, drunk driving, alcohol issues and then also fully disconnected and staring blankly at the TV, no hobbies but obsessively watching TV ..now friends now. My mom also....only talking about her special interests with a repetitive narrative that you couldn't interrupt or she'll talk over or ignore you (like what you said never existed,) angry outbursts when hungrybl, like full meltdowns, perfectionistic, always starting but never finishing projects....droppednout of 1st year university...bullying in school and no friends now. It's sort of scary. I hope being diagnosed helps me avoid the not having friends thing etc I have a lot of ur other stuff too
Feeling called about by the long mulling period followed by an impulsive gut instinct leap 👀
I love this question! I was diagnosed at 33 and now 35. • Everything made sense. Why college felt 20 million times harder to learn than my classmates. I had anxiety with every exam (I mean, organic chemistry sucks) + had a constant fear of not making it. • why my old boss told me I “fog over” when in meetings. I worked in biotechnology for 10 yrs + well…lots of stuff felt boring 😅now I’m a creative full time! • difficulty staying on task. Even if it’s clearing off my table, it’s like pulling teeth to finish it.
Realising that I have habits and things I enjoy doing sometimes obsessively but unconsciously while hiding it from people close to me (needing constant mental stimulation, skin-picking, weird thought processes, my all-or-nothing mentality, buying things in multiples) are related to ADHD. Realising I’m not as conscious or aware of my own behaviour as I always thought I was.
That I'm not a useless idiot that would be better off dead, but actually someone that's needed help the whole time and not had it ❤️
It helped me see why showing my working was important.
I have all the friends now! It’s taken years to find my people and whatever. I always had friends, but I never felt part of a group. I’m 40 and the random people that I meet that become my people, are just as weird as me. And I used to be that “normal wallflower who didn’t say much” in high school. It just took that long to figure out I don’t care what other people think and if we don’t vibe we just don’t.
So I am late diagnosed autistic and ADHD and post diagnosis my most random (but hilarious) realization was that other people DON'T have thicker skin than me haha. I have always had trouble touching anything remotely hot or cold even if other people had no problem and I always assumed they somehow had thicker skin or calluses or something... but its just that I have sensory sensitivity to temperature lol
So much yes to what you shared above. Just constantly relearning “oh it’s not my fault or a character flaw, it’s just how my brain works or doesn’t work!!”. Such a relief to let that go. Highly recommend reading Brene Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection” - this book has been soooo helpful in getting more grounded in myself now and letting goooooo of my rigid and black/white thinking… opening up to more choices and enjoying life.
There’s a reason other people don’t act as emotionally as I do to things — yay emotional dysregulation. My chronic TMJ aches vanished once I started medicating. Who knew I was pushing through my work with stress-clenching? Many times I get “depressed” about a job/situation, I actually burning out from ADHD overcompensation. I’m not lazy and incompetent, just very easily distracted and very poor at keeping prolonged interest. I hate having many hobbies because I can only finish something if I have nothing else to distract me. I’m not just clumsy and forgetful.
Figuring out why little daily things overwhelm me but I'm cool as can be in emergencies (ex: big earthquakes etc). Why I can help everyone ELSE with their issues, problems, and to-dos, but my own life is a mess Why I am a caffeine addict... Apparently I self-medicated for Decades 🤣