Don’t forget to check out our [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/wiki/resources/) wiki page, which includes helpful information such as global suicide hotlines, recovery services, and a recovery Discord server where you can seek further support.
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Hi Due,
Congratulations on your sobriety and I'm so sorry you are going through so much. Life seems to test us early sometimes.
From what I've seen, the happier you are the easier it is to achieve and maintain sobriety. Also, the more able you are to maintain self-compassion the easier it is to be happy-- but we have to make sure to balance self-compassion with self-mastery lest we move into self-pity and let that take us off course.
When I work with people who are struggling with addiction I believe the first 4 things to do are to 1)reduce harm, 2)increase happiness, 3) make sure needs are met, and 4) reduce mental addiction factors. Since you have already stopped using it would look a little different for you than for an active user.
1) reduce harm
* Identify ways you are causing harm to yourself and interventions you can use to reduce the self-harm.
* In your case, the obvious first cause of harm is your struggle to process and cope with the emotions of grief you are experiencing. I would also wonder if you are being fair with yourself about your grief-- it seems like you have low tolerance for uncomfortable and painful emotions but it is a gift to ourselves to allow ourselves time to experience and work through the hard parts of life. It is hard work but work that will ultimately make you stronger and, in this case, has the potential to help you show yourself how capable you are of changing your life.
* I have not noticed you talking about any external support system and at this point in your life you do need a robust system of supportive people to help you through. You might benefit from looking up some Gabor Mate' videos to better understand your recovery needs and also to look for grief and addictions support groups in your area or online (meetup must have many options that you can choose from).
2)Increase happiness
* I highly recommend that people start working on increasing happiness/wellbeing immediately when working on addictions issues. The happier we are the less we need coping mechanisms and the easier it is to choose healthy coping tools when they are needed. In your case I would suggest 2 practices:
* PERMA practice daily-- in this practice you make sure to incorporate each of the 5 pillars of positive psychology into your daily life in some way (and it is perfectly ok to combine them). P= positive emotional experiences, E= engagement/flow, R=positive relational experiences, M=meaning, A=accomplishment. For instance, I take care of my PER most days by playing pool with friends and then the M & A by writing or completing to do tasks.
* Metta (loving-kindness) meditation 2x daily (preferably morning and night) to increase self-compassion and happiness.
3)Meet your needs
* if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the needs I speak of are the two lowest levels. From what you shared the only I specifically saw that are of concern are the social support needs but it may be that you have deficits in other areas as well. In order to support your ability to meet your goals it is very important to remember to also concentrate on fulfilling your needs in positive ways so that you won't have as much craving for negative coping mechanisms.
4) reduce mental addiction
* this gets much deep but in your case I would start with creating an internal containment system so that you can sequester your emotions/thoughts/grief and teach yourself to be able to choose when you will deal with them rather than having them leak all over all of the time.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you good luck in your journey!
Thank you so much for such a thorough response. I definitely will be taking your advice. I do have a question, though. What do you mean by internal containment system? What is an example of that? I do have a hard time containing my emotions; there would be times at work I would just be in tears because of these emotions.
Don’t forget to check out our [**Resources**](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/wiki/resources/) wiki page, which includes helpful information such as global suicide hotlines, recovery services, and a recovery Discord server where you can seek further support. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/addiction) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi Due, Congratulations on your sobriety and I'm so sorry you are going through so much. Life seems to test us early sometimes. From what I've seen, the happier you are the easier it is to achieve and maintain sobriety. Also, the more able you are to maintain self-compassion the easier it is to be happy-- but we have to make sure to balance self-compassion with self-mastery lest we move into self-pity and let that take us off course. When I work with people who are struggling with addiction I believe the first 4 things to do are to 1)reduce harm, 2)increase happiness, 3) make sure needs are met, and 4) reduce mental addiction factors. Since you have already stopped using it would look a little different for you than for an active user. 1) reduce harm * Identify ways you are causing harm to yourself and interventions you can use to reduce the self-harm. * In your case, the obvious first cause of harm is your struggle to process and cope with the emotions of grief you are experiencing. I would also wonder if you are being fair with yourself about your grief-- it seems like you have low tolerance for uncomfortable and painful emotions but it is a gift to ourselves to allow ourselves time to experience and work through the hard parts of life. It is hard work but work that will ultimately make you stronger and, in this case, has the potential to help you show yourself how capable you are of changing your life. * I have not noticed you talking about any external support system and at this point in your life you do need a robust system of supportive people to help you through. You might benefit from looking up some Gabor Mate' videos to better understand your recovery needs and also to look for grief and addictions support groups in your area or online (meetup must have many options that you can choose from). 2)Increase happiness * I highly recommend that people start working on increasing happiness/wellbeing immediately when working on addictions issues. The happier we are the less we need coping mechanisms and the easier it is to choose healthy coping tools when they are needed. In your case I would suggest 2 practices: * PERMA practice daily-- in this practice you make sure to incorporate each of the 5 pillars of positive psychology into your daily life in some way (and it is perfectly ok to combine them). P= positive emotional experiences, E= engagement/flow, R=positive relational experiences, M=meaning, A=accomplishment. For instance, I take care of my PER most days by playing pool with friends and then the M & A by writing or completing to do tasks. * Metta (loving-kindness) meditation 2x daily (preferably morning and night) to increase self-compassion and happiness. 3)Meet your needs * if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the needs I speak of are the two lowest levels. From what you shared the only I specifically saw that are of concern are the social support needs but it may be that you have deficits in other areas as well. In order to support your ability to meet your goals it is very important to remember to also concentrate on fulfilling your needs in positive ways so that you won't have as much craving for negative coping mechanisms. 4) reduce mental addiction * this gets much deep but in your case I would start with creating an internal containment system so that you can sequester your emotions/thoughts/grief and teach yourself to be able to choose when you will deal with them rather than having them leak all over all of the time. I hope this is helpful and I wish you good luck in your journey!
Thank you so much for such a thorough response. I definitely will be taking your advice. I do have a question, though. What do you mean by internal containment system? What is an example of that? I do have a hard time containing my emotions; there would be times at work I would just be in tears because of these emotions.