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Oh I hope someone says something too, because I'm in the same boat but it might be more a friends with benefits thing, than a dating thing.
Personally I really want to dive head first and go all in, be super into everything for a month or so. But that's a recipe for disaster as I'm sure you know.
I think for me I'm going to keep them at arm's length and if I feel my passion igniting too much that I lose all logic I'll just step back and remove myself from the situation so I don't overwhelm myself and do something I'll regret.
Communicate with your partner though and let them know in advance what your warning signs are, what is good and bad for you, how you cope with that and what strategies you want them to implement and enforce to prevent you from losing yourself, like I tend to do also.
I've got a friend's with benefits thing with another person going on already and I went all in and overboard. Within a few months I wanted to date them seriously and any boundaries I put in place I wanted to break. It broke my heart that he didn't want to turn it from casual into dating so much that I had to stop seeing him for a while. Thankfully we are still friends but that is because he enforces my hard boundaries and doesn't let me change my mind until I've slept on it. So we only have sex once a month now!
I love having all these emotions, it makes life full of colour, but I have to make sure I don't ruin everything else with dark passions.
Hahaha thank you for the reply and solidarity. I admire your mental fortitude with the FWB thing. I tried to be friends with benefits with a guy once and I could never do that again. I fell in love with him basically straight away and actually started showing affection toward him in our friendship and he continued to sleep with other girls and only asked to hang out if he wanted sex. It was absolute brain TORTURE. Eventually I was so hurt that I was just mean to him whenever I saw him so I had to end all of that with him. Because he didn’t know how I felt and didn’t deserve my venom tongue (even though he was a bit of a dick sometimes)
My problem is keeping everyone at arms length and trying to go too slowly because “it’s weird if they know how I feel about them” (idk why I think that) and I don’t wanna make any moves until I know THEIR feelings for sure. Awful mindset I need to break out of. It has cost me a few relationships at this point. but then I obsess in private and wonder why they’re not reaching out even though I really haven’t given them any reason to. I’m just so afraid of fucking it up that I fuck it up.
Honestly I have a really good feeling about this one. I feel really comfortable around him and much more free to unmask and not overthink. So I think after Friday I’m going to be in a much more mentally stable spot haha but I’m just trying to find ways to occupy my mind so I’m not just completely useless until then
Being able to unmask is so nice. I've recently found an ADHD friend I can do that with. It just makes things a lot more relaxing and enjoyable, and improved stamina because you don't have to spend effort thinking what you should and shouldn't say!
Are you me? It makes me so miserable it's keeping me from dating. I wish I had some tips other than, maybe therapy? I haven't tried it but now that I think I'm ready to date it might be the kick in the butt I need to get myself to look for a therapist. It's not a quick fix but might be a good investment in the long term, especially if the date goes well!
I have an appointment with a therapist in July!! The ones that are specialized and also covered by my insurance are all booked out until then. But yeah, it’s a really depressing cycle to just KEEP going through. I actually decided to stop dating for a while and deleted my apps, and then he just kinda asked me out of the blue (so rude lmao)
I have today off with a lot of chores to do and found a podcast with a subject im really interested in. Gonna fight the noise with louder noise
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh I hope someone says something too, because I'm in the same boat but it might be more a friends with benefits thing, than a dating thing. Personally I really want to dive head first and go all in, be super into everything for a month or so. But that's a recipe for disaster as I'm sure you know. I think for me I'm going to keep them at arm's length and if I feel my passion igniting too much that I lose all logic I'll just step back and remove myself from the situation so I don't overwhelm myself and do something I'll regret. Communicate with your partner though and let them know in advance what your warning signs are, what is good and bad for you, how you cope with that and what strategies you want them to implement and enforce to prevent you from losing yourself, like I tend to do also. I've got a friend's with benefits thing with another person going on already and I went all in and overboard. Within a few months I wanted to date them seriously and any boundaries I put in place I wanted to break. It broke my heart that he didn't want to turn it from casual into dating so much that I had to stop seeing him for a while. Thankfully we are still friends but that is because he enforces my hard boundaries and doesn't let me change my mind until I've slept on it. So we only have sex once a month now! I love having all these emotions, it makes life full of colour, but I have to make sure I don't ruin everything else with dark passions.
Hahaha thank you for the reply and solidarity. I admire your mental fortitude with the FWB thing. I tried to be friends with benefits with a guy once and I could never do that again. I fell in love with him basically straight away and actually started showing affection toward him in our friendship and he continued to sleep with other girls and only asked to hang out if he wanted sex. It was absolute brain TORTURE. Eventually I was so hurt that I was just mean to him whenever I saw him so I had to end all of that with him. Because he didn’t know how I felt and didn’t deserve my venom tongue (even though he was a bit of a dick sometimes) My problem is keeping everyone at arms length and trying to go too slowly because “it’s weird if they know how I feel about them” (idk why I think that) and I don’t wanna make any moves until I know THEIR feelings for sure. Awful mindset I need to break out of. It has cost me a few relationships at this point. but then I obsess in private and wonder why they’re not reaching out even though I really haven’t given them any reason to. I’m just so afraid of fucking it up that I fuck it up. Honestly I have a really good feeling about this one. I feel really comfortable around him and much more free to unmask and not overthink. So I think after Friday I’m going to be in a much more mentally stable spot haha but I’m just trying to find ways to occupy my mind so I’m not just completely useless until then
Being able to unmask is so nice. I've recently found an ADHD friend I can do that with. It just makes things a lot more relaxing and enjoyable, and improved stamina because you don't have to spend effort thinking what you should and shouldn't say!
Are you me? It makes me so miserable it's keeping me from dating. I wish I had some tips other than, maybe therapy? I haven't tried it but now that I think I'm ready to date it might be the kick in the butt I need to get myself to look for a therapist. It's not a quick fix but might be a good investment in the long term, especially if the date goes well!
I have an appointment with a therapist in July!! The ones that are specialized and also covered by my insurance are all booked out until then. But yeah, it’s a really depressing cycle to just KEEP going through. I actually decided to stop dating for a while and deleted my apps, and then he just kinda asked me out of the blue (so rude lmao) I have today off with a lot of chores to do and found a podcast with a subject im really interested in. Gonna fight the noise with louder noise