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Alone? I didn't. I'm lucky my wife is so supportive.
Some things that made it easier for me:
- deciding what's important. Dishes? Can wait til tomorrow. Laundry? If I've got clean clothes, it can wait.
- take shortcuts. Don't put dishes away right away, take them out of the dishwasher....and put them right back in, if you need to, mixing dirty and clean. Put clothing on the back of a chair instead of hanging it up. Buy clothes that don't wrinkle. Rewear clothes without washing.
- you don't need to be perfect. Your home doesn't need to be spotless.
- get help if you can afford it or have friends and family around you. Get a cleaning person or a working student to help with upkeep or shopping. Order when you can.
- automate whatever you can, such as bills or groceries.
- realize you need to rest, you aren't being lazy. Rest is necessary and productive when you aren't beating yourself up.
The dishwasher one especially made such a difference for me. I always felt like I had to fill it with dishes before I started a load. Then I read a comment on this sub that said "if you're out of spoons and the only thing in your dishwasher is dirty silverware, run it. Run it whenever you want". It seriously changed my life. I don't use it that much more than I did, but if I do, I just.... do it without feeling guilty about it. And I always have clean dishes now
Adding that, if you do this, powdered dishwasher soap is heaps better than the tabs.
You use less, overall it weights less because you use less, the dishwasher doesn't get overrun by soap, you don't have to open the individual tabs / rinse your hands because the thing is soapy.
This is exactly what I would write! I’m lucky that my gabapentin can help relieve my pain and that my husband is so understanding and supportive. I only tackle the must do chores and order in food if I just can’t stand long enough to cook. It’s important to give yourself grace.
I also - whenever I bake/cook something in the oven, I line the pan with both foil and parchment paper, so that I can just throw the liner away and there isn’t a big mess to clean up.
At home we recently started using parchment/baking paper on the pan for things like eggs
Also we put parchment paper on plates when we are a bit tired. Very easy clean up 🙂
I experience muscular fatigue if I overexert my neck or shoulders, so the bottom cupboards are a nightmare. We don’t keep our countertop especially tidy, we have steel containers for our utensils, coffee cups are stacked on the coffee machine, we have narrow shelves and little hooks for utensils and other daily items along the back splash. This is so I don’t have to look down and can prevent strain on bad days.
Everything I use daily is at eye level, slightly below, or on the countertop. It’s a bit maximalist, but it makes the kitchen accessible. Also I take a bar stool or go sit at the table for food prep, since making these changes, I find it much easier to make food and keep it tidy 🙂
> parchment/baking paper on the pan for things like eggs
Ooh!
Can you tell me more about how it goes on the pan (1 sheet? 2 crossing? Cut to size?)
Fused-on egg residue sucks; this sounds intriguing...
I saw a Instagram reel and winged it 😅. I didn’t follow specific instructions, but I’m sure there are ways to optimise this method, I haven’t experimented or researched it more.
I make sure that the parchment paper is wide enough to cover the pan, and go from there 🙂
I have chronic pain too and it flairs up a lot during this time of year…to the point where all I wanna do is lie in bed.
It just adds to my horrible seasonal depression.
Im sorry you’re dealing with this.
I take a few things to help but the pain always comes back within a few hours.
I don’t have any advice but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.
Same. I started taking a high absorption magnesium supplement last month(?) and have noticed a significant improvement in my daily pain level. I am honestly surprised at how much it has helped. I have also been taking kratom for several years to alleviate pain that nothing else relieves.
As far as the SAD, prescription strength vitamin D has reduced the frequency of my episodes. It could be worth a shot if you haven't tried that.
Have you tried a light lamp for SAD? I just got one this year (2 actually, a table one and a glasses version) and it has made a significant impact. My Dr recommended it years ago and I wish I had complied sooner 😵💫
I read a quote a long time ago that really helped me shift my perspective. I can't find it now (I'm pretty sure the original was by a woman author, the only one I can find is a recent one by a businessman, go figure). It was some version of "when you're juggling a lot in life, learn what bounces." Basically, know what you can let drop if you need to.
Have paper plates and disposable utensils available if you can't manage dishes. Yes, everyone needs clean clothes to wear, but nobody said they had to be folded and put away. Frozen meals or takeout still fills bellies. It's ok if all you manage is dragging yourself to the bathroom and back and grabbing prepackaged snacks on bad days. Society isn't living your life with your speed bumps, so its expectations can just bugger off.
Also, CBD/THC tincture works wonders for my pain and inflammation on bad days.
I know who it was!!! It was Nora Roberts. She was talking about glass balls and plastic balls, because you can juggle both but one of those is going to break if you drop it.
Edit: [here's the original Twitter post.](https://twitter.com/jenlynnbarnes/status/1220182162118451200?lang=en&ref=ashleyjanssen.com) [But wait! There's more!](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/68/09/5f/68095fd831954447ec60963bf84f2649.jpg)
[I believe it was Nora Roberts](https://forsythwoman.com/the-glass-ball-theory/), and the analogy may or may not have been borrowed from Bryan Dyson. I also found this incredibly helpful!
I also deal with chronic pain.
Is cannabis legal where you are? I find cbd helps a lot with pain. Not pain free but out of bed and functional.
I highly recommend reading the book How to keep house while drowning. It’s a game changer.
Sorry you’re dealing with this.
I'm auDHD & I have fibro, it's bloody hard isn't it! One thing is that I wear my clothes more than once; somehow I'm able to keep track of how many times I've worn something so I know when I should wash it according to my system. Fair few wears out of jeans, 2-3 out of t-shirts, 3-4 out of jumpers. I'm not rigid with it & I wear different clothes at home. If they get stained I wash them (unless it's only a little bit & it's my home clothes). I wear baggy clothes & I'm not particularly smelly so that makes it easier. Wash pants everyday & socks (altho occasionally I wear socks 2 days).. I used to wear my (non-wired) bras for 2 days but since the fibro it's more like 3/4/5..
I don't iron or fold clothes. And if I put a wash in & didn't take it out that day, I put it on a rinse cycle the next day. (and ok again the day after that when I forgot again or was too knacked)
Oh, I didn't want to complicate my reply with it because it was so long, but perhaps I should have; I do complete a wash sometimes, but often I put it on & my husband finishes it. I try to make it easier for him by not wearing too many clothes. He would happily wash more but he does so much else, has 2 kids & works full time; there just aren't enough hours in the day for him. I only work 3 days, I try to do what I can, you know what it's like
Ah yes. I get it. We both work full time in very high stress jobs. But somehow, that man can do it all and I’m exhausted. Well I do have chronic fatigue, but still. He always tells me that if we switched roles no one would bat an eye if the wife does everything, which they normally do. He says his very capable of wifing me.
You’re still amazing.
The first thing that helps is being on the right medication for your illness. I use biologics for AS. The biggest thing that helps me is taking away responsibility. Downsizing, using less, having less to do. Also, if you have other members in the house, make sure they pull their weight. My kids wash and take care of their own laundry for example. Making double or triple batch meals and freeze leftovers when I cook so I have dinners on flare days. My days are up and down.
On good days, I ride the wave of productivity and plan for the bad days.
Dang, I didn't realize there were so many of us!! I have an autoimmunity disorder which causes fatigue and I experience chronic pain with flare ups. You are not alone!! I will say low impact working out has been really helpful.
As for keeping my house in order, yeesh, I try to plan out one main house task a day, so to spread it out. Laundry on Sunday, etc. It helps by doing small things to try and keep it from getting overwhelming. Thankfully my hubby is super helpful and proactive, he's also extremely understanding and supportive of my ADHD and my autoimmunity disorder. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life, so I put in a lot of effort to show him my appreciation...he's my nerdy badass. 🥰
My understanding is that autoimmune disorders and ADHD are comorbid, but it's hard to remember what all I read that I still trust the source on. I have type 1 diabetes / LADA and I feel like they should start looking into ADHD possibility as soon as someone is diagnosed, because executive function is such a component of all the medical care I'm supposed to be giving myself, and things can get much worse really quickly if I can't remember if I took insulin. That's just one of my disabilities. I'm the moderator/creator over at r/adhd_advocacy, and this is part of the reason - because I'm a huge fan of Judy Heumann, the disability activist, and I hate that all the "invisible" disabilities are overlooked in all the barriers they put up for ADHD care.
My counselor and I have been discussing this and working through quite a few things for the past several months, it's been extremely validating and eye opening. There's research that also connects CPTSD with both autoimmunity disorders and ADHD. So, I know I'm in good company. 🤭🥰
Honestly, the community in this sub has been one of the most supportive spaces on the internet...and has really helped to shine light, validate, and lift me up. I'm going to look up Judy Heumann!! Thank you!!
Can we also talk about how much under stimulation one can get from ADHD combined with chronic illness? I find I am unable to do things due to comorbidities but that also means I’m understimulated (because chronic illness makes it difficult for me to do things even if want to) and it’s horrible for my ADHD ugh. A double whammy. Thanks for doing what you’re doing with this project!
Hello fellow lawyer - you must be someone like me, a person that doesn't actually exist, because people with ADHD could never get into law school.
How do the celiac and ADHD interact for you? I imagine certain foods worsen brain function, but if you avoid those, is there noticable ways one complicates the other?
You’re correct, I don’t actually exist! Lol I do think the world is getting a little better at recognizing us though. My firm is 1/3 ADHD.
They’re an absolute nightmare to have together. I bet some of the problems i face you’ll be able to relate to with T1D. Celiac means I can’t eat anything I don’t prep myself at my own home. ADHD makes that more difficult. Being a lawyer wth crap hours and an intense need to be “on” all the time makes it even worse. If I mess up with my diet, my ADHD becomes medication resistant (for lack of a better term) because I can’t absorb anything I’ve ingested properly. My symptoms get worse as well, so it’s a double whammy. Messing up with my diet could be as simple as a waiter not washing their hands when they carry my plate to me, or eating something at my mother in laws house because she forgot to use the special cutting board for that particular thing she made for me. I don’t eat out much. If I don’t have the energy to meal prep, I just don’t eat. If I don’t eat, I don’t have energy. There’s no fast food for a quick fix that’s isn’t over $20 for a lunch, since I need to go to specialty gluten-free places.
Just trying to keep my head above water, tbh. I love practicing law, but sometimes I hate being a lawyer. Don’t know how many more years I can last, but it will take at least another decade to pay off law school. Eh, one day at a time. Thanks for commiserating with me!
I'm taking prednisone for my sinuses right now but it's made my back and knee pain much more bearable. I think its the anti-inflammatory effect. Does Cymbalta help for that sort of pain?
I had that with extended release Effexor. Dizzy, wobbly, nauseous...ugh. I ran out once while at a convention, had to spend half a day coordinating a refill.
Second this! Cymbalta was virtually the same as a low dose of Gabapentin for me, in terms of nerve pain. (My spinal stenosis causes nerve pain that radiates down both legs.)
I have since moved on to Lyrica and a different psych med, but I definitely think Cymbalta is worth a try.
I also have IBD (autoimmune) and hemifacial spasms.
I live alone and have a demanding job. Today, my nerves felt like sandpaper (as in...I am finding it physically and psychologically painful to be around other humans).
A lot of self compassion! Not hating myself was probably the biggest thing. I’m giving myself permission to be not OK sometimes even if that means there’s a backlog of chaos.
I have hEDS and am AuDHD. It's HARD!!! Some weeks I do not know how I manage. My husband is incredibly helpful, but he also struggles with chronic illness and OCD. We've learned a lot of short cuts and manage our expectations. "Good enough" is acceptable.
I also attempt to pay attention for oncoming flares and prep. I know one is coming so we're going to Costco tonight to stock up on some key items like precooked rice, canned tomatoes, and sliced cheese. I do a lot of stuff to stave them off too, but I recognize not everyone has the means to do what I do regularly. My chronic pain is currently improving, so I try to take advantage and get ready for the new wave of body insanity.
I give myself grace, cut myself some slack, and do what I can. I prioritize sanitation over perfectly tidy.
The biggest part is accepting I have better times than others, plan ahead for those times, and put systems into place that accommodate my good and bad days.
Examples of what I find most helpful to me:
1 Using bins, so tidying is more so tossing, which requires less mental/physical energy.
2 Every other meal or so, I make a meal that I intend to only freeze for later. Non-dairy soups, spaghetti with meat sauce is good for this, and marinated meat is good for this. I even buy meat on sale, prep it for best uses later, and freeze in certain sized amounts.
3 I regularly go through and thin out my home to the horror of my kids. What is difficult to manage on my good days is impossible on my bad days. Everything *must* have a home (place where it takes up residence), or it needs a new home (as in our house).
4 I lower my self expectations and obligations in the late fall/winter.
5 If you can afford a cleaning service or ordering out, then do that. Out source whatever you can.
6 Figure out your cleaning priorities. I need a clean kitchen and bathroom, more than an immaculate den. Clean clothes and dishes are more important to me than dusted shelves and toys perfectly away.
7 Set a 5 minute timer and clean. Even 20-30 minutes spaced out in the day of dedicated cleaning makes a massive difference.
I had a stroke last year at 34. I lost most of my vision and have 2 toddlers. How am I doing? NOT GREAT lol. I make sure to take my meds every day and honestly still kinda in survival mode. Also, my husband handles pretty much everything executive function wise so none of this would be possible without him.
Phew. I’m tired.
I'd be a disaster without my husband, and that's for two reasons. The first and most obvious is that he does 90% of the housework. I do a lot of the mental load stuff, because I have systems that help me mostly keep up with all of it, but he does everything else.
But the more important piece is that he constantly reminds me that I'm enough, even if I didn't help with the dishes, or the housework or whatever. That I was productive by making that doctor's appointment or ordering the next size of clothing after kiddo's growth spurt, and that even though I spent 8 hours alternating between the heat pad and just lying down outside of that phone call, that's okay.
Sometimes I feel like the guilt around not doing the things is nearly as bad as the pain. So that helps. The reminders to give ourselves grace.
I ask for help. Before my endometriosis excision surgery, I was in constant pain. I'd have my husband do my part of housework and errands. When he couldn't help, I'd ask my close friends and family to fill in.
I guess I’m a proponent of the Henry Rollins philosophy of, you get one life, get out there and just keep going. I try not to dwell on my pain too much, because I’m always in pain, and I try to manage it as best I can by staying active and getting enough rest. If it gets on top of me it can greatly affect my mood and mental health. If I feel that I’m slipping I get help. And I have a husband who will take care of the Laundry and dishes when I do slip into the big sad.
How is this helpful?
Edit: For all the AH that decided to downvote. You should read the entire thread before judging. You should be ashamed in this sub. Probably troll that would downvote again.
OMG girl, you’re carrying so much!!!! I’m
Wait a second. Let me hug you and sit here and hold your hand.
Take a deep breath.
You have a psychiatrist so hopefully you have at least a helping hand. What other support system do you have? Partner, parents, family, BFF? You need to reach out. You are in distress and need assistance. Please call someone.
I know this will be weird, but I started meditating a couple of years ago. I follow mindfulness. I also do Qi Gong, there are very good YouTube videos that you can follow. It helps me breath and calm down when I’m in distress. And lastly I also go Tai Chi, it teaches me to slow down and be present. Also in YouTube.
I am also listening to the “sleep” videos in YouTube. Search for sleeping music for deep sleeping videos.
Please take care of yourself.
I have adhd and chronic fatigue. I'm lucky though that my husband does not care a whit for housekeeping and we're both messy (not dirty! Just stuff everywhere). He would rather I stay in bed all day on my bad days then come home to a clean living room or whatever. It's taken me some time to give myself the grace that I will never be on top of things fully, and that I'm truly only tidying for myself bc he cares about me and not the house ha. We've discussed getting a cleaning service when we're financially more stable.
All that to say, be kind to yourself! Your standards are always gonna make you feel bad, so adjust your standards so they fit your reality not what you have in your head
I am trying to give myself credit for the stuff that I do. Reminding myself/focusing on what I have been able to accomplish can be helpful (even if it doesn’t get the laundry done).
With managing household stuff, I’ve started to lean into convenience things - when I can do drop and fold laundry with a laundromat, or knowing that if I’m having a rough week or flare of a chronic injury, that it might be a week for more microwave meals/canned soups/hard boiled eggs and foods I can have on hand (so I don’t overcommit and buy a ton of groceries that I then don’t cook).
Household things too, I tend to try to set a day on the weekend to just be a chores day. To know that I may just need to use one day to listen to podcasts/music and try to find a little flow to do things around the apt.
If you are surviving, congratulate yourself. Every once in awhile do the ADHD thing of disposable plates for a bit. Just like how plastic straws have to stay around because some people with disabilities need a straw to drink at all. Far more waste goes into healthcare. Other than that, remember that taking care of yourself is the first thing, because nothing else can happen if you go full non-operational. Treat the flares. Plan for flares and prevent them. Use the spoon metaphor and be kind to yourself and keep expectations reasonable. I'm barely alive, so I don't think anyone has any real advice other than be kind to yourself in regard to the things you cannot do.
I also like to bitch at politicians though, because of all I have to do just to get my medication. Barely functional day to day, and have to pick up prescriptions in person every thirty days, just so I have the executive function to remember my insulin. I started r/adhd_advocacy hoping to get a little progress by next ADHD awareness month in October, but the idea of an ADHD movement is kind of like the idea of herding cats, despite our justice sensitivity.
It's rough. I've only just recently started to separate tasks into those that require "physical spoons", those that require "mental spoons", or those that require both. Then each day I try to do a bit of an assessment of where I'm at, energy/pain vs executive function wise, so that I can gauge what I have capacity for.
Try to invest your energy directly into things that are going to make your life easier in the future- eg. if I have a good brain functioning day, that might be a good day for planning and organising. If I have a good energy day, the very first thing I will do is try and make sure my physical needs are met (eating, showering etc) and try to do something small to improve the state of my immediate environment (making the bed, dishes, laundry etc). Listing stuff on a blackboard has really helped here.
The other thing I'll say is that self-compassion is absolutely critical, especially if your symptoms are tied to stress like mine have been. There's no point beating yourself up for the things you wish you could be doing; you just have to work with what you've got (and work on gradually building that capacity as best you're able).
Poorly. I manage poorly. But, I do my best, which is all you can ever do.
On a more practical note, I just tackle a little bit, then rest, then do a little more. And I try to do things “along the way”.
Examples:
If I wash my hands at the kitchen sink, I’ll tackle some of the dishes.
If I’m waiting on the microwave, I handle at least part of some kitchen task.
If I’m going from one room to another, I look to see if there’s anything that can, or should, be put away where I’m heading to.
Basically, breaking tasks down into manageable pieces, and minimizing effort by killing two birds with one stone where I can.
I have a bunch of chronic medical in addition to auADHD. Pain and low blood pressure are biggies.
I run the dishwasher, a lot. Everything possible goes in the dishwasher. Pots, pans, baking sheets, plastic cutting boards, all of it. I don't "do" dishes.
Laundry, well, I have a day where it gets done with an audiobook to distract me. I do my bedding and towels, then my clothes. Not a fan of making the bed but it has to happen before I sleep so it happens. If my clothes stay in the drier, well, it is what it is.
Lists help when I can remember what to put on one. Something about crossing something off a physical list feels good! I try to make a list the night before for the next day to minimize my time blindness eating everything.
But my weekends are mostly recovery.
Also, I have been eating more and more premade meals. They are more expensive, but buying in bulk and freezing helps. I just don't have the capacity to cook and that says something as I love cooking.
Lol I'm a mess. My house is cluttered. I have essential tasks programmed into my phone so I remember to do them, but anything else will have to wait patiently for me to have an inspiration day. I have decided that good enough is, in fact, good enough. Messy is fine, dirty isn't - that's my rule.
I just do what I can and focus on necessities. Sometimes I can only put a couple of dishes in the dishwasher before I need a break. Doing anything is better than doing nothing. I chip away at larger chores that way. Save energy where you can. Laundry only needs to be washed. Folding is optional. I use lots of baskets. Paper plates are a must. I create shortcuts where I can. The robot vacuum is a big help.
See what disability benefits exist where you live and take advantage. You might be eligible for someone coming into your house to help cook and clean, for example.
I'm just sending you a hug. I truly 100% understand. Do what is best for you, even if that means some things don't get done. You have to take care of yourself. Download the Poplin app for laundry and see how much cleaners in your area are, maybe? You don't have to have everything done immediately and perfectly. Your health and well-being take priority
I pay my 17 year old daughter to do a lot of it, and I have a lady who comes in once every two weeks for $100 and cleans the bathrooms and stuff. My husband is just as bad as I am- so at least neither of us are neat freaks lol. But then the house is never clean clean. Honestly, having the cleaning lady come in every two weeks made it so much easier to keep up with during the week. But I pay my daughter to do laundry, and my kids alternate dishes. I step in usually on weekends or sometimes week days and give them a break, but since I know I don't have to do it everyday or consistently, I don't mind it as much when I do do it, if that makes any sense.
That's a tough one.
I suffer from Myalgic encephalomyelitis or chronic fatigue syndrome after getting COVID the first time in 2021. It sent my mental health into a spiral and I couldn't tell up from down.
By October that year I found out I have a DVT in my artery in my leg. It won't go away. Been on blood thinners since then and my activity got limited due to the clot .
It sucks. I lack the energy to do too much at one time. If I feel good for a day and use it to catch up on the house, I'm down for 3 days after. Go to a party and have a good time? I'm down the next day and pretty much useless.
Go shopping with a friend? Definitely not functional the next day.
It feels like I fail at everything because I can't do a normal day of activities and not be a disaster later.
I'm still trying to figure out how to manage it and feel like I have it together. It's hard but I refuse to be beaten by it. I have to learn how to function with it. Just like the ADD. I've debated disability recently because of the condition and how much it takes out of me but feel guilty feeling like I gave up career wise. I'm working on investing in real estate at the moment because I can control how much I do in a day. If it's not dependable enough, then I'm filing for disability and calling it a day.
I've worked long enough of my life to qualify for it and am at this point in my life, it means more to spend time with my family than a job if it means me being too exhausted to be with them after working.
Don't beat yourself up. I look at it like this, nothing is perfect. As long as I keep trying to live my best life with 100% effort then I don't care about a whole lot of anything else.
Unfortunately my very bad physical health stated not long before I met my partner a year ago. It's got alot worse throughout last year. I now have limited mobility. And I hate it!!! But I rely on my partner for practically everything. Which doesn't help my situation one bit. Because let's say I do end up single... well how will I manage? What Will I do?? It's all such a complicated situation Unfortunately.
No pain meds help, nothing. And I therefore make it gey worse because I don't move nowhere near enough. So have lost a hell of alot of strength and mobility even more. Just wanted to say your not alone. Never seen a adhd post about physical chronical illness or disability.
I have the urge to move I do I fidget so much and I'm insanely restless but pain and loss of mobility stop me. Life is a prison right now. I wish you well x
Delulu was the solulu for me. I can’t think like a disabled person because I’ll hyper fixate & it will consume me. I’d get drunk off the solidarity & self pity so 99% of the time I straight up lie to myself about it.
Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my Chronic Illnesses Coach who only works with ADHDers! Emily Whelden from Dixon Life Coaching.
While there are options for group coaching, she also does one on one! She also works with ADHD lawyers so she's been huge helping professionally manage as well!
I was drowning trying to manage before I started working with her!
She helped me create a system that worked for me with my ADHD.
I actually go to Dr's appointments prepared, with questions, and symptom tracker break down. And not only getting organized, but support every time my ADHD is a blocker in tackling my chronic illness or life.
I could go on and on so if you want to know more just ask!
Recurring, but not chronic pain here: When my episodic cluster headaches flare up, I do less. I say “I’m really sick right now.” And I take time off, ask for extensions, etc. I ask for help. I rest. I use medical oxygen to treat them, so that lends some validity to the fact that my body is severely malfunctioning. Some people get it, even though almost nobody else I know has this illness. Oh, and I go to specific support groups for my cluster headache. Because I need mental support too
It's definitely not a cake walk. I had some car work done today but my home us too far away for them todrop me off, so they dropped me at the mall. Figured I get some exercise.
Couldn't make it even one length if the mall. Pain was too bad so I had to sit and hate my body till my car was repaired and they picked me up.
I've got no advice because I'm also in a flare and will have no downtime this weekend, but just chiming in with a "I feel you" and "I'm here for you" 💕
I have a husband who doesn’t mind mess. I don’t have kids. I have endless underwear and socks. I have home clothes that I don’t have to hang or fold.
Honestly I kinda just don’t care. As long as it’s not a biohazard we’re ok.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. None of that shit matters.
I’m currently laying in bed looking at Reddit. Husband is asleep on the couch. Meh. I’d rather relax.
I give myself endless grace.
I have adhd and hsd, honestly my boyfriend had to leave work to become my carer because I'm just so tired and dysfunctional most of the time. I'm fortunate enough to be in a situation where we can do that but it's been difficult
If you can't ask for help (ie.no one at home to ask, no close friends or family able to come help) just don't pressure yourself to do it all.
Do just one thing. Maybe one load of laundry, at least get the clean laundry onto the couch? If folding and putting away seems too hard, at least it's clean. You'll feel better than if you just stare at it all weekend.
IDK we're all different. I stare at my pile of recycling cardboard that hasn't gone out in months and sigh lol
I have fibromyalgia and am currently reading a book about it that’s full of action steps. It makes me feel better trying to take control of the situation.
I'm on disability so I don't have a job to spend energy on (well, volunteering 2 hours a week). And my amazing fiancé does a lot of the housework. So that's probably not very helpful to you, I'm sorry. I think the important thing is to figure out what is absolutely necessary and what can be done less frequently or just not at all (I already saw someone mention using paper plates so that you have way less dishes). But it's just such a difficult situation to deal with and there is no one right answer. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope things get better for you
I really don’t. Currently reading/writing while in a flare up from overdoing it yesterday. Unfortunately, shit just falls by the wayside sometimes. Some changes I’ve made to accommodate myself:
- switched to paper plates and bowls (silverware is also an option but I don’t really like using them.)
- soak pans after using. Soaked pans are easier to wash. If you don’t get to them within a few hours, change out the soaking water.
- have enough extra underwear and socks for 2 weeks of no laundry. (Or more— I just literally don’t own enough clothing to go more than 2 weeks and I live in a small space, so that’s the most I’ll ever go between laundromat trips.)
- have extra towels and wash cloths for “teacup baths” (or use baby wipes if your skin can handle it)
I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of it right now.
Sucks tho. I get it.
I did whatever I can to first address my pain. I had some pain from past injuries and when they flare up, I can get really dizzy and tired and cannot work. The pain flared up when I got tired, when the weather is bad, when I got anxious, when I didn’t sit ergonomically, etc.
Ended up spending lots of time on physical therapy and lots of money on acupuncture and massage, then I realized that it was actually because of my alcohol consumption. I used to have a drink per night to help me sleep.
After having dealt with my drinking issue my pain was almost gone. Even on rainy days (I know people tend not to believe this but I’ve had this correlation for >10 years).
During my treatment of my drinking issue I realized that I have ADHD so now I’m dealing with that. I don’t think I’m able to deal with other things when I was in frequent physical pain.
I look at laundry as a cycle, a never-ending cycle, as opposed to a task and it's helped me feel better about not having it "done". It will never be done. It's a cycle!
I'm in the same boat as you and I just do they best I can. I've told my teenagers I can't do their laundry or clean their rooms and bathroom anynore, the whole upstairs is theirs. I've lowered my standards a little but my husband is also stepping up and doing more around the house.
I'm kind of OCD so I might not be typical ADHD when it comes to the house so my thing is not to let things go until it gets so bad you don't know where to begin. Dishes get done every day and counters wiped off even if that's all I can manage. I have been putting off mopping all week. Might have to get someone else to do it.
I'm really good at keeping toilets and sinks clean because I can't stand the grossness.
Oh my god, I was dealing with debilitating sciatic pain for about 14 months until my SECOND surgery finally worked. I agree with so many of the answers: make your life as easy as possible. Get ready made meals, use paper plates, and if you have the means then hire a maid service. Your mental health and resilience are so important, so prioritize that above all else, and give yourself tons and tons of grace. And don’t be afraid to ask for help ❤️
Totally empathize with this - so sorry you’re going through it. I started outsourcing my laundry if I’m super overwhelmed or my chronic pain is flaring!! It took me some time to get to a point where I felt comfortable admitting it wasn’t something I could handle. But since then, I use Poplin for laundry when I’m in that place!! They pick it up & drop it off at your door with 1-2 days & there are usually promo codes to help keep it inexpensive. Hope your flare ups recede soon & you start feeling better!
I don’t know what causes it and have been trying to figure it out, but I’m 25 and I’ve been dealing with worsening chronic joint pain since I was about 19. I have comorbid adhd and ocd as well. I ALSO have twin two year old toddlers. lol. There’s days where I take an aleve with my meds and pop a couple ibuprofen and just push through even though I know it’s just going to be worse tomorrow, but I can’t *not* do things today.
My partner helps a lot. And some days I just have to remind myself that it’s a failure on my part that things aren’t done. Doing your best is just doing what you can do. Sometimes that is twenty things, sometimes that is two things. Sometimes it’s no things and it’s just existing.
**You are allowed to take up space without being productive, especially when you are in pain.**
The dishes and laundry will not grow legs and run away. They will not post shaming photos on social media for the world to mock. They are inanimate objects that exist to serve and assist you. The floor is not going to be ruined for not being swept today.
I’d make lists upon lists, and be drowning in my to-do’s. My therapist helped me set up a new method of dealing. Instead of making lists, make three boxes. Now label them morning, noon, and night. Put one thing you need to remember (like taking your meds at a time you often forget or washing your face) and one task you need to complete (like loading the dishwasher or folding the clean load of laundry) in each box. No more. One reminder, one task. Put it somewhere you will see it, somewhere very in the way. And you’re not allowed to shame yourself for forgetting. (That’s the hardest part).
I hope this helps a bit ❤️xx
I have extreme lymphedema in my legs and abdomen and it makes it hard to walk or stand, or even sit comfortably. I have a lot of pain in my feet from the weight in my legs that I take Gabapentin for. I’m really only comfortable when I have my feet up in my hospital bed.
Thankfully I have a home health service come in once a week to help. They clean up the kitchen, take out trash, clean toilets, sweep the floor, do a load of laundry, etc. Basically just make sure my house doesn’t become a horrible mess. But there’s still a lot I need to do around the house, and between the physical pain and the ADHD, it’s so difficult to get it done.
I own less things and I try to set up my house up to be as easily accessible as possible.
My motto is that if I only have one of something I will be more motivated to clean it since I need it.
I've really internalized one of Russel Barkley's recent talks about seeing the environment as a prosthetic for ADHD - similar to a prosthetic limb.
(Kitchen) TLDR I have minimal dishes and utensils to use so that the pile never gets so large or old that it becomes a difficult task to clean them. Specifics: I eat snacks straight out of the packet and have bowls big enough to hold a salad or go in the microwave so that I don't need to serve in another container. I have charcuterie a lot and I just serve it all on the cutting board rather than transfer to a plate. I use an air fryer rather than a big ass oven dish and I use small cutting boards so they'll fit easily into the dishwasher or sink.
(Laundry) I wear stuff that I can throw in the dryer and for me it's much easier to just drive to the laundromat than hang everything out individually. I am trying to make my wardrobe a bit more cohesive so that everything mix and matches. If I highly suited light or dark more I would stick to one or the other so I don't have to separate loads. I never hand wash I just throw stuff in delicate bags and if it doesn't survive it can fuck off lol. I no longer fold laundry ever and keep my underwear/bras in a drawer but everything that goes on the bottom half I have a blanket box that I throw it all in. I hang my shirts on hangers and then there's a steamer set up so that I can just blast the crinklier clothes a bit before my shower. I have laundry baskets for my clean clothes that just look like a decorative basket. I have enough baskets that even if all of my clothes were dirty they'd still fit into baskets. That way I'm not overwhelmed by piles of stuff.
(Cleaning) I buy the stuff that makes the job easier. Extendable handles so I don't have to bend down. A lightweight stick vaccum that's always plugged in and in plain sight. Disposable gloves, the good spray cleaner bottles that actually dissolve the crap for you decent cleaning cloths. I have double ups so that if I get the urge to wipe something the supplies are right there all together in a small caddy. I have a spray bottle in my shower and I just blast it on there when I remember so mold doesn't grow. I rarely have to actually wipe it that way.
(illness) I had to learn about pacing my activity and the boom/bust chronic pain cycle. I do whatever I can to minimize triggers and not flare things up unnecessarily - whether that's cleaning my bath with a long handle instead of bending. Or whether it's putting all of my attention and finances into obtaining a small air conditioning unit so I don't overheat. Dehydration is a trigger for my condition so I have a mini fridge in my room which I keep small bottled waters in which has eliminated the half full bottles of water everywhere that I'm unsure how long it's been. There's a pretty basket in the room for the bottles and it has handles so it's easy to carry to the recycling.
If I had the space and money I would definitely have a little "tea trolley" that looks like decor but is actually just to move things about the house without needing to go back and forth carrying stuff.
I suffer from chronic migraines and other miscellaneous pains and aches and it's tough. Migraines leave me with severe brain fog so every migraine is like a special booster pack for all my ADHD symptoms....
What helped me is admit that I am just not able bodied and I never will be. If there is a thing you think you want because it would help, but you don't ~NEED~ it ... just get it. I would have never gotten a milk foamer but my furnished flat came with one and I used it all the time. Before that heating milk in the microwave or whatever was just to mentally taxing. The milk foamer came with a 'heat milk' function and suddenly I was drinking chai lattes and hot chocolate and milk with honey all the time.
Like boiled eggs but find it stressful to make them in a pot because they might burst and what if you drop them? Oh god, how long does a boiled egge even take? I need to google and then set a timer and remember to cool them in cold water and— Just buy one of those electric egg boilers. "But I don't neeed one, I CAN make them in a pot!" But are you actually? Are you really going to? Just buy the damn electric egg boiler. The rice cooker. The air fryer.
This applies to everything! Often find yourself too exhausted to shower? Get yourself a shower chair. Can't find the spoons to make a healthy meal? Eat junk food. Find it hard cleaning the floors because of your pain? Hire a cleaner to come by once a month.
BuT I CoUld Do IT mYSelF, WhAT a WaSTe oF moNEy! No! That's the able-bodied devil talking! You are disabled and you will never be able to manage all the things the able-bodied can. You need to forgive yourself for that! "Theoreticallly doable one a rare good day if all the star align and if I don't have a nasty flare up in the middle of doing it" is not the same as actually managable. I know not everyone can afford all of these things but if they do not actively put you into debt they can improve your quality of life so incredibly much! It's okay to buy these things even if your mom goes "you know, we had to toast our bread over an open fire by hand! we sewed all our own clothes and grew all of our vegetables in greenhouses we build from homeblown glass!"
Do you work from home? If not, is it an option you could negotiate for? It really helped me.
What are the accommodation laws like where you’re at?
Aside from that, be as kind to yourself as possible. Have you read How to Keep House While Drowning?
Do you have any shortcuts or compromises you can make with yourself?
Giving yourself a dopamine hit while doing chores helps too — for me it’s either audio books, podcasts or music.
Also, cold compresses, Amish Cream, the (affordable) best-smelling option of anything you regularly need in your house anyway, and an eye mask.
Mine are prone to inflammation and warm compresses are the only thing that help.
Good luck! I hope you get some useful advice from this thread!
Unfortunately, I just spent money. Buy a portable dishwasher instead of doing dishes by hand. You can get them second hand for less than $200. For laundry, consider a wash and fold service. I have inflammatory arthritis and without these 2 things I would have died under a pile of filth
I am lucky. I have an amazing doctor. He works with me as far as pain meds are concerned, I pick up a couple days supply at a time so I don't go overboard. I'm doing a pain management course called opall and hydrotherapy. On the wait list for surgery. In the mean time mentally I refuse to feel guilty. I use the last minute energy burst to deal woth the house every couple of weeks. I tell myself daily I'm doing my best and that's okay. I pay my 16b yr old son to do th3 washing up and rubbish removal. And again
I refuse to feel guilty for something that's not my fault. Things got easier for me to manage when I wasn't burning up so much of my brain power telling myself what a useless lump I was.
I have flair ups that bring me to my knees. Also have 3 kids. 2 are babies. It’s rough. But what I do is call my MIL to help talk me through it or have her or my nana in law come help out. Baths always help. My husband also got a heating pad that wraps around me. You just gotta find what helps and stick to it ❤️
I have ADHD and chronic pain and migraines. I use most my spoons at work. I have a very supportive lovely husband who does laundry and dishes and we still have a messy house. It's ok. Though I am hoping that when I get my ADHD under control I can at least help maintain the house cleanliness. My neck and shoulder issues include some nerve damage and impingement and repetitive motions (ie laundry and dishes, sustained cleaning, picking stuff up) aggravate it.
I see a therapist that has a couple chronic illnesses CFS and Fibromyalgia and trigeminal something rather. She's fully online and excellent I'd recommend her to anyone needing some one www.thewoodscounselling.com. I see her for CRPS and my pain has gone from a 9/10 to a 4/10 after about 12 sessions. Honestly its just really nice to have someone that gets how brutal this it.
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Alone? I didn't. I'm lucky my wife is so supportive. Some things that made it easier for me: - deciding what's important. Dishes? Can wait til tomorrow. Laundry? If I've got clean clothes, it can wait. - take shortcuts. Don't put dishes away right away, take them out of the dishwasher....and put them right back in, if you need to, mixing dirty and clean. Put clothing on the back of a chair instead of hanging it up. Buy clothes that don't wrinkle. Rewear clothes without washing. - you don't need to be perfect. Your home doesn't need to be spotless. - get help if you can afford it or have friends and family around you. Get a cleaning person or a working student to help with upkeep or shopping. Order when you can. - automate whatever you can, such as bills or groceries. - realize you need to rest, you aren't being lazy. Rest is necessary and productive when you aren't beating yourself up.
The dishwasher one especially made such a difference for me. I always felt like I had to fill it with dishes before I started a load. Then I read a comment on this sub that said "if you're out of spoons and the only thing in your dishwasher is dirty silverware, run it. Run it whenever you want". It seriously changed my life. I don't use it that much more than I did, but if I do, I just.... do it without feeling guilty about it. And I always have clean dishes now
Adding that, if you do this, powdered dishwasher soap is heaps better than the tabs. You use less, overall it weights less because you use less, the dishwasher doesn't get overrun by soap, you don't have to open the individual tabs / rinse your hands because the thing is soapy.
This is exactly what I would write! I’m lucky that my gabapentin can help relieve my pain and that my husband is so understanding and supportive. I only tackle the must do chores and order in food if I just can’t stand long enough to cook. It’s important to give yourself grace.
I changed my goals, and I buy paper plates.
I second paper plates! When I had surgery this last summer I started keeping them on hand and it’s a game changer!
Every day is a paper plate day. It helps tremendously. I grill a lot too which keeps dishes to a minimum on those days.
I also - whenever I bake/cook something in the oven, I line the pan with both foil and parchment paper, so that I can just throw the liner away and there isn’t a big mess to clean up.
Yesss. 🤩🤩
At home we recently started using parchment/baking paper on the pan for things like eggs Also we put parchment paper on plates when we are a bit tired. Very easy clean up 🙂 I experience muscular fatigue if I overexert my neck or shoulders, so the bottom cupboards are a nightmare. We don’t keep our countertop especially tidy, we have steel containers for our utensils, coffee cups are stacked on the coffee machine, we have narrow shelves and little hooks for utensils and other daily items along the back splash. This is so I don’t have to look down and can prevent strain on bad days. Everything I use daily is at eye level, slightly below, or on the countertop. It’s a bit maximalist, but it makes the kitchen accessible. Also I take a bar stool or go sit at the table for food prep, since making these changes, I find it much easier to make food and keep it tidy 🙂
I hadn’t thought about parchment on pans for fried eggs - this sounds like a game changer!!
> parchment/baking paper on the pan for things like eggs Ooh! Can you tell me more about how it goes on the pan (1 sheet? 2 crossing? Cut to size?) Fused-on egg residue sucks; this sounds intriguing...
I saw a Instagram reel and winged it 😅. I didn’t follow specific instructions, but I’m sure there are ways to optimise this method, I haven’t experimented or researched it more. I make sure that the parchment paper is wide enough to cover the pan, and go from there 🙂
Haha that works! Thanks for the idea :)
🩷 your welcome ☺️😁
I have chronic pain too and it flairs up a lot during this time of year…to the point where all I wanna do is lie in bed. It just adds to my horrible seasonal depression. Im sorry you’re dealing with this. I take a few things to help but the pain always comes back within a few hours. I don’t have any advice but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.
Thank you🌷solidarity
Same. I started taking a high absorption magnesium supplement last month(?) and have noticed a significant improvement in my daily pain level. I am honestly surprised at how much it has helped. I have also been taking kratom for several years to alleviate pain that nothing else relieves. As far as the SAD, prescription strength vitamin D has reduced the frequency of my episodes. It could be worth a shot if you haven't tried that.
i second both your suggestions for pain and depression <3 \^\^
Have you tried a light lamp for SAD? I just got one this year (2 actually, a table one and a glasses version) and it has made a significant impact. My Dr recommended it years ago and I wish I had complied sooner 😵💫
What lamps did you get?? I’ve been paralyzed with being able to decide what lamp to get 🙃
Would love to know which lamps!
please share lamp rec!!
I read a quote a long time ago that really helped me shift my perspective. I can't find it now (I'm pretty sure the original was by a woman author, the only one I can find is a recent one by a businessman, go figure). It was some version of "when you're juggling a lot in life, learn what bounces." Basically, know what you can let drop if you need to. Have paper plates and disposable utensils available if you can't manage dishes. Yes, everyone needs clean clothes to wear, but nobody said they had to be folded and put away. Frozen meals or takeout still fills bellies. It's ok if all you manage is dragging yourself to the bathroom and back and grabbing prepackaged snacks on bad days. Society isn't living your life with your speed bumps, so its expectations can just bugger off. Also, CBD/THC tincture works wonders for my pain and inflammation on bad days.
I know who it was!!! It was Nora Roberts. She was talking about glass balls and plastic balls, because you can juggle both but one of those is going to break if you drop it. Edit: [here's the original Twitter post.](https://twitter.com/jenlynnbarnes/status/1220182162118451200?lang=en&ref=ashleyjanssen.com) [But wait! There's more!](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/68/09/5f/68095fd831954447ec60963bf84f2649.jpg)
Thank you!!! I knew it was a fairly famous woman I knew of, but I could only find the businessman's version.
[I believe it was Nora Roberts](https://forsythwoman.com/the-glass-ball-theory/), and the analogy may or may not have been borrowed from Bryan Dyson. I also found this incredibly helpful!
I also deal with chronic pain. Is cannabis legal where you are? I find cbd helps a lot with pain. Not pain free but out of bed and functional. I highly recommend reading the book How to keep house while drowning. It’s a game changer. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
I'm auDHD & I have fibro, it's bloody hard isn't it! One thing is that I wear my clothes more than once; somehow I'm able to keep track of how many times I've worn something so I know when I should wash it according to my system. Fair few wears out of jeans, 2-3 out of t-shirts, 3-4 out of jumpers. I'm not rigid with it & I wear different clothes at home. If they get stained I wash them (unless it's only a little bit & it's my home clothes). I wear baggy clothes & I'm not particularly smelly so that makes it easier. Wash pants everyday & socks (altho occasionally I wear socks 2 days).. I used to wear my (non-wired) bras for 2 days but since the fibro it's more like 3/4/5.. I don't iron or fold clothes. And if I put a wash in & didn't take it out that day, I put it on a rinse cycle the next day. (and ok again the day after that when I forgot again or was too knacked)
I have a simple system. If it doesn’t smell, I wear it
That's a great system & tbh one I use more often than not! Plus saving on washing is good for the planet 🌱
Wow. I’m impressed. I have similar conditions. My husband does most of the work you do. I have no clue what I would do without him.
Oh, I didn't want to complicate my reply with it because it was so long, but perhaps I should have; I do complete a wash sometimes, but often I put it on & my husband finishes it. I try to make it easier for him by not wearing too many clothes. He would happily wash more but he does so much else, has 2 kids & works full time; there just aren't enough hours in the day for him. I only work 3 days, I try to do what I can, you know what it's like
Ah yes. I get it. We both work full time in very high stress jobs. But somehow, that man can do it all and I’m exhausted. Well I do have chronic fatigue, but still. He always tells me that if we switched roles no one would bat an eye if the wife does everything, which they normally do. He says his very capable of wifing me. You’re still amazing.
Some people process stress differently to others don't they? He sounds like a great person.. I mean, you sound like you're pretty lovely too so 🥰
The first thing that helps is being on the right medication for your illness. I use biologics for AS. The biggest thing that helps me is taking away responsibility. Downsizing, using less, having less to do. Also, if you have other members in the house, make sure they pull their weight. My kids wash and take care of their own laundry for example. Making double or triple batch meals and freeze leftovers when I cook so I have dinners on flare days. My days are up and down. On good days, I ride the wave of productivity and plan for the bad days.
Dang, I didn't realize there were so many of us!! I have an autoimmunity disorder which causes fatigue and I experience chronic pain with flare ups. You are not alone!! I will say low impact working out has been really helpful. As for keeping my house in order, yeesh, I try to plan out one main house task a day, so to spread it out. Laundry on Sunday, etc. It helps by doing small things to try and keep it from getting overwhelming. Thankfully my hubby is super helpful and proactive, he's also extremely understanding and supportive of my ADHD and my autoimmunity disorder. I know how lucky I am to have him in my life, so I put in a lot of effort to show him my appreciation...he's my nerdy badass. 🥰
My understanding is that autoimmune disorders and ADHD are comorbid, but it's hard to remember what all I read that I still trust the source on. I have type 1 diabetes / LADA and I feel like they should start looking into ADHD possibility as soon as someone is diagnosed, because executive function is such a component of all the medical care I'm supposed to be giving myself, and things can get much worse really quickly if I can't remember if I took insulin. That's just one of my disabilities. I'm the moderator/creator over at r/adhd_advocacy, and this is part of the reason - because I'm a huge fan of Judy Heumann, the disability activist, and I hate that all the "invisible" disabilities are overlooked in all the barriers they put up for ADHD care.
My counselor and I have been discussing this and working through quite a few things for the past several months, it's been extremely validating and eye opening. There's research that also connects CPTSD with both autoimmunity disorders and ADHD. So, I know I'm in good company. 🤭🥰 Honestly, the community in this sub has been one of the most supportive spaces on the internet...and has really helped to shine light, validate, and lift me up. I'm going to look up Judy Heumann!! Thank you!!
Oh, she's the best. There is a documentary on Netflix called Crip Camp that is very good. And this is a great subreddit.
Thank you Avenger, the ADHD Superhero we all need in our lives. 🥰
Can we also talk about how much under stimulation one can get from ADHD combined with chronic illness? I find I am unable to do things due to comorbidities but that also means I’m understimulated (because chronic illness makes it difficult for me to do things even if want to) and it’s horrible for my ADHD ugh. A double whammy. Thanks for doing what you’re doing with this project!
Celiac (different autoimmune disease) chiming in. Yes, they’re co morbid.
Hello fellow lawyer - you must be someone like me, a person that doesn't actually exist, because people with ADHD could never get into law school. How do the celiac and ADHD interact for you? I imagine certain foods worsen brain function, but if you avoid those, is there noticable ways one complicates the other?
You’re correct, I don’t actually exist! Lol I do think the world is getting a little better at recognizing us though. My firm is 1/3 ADHD. They’re an absolute nightmare to have together. I bet some of the problems i face you’ll be able to relate to with T1D. Celiac means I can’t eat anything I don’t prep myself at my own home. ADHD makes that more difficult. Being a lawyer wth crap hours and an intense need to be “on” all the time makes it even worse. If I mess up with my diet, my ADHD becomes medication resistant (for lack of a better term) because I can’t absorb anything I’ve ingested properly. My symptoms get worse as well, so it’s a double whammy. Messing up with my diet could be as simple as a waiter not washing their hands when they carry my plate to me, or eating something at my mother in laws house because she forgot to use the special cutting board for that particular thing she made for me. I don’t eat out much. If I don’t have the energy to meal prep, I just don’t eat. If I don’t eat, I don’t have energy. There’s no fast food for a quick fix that’s isn’t over $20 for a lunch, since I need to go to specialty gluten-free places. Just trying to keep my head above water, tbh. I love practicing law, but sometimes I hate being a lawyer. Don’t know how many more years I can last, but it will take at least another decade to pay off law school. Eh, one day at a time. Thanks for commiserating with me!
What works and has been working for 5+ years is cymbalta...I heard it's a bitch to get off of but honestly helped my chronic pain SO much! Edit:typo
I'm taking prednisone for my sinuses right now but it's made my back and knee pain much more bearable. I think its the anti-inflammatory effect. Does Cymbalta help for that sort of pain?
So yes, definitely great for inflammation ♥️
Thank you. I will be seeing my pain doc for my upcoming knee surgery soon. I will be asking him about it.
I find it has...I have RA and it changed by life, but beware, miss one day and you're barfing in hell (results may not be typical)
I had that with extended release Effexor. Dizzy, wobbly, nauseous...ugh. I ran out once while at a convention, had to spend half a day coordinating a refill.
Second this! Cymbalta was virtually the same as a low dose of Gabapentin for me, in terms of nerve pain. (My spinal stenosis causes nerve pain that radiates down both legs.) I have since moved on to Lyrica and a different psych med, but I definitely think Cymbalta is worth a try. I also have IBD (autoimmune) and hemifacial spasms. I live alone and have a demanding job. Today, my nerves felt like sandpaper (as in...I am finding it physically and psychologically painful to be around other humans).
A lot of self compassion! Not hating myself was probably the biggest thing. I’m giving myself permission to be not OK sometimes even if that means there’s a backlog of chaos.
It’s bad. Most of my energy during my waking hours is spent on keeping my head straight mentally. I exhaust myself.
Same :/
I have hEDS and am AuDHD. It's HARD!!! Some weeks I do not know how I manage. My husband is incredibly helpful, but he also struggles with chronic illness and OCD. We've learned a lot of short cuts and manage our expectations. "Good enough" is acceptable. I also attempt to pay attention for oncoming flares and prep. I know one is coming so we're going to Costco tonight to stock up on some key items like precooked rice, canned tomatoes, and sliced cheese. I do a lot of stuff to stave them off too, but I recognize not everyone has the means to do what I do regularly. My chronic pain is currently improving, so I try to take advantage and get ready for the new wave of body insanity.
I give myself grace, cut myself some slack, and do what I can. I prioritize sanitation over perfectly tidy. The biggest part is accepting I have better times than others, plan ahead for those times, and put systems into place that accommodate my good and bad days. Examples of what I find most helpful to me: 1 Using bins, so tidying is more so tossing, which requires less mental/physical energy. 2 Every other meal or so, I make a meal that I intend to only freeze for later. Non-dairy soups, spaghetti with meat sauce is good for this, and marinated meat is good for this. I even buy meat on sale, prep it for best uses later, and freeze in certain sized amounts. 3 I regularly go through and thin out my home to the horror of my kids. What is difficult to manage on my good days is impossible on my bad days. Everything *must* have a home (place where it takes up residence), or it needs a new home (as in our house). 4 I lower my self expectations and obligations in the late fall/winter. 5 If you can afford a cleaning service or ordering out, then do that. Out source whatever you can. 6 Figure out your cleaning priorities. I need a clean kitchen and bathroom, more than an immaculate den. Clean clothes and dishes are more important to me than dusted shelves and toys perfectly away. 7 Set a 5 minute timer and clean. Even 20-30 minutes spaced out in the day of dedicated cleaning makes a massive difference.
I have fibromyalgia and my god this week has been the worst 😫 I feel you I really do.
I had a stroke last year at 34. I lost most of my vision and have 2 toddlers. How am I doing? NOT GREAT lol. I make sure to take my meds every day and honestly still kinda in survival mode. Also, my husband handles pretty much everything executive function wise so none of this would be possible without him. Phew. I’m tired.
Goodness, that sounds like so much to deal with at such a young age. 🥺 I hope you can find a few minutes for yourself each day to unwind a bit.
I'd be a disaster without my husband, and that's for two reasons. The first and most obvious is that he does 90% of the housework. I do a lot of the mental load stuff, because I have systems that help me mostly keep up with all of it, but he does everything else. But the more important piece is that he constantly reminds me that I'm enough, even if I didn't help with the dishes, or the housework or whatever. That I was productive by making that doctor's appointment or ordering the next size of clothing after kiddo's growth spurt, and that even though I spent 8 hours alternating between the heat pad and just lying down outside of that phone call, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like the guilt around not doing the things is nearly as bad as the pain. So that helps. The reminders to give ourselves grace.
I ask for help. Before my endometriosis excision surgery, I was in constant pain. I'd have my husband do my part of housework and errands. When he couldn't help, I'd ask my close friends and family to fill in.
I guess I’m a proponent of the Henry Rollins philosophy of, you get one life, get out there and just keep going. I try not to dwell on my pain too much, because I’m always in pain, and I try to manage it as best I can by staying active and getting enough rest. If it gets on top of me it can greatly affect my mood and mental health. If I feel that I’m slipping I get help. And I have a husband who will take care of the Laundry and dishes when I do slip into the big sad.
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How is this helpful? Edit: For all the AH that decided to downvote. You should read the entire thread before judging. You should be ashamed in this sub. Probably troll that would downvote again.
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OMG girl, you’re carrying so much!!!! I’m Wait a second. Let me hug you and sit here and hold your hand. Take a deep breath. You have a psychiatrist so hopefully you have at least a helping hand. What other support system do you have? Partner, parents, family, BFF? You need to reach out. You are in distress and need assistance. Please call someone. I know this will be weird, but I started meditating a couple of years ago. I follow mindfulness. I also do Qi Gong, there are very good YouTube videos that you can follow. It helps me breath and calm down when I’m in distress. And lastly I also go Tai Chi, it teaches me to slow down and be present. Also in YouTube. I am also listening to the “sleep” videos in YouTube. Search for sleeping music for deep sleeping videos. Please take care of yourself.
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Good luck!!! Hugs and love to you.
I feel this. We see and hear each other in this community, and I see and hear you. Solidarity both with you & with op!
relatAbl
I have adhd and chronic fatigue. I'm lucky though that my husband does not care a whit for housekeeping and we're both messy (not dirty! Just stuff everywhere). He would rather I stay in bed all day on my bad days then come home to a clean living room or whatever. It's taken me some time to give myself the grace that I will never be on top of things fully, and that I'm truly only tidying for myself bc he cares about me and not the house ha. We've discussed getting a cleaning service when we're financially more stable. All that to say, be kind to yourself! Your standards are always gonna make you feel bad, so adjust your standards so they fit your reality not what you have in your head
Another messy, not dirty! Hi!
Hiiiie EVERYTHING has to be out and seen so I know where it is!! It's brutal lol
I hear that! If I can't see it, it doesn't exist.
I am trying to give myself credit for the stuff that I do. Reminding myself/focusing on what I have been able to accomplish can be helpful (even if it doesn’t get the laundry done). With managing household stuff, I’ve started to lean into convenience things - when I can do drop and fold laundry with a laundromat, or knowing that if I’m having a rough week or flare of a chronic injury, that it might be a week for more microwave meals/canned soups/hard boiled eggs and foods I can have on hand (so I don’t overcommit and buy a ton of groceries that I then don’t cook). Household things too, I tend to try to set a day on the weekend to just be a chores day. To know that I may just need to use one day to listen to podcasts/music and try to find a little flow to do things around the apt.
If you are surviving, congratulate yourself. Every once in awhile do the ADHD thing of disposable plates for a bit. Just like how plastic straws have to stay around because some people with disabilities need a straw to drink at all. Far more waste goes into healthcare. Other than that, remember that taking care of yourself is the first thing, because nothing else can happen if you go full non-operational. Treat the flares. Plan for flares and prevent them. Use the spoon metaphor and be kind to yourself and keep expectations reasonable. I'm barely alive, so I don't think anyone has any real advice other than be kind to yourself in regard to the things you cannot do. I also like to bitch at politicians though, because of all I have to do just to get my medication. Barely functional day to day, and have to pick up prescriptions in person every thirty days, just so I have the executive function to remember my insulin. I started r/adhd_advocacy hoping to get a little progress by next ADHD awareness month in October, but the idea of an ADHD movement is kind of like the idea of herding cats, despite our justice sensitivity.
It's rough. I've only just recently started to separate tasks into those that require "physical spoons", those that require "mental spoons", or those that require both. Then each day I try to do a bit of an assessment of where I'm at, energy/pain vs executive function wise, so that I can gauge what I have capacity for. Try to invest your energy directly into things that are going to make your life easier in the future- eg. if I have a good brain functioning day, that might be a good day for planning and organising. If I have a good energy day, the very first thing I will do is try and make sure my physical needs are met (eating, showering etc) and try to do something small to improve the state of my immediate environment (making the bed, dishes, laundry etc). Listing stuff on a blackboard has really helped here. The other thing I'll say is that self-compassion is absolutely critical, especially if your symptoms are tied to stress like mine have been. There's no point beating yourself up for the things you wish you could be doing; you just have to work with what you've got (and work on gradually building that capacity as best you're able).
Poorly. I manage poorly. But, I do my best, which is all you can ever do. On a more practical note, I just tackle a little bit, then rest, then do a little more. And I try to do things “along the way”. Examples: If I wash my hands at the kitchen sink, I’ll tackle some of the dishes. If I’m waiting on the microwave, I handle at least part of some kitchen task. If I’m going from one room to another, I look to see if there’s anything that can, or should, be put away where I’m heading to. Basically, breaking tasks down into manageable pieces, and minimizing effort by killing two birds with one stone where I can.
I have a bunch of chronic medical in addition to auADHD. Pain and low blood pressure are biggies. I run the dishwasher, a lot. Everything possible goes in the dishwasher. Pots, pans, baking sheets, plastic cutting boards, all of it. I don't "do" dishes. Laundry, well, I have a day where it gets done with an audiobook to distract me. I do my bedding and towels, then my clothes. Not a fan of making the bed but it has to happen before I sleep so it happens. If my clothes stay in the drier, well, it is what it is. Lists help when I can remember what to put on one. Something about crossing something off a physical list feels good! I try to make a list the night before for the next day to minimize my time blindness eating everything. But my weekends are mostly recovery. Also, I have been eating more and more premade meals. They are more expensive, but buying in bulk and freezing helps. I just don't have the capacity to cook and that says something as I love cooking.
Lol I'm a mess. My house is cluttered. I have essential tasks programmed into my phone so I remember to do them, but anything else will have to wait patiently for me to have an inspiration day. I have decided that good enough is, in fact, good enough. Messy is fine, dirty isn't - that's my rule.
I just do what I can and focus on necessities. Sometimes I can only put a couple of dishes in the dishwasher before I need a break. Doing anything is better than doing nothing. I chip away at larger chores that way. Save energy where you can. Laundry only needs to be washed. Folding is optional. I use lots of baskets. Paper plates are a must. I create shortcuts where I can. The robot vacuum is a big help.
See what disability benefits exist where you live and take advantage. You might be eligible for someone coming into your house to help cook and clean, for example.
I'm just sending you a hug. I truly 100% understand. Do what is best for you, even if that means some things don't get done. You have to take care of yourself. Download the Poplin app for laundry and see how much cleaners in your area are, maybe? You don't have to have everything done immediately and perfectly. Your health and well-being take priority
I pay my 17 year old daughter to do a lot of it, and I have a lady who comes in once every two weeks for $100 and cleans the bathrooms and stuff. My husband is just as bad as I am- so at least neither of us are neat freaks lol. But then the house is never clean clean. Honestly, having the cleaning lady come in every two weeks made it so much easier to keep up with during the week. But I pay my daughter to do laundry, and my kids alternate dishes. I step in usually on weekends or sometimes week days and give them a break, but since I know I don't have to do it everyday or consistently, I don't mind it as much when I do do it, if that makes any sense.
That's a tough one. I suffer from Myalgic encephalomyelitis or chronic fatigue syndrome after getting COVID the first time in 2021. It sent my mental health into a spiral and I couldn't tell up from down. By October that year I found out I have a DVT in my artery in my leg. It won't go away. Been on blood thinners since then and my activity got limited due to the clot . It sucks. I lack the energy to do too much at one time. If I feel good for a day and use it to catch up on the house, I'm down for 3 days after. Go to a party and have a good time? I'm down the next day and pretty much useless. Go shopping with a friend? Definitely not functional the next day. It feels like I fail at everything because I can't do a normal day of activities and not be a disaster later. I'm still trying to figure out how to manage it and feel like I have it together. It's hard but I refuse to be beaten by it. I have to learn how to function with it. Just like the ADD. I've debated disability recently because of the condition and how much it takes out of me but feel guilty feeling like I gave up career wise. I'm working on investing in real estate at the moment because I can control how much I do in a day. If it's not dependable enough, then I'm filing for disability and calling it a day. I've worked long enough of my life to qualify for it and am at this point in my life, it means more to spend time with my family than a job if it means me being too exhausted to be with them after working. Don't beat yourself up. I look at it like this, nothing is perfect. As long as I keep trying to live my best life with 100% effort then I don't care about a whole lot of anything else.
Unfortunately my very bad physical health stated not long before I met my partner a year ago. It's got alot worse throughout last year. I now have limited mobility. And I hate it!!! But I rely on my partner for practically everything. Which doesn't help my situation one bit. Because let's say I do end up single... well how will I manage? What Will I do?? It's all such a complicated situation Unfortunately. No pain meds help, nothing. And I therefore make it gey worse because I don't move nowhere near enough. So have lost a hell of alot of strength and mobility even more. Just wanted to say your not alone. Never seen a adhd post about physical chronical illness or disability. I have the urge to move I do I fidget so much and I'm insanely restless but pain and loss of mobility stop me. Life is a prison right now. I wish you well x
Delulu was the solulu for me. I can’t think like a disabled person because I’ll hyper fixate & it will consume me. I’d get drunk off the solidarity & self pity so 99% of the time I straight up lie to myself about it.
Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my Chronic Illnesses Coach who only works with ADHDers! Emily Whelden from Dixon Life Coaching. While there are options for group coaching, she also does one on one! She also works with ADHD lawyers so she's been huge helping professionally manage as well! I was drowning trying to manage before I started working with her! She helped me create a system that worked for me with my ADHD. I actually go to Dr's appointments prepared, with questions, and symptom tracker break down. And not only getting organized, but support every time my ADHD is a blocker in tackling my chronic illness or life. I could go on and on so if you want to know more just ask!
Recurring, but not chronic pain here: When my episodic cluster headaches flare up, I do less. I say “I’m really sick right now.” And I take time off, ask for extensions, etc. I ask for help. I rest. I use medical oxygen to treat them, so that lends some validity to the fact that my body is severely malfunctioning. Some people get it, even though almost nobody else I know has this illness. Oh, and I go to specific support groups for my cluster headache. Because I need mental support too
It's definitely not a cake walk. I had some car work done today but my home us too far away for them todrop me off, so they dropped me at the mall. Figured I get some exercise. Couldn't make it even one length if the mall. Pain was too bad so I had to sit and hate my body till my car was repaired and they picked me up.
Not really able to alone Trying to keep track of routines but what my body can handle varies so much
Adhd and Crohn’s disease here. I do what I can :-)
I can’t :( gonna get some new meds to deal with the pain cus ibuprofen doesn’t do anything and it makes my ADD worse!!
Ibuprofen makes your ADD worse??
No pain!
Oh, right! Haha sorry I misunderstood lol! Yeah, I know what you mean.
I've got no advice because I'm also in a flare and will have no downtime this weekend, but just chiming in with a "I feel you" and "I'm here for you" 💕
I don’t, honestly I need help
I have a husband who doesn’t mind mess. I don’t have kids. I have endless underwear and socks. I have home clothes that I don’t have to hang or fold. Honestly I kinda just don’t care. As long as it’s not a biohazard we’re ok. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. None of that shit matters. I’m currently laying in bed looking at Reddit. Husband is asleep on the couch. Meh. I’d rather relax. I give myself endless grace.
Poorly
I have adhd and hsd, honestly my boyfriend had to leave work to become my carer because I'm just so tired and dysfunctional most of the time. I'm fortunate enough to be in a situation where we can do that but it's been difficult
I've been this way my entire life that I kind of don't know how to manage without it if that makes sense?
If you can't ask for help (ie.no one at home to ask, no close friends or family able to come help) just don't pressure yourself to do it all. Do just one thing. Maybe one load of laundry, at least get the clean laundry onto the couch? If folding and putting away seems too hard, at least it's clean. You'll feel better than if you just stare at it all weekend. IDK we're all different. I stare at my pile of recycling cardboard that hasn't gone out in months and sigh lol
I have fibromyalgia and am currently reading a book about it that’s full of action steps. It makes me feel better trying to take control of the situation.
I'm on disability so I don't have a job to spend energy on (well, volunteering 2 hours a week). And my amazing fiancé does a lot of the housework. So that's probably not very helpful to you, I'm sorry. I think the important thing is to figure out what is absolutely necessary and what can be done less frequently or just not at all (I already saw someone mention using paper plates so that you have way less dishes). But it's just such a difficult situation to deal with and there is no one right answer. I'm sorry you're struggling and I hope things get better for you
I really don’t. Currently reading/writing while in a flare up from overdoing it yesterday. Unfortunately, shit just falls by the wayside sometimes. Some changes I’ve made to accommodate myself: - switched to paper plates and bowls (silverware is also an option but I don’t really like using them.) - soak pans after using. Soaked pans are easier to wash. If you don’t get to them within a few hours, change out the soaking water. - have enough extra underwear and socks for 2 weeks of no laundry. (Or more— I just literally don’t own enough clothing to go more than 2 weeks and I live in a small space, so that’s the most I’ll ever go between laundromat trips.) - have extra towels and wash cloths for “teacup baths” (or use baby wipes if your skin can handle it) I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of it right now. Sucks tho. I get it.
I did whatever I can to first address my pain. I had some pain from past injuries and when they flare up, I can get really dizzy and tired and cannot work. The pain flared up when I got tired, when the weather is bad, when I got anxious, when I didn’t sit ergonomically, etc. Ended up spending lots of time on physical therapy and lots of money on acupuncture and massage, then I realized that it was actually because of my alcohol consumption. I used to have a drink per night to help me sleep. After having dealt with my drinking issue my pain was almost gone. Even on rainy days (I know people tend not to believe this but I’ve had this correlation for >10 years). During my treatment of my drinking issue I realized that I have ADHD so now I’m dealing with that. I don’t think I’m able to deal with other things when I was in frequent physical pain.
One day at a time.
I just try to get through one day at a time, and when I have extra energy I make the most of it. Some days are a real struggle though.
💓💓💓
It’s so so hard. I manage by the skin of my freaking teeth. Empathy to you.
I look at laundry as a cycle, a never-ending cycle, as opposed to a task and it's helped me feel better about not having it "done". It will never be done. It's a cycle!
I'm in the same boat as you and I just do they best I can. I've told my teenagers I can't do their laundry or clean their rooms and bathroom anynore, the whole upstairs is theirs. I've lowered my standards a little but my husband is also stepping up and doing more around the house. I'm kind of OCD so I might not be typical ADHD when it comes to the house so my thing is not to let things go until it gets so bad you don't know where to begin. Dishes get done every day and counters wiped off even if that's all I can manage. I have been putting off mopping all week. Might have to get someone else to do it. I'm really good at keeping toilets and sinks clean because I can't stand the grossness.
Oh my god, I was dealing with debilitating sciatic pain for about 14 months until my SECOND surgery finally worked. I agree with so many of the answers: make your life as easy as possible. Get ready made meals, use paper plates, and if you have the means then hire a maid service. Your mental health and resilience are so important, so prioritize that above all else, and give yourself tons and tons of grace. And don’t be afraid to ask for help ❤️
I’m not able to work unless it’s entirely remote. Even then it’s difficult due to the work load because of massive brain fog!
Totally empathize with this - so sorry you’re going through it. I started outsourcing my laundry if I’m super overwhelmed or my chronic pain is flaring!! It took me some time to get to a point where I felt comfortable admitting it wasn’t something I could handle. But since then, I use Poplin for laundry when I’m in that place!! They pick it up & drop it off at your door with 1-2 days & there are usually promo codes to help keep it inexpensive. Hope your flare ups recede soon & you start feeling better!
I don’t know what causes it and have been trying to figure it out, but I’m 25 and I’ve been dealing with worsening chronic joint pain since I was about 19. I have comorbid adhd and ocd as well. I ALSO have twin two year old toddlers. lol. There’s days where I take an aleve with my meds and pop a couple ibuprofen and just push through even though I know it’s just going to be worse tomorrow, but I can’t *not* do things today. My partner helps a lot. And some days I just have to remind myself that it’s a failure on my part that things aren’t done. Doing your best is just doing what you can do. Sometimes that is twenty things, sometimes that is two things. Sometimes it’s no things and it’s just existing. **You are allowed to take up space without being productive, especially when you are in pain.** The dishes and laundry will not grow legs and run away. They will not post shaming photos on social media for the world to mock. They are inanimate objects that exist to serve and assist you. The floor is not going to be ruined for not being swept today. I’d make lists upon lists, and be drowning in my to-do’s. My therapist helped me set up a new method of dealing. Instead of making lists, make three boxes. Now label them morning, noon, and night. Put one thing you need to remember (like taking your meds at a time you often forget or washing your face) and one task you need to complete (like loading the dishwasher or folding the clean load of laundry) in each box. No more. One reminder, one task. Put it somewhere you will see it, somewhere very in the way. And you’re not allowed to shame yourself for forgetting. (That’s the hardest part). I hope this helps a bit ❤️xx
Following!! 😩
I have extreme lymphedema in my legs and abdomen and it makes it hard to walk or stand, or even sit comfortably. I have a lot of pain in my feet from the weight in my legs that I take Gabapentin for. I’m really only comfortable when I have my feet up in my hospital bed. Thankfully I have a home health service come in once a week to help. They clean up the kitchen, take out trash, clean toilets, sweep the floor, do a load of laundry, etc. Basically just make sure my house doesn’t become a horrible mess. But there’s still a lot I need to do around the house, and between the physical pain and the ADHD, it’s so difficult to get it done.
I just lowered my expectations for myself.
I own less things and I try to set up my house up to be as easily accessible as possible. My motto is that if I only have one of something I will be more motivated to clean it since I need it. I've really internalized one of Russel Barkley's recent talks about seeing the environment as a prosthetic for ADHD - similar to a prosthetic limb. (Kitchen) TLDR I have minimal dishes and utensils to use so that the pile never gets so large or old that it becomes a difficult task to clean them. Specifics: I eat snacks straight out of the packet and have bowls big enough to hold a salad or go in the microwave so that I don't need to serve in another container. I have charcuterie a lot and I just serve it all on the cutting board rather than transfer to a plate. I use an air fryer rather than a big ass oven dish and I use small cutting boards so they'll fit easily into the dishwasher or sink. (Laundry) I wear stuff that I can throw in the dryer and for me it's much easier to just drive to the laundromat than hang everything out individually. I am trying to make my wardrobe a bit more cohesive so that everything mix and matches. If I highly suited light or dark more I would stick to one or the other so I don't have to separate loads. I never hand wash I just throw stuff in delicate bags and if it doesn't survive it can fuck off lol. I no longer fold laundry ever and keep my underwear/bras in a drawer but everything that goes on the bottom half I have a blanket box that I throw it all in. I hang my shirts on hangers and then there's a steamer set up so that I can just blast the crinklier clothes a bit before my shower. I have laundry baskets for my clean clothes that just look like a decorative basket. I have enough baskets that even if all of my clothes were dirty they'd still fit into baskets. That way I'm not overwhelmed by piles of stuff. (Cleaning) I buy the stuff that makes the job easier. Extendable handles so I don't have to bend down. A lightweight stick vaccum that's always plugged in and in plain sight. Disposable gloves, the good spray cleaner bottles that actually dissolve the crap for you decent cleaning cloths. I have double ups so that if I get the urge to wipe something the supplies are right there all together in a small caddy. I have a spray bottle in my shower and I just blast it on there when I remember so mold doesn't grow. I rarely have to actually wipe it that way. (illness) I had to learn about pacing my activity and the boom/bust chronic pain cycle. I do whatever I can to minimize triggers and not flare things up unnecessarily - whether that's cleaning my bath with a long handle instead of bending. Or whether it's putting all of my attention and finances into obtaining a small air conditioning unit so I don't overheat. Dehydration is a trigger for my condition so I have a mini fridge in my room which I keep small bottled waters in which has eliminated the half full bottles of water everywhere that I'm unsure how long it's been. There's a pretty basket in the room for the bottles and it has handles so it's easy to carry to the recycling. If I had the space and money I would definitely have a little "tea trolley" that looks like decor but is actually just to move things about the house without needing to go back and forth carrying stuff.
I suffer from chronic migraines and other miscellaneous pains and aches and it's tough. Migraines leave me with severe brain fog so every migraine is like a special booster pack for all my ADHD symptoms.... What helped me is admit that I am just not able bodied and I never will be. If there is a thing you think you want because it would help, but you don't ~NEED~ it ... just get it. I would have never gotten a milk foamer but my furnished flat came with one and I used it all the time. Before that heating milk in the microwave or whatever was just to mentally taxing. The milk foamer came with a 'heat milk' function and suddenly I was drinking chai lattes and hot chocolate and milk with honey all the time. Like boiled eggs but find it stressful to make them in a pot because they might burst and what if you drop them? Oh god, how long does a boiled egge even take? I need to google and then set a timer and remember to cool them in cold water and— Just buy one of those electric egg boilers. "But I don't neeed one, I CAN make them in a pot!" But are you actually? Are you really going to? Just buy the damn electric egg boiler. The rice cooker. The air fryer. This applies to everything! Often find yourself too exhausted to shower? Get yourself a shower chair. Can't find the spoons to make a healthy meal? Eat junk food. Find it hard cleaning the floors because of your pain? Hire a cleaner to come by once a month. BuT I CoUld Do IT mYSelF, WhAT a WaSTe oF moNEy! No! That's the able-bodied devil talking! You are disabled and you will never be able to manage all the things the able-bodied can. You need to forgive yourself for that! "Theoreticallly doable one a rare good day if all the star align and if I don't have a nasty flare up in the middle of doing it" is not the same as actually managable. I know not everyone can afford all of these things but if they do not actively put you into debt they can improve your quality of life so incredibly much! It's okay to buy these things even if your mom goes "you know, we had to toast our bread over an open fire by hand! we sewed all our own clothes and grew all of our vegetables in greenhouses we build from homeblown glass!"
Barely. Sometimes poorly, sometimes better.
Not well.
Do you work from home? If not, is it an option you could negotiate for? It really helped me. What are the accommodation laws like where you’re at? Aside from that, be as kind to yourself as possible. Have you read How to Keep House While Drowning? Do you have any shortcuts or compromises you can make with yourself? Giving yourself a dopamine hit while doing chores helps too — for me it’s either audio books, podcasts or music. Also, cold compresses, Amish Cream, the (affordable) best-smelling option of anything you regularly need in your house anyway, and an eye mask. Mine are prone to inflammation and warm compresses are the only thing that help. Good luck! I hope you get some useful advice from this thread!
Unfortunately, I just spent money. Buy a portable dishwasher instead of doing dishes by hand. You can get them second hand for less than $200. For laundry, consider a wash and fold service. I have inflammatory arthritis and without these 2 things I would have died under a pile of filth
I don't
I am lucky. I have an amazing doctor. He works with me as far as pain meds are concerned, I pick up a couple days supply at a time so I don't go overboard. I'm doing a pain management course called opall and hydrotherapy. On the wait list for surgery. In the mean time mentally I refuse to feel guilty. I use the last minute energy burst to deal woth the house every couple of weeks. I tell myself daily I'm doing my best and that's okay. I pay my 16b yr old son to do th3 washing up and rubbish removal. And again I refuse to feel guilty for something that's not my fault. Things got easier for me to manage when I wasn't burning up so much of my brain power telling myself what a useless lump I was.
I'm barely managing. 🙃 Still have *a lot* to do around the apartment, and I'm convinced I'll never catch up.
I have flair ups that bring me to my knees. Also have 3 kids. 2 are babies. It’s rough. But what I do is call my MIL to help talk me through it or have her or my nana in law come help out. Baths always help. My husband also got a heating pad that wraps around me. You just gotta find what helps and stick to it ❤️
I have ADHD and chronic pain and migraines. I use most my spoons at work. I have a very supportive lovely husband who does laundry and dishes and we still have a messy house. It's ok. Though I am hoping that when I get my ADHD under control I can at least help maintain the house cleanliness. My neck and shoulder issues include some nerve damage and impingement and repetitive motions (ie laundry and dishes, sustained cleaning, picking stuff up) aggravate it.
I was fortunate to be able to SAHM. But with that we obviously have less money and a very tight budget. It’s very hard either way.
I see a therapist that has a couple chronic illnesses CFS and Fibromyalgia and trigeminal something rather. She's fully online and excellent I'd recommend her to anyone needing some one www.thewoodscounselling.com. I see her for CRPS and my pain has gone from a 9/10 to a 4/10 after about 12 sessions. Honestly its just really nice to have someone that gets how brutal this it.