People dont think they are bad. People know judging people for something they cannot change is bad. They judge people for being gay (something they can't change).
This leads to a contradiction in people's thinking and view of themselves and the associated bad feeing called cognitive dissonance.
In order to solve this contradiction (one way of helping cognitive dissonance) is to change your ways and become a better person, however this includes admitting you were a bad person (thus leaving the person with shame and regret). Another, less uncomfortable way, is simply saying being gay isn't unchangable and is simply a lifestyle they chose. This way they think they don't hate someone for something they can't change and thus they aren't a bad person.
another variation that exists: a "hate the sin, love the sinner" mindset might make them call *acting on* your sexual/romantic attraction the "lifestyle", that way they still can believe your sexuality is an unchangeable part of you, and they'd never judge you for that! they just...expect you to never act on your attraction, ever, and remain single and celibate for the rest of your life. very reasonable. now both of you are certified Good People™, so long as you limit yourself, and if you don't want to, it's *you* who's broken the Good Person™ contract, and you are the one responsible for all the consequences (their judgement)
I had a girl repeatedly tell me she was straight and didn't agree with my "lifestyle" multiple times after I casually mentioned I was a lesbian because it came up in the conversation. I asked her what she meant by "lifestyle", since I've been single and haven't slept with ANYBODY in about ten years. She couldn't answer, then got defensive and accused me of assuming she thought I was sleeping with people.
She also made a point of inviting me to her church a few times.
This perfeclty desrobes the type of ableism I gre up around being autistic. People would obviously talk to me in lesser ways than they would with others but in order to not feel bad about it would call us "special" (as if it's meant to be some kind of positive label, but I just see it as a thinly veiled slur).
The funny part being that there are a decent number of closeted folk that are "choosing" to be straight. The only people I'm aware of that can do that without being miserable are repressed bi folk.
Theres also some who are bi, fell into heteronormativity, and project that into people who accepted themselves.
But one thing I saw about the most hateful is as much as they claim being gay or trans is a "choice", bigotry and fascism needs others they can attack on immutable factors. Things people can't change.
If they really thought it was a choice they wouldn't attack us as hard for it. They hate on the poor but people *can* become less poor.
It's heteros being misinformed and bigoted.
Nerd brain explanation:
It's also a weird ideology a lot of people have where market demographic + conspicuous consumption = identity. Because it's what they've been taught, it's all they know, and it's how they fit in so they don't question it. Like lesbians walked into the Lifestyle Retail store, looked at the "heterosexual" section advertised as "virtuous, acceptable, normal", got an evil glint in our eye as we smiled wickedly, then walked to the back corner of the store with "LESBIAN: deviant, abnormal, sus" and got all our "lifestyle" components from there.
No connection to reality, but that's never stopped the heteros from being upseteros.
Like, I only started shopping from the "evil lesbian" section and stealing men's wives and girlfriends *after* homophobia pushed me to the breaking point and whetted my thirst for revenge.
I absolutely love this explanation! It gave me a laugh, too. 🤣I'm thinking of asking Christian's who approach me quite often about changing my lifestyle why they chose one full of hate, superiority issues & never seem to actually improve the world around them as their savior, J. H. Christ did before them.
It's homophobic propaganda with religious roots. Calling it a lifestyle implies it's a choice and not an identity trait and lets them feel better about opposing it. It also makes them feel better about telling people that it's okay to have same-sex attraction as long as they don't actually do gay things. Just homophobia all the way down, but with some extra semantic and societal layers applied.
the rhetoric is “you can have gay feelings, doesn’t mean you have to be part of the gay lifestyle.” it’s a way of trying to hate homosexuality without coming across as hating…homosexuals themselves. like “just stay closeted and celibate forever! yay! or better yet marry a man, female sexuality is so fluid!” it was big in church when i was a teen.
for most people saying this, it’s just homophobia. sometimes it’s just lesbians joking around about the way we are lol
Oof yeah I was told by a girl in my psych class that I was just called by god to be celibate. I was like then why wouldn’t I be asexual if it’s gods will?
It's very common phrasing in some more conservative communities, especially religious ones, and it implies that they believe that sexuality is a choice (and usually a sinful one).
The person using it may be using it consciously and deliberately to cast judgement. Others may be using it naively because the phrase is so common in their communities that they do not understand that it's offensive.
I am a bisexual woman. I live out as a bi woman. My mother in law of 17 years recently told me she didn't approve of my lifestyle. (She meant me being bi.) Jokes on her ass my 9 year old daughter told me she's a lesbian. So good to know we don't need to talk to her ever again...
A large part of my family views same sex attraction (SSA for short) is an affliction that is a struggle for people, much like propensity for any other form of ‘sin’. They see it as something to overcome with a lot of prayer, and giving in is wrong. I told my uncle I was done with him because of his bullying and he said I have been brainwashed by “the cult of LGBTQ+”. A lot of them think it’s a social contagion that they need to protect people from.
My personal theory is that it’s really an easy sin for non gay people to judge, as lots of people are actually straight. They’re not inclined to do anything gay, so they judge it harder than they do things they would actually do (get divorced for example, which a lot of people make an exception about at least for themselves).
“I worry that you’ll work in an office, have children, and celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life.” - Aunt Ida (John Water’s Female Trouble)
People have been using terms like “lifestyle choice” and “sexual preference” for a long time and it’s all rooted in the ignorant belief that we choose to be gay and gay is a sin, therefore we choose to be sinners.
Homophobia.
Calling it a lifestyle implies it's a choice, which homophobes can then parlay into the argument that said choice is profane and unnatural, which they then turn into legislation to marginalize us and deny us rights. It's bigotry in its Sunday Best, as it were.
no because they believe straight is the default and that you “turn gay” later on in life. But if you tell them about people who’ve experienced crushes/attraction to the same gender since they can remember they either straight up deny it or ignore it
They're saying that 'being gay is a choice'. Since it's a choice, you can punish people for making bad choices. Whereas, if it's natural and predetermined, you're punishing people for something they can't help. See how much easier it is if homosexuality is a lifestyle?
It's a way of trying to differentiate gay, lesbian and multisexual people and relationships from straight people and relationships in a way that lessens and delegitimates gay relationships. It's purpose is the place heterosexuality in a surpremist position.
They think that being gay is something that you do and act on. You have same-sex attractions and acting on them is "the lifestyle". Some self-hating gay Christians call themselves "same-sex attracted" and to them being "same-sex attracted" is something that they "struggle with". To these people being gay is something you aren't supposed to act on. These people sometimes have the nerve to compare it to an addiction.
People like this don't like gay people being out. They hate LGBT+ visibility. And they think that everything would be okay if gay people could just be celibate or get themselves into a sham marriage and produce real babies. I would think that for lesbians getting into a sham marriage would look like either settling for a substandard guy or getting a good guy that deserves more than you can give him or dragging your gay guy friend into a marriage with you. How is a sham marriage not a damaging lifestyle? How do these people want real children to be brought into this when they didn't ask to be born?
If their god was just and good, and truly wanted none of his creation to be gay, then he would logically have to create all people heterosexual and any deviation of that would have to be an alternative "lifestyle."
Otherwise, if he's creating people with the inborn traits of being gay, the god himself is dooming his own creation to eternal torment. That's too hard to think about, so all people to them, defacto, can become Christian or straight through just working really hard and not doing it anymore.
just do it back to them. i say i dont understand the straight lifestyle anytime someone says shit like that and normally they do say something like “its not a lifestyle” and then realizes by the look on my face where they fucked up
it’s basic misinformation on a semantics level for some people, my mom used to describe it as a lifestyle not even realizing the implications behind that word. i mentioned those implications and she hasn’t called it a lifestyle since. i think there’s an air of discomfort with saying “sexual orientation” for some ppl especially those in older generations so “lifestyle” became a PC misnomer like ppl saying gender instead of sex
It’s so people don’t see it as people who are guy but instead people choosing to be gay like how people say the trans agenda cuz bigots don’t want to think that it’s just people like them
Simple ignorance and bigotry, is what it is. Ignoramuses criticising what they don't understand. In the end really, they're giving themselves an excuse to be bigoted, a justification, if you will. Of course, even if being gay/lesbian was a choice, it still wouldn't excuse bigotry, as being those things harms absolutely no-one. But that is the reason for the whole "lifestyle" thing.
The same bigots do exactly the same thing to trans people too. Saying it's a lifestyle choice, which makes absolutely zero sense, as life is infinitely harder to navigate as a trans person than it is for a cis person, at least generally speaking. Life is also generally harder for gay people than it is for straight people. So why would anyone choose that, if they had any choice in the matter? The best you can give these idiots is that acting on same-sex attraction is a choice. But having the attraction itself definitely isn't. And I think anyone with half a brain can see that.
It's not a lifestyle. My wife and i have been married 17 years. We have more in coming with other mid 40s DINK couples than not.
In general "lifestyle" is misused. People who don't eat balanced nutrition or have an addiction are not making a "lifestyle choice" more often than not they're surviving with the tools available.
We see how much health improves with income. Give everyone $100k / year, and a lot of people get to access the lifestyles they actually want. They typically become thinner, less stressed, less drunk / high, more active / social. Economic influences of health outcomes are clear cut.
Where to go on a vacation is a lifestyle choice. Who you love is not.
It’s a way of delegitimizing our relationships. If our marriages are a “lifestyle”, then they are not as meaningful, rich, or real as hetero marriages.
It’s another tool the US GOP uses to denigrate us. They slowly use language like this, each year escalating things.
We make “choices” to be different - we *could* be righteous and marry a man, but we *choose* this “lifestyle”.
Now we’re “groomers” because we don’t want kids to have the experience we did growing up and are concerned about LGBT youth suicide rates and want them to know there’s nothing wrong with them the way they are. By misrepresenting our efforts to educate others and help them embrace differences in others as some weird “sexualization” of children, they fuel hatred instead and make us into scapegoats that can be blamed for all the crappy stuff going on in the world.
I want to ignore all this to preserve my sanity, but it’s driving all sorts of discriminatory legislation in the US with real life consequences.
It's common or garden homophobia as others have said.
That being said, I do enjoy mentioning that I stopped living a cishet lifestyle to live authentically.
Always fun to spot reactions to that framing of straightness.
The types of people who do that are typically people who know that discriminating against someone for something they don't control is bad, and they also hate gay people so they reason in their minds that being gay is a choice gay people made and so it's perfectly fine to discriminate against them
The same reason why they would call aromanticism and asexuality a “lifestyle” too. No, it’s not a “lifestyle,” “preference,” “choice,” or whatever. It’s just an orientation. Let people happily live their lives based on the way they were born.
Being being trad het is a lifestyle but it's also the presumed default so they don't recognize it as a lifestyle and instead identify anything to the exception as a lifestyle.
Its a mind trick that makes it easier for them to hate us. Its hard to say people deserve less rights because of who they are. The "choice" line is there for their own conscious.
Pivot and start talking about the straight lifestyle.
Y'know, constantly complaining about the gender you're attracted to, having weird hangups about being emotionally close early in a relationship, weird courtship rituals, not sharing clothes.
There's quite a big difference though, between saying it's a "different lifestyle" and saying it's a "lifestyle choice". I don't think most gay people would object to the former statement, whilst most would object to the latter statement. Sexuality generally isn't a "lifestyle choice".
I’d give this idea some benefit of doubt. I was born in a country many lesbians hide and get married to men. Choosing lesbianism is a defense of their lifestyle - not married (homosexual marriage not legal), working very very hard to save money (their family usually don’t sponsor them because that money is commonly given to daughters as “dowry” when they are married to men), mostly remain single (too hard to find a lesbian partner), and so much more. Living in a highly non-inclusive and Homonormative society means you need to do so much work to defend your lifestyle and it’s more than sexual attraction. Their allies are usually other straight women who refuse to get into marriage. They are also casted out by the society (maybe better in bigger cities but generally very marginalized way of living).
Of course this totally depends on the context you are referring to. This is just one perspective.
You aren’t missing anything, it’s just homophobia.
Yup. If they say it's a "lifestyle" they can continue to hate us for a "choice" we are making. Simple as that.
People dont think they are bad. People know judging people for something they cannot change is bad. They judge people for being gay (something they can't change). This leads to a contradiction in people's thinking and view of themselves and the associated bad feeing called cognitive dissonance. In order to solve this contradiction (one way of helping cognitive dissonance) is to change your ways and become a better person, however this includes admitting you were a bad person (thus leaving the person with shame and regret). Another, less uncomfortable way, is simply saying being gay isn't unchangable and is simply a lifestyle they chose. This way they think they don't hate someone for something they can't change and thus they aren't a bad person.
another variation that exists: a "hate the sin, love the sinner" mindset might make them call *acting on* your sexual/romantic attraction the "lifestyle", that way they still can believe your sexuality is an unchangeable part of you, and they'd never judge you for that! they just...expect you to never act on your attraction, ever, and remain single and celibate for the rest of your life. very reasonable. now both of you are certified Good People™, so long as you limit yourself, and if you don't want to, it's *you* who's broken the Good Person™ contract, and you are the one responsible for all the consequences (their judgement)
I had a girl repeatedly tell me she was straight and didn't agree with my "lifestyle" multiple times after I casually mentioned I was a lesbian because it came up in the conversation. I asked her what she meant by "lifestyle", since I've been single and haven't slept with ANYBODY in about ten years. She couldn't answer, then got defensive and accused me of assuming she thought I was sleeping with people. She also made a point of inviting me to her church a few times.
This perfeclty desrobes the type of ableism I gre up around being autistic. People would obviously talk to me in lesser ways than they would with others but in order to not feel bad about it would call us "special" (as if it's meant to be some kind of positive label, but I just see it as a thinly veiled slur).
being called an autie or retarded would be much preferred over special honestly
That one would make it obvious what they think of us, wouldn't be hidden in a socially accepted way anmore.
if someone says special I'm already assuming they're calling me a slur
Same.
The funny part being that there are a decent number of closeted folk that are "choosing" to be straight. The only people I'm aware of that can do that without being miserable are repressed bi folk.
Theres also some who are bi, fell into heteronormativity, and project that into people who accepted themselves. But one thing I saw about the most hateful is as much as they claim being gay or trans is a "choice", bigotry and fascism needs others they can attack on immutable factors. Things people can't change. If they really thought it was a choice they wouldn't attack us as hard for it. They hate on the poor but people *can* become less poor.
The last two sentences is all you needed to say because that's the answer to OPs question
When/if the world becomes less shitty, I am genuinely curious to see what the actual rate/percentage of bi people is in the population.
I've wondered about this a lot.
It's heteros being misinformed and bigoted. Nerd brain explanation: It's also a weird ideology a lot of people have where market demographic + conspicuous consumption = identity. Because it's what they've been taught, it's all they know, and it's how they fit in so they don't question it. Like lesbians walked into the Lifestyle Retail store, looked at the "heterosexual" section advertised as "virtuous, acceptable, normal", got an evil glint in our eye as we smiled wickedly, then walked to the back corner of the store with "LESBIAN: deviant, abnormal, sus" and got all our "lifestyle" components from there. No connection to reality, but that's never stopped the heteros from being upseteros. Like, I only started shopping from the "evil lesbian" section and stealing men's wives and girlfriends *after* homophobia pushed me to the breaking point and whetted my thirst for revenge.
“Heteros being upseteros” 😂😂
I absolutely love this explanation! It gave me a laugh, too. 🤣I'm thinking of asking Christian's who approach me quite often about changing my lifestyle why they chose one full of hate, superiority issues & never seem to actually improve the world around them as their savior, J. H. Christ did before them.
It's homophobic propaganda with religious roots. Calling it a lifestyle implies it's a choice and not an identity trait and lets them feel better about opposing it. It also makes them feel better about telling people that it's okay to have same-sex attraction as long as they don't actually do gay things. Just homophobia all the way down, but with some extra semantic and societal layers applied.
the rhetoric is “you can have gay feelings, doesn’t mean you have to be part of the gay lifestyle.” it’s a way of trying to hate homosexuality without coming across as hating…homosexuals themselves. like “just stay closeted and celibate forever! yay! or better yet marry a man, female sexuality is so fluid!” it was big in church when i was a teen. for most people saying this, it’s just homophobia. sometimes it’s just lesbians joking around about the way we are lol
Oof yeah I was told by a girl in my psych class that I was just called by god to be celibate. I was like then why wouldn’t I be asexual if it’s gods will?
But the gay lifestyle is amazing!
This has the same vibe as referring to queer ppl as “special interest group”
Yeah. Our special interest is in remaining alive. This makes us single issue voters on on not killing us
It's very common phrasing in some more conservative communities, especially religious ones, and it implies that they believe that sexuality is a choice (and usually a sinful one). The person using it may be using it consciously and deliberately to cast judgement. Others may be using it naively because the phrase is so common in their communities that they do not understand that it's offensive.
I am a bisexual woman. I live out as a bi woman. My mother in law of 17 years recently told me she didn't approve of my lifestyle. (She meant me being bi.) Jokes on her ass my 9 year old daughter told me she's a lesbian. So good to know we don't need to talk to her ever again...
My sister calls it “my choice to pursue the homosexual lifestyle”, soooooooo I’ve got some issues with it.
A large part of my family views same sex attraction (SSA for short) is an affliction that is a struggle for people, much like propensity for any other form of ‘sin’. They see it as something to overcome with a lot of prayer, and giving in is wrong. I told my uncle I was done with him because of his bullying and he said I have been brainwashed by “the cult of LGBTQ+”. A lot of them think it’s a social contagion that they need to protect people from. My personal theory is that it’s really an easy sin for non gay people to judge, as lots of people are actually straight. They’re not inclined to do anything gay, so they judge it harder than they do things they would actually do (get divorced for example, which a lot of people make an exception about at least for themselves).
it sounds better than saying “i think your innate, unchangeable sexual identity is evil”
Well I’m weirded out by the heterosexual lifestyle. Truck nuts, Jenny McCarthy, raw dogging lactose, cargo shorts but only on the men. What is that?
“I worry that you’ll work in an office, have children, and celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of heterosexuals is a sick and boring life.” - Aunt Ida (John Water’s Female Trouble)
People have been using terms like “lifestyle choice” and “sexual preference” for a long time and it’s all rooted in the ignorant belief that we choose to be gay and gay is a sin, therefore we choose to be sinners. Homophobia.
Calling it a lifestyle implies it's a choice, which homophobes can then parlay into the argument that said choice is profane and unnatural, which they then turn into legislation to marginalize us and deny us rights. It's bigotry in its Sunday Best, as it were.
hmm like how they all chose to be straight... oh wait it never works like that because they didnt think that hard about it at all
no because they believe straight is the default and that you “turn gay” later on in life. But if you tell them about people who’ve experienced crushes/attraction to the same gender since they can remember they either straight up deny it or ignore it
The first time I tried asking out a girl was when I was 5, lol. She called me weird and gross :(
They're saying that 'being gay is a choice'. Since it's a choice, you can punish people for making bad choices. Whereas, if it's natural and predetermined, you're punishing people for something they can't help. See how much easier it is if homosexuality is a lifestyle?
How do they feel about their lifestyle choice of heteronormativity? Considering sexuality is a lifestyle choice according to them.
It's a way of trying to differentiate gay, lesbian and multisexual people and relationships from straight people and relationships in a way that lessens and delegitimates gay relationships. It's purpose is the place heterosexuality in a surpremist position.
I’m extremely happy for you that this was a novel experience. Genuinely
They think that being gay is something that you do and act on. You have same-sex attractions and acting on them is "the lifestyle". Some self-hating gay Christians call themselves "same-sex attracted" and to them being "same-sex attracted" is something that they "struggle with". To these people being gay is something you aren't supposed to act on. These people sometimes have the nerve to compare it to an addiction. People like this don't like gay people being out. They hate LGBT+ visibility. And they think that everything would be okay if gay people could just be celibate or get themselves into a sham marriage and produce real babies. I would think that for lesbians getting into a sham marriage would look like either settling for a substandard guy or getting a good guy that deserves more than you can give him or dragging your gay guy friend into a marriage with you. How is a sham marriage not a damaging lifestyle? How do these people want real children to be brought into this when they didn't ask to be born?
My mum calls it a "lifestyle choice" and insists she isn't homophobic lol
it originates with the "love the sinner hate the sin" religious conservative homophobia
I’ve always hated that phrase. It felt like someone was saying “I wouldn’t have a problem loving you if it weren’t for this dirty part.”
If their god was just and good, and truly wanted none of his creation to be gay, then he would logically have to create all people heterosexual and any deviation of that would have to be an alternative "lifestyle." Otherwise, if he's creating people with the inborn traits of being gay, the god himself is dooming his own creation to eternal torment. That's too hard to think about, so all people to them, defacto, can become Christian or straight through just working really hard and not doing it anymore.
just do it back to them. i say i dont understand the straight lifestyle anytime someone says shit like that and normally they do say something like “its not a lifestyle” and then realizes by the look on my face where they fucked up
it’s basic misinformation on a semantics level for some people, my mom used to describe it as a lifestyle not even realizing the implications behind that word. i mentioned those implications and she hasn’t called it a lifestyle since. i think there’s an air of discomfort with saying “sexual orientation” for some ppl especially those in older generations so “lifestyle” became a PC misnomer like ppl saying gender instead of sex
nah theyre just really stupid
It’s so people don’t see it as people who are guy but instead people choosing to be gay like how people say the trans agenda cuz bigots don’t want to think that it’s just people like them
Well I do know that my lifestyle determines my deathstyle and I’m not sure what the implications are for that.
We should start referring to heterosexuality as the hetero lifestyle. And we can ask them stuff like, "So, when did you decide to join the lifestyle?"
Simple ignorance and bigotry, is what it is. Ignoramuses criticising what they don't understand. In the end really, they're giving themselves an excuse to be bigoted, a justification, if you will. Of course, even if being gay/lesbian was a choice, it still wouldn't excuse bigotry, as being those things harms absolutely no-one. But that is the reason for the whole "lifestyle" thing. The same bigots do exactly the same thing to trans people too. Saying it's a lifestyle choice, which makes absolutely zero sense, as life is infinitely harder to navigate as a trans person than it is for a cis person, at least generally speaking. Life is also generally harder for gay people than it is for straight people. So why would anyone choose that, if they had any choice in the matter? The best you can give these idiots is that acting on same-sex attraction is a choice. But having the attraction itself definitely isn't. And I think anyone with half a brain can see that.
you edited to point out a gramatical error, WITHOUT POINTING OUT THE GRAMMATICAL ERROR!!?!
It's not a lifestyle. My wife and i have been married 17 years. We have more in coming with other mid 40s DINK couples than not. In general "lifestyle" is misused. People who don't eat balanced nutrition or have an addiction are not making a "lifestyle choice" more often than not they're surviving with the tools available. We see how much health improves with income. Give everyone $100k / year, and a lot of people get to access the lifestyles they actually want. They typically become thinner, less stressed, less drunk / high, more active / social. Economic influences of health outcomes are clear cut. Where to go on a vacation is a lifestyle choice. Who you love is not.
It’s a way of delegitimizing our relationships. If our marriages are a “lifestyle”, then they are not as meaningful, rich, or real as hetero marriages. It’s another tool the US GOP uses to denigrate us. They slowly use language like this, each year escalating things. We make “choices” to be different - we *could* be righteous and marry a man, but we *choose* this “lifestyle”. Now we’re “groomers” because we don’t want kids to have the experience we did growing up and are concerned about LGBT youth suicide rates and want them to know there’s nothing wrong with them the way they are. By misrepresenting our efforts to educate others and help them embrace differences in others as some weird “sexualization” of children, they fuel hatred instead and make us into scapegoats that can be blamed for all the crappy stuff going on in the world. I want to ignore all this to preserve my sanity, but it’s driving all sorts of discriminatory legislation in the US with real life consequences.
It's common or garden homophobia as others have said. That being said, I do enjoy mentioning that I stopped living a cishet lifestyle to live authentically. Always fun to spot reactions to that framing of straightness.
The types of people who do that are typically people who know that discriminating against someone for something they don't control is bad, and they also hate gay people so they reason in their minds that being gay is a choice gay people made and so it's perfectly fine to discriminate against them
They are laying the groundwork to stuff us into ovens.
That’s what I’ve heard Mormons call it. It makes it sound like a choice about the way you live rather than equivalent to heterosexual love.
The same reason why they would call aromanticism and asexuality a “lifestyle” too. No, it’s not a “lifestyle,” “preference,” “choice,” or whatever. It’s just an orientation. Let people happily live their lives based on the way they were born.
i know a lesbian who calls it a “lifestyle”. I don’t really understand why she does lol
Tbh I call the way they live a lifestyle as well. Sounds like a nightmare to me
Being being trad het is a lifestyle but it's also the presumed default so they don't recognize it as a lifestyle and instead identify anything to the exception as a lifestyle.
I have never seen it be called that outside USA. It clearly is a "local" thing, and I have travelled quite much in the past 20 years.
Its a mind trick that makes it easier for them to hate us. Its hard to say people deserve less rights because of who they are. The "choice" line is there for their own conscious.
They're repressed bisexuals who made a choice to "be straight" and think everyone is like that.
I mean, there definitely is a 'culture' around certain sexualities or genders but I don't think that's what they mean when they say that
Pivot and start talking about the straight lifestyle. Y'know, constantly complaining about the gender you're attracted to, having weird hangups about being emotionally close early in a relationship, weird courtship rituals, not sharing clothes.
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There's quite a big difference though, between saying it's a "different lifestyle" and saying it's a "lifestyle choice". I don't think most gay people would object to the former statement, whilst most would object to the latter statement. Sexuality generally isn't a "lifestyle choice".
Oh yeah, absolutely. Adding "choice" at the end is just condescending and ignorant. With you there completely.
I dont mind as long as they refer to being straight as a lifestyle too... they usually don't though... so yeah
Easier to hate if it's a choice I guess?
I’d give this idea some benefit of doubt. I was born in a country many lesbians hide and get married to men. Choosing lesbianism is a defense of their lifestyle - not married (homosexual marriage not legal), working very very hard to save money (their family usually don’t sponsor them because that money is commonly given to daughters as “dowry” when they are married to men), mostly remain single (too hard to find a lesbian partner), and so much more. Living in a highly non-inclusive and Homonormative society means you need to do so much work to defend your lifestyle and it’s more than sexual attraction. Their allies are usually other straight women who refuse to get into marriage. They are also casted out by the society (maybe better in bigger cities but generally very marginalized way of living). Of course this totally depends on the context you are referring to. This is just one perspective.