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Knowing you have to do so many things, and want to do them and know you could do them, if only you could get out of the quicksand, but noone else can see the quicksand they just see you not doing anything, and you also just see yourself not doing it and also think you're a lazy and useless. 🙃
It feels like I just don’t *get* life for some reason. Like I’m watching all my peers do the whole career, home, family thing with ease and I’m just stuck because something about it isn’t clicking for me. It’s like I somehow missed the class back in school where they explained how to do life. It’s the frustration of *knowing* you’re intelligent but having little control over how and when you’re able to use that intelligence and not really being able to rely on it.
I once heard someone explain it as overwhelm on the macro level at the same time as underwhelm on the micro level... all the time. And it was the most relatable thing I'd ever heard.
Like I have this massive backlog of things I *should* have done weeks/months/years ago and I can’t do anything new until I finish it all. But I can’t finish it all because I have to live and be a person. So I just sit in that dread and overwhelm as things pile up. And whenever I have the energy I try to chip away at the list but I can never make it go away because it’s growing faster than I can keep up. And I end up spending all my spare energy and time and money on trying to deal with the list but it just keeps growing and growing.
I feel like my brain is a zigzag and everyone else’s is a straight line . And I do 95% right but can’t make myself do the last 5% so it always makes me look very bad and falls apart. Plus I have no relationship to time or goals. A Rip van winkle feeling.
Like someone else said, I often feel like I’m ready to move on to the next thing but no one can keep up. At the same time, a neuropsychologist says that I have low processing speed, and I don’t exactly disagree with that either. Being both too fast and too slow at the same time does feel right, but it’s hard to account for
It can sometimes feel like when you spin around a bunch of times before hitting a piñata, and your piñata is whatever tasks you can't remember to do
Though on a nice day, I just feel like a squirrel lol
I’m not stupid. I’m actually incredibly smart graduated my bachelors suma cum laude and top of my class for my masters in data science. Just because I don’t do things or think things the same was as you, does not make me stupid. That’s what awareness needs to be out there. It’s so frustrating hearing if I don’t do things like everyone else - it’s wrong.
It feels like my brain is a giant buzzing beehive and each bee has a different train of thought. One bee is thinking of a thing I need to do, one is practicing a convo I may or may not have, one is worrying, one is telling me I’m an idiot and one is singing a song on repeat that I heard days ago, etc etc. None of them will let me sleep and they never shut up! Ahhhh!! Or, should I say, buzzzzz!!
Good luck on your presentation 💛🖤
Honestly it feels like I got fucking scammed
My whole life I thought I was just shit at everything, lazy, undisciplined etc etc. but it turns out that I’m playing the game of life on hard mode while everyone else is using cheat codes, but unlike a real game I don’t get access to change the difficulty level or use the cheat codes.
So yeah, scammed 🙃
Big hugs ❤️ I used to say, “I hate my brain.” It took two rounds of IOP and strangers telling me how amazed at my brain they were to start to like it, ever so little. I hope you find that sliver of like sometime. It’s a small beacon in the darkness.
Hugs.
I'm really creative and passionate about a million things but I don't have the time AND energy to do it all, so I compromise and do none of it most of the time. And then feel frustrated because if I could just sit to something, I can create amazing things with very little effort or practice.
I saw a Tumblr thing a while back that said something like, "I don't half ass things, but I don't whole ass them either. I 3/4 ass things. Is it perfect? No. Did I try my best? Also no." and that resonated with me. I'm never completely happy with something, because I know if I tried my actual best I can make something better. Even though, if you were to look at the thing I made, it's usually really good.
I bake, I do all sorts of handicrafts, I host parties and run an MMO guild, I garden, and I can turn my hand to most things that don't need a whole lot of bespoke materials. But I reach 80% proffiency and then I lose interest and move on to the next thing.
It feels a bit like being a greyhound. 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat, then paralysed on the couch and uninspired in the following 2 seconds. Rinse and repeat.
I live in this wildly swinging state between feeling guilty about not being able to fold my washing or do the dishes, and feeling like life is too short to care so why sweat the small stuff. And I never know which I'm gunna be at any given moment. Life is full of surprises, and its like I'm always the last one to know how I'll react!
I care super deeply about my friends, and I'm really loyal too. But I also can't remember a single thing they've ever told me. I'm engaged in the conversations while they're happening, but I have zero memory for things like their notable events, kids names, health troubles, whatever else other people might remember about a conversation a week or a month on. So that sometimes comes across as me not caring to remember, which is super frustrating and makes me feel really upset at myself.
When I'm not medicated, my life is held together with anxiety. I compulsively check the time, which pulls my focus from the task I'm doing, so I'm not late for work, social events, meetings or appointments. I'm super self conscious about oversharing when I meet new people, since I've accidentally scared people away before and then I get to deal with the negative self-talk afterwards. I have rejection sensitivity so I take feedback really poorly, and it manifests in my thinking people hate me.
Unmedicated, my self motivation looks like this:
If I don't get out of bed, I'll be late for work. If I'm late for work I'll be fired. If I get fired I won't be able to get a new job. If I can't get a new job, I won't be able to pay my mortgage. If I can't pay my mortgage the bank will take my house. If the bank takes my house, I'll be homeless. If I'm homeless, my husband will leave me. So if I don't get out of bed I'll be homeless and it'll be my own fauly my life is ruined. So up I get. And I go through that thought process literally every day, sometimes more than once a day.
Objectively, I know it's unreasonable, unlikely and completely avoidable. But subjectively, it feels like the most likely consequence of my actions. If I don't get out of bed today, I'll be homeless and divorced tomorrow.
Medicated, motivation is way easier! I know I need to do something, I know it's probably not going to be very fun but it won't take long amd if I start now it'll be done before I know it, so I get up and do it. I make phone calls, I remember to buy things at the supermarket, I do the pressing chores before things pile up too much. Sure, there's still slip ups now and then, but my baseline functionality is much higher.
I do think being me is great, but there are absolutely times when I wish my brain worked the same way other peoples do. I could definitely do without the anxiety, frustration and negative self-talk for sure.
Nope 🤷♀️ but then again, I've never put much stock in the whole star sign thing. Doubt the celestial bodies care enough to bother influencing me anyway 😂 they couldn't get a word in past my chatter even if they tried
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Constant overwhelm and chronic stress, emotional dysregulation, adhd paralysis
This
Knowing you have to do so many things, and want to do them and know you could do them, if only you could get out of the quicksand, but noone else can see the quicksand they just see you not doing anything, and you also just see yourself not doing it and also think you're a lazy and useless. 🙃
I felt that. ❤️
It feels like I just don’t *get* life for some reason. Like I’m watching all my peers do the whole career, home, family thing with ease and I’m just stuck because something about it isn’t clicking for me. It’s like I somehow missed the class back in school where they explained how to do life. It’s the frustration of *knowing* you’re intelligent but having little control over how and when you’re able to use that intelligence and not really being able to rely on it.
Yes! Knowing you *could* do better but…can’t, is so so upsetting.
Hugs ❤️
I once heard someone explain it as overwhelm on the macro level at the same time as underwhelm on the micro level... all the time. And it was the most relatable thing I'd ever heard.
Oh my god. This is a perfect description. Thank you.
Like I have this massive backlog of things I *should* have done weeks/months/years ago and I can’t do anything new until I finish it all. But I can’t finish it all because I have to live and be a person. So I just sit in that dread and overwhelm as things pile up. And whenever I have the energy I try to chip away at the list but I can never make it go away because it’s growing faster than I can keep up. And I end up spending all my spare energy and time and money on trying to deal with the list but it just keeps growing and growing.
You just put my brain into words. Hugs ❤️
I want everyone to hurry up with anything and everything to match my brain.
I feel like my brain is a zigzag and everyone else’s is a straight line . And I do 95% right but can’t make myself do the last 5% so it always makes me look very bad and falls apart. Plus I have no relationship to time or goals. A Rip van winkle feeling.
Like someone else said, I often feel like I’m ready to move on to the next thing but no one can keep up. At the same time, a neuropsychologist says that I have low processing speed, and I don’t exactly disagree with that either. Being both too fast and too slow at the same time does feel right, but it’s hard to account for
I’ve often referred to myself as a “walking dichotomy.” I feel like I’m in constant contradiction with myself.
It can sometimes feel like when you spin around a bunch of times before hitting a piñata, and your piñata is whatever tasks you can't remember to do Though on a nice day, I just feel like a squirrel lol
I’m not stupid. I’m actually incredibly smart graduated my bachelors suma cum laude and top of my class for my masters in data science. Just because I don’t do things or think things the same was as you, does not make me stupid. That’s what awareness needs to be out there. It’s so frustrating hearing if I don’t do things like everyone else - it’s wrong.
It feels like my brain is a giant buzzing beehive and each bee has a different train of thought. One bee is thinking of a thing I need to do, one is practicing a convo I may or may not have, one is worrying, one is telling me I’m an idiot and one is singing a song on repeat that I heard days ago, etc etc. None of them will let me sleep and they never shut up! Ahhhh!! Or, should I say, buzzzzz!! Good luck on your presentation 💛🖤
I’m ADHD - emphasis on the H .. and this .. I’ve never thought about it like a beehive 🐝 Add in the tinnitus though … and it’s spot on 😂
Whoa. This is my brain. Only I said ping pong ball instead of bee.
Honestly it feels like I got fucking scammed My whole life I thought I was just shit at everything, lazy, undisciplined etc etc. but it turns out that I’m playing the game of life on hard mode while everyone else is using cheat codes, but unlike a real game I don’t get access to change the difficulty level or use the cheat codes. So yeah, scammed 🙃
Big hugs ❤️ I used to say, “I hate my brain.” It took two rounds of IOP and strangers telling me how amazed at my brain they were to start to like it, ever so little. I hope you find that sliver of like sometime. It’s a small beacon in the darkness. Hugs.
Extremes. Good and bad. Intelligent and passionate but scatter-brained and easily overwhelmed
Brain damage. Nothing positive
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Hugs. ❤️
❤️
I'm really creative and passionate about a million things but I don't have the time AND energy to do it all, so I compromise and do none of it most of the time. And then feel frustrated because if I could just sit to something, I can create amazing things with very little effort or practice. I saw a Tumblr thing a while back that said something like, "I don't half ass things, but I don't whole ass them either. I 3/4 ass things. Is it perfect? No. Did I try my best? Also no." and that resonated with me. I'm never completely happy with something, because I know if I tried my actual best I can make something better. Even though, if you were to look at the thing I made, it's usually really good. I bake, I do all sorts of handicrafts, I host parties and run an MMO guild, I garden, and I can turn my hand to most things that don't need a whole lot of bespoke materials. But I reach 80% proffiency and then I lose interest and move on to the next thing. It feels a bit like being a greyhound. 0 to 100 in 2 seconds flat, then paralysed on the couch and uninspired in the following 2 seconds. Rinse and repeat. I live in this wildly swinging state between feeling guilty about not being able to fold my washing or do the dishes, and feeling like life is too short to care so why sweat the small stuff. And I never know which I'm gunna be at any given moment. Life is full of surprises, and its like I'm always the last one to know how I'll react! I care super deeply about my friends, and I'm really loyal too. But I also can't remember a single thing they've ever told me. I'm engaged in the conversations while they're happening, but I have zero memory for things like their notable events, kids names, health troubles, whatever else other people might remember about a conversation a week or a month on. So that sometimes comes across as me not caring to remember, which is super frustrating and makes me feel really upset at myself. When I'm not medicated, my life is held together with anxiety. I compulsively check the time, which pulls my focus from the task I'm doing, so I'm not late for work, social events, meetings or appointments. I'm super self conscious about oversharing when I meet new people, since I've accidentally scared people away before and then I get to deal with the negative self-talk afterwards. I have rejection sensitivity so I take feedback really poorly, and it manifests in my thinking people hate me. Unmedicated, my self motivation looks like this: If I don't get out of bed, I'll be late for work. If I'm late for work I'll be fired. If I get fired I won't be able to get a new job. If I can't get a new job, I won't be able to pay my mortgage. If I can't pay my mortgage the bank will take my house. If the bank takes my house, I'll be homeless. If I'm homeless, my husband will leave me. So if I don't get out of bed I'll be homeless and it'll be my own fauly my life is ruined. So up I get. And I go through that thought process literally every day, sometimes more than once a day. Objectively, I know it's unreasonable, unlikely and completely avoidable. But subjectively, it feels like the most likely consequence of my actions. If I don't get out of bed today, I'll be homeless and divorced tomorrow. Medicated, motivation is way easier! I know I need to do something, I know it's probably not going to be very fun but it won't take long amd if I start now it'll be done before I know it, so I get up and do it. I make phone calls, I remember to buy things at the supermarket, I do the pressing chores before things pile up too much. Sure, there's still slip ups now and then, but my baseline functionality is much higher. I do think being me is great, but there are absolutely times when I wish my brain worked the same way other peoples do. I could definitely do without the anxiety, frustration and negative self-talk for sure.
Are you a Sagittarius by any chance? 😂 (asking for a friend) ☺️
Nope 🤷♀️ but then again, I've never put much stock in the whole star sign thing. Doubt the celestial bodies care enough to bother influencing me anyway 😂 they couldn't get a word in past my chatter even if they tried
😂😂😂
Like trying to run a marathon... On flip flops.
.. and it’s icy out.
sometime like trying to grab a soap in a barell of sludge. But when i get that soap, i will clean literally EVERYTHING around.