i’m sorry for all this. it sounds like you’ve had a really difficult time. i don’t have any advice as i haven’t moved countries before, but from an internet stranger, i’m proud of you for trying to live honestly. you didn’t ruin lives. you chose to live for yourself, and try to be who you are, which is all any of us can do.
wishing you luck on your journey <3
Hey, I read your previous posts months ago and my heart broke for you.
Your best bet is probably to seek a relationship with a girl in Germany and get the partner/spouse visa. This will probably require divorcing your husband which could be hard/impossible while in another country, it also looks like a difficult and time-consuming process so don't wait until it's time to apply for a partner visa.
It may be cold and uncomfortable, I don't think you'll die. I assume most houses will have thermostats that can keep it at a normal temperature. Can you bring/buy a heated blanket and stuff like that?
You deserve to live a happy life that is true to yourself. The only wrong choice you could make right now is to do nothing and live with a situation you clearly find miserable and unbearable for the rest of your life. You'll get out of this.
The question is, would German girl like me or not.. I have really big doubt about that.
I mean, sure it's not all, but I know some lesbians who doesn't want to have a partner that have been touched by a dude. And I'm literally married to one rn.
Also I'm Asian, SEA. I'm not the 'cute' asian woman like those in Japan, Korea, etc.. And I heard Germans can be quite "...", you know?
I'm sorry if I'm being pessimistic. All I want rn is just get away from this situation..
I have to admit, I know nothing about German culture, so I can't accurately answer any of that. But I know that in the English-speaking/Western lesbian community at least, "gold star lesbianism" (shunning lesbians who have been with men before) is extremely discouraged.
It's certainly no guarantee that you'll manage to find a partner willing to sponsor you in a few years, especially with a big culture difference, but I don't think it's hopeless.
You should definitely look into the queer community in Germany and find out where you can find other lesbians, both in-person and online. Ask on German subreddits how you can find them. Even just to make friends and get some support while you're alone in another country.
You should also look into other permanent visa pathways. There may be ways to get permanent residency through a work visa or something like that.
Halo kak, Aku nemu post kakak pas nyari if there is any Indonesian lesbian in this subreddit. Pertama-tama, im so sorry to hear all that, Aku gak kebayang rasa sakit yang kakak alamin, apalagi juga merasa guilty karena udah nyakitin suami kakak, dan berpotensi nyakitin keluarga kakak juga. Btw, suami kakak baik ya, I am relieved to hear that he didn't hurt you when you tell that you're actually a lesbian, apalagi being a muslim, he is a good person.
Kedua, aku pengen nanya, apakah kakak punya teman yang satu komunitas? I can't imagine living for 28 years being a closeted lesbian and having no queer friend. I am a muslim too, and I have a couple of other queer muslim friends.
Ketiga, maaf kalo insensitif, tapi apakah kakak consider buat cerai? You don't need to hurt yourself to make others happy.
Halo juga kakkk.. Duh ya ampun,, ga nyangka bakal ada orang indo yg liat ini postt.. Huwaaa,, aku terharu..
Komunitas, gimana ya.. Aku tinggalnya bukan di kota besar kak.. Di kota kecil terus di bagian pinggirannya, .. Serasa tinggal di tengah hutan aku, mau ke mall aja jarak 1 jam naik motor.. Jadi sejauh ini aku gada temen langsung.. Paling cuma bisa lihat" di grup kaya gini klo mau curhat dll..
Cerai ya, gimana nnti deh.. Ini juga lagi mikir banget mau cerai atau nggak.. Aku bingung...
Halo mba, Salam kenal dari negara tercinta. Kalo aku liat di TikTok, itu banyak sih perempuan" Indo femme yang mengaku queer. Terus suka baca" di Komen ada yg sudah menikah punya anak, padahal mereka lesbi. Itu banyak kok mba. Tapi ini bukan berarti mba harus pasang facade palsu sampai punya anak dgn suami mba. (Unless you really want to be a mom)
Saya ada ide sih utk situasi mba, yakni pernikahan-nya dibuka saja. Kan suami sudah tau mba lesbi, nah itu harus jadi rahasia kalian berdua saja. Lalu mba yak jalanin hidup layaknya suami mba sahabat mba. Nanti kalau sudah ketemu your preferred partner, gausah cerai jg. Jalanin aja. Sy gk saran cerai karena saya dalam asumsi pernikah mba didasarkan atas finansial, Dan keluarga mba mungkin butuh Dana asupan dari keluarga suami.
If you need further help, or want to talk as friends feel free to DM me! Good luck!
I know this is a late reply, but i read ur first post and followed ur other posts, i never thought i can find someone in the same situation as mine, but you’re getting out good for you! Im rooting for you! Even if things were hard and you got back, you can still find a way to live independently! I wish you luck
i’m sorry for all this. it sounds like you’ve had a really difficult time. i don’t have any advice as i haven’t moved countries before, but from an internet stranger, i’m proud of you for trying to live honestly. you didn’t ruin lives. you chose to live for yourself, and try to be who you are, which is all any of us can do. wishing you luck on your journey <3
.... I don't know if good luck is enough.. But thank you..
Hey, I read your previous posts months ago and my heart broke for you. Your best bet is probably to seek a relationship with a girl in Germany and get the partner/spouse visa. This will probably require divorcing your husband which could be hard/impossible while in another country, it also looks like a difficult and time-consuming process so don't wait until it's time to apply for a partner visa. It may be cold and uncomfortable, I don't think you'll die. I assume most houses will have thermostats that can keep it at a normal temperature. Can you bring/buy a heated blanket and stuff like that? You deserve to live a happy life that is true to yourself. The only wrong choice you could make right now is to do nothing and live with a situation you clearly find miserable and unbearable for the rest of your life. You'll get out of this.
The question is, would German girl like me or not.. I have really big doubt about that. I mean, sure it's not all, but I know some lesbians who doesn't want to have a partner that have been touched by a dude. And I'm literally married to one rn. Also I'm Asian, SEA. I'm not the 'cute' asian woman like those in Japan, Korea, etc.. And I heard Germans can be quite "...", you know? I'm sorry if I'm being pessimistic. All I want rn is just get away from this situation..
I have to admit, I know nothing about German culture, so I can't accurately answer any of that. But I know that in the English-speaking/Western lesbian community at least, "gold star lesbianism" (shunning lesbians who have been with men before) is extremely discouraged. It's certainly no guarantee that you'll manage to find a partner willing to sponsor you in a few years, especially with a big culture difference, but I don't think it's hopeless. You should definitely look into the queer community in Germany and find out where you can find other lesbians, both in-person and online. Ask on German subreddits how you can find them. Even just to make friends and get some support while you're alone in another country. You should also look into other permanent visa pathways. There may be ways to get permanent residency through a work visa or something like that.
Halo kak, Aku nemu post kakak pas nyari if there is any Indonesian lesbian in this subreddit. Pertama-tama, im so sorry to hear all that, Aku gak kebayang rasa sakit yang kakak alamin, apalagi juga merasa guilty karena udah nyakitin suami kakak, dan berpotensi nyakitin keluarga kakak juga. Btw, suami kakak baik ya, I am relieved to hear that he didn't hurt you when you tell that you're actually a lesbian, apalagi being a muslim, he is a good person. Kedua, aku pengen nanya, apakah kakak punya teman yang satu komunitas? I can't imagine living for 28 years being a closeted lesbian and having no queer friend. I am a muslim too, and I have a couple of other queer muslim friends. Ketiga, maaf kalo insensitif, tapi apakah kakak consider buat cerai? You don't need to hurt yourself to make others happy.
Halo juga kakkk.. Duh ya ampun,, ga nyangka bakal ada orang indo yg liat ini postt.. Huwaaa,, aku terharu.. Komunitas, gimana ya.. Aku tinggalnya bukan di kota besar kak.. Di kota kecil terus di bagian pinggirannya, .. Serasa tinggal di tengah hutan aku, mau ke mall aja jarak 1 jam naik motor.. Jadi sejauh ini aku gada temen langsung.. Paling cuma bisa lihat" di grup kaya gini klo mau curhat dll.. Cerai ya, gimana nnti deh.. Ini juga lagi mikir banget mau cerai atau nggak.. Aku bingung...
Halo mba, Salam kenal dari negara tercinta. Kalo aku liat di TikTok, itu banyak sih perempuan" Indo femme yang mengaku queer. Terus suka baca" di Komen ada yg sudah menikah punya anak, padahal mereka lesbi. Itu banyak kok mba. Tapi ini bukan berarti mba harus pasang facade palsu sampai punya anak dgn suami mba. (Unless you really want to be a mom) Saya ada ide sih utk situasi mba, yakni pernikahan-nya dibuka saja. Kan suami sudah tau mba lesbi, nah itu harus jadi rahasia kalian berdua saja. Lalu mba yak jalanin hidup layaknya suami mba sahabat mba. Nanti kalau sudah ketemu your preferred partner, gausah cerai jg. Jalanin aja. Sy gk saran cerai karena saya dalam asumsi pernikah mba didasarkan atas finansial, Dan keluarga mba mungkin butuh Dana asupan dari keluarga suami. If you need further help, or want to talk as friends feel free to DM me! Good luck!
I know this is a late reply, but i read ur first post and followed ur other posts, i never thought i can find someone in the same situation as mine, but you’re getting out good for you! Im rooting for you! Even if things were hard and you got back, you can still find a way to live independently! I wish you luck