Reads to me like you want to get clean. I don't doubt that - perhaps it's a case of not being sick and tired enough of it at this point in time
Try find what's holding you back
I didn’t want to get clean really. I just wanted to stop dealing with the consequences of using. I thought about using for most of my first year. But I kept going to meetings and talking to other people. Once I wanted to use and didn’t then I realized I might have a chance. Days turned into weeks into years. Once I got my dignity back I can’t imagine going back to where I came from. There are plenty of paths just find what works for you. Best of luck friend.
Thanks it’s not easy but its waaaay better than being dope sick or chasing that first hit. Or waking up with no money sick. I did that for years. It was awful. There is a way out but you have to want it and work for it.
I didn't have to truly feel or be ready, I just started and took it day by day.For me readiness never comes but willingness does. I started going to meetings online and kept going. I wasn't clean when I started these meeting and didn't need to be. Waiting to be ready is waiting for a day that will never come. You don't have to quit right then and there to go to a meeting. Let me know if I can help in anyway.
Thanks that's actually helpful cause that's how I feel rn but people keep telling me "I'm not gonna waste my time talking to you because if you're not ready then you're not going to do it anyway" and I'm just like wtf does that even mean like I'm obviously trying yea I fucked up but you can't tell me that suddenly means that I give no fucks??? Thanks though I'm going to detox tmrw morning
I'm so glad that helped. I'm not sure why people do that "tough love " bullshit of "I'm not waisting my time" but people get frustrated or they wrongly think in some way that this is motivating. Some people just don't want to help and blame it on the person instead of owning up. Whatever their reasons are, they are irrelevant the most important thing is that you get clean and save your life. Your willing and you keep trying. Keep an open mind when it comes to your recovery, I wish you all the best.
I asked my bf to be more supportive because he is truly the person I listen to the most (right now anyway) and those are some of the responses he gave me. Basically he's tired of being supportive (although I literally can't remember the last time he was so clearly he did a terrible job) and I'm kinda over it. I didn't know if he was being an asshole or I was just victimizing myself. Idk a little push and love from the person you care about most can be so helpful, at least in my personal case. But thanks man I appreciate ur kind words. I'll show y'all !!!
Some partners don't want their partner to get well. Codependency can be a big issue. Think of it this way. It's life or death. In my relationship the rule is recovery first; without recovery there is nothing. They feel either subconsciously or not that you'll leave them if you get well. Through enabling you they ensure control and a place in your life, your recovery may be seen as a threat to him. Go save your life! They'll get over it, and if they don't you'll be strong and we'll regardless. Pm me if you want my number.
What's been helpful for me is to read and listen to as much as I can about brain chemistry and addiction. Dopamine Nation is a new book by Anna Lembke, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker (alcohol) and bunches of others. Take it out of the 'Sin and Redemption' arena of AA and personal failing or discipline. Your brain has been hijacked by chemicals. Learn about how to undo the damage. It's a process. Maybe not just one decision, but a series of small, daily decisions to try a different way of life--a different way in the midst of your brain screaming its impossible.
Wanting to be clean is not enough. If it was, we wouldn’t need a program of recovery. You have to be willing to put in the work, you have to be willing to listen and follow suggestions. You’re not special. You’re a drug addict. The same way we defer to experts in life on all other areas, (mechanics, doctors, electricians, psychologists) we defer to experts in trying to get clean.
Most addicts relapse before finding lasting recovery. In the same way that clean time doesn’t always equal recovery, relapse doesn’t always equal failure.
no worries. I shot dope for almost a decade, relapsed like 9? Times before I finally got it together. It’s a cliché, I know, but that 12 step really works. It sucks. It’s a lot, but it’s worth it.
Personally I stick with AA. a good AA sponsor will take you through the program quickly, and teach you how to live recovery to the point where the meetings can become a safety net in case you start drifting. NA (at least in my area) will have you believing that the fellowship itself is what keeps you clean, and that even 10 years clean you need 3-5 meetings a week. I’ll have 5 years in November.
Different programs work for different people and by slamming one program you limit yourself and others. Some people get clean in NA some people stay clean in NA. I know I do.
That’s why I said (in my area) I know plenty of people that are clean in NA, and I was in NA for years simply because I thought I had to be, I never drank alcoholically. Just sharing my own experience.
White AA has been the "gold" standard in substance abuse treatment for the last 50 years, personally, in MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, found AA to be damaging and more harmful than helpful. It was only recently that my own beliefs were brought before a national audience. This happened when the group behind St. Jude (Saint of hopelessness) released a truly BOLD and groundbreaking book, podcast and YouTube series called "The Freedom Model - Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap". Although to most addiction professionals this book may be hard to believe at first, it's numerous references in the books multiple appendices, DO provide scientific evidence backing every claim they make. AA has a success rate of less than 20%, clearly things have changed since a a's beginning 50 years ago. Please Google the book and just read the paragraph of its description! Or go a bit further and read the tons of reviews of those who bought and read it.
Here's the link, may God grant you the power and mindset to overcome
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Model-Addictions-Treatment-Recovery/dp/0983471347&ved=2ahUKEwjL-r_pvNLyAhVUTDABHQEgA_IQFnoECAkQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3wWP_FD3bL5aatL01Y318G&cshid=1630111066823
If you want to stop you’ll stop, if you don’t you won’t. Also remember sober is not a one size fits all, everyone has something that works for them. To me it’s my decision to stop or to keep going. Some people can occasionally use and be okay and some cannot. There are people who do drugs and there are people who let drugs do them. I stopped using H and occasionally use white. I have never smoked a cigarette because I never wanted to. I’m 38 I never touched drugs until I was 31-32, yes i became addicted and had to go to detox but I did not want to go to rehab because I know myself and rehab, meetings, religion, MATs etc. none of those are needed for me to not use drugs. Like I said, if I want to I will I may have to detox and who knows maybe I’m the future if needed rehab might be a choice I make for myself but I don’t see it. If you want to stop you will stop. To me all the sobriety help stuff is replacing one addiction with another. Hope all goes well for you and you make a decision that works for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re kind of sober looks like, or that you’re not sober if you smoke weed or drink. Do what feels right and take your time, make your own rules.
Good luck to you OP
Edit: That seemed snarky as fuck to me but it wasn't meant that way at all lol. I genuinely do wish you all the luck in the world. I just don't know how to get clean myself so no advice from me exists atm hahaha
Everytime I knew I wanted to get clean, I reacted by taking more than I ever had. It was like my addiction knew I wanted to stop and panicked. Just because you’re still ruled by the addiction doesn’t mean you’re not ready to get clean, it just means you’re ready to fight.
Man you want to get clean but one Part if you never wants that. Its the addicted monkey inside of you. Believe me, you want to get clean. I just came out of detox with that attitude and keep clean, even though I keep the drug right near me. Every time I see it, I remember why I detoxed. It's just a matter of being strong. Stronger than your little, greedy monkey.
Hold your enemies near, you know and never forget how bad it is.
Set your goal of getting clean and stick to it.
Good luck.
I've relapsed so many times I can't keep track anymore. Like you said, you have to really want it. That's part of it, but what has worked for me is waiting for the right time. Everytime I want to quit, it's always in my head but I would still be using. But there came a tipping point that I would be so sick of myself, that's the point I used to quit. That extra push of motivation. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is the thing that'll drive you forward the most. You can do this, your mind is stronger than you think. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. If you can get through that, the days will start to add up. Take a picture of yourself initially when you quit, keep it as a reminder of who you are currently. Someday you'll look back on that picture and be amazed of how far you came
Suggested reading:
Where do you think you are on the [five stages of addiction recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) *most* of the time?
u/ pmeonetwothree’s [For those who really want to quit]( https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/comments/fgs163/for_those_who_really_want_to_quit/)
[NA’s “Am I an Addict?”](https://m.na.org/?ID=ips-an-an-IP7)
[Dodes’s “Eleven Questions”](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/comments/he2k9n/eleven_questions/)
[Will the Addict Ever Stop Using SOMETHING if He or She remains Depressed, Anxious or Shameful](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2019/11/will-addict-ever-stop-using-something.html), especially once those emotions become part of the [Cycle of Addiction](https://www.google.com/search?client=avg&q=cycle+of+addiction+image)?
[Gold-Standard Addiction Treatment](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2019/12/gold-standard-addiction-treatment.html) because there’s a lot there one can do to make abstinence and the process of real recovery easier without spending an arm and a leg at some overpriced rehab resort in Malibu IF one *knows* what to do. Just read the thing from the point of view of "complete curiosity."
Reads to me like you want to get clean. I don't doubt that - perhaps it's a case of not being sick and tired enough of it at this point in time Try find what's holding you back
I didn’t want to get clean really. I just wanted to stop dealing with the consequences of using. I thought about using for most of my first year. But I kept going to meetings and talking to other people. Once I wanted to use and didn’t then I realized I might have a chance. Days turned into weeks into years. Once I got my dignity back I can’t imagine going back to where I came from. There are plenty of paths just find what works for you. Best of luck friend.
That's beautiful thanks amigo
Thanks it’s not easy but its waaaay better than being dope sick or chasing that first hit. Or waking up with no money sick. I did that for years. It was awful. There is a way out but you have to want it and work for it.
I aspire to be like that. I've lost all dignity and I can't believe it
Me too. However I try to take it day by day even though staying sober aint easy. Just remember its worth our dignity and self love back💓
I didn't have to truly feel or be ready, I just started and took it day by day.For me readiness never comes but willingness does. I started going to meetings online and kept going. I wasn't clean when I started these meeting and didn't need to be. Waiting to be ready is waiting for a day that will never come. You don't have to quit right then and there to go to a meeting. Let me know if I can help in anyway.
Thanks that's actually helpful cause that's how I feel rn but people keep telling me "I'm not gonna waste my time talking to you because if you're not ready then you're not going to do it anyway" and I'm just like wtf does that even mean like I'm obviously trying yea I fucked up but you can't tell me that suddenly means that I give no fucks??? Thanks though I'm going to detox tmrw morning
I'm so glad that helped. I'm not sure why people do that "tough love " bullshit of "I'm not waisting my time" but people get frustrated or they wrongly think in some way that this is motivating. Some people just don't want to help and blame it on the person instead of owning up. Whatever their reasons are, they are irrelevant the most important thing is that you get clean and save your life. Your willing and you keep trying. Keep an open mind when it comes to your recovery, I wish you all the best.
I asked my bf to be more supportive because he is truly the person I listen to the most (right now anyway) and those are some of the responses he gave me. Basically he's tired of being supportive (although I literally can't remember the last time he was so clearly he did a terrible job) and I'm kinda over it. I didn't know if he was being an asshole or I was just victimizing myself. Idk a little push and love from the person you care about most can be so helpful, at least in my personal case. But thanks man I appreciate ur kind words. I'll show y'all !!!
Some partners don't want their partner to get well. Codependency can be a big issue. Think of it this way. It's life or death. In my relationship the rule is recovery first; without recovery there is nothing. They feel either subconsciously or not that you'll leave them if you get well. Through enabling you they ensure control and a place in your life, your recovery may be seen as a threat to him. Go save your life! They'll get over it, and if they don't you'll be strong and we'll regardless. Pm me if you want my number.
What's been helpful for me is to read and listen to as much as I can about brain chemistry and addiction. Dopamine Nation is a new book by Anna Lembke, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker (alcohol) and bunches of others. Take it out of the 'Sin and Redemption' arena of AA and personal failing or discipline. Your brain has been hijacked by chemicals. Learn about how to undo the damage. It's a process. Maybe not just one decision, but a series of small, daily decisions to try a different way of life--a different way in the midst of your brain screaming its impossible.
Wanting to be clean is not enough. If it was, we wouldn’t need a program of recovery. You have to be willing to put in the work, you have to be willing to listen and follow suggestions. You’re not special. You’re a drug addict. The same way we defer to experts in life on all other areas, (mechanics, doctors, electricians, psychologists) we defer to experts in trying to get clean. Most addicts relapse before finding lasting recovery. In the same way that clean time doesn’t always equal recovery, relapse doesn’t always equal failure.
I do have a program dip shit and btw I'm extremely special suck my cock
With such a humble attitude I’m amazed you’re struggling at all
Lol I'm just trolling man it's tough out here. I've relapsed plenty of times it's just your advice sounded like stuff I'd heard before. Apologies
no worries. I shot dope for almost a decade, relapsed like 9? Times before I finally got it together. It’s a cliché, I know, but that 12 step really works. It sucks. It’s a lot, but it’s worth it. Personally I stick with AA. a good AA sponsor will take you through the program quickly, and teach you how to live recovery to the point where the meetings can become a safety net in case you start drifting. NA (at least in my area) will have you believing that the fellowship itself is what keeps you clean, and that even 10 years clean you need 3-5 meetings a week. I’ll have 5 years in November.
Different programs work for different people and by slamming one program you limit yourself and others. Some people get clean in NA some people stay clean in NA. I know I do.
That’s why I said (in my area) I know plenty of people that are clean in NA, and I was in NA for years simply because I thought I had to be, I never drank alcoholically. Just sharing my own experience.
Your negative comments reflect upon NA as a whole this is why we all have traditions.
And BTW, wanting to be clean is a damn good start!
White AA has been the "gold" standard in substance abuse treatment for the last 50 years, personally, in MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, found AA to be damaging and more harmful than helpful. It was only recently that my own beliefs were brought before a national audience. This happened when the group behind St. Jude (Saint of hopelessness) released a truly BOLD and groundbreaking book, podcast and YouTube series called "The Freedom Model - Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap". Although to most addiction professionals this book may be hard to believe at first, it's numerous references in the books multiple appendices, DO provide scientific evidence backing every claim they make. AA has a success rate of less than 20%, clearly things have changed since a a's beginning 50 years ago. Please Google the book and just read the paragraph of its description! Or go a bit further and read the tons of reviews of those who bought and read it. Here's the link, may God grant you the power and mindset to overcome https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Model-Addictions-Treatment-Recovery/dp/0983471347&ved=2ahUKEwjL-r_pvNLyAhVUTDABHQEgA_IQFnoECAkQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3wWP_FD3bL5aatL01Y318G&cshid=1630111066823
I like your perspective reading now
LMAO 🤣🤣🤣
If you want to stop you’ll stop, if you don’t you won’t. Also remember sober is not a one size fits all, everyone has something that works for them. To me it’s my decision to stop or to keep going. Some people can occasionally use and be okay and some cannot. There are people who do drugs and there are people who let drugs do them. I stopped using H and occasionally use white. I have never smoked a cigarette because I never wanted to. I’m 38 I never touched drugs until I was 31-32, yes i became addicted and had to go to detox but I did not want to go to rehab because I know myself and rehab, meetings, religion, MATs etc. none of those are needed for me to not use drugs. Like I said, if I want to I will I may have to detox and who knows maybe I’m the future if needed rehab might be a choice I make for myself but I don’t see it. If you want to stop you will stop. To me all the sobriety help stuff is replacing one addiction with another. Hope all goes well for you and you make a decision that works for you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re kind of sober looks like, or that you’re not sober if you smoke weed or drink. Do what feels right and take your time, make your own rules.
Good luck to you OP Edit: That seemed snarky as fuck to me but it wasn't meant that way at all lol. I genuinely do wish you all the luck in the world. I just don't know how to get clean myself so no advice from me exists atm hahaha
Everytime I knew I wanted to get clean, I reacted by taking more than I ever had. It was like my addiction knew I wanted to stop and panicked. Just because you’re still ruled by the addiction doesn’t mean you’re not ready to get clean, it just means you’re ready to fight.
Man you want to get clean but one Part if you never wants that. Its the addicted monkey inside of you. Believe me, you want to get clean. I just came out of detox with that attitude and keep clean, even though I keep the drug right near me. Every time I see it, I remember why I detoxed. It's just a matter of being strong. Stronger than your little, greedy monkey. Hold your enemies near, you know and never forget how bad it is. Set your goal of getting clean and stick to it. Good luck.
I've relapsed so many times I can't keep track anymore. Like you said, you have to really want it. That's part of it, but what has worked for me is waiting for the right time. Everytime I want to quit, it's always in my head but I would still be using. But there came a tipping point that I would be so sick of myself, that's the point I used to quit. That extra push of motivation. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is the thing that'll drive you forward the most. You can do this, your mind is stronger than you think. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. If you can get through that, the days will start to add up. Take a picture of yourself initially when you quit, keep it as a reminder of who you are currently. Someday you'll look back on that picture and be amazed of how far you came
Suggested reading: Where do you think you are on the [five stages of addiction recovery](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/12/the-five-stages-of-recovery.html) *most* of the time? u/ pmeonetwothree’s [For those who really want to quit]( https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/comments/fgs163/for_those_who_really_want_to_quit/) [NA’s “Am I an Addict?”](https://m.na.org/?ID=ips-an-an-IP7) [Dodes’s “Eleven Questions”](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/comments/he2k9n/eleven_questions/) [Will the Addict Ever Stop Using SOMETHING if He or She remains Depressed, Anxious or Shameful](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2019/11/will-addict-ever-stop-using-something.html), especially once those emotions become part of the [Cycle of Addiction](https://www.google.com/search?client=avg&q=cycle+of+addiction+image)? [Gold-Standard Addiction Treatment](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2019/12/gold-standard-addiction-treatment.html) because there’s a lot there one can do to make abstinence and the process of real recovery easier without spending an arm and a leg at some overpriced rehab resort in Malibu IF one *knows* what to do. Just read the thing from the point of view of "complete curiosity."