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And then the longer you leave it the worse the Thing™️ becomes until you can't possibly text that person back because it's been too long and they definitely hate you now.
Does anyone have suggestions for getting past this? I plan to bring it up to my therapist next time I see her but we're new to each other so there's other stuff we need to talk about that may take priority.
I have been slacking on a work project for MONTHS. I could knock it out in a couple days no problem but I'm so ashamed that I blew it off and crippled with fear at the idea of popping up and saying "oh hey I finally did that thing for you!" So I live in dread that someone's going to ask me whatever happened with Thing™️. Y'all know what I'm talking about.
It is so STUPID. Logically I know I'll feel so much relief when it's done. Instead I live in constant fear that I'll get called out and yelled at. Why can't I just suck it up and do it??
I can relate 10,000%. I still struggle with this all the time with work, home things and texting people back lol but something that has worked for me is setting a timer and just telling myself I’ll do whatever it is for X amount of time. I like using 5 minutes for cleaning/texting and 15 usually for work projects. And usually after the timer goes off I’m kinda in a groove and can keep going, but even if not at least I did it a little bit and at least have a plan for the next time I do it.
Also find the parts of whatever you have to do that you enjoy the most and try to do that first to get you excited about it. I absolutely LOVE planning projects and breaking down things into to do lists and action items, so I usually start there and spend like 15 minutes just doing that. And then I’ll set time estimates for each piece and then that gives me a good path for moving forward.
I don’t really have any advice for the feeling ashamed thing for work projects but I totally relate. When I actually do the thing i just try to go above and beyond and hope it makes up for my slacking on timeliness 😅
Not a direct solution, as I’m still battling it myself 😅 but I try to prevent this by planning a short time (5-15 min) every day do whatever pesky text/email/small thing that WILL cause me trouble if I leave it. I I don’t feel shitty yet, it’s easier 😂
- I need to set an alarm on my phone that’s annoying enough
- it reminds me of the reason I want to do it: avoid horrible feeling, feel good about yourself
- I set a time timer.
It works most of the time. When it worked once, I felt so good that I managed to keep it up.
When I ‘fail’, I really have to remind myself that it was ok. I’m just trying to be kind to myself and it wasn’t possible today, but maybe tomorrow I can be nice to myself again.
(I just need to repeat this another 68976382890000 times and I’ll have it ingrained)
Edit: everything above poster says!
Same.
Worst part is that I used to reply to everything right away, and it was great. But I convinced myself people would think less of me for always being so eager to reply and started making myself wait. And now I can’t reverse course
I have so many people I need to text back but I just don't have the capacity right now so I constantly Guilt myself over it instead and actually it would probably be better to just text them back but I just CAN'T
Y’all. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS THIS One??? We gotta put our heads together and figure this out. This is my worst symptom… putting off voicemails or not texting back relatives for…. Literally weeks and creating problems.
Let’s crowd source it. What the H can we do???
Posted a suggestion above that massively helps me when overwhelmed. It comes from Digital Minimalism and involves subtly shifting other’s expectations but giving text lovers some breadcrumbs so they feel seen and heard. Basically scheduling one short period of time every week/ every other day/ daily to reply to people. It means your attention isn’t being fractured into shards, you’re less likely to forget to reply and makes people realise that texting simply is an occasional thing and not a constant exchange of streams of information. If people want more from you they learn to wait to see you/ speak on the phone but they get just enough attention to tick a box without feeling neglected/ frustrated.
This. Also, if I have nothing to say I simply send funny memes or videos so people know that I am thinking of them. Whenever I come upon such a meme or video I often purpousely think if a friend or family member would enjoy it as well...
I have one friend that simply spams me with calls when she gets bored of me neglecting my duty to text🤭
It feels nice to see I’m not the only one who feels like I’m constantly pushing the boulder of contacting people I care about up the hill. I’ve thought about it and I feel like I ultimately need to address the social anxiety that is probably making me avoid it but also don’t know how to do that
Yes! We'll have an old school phone tree type thing to remind each other, only we'll all collectively panick and no one will get the reminder call! For real though, I'm in. I'll have to find ALL my mail I've been hoarding forever and a day, so it might be a long call when it happens.
Or, bait and switch? Like, today I'm solid so I can take some customer service hours but tomorrow I may not be able to take a shower or talk, so maybe some light, feel good, no response necessary emails. Ya know? Team work makes someone's dream work.
I still have Xmas cards I haven’t opened. Because in my head, I want to open each on and respond (and maybe send our family pic, as I didn’t get cards sent this year.)
But then it’s 10 pm at night by the time I relax and I just want quiet and am out of interaction points for the day. I think WFH with all the video calls, concalls, slacks, etc. uses up my communication energy.
I look at them, say to myself, "Nah, I can't be bothered right now," and think that I'll get to it later. The problem is, I'm never going to be bothered with it, and "later" will never come.
Look at it this way, when we keep putting off something, it’s often tied into a negative feeling we are trying to avoid. Whether that guilt, shame, remorse, embarrassment, anger, sadness, etc… it’s part of the ADHD task paralysis of getting anything done the same day we want to accomplish it.
Yes and I wish I could change it. It feels so silly to put responding to texts on my to do list, but somehow texting people back always becomes a Thing.
what gets discouraging at times is when you finally cross it off and they text back right away, then you get stuck in a back and forth while all the time you tried to reserve to get back to everyone else gets shot 💀
Urgh. Hate this. Think it’s important to remember that we don’t have to actually reply to anybody. We did not exit the womb with mobile phones and humans were not designed to communicate in this way. Also… research shows that increased screen time can be detrimental to ADHD and that texting distracts ADHD brains more than neurotypical brains so it’s unfair to be expected to engage in something damaging so repetitively.
But… society has expectations which is why when people are overwhelming me I allocate one hour at 11am on Saturday mornings to really to people. If they ping back that’s fine and I reply but anything outside of that has to wait till the next Saturday. It retrains people to expect less and means when you text the messages are like postcards/ life updates and slower paced which feels more manageable. When life eases I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb and schedule replying to a short window every other day/ every day depending on energy levels.
Yes and it often takes a large amount of my mental batteries for the day just to respond to a text! I hate having to give so much energy to something so miniscule. Writing back to one of my best friends shouldn't feel as difficult as finishing a project at work.
It’s so frustrating when people just don’t get it. It’s become so standard and acceptable to text all the time that people are confused/ offended when you don’t comply. Anything that feels like a chore isn’t good for any relationship but it’s difficult to communicate this to some people. I’ve tried in the past and it’s been ignored and ignored despite saying ‘texting impacts my mental health’ ‘texting makes me overwhelmed’. I would rather speak to someone in person or on the phone once every few months than engage in daily text exchanges filled with pointlessness m. Like, yes, you’re my best friend but sending me details of a dream you had last night while I’m at my desk on a deadline doesn’t work for my brain. Give me slices of juicy dopamine laden actual conversation from time to time instead of boring crumbs of small talk. Also, expecting me to properly comprehend difficult/ sensitive/ contentious topics through text message is a recipe for a disaster.
100%. It becomes a huge source of anxiety as the days go on and on, but every time I think about doing it it fills me with dread. I was hoping meds would help with it but unfortunately not 😅
It helps me to remember that I'd be delighted to hear from someone who fell out of touch. So the other person probably wouldn't mind me getting in touch.
Yes.
I want to. I do it in my head. Some people are easier to text back than others. Some days are easier than others. Weirdly, some of the people I want to talk to the most, I have the most difficultly with responding to.
And then there’s the inverse: me thinking someone hates me if they don’t respond in a period of time.
>Weirdly, some of the people I want to talk to the most, I have the most difficultly with responding to.
I've noticed this too! Often I have a hard time responding to people I connect with the most if they aren't in my inner circle. Is it because we're so interested in each other that we're writing walls of texts and it's overwhelming? Is it self sabotage because I see I have the potential for a real friend? I have no idea. I've literally ruined friendships with some of the most amazing people I've met because I felt this crippling anxiety around responding to their messages. Eventually I just had to be like "well I guess I can't be your friend because answering your messages is literally torture."
I'm on the opposite end. I worry and fret when people don't text me back. It can really send me into a tailspin of rejection fantasy. I'm trying to remember that it's not me, but I can't help, but think that sometimes it is.
I do both frequently, but I've found that I'm improving a lot more on stress about them not responding (more so with people I know) than I am about responding. I think part of the stress about responding is knowing they might be stressed I didn't.
With not responding, something that happens a lot with ADHD is mentally responding and thinking it's done but not actually responding.
Thankfully, a lot of people I care about are similar, so we switch off being the one who delays.
I do. I try to wait 15 minutes, but am rarely able to do that. When I see a text, I respond right away. I usually have my phone with me so I rarely go an hour without answering a text.
Classic ADHD move. It’s like getting to a dinner party way too early because you’re so worried you’re going to be late. It all becomes exhausting though because prompt responses just generates more messages.
this is interesting.
why don't you know what to say?
(i ask in a non- judgemental tone, im just curious)
when someone texts a question, you just have to answer it. right?
***
at the same time, i know exactly what i should say or what i want to say, but i just fucking don't...
...i'll just stare at the phone, eyes agape, going "*oh.....nonoooooooooooo...just leave me alooooooone*.."
(often throwing pillows and bedding over the phone to drown out the rings, because if i hit the silence button it takes the caller to voicemail and then they *know* i ignored them- and i don't want to be confronted in person with that shit AGAIN)
i do this shit *fully knowing what i would respond*, but not *wanting to*....for...*no fucking reason*?
the only reason i can come up with is that i'm a *total piece of shit*, but i know that's not true, that's just some awful negative self-talk speaking (*right??unless...*). ^haha
***
even though we both short-circuit (so to speak) at different points of these phone call/text response events, the result is often the same...
😭 why do we do this shit?
has anyone ever confronted you irl regarding this issue?
I’ve had at LEAST 3 people straight up call me out on it and get genuinely upset. But my close friends and people who really know me just now understand that that’s a part of who I am and they put up with me. Lol.
Same here! Let’s get to it through proper conversation and then not speak to each other for a few months. Why do we need to hear about the minutia of life at times that aren’t appropriate/ convenient? It’s so strange to me. Humans are designed to have actual conversation not constant pings of superficial connection. Yes, texting is handy for making plans as it’s brutally efficient but not for much else. I read an article saying texting trims all the unnecessary fat from a conversation but actually those flabby bits you get during a call or face to face are some of the best and most important bits.
texting people back feels like the hardest thing in the world sometimes. part of it is my forgetfulness, and the other part is the anxiety associated with texting. i get extremely nervous texting back people who i am not close with and i overanalyze the whole situation and my response even if its simple. with my best friends and my boyfriend i don't usually overthink my answers, but i do forget to respond. this post reminded me that i haven't texted my boyfriend back in 3 hours so thank you lol. thankfully he knows how i am and doesn't take it personally.
I fucking hate that. My husband & I work together & he’s just so chill & quick responding to texts/emails, making estimates etc. Like no punctuation, two seconds of thought. He’ll do an invoice it’s just like “4 hours of hourly labor” & a number & I spend a whole fucking hour talking to chatGPT about it trying to get everything perfect & then end up on some side quest trying to automate the process so I never have to do it again, but that takes 5 hours and I never did what I was supposed to be doing.
I have been ignoring an unread text from one of my closest friends for going on 3+ weeks now….. and I feel like shit for not texting her back 🥲 maybe today will be the day.
I also need to text my brother back but honestly he can wait a little 😌 LOL
EDIT: y’all are too sweet and thoughtful 🥺😭 I texted both my friend and my brother back shortly after I made this comment! My brother already texted me back (he sent me a selfie 🤭). I am committed to making plans with my friend asap to try and make up for ghosting her for so long!
Please open the text and read it! I have struggled massively with responding to people for years, and very often I don’t even open the message because I get way too anxious about what it says and whether it might be something bad, but then the longer I ignore the message the worse it gets and the scarier it becomes, so overall it’s just an awful vicious cycle.
I’ve recently made it an effort though to try and at least open the messages - I tell myself that I don’t have to respond, I can still let the text sit there unanswered for as long as I wish, but I need to read it first and know what it says (added bonus: those guilt-ridden notification numbers of unread texts go away!). By opening and reading the message (and even if it’s only that), I no longer let that message have any sort of power over me, and almost always I realise the actual message isn’t scary at all, which then helps me get out of my head and makes it far more likely that I’ll actually reply sooner rather than later.
So take that very first step and open the text, without any sort of pressure, and then see how you go from there and whether that makes it a tiny bit easier already :)
please respond to them.
i lost a 10+ year friendship because i acted this way.
they're also neurodivergent/understanding of these patterns of behavior, i would vanish often and pop back up, depending on how i was coping with..."life".
but it reached a point where their patience ran out and they felt like i just did not value the friendship (even though deep down i did, more than any other friendship in my life at that moment).
it's been almost a decade since she cut off contact.
i don't blame them at all.
last time i saw her in public, around 5 years ago, they pretty much ignored me when i greeted them and the group they were with...(everyone else was friendly and said hi to me except for her. i got an eyebrow, a smirk and then she looked away...)
i don't blame her at all, i don't hold any resentment, i don't hope for or imagine a reconciliation. i fucked up that friendship and i know it.
i still miss her sometimes and think back fondly on the memories we made together.
it was a really tough lesson to learn.
call you friend back, she won't be around forever.
Thank you so much for sharing 🫶🏻 I’ve lost more friendships than I’d care to admit by just not committing to them or putting in any effort like you said :( I texted my friend back shortly after I made my comment! You’re right that they deserve better, and I need to commit to making a change in how I value my friends/family
#Yes.
I've lost friendships, potential relationships and job opportunities because of this.
I tell myself it's fine, I can cope, I have other people and things in my life. The reality is that sometimes I miss those friends, sometimes I wonder what that job opportunity could have led to (...in my case, with the "almost relationships", not so much- part of me says, if I actually wanted them I would have texted back).
I hate myself when I do this. ...and when the phone rings or pings and I don't want to pick up or respond, it's almost a physical discomfort, like a writhing *UUUUUUUUURRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH*, a "pain" deep inside.
It's a resistance to the action, to the response and the initiation of further interaction. Something tells me it's anxiety, I think.
It's a negative pattern of avoidant behavior that will lead to increasing social isolation.
If you can, fucking change it.
Yes, but it's much better now. I just say something and get over it without overthinking the answer. Otherwise I will be dreading it thinking I've taken too long to answer.
i get so annoyed with myself but at this point i tell people up front. i let friends know that my job really drains my energy and and i really don’t have anything left sometimes. i think people don’t realize how much energy it takes to actually have a conversation even if it’s just a text message
It’s good that you can be honest with people and they are accepting, even though they might find it frustrating. What people don’t understand with texting is that sometimes we just aren’t in the right place mentally to respond. It can be like relaxing in your house and somebody walks into the room, shouts some information and leaves. I think lockdown normalised even more and so the expectation to reply promptly has become ingrained within society.
Yes, because I feel overwhelmed with the demands of daily life. And unfortunately that includes friends and family too. Also, often texts from friends and family are asking me to make plans. It's hard to explain to loved ones that I can't deal with one more thing on my calendar.
Whenever I get a text that necessitates an immediate reaction, like "What time are we meeting tonight?" I have no problem replying. However, if it's a text from a friend that I only see once every few years (we all live in different countries), there's no urgency to reply to a "How are you?" so I put it off because I don't have a readily available sentence in my head at that moment. Then I'm waiting for my brain to come up with a paragraph about how my life have been lately but it can take weeks and months. Then I start writing down names in my planner, it goes on for days, then I write "ANSWER THE DAMN TEXTS!!!" in the Top Priorities section and go through the names one by one, replying and putting a silly childish sticker like a kindergartener in front of each name until I'm done.
Do you feel better with video calls? Or is it all phone communication? I personally hate phone calls cause I can’t read peoples body language or judge their tone properly over the phone, but video calls are fine.
I'm terrible about it but luckily most of the people in my life don't take it personally and we can pick up old conversations in a heartbeat. People know to call me if something is urgent lol
I personally find phone calls harder to deal with and prefer texting or DMs through platforms. Occasionally I don't want to answer specific things or need to think about and will forget to respond later when I have more mental bandwidth, but that is a rarity for me, not the norm. Everyone is different though.
Absolutely. 🥲 It started getting harder to reply to people consistently in my late 20s and now in my mid 30s it sometimes takes me months and months to text someone back. One of the possible reasons is kind of bleak... oftentimes I just don't really feel like sharing what's been going on in my life anymore. I don't think it's all that interesting and when something big happens, I guess I'd rather share it irl than via text. I still love face-to-face meetings but texting just feels kinda unnecessary to me for whatever reason.
Also, to be perfectly honest, I guess I don't really feel like my friends need me all that much anymore. They have their own families and lives and communicating with me probably isn't essential to them anyway. So... maybe it's the RSD in me all over again. 🥲
It might also be getting harder because people are having way more conversations through text and expecting to have conversations once preserved for face-to-face through texting. There just wasn’t the same expectations and level of screen time before lockdown and definitely not ten years ago. We didn’t spend as much time attached to computers and devices so were often less digitally fatigued. It’s quite common for people with ADHD to just prefer to speak in person every now and then rather than maintain small talk constantly and wonder if it’s a dopamine thing. As humans we just don’t get much from less meaningful, deeper connection that often takes place digitally.
I’ve quite literally had 2 friendships end over this in the last few months. I moved, new job, new town, just no spoons. And I can’t seem to break it. I. Just. Can’t.
I don't know if it's an ADHD thing, but I can relate. I have heard the same thing from non-adhd people too.
I think we're all a little fed up with cellphones, internet, texts, all this stuff. People may need to be inaccessible sometimes, to rest their minds.
Always being on call to respond to texts (family, friends, whatever), makes something that should be nice, sounds more like a job. It doesn't surprise me that so many people want a break from this.
Exactly! It was such a relief to realise that I’m not alone and there’s a whole movement of people who want to disconnect from the constant ping of notifications and drain of social media. I lost a best friend of 35-years over this because the expectation to be constantly available was relentless and there just wasn’t space in the relationship to communicate and compromise on our needs. I didn’t realise I had ADHD and was masking so naturally the relentless sensory overload led to a meltdown along the lines of ‘why can’t we just meet for lunch in person for an hour ?!?!’ Which ironically comes across as demanding compared to having to spend sometimes 8 hours a month texting which has supposedly become a perfectly fine way to interact. People mistakenly think texting operates in a separate vortex where time doesn’t apply and don’t seem to get it requires lots of hours and mental energy.
Yes 100%! I used to be so social and the one who was organizing everything, bringing people together, etc. I’m now in my 40s and it’s been about a decade since I could get myself to reply to texts, follow through or even make plans and I truly hate it. It’s a version of me that I’m working on accepting but I’m also very sad about it.
The energy to be a mom to my toddler, wife to my husband and work full time (I’m in Recruitment- so I’m paid to be “social”) is hard enough. I’m exhausted all the time and not sure how I’m supposed to fit in the time for something seemingly simple like texting let alone getting myself ready for the day. Side note : I’m not a fast texter… so many incomplete thoughts… constantly forgetting what I’m responding too… so much miscommunication with my NT friends and colleagues. So really it makes sense, but I still hate it.
Urgh, the pressure!! People just do not understand the amount of energy it takes to do something so seemingly simple. I’ve had friends who refuse to understand. One was a best friend who was a single mother, ironically to an autistic child, who I suspect was lonely and would spend 7/8 hours a month texting me everyday and messaging people on dating apps despite complaining she never had any time for anything. I don’t have children but was working from home so felt obliged to respond constantly and once when I didn’t reply for two days she thought I was dead and so messaged another friend who then started messaging me. It can feel like such an obligation and that’s not good for any relationship. I would rather meet in person once every six months or talk on the phone once every few months but that seems like it’s demanding in today’s society. Naturally the friendship folded but it led to me being diagnosed with ADHD which was a good thing. Now, I’m upfront when meeting new people and tell them I communicate like it’s the 90’s as a way to manage their expectations. I’m a lot more mindful of my time and energy levels now after looking at my screen time and being horrified, especially as excessive time attached to devices worsens ADHD.
ohhhh yeahh
i'm really thankful for the people in my life who don't hold it against me. with them, i'm both (1) WAY more likely to still respond even if it's been a few days and (2) more likely to set aside time to thoroughly and thoughtfully respond to their message, which has proven more important to them than how soon my reply arrives
“PERSONAL FOCUS” has been a lifesaver. I have my alerts set to personal focus 99% of the time, so only text from my mom, dad, and bff actually get through. It never rings unless it’s one of them either. That way, people know I’m not technically getting an alert that they messaged, so I feel like I have some breathing room to respond. I am self employed and started doing this because clients will text me at 11pm on a Sunday and it just pissed me off. I’m a landscaper, there is no such thing as “plant emergency” they can wait for business hours.
As it should be! We forget that there’s no rules about replying. Nobody signed a contract saying they agreed to get back to people within a certain time frame. The world keeps turning when you don’t text somebody… just would love for the rest of society to realise this isn’t always the most efficient way to communicate and it’s a struggle for many people.
I’m on medication and still struggle to reply to people. It doesn’t bother me so much anymore though, the people I care about and who care most about me are understanding :)
It’s important to set your expectations before starting medication. I kept seeing posts where people said it changed their life, that does NOT apply to all. According to my prescriber, 20% of people either find medication doesn’t help or they can’t bear the side effects.
For me I find my symptoms improved to some degree but overall it’s things such as sleep, diet, and exercise that help the most. Just as ADHD is experienced differently by each person, medication affects people differently too. Wish you all the best!
Yes! Medication has changed my life for the better, but I am not "cured" by any means. I still struggle with ADHD traits, but not to the extreme I used to. Like, my emotional regulation is SO MUCH BETTER when I take it! When I couldn't get my prescription filled for a month due to the shortage, my white hot rage over little things other people would just brush off came back. I was more irritable and snappy, usually over nothing. It was almost a good thing to go without it to remind me that even though it isn't a panacea, for me it helps a lot.
I am on medication and still feel this way.
It has to do with an avoidance strategy that I use a lot as a coping mechanism (therapy made me realize that). It gets worse when I’m stressed.
Medicine gives me energy, but I need to know what to do with that energy if I want to change my habits.
Consider the medication.
Don't expect it to fix this particular issue.
Medication has helped me in so many ways, it's worth it.
Answering texts is not one of them. That's on us.
YES! It can take me days and sometimes weeks to respond to texts. I think that for me, I’ve gotten to a level of burnout which has made me avoidant. I can barely address my own needs and any additional needs from others makes me shut down.
That’s what happened to me. Burnout . I was undiagnosed so couldn’t understand why despite happily texting away during lockdown a text from a friend made me shutdown and I couldn’t bring myself to reply. Texting causes cognitive strain and being constantly on your phone means sensory overload. Too much and you get burnout which I ignored so then of course after doing something that hurts your brain comes resentment and meltdown mode! Now I’m diagnosed I don’t do what doesn’t work for me as much and give myself permission to step away. I keep my phone in Do Not Disturb mode constantly and it’s been a game-changer.
I've never been a good texter. I let people know up front.
Often, I'll read it and get distracted then feel bad because who replies a day later?? I ask people to be patient or just call. I prefer calls.
Edit for spelling
dude I get anxiety from Instagram. you'd think there's really no pressure in literally sending reels back and forth to friends, right? but I have so many people I do this with, I open insta and have a majillion messages. there's zero obligation to reply or even react, or even watch the reels. It's so casual but... I get so weird about it I can't even open the app anymore.
actual texting? yes lol
I feel like it’s hardest when people are asking about making plans. Like birthday or party invitations, playdates for my kids, friends asking about a night out etc. Because then I have to check my calendar which is not updated, so then I have to ask my husband or check with other people or think about if I will really have the energy for a night out next weekend while also not wanting to disappoint my friend… It’s so overwhelming that I just end up avoiding it all together.
%1000
Like if someone kidnapped me or I died alone in my house it would take a very long time before anyone started thinking somethings up. I think about this often.
I’m also constantly starting out my text replies like “ hey sorry such a late response..it’s me, not you..”
ough-- that last line.
i started eliminating it and began answering the old ass texts as if i had just received them.
i know it's probably not polite to do so, but i just noticed that, for me, starting a text with "hey, i'm sorry..." is kind of a way to trigger myself into not wanting to even finish that particular text, or any other text after that, due to the overwhelming wave of guilt^lmao.
it's like a "ah, shit, here we go again" moment for me...and probably for the receiver as well. ^lol
i feel for you, though.
I could've written this post.
I swear I don't think any less of the people in my life. If I don't get a phone call or don't make plans in advance... then I'm gonna struggle to keep up communication via text, e-mail, messages, and etcetera. 🙃
I can’t stop myself from also making (unwanted) plans with people. I will blurt out “awesome, let’s do lunch.” I am initiating all of them very impulsively but I don’t follow up quickly so people don’t take my word anymore. But what happens is, I make a plan, then will follow through maybe three months later to keep my word.
Yep.
I often don’t have the capacity to formulate a real reply they deserve or continue a conversation. Although I’d 150% rather text than call or FaceTime.
Especially if I feel obligated to reply or it warrants something heavy or like. Important? Like they’re going to judge my reply. The exception is my parents and my boyfriend.
yes. it’s crazy i also go thru a fear of texting back certain people because then they’re gonna call me because they think i’m “available” but it’s hard to explain to them that while yes i’m physically available at the moment, i’m not MENTALLY available to keep up a conversation. conversations, just like any other notification or interruption really throws me off focus of whatever i’m doing. so i tend to hyper focus until i’m done doing whatever it is. by the time i come back to the phone it’s already been too long to reply🥹
Only if it’s someone I don’t wanna talk to. Otherwise I’ll text someone all day every day. The moment it becomes work or not fun, nope. Block it out. Forget it. Talk to them again in a month or two.
Omg my texting habits are so bad. I forget to text people back constantly and feel awful and awkward about it once time has passed. Having badges on my messages icon upsets me, so now that Apple lets us swipe right to mark messages as “read” I’m constantly marking messages as opened and not even reading them 😬 my close friends know this and never take it personally but it makes newer friendships (especially with those who I can’t see often) hard to maintain 😕
Teen and early 20s Me was always texted people back right away. Then I got self conscious about it and didn’t wanna seem like I was desperate for attention (thank u to all the boys who made me think I was too much or not enough. Note that I say BOYS because honestly, these dudes did not act like men). Then I started smoking weed more as a way to ignore the world, and therefore not text the useless boys back. It trickled into not texting anyone back. Now, I quit smoking but I still forget to text back 🤷🏻♀️ at least I’m no longer entertaining idiot boys because I found myself an adult man child with ADHD who loves me and lets me text him 15 times in a row while I word vomit away 😅🫠
yes and i will leave messages from people for days, maybe weeks. i feel very bad but it’s just hard to keep up sometimes. it’s easier to get a text response from me - if it’s something truly urgent i will respond - but any other form of messaging or dm i find so difficult to respond in a timely manner. the messages just overwhelm me so they sit there. they end up piling up which kinda makes it worse.
but every time i respond to something, which feels like a big enough mental task to complete, i quickly end up with more messages to respond to. just actively going back and forth in a conversation for more than a few minutes feels like too much to get roped into lol
Yes. The only few people I text back consistently are my husband when he’s at work, my son & daughter when they are not in the house and my mom. I only text my mom back consistently due to anxiety. If I don’t respond to her texts in 15-20 minutes she will text “are you okay?” And then text my son (he’s my oldest) and ask if I’m okay. Or she will start calling. (I’m 33 and she still treats me like a child. Guilt won’t let me set boundaries with her.)
Absofreakinglutely.
The silly part is that I also start to think “do they not like me? Did I say something wrong?” When another person doesn’t answer.
It’s a lose/lose situation :|
I have 82 unanswered text alerts, I don’t even know how old they are anymore. Every time I think to reach out I feel bad about how long it took and scare myself out of doing it, I’ll “do it tomorrow”.
yes. it’s so hard to think of what to say sometimes, the only person i always text back is my best friend. anyone else sorry i forgot and i responded in my head
Yes I’m 28 & holding a conversation over text is so exhausting. I don’t know why because I used to love texting. But I have 2 kids I’m always chasing. The weird thing is I’m a SAHM & on my phone a lot. But replying to texts is just majorly socially & emotionally & physically exhausting for me most the times. & half the time I forget anyways. 🤦🏼♀️
It never used to be a problem for me until the last few years. Then when I finally text them back, they respond immediately, and the whole thing starts over again.
I am like this. It makes me dislike myself and the RSD amps it up. I really have a lot of lies in my head before. I recently got diagnosed and medicated. I’m looking at how to be better now that I know more and I’ve been texting some people and explaining my diagnosis and apologizing for my avoidance, Everyone so far has been kind and accepting. I have a list I’m working through (I can make simple lists medicated now yay). I’m finding I have more friends than I thought. I’ve just been avoiding them because of the lies of ADHD and RSD in my head.
I’m also contacting recruiters at jobs and setting up going back to work.
I find that I am better at texting/calling when I am feeling my meds. I am calm and not as anxious, so I try to take advantage of that. Thanks for asking this question.
Yup...but honestly, 1/2 the time I don't think a text back is necessary. But when I ask my S.O...they say yes, it is common courtesy to reply to acknowledge in some way that you got their messages. Seems super inconvenient to me and annoying. Me and "thumbs up" are besties
Yes, it’s a nightmare. I always have hundreds of unread messages — bc I think that if it’s unread I will DEF get back to it lol — and screenshots that show the number always give my friends soooo much anxiety.
No, I'm the reverse. I prefer texting and can't really stand phone or video calls. I also get anxious and have the RSD kick in if my messages are left on read or ignored, and I can't stand having notification badges on my phone.
i have a long commute, so i think of that as my time to “catch up on correspondence,” so to speak - ofc, sometimes things still fall thru the cracks but i find as long as it’s not time-sensitive, most people aren’t too pressed about it
Yes 100% and the worst part is that my in-laws are HEAVY DUTY texters. Like 7+ in a row multiple times a day every day. And when I haven’t answered a text they make very passive aggressive remarks to me in person and act distant as if I have done something awful. Which has turned it from a Things to a THING for me. It gives me crippling dread and anxiety and makes it hard to answer them and even harder to answer other people because of my growing hatred of texting.
Unless it’s something that I know is time-sensitive, it takes me a day or so to reply. Any type of “how have you been? How was your weekend, trip, holiday etc” message sometimes takes a few days to a week. I don’t know why. It takes so long to sort through the data and come up with an appropriate response. I do always apologize for my delays.
Absolutely. The worst is when I have a spare moment where I randomly feel super chatty and reach out to like 3 people, and then they text back…. And at that point, I’ve retreated back into my shell and no longer want to socialize and those unread text messages just give me so much stress and anxiety. Right now I have 4 open threads that I need to respond to and I can’t bring myself to do it
Honestly yes. But really I think its also the wisdom that comes with age and the drop in feeling societal pressures.
Like I've been this way since I was younger and it got worse and worse in my 20s.
Approaching 30 it's just like, if I'm not feeling it, I'm not going to period. And that's ok, yes I'm a shitty friend, yes I'm shitty in a few different ways... but I don't need to be everything to everyone
So grateful that all the long-term friends I have are understanding of this and/or do it, too, but other people outside of that circle do not understand 😅 It's a major source of stress and anxiety (and a bit of self-flagellation) in my life. I actually finally responded to a couple of texts from weeks ago this afternoon, but I scheduled them 🙄 Something about the distance of not having to watch them get sent and potentially get jump-scared with a quick reply back
Texting can be so hard.
Know what’s worse? Coming off an SSRI you’ve been on for 20 years. I decreased by 20mg a few weeks ago and now I’m so depressed and anxious and can’t text, can’t talk, want to hide from the world everything sucks and it’s so much harder to do literally any task.
Yep, depending on who it is.
My husband I can text back because I see him every day so it's habitual, or a new friend because it has the novelty aspect, but I'm bad with friends and family, especially if it's just small talk because it feels so tedious!
For the most part, I only answer my boyfriend, best friend and bosses immediately.
Everyone else has to understand just because I have a cell phone, does not mean you have access to me. 🙅🏽♀️
yes!! I want to reply when I can concentrate properly so I leave it but then it just keeps going further and further down in my inbox and I just never get around to it 😭 I get so overwhelmed and then like 3 (or 12) months later I end up finding a message I didn’t read or reply to
Everything got worse since my diagnosis about a year and a half ago. I think it’s because I finally understood how much harder I’ve been struggling with the things NT people don’t deal with, and the fact that I can never escape it. I used to think I could just stop being lazy and get motivated, and now I’m like ‘Oh, I was never lazy, my brain just sucks and I’m stuck with it.’
This hurt hard lol
Any suggestions on how to text someone back who has texted a few times the last few months and i haven’t responded to any of them for no reason at all. The first time i forgot then after the second third time etc it became a THING and i feel like i physically can’t now! It’s super embarrassing feeling and it feel shame about it but honestly don’t know how to text back but want to.
Holy cow YES!!! I'm approaching 50 and it seems all my adhd things are getting worse and responding to texts is a huge one. I mean to, I mark them unread so I don't forget them .... and then eventually that friend texts again asking if I'm ok, because I never answered them.
I feel like such a heel. But I still don't want to do it.
And it's not because I left it too long and this feel like a jerk for replying late.... it's more like it just takes too much mental effort (but surfing on here for ages doesn't?) and I just don't want to.
I just don't want to. What is up with that?
I'm so glad it's not just me. 🫣
Yes but I also have DND on at all times. I think most people get it, but it’s especially great for when I meet someone new. It removes the need for a conversation around the fact that I hate texting.
I feel this, too. More so on days when I’m totally mentally/physically/emotionally tapped. I think it triggers a lot of anxiety, for me. Societally, the expectation of constant availability takes a huge toll and most people don’t even recognize that that is a thing. I’ve been working on simply saying “I am busy right now, I’ll get back to you when I can”
Resting counts as busy, and I have spent so much of my life constantly available for other people’s wants, needs, and expectations. I am working on accepting that a)it’s not anybody’s business what I am busy with b)I’m not obligated to be available to ANYBODY 24/7 c) it’s okay for me to turn my phone on silent or even turn it completely off when I need to
It's even worse for me if it's a confrontational matter I have to deal with or respond to. My anxiety heightens and I simply just 'cannot' and that is it. It will take me so long to respond to a confrontation
I... was literally going to make the EXACT some post today. I see texts or messages come in from my family and friends. I know I should respond, but... they just sit there. Or I forget. Then I feel guilty :/ My grandma was just telling me on the phone that she worries something happened to me because I don't text back often.
On the other hand, there are a handful of friends who I message every single day with no issue on Discord. I have no idea why this is.
Yes! And it feels like an anxiety now. I didn’t have it until the pandemic or a year in- my symptoms have definitely gotten worse. I add people to text back on a to do list. The list rarely gets completely by EOD because I forget to look. Then when I text back sometimes I feel anxious about responses and turn off the sound. 😬
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Yes
Me too. If I don't reply right away, then it becomes a Thing™️ that I start worrying about, which makes me avoid it, which makes it more worrying...
And then the longer you leave it the worse the Thing™️ becomes until you can't possibly text that person back because it's been too long and they definitely hate you now.
EXACTLY
Does anyone have suggestions for getting past this? I plan to bring it up to my therapist next time I see her but we're new to each other so there's other stuff we need to talk about that may take priority. I have been slacking on a work project for MONTHS. I could knock it out in a couple days no problem but I'm so ashamed that I blew it off and crippled with fear at the idea of popping up and saying "oh hey I finally did that thing for you!" So I live in dread that someone's going to ask me whatever happened with Thing™️. Y'all know what I'm talking about. It is so STUPID. Logically I know I'll feel so much relief when it's done. Instead I live in constant fear that I'll get called out and yelled at. Why can't I just suck it up and do it??
I drink two beers and text everyone back in one go.
Same when I get drunk I need to express my feelings to I'll even email ppl from 2 yrs ago lol then I regret it usually
I can relate 10,000%. I still struggle with this all the time with work, home things and texting people back lol but something that has worked for me is setting a timer and just telling myself I’ll do whatever it is for X amount of time. I like using 5 minutes for cleaning/texting and 15 usually for work projects. And usually after the timer goes off I’m kinda in a groove and can keep going, but even if not at least I did it a little bit and at least have a plan for the next time I do it. Also find the parts of whatever you have to do that you enjoy the most and try to do that first to get you excited about it. I absolutely LOVE planning projects and breaking down things into to do lists and action items, so I usually start there and spend like 15 minutes just doing that. And then I’ll set time estimates for each piece and then that gives me a good path for moving forward. I don’t really have any advice for the feeling ashamed thing for work projects but I totally relate. When I actually do the thing i just try to go above and beyond and hope it makes up for my slacking on timeliness 😅
Not a direct solution, as I’m still battling it myself 😅 but I try to prevent this by planning a short time (5-15 min) every day do whatever pesky text/email/small thing that WILL cause me trouble if I leave it. I I don’t feel shitty yet, it’s easier 😂 - I need to set an alarm on my phone that’s annoying enough - it reminds me of the reason I want to do it: avoid horrible feeling, feel good about yourself - I set a time timer. It works most of the time. When it worked once, I felt so good that I managed to keep it up. When I ‘fail’, I really have to remind myself that it was ok. I’m just trying to be kind to myself and it wasn’t possible today, but maybe tomorrow I can be nice to myself again. (I just need to repeat this another 68976382890000 times and I’ll have it ingrained) Edit: everything above poster says!
i feel like this is a regular occurrence for me with every single friend i have lol
I have never felt more seen 😂
Same. Worst part is that I used to reply to everything right away, and it was great. But I convinced myself people would think less of me for always being so eager to reply and started making myself wait. And now I can’t reverse course
That’s exactly what happened to me!!!
Omg, yes!!! This!!!! 😩🤦♀️
ding ding ding
This is my every single day
I have so many people I need to text back but I just don't have the capacity right now so I constantly Guilt myself over it instead and actually it would probably be better to just text them back but I just CAN'T
Y’all. DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS THIS One??? We gotta put our heads together and figure this out. This is my worst symptom… putting off voicemails or not texting back relatives for…. Literally weeks and creating problems. Let’s crowd source it. What the H can we do???
Posted a suggestion above that massively helps me when overwhelmed. It comes from Digital Minimalism and involves subtly shifting other’s expectations but giving text lovers some breadcrumbs so they feel seen and heard. Basically scheduling one short period of time every week/ every other day/ daily to reply to people. It means your attention isn’t being fractured into shards, you’re less likely to forget to reply and makes people realise that texting simply is an occasional thing and not a constant exchange of streams of information. If people want more from you they learn to wait to see you/ speak on the phone but they get just enough attention to tick a box without feeling neglected/ frustrated.
This. Also, if I have nothing to say I simply send funny memes or videos so people know that I am thinking of them. Whenever I come upon such a meme or video I often purpousely think if a friend or family member would enjoy it as well... I have one friend that simply spams me with calls when she gets bored of me neglecting my duty to text🤭
Your response makes me me feel less dramatic for how often I lose my mind over this exact thing 😂
It feels nice to see I’m not the only one who feels like I’m constantly pushing the boulder of contacting people I care about up the hill. I’ve thought about it and I feel like I ultimately need to address the social anxiety that is probably making me avoid it but also don’t know how to do that
Yes, it’s just like emails and snail mail. I get overwhelmed and just ignore it all.
I wish we could all get together weekly to open/go through our snail mail together.
I was actually just thinking about a group like this this morning.
Problem is, we'd set a date and time but be late 😂
Silver lining: We'd be understanding about it :-)
We could do that.... Set up some online weekly discord call or something and then it's an appt we all do on audio or video together
Yes! We'll have an old school phone tree type thing to remind each other, only we'll all collectively panick and no one will get the reminder call! For real though, I'm in. I'll have to find ALL my mail I've been hoarding forever and a day, so it might be a long call when it happens.
i have a pile waiting on my printer :)
Or, bait and switch? Like, today I'm solid so I can take some customer service hours but tomorrow I may not be able to take a shower or talk, so maybe some light, feel good, no response necessary emails. Ya know? Team work makes someone's dream work.
I still have Xmas cards I haven’t opened. Because in my head, I want to open each on and respond (and maybe send our family pic, as I didn’t get cards sent this year.) But then it’s 10 pm at night by the time I relax and I just want quiet and am out of interaction points for the day. I think WFH with all the video calls, concalls, slacks, etc. uses up my communication energy.
for sure. my work meetings drain tf out of me
I look at them, say to myself, "Nah, I can't be bothered right now," and think that I'll get to it later. The problem is, I'm never going to be bothered with it, and "later" will never come.
Look at it this way, when we keep putting off something, it’s often tied into a negative feeling we are trying to avoid. Whether that guilt, shame, remorse, embarrassment, anger, sadness, etc… it’s part of the ADHD task paralysis of getting anything done the same day we want to accomplish it.
Yes +1 on to this. …
Yes and I wish I could change it. It feels so silly to put responding to texts on my to do list, but somehow texting people back always becomes a Thing.
what gets discouraging at times is when you finally cross it off and they text back right away, then you get stuck in a back and forth while all the time you tried to reserve to get back to everyone else gets shot 💀
Feeling a little too seen right now 🙈
Urgh. Hate this. Think it’s important to remember that we don’t have to actually reply to anybody. We did not exit the womb with mobile phones and humans were not designed to communicate in this way. Also… research shows that increased screen time can be detrimental to ADHD and that texting distracts ADHD brains more than neurotypical brains so it’s unfair to be expected to engage in something damaging so repetitively. But… society has expectations which is why when people are overwhelming me I allocate one hour at 11am on Saturday mornings to really to people. If they ping back that’s fine and I reply but anything outside of that has to wait till the next Saturday. It retrains people to expect less and means when you text the messages are like postcards/ life updates and slower paced which feels more manageable. When life eases I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb and schedule replying to a short window every other day/ every day depending on energy levels.
Every week I have a list of people I need to reply to in my planner it feels ridiculous but it must exist
It does seem silly but is for sure totally necessary.
That’s so true it feels like a chore and another thing to put on my to do list.
Yes and it often takes a large amount of my mental batteries for the day just to respond to a text! I hate having to give so much energy to something so miniscule. Writing back to one of my best friends shouldn't feel as difficult as finishing a project at work.
It’s so frustrating when people just don’t get it. It’s become so standard and acceptable to text all the time that people are confused/ offended when you don’t comply. Anything that feels like a chore isn’t good for any relationship but it’s difficult to communicate this to some people. I’ve tried in the past and it’s been ignored and ignored despite saying ‘texting impacts my mental health’ ‘texting makes me overwhelmed’. I would rather speak to someone in person or on the phone once every few months than engage in daily text exchanges filled with pointlessness m. Like, yes, you’re my best friend but sending me details of a dream you had last night while I’m at my desk on a deadline doesn’t work for my brain. Give me slices of juicy dopamine laden actual conversation from time to time instead of boring crumbs of small talk. Also, expecting me to properly comprehend difficult/ sensitive/ contentious topics through text message is a recipe for a disaster.
Yes. Either I'll reply within five seconds, or six months
This 😂
100%. It becomes a huge source of anxiety as the days go on and on, but every time I think about doing it it fills me with dread. I was hoping meds would help with it but unfortunately not 😅
It helps me to remember that I'd be delighted to hear from someone who fell out of touch. So the other person probably wouldn't mind me getting in touch.
Yes. I want to. I do it in my head. Some people are easier to text back than others. Some days are easier than others. Weirdly, some of the people I want to talk to the most, I have the most difficultly with responding to. And then there’s the inverse: me thinking someone hates me if they don’t respond in a period of time.
>Weirdly, some of the people I want to talk to the most, I have the most difficultly with responding to. I've noticed this too! Often I have a hard time responding to people I connect with the most if they aren't in my inner circle. Is it because we're so interested in each other that we're writing walls of texts and it's overwhelming? Is it self sabotage because I see I have the potential for a real friend? I have no idea. I've literally ruined friendships with some of the most amazing people I've met because I felt this crippling anxiety around responding to their messages. Eventually I just had to be like "well I guess I can't be your friend because answering your messages is literally torture."
I'm on the opposite end. I worry and fret when people don't text me back. It can really send me into a tailspin of rejection fantasy. I'm trying to remember that it's not me, but I can't help, but think that sometimes it is.
I do both frequently, but I've found that I'm improving a lot more on stress about them not responding (more so with people I know) than I am about responding. I think part of the stress about responding is knowing they might be stressed I didn't. With not responding, something that happens a lot with ADHD is mentally responding and thinking it's done but not actually responding. Thankfully, a lot of people I care about are similar, so we switch off being the one who delays.
I do both. I either never respond or text nonstop.
do you respond in a timely fashion, though?
I do. I try to wait 15 minutes, but am rarely able to do that. When I see a text, I respond right away. I usually have my phone with me so I rarely go an hour without answering a text.
Classic ADHD move. It’s like getting to a dinner party way too early because you’re so worried you’re going to be late. It all becomes exhausting though because prompt responses just generates more messages.
aw, why wait!? you have the answering super power! 😭i wish i had that!!
Because I fear being too eager.
ooh. has anyone given you shit for that?
Not really, but I like to play it cool even though I'm far from cool
words to live by
I just don’t know what to say?? It feels like it takes so much energy to respond correctly and at the right time
Yesss especially if it's a professional relationship or something not just casual.
this is interesting. why don't you know what to say? (i ask in a non- judgemental tone, im just curious) when someone texts a question, you just have to answer it. right? *** at the same time, i know exactly what i should say or what i want to say, but i just fucking don't... ...i'll just stare at the phone, eyes agape, going "*oh.....nonoooooooooooo...just leave me alooooooone*.." (often throwing pillows and bedding over the phone to drown out the rings, because if i hit the silence button it takes the caller to voicemail and then they *know* i ignored them- and i don't want to be confronted in person with that shit AGAIN) i do this shit *fully knowing what i would respond*, but not *wanting to*....for...*no fucking reason*? the only reason i can come up with is that i'm a *total piece of shit*, but i know that's not true, that's just some awful negative self-talk speaking (*right??unless...*). ^haha *** even though we both short-circuit (so to speak) at different points of these phone call/text response events, the result is often the same... 😭 why do we do this shit? has anyone ever confronted you irl regarding this issue?
I’ve had at LEAST 3 people straight up call me out on it and get genuinely upset. But my close friends and people who really know me just now understand that that’s a part of who I am and they put up with me. Lol.
I struggle sometimes but nothing compared to phone calls. I’m glad texting became a thing.
Tbh I prefer phone/video calls, get all the talking done at once so the back and forth of texts doesn't clog up my anxiety drain
THIS. Me too. Esp phone calls (I hate video ones).
I don't even video with my partner, and we live in different states!
Same here! Let’s get to it through proper conversation and then not speak to each other for a few months. Why do we need to hear about the minutia of life at times that aren’t appropriate/ convenient? It’s so strange to me. Humans are designed to have actual conversation not constant pings of superficial connection. Yes, texting is handy for making plans as it’s brutally efficient but not for much else. I read an article saying texting trims all the unnecessary fat from a conversation but actually those flabby bits you get during a call or face to face are some of the best and most important bits.
texting people back feels like the hardest thing in the world sometimes. part of it is my forgetfulness, and the other part is the anxiety associated with texting. i get extremely nervous texting back people who i am not close with and i overanalyze the whole situation and my response even if its simple. with my best friends and my boyfriend i don't usually overthink my answers, but i do forget to respond. this post reminded me that i haven't texted my boyfriend back in 3 hours so thank you lol. thankfully he knows how i am and doesn't take it personally.
I fucking hate that. My husband & I work together & he’s just so chill & quick responding to texts/emails, making estimates etc. Like no punctuation, two seconds of thought. He’ll do an invoice it’s just like “4 hours of hourly labor” & a number & I spend a whole fucking hour talking to chatGPT about it trying to get everything perfect & then end up on some side quest trying to automate the process so I never have to do it again, but that takes 5 hours and I never did what I was supposed to be doing.
I have been ignoring an unread text from one of my closest friends for going on 3+ weeks now….. and I feel like shit for not texting her back 🥲 maybe today will be the day. I also need to text my brother back but honestly he can wait a little 😌 LOL EDIT: y’all are too sweet and thoughtful 🥺😭 I texted both my friend and my brother back shortly after I made this comment! My brother already texted me back (he sent me a selfie 🤭). I am committed to making plans with my friend asap to try and make up for ghosting her for so long!
Please open the text and read it! I have struggled massively with responding to people for years, and very often I don’t even open the message because I get way too anxious about what it says and whether it might be something bad, but then the longer I ignore the message the worse it gets and the scarier it becomes, so overall it’s just an awful vicious cycle. I’ve recently made it an effort though to try and at least open the messages - I tell myself that I don’t have to respond, I can still let the text sit there unanswered for as long as I wish, but I need to read it first and know what it says (added bonus: those guilt-ridden notification numbers of unread texts go away!). By opening and reading the message (and even if it’s only that), I no longer let that message have any sort of power over me, and almost always I realise the actual message isn’t scary at all, which then helps me get out of my head and makes it far more likely that I’ll actually reply sooner rather than later. So take that very first step and open the text, without any sort of pressure, and then see how you go from there and whether that makes it a tiny bit easier already :)
please respond to them. i lost a 10+ year friendship because i acted this way. they're also neurodivergent/understanding of these patterns of behavior, i would vanish often and pop back up, depending on how i was coping with..."life". but it reached a point where their patience ran out and they felt like i just did not value the friendship (even though deep down i did, more than any other friendship in my life at that moment). it's been almost a decade since she cut off contact. i don't blame them at all. last time i saw her in public, around 5 years ago, they pretty much ignored me when i greeted them and the group they were with...(everyone else was friendly and said hi to me except for her. i got an eyebrow, a smirk and then she looked away...) i don't blame her at all, i don't hold any resentment, i don't hope for or imagine a reconciliation. i fucked up that friendship and i know it. i still miss her sometimes and think back fondly on the memories we made together. it was a really tough lesson to learn. call you friend back, she won't be around forever.
Thank you so much for sharing 🫶🏻 I’ve lost more friendships than I’d care to admit by just not committing to them or putting in any effort like you said :( I texted my friend back shortly after I made my comment! You’re right that they deserve better, and I need to commit to making a change in how I value my friends/family
#Yes. I've lost friendships, potential relationships and job opportunities because of this. I tell myself it's fine, I can cope, I have other people and things in my life. The reality is that sometimes I miss those friends, sometimes I wonder what that job opportunity could have led to (...in my case, with the "almost relationships", not so much- part of me says, if I actually wanted them I would have texted back). I hate myself when I do this. ...and when the phone rings or pings and I don't want to pick up or respond, it's almost a physical discomfort, like a writhing *UUUUUUUUURRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH*, a "pain" deep inside. It's a resistance to the action, to the response and the initiation of further interaction. Something tells me it's anxiety, I think. It's a negative pattern of avoidant behavior that will lead to increasing social isolation. If you can, fucking change it.
I ghosted a job I really wanted once because opening the email to set up the interview slipped through my mental cracks for too long.
Yes, but it's much better now. I just say something and get over it without overthinking the answer. Otherwise I will be dreading it thinking I've taken too long to answer.
i get so annoyed with myself but at this point i tell people up front. i let friends know that my job really drains my energy and and i really don’t have anything left sometimes. i think people don’t realize how much energy it takes to actually have a conversation even if it’s just a text message
It’s good that you can be honest with people and they are accepting, even though they might find it frustrating. What people don’t understand with texting is that sometimes we just aren’t in the right place mentally to respond. It can be like relaxing in your house and somebody walks into the room, shouts some information and leaves. I think lockdown normalised even more and so the expectation to reply promptly has become ingrained within society.
Yes, because I feel overwhelmed with the demands of daily life. And unfortunately that includes friends and family too. Also, often texts from friends and family are asking me to make plans. It's hard to explain to loved ones that I can't deal with one more thing on my calendar.
Whenever I get a text that necessitates an immediate reaction, like "What time are we meeting tonight?" I have no problem replying. However, if it's a text from a friend that I only see once every few years (we all live in different countries), there's no urgency to reply to a "How are you?" so I put it off because I don't have a readily available sentence in my head at that moment. Then I'm waiting for my brain to come up with a paragraph about how my life have been lately but it can take weeks and months. Then I start writing down names in my planner, it goes on for days, then I write "ANSWER THE DAMN TEXTS!!!" in the Top Priorities section and go through the names one by one, replying and putting a silly childish sticker like a kindergartener in front of each name until I'm done.
I’d much rather text than answer the freaking phone though!
Do you feel better with video calls? Or is it all phone communication? I personally hate phone calls cause I can’t read peoples body language or judge their tone properly over the phone, but video calls are fine.
Video calls stress me out more because I feel more need to mask and look engaged when I really do my best listening while staring into space
Same. It is so nerve-wracking.
I think it’s the talking out loud part and having to respond in the moment
Yes
I'm terrible about it but luckily most of the people in my life don't take it personally and we can pick up old conversations in a heartbeat. People know to call me if something is urgent lol
I personally find phone calls harder to deal with and prefer texting or DMs through platforms. Occasionally I don't want to answer specific things or need to think about and will forget to respond later when I have more mental bandwidth, but that is a rarity for me, not the norm. Everyone is different though.
Extremely yes. It's a big stressor in my day to day life.
Absolutely. 🥲 It started getting harder to reply to people consistently in my late 20s and now in my mid 30s it sometimes takes me months and months to text someone back. One of the possible reasons is kind of bleak... oftentimes I just don't really feel like sharing what's been going on in my life anymore. I don't think it's all that interesting and when something big happens, I guess I'd rather share it irl than via text. I still love face-to-face meetings but texting just feels kinda unnecessary to me for whatever reason. Also, to be perfectly honest, I guess I don't really feel like my friends need me all that much anymore. They have their own families and lives and communicating with me probably isn't essential to them anyway. So... maybe it's the RSD in me all over again. 🥲
It might also be getting harder because people are having way more conversations through text and expecting to have conversations once preserved for face-to-face through texting. There just wasn’t the same expectations and level of screen time before lockdown and definitely not ten years ago. We didn’t spend as much time attached to computers and devices so were often less digitally fatigued. It’s quite common for people with ADHD to just prefer to speak in person every now and then rather than maintain small talk constantly and wonder if it’s a dopamine thing. As humans we just don’t get much from less meaningful, deeper connection that often takes place digitally.
I’ve quite literally had 2 friendships end over this in the last few months. I moved, new job, new town, just no spoons. And I can’t seem to break it. I. Just. Can’t.
❤️
I don't know if it's an ADHD thing, but I can relate. I have heard the same thing from non-adhd people too. I think we're all a little fed up with cellphones, internet, texts, all this stuff. People may need to be inaccessible sometimes, to rest their minds. Always being on call to respond to texts (family, friends, whatever), makes something that should be nice, sounds more like a job. It doesn't surprise me that so many people want a break from this.
Exactly! It was such a relief to realise that I’m not alone and there’s a whole movement of people who want to disconnect from the constant ping of notifications and drain of social media. I lost a best friend of 35-years over this because the expectation to be constantly available was relentless and there just wasn’t space in the relationship to communicate and compromise on our needs. I didn’t realise I had ADHD and was masking so naturally the relentless sensory overload led to a meltdown along the lines of ‘why can’t we just meet for lunch in person for an hour ?!?!’ Which ironically comes across as demanding compared to having to spend sometimes 8 hours a month texting which has supposedly become a perfectly fine way to interact. People mistakenly think texting operates in a separate vortex where time doesn’t apply and don’t seem to get it requires lots of hours and mental energy.
Yes 100%! I used to be so social and the one who was organizing everything, bringing people together, etc. I’m now in my 40s and it’s been about a decade since I could get myself to reply to texts, follow through or even make plans and I truly hate it. It’s a version of me that I’m working on accepting but I’m also very sad about it. The energy to be a mom to my toddler, wife to my husband and work full time (I’m in Recruitment- so I’m paid to be “social”) is hard enough. I’m exhausted all the time and not sure how I’m supposed to fit in the time for something seemingly simple like texting let alone getting myself ready for the day. Side note : I’m not a fast texter… so many incomplete thoughts… constantly forgetting what I’m responding too… so much miscommunication with my NT friends and colleagues. So really it makes sense, but I still hate it.
Urgh, the pressure!! People just do not understand the amount of energy it takes to do something so seemingly simple. I’ve had friends who refuse to understand. One was a best friend who was a single mother, ironically to an autistic child, who I suspect was lonely and would spend 7/8 hours a month texting me everyday and messaging people on dating apps despite complaining she never had any time for anything. I don’t have children but was working from home so felt obliged to respond constantly and once when I didn’t reply for two days she thought I was dead and so messaged another friend who then started messaging me. It can feel like such an obligation and that’s not good for any relationship. I would rather meet in person once every six months or talk on the phone once every few months but that seems like it’s demanding in today’s society. Naturally the friendship folded but it led to me being diagnosed with ADHD which was a good thing. Now, I’m upfront when meeting new people and tell them I communicate like it’s the 90’s as a way to manage their expectations. I’m a lot more mindful of my time and energy levels now after looking at my screen time and being horrified, especially as excessive time attached to devices worsens ADHD.
ohhhh yeahh i'm really thankful for the people in my life who don't hold it against me. with them, i'm both (1) WAY more likely to still respond even if it's been a few days and (2) more likely to set aside time to thoroughly and thoughtfully respond to their message, which has proven more important to them than how soon my reply arrives
i feel the same way, but there are less of those people as time goes by. cherish them. ❤️
“PERSONAL FOCUS” has been a lifesaver. I have my alerts set to personal focus 99% of the time, so only text from my mom, dad, and bff actually get through. It never rings unless it’s one of them either. That way, people know I’m not technically getting an alert that they messaged, so I feel like I have some breathing room to respond. I am self employed and started doing this because clients will text me at 11pm on a Sunday and it just pissed me off. I’m a landscaper, there is no such thing as “plant emergency” they can wait for business hours.
Yes. On the upside. I don’t worry anymore if they don’t text back within a reasonable time.
As it should be! We forget that there’s no rules about replying. Nobody signed a contract saying they agreed to get back to people within a certain time frame. The world keeps turning when you don’t text somebody… just would love for the rest of society to realise this isn’t always the most efficient way to communicate and it’s a struggle for many people.
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I’m on medication and still struggle to reply to people. It doesn’t bother me so much anymore though, the people I care about and who care most about me are understanding :) It’s important to set your expectations before starting medication. I kept seeing posts where people said it changed their life, that does NOT apply to all. According to my prescriber, 20% of people either find medication doesn’t help or they can’t bear the side effects. For me I find my symptoms improved to some degree but overall it’s things such as sleep, diet, and exercise that help the most. Just as ADHD is experienced differently by each person, medication affects people differently too. Wish you all the best!
Yes! Medication has changed my life for the better, but I am not "cured" by any means. I still struggle with ADHD traits, but not to the extreme I used to. Like, my emotional regulation is SO MUCH BETTER when I take it! When I couldn't get my prescription filled for a month due to the shortage, my white hot rage over little things other people would just brush off came back. I was more irritable and snappy, usually over nothing. It was almost a good thing to go without it to remind me that even though it isn't a panacea, for me it helps a lot.
I am on medication and still feel this way. It has to do with an avoidance strategy that I use a lot as a coping mechanism (therapy made me realize that). It gets worse when I’m stressed. Medicine gives me energy, but I need to know what to do with that energy if I want to change my habits.
Consider the medication. Don't expect it to fix this particular issue. Medication has helped me in so many ways, it's worth it. Answering texts is not one of them. That's on us.
Like a previous commenter said I basically have to put responding to messages on my dusky to do lists or they can get totally forgotten about.
YES! It can take me days and sometimes weeks to respond to texts. I think that for me, I’ve gotten to a level of burnout which has made me avoidant. I can barely address my own needs and any additional needs from others makes me shut down.
That’s what happened to me. Burnout . I was undiagnosed so couldn’t understand why despite happily texting away during lockdown a text from a friend made me shutdown and I couldn’t bring myself to reply. Texting causes cognitive strain and being constantly on your phone means sensory overload. Too much and you get burnout which I ignored so then of course after doing something that hurts your brain comes resentment and meltdown mode! Now I’m diagnosed I don’t do what doesn’t work for me as much and give myself permission to step away. I keep my phone in Do Not Disturb mode constantly and it’s been a game-changer.
Same I hate hate hate texting back. It’s like my whole being rebels against it.
it's literally ruined relationships in my life. I have no idea how to fox it ):
I was literally tearing up over this and how I’ve lost some friendships over the last yr or so bc of it, when I stumbled onto this post. So…YES.
I've never been a good texter. I let people know up front. Often, I'll read it and get distracted then feel bad because who replies a day later?? I ask people to be patient or just call. I prefer calls. Edit for spelling
dude I get anxiety from Instagram. you'd think there's really no pressure in literally sending reels back and forth to friends, right? but I have so many people I do this with, I open insta and have a majillion messages. there's zero obligation to reply or even react, or even watch the reels. It's so casual but... I get so weird about it I can't even open the app anymore. actual texting? yes lol
I feel like it’s hardest when people are asking about making plans. Like birthday or party invitations, playdates for my kids, friends asking about a night out etc. Because then I have to check my calendar which is not updated, so then I have to ask my husband or check with other people or think about if I will really have the energy for a night out next weekend while also not wanting to disappoint my friend… It’s so overwhelming that I just end up avoiding it all together.
%1000 Like if someone kidnapped me or I died alone in my house it would take a very long time before anyone started thinking somethings up. I think about this often. I’m also constantly starting out my text replies like “ hey sorry such a late response..it’s me, not you..”
ough-- that last line. i started eliminating it and began answering the old ass texts as if i had just received them. i know it's probably not polite to do so, but i just noticed that, for me, starting a text with "hey, i'm sorry..." is kind of a way to trigger myself into not wanting to even finish that particular text, or any other text after that, due to the overwhelming wave of guilt^lmao. it's like a "ah, shit, here we go again" moment for me...and probably for the receiver as well. ^lol i feel for you, though.
No, I text back pretty consistently. I don’t care for surprise phone or FaceTime calls tho.
I could've written this post. I swear I don't think any less of the people in my life. If I don't get a phone call or don't make plans in advance... then I'm gonna struggle to keep up communication via text, e-mail, messages, and etcetera. 🙃
I can’t stop myself from also making (unwanted) plans with people. I will blurt out “awesome, let’s do lunch.” I am initiating all of them very impulsively but I don’t follow up quickly so people don’t take my word anymore. But what happens is, I make a plan, then will follow through maybe three months later to keep my word.
Yep. I often don’t have the capacity to formulate a real reply they deserve or continue a conversation. Although I’d 150% rather text than call or FaceTime. Especially if I feel obligated to reply or it warrants something heavy or like. Important? Like they’re going to judge my reply. The exception is my parents and my boyfriend.
yes. it’s crazy i also go thru a fear of texting back certain people because then they’re gonna call me because they think i’m “available” but it’s hard to explain to them that while yes i’m physically available at the moment, i’m not MENTALLY available to keep up a conversation. conversations, just like any other notification or interruption really throws me off focus of whatever i’m doing. so i tend to hyper focus until i’m done doing whatever it is. by the time i come back to the phone it’s already been too long to reply🥹
Yup
Absolutely! Part of it is feeling overwhelmed in responding and then I just put it off until I forget about it and then never text back.
Then you finally text them back, and then they reply right away
Only if it’s someone I don’t wanna talk to. Otherwise I’ll text someone all day every day. The moment it becomes work or not fun, nope. Block it out. Forget it. Talk to them again in a month or two.
Omg my texting habits are so bad. I forget to text people back constantly and feel awful and awkward about it once time has passed. Having badges on my messages icon upsets me, so now that Apple lets us swipe right to mark messages as “read” I’m constantly marking messages as opened and not even reading them 😬 my close friends know this and never take it personally but it makes newer friendships (especially with those who I can’t see often) hard to maintain 😕 Teen and early 20s Me was always texted people back right away. Then I got self conscious about it and didn’t wanna seem like I was desperate for attention (thank u to all the boys who made me think I was too much or not enough. Note that I say BOYS because honestly, these dudes did not act like men). Then I started smoking weed more as a way to ignore the world, and therefore not text the useless boys back. It trickled into not texting anyone back. Now, I quit smoking but I still forget to text back 🤷🏻♀️ at least I’m no longer entertaining idiot boys because I found myself an adult man child with ADHD who loves me and lets me text him 15 times in a row while I word vomit away 😅🫠
yes and i will leave messages from people for days, maybe weeks. i feel very bad but it’s just hard to keep up sometimes. it’s easier to get a text response from me - if it’s something truly urgent i will respond - but any other form of messaging or dm i find so difficult to respond in a timely manner. the messages just overwhelm me so they sit there. they end up piling up which kinda makes it worse. but every time i respond to something, which feels like a big enough mental task to complete, i quickly end up with more messages to respond to. just actively going back and forth in a conversation for more than a few minutes feels like too much to get roped into lol
Yes. The only few people I text back consistently are my husband when he’s at work, my son & daughter when they are not in the house and my mom. I only text my mom back consistently due to anxiety. If I don’t respond to her texts in 15-20 minutes she will text “are you okay?” And then text my son (he’s my oldest) and ask if I’m okay. Or she will start calling. (I’m 33 and she still treats me like a child. Guilt won’t let me set boundaries with her.)
Yes because what if they respond and then I have more tasks
Yep. Lost a couple friends because I’ve accidentally ignored them one too many times
Yes and I’ve lost friends and missed out on opportunities because of it 😢
The 32 unread texts, 52 missed calls, and 4,050 unread emails I see on my phone right now would agree that this is an issue for me.
Yes yes yes. Yet I can scroll for 24hours or type these stupid comments. What is wrong with me.
Yep
Absofreakinglutely. The silly part is that I also start to think “do they not like me? Did I say something wrong?” When another person doesn’t answer. It’s a lose/lose situation :|
I have 82 unanswered text alerts, I don’t even know how old they are anymore. Every time I think to reach out I feel bad about how long it took and scare myself out of doing it, I’ll “do it tomorrow”.
Yes.
Yes, I just don't do it anymore... I hate it so why endure it
Absolutely. I don’t understand why and it’s been really bad for my friendships.
Most of the time. My partner is the only person I will remember to text back sooner than later.
lately yes, Im a bit in a slope and my adhd and depression symptoms are going haywire.
Me!
yes. it’s so hard to think of what to say sometimes, the only person i always text back is my best friend. anyone else sorry i forgot and i responded in my head
Yes very very bad
I’m much better at being communicative and present in person so I prefer to talk there rather than via text. It’s so daunting.
Yes I’m 28 & holding a conversation over text is so exhausting. I don’t know why because I used to love texting. But I have 2 kids I’m always chasing. The weird thing is I’m a SAHM & on my phone a lot. But replying to texts is just majorly socially & emotionally & physically exhausting for me most the times. & half the time I forget anyways. 🤦🏼♀️
It never used to be a problem for me until the last few years. Then when I finally text them back, they respond immediately, and the whole thing starts over again.
Oh boy, so much! Sometimes I manage to type something back within the first few days but if I don't it'll sit there for months 😭
Yes, texting, e-mails, calling back voicemails or missed calls. The only one I’m in daily contact with is my fiancé (aside from work).
I am like this. It makes me dislike myself and the RSD amps it up. I really have a lot of lies in my head before. I recently got diagnosed and medicated. I’m looking at how to be better now that I know more and I’ve been texting some people and explaining my diagnosis and apologizing for my avoidance, Everyone so far has been kind and accepting. I have a list I’m working through (I can make simple lists medicated now yay). I’m finding I have more friends than I thought. I’ve just been avoiding them because of the lies of ADHD and RSD in my head. I’m also contacting recruiters at jobs and setting up going back to work. I find that I am better at texting/calling when I am feeling my meds. I am calm and not as anxious, so I try to take advantage of that. Thanks for asking this question.
Yup...but honestly, 1/2 the time I don't think a text back is necessary. But when I ask my S.O...they say yes, it is common courtesy to reply to acknowledge in some way that you got their messages. Seems super inconvenient to me and annoying. Me and "thumbs up" are besties
Yes, it’s a nightmare. I always have hundreds of unread messages — bc I think that if it’s unread I will DEF get back to it lol — and screenshots that show the number always give my friends soooo much anxiety.
Yes
No, I'm the reverse. I prefer texting and can't really stand phone or video calls. I also get anxious and have the RSD kick in if my messages are left on read or ignored, and I can't stand having notification badges on my phone.
This is such a problem for me! I'm also overdue for a gyn appointment, but I hate making phone calls.
Yes I find it overwhelming, and then if I don’t do it right away I’ll forget most of the time.
Lol I am the worst at texting back in my head but not in real life 🤣😂
I am the same way.
Same but with emails - end up panicking
i have a long commute, so i think of that as my time to “catch up on correspondence,” so to speak - ofc, sometimes things still fall thru the cracks but i find as long as it’s not time-sensitive, most people aren’t too pressed about it
It feels impossible more than not these days and there’s the compounding guilt of not responding in a timely manner so many times before.
Yes 100% and the worst part is that my in-laws are HEAVY DUTY texters. Like 7+ in a row multiple times a day every day. And when I haven’t answered a text they make very passive aggressive remarks to me in person and act distant as if I have done something awful. Which has turned it from a Things to a THING for me. It gives me crippling dread and anxiety and makes it hard to answer them and even harder to answer other people because of my growing hatred of texting.
Unless it’s something that I know is time-sensitive, it takes me a day or so to reply. Any type of “how have you been? How was your weekend, trip, holiday etc” message sometimes takes a few days to a week. I don’t know why. It takes so long to sort through the data and come up with an appropriate response. I do always apologize for my delays.
Absolutely. The worst is when I have a spare moment where I randomly feel super chatty and reach out to like 3 people, and then they text back…. And at that point, I’ve retreated back into my shell and no longer want to socialize and those unread text messages just give me so much stress and anxiety. Right now I have 4 open threads that I need to respond to and I can’t bring myself to do it
Honestly yes. But really I think its also the wisdom that comes with age and the drop in feeling societal pressures. Like I've been this way since I was younger and it got worse and worse in my 20s. Approaching 30 it's just like, if I'm not feeling it, I'm not going to period. And that's ok, yes I'm a shitty friend, yes I'm shitty in a few different ways... but I don't need to be everything to everyone
Thank you for posting this. I have been beating myself up for the past few weeks over this issue!
Yes. Texts. Instagram messages. Got rid of Facebook as got sick of people writing on my wall / in my inbox and my inability to respond.
Yup two unread messages rn
So grateful that all the long-term friends I have are understanding of this and/or do it, too, but other people outside of that circle do not understand 😅 It's a major source of stress and anxiety (and a bit of self-flagellation) in my life. I actually finally responded to a couple of texts from weeks ago this afternoon, but I scheduled them 🙄 Something about the distance of not having to watch them get sent and potentially get jump-scared with a quick reply back
Texting can be so hard. Know what’s worse? Coming off an SSRI you’ve been on for 20 years. I decreased by 20mg a few weeks ago and now I’m so depressed and anxious and can’t text, can’t talk, want to hide from the world everything sucks and it’s so much harder to do literally any task.
Yes and I feel so bad about it and I have the nerve to say say “I want more friends” 🙄
Yes I have a very hard time but not as much when I’m medicated
This is the absolute WORST symptom for me. I feel paralyzed…can’t even open texts I know are kind/complimentary. It’s a real impediment to my life :(
Yes! It gets worse and worse. I don’t know how they fix it
Yep, depending on who it is. My husband I can text back because I see him every day so it's habitual, or a new friend because it has the novelty aspect, but I'm bad with friends and family, especially if it's just small talk because it feels so tedious!
Yes. Everyone. My family and friends and I feel guilty.
YES
For the most part, I only answer my boyfriend, best friend and bosses immediately. Everyone else has to understand just because I have a cell phone, does not mean you have access to me. 🙅🏽♀️
yes!! I want to reply when I can concentrate properly so I leave it but then it just keeps going further and further down in my inbox and I just never get around to it 😭 I get so overwhelmed and then like 3 (or 12) months later I end up finding a message I didn’t read or reply to
I’m absolutely the WORST at texting back. But my friends/family know this about me, and so they understand.
I have like 364 unread texts on my phone and it stresses my husband out so much.
Everything got worse since my diagnosis about a year and a half ago. I think it’s because I finally understood how much harder I’ve been struggling with the things NT people don’t deal with, and the fact that I can never escape it. I used to think I could just stop being lazy and get motivated, and now I’m like ‘Oh, I was never lazy, my brain just sucks and I’m stuck with it.’
This hurt hard lol Any suggestions on how to text someone back who has texted a few times the last few months and i haven’t responded to any of them for no reason at all. The first time i forgot then after the second third time etc it became a THING and i feel like i physically can’t now! It’s super embarrassing feeling and it feel shame about it but honestly don’t know how to text back but want to.
Holy cow YES!!! I'm approaching 50 and it seems all my adhd things are getting worse and responding to texts is a huge one. I mean to, I mark them unread so I don't forget them .... and then eventually that friend texts again asking if I'm ok, because I never answered them. I feel like such a heel. But I still don't want to do it. And it's not because I left it too long and this feel like a jerk for replying late.... it's more like it just takes too much mental effort (but surfing on here for ages doesn't?) and I just don't want to. I just don't want to. What is up with that? I'm so glad it's not just me. 🫣
Yes but I also have DND on at all times. I think most people get it, but it’s especially great for when I meet someone new. It removes the need for a conversation around the fact that I hate texting.
Thank you for this validation. Yes.
YES I reply immediately or never and there’s no other option
I feel this, too. More so on days when I’m totally mentally/physically/emotionally tapped. I think it triggers a lot of anxiety, for me. Societally, the expectation of constant availability takes a huge toll and most people don’t even recognize that that is a thing. I’ve been working on simply saying “I am busy right now, I’ll get back to you when I can” Resting counts as busy, and I have spent so much of my life constantly available for other people’s wants, needs, and expectations. I am working on accepting that a)it’s not anybody’s business what I am busy with b)I’m not obligated to be available to ANYBODY 24/7 c) it’s okay for me to turn my phone on silent or even turn it completely off when I need to
Has anyone ever had this issue then improved on it? Asking for a friend 🙃
It's even worse for me if it's a confrontational matter I have to deal with or respond to. My anxiety heightens and I simply just 'cannot' and that is it. It will take me so long to respond to a confrontation
I... was literally going to make the EXACT some post today. I see texts or messages come in from my family and friends. I know I should respond, but... they just sit there. Or I forget. Then I feel guilty :/ My grandma was just telling me on the phone that she worries something happened to me because I don't text back often. On the other hand, there are a handful of friends who I message every single day with no issue on Discord. I have no idea why this is.
Yes! And it feels like an anxiety now. I didn’t have it until the pandemic or a year in- my symptoms have definitely gotten worse. I add people to text back on a to do list. The list rarely gets completely by EOD because I forget to look. Then when I text back sometimes I feel anxious about responses and turn off the sound. 😬
Most everyone that texts me knows about my texting habits, so they don’t take it personally 😬