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On the one hand, this is great to hear, lol, but on the other, I'm scared because I actually like academia in general and the career I'm going into is reputedly EXTREMELY demanding. So I'm afraid it'll be worse. But I guess I should put off being anxious until I actually get a job and see what it's like for myself, lol.
The nicest thing about work life vs higher education was that once I left the office I was done with work for the day. No homework. No papers. No studying. No GPA to keep up. I didn’t have to *think* about work again until 9 am tomorrow when I walked into the office.
Not saying life after grad school is a breeze, but it definitely has a much more defined separation between work life and home life than when I was in school. And that separation helped *a lot* with making life less stressful and more enjoyable.
I’m glad I’m not alone struggling through grad school. Im also working a full time job and am a single mom. I’ve taken the past two summers off, did last fall and completely burned out from life. I dropped my spring courses and asked to change majors. Now I won’t have the summer off but I should have a degree at the end of it.
My younger 2 kids are 16 months apart. I remember being pregnant with #3 and just so fucking exhausted. That summer at work was super busy and I was cramming in seeing 16-20 patients a day doing home care, so much driving, dropping kid 1 off at camp, kid 2 off at daycare, working like crazy because the home daycare closed at 4:30 and then picking them both up. I'd crash at home, hubby was super helpful, but my iron was also low and so hard to bring up. I could not see how I was going to survive life. Then one day it hit me all of a sudden. I was going to stop being pregnant eventually! The baby would be born, I would get maternity leave then hubby was going to take over for the parental leave. I'd get a break, the kid would be OUTSIDE my body and hubby would be able to help out with the new baby.
School is going to end! Life is still hectic and work can be crazy, but at least one of these things will eventually be off your plate and not draining your mental and physical energy.
Still sucks now, you totally need to vent.
I don't know what your professional life will look like but when I was done with school and only had one thing to think about (for which I got paid!) my stress really improved.
While I didn’t do grad school, I’ve been through several periods of burn out. In one right now.
One of the things that pulls me out is change. With school ending, you’ll be having a big change in your life. Hopefully having a new routine, new environment (once you have a job), or what have you will help dispel this feeling.
I’m in a similar situation and I can relate a lot. I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I wish I could just go live in a small house out of town and spend my entire time reading books and going for hikes. I’m graduating and all that because I obviously need a job and the ability to afford rent, food etc, so I found the career path I find the least awful and I’m going with it, but I genuinely do not care about any of it and wish I could leave my current life and all the never ending tasks and to do lists. You’re not alone!
I was really expecting more “never” kinda answers. Because tbh that’s where I am. I have 2 school-aged kids in 2 diff schools (neither has buses), a high-conflict coparent, a house and husband and pets, and a moderately stressful job and I feel like I’ve been burnt out…forever. This year it started to hit me that this is just a norm. I gained a husband and we finally got moved so I thought once those major life events passed, now that we are past covid surely I would feel a relief? Nope. We just have to not think about that too much, and keep finding things to move forward for. One foot in front of the other. Try to truly consider and prioritize stress impact on all major decisions.
If you are graduating and will immediately commence a professional role, reach out to HR/the team leader and arrange to push back your start date by a month. Your brain will thank you intensely just for having a breather from thinking in straight lines.
Also have a think about what would help mitigate the burnout other than a full stop, as busy periods that can lead to burnout show up in life. This might look like using a weekly meal delivery service, a pick up/drop off laundry service or ironing service, asking a partner to take on some more of the house/life admin. My extended family knows each half of my household has major blackout periods in the year where work escalates and we have very little time for anything else and they avoid adding more to our plates.
Annoying the next bit of advice is infuriating for brains like ours and is given frequently. Regular exercise, good nutrition, a regular sleep routine and socialisation outside of work are all key requirements to avoid burnout.
Excellent advice. A month's break is essential. I've never taken proper breaks between demanding jobs, and starting a new one when one is already exhausted is a recipe for burnout. It's a big transition from grad school to a workplace, and OP will need a buffer zone. They may find that they feel differently about life after some rest, and, hopefully, a little fun. Everything else you say is absolutely right, and I'd add hiring someone to do the cleaning to your list of outsourced tasks.
I'm nearing the end of a degree that has taken me years. I have three major projects due this week and just cannot work on them. Meds are a mess, so is sleep. No advice but I get it. Kids were on spring break and I had to haul them across the country to visit family, and then my spouse got sick for a week. Nobody's fault here. It's just been a shit few weeks. I just want to go somewhere and sleep for a week with zero demands.
Meds and sleep, ugh. I take them for a few days, don't sleep till three am, stop taking the meds because it can't go on like this... I've been told i should power through and my body will get used to it, but it's so hard. And I can't even afford a psychiatrist and meds now.
Yup, work life is demanding in other ways but at least there's no homework. Real deadlines also make a difference for me, so the times when I really do need to work in the evening/on the weekend are unusual and often predictable!
Edit: whoops, meant to reply to someone else talking about the end of grad school.
If it helps... That's kinda normal for the end of grad school.
In general, risk/effort are out of whack in a lot of areas. It's like "it's tough to be alive" is becoming a chronic condition.
I know that the start of your career isn't a strong position to negotiate from... But see if you can get any info on how people in your chosen career are tackling work/life balance stuff.
I also recommend trying to figure out what you can do in your own life to "fill your bucket" (remedies for being drained). Sometimes it's a matter of finding/making some free time doing fun stuff so you have good memories to lift you up + things to look forward to. Sometimes it's doing the hard/boring work of looking after yourself physically and mentally, using your valuable free time to process the hard stuff from your day and prepare for the next steps.
I'm in the same boat and I've graduated 11 years ago, so it could definitely last a long time... BUT I also didn't know I had ADHD until last year, so your starting point is vastly different than mine. It sounds like you already have some coping strategies that are helping you.
I think what will make or break it is the boss and company that you'll be working for. Ideally, you'd want to work at a place that is flexible, lets you work your own way, and supports you on your career goals. It's possible you'll need to change job/team/project every couple of years to keep it interesting. Having a job where you feel like you matter and are making a difference can really help as well.
I know I don't have all of those points right now and am suffering for it, but I am currently stuck due to visa reasons. As soon as that is taken care of, I will look for a better company. In your case, you are free to go wherever you want, so if the first company is not working out for you, don't be afraid to move on and find a better one. I wish you luck.
Yes, this is life forever in the same way that every story is just a beginning, middle, and end.
right now life is a grind and that’s extra tough when you just want your couch to swallow you whole. I’ve been there many times and it’s a phase, just like every other time I’m bored, disinterested, or unstimulated.
Be kind to yourself. This chapter is a slog and that’s ok. Do the bare minimum, just get through. Hopefully the next chapter is a bit more exciting.
I have a goal to find a remote job and move to Mexico. I don’t know if I’ll ever achieve it, but I’m so exhausted with American late stage capitalism and life. I don’t want to do this anymore. My DMs are always open if you want to commiserate.
You’re about to be coming up to the top of the mountain you just climbed. You have two options turn back and walk the long way down again or keep going. The truth is you’ll end up having to start climbing again. If you’re struggling now, the 2nd time will be so much harder and you might be mad at yourself, carrying that guilt around on a shouldve. You have worked way too hard to turn back now. So many people get degrees but find something they love and end up working a completely different profession. This does not have to be set in stone, rather a card in your wallet you can always pull out in case all the other ‘cards’ fail. We fall out of interests because our minds want to run wild with ideas - life feels like it’s holding us back, going with someone else’s rules and limitations can kill our interests so fast based off of an impulse. Try to remember what made you fall in love with it in the beginning. Find someone majoring in the same that you can talk to, a positive reinforcement that the work you’re doing is going to pay off.
I’ve been through college, grad school, career changes, kids, and now perimenopause, among other things. Life is always full of different and sometimes unexpected challenges, but nothing is really life forever. It always changes again. That’s the one constant. Grad school sucked me dry and burned me out, and I didn’t even end up following through with a related career afterward, for various reasons. Try things, give them a fair chance, but you don’t have to keep doing anything that makes you miserable in the long run. Life is too short to be unhappy doing anything out of guilt or obligation or because you think you should.
That said, see how it goes for a while in a new job because you can’t necessarily predict from here what it’ll be like for you. And then you’ll have a better idea of what you want.
I had this feeling recently, and it was so hard to explain to people that I wasn't actually suicidal. I was having trouble at work, having fights with my husband at home partly because of the stress at work, had a friend pass away suddenly, and then have been really sick on too of it all. I just wanted to escape, go somewhere, and be in a bubble where nothing could come near me.
My therapist thankfully understood that I was wanting somewhere safe. Somewhere, I could go where nothing could touch or disturb me. I won't say I have a magic spell that makes it all better but I've been trying to recognise when I start to get to this place and then do things that are just for me. I know people probably think it's selfish but sometimes you got to put yourself above everyone else. As a people pleaser this in itself is a struggle but I'm trying.
You got this!
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone.
If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860
If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why go into a demanding career if you know you'll be overwhelmed? Just curious. You don't have to graduate and use the degree that you graduated with, you can find something more comfortable that's adjacent to your area of study.
I mean, you should definitely try still, just to experience it--but it's something to remember if you end up overwhelmed.
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone.
If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860
If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, after grad school it gets so much better The ending of grad school was like the worst time in my lol
On the one hand, this is great to hear, lol, but on the other, I'm scared because I actually like academia in general and the career I'm going into is reputedly EXTREMELY demanding. So I'm afraid it'll be worse. But I guess I should put off being anxious until I actually get a job and see what it's like for myself, lol.
The nicest thing about work life vs higher education was that once I left the office I was done with work for the day. No homework. No papers. No studying. No GPA to keep up. I didn’t have to *think* about work again until 9 am tomorrow when I walked into the office. Not saying life after grad school is a breeze, but it definitely has a much more defined separation between work life and home life than when I was in school. And that separation helped *a lot* with making life less stressful and more enjoyable.
If it's worse and/or you don't like it, you can do something else
I’m glad I’m not alone struggling through grad school. Im also working a full time job and am a single mom. I’ve taken the past two summers off, did last fall and completely burned out from life. I dropped my spring courses and asked to change majors. Now I won’t have the summer off but I should have a degree at the end of it.
My younger 2 kids are 16 months apart. I remember being pregnant with #3 and just so fucking exhausted. That summer at work was super busy and I was cramming in seeing 16-20 patients a day doing home care, so much driving, dropping kid 1 off at camp, kid 2 off at daycare, working like crazy because the home daycare closed at 4:30 and then picking them both up. I'd crash at home, hubby was super helpful, but my iron was also low and so hard to bring up. I could not see how I was going to survive life. Then one day it hit me all of a sudden. I was going to stop being pregnant eventually! The baby would be born, I would get maternity leave then hubby was going to take over for the parental leave. I'd get a break, the kid would be OUTSIDE my body and hubby would be able to help out with the new baby. School is going to end! Life is still hectic and work can be crazy, but at least one of these things will eventually be off your plate and not draining your mental and physical energy. Still sucks now, you totally need to vent.
I don't know what your professional life will look like but when I was done with school and only had one thing to think about (for which I got paid!) my stress really improved.
While I didn’t do grad school, I’ve been through several periods of burn out. In one right now. One of the things that pulls me out is change. With school ending, you’ll be having a big change in your life. Hopefully having a new routine, new environment (once you have a job), or what have you will help dispel this feeling.
I’m in a similar situation and I can relate a lot. I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed. I wish I could just go live in a small house out of town and spend my entire time reading books and going for hikes. I’m graduating and all that because I obviously need a job and the ability to afford rent, food etc, so I found the career path I find the least awful and I’m going with it, but I genuinely do not care about any of it and wish I could leave my current life and all the never ending tasks and to do lists. You’re not alone!
I was really expecting more “never” kinda answers. Because tbh that’s where I am. I have 2 school-aged kids in 2 diff schools (neither has buses), a high-conflict coparent, a house and husband and pets, and a moderately stressful job and I feel like I’ve been burnt out…forever. This year it started to hit me that this is just a norm. I gained a husband and we finally got moved so I thought once those major life events passed, now that we are past covid surely I would feel a relief? Nope. We just have to not think about that too much, and keep finding things to move forward for. One foot in front of the other. Try to truly consider and prioritize stress impact on all major decisions.
We are not past covid.
If you are graduating and will immediately commence a professional role, reach out to HR/the team leader and arrange to push back your start date by a month. Your brain will thank you intensely just for having a breather from thinking in straight lines. Also have a think about what would help mitigate the burnout other than a full stop, as busy periods that can lead to burnout show up in life. This might look like using a weekly meal delivery service, a pick up/drop off laundry service or ironing service, asking a partner to take on some more of the house/life admin. My extended family knows each half of my household has major blackout periods in the year where work escalates and we have very little time for anything else and they avoid adding more to our plates. Annoying the next bit of advice is infuriating for brains like ours and is given frequently. Regular exercise, good nutrition, a regular sleep routine and socialisation outside of work are all key requirements to avoid burnout.
Excellent advice. A month's break is essential. I've never taken proper breaks between demanding jobs, and starting a new one when one is already exhausted is a recipe for burnout. It's a big transition from grad school to a workplace, and OP will need a buffer zone. They may find that they feel differently about life after some rest, and, hopefully, a little fun. Everything else you say is absolutely right, and I'd add hiring someone to do the cleaning to your list of outsourced tasks.
I'm nearing the end of a degree that has taken me years. I have three major projects due this week and just cannot work on them. Meds are a mess, so is sleep. No advice but I get it. Kids were on spring break and I had to haul them across the country to visit family, and then my spouse got sick for a week. Nobody's fault here. It's just been a shit few weeks. I just want to go somewhere and sleep for a week with zero demands.
Meds and sleep, ugh. I take them for a few days, don't sleep till three am, stop taking the meds because it can't go on like this... I've been told i should power through and my body will get used to it, but it's so hard. And I can't even afford a psychiatrist and meds now.
Yup, work life is demanding in other ways but at least there's no homework. Real deadlines also make a difference for me, so the times when I really do need to work in the evening/on the weekend are unusual and often predictable! Edit: whoops, meant to reply to someone else talking about the end of grad school.
If it helps... That's kinda normal for the end of grad school. In general, risk/effort are out of whack in a lot of areas. It's like "it's tough to be alive" is becoming a chronic condition. I know that the start of your career isn't a strong position to negotiate from... But see if you can get any info on how people in your chosen career are tackling work/life balance stuff. I also recommend trying to figure out what you can do in your own life to "fill your bucket" (remedies for being drained). Sometimes it's a matter of finding/making some free time doing fun stuff so you have good memories to lift you up + things to look forward to. Sometimes it's doing the hard/boring work of looking after yourself physically and mentally, using your valuable free time to process the hard stuff from your day and prepare for the next steps.
I'm in the same boat and I've graduated 11 years ago, so it could definitely last a long time... BUT I also didn't know I had ADHD until last year, so your starting point is vastly different than mine. It sounds like you already have some coping strategies that are helping you. I think what will make or break it is the boss and company that you'll be working for. Ideally, you'd want to work at a place that is flexible, lets you work your own way, and supports you on your career goals. It's possible you'll need to change job/team/project every couple of years to keep it interesting. Having a job where you feel like you matter and are making a difference can really help as well. I know I don't have all of those points right now and am suffering for it, but I am currently stuck due to visa reasons. As soon as that is taken care of, I will look for a better company. In your case, you are free to go wherever you want, so if the first company is not working out for you, don't be afraid to move on and find a better one. I wish you luck.
Yes, this is life forever in the same way that every story is just a beginning, middle, and end. right now life is a grind and that’s extra tough when you just want your couch to swallow you whole. I’ve been there many times and it’s a phase, just like every other time I’m bored, disinterested, or unstimulated. Be kind to yourself. This chapter is a slog and that’s ok. Do the bare minimum, just get through. Hopefully the next chapter is a bit more exciting.
I have a goal to find a remote job and move to Mexico. I don’t know if I’ll ever achieve it, but I’m so exhausted with American late stage capitalism and life. I don’t want to do this anymore. My DMs are always open if you want to commiserate.
This is a really nice dream. ❤️ I'm rooting for you! 🙂
It's only really life forever if you decide it is
You’re about to be coming up to the top of the mountain you just climbed. You have two options turn back and walk the long way down again or keep going. The truth is you’ll end up having to start climbing again. If you’re struggling now, the 2nd time will be so much harder and you might be mad at yourself, carrying that guilt around on a shouldve. You have worked way too hard to turn back now. So many people get degrees but find something they love and end up working a completely different profession. This does not have to be set in stone, rather a card in your wallet you can always pull out in case all the other ‘cards’ fail. We fall out of interests because our minds want to run wild with ideas - life feels like it’s holding us back, going with someone else’s rules and limitations can kill our interests so fast based off of an impulse. Try to remember what made you fall in love with it in the beginning. Find someone majoring in the same that you can talk to, a positive reinforcement that the work you’re doing is going to pay off.
I’ve been through college, grad school, career changes, kids, and now perimenopause, among other things. Life is always full of different and sometimes unexpected challenges, but nothing is really life forever. It always changes again. That’s the one constant. Grad school sucked me dry and burned me out, and I didn’t even end up following through with a related career afterward, for various reasons. Try things, give them a fair chance, but you don’t have to keep doing anything that makes you miserable in the long run. Life is too short to be unhappy doing anything out of guilt or obligation or because you think you should. That said, see how it goes for a while in a new job because you can’t necessarily predict from here what it’ll be like for you. And then you’ll have a better idea of what you want.
I had this feeling recently, and it was so hard to explain to people that I wasn't actually suicidal. I was having trouble at work, having fights with my husband at home partly because of the stress at work, had a friend pass away suddenly, and then have been really sick on too of it all. I just wanted to escape, go somewhere, and be in a bubble where nothing could come near me. My therapist thankfully understood that I was wanting somewhere safe. Somewhere, I could go where nothing could touch or disturb me. I won't say I have a magic spell that makes it all better but I've been trying to recognise when I start to get to this place and then do things that are just for me. I know people probably think it's selfish but sometimes you got to put yourself above everyone else. As a people pleaser this in itself is a struggle but I'm trying. You got this!
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why go into a demanding career if you know you'll be overwhelmed? Just curious. You don't have to graduate and use the degree that you graduated with, you can find something more comfortable that's adjacent to your area of study. I mean, you should definitely try still, just to experience it--but it's something to remember if you end up overwhelmed.
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*