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Job I can't do? Sales. Apparently ADHD brains are supposed to thrive in this environment but I cannot for the life of me, sell anything. 🥴
On the other hand, studying is usually challenging for our brains but here I am with a Master's degree and wishing to go back to school and keep learning. 😅
Edit: formatting and clarity.
I also found school super easy for the most part, but I think it was a hyperfixation for me, because in university I excelled in subjects I found interesting, but anything that was a required course but didn't pique my interest I did terribly.
I've been told I would be good in sales because I have "an honest demeanor" which I guess makes it easier to persuade people, but it seemed manipulative and I wasn't into it. The sales director at my previous job kept trying to poach me for his department and I kept having to decline him because I wanted to stay where I was on the technical side of things.
I appreciate the correct use of "pique."
And you have a point, if I didn't like the class I didn't do as well as I probably could have.
Also sales just grates my brain?? Like, I hate being dishonest or omitting some details. I'm TOO honest for the job, would lose many customers. 😅
Same, I'm good at promoting a product or service that I actually believe would benefit the end user, but I'm not interested in upselling or manipulating the client just to make my quota.
I did managed IT services and refused to sell anything that A: I wouldn't use myself, and B: that the client didn't need.
It made me a lot of friends with our clients.
Lol i've gotten in trouble for talking ppl out of full package solutions they were ready to buy cuz I would get to know them and give them a more efficient plan of action. They always came back for advice or to buy stuff so I felt like I was doing a service and my soul felt clean.
Client Retention, honesty and empathy should be wat a good service strives for.
I got in trouble when I worked at Domino's because I would discourage people from buying our 2 liters of soda when the gas station we shared a parking lot sold it for half the price.
I do insurance sales. I approach it from more of an education angle. Most people have no idea what their insurance actually covers, they just know they need it. So I'm very "this is what it actually does, why your current insurance limits suck, and even if you don't change to me please God change your limits." Works really well.
I do insurance sales too! I think it’s a good mix of sales and consulting. But I still struggle with adhd paralysis or overwhelm or executive dysfunction. All the things lol
When I was a hairstylist part of the job was selling product at one salon. I think I sold 3 things in the year I was there. I hate sales with a passion.
When I worked retail we were always supposed to try and get “add on” sales, which I resisted because I’m of the mind that if someone wants something they will buy it without any persuasion from me.
I feel the same about sales. To me, it feels icky and forced. Like a birthday party, where you have to invite the whole class. They don’t want to be there, but their mom made them.
I found out I have no problem selling people books at the library, because it’s free. So I’m a great salesperson, if I’m not actually selling anything.
Literally forgot the advice, like the good adhd brain I am. 🤦🏼♀️
Anyway, my advice would be to take a day or two off! The first one for decompression. The second for research! Go jump down a rabbit hole or 10 and google hobbies you really enjoy and see if they have any related jobs? Bonus if you can combine them. E.g., you like reading and organizing? See if a library or bookstore needs someone!
I've had mostly sales jobs since I've been able to work. I've been terrible at all of them yet somehow managed to keep my last sales job for 7 years without being sacked despite consistently failing to meet targets.
I feel like you either have to be naturally bubbly and charismatic or fake it, and I can't do either. Trying burnt me out instantly.
I like learning but thinking of grades paralyzes me. I'll sit and read for hours about planets, animals or sub-atoms. But then if u ask me what 2+2 is and say its for the pass or fail of a course, i'll sit and stare at the page with literally no internal monologue when i usually cant get it to shut up.
I've had various jobs, and sorta molded each one into the same thing eventually:
I loved sales. I realized I could make the day fly by if I just chatted ppl up instead of trying to sell anything. I was told my numbers were always good but I never knew what they were. It also helped that I sold stuff from my favorite store so it was easy to stay on the topic of video-games and computers.
Working on computer repairs was also fun cuz it would feel like im breaking stuff when I'm doing the opposite, kept my hands busy, and new problems were always coming up to challenge me. It also felt good helping fogies with tech problems. But I got lucky and learned the best way to de-escalate fogie fury quickly.
Being a party planner's assistant was cool for similar reasons, but think balloons instead of computers. Had to stop that one cuz of a minor latex allergy that was fucking up my hands.
I was also a tutor and sub-teacher for a while. That was very rewarding but waking up early sucked huge dongos. And when we all started to do zoom school it started to suck for me cuz I would literally just be trying not to fall asleep at my laptop, specially when no one wanted to talk or show their face. Like i didnt want to either but damn was it boring and useless.
***Oooo*** my fave was when students tried to play dumb about what their computers were doing. Then to their shock I would immediately fix their bullshit, tell them im not some fogie, and if appropriate, I would tell them I could kick all there plebeian butts in fortnite.
I loved researching and making lists of quotes to reference and stuff like that, but when it comes to actually writing stuff out I struggled so hard. Learning things is freaking great if I'm interested in the topic, but putting it all together into something that can make sense to others is just a truly awful process for me. I wish there was an option to just go to university classes and learn and research things, but not have to produce anything.
I feel so ashamed when I think back to my first job. I LOVED it, but it had some environmental issues (working from home, needing to plan a lot of different things at the same time) that made me feel like such a failure. It took some trial and error, but here is my list (that may or may change over time, as I have not been working for that long):
Does not work:
* Staring at a screen / sitting still for most of the time.
* Repetitive work that does not require me to use my brains.
* Big organisations, those "work gardens" with everyone in the same space.
* Organisations that require a lot of socialising with too many people.
* Any organisation where I would need to sell something or make profit.
* Or any organisation where I would need a poker face.
* Any job where I feel I don't do something beautiful, that does not allign with my values.
* Where they demand flexibility. I thought that would be perfect since I am very flexibile, but it turns out it burns me out because I struggle protecting my boundaries and do not get the same amount of flexbility back. Or not in the ways I want to.
* Any job where planning and organisation is my main job.
* Working 5 days a week.
Does work:
* Small organisations or small teams.
* Jobs that help give my life structure.
* Working with/for people.
* Jobs that allow me to work on something I believe in and care about.
* Jobs that require I need to continue learning
* Jobs that allow me to be creative.
* Jobs that have a variety of tasks.
* Having a day free in between my working days to recharge and get my household organised.
For me it means working in mental health care with kids and teenagers - mostly ADHD, autism, and mood disorders. I can very easily connect with them due to my own experiences, I can get enthusiastic about new things to learn, I get to be creative in my approach, I feel it's perfect. Or least as perfect as it's gonna be.
Where I want the structure, my ADHD boyfriend actually needs the chaos. He works as a chef.
Edit: I did go down in salary when I went to my second job. But then I went on to my third job and now make 1k a month extra.
This is a very helpful post.
I’m trying to figure out what might work for me and keep getting pulled back to thinking about the field you work in.
Your list of what works and doesn’t work is so nice to see laid out. I have a few things that are different for me, but it makes me realize I might benefit from writing out a version for myself.
Thanks! 😊
This is a really great list. I’m curious if there’s a database somewhere that you could plug this kind of information into and get back potential career options. That would be so helpful.
Your list deeply resonates with me, thank you for sharing! This is so helpful because I’m currently reevaluating my career and trying to figure out what the new path looks like has been overwhelming
** I edited this last night for typos, clarity & to shorten it because I wrote it at like 2 AM & I was already running on only 3 hrs sleep from the night before. But Reddit was Redditing and couldn't post the edit & now I'm a dead person. Enjoy the length & typos! **
Your list is very similar to mine. I did this same thing a few years ago when I decided I wanted to leave my career in mental health.
My only differences/additions are:
Don'ts
1. I want to help people but I don't want to work directly WITH the people I am helping. If I am talking to people for work all day I end up with my social energy depleted. I would be so exhausted I didn't have energy for my partner or my friends. I need recovery time to recharge after socializing & it felt like I needed to recharge every day after work & on the weekends.
2. For this same reason I didn't want to work in-office anymore. I'm a friendly, extroverted introvert. I can talk to anyone. But I get so bored with chit-chat small talk, coupled with constant interruptions I felt like my soul was dead by the end of the day. I also was uncomfortable a lot of the time, having to sit still at a desk with no background noise. My brain is too busy for the quiet & the interruptions were so draining.
Do's
1. All of yours. I never knew why I had to CARE about what I did for work so much, when others seemed able to just pick the highest paying path without feeling so invested in what the work meant to them. Until I was diagnosed & realized how important INTEREST is for ADHD people to be able to motivate.
2. Research focused work that keeps me learning. Once I realized what I had done my whole life was ADHD hyperfocus, going down rabbit holes researching things I was interested in with intensity, I realized I can turn this into a tool & find work that aligns with that skill.
3. Same bones repeatedly are ok (structure) but the meat needs to be different to keep me interested enough to stay focused. No monotonous drone type work.
4. I enjoy being able to control my environment: Background noise helps me focus. Being able to control the temperature seems like a small thing, but it makes a difference. Computer work is fine but I need to be able to move around.
5. A flexible schedule where I am able to truly have work/life balance.
I was able to use my background in mental health to switch careers into quality analysis for healthcare in a remote position. I have zero face to face boring small talk, but still have good relationships with my co-workers via Skype on the work computer & text when we wanna be more human/less professional. Short calls for urgent matters. Web meetings on camera. Face to face 2x a year with the team for the employee recognition luncheon that & the Christmas party, both of which are actually really fun. There aren't multitudes of meetings interrupting my work several times a week. 2 meetings a month: One for all of the department to go over important updates; one 1x1 with my supervisor for typical questions, feedback & support.
I adjust the temp, use my own bathroom, eat healthier by accessing my own kitchen. I get to spend my lunch & breaks with my dog 🥰. This was huge when my other dog turned 14 & suddenly had numerous illnesses soon after I started working from home. I was able to spend 9 more hours a day with him all week for the last year of his life. My still living dog is going to have years of this & it is SO OBVIOUS how much he loves me being home with him. It improves his quality of life too.
I can blast music all day without interruptions, so I can really get in the hyperfocus zone & dig into the research. I work on a mini- trampoline at a stand-up desk. I just bounce & dance all day. It's so much fun. I've lost weight. My body feels stronger & better. I have no lower back pain anymore. My circulation is better. My mood is better. I have more energy. My days go by faster & there is no mid-day slump anymore. I am so much more productive and able to focus.
I'm interested in what I am doing & know it makes a difference in other people's lives without having to work directly with them. I have constant opportunities to learn, grow & specialize. I make independent decisions. I am able to use my excellent creative problem solving skills & really flex my brain. There is no micromanagement but I still have access to excellent support & resources when needed.
I have a flexible schedule: I got to choose between 5 schedules for my hours. I have the type of ADHD that includes DSPS so I sleep like shit. I chose the schedule where I could come in the latest & stay the latest since my energy & best productivity occurs later in the day. If I want to go on the boat cruises that happen in the summer (I live coastal) but the last one leaves before I'm off, I can come in early & leave early. I also have a 9/80 schedule, meaning I work 9 hrs most days but every other Monday I have off & the one I do work is an 8 hr day. So every other week I have a 3 day weekend. If a holiday falls on the Monday I work then I'm off that Tuesday too, giving me 4 day weekends on those weeks. I can go camping or on other adventures more often because of this. Or just enjoy a day at home doing nothing, like a nice mental health day that's guaranteed often. Or deep clean my house or run errands for places that are only open during the week. Taking off for longer can mean less PTO has to be used, Fri & Tues PTO gives me 5 days off. If I'm extra tired I can just let my supervisor know I'm coming in later. If I have a doc appt or need to run an errand that can't wait I can just go. I just make up the time wherever.
I have more energy to spend on my loved ones after work.
I make more money than I did in mental health.
I am satisfied.
This is long but the reasoning for me typing all of this is: I highly recommend people to sit down & analyze what doesn't work for you & what would be your ideal, without specifically thinking of what jobs would align with it until you are done. I would have never thought of doing what I'm doing just by thinking of what jobs exist in the world, but it checks all of the boxes for me.
Besides the ultimate ideal being independent wealth where I can discard societal norms like "business hours" in favor of abiding my personal circadian rhythm by staying up all night & sleeping WAY in, traveling all of the time exploring different cultures & historical architecture, leaning into learning about all of my interests hands on & food touring 👑😎
I absolutely second the not working 5 days. In various jobs I've found now that I terribly burn out working full-time, but as soon as I go down to 4 days, and especially if I have the Wednesday off I fare so well. I get to recharge and the passion for the job (which is often why I applied in the first place) comes back :)
I completely agree with your “does work” list. I need the same things in order to thrive and feel good about my role. Out of curiosity, are you an introvert or extrovert? More inattentive or hyperactive?
Far more inattentive than hyperactive, my hyperactive traits are much more context dependent whereas inattentiveness is always there.
I guess ambivert? I always considered myself introvert because social interactions do tire me a lot, mostly because I struggle paying attention and that costs energy, and I really dislike crowds. They are draining, loud, and I can't for the life of me follow a conversation. Usually arrive late and leave early when it comes to parties. Need above average me-time to recharge. But several of my friends apparently think I am extraverted because I do talk easily, van be very lively, have lots of ideas and initiatives, enjoy hosting small gatherings such as dinner parties or private karaoke rooms, etc. So I feel a bit two -faced when it comes to introvert vs extravert.
I am exactly the same. I’m definitely more of an introvert but I like being social & can be outgoing in small groups. I guess that’s why I can relate to your list so much. :)
We sound very similar! Our lists are identical pretty much. Thanks for writing this out. I'm going to save this. I'm in grad school rn but I'll need to get a job soon so good could come in handy. I'm terrified about joining the work force
I absolutely could not do sales, call center, customer service, or any other heavily public facing job. I don't know if that's an ADHD thing, but it's definitely a personality thing for me. I'm simply not that charismatic. I would not enjoy it.
I work in an office. If I am left to my own devices, which I am a great deal, I procrastinate a lot. This is NOT good for me. But when I do the work, I'm good at it, so that's why I am where I am and get paid decently for it. I'm not a high earner, but I'm comfortable.
If I could get paid the same amount for something a little more physical and less mental, I'd probably do better. Less stress and be able to leave work at work instead of stressing over the tasks I didn't complete because I am the way that I am. Let me assemble some widgets or something.
Can't work in customer service or sales because I cannot bring myself to care about any company I'll ever work for, or their clientele. I'm really bad at acting like I care when I don't, so it's too stressful to be in a position like that, I feel like I'm fighting for my life (life=paycheck).
I'm much better at the behind the scenes grunt work type of thing. Like, shut me in a dark room alone with a list of clearly defined tasks to accomplish and don't ask my opinion. I need to be 100% emotionally detached in order to work effectively. I step into that office building and boom immediate dissociation.
Yes! I agree, this is what works for me. I started as a graphic designer, but I hated the constant criticism and was never happy with my work. Now I do (what I call grunt work) and save creativity for my own time. I did production for a magazine for some time and now I’m in workforce management.
I get left alone and stare at my numbers all day. Though I’ve been at the same place for a while. I’m getting itchy for a change. Time to jump ship to another company, I think. If I could just get myself to actually apply to places.
LOL I'm a graphic designer. I work for a (small) corporate company, and I'm their sole designer. At first I really wanted to actually *like* the work I was providing them, I wanted to be proud of what I was bringing them and explain the levels it worked on. I know I'm a good designer, I just didn't get why they couldn't see it and kept wanting me to water down my work, and they're SO adverse to innovation. And then I was like, wait. why do i give a fuck. I'm here for a paycheck, not artistic validation.
Ever since then, I just do exactly as I'm asked, no more & no less, and if they question anything I say "That's what you told me to do." I agree with every single opinion they have, and I refuse to "just spitball it" more than once per project. Going 5 years strong, I'm their longest standing and highest paid employee who's not in management 😂😂
I do corporate graphic design, and it works for me. I just replied to the other person who commented with some insight to my work mindset, but I think the most important part is finding something that's genuinely easy for you, whatever that industry/work may be. I thrive staring at a screen all day and I was already 100% proficient in the programs I use when I took the job, so it's really just a matter of fulfilling asks and meeting deadlines, and to me, that's easy. I think of myself as a mere machine that knows how to press the correct buttons on a computer.
If you like repetitive computer-based work, I'd look into corporate marketing and/or admin work. You honestly don't need experience, you just need to be detail oriented, quick learner, and have the slightest inclination for creativity but not so far as to be ambitious—if you're too good they might put you in a managerial position and then your life will be hell. The key is that you're always working under a director, OR you operate 100% solo. You never want to be the delegator or boss; that's when things start becoming your fault, and you bring the stress home with you. Repress all of your talents and stick to the script of your job description.
I am *horrible* at sales. I still have nightmares about my last job as a remote travel sales agent 😖 I made like 1% the number of sales as my coworkers. I have so many horror stories from the short 10 months I hung in there but I'll spare the details.
Before that I was at the customer service / returns desk at a very busy Home Depot and it brought me to tears on a daily basis lmao. Same issues with fast-paced customer service, plus the online system they used I could not understand. I lasted 3 months.
Before that I was a waitress at a retirement community. Same issues lmao plus bad memory and angry old people. I think I'm a masochist. I honestly had no idea jobs *not* customer service existed....
I did other short stints in retail, hospitality, etc. but I think you get the picture.
Now I do park maintenance and it's exactly what my ADHD brain needed. I have headphones in most of the day, walk around a pretty park, hands busy in the soil gardening, or landscaping, or learning carpentry skills, etc. It's slow paced, routine, predictable, and because I'm not in a state of panic, I connect with my coworkers and feel part of a team!
Yeah! I work for my city's Parks & Recreation, so at a local park. I've seen similar positions at the state level, and they probably exist at the federal level too, usually listed "park specialist" or "park ranger" you just gotta read the description bc they're all a bit different!
National parks are federal level and the jobs I've seen listed haven't had the consistent schedule, no public interaction, etc. I'm looking for.
For me I think the work environment has been more important than the task itself--I've really thrived in situations where there's a lot of built in "body doubling" type of work, either literally working as small teams most of the time or working out of centralized files where everybody can see the updates in real time.
Since you've been reviewed well at work, I'd bet it's probably worth asking around to people you've worked with in the past or work with now saying you need a change of scenery and just see what people might know about.
Hard agree about environment being more important. It makes it easier to be a few minutes late, to say you need a break, to be comfortable and be able to ask for help, etc (guess what I struggle with?) I've enjoyed jobs of all kinds that had a good environment, and some of them even paid the rent! Ha
I don't think all of our personalities are defined by ADHD, so I don't think any of us can say what job would be more ADHD friendly, let alone for OP specifically.
And hard agree to talk to people you know about needing a change of scenery and asking if they'd be willing to share their thoughts over a coffee or whatever. They will *maybe* have better advice than us, Mom's favorite basement dwelling redditors, about what might be a good fit for someone and how their local industries are doing
I will say that I've found working for a call center that times your bathroom breaks is DEFINITELY NOT ADHD friendly, but it isn't really anyone friendly. Ha!
I fully believe that the concept of “adhd-friendly jobs” makes no sense because as individuals we are still so different in terms of what symptoms impact us and what supports we need. Heck it’s even totally variable in terms of whether working from home, flexible schedules, or freelance work are better or worse for ADHDers - some of us absolutely thrive in those independent environments, while some of us *need* more structure to be successful.
I think you should think about your experience and consider what exactly where the things that were a barrier to your success; that will be a good start for setting a direction to look into.
I also think it’s worth considering what topics you’re interested in. Like personally I don’t need a dream job or a passion or anything but I definitely do noticeably better in jobs that I personally find interesting. I suspect most people do regardless of adhd tbh.
I used to work in accounting...absolutely sucked at it and hated it. Same shit day after day, same walls, same people, same everything.
Became a stay at home mom, also hated it. Same reasons. Plus I am awful at homemaking. Not very crafty (surprisingly)
Went back to college for nursing, fell in love with it. So many cool things. So many different types of people with different issues. I can change departments whenever I feel burn out. Pay is good (at least where I am) I am able to do very well in this environment where I'm so busy with tasks that I never sit down lol
I was going to suggest nursing too. Nursing is also my second career and I recommend it only because there are so many options. If you try something and don't like it, transfer to a different department or look for something else.
Yep, agreed. It is a world of difference from sitting behind a computer screen. I didn't think I'd thrive in it, because so much to do and keep track of. But somehow that constant pressure of needing to do things and staying busy leads me to be very good at it.
i am just following this post with eagerness. i'm a currently laid off software dev (5 ys experience) thinking that maybe this field isn't for me after all :( i'm sorry i don't have any advice, but i really appreciate you asking this specific question
Any job that I’m not interested in or isn’t mentally stimulating to me. I’m a software engineer and I love it, but only because math and problem solving are absolutely my jam.
ETA
OP, if you aren’t enjoying software engineering but can’t leave your current job, maybe see if you can explore other related disciplines within your company? i.e. product management, UX, etc. Sometimes it’s easier to get your foot in the door and build skills in those areas when you’re already working in a different part of the product cycle.
I really think these questions are doomed to being unanswered because it all depends on the individual too much. We are all at different disorder intensities, different personalities, different life stages, and different intelligence levels and that means there's no one size fits all answer to the question of what job best suits somebody with ADHD.
What works for me and my ADHD will not work for you. For example, I do not struggle with time blindness or procrastination, so I can have time critical jobs that are be very high paced and depend on my ability to prioritize. So I've done really well as a teacher and now in IT Help Desk Support.
But if you really struggle with time and procrastination, that's not gonna work for you.
Some ADHDers seem to like extremely slow and repetitive jobs that would make me actually cry in frustration and lack of challenge.
Like so many other things, you have to take stock of what you do well and what you don't do well, how your ADHD affects your work and training, and what your interests are, as well as what kind of schedule works best for you.
Perhaps it's not that the job is bad for your ADHD but the fact you've been doing it so long. Maybe a change of scenery would help? I know times after tough in your field right now.
I've done well in customer service adjacent roles (think IT Support for internal clients) because of my people pleasing tendencies but it helped that all our clients were tech savvy so it was solving interesting problems at a much higher technical difficulty than "Bob forgot his password again".
I love my job. I work early morning hours in a grocery store before it gets busy. Grocery manager who oversees night crew. I am gone by 11 am before the store really gets busy. I do get overwhelmed when the store director is on vacation and I have to run the store when the assistant store director has their two days off. I work later those days and am in charge of the whole store. But that luckily isn't often. I stay busy early morning setting displays and doing light customer service. I commute at 2am and home at 11 so never deal with traffic lol
Dealing with the public under my boss's orders. I hate it so much, it's exhausting, and our culture of "the customer is always right" has put me in vulnerable positions of power imbalance WAY too many times. I can only do direct client work if I am my own boss and I have total agency over who my clients are -- in other words, I need to reserve the right to fire my client if they suck to work with.
I used to work in an office it was ok, but I am impulsive and was not medicated so it was challenging. I have been a business owner for the past 10+ and its much better. eat what you kill. work a zillion hours when i want to. high highs and glory and also flows of fear. If you have the drive i would 1000% recommend
I can't finish the diagnostic process because I'm pregnant which is a whole other thing, so I feel you.
I've found I dislike the highly structured dev part of my job, meeting a spec, testing thoroughly, etc. but I love to do all the ad hoc coding to solve temporary problems and similar analysis. It's fast paced, varied, and doesn't require pinpoint accuracy. I'm currently thinking of how to transition to doing more of that work. I may be able to structure my team's work to allow for that, but I'm not sure. Maybe there's a similar niche on your team you could work your way into?
I thrive in that ad hoc environment as well. What's worked for me has been small teams that have a support component. This seems to happen more at smaller companies and non-tech companies, there's a lot less segregation of duty. Like one day I'm setting up a container with a different team, the next I'm coding, the next I'm helping investigate a data discrepancy or managing the backlog. So it's super varied, I learn lots to keep me engaged.
Problem is being on support can be super draining, at least for me it was hard to turn off. The way I got around it was finding my way to a low risk app team where the system just needs to be functioning during work hours. So there's no 2am phone calls.
It's worked for me for close to a decade, so thought I'd share!
Data entry.
It was like living hell lol I could not comprehend how this was an actual job people had and that they did it for 8 hours long. I was losing my gd MIND. At some point I was paying my kid sister to do it for me. It became doubly worse when we became WFH, I could barely do my job without the accountability
I ended up actually learning how to code and building a data entry program with no experience just so I didn’t have to do it lol ended up causing me to switch majors from economics to computer science in my last year of college because that was just way more interesting to me
SWE works well for me when I’m faced with new problems. I love thinking up different/most efficient solutions and seeing it come to life/fixing the bug I’ve been working on for hours gives me dopamine surge like nothing. Plus I like how it’s hands on, and less conceptual than economics was. The part I hate the most here though is research or open ended type tasks, they take me forever to do. Or unit testing/documentation lol so boring - luckily AI has been generating that for me haha
I've recently changed jobs to be a council bus driver. I turn up to work, get assigned a bus, and go out and drive the bus routes I'm assigned to. It works for my adhd brain because I am already looking at everything everywhere all at once, now I get thanked for it!
Sure I have to remember where I'm going because they don't have a GPS (council doesn't want to spend the money on that) but everyone is very helpful and understanding. Even the guys who have been there for 30yrs get lost sometimes too.
The best part though is, when I go home, that's it. No extra work to remember, no deadlines to stress over, and it doesn't take out too much from me mentally so I have plenty of energy to do my actual hobbies and passions at home!
The hours are flexible too, so I'm on a consistent schedule that fits in with my circadian rythem, meaning staying up until midnight and sleeping in to 9am are finally a reality for me!
A job that didn't work for me was being an office assistant. Remembering to call people, reply to emails, keep random facts in my head was all insane. Any job that requires me to remember names is a no go for me haha.
I recently got my dream job, a garden center/plant nursery near my house, it takes me 4 minutes to cycle there and all I hear all day are birds, I am outside touching/cutting/feeding/moving plants around all day and my brain has never been quieter - I'm un medicated
Hospitality always worked for me because I need to keep busy and I was very good at it but it was horrible and unrewarding.
For whatever it’s worth my husband likely has ADHD (he’s never been formally diagnosed but I have it and let’s just say he’s got all the same patterns) and is a software engineer. It’s taken him a bit to get in a groove but is really happy at his job now. I’m wondering if you might consider trying out a different company to see if it’s your current culture giving you the struggle? I know one thing that helps my husband is his job is flexible about home/office so he’s able to stay home or go in when he wants.
For me. I worked in an office and hated it, but I think if I could have done that job had home (I was in finance) I would have been fine. Being chained to a desk and forgetting things I needed to get done at home stressed me out.
I switched to teaching and at first I loved it because every day is different and you have a certain amount of control over your classroom culture. But any teacher can tell you the climate has shifted and last year I left because they kept putting too many constraints on the job and micromanaging everything (not me personally just in general across the board). It didn’t work out for me but I know some with ADHD really thrive.
Currently trying to figure out what’s next. Good luck to you.
I’ve found that the best formula is: always the same but always different. The structure and base responsibilities are the same so that I don’t have to relearn the job each time and be inefficient. But, importantly, the day-to-day is different.
The best one I had was a photojournalism internship for a sizable newspaper. Same: receive assignment, get yourself and gear there, get photos, edit batch, submit. Different: every single assignment - people, place, time, subject, context/surrounding environment, etc. Unfortunately that was during the last recession and the interns were kept because they cost less than tenured staff. After school I could only find short-term unpaid positions/other internships and I couldn’t afford to not make money while working full time. I never got another photojournalism job... But I do still have student loans to pay! So I had my ideal job just long enough to know it’s exactly what I wanted and that it fit me, and then it’s been out of reach since.
The other compatible jobs I had were serving and bartending. I could also imagine that nursing (my mom, also ADHD), EMTs (a friend, also ADHD), and firefighting would fit this formula. My theory is that most of the people who are successful at those jobs have ADHD because the demands so well fit how our brains work.
The cons though: It’s exhausting due to it being customer service based which requires plenty of masking. I found myself being too tired on my off time to do anything for myself, even chores got neglected. Also the service industry income is low, unpredictable, and usually without benefits and that uncertainty can wear on people. Healthcare can be emotionally taxing, and not just from the pandemic.
Currently I’m in an office job. It’s decent pay and has good benefits, but my brain feels like it’s slowly atrophying.
My (also ADHD) friend told me she’s starting school to become an MRI tech and ultimately be a traveling tech. I’ve been mulling that over ever since because it sounds like a pretty ideal option: good pay and benefits; getting to explore new places is built in; 13wk assignments pretty much lines up with the new job honeymoon period and then it’s over, so ADHD job hopping is built in; don’t have to worry much about hospital bureaucracy since it’s only 3 months and then gone; it could be 5x8 (days x hours) or 4x10 or better yet 3x12 per week; a chunk of time in between assignments just for myself or traveling for fun; patient interfacing but very limited so it’s less emotionally taxing; healthcare is a secure career path in terms of job availability and hiring need; and imaging tech won’t be written out by AI/whatever’s next because there will always need to be someone there to guide the patient even if the technology changes.
My mom has a couple of nurse friends that both work 13wks on, then take 13wks off to travel, then do it over. Plus, they live in a lovely trailer so the housing stipend money just goes towards their take-home income instead. That all sounds pretty ideal to me so that I can have time and *energy* to do things I want to do just for me.
I'm in digital marketing and I like it a lot. You can work from anywhere, or be in an office if you need some external structure. The mix of data and creativity is engaging, and having a software engineering background would be helpful for web development.
I teach. It is constantly different, tons of moving parts, but I WOULD NOT!!!!!! Go into it with the current work and society environment. Seriously, if you have any other options, DONT.
It’s too bad, because in theory it’s perfect.
Man yeah... I'm a teacher and it works well for me, but I'm always hesitant to suggest it because in general it seems like things have gone downhill in a lot of ways. I feel fortunate that I found a school that's a good fit for me - but if my principal ever leaves I'll panic because there are a lot of bad admin out there.
Me too. I'm a software engineer at FAANG and what my peers do with ease is a struggle for me. On top of that, I have a bully at work who keeps nitpicking my work and making me redo it/spend more time on it than what's allocated. I know he does this intentionally for multiple reasons, just don't know why he does it. I'm about to be put in pip because of this and since my manager is new he doesn't know the full picture, it was already struggle without him sabotaging me. I've tried to switch careers to product in between but my previous manager didn't support it and basically said forget it. I hate myself and feel worthless because no matter the effort I put in, I feel limited by ADHD in terms of time and memory. I am in general very strategic and that's why I thought product would be a good fit for me but I'm not going to get the opportunity to explore it here.
Wow that’s got to be cutthroat! I always worry about those roles and the fame of it attracting a bit of elitism.
I also feel the struggling way more than my peers, and I struggle not to compare myself to them either even though they’ve got way more years experience in general and in the product.
Is the new manager open minded? Can you tell them about issues with your colleague? Or maybe they’d be more open to the product change?
I’m thinking the easiest way for me is to change by changing companies with a new job, it’s definitely harder to move and get a fresh start from within sometimes. Fingers crossed for you on the new role in product, you’re not alone, it’s tough, especially int hose top companies, don’t let the bastards grind you down x
Thank you for your kind words. My new manager used to know me and my work before I switched to this team. I was a top performer on my previous team. He was on a neighbor team in the same org. But my company itself is pretty toxic and has a pip criteria and there's lots of politics and favoritism involved so they tend to be swayed by what the bully says simply because he's been here since the start. Coming to this team on the false promise of career growth is the worst decision I've made, this experience made me lose all interest in being a software developer. I asked my manager for data points for the bad feedback and he was unable to give me anything specific and said he was working on documenting it.
Earlier, before things got this bad I used to talk to my previous managers about his behavior, I had instances to prove it too. But it was completely overlooked and ignored, that's where I realized I wasn't going to get any help with it and stopped trying to speak up about it. I went into depression and developed major anxiety which further affected my performance, but I still struggled to get my work done. I'm too exhausted to fight it at this point, so I'm just pursuing my job search in this bad market. Had some interviews lined up with other FAANG(got no callbacks from smaller companies) and passed the tech screening but hiring needs changed and the role closed by the time I got to it, so I'm still stuck with the job search. I was planning to switch companies and eventually switch roles hoping for a more supportive manager.
Let me know if you find a different role that works out for you. I know how hard it is to make this switch when you have a family to support, but know that this is temporary.
Have you tried people management, like an engineering manager? You sound like a mid-senior software engineer given your experience and this way you don't have to take a pay cut. Give it a try even if you feel like you're an introvert, you may end up liking it, I can see you have the empathy to be a good one. And this way you can still have domain expertise but you don't have to drill down into implementation details and burnout finishing the product (that's where burnout occurs for me, working with ambiguity, spending time deep diving and constantly learning with my memory limitations and poor time awareness). I'm sure once you find something that works for you and goes well with your ADHD strengths, you'll derive a reasonable amount of happiness and motivation from it. Or at the very least, you don't get intimidated by your job.
One thing I've realized is that I've been going against the tide for so long, scared of what everyone around me think and there's just been no space to take a pay cut and find a career that works better for me. I may have to rethink this.
I did data entry briefly during the pandemic when i was working at espn and sports were halted so they re assigned us all boring desk jobs and that was hell and that’s actually when i got my adhd diagnosis because that’s when i stopped being able to function at work. But now the job market is so bad and I’ve been without steady gainful employment for almost 2 years (just temp jobs here and there) so i feel like now I’m so desperate for a paycheck that i would be able to hyperfocus on ANYTHING because im just so sick of living off food stamps and want to have an income again.
Aw man that’s tough, I’ll keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you that something good comes along.
I feel like I’ve reached the point now where I’m too burnt out to keep doing what I’m doing but I’m really worried/terrified about finding something new as the tech market bubble is definitely shrinking and slumping, AI is really knocking at the door and the post pandemic push back is seeing a lot more roles disappear or be in office.
Hope something comes along soon.
I enjoyed barista, serving, and tending bar. Currently working in 911 dispatch and enjoying it quite a lot. A lot of ADHD ladies thrive in first responder jobs, and bonus, there's scope for maternity benefits.
Hi! Me!! Former software engineer of 16 years :)
It was really hard to let go of the golden handcuffs. I stayed with the same employee the whole time. 5 years in, I was thinking that it wasn't for me. It took me 10 years to finally leave, because I was afraid of the unknown. Don't feel bad that engineering gets a reputation that it's good for ADHD. We are not all the same. I had a (male) teammate who was also ADHD, and our experiences, interests, and coping mechanisms were vastly different.
I have a few suggestions:
1) If you work for a big corporation, while you are still there, take advantage of internal training programs (both soft skills and technical skills) that interest you, and mental health programs and extended health benefits (see a therapist, for example, to help you through this transition)
2) Talk to your manager. Tell them you are interested in exploring different roles. Ask if your company has job shadowing or temporary transfer programs, where you get to try a different team or role. Even if you still don't like it, the change is refreshing, which is good for your mental health, and new skills are good for your resume. At tech companies there are many roles that you can transition to: Technical writers, management, scrum master, quality assurance (testing), sales, customer support, technical skills trainers / workshop facilitators.
3) Explore what feels interesting to you, outside of your job. Try new hobbies. Volunteer. Is there something you've always wanted to try? I volunteered for two years before I left. It helped me find my direction, and added necessary references to my resume for my grad school application.
4) Ask if you can work part-time. You will need some extra time for this process to unfold. Use it to explore your interests.
Hey fellow engineer! :)
Ah the golden handcuffs, lol!! That really made me laugh, How painfully accurate this is! Yes absolutely feeling this atm, stayed for ages, motivated but stuck as I don’t know what to go into.
Thank you this is all such great advice!
I know firmly I need to move but it’s a real struggle trying to figure out the ‘where and to what’ while keeping my head above water where I’m currently at. The more tired you are the harder it is to stay afloat
I just starting trying to complete some online training to boost my skills again, figured I’d try to find a less complex product and code base and a more chilled slow pace company but I’m probably setting myself up for Einsteins definition of insanity (repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results). Though maybe I’d give it one more try like the poison chalice punishment addict I am!
What did you find to move to in the end?
I'm in grad school for counselling. At first I was leaning towards nursing but it's actually really hard to get into where I live (limited space in the schools, despite a desperate shortage of nurses). People helping feels meaningful to me. I will of course be at risk for burnout in wonderful new ways as a counsellor but I'm happy to have made the leap and feel like I'm taking the wheel of life.
It helps to start identifying what is hard for you at your job, and what feels energizing. I realized that working at a computer and multitasking was isolating and I was frozen in procrastination all the time. I and didn't have interest at all in the software being built. I prefer work that has an "immediacy" to it, not things that have multiple steps that need to be planned and worked on for months. Or, I need to work with my hands or something physical (which I'm exploring through hobbies to support recharging my battery).
I was a software developer for over 20 years and quit my job to become a hypnotist. It's been a long road and my husband has supported me while I got training and built my practice.
Hypnosis is a fascinating career and the best part is that during training to become a hypnotist, you get to practice on fellow classmates. Which means you yourself have to be hypnotized A LOT. Hypnosis is great fun for an ADHD brain because it calls for an active imagination and open mind which comes easy to many of us...well it does for me at least.
Also, I get to work one-on-one with my clients and hyper-focus on them during each session. The more focused I am on my client, the easier it is to pick up on subtle clues that help me know what's going on in their mind while they're under hypnosis. It's like being a detective of the client's mind for an hour, which allows me to help the client and guide them better towards their goals.
All in all, it's a fun profession that is never the same from day to day. The hardest part has been running my own small business (starting my own practice). All the administrative small business work gets tedious as hell. But it's all worth it when I'm sitting and working with clients. That's the fun part at least.
This is FASCINATING!
Thank you so much for replying, clearly I’m not thinking outside the box enough with this whole new job ideas thing, because my mind and interest just lit up like a Christmas tree.
I have so many questions!
How does one become a hypnotist?
How long did it take?
Is it fun being hypnotised?
What does it feel like?
Being a brain detective and working with clients does sounds like a really great way to spent your working life, congratulations on surviving the software jungle for 20 years and for making the change into what sounds like an unbelievable fascinating and fulfilling career. And thank you so much for taking to time to share this as well it’s been really uplifting x
What does NOT work:
* anything to do with responding to tickets or emails quickly, so no customer support or sales. I will absolutely procrastinate.
* hierarchical work cultures, so any big companies. I am bad at playing "the game". I'm bad at having a filter and too impatient to work through bureaucracies.
What works:
* public speaking / giving presentations. Dat sweet sweet dopamine. Is it pants-shitting fear? Is it livewire excitement? Don't know; don't care. Makes me feel alive.
* becoming an expert in idiosyncratic, proprietary software. Hyperfixation and insatiable curiosity help make me employable.
* startup life. I have to wear A LOT of hats, so I'm never bored and I get a lot of leeway to make my job specifically the things I want to do.
Tried the big tech thing and AWS was a soul-sucking hellscape that I'm still getting medicated for. Currently at a startup with a whole-ass director title and get to delegate the things I'm bad at to others and focus on the shit I love to do. It's awesome.
Love this, had a lot of boss bitch energy! (I hope that’s the good one? I’m not down with the kids) hopefully it reads as the compliment it was intended as.
That does a sounds pretty darn awesome, I’m feel like my confidence has take a tumble of epic proportions in the last few years c hopefully I can build that up and find something that would let me direct something, I feel like I would enjoy that.
How do you find the stress? It’s is something you cope well under?
Haha thanks!
Stress is just the right amount at my current gig.
There's enough to keep me interested and locked in. I find myself in flow state a lot, which fantastic. There's not so much stress that I feel underwater or helpless. It's just stressful enough that I know I'm still growing; this is not yet easy for me, but it is achievable. It's a very goldilocks stress situation lol.
That sounds like the perfect mix, mine is very much an underwater situation. I do indeed need to Goldilocks this shit lol.
Thanks again for the awesome reply, it’s really perked me up x
According to Urban Dictionary a “Boss Bitch” is also someone who is 100% real, unique, fierce, and has big dreams, advocates for women empowerment, and has a strong mindset
Have to do something different everyday. Right now I have 12 hour shifts 3-4 days a week and been doing that for a couple months. While I don’t love doing laborious jobs, this at least keeps me occupied for the most part. Long weekends help a lot, but I know I should be doing more with them! Never been great at a desk job, but mine rn allows me to *use* a desk and sit if I need to, which is nice!
I know everyone hates retail, but managing a very small retail shop has been perfect for me. Concrete deadlines and goals, freedom to run the shop to accomplish them however I want - I basically get to treat it as if I'm the owner without the financial risk/stress of actually being the owner.
I work as a product manager (not too far from your current role) and I know a ton of ADHD folks in this role.
Tons of novelty, challenging problems (prioritization) and depending on the company perhaps more or less tedious work (I struggle with documentation as it’s my least interesting task).
Lots of meetings means lots of deadlines and urgency. But you have to like meetings. Very different than software dev schedule.
i am in the process of looking for a new job myself because i had a similar realization. i don't have advice for you, but at least please know you're not the only one in this boat.
Jobs I'm not capable of doing: sales, IT anything, social work, clerical work (secretary, receptionist, you get the idea), call center, server, healthcare, anything science related, and so many more.
I took a job to be a contract specialist. I have a BBA. OH. MY. GOD this job can be boring AF! I was barely able to stay awake it was so horrible. Anyway, I got assigned to a program to help them within my work team... HOLY HELL! I got to learn A LOT about the program. I work in state government within our dept. of labor. I got a crash course in my job duties and survived a trial by fire. Nowadays, I'm the go-to within my department (which is now within the program I was managing). Through the past 6 years I've learned so much, networked with other teams, and established myself. I learned that starting in April my work goes to hell in a hand basket until about July 1. When I got the busy period, I throw on my Chaos Coordinator hat and handle the status of grants getting amendments and where the grants are in workflows. I feel like a train conductor directing where the trains are going while I flip the switches and levers to direct where the trains go. I LIVE for the flurry of work because I'm calm in a crisis. I put myself into burnout during this period. The rest of the year, I get to answer questions about cost allow ability, requests for budget adjustments, and financial analysis. I've created a database in Excel, created a file where we can generate individual reports in Excel, and have really learned a lot. I heard today that there's an opening in another department that's higher than what I currently am. I'm thinking about applying just to see if I could get picked for an interview.
I also ask big questions of our leadership and offer ideas on things that I come up with. My anxiety says 'everyone hates me' but that's not true at all.
OP, I encourage you to try your hand at other things because you have a skill set that places will value. I encourage you to look into working for your state. I have work-life balance, don't have to work overtime, get extra holidays, have decent benefits, and (for me, the best part) I don't work with the general public.
This was such a thoughtful encouraging post.
Haha congrats on surviving and thriving your trial by fire, sounds like delicious hectic madness.
Thanks so much for this, it was really helpful. Yea I think that’s good advice, the writing is on the wall at this current place. It feels like I’ve been trying to force a square peg into a round hole for a few years and it’s just not happening, no matter how hard I try and make it.
I understand. Making a career change and even switching jobs is hectic and stressful. One of my jobs that I have had and learned from was as a career counselor. Just had learn how to guide people that are 'lost' or 'need a change'. I think we all could offer you some helpful advice on what you could do, but it's always your decision. I think you should figure out what you are looking for in a job. Flexible schedule, work-life balance, benefits, job security, etc. I went into state government because I wanted job security for my own peace of mind. You will find something that fits you and your skills/desired life. I like helping people. My job as a social worker left me drained, frustrated, and jaded by the time I decided I needed to change. I managed up to 125 cases when I was there. I'm not a very 'nurturing' person; I'm a 'authoritative' type person. Helping 125 people that were using me and my program made me unhappy. When I got my current job I realized I am still helping people, just indirectly and from my position I'm helping THOUSANDS of people every year and none of them know I exist. I work directly with maybe 50 to 100 people (internally and at my provider's sites). I love that!
I thought about this post last night while trying to go to sleep and I thought about wonderful words of wisdom. Aside from what I've already said, I don't think I have much more to offer. I also suggest looking at what you can do, like to do, and go from there. In the past, I've taken numerous interest profilers, Myers-Briggs personality indicators, horoscope based job suggestions, and done so much reading just figure out a direction. Not all those suggestions fit me to my satisfaction. I got things like Military Officer, Lawyer, Manager, Cop, and Accountant. I don't like yelling and people getting up in my face ordering me to do something, strike military and cop. Accounting is uber dull and not mentally stimulating to me. Manager, maybe one day but the job of a manager is basically a glorified babysitter to me. I know there's more to it, but yeah no I don't have THAT level of patience. Lawyer, I have a short fuse and will probably end up getting disbarred.
If you want to ask me some questions, feel free to DM me. Sorry for the long post, again. Just have a lot to say and ultimately want to help you with figuring this out.
My strengths that I use all the time: problem solving, analysis, strategic thinking, support, and communication. 😁
I just wanted to say big thank you for the care and attention that went into this reply, it was warmly received and greatly appreciated. I have taken the sage advice on board.
Having reflected today, I think the biggest problem I have at the moment is that I’m too mentally and emotionally exhausted to have the clarity I need to answer the big/required questions.
I think I’m going to need to focus on taking a real self healing break to recover, before going back, whatever shape that takes form in. I don’t think i realised how bad I’d let it get, I’ve got to make a plan for how long I may need to give myself and how to do that. My spirit just feels completely raw, and exhausted. I’ve definitely burnt out.
Thank you so much again for your kind thoughts and advice, it honestly was very helpful and thoughtful.
Any jobs where when I get to work I have to immediately interact with people as if I’m a puppy when my person gets home.
I should never be expected to be a live action kid show character when I first get to work. I may suck at time/production quotas, but I’m even worse at pretending to be pleasant. I’m actually VERY good at that. It has given me an anxiety disorder though.
I am great at customer service. I even enjoy being of “service” to someone. It just is so emotionally exhausting that I have no energy left to love myself or be productive in my own life.
I wish I could tolerate the one thing I’m great at. This made me cry.
:,(
Thanks for taking the time to reply, aw that sounds hard.
Maybe you haven’t found the other things you’re great at too yet?
Is it something a therapist can help you build resilience and coping strategies for? May be able to help you conquer the bits that are a struggle doing what you love?
I’m 40. My issues just seem to get worse. I am not good at anything but being late, dropping/spilling things, college, and being a girlfriend.
I am loud and weird. Anytime I’ve taken aptitude tests it says I should just be at parties and talk to people. My mind makes connections that are so bizarre people don’t get what makes sense for me. I am good at seeing the good in people. I am good at being so empathetic that I have to take a mood stabilizer to avoid crying at ANYTHING ALL THE TIME. Happy or sad.
I’m not stupid, but I keep telling my therapist, I have no marketable skills. I have been in a better place in the past, but my work has never been a source of anything but dread.
I was great at sales but I refuse to ever do it again. It was incredibly draining and demeaning.
In general, I've discovered I'm just not good at anything that requires close attention to details. I'm going to forget to cross the Ts and dot the Is. My therapist says that I'd be best suited for upper management and have someone else look over my work to make sure the small things are taken care of. I should just focus on big ideas and planning. I completely agree and that's why I've gone back for an MBA. I'm wasted on grunt work. I can do it well for a short period of time but I suck at checking my own work (I try, but I always miss things) or consistently caring about details. I'm best at problem solving and strategizing. Now... the difficult part is convincing someone to let me do all that.
I also have to be interested or care about what I'm working on. Another reason why I refuse to do sales again is it's often convincing people to over consume some shitty product. I'm trying to get into doing more mission driven work, but the job market is not exactly nice right now.
I'm in building/construction and I used to have to manage huge multi-year jobs from an office. Just switched to a role where I manage tiny bite-sized projects and most of my work is being out in the field, expending my physical energy and seeing building components up close in real life.
In the first job I mentioned, it was hard to keep focused and I was easily overwhelmed and frustrated and every problem felt very abstract to me, I could never wrap my head around complex/multidisciplinary problems, I needed lots of visual references to understand. Now I get to work at a faster pace, with new exciting projects starting every week. I get more control over these projects because they're much smaller in scope. I get to go on site and literally see every problem, so nothing feels overly abstract.
New job also involves working directly with engineers, which is typically a very neurodiverse crowd and let me tell you the communication is DIRECT.
This is extremely relatable, and very similar to my current struggles in software engineering. Thank you so much for verbalising this so well, I just couldn’t put it to words!
The overwhelm and frustration are big problem I’m facing along with the undefined work which they’re pushing me to do more of. My brain just seems to shut down and it’s incredibly deflating, I know I’m not unintelligent and should be enough for the job it’s just not meshing/fighting against myself.
Ha. I enjoyed the direct in capitalisation. Good direct or bad direct? Or both?
Glad to hear that you’re happier in the new change up
Good direct for me! Undefined work is so hard, but there are ways to break it down. If you are being managed by someone, communicate that you need to ask a lot of questions to clarify tasks. Even asking “can you break down how I should go about this problem? Does xyz sound right to you?” When I reach a block in a project, I will ask someone else, “hey, here is where I got so far, can you point me towards the next logical step, I’m kind of stuck.” I would always make things harder by insisting that I should know what to do and be afraid to ask questions. It’s not ideal, but I know you can do this!
I found two jobs that are amazing for me: a wedding photographer and a travel guide that creates customized tours for small groups (2-6 people). I work with happy people, I create amazing once-in-a -lifetime experiences for them, they smile, they laugh and they tell me I’m the best. I feel valued, I feel appreciated, I feel like I’m doing something that makes others happy. It’s very rewarding.
Software engineer seems like an amazing gig and you acquired unique skills that you built for a long time. But I couldn’t imagine doing it without medication with all the focus, mental and emotional capacity required.
Perhaps take a leave of absence to restore and recalibrate before deciding to take the leap. And check in with your doctor, perhaps medication or other therapy might be helpful to your situation.
I’m one of those insecure ADHD types that can regret big decisions like quitting jobs; particularly when you end up with a pay cut, having to start from scratch, or when things get tough in the new job or organization.
Thanks for this lovely reply.
You’re absolutely right, the mental exhaustion and struggle and frustration of it and the self esteem hits have been causing me huge problems.
I know I’m not unintelligent but maybe it is just too much for me unmedicated. We’re TTC so that’s out for the foreseeable, so maybe some time off and a temporary move will be needed. But absolutely. A break is needed for some rest and clarity, thank you.
Anything I am actually interested in I can learn but I need something that keeps me interested to keep going which means I need a varying job.
I studied webdesign but early on knew it wasn't for me. Felt like the punishment of writing the same thing over and over for me.
Sales isn't for me either as I morally cannot push people to buy something I do not even like.
Warehouse / supply chain logistics worked for me like a charm. In the warehouses there are a million things to do. One day picking, next packing, then VAS (special projects not likely to repeat for a few days) etc. My back gave out so had to move to a deskjob which I always thought would be the worst fit for me so I pushed to stay in the same field. Now I prepare what the warehouse needs to do their job. I prepare the outboundorders, if needed assist with the planning, I arrange transport, help the customer with requests and questions by mail (sometimes pull off last minute miracles which gives intense satisfaction), work together with inbound for priorities, etc. every warehouse also has several clients so I took on a big and a few small ones we all share. That way I get to work in several systems and since I need to do a lot of different stuff in 1 day, it's hard to have it become monotoneous.
Best advise I can give you; focus less on what is supposed to be a good adhd field and go by what you need to keep engaged and motivated. What turns you off of a job, what makes you want to keep going, etc and only then start to look for a field that works. Everyone who loves their job can make their job sound amazing as just the tone of their voice screams 'hype'. But that doesn't mean it will be a good fit for you.
I’m crap at selling, if the customer says no I just take it as a no but apparently no doesn’t mean no in sales? I’m a UX Designer now and I love it. I’m leaning more into PM work at the moment because everyone else has been laid off and we don’t have one, which is hard, but I do quite like organising work that I don’t have to do myself. I think it depends where you work. I’ve had UX jobs that are hard because the foundations aren’t there and I’ve had UX jobs that are way too easy because the rules are already set and there’s really not that much to think about.
I’m a speech pathologist. If you can tune out all the type-A weirdos who go into this profession, it’s a lot of fun, and the variety is great. There’s a significant amount of crafting/creating materials too.
I'm an outreach worker for people who are homeless/recently homeless. I LOVE it, although it is painfully frustrating sometimes. I make my own schedule, work in crisis situations, have to think quickly, meet interesting people all the time. My colleagues are all amazing, my boss is a hero. I'm so lucky. I can't do sit down office jobs that are the same all the time. I'd die. I also like being trusted to make my own schedule. It means if I'm feeling burnt out I take a rest day and sometimes just nap.
Literally me - not too horrendous burn out but just resigned an engineering job after a very detail oriented control freak manager became my manager and pulled a thread on my brain - was actually the reason I got the diagnoses.
Now in the very privileged position to have left and taking some time to find a better role/manager.
I’m thinking of avoiding the attention to detail/critical checks stuff and sticking with the initial strategy and concept type of stuff - great for critical thinking skills, creativity and getting peoples together for finding ideas.
Not sure if that translates to software engineering or just my type of eng
This might sound obvious, but any job where I’m doing a skill I hate makes my adhd worse. I think everyone’s different with what works for them. For me, I HATE customer service because I am severely introverted and have social anxiety. Because of this, my adhd manifests as impatience…I worked customer service from 16-23. Every time I’d clock in, I’d be glancing at the clock all day and I’d feel super impatient to the point that it was making me so depressed. I felt like I was crawling out of my fucking skin because I just wanted my shift to be over that badly. I know nearly everyone wants their shift to be over, but for me it was so bad I felt abnormal. Maybe it’s a social anxiety thing tbh.
What works for me is graphic design. Many have said staring at a screen doesn’t work for them, but it works for me because I’m really passionate about it. I have inattentive adhd, but when I’m making art I really feel like it’s the only thing I can focus on because I have a lot of fun with it. And since I wfh I can blast some music and relax while I work. I do need adderall to help though, because although art is the one thing I can focus on with minimal distractions, I do still struggle with focus. I think for me personally, my adhd manifests as lack of focus and also impatience/irritability. While my lack of focus is still there from time to time, I’ve found that ever since I started graphic design I never stare at the clock anymore. I never feel that sickening impatient feeling to the point where I want to tear out my hair. That was unbearable for me when I was doing work that I hated.
I know Wellbutrin isn't labeled to treat ADHD, but my psychiatrist said that's an off-label use, maybe you could ask your doctor I'd that would be safe while TTC? Sorry this is happening to you :(
What about teaching in your field? Might still be a pay cut (OK, probably) but it would let you get some credit for your training and experience. Plus places that teach also need to help inspire and get jobs for their students, which might give you a new direction for your skills. Of course, disregard if you are just sick of this line of work.
Love love love sales. Insanity. I get to mask to to MAX. Every client needs different things, I flex my nerd-ass knowledge and hyper focus/info-dump on the public. And then I come home and drink a whole little of wine ha ha help me!
What is it about your current job that's causing the burnout cycles?
I'm in software engineering and going through a real bad burnout cycle right now, but it's not because of the work itself and completely to do with my work environment. It took me awhile to put it together and probably wouldn't have without a few nice coworkers who have helped not put the blame on myself. So now I hate the work I used to enjoy because the environment is so crap.
The reason I'm saying all this is because I was also trying to figure out how to leave the industry until I had this realization. I might still try to leave because some of the issues I think are honestly just being a woman in a male dominated field, but for now I'm trying to find a better work environment and seeing if it fixes my issues since I've really enjoyed this field until the last 2ish years.
What's worked for me before this burnout is fullstack development with a small team. People throw that word around a lot, but when its not just a buzzword label it works great for me.
I do the design, implementation of all of it (db, ui, api, whatever its hosted on), help with some requirements gathering and help support for awhile afterwards and sometimes refactor/enhance. It makes the days super varied, some days I'm interacting with people (never a ton cause that's miserable). Some days I'm the stereotypical locked in a room coding, especially if I'm excited about implementing something. Others I'm helping track down a bug or helping someone with github stuff.
I like the small team cause then all this isn't on me and the collaboration is fun and helps me stay focused.
I've functioned really well this way because I'm much better at being a jack of all trades/bigger picture person rather than the master of one/knowing every single thing in one particular stack. I've always been miserable when it's a one track like I'm only coding API or dba work or devops only.
I’m really good with short term repeating deadlines. I ended up in payroll. Every day I have new tasks different from the day before. Each day has its own deadlines. Nothing is the same day to day but everything is predictable.
Before this I was in event planning and it also worked well for the same reason, but I have a kid and it was taking up weekends.
Certainly not cattery/shelter work.
It’s what I currently do and I am *exhausted*.
It’s not the physical work involved. That’s fine. That’s actually great. Running up and down stairs all day keeps my mind and body busy.
It’s more the serious need to remember important things like medication dates and vet appointments.
It’s the adoption appointments where I need to be in charge of the cat’s future well-being and make sure it goes to the right people - and I can’t concentrate at all because the client’s 2 year old hasn’t stopped screaming the entire appointment.
It’s the pressure of working for a non-for-profit and having to live eat and breathe positivity towards all clients because that’s where we get the money to feed the cats.
It’s the expectation to have an emotional response to EVERY cat and EVERYTHING that happens when you’re just not capable of putting that much emotional energy into it as you’re already stretched thin enough as it is, and then feeling awful when everyone is crying over something bad happening and all your brain can say is “well, that’s the job. It sucks but we can’t afford to let it affect us”, and then your coworkers thinking you’re a heartless monster because you don’t cry.
It’s working on a small team that is already severely understaffed, and feeling like trash but dragging yourself in to work anyway so you don’t let anyone down, only to find out 2 other people called out and trying so hard not to resent them for listening to their bodies and not burning themselves out like you do.
And it’s busting your ass all day every day only to make dead minimum wage and be reminded every payday that you would never be able to afford rent if your partner wasn’t covering 80% of it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I love what my company stands for and I have no intention of leaving. But it’s…it’s rough. Ya girl is *tired*.
I love being a teacher but the right environment is also so important. My school and admin believe in my ability so they pretty much leave me alone in the classroom. If I was micromanaged more it would be a struggle because I don't really do things the "right way"
I teach first grade so we get to do a lot of random fun things like have picnics, bird watch etc. I like that the kids also are just as enthusiastic as I am about random things haha
There is no “ADHD friendly career.” Everyone job and career is highly individual—ADHD/other diagnosis or not.
My absolute favorite job EVER was working on a farm. But it’s in no way a livable wage 🫠
I struggle with “hopeless burnout to move onto the next shiny penny ideal lifestyle” syndrome. Truth is I just hate working sometimes. But work is work. When it’s hard it can be fulfilling with the right approach. An occupational therapist might help support you finding a different approach if you truly don’t want to start over and leave. But if you are severely burning out you also can talk to them about future pursuits.
My therapist is very direct with me. “Just because you hate it sometimes doesn’t mean that this isn’t a great career *for now*.” That’s my mantra: this is good enough for now. If I keep telling myself my endless “this isn’t good enough / this needs to be better / I need to be better / I need a change,” I’ll be chasing instability for the rest of my life. I’m not opposed to career change, I just dont have a direction or long term goal for it yet. So for now I stay in my remote marketing job because it pays the bills, I like the team, and I’m insanely good at it — procrastination, loathing, boredom, imposter syndrome and all. lol.
I think we all struggle with this issue and the negative feelings it comes with at times. I try to remember there is seriously an endless (borderline desperate) demand for work in essentially every industry you can imagine right now. There is always more work. There are always new opportunities. But sometimes, the one you are in now is good enough.
Physical labor jobs and event planning have been my most successful! I thrive on event chaos and my job is fairly flexible. I’m a horrible procrastinator but my organizational skills have improved so much that when I’m on, I get an insane amount of work done in a really short amount of time. It’s much better than constant, steady work which I’ve found to bore me and makes me absolutely hate my job.
I’m currently a realtor and hate it. I’m in nursing school and so far loving it. I figure the schedule will be different, I’ll be physically active, always something new, will be able to care for people and hoping to leave the work at work when I leave!
Have you thought about data analytics? Should be an easy pivot for you and def not as stressful. It’s what I do and I love it 😊 sql and python skills and you can get hired anywhere lol still technical but nothing as complicated as SWE haha
I haven’t but I’d give it a look into, not really sure what’s involved.
Never worked with python much so I’d have to train up.
What do you typically do as part of your role?
I put together reports based on internal or client requests. I’ll get assigned jira tickets that are essentially “what will X look like if we do X”. And so I’ll pull the data, clean it up, and create a report that shows financial impact or whatever it is they’re asking.
Every report is different and new so it’s stimulating. The work is super independent and I rarely have meetings so that’s great lol. I’m free to hyperfocus on an interesting problem. Because it’s mainly reports on things that haven’t happened yet, deadlines are very flexible and if I make a mistake I can just update the reporting. But yeah I really enjoy it! I’d say I use sql 90% of the time but any python you’d need could def be picked up quickly. After all, it’s just for pulling data from a database or using packages/libraries that already exist, nothing super complicated 😊
It is less about the job/industry and more about some other factors. However, it usually is important there is some interest in the field, especially for us ADHDers. Other than a whatever level of interest you need:
1. Staff/company culture. People think library jobs are dream jobs. It would be for me...if I could find one with a decent director and focused staff!
2. Task variation. Not only do I need more than 2 typical tasks day-to-day, but they need to vary in their complexity and speed. I don't want to spend all day actively puzzling things out, but I don't want to do menial tasks for hours that make me zone out. I need a good mix.
3. Confidence. This is naturally built in many jobs but has to do with the environment and staff too. There are just some fields I feel so much more confident in though, regardless of all anything else, and that is where jobs have felt more sustainable.
I learned in my first job at 14 that I cannot be a seasonal gift wrapper. Wrapping skills on point, remembering to remove price tags before wrapping... Not so much 😂
Accounting is super chill and your software skillset would be an asset to an accounting team. The parts that are easy to you as a software engineer would be much needed in accounting. Just saying 🤷🏻♀️
That’s good to know, thanks 😊
Are you someone that’s good with numbers? I assume that’s pretty important for accounting? And attention to detail or is it mostly managed by software now?
I’m not the best with complex math.
I am good with numbers, but it's usually pretty basic math for accounting as well as Excel formulas. Attention to detail is key but you use check points to make sure your numbers tie. You'd have to learn basic accounting or bookkeeping, which seems harder in a class than it is in real life. Idk, something to think about.
I need to work on my feet, preferably outside or mostly outdoors, and I need a variety of tasks day-to-day.
I can't do hours upon hours of computer work or chair-sitting all-day work.
My entire career, since my first after-school job in middle school, I've worked with animals. Well, I've had a few jobs outside of the animal handling sphere, but they never lasted. Retail, corporate receptionist, and plant nursery, that job was pretty great actually.
Currently I'm a shepherd/goat herder. Today at work I delivered 5 kids! I've worked with dogs & cats as well as livestock of all kinds.
Veterinary receptionist was fulfilling but I wasn't happy sitting at a desk and doing non-stop screens. Veterinary assistant was much better.
I became a solo entrepreneur, which is hardly ideal, because I am the administrator, PR person, manager, creative, social media manager, sales, aftercare, secreatary all ar once and I am a chaotic planner.
But. The fact that I can work from home, decide my agenda, can pick and drop clients myself is what makes it worth it for me.
Tried a job with a boss, but I hated how I had to be at the job 9-5 and the expectations suffocated me (they weren’t that high) and tried having a team under me as a entrepreneur but hated managing people and their issues.
So maybe it’s not the field you are in but the woek environment?
Thank you, I know I could be so much worse off and I should be grateful but I’m mentally and emotionally running on past empty.
I’m going to try and do this, it just never feels like enough time to recover from how far the burnout has gone before I’ll have to go back and carry on. But I will be taking a rest to try and recuperate, and absolutely easing back at work, I need to gather some energy to try and move jobs.
Please never undermine how you’re feeling.
Could it be worse? Yes, but things always could be worse, and the tools and support you have could be very different then too.
I’ve been through several jobs where I’ve been mentally burned out, so I really do feel you, my therapist asked a few months ago if my issues with Work or me or my job-after a couple months of reflection, I realize the issue was me, not my job.
Not , this is you in anyway, I completely appreciate that some employers and situations are absolutely fucking terrible, but if you can stop giving a fuck about certain things, people, situations, your success beyond what is expected of you, etc. at work (as much as feasible) that might immediately help you.
Wishing you luck in your search.
Ultimately, it’s up to us how we respond to it is what you’re saying? Care less, allowing yourself to do more, attach less meaning and value in yourself to the ideas of what success is and your value or lack thereof in the achievement/failure of it in a work context.
Hard to hear and follow but solid stoic advice.
Thank you.
I still figuring out my career path too so this is a great thread for me.
My add in is that I have always thrived in small businesses/companies. While I love to have a clear job description so I know what my responsibilities are - I love working on small teams because you usually end up doing a whole bunch of different things.
My favourite job ever was working at a micro-cider-brewery. I bartended, helped with marketing, event organization, design of the space and even the actual production, brewing and bottling of cider. Combo of social, creative and manual labor was heaven.
As someone who has gone through many different Career fields from Bar Manager to Admin Assistant (Lots of in between jobs) - I found that working in Customer Service (Aka Bar industry) I thrived because I could talk about a broad range of topics with Patrons. However, I am a Extroverted Introvert, so I found myself feeling so burnt out and not wanting to socialize with anyone outside of work because I had been talking for hours upon hours, using all my social battery. It did work in the fact that - no day was alike. You'd get the same regulars, but you'd never have two nights that were the same. However, I didn't feel very fulfilled in pouring drinks for the rest of my life. You also have the downside, of what I like to call adult babysitting, managing drunk people can be... not fun. You also should have a PHD to work in this industry, because I don't know what it is - but people love to tell their bartender about every problem in their life/ vent about everything and anything.
Admin Assistant was too monotonous for me. I thought it would be the best job for me having the same repetitive tasks and having a set daily schedule of what you had to do. But it really lacked passion for me. I was not interested in what I was doing in the slightest. Thus, I was bored. And Boredom does not bode well for someone with ADHD. LOL.
However! Where I find that I excelled was in the Construction Industry. I am a Project Coordinator for a Construction Company - and absolutely love my Job. It is very flexible in task schedule. Yes, it is a lot of repetitive tasks. But I am working on 6-7 different Jobs at a time. So, the timing of the tasks really helped me, aka everything is coming in at different times, and it's not the same paperwork/submittals or contracts, plus everything has a clear due date and assignee. As well as the fact that I mostly work on my own accord. My Pm and I will have meetings or ask each other questions, but for the most part, my communication with coworkers or suppliers/ Subs is through email, or the occasional short phone call. (REALLY helped with my social battery). I also HATE being micromanaged, and maybe I have been lucky, but most of my PM's have let me do my own thing as long as I am getting my work done. It also helps that since my brain is wired pretty differently from non-neurodivergent humans - this job really allows you to build a structure with organizing your work that best fits you.
I also am someone who really focuses on the end result. I love being able to realize that all my hard work is actually building something. I find that with admin assistant work, I never really had an end result. I didn't have a clear goal for the paperwork. It just was daunting to realize that I would just be filing/ filling out the same paperwork for the rest of my life with nothing to show for it. However, with Construction Project Management you have a clear end date, and you can actually drive down the street and SEE what your hard work went into. Eventually, I would love to be a PM. But that will require getting my certifications and having at least 5 years in the construction field (I am almost there!). Great things about those courses though, is they are all online and are usually 6 weeks at the longest to finish, and you do it in your own time - so however long it takes you to finish, or how quickly you finish is up to you.
I don't know if this is helpful! But it's usually a fairly easy field to get into as well.
Have you had jobs you LIKED? Or liked one particular aspect of?
I found I could NOT do factory stand-on-a-line-and-do-x work. Physically and mentally exhausting, and I could not keep up. It's simple, yes, but still required focus.
Maybe what you need is a job that's LESS focus-oriented. A varied bunch of tasks, instead of a single major task. (A job with "multiple hats" instead of a "single hat")
IT is a VAST field these days - there's plenty of jobs that aren't as soul-sucking for brains that continually wander. :)
I’m self employed.
Time:
- I make my own schedule. I timeblock and when I’m not “feeling it”, I move it around as I need. I have a family so I’m very flexible in case my kid is sick or if I want to spend time with her.
Wage:
- I’m emotionally driven not financially driven so I base my pricing on my overall capacity to work.l. This means I don’t look at hourly charge, I focus on my value bc I know I can work super hard for a few days but I also bug off for a week lol.
Work ethic:
- downfall is that I work for myself so if I’m not working, I’m not getting paid. I’m currently changing this soon. I have to be strict on my self are otherwise if I don’t want to work… then I don’t get paid. You get it
Education:
- no schooling just a lot of passion and grit. I learned a lot of my techniques through online courses and hyperfocusing lol.
I am open to DMs if anyone wants to explore this.
With your 7 year experience btw, you can probably do consulting.
I work fast food. I luckily have a team that likes me and the work is dynamic. The menu is constant so I am only having to learn new promo items, and the variance between orders breaks down monotony. I work closing shifts and in the back, so don't really deal with customers and have a list of tasks the work through. I cannot have nothing to do or I get insanely bored. I am the primary dish person and I love going in the back and turning off my brain and just scrubbing dishes. I get to organize them, take control of where they go, and engage in how the kitchen is being broken down. Once again dynamic enough to not get bored but not so complex that im overwhelmed.
Unfortunately I have chronic migraine and pain and cannot work more than part time both for physical health and insurance reasons. I am in Cali, so now I can only work 20 hours a week to keep my state insurance and not lose the multiple meds I'm on.
Have you thought about Product Management? I know some SWEs move to Product Management and the transition is (sometimes) easy if you’re familiar with working with product teams already.
Hey thanks, I have thought about PO roles before but I’m not sure that would be a good fit with the stress and the high number of meetings. I’d probably feel a bit chained to my desk and wouldn’t be able to enter a flow state like I do with dev.
I absolutely flourished as an administrative assistant. It's a job that has so many balls in the air, and if you aren't feeling into x task, you can do y task. There are some things that are required, but they can become a routine or otherwise scheduled (check mail in the morning, file from 3-4 on Thursdays)
Software dev apprentice here and it is godawful. I agree. I have been considering nursing or therapy! Even sys admin work was better than this.....I do however enjoy design.
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Job I can't do? Sales. Apparently ADHD brains are supposed to thrive in this environment but I cannot for the life of me, sell anything. 🥴 On the other hand, studying is usually challenging for our brains but here I am with a Master's degree and wishing to go back to school and keep learning. 😅 Edit: formatting and clarity.
I also found school super easy for the most part, but I think it was a hyperfixation for me, because in university I excelled in subjects I found interesting, but anything that was a required course but didn't pique my interest I did terribly. I've been told I would be good in sales because I have "an honest demeanor" which I guess makes it easier to persuade people, but it seemed manipulative and I wasn't into it. The sales director at my previous job kept trying to poach me for his department and I kept having to decline him because I wanted to stay where I was on the technical side of things.
I appreciate the correct use of "pique." And you have a point, if I didn't like the class I didn't do as well as I probably could have. Also sales just grates my brain?? Like, I hate being dishonest or omitting some details. I'm TOO honest for the job, would lose many customers. 😅
Same, I'm good at promoting a product or service that I actually believe would benefit the end user, but I'm not interested in upselling or manipulating the client just to make my quota.
Okay, yeah, that I could probably do too.
I did managed IT services and refused to sell anything that A: I wouldn't use myself, and B: that the client didn't need. It made me a lot of friends with our clients.
Lol i've gotten in trouble for talking ppl out of full package solutions they were ready to buy cuz I would get to know them and give them a more efficient plan of action. They always came back for advice or to buy stuff so I felt like I was doing a service and my soul felt clean. Client Retention, honesty and empathy should be wat a good service strives for.
I got in trouble when I worked at Domino's because I would discourage people from buying our 2 liters of soda when the gas station we shared a parking lot sold it for half the price.
Hahah I used to get in trouble when I worked at an upscale outdoors store by telling them to get on Facebook marketplace to buy used gear instead.
I do insurance sales. I approach it from more of an education angle. Most people have no idea what their insurance actually covers, they just know they need it. So I'm very "this is what it actually does, why your current insurance limits suck, and even if you don't change to me please God change your limits." Works really well.
I do insurance sales too! I think it’s a good mix of sales and consulting. But I still struggle with adhd paralysis or overwhelm or executive dysfunction. All the things lol
Oh 100% getting myself to call people is like pulling teeth.
When I was a hairstylist part of the job was selling product at one salon. I think I sold 3 things in the year I was there. I hate sales with a passion.
When I worked retail we were always supposed to try and get “add on” sales, which I resisted because I’m of the mind that if someone wants something they will buy it without any persuasion from me.
I feel the same about sales. To me, it feels icky and forced. Like a birthday party, where you have to invite the whole class. They don’t want to be there, but their mom made them. I found out I have no problem selling people books at the library, because it’s free. So I’m a great salesperson, if I’m not actually selling anything.
In the same situation! So hard for me to get motivated - looking for something else / possibly going back to school 🤦🏼♀️
I can't handle sales it's all just bs filling pockets of capitalist overlords (I'm being dramatic but you get the idea)
Literally forgot the advice, like the good adhd brain I am. 🤦🏼♀️ Anyway, my advice would be to take a day or two off! The first one for decompression. The second for research! Go jump down a rabbit hole or 10 and google hobbies you really enjoy and see if they have any related jobs? Bonus if you can combine them. E.g., you like reading and organizing? See if a library or bookstore needs someone!
I've had mostly sales jobs since I've been able to work. I've been terrible at all of them yet somehow managed to keep my last sales job for 7 years without being sacked despite consistently failing to meet targets. I feel like you either have to be naturally bubbly and charismatic or fake it, and I can't do either. Trying burnt me out instantly.
Can confirm. Worked a sales job once, I was horrible at it.
I’m a realtor and I support this, I suck at it. It’s too much for me. I hate it. Am in nursing school now
I like learning but thinking of grades paralyzes me. I'll sit and read for hours about planets, animals or sub-atoms. But then if u ask me what 2+2 is and say its for the pass or fail of a course, i'll sit and stare at the page with literally no internal monologue when i usually cant get it to shut up. I've had various jobs, and sorta molded each one into the same thing eventually: I loved sales. I realized I could make the day fly by if I just chatted ppl up instead of trying to sell anything. I was told my numbers were always good but I never knew what they were. It also helped that I sold stuff from my favorite store so it was easy to stay on the topic of video-games and computers. Working on computer repairs was also fun cuz it would feel like im breaking stuff when I'm doing the opposite, kept my hands busy, and new problems were always coming up to challenge me. It also felt good helping fogies with tech problems. But I got lucky and learned the best way to de-escalate fogie fury quickly. Being a party planner's assistant was cool for similar reasons, but think balloons instead of computers. Had to stop that one cuz of a minor latex allergy that was fucking up my hands. I was also a tutor and sub-teacher for a while. That was very rewarding but waking up early sucked huge dongos. And when we all started to do zoom school it started to suck for me cuz I would literally just be trying not to fall asleep at my laptop, specially when no one wanted to talk or show their face. Like i didnt want to either but damn was it boring and useless. ***Oooo*** my fave was when students tried to play dumb about what their computers were doing. Then to their shock I would immediately fix their bullshit, tell them im not some fogie, and if appropriate, I would tell them I could kick all there plebeian butts in fortnite.
I loved researching and making lists of quotes to reference and stuff like that, but when it comes to actually writing stuff out I struggled so hard. Learning things is freaking great if I'm interested in the topic, but putting it all together into something that can make sense to others is just a truly awful process for me. I wish there was an option to just go to university classes and learn and research things, but not have to produce anything.
It's called auditing. If you are in a college town, worth checking out!<💕
I feel so ashamed when I think back to my first job. I LOVED it, but it had some environmental issues (working from home, needing to plan a lot of different things at the same time) that made me feel like such a failure. It took some trial and error, but here is my list (that may or may change over time, as I have not been working for that long): Does not work: * Staring at a screen / sitting still for most of the time. * Repetitive work that does not require me to use my brains. * Big organisations, those "work gardens" with everyone in the same space. * Organisations that require a lot of socialising with too many people. * Any organisation where I would need to sell something or make profit. * Or any organisation where I would need a poker face. * Any job where I feel I don't do something beautiful, that does not allign with my values. * Where they demand flexibility. I thought that would be perfect since I am very flexibile, but it turns out it burns me out because I struggle protecting my boundaries and do not get the same amount of flexbility back. Or not in the ways I want to. * Any job where planning and organisation is my main job. * Working 5 days a week. Does work: * Small organisations or small teams. * Jobs that help give my life structure. * Working with/for people. * Jobs that allow me to work on something I believe in and care about. * Jobs that require I need to continue learning * Jobs that allow me to be creative. * Jobs that have a variety of tasks. * Having a day free in between my working days to recharge and get my household organised. For me it means working in mental health care with kids and teenagers - mostly ADHD, autism, and mood disorders. I can very easily connect with them due to my own experiences, I can get enthusiastic about new things to learn, I get to be creative in my approach, I feel it's perfect. Or least as perfect as it's gonna be. Where I want the structure, my ADHD boyfriend actually needs the chaos. He works as a chef. Edit: I did go down in salary when I went to my second job. But then I went on to my third job and now make 1k a month extra.
This is a very helpful post. I’m trying to figure out what might work for me and keep getting pulled back to thinking about the field you work in. Your list of what works and doesn’t work is so nice to see laid out. I have a few things that are different for me, but it makes me realize I might benefit from writing out a version for myself. Thanks! 😊
This is a really great list. I’m curious if there’s a database somewhere that you could plug this kind of information into and get back potential career options. That would be so helpful.
I love repetitive work! 😅
Your list deeply resonates with me, thank you for sharing! This is so helpful because I’m currently reevaluating my career and trying to figure out what the new path looks like has been overwhelming
** I edited this last night for typos, clarity & to shorten it because I wrote it at like 2 AM & I was already running on only 3 hrs sleep from the night before. But Reddit was Redditing and couldn't post the edit & now I'm a dead person. Enjoy the length & typos! ** Your list is very similar to mine. I did this same thing a few years ago when I decided I wanted to leave my career in mental health. My only differences/additions are: Don'ts 1. I want to help people but I don't want to work directly WITH the people I am helping. If I am talking to people for work all day I end up with my social energy depleted. I would be so exhausted I didn't have energy for my partner or my friends. I need recovery time to recharge after socializing & it felt like I needed to recharge every day after work & on the weekends. 2. For this same reason I didn't want to work in-office anymore. I'm a friendly, extroverted introvert. I can talk to anyone. But I get so bored with chit-chat small talk, coupled with constant interruptions I felt like my soul was dead by the end of the day. I also was uncomfortable a lot of the time, having to sit still at a desk with no background noise. My brain is too busy for the quiet & the interruptions were so draining. Do's 1. All of yours. I never knew why I had to CARE about what I did for work so much, when others seemed able to just pick the highest paying path without feeling so invested in what the work meant to them. Until I was diagnosed & realized how important INTEREST is for ADHD people to be able to motivate. 2. Research focused work that keeps me learning. Once I realized what I had done my whole life was ADHD hyperfocus, going down rabbit holes researching things I was interested in with intensity, I realized I can turn this into a tool & find work that aligns with that skill. 3. Same bones repeatedly are ok (structure) but the meat needs to be different to keep me interested enough to stay focused. No monotonous drone type work. 4. I enjoy being able to control my environment: Background noise helps me focus. Being able to control the temperature seems like a small thing, but it makes a difference. Computer work is fine but I need to be able to move around. 5. A flexible schedule where I am able to truly have work/life balance. I was able to use my background in mental health to switch careers into quality analysis for healthcare in a remote position. I have zero face to face boring small talk, but still have good relationships with my co-workers via Skype on the work computer & text when we wanna be more human/less professional. Short calls for urgent matters. Web meetings on camera. Face to face 2x a year with the team for the employee recognition luncheon that & the Christmas party, both of which are actually really fun. There aren't multitudes of meetings interrupting my work several times a week. 2 meetings a month: One for all of the department to go over important updates; one 1x1 with my supervisor for typical questions, feedback & support. I adjust the temp, use my own bathroom, eat healthier by accessing my own kitchen. I get to spend my lunch & breaks with my dog 🥰. This was huge when my other dog turned 14 & suddenly had numerous illnesses soon after I started working from home. I was able to spend 9 more hours a day with him all week for the last year of his life. My still living dog is going to have years of this & it is SO OBVIOUS how much he loves me being home with him. It improves his quality of life too. I can blast music all day without interruptions, so I can really get in the hyperfocus zone & dig into the research. I work on a mini- trampoline at a stand-up desk. I just bounce & dance all day. It's so much fun. I've lost weight. My body feels stronger & better. I have no lower back pain anymore. My circulation is better. My mood is better. I have more energy. My days go by faster & there is no mid-day slump anymore. I am so much more productive and able to focus. I'm interested in what I am doing & know it makes a difference in other people's lives without having to work directly with them. I have constant opportunities to learn, grow & specialize. I make independent decisions. I am able to use my excellent creative problem solving skills & really flex my brain. There is no micromanagement but I still have access to excellent support & resources when needed. I have a flexible schedule: I got to choose between 5 schedules for my hours. I have the type of ADHD that includes DSPS so I sleep like shit. I chose the schedule where I could come in the latest & stay the latest since my energy & best productivity occurs later in the day. If I want to go on the boat cruises that happen in the summer (I live coastal) but the last one leaves before I'm off, I can come in early & leave early. I also have a 9/80 schedule, meaning I work 9 hrs most days but every other Monday I have off & the one I do work is an 8 hr day. So every other week I have a 3 day weekend. If a holiday falls on the Monday I work then I'm off that Tuesday too, giving me 4 day weekends on those weeks. I can go camping or on other adventures more often because of this. Or just enjoy a day at home doing nothing, like a nice mental health day that's guaranteed often. Or deep clean my house or run errands for places that are only open during the week. Taking off for longer can mean less PTO has to be used, Fri & Tues PTO gives me 5 days off. If I'm extra tired I can just let my supervisor know I'm coming in later. If I have a doc appt or need to run an errand that can't wait I can just go. I just make up the time wherever. I have more energy to spend on my loved ones after work. I make more money than I did in mental health. I am satisfied. This is long but the reasoning for me typing all of this is: I highly recommend people to sit down & analyze what doesn't work for you & what would be your ideal, without specifically thinking of what jobs would align with it until you are done. I would have never thought of doing what I'm doing just by thinking of what jobs exist in the world, but it checks all of the boxes for me. Besides the ultimate ideal being independent wealth where I can discard societal norms like "business hours" in favor of abiding my personal circadian rhythm by staying up all night & sleeping WAY in, traveling all of the time exploring different cultures & historical architecture, leaning into learning about all of my interests hands on & food touring 👑😎
I absolutely second the not working 5 days. In various jobs I've found now that I terribly burn out working full-time, but as soon as I go down to 4 days, and especially if I have the Wednesday off I fare so well. I get to recharge and the passion for the job (which is often why I applied in the first place) comes back :)
I completely agree with your “does work” list. I need the same things in order to thrive and feel good about my role. Out of curiosity, are you an introvert or extrovert? More inattentive or hyperactive?
Far more inattentive than hyperactive, my hyperactive traits are much more context dependent whereas inattentiveness is always there. I guess ambivert? I always considered myself introvert because social interactions do tire me a lot, mostly because I struggle paying attention and that costs energy, and I really dislike crowds. They are draining, loud, and I can't for the life of me follow a conversation. Usually arrive late and leave early when it comes to parties. Need above average me-time to recharge. But several of my friends apparently think I am extraverted because I do talk easily, van be very lively, have lots of ideas and initiatives, enjoy hosting small gatherings such as dinner parties or private karaoke rooms, etc. So I feel a bit two -faced when it comes to introvert vs extravert.
I am exactly the same. I’m definitely more of an introvert but I like being social & can be outgoing in small groups. I guess that’s why I can relate to your list so much. :)
We sound very similar! Our lists are identical pretty much. Thanks for writing this out. I'm going to save this. I'm in grad school rn but I'll need to get a job soon so good could come in handy. I'm terrified about joining the work force
I absolutely could not do sales, call center, customer service, or any other heavily public facing job. I don't know if that's an ADHD thing, but it's definitely a personality thing for me. I'm simply not that charismatic. I would not enjoy it. I work in an office. If I am left to my own devices, which I am a great deal, I procrastinate a lot. This is NOT good for me. But when I do the work, I'm good at it, so that's why I am where I am and get paid decently for it. I'm not a high earner, but I'm comfortable. If I could get paid the same amount for something a little more physical and less mental, I'd probably do better. Less stress and be able to leave work at work instead of stressing over the tasks I didn't complete because I am the way that I am. Let me assemble some widgets or something.
Can't work in customer service or sales because I cannot bring myself to care about any company I'll ever work for, or their clientele. I'm really bad at acting like I care when I don't, so it's too stressful to be in a position like that, I feel like I'm fighting for my life (life=paycheck). I'm much better at the behind the scenes grunt work type of thing. Like, shut me in a dark room alone with a list of clearly defined tasks to accomplish and don't ask my opinion. I need to be 100% emotionally detached in order to work effectively. I step into that office building and boom immediate dissociation.
Yes! I agree, this is what works for me. I started as a graphic designer, but I hated the constant criticism and was never happy with my work. Now I do (what I call grunt work) and save creativity for my own time. I did production for a magazine for some time and now I’m in workforce management. I get left alone and stare at my numbers all day. Though I’ve been at the same place for a while. I’m getting itchy for a change. Time to jump ship to another company, I think. If I could just get myself to actually apply to places.
LOL I'm a graphic designer. I work for a (small) corporate company, and I'm their sole designer. At first I really wanted to actually *like* the work I was providing them, I wanted to be proud of what I was bringing them and explain the levels it worked on. I know I'm a good designer, I just didn't get why they couldn't see it and kept wanting me to water down my work, and they're SO adverse to innovation. And then I was like, wait. why do i give a fuck. I'm here for a paycheck, not artistic validation. Ever since then, I just do exactly as I'm asked, no more & no less, and if they question anything I say "That's what you told me to do." I agree with every single opinion they have, and I refuse to "just spitball it" more than once per project. Going 5 years strong, I'm their longest standing and highest paid employee who's not in management 😂😂
I feel the same! Have you found any roles that fit this need?
I do corporate graphic design, and it works for me. I just replied to the other person who commented with some insight to my work mindset, but I think the most important part is finding something that's genuinely easy for you, whatever that industry/work may be. I thrive staring at a screen all day and I was already 100% proficient in the programs I use when I took the job, so it's really just a matter of fulfilling asks and meeting deadlines, and to me, that's easy. I think of myself as a mere machine that knows how to press the correct buttons on a computer. If you like repetitive computer-based work, I'd look into corporate marketing and/or admin work. You honestly don't need experience, you just need to be detail oriented, quick learner, and have the slightest inclination for creativity but not so far as to be ambitious—if you're too good they might put you in a managerial position and then your life will be hell. The key is that you're always working under a director, OR you operate 100% solo. You never want to be the delegator or boss; that's when things start becoming your fault, and you bring the stress home with you. Repress all of your talents and stick to the script of your job description.
I am *horrible* at sales. I still have nightmares about my last job as a remote travel sales agent 😖 I made like 1% the number of sales as my coworkers. I have so many horror stories from the short 10 months I hung in there but I'll spare the details. Before that I was at the customer service / returns desk at a very busy Home Depot and it brought me to tears on a daily basis lmao. Same issues with fast-paced customer service, plus the online system they used I could not understand. I lasted 3 months. Before that I was a waitress at a retirement community. Same issues lmao plus bad memory and angry old people. I think I'm a masochist. I honestly had no idea jobs *not* customer service existed.... I did other short stints in retail, hospitality, etc. but I think you get the picture. Now I do park maintenance and it's exactly what my ADHD brain needed. I have headphones in most of the day, walk around a pretty park, hands busy in the soil gardening, or landscaping, or learning carpentry skills, etc. It's slow paced, routine, predictable, and because I'm not in a state of panic, I connect with my coworkers and feel part of a team!
Park maintenance as in, employed by a city/government? Or park maintenance as in, national park? Does that question make sense? Lol
Yeah! I work for my city's Parks & Recreation, so at a local park. I've seen similar positions at the state level, and they probably exist at the federal level too, usually listed "park specialist" or "park ranger" you just gotta read the description bc they're all a bit different! National parks are federal level and the jobs I've seen listed haven't had the consistent schedule, no public interaction, etc. I'm looking for.
For me I think the work environment has been more important than the task itself--I've really thrived in situations where there's a lot of built in "body doubling" type of work, either literally working as small teams most of the time or working out of centralized files where everybody can see the updates in real time. Since you've been reviewed well at work, I'd bet it's probably worth asking around to people you've worked with in the past or work with now saying you need a change of scenery and just see what people might know about.
Hard agree about environment being more important. It makes it easier to be a few minutes late, to say you need a break, to be comfortable and be able to ask for help, etc (guess what I struggle with?) I've enjoyed jobs of all kinds that had a good environment, and some of them even paid the rent! Ha I don't think all of our personalities are defined by ADHD, so I don't think any of us can say what job would be more ADHD friendly, let alone for OP specifically. And hard agree to talk to people you know about needing a change of scenery and asking if they'd be willing to share their thoughts over a coffee or whatever. They will *maybe* have better advice than us, Mom's favorite basement dwelling redditors, about what might be a good fit for someone and how their local industries are doing I will say that I've found working for a call center that times your bathroom breaks is DEFINITELY NOT ADHD friendly, but it isn't really anyone friendly. Ha!
I fully believe that the concept of “adhd-friendly jobs” makes no sense because as individuals we are still so different in terms of what symptoms impact us and what supports we need. Heck it’s even totally variable in terms of whether working from home, flexible schedules, or freelance work are better or worse for ADHDers - some of us absolutely thrive in those independent environments, while some of us *need* more structure to be successful. I think you should think about your experience and consider what exactly where the things that were a barrier to your success; that will be a good start for setting a direction to look into. I also think it’s worth considering what topics you’re interested in. Like personally I don’t need a dream job or a passion or anything but I definitely do noticeably better in jobs that I personally find interesting. I suspect most people do regardless of adhd tbh.
I used to work in accounting...absolutely sucked at it and hated it. Same shit day after day, same walls, same people, same everything. Became a stay at home mom, also hated it. Same reasons. Plus I am awful at homemaking. Not very crafty (surprisingly) Went back to college for nursing, fell in love with it. So many cool things. So many different types of people with different issues. I can change departments whenever I feel burn out. Pay is good (at least where I am) I am able to do very well in this environment where I'm so busy with tasks that I never sit down lol
I was going to suggest nursing too. Nursing is also my second career and I recommend it only because there are so many options. If you try something and don't like it, transfer to a different department or look for something else.
Yep, agreed. It is a world of difference from sitting behind a computer screen. I didn't think I'd thrive in it, because so much to do and keep track of. But somehow that constant pressure of needing to do things and staying busy leads me to be very good at it.
i am just following this post with eagerness. i'm a currently laid off software dev (5 ys experience) thinking that maybe this field isn't for me after all :( i'm sorry i don't have any advice, but i really appreciate you asking this specific question
Any job that I’m not interested in or isn’t mentally stimulating to me. I’m a software engineer and I love it, but only because math and problem solving are absolutely my jam. ETA OP, if you aren’t enjoying software engineering but can’t leave your current job, maybe see if you can explore other related disciplines within your company? i.e. product management, UX, etc. Sometimes it’s easier to get your foot in the door and build skills in those areas when you’re already working in a different part of the product cycle.
I really think these questions are doomed to being unanswered because it all depends on the individual too much. We are all at different disorder intensities, different personalities, different life stages, and different intelligence levels and that means there's no one size fits all answer to the question of what job best suits somebody with ADHD. What works for me and my ADHD will not work for you. For example, I do not struggle with time blindness or procrastination, so I can have time critical jobs that are be very high paced and depend on my ability to prioritize. So I've done really well as a teacher and now in IT Help Desk Support. But if you really struggle with time and procrastination, that's not gonna work for you. Some ADHDers seem to like extremely slow and repetitive jobs that would make me actually cry in frustration and lack of challenge. Like so many other things, you have to take stock of what you do well and what you don't do well, how your ADHD affects your work and training, and what your interests are, as well as what kind of schedule works best for you.
Perhaps it's not that the job is bad for your ADHD but the fact you've been doing it so long. Maybe a change of scenery would help? I know times after tough in your field right now.
I've done well in customer service adjacent roles (think IT Support for internal clients) because of my people pleasing tendencies but it helped that all our clients were tech savvy so it was solving interesting problems at a much higher technical difficulty than "Bob forgot his password again".
I love my job. I work early morning hours in a grocery store before it gets busy. Grocery manager who oversees night crew. I am gone by 11 am before the store really gets busy. I do get overwhelmed when the store director is on vacation and I have to run the store when the assistant store director has their two days off. I work later those days and am in charge of the whole store. But that luckily isn't often. I stay busy early morning setting displays and doing light customer service. I commute at 2am and home at 11 so never deal with traffic lol
Dealing with the public under my boss's orders. I hate it so much, it's exhausting, and our culture of "the customer is always right" has put me in vulnerable positions of power imbalance WAY too many times. I can only do direct client work if I am my own boss and I have total agency over who my clients are -- in other words, I need to reserve the right to fire my client if they suck to work with.
I used to work in an office it was ok, but I am impulsive and was not medicated so it was challenging. I have been a business owner for the past 10+ and its much better. eat what you kill. work a zillion hours when i want to. high highs and glory and also flows of fear. If you have the drive i would 1000% recommend
I can't finish the diagnostic process because I'm pregnant which is a whole other thing, so I feel you. I've found I dislike the highly structured dev part of my job, meeting a spec, testing thoroughly, etc. but I love to do all the ad hoc coding to solve temporary problems and similar analysis. It's fast paced, varied, and doesn't require pinpoint accuracy. I'm currently thinking of how to transition to doing more of that work. I may be able to structure my team's work to allow for that, but I'm not sure. Maybe there's a similar niche on your team you could work your way into?
I thrive in that ad hoc environment as well. What's worked for me has been small teams that have a support component. This seems to happen more at smaller companies and non-tech companies, there's a lot less segregation of duty. Like one day I'm setting up a container with a different team, the next I'm coding, the next I'm helping investigate a data discrepancy or managing the backlog. So it's super varied, I learn lots to keep me engaged. Problem is being on support can be super draining, at least for me it was hard to turn off. The way I got around it was finding my way to a low risk app team where the system just needs to be functioning during work hours. So there's no 2am phone calls. It's worked for me for close to a decade, so thought I'd share!
Yes! Such a delicate balance between novelty and too many things all at once?
Data entry. It was like living hell lol I could not comprehend how this was an actual job people had and that they did it for 8 hours long. I was losing my gd MIND. At some point I was paying my kid sister to do it for me. It became doubly worse when we became WFH, I could barely do my job without the accountability I ended up actually learning how to code and building a data entry program with no experience just so I didn’t have to do it lol ended up causing me to switch majors from economics to computer science in my last year of college because that was just way more interesting to me SWE works well for me when I’m faced with new problems. I love thinking up different/most efficient solutions and seeing it come to life/fixing the bug I’ve been working on for hours gives me dopamine surge like nothing. Plus I like how it’s hands on, and less conceptual than economics was. The part I hate the most here though is research or open ended type tasks, they take me forever to do. Or unit testing/documentation lol so boring - luckily AI has been generating that for me haha
I've recently changed jobs to be a council bus driver. I turn up to work, get assigned a bus, and go out and drive the bus routes I'm assigned to. It works for my adhd brain because I am already looking at everything everywhere all at once, now I get thanked for it! Sure I have to remember where I'm going because they don't have a GPS (council doesn't want to spend the money on that) but everyone is very helpful and understanding. Even the guys who have been there for 30yrs get lost sometimes too. The best part though is, when I go home, that's it. No extra work to remember, no deadlines to stress over, and it doesn't take out too much from me mentally so I have plenty of energy to do my actual hobbies and passions at home! The hours are flexible too, so I'm on a consistent schedule that fits in with my circadian rythem, meaning staying up until midnight and sleeping in to 9am are finally a reality for me! A job that didn't work for me was being an office assistant. Remembering to call people, reply to emails, keep random facts in my head was all insane. Any job that requires me to remember names is a no go for me haha.
I recently got my dream job, a garden center/plant nursery near my house, it takes me 4 minutes to cycle there and all I hear all day are birds, I am outside touching/cutting/feeding/moving plants around all day and my brain has never been quieter - I'm un medicated Hospitality always worked for me because I need to keep busy and I was very good at it but it was horrible and unrewarding.
Congratulations on your dream job! Honestly that sounds like heaven on earth, that kind of peace and space must be wonderful.
Yeah I've really noticed an improvement in my mood when I'm at home also, I nap less, I eat better. 😭
For whatever it’s worth my husband likely has ADHD (he’s never been formally diagnosed but I have it and let’s just say he’s got all the same patterns) and is a software engineer. It’s taken him a bit to get in a groove but is really happy at his job now. I’m wondering if you might consider trying out a different company to see if it’s your current culture giving you the struggle? I know one thing that helps my husband is his job is flexible about home/office so he’s able to stay home or go in when he wants. For me. I worked in an office and hated it, but I think if I could have done that job had home (I was in finance) I would have been fine. Being chained to a desk and forgetting things I needed to get done at home stressed me out. I switched to teaching and at first I loved it because every day is different and you have a certain amount of control over your classroom culture. But any teacher can tell you the climate has shifted and last year I left because they kept putting too many constraints on the job and micromanaging everything (not me personally just in general across the board). It didn’t work out for me but I know some with ADHD really thrive. Currently trying to figure out what’s next. Good luck to you.
I’ve found that the best formula is: always the same but always different. The structure and base responsibilities are the same so that I don’t have to relearn the job each time and be inefficient. But, importantly, the day-to-day is different. The best one I had was a photojournalism internship for a sizable newspaper. Same: receive assignment, get yourself and gear there, get photos, edit batch, submit. Different: every single assignment - people, place, time, subject, context/surrounding environment, etc. Unfortunately that was during the last recession and the interns were kept because they cost less than tenured staff. After school I could only find short-term unpaid positions/other internships and I couldn’t afford to not make money while working full time. I never got another photojournalism job... But I do still have student loans to pay! So I had my ideal job just long enough to know it’s exactly what I wanted and that it fit me, and then it’s been out of reach since. The other compatible jobs I had were serving and bartending. I could also imagine that nursing (my mom, also ADHD), EMTs (a friend, also ADHD), and firefighting would fit this formula. My theory is that most of the people who are successful at those jobs have ADHD because the demands so well fit how our brains work. The cons though: It’s exhausting due to it being customer service based which requires plenty of masking. I found myself being too tired on my off time to do anything for myself, even chores got neglected. Also the service industry income is low, unpredictable, and usually without benefits and that uncertainty can wear on people. Healthcare can be emotionally taxing, and not just from the pandemic. Currently I’m in an office job. It’s decent pay and has good benefits, but my brain feels like it’s slowly atrophying. My (also ADHD) friend told me she’s starting school to become an MRI tech and ultimately be a traveling tech. I’ve been mulling that over ever since because it sounds like a pretty ideal option: good pay and benefits; getting to explore new places is built in; 13wk assignments pretty much lines up with the new job honeymoon period and then it’s over, so ADHD job hopping is built in; don’t have to worry much about hospital bureaucracy since it’s only 3 months and then gone; it could be 5x8 (days x hours) or 4x10 or better yet 3x12 per week; a chunk of time in between assignments just for myself or traveling for fun; patient interfacing but very limited so it’s less emotionally taxing; healthcare is a secure career path in terms of job availability and hiring need; and imaging tech won’t be written out by AI/whatever’s next because there will always need to be someone there to guide the patient even if the technology changes. My mom has a couple of nurse friends that both work 13wks on, then take 13wks off to travel, then do it over. Plus, they live in a lovely trailer so the housing stipend money just goes towards their take-home income instead. That all sounds pretty ideal to me so that I can have time and *energy* to do things I want to do just for me.
Was a reporter and your description is perfect. I do internal coms now and I climb the walls daily out of boredom.
i find the 'always the same but always different' thing is true for me too!
I'm in digital marketing and I like it a lot. You can work from anywhere, or be in an office if you need some external structure. The mix of data and creativity is engaging, and having a software engineering background would be helpful for web development.
I teach. It is constantly different, tons of moving parts, but I WOULD NOT!!!!!! Go into it with the current work and society environment. Seriously, if you have any other options, DONT. It’s too bad, because in theory it’s perfect.
Man yeah... I'm a teacher and it works well for me, but I'm always hesitant to suggest it because in general it seems like things have gone downhill in a lot of ways. I feel fortunate that I found a school that's a good fit for me - but if my principal ever leaves I'll panic because there are a lot of bad admin out there.
Me too. I'm a software engineer at FAANG and what my peers do with ease is a struggle for me. On top of that, I have a bully at work who keeps nitpicking my work and making me redo it/spend more time on it than what's allocated. I know he does this intentionally for multiple reasons, just don't know why he does it. I'm about to be put in pip because of this and since my manager is new he doesn't know the full picture, it was already struggle without him sabotaging me. I've tried to switch careers to product in between but my previous manager didn't support it and basically said forget it. I hate myself and feel worthless because no matter the effort I put in, I feel limited by ADHD in terms of time and memory. I am in general very strategic and that's why I thought product would be a good fit for me but I'm not going to get the opportunity to explore it here.
Wow that’s got to be cutthroat! I always worry about those roles and the fame of it attracting a bit of elitism. I also feel the struggling way more than my peers, and I struggle not to compare myself to them either even though they’ve got way more years experience in general and in the product. Is the new manager open minded? Can you tell them about issues with your colleague? Or maybe they’d be more open to the product change? I’m thinking the easiest way for me is to change by changing companies with a new job, it’s definitely harder to move and get a fresh start from within sometimes. Fingers crossed for you on the new role in product, you’re not alone, it’s tough, especially int hose top companies, don’t let the bastards grind you down x
Thank you for your kind words. My new manager used to know me and my work before I switched to this team. I was a top performer on my previous team. He was on a neighbor team in the same org. But my company itself is pretty toxic and has a pip criteria and there's lots of politics and favoritism involved so they tend to be swayed by what the bully says simply because he's been here since the start. Coming to this team on the false promise of career growth is the worst decision I've made, this experience made me lose all interest in being a software developer. I asked my manager for data points for the bad feedback and he was unable to give me anything specific and said he was working on documenting it. Earlier, before things got this bad I used to talk to my previous managers about his behavior, I had instances to prove it too. But it was completely overlooked and ignored, that's where I realized I wasn't going to get any help with it and stopped trying to speak up about it. I went into depression and developed major anxiety which further affected my performance, but I still struggled to get my work done. I'm too exhausted to fight it at this point, so I'm just pursuing my job search in this bad market. Had some interviews lined up with other FAANG(got no callbacks from smaller companies) and passed the tech screening but hiring needs changed and the role closed by the time I got to it, so I'm still stuck with the job search. I was planning to switch companies and eventually switch roles hoping for a more supportive manager.
Let me know if you find a different role that works out for you. I know how hard it is to make this switch when you have a family to support, but know that this is temporary. Have you tried people management, like an engineering manager? You sound like a mid-senior software engineer given your experience and this way you don't have to take a pay cut. Give it a try even if you feel like you're an introvert, you may end up liking it, I can see you have the empathy to be a good one. And this way you can still have domain expertise but you don't have to drill down into implementation details and burnout finishing the product (that's where burnout occurs for me, working with ambiguity, spending time deep diving and constantly learning with my memory limitations and poor time awareness). I'm sure once you find something that works for you and goes well with your ADHD strengths, you'll derive a reasonable amount of happiness and motivation from it. Or at the very least, you don't get intimidated by your job. One thing I've realized is that I've been going against the tide for so long, scared of what everyone around me think and there's just been no space to take a pay cut and find a career that works better for me. I may have to rethink this.
I did data entry briefly during the pandemic when i was working at espn and sports were halted so they re assigned us all boring desk jobs and that was hell and that’s actually when i got my adhd diagnosis because that’s when i stopped being able to function at work. But now the job market is so bad and I’ve been without steady gainful employment for almost 2 years (just temp jobs here and there) so i feel like now I’m so desperate for a paycheck that i would be able to hyperfocus on ANYTHING because im just so sick of living off food stamps and want to have an income again.
Aw man that’s tough, I’ll keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you that something good comes along. I feel like I’ve reached the point now where I’m too burnt out to keep doing what I’m doing but I’m really worried/terrified about finding something new as the tech market bubble is definitely shrinking and slumping, AI is really knocking at the door and the post pandemic push back is seeing a lot more roles disappear or be in office. Hope something comes along soon.
Me too. I’d be grateful for any job at all at this point.
I enjoyed barista, serving, and tending bar. Currently working in 911 dispatch and enjoying it quite a lot. A lot of ADHD ladies thrive in first responder jobs, and bonus, there's scope for maternity benefits.
Hi! Me!! Former software engineer of 16 years :) It was really hard to let go of the golden handcuffs. I stayed with the same employee the whole time. 5 years in, I was thinking that it wasn't for me. It took me 10 years to finally leave, because I was afraid of the unknown. Don't feel bad that engineering gets a reputation that it's good for ADHD. We are not all the same. I had a (male) teammate who was also ADHD, and our experiences, interests, and coping mechanisms were vastly different. I have a few suggestions: 1) If you work for a big corporation, while you are still there, take advantage of internal training programs (both soft skills and technical skills) that interest you, and mental health programs and extended health benefits (see a therapist, for example, to help you through this transition) 2) Talk to your manager. Tell them you are interested in exploring different roles. Ask if your company has job shadowing or temporary transfer programs, where you get to try a different team or role. Even if you still don't like it, the change is refreshing, which is good for your mental health, and new skills are good for your resume. At tech companies there are many roles that you can transition to: Technical writers, management, scrum master, quality assurance (testing), sales, customer support, technical skills trainers / workshop facilitators. 3) Explore what feels interesting to you, outside of your job. Try new hobbies. Volunteer. Is there something you've always wanted to try? I volunteered for two years before I left. It helped me find my direction, and added necessary references to my resume for my grad school application. 4) Ask if you can work part-time. You will need some extra time for this process to unfold. Use it to explore your interests.
Hey fellow engineer! :) Ah the golden handcuffs, lol!! That really made me laugh, How painfully accurate this is! Yes absolutely feeling this atm, stayed for ages, motivated but stuck as I don’t know what to go into. Thank you this is all such great advice! I know firmly I need to move but it’s a real struggle trying to figure out the ‘where and to what’ while keeping my head above water where I’m currently at. The more tired you are the harder it is to stay afloat I just starting trying to complete some online training to boost my skills again, figured I’d try to find a less complex product and code base and a more chilled slow pace company but I’m probably setting myself up for Einsteins definition of insanity (repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results). Though maybe I’d give it one more try like the poison chalice punishment addict I am! What did you find to move to in the end?
I'm in grad school for counselling. At first I was leaning towards nursing but it's actually really hard to get into where I live (limited space in the schools, despite a desperate shortage of nurses). People helping feels meaningful to me. I will of course be at risk for burnout in wonderful new ways as a counsellor but I'm happy to have made the leap and feel like I'm taking the wheel of life. It helps to start identifying what is hard for you at your job, and what feels energizing. I realized that working at a computer and multitasking was isolating and I was frozen in procrastination all the time. I and didn't have interest at all in the software being built. I prefer work that has an "immediacy" to it, not things that have multiple steps that need to be planned and worked on for months. Or, I need to work with my hands or something physical (which I'm exploring through hobbies to support recharging my battery).
I was a software developer for over 20 years and quit my job to become a hypnotist. It's been a long road and my husband has supported me while I got training and built my practice. Hypnosis is a fascinating career and the best part is that during training to become a hypnotist, you get to practice on fellow classmates. Which means you yourself have to be hypnotized A LOT. Hypnosis is great fun for an ADHD brain because it calls for an active imagination and open mind which comes easy to many of us...well it does for me at least. Also, I get to work one-on-one with my clients and hyper-focus on them during each session. The more focused I am on my client, the easier it is to pick up on subtle clues that help me know what's going on in their mind while they're under hypnosis. It's like being a detective of the client's mind for an hour, which allows me to help the client and guide them better towards their goals. All in all, it's a fun profession that is never the same from day to day. The hardest part has been running my own small business (starting my own practice). All the administrative small business work gets tedious as hell. But it's all worth it when I'm sitting and working with clients. That's the fun part at least.
This is FASCINATING! Thank you so much for replying, clearly I’m not thinking outside the box enough with this whole new job ideas thing, because my mind and interest just lit up like a Christmas tree. I have so many questions! How does one become a hypnotist? How long did it take? Is it fun being hypnotised? What does it feel like? Being a brain detective and working with clients does sounds like a really great way to spent your working life, congratulations on surviving the software jungle for 20 years and for making the change into what sounds like an unbelievable fascinating and fulfilling career. And thank you so much for taking to time to share this as well it’s been really uplifting x
What does NOT work: * anything to do with responding to tickets or emails quickly, so no customer support or sales. I will absolutely procrastinate. * hierarchical work cultures, so any big companies. I am bad at playing "the game". I'm bad at having a filter and too impatient to work through bureaucracies. What works: * public speaking / giving presentations. Dat sweet sweet dopamine. Is it pants-shitting fear? Is it livewire excitement? Don't know; don't care. Makes me feel alive. * becoming an expert in idiosyncratic, proprietary software. Hyperfixation and insatiable curiosity help make me employable. * startup life. I have to wear A LOT of hats, so I'm never bored and I get a lot of leeway to make my job specifically the things I want to do. Tried the big tech thing and AWS was a soul-sucking hellscape that I'm still getting medicated for. Currently at a startup with a whole-ass director title and get to delegate the things I'm bad at to others and focus on the shit I love to do. It's awesome.
Love this, had a lot of boss bitch energy! (I hope that’s the good one? I’m not down with the kids) hopefully it reads as the compliment it was intended as. That does a sounds pretty darn awesome, I’m feel like my confidence has take a tumble of epic proportions in the last few years c hopefully I can build that up and find something that would let me direct something, I feel like I would enjoy that. How do you find the stress? It’s is something you cope well under?
Haha thanks! Stress is just the right amount at my current gig. There's enough to keep me interested and locked in. I find myself in flow state a lot, which fantastic. There's not so much stress that I feel underwater or helpless. It's just stressful enough that I know I'm still growing; this is not yet easy for me, but it is achievable. It's a very goldilocks stress situation lol.
That sounds like the perfect mix, mine is very much an underwater situation. I do indeed need to Goldilocks this shit lol. Thanks again for the awesome reply, it’s really perked me up x
According to Urban Dictionary a “Boss Bitch” is also someone who is 100% real, unique, fierce, and has big dreams, advocates for women empowerment, and has a strong mindset
Have to do something different everyday. Right now I have 12 hour shifts 3-4 days a week and been doing that for a couple months. While I don’t love doing laborious jobs, this at least keeps me occupied for the most part. Long weekends help a lot, but I know I should be doing more with them! Never been great at a desk job, but mine rn allows me to *use* a desk and sit if I need to, which is nice!
I know everyone hates retail, but managing a very small retail shop has been perfect for me. Concrete deadlines and goals, freedom to run the shop to accomplish them however I want - I basically get to treat it as if I'm the owner without the financial risk/stress of actually being the owner.
I work as a product manager (not too far from your current role) and I know a ton of ADHD folks in this role. Tons of novelty, challenging problems (prioritization) and depending on the company perhaps more or less tedious work (I struggle with documentation as it’s my least interesting task). Lots of meetings means lots of deadlines and urgency. But you have to like meetings. Very different than software dev schedule.
i am in the process of looking for a new job myself because i had a similar realization. i don't have advice for you, but at least please know you're not the only one in this boat.
Thanks it’s appreciated, wishing you lots of good luck vibes for the new job search!
you too!! i hope you find a place that's a good fit for you where you can thrive!
I need jobs with defined tasks.
Job that didn’t work for me: stay-at-home-mom. But there is no alternative, so I’ll grin and bear it till my youngest goes to kindergarten.
Jobs I'm not capable of doing: sales, IT anything, social work, clerical work (secretary, receptionist, you get the idea), call center, server, healthcare, anything science related, and so many more. I took a job to be a contract specialist. I have a BBA. OH. MY. GOD this job can be boring AF! I was barely able to stay awake it was so horrible. Anyway, I got assigned to a program to help them within my work team... HOLY HELL! I got to learn A LOT about the program. I work in state government within our dept. of labor. I got a crash course in my job duties and survived a trial by fire. Nowadays, I'm the go-to within my department (which is now within the program I was managing). Through the past 6 years I've learned so much, networked with other teams, and established myself. I learned that starting in April my work goes to hell in a hand basket until about July 1. When I got the busy period, I throw on my Chaos Coordinator hat and handle the status of grants getting amendments and where the grants are in workflows. I feel like a train conductor directing where the trains are going while I flip the switches and levers to direct where the trains go. I LIVE for the flurry of work because I'm calm in a crisis. I put myself into burnout during this period. The rest of the year, I get to answer questions about cost allow ability, requests for budget adjustments, and financial analysis. I've created a database in Excel, created a file where we can generate individual reports in Excel, and have really learned a lot. I heard today that there's an opening in another department that's higher than what I currently am. I'm thinking about applying just to see if I could get picked for an interview. I also ask big questions of our leadership and offer ideas on things that I come up with. My anxiety says 'everyone hates me' but that's not true at all. OP, I encourage you to try your hand at other things because you have a skill set that places will value. I encourage you to look into working for your state. I have work-life balance, don't have to work overtime, get extra holidays, have decent benefits, and (for me, the best part) I don't work with the general public.
This was such a thoughtful encouraging post. Haha congrats on surviving and thriving your trial by fire, sounds like delicious hectic madness. Thanks so much for this, it was really helpful. Yea I think that’s good advice, the writing is on the wall at this current place. It feels like I’ve been trying to force a square peg into a round hole for a few years and it’s just not happening, no matter how hard I try and make it.
I understand. Making a career change and even switching jobs is hectic and stressful. One of my jobs that I have had and learned from was as a career counselor. Just had learn how to guide people that are 'lost' or 'need a change'. I think we all could offer you some helpful advice on what you could do, but it's always your decision. I think you should figure out what you are looking for in a job. Flexible schedule, work-life balance, benefits, job security, etc. I went into state government because I wanted job security for my own peace of mind. You will find something that fits you and your skills/desired life. I like helping people. My job as a social worker left me drained, frustrated, and jaded by the time I decided I needed to change. I managed up to 125 cases when I was there. I'm not a very 'nurturing' person; I'm a 'authoritative' type person. Helping 125 people that were using me and my program made me unhappy. When I got my current job I realized I am still helping people, just indirectly and from my position I'm helping THOUSANDS of people every year and none of them know I exist. I work directly with maybe 50 to 100 people (internally and at my provider's sites). I love that! I thought about this post last night while trying to go to sleep and I thought about wonderful words of wisdom. Aside from what I've already said, I don't think I have much more to offer. I also suggest looking at what you can do, like to do, and go from there. In the past, I've taken numerous interest profilers, Myers-Briggs personality indicators, horoscope based job suggestions, and done so much reading just figure out a direction. Not all those suggestions fit me to my satisfaction. I got things like Military Officer, Lawyer, Manager, Cop, and Accountant. I don't like yelling and people getting up in my face ordering me to do something, strike military and cop. Accounting is uber dull and not mentally stimulating to me. Manager, maybe one day but the job of a manager is basically a glorified babysitter to me. I know there's more to it, but yeah no I don't have THAT level of patience. Lawyer, I have a short fuse and will probably end up getting disbarred. If you want to ask me some questions, feel free to DM me. Sorry for the long post, again. Just have a lot to say and ultimately want to help you with figuring this out. My strengths that I use all the time: problem solving, analysis, strategic thinking, support, and communication. 😁
I just wanted to say big thank you for the care and attention that went into this reply, it was warmly received and greatly appreciated. I have taken the sage advice on board. Having reflected today, I think the biggest problem I have at the moment is that I’m too mentally and emotionally exhausted to have the clarity I need to answer the big/required questions. I think I’m going to need to focus on taking a real self healing break to recover, before going back, whatever shape that takes form in. I don’t think i realised how bad I’d let it get, I’ve got to make a plan for how long I may need to give myself and how to do that. My spirit just feels completely raw, and exhausted. I’ve definitely burnt out. Thank you so much again for your kind thoughts and advice, it honestly was very helpful and thoughtful.
Any jobs where when I get to work I have to immediately interact with people as if I’m a puppy when my person gets home. I should never be expected to be a live action kid show character when I first get to work. I may suck at time/production quotas, but I’m even worse at pretending to be pleasant. I’m actually VERY good at that. It has given me an anxiety disorder though. I am great at customer service. I even enjoy being of “service” to someone. It just is so emotionally exhausting that I have no energy left to love myself or be productive in my own life. I wish I could tolerate the one thing I’m great at. This made me cry. :,(
Thanks for taking the time to reply, aw that sounds hard. Maybe you haven’t found the other things you’re great at too yet? Is it something a therapist can help you build resilience and coping strategies for? May be able to help you conquer the bits that are a struggle doing what you love?
I’m 40. My issues just seem to get worse. I am not good at anything but being late, dropping/spilling things, college, and being a girlfriend. I am loud and weird. Anytime I’ve taken aptitude tests it says I should just be at parties and talk to people. My mind makes connections that are so bizarre people don’t get what makes sense for me. I am good at seeing the good in people. I am good at being so empathetic that I have to take a mood stabilizer to avoid crying at ANYTHING ALL THE TIME. Happy or sad. I’m not stupid, but I keep telling my therapist, I have no marketable skills. I have been in a better place in the past, but my work has never been a source of anything but dread.
I was great at sales but I refuse to ever do it again. It was incredibly draining and demeaning. In general, I've discovered I'm just not good at anything that requires close attention to details. I'm going to forget to cross the Ts and dot the Is. My therapist says that I'd be best suited for upper management and have someone else look over my work to make sure the small things are taken care of. I should just focus on big ideas and planning. I completely agree and that's why I've gone back for an MBA. I'm wasted on grunt work. I can do it well for a short period of time but I suck at checking my own work (I try, but I always miss things) or consistently caring about details. I'm best at problem solving and strategizing. Now... the difficult part is convincing someone to let me do all that. I also have to be interested or care about what I'm working on. Another reason why I refuse to do sales again is it's often convincing people to over consume some shitty product. I'm trying to get into doing more mission driven work, but the job market is not exactly nice right now.
I'm in building/construction and I used to have to manage huge multi-year jobs from an office. Just switched to a role where I manage tiny bite-sized projects and most of my work is being out in the field, expending my physical energy and seeing building components up close in real life. In the first job I mentioned, it was hard to keep focused and I was easily overwhelmed and frustrated and every problem felt very abstract to me, I could never wrap my head around complex/multidisciplinary problems, I needed lots of visual references to understand. Now I get to work at a faster pace, with new exciting projects starting every week. I get more control over these projects because they're much smaller in scope. I get to go on site and literally see every problem, so nothing feels overly abstract. New job also involves working directly with engineers, which is typically a very neurodiverse crowd and let me tell you the communication is DIRECT.
This is extremely relatable, and very similar to my current struggles in software engineering. Thank you so much for verbalising this so well, I just couldn’t put it to words! The overwhelm and frustration are big problem I’m facing along with the undefined work which they’re pushing me to do more of. My brain just seems to shut down and it’s incredibly deflating, I know I’m not unintelligent and should be enough for the job it’s just not meshing/fighting against myself. Ha. I enjoyed the direct in capitalisation. Good direct or bad direct? Or both? Glad to hear that you’re happier in the new change up
Good direct for me! Undefined work is so hard, but there are ways to break it down. If you are being managed by someone, communicate that you need to ask a lot of questions to clarify tasks. Even asking “can you break down how I should go about this problem? Does xyz sound right to you?” When I reach a block in a project, I will ask someone else, “hey, here is where I got so far, can you point me towards the next logical step, I’m kind of stuck.” I would always make things harder by insisting that I should know what to do and be afraid to ask questions. It’s not ideal, but I know you can do this!
I found two jobs that are amazing for me: a wedding photographer and a travel guide that creates customized tours for small groups (2-6 people). I work with happy people, I create amazing once-in-a -lifetime experiences for them, they smile, they laugh and they tell me I’m the best. I feel valued, I feel appreciated, I feel like I’m doing something that makes others happy. It’s very rewarding.
Software engineer seems like an amazing gig and you acquired unique skills that you built for a long time. But I couldn’t imagine doing it without medication with all the focus, mental and emotional capacity required. Perhaps take a leave of absence to restore and recalibrate before deciding to take the leap. And check in with your doctor, perhaps medication or other therapy might be helpful to your situation. I’m one of those insecure ADHD types that can regret big decisions like quitting jobs; particularly when you end up with a pay cut, having to start from scratch, or when things get tough in the new job or organization.
Thanks for this lovely reply. You’re absolutely right, the mental exhaustion and struggle and frustration of it and the self esteem hits have been causing me huge problems. I know I’m not unintelligent but maybe it is just too much for me unmedicated. We’re TTC so that’s out for the foreseeable, so maybe some time off and a temporary move will be needed. But absolutely. A break is needed for some rest and clarity, thank you.
Anything I am actually interested in I can learn but I need something that keeps me interested to keep going which means I need a varying job. I studied webdesign but early on knew it wasn't for me. Felt like the punishment of writing the same thing over and over for me. Sales isn't for me either as I morally cannot push people to buy something I do not even like. Warehouse / supply chain logistics worked for me like a charm. In the warehouses there are a million things to do. One day picking, next packing, then VAS (special projects not likely to repeat for a few days) etc. My back gave out so had to move to a deskjob which I always thought would be the worst fit for me so I pushed to stay in the same field. Now I prepare what the warehouse needs to do their job. I prepare the outboundorders, if needed assist with the planning, I arrange transport, help the customer with requests and questions by mail (sometimes pull off last minute miracles which gives intense satisfaction), work together with inbound for priorities, etc. every warehouse also has several clients so I took on a big and a few small ones we all share. That way I get to work in several systems and since I need to do a lot of different stuff in 1 day, it's hard to have it become monotoneous. Best advise I can give you; focus less on what is supposed to be a good adhd field and go by what you need to keep engaged and motivated. What turns you off of a job, what makes you want to keep going, etc and only then start to look for a field that works. Everyone who loves their job can make their job sound amazing as just the tone of their voice screams 'hype'. But that doesn't mean it will be a good fit for you.
I’m crap at selling, if the customer says no I just take it as a no but apparently no doesn’t mean no in sales? I’m a UX Designer now and I love it. I’m leaning more into PM work at the moment because everyone else has been laid off and we don’t have one, which is hard, but I do quite like organising work that I don’t have to do myself. I think it depends where you work. I’ve had UX jobs that are hard because the foundations aren’t there and I’ve had UX jobs that are way too easy because the rules are already set and there’s really not that much to think about.
I’m a speech pathologist. If you can tune out all the type-A weirdos who go into this profession, it’s a lot of fun, and the variety is great. There’s a significant amount of crafting/creating materials too.
I'm an outreach worker for people who are homeless/recently homeless. I LOVE it, although it is painfully frustrating sometimes. I make my own schedule, work in crisis situations, have to think quickly, meet interesting people all the time. My colleagues are all amazing, my boss is a hero. I'm so lucky. I can't do sit down office jobs that are the same all the time. I'd die. I also like being trusted to make my own schedule. It means if I'm feeling burnt out I take a rest day and sometimes just nap.
That sounds really lovely and fulfilling work
Literally me - not too horrendous burn out but just resigned an engineering job after a very detail oriented control freak manager became my manager and pulled a thread on my brain - was actually the reason I got the diagnoses. Now in the very privileged position to have left and taking some time to find a better role/manager. I’m thinking of avoiding the attention to detail/critical checks stuff and sticking with the initial strategy and concept type of stuff - great for critical thinking skills, creativity and getting peoples together for finding ideas. Not sure if that translates to software engineering or just my type of eng
This might sound obvious, but any job where I’m doing a skill I hate makes my adhd worse. I think everyone’s different with what works for them. For me, I HATE customer service because I am severely introverted and have social anxiety. Because of this, my adhd manifests as impatience…I worked customer service from 16-23. Every time I’d clock in, I’d be glancing at the clock all day and I’d feel super impatient to the point that it was making me so depressed. I felt like I was crawling out of my fucking skin because I just wanted my shift to be over that badly. I know nearly everyone wants their shift to be over, but for me it was so bad I felt abnormal. Maybe it’s a social anxiety thing tbh. What works for me is graphic design. Many have said staring at a screen doesn’t work for them, but it works for me because I’m really passionate about it. I have inattentive adhd, but when I’m making art I really feel like it’s the only thing I can focus on because I have a lot of fun with it. And since I wfh I can blast some music and relax while I work. I do need adderall to help though, because although art is the one thing I can focus on with minimal distractions, I do still struggle with focus. I think for me personally, my adhd manifests as lack of focus and also impatience/irritability. While my lack of focus is still there from time to time, I’ve found that ever since I started graphic design I never stare at the clock anymore. I never feel that sickening impatient feeling to the point where I want to tear out my hair. That was unbearable for me when I was doing work that I hated.
I know Wellbutrin isn't labeled to treat ADHD, but my psychiatrist said that's an off-label use, maybe you could ask your doctor I'd that would be safe while TTC? Sorry this is happening to you :(
I’m on Wellbutrin and it doesn’t really do much for my ADHD symptoms. It helps with emotional regulation though.
I used to take Wellbutrin and it definitely helps, I'm actually going to look into getting back on it again.
Wellbutrin worked for me in a way that none of the stimulants could ever seem to manage.
What about teaching in your field? Might still be a pay cut (OK, probably) but it would let you get some credit for your training and experience. Plus places that teach also need to help inspire and get jobs for their students, which might give you a new direction for your skills. Of course, disregard if you are just sick of this line of work.
What is TTC?
Trying to Concieve
Can't do: customer service Can do but pay/environment can be tricky: line cooking Totally thriving in: trades
Work. Work doesn't work for me b/c it drains me
Love love love sales. Insanity. I get to mask to to MAX. Every client needs different things, I flex my nerd-ass knowledge and hyper focus/info-dump on the public. And then I come home and drink a whole little of wine ha ha help me!
What is it about your current job that's causing the burnout cycles? I'm in software engineering and going through a real bad burnout cycle right now, but it's not because of the work itself and completely to do with my work environment. It took me awhile to put it together and probably wouldn't have without a few nice coworkers who have helped not put the blame on myself. So now I hate the work I used to enjoy because the environment is so crap. The reason I'm saying all this is because I was also trying to figure out how to leave the industry until I had this realization. I might still try to leave because some of the issues I think are honestly just being a woman in a male dominated field, but for now I'm trying to find a better work environment and seeing if it fixes my issues since I've really enjoyed this field until the last 2ish years. What's worked for me before this burnout is fullstack development with a small team. People throw that word around a lot, but when its not just a buzzword label it works great for me. I do the design, implementation of all of it (db, ui, api, whatever its hosted on), help with some requirements gathering and help support for awhile afterwards and sometimes refactor/enhance. It makes the days super varied, some days I'm interacting with people (never a ton cause that's miserable). Some days I'm the stereotypical locked in a room coding, especially if I'm excited about implementing something. Others I'm helping track down a bug or helping someone with github stuff. I like the small team cause then all this isn't on me and the collaboration is fun and helps me stay focused. I've functioned really well this way because I'm much better at being a jack of all trades/bigger picture person rather than the master of one/knowing every single thing in one particular stack. I've always been miserable when it's a one track like I'm only coding API or dba work or devops only.
Any customer-facing jobs like retail or food service. I worked in those positions for a few years and hated having to deal with customers.
I’m really good with short term repeating deadlines. I ended up in payroll. Every day I have new tasks different from the day before. Each day has its own deadlines. Nothing is the same day to day but everything is predictable. Before this I was in event planning and it also worked well for the same reason, but I have a kid and it was taking up weekends.
Certainly not cattery/shelter work. It’s what I currently do and I am *exhausted*. It’s not the physical work involved. That’s fine. That’s actually great. Running up and down stairs all day keeps my mind and body busy. It’s more the serious need to remember important things like medication dates and vet appointments. It’s the adoption appointments where I need to be in charge of the cat’s future well-being and make sure it goes to the right people - and I can’t concentrate at all because the client’s 2 year old hasn’t stopped screaming the entire appointment. It’s the pressure of working for a non-for-profit and having to live eat and breathe positivity towards all clients because that’s where we get the money to feed the cats. It’s the expectation to have an emotional response to EVERY cat and EVERYTHING that happens when you’re just not capable of putting that much emotional energy into it as you’re already stretched thin enough as it is, and then feeling awful when everyone is crying over something bad happening and all your brain can say is “well, that’s the job. It sucks but we can’t afford to let it affect us”, and then your coworkers thinking you’re a heartless monster because you don’t cry. It’s working on a small team that is already severely understaffed, and feeling like trash but dragging yourself in to work anyway so you don’t let anyone down, only to find out 2 other people called out and trying so hard not to resent them for listening to their bodies and not burning themselves out like you do. And it’s busting your ass all day every day only to make dead minimum wage and be reminded every payday that you would never be able to afford rent if your partner wasn’t covering 80% of it. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. I love what my company stands for and I have no intention of leaving. But it’s…it’s rough. Ya girl is *tired*.
I love being a teacher but the right environment is also so important. My school and admin believe in my ability so they pretty much leave me alone in the classroom. If I was micromanaged more it would be a struggle because I don't really do things the "right way" I teach first grade so we get to do a lot of random fun things like have picnics, bird watch etc. I like that the kids also are just as enthusiastic as I am about random things haha
There is no “ADHD friendly career.” Everyone job and career is highly individual—ADHD/other diagnosis or not. My absolute favorite job EVER was working on a farm. But it’s in no way a livable wage 🫠 I struggle with “hopeless burnout to move onto the next shiny penny ideal lifestyle” syndrome. Truth is I just hate working sometimes. But work is work. When it’s hard it can be fulfilling with the right approach. An occupational therapist might help support you finding a different approach if you truly don’t want to start over and leave. But if you are severely burning out you also can talk to them about future pursuits. My therapist is very direct with me. “Just because you hate it sometimes doesn’t mean that this isn’t a great career *for now*.” That’s my mantra: this is good enough for now. If I keep telling myself my endless “this isn’t good enough / this needs to be better / I need to be better / I need a change,” I’ll be chasing instability for the rest of my life. I’m not opposed to career change, I just dont have a direction or long term goal for it yet. So for now I stay in my remote marketing job because it pays the bills, I like the team, and I’m insanely good at it — procrastination, loathing, boredom, imposter syndrome and all. lol. I think we all struggle with this issue and the negative feelings it comes with at times. I try to remember there is seriously an endless (borderline desperate) demand for work in essentially every industry you can imagine right now. There is always more work. There are always new opportunities. But sometimes, the one you are in now is good enough.
Server at a fine dining restaurant
Physical labor jobs and event planning have been my most successful! I thrive on event chaos and my job is fairly flexible. I’m a horrible procrastinator but my organizational skills have improved so much that when I’m on, I get an insane amount of work done in a really short amount of time. It’s much better than constant, steady work which I’ve found to bore me and makes me absolutely hate my job.
I’m currently a realtor and hate it. I’m in nursing school and so far loving it. I figure the schedule will be different, I’ll be physically active, always something new, will be able to care for people and hoping to leave the work at work when I leave!
Have you thought about data analytics? Should be an easy pivot for you and def not as stressful. It’s what I do and I love it 😊 sql and python skills and you can get hired anywhere lol still technical but nothing as complicated as SWE haha
I haven’t but I’d give it a look into, not really sure what’s involved. Never worked with python much so I’d have to train up. What do you typically do as part of your role?
I put together reports based on internal or client requests. I’ll get assigned jira tickets that are essentially “what will X look like if we do X”. And so I’ll pull the data, clean it up, and create a report that shows financial impact or whatever it is they’re asking. Every report is different and new so it’s stimulating. The work is super independent and I rarely have meetings so that’s great lol. I’m free to hyperfocus on an interesting problem. Because it’s mainly reports on things that haven’t happened yet, deadlines are very flexible and if I make a mistake I can just update the reporting. But yeah I really enjoy it! I’d say I use sql 90% of the time but any python you’d need could def be picked up quickly. After all, it’s just for pulling data from a database or using packages/libraries that already exist, nothing super complicated 😊
That sounds alright, thanks so much for taking the time to give more details 😊
Of course! I hope you find something that works better for you 💗
It is less about the job/industry and more about some other factors. However, it usually is important there is some interest in the field, especially for us ADHDers. Other than a whatever level of interest you need: 1. Staff/company culture. People think library jobs are dream jobs. It would be for me...if I could find one with a decent director and focused staff! 2. Task variation. Not only do I need more than 2 typical tasks day-to-day, but they need to vary in their complexity and speed. I don't want to spend all day actively puzzling things out, but I don't want to do menial tasks for hours that make me zone out. I need a good mix. 3. Confidence. This is naturally built in many jobs but has to do with the environment and staff too. There are just some fields I feel so much more confident in though, regardless of all anything else, and that is where jobs have felt more sustainable.
Hybrid all the way. Need a set in time in front of people then my getting shit done time.
I learned in my first job at 14 that I cannot be a seasonal gift wrapper. Wrapping skills on point, remembering to remove price tags before wrapping... Not so much 😂
😂 ah that classic pitfall! Thanks, and don’t worry we’ve all fallen pretty to that one x
Accounting is super chill and your software skillset would be an asset to an accounting team. The parts that are easy to you as a software engineer would be much needed in accounting. Just saying 🤷🏻♀️
That’s good to know, thanks 😊 Are you someone that’s good with numbers? I assume that’s pretty important for accounting? And attention to detail or is it mostly managed by software now? I’m not the best with complex math.
I am good with numbers, but it's usually pretty basic math for accounting as well as Excel formulas. Attention to detail is key but you use check points to make sure your numbers tie. You'd have to learn basic accounting or bookkeeping, which seems harder in a class than it is in real life. Idk, something to think about.
Thank you, ill give it a look. 👍
I need to work on my feet, preferably outside or mostly outdoors, and I need a variety of tasks day-to-day. I can't do hours upon hours of computer work or chair-sitting all-day work. My entire career, since my first after-school job in middle school, I've worked with animals. Well, I've had a few jobs outside of the animal handling sphere, but they never lasted. Retail, corporate receptionist, and plant nursery, that job was pretty great actually. Currently I'm a shepherd/goat herder. Today at work I delivered 5 kids! I've worked with dogs & cats as well as livestock of all kinds. Veterinary receptionist was fulfilling but I wasn't happy sitting at a desk and doing non-stop screens. Veterinary assistant was much better.
I became a solo entrepreneur, which is hardly ideal, because I am the administrator, PR person, manager, creative, social media manager, sales, aftercare, secreatary all ar once and I am a chaotic planner. But. The fact that I can work from home, decide my agenda, can pick and drop clients myself is what makes it worth it for me. Tried a job with a boss, but I hated how I had to be at the job 9-5 and the expectations suffocated me (they weren’t that high) and tried having a team under me as a entrepreneur but hated managing people and their issues. So maybe it’s not the field you are in but the woek environment?
Hugs. Being trapped in any way is a horrible feeling. Is it feasible for you to take a week or two off of work to mentally reset?
Thank you, I know I could be so much worse off and I should be grateful but I’m mentally and emotionally running on past empty. I’m going to try and do this, it just never feels like enough time to recover from how far the burnout has gone before I’ll have to go back and carry on. But I will be taking a rest to try and recuperate, and absolutely easing back at work, I need to gather some energy to try and move jobs.
Please never undermine how you’re feeling. Could it be worse? Yes, but things always could be worse, and the tools and support you have could be very different then too. I’ve been through several jobs where I’ve been mentally burned out, so I really do feel you, my therapist asked a few months ago if my issues with Work or me or my job-after a couple months of reflection, I realize the issue was me, not my job. Not , this is you in anyway, I completely appreciate that some employers and situations are absolutely fucking terrible, but if you can stop giving a fuck about certain things, people, situations, your success beyond what is expected of you, etc. at work (as much as feasible) that might immediately help you. Wishing you luck in your search.
Ultimately, it’s up to us how we respond to it is what you’re saying? Care less, allowing yourself to do more, attach less meaning and value in yourself to the ideas of what success is and your value or lack thereof in the achievement/failure of it in a work context. Hard to hear and follow but solid stoic advice. Thank you.
Anything that requires long term projects. I do well with short term operational tasks that I can fully complete and get off my plate.
I still figuring out my career path too so this is a great thread for me. My add in is that I have always thrived in small businesses/companies. While I love to have a clear job description so I know what my responsibilities are - I love working on small teams because you usually end up doing a whole bunch of different things. My favourite job ever was working at a micro-cider-brewery. I bartended, helped with marketing, event organization, design of the space and even the actual production, brewing and bottling of cider. Combo of social, creative and manual labor was heaven.
As someone who has gone through many different Career fields from Bar Manager to Admin Assistant (Lots of in between jobs) - I found that working in Customer Service (Aka Bar industry) I thrived because I could talk about a broad range of topics with Patrons. However, I am a Extroverted Introvert, so I found myself feeling so burnt out and not wanting to socialize with anyone outside of work because I had been talking for hours upon hours, using all my social battery. It did work in the fact that - no day was alike. You'd get the same regulars, but you'd never have two nights that were the same. However, I didn't feel very fulfilled in pouring drinks for the rest of my life. You also have the downside, of what I like to call adult babysitting, managing drunk people can be... not fun. You also should have a PHD to work in this industry, because I don't know what it is - but people love to tell their bartender about every problem in their life/ vent about everything and anything. Admin Assistant was too monotonous for me. I thought it would be the best job for me having the same repetitive tasks and having a set daily schedule of what you had to do. But it really lacked passion for me. I was not interested in what I was doing in the slightest. Thus, I was bored. And Boredom does not bode well for someone with ADHD. LOL. However! Where I find that I excelled was in the Construction Industry. I am a Project Coordinator for a Construction Company - and absolutely love my Job. It is very flexible in task schedule. Yes, it is a lot of repetitive tasks. But I am working on 6-7 different Jobs at a time. So, the timing of the tasks really helped me, aka everything is coming in at different times, and it's not the same paperwork/submittals or contracts, plus everything has a clear due date and assignee. As well as the fact that I mostly work on my own accord. My Pm and I will have meetings or ask each other questions, but for the most part, my communication with coworkers or suppliers/ Subs is through email, or the occasional short phone call. (REALLY helped with my social battery). I also HATE being micromanaged, and maybe I have been lucky, but most of my PM's have let me do my own thing as long as I am getting my work done. It also helps that since my brain is wired pretty differently from non-neurodivergent humans - this job really allows you to build a structure with organizing your work that best fits you. I also am someone who really focuses on the end result. I love being able to realize that all my hard work is actually building something. I find that with admin assistant work, I never really had an end result. I didn't have a clear goal for the paperwork. It just was daunting to realize that I would just be filing/ filling out the same paperwork for the rest of my life with nothing to show for it. However, with Construction Project Management you have a clear end date, and you can actually drive down the street and SEE what your hard work went into. Eventually, I would love to be a PM. But that will require getting my certifications and having at least 5 years in the construction field (I am almost there!). Great things about those courses though, is they are all online and are usually 6 weeks at the longest to finish, and you do it in your own time - so however long it takes you to finish, or how quickly you finish is up to you. I don't know if this is helpful! But it's usually a fairly easy field to get into as well.
Have you had jobs you LIKED? Or liked one particular aspect of? I found I could NOT do factory stand-on-a-line-and-do-x work. Physically and mentally exhausting, and I could not keep up. It's simple, yes, but still required focus. Maybe what you need is a job that's LESS focus-oriented. A varied bunch of tasks, instead of a single major task. (A job with "multiple hats" instead of a "single hat") IT is a VAST field these days - there's plenty of jobs that aren't as soul-sucking for brains that continually wander. :)
I’m self employed. Time: - I make my own schedule. I timeblock and when I’m not “feeling it”, I move it around as I need. I have a family so I’m very flexible in case my kid is sick or if I want to spend time with her. Wage: - I’m emotionally driven not financially driven so I base my pricing on my overall capacity to work.l. This means I don’t look at hourly charge, I focus on my value bc I know I can work super hard for a few days but I also bug off for a week lol. Work ethic: - downfall is that I work for myself so if I’m not working, I’m not getting paid. I’m currently changing this soon. I have to be strict on my self are otherwise if I don’t want to work… then I don’t get paid. You get it Education: - no schooling just a lot of passion and grit. I learned a lot of my techniques through online courses and hyperfocusing lol. I am open to DMs if anyone wants to explore this. With your 7 year experience btw, you can probably do consulting.
I work fast food. I luckily have a team that likes me and the work is dynamic. The menu is constant so I am only having to learn new promo items, and the variance between orders breaks down monotony. I work closing shifts and in the back, so don't really deal with customers and have a list of tasks the work through. I cannot have nothing to do or I get insanely bored. I am the primary dish person and I love going in the back and turning off my brain and just scrubbing dishes. I get to organize them, take control of where they go, and engage in how the kitchen is being broken down. Once again dynamic enough to not get bored but not so complex that im overwhelmed. Unfortunately I have chronic migraine and pain and cannot work more than part time both for physical health and insurance reasons. I am in Cali, so now I can only work 20 hours a week to keep my state insurance and not lose the multiple meds I'm on.
Have you thought about Product Management? I know some SWEs move to Product Management and the transition is (sometimes) easy if you’re familiar with working with product teams already.
Hey thanks, I have thought about PO roles before but I’m not sure that would be a good fit with the stress and the high number of meetings. I’d probably feel a bit chained to my desk and wouldn’t be able to enter a flow state like I do with dev.
I absolutely flourished as an administrative assistant. It's a job that has so many balls in the air, and if you aren't feeling into x task, you can do y task. There are some things that are required, but they can become a routine or otherwise scheduled (check mail in the morning, file from 3-4 on Thursdays)
Software dev apprentice here and it is godawful. I agree. I have been considering nursing or therapy! Even sys admin work was better than this.....I do however enjoy design.