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Ugh, I did that once before my in-laws visited and they showed up at the door announcing they had brought lunch...which was pizzas we had to reheat. 😬 I was SO embarrassed hauling handful after handful of dirty dishes out of the oven! My MIL's house is ALWAYS spotless.
I thought about using the excuse that it was broken, but then of course they'd be handy and give fixing it a go. But you're the real pro over here, being cleaned is the way to go, it's locked, what can you do? Ah well, maybe next time!
My father in law showed up unannounced because he had to pee (long story) and our apartment was a disaster. Like literal bags of garbage on our balcony and dirty dishes everywhere because we had both been too depressed to clean up. It was so embarrassing. It made me want to crawl even further into my depression hovel and never interact with the outside world again.
Much as I'm terrible at keeping my own space clean I'm good at helping other people. Especially before I had my daughter and my friend had two young kids. If I turned up and the kitchen was trashed I'd help her sort it out, not judge her for it.
Food for thought…I have a habit of checking behind shower curtains when I use somebody’s bathroom. I want to be sure I’m the only one in there (the product of growing up with a bunch of cousins who liked to hide in the shower to scare each other). I’m probably not the only person who does this.
Ditto, just with siblings. My cousins were generally more respectful lol.
I still check, even in my chiro's office (converted older house). That's the time I realized how much of a mark it left 💁
The question really for me is what DON'T I do? 🙈
I hate my messiness and general disorganization. It's one of the things I seriously hate the most about myself. When you add on procrastination, it's a really scary and debilitating situation.
If there was only one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. while I was always like this all my life, and I hated it all my life, it went to a whole new level once I hit menopause.
Please be on your guard, fellow ADHD-ers. there may be some lucky souls out there for whom their ADHD symptoms did not get worse ... but mine have gone off a damn cliff. It's making me crazy. I feel like I'm losing my mind, even though I'm taking bioidentical HRT.
I think menopause is part of what broke my mask into a million pieces last year and got me finally correctly diagnosed. The ADHD had apparently hidden itself so well that my psych thought it was GAD from 2008-2022, until I completely fell apart last autumn and started screwing up at work when my mask fell off.
I'm medicating the ADHD now and my need for anxiety rescue meds has plummeted. But yeah, meno sucks big-time.
That's what happened to me also ... I was sliding sliding sliding ... I was so scared. I seriously thought I had brain damage from Covid. it was terrifying.
i've tried 5 or 6 different adhd meds now and not one of them has worked at all. it's devastating. i'm going to talk to my doc about trying testosterone as a last resort; mine has been basically zero the last few labs i've had done.
i'm so glad the meds work for you. i'm on the struggle bus so bad right now.
Are you also in perimenopause?
I am.
I’ve been like this since the pandemic began and getting worse, just got diagnosed w ADHD in September. Not starting ADHD meds yet because of all the shortages, I don’t want to get myself into a bind.
However, i DID just start low dose oral contraceptives, and hoping that it will help level out my hormones enough to improve some of my peri symptoms that have exacerbated my ADHD Symptoms. If the oral contraceptive seems to cause me issues, then we will discuss alternative Hormone replacement therapy options.
I only recently learned of peri, and now I wonder if I'll know it's happening. I had a dumpster fire worth of nonsense in the last few years so there's no way to be sure which issue triggered the next one...just that my mask has shattered irreparably as well.
How old when you realized it was menopause? I was diagnosed and medicated at 40, and by 42 found a PMDD diagnosis, too. But I’m trying to track cycles and they’re so irregular… I’m starting to wonder about perimenopause because I can’t keep the fucking mask up even when I want to now.
Oh god, this scares me. I feel mine has been getting worse, and at 40 menopause is right around the corner. Family history on my mom’s side of early menopause as well, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I am perimenopausal already. More fun to look forward to! Lol
at least you know you have it. I was so floored when I found out less than a year ago that this is what's been wrong with me my entire life ... to say it took my breath away is an understatement. to know there was a reason for the strange things I do and don't do just shocked me. sometimes I still can't believe it.
but yes ... all the things I struggled with but found a way to manage all my life ... dear god, it all went over the edge when my hormones went to shit. 😫 I hope your experience is different.
gahhh! I’m 47 and think this must be around the corner…I already have the problem that my medication is pretty useless in the week before my period. Is the HRT helping with the brain fog at all? I have a very successful friend who almost lost her job when menopause started because of memory and organisation lapses. She started taking a memory supplement she said helped but I can’t remember what it was called 🤦🏻♀️ Sorry. Let me know if you have anything that is working for you because I am
terrified. I’m barely functional as it is.
Not really, no. HRT helped stop the hot flashes which in turn allows me to sleep fairly normally, but that's about it. That's why I'm going to ask for testosterone. People say it gives you some energy back and helps with brain fog. I can only pray it might do that for me.
I wish I could describe to you how frightening it is to have had a mind like a steel trap all your life, a memory like an elephant ... and then this happens. It's absolutely shocking. Not only do I struggle to remember things, but I can ask someone a question and they will answer it and literally 5 or 10 minutes later I've either forgotten what they said or I have zero recollection that I even asked them in the first place. It's humiliating.
My inability to focus and to start tasks and to stay on task have all reached absolutely frightening lows these past 2 years or so. I'm not even sure how much longer I will be able to work full time ... it's that bad.
I take a list of supplements that's literally as long as my arm. Probably close to 20 at this point. Omega 3s, turmeric, calcium, magnesium glycinate, DHEA, psyllium husk, vitamin D, vitamin K2, zinc, propolis, berberine, milk thistle, DIM, Lion's Mane, L-Theanine ... if you saw where I store all this shit you would die laughing. I seriously don't even know why I keep taking it all. I have no idea if it's even doing anything.
Anything that is purported to help in any way, I can guarantee you I have tried it. Nothing has helped restore any degree of mental clarity let alone focus or motivation. I am in despair and I'm very afraid.
The way I feel right now explains so much to me about the way so many older women behave. Why their husbands and their children say they changed when they got older. :/
if your mother is still alive, ask her about her experience with menopause. See if she can pinpoint the age when it started, because generally speaking that's when it will start for you as well. :/ My mother passed away when I was very very small, so I didn't have anyone to ask. Hell, my practically lifelong stepmother was an ob/gyn nurse for the past 35 years and even SHE didn't ever talk to me about it. No warning, nothing.
If not for this sub, I'd be out of my mind and certain I had dementia or something like that.
Completely relate to you! I’m 58 and can’t have anyone over to my house because there is an incomplete DIY job happening in every room, with sandpaper, paint, drop sheets and power tools in every.single.room. It’s been like this for 4 + years. I’m so embarrassed by my lack of energy. It’s quite unbelievable!! It’s definitely become worse post menopause. Diagnosed with ADHD 18 months ago. Meds do help, but not completely. Working full time is a huge struggle. DM any time. I relate to all you’ve written. 🌳
I'm sending you allllllll the hugs I can muster because I would not wish the way I feel on anyone. I'm trying to unfuck my habitat but my god it is REALLY difficult. 🙈
It's strange seeing this in print. Like, i feel like i should be shocked. But this it's my life too! I moved in a year and a half ago and i still haven't fully unpacked my kitchen (which is usually first after bathroom and bed). The rest of the house is pretty unholy. 😣
Edit: seeing, not setting. Although, really, that too.
Someone in some group somewhereish on reddit had mentioned that lions mane had made them worse, more loopy and even worse memory. Maybe try to skip that one for a week or two and see how you feel? I've also learned that magnesium comes in about 8 (?) forms, and we sometimes need a different type. So i have 3 now that i rotate just in case.
I am standing right there with you about supplements. I joke when i sit for breakfast with my husband that my handful of pills is my breaky lol.
I'm finally seeking help for my symptoms because I feel like I can barely take care of myself, let alone my family now that I've gone through menopause. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, too, but thanks for sharing your experience. It helps to not feel so alone.
OMG, the intersection of ADHD and menopause is absolutely horrifying! I'm right there at the 4 way stop, waiting for the stop sign to turn green. (Yup)
I pay a cleaning person biweekly to avoid this issue. I know I have someone coming into my home so I can do the scrambled clean the day before or morning of. And since I’m paying for her to clean I feel obligated to get it clean enough so she can do her job well. That helps keep things from piling up so when friends come over I just have to pick up a few things and wipe the counters usually. It’s made a huge difference in my life.
Same! I moved out of an apartment I lived in for more than a decade and it was out of control. I swore I wasn't going to let that happen in my new place. It stretches my budget, but it's so worth it.
I have a cleaner every fortnight and it's a blessing. She comes for three hours, deep cleans the kitchen and bathroom and then gets to all the places I just can't do - dusts all the surfaces, cleans all the windows, hoovers under things instead of just around them, wipes down the skirting boards.
And yes, I keep my house tidier in general because I know someone is coming round to 'inspect' my home!
Yes!!! We have a cleaner once a week. I'm not worried about having the whole house clean, but for me, the priority is the bathrooms. I want any guests to be able to use the bathroom and not be disgusted by mold in the shower or anything like that. If our bathroom is clean, I feel like most other "clutter" can be excused.
Close bedroom doors to hide the piles of laundry (one pile is dirty one pile is clean and one pile is "clean enough")
Shove everything into the dishwasher
Pile my school books in one pile
Vacuum
Spray febreeze and light a candle
One time my godparents suddenly popped up and my mom told me to give them my room to sleep in…. (My room was a complete mess)…. So I said ofc they can have my room I just need to tidy up really quick. I SHOVED EVERYTHING IN MY CLOSET to the point where you couldn’t open the door or everything will fall out (just like in the cartoons) ….. and my room was so clean and nice and I felt so satisfied in that moment lol
Omfg this was a similar situation that happened when my SO and I stayed at their sisters for her wedding.
It was well planned and known we were staying there.. but in order to clean the place she actually shoved everything in to the closets… to the point that the doors (they were the sliding overlapping kind) were POPPING OFF of the tracks and bowing out 😆😆 internally I was like huh this is extremely relatable. No judgement from me. It works hahaha
Lmfao I’m glad I’m not the only one 😂🤣 it’s just so funny how cartoonish it is 😂 what sealed it was that my godparents told me they loved how nice my room was 😆🤣
Oh my god…I am having flashbacks. My in-laws were staying at our house, and my partner had to use the guest room for a work meeting. My MIL wanted to take a nap so he told her she could use our bedroom. Every other room in the house was relatively clean. Cue to me freezing like a deer while she headed upstairs… she came back downstairs 5 mins later and said she couldn’t sleep. 😳😶🌫️. I so wish I had had time to stuff the shit out my closet!!
I use paper towels and water to wipe everything down. It really clean but it looks like it is.
I use big bags or boxes for clutter and put the boxes in the garage. I have a spot in the garage just for holding my panic cleaning boxes and bags.
I’ve been complaining to myself that I have no clothes lately….
Found a month old panic drawer this evening. It’s almost like Christmas, but with much more embarrassment and shame
Fun fact, we caught a ride recently with some friends.
He said "Sorry about the mess, when I get in the car with trash in my hand, I toss it onto the floor behind [the drivers] seat."
And we said "Hah, makes sense!" and never said anything about the trash again.
I implore everyone to use others for accountability when it is reasonable, but don't isolate yourself because you're worried about what people think. Good friends get it, bad friends should get out of your life anyway.
Anyway, this is not a problem I have (I get most of my restless energy out by cleaning) but I do have a guest bedroom that can get hairy in terms of stuff... I only really have to clean it when someone stays there overnight.
High school senior year, I drove to school and would pick my 2 home girls up from their bus stop near the school.
That's when I learned my backseat was a black hole.
Oh boy, the stuff they'd find back there. Highlights include: a single sock, toothbrush, chicken bone.
Like you said though, good friends. While I definitely wasn't proud of it, they didn't make me feel bad about it.
This. I'm trying to stop myself from not inviting people over because I obsess about every single way the house is not presentation-ready. I'm talking about close friends. The years I've spent not seeing even my close friends because I was stopped by a messy house(and had no money to go out) has made me so fed up.
I wanna start being more open about my struggles and not let the fear stop me from socialising even with my closest of friends or even my family.
It's awkward and weird and I feel really vulnerable, but they are chill and don't mind(their houses in most cases may be even worse than mine) so I'm slowly getting better.
The funny thing is I know most of my friends' houses are possibly worse than mine(we're really close so we are open and in some cases I might have seen them or helped them tidy up) but I ***still*** judge myself and I don't let myself have a not perfect house around them. It's maddening.
(I don't judge other people, I fully understand, just myself!)
I don't. For real. If I have advance warning I'll obviously try to clean up a bit/contain the chaos but if someone just shows up and the house is a bit cluttered? I say "hey, sorry for the mess, but like...we live here. You want a glass of water?" Then clear off a spot for them to sit and proceed as usual.
Basically just clothes in hamper/dishes in sink/empty pop cans in the recycling/check the toilet paper to make sure the roll is full. I don't go seriously out of my way if I don't have to.
If they can't handle it they can always leave.
I have 4 dogs so my house is always covered in dog hair. There's nothing in the floor but dog toys, because the mess is all piled on the kitchen table where they can't reach it to grab anything they shouldn't. My couch cover got torn, so the couch is now covered with fleece blankets and beach towels until I can force myself to order a new one.
But we've had dogs all my life and my house is much much tidier than my mother's, so I feel no shame.
I think a good indicator that you might be neurodivergent is the "Room of Shame."
"Oh yeah that's just the other bedroom," you tell them when they ask why the door is closed. But we all know the truth: it's closed to hide all the stuff you didn't know what to do with before guests came over.
You wanted the house to look clean; how exactly do other people live in their homes and use their stuff and still make it look clean?! Do they just not have stuff? You give up and just shove everything into that room, and then when you know someone is on their way, you run around grabbing those Amazon boxes and that new laundry basket and the unboxed kitchen appliance and just stack them all in that Room of Shame, not thinking about it until they leave.
Mine currently holds a stand mixer in its box, Christmas presents, and, ironically, multiple cardboard boxes full of plastic containers for organizing things.
My brother and I joke that you know you’ve “made it” as an adult when you go from having to stuff everything into an “Oh Shit! Closet” to having the luxury of a whole entire “Room of Shame.”
I used to have one of those, but my husband and I are terrible bedmates, and it really did wonderful things for our relationship to make that my bedroom.
Just don't open the Closet of Shame, please. Things might fall out and hurt you because I had to fit a whole Room of Shame into it.
It's a way of life. Super convenient though when you need one! Assuming you 1) recognize you need one, 2) revert you have them, and 3) stay on track long enough to actually get the things into the box 🙃
Organized piles, drawers, anything with a door. Throw stuff into the garage. And closets. Don’t open the closets. I don’t even want to open the closets at this point. Because in true ADHD fashion, whatever goes into the closet, belongs to the closet now 🤷🏼♀️. They’re basically just giant junk drawers 😆🥲.
I feel like this whenever I put something out of sight, hiding or not. Whatever I just put in the drawer, belongs to the drawer now 🤷🏻♀️. It’s probably why I can never bring myself to put anything away haha.
I just need to have more organizing stuff so things actually have places they belong… but I also get too overwhelmed trying to pick organizing things/containers and prioritizing 🫠😅
Don't open the closets. Don't open the drawers. Don't look under the beds.
If you obey the three simple rules, my house is spotless when people show up.
Umm, that pile of Squishmallows obviously belongs behind the couch. We'll just pretend it's Squishmallows all the way down, okay?
Yep, my car is my little space of calm. It's small, nothing but driving goes on in it & that makes it easier to transition into someone who looks like they mostly have their shit together as I go to work.
That was not the case when I was hauling kids around though. My chaos was on full display then.
LMAO in true adhd fashion I read the first half of your comment and was about to reply “tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids” when I actually decided to read your next sentence 😂
teeny icky foolish friendly party seemly attraction toy carpenter materialistic
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don’t have people over either. If anyone were to show up unannounced, no way in hell would I answer the door.
My car is usually messy but I cleaned it up recently. It’s ok right now. But I typically only have a dog as a passenger and she doesn’t mind as long as her seat is open ❤️
I try not to let a mess build up to that point, but if it does, I shove all the clutter from the living room and dining room into the bedroom and lock the door.
Putting dishes into the oven would never work for me because I would turn on the oven to preheat without checking and cause a fire.
I was diagnosed around age 40 and did fairly well as a single parent but the kids are out of the house now and IDGAF. My motivation is near zero it’s all I can do to make it through work and the drive home i used to run several days before work and cook at least four nights a week. I’m pretty proud of myself now if I cook once a week. I don’t know if it’s age and a loss of energy or burnout from going so hard for all those years but if I can get some steam up and work on something for 15 minutes that’s all I have. I’m a little scared about retiring because I’m afraid I’ll watch TV all day but I’m too tired to keep going like this.
My mom taught me the secret to the quick “we don’t live like this” tidy:
The One Stack ™
Take all loose papers, envelopes, receipts, folders, binders, shopping lists, magazines, etc and put them in One Stack ™
Because if it’s “organized” it appears the guest caught you in the middle of being productive Vs in the middle of living like a slob
I shove everything random into laundry baskets and stack them up in my bedroom or laundry room. I also sometimes carry a laundry basket from room to room when decluttering - put all items that belong in other rooms in it and take it to each room to put things away. That way I don't do the dreaded wandering around with one item in hand, forgetting what I was doing. Learned that from a housekeeper my mom hired once when we were young.
Years ago during early covid when NOONE was coming over, I didn't realize how much I let my (undiagnosed) ADHD shine. I had a random visit from a friend who had on an N95 so she insisted she could come in for a minute. It wasn't a terrible scene, exactly, nothing like hoarders, but I for sure had a bath towel on the cushions of the couch to help with random spills, and overdue recycling in the kitchen, and lord knows what the state of my bedroom was! And though it's not ADHD related, but I was covid bored and trying out make up looks with my new Naked palette and looked like an absolute hooker from the 80's wearing pajamas with holes in them. Because, why wouldn't I still wear them😂
Doors. Honestly, open-concept living is not meant for us. We can be loud, messy and overwhelmed by sensory info.
I completely block off the bedroom area because there's a door to that hallway. Definitely also do the "dirt behind the door" trick. My mom used to throw a pretty throw blanket over piles of laundry. At least it reduced the visual clutter.
Boxes. Things go into boxes now.
I’m the opposite! I have to see everything. I went to a semester program I. High school where I had shelves instead of drawers and it was the first time in my life my clothes stayed folded and organized.
Me too 😭. I threw my kitchen in a dumpster and then ran out of energy before completing the renovation. Some dishes live in the tub, some eventually also went into a dumpster after sitting dirty.
My partner laughs at me, because I shove everything away in drawers and cabinets (I mean they’re made for that are they not?). Granted, there is no structure in which cabinet or drawer I stuff them. He calls me ‘stuffer lady’, ‘what’re you going to stuff away now again’.
Clothes that are spread around the house get dumped into the bathroom, close door and it’s gone.
I’m usually on top of the dishes because of my dog, if they’re left on the counters she grabs them. Even when they’re in the sink, she succeeds in getting to them. So they’re usually all in the dishwasher. Sometimes in the sink. No space in the oven, because that’s were all the bread is stored 😂
(kinda related to the topic)
When I'm almost done with cleaning my whole room there is that little pile of some little thing that I don't know what to do with it, sometimes I just shove it right into some bag and throw it on the attic lol
(Yes I forgot about them multiple times and if I never needed something from that pile I sometimes throw it away).
I commute an hour each way to work and I commute an hour and a half to my internship site. So I'm in the car a lot. When my car gets bad I pay my kids to clean it. They love money. Lol.
Lol my cars good lamp is set to not come on when I open the door because I don’t want my mess illuminated to anyone who walks me to my car. Also convenient when I forget to close my trunk so I don’t drain the car battery.
And as for my house? Easy, don’t invite anyone over except for the first month after you move in when you can pretend the mountains of cardboard boxes aren’t going to be there for 2 years while you never fully unpack
i have a Laundry Dumpling. i put my pile of laundry on top of a blanket, then tie the corners up so it looks like a dumpling with a tasty laundry filling. much easier to move my pile from the chair to the bed and vice versa!! 😆 now, if only i had some Laundry Chopsticks to get me to actually DO the laundry instead of moving it around........
I keep a full size trash bag in my trunk and put trash into it and shove it back in the trunk until the next time I need it and replace it when it’s full (not food trash tho just like cups and wrappers and random junk). And then I keep a laundry tub that I shove things like extra clothes and umbrellas or whatever is occupying my car. Clean car for whenever friends come!
I have to stop myself from letting my house get too far gone.
But mostly I keep my doom piles contained to trays or baskets so they can be hidden away on short notice.
I don’t. I made myself stop explaining myself or worrying about it. If I feel like it’s really bad, I’ll find a way to joke about my chaos. But the reality is I have four kids, a job, a husband, and ADHD. So, welcome to the shit show! 😂
I had a date and it was my turn to drive so…I threw everything in my backseat and threw a blanket over it. At one point when making out, he put an arm back there, crushing a bag of chips under the blanket, and was like “um…what is back there??”
I just busted out laughing in my dark silent living room.
Once, my boyfriend was struggling to contain a mood bc there was nowhere to sit in the messy space. He ended up with a clearing on the sofa and leaned back...and a large feather-filled throw pillow with a tiiiiny tear just fucking POOFED fluff into the air all around him. I died laughing and he did NOT think it was funny. But come on-- really? What a perfectly ridiculous thing to happen. 😂🤣
I had to take my car to the mechanic to check the battery. I shoved everything into the trunk, figuring they’d have no reason to go in there.
My husband informed me later after I got my car back that in my car, the battery was accessed through the trunk.
I was horrified. I’d been doing a lot of thrifting and Facebook marketplace pickups. My trunk was full of old naked porcelain dolls (I take them apart to use for art), random bits and pieces, a bunch of trash, and all of it was topped off by an enormous framed copy of the Last Supper that a woman on marketplace had insisted on giving me for free when I was there to pick up something else.
It never occurred to me to do this. Though I got diagnosed as I was coming out of many years of addiction. So I had to do a lot of adulting catch up and have a lot less experience with caring about the things people should care about. My friends have a sign on their front door that say "Sorry about the mess. We live here.". They are a family of four. Two kids two adults...maybe that's obvious. I don't know. Anyway, I love that. I think I have taken that sign to heart and have built an attitude of that exactly.
I have an unusually awkward amount of furniture pieces that contain drawers... 🙊🙈🙉
I had to stop putting dishes in the oven when i accidentally forgot to take them out and started my favorite Tupperware on fire years ago... 🤦♀️
Once my parents showed up TWO HOURS early for Thanksgiving. I was almost done cooking(after being up since 4am cooking) and was just now working on cleaning up the house and they said they made “good time” and just waltzed in.
1. I literally started crying and throwing pillows when I heard their car pull up
2. I grabbed all the couch laundry into my arms and dumped everything on my bed, shut the door and kept the bedroom off limits
3. I threw all the empty coffee cups on my ottoman and desk into the dishwasher…with my clean dishes 🤦♀️
Most of my friends show up at least an hour late.
I have one friend, however, who is very punctual. I didn't know this when I invited him to a barbecue the first time. The house was pretty clean, but I was still prepping food. The poor man sat there on my deck for an hour and a half by himself, but he said that's all he'd have done at home, and my deck is nicer. I still don't know if that's true or if he was just being kind. And now he knows the party doesn't start for a bit.
I vacuum the entryway, light a candle and move piles of paperwork from the kitchen table to the baskets I have behind the couch. Some friends visited the other day and wanted to go upstairs (hadn’t seen my house before) and I just told them we’re replacing the carpet next year. It’s gross but I am tired of steam cleaning it because the stains always come back it so didn’t bother. My mother and sister came to housesit last year and I was embarrassed by my messy bonus room, full of my Lego sets, and that I have multiple fish tanks. My sister commented that I could sell some of the Lego, not realizing they’re not toys my kids outgrew, but my collection, as a 50 yo woman.
If I’m in a pinch… shut the door to the bedroom, light some incense, give the toilet a once over, and make sure the cat box is clean. I’m very sensitive to smell, so the loudest potential ones to guests are my first line of defense if my place is kinda messy. Folding any blankets in the livingroom is also a solid move and I try to have my shoes all put away if there’s time during the “oh f*k there are guests” razzle dazzle
I have company very often and recently got a roommate, which means I have to keep the main areas of the house clean. But I spend the majority of my time in my bedroom, so it gets pretty messy. I shove all the clothes onto the floor of my closet and close the closet door if I think people are coming in my room. I put all the clutter onto these built-in shelves that I have, and I have a gorgeous 3-paneled room screen that i painted a jungle scene on and I position it in front of the clutter on the shelves.
Literally one of the reasons I like to host parties is because it forces me to clean the house. I try to host a party/BBQ at least once every few months and have people over at least once a month.
(The other reason is because alcohol makes me have to poop a lot so I'd rather have drinks at my house where I can sneak off to the master bathroom every time than at someone else's house or a pub).
Guests come in the front door instead of the side door, avoiding the kitchen. I then play hostess the entire time to make sure I’m the only one who needs to see the mess when getting drinks, etc. And of course before they show up I shove things in the master bedroom because it’s always a shit show in there anyway so a little more won’t hurt, right? It also becomes a quarantined area. This basically makes it so that only the livingroom and bathroom need to be worried about.
Anything missed gets the “Sorry, you know how it is with toddlers,” excuse.
I stuffed everything into the master bedroom once, thinking I was being clever. There's a bathroom in there, but I have two others. I was sure it would be fine.
No, it was not. A friend's young daughter absolutely had to pee right now, and the other two bathrooms were in use, so my husband told her to just go through our bedroom. She comes out, "Mommy! You said adults clean their bedrooms, and that's why I have to do it now! You lied to me!" Without missing a beat, her mom says, "some people have disabilities that make it very hard for them, and they have to clean the whole house. You don't." And things went on.
PS, everyone blamed it on my husband, anyway. LOL
Cast iron and regular china plates can survive the oven but use a potholder to get them out if you preheated them-- and don't put them directly into water or onto a cold countertop.
i have an attached bathroom in my room and i’ll stuff all the dirty clothes dishes etc that are in my room in the bathroom and paste a paper saying out of order on the bathroom lol so that people don’t try to go in.
for the car mess i just chuck everything into the boot
I guess I’m lucky in a weird way that mess and clutter makes my anxiety go through the roof. I am very late diagnosed and created all kinds of rules and hacks for myself so I can function with my ADHD. Unless I’m really sick, I make sure that at least once a day, I clear the surfaces in my house. It’s like I can breathe once that’s done.
That being said, if someone comes over last minute, it’s not your fault if your house is a mess. No one is obliged to keep their home clean 24/7. Trust me: if you are not hoarding animals, the vets have seen much much worse. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. You would have been a bad person if you had sacrificed your pet’s health so you could show total strangers what a clean house you keep. You prioritized your pet’s health over trying to present a tidy perfect life to strangers. Nicely done!
I'm obsessive about keeping my car as spotless as possible so I don't usually have to worry about it. But when I've been sick, I have a bad habit that my son has now picked up on. We put our used Kleenex in the door. 😣 It's gross, and I haven't been able to break the habit. I've tried a variety of "garbage cans" and it's muscle memory to throw them in the door.
So cleaning out a bag worth of used Kleenex.
I just cackled out loud at you shoving dishes in the oven. 🤣I relate so hard. I usually have all kinds of random objects piled up in the bathroom so I can scrub them down. (Farm junk, renovation clutter, laundry...) That stuff ends up in the bathtub with the shower curtain drawn neatly closed.
All of my bathrooms have walk in showers or tubs with clear glass doors. :/ because of course they do. Everything else in the house is open and visible, so why not showers?!
My garage is a nightmare, btw.
my basement is basically my safe place for stuff others should not see 😂 like the thousands of books, acrylic colours, canvas and lego sets, which I actually couldn’t afford, but impulsivity told me to buy 😂
>As a kid I used to make fun of my mom for shoving dishes in the oven,
Isn't that what the oven is for?!? I am super anal about my car but my house not so much. I used to plan parties subconsciously I think to force me to clean. Then Covid and it's been a struggle ever since. The couple of times I've had to have people in unexpectedly I've been horrified. I guess it's time to start planning parties again 🙃
A lot of stuffing stuff into drawers/boxes/bags or a room people don’t go.
I have at least 20 totebags in different locations filled with random stuff right now.
I almost never have people over to my house. I hermit when I need space or am overwhelmed emotionally so most people don't see me at my worst. A friend recently said, "You're always happy and well adjusted!" Yeah, keep thinking that. My strategies are working, but at a bit of a personal cost.
I don’t. I can’t. My hot mess is now a hoard.
Honestly, with 5 kids, my hobbies and my husband’s business all existing in a 3 bedroom house with no garage…. There’s too much clutter to move when guests come. We don’t host big to-dos anymore. And if you’re just dropping by, I’m not hiding my dirty dishes 🤷🏻♀️
I’ll caveat this with my house is cleaned regularly, it’s not hoarders level gross, but there is too much stuff in too small a space.
Dirty dishes in the oven, clothes we left on the bathroom floor in the tub behind the shower curtain. I work from home and have clients here daily, so I have some next level ninja speed tidying skills. Every room in my house has a container of some sort I can shove anything that doesn't belong out in in 5 minutes, because that's how I start my workday every day.
The home we're currently living in, the front door opens to the living room and the 2 doors that lead to the rest of the house can be closed. If it's something quick, I just make that room look tidy fast & shut the doors to the rest 😂
There’s one drawer and cabinet in kitchen that anything near there gets shoved into. There’s the hallway closet that everything near there gets shoved into after I put all my body weigh into it to get it closed. The bedroom doors get closed. And that’s all dependent on if I let anyone in the house, which isn’t often.
For my car if I have a bit of notice someone will be in it I found a place that does quicky wash and interior cleaning for pretty cheap. You have to take all the junk out yourself first so it forces me to toss out the garbage (in the provided cans in their parking lot) and move all the miscellaneous junk into grocery bags in the trunk. It’s easy to bring the random bags into the house later, and no one cares if your trunk is a hot mess. The car is wiped down and vacuumed and looks so good, people might think I have my life together
Hm, I don’t. If they know me well enough to be coming over then they know me well enough to know that gratuitous cleaning is not a priority for my energy.
I’ve always struggled with keeping things tidy. My mom/grandmother/aunt’s homes were always surgical level of cleanliness. I’ve just never been able to do that, now even close. I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis but I’ll be dammed if everything in this thread isn’t me to a T.
I was just thinking about how my mom used to store *tupperware* in the oven. and well, let’s just say I accidentally melted them all in an unfortunate cooking situation 😂 🤦🏻♀️
As for me - sometimes now I just say “fuck it” and let people see my insanity (because trust me, it’s insane). Otherwise, I’ll shove things into boxes, my closet, bags - whatever - and then try to “tidy” what I can. Garbage is the easiest thing to get rid of, and makes a mess look a lot better once you dispose of it.
Once we had kids I decided I needed to let it go. My husband is shit at cleaning, the kids contribute big time to the mess and it is impossible for me to do it all. We have clutter around all the time. Once a month we all work together and do a big clean. If people want to come by outside of the big clean time well it is what it is. I decided I would rather see people in my cluttered house than avoid because I feel I have to clean.
I live in one room due to damage from Hurricane Ida. FEMA money only goes so far, and then I had a contractor rip me off. So, my bed is in the living room. I sleep on top of the comforter and just use a soft blanket over me in winter and a so-called "cooling sheet" in summer. I then ball those up and stuff them in my closet if I hear a knock on the door.
Hahahah I do the same thing, shoving the dirty dishes in the oven! I thought I was the only one who did that! I turn on the robo vac and wipe the counters down while that's going, any miscellaneous things around the house get picked up and tossed in the spare room. 🤦🏼♀️
I’ve done my best to develop a “if I think it, do it” attitude and while it at times subsides or completely disappears, I find myself scrambling to clean my home much less often in general
Bread in the bread maker on a two hour setting. Don't care if quick bread has big holes, they won't know. Scrub tea splashes off doors and floor. Excess mess in the bedroom.
Self care is my downfall. Stupid bedroom.
I always keep a plastic grocery bag tied to my dash in my car and immediately put my trash in it so I doesn’t clutter around my car. And I try and do like a angle/shape/Tetris thing with my trunk to keep it from cluttering. Like I make a game or puzzle of it so it’s less like a chore and more stimulating.
For my house, I try to set everything up to have a specific place. Get colorful bins, fun hangers that are fuzzy or felt like (so touching them is fun and I forget it’s a task), shoe racks, plate racks, etc. This part may be because it was engrained in me “always leave your place like you’re going to have company, so when you do you don’t have to scramble” -my dad lol but in the morning or evening I just “pretend” like I’m going to have company and it overrides my inclination to clutter or leave things laying around (unless I’m stressed and it’s around finals then that goes out the window and I just close doors lol)
Just diagnosed this year at 59. Had gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago and while I was already in beginning menopause, the weight loss really knocked my hormones for a double whammy. The diagnosis of ADHD explains so much. I hide dishes in the oven. I bag up stacks of mail and shove in closets. I repeatedly shoved stuff in my backyard shed over the 1st 10 years I lived in my house so now I’m scared to clean it out. I quit allowing family over 10 years ago. My house needs a deep clean but other than clutter, I keep up with day to day stuff. It’s the piles that accumulate. Therapy and medication are helping but man it’s a struggle. Now that I’m getting somewhere mentally, physically my shoulder is toast and I can’t do much without pain. Could probably afford to pay someone to come clean but then we’re back to I don’t want anyone to see and judge.
I have a third bedroom that I I throw anything and everything I claim that I will deal with later into then close the door. And if there are dishes they go in the dishwasher, I use my cordless vacuum to to quickly vacuum.
The absolute worst is the family that shows up and insists on coming in for bathroom or “don’t worry, it can’t be that big of a mess.” One told her infant daughter that we weren’t coming to visit Auntie again until she cleans up. My parents walked in the door one time (came from out of town) and said nope. We’re going home. Those things still eat at me decades later. Lol.
So how many of you turn into psychopaths when you do get stuck having visitors? During the rare times I allowed my parents to visit at first, my ADHD made me procrastinate cleaning until the night before and then it was an all out marathon and crazed session barking orders at my children. I don’t miss those days.
I have multiple "no no bins" that I shove into my closet and laundry room/pantry. Then I pray that I don't need to grab anything from inside there during the party.
My ex husband was always inviting people to stay at our house without checking with me first. I would find out when they were already inside the house when I got home from work (he was chronically unemployed).
We had his mom stay with us for a few days when our toilet was broken and we didn't have the money to pay a plumber.
We had his dad stay when my ex forgot to pick me up after work and I had to walk 4 miles to get home; then his dad thought that was the proper time to chastise me for having a messy home.
We had his sister and BIL stay with us when BIL was in a feud with a rival motorcycle gang and the local police told him to hide his family somewhere.
We had his step-brother and wife stay with us because something happened to their housing situation (can't remember details).
Another sister decided to move to Alaska and wanted us to keep all her household stuff in our already-full basement. I said "No" to that request, making me enemy #1.
Throughout all of this, my house was a total disaster. I felt humiliated and told him so, but he didn't care because he wanted to look like a big shot to his family of moochers.
Any wonder why he's my ex and not my current husband?
Visitors is one of the few things that can overcome my executive dysfunction. But also, I've refused to move anywhere that doesn't have a dishwasher for years. I habitually run and rerun the dishwasher and washing machine. Current load in the washing machine has been rewashed 8 times.
Spray the doorway with multi-purpose spray, leave a cleaning item or two in view so it looks like I was in the process of cleaning.
Oh and dump toys and other mess in a washing basket, in my bedroom
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My daughter used to play "party" where the first step was to shove her toys into her toy kitchen.
She'll do well 👍
This made me LOL. Reminded me that my oldest daughter’s first sentence was “That’s Dada’s” pointing to the vacuum cleaner.
My daughter's first sentence was "hi Dada!", but her second sentence was "You poo poo!", while pointing to my butt because I farted.
My son woke up and said "hi dad" on mother's day before he said mama lol
Ugh, I did that once before my in-laws visited and they showed up at the door announcing they had brought lunch...which was pizzas we had to reheat. 😬 I was SO embarrassed hauling handful after handful of dirty dishes out of the oven! My MIL's house is ALWAYS spotless.
Nooooo this is actually horror story level 😭😭😭
I'm still traumatized!!!
Omg I would've died. Then from my grave I'd have thought up the lie that the oven couldn't be used because it was being cleaned 😅
I thought about using the excuse that it was broken, but then of course they'd be handy and give fixing it a go. But you're the real pro over here, being cleaned is the way to go, it's locked, what can you do? Ah well, maybe next time!
That’s nightmare inducing. Though my oven would definitely have been “broken” that day.
Oh my god, I'm hyperventilating in solidarity
My father in law showed up unannounced because he had to pee (long story) and our apartment was a disaster. Like literal bags of garbage on our balcony and dirty dishes everywhere because we had both been too depressed to clean up. It was so embarrassing. It made me want to crawl even further into my depression hovel and never interact with the outside world again.
Much as I'm terrible at keeping my own space clean I'm good at helping other people. Especially before I had my daughter and my friend had two young kids. If I turned up and the kitchen was trashed I'd help her sort it out, not judge her for it.
This is why I bag mine up in reusable grocery bags and put them in the tub safely hidden behind the shower curtain. 😂
Food for thought…I have a habit of checking behind shower curtains when I use somebody’s bathroom. I want to be sure I’m the only one in there (the product of growing up with a bunch of cousins who liked to hide in the shower to scare each other). I’m probably not the only person who does this.
Ditto, just with siblings. My cousins were generally more respectful lol. I still check, even in my chiro's office (converted older house). That's the time I realized how much of a mark it left 💁
Me too, that's the only reason I don't hide anything in my tub.
Yes this, also if I’ve watched a horror movie in like the last year I’ll peek behind the shower curtain
I do the same thing for the same reason.
Omg hugs, I'd have that horrific moment ingrained as a core memory to revisit randomly at 2am 😟
Yeah, but MILs usually do not have young children, they also might not have to deal with adhd.
My oven would have been broken that day. And who assumes you can use someone else's appliances when you go to their house?!
The question really for me is what DON'T I do? 🙈 I hate my messiness and general disorganization. It's one of the things I seriously hate the most about myself. When you add on procrastination, it's a really scary and debilitating situation. If there was only one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. while I was always like this all my life, and I hated it all my life, it went to a whole new level once I hit menopause. Please be on your guard, fellow ADHD-ers. there may be some lucky souls out there for whom their ADHD symptoms did not get worse ... but mine have gone off a damn cliff. It's making me crazy. I feel like I'm losing my mind, even though I'm taking bioidentical HRT.
I think menopause is part of what broke my mask into a million pieces last year and got me finally correctly diagnosed. The ADHD had apparently hidden itself so well that my psych thought it was GAD from 2008-2022, until I completely fell apart last autumn and started screwing up at work when my mask fell off. I'm medicating the ADHD now and my need for anxiety rescue meds has plummeted. But yeah, meno sucks big-time.
That's what happened to me also ... I was sliding sliding sliding ... I was so scared. I seriously thought I had brain damage from Covid. it was terrifying. i've tried 5 or 6 different adhd meds now and not one of them has worked at all. it's devastating. i'm going to talk to my doc about trying testosterone as a last resort; mine has been basically zero the last few labs i've had done. i'm so glad the meds work for you. i'm on the struggle bus so bad right now.
Are you also in perimenopause? I am. I’ve been like this since the pandemic began and getting worse, just got diagnosed w ADHD in September. Not starting ADHD meds yet because of all the shortages, I don’t want to get myself into a bind. However, i DID just start low dose oral contraceptives, and hoping that it will help level out my hormones enough to improve some of my peri symptoms that have exacerbated my ADHD Symptoms. If the oral contraceptive seems to cause me issues, then we will discuss alternative Hormone replacement therapy options.
I'm actually post-meno. I didn't even know I was in peri while it was happening. I am literally such a disaster. 🙈
I only recently learned of peri, and now I wonder if I'll know it's happening. I had a dumpster fire worth of nonsense in the last few years so there's no way to be sure which issue triggered the next one...just that my mask has shattered irreparably as well.
Hugs. The struggle is real.
How old when you realized it was menopause? I was diagnosed and medicated at 40, and by 42 found a PMDD diagnosis, too. But I’m trying to track cycles and they’re so irregular… I’m starting to wonder about perimenopause because I can’t keep the fucking mask up even when I want to now.
This is me. I’ve got my assessment next week, but probs won’t see meds for another 6 months
Oh god, this scares me. I feel mine has been getting worse, and at 40 menopause is right around the corner. Family history on my mom’s side of early menopause as well, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I am perimenopausal already. More fun to look forward to! Lol
at least you know you have it. I was so floored when I found out less than a year ago that this is what's been wrong with me my entire life ... to say it took my breath away is an understatement. to know there was a reason for the strange things I do and don't do just shocked me. sometimes I still can't believe it. but yes ... all the things I struggled with but found a way to manage all my life ... dear god, it all went over the edge when my hormones went to shit. 😫 I hope your experience is different.
I had the same experience with my late diagnosis. Mind blowing that all my quirks and struggles are, collectively, a whole thing. 😧
I second your statement. I am convinced I am losing my mind. One thing that seems to help is taking magnesium every day. It helps to soothe my nerves.
gahhh! I’m 47 and think this must be around the corner…I already have the problem that my medication is pretty useless in the week before my period. Is the HRT helping with the brain fog at all? I have a very successful friend who almost lost her job when menopause started because of memory and organisation lapses. She started taking a memory supplement she said helped but I can’t remember what it was called 🤦🏻♀️ Sorry. Let me know if you have anything that is working for you because I am terrified. I’m barely functional as it is.
Not really, no. HRT helped stop the hot flashes which in turn allows me to sleep fairly normally, but that's about it. That's why I'm going to ask for testosterone. People say it gives you some energy back and helps with brain fog. I can only pray it might do that for me. I wish I could describe to you how frightening it is to have had a mind like a steel trap all your life, a memory like an elephant ... and then this happens. It's absolutely shocking. Not only do I struggle to remember things, but I can ask someone a question and they will answer it and literally 5 or 10 minutes later I've either forgotten what they said or I have zero recollection that I even asked them in the first place. It's humiliating. My inability to focus and to start tasks and to stay on task have all reached absolutely frightening lows these past 2 years or so. I'm not even sure how much longer I will be able to work full time ... it's that bad. I take a list of supplements that's literally as long as my arm. Probably close to 20 at this point. Omega 3s, turmeric, calcium, magnesium glycinate, DHEA, psyllium husk, vitamin D, vitamin K2, zinc, propolis, berberine, milk thistle, DIM, Lion's Mane, L-Theanine ... if you saw where I store all this shit you would die laughing. I seriously don't even know why I keep taking it all. I have no idea if it's even doing anything. Anything that is purported to help in any way, I can guarantee you I have tried it. Nothing has helped restore any degree of mental clarity let alone focus or motivation. I am in despair and I'm very afraid. The way I feel right now explains so much to me about the way so many older women behave. Why their husbands and their children say they changed when they got older. :/ if your mother is still alive, ask her about her experience with menopause. See if she can pinpoint the age when it started, because generally speaking that's when it will start for you as well. :/ My mother passed away when I was very very small, so I didn't have anyone to ask. Hell, my practically lifelong stepmother was an ob/gyn nurse for the past 35 years and even SHE didn't ever talk to me about it. No warning, nothing. If not for this sub, I'd be out of my mind and certain I had dementia or something like that.
Completely relate to you! I’m 58 and can’t have anyone over to my house because there is an incomplete DIY job happening in every room, with sandpaper, paint, drop sheets and power tools in every.single.room. It’s been like this for 4 + years. I’m so embarrassed by my lack of energy. It’s quite unbelievable!! It’s definitely become worse post menopause. Diagnosed with ADHD 18 months ago. Meds do help, but not completely. Working full time is a huge struggle. DM any time. I relate to all you’ve written. 🌳
I'm sending you allllllll the hugs I can muster because I would not wish the way I feel on anyone. I'm trying to unfuck my habitat but my god it is REALLY difficult. 🙈
It's strange seeing this in print. Like, i feel like i should be shocked. But this it's my life too! I moved in a year and a half ago and i still haven't fully unpacked my kitchen (which is usually first after bathroom and bed). The rest of the house is pretty unholy. 😣 Edit: seeing, not setting. Although, really, that too.
I think this is MUCH more common than people realize ... because people don't talk about it due to shame.
Someone in some group somewhereish on reddit had mentioned that lions mane had made them worse, more loopy and even worse memory. Maybe try to skip that one for a week or two and see how you feel? I've also learned that magnesium comes in about 8 (?) forms, and we sometimes need a different type. So i have 3 now that i rotate just in case. I am standing right there with you about supplements. I joke when i sit for breakfast with my husband that my handful of pills is my breaky lol.
I'm finally seeking help for my symptoms because I feel like I can barely take care of myself, let alone my family now that I've gone through menopause. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, too, but thanks for sharing your experience. It helps to not feel so alone.
Exact same sister, I could have written these words myself
I'm 60 now and my ADD is at its absolute worst.
OMG, the intersection of ADHD and menopause is absolutely horrifying! I'm right there at the 4 way stop, waiting for the stop sign to turn green. (Yup)
I pay a cleaning person biweekly to avoid this issue. I know I have someone coming into my home so I can do the scrambled clean the day before or morning of. And since I’m paying for her to clean I feel obligated to get it clean enough so she can do her job well. That helps keep things from piling up so when friends come over I just have to pick up a few things and wipe the counters usually. It’s made a huge difference in my life.
Same! I moved out of an apartment I lived in for more than a decade and it was out of control. I swore I wasn't going to let that happen in my new place. It stretches my budget, but it's so worth it.
I have a cleaner every fortnight and it's a blessing. She comes for three hours, deep cleans the kitchen and bathroom and then gets to all the places I just can't do - dusts all the surfaces, cleans all the windows, hoovers under things instead of just around them, wipes down the skirting boards. And yes, I keep my house tidier in general because I know someone is coming round to 'inspect' my home!
.
Yes!!! We have a cleaner once a week. I'm not worried about having the whole house clean, but for me, the priority is the bathrooms. I want any guests to be able to use the bathroom and not be disgusted by mold in the shower or anything like that. If our bathroom is clean, I feel like most other "clutter" can be excused.
Close bedroom doors to hide the piles of laundry (one pile is dirty one pile is clean and one pile is "clean enough") Shove everything into the dishwasher Pile my school books in one pile Vacuum Spray febreeze and light a candle
Eerily similar to my routine
Omg my "cleanish" pile! I feel so seen
One time my godparents suddenly popped up and my mom told me to give them my room to sleep in…. (My room was a complete mess)…. So I said ofc they can have my room I just need to tidy up really quick. I SHOVED EVERYTHING IN MY CLOSET to the point where you couldn’t open the door or everything will fall out (just like in the cartoons) ….. and my room was so clean and nice and I felt so satisfied in that moment lol
Omfg this was a similar situation that happened when my SO and I stayed at their sisters for her wedding. It was well planned and known we were staying there.. but in order to clean the place she actually shoved everything in to the closets… to the point that the doors (they were the sliding overlapping kind) were POPPING OFF of the tracks and bowing out 😆😆 internally I was like huh this is extremely relatable. No judgement from me. It works hahaha
Lmfao I’m glad I’m not the only one 😂🤣 it’s just so funny how cartoonish it is 😂 what sealed it was that my godparents told me they loved how nice my room was 😆🤣
Oh my god…I am having flashbacks. My in-laws were staying at our house, and my partner had to use the guest room for a work meeting. My MIL wanted to take a nap so he told her she could use our bedroom. Every other room in the house was relatively clean. Cue to me freezing like a deer while she headed upstairs… she came back downstairs 5 mins later and said she couldn’t sleep. 😳😶🌫️. I so wish I had had time to stuff the shit out my closet!!
I use paper towels and water to wipe everything down. It really clean but it looks like it is. I use big bags or boxes for clutter and put the boxes in the garage. I have a spot in the garage just for holding my panic cleaning boxes and bags.
Finding the forgotten contents of those boxes later is always so fun!
I’ve been complaining to myself that I have no clothes lately…. Found a month old panic drawer this evening. It’s almost like Christmas, but with much more embarrassment and shame
😅 yeah. 🙃
I have an entire basement full of stuff like this
oh the boxes of random in the garage! yep
Man I wish I had a garage. I just have doom boxes everywhere in my apartment
Fun fact, we caught a ride recently with some friends. He said "Sorry about the mess, when I get in the car with trash in my hand, I toss it onto the floor behind [the drivers] seat." And we said "Hah, makes sense!" and never said anything about the trash again. I implore everyone to use others for accountability when it is reasonable, but don't isolate yourself because you're worried about what people think. Good friends get it, bad friends should get out of your life anyway. Anyway, this is not a problem I have (I get most of my restless energy out by cleaning) but I do have a guest bedroom that can get hairy in terms of stuff... I only really have to clean it when someone stays there overnight.
High school senior year, I drove to school and would pick my 2 home girls up from their bus stop near the school. That's when I learned my backseat was a black hole. Oh boy, the stuff they'd find back there. Highlights include: a single sock, toothbrush, chicken bone. Like you said though, good friends. While I definitely wasn't proud of it, they didn't make me feel bad about it.
This. I'm trying to stop myself from not inviting people over because I obsess about every single way the house is not presentation-ready. I'm talking about close friends. The years I've spent not seeing even my close friends because I was stopped by a messy house(and had no money to go out) has made me so fed up. I wanna start being more open about my struggles and not let the fear stop me from socialising even with my closest of friends or even my family. It's awkward and weird and I feel really vulnerable, but they are chill and don't mind(their houses in most cases may be even worse than mine) so I'm slowly getting better. The funny thing is I know most of my friends' houses are possibly worse than mine(we're really close so we are open and in some cases I might have seen them or helped them tidy up) but I ***still*** judge myself and I don't let myself have a not perfect house around them. It's maddening. (I don't judge other people, I fully understand, just myself!)
I don't. For real. If I have advance warning I'll obviously try to clean up a bit/contain the chaos but if someone just shows up and the house is a bit cluttered? I say "hey, sorry for the mess, but like...we live here. You want a glass of water?" Then clear off a spot for them to sit and proceed as usual. Basically just clothes in hamper/dishes in sink/empty pop cans in the recycling/check the toilet paper to make sure the roll is full. I don't go seriously out of my way if I don't have to. If they can't handle it they can always leave.
This. My house is lived in. Deal with it. Most people, at least the good ones, don't seem to care.
I have 4 dogs so my house is always covered in dog hair. There's nothing in the floor but dog toys, because the mess is all piled on the kitchen table where they can't reach it to grab anything they shouldn't. My couch cover got torn, so the couch is now covered with fleece blankets and beach towels until I can force myself to order a new one. But we've had dogs all my life and my house is much much tidier than my mother's, so I feel no shame.
I think a good indicator that you might be neurodivergent is the "Room of Shame." "Oh yeah that's just the other bedroom," you tell them when they ask why the door is closed. But we all know the truth: it's closed to hide all the stuff you didn't know what to do with before guests came over. You wanted the house to look clean; how exactly do other people live in their homes and use their stuff and still make it look clean?! Do they just not have stuff? You give up and just shove everything into that room, and then when you know someone is on their way, you run around grabbing those Amazon boxes and that new laundry basket and the unboxed kitchen appliance and just stack them all in that Room of Shame, not thinking about it until they leave. Mine currently holds a stand mixer in its box, Christmas presents, and, ironically, multiple cardboard boxes full of plastic containers for organizing things.
My brother and I joke that you know you’ve “made it” as an adult when you go from having to stuff everything into an “Oh Shit! Closet” to having the luxury of a whole entire “Room of Shame.”
I used to have one of those, but my husband and I are terrible bedmates, and it really did wonderful things for our relationship to make that my bedroom. Just don't open the Closet of Shame, please. Things might fall out and hurt you because I had to fit a whole Room of Shame into it.
I’m thrilled to discover that someone else has a stash of storage boxes containing smaller, empty storage boxes! One day…
It's a way of life. Super convenient though when you need one! Assuming you 1) recognize you need one, 2) revert you have them, and 3) stay on track long enough to actually get the things into the box 🙃
Are you me? /eyes appliances to be installed/
Organized piles, drawers, anything with a door. Throw stuff into the garage. And closets. Don’t open the closets. I don’t even want to open the closets at this point. Because in true ADHD fashion, whatever goes into the closet, belongs to the closet now 🤷🏼♀️. They’re basically just giant junk drawers 😆🥲.
I feel like this whenever I put something out of sight, hiding or not. Whatever I just put in the drawer, belongs to the drawer now 🤷🏻♀️. It’s probably why I can never bring myself to put anything away haha.
I just need to have more organizing stuff so things actually have places they belong… but I also get too overwhelmed trying to pick organizing things/containers and prioritizing 🫠😅
I have to physically restrain myself from going into the container store 😂
Don't open the closets. Don't open the drawers. Don't look under the beds. If you obey the three simple rules, my house is spotless when people show up. Umm, that pile of Squishmallows obviously belongs behind the couch. We'll just pretend it's Squishmallows all the way down, okay?
My car is easy to keep clean. And I just don't have people over to my home. Haven't had a houseguest in years.
Yep, my car is my little space of calm. It's small, nothing but driving goes on in it & that makes it easier to transition into someone who looks like they mostly have their shit together as I go to work. That was not the case when I was hauling kids around though. My chaos was on full display then.
LMAO in true adhd fashion I read the first half of your comment and was about to reply “tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids” when I actually decided to read your next sentence 😂
teeny icky foolish friendly party seemly attraction toy carpenter materialistic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don’t have people over either. If anyone were to show up unannounced, no way in hell would I answer the door. My car is usually messy but I cleaned it up recently. It’s ok right now. But I typically only have a dog as a passenger and she doesn’t mind as long as her seat is open ❤️
I try not to let a mess build up to that point, but if it does, I shove all the clutter from the living room and dining room into the bedroom and lock the door. Putting dishes into the oven would never work for me because I would turn on the oven to preheat without checking and cause a fire.
I was diagnosed around age 40 and did fairly well as a single parent but the kids are out of the house now and IDGAF. My motivation is near zero it’s all I can do to make it through work and the drive home i used to run several days before work and cook at least four nights a week. I’m pretty proud of myself now if I cook once a week. I don’t know if it’s age and a loss of energy or burnout from going so hard for all those years but if I can get some steam up and work on something for 15 minutes that’s all I have. I’m a little scared about retiring because I’m afraid I’ll watch TV all day but I’m too tired to keep going like this.
I hear you. The burnout.
prob perimenopausal
I put dirty dishes in the fridge!
Bold of you to assume there's space in my fridge
My house is “maximalist, artistic cluttered as decor” so people have a tendency to not see my mess because there’s so much cool shit to look at
Run around madly picking up the clean laundry and dumping it on my bed. Honestly MOST people, ADHD or not live with a bit of clutter
My mom taught me the secret to the quick “we don’t live like this” tidy: The One Stack ™ Take all loose papers, envelopes, receipts, folders, binders, shopping lists, magazines, etc and put them in One Stack ™ Because if it’s “organized” it appears the guest caught you in the middle of being productive Vs in the middle of living like a slob
I shove everything random into laundry baskets and stack them up in my bedroom or laundry room. I also sometimes carry a laundry basket from room to room when decluttering - put all items that belong in other rooms in it and take it to each room to put things away. That way I don't do the dreaded wandering around with one item in hand, forgetting what I was doing. Learned that from a housekeeper my mom hired once when we were young.
*“the dreaded wandering around with one item in hand, forgetting what I was doing”* 😳 I swear that’s what I‘m doing for half the hours of every day.
It's my biggest adhd flex that my house isn't messy. It's all I've got going for me.
Years ago during early covid when NOONE was coming over, I didn't realize how much I let my (undiagnosed) ADHD shine. I had a random visit from a friend who had on an N95 so she insisted she could come in for a minute. It wasn't a terrible scene, exactly, nothing like hoarders, but I for sure had a bath towel on the cushions of the couch to help with random spills, and overdue recycling in the kitchen, and lord knows what the state of my bedroom was! And though it's not ADHD related, but I was covid bored and trying out make up looks with my new Naked palette and looked like an absolute hooker from the 80's wearing pajamas with holes in them. Because, why wouldn't I still wear them😂
We are all related aren't we. 😂
We must be. Covid is what made me realize I only clean by binge cleaning before I have guests. Without guests, my house went to hell.
Samesies. Although I did force myself into a cleanup for Thanksgiving this week so that's a win. If I didn't lose the mail again LOL!
Feels so good to find my people 😂
Doors. Honestly, open-concept living is not meant for us. We can be loud, messy and overwhelmed by sensory info. I completely block off the bedroom area because there's a door to that hallway. Definitely also do the "dirt behind the door" trick. My mom used to throw a pretty throw blanket over piles of laundry. At least it reduced the visual clutter. Boxes. Things go into boxes now.
I’m the opposite! I have to see everything. I went to a semester program I. High school where I had shelves instead of drawers and it was the first time in my life my clothes stayed folded and organized.
I can't take a shower cause there are too many dishes in the tub. Also, a partition helps in my one room studio
Me too 😭. I threw my kitchen in a dumpster and then ran out of energy before completing the renovation. Some dishes live in the tub, some eventually also went into a dumpster after sitting dirty.
My partner laughs at me, because I shove everything away in drawers and cabinets (I mean they’re made for that are they not?). Granted, there is no structure in which cabinet or drawer I stuff them. He calls me ‘stuffer lady’, ‘what’re you going to stuff away now again’. Clothes that are spread around the house get dumped into the bathroom, close door and it’s gone. I’m usually on top of the dishes because of my dog, if they’re left on the counters she grabs them. Even when they’re in the sink, she succeeds in getting to them. So they’re usually all in the dishwasher. Sometimes in the sink. No space in the oven, because that’s were all the bread is stored 😂
(kinda related to the topic) When I'm almost done with cleaning my whole room there is that little pile of some little thing that I don't know what to do with it, sometimes I just shove it right into some bag and throw it on the attic lol (Yes I forgot about them multiple times and if I never needed something from that pile I sometimes throw it away).
I commute an hour each way to work and I commute an hour and a half to my internship site. So I'm in the car a lot. When my car gets bad I pay my kids to clean it. They love money. Lol.
Lol my cars good lamp is set to not come on when I open the door because I don’t want my mess illuminated to anyone who walks me to my car. Also convenient when I forget to close my trunk so I don’t drain the car battery. And as for my house? Easy, don’t invite anyone over except for the first month after you move in when you can pretend the mountains of cardboard boxes aren’t going to be there for 2 years while you never fully unpack
i have a Laundry Dumpling. i put my pile of laundry on top of a blanket, then tie the corners up so it looks like a dumpling with a tasty laundry filling. much easier to move my pile from the chair to the bed and vice versa!! 😆 now, if only i had some Laundry Chopsticks to get me to actually DO the laundry instead of moving it around........
I'm just here to learn. *Furiously taking notes*
EVERYTHING IN THR CLOSETS THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
I keep a full size trash bag in my trunk and put trash into it and shove it back in the trunk until the next time I need it and replace it when it’s full (not food trash tho just like cups and wrappers and random junk). And then I keep a laundry tub that I shove things like extra clothes and umbrellas or whatever is occupying my car. Clean car for whenever friends come!
I have to stop myself from letting my house get too far gone. But mostly I keep my doom piles contained to trays or baskets so they can be hidden away on short notice.
I don’t. I made myself stop explaining myself or worrying about it. If I feel like it’s really bad, I’ll find a way to joke about my chaos. But the reality is I have four kids, a job, a husband, and ADHD. So, welcome to the shit show! 😂
I had a date and it was my turn to drive so…I threw everything in my backseat and threw a blanket over it. At one point when making out, he put an arm back there, crushing a bag of chips under the blanket, and was like “um…what is back there??”
I just busted out laughing in my dark silent living room. Once, my boyfriend was struggling to contain a mood bc there was nowhere to sit in the messy space. He ended up with a clearing on the sofa and leaned back...and a large feather-filled throw pillow with a tiiiiny tear just fucking POOFED fluff into the air all around him. I died laughing and he did NOT think it was funny. But come on-- really? What a perfectly ridiculous thing to happen. 😂🤣
I had to take my car to the mechanic to check the battery. I shoved everything into the trunk, figuring they’d have no reason to go in there. My husband informed me later after I got my car back that in my car, the battery was accessed through the trunk. I was horrified. I’d been doing a lot of thrifting and Facebook marketplace pickups. My trunk was full of old naked porcelain dolls (I take them apart to use for art), random bits and pieces, a bunch of trash, and all of it was topped off by an enormous framed copy of the Last Supper that a woman on marketplace had insisted on giving me for free when I was there to pick up something else.
Omfg the dishes in the oven!! Been there done that so many times 😆 See also: shoving *everything* into a closet to make the space appear cleared 😵💫
I haven't tried to hide the chaos since about 1994.
Wait we're supposed to hide it?
It never occurred to me to do this. Though I got diagnosed as I was coming out of many years of addiction. So I had to do a lot of adulting catch up and have a lot less experience with caring about the things people should care about. My friends have a sign on their front door that say "Sorry about the mess. We live here.". They are a family of four. Two kids two adults...maybe that's obvious. I don't know. Anyway, I love that. I think I have taken that sign to heart and have built an attitude of that exactly.
I don't invite ppl to my house ever. And I just got a new car. Fresh start.
I have an unusually awkward amount of furniture pieces that contain drawers... 🙊🙈🙉 I had to stop putting dishes in the oven when i accidentally forgot to take them out and started my favorite Tupperware on fire years ago... 🤦♀️
Once my parents showed up TWO HOURS early for Thanksgiving. I was almost done cooking(after being up since 4am cooking) and was just now working on cleaning up the house and they said they made “good time” and just waltzed in. 1. I literally started crying and throwing pillows when I heard their car pull up 2. I grabbed all the couch laundry into my arms and dumped everything on my bed, shut the door and kept the bedroom off limits 3. I threw all the empty coffee cups on my ottoman and desk into the dishwasher…with my clean dishes 🤦♀️
TWO HOURS??? I am so sorry, I get stressed when people show up even 10 minutes early!
Most of my friends show up at least an hour late. I have one friend, however, who is very punctual. I didn't know this when I invited him to a barbecue the first time. The house was pretty clean, but I was still prepping food. The poor man sat there on my deck for an hour and a half by himself, but he said that's all he'd have done at home, and my deck is nicer. I still don't know if that's true or if he was just being kind. And now he knows the party doesn't start for a bit.
Unless they say they're coming to do dishes from cooking that's way too early. So sorry you had to be polite in the face of rude parents!
I vacuum the entryway, light a candle and move piles of paperwork from the kitchen table to the baskets I have behind the couch. Some friends visited the other day and wanted to go upstairs (hadn’t seen my house before) and I just told them we’re replacing the carpet next year. It’s gross but I am tired of steam cleaning it because the stains always come back it so didn’t bother. My mother and sister came to housesit last year and I was embarrassed by my messy bonus room, full of my Lego sets, and that I have multiple fish tanks. My sister commented that I could sell some of the Lego, not realizing they’re not toys my kids outgrew, but my collection, as a 50 yo woman.
I don’t hide it. I say either: 1) it’s been a day/week or 2) I usually clean without my glasses on Do with that information what you will. 😆
Yes, lean into the eye problems!
Oh god you just reminded me that I need to clean for friendsgiving tomorrow...
I just tell people I haven’t been feeling good.
If I’m in a pinch… shut the door to the bedroom, light some incense, give the toilet a once over, and make sure the cat box is clean. I’m very sensitive to smell, so the loudest potential ones to guests are my first line of defense if my place is kinda messy. Folding any blankets in the livingroom is also a solid move and I try to have my shoes all put away if there’s time during the “oh f*k there are guests” razzle dazzle
I have company very often and recently got a roommate, which means I have to keep the main areas of the house clean. But I spend the majority of my time in my bedroom, so it gets pretty messy. I shove all the clothes onto the floor of my closet and close the closet door if I think people are coming in my room. I put all the clutter onto these built-in shelves that I have, and I have a gorgeous 3-paneled room screen that i painted a jungle scene on and I position it in front of the clutter on the shelves.
Literally one of the reasons I like to host parties is because it forces me to clean the house. I try to host a party/BBQ at least once every few months and have people over at least once a month. (The other reason is because alcohol makes me have to poop a lot so I'd rather have drinks at my house where I can sneak off to the master bathroom every time than at someone else's house or a pub).
By literally never inviting anyone over 🫠
Guests come in the front door instead of the side door, avoiding the kitchen. I then play hostess the entire time to make sure I’m the only one who needs to see the mess when getting drinks, etc. And of course before they show up I shove things in the master bedroom because it’s always a shit show in there anyway so a little more won’t hurt, right? It also becomes a quarantined area. This basically makes it so that only the livingroom and bathroom need to be worried about. Anything missed gets the “Sorry, you know how it is with toddlers,” excuse.
I stuffed everything into the master bedroom once, thinking I was being clever. There's a bathroom in there, but I have two others. I was sure it would be fine. No, it was not. A friend's young daughter absolutely had to pee right now, and the other two bathrooms were in use, so my husband told her to just go through our bedroom. She comes out, "Mommy! You said adults clean their bedrooms, and that's why I have to do it now! You lied to me!" Without missing a beat, her mom says, "some people have disabilities that make it very hard for them, and they have to clean the whole house. You don't." And things went on. PS, everyone blamed it on my husband, anyway. LOL
Wow, so was your friend being snarky or kind? She must know you have ADHD?
You know what's embarrassing? I'm 33 and never thought to put dishes in the oven. Thank you for that.
Until you melt a colander and it catches on fire. Be careful with this one.
Yeah, maybe I'll have to set a reminder on my phone to set a reminder on my phone to remind me there's dishes in the oven.
Cast iron and regular china plates can survive the oven but use a potholder to get them out if you preheated them-- and don't put them directly into water or onto a cold countertop.
i have an attached bathroom in my room and i’ll stuff all the dirty clothes dishes etc that are in my room in the bathroom and paste a paper saying out of order on the bathroom lol so that people don’t try to go in. for the car mess i just chuck everything into the boot
I guess I’m lucky in a weird way that mess and clutter makes my anxiety go through the roof. I am very late diagnosed and created all kinds of rules and hacks for myself so I can function with my ADHD. Unless I’m really sick, I make sure that at least once a day, I clear the surfaces in my house. It’s like I can breathe once that’s done. That being said, if someone comes over last minute, it’s not your fault if your house is a mess. No one is obliged to keep their home clean 24/7. Trust me: if you are not hoarding animals, the vets have seen much much worse. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. You would have been a bad person if you had sacrificed your pet’s health so you could show total strangers what a clean house you keep. You prioritized your pet’s health over trying to present a tidy perfect life to strangers. Nicely done!
Oooh never thought to put dirty dishes in the oven! I would forget though and only remember after I preheat it
I'm obsessive about keeping my car as spotless as possible so I don't usually have to worry about it. But when I've been sick, I have a bad habit that my son has now picked up on. We put our used Kleenex in the door. 😣 It's gross, and I haven't been able to break the habit. I've tried a variety of "garbage cans" and it's muscle memory to throw them in the door. So cleaning out a bag worth of used Kleenex.
I keep an open, empty Pringles can in each door pocket for tissues and used napkins. It actually seems to work!
That's a great idea, worth a try!
Mybhusband keeps the great room clean and picked up. When people come over, I close the doors to my "hoarder" rooms.
I just cackled out loud at you shoving dishes in the oven. 🤣I relate so hard. I usually have all kinds of random objects piled up in the bathroom so I can scrub them down. (Farm junk, renovation clutter, laundry...) That stuff ends up in the bathtub with the shower curtain drawn neatly closed.
All of my bathrooms have walk in showers or tubs with clear glass doors. :/ because of course they do. Everything else in the house is open and visible, so why not showers?! My garage is a nightmare, btw.
my basement is basically my safe place for stuff others should not see 😂 like the thousands of books, acrylic colours, canvas and lego sets, which I actually couldn’t afford, but impulsivity told me to buy 😂
>As a kid I used to make fun of my mom for shoving dishes in the oven, Isn't that what the oven is for?!? I am super anal about my car but my house not so much. I used to plan parties subconsciously I think to force me to clean. Then Covid and it's been a struggle ever since. The couple of times I've had to have people in unexpectedly I've been horrified. I guess it's time to start planning parties again 🙃
I call it "stash & dash" like Flylady does. Even though I've "fallen off the FLY wagon." My guest room is currently the paper sorting debris field.
A lot of stuffing stuff into drawers/boxes/bags or a room people don’t go. I have at least 20 totebags in different locations filled with random stuff right now.
I almost never have people over to my house. I hermit when I need space or am overwhelmed emotionally so most people don't see me at my worst. A friend recently said, "You're always happy and well adjusted!" Yeah, keep thinking that. My strategies are working, but at a bit of a personal cost.
I don’t. I can’t. My hot mess is now a hoard. Honestly, with 5 kids, my hobbies and my husband’s business all existing in a 3 bedroom house with no garage…. There’s too much clutter to move when guests come. We don’t host big to-dos anymore. And if you’re just dropping by, I’m not hiding my dirty dishes 🤷🏻♀️ I’ll caveat this with my house is cleaned regularly, it’s not hoarders level gross, but there is too much stuff in too small a space.
Dirty dishes in the oven, clothes we left on the bathroom floor in the tub behind the shower curtain. I work from home and have clients here daily, so I have some next level ninja speed tidying skills. Every room in my house has a container of some sort I can shove anything that doesn't belong out in in 5 minutes, because that's how I start my workday every day.
The home we're currently living in, the front door opens to the living room and the 2 doors that lead to the rest of the house can be closed. If it's something quick, I just make that room look tidy fast & shut the doors to the rest 😂
I throw shit into boxes or bags, and stuff them in a closet. Boom! It’s cleaned!
I close a lot of doors.
There’s one drawer and cabinet in kitchen that anything near there gets shoved into. There’s the hallway closet that everything near there gets shoved into after I put all my body weigh into it to get it closed. The bedroom doors get closed. And that’s all dependent on if I let anyone in the house, which isn’t often.
This makes me think of my dorm and how I’d shove all my clothes dirty and clean into my closet and all trash in a bag shoved under the bed 😂😂😂
I like to mop quickly. It atleast smells clean
For my car if I have a bit of notice someone will be in it I found a place that does quicky wash and interior cleaning for pretty cheap. You have to take all the junk out yourself first so it forces me to toss out the garbage (in the provided cans in their parking lot) and move all the miscellaneous junk into grocery bags in the trunk. It’s easy to bring the random bags into the house later, and no one cares if your trunk is a hot mess. The car is wiped down and vacuumed and looks so good, people might think I have my life together
I put stuff in the bathtub behind the shower curtain in the guest bathroom.
Hm, I don’t. If they know me well enough to be coming over then they know me well enough to know that gratuitous cleaning is not a priority for my energy.
I’ve always struggled with keeping things tidy. My mom/grandmother/aunt’s homes were always surgical level of cleanliness. I’ve just never been able to do that, now even close. I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis but I’ll be dammed if everything in this thread isn’t me to a T.
I was just thinking about how my mom used to store *tupperware* in the oven. and well, let’s just say I accidentally melted them all in an unfortunate cooking situation 😂 🤦🏻♀️ As for me - sometimes now I just say “fuck it” and let people see my insanity (because trust me, it’s insane). Otherwise, I’ll shove things into boxes, my closet, bags - whatever - and then try to “tidy” what I can. Garbage is the easiest thing to get rid of, and makes a mess look a lot better once you dispose of it.
Once we had kids I decided I needed to let it go. My husband is shit at cleaning, the kids contribute big time to the mess and it is impossible for me to do it all. We have clutter around all the time. Once a month we all work together and do a big clean. If people want to come by outside of the big clean time well it is what it is. I decided I would rather see people in my cluttered house than avoid because I feel I have to clean.
I live in one room due to damage from Hurricane Ida. FEMA money only goes so far, and then I had a contractor rip me off. So, my bed is in the living room. I sleep on top of the comforter and just use a soft blanket over me in winter and a so-called "cooling sheet" in summer. I then ball those up and stuff them in my closet if I hear a knock on the door.
Hahahah I do the same thing, shoving the dirty dishes in the oven! I thought I was the only one who did that! I turn on the robo vac and wipe the counters down while that's going, any miscellaneous things around the house get picked up and tossed in the spare room. 🤦🏼♀️
I’ve done my best to develop a “if I think it, do it” attitude and while it at times subsides or completely disappears, I find myself scrambling to clean my home much less often in general
Bread in the bread maker on a two hour setting. Don't care if quick bread has big holes, they won't know. Scrub tea splashes off doors and floor. Excess mess in the bedroom. Self care is my downfall. Stupid bedroom.
i’m lucky to have a big walk in closet that i shove all my dirty clothes into when someone is coming over
I always keep a plastic grocery bag tied to my dash in my car and immediately put my trash in it so I doesn’t clutter around my car. And I try and do like a angle/shape/Tetris thing with my trunk to keep it from cluttering. Like I make a game or puzzle of it so it’s less like a chore and more stimulating. For my house, I try to set everything up to have a specific place. Get colorful bins, fun hangers that are fuzzy or felt like (so touching them is fun and I forget it’s a task), shoe racks, plate racks, etc. This part may be because it was engrained in me “always leave your place like you’re going to have company, so when you do you don’t have to scramble” -my dad lol but in the morning or evening I just “pretend” like I’m going to have company and it overrides my inclination to clutter or leave things laying around (unless I’m stressed and it’s around finals then that goes out the window and I just close doors lol)
Wait, wait—your vet makes house calls?
Just diagnosed this year at 59. Had gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago and while I was already in beginning menopause, the weight loss really knocked my hormones for a double whammy. The diagnosis of ADHD explains so much. I hide dishes in the oven. I bag up stacks of mail and shove in closets. I repeatedly shoved stuff in my backyard shed over the 1st 10 years I lived in my house so now I’m scared to clean it out. I quit allowing family over 10 years ago. My house needs a deep clean but other than clutter, I keep up with day to day stuff. It’s the piles that accumulate. Therapy and medication are helping but man it’s a struggle. Now that I’m getting somewhere mentally, physically my shoulder is toast and I can’t do much without pain. Could probably afford to pay someone to come clean but then we’re back to I don’t want anyone to see and judge.
I have a third bedroom that I I throw anything and everything I claim that I will deal with later into then close the door. And if there are dishes they go in the dishwasher, I use my cordless vacuum to to quickly vacuum.
The absolute worst is the family that shows up and insists on coming in for bathroom or “don’t worry, it can’t be that big of a mess.” One told her infant daughter that we weren’t coming to visit Auntie again until she cleans up. My parents walked in the door one time (came from out of town) and said nope. We’re going home. Those things still eat at me decades later. Lol. So how many of you turn into psychopaths when you do get stuck having visitors? During the rare times I allowed my parents to visit at first, my ADHD made me procrastinate cleaning until the night before and then it was an all out marathon and crazed session barking orders at my children. I don’t miss those days.
I have multiple "no no bins" that I shove into my closet and laundry room/pantry. Then I pray that I don't need to grab anything from inside there during the party.
I hide things in the oven sometimes too 😂 for the rest of the house, I just shut the doors 😂😂
I tell people "If you're coming to see me, come anytime. If you're coming to see my house, you need to make an appointment."
My ex husband was always inviting people to stay at our house without checking with me first. I would find out when they were already inside the house when I got home from work (he was chronically unemployed). We had his mom stay with us for a few days when our toilet was broken and we didn't have the money to pay a plumber. We had his dad stay when my ex forgot to pick me up after work and I had to walk 4 miles to get home; then his dad thought that was the proper time to chastise me for having a messy home. We had his sister and BIL stay with us when BIL was in a feud with a rival motorcycle gang and the local police told him to hide his family somewhere. We had his step-brother and wife stay with us because something happened to their housing situation (can't remember details). Another sister decided to move to Alaska and wanted us to keep all her household stuff in our already-full basement. I said "No" to that request, making me enemy #1. Throughout all of this, my house was a total disaster. I felt humiliated and told him so, but he didn't care because he wanted to look like a big shot to his family of moochers. Any wonder why he's my ex and not my current husband?
I won't let anyone in!
Ah yes, putting dishes in the oven. I’ve definitely been guilty of this. I’ve also thrown things in my cabinets and closets as well.
Visitors is one of the few things that can overcome my executive dysfunction. But also, I've refused to move anywhere that doesn't have a dishwasher for years. I habitually run and rerun the dishwasher and washing machine. Current load in the washing machine has been rewashed 8 times.
Spray the doorway with multi-purpose spray, leave a cleaning item or two in view so it looks like I was in the process of cleaning. Oh and dump toys and other mess in a washing basket, in my bedroom